---
title: "A Professor of Public Speaking · Ῥητόρων Διδάσκαλος"
author: "Lucian"
translator: "Austin Morris Harmon"
languages: [grc, en]
shelf: "Classical Greek"
url: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-a-professor-of-public-speaking/
cite: "Lucian, tr. Austin Morris Harmon, A Professor of Public Speaking · Ῥητόρων Διδάσκαλος. Scriptura (scriptura.si), https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-a-professor-of-public-speaking/"
---

# A Professor of Public Speaking · Ῥητόρων Διδάσκαλος

*Lucian, tr. Austin Morris Harmon*

Ironic advice on the easy road to oratory: bluster, borrowed phrases and confidence.

> Greek: ed. Austin Morris Harmon, from the Perseus Digital Library (canonical-greekLit, tlg0062.tlg037, CC BY-SA 4.0).

> English: Austin Morris Harmon, from the Perseus Digital Library (tlg0062.tlg037.perseus-eng2). Notes are not included.

> Rows follow the references the two texts share (chapters and sections), cut where both reach the end of a sentence.

## Contents

1. [Sections 1–26](https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-a-professor-of-public-speaking/1.md)

## 1. Sections 1–26

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-a-professor-of-public-speaking/1/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-a-professor-of-public-speaking/1/#p-N

[¶0] 1. You ask, my boy, how you can get to be a public speaker, and be held to personify the sublime and glorious name of sophist; life, you say, is not worth living, unless when you speak you can clothe yourself in such a mantle of eloquence that you will be irresistible and invincible, that you will be admired and stared at by everyone, counting among the Greeks as a highly desirable treat for their ears. Consequently, you wish to find out what the roads are that lead to this goal. Come, I have no desire to be churlish, lad, especially when a mere youngster who craves what is noblest, not knowing how to come by it, draws near and asks, as you do now, for advice— a sacred matter. So listen; and in so far as it lies in my power, you may have great confidence that soon you will be an able hand at discerning what requires to be said and expressing it in words, if only you on your part are willing henceforth to abide by what I tell you, to practise it industriously, and to follow the road resolutely until you reach your goal.

> Greek: 1. ἐρωτᾷς, ὦ μειράκιον, ὅπως ἂν ῥήτωρ γένοιο καὶ τὸ σεμνότατον τοῦτο καὶ πάντιμον ὄνομα σοφιστὴς εἶναι δόξαις· ἀβίωτα γὰρ εἶναί σοι φής, εἰ μὴ τοιαύτην τινὰ τὴν δύναμιν περιβάλοιο ἐν τοῖς λόγοις ὡς ἄμαχον εἶναι καὶ ἀνυπόστατον καὶ θαυμάζεσθαι πρὸς ἁπάντων καὶ ἀποβλέπεσθαι, περισπούδαστον ἄκουσμα τοῖς Ἕλλησι δοκοῦντα· καὶ δὴ τὰς ἐπὶ τοῦτο ἀγούσας ὁδοὺς αἵτινές ποτέ εἰσιν ἐθέλεις ἐκμαθεῖν. ἀλλʼ οὐδεὶς φθόνος, ὦ παῖ, καὶ μάλιστα ὁπότε νέος τις αὐτὸς ὤν, ὀρεγόμενος τῶν ἀρίστων, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅθεν ἂν ταῦτα ἐκπορίσαιτο, ἱερόν τι χρῆμα τὴν συμβουλὴν οὖσαν, καθάπερ νῦν σύ, τοῦτο αἰτοίη προσελθών. ὥστε ἄκουε, τό γε ἐπʼ ἐμοὶ καὶ πάνυ θαρρῶν ὡς τάχιστα δεινὸς ἀνὴρ ἔσῃ γνῶναί τε τὰ δέοντα καὶ ἑρμηνεῦσαι αὐτά, ἢν τὸ μετὰ τοῦτο ἐθελήσῃς αὐτὸς ἐμμένειν οἷς ἂν ἀκούσῃς παρʼ ἡμῶν καὶ φιλοπόνως αὐτὰ μελετᾶν καὶ προθύμως ἀνύειν τὴν ὁδὸν ἔστʼ ἂν ἀφίκῃ πρὸς τὸ τέρμα.

[¶1] 2. Certainly the object of your quest is not trivial, nor one that calls for little effort, but rather one for which it is worth while to work hard, to scant your sleep, and to put up with anything whatsoever. Just see how many who previously were nobodies have come to be accounted men of standing, millionaires, yes, even gentlemen, because of their eloquence.

> Greek: 2. τὸ μὲν οὖν θήραμα οὐ σμικρὸν οὐδὲ ὀλίγης τῆς σπουδῆς δεόμενον, ἀλλὰ ἐφʼ ὅτῳ καὶ πονῆσαι πολλὰ καὶ ἀγρυπνῆσαι καὶ πᾶν ὁτιοῦν ὑπομεῖναι ἄξιον. σκόπει γοῦν ὁπόσοι τέως μηδὲν ὄντες ἔνδοξοι καὶ πλούσιοι καὶ νὴ Δία εὐγενέστατοι ἔδοξαν ἀπὸ τῶν λόγων.

[¶2] 3. Do not be daunted, however, and do not be dismayed at the greatness of your expectations, thinking to undergo untold labours before you achieve them. I shall not conduct you by a rough road, or a steep and sweaty one, so that you will turn back halfway out of weariness. In that case I should be no better than those other guides who use the customary route—long, steep, toilsome, and, as a rule, hopeless. No, my advice has this to commend it, that ascending in the manner of a leisurely stroll through flowery fields and perfect shade in great comfort and luxury by a sloping bridle-path that is very short as well as very pleasant, you will gain the summit without sweating for it, you will bag your game without any effort, yes, by Heaven, you will banquet at your ease, looking down from the height at those who went the other way as they creep painfully upward over sheer and slippery crags, still in the foot-hills of the ascent, rolling off head-first from time to time, and getting many a wound on the sharp rocks—and you, the while, on the top long before them, with a wreath upon your head, will be fortunate beyond compare, for you will have acquired from Rhetoric in an instant, all but in your sleep, every single blessing that there is!

> Greek: 3. ὅμως δὲ μὴ δέδιθι, μηδὲ πρὸς τὸ μέγεθος τῶν ἐλπιζομένων ἀποδυσπετήσῃς, μυρίους τινὰς τοὺς πόνους προπονῆσαι οἰηθείς. οὐ γάρ σε τραχεῖάν τινα οὐδὲ ὄρθιον καὶ ἱδρῶτος μεστὴν ἡμεῖς ἄξομεν, ὡς ἐκ μέσης αὐτῆς ἀναστρέψαι καμόντα, ἐπεὶ οὐδὲν ἂν διεφέρομεν τῶν ἄλλων ὅσοι τὴν συνήθη ἐκείνην ἡγοῦνται, μακρὰν καὶ ἀνάντη καὶ καματηρὰν καὶ ὡς τὸ πολὺ ἀπεγνωσμένην. ἀλλὰ παρʼ ἡμῶν ἐξαίρετον τῆς συμβουλῆς τοῦτό ἐστιν, ὅτι ἡδίστην τε ἅμα καὶ ἐπιτομωτάτην καὶ ἱππήλατον καὶ κατάντη σὺν πολλῇ τῇ θυμηδίᾳ καὶ τρυφῇ διὰ λειμώνων εὐανθῶν καὶ σκιᾶς ἀκριβοῦς σχολῇ καὶ βάδην ἀνιὼν ἀνιδρωτὶ ἐπιστήσῃ τῇ ἄκρᾳ καὶ ἀγρεύσεις οὐ καμὼν καὶ νὴ Δίʼ εὐωχήσῃ κατακείμενος, ἐκείνους ὁπόσοι τὴν ἑτέραν ἐτράποντο ἀπὸ τοῦ ὑψηλοῦ ἐπισκοπῶν ἐν τῇ ὑπωρείᾳ τῆς ἀνόδου ἔτι, κατὰ δυσβάτων καὶ ὀλισθηρῶν τῶν κρημνῶν μόλις ἀνέρποντας, ἀποκυλιομένους ἐπὶ κεφαλὴν ἐνίοτε καὶ πολλὰ τραύματα λαμβάνοντας περὶ τραχείαις ταῖς πέτραις· σὺ δὲ πρὸ πολλοῦ ἄνω ἐστεφανωμένος εὐδαιμονέστατος ἔσῃ, ἅπαντα ἐν βραχεῖ ὅσα ἐστὶν ἀγαθὰ παρὰ τῆς ῥητορικῆς μονονουχὶ καθεύδων λαβών.

[¶3] 4. Yes, my promise goes to that extent in its generosity; but in the name of Friendship do not disbelieve me, when I say that I shall show you that its attainment is at once easy and pleasant. Why should you? Hesiod was given a leaf or two from Helicon, and at once he became a poet instead of a shepherd and sang the pedigrees of gods and heroes under the inspiration of the Muses. Is it impossible, then, to become a public speaker —something far inferior to the grand style of poetry—in an instant, if one could find out the quickest way?

> Greek: 4. ἡ μὲν δὴ ὑπόσχεσις οὕτω μεγάλη· σὺ δὲ πρὸς Φιλίου μὴ ἀπιστήσῃς, εἰ ῥᾷστά τε ἅμα καὶ ἥδιστά σοι ταῦτα ἐπιδείξειν φαμέν. τί γάρ; Ἡσίοδος μὲν ὀλίγα φύλλα ἐκ τοῦ Ἑλικῶνος λαβὼν αὐτίκα μάλα ποιητὴς ἐκ ποιμένος κατέστη καὶ ᾖδε θεῶν καὶ ἡρώων γένη κάτοχος ἐκ Μουσῶν γενόμενος, ῥήτορα δέ, ὃ πολὺ ἔνερθε ποιητικῆς μεγαληγορίας ἐστίν, ἐν βραχεῖ καταστῆναι ἀδύνατον, εἴ τις ἐκμάθοι τὴν ταχίστην ὁδόν;

[¶4] 5. Just to show you, I should like to tell you the tale of a Sidonian merchant's idea which disbelief made ineffectual and profitless to the man who heard it. Alexander was then ruler of the Persians, having deposed Darius after the battle of Arbela, and postmen had to run to every quarter of the realm carrying Alexander’s orders. The journey from Persia to Egypt was long, since one had to make a detour about the mountains, then to go through Babylonia to Arabia, and then to traverse a wide expanse of desert before reaching Egypt at last, after spending in this way, even if one travelled light, twenty very long days on the road. Well, this annoyed Alexander, because he had heard that the Egyptians were showing signs of disaffection, and he was unable to be expeditious in transmitting his decisions concerning them to his governors. At that juncture the Sidonian merchant said: “I give you my word, King Alexander, to show you a short route from Persia to Egypt. If a man went over these mountains—and he could do it in three days—he is in Egypt in no time!” And it was so! Alexander, however, put no faith in it, but thought that the merchant was a liar. So true is it that amazing promises seem untrustworthy to most people.

> Greek: 5. ὡς ἔγωγε καὶ διηγήσασθαι σοι βούλομαι Σιδωνίου τινὸς ἐμπόρου ἐπίνοιαν διʼ ἀπιστίαν ἀτελῆ γενομένην καὶ τῷ ἀκούσαντι ἀνόνητον. ἦρχε μὲν γὰρ ἤδη Ἀλέξανδρος Περσῶν, μετὰ τὴν ἐν Ἀρβήλοις μάχην Δαρεῖον καθῃρηκώς· ἔδει δὲ πανταχόσε τῆς ἀρχῆς διαθεῖν τοὺς γραμματοφόρους τὰ ἐπιτάγματα τοῦ Ἀλεξάνδρου κομίζοντας. ἐκ Περσῶν δὲ πολλὴ εἰς Αἴγυπτον ἐγίγνετο ἡ ὁδός· ἐκπεριιέναι γὰρ ἔδει τὰ ὄρη, εἶτα διὰ τῆς Βαβυλωνίας εἰς τὴν Ἀραβίαν ἐλθεῖν, εἶτα ἐρήμην πολλὴν περάσαντα ἀφικέσθαι ποτὲ μόλις εἰς Αἴγυπτον, εἴκοσι μηκίστους ἀνδρὶ εὐζώνῳ σταθμοὺς τούτους διανύσαντα. ἤχθετο οὖν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος ἐπὶ τούτῳ, διότι Αἰγυπτίους τι παρακινεῖν ἀκούων οὐκ εἶχε διὰ ταχέων ἐκπέμπειν τοῖς σατράπαις τὰ δοκοῦντά οἱ περὶ αὐτῶν. τότε δὴ ὁ Σιδώνιος ἔμπορος, ἐγώ σοι, ἔφη, ὦ βασιλεῦ, ὑπισχνοῦμαι δείξειν ὁδὸν οὐ πολλὴν ἐκ Περσῶν εἰς Αἴγυπτον. εἰ γάρ τις ὑπερβαίη τὰ ὄρη ταῦτα — ὑπερβαίη δʼ ἂν τριταῖος — αὐτίκα μάλα ἐν Αἰγύπτῳ οὗτός ἐστιν. καὶ εἶχεν οὕτω. πλὴν ὅ γε Ἀλέξανδρος οὐκ ἐπίστευσεν, ἀλλὰ γόητα ᾤετο εἶναι τὸν ἔμπορον. οὕτω τὸ παράδοξον τῆς ὑποσχέσεως ἄπιστον δοκεῖ τοῖς πολλοῖς.

[¶5] 6. But you must not make the same mistake. Experience will convince you that nothing can prevent you from arriving as a public speaker, in a single day, and not a full day at that, by flying across the mountains from Persia to Egypt! I wish first of all to paint you a picture in words, like Cebes of old, and show you both the roads; for there are two that lead to Lady Rhetoric, of whom you seem to me exceedingly enamoured. So let her be sitting upon a high place, very fair of face and form, holding in her right hand the Horn of Plenty, which runs over with all manner of fruits. Beside her imagine, pray, that you see Wealth standing, all golden and lovely. Let Fame, too, and Power stand by; and let Compliments, resembling tiny Cupids, swarm all about her on the wing in great numbers from every side. If you have ever seen the Nile represented in a painting, lying on the back of a crocodile or a hippopotamus, such as are frequent in his stream, while tiny infants play beside him—the Egyptians call them cubits— the Compliments that surround Rhetoric are like these. Now you, her lover, approach, desiring, of course, to get upon the summit with all speed in order to marry her when you get there, and to possess all that she has—the Wealth, the Fame, the Compliments; for by law everything accrues to the husband.

> Greek: 6. ἀλλὰ μὴ σύ γε πάθῃς τὸ αὐτό· εἴσῃ γὰρ πειρώμενος ὡς οὐδέν σε κωλύσει ῥήτορα δοκεῖν μιᾶς οὐδὲ ὅλης ἡμέρας ὑπερπετασθέντα τὸ ὄρος ἐκ Περσῶν εἰς Αἴγυπτον. ἐθέλω δέ σοι πρῶτον ὥσπερ ὁ Κέβης ἐκεῖνος εἰκόνα γραψάμενος τῷ λόγῳ ἑκατέραν ἐπιδεῖξαι τὴν ὁδόν· δύο γάρ ἐστον, αἳ πρὸς τὴν Ῥητορικὴν ἄγετον, ἧς ἐρᾶν οὐ μετρίως μοι δοκεῖς. καὶ δῆτα ἡ μὲν ἐφʼ ὑψηλοῦ καθήσθω πάνυ καλὴ καὶ εὐπρόσωπος, τὸ τῆς Ἀμαλθείας κέρας ἔχουσα ἐν τῇ δεξιᾷ παντοίοις καρποῖς ὑπερβρύον· ἐπὶ θατέρᾳ δέ μοι τὸν πλοῦτον δόκει παρεστῶτα ὁρᾶν, χρυσοῦν ὅλον καὶ ἐπέραστον. καὶ ἡ δόξα δὲ καὶ ἡ ἰσχὺς παρέστωσαν, καὶ οἱ ἔπαινοι περὶ πᾶσαν αὐτὴν Ἔρωσι μικροῖς ἐοικότες πολλοὶ ἁπανταχόθεν περιπλεκέσθωσαν ἐκπετόμενοι. εἰ που τὸν Νεῖλον εἶδες γραφῇ μεμιμημένον, αὐτὸν μὲν κείμενον ἐπὶ κροκοδείλου τινὸς ἢ ἵππου τοῦ ποταμίου, οἷοι πολλοὶ ἐν αὐτῷ, μικρὰ δέ τινα παιδία παρʼ αὐτὸν παίζοντα — πήχεις δὲ αὐτοὺς οἱ Αἰγύπτιοι καλοῦσι, — τοιοῦτοι καὶ περὶ τὴν Ῥητορικὴν οἱ ἔπαινοι. πρόσει δὴ σὺ ὁ ἐραστὴς ἐπιθυμῶν δηλαδὴ ὅτι τάχιστα γενέσθαι ἐπὶ τῆς ἄκρας, ὡς γαμήσειάς τε αὐτὴν ἀνελθὼν καὶ πάντα ἐκεῖνα ἔχοις, τὸν πλοῦτον τὴν δόξαν τοὺς ἐπαίνους· νόμῳ γὰρ ἅπαντα γίγνεται τοῦ γεγαμηκότος.

[¶6] 7. Then when you draw near the mountain, at first you despair of climbing it, and the thing seems to you just as Aornus looked to the Macedonians when they observed that it was precipitous on every side, truly far from easy even for a bird to fly over, calling for a Dionysus or a Heracles if it were ever going to be taken. That is how it seems to you at first; and then, after a little, you see two roads. To be more exact, one of them is but a path, narrow, briery, and rough, promising great thirstiness and sweat; Hesiod has been beforehand with us and has already described it very carefully, so that I shall not need to do so. The other, however, is level, flowery, and wellwatered, just as I described it a moment ago, not to detain you by saying the same things over and over when you might even now be a speaker.

> Greek: 7. εἶτʼ ἐπειδὰν πλησιάσῃς τῷ ὄρει, τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἀπογιγνώσκεις τὴν ἄνοδον, καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμα ὅμοιον εἶναί σοι δοκεῖ οἵα ἡ Ἄορνος ἐφάνη τοῖς Μακεδόσιν ἀπόξυρον αὐτὴν ἁπανταχόθεν ἰδοῦσιν, ἀτεχνῶς οὐδὲ ὀρνέοις ὑπερπτῆναι ῥᾳδίαν, Διονύσου τινὸς ἢ Ἡρακλέους, εἰ μέλλοι καθαιρεθήσεσθαι, δεομένην. ταῦτά σοι δοκεῖ τὸ πρῶτον· εἶτα μετʼ ὀλίγον ὁρᾷς δύο τινὰς ὁδούς. μᾶλλον δὲ ἡ μὲν ἀτραπός ἐστι στενὴ καὶ ἀκανθώδης καὶ τραχεῖα, πολὺ τὸ δίψος ἐμφαίνουσα καὶ ἱδρῶτα· καὶ ἔφθη γὰρ ἤδη Ἡσίοδος εὖ μάλα ὑποδείξας αὐτήν, ὥστε οὐδὲν ἐμοῦ δεήσει. ἡ ἑτέρα δὲ πλατεῖα καὶ ἀνθηρὰ καὶ εὔυδρος, τοιαύτη οἵαν μικρῷ πρόσθεν εἶπον, ἵνα μὴ πολλάκις τὰ αὐτὰ λέγων ἐπέχω σε ἤδη ῥήτορα εἶναι δυνάμενον.

[¶7] 8. But I must add at least this much, that the rough, steep road used not to have many tracks of wayfarers, and whatever tracks there were, were very old. I myself, unlucky dog, got up by that road and did all that hard work without any need; but as the other was level and had no windings at all, I could see from a distance what it was like without having travelled it myself. You see, being still young, I could not discern what was better, but believed that poet to be telling the truth when he said that blessings were engendered of toil. That was not so, however; at all events, I notice that most people are accorded greater returns without any labour, through their felicitous choice of words and ways. But, to resume—when you reach the starting-point, I am sure that you will be in doubt, and indeed are even now in doubt, which road to follow. I propose, therefore, to tell you how to do now in order to mount to the highest peak with the greatest ease, to be fortunate, to bring off the marriage, and to be accounted wonderful by everyone. It is quite enough that I should have been duped and should have worked hard. For you, let everything grow “without sowing and without ploughing,” as in the time of Cronus.

> Greek: 8. πλὴν τό γε τοσοῦτον προσθήσειν μοι δοκῶ, διότι ἡ μὲν τραχεῖα ἐκείνη καὶ ἀνάντης οὐ πολλὰ ἴχνη τῶν ὁδοιπόρων εἶχεν, εἰ δέ τινα, πάνυ παλαιά. καὶ ἔγωγε κατʼ ἐκείνην ἄθλιος ἀνῆλθον τοσαῦτα καμὼν οὐδὲν δέον· ἡ ἑτέρα δὲ ἅτε ὁμαλὴ οὖσα καὶ ἀγκύλον οὐδὲν ἔχουσα πόρρωθέν μοι ἐφάνη οἵα ἐστὶν οὐχ ὁδεύσαντι αὐτῷ. οὐ γὰρ ἑώρων νέος ὢν ἔτι τὸ βέλτιον, ἀλλὰ τὸν ποιητὴν ἐκεῖνον ἀληθεύειν ᾤμην λέγοντα ἐκ τῶν πόνων φύεσθαι τὰ ἀγαθά. τὸ δʼ οὐκ εἶχεν οὕτως· ἀπονητὶ γοῦν ὁρῶ τοὺς πολλοὺς μειζόνων ἀξιουμένους εὐμοιρίᾳ τῆς αἱρέσεως τῶν λόγων καὶ ὁδῶν. ἐπὶ δʼ οὖν τὴν ἀρχὴν ἀφικόμενος εὖ οἶδʼ ὅτι ἀπορήσεις, καὶ ἤδη ἀπορεῖς, ποτέραν τρεπτέον. ὡς οὖν ποιήσας ἤδη ῥᾷστα ἐπὶ τὸ ἀκρότατον ἀναβήσῃ καὶ εὐδαιμονήσεις καὶ γαμήσεις καὶ θαυμαστὸς πᾶσι δόξεις, ἐγώ σοι φράσω· ἱκανὸν γὰρ τὸ αὐτὸν ἐξαπατηθῆναι καὶ πονῆσαι. σοὶ δὲ ἄσπορα καὶ ἀνήροτα πάντα φυέσθω καθάπερ ἐπὶ τοῦ Κρόνου.

[¶8] 9. On the instant, then, you will be approached by a vigorous man with hard muscles and a manly stride, who shows heavy tan on his body, and is bold-eyed and alert. He is the guide of the rough road, and he will talk a lot of nonsense to you, the poor simpleton. In exhorting you to follow him, he will point out the footprints of Demosthenes and of Plato, and one or two more—great prints, I grant you, too great for men of nowadays, but for the most part dim and indistinct through lapse of time; and he will say that you will have good fortune and will contract a lawful marriage with Rhetoric if you follow these footprints like a rope-dancer; but if you should make even a slight mis-step, or set your foot out of them, or let your weight sway you somewhat to one side, you will fall from the direct road that leads to the marriage. Then he will tell you to imitate those ancient worthies, and will set you fusty models for your speeches, far from easy to copy, resembling sculptures in the early manner such as those of Hegesias and of Critius and Nesiotes —wasp-waisted, sinewy, hard, meticulously definite in their contours. And he will say that hard work, scant sleep, abstention from wine, and untidiness are necessary and indispensable; it is impossible, says he, to get over the road without them. What is most vexatious of all, even the time which he will prescribe to you for the journey will be very long——many years, for he counts not by days and months, but by whole Olympic cycles, so that you will be foredone in advance as you listen and will forswear your project, bidding a fond farewell to the good fortune that you expected. Besides, he demands no small fee for all these hardships; in fact, he would not guide you unless he should get a huge sum in advance.

> Greek: 9. εὐθὺς οὖν σοι πρόσεισι καρτερός τις ἀνήρ, ὑπόσκληρος, ἀνδρώδης τὸ βάδισμα, πολὺν τὸν ἥλιον ἐπὶ τῷ σώματι δεικνύων, ἀρρενωπὸς τὸ βλέμμα, ἐγρηγορώς, τῆς τραχείας ὁδοῦ ἐκείνης ἡγεμών, λήρους τινὰς ὁ μάταιος διεξιὼν πρὸς σέ. ἕπεσθαι γάρ οἱ παρακελευόμενος, ὑποδεικνὺς τὰ Δημοσθένους ἴχνη καὶ Πλάτωνος καὶ ἄλλων τινῶν, μεγάλα μὲν καὶ ὑπὲρ τοὺς νῦν, ἀμαυρὰ δὲ ἤδη καὶ ἀσαφῆ τὰ πολλὰ ὑπὸ τοῦ χρόνου, φήσει εὐδαίμονά σε ἔσεσθαι καὶ νόμῳ γαμήσειν τὴν Ῥητορικήν, εἰ κατὰ τούτων ὁδεύσειας ὥσπερ οἱ ἐπὶ τῶν κάλων βαίνοντες· εἰ δὲ κἂν μικρόν τι παραβαίης ἢ ἔξω πατήσειας ἢ ἐπὶ θάτερα μᾶλλον κλιθείης τῇ ῥοπῇ, ἐκπεσεῖσθαί σε τῆς ὀρθῆς ὁδοῦ καὶ ἀγούσης ἐπὶ τὸν γάμον. εἶτά σε κελεύσει ζηλοῦν ἐκείνους τοὺς ἀρχαίους ἄνδρας ἕωλα παραδείγματα παρατιθεὶς τῶν λόγων οὐ ῥᾴδια μιμεῖσθαι, οἷα τὰ τῆς παλαιᾶς ἐργασίας ἐστίν, Ἡγησίου καὶ τῶν ἀμφὶ Κριτίον καὶ Νησιώτην, ἀπεσφιγμένα καὶ νευρώδη καὶ σκληρὰ καὶ ἀκριβῶς ἀποτεταμένα ταῖς γραμμαῖς. πόνον δὲ καὶ ἀγρυπνίαν καὶ ὑδατοποσίαν καὶ τὸ ἀλιπαρὲς ἀναγκαῖα ταῦτα καὶ ἀπαραίτητα φήσει· ἀδύνατον γὰρ εἶναι ἄνευ τούτων διανύσαι τὴν ὁδόν. ὃ δὲ πάντων ἀνιαρότατον, ὅτι σοι καὶ τὸν χρόνον πάμπολυν ὑπογράψει τῆς ὁδοιπορίας, ἔτη πολλά, οὐ κατὰ ἡμέρας καὶ τριακάδας, ἀλλὰ κατὰ ὀλυμπιάδας ὅλας ἀριθμῶν, ὡς καὶ προαποκαμεῖν ἀκούοντα καὶ ἀπαγορεῦσαι, πολλὰ χαίρειν φράσαντα τῇ ἐλπιζομένῃ ἐκείνῃ εὐδαιμονίᾳ. πρὸς δὲ τούτοις οὐδὲ μισθοὺς ὀλίγους ἀπαιτεῖ τῶν τοσούτων κακῶν, ἀλλὰ οὐκ ἂν ἡγήσαιτό σοι, εἰ μὴ μεγάλα πρότερον λάβοι.

[¶9] 10. That is what this man will say, the impostor, the absolute old fogey, the antediluvian, who displays dead men of a bygone age to serve as patterns, and expects you to dig up long-buried speeches as if they were something tremendously helpful, wanting you to emulate the son of a sword-maker, and some other fellow, the son of a school-master named Atrometus, and that too in times of peace, when no Philip is making raids and no Alexander issuing orders—situations in which their speeches were perhaps considered useful. He does not know what a short, easy road, direct to Rhetoric, has recently been opened. But do not you believe or heed him for fear he may give you a neck-breaking tumble somewhere after he gets you in charge, or may in the end make you prematurely old with your labours. No, if you are unquestionably in love, and wish to marry Rhetoric forthwith, while you are still in your prime, so that she may be fond of you, do bid a long good-bye to that hairy, unduly masculine fellow, leaving him to climb up himself, all blown and dripping with sweat, and lead up what others he can delude.

> Greek: 10. ὁ μὲν ταῦτα φήσει, ἀλαζὼν καὶ ἀρχαῖος ὡς ἀληθῶς καὶ Κρονικὸς ἄνθρωπος, νεκροὺς εἰς μίμησιν παλαιοὺς προτιθεὶς καὶ ἀνορύττειν ἀξιῶν λόγους πάλαι κατορωρυγμένους ὥς τι μέγιστον ἀγαθόν, μαχαιροποιοῦ υἱὸν καὶ ἄλλον Ἀτρομήτου τινὸς γραμματιστοῦ ζηλοῦν ἀξιῶν, καὶ ταῦτα ἐν εἰρήνῃ μήτε Φιλίππου ἐπιόντος μήτε Ἀλεξάνδρου ἐπιτάττοντος, ὅπου τὰ ἐκείνων ἴσως ἐδόκει χρήσιμα, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὁποία νῦν κεκαινοτόμηται ταχεῖα καὶ ἀπράγμων καὶ εἰς τὸ εὐθὺ τῆς ῥητορικῆς ὁδός. σὺ δὲ μήτε πείθεσθαι μήτε προσέχειν αὐτῷ, μή σε ἐκτραχηλίσῃ που παραλαβὼν ἢ τὸ τελευταῖον προγηρᾶσαι τοῖς πόνοις παρασκευάσῃ. ἀλλὰ εἰ πάντως ἐρᾷς καὶ τάχιστα ἐθέλεις τῇ ῥητορικῇ συνεῖναι ἀκμάζων ἔτι, ὡς καὶ σπουδάζοιο πρὸς αὐτῆς, ἴθι, τῷ μὲν δασεῖ τούτῳ καὶ πέρα τοῦ μετρίου ἀνδρικῷ μακρὰ χαίρειν λέγε, ἀναβαίνειν αὐτὸν καὶ ἄλλους ὁπόσους ἂν ἐξαπατᾶν δύνηται ἀνάγειν καταλιπὼν ἀσθμαίνοντα καὶ ἱδρῶτι πολλῷ συνόντα.

[¶10] 11. If you turn to the other road, you will find many people, and among them a wholly clever and wholly handsome gentleman with a mincing gait, a thin neck, a languishing eye, and a honeyed voice, who distils perfume, scratches his head with the tip of his finger, and carefully dresses his hair, which is scanty now, but curly and raven-black—an utter] delicate Sardanapalus, a Cinyras, a very Agathon (that charming writer of tragedies, don’t you know?). I am thus explicit that you may recognize him by these tokens, and may not overlook a creature so marvellous, and so dear to Aphrodite and the Graces. But what am I talking about? Even if you had your eyes shut, and he should come and speak to you, unsealing those Hymettus lips and releasing upon the air those wonted intonations, you would discover that he is not like us “who eat the fruit of the glebe,” but some unfamiliar spirit, nurtured on dew or on ambrosia. If, then, you go to him and put yourself in his hands, you will at once, without effort, become an orator, the observed of all, and, as he himself calls it, king of the platform, driving the horses of eloquence four-in-hand. For on taking you in charge, he will teach you first of all—but let him address you himself.

> Greek: 11. πρὸς δὲ τὴν ἑτέραν ἐλθὼν εὑρήσεις πολλοὺς καὶ ἄλλους, ἐν τούτοις δὲ καὶ πάνσοφόν τινα καὶ πάγκαλον ἄνδρα, διασεσαλευμένον τὸ βάδισμα, ἐπικεκλασμένον τὸν αὐχένα, γυναικεῖον τὸ βλέμμα, μελιχρὸν τὸ φώνημα, μύρων ἀποπνέοντα, τῷ δακτύλῳ ἄκρῳ τὴν κεφαλὴν κνώμενον, ὀλίγας μὲν ἔτι, οὔλας δὲ καὶ ὑακινθίνας τὰς τρίχας εὐθετίζοντα, πάναβρόν τινα Σαρδανάπαλλον ἢ Κινύραν ἢ αὐτὸν Ἀγάθωνα, τὸν τῆς τραγῳδίας ἐπέραστον ἐκεῖνον ποιητήν. λέγω δὲ ὡς ἀπὸ τούτων γνωρίζοις αὐτόν, μηδέ σε οὕτω θεσπέσιον χρῆμα καὶ φίλον Ἀφροδίτῃ καὶ Χάρισι διαλάθοι. καίτοι τί φημί; κἂν εἰ μύοντι γάρ σοι προσελθὼν εἴποι τι, τὸ Ὑμήττιον ἐκεῖνο ἀνοίξας στόμα, καὶ τὴν συνήθη φωνὴν ἀφείη, μάθοις ἂν ὡς οὐχὶ τῶν καθʼ ἡμᾶς ἐστιν, οἳ ἀρούρης καρπὸν ἔδομεν, ἀλλά τι ξένον φάσμα δρόσῳ ἢ ἀμβροσίᾳ τρεφόμενον. τούτῳ τοίνυν προσελθὼν καὶ παραδοὺς σεαυτὸν αὐτίκα μάλα ῥήτωρ καὶ περίβλεπτος καί, ὡς ὀνομάζει αὐτός, βασιλεὺς ἐν τοῖς λόγοις ἀπονητὶ καταστήσῃ τὰ τέθριππα ἐλαύνων τοῦ λόγου. διδάξεται γάρ σε παραλαβὼν τὰ πρῶτα μὲν ἐκεῖνα — μᾶλλον δὲ αὐτὸς εἰπάτω πρὸς σέ·

[¶11] 12. It would be comical for me to do the talking on behalf of such an accomplished speaker, as I should be poorly cast, it may very well be, for parts of that nature and importance; I might fall down and so put out of countenance the hero whom I impersonated. He would address you, then, somewhat in this fashion, tossing back what hair is still left him, faintly smiling in that sweet and tender way which is his wont, and rivalling Thais herself of comic fame, or Malthace, or Glycera, in the seductiveness of his tone, since masculinity is boorish and not in keeping with a delicate and charming platform-hero — he will address you, I say, using very moderate language about himself: “Prithee, dear fellow, did Pythian Apollo send you to me, entitling me the best of speakers, just as, when Chaerephon questioned him, he told who was the wisest in that generation?

> Greek: 12. γελοῖον γὰρ ὑπὲρ τοιούτου ῥήτορος ἐμὲ ποιεῖσθαι τοὺς λόγους, φαῦλον ὑποκριτὴν ἴσως τῶν τοιούτων καὶ τηλικούτων, μὴ καὶ συντρίψω που πεσὼν τὸν ἥρωα ὃν ὑποκρίνομαι. φαίη τοιγαροῦν ἂν πρὸς σὲ ὧδέ πως ἐπισπασάμενος ὁπόσον ἔτι λοιπὸν τῆς κόμης καὶ ὑπομειδιάσας τὸ γλαφυρὸν ἐκεῖνο καὶ ἁπαλὸν οἷον εἴωθεν, Αὐτοθαΐδα τὴν κωμικὴν ἢ Μαλθάκην ἢ Γλυκέραν τινὰ μιμησάμενος τῷ προσηνεῖ τοῦ φθέγματος· ἄγροικον γὰρ τὸ ἀρρενωπὸν καὶ οὐ πρὸς ἁβροῦ καὶ ἐρασμίου ῥήτορος.

[¶12] 13. If that is not the case, but you have come of your own accord in the wake of rumour, because you hear everybody speak of my achievements with astonishment, praise, admiration, and self-abasement, you shall very soon learn what a superhuman person you have come to. Do not expect to see something that you can compare with So-and-so, or So-and-so; no, you will consider the achievement far too prodigious and amazing even for Tityus or Otus or Ephialtes. Indeed, as far as the others are concerned, you will find that I drown them out as effectively as trumpets drown flutes, or cicadas bees, or choirs their leaders.

> Greek: 13. φήσει δʼ οὖν πάνυ μετριάζων ὑπὲρ αὐτόν,αὐτόν, Μῶν σε, ὦγαθέ, ὁ Πύθιος ἔπεμψε πρός με ῥητόρων τὸν ἄριστον προσειπών, ὥσπερ ὅτε Χαιρεφῶν ἤρετο αὐτόν,αὐτόν, ἔδειξεν ὅστις ἦν ὁ σοφώτατος ἐν τοῖς τότε; εἰ δὲ μὴ τοῦτο, ἀλλὰ κατὰ κλέος αὐτὸς ἥκεις ἀκούων ἁπάντων ὑπερεκπεπληγμένων τὰ ἡμέτερα καὶ ὑμνούντων καὶ τεθηπότων καὶ ὑπεπτηχότων, αὐτίκα μάλα εἴσῃ πρὸς οἷόν τινα δαιμόνιον ἄνδρα ἥκεις. προσδοκήσῃς δὲ μηδὲν τοιοῦτον ὄψεσθαι οἷον τῷδε ἢ τῷδε παραβαλεῖν, ἀλλʼ εἴ τις ἢ Τιτυὸς ἢ Ὦτος ἢ Ἐφιάλτης, ὑπὲρ ἐκείνους πολὺ φανεῖταί σοι τὸ πρᾶγμα ὑπερφυὲς καὶ τεράστιον· ἐπεὶ τούς γε ἄλλους τοσοῦτον ὑπερφωνοῦντα εὑρήσεις ὁπόσον ἡ σάλπιγξ τοὺς αὐλοὺς καὶ οἱ τέττιγες τὰς μελίττας καὶ οἱ χοροὶ τοὺς ἐνδιδόντας.

[¶13] 14. “As you yourself wish to become a speaker, and cannot learn this with greater ease from anyone else, just attend, dear lad, to all that I shall say, copy me in everything, and always keep, I beg you, the rules which I shall bid you to follow. ‘In fact, you may press on at once; you need not feel any hesitation or dismay because you have not gone through all the rites of initiation preliminary to Rhetoric, through which the usual course of elementary instruction guides the steps of the senseless and silly at the cost of great weariness. You will not require them at all. No, go straight in, as the proverb says, with unwashen feet, and you will not fare any the worse for that, even if you are quite in the prevailing fashion and do not know how to write. Orators are beyond all that!

> Greek: 14. ἐπεὶ δὲ καὶ ῥήτωρ αὐτὸς ἐθέλεις γενέσθαι καὶ τοῦτο οὐκ ἂν παρʼ ἄλλου ῥᾷον μάθοις, ἕπου μόνον, ὦ μέλημα, οἷς ἂν εἴπω καὶ ζήλου πάντα, καὶ τοὺς νόμους οἷς ἂν ἐπιτάξω χρῆσθαι ἀκριβῶς μοι παραφύλαττε. μᾶλλον δὲ ἤδη προχώρει μηδὲν ὀκνήσας μηδὲ πτοηθείς, εἰ μὴ προετελέσθης ἐκεῖνα τὰ πρὸ τῆς ῥητορικῆς, ὁπόσα ἡ ἄλλη προπαιδεία τοῖς ἀνοήτοις καὶ ματαίοις μετὰ πολλοῦ καμάτου ὁδοποιεῖ· οὐδὲν γὰρ αὐτῶν δεήσει. ἀλλʼ ἀνίπτοις ποσίν — ἡ παροιμία φησίν — ἔμβαινε, οὐ μεῖον ἕξων διὰ τοῦτο, οὐδʼ ἄν, τὸ κοινότατον, μηδὲ γράφειν τὰ γράμματα εἰδῇς· ἄλλο γάρ τι παρὰ ταῦτα ὁ ῥήτωρ.

[¶14] 15. “I shall first tell you what equipment you must yourself bring with you from home for the journey, and how you must provision yourself so that you can finish it soonest. Then giving you my personal instruction along the road, partly by example set for you while you proceed, and partly by precept, before sunset I shall make you a public speaker, superior to them all, just like myself—indubitably first, midmost and last of all who undertake to make speeches. “Bring with you, then, as the principal thing, ignorance; secondly, recklessness, and thereto effrontery and shamelessness. Modesty, respectability, selfrestraint, and blushes may be left at home, for they are useless and somewhat of a hindrance to the matter in hand. But you need also a very loud voice, a shameless singing delivery, and a gait like mine. They are essential indeed, and sometimes sufficient in themselves. Let your clothing be gaily-coloured, or else white, a fabric of Tarentine manufacture, so that your body will show through; and wear either high Attic sandals of the kind that women wear, with many slits, or else Sicyonian boots, trimmed with strips of white felt. Have also many attendants, and always a book in hand.

> Greek: 15. λέξω δὲ πρῶτον μὲν ὁπόσα χρὴ αὐτόν σε οἴκοθεν ἔχοντα ἥκειν ἐφόδια πρὸς τὴν πορείαν καὶ ὅπως ἐπισιτίσασθαι, ὡς ἂν τάχιστα διανύσαι δυνηθείης. ἔπειτα καὐτὸς ἃ μὲν προϊόντι ἐπιδεικνὺς κατὰ τὴν ὁδόν, ἃ δὲ καὶ παραινῶν, πρὶν ἥλιον δῦναι ῥήτορά σε ὑπὲρ τοὺς πάντας ἀποφανῶ, οἷος αὐτός εἰμι, ἀναμφιλέκτως τὰ πρῶτα καὶ μέσα καὶ τελευταῖα τῶν λέγειν ἐπιχειρούντων. κόμιζε τοίνυν τὸ μέγιστον μὲν τὴν ἀμαθίαν, εἶτα θράσος, ἐπὶ τούτοις δὲ τόλμαν καὶ ἀναισχυντίαν. αἰδῶ δὲ ἢ ἐπιείκειαν ἢ μετριότητα ἢ ἐρύθημα οἴκοι ἀπόλιπε· ἀχρεῖα γὰρ καὶ ὑπεναντία τῷ πράγματι. ἀλλὰ καὶ βοὴν ὅτι μεγίστην καὶ μέλος ἀναίσχυντον καὶ βάδισμα οἷον τὸ ἐμόν. ταῦτα δὲ ἀναγκαῖα πάνυ καὶ μόνα ἔστιν ὅτε ἱκανά. καὶ ἡ ἐσθὴς δὲ ἔστω εὐανθὴς ἢ λευκή, ἔργον τῆς Ταραντίνης ἐργασίας, ὡς διαφαίνεσθαι τὸ σῶμα, καὶ ἢ κρηπὶς Ἀττικὴ γυναικεία, τὸ πολυσχιδές, ἢ ἐμβὰς Σικυωνία πίλοις τοῖς λευκοῖς ἐπιπρέπουσα, καὶ ἀκόλουθοι πολλοὶ καὶ βιβλίον ἀεί. ταῦτα μὲν αὐτὸν χρὴ συντελεῖν· τὰ δʼ ἄλλα καθʼ ὁδὸν ἤδη προϊὼν ὅρα καὶ ἄκουε.

[¶15] 16. “That is what you must contribute yourself. The rest you may now see and hear by the way, as you go forward. And next I shall tell you the rules that you must follow in order that Rhetoric may recognize and welcome you, and not turn you her back and bid you go to, as if you were an outsider prying into her privacies. First of all, you must pay especial attention to outward appearance, and to the graceful set of your cloak. Then cull from some source or other fifteen, or anyhow not more than twenty, Attic words, drill yourself carefully in them, and have them ready at the tip of your tongue —‘sundry,’ ‘eftsoons,’ ‘prithee,’ ‘in some wise,’ ‘fair sir, and the like. Whenever you speak, sprinkle in some of them as a relish. Never mind if the rest is inconsistent with them, unrelated, and discordant. Only let your purple stripe be handsome and bright, even if your cloak is but a blanket of the thickest sort.

> Greek: 16. καὶ δή σοι τοὺς νόμους δίειμι, οἷς χρώμενόν σε ἡ Ῥητορικὴ γνωριεῖ καὶ προσήσεται, οὐδὲ ἀποστραφήσεται καὶ σκορακιεῖ καθάπερ ἀτέλεστόν τινα καὶ κατάσκοπον τῶν ἀπορρήτων. σχήματος μὲν τὸ πρῶτον ἐπιμεληθῆναι χρὴ μάλιστα καὶ εὐμόρφου τῆς ἀναβολῆς, ἔπειτα πεντεκαίδεκα ἢ οὐ πλείω γε τῶν εἴκοσιν Ἀττικὰ ὀνόματα ἐκλέξας ποθὲν ἀκριβῶς ἐκμελετήσας, πρόχειρα ἐπʼ ἄκρας τῆς γλώττης ἔχε — τὸ ἄττα καὶ κᾆτα καὶ μῶν καὶ ἀμηγέπη καὶ λῷστε καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα, — καὶ ἐν ἅπαντι λόγῳ καθάπερ τι ἥδυσμα ἐπίπαττε αὐτῶν. μελέτω δὲ μηδὲν τῶν ἄλλων, εἰ ἀνόμοια τούτοις καὶ ἀσύμφυλα καὶ ἀπῳδά. ἡ πορφύρα μόνον ἔστω καλὴ καὶ εὐανθής, κἂν σισύρα τῶν παχειῶν τὸ ἱμάτιον ᾖ.

[¶16] 17. Hunt up obscure, unfamiliar words, rarely used by the ancients, and have a heap of these in readiness to launch at your audience. The many-headed crowd will look up to you and think you amazing, and far beyond themselves in education, if you call rubbing down ‘destrigillation,’ taking a sun-bath ‘insolation,’ advance payments ‘hansel,’ and daybreak ‘crepuscule.” Sometimes you must yourself make new monstrosities of words and prescribe that an able writer be called fine-dictioned, an intelligent man sage-minded, and a dancer handiwise.. If you commit a solecism or a barbarism, let shamelessness be your sole and only remedy, and be ready at once with the name of someone who is not now alive and never was, either a poet or a historian, saying that he, a learned man, extremely precise in his diction, approved the expression. As for reading the classics, don’t you do it—either that twaddling Isocrates or that uncouth Demosthenes or that tiresome Plato. No, read the speeches of the men who lived only a little before our own time, and these pieces that they call ‘exercises,’ in order to secure from them a supply of provisions which you can use up as occasion arises, drawing, as it were, on the buttery.

> Greek: 17. μέτει δὲ ἀπόρρητα καὶ ξένα ῥήματα, σπανιάκις ὑπὸ τῶν πάλαι εἰρημένα, καὶ ταῦτα συμφορήσας ἀποτόξευε προχειριζόμενος εἰς τοὺς προσομιλοῦντας. οὕτω γάρ σε ὁ λεὼς ὁ πολὺς ἀποβλέψονται καὶ θαυμαστὸν ὑπολήψονται καὶ τὴν παιδείαν ὑπὲρ αὐτούς, εἰ ἀποστλεγγίσασθαι τὸ ἀποξύσασθαι λέγοις, τὸ δὲ ἡλίῳ θέρεσθαι εἱληθερεῖσθαι, τὸν ἀρραβῶνα δὲ προνόμιον, τὸν ὄρθρον δὲ ἀκροκνεφές. ἐνίοτε δὲ καὶ αὐτὸς ποίει καινὰ καὶ ἀλλόκοτα ὀνόματα καὶ νομοθέτει τὸν μὲν ἑρμηνεῦσαι δεινὸν εὔλεξιν καλεῖν, τὸν συνετὸν σοφόνουν, τὸν ὀρχηστὴν δὲ χειρίσοφον. ἂν σολοικίσῃς δὲ ἢ βαρβαρίσῃς, ἓν ἔστω φάρμακον ἡ ἀναισχυντία, καὶ πρόχειρον εὐθὺς ὄνομα οὔτε ὄντος τινὸς οὔτε γενομένου ποτέ, ἢ ποιητοῦ ἢ συγγραφέως, ὃς οὕτω λέγειν ἐδοκίμαζε σοφὸς ἀνὴρ καὶ τὴν φωνὴν εἰς τὸ ἀκρότατον ἀπηκριβωμένος. ἀλλὰ καὶ ἀναγίγνωσκε τὰ παλαιὰ μὲν μὴ σύ γε, μηδὲ εἴ τι ὁ λῆρος Ἰσοκράτης ἢ ὁ χαρίτων ἄμοιρος Δημοσθένης ἢ ὁ ψυχρὸς Πλάτων, ἀλλὰ τοὺς τῶν ὀλίγον πρὸ ἡμῶν λόγους καὶ ἅς φασι ταύτας μελέτας, ὡς ἔχῃς ἀπʼ ἐκείνων ἐπισιτισάμενος ἐν καιρῷ καταχρῆσθαι καθάπερ ἐκ ταμιείου προαιρῶν.

[¶17] 18. “When you really must speak, and those present suggest themes and texts for your discussion, carp at all the hard ones and make light of them as not fit, any one of them, fora real man. But when they have made their selection, unhesitatingly say ‘whatever comes to the tip of your unlucky tongue.’ Take no pains at all that the first thing, just because it really is first, shall be said at the appropriate time, and the second directly after it, and the third after that, but say first whatever occurs to you first; and if it so happens, don’t hesitate to buckle your leggings on your head and your helmet on your leg.* But do make haste and keep it going, and only don’t stop talking. If you are speaking of a case of assault or adultery at Athens, mention instances in India or Ecbatana. Cap everything with references to Marathon and Cynegeirus, without which you cannot succeed at all. Unendingly let Athos be crossed in ships and the Hellespont afoot; let the sun be shadowed by the arrows of the Medes, and Xerxes flee the field and Leonidas receive admiration; let the inscription of Othryades be deciphered, and let allusions to Salamis, Artemisium, and Plataea come thick and fast. Over everything let those few words of yours run riot and bloom, and let ‘sundry’ and ‘forsooth’ be incessant, even if there is no need of them; for they are ornamental even when uttered at random.

> Greek: 18. ἐπειδὰν δὲ καὶ δέῃ λέγειν καὶ οἱ παρόντες ὑποβάλωσί τινας ὑποθέσεις καὶ ἀφορμὰς τῶν λόγων, ἅπαντα μὲν ὁπόσα ἂν ᾖ δυσχερῆ, ψεγέσθω καὶ ἐκφαυλιζέσθω ὡς οὐδὲν ὅλως ἀνδρῶδες αὐτῶν. ἑλομένων δέ, μὴ μελλήσας λέγε ὅττι κεν ἐπʼ ἀκαιρίμαν γλῶτταν ἔλθῃ, μηδὲν ἐκείνων ἐπιμεληθείς, ὡς τὸ πρῶτον, ὥσπερ οὖν καὶ ἔστι πρῶτον, ἐρεῖς ἐν καιρῷ προσήκοντι καὶ τὸ δεύτερον μετὰ τοῦτο καὶ τὸ τρίτον μετʼ ἐκεῖνο, ἀλλὰ τὸ πρῶτον ἐμπεσὸν πρῶτον λεγέσθω, καὶ ἢν οὕτω τύχῃ, περὶ τῷ μετώπῳ μὲν ἡ κνημίς, περὶ τῇ κνήμῃ δὲ ἡ κόρυς. πλὴν ἀλλʼ ἔπειγε καὶ σύνειρε καὶ μὴ σιώπα μόνον. κἂν περὶ ὑβριστοῦ τινος ἢ μοιχοῦ λέγῃς Ἀθήνησι, τὰ ἐν Ἰνδοῖς καὶ Ἐκβατάνοις λεγέσθω. ἐπὶ πᾶσι δὲ ὁ Μαραθὼν καὶ ὁ Κυνέγειρος, ὧν οὐκ ἄν τι ἄνευ γένοιτο. καὶ ἀεὶ ὁ Ἄθως πλείσθω καὶ ὁ Ἑλλήσποντος πεζευέσθω καὶ ὁ ἥλιος ὑπὸ τῶν Μηδικῶν βελῶν σκεπέσθω καὶ Ξέρξης φευγέτω καὶ Λεωνίδας θαυμαζέσθω καὶ τὰ Ὀθρυάδου γράμματα ἀναγιγνωσκέσθω, καὶ ἡ Σαλαμὶς καὶ τὸ Ἀρτεμίσιον καὶ αἱ Πλαταιαὶ πολλὰ ταῦτα καὶ πυκνά. καὶ ἐπὶ πᾶσι τὰ ὀλίγα ἐκεῖνα ὀνόματα ἐπιπολαζέτω καὶ ἐπανθείτω, καὶ συνεχὲς τὸ ἄττα καὶ τὸ δήπουθεν, κἂν μηδὲν αὐτῶν δέῃ· καλὰ γάρ ἐστι καὶ εἰκῆ λεγόμενα.

[¶18] 19. “If ever it seems an opportune time to intone, intone everything and turn it into song. And if ever you are at a loss for matter to intone, say ‘Gentlemen of the jury’ in the proper tempo and consider the music of your sentence complete. Cry ‘Woe is me!’ frequently; slap your thigh, bawl, clear your throat while you are speaking, and stride about swaying your hips. If they do not cry ‘Hear!’ be indignant and upbraid them; and if they stand up, ready to go out in disgust, command them to sit down: in short, carry the thing with a high hand.

> Greek: 19. ἢν δέ ποτε καὶ ᾆσαι καιρὸς εἶναι δοκῇ, πάντα σοι ᾀδέσθω καὶ μέλος γιγνέσθω. κἄν ποτε ἀπορήσῃς πράγματος ᾠδικοῦ, τοὺς ἄνδρας τοὺς δικαστὰς ὀνομάσας ἐμμελῶς πεπληρωκέναι οἴου τὴν ἁρμονίαν. τὸ δὲ οἴμοι τῶν κακῶν πολλάκις, καὶ ὁ μηρὸς πατασσέσθω, καὶ λαρύγγιζε καὶ ἐπιχρέμπτου τοῖς λεγομένοις καὶ βάδιζε μεταφέρων τὴν πυγήν. καὶ ἢν μέν σε μὴ ἐπαινῶσιν, ἀγανάκτει καὶ λοιδοροῦ αὐτοῖς· ἢν δὲ ὀρθοὶ ἑστήκωσιν ὑπὸ τῆς αἰσχύνης ἤδη πρὸς τὴν ἔξοδον ἕτοιμοι, καθέζεσθαι κέλευε, καὶ ὅλως τυραννὶς τὸ πρᾶγμα ἔστω.

[¶19] 20. “That they may marvel at the fulness of your speeches, begin with the story of Troy, or even with the marriage of Deucalion and Pyrrha, if you like, and bring your account gradually down to date. Few will see through you, and they, as a rule, will hold their tongues out of good nature; if, however, they do make any comment, it will be thought that they are doing it out of spite. The rank and file are already struck dumb with admiration of your appearance, your diction, your gait, your pacing back and forth, your intoning, your sandals, and that ‘sundry’ of yours; and when they see your sweat and your labouring breath they cannot fail to believe that you are a terrible opponent in debates. Besides, your extemporary readiness goes a long way with the crowd to absolve your mistakes and procure you admiration; so see to it that you never write anything out or appear in public with a prepared speech, for that is sure to show you up.

> Greek: 20. ὅπως δὲ καὶ τὸ πλῆθος τῶν λόγων θαυμάζωσιν, ἀπὸ τῶν Ἰλιακῶν ἀρξάμενος ἢ καὶ νὴ Δία ἀπὸ τῶν Δευκαλίωνος καὶ Πύρρας γάμων, ἢν δοκῇ, καταβίβαζε τὸν λόγον ἐπὶ τὰ νῦν καθεστῶτα. οἱ μὲν γὰρ συνιέντες ὀλίγοι, οἳ μάλιστα μὲν σιωπήσονται ὑπʼ εὐγνωμοσύνης· ἢν δὲ καὶ λέγωσί τι, ὑπὸ φθόνου αὐτὸ δόξουσι δρᾶν. οἱ πολλοὶ δὲ τὸ σχῆμα καὶ φωνὴν καὶ βάδισμα καὶ περίπατον καὶ μέλος καὶ κρηπῖδα καὶ τὸ ἄττα σου ἐκεῖνο τεθήπασι, καὶ τὸν ἱδρῶτα ὁρῶντες καὶ τὸ ἆσθμα οὐκ ἔχουσιν ὅπως ἀπιστήσουσι μὴ οὐχὶ πάνδεινόν τινα ἐν τοῖς λόγοις ἀγωνιστὴν εἶναί σε. ἄλλως τε καὶ τὸ ταχὺ τοῦτο οὐ μικρὰν ἔχει τὴν ἀπολογίαν καὶ θαῦμα παρὰ τοῖς πολλοῖς· ὥστε ὅρα μή ποτε γράψῃς ἢ σκεψάμενος παρέλθῃς, ἔλεγχος γὰρ σαφὴς ταῦτά γε.

[¶20] 21. “Let your friends spring to their feet constantly and pay you for their dinners by lending you a hand whenever they perceive that you are about to fall down, and giving you a chance to find what to say next in the intervals afforded by their applause. Of course you must make it your business to have a well-attuned chorus of your own. “There you have what concerns the speaking. Afterwards let them dance attendance upon you as you go away with your head swathed in your mantle, reviewing what you have said. And if any one accosts you, make marvellous assertions about yourself, be extravagant in your self-praise, and make yourself a nuisance to him. ‘What was Demosthenes beside me?’ ‘Perhaps one of the ancients is in the running with me!’ and that sort of thing.

> Greek: 21. οἱ φίλοι δὲ ἀναπηδάτωσαν ἀεὶ καὶ μισθὸν τῶν δείπνων ἀποτινέτωσαν, εἴ ποτε αἴσθοιντό σε καταπεσούμενον, χεῖρα ὀρέγοντες καὶ παρέχοντες εὑρεῖν τὸ λεχθησόμενον ἐν τοῖς μεταξὺ τῶν ἐπαίνων διαλείμμασι· καὶ γὰρ αὖ καὶ τοῦδε μελέτω σοι τὸν χορὸν ἔχειν οἰκεῖον καὶ συνᾴδοντα. ταῦτα μέν σοι τὰ ἐν τοῖς λόγοις. μετὰ ταῦτα δὲ προϊόντα σε δορυφορείτωσαν ἐγκεκαλυμμένον αὐτὸν καὶ περὶ ὧν ἔφης μεταξὺ διαλαμβάνοντα. καὶ ἤν τις ἐντύχῃ, θαυμάσια περὶ σαυτοῦ λέγε καὶ ὑπερεπαίνει καὶ ἐπαχθὴς γίγνου αὐτῷ. τί γὰρ ὁ Παιανιεὺς πρὸς ἐμὲ; καί, πρὸς ἕνα ἴσως μοι τῶν παλαιῶν ὁ ἀγών καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα.

[¶21] 22. “I almost omitted the thing that is most important and most needful for maintaining your reputation. Laugh at all the speakers. If anyone makes a fine speech, let it appear that he is parading something that belongs to someone else and is not his own; and if he is mildly criticized, let everything that he says be objectionable. At public lectures, go in after everybody else, for that makes you conspicuous; and when everybody is silent, let fall an uncouth expression of praise which will draw the attention of the company and so annoy them that they will all be disgusted at the vulgarity of your language and will stop their ears. Do not make frequent gestures of assent, for that is common, and do not rise, except once or at most twice. As a rule, smile faintly, and make it evident that you are not satisfied with what is being said. There are plenty of opportunities for criticism if one has captious ears. “For the rest, you need have no fear. Effrontery and shamelessness, a prompt lie, with an oath to confirm it always on the edge of your lips, jealousy and hatred of everyone, abuse and plausible slanders —all this will make you famous and distinguished in an instant.

> Greek: 22. ὃ δὲ μέγιστον καὶ πρὸς τὸ εὐδοκιμεῖν ἀναγκαιότατον ὀλίγου δεῖν παρέλιπον, ἁπάντων καταγέλα τῶν λεγόντων. καὶ ἢν μέν τις καλῶς εἴπῃ, ἀλλότρια καὶ οὐχ ἑαυτοῦ δεικνύειν δοκείτω· ἢν δὲ μετρίως ἐλεγχθῇ, πάντα ἔστω ἐπιλήψιμα. καὶ ἐν ταῖς ἀκροάσεσι μετὰ πάντας εἰσιέναι χρή, ἐπίσημον γάρ· καὶ σιωπησάντων ἁπάντων ξένον τινὰ ἔπαινον ἐπειπεῖν τὰς ἀκοὰς τῶν παρόντων ἐπιστρέψοντα καὶ ἐνοχλήσοντα, ὡς ναυτιᾶν ἅπαντας ἐπὶ τῷ φορτικῷ τῶν ὀνομάτων καὶ ἐπιφράττεσθαι τὰ ὦτα. καὶ ἐπισείσῃς δὲ μὴ πολλάκις τὴν χεῖρα, εὐτελὲς γάρ, μηδʼ ἀναστῇς, πλὴν ἅπαξ γε ἢ δὶς τὸ πλεῖστον. ὑπομειδία δὲ τὰ πολλὰ καὶ δῆλος γίγνου μὴ ἀρεσκόμενος τοῖς λεγομένοις. ἀμφιλαφεῖς δὲ αἱ ἀφορμαὶ τῶν μέμψεων τοῖς συκοφαντικοῖς τὰ ὦτα. τὰ δ’ ἄλλα χρὴ θαρρεῖν· ἡ τόλμα γὰρ καὶ ἡ ἀναισχυντία καὶ ψεῦδος πρόχειρον καὶ ὅρκος ἐπʼ ἄκροις ἀεὶ τοῖς χείλεσι καὶ φθόνος πρὸς ἅπαντας καὶ μῖσος καὶ βλασφημία καὶ διαβολαὶ πιθαναί — ταῦτά σε ἀοίδιμον ἐν βραχεῖ καὶ περίβλεπτον ἀποφανεῖ.

[¶22] 23. “So much for your life in public and in the open. In your private life, be resolved to do anything and everything—to dice, to drink deep, to live high and to keep mistresses, or at all events to boast of it even if you do not do it, telling everyone about it and showing notes that purport to be written by women. You must aim to be elegant, you know, and take pains to create the impression that women are devoted to you. This also will be set down to the credit of your rhetoric by the public, who will infer from it that your fame extends even to the women’s quarters. And I say—do not be ashamed to have the name of being an effeminate, even if you are bearded or actually bald. There should be some who hang about you on that account, but if there are none, your slaves will answer. This helps your rhetoric in many ways; it increases your shameless- ness and effrontery. You observe that women are more talkative, and that in calling names they are extravagant and outstrip men. Well, if you imitate them you will excel your rivals even there. Of course you must use depilatories, preferably all over, but if not, at least where most necessary. And let your mouth be open for everything indifferently; let your tongue serve you not only in your speeches, but in any other way it can. And it can not only solecize and barbarize, not only twaddle and forswear, call names and slander and lie—it can perform other services even at night, especially if your love affairs are too numerous. Yes, that must know everything, be lively, and balk at nothing.

> Greek: 23. τοιαῦτα μὲν τὰ φανερὰ καὶ τὰ ἔξω. ἰδίᾳ δὲ πάντα πράγματα ποιεῖν σοι δεδόχθω, κυβεύειν μεθύσκεσθαι λαγνεύειν μοιχεύειν, ἢ αὐχεῖν γε, κἂν μὴ ποιῇς, καὶ πρὸς ἅπαντας λέγειν καὶ γραμματεῖα ὑποδεικνύναι ὑπὸ γυναικῶν δῆθεν γραφέντα. καλὸς γὰρ εἶναι θέλε καὶ σοὶ μελέτω ὑπὸ τῶν γυναικῶν σπουδάζεσθαι δοκεῖν· εἰς τὴν ῥητορικὴν γὰρ καὶ τοῦτο ἀνοίσουσιν οἱ πολλοί, ὡς διὰ τοῦτό σου καὶ ἄχρι τῆς γυναικωνίτιδος εὐδοκιμοῦντος. καὶ τὸ δεῖνα δέ, μὴ αἰδεσθῇς, εἰ καὶ πρὸς ἀνδρῶν ἐπὶ τῷ ἑτέρῳ ἐρᾶσθαι δοκοίης, καὶ ταῦτα γενειήτης ἢ καὶ νὴ Δία φαλακρὸς ἤδη ὤν. ἀλλʼ ἔστωσαν οἱ καὶ ἐπὶ τούτῳ συνόντες· ἢν δὲ μὴ ὦσιν, οἰκέται ἱκανοί. πολλὰ γὰρ καὶ ἐκ τοῦ τοιούτου πρὸς τὴν ῥητορικὴν χρήσιμα παραγίγνεται· πλείων ἡ ἀναισχυντία καὶ θράσος. ὁρᾷς ὡς λαλίστεραι αἱ γυναῖκες καὶ λοιδοροῦνται περιττῶς καὶ ὑπὲρ τοὺς ἄνδρας; εἰ δὴ τὰ ὅμοια πάσχοις, καὶ ταῦτα διοίσεις τῶν ἄλλων. καὶ μὴν καὶ πιττοῦσθαι χρή, μάλιστα μὲν τὰ πάντα, εἰ δὲ μή, πάντως ἐκεῖνα. καὶ αὐτὸ δέ σοι τὸ στόμα πρὸς ἅπαντα ὁμοίως κεχηνέτω, καὶ ἡ γλῶττα ὑπηρετείτω καὶ πρὸς τοὺς λόγους καὶ πρὸς τὰ ἄλλα ὁπόσα ἂν δύνηται. δύναται δὲ οὐ σολοικίζειν μόνον καὶ βαρβαρίζειν οὐδὲ ληρεῖν ἢ ἐπιορκεῖν ἢ λοιδορεῖσθαι ἢ διαβάλλειν καὶ ψεύδεσθαι, ἀλλὰ καὶ νύκτωρ τι ἄλλο ὑποτελεῖν, καὶ μάλιστα ἢν πρὸς οὕτω πολλοὺς τοὺς ἔρωτας μὴ διαρκέσῃς. πάντα αὐτή γε ἐπιστάσθω καὶ γονιμωτέρα γιγνέσθω καὶ μηδὲν ἀποστρεφέσθω.

[¶23] 24. “If you thoroughly learn all this, my lad—and you can, for there is nothing difficult about it—I promise you confidently that right soon you will turn out an excellent speaker, just like myself. And there is no need for me to tell you what will follow—all the blessings that will instantly accrue to you from Rhetoric. You see my own case. My father was an insignificant fellow without even a clear title to his freedom, who had been a slave above Xois and Thmuis, and my mother was a seamstress in the slums. For myself, as my personal attractions were considered not wholly contemptible, at first I lived with an ill-conditioned, stingy admirer just for my keep. But then I detected the easi- ness of this road, galloped over it, and reached the summit; for I possessed (by thy grace, Fortune!) all that equipment which I have already mentioned— recklessness, ignorance, and shamelessness. And now, in the first place, my name is no longer Potheinus, but I have become a namesake of the sons of Zeus and Leda. Moreover, I went to live with an old woman and for a time got my victuals from her by pretending to love a hag of seventy with only four teeth still left, and those four fastened in with gold! However, on account of my poverty I managed to endure the ordeal, and hunger made even those frigid, graveyard kisses exceedingly sweet to me. Then I very nearly became heir to all her property, if only a plaguy slave had not blabbed that I had bought poison for her.

> Greek: 24. ἢν ταῦτα, ὦ παῖ, καλῶς ἐκμάθῃς — δύνασαι δέ· οὐδὲν γὰρ ἐν αὐτοῖς βαρύ—θαρρῶν ἐπαγγέλλομαι οὐκ εἰς μακράν σε ἄριστον ῥήτορα καὶ ἡμῖν ὅμοιον ἀποτελεσθήσεσθαι. τὸ μετὰ τοῦτο δὲ οὐκ ἐμὲ χρὴ λέγειν, ὅσα ἐν βραχεῖ παρέσται σοι τὰ ἀγαθὰ παρὰ τῆς Ῥητορικῆς. ὁρᾷς ἐμέ, ὃς πατρὸς μὲν ἀφανοῦς καὶ οὐδὲ καθαρῶς ἐλευθέρου ἐγενόμην ὑπὲρ Ξόϊν καὶ Θμοῦιν δεδουλευκότος, μητρὸς δὲ ἀκεστρίας ἐπʼ ἀμφοδίου τινός. αὐτὸς δὲ τὴν ὥραν οὐ παντάπασιν ἀδόκιμος εἶναι δόξας τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἐπὶ ψιλῷ τῷ τρέφεσθαι συνῆν τινι κακοδαίμονι καὶ γλίσχρῳ ἐραστῇ. ἐπεὶ δὲ τὴν ὁδὸν ταύτην ῥᾴστην οὖσαν κατεῖδον καὶ διεκπαίσας ἐπὶ τῷ ἄκρῳ ἐγενόμην — ὑπῆρχε γάρ μοι, ὦ φίλη Ἀδράστεια, πάντα ἐκεῖνα ἃ προεῖπον ἐφόδια, τὸ θράσος, ἡ ἀμαθία, ἡ ἀναισχυντία — πρῶτον μὲν οὐκέτι Ποθεινὸς ὀνομάζομαι, ἀλλʼ ἤδη τοῖς Διὸς καὶ Λήδας παισὶν ὁμώνυμος γεγένημαι. ἔπειτα δὲ γραῒ συνοικήσας τὸ πρῶτον μὲν ἐγαστριζόμην πρὸς αὐτῆς ἐρᾶν προσποιούμενος γυναικὸς ἑβδομηκοντούτιδος τέτταρας ἔτι λοιποὺς ὀδόντας ἐχούσης, χρυσίῳ καὶ τούτους ἐνδεδεμένους. πλὴν ἀλλά γε διὰ τὴν πενίαν ὑφιστάμην τὸν ἆθλον καὶ τὰ ψυχρὰ ἐκεῖνα τὰ ἐκ τῆς σοροῦ φιλήματα ὑπερήδιστά μοι ἐποίει ὁ λιμός. εἶτα ὀλίγου δεῖν κληρονόμος ὧν εἶχεν ἁπάντων κατέστην, εἰ μὴ κατάρατός τις οἰκέτης ἐμήνυσεν ὡς φάρμακον εἴην ἐπʼ αὐτὴν ἐωνημένος.

[¶24] 25. I was bundled out neck and crop, yet even then I was not at a loss for the necessaries of life. No, I enjoy the name of a speaker, and prove myself such in the courts, generally playing false to my clients, although I promise the poor fools to deliver their juries to them. To be sure I am generally unsuccessful, but the palm-leaves at my door are green and twined with fillets, for I use them as bait for my victims. But even to be detested by everyone, to be notorious for the badness of my character and the still greater badness of my speeches, to be pointed out with the finger—‘There he is, the man who, they say, is foremost in all iniquity!’—seems to me no slight achievement. “This is the advice which I bestow upon you. By Our Lady of the Stews, I bestowed it upon myself long ago, and am deeply grateful to myself for it.”

> Greek: 25. ἐξωσθεὶς δὲ ἐπὶ κεφαλὴν ὅμως οὐδὲ τότε ἠπόρησα τῶν ἀναγκαίων, ἀλλὰ καὶ ῥήτωρ δοκῶ κἀν ταῖς δίκαις ἐξετάζομαι προδιδοὺς τὰ πολλὰ καὶ τοὺς δικαστὰς τοῖς ἀνοήτοις καθυπισχνούμενος, καὶ ἡττῶμαι μὲν τὰ πλεῖστα, οἱ φοίνικες δὲ ἐπὶ τῇ θύρᾳ χλωροὶ καὶ ἐστεφανωμένοι· τούτοις γὰρ ἐπὶ τοὺς δυστυχεῖς χρῶμαι τοῖς δελέασιν. ἀλλὰ καὶ τὸ μισεῖσθαι πρὸς ἁπάντων καὶ ἐπίσημον εἶναί με ἐπὶ τῇ μοχθηρίᾳ τοῦ τρόπου καὶ πολὺ πρότερον τῶν λόγων καὶ τὸ δείκνυσθαι τῷ δακτύλῳ τοῦτον ἐκεῖνον τὸν ἀκρότατον ἐν πάσῃ κακίᾳ λεγόμενον, οὐ μικρὸν εἶναι ἐμοί γε δοκεῖ. Ταῦτά σοι παραινῶ, νὴ τὴν πάνδημον, πολὺ πρότερον ἐμαυτῷ παραινέσας καὶ χάριν ἐμαυτῷ οὐ μικρὰν ἐπιστάμενος.

[¶25] 26. Well, the gentleman will end his remarks with that, and then it is up to you. If you heed what he has said, you may consider that even now you are where in the beginning you yearned to be; and nothing can hinder you, as long as you follow his rules, from holding the mastery in the courts, enjoying high favour with the public, being attractive, and marrying, not an old woman out of a comedy, as did your law-giver and tutor, but Rhetoric, fairest of brides. Consequently, Plato’s famous phrase about driving full-tilt in a winged car can be applied by you to yourself with a better grace than by him to Zeus! As for me, I am spiritless and fainthearted, so I will get out of the road for you, and stop trifling with Rhetoric, being unable to recommend myself to her by qualifications like those of yourself and your friend. Indeed, I have stopped already; so get the herald to proclaim an uncontested victory and take your tribute of admiration, remembering only this, that it is not by your speed that you have defeated us, through proving yourself more swift of foot than we, but because you took the road that was easy and downhill.

> Greek: 26. Εἶεν· ὁ μὲν γεννάδας εἰπὼν ταῦτα πεπαύσεται· σὺ δὲ ἢν πεισθῇς τοῖς εἰρημένοις, καὶ δὴ παρεῖναι νόμιζε οἷπερ ἐξ ἀρχῆς ἐπόθεις ἐλθεῖν, καὶ οὐδέν σε κωλύσει ἑπόμενον τοῖς νόμοις ἔν τε τοῖς δικαστηρίοις κρατεῖν καὶ ἐν τοῖς πλήθεσιν εὐδοκιμεῖν καὶ ἐπέραστον εἶναι καὶ γαμεῖν οὐ γραῦν τινα τῶν κωμικῶν, καθάπερ ὁ νομοθέτης καὶ διδάσκαλος, ἀλλὰ καλλίστην γυναῖκα τὴν Ῥητορικήν, ὡς τὸ τοῦ Πλάτωνος ἐκεῖνο πτηνὸν ἅρμα ἐλαύνοντα φέρεσθαι σοὶ μᾶλλον πρέπειν περὶ σεαυτοῦ εἰπεῖν ἢ ἐκείνῳ περὶ τοῦ Διός· ἐγὼ δὲ — ἀγεννὴς γὰρ καὶ δειλός εἰμι — ἐκστήσομαι τῆς ὁδοῦ ὑμῖν καὶ παύσομαι τῇ Ῥητορικῇ ἐπιπολάζων, ἀσύμβολος ὢν πρὸς αὐτὴν τὰ ὑμέτερα· μᾶλλον δὲ ἤδη πέπαυμαι, ὥστε ἀκονιτὶ ἀνακηρύττεσθε καὶ θαυμάζεσθε, μόνον τοῦτο μεμνημένοι, ὅτι μὴ τῷ τάχει ἡμῶν κεκρατήκατε ὠκύτεροι φανέντες, ἀλλὰ τῷ ῥᾴστην καὶ πρανῆ τραπέσθαι τὴν ὁδόν.