1. Although from the state of my health, or from my natural constitution, I cannot endure cold, still I have never had a chance of suffering greater feverishness than I have done this dreadful winter because of my inability—I shall not say to go, but to fly, to you (for to see you I would have flown across the seas) now that you are settled so near, after coming so far to visit us. And perhaps you will think, my godly friends, that this same severity of the winter was the only cause of my affliction; far be it from me, beloved! For what difficulty or trouble or even danger lies in those storms that I would not have undergone and endured in order to be with you, our great comfort in our great troubles, who in this crooked and perverse generation are lights kindled into such brightness by the Light supreme, and are the loftier for the humility you have taken upon you and the more illustrious for the lustre you have scorned? At the same time I should have too such great spiritual enjoyment in my earthly birthplace, since it has had the honour of your presence; in your absence, it had heard what you were by birth and what by the grace of Christ you have become, yet though in love it believed this, yet it was perhaps afraid to tell it to others in case they might not believe it.
1. Cum habitu valitudinis vel natura frigus ferre non possim, numquam tamen maiores aestus quam ista hieme tam horrenda perpeti potui, quod ad vos, ad quos volatu maria transeunda fuerant, tam in proximo constitutos, tam de longinquo visendi nos gratia venientes, non dicam pergere sed volare non potui. Et forsitan sanctitas vestra eandem hiemalem asperitatem poenae meae tantum causam putaverit. Absit, carissimi. Quid enim grave ac molestum vel etiam periculosum habent imbres isti, quod non mihi subeundum ac ferendum fuit, ut ad vos venirem, tanta in tantis malis nostris solatia, in hac generatione tortuosa ac perversa tam ardenter accensa de summo lumine lumina suscepta humilitate sublimia et contempta claritate clariora? Simul etiam fruerer carnalis patriae meae tam spiritali felicitate, quae vos etiam praesentes habere meruit, de quibus absentibus, cum id quod nati estis et quod gratia Christi facti estis, audiret, quamvis caritate crederet, tamen ne non crederetur, narrare forsitan verebatur.
2. I shall tell you, then, my reasons for not coming and the troubles that have kept me from so great a pleasure; thus I may gain not only pardon from you, but also, through your prayers, compassion from Him Who worketh in you to make you live unto Him. The people of Hippo, to whom the Lord gave me as a servant, are to a great extent, indeed to an almost complete extent, so feeble, that the infliction of even a trivial distress can seriously impair their well-being, and now they are smitten with such a great distress that, even were they not so feeble, they could scarcely endure it without a considerable risk of mental collapse. When I returned recently, I found them offended to a very dangerous degree at my absence. Now you, whose spiritual strength has given us such joy in the Lord, can certainly relish with wholesome palate the point of the saying: “Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is offended, and I burn not?” a particularly since there are here many who by disparaging us attempt to stir up against us the minds of the others by whom we seem to be loved, in order to make room in them for the devil. But when those whose salvation is our concern are angry with us, their great method of taking revenge is to lust after death, not the death of the body, but of the soul, where the fact of dissolution is secretly perceived by the odour of corruption before we can guess at it and take measures against it. This anxiety of mine I am sure you will gladly pardon, especially since you would perhaps find no heavier punishment, if you were angry and wanted to punish me, than what I have been enduring at not seeing you at Tagaste. But I hope that by the help of your prayers it may be granted me as soon as possible to pay you a visit, when this emergency that now detains me is past, wherever in Africa you may be, if this city that is the scene of my labours be unworthy, as I myself do not venture to consider it worthy, to share with me the joy of your presence.
2. Dicam igitur quare non venerim et quibus malis a tanto bono impeditus sum, ut non solum a vobis veniam, sed etiam vestris orationibus ab illo qui in vobis quod ei vi vitis, operatur, merear misericordiam. Populus Hipponiensis, cui me dominus servum dedit, cum ex magna ac pene ex omni parte ita infirmus sit, ut pressura etiam levioris tribulationis possit graviter aegrotare, nunc tam magna tribulatione caeditur, ut etiam si non sic esset infirmus, vix eam cum aliqua salute animi sustineret. Eum autem, cum modo regressus sum, periculosissime scandalizatum comperi de absentia mea; vestris autem de quorum spiritali robore gaudemus in domino, sanis utique faucibus sapit quo modo dictum sit: Quis infirmatur et ego non infirmor? Quis scandalizatur et ego non uror?, praesertim quoniam multi sunt hic qui detrahendo nobis ceterorum animas a quibus diligi videmur, adversus nos perturbare conantur, ut locum in eis diabolo faciant. Cum autem irascuntur nobis de quorum salute satagimus, magnum illis consilium vindicandi est libido moriendi non in corpore sed in corde, ubi funus occulte prius suo putore sentitur, quam nostra cogitatione prospicitur. Huic meae sollicitudini procul dubio libenter ignoscitis, praesertim quoniam, si suscenseretis et velleris ulcisci, nihil fortasse gravius inveniretis, quam id quod patior cum vos Tagastae non video. Spero autem vestris adiutus orationibus, quod mihi ad vos, ubicumque in Africa fueritis, venire quantocius concedetur, cum hoc quo nunc detentus sum, praeterierit, si haec civitas in qua laboramus, digna non est, quia nec ego audeo dignam putare, quae nobiscum de vestra praesentia conlaetetur.