78. Do you think that the judges will be the less inclined to do anything for my sake, because you accuse me of gratitude? Or, when the senators themselves, in that resolution of the senate which was passed in the monument of Marius, in which my safety was recommended to all nations, returned thanks to Plancius alone, (for he was the only defender of my safety, of all the magistrates or vice-magistrates, to whom the senate thought it proper to return thanks on my behalf,) shall I think that I myself am not bound to show my gratitude to him? And when you see all these things, what do you suppose must be my feelings towards you, O Laterensis? Do you think that there is any danger, or any labour, or any contest of so arduous a nature that I would shun it if it could advance not only your safety, but even your dignity? And I am so much the more, I will not say miserable, (for that is an expression which is inconsistent with the character of a virtuous man) but severely tried not because I am under obligations to many people, (for gratitude for kindness received is a very light burden) but because circumstances often happen, on account of the quarrels of some men who have deserved well of me with one another which make me fear that it is impossible for me to appear grateful to them all at the same time.
78. vero putas idcirco minus libenter iudices mea causa esse facturos quod me esse gratum crimineris?, cum patres conscripti illo senatus consulto quod in monumento Mari factum est, quo mea salus omnibus est gentibus commendata, uni Cn. Plancio gratias egerint — unus enim fuit de magistratibus defensor salutis meae—cui senatus pro me gratias agendas putavit, ei ego a me referendam gratiam non putem? haec cum vides, quo me tandem in te animo putas esse, Laterensis? ullum esse tantum periculum, tantum laborem, tantam contentionem quam ego non modo pro salute tua sed etiam pro dignitate defugerim? quidem etiam magis sum non dicam miser—nam hoc quidem abhorret a virtute verbum —sed certe exercitus, non quia multis debeo—leve enim est onus benefici gratia—, sed quia ⟨nomina⟩ saepe concurrunt, propter aliquorum bene de me meritorum inter ipsos contentiones, ut eodem tempore in omnis verear ne vix possim gratus videri.
79. But I must weigh in my own scales not only what I owe to each individual, but also of what importance the case is to each person, and what the necessities of each require of me at the particular moment. What is at stake now on your part is this,—your eager wishes, or even, if you like, your reputation and the glory of the aedileship. But on the side of Cnaeus Plancius, it is his safety, his rights as a Roman and a citizen which are in peril. You wished me to be safe; he even ensured every safety by his actions. Yet I am torn asunder and rent in pieces by grief—I do grieve that in a contest where the stakes are so unequal, you should be offended by my conduct, but, I declare most solemnly, I would much rather endanger my own safety on your behalf than abandon the safety of Cnaeus Plancius to your hostility in this contest.
79. ego haec meis ponderibus examinabo, non solum quid cuique debeam sed etiam quid cuiusque intersit, et quid a me cuiusque tempus poscat. studium tuum vel etiam, si vis, existimatio, laus aedilitatis; at Cn. Planci salus, patria, fortunae. tu me esse cupisti; hic fecit etiam ut esse possem. tamen et divellor dolore et in causa dispari offendi te a me doleo; sed me dius fidius multo citius meam salutem pro te abiecero quam Cn. Planci salutem tradidero contentioni tuae.
80. In truth, O judges, while I wish to be adorned with every virtue, yet there is nothing which I can esteem more highly than the being and appearing grateful. For this one virtue is not only the greatest, but is also the parent of all the other virtues. What is filial affection, but a grateful inclination towards one's parents?—who are good citizens, who are they who deserve well of their country both in war and at home but they who recollect the kindness which they have received from their country?—who are pious men who are men attentive to religious obligations, but they who with proper honours and with a grateful memory acquit themselves to the immortal gods of the gratitude which they owe to them?—what pleasure can there be in life, if friendships be taken away?—and, moreover, what friendship can exist between ungrateful people?— Who of us has been liberally educated, by whom his bringers up, and his teachers, and his governors, and even the very mute place itself in which he has been brought up and taught, are not preserved in his mind with a grateful recollection?—who ever can have, or who ever had such resources in himself as to be able to stand without many acts of kindness on the part of many friends?—and yet no such acts can possibly exist, if you take away memory and gratitude.
80. , iudices, cum omnibus virtutibus me adfectum esse cupio, tum nihil est quod malim quam me et esse gratum et videri. enim est una virtus non solum maxima sed etiam mater virtutum omnium reliquarum. est pietas nisi voluntas grata in parentes? qui sunt boni cives, qui belli, qui domi de patria bene merentes, nisi qui patriae beneficia meminerunt? qui sancti, qui religionum colentes, nisi qui meritam dis immortalibus gratiam iustis honoribus et memori mente persolvunt? potest esse vitae iucunditas sublatis amicitiis? quae porro amicitia potest esse inter ingratos?
81. I, in truth, think nothing so much the peculiar property of man, as the quality of being bound, not only by a kindness received, but by even the intimation of good-will towards one; and I think nothing so inconsistent with one's idea of a man—nothing so barbarous or so brutal—as to appear, I will not say unworthy of, but surpassed by kindness. And as this is the case, I will succumb, O Laterensis, to your accusation; and in that very particular in which there cannot by any possibility be any excess,—namely, in gratitude, I will confess that I have gone to excess, since you insist upon it that it is so. And I will entreat you, O judges, to bind that man to you by a kindness, in whom the only fault that those who blame him find with him is that they accuse him of being immoderately grateful. And that ought not to prevail with you so as to make you think lightly of my gratitude, when he said that you were neither guilty men nor litigious men, so that there was the less reason for your allowing me any great influence over you: as if in my intercourse with my friends I did not always prefer that these abilities of mine (if indeed I have any abilities) should be at the service of my friends, rather than they should become necessary to them. In truth, I do venture to say this of myself, that my friendship has been a pleasure to more men than those to whom it has been a protection; and I should greatly repent of my past life; if there was no room in my friendship for any one who was not either a litigious person or a guilty one.
81. est nostrum liberaliter educatus cui non educatores, cui non magistri sui atque doctores, cui non locus ipse ille mutus ubi alitus aut doctus est cum grata recordatione in mente versetur? opes tantae esse possunt aut umquam fuerunt quae sine multorum amicorum officiis stare possint? quae certe sublata memoria et gratia nulla exstare possunt. nihil tam proprium hominis existimo quam non modo beneficio sed etiam benivolentiae significatione adligari, nihil porro tam inhumanum, tam immane, tam ferum quam committere ut beneficio non dicam indignus sed victus esse videare. cum ita sint, iam succumbam, Laterensis, isti tuo crimini meque in eo ipso in quo nihil potest esse nimium, quoniam ita tu vis, nimium gratum esse concedam petamque a vobis, iudices, ut eum beneficio complectamini quem qui reprehendit in eo reprehendit quod gratum praeter modum dicat esse. enim illud ad neglegendam meam gratiam debet valere quod dixit idem, vos nec nocentis nec litigiosos esse, quo minus me apud vos valere oporteret. vero in amicitia mea non haec praesidia, si quae forte sunt in me, parata semper amicis esse maluerim quam necessaria. ego de me tantum audeo dicere, amicitiam meam voluptati pluribus quam praesidio fuisse, meque vehementer vitae meae paeniteret, si in mea familiaritate locus esset nemini nisi litigioso aut nocenti.
83. But somehow or other you have repeated over and over again, and have dwelt upon the assertion, that you did not choose to connect this case with the games, lest I, according to my usual custom, should say something about the sacred cars, for the sake of exciting pity; as I had done before in the case of other aediles. No doubt you got something by this; for you deprived me of an embellishment of my speech. I shall be laughed at now if I make any mention of the sacred cars, after you have predicted that I should do so. And without the sacred cars what can I find to say? And here you added, too, that this was the reason why I by my law had established the penalty of banishment in cases of bribery, that I might be able to sum up my orations in ways more calculated to excite pity. Does he not, when he says all this, seem to you to be arguing against some teacher of declamation, and not with one who is a pupil, as I may say, of the real toils of the forum?
83. haec nescio quo modo frequenter in me congessisti saneque in eo creber fuisti, te idcirco in ludos causam conicere noluisse ne ego mea consuetudine aliquid de tensis misericordiae causa dicerem, quod in aliis aedilibus ante fecissem. nihil egisti hoc loco; nam mihi eripuisti ornamentum orationis meae., si mentionem tensarum fecero, cum tu id praedixeris; sine tensis autem quid potero dicere? etiam addidisti me idcirco mea lege exsilio ambitum sanxisse ut miserabiliores epilogos possem dicere. vobis videtur cum aliquo declamatore, non cum laboris et fori discipulo disputare?
84. “Yes, for I was not at Rhodes,” says he (He means that I was) “But I was,” says he, (I thought he was going to say, at Vacca, ) “twice at Nicaea, in Bithynia” If the place gives a person any handle for finding fault with one, I know not why you should think Nicaea stricter than Rhodes if we are to examine into the cause, then you were in Bithynia with the greatest credit, and I was at Rhodes with no less. For as to the point on which you found fault with me, namely, that I had defended too many people, I wish that you who are able to do it and others too, who shirk it, were willing to relieve me of this labour. But the effect of your diligence, who weigh causes so carefully that you reject almost all of them, is that nearly all causes come to me who am not able to deny anything to men who are in misery and distress.
84. “Rhodi enim,” inquit, “ego non fui”—me volt fuisse—“sed fui,” inquit—putabam in Vaccaeis dicturum—“bis in Bithynia.” locus habet reprehensionis ansam aliquam, nescio cur severiorem Nicaeam putes quam Rhodum; si spectanda causa est, et tu in Bithynia summa cum dignitate fuisti et ego Rhodi non minore. quod in eo me reprehendisti quod nimium multos defenderem, utinam et tu, qui potes, et ceteri, qui defugiunt, vellent me labore hoc levare! fit vestra diligentia, qui causis ponderandis omnis fere repudiatis, ut ad nos pleraeque confluant, qui miseris et laborantibus negare nihil possumus.
85. You reminded me also, since you had been in Crete that something might have been said against your offering yourself as a candidate, and that I let that opportunity slip. Which of us, then, is more covetous of a smart saying? I, who did not say what might have been said, or you, who said it even against yourself? You were fond of saying that you had sent home no letters with accounts of your exploits, because mine, which I had sent to some one or other, had injured me. But I am not aware that they did injure me I am quite sure that they might have been of service to the republic.
85. etiam, quod in Creta fuisses, dictum aliquod in petitionem tuam dici potuisse; me id perdidisse. er igitur nostrum est cupidior dicti? egone qui quod dici potuit non dixerim, an tu qui etiam ipse in te dixeris? aiebas de tuis rebus gestis nullas litteras misisse, quod mihi meae quas ad aliquem misissem obfuissent. ego mihi obfuisse non intellego, rei publicae video prodesse potuisse.
86. These things are, however, of but little importance; but those points are serious and weighty, that you wish now to find fault with, and in an underhand manner, to accuse my departure from the city, which you had often wept over. For you have said that assistance was not wanting to me, but that I was wanting to those who were willing to assist me. But I confess that, because I saw that aid was not wanting to me, I did on that account spare that aid; for who is there who does not know what was the state of things at that time.—what danger and what a storm there was in the republic? Was it fear of the tribunes, or was it the frenzy of the consuls which influenced me? Was it a very formidable thing for me to fight with the sword with the relics of those men, whom, when they were flourishing with their strength unimpaired, I had defeated without the sword? The basest and most infamous consuls in the memory of man,—as both the beginning of their conduct and as their recent termination of those affairs, show them to have been, (one of whom lost his army, and the other sold it,)—having bought their provinces, had deserted the senate, and the republic, and all good men. When no one knew what were the feelings of those men who by means of their armies, and their arms, and their riches, were the most powerful men in the state, then that voice, rendered insane by its infamous debaucheries, made effeminate by its attendance on holy altars, kept crying out in a most ferocious manner that both these men and the consuls were acting in concert with him. Needy men were armed against the rich, abandoned men against the good, slaves against their masters.
86. sunt haec leviora, illa vero gravia atque magna, quod meum discessum, quem saepe defleras, nunc quasi reprehendere et subaccusare voluisti. enim non auxilium mihi sed me auxilio defuisse. vero fateor me, quod viderim mihi auxilium non deesse, idcirco illi auxilio pepercisse. enim status, quod discrimen, quae fuerit in re publica tempestas illa quis nescit? me terror an consularis furor movit? mihi ferro magnum fuit cum reliquiis eorum quos ego florentis atque integros sine ferro viceram? post hominum memoriam taeterrimi atque turpissimi, sicut et illa principia et hi recentes rerum exitus declararunt, quorum alter exercitum perdidit, alter vendidit, empti provinciis a senatu, a re publica, a bonis omnibus defecerant; qui exercitu, qui armis, qui opibus plurimum poterant cum quid sentirent nesciretur, furialis illa vox nefariis stupris, religiosis altaribus effeminata secum et illos et consules facere acerbissime personabat; egentes in locupletis, perditi in bonos, servi in dominos armabantur.
87. The senate was with me, even changing its garments in token of the danger; a measure which was adopted by public resolution for no one else except myself in the memory of man. But recollect who were then our enemies with the name of consuls. The only men since the city was built who ever prevented the senate from complying with a resolution of the senate, and who by their edict took away, not indeed grief, from the conscript fathers, but the power of deciding on the reasons for their grief. The whole equestrian order was with me; whom, indeed, that dancing consul of Catiline's used to frighten in the assemblies of the people with menaces of proscription. All Italy was assembled, and terrified with fear of civil war and devastation. I admit, O Laterensis, that I might have availed myself of these assistants, zealous in my behalf, and in a state of great excitement as they were. But the contest must have been decided not by right, nor by the laws, nor by argument; for, in truth, that assistance of my own, which has often been placed so readily at the disposal of others, would not especially in so good a cause have been wanting to me myself. We must have fought with arms—yes, with arms I say; and it would have been destruction to the republic for arms to have been employed by slaves and leaders of slaves for the slaughter of the senate and of the virtuous citizens.
87. erat mecum senatus, et quidem veste mutata, quod pro me uno post hominum memoriam publico consilio susceptum est. recordare qui tum fuerint consulum nomine hostes, qui soli in hac urbe senatum senatui parere non siverint edictoque suo non luctum patribus conscriptis sed indicia luctus ademerint. erat mecum cunctus equester ordo; quem quidem in contionibus saltator ille Catilinae consul proscriptionis denuntiatione terrebat. tota Italia convenerat; cui quidem belli intestini et vastitatis metus inferebatur. ego auxiliis studentibus atque incitatis uti me, Laterensis, potuisse confiteor, sed erat non iure, non legibus, non disceptando decertandum—nam profecto, praesertim tam bona in causa, numquam, quo ceteri saepe abundarunt, id mihi ipsi auxilium meum defuisset—armis fuit, armis, inquam, fuit dimicandum; quibus a servis atque a servorum ducibus caedem fieri senatus et bonorum rei publicae exitiosum fuisset.
88. I confess that it would have been a fine thing for the wicked to have been conquered by the good, if I could have seen the end of the victory (which, in truth I could not). For where should I have found to stand by me so brave a consul as Lucius Opimius or as Caius Marius or as Lucius Flaccus? under whom, as her leaders, the republic did put down wicked men with armed citizens, or if I could not get men as fearless as those, yet where could I find men as just as Publius Mucius, who, after Tiberius Gracchus had been slain, defended Publius Scipio and asserted that the aims which he as a private individual had taken up, had been taken up in strict accordance with the law? We, then, should have had to fight with the consuls. I say no more, except this one thing; I saw that there were formidable adversaries ready to dispute the victory with us, and no one who would avenge us if we fell.
88. autem improbos a bonis fateor fuisse praeclarum, si finem tum vincendi viderem, quem profecto non videbam. Vbi enim mihi praesto fuissent aut tam fortes consules quam L. Opimius, quam C. Marius, quam L. Flaccus, quibus ducibus improbos civis res publica vicit armatis, aut, si minus fortes, at tamen tam iusti quam P. Mucius, qui arma quae privatus P. Scipio ceperat, ea Ti. Graccho interempto iure optimo sumpta esse defendit? igitur pugnandum cum consulibus. dico amplius nisi illud: victoriae nostrae gravis adversarios paratos, interitus nullos esse ultores videbam.
89. If, then, I was wanting to these aids to the cause of my safety, because I was unwilling to do battle for it, I will then confess, as you say, that assistance was not wanting to me, but that I myself was wanting to the assistance which I had. But if, the greater I saw the zeal of good men in my behalf, the more I thought it my duty to consult their interests and to spare them, do you find fault with me for the same conduct which was considered a credit to Quintus Metellus and which is to this day, and always will be, his greatest glory? for it is well known—as you may hear from many who were present at the time—that he departed greatly against the will of all good men; and there is not the slightest doubt that he would have had the best of it if they had come to a struggle and a trial of arms. Therefore, though he was defending his own actions, and not those of the senate, though it was his own opinion that he was resolutely upholding and not the welfare of the republic,—still when he endured that voluntary wound he surpassed in glory and credit the justest and most illustrious triumphs of all the Metelli; because he would not be the cause of even those wickedest of citizens being slain, and because he provided against the danger of any good man being involved in their slaughter. And should I,—seeing such great danger before us, as, if I were defeated, the total destruction of the republic must ensue, and if I got the better, an endless contest would follow, should I, I say, give any one reason to style me the destroyer of the republic, after having been its saviour?
89. ego auxiliis salutis meae si idcirco defui quia nolui dimicare, fatebor id quod vis, non mihi auxilium, sed me auxilio defuisse; sin autem, quo maiora studia in me bonorum fuerunt, hoc eis magis consulendum et parcendum putavi, tu id in me reprehendis quod Q. Metello laudi datum est hodieque est et semper erit maximae gloriae? quem, ut potes ex multis audire qui tum adfuerunt, constat invitissimis viris bonis cessisse, nec fuisse dubium quin contentione et armis superior posset esse. ille cum suum, non cum senatus factum defenderet, cum perseverantiam sententiae suae, non salutem rei publicae retinuisset, tamen ob illam ⟨constantiam⟩, quod illud voluntarium volnus accepit, iustissimos omnium Metellorum et clarissimos triumphos gloria et laude superavit, quod et illos ipsos improbissimos civis interfici noluit et ne quis bonus interiret in eadem caede providit; ego tantis periculis propositis cum, si victus essem, interitus rei publicae, si vicissem, infinita dimicatio pararetur, committerem ut idem perditor rei publicae nominarer qui servator fuissem?
90. You say that I was afraid of death. But I should think it wrong to accept even immortality at the expense of the welfare of the republic; much less should I be willing to die, if by that means I was to damage the commonwealth. For as for those men who have given up their lives for the sake of the state, (although you may say that I am talking foolishly,) I have never considered that they had met with death so much as with immortality. But if I had at that time fallen by the weapons and hands of wicked men, the republic would for ever have lost the civil guardian of its safety. Moreover, if any violence of disease, or if nature itself had carried me off, still the resources of posterity would have been diminished, because by my death the opportunity would have been lost of showing what great zeal of the senate and people of Rome was to be exerted in retaining me. Should I, if I had ever had any extravagant fondness for life, have challenged the weapons of all those parricides in the month of December of the year of my consulship, when, if I had remained quiet for twenty days longer, they would all have fallen on the vigilance of other consuls? Wherefore, if fondness for life when contrary to the interests of the republic is shameful, at all events a desire for death in my case, which must have been accompanied with injury to the state, would have been more shameful still.
90. me timuisse dicis. vero ne immortalitatem quidem contra rem publicam accipiendam putarem, nedum emori cum pernicie rei publicae vellem. qui pro re publica vitam ediderunt —licet me desipere dicatis—numquam me hercule eos mortem potius quam immortalitatem adsecutos putavi. vero si tum illorum impiorum ferro ac manu concidissem, in perpetuum res publica civile praesidium salutis suae perdidisset. etiam si me vis aliqua morbi aut natura ipsa consumpsisset, tamen auxilia posteritatis essent imminuta, quod peremptum esset mea morte id exemplum qualis futurus in me restituendo fuisset senatus populusque Romanus., si umquam vitae cupiditas in me fuisset, ego mense Decembri mei consulatus omnium parricidarum tela commossem? quae, si xx quiessem dies, in aliorum vigiliam consulum recidissent. ob rem, si vitae cupiditas contra rem publicam est turpis, certe multo mortis cupiditas mea turpior fuisset cum pernicie civitatis.
91. For as for your boasting that you were a free man in the republic, I confess that you are, and I rejoice at it, and I also congratulate you on that account; but as for your denying that I am free also, as to that particular I will neither allow you nor any one else to continue in your mistake any longer. For if any one thinks that my independence has suffered any diminution, because I do not now differ in opinion with all those same men with whom I was formerly accustomed to differ; in the first place, if I show myself grateful to those who have deserved well of me, I do not cease to be attacked with the accusation of being a man of too good a memory, and too grateful. But if, without any injury to the republic, I sometimes show a regard to my own safety and that of my family, at all events I not only do not deserve to be blamed for this, but, even if I were to wish myself to run on ruin, there are good men who would entreat me not to do so.
91. quod te esse in re publica liberum es gloriatus, id ego et fateor et laetor et tibi etiam in hoc gratulor; quod me autem negasti, in eo neque te neque quemquam diutius patiar errare. si quis idcirco aliquid de libertate mea deminutum putat quod non ab omnibus isdem a quibus antea solitus sum dissentire dissentiam, primum, si bene de me meritis gratum me praebeo, nonne desino incurrere in crimen hominis nimium memoris nimiumque grati? autem aliquando sine ullo rei publicae detrimento respicio etiam salutem cum meam tum meorum, certe non modo non sum reprehendendus sed etiam, si ruere vellem, boni viri me ut id ne facerem rogarent.
92. But the republic itself, if it were able to speak, would plead with me, that as I had always served her interests, and never my own, and as I had received a reward from her not such as I ought, rich and abundant, but mingled with exceeding bitterness, now at length to serve myself, and to consult the interests of my family; and would urge not only that she herself had received enough from me, but that she even feared that she had made me but an inadequate return for all the services which I had rendered her.
92. vero ipsa publica, si loqui posset, ageret mecum ut, quoniam sibi servissem semper, numquam mihi, fructus autem ex sese non, ut oportuisset, laetos et uberes, sed magna acerbitate permixtos tulissem, ut iam mihi servirem, consulerem meis; se non modo satis habere a me sed etiam vereri ne parum mihi pro eo quantum a me haberet reddidisset.
93. But what will you say if I think nothing of all these things, and if I persevere in the same course in the republic which I have always pursued? will you still ask what is become of my independence? which you make to consist in the fact of our struggling for ever with any one with whom we have at any time had a contest. But this is all nonsense; for we ought at all times to act as if we were standing in some revolving orb of the republic, and as that turns round we ought to choose that part to which the advantage and safety of the republic direct us. But I do not call Cnaeus Pompeius the author, and prime cause, and defender of my safety, (for these things demand perhaps a recollection of the kindness and gratitude for it from a man in his private capacity,) but I say this, which has reference to the common welfare of the republic; should not I defend that man whom every one admits to be the first man in the republic? should I be wanting to the praises of Caius Caesar, when I see them celebrated first of all by numerous and most honourable decisions of the Roman people, and now too by those of the senate, to which body I have always devoted myself? In that case, in truth, I should confess that I had never formed any opinion with reference to the welfare of the republic, but that I was guided solely by my friendship for or enmity towards particular persons.
93. ? si horum ego nihil cogito et idem sum in re publica qui fui semper, tamenne libertatem requires meam? quam tu ponis in eo, si semper cum eis quibuscum aliquando contendimus depugnemus. est longe secus. enim omnes debemus tamquam in orbe aliquo rei publicae, qui quoniam versatur, eam deligere partem ad quam nos illius utilitas salusque converterit. autem Cn. Pompeium non dico auctorem, ducem, defensorem salutis meae—nam haec privatim fortasse officiorum memoriam et gratiam quaerunt —sed dico hoc quod ad salutem rei publicae pertinet: ego eum non tuear quem omnes in re publica principem esse concedunt? C. Caesaris laudibus desim, quas primum populi Romani, nunc etiam senatus, cui me semper addixi, plurimis atque amplissimis iudiciis videam esse celebratas? hercule me confitear non iudicium aliquod habuisse de utilitate rei publicae, sed hominibus amicum aut inimicum fuisse.
94. When I see a ship holding on its course with favourable winds, if it does not proceed towards that port which I at one time thought best, but to some other no less safe and tranquil than that, shall I rather strive with the tempest even at the risk of danger, instead of yielding to it and being guided by it, especially when there is a hope of safety in such a line of conduct? But I have learnt these principles, I have seen and read them in books, written records have handed down to us these memorials of wise and most illustrious men, both in this republic and in other cities, and show that the same opinions have not at all times been upheld by the same men, but that they have adopted whatever sentiments the constitution of the republic, the state of affairs at the time, and the considerations of peace and concord pointed out as desirable. And this is what I am doing, O Laterensis, and what I always shall do; and the independence which you profess to look for in me, and which I have never lost, I never will lose, and yet on the other hand I will not believe it to consist in obstinacy, but in moderation.
94. , cum videam navem secundis ventis cursum tenentem suum, si non eum petat portum quem ego aliquando probavi, sed alium non minus tutum atque tranquillum, cum tempestate pugnem periculose potius quam illi, salute praesertim proposita, obtemperem et paream? vero haec didici, haec vidi, haec scripta legi; haec de sapientissimis et clarissimis viris et in hac re publica et in aliis civitatibus monumenta nobis ⟨et⟩ litterae prodiderunt, non semper easdem sententias ab isdem, sed quascumque rei publicae status, inclinatio temporum, ratio concordiae postularet, esse defensas. ego et facio, Laterensis, et semper faciam libertatemque quam tu in me requiris, quam ego neque dimisi umquam neque dimittam, non in pertinacia, sed in quadam moderatione positam putabo.
95. Now I come to your last assertion, when you said that, while I was extolling so highly the services which Plancius had done me, I was making a castle out of a sewer, and worshipping a stone taken from a sepulchre as a god; and that I had never been in the least danger of any one forming plots against me, or of death. And therefore I will in a few words, and not reluctantly, explain the circumstances of that time. For there is nothing that has happened during my lifetime which has got abroad less, or which has been seldomer talked about by me, or which has been less heard of and which is less commonly known by men in general. For I, O Laterensis,—on departing from that general conflagration of laws and justice, and the senate, and all good men, at a time when my house threatened while burning itself to set fire to the city and to all Italy, if I did not remain perfectly quiescent,—I, I say, intended to proceed to Sicily, which was all united like one family in my favour, and which was at that time governed by Caius Virgilius, with whom I was most intimately connected both by the long duration of our acquaintance, and by friendship, and by his belonging to some of the same guilds as my brother, and by our common attachment to the republic.
95. venio ad illud extremum in quo dixisti, dum Planci in me meritum verbis extollerem, me arcem facere e cloaca lapidemque e sepulcro venerari pro deo; neque enim mihi insidiarum periculum ullum neque mortis fuisse. ego temporis rationem explicabo brevi neque invitus. enim est ex meis temporibus quod minus pervagatum, quodque minus aut mea commemoratione celebratum sit aut hominibus auditum atque notum. enim, Laterensis, ex illo incendio legum, iuris, senatus, bonorum omnium cedens, cum mea domus ardore suo deflagrationem urbi atque Italiae toti minaretur, nisi quievissem, Siciliam petivi animo, quae et ipsa erat mihi sicut domus una coniuncta et obtinebatur a C. Vergilio, quocum me uno vel maxime cum vetustas tum amicitia, cum mei fratris conlegia tum rei publicae causa sociarat.
96. See, now, the blackness of those times. When the very island itself—I may almost say—wished to come forward to meet me, that praetor, repeatedly harassed as he was by the harangues and attacks of that same tribune of the people, on account of his attachment to the republic, would not consent (I will not use a stronger term) to my coming to Sicily. What shall I say? Shall I say that Caius Virgilius, that that excellent citizen and man had forgotten his regard for me, the recollection of the days of our companionship, and all regard for piety, humanity, and good faith? Nothing of the sort, O judges, was the case; he was only afraid that he might not be able by his own unassisted strength to make a stand against that tempest which we even, when supported by you, had been unable to encounter. Then, my plans being thus suddenly changed, I determined to proceed by land from Vibo to Brundusium, for the severity of the weather prevented any attempt at proceeding by sea.
96. nunc caliginem temporum illorum. ipsa paene insula mihi sese obviam ferre vellet, praetor ille, eiusdem tribuni pl. contionibus propter eandem rei publicae causam saepe vexatus, nihil amplius dico nisi me in Siciliam venire noluit. dicam? C. Vergilio, tali civi et viro, benivolentiam in me, memoriam communium temporum, pietatem, humanitatem, fidem defuisse?, iudices, est eorum sed, quam tempestatem nos vobiscum non tulissemus, metuit ut eam ipse posset opibus suis sustinere. consilio repente mutato Brundisium terra petere contendi; nam maritimos cursus praecludebat hiemis magnitudo.
97. As all those municipal towns which are between Vibo and Brundusium were in my interest, O judges, they, though many people threatened me, and though they were in great alarm themselves, rendered my journey safe to me. I arrived at Brundusium, or, I should rather say, I arrived outside the walls. I avoided entering the city which was of all others the most friendly to me and which would have allowed itself to be destroyed before it would have permitted me to be torn from its embrace. I went to the villa of Marcus Laenius Flaccus; and though he had every sort of fear before his eyes,—though he was threatened with confiscation of his property, and exile and death, yet he chose to encounter all these things, if they were to happen rather than abandon the design of protecting my life. I, placed by his hands and by those of his father, a most sensible and virtuous man, and by those of his brother and both his sons in a safe and trustworthy ship, and being escorted by their prayers and vows for my return, departed thence to go to Dyrrachium, which was devoted to my interests.
97. omnia illa municipia quae sunt a Vibone ⟨ad⟩ Brundisium in fide mea, iudices, essent, iter mihi tutum multis minitantibus magno cum suo metu praestiterunt. Brundisium veni vel potius ad moenia accessi; urbem unam mihi amicissimam declinavi, quae se potius exscindi quam e suo complexu ut eriperer facile pateretur. hortos me M. Laeni Flacci contuli. cum omnis metus, publicatio bonorum, exsilium, mors proponeretur, haec perpeti, si acciderent, maluit quam custodiam mei capitis dimittere. ego et parentis eius, prudentissimi atque optimi senis, et fratris et utriusque filiorum manibus in navi tuta ac fideli conlocatus, eorumque preces et vota de meo reditu exaudiens Dyrrachium, quod erat in fide mea, petere contendi.
98. And when I had come thither, I ascertained—as indeed I had heard before—that Greece was full of wicked and abandoned men, whose impious weapons and destructive firebrands my consulship had wrested from their hands. And before they could hear that I had arrived in those districts, and although they were many days' journey from them, I proceeded into Macedonia to Plancius. But as soon as ever Plancius heard that I had crossed the sea.—(listen, listen, I say, and take notice, O Laterensis, that you may know how much I owe to Plancius, and that you may confess at last that what I am doing I am doing out of proper gratitude and piously; and that the trouble which he took for my safety, if it is not to do him any good, ought at all events not to be any injury to him,)—as soon, I say, as he heard that I had arrived at Dyrrachium, he immediately came to me himself, without his lictors, without any of the insignia of his office, and with his robe changed for one of morning.
98. cum venissem, cognovi, id quod audieram, refertam esse Graeciam sceleratissimorum hominum ac nefariorum, quorum impium ferrum ignisque pestiferos meus ille consulatus e manibus extorserat; qui ante quam de meo adventu audire potuissent, cum a me abessent aliquot dierum viam, in Macedoniam ad Planciumque perrexi. vero simul atque mare me transisse cognovit—audi, audi atque attende, Laterensis, ut scias quid ego Plancio debeam, confiteareque aliquando me quod faciam et grate et pie facere; huic autem, quae pro salute mea fecerit, si minus profutura sint, obesse certe non oportere! simul ac me Dyrrachium attigisse audivit, statim ad me lictoribus dimissis, insignibus abiectis, veste mutata profectus est.
99. Oh, how bitter to me, O judges, is the recollection of that time and place, when he fell on my neck, when he embraced me, and bedewed me with his tears, and was unable to speak for grief! O circumstance cruel to be heard of, and impious to be beheld! O all the remainder of those days and nights during which he never left me, until he had conducted me to Thessalonica, and to his official house as quaestor! Here I will say nothing at present about the praetor of Macedonia, beyond this, that he was always a most excellent citizen, and a friend to me; but that he felt the same fear that the rest did; and that Cnaeus Plancius was the only man—I will not say, who had no such fear—but who, even if those things were to happen which were dreaded, was willing to encounter and endure them in my company and for my sake.
99. O acerbam mihi, iudices, memoriam temporis illius et loci, cum hic in me incidit, cum complexus est conspersitque lacrimis nec loqui prae maerore potuit! O rem cum auditu crudelem tum visu nefariam! o reliquos omnis dies noctesque eas quibus iste a me non recedens Thessalonicam me in quaestoriumque perduxit! ego nunc de praetore Macedoniae nihil dicam amplius nisi eum et civem optimum semper et mihi amicum fuisse, sed eadem timuisse quae ceteros; Cn. Plancium fuisse unum, non qui minus timeret sed, si acciderent ea quae timerentur, mecum ea subire et perpeti vellet.
100. For even when Lucius Tubero, my intimate friend, who had been lieutenant to my brother, had come to me on his return from Asia, and had revealed to me in the most friendly spirit the treacherous designs which he heard were formed against me by the banished conspirators, and when I was preparing therefore to go into Asia on account of the connection subsisting between that province and my brother and myself, he would not allow me to depart. He, Plancius, I say, detained me by force and by a close embrace, and for many months never departed from me, discarding his character as a quaestor and assuming that of my companion.
100. , cum ad me L. Tubero, meus necessarius, qui fratri meo legatus fuisset, decedens ex Asia venisset easque insidias quas mihi paratas ab exsulibus coniuratis audierat ad me animo amicissimo detulisset, in Asiam me ire propter eius provinciae mecum et cum meo fratre necessitudinem comparantem non est passus; vi me, vi, inquam, Plancius et complexu suo retinuit multosque mensis a capite meo non discessit, abiecta quaestoria persona comitisque sumpta.
101. O what miserable nights of watching did you pass, O Cnaeus Plancius! O what tearful vigils! O what bitter nights! O what a miserable task was that which you undertook of protecting my life! if I, now that I am alive, am unable to be of any service to you, though perhaps I might have been of some if I had been dead. For I recollect, I well recollect, and I never shall forget, that night when I, miserable man that I was, and led on by ungrounded hopes, made you who were watching over me, and sitting by me, and lamenting, some vain and empty promises. I promised that, if I were restored to my country, then I would in person show my gratitude; but, if chance deprived me of life, or if any greater violence prevented my return, then I undertook that these men, these whom we see here, (for what others could I then be thinking of?) would make you a fitting return on my behalf, for all your exertions. Why do you fix your eyes upon me now? Why do you claim the performance of my promise? Why do you implore my observance of good faith? I was not promising you at that time anything from my own resources, but from the good-will of these men towards me. I saw that these men were mourning for me; that they were groaning for me; that they were willing to do battle in defence of my rights and safety, even at the hazard of their own lives—I, as well as you, was hearing every day of the regret, and grief, and complaints of these men; and now I fear that I may be able to make you no other return beyond tears, of which you yourself shed plenty for my distresses.
101. O excubias tuas, Cn. Planci, miseras, o flebilis vigilias, o noctes acerbas, o custodiam etiam mei capitis infelicem! si quidem ego tibi vivus non prosum, qui fortasse mortuus profuissem. enim, memini neque umquam obliviscar noctis illius cum tibi vigilanti, adsidenti, maerenti vana quaedam miser atque inania falsa spe inductus pollicebar, me, si essem in patriam restitutus, praesentem tibi gratias relaturum; sin aut vitam mihi fors ademisset aut vis aliqua maior reditum peremisset, hos, hos—quos enim ego tum alios animo intuebar?—omnia tibi illorum laborum praemia pro me persoluturos. me aspectas, quid mea promissa repetis, quid meam fidem imploras? tibi ego tum de meis opibus pollicebar, sed de horum erga me benivolentia promittebam; hos pro me lugere, hos gemere, hos decertare pro meo capite vel vitae periculo velle videbam; de horum desiderio, luctu, querelis cotidie aliquid tecum simul audiebam; nunc timeo ne tibi nihil praeter lacrimas queam reddere, quas tu in meis acerbitatibus plurimas effudisti.
102. For what can I do more than grieve? more than weep? more than consider your safety bound up with my own? The same men who gave me safety are the only men who have the power to give it to you. But I (rise up and stand forward, I beg you,) will cling to you and embrace you; and I will profess myself, not only one who prays to the judges to protect your fortunes, but one who will be your companion and partner in them. And, as I hope, no one will be of so cruel and inhuman a disposition, nor so unmindful—I will not say of the services which I have done the good, but of the services which the good have done me—as to tear away and separate the saviour of my very existence as a citizen from me. I beg of you, O judges, to save a man who has been, not loaded with kindnesses by me, but the guardian of my safety. I am not striving in his behalf with wealth, and authority, and influence; but with prayers, and tears, and appeals to your mercy. And his unhappy and most virtuous father, whom you see before you, joins his entreaties to mine; we, being as it were two parents of his, pray your mercy for our one son.
102. enim possum aliud nisi maerere, nisi flere, nisi te cum mea salute complecti? tibi idem dare possunt qui mihi reddiderunt. tamen —exsurge, quaeso!—retinebo et complectar, nec me solum deprecatorem fortunarum tuarum sed comitem sociumque profitebor; atque, ut spero, nemo erit tam crudeli animo tamque inhumano nec tam immemor non dicam meorum in bonos meritorum, sed bonorum in me, qui a me mei servatorem capitis divellat ac distrahat. ego meis ornatum beneficiis a vobis deprecor, iudices, sed custodem salutis meae, non opibus contendo, non auctoritate, non gratia, sed precibus, sed lacrimis, sed misericordia, mecumque vos simul hic miserrimus et optimus obtestatur parens, et pro uno filio duo patres deprecamur.
103. Do not, O judges, I entreat you in the name of yourselves, of your fortunes, and of your children, give joy to my enemies, especially to those whom I have made my enemies by labouring for your safety, by allowing them to boast that you have by this time forgotten me, and that you have shown yourselves enemies to the safety of the man by whom my safety was ensured. Do not crush my spirit not only with grief, but also with fear that your kind regard for myself is altered; allow me to pay the man from you, that which I repeatedly promised him because I relied on you.
103. , iudices, per vos, per fortunas, per liberos vestros inimicis meis, eis praesertim quos ego pro vestra salute suscepi, dare laetitiam gloriantibus vos iam oblitos mei salutis eius a quo mea salus conservata est hostis exstitisse; nolite animum meum debilitare cum luctu tum etiam metu commutatae vestrae voluntatis erga me; sinite me, quod vobis fretus huic saepe promisi, id a vobis ei persolvere.
104. And you, O Caius Flavius, you I beg and entreat—you who were the partner of my counsels during my consulship, and the sharer of my dangers, and my assistant in the exploits which I performed; and who have at all times wished me to be not only safe, but prosperous also and flourishing,—I entreat you, I say, to preserve for me, by the instrumentality of these men, that man to whom it is owing that you see me preserved to them and to you. It is not only my own tears, but yours also, O Flavius, and yours too, O judges, that hinder me from saying more: and by them I—though I am in a state of great apprehension—am induced to hope that you will show yourselves the same men with reference to the saving of Plancius that you did in my case; since by those tears which I now behold, I am reminded of those which you so repeatedly and abundantly shed for my sake.
104. , C. Flave, oro et obtestor, qui meorum consiliorum in consulatu socius, periculorum particeps, rerum quas gessi adiutor fuisti, meque non modo salvum semper sed etiam ornatum florentemque esse voluisti, ut mihi per hos conserves eum per quem me tibi et his conservatum vides. ne dicam tuae me etiam lacrimae impediunt vestraeque, iudices, non solum meae, quibus ego magno in metu meo subito inducor in spem, vos eosdem in hoc conservando futuros qui fueritis in me, quoniam istis vestris lacrimis de illis recordor quas pro me saepe et multum profudistis.