It fortuned on a day that Byrrhaena desired me to sup with her, and she would in no wise take any excuse. Whereupon I must go unto Fotis to ask counsel of her as of some divine, who (although she was unwilling that I should depart one foot from her company) yet at length she gave me license to be absent for a while from amorous debate, saying: “Look you, beware that you tarry not long at supper there, for there is a rabble of well-born youths that disturbeth the public peace, and you may see many murdered about in the streets, neither can the armies of the governor, for that they are afar off, rid the city of this great plague. And they will the sooner set upon you, by reason of your high station and for that they will disdain you being a foreigner.” Then I answered and said: “Have no care for me, Fotis, for I esteem the pleasure which I have with thee above the dainty meat that I eat abroad, and I will take away that fear that you have by returning again quickly. Nevertheless, I mind not to go without company, for I have here my sword by my side, whereby I hope to defend myself.”
Diribitores plusculi splendide amicti fercula copiosa scitule subministrare, pueri calami strati pulchre indusiati gemmas formatas in pocula vini vetusti frequenter offerre. Iam illatis luminibus epularis sermo percrebruit, iam risus affluens et ioci liberales et cavillus hinc inde; tum infit ad me Byrrhaena: “Quam commode versaris in nostra patria? Quod sciam, templis et lavacris et ceteris operibus longe cunctas civitates antecellimus, utensilium praeterea pollemus affatim, Certe libertas otioso, et negotioso quidem advenae Romana frequentia, modesto vero hospiti quies villatica; omni denique provinciae voluptarii secessus sumus.” Ad haec ego subiciens: “Vera memoras, nec usquam gentium magis me liberum quam hic fuisse credidi.
And so in this sort I went to supper, and behold I found at Byrrhaena's house a great company of strangers, the very flower of the citizens, for that she was one of the chief and principal women of the city. The tables (made of citron-wood and ivory) were richly adorned, the couches spread with cloth of gold, the cups were great and garnished preciously in sundry fashion, but were of like estimation and price: here stood a glass gorgeously wrought, there stood another of crystal finely chased, there stood a cup of glittering silver, and here stood another of shining gold, and here was another of amber artificially carved, and precious stones made to drink out of; finally, there were all things that might never be found. A crowd of servitors brought orderly the plentiful meats in rich apparel, the pages curled and arrayed in silk robes did fill great gems made in form of cups with ancient wine. Then one brought in candles and torches: and when we were sat down and placed in order we began to talk, to laugh and be merry. And Byrrhaena spoke to me, and said: “I pray you, cousin, how like you our country? Verily I think there is no other city which hath the like temples, baths and other commodities as we have here: further we have abundance of household stuff, we have freedom for him that will rest, and when a busy merchant cometh, he may find here as many as at Rome; but for a stranger that will have quiet there is peace as at a country-house: and in fine, all that dwell within this province ( when they purpose to solace and repose themselves) do come to this city.”
Sed oppido formido caecas et inevitabiles latebras magicae disciplinae: nam ne mortuorum quidem sepulchra tuta dicuntur sed ex bustis et rogis reliquiae quaedam et cadaverum praesegmina ad exitiabiles viventium fortunas petuntur; et cantatrices anus in ipso momento choragii funebris praepeti celeritate alienam sepulturam antevortunt.” His meis addidit alius: “Immo vero istic nec viventibus quidem ullis parcitur: et nescioqui simile passus ore undique omnifariam deformato truncatus est.” Inter haec convivium totum in licentiosos cachinnos effunditur, omniumque ora et obtutus in unum quempiam angulo secubantem conferuntur: qui cunctorum obstinatione confusus indigna murmurabundus cum vellet exsurgere, “Immo mi Thelyphron” Byrrhaena inquit “Et subsiste paulisper et more tuae urbanitatis fabulam illam tuam remetire, ut et filius meus iste Lucius lepidi sermonis tui perfruatur comitate.” At ille “Tu quidem domina” ait “In officio manes sanctae tuae bonitatis: sed ferenda non est quorundam, insolentia.” Sic ille commotus;
Whereunto 1 answered: “Verily you tell truth, for Li have found no place in all the world where I may be freer than here; but I greatly fear the blind and inevitable pits of witchcraft, for they say that not even the graves of the dead are safe, but the bones 'and slices of such as are slain be digged up from tombs and pyres to afflict and torment such as live: and the old witches as soon as they hear of the death of any person do forthwith go and uncover the hearse and spoil the corpse before ever it be buried.”
sed instantia Byrrhaenae, quae eum adiuratione suae salutis ingratis cogebat effari, perfecit ut vellet, ac sic aggeratis in cumulum stragulis et effultus in cubitum suberectusque in torum porrigit dexteram, et ad instar oratorum conformat articulum duobusque infimis conclusis digitis ceteros eminus porrigens et infesto pollice subrigens infit Thelyphron: “Pupillus ego Mileto profectus ad spectaculum Olympicum, cum haec etiam loca provinciae famigerabilis adire cuperem, peragrata cuncta Thessalia fuscis avibus Larissam accessi.
Then another sitting at the table spoke and said: “In faith you say true, neither yet do they spare or favour the living. For I know one not far hence that was cruelly handled by them and hath suffered much with all manner of cutting of his face”; whereat all the company laughed heartily, and looked upon one that sat apart at the board's end, who I being amazed at all their gazing and angry withal, murmured somewhat and would have risen from the table had not Byrrhaena spoken to him and said: “I pray thee, friend Thelyphron, sit still, and according to thy accustomed courtesy declare unto us thy story, to the end that my son Lucius may be delighted with the pleasantness of thy tale.” To whom he answered: “Ah dame, you are always the same in the office of your bounty and thoughtfulness, but the insolence of some is not to be supported.” This he said very angrily, but Byrrhaena was earnest upon him and conjured him by her own life that he should, how unwilling soever, tell his tale, whereby he was enforced to declare the same: and so (lapping up the end of the table-cloth into an heap) he leaned with his elbow thereon, and sat up upon the couch and held out his right hand in the manner of an orator, shutting down the two smaller fingers and stretching out the other three, and pointing up with his thumb a little, and said: “
Ac dum singula pererrans, tenuato admodum viatico, paupertati meae fomenta conquiro, conspicor medio foro procerum quendam senem: insistebat lapidem claraque voce praedicabat, si qui mortuum servare vellet, de pretio liceretur; et ad quempiam praetereuntium “Quid hoc” inquam “comperior? Hicine mortui solent aufugere?” “Tace” respondit ille, “Nam oppido puer et satis peregrinus es, meritoque ignoras Thessaliae te consistere, ubi sagae mulieres ora mortuorum passim demorsitant, eaque sunt illis artis magicae supplementa.” Contra ego “Et quae, tu” inquam “Dic sodes, custodela illa feralis?”
When I was a young man I went from the city called Miletus to see the games and triumphs called Olympian, and being desirous also to come into this famous province, after that I had travelled over all Thessaly, I fortuned in an evil hour to come to the city Larissa, where, while I went up and down to view the streets, to take some relief for my poor estate (for I had spent near all my money) 1 espied la tall old man standing upon a stone in the midst of the market-place, crying with a loud voice, and saying that if any man would watch a dead corpse that night he should be rewarded and a price be fixed for his pains. Which when I heard I said to one that passed by: ' What is here to do? Do dead men use to run away in this country?' Then answered he: ' Hold your peace; for you are but a babe and a granger here, and not without cause you are ignorant how you are in Thessaly, where the women witches do bite off by morsels the flesh of the faces of dead men, and thereby work their sorceries and enchantments.' ' Then,' quoth I, ' In good fellowship tell me the order of this custody of the dead and how it is?' ' Marry,' quoth he, ' First you must watch all the night, with your eyes staring and bent continually upon the corpse, without winking, never looking off nor even moving aside: for these witches do change their skin and turn themselves at will into sundry kinds of beasts, whereby they deceive the eyes even of the sun and of very Justice; sometimes they are transformed into birds, sometimes into dogs and mice, and sometimes into flies; moreover they will charm the keepers of the corpse asleep, neither can it be declared what means and shifts these wicked women do use to bring their purpose to pass: and the reward for such dangerous watching is no more than four or six pieces of gold. But hearken further, which I had well nigh forgotten, if the keeper of the dead do not render on the morning following the corpse whole and sound as he received the same, he shall be punished in this sort. That is; if the corpse be diminished or spoiled in any part, the same shall be diminished and spoiled in the face of the keeper to patch it up withal.'
“Iam primum” respondit ille “Perpetem noctem eximie vigilandum est exertis et inconnivis oculis semper in cadaver intentis, nec acies usquam devertenda, immo ne obliquanda quidem, quippe cum deterrimae versipelles in quodvis animal ore converso latenter arrepant, ut ipsos etiam oculos solis et Iustitiae facile frustrentur; nam et aves et rursum canes et mures, immo vero etiam muscas induunt. Tunc diris cantaminibus somno custodes obruunt: nec satis quisquam definire poterit quantas latebras nequissimae mulieres pro libidine sua comminiscuntur. Nee tamen huius tam exitiabilis operae merces amplior quam quaterni vel seni ferme offeruntur aurei. Ehem, et quod paene praeterieram, si qui non integrum corpus mane restituerit, quicquid inde decerptum deminutumque fuerit, id omne de facie sua desecto sarcire compellitur.” His cognitis animum meum commasculo, et illico accedens praeconem “Clamare ” inquam “Iam desine: adest custos paratus, cedo praemium.” “Mille” inquit “Nummum deponentur tibi. Sed heus iuvenis, cave diligenter principum civitatis filii cadaver a malis Harpyiis probe custodias.” “Ineptias” inquam “Mihi narras et nugas meras. Vides hominem ferreum et insomnem, certe perspicaciorem ipso Lynceo vel Argo et oculeum totum.” Vix finieram, et illico me perducit ad domum quampiam, cuius ipsis foribus obsaeptis per quandam brevem posticulam intro vocat me et conclave quoddam obseratis luminibus umbrosum demonstrat matronamque flebilem fusca veste contectam, quam propter assistens “Hic” inquit “Auctoratus ad custodiam mariti tui fideliter accessit.”
Which when I heard I took a good heart and went unto the crier and bade him cease, for I would take the matter in hand, and so I demanded what I should have. ' Marry,' quoth he,' A thousand pence; but beware I say, young man, that you do well defend the dead corpse from the wicked witches, for he was the son of one of the chiefest of the city.' ' Tush,' said I, ' You speak you cannot tell what; behold I am a man made all of' iron, and have never desire to sleep, and am more quick of sight than Lynceus or Argus, and must be all eyes.'
At illa crinibus antependulis hinc inde demotis etiam in maerore luculentam proferens faciem,meque respiciens “Vide oro” inquit “Quam expergite munus obeas.” “Sine cura sis ”; inquam “Modo corollarium idoneum compara.” Sic placito ocius surrexit et ad aliud me cubiculum inducit: ibi corpus splendentibus linteis coopertum introductis quibusdam septem testibus manu revelat et diutine insuper fleto sunt usui necessaria nobis exhiberi.’
I had scarce spoken these words, when he took me by the hand, and brought me to a certain house, the gate whereof was closed fast, so that I went through a small wicket, and then he brought me into a chamber somewhat dark, the light being shut out, and shewed me a matron clothed in mourning vesture and weeping in lamentable wise: and he stood by and spake unto her and said: ' Behold here is one that is employed to watch the corpse of your husband faithfully this night.' Which when she heard, she pushed aside her hair that hung before her blubbered face that was yet very fair, and turned her unto me, saying: ' Mark you, young man, take good heed and see you be vigilant to your office.' ' Have no care,' quoth I, ' So that you will give me something above that which is due to be given,' wherewith she was contented; and then rose and brought me into another chamber, wherein the corpse lay covered with white sheets, and she called seven witnesses, before whom she removed the cloth, and wept long over him, then shewed the dead body and every part and parcel thereof, and with weeping eyes desired them all to testify the matter, which done she said these words that she had composed of set purpose, while one wrote and noted the same in tables: ' Behold his nose is whole, his eyes safe, his ears without scar, his lips untouched, and his chin sound: do you, good citizens, bear witness hereto': and then was all inscribed with the hands of the witnesses to confirm the same.
‘At quae ’ inquit ‘Ista sunt?’ ‘Lucerna’ aio ‘Praegrandis et oleum ad lucem luci sufficiens et calida cum oenophoris et calice cenarumque reliquiis discus ornatus.’ Tunc illa capite quassato ‘Abi’ inquit ‘Fatue, qui in domo funesta cenas et partes requiris, in qua totiugis iam diebus ne fumus quidem visus est ullus. An istic comissatum te venisse credis? Quin sumis potius loco congruentes luctus et lacrimas?’ Haec simul dicens respexit ancillulam, et ‘Myrrhine’ inquit ‘Lucernam et oleum trade confestim et incluso custode cubiculo protinus facesse.’ Sic desolatus ad cadaveris solacium perfrictis oculis et obarmatis ad vigilias animum meum permulcebam cantationibus, cum ecce crepusculum et nox provecta et nox altior et dein concubia altiora et iam nox intempesta, mihique oppido formido cumulatior quidem, cum repente introrepens mustela contra me constitit obtutumque acerrimum in me destituit, ut tantillula animalis prae nimia sui fiducia mihi turbarit animum: denique sic ad illam ‘Quin abis ’ inquam ‘Impurata bestia, teque ad tui similes musculos recondis, antequam nostri vim praesentariam experiaris?
This done, I said unto the matron: e Madam, I pray you bid that I may have all things here necessary.' ' What is that?' quoth she. ' Marry,' said I, ' A great lamp replenished with oil, pots of wine, and warm water to temper the same, a cup, and some other dainty dish that was left at supper.' Then she shook her head, and said: ' Away, fool as thou art, thinkest thou to play the glutton here, and to look for dainty meats, where so long time hath not been seen any smoke at all? Comest thou here to revel, rather than weep and lament suitably to the place?' And therewithal she turned back and commanded her maiden Myrrhine to deliver me a lamp with oil, and to close in the watcher and depart from the room.
Quin abis?’ Terga vortit et cubiculo protinus exterminatur: nec mora, cum me somnus profundus in imum barathrum repente demergit, ut ne deus quidem Delphicus ipse facile discerneret, duobus nobis iacentibus, quis esset magis mortuus: sic inanimis et indigens alio custode paene ibi non eram.
Now when I was alone to keep the corpse company, I rubbed mine eyes to arm them for watching, and to the intent that I would not sleep I solaced my mind with singing, and so I passed the time till it was dark, and then night deeper and deeper still, and then midnight, when behold, as I grew already more afraid, there crept in a weasel into the chamber, and she came against me and fixed a sharp look upon me and put me in very great fear, in so much that I marvelled greatly of the audacity of so little a beast. To whom I said: 'Get thee hence, thou filthy brute, and hie thee to the mice thy fellows, lest thou feel my fingers. Why wilt thou not go? ' Then incontinently she ran away, and when she was quite gone from the chamber, I fell on the ground so fast in the deepest depth of sleep that Apollo himself could not well discern whether of us two was the dead corpse, for I lay prostrate as one? without life, and needed a keeper likewise, and had as well not been there.
Commodum noctis inducias cantus perstrepebat cristatae cohortis; tandem expergitus et nimio pavore perterritus cadaver accurro et admoto lumine revelataque eius facie rimabar singula, quae cuncta convenerant: ecce uxor misella flens cum hesternis testibus introrumpit anxia, et statim corpori superruens multumque ac diu deosculata sub arbitrio luminis recognoscit omnia. Et conversa Philodespotum requirit actorem: ei praecipit, bono custodi redderet sine mora praemium, et oblato statim ‘Summas ’ inquit ‘Tibi, iuvenis, gratias agimus et Hercule ob sedulum istud ministerium inter ceteros familiares dehinc numerabimus.’
At length the cocks began to crow declaring night past and that it was now day, wherewithal I waked and, being greatly afraid, ran unto the dead body with the lamp in my hand, and I uncovered his face and viewed him closely round about; all the parts were there: and immediately came in the wretched matron all blubbered with her witnesses, and threw herself upon the corpse, and eftsoons kissing him, examined his body in the lamplight, and found no part diminished. Then she turned and commanded one Philodespotus, her steward, to pay the good guardian his wages forthwith, which when lie had done, he said: ' We thank you, gentle young man, for your pains, and verily for your diligence herein we will account you as one of the family.'
Ad haec ego insperato lucro diffusus in gaudium et in aureos refulgentes, quos identidem manu mea ventilabam attonitus, ‘Immo ’ inquam ‘Domina, de famulis tuis unum putato, et quotiens operam nostram desiderabis, fideliter impera.’ Vix effatum me statim familiares omnes nefarium exsecrati raptis cuiusquemodi telis insequuntur: pugnis ille malas offendere, scapulas alius cubitis impingere, palmis infestis hic latera suffodere,calcibus insultare,capillos distrahere,vestem discindere.
Whereupon I, being joyous of my unhoped gain, land rattling my money in my hand, as I gazed upon Its shining colour, did answer: ' Nay, madam, I pray you, esteem me as one of your servitors; and as often las you need my services at any time, I am at your commandment.'
Sic in modum superbi iuvenis Adonei vel musae vatis Pimpleidos dignumque me pluribus etiam verberibus fuisse merito consentio, ecce iam ultimum defletus atque, conclamatus processerat mortuus, rituque patrio,, utpote unus de optimatibus, pompa funeris publici ductabatur per forum.
I had not fully declared these words, when as behold, all the servants of the house did curse the dreadful ominousness of my words, and were assembled to drive me away with all manner of weapons; lone buffeted me about the face with his fists, another thrust his elbows into my shoulders, some struck me in the sides with their hands, some kicked me, some pulled me by the hair, some tore my garments, and so I was handled amongst them and driven from the house even as the proud young man Adonis who was lorn by a boar, or Orpheus the Muses' poet.
Occurrit atratus quidam maestus in lacrimis genialem canitiem revellens, senex, et manibus ambabus invadens torum, voce contenta quidem sed assiduis singultibus impedita, ‘Per fidem vestram’ inquit ‘Quirites, per pietatem, publicam perempto civi subsistite, et extremum facinus in nefariam scelestamque istam feminam severiter vindicate.
When I was come into the next street to recover my spirit, I mused with myself too late mine unwise and unadvised words which I had spoken, whereby I considered that I had deserved much more punishment, and that I was worthily beaten for my folly: and by and by the corpse came forth, after the last words of farewell and lamentation, which (because it was the body of one of the chiefs of the city) was carried in funeral pomp round about the marketplace, according to the rite of the country there. And forthwith stepped out an old man weeping and Lamenting and tearing his venerable and aged hair, land ran unto the bier and embraced it, and with deep sighs and sobs cried out in this sort: 'O masters, I pray you, by the duty which you owe to the public weal, take pity and mercy upon this dead corpse, who is miserably murdered, and do vengeance on this wicked and cursed woman his wife, which hath committed this fact, for it is she and no other that hath poisoned her husband, my sister's son, to the intent to maintain her adultery and to get his heritage.'
Haec enim, nec ullus alius, miserum adulescentem, sororis meae filium,in adulteri gratiam et ob praedam hereditariam extinxit veneno.’ Sic ille senior lamentabiles questus singulis instrepebat. Saevire vulgus interdum et facti verisimilitudine ad criminis credulitatem impelli: conclamant ignem, requirunt saxa, parvulos ad exitium mulieris hortantur. Emeditatis ad haec illa fletibus, quamque sanctissime poterat adiurans cuncta numina, tantum scelus abnuebat. Ergo igitur senex ille: ‘Veritatis arbitrium in divinam providentiam reponamus. Zatchlas adest Aegyptius, propheta primarius, qui mecum iamdudum grandi praemio pepigit reducere paulisper ab inferis spiritum corpusque istud postliminio mortis animare’;
In this sort the old man complained before the face of all the people. Then they, astonished at these sayings and because the thing seemed to be true, began to be very angry and cried out: 'Burn her, burn her,' and they sought for stones to throw fat her, and willed the boys in the street to do the same; but she, weeping in lamentable wise with feigned tears, did swear by all the gods that she was not culpable of this crime.
et cum dicto iuvenem quempiam linteis amiculis iniectum pedesque palmeis baxeis inductum et adusque deraso capite producit in medium.
Then quoth the old man: 'Let us refer the judgment of truth to the divine providence of God. Behold here is one Zatchlas, an Egyptian, who is the most principal prophesier in all this country, Rind who was hired of me long since to bring back the soul of this man from hell for a short season, and to revive his body from beyond the threshold of death for the trial hereof; and therewithal he brought forth a certain young man clothed in linen raiment, having on his feet a pair of sandals of palm-leaves and his crown shaven; and he kissed his hands often and touched even his knees, saying: ' O Priest, have mercy, have mercy, I pray thee by the celestial planets, by the powers infernal, by the Virtue of the natural elements, by the silences of the might, by the temples nigh unto the town of Coptos, by the increase of the flood of Nile, by the secret mysteries of Memphis, and by the rattles 1 of Pharos: have mercy, I say, and call again to the light of the sun for a short moment this dead body, and make that his eyes which be closed and shut for ever, may be opened awhile and see; howbeit we mean not to strive against the law of death, neither intend we to deprive the earth of its right, but (to the end that vengeance may be done) we crave but a small time and space of life.'
Huius diu manus deosculatus, et ipsa genua contingens, ‘Miserere’ ait ‘Sacerdos, miserere, per caelestia, sidera, per inferna numina, per naturalia elementa, per nocturna silentia, et adyta Coptica, et per incrementa Nilotica, et arcana Memphitica, et sistra Phariaca, da brevem solis usuram et in aeternum conditis oculis modicam lucem infunde. Non obnitimur, nec terrae rem suam denegamus, sed ad ultionis solacium exiguum vitae spatium deprecamur.’ Propheta sic propitiatus herbulam quampiam ob os corporis et aliam pectori eius imponit. Tunc orientem obversus incrementa solis augusti tacitus imprecatus venerabilis scaenae facie studia praesentium ad miraculum tantum certatim arrexit. Immitto me turbae socium et pone ipsum lectulum editiorem quendam lapidem insistens cuncta curiosis oculis arbitrabar: iam tumore pectus extolli, iam salubris vena pulsari, iam spiritu corpus impleri;
At this the prophet was moved, and took a certain herb, and laid it three times upon the mouth of the dead, and he took another, and laid it upon his Breast in like sort: thus when he had done he turned himself unto the East, and made silently certain orisons unto the proud and rising sun, which caused all the people to marvel greatly at the sight If this solemn acting, and to look for the strange miracle that should happen.
et assurgit cadaver et profatur adolescens: ‘Quid, oro, me post Lethaea pocula iam Stygiis paludibus innatantem ad momentariae vitae reducitis officia? Desine iam, precor, desine, ae me in meam quietem permitte.’ Haec audita vox de corpore; sed aliquanto propheta commotior ‘Quin refers ’ ait ‘Populo singula, tuaeque mortis illuminas arcana?
Then I pressed in amongst them nigh behind the bier, and got upon a stone to look curiously upon this mystery, and behold incontinently his breast did swell, the dead body began to receive spirit, his Principal veins did move, his life came again, and he held up his head, and spoke in this sort: ' Why do you call me back again to the duties of this transitory life, that have already tasted of the water of Lethe, and likewise floated upon the waters of Styx? Leave off, I pray, leave off, and let me lie in quiet rest.' When these words were uttered by the dead corpse, the prophet, moved with anger, said: ' I charge thee to tell, before the face of all the people mere, the secret occasion of thy death. What? Dost thou think that I cannot by my conjurations call up the Furies and by my puissance torment thy weary limbs?'
An noni putas devotionibus meis posse Diras invocari, posse! tibi membra lassa torqueri?’ Suscipit ille de lectulo et imo cum gemitu populum sic adorat: ‘Malis novae nuptae peremptus artibus et addictus noxio poculo torum tepentem adultero mancipavi.’ Tunc uxor egregia capit praesentem audaciam et mente sacrilega coarguenti marito resistens altercat Populus aestuat diversa tendentes: hi pessimam feminam viventem statim cum corpore mariti sepeliendam, alii mendacio cadaveris fidem non habendam. Sed hanc cunctationem sequens adulescentis sermo distinxit;
Then the corpse moved up his head again, and with a deep groan thus made reverence unto the people, and said: ' Verily, I was poisoned by the evil arts of my newly wedded wife, and so yielded my led, still warm, unto an adulterer.' Whereat his excellent wife, taking present audacity and reproving mis sayings, with a cursed mind did deny it. The people were in a turmoil and divided in sundry ways; some thought best the vile woman should be buried alive with her husband, but some said there ought no credit to be given unto the dead body that spake falsely: which opinion was clean taken away by the words which the corpse spoke again with deeper groaning, and said: 'Behold, I will give you an evident token, which never yet any other man knew, whereby you shall perceive that I declare the truth,' and by and by he pointed towards me that stood on the stone, and said: ' When this, the good guardian of my body, watched me diligently In the night, and the wicked witches and enchantresses came into the chamber to spoil me of my Limbs, and to bring such their purpose to pass, did transform themselves into the shape of beasts; and when they could in no wise deceive or beguile his vigilant eyes, they cast him at last into so dead and sound a sleep that by their witchcraft he seemed without spirit or life. After this they called me by my name, and did never cease till the cold members of my body began by little and little to revive to obey their magic arts: then he, being lively indeed, howbeit buried in sleep, because he and I were [named by one name, rose up when they called, and walked as one without sense like some lifeless ghost: and they, though the door was fast closed, came in by a certain hole and cut off first his nose and then his ears, and so that butchery was done to him, which was appointed to be done to me. And that such their subtlety might not be perceived, they made him very exactly a like pair of ears of wax, and fitted it exactly upon him, and a nose like his they made also, wherefore you may see that the poor wretch for his diligence hath for lucre of a little money sustained loss of his members.'
nam rursus altius ingemescens ‘Dabo,’ inquit ‘Dabo vobis intemeratae veritatis documenta; perlucide quod prorsus alius nemo cognoverit indicabo.’ Tunc, digito me demonstrans: ‘Nam cum corporis mei custos hic sagacissimus exertam mihi teneret vigiliam, cantatrices anus exuviisl meis imminentes atque ob id reformatae frustra saepius, cum industriam sedulam eius fallere nequivissent, postremum, iniecta somni nebula eoque in profundam quietem sepulto, me nomine ciere noni prius desierunt, quam dum hebetes artus et membra frigida pigris conatibus ad artis magicae nituntur obsequia. Hic utpote vivus quidem sed tum sopore mortuus, quod eodem mecum vocabulo nuncupatur ad suum nomen ignarus exsurgit et in exanimis umbrae modum ultroneus gradiens, quamquam foribus cubiculi diligenter occlusis, per quoddam foramen prosectis naso prius ac mox auribus vicariam pro me lanienam sustentavit: utque fallaciae reliqua convenissent ceram in modum prosectarum formatam aurium ei applicant examussim nasoque ipsius similem comparant. Et nunc assistit miser hic praemium nor industriae, sed debilitationis consecutus.’ His dictis perterritus tentare fortunam aggredior: iniecta manu nasum prehendo, sequitur; aures pertracto, deruunt. Ac dum directis digitis et detortis nutibus praesentium denotor, dum risus ebullit, inter pedes circumstantium frigido sudore defluens evado.
Which when he had said I was greatly astonished, and (minding to feel my face) put my hand to my nose, and my nose fell off, anti put my hand to my ears, and my ears fell off. Whereat all the people pointed and nodded at me, and laughed me to scorn: but I (being stricken in a cold sweat) crept between their legs for shame and escaped away. So I, disfigured and ridiculous, could never return home again, but covered the loss of mine ears with my long hair and glued this clout to my face to hide the shame of my nose.”
Nec postea debilis ac sic ridiculus Lari me patrio reddere potui sed capillis hinc inde laterum deiectis aurium vulnera celavi, nasi vero dedecus linteolo isto pressim agglutinato decenter obtexi. Cum primum Thelyphron hanc fabulam posuit compotores vino madidi rursum cachinnum integrant.
As soon as Thelyphron had told his tale they which sat at the table, replenished with wine, laughed heartily; and while they cried for a toast after their fashion to Laughter, Byrrhaena spoke to me and said: “From the first foundation of this city, we alone of all men have had a custom to celebrate with joyful and pleasant rites the festival day of the god Laughter, and to-morrow is the feast, when I pray you to be present to set out the same more honourably, and I would with all my heart that you could find or devise somewhat merry of yourself, that you might the more honour so great a god.” To whom I answered: “Verily, cousin, I will do as you command me, and right glad would I be if I might invent any laughing or merry matter to please or satisfy Laughter withal.” Then at the warning of my servant, who told me the night was late, being I also well drunken with wine, I rose from the table, took leave of Byrrhaena, and departed with tottering steps on my homeward way.
Dumque bibere solita Risui postulant, sic ad me Byrrhaena: ‘Solemnis ’ inquit ‘Dies a primis cunabulis huius urbis conditus crastinus advenit, quo die sol mortalium sanctissimum deum Risum hilaro atque gaudiali ritu propitiamus. Hunc tua praesentia nobis efficies gratiorem; atque utinam aliquid de proprio lepore laetificum honorando deo comminiscaris,quo magis pleniusque tanto numini litemus.’ ‘Bene’ inquam ‘Et fiet ut iubes. Et vellem Hercule materiam repperire aliquam, quam deus tantus affluenter indueret.’ Post haec monitu famuli mei, qui noctis admonebat, iam et ipse crapula distentus, protinus exsurgo et appellata prospere Byrrhaena titubante vestigio domuitionem capesso.
But when we came into the first street, the torch whereunto we trusted went out with a sudden gust of wind, so that with great pain we could scarce get lout of this sudden darkness to our lodging, weary with our toes stumbling against the stones. And when we were well nigh come to the door, behold I saw three men of great stature heaving and lifting at Milo's gates to get in. And when they saw me, they were nothing afraid, but assayed with more force to break down the doors, whereby they gave me occasion, and not without cause, to think that they were strong thieves. Whereupon I straightway Brew my sword which I carried for that purpose kinder my cloak, and ran in amongst them, and wounded them deeply as each thrust against me, in such sort that they fell down for their many and great wounds before my feet and gave up the ghost. Thus when I had slain them all, I knocked, sweating and breathing, at the door, till Fotis, awaked by the tumult, let me in. And then full weary with the slaughter of these three thieves, like Hercules when he fought King Geryon, I went to my chamber and laid me down to sleep.
Sed cum primam plateam invadimus, vento repentino lumen, quo nitebantur, exinguitur, ut vix improvidae noctis caligine liberati, digitis pedum detunsis ob lapides, hospitium defessi rediremus, dumque iam iunctim proximamus, ecce tres quidam vegetes et vastulis corporibus fores nostras ex summis viribus irruentes ac ne praesentia quidem nostra tantillum conterriti, sed magis cum aemulatione virium crebrius insultantes, ut nobis ac mihi potissimum non immerito latrones esse, et quidem saevissimi, viderentur. Statim denique gladium, quem veste mea contectum ad hos usus extuleram, sinu liberatum arripio, nee cunctatus medios latrones involo ac singulis, ut quemque colluctantenr COMMODUM punieantibus phaleris Aurora roseum quatiens lacertum caelum inequitabat et me securae quieti revulsum nox diei reddidit.