1. DORCAS: We are ruined, mistress, ruined! Polemo has returned from the wars a rich man, they say. I’ve seen him myself wearing a purple-edged cloak all done up with a clasp, and a large retinue with him. When his friends saw him, they all flocked to him to welcome him. Meanwhile, I’d seen following behind him the servant who’d gone abroad with him and I questioned him. I greeted him first, and then said, “Tell me, Parmeno, how have you done? Have you brought back anything worth while for all that fighting?” PANNYCHIS: You shouldn’t have asked that right away, but said, “Thanks be to all the gods for your safe return, and thanks most of all to Zeus, Protector of the Stranger, and to Athene, Goddess of War. My mistress was always asking what you were doing and where you were.” And it would have been a lot better if you’d added that she was always crying and talking of Polemo.
1. ΔΟΡΚΑΣ: Ἀπολώλαμεν, ὦ κεκτημένη, ἀπολώλαμεν, ὁ Πολέμων ἀπὸ στρατιᾶς ἀνέστρεψε πλουτῶν, ὥς φασιν· ἑώρακα δὲ κἀγὼ αὐτὸν ἐφεστρίδα περιπόρφυρον ἐμπεπορπημένον καὶ ἀκολούθους ἅμα πολλούς. καὶ οἱ φίλοι ὠς εἶδον, συνέθεον ἐπ' αὐτὸν ἀσπασόμενοι· ἐν τοσούτῳ δὲ τὸν θεράποντα ἰδοῦσα κατόπιν ἑπόμενον, ὃς συναποδεδημήκει μετ' αὐτοῦ, ἠρόμην καί, Εἰπέ μοι, ἔφην, ὦ Παρμένων, ἀσπασαμένη πρότερον αὐτόν, πῶς ἡμῖν ἐπράξατε καὶ εἴ τι ἄξιον τῶν πολέμων ἔχοντες ἐπανεληλύθατε. ΠΑΝΝΥΧΙΣ: Οὐκ ἔδει τοῦτο εὐθύς, ἀλλ’ ἐκεῖνα, ὅτι μὲν ἐσώθητε, πολλὴ χάρις τοῖς θεοῖς, καὶ μάλιστα τῷ ξενίῳ Διὶ καὶ Ἀθηνᾷ στρατίᾳ· ἡ δέσποινα δὲ ἐπυνθάνετο ἀεὶ τί πράττοιτε καὶ ἔνθα εἴητε. εἰ δὲ καὶ τοῦτο προσέθηκας, ὡς καὶ ἐδάκρυε καὶ ἀεὶ ἐμέμνητο Πολέμωνος, ἄμεινον ἦν παρὰ πολύ.
2. DORCAS: I did start with all those preliminaries, but I wouldn’t have mentioned them to you; I wanted to tell you what I’d heard. My first words to Parmeno were, “Well, Parmeno, were your ears burning? My mistress was always talking of you and weeping; particularly at times when someone had returned from battle and there were said to be a lot of fatal casualties, would she tear her hair, beat her breast, and grieve at every message.” PANNYCHIS: Well done, Dorcas! That was just right.
2. ΔΟΡΚΑΣ: Προεῖπον εὐθὺς ἐν ἀρχῇ ἅπαντα· πρὸς δὲ σὲ οὐκ ἂν εἶπον, ἀλλὰ ἃ ἤκουσα ἐβουλόμην εἰπεῖν. ἐπεὶ πρός γε Παρμένοντα οὕτως ἠρξάμην· Ἦ που, ὦ Παρμένων, ἐβόμβει τὰ ὦτα ὑμῖν; ἀεὶ γὰρ ἐμέμνητο ἡ κεκτημένη μετὰ δακρύων, καὶ μάλιστα εἴ τις ἐληλύθει ἐκ τῆς μάχης καὶ πολλοὶ τεθνάναι ἐλέγοντο, ἐσπάραττε τότε τὰς κόμας καὶ τὰ στέρνα ἐτύπτετο καὶ ἐπένθει πρὸς τὴν ἀγγελίαν ἑκάστην. ΠΑΝΝΥΧΙΣ: Εὖ γε, ὦ Δορκάς, οὕτως ἐχρῆν.
DORCAS: Then a little later I asked the questions I’ve told you of, and he told me they’d returned in style. PANNYCHIS: What! Nothing first from him either about Polemo talking about me or missing me or praying he’d find me alive on his return?
ΔΟΡΚΑΣ: Εἶτα ἑξῆς μετ' οὐ πολὺ ἠρόμην ἐκεῖνα. ὁ δέ, Πάνυ λαμπρῶς, φησίν, ἀνεστρέψαμεν. ΠΑΝΝΥΧΙΣ: Οὕτως κἀκεῖνος οὐδὲν προειπών, ὡς ἐμέμνητό μου ὁ Πολέμων ἢ ἐπόθει ἢ ηὔχετο ζῶσαν καταλαβεῖν;
DORCAS: He did indeed say a lot to that effect; but the main point was his news of great wealth, of gold, raiment, servants and ivory. He told me that the money they were bringing in silver wasn’t counted but measured by the bushel—and there were many bushels. Parmeno himself had on his little finger an enormous ring with many sides, which had set in it a jewel of three colours, the top layer being red. Well, I left him trying to tell me how they’d crossed the Halys, and killed someone called Tiridates, and how Polemo had distinguished himself in the battle with the Pisidians. I went running off to bring you this news, so that you can think what to do in the circumstances. If Polemo comes, as he certainly will, once he’s rid of his acquaintances, and starts asking questions, and finds Philostratus in the house with us, what do you think he’ll do?
ΔΟΡΚΑΣ: Καὶ μάλα πολλὰ τοιαῦτα ἔλεγε. τὸ δ’ οὖν κεφάλαιον ἐξήγγειλε πλοῦτον πολύν, χρυσόν, ἐσθῆτα, ἀκολούθους, ἐλέφαντα· τὸ μὲν γὰρ ἀργύριον μηδὲ ἀριθμῷ ἄγειν αὐτόν, ἀλλὰ μεδίμνῳ ἀπομεμετρημένον πολλοὺς μεδίμνους. εἶχε δὲ καὶ αὐτὸς Παρμένων δακτύλιον ἐν τῷ μικρῷ δακτύλῳ, μέγιστον, πολύγωνον, καὶ ψῆφος ἐνεβέβλητο τῶν τριχρώμων, ἐρυθρά τε ἦν ἐπιπολῆς. εἴασα δ’ οὖν αὐτὸν ἐθέλοντά μοι διηγεῖσθαι ὡς τὸν Ἅλυν διέβησαν καὶ ὡς ἀπέκτειναν Τιριδάταν τινὰ καὶ ὡς διέπρεψεν ὁ Πολέμων ἐν τῇ πρὸς Πισίδας μάχῃ· ἀπέδραμόν σοι ταῦτα προσαγγελοῦσα, ὡς περὶ τῶν παρόντων σκέψαιο. εἰ γὰρ ἐλθὼν ὁ Πολέμων —ἥξει γὰρ πάντως ἀποσεισάμενος τοὺς γνωρίμους—ἀναπυθόμενος εὕροι τὸν Φιλόστρατον ἔνδον παρ' ἡμῖν, τί οἴει ποιήσειν αὐτόν;
3. PANNYCHIS: We must find some escape from this situation. It wouldn’t be right for me to send Philostratus away, when he gave me a talent only the other day, and is, besides, a merchant, and promises me so much, nor yet would it be sensible for me to shut Polemo out, when he’s returned in such splendour. Besides, he’s so jealous, I could hardly put up with him even when he was poor. What do you think he’ll stop at now?DORCAS: He’s coming. PANNYCHIS: I’m faint and helpless with panic.
3. ΠΑΝΝΥΧΙΣ: Ἐξευρίσκωμεν, ὦ Δορκάς, ἐκ τῶν παρόντων σωτήριον· οὔτε γὰρ τοῦτον ἀποπέμψαι καλὸν τάλαντον ἔναγχος δεδωκότα καὶ τἆλλα ἔμπορον ὄντα καὶ πολλὰ ὑπισχνούμενον, οὕτε Πολέμωνα τοιοῦτον ἐπανήκοντα χρήσιμον μὴ παραδέχεσθαι· προσέτι γὰρ καὶ ζηλότυπός ἐστιν, ὃς καὶ πενόμενος ἔτι πολὺ ἀφόρητος ἦν· νῦν δὲ τί ἐκεῖνος οὐκ ἂν ποιήσειεν;ΔΟΡΚΑΣ: Ἀλλὰ καὶ προσέρχεται. ΠΑΝΝΥΧΙΣ: Ἐκλύομαι, ὦ Δορκάς, ἀπὸ τῆς ἀπορίας καὶ τρέμω.
DORCAS: Philostratus is coming too. PANNYCHIS: What’s to become of me? I wish the ground would swallow me up.
ΔΟΡΚΑΣ: Ἀλλὰ καὶ Φιλόστρατος προσέρχεται. ΠΑΝΝΥΧΙΣ: Τίς γένωμαι; πῶς ἄν με ἡ γῆ καταπίοι;
4. PHILOSTRATUS: Why don’t we have a drink, Pannychis? PANNYCHIS: You’ve ruined me, fellow. Good day to you, Polemo. It’s a long time since I’ve seen you. POLEMO: Who is this who’s being so familiar with you? Can’t you speak? Very well, Pannychis, go your own way. And here I’ve been rushing in haste from Thermopylae for five days, all for a woman like you! But it serves me right, though I’m grateful to think that henceforth I’ll be free from your plundering. PHILOSTRATUS: Who are you, my good man? POLEMO: Polemo of the Stirian deme and the Pandionic tribe, let me tell you. One who first was leader of a thousand, but now has five thousand shields following him, one who loved Pannychis, while I believed she was still content with mortal thoughts. PHILOSTRATUS: But now, my good freelance, you’ll find that Pannychis is mine. She’s had a talent from me, and shall have another presently, as soon as I’ve disposed of my cargo. Come with me now, Pannychis, and leave this fellow to be colonel among his Thracians. POLEMO: She’s a free woman, and will go with you only if she wishes. PANNYCHIS: What am I to do, Dorcas? DORCAS: You’d better go in; you can’t go near Polemo when he’s so angry, and a little jealousy will only heighten his passion. PANNYCHIS: Please let’s go in, Philostratus.
4. ΦΙΛΟΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ: Τί οὐ πίνομεν, ὦ Παννυχί; ΠΑΝΝΥΧΙΣ: Ἄνθρωπε, ἀπολώλεκάς με. σὺ δὲ χαῖρε, Πολέμων, χρόνιος φανείς. ΠΟΛΕΜΩΝ: Οὗτος οὖν τίς ἐστιν ὁ προσιὼν ὑμῖν; σιωπᾷς; εὖ γε· οἴχου, ὦ Παννυχί. ἐγὼ δὲ πεμπταῖος ἐκ Πυλῶν διέπτην ἐπειγόμενος ἐπὶ τοιαύτην γυναῖκα. καὶ δίκαια μέντοι πέπονθα, καίτοι χάριν ἐχων· οὐκέτι γὰρ ἁρπασθήσομαι ὑπὸ σοῦ. ΦΙΛΟΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ: Σὺ δὲ τίς εἶ, ὦ βέλτιστε; ΠΟΛΕΜΩΝ: Ὅτι Πολέμων ὁ Στειριεὺς Πανδιονίδος φυλῆς, ἀκούεις· χιλιαρχήσας τὸ πρῶτον, νῦν δὲ ἐξαναστήσας πεντακισχιλίαν ἀσπίδα, ἐραστὴς Παννυχίδος, ὅτε ᾤμην ἔτι ἀνθρώπινα φρονεῖν αὐτήν. ΦΙΛΟΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ: Ἀλλὰ τὰ νῦν σοι, ὦ ξεναγέ, Παννυχὶς ἐμή ἐστι, καὶ τάλαντον εἴληφε, λήψεται δὲ ἤδη καὶ ἕτερον, ἐπειδὰν τὰ φορτία διαθώμεθα. καὶ νῦν ἀκολούθει μοι, ὦ Παννυχί, τοῦτον δὲ παρ' Ὀδρύσαις χιλιαρχεῖν ἔα. ΠΟΛΕΜΩΝ: Ἐλευθέρα μέν ἐστι καὶ ἀκολουθήσει, ἢν ἐθέλῃ. ΠΑΝΝΥΧΙΣ: Τί ποιῶ, Δορκάς; ΔΟΡΚΑΣ: Εἰσιέναι ἄμεινον, ὀργιζομένῳ οὐχ οἷόν τε παρεῖναι Πολέμωνι, καὶ μᾶλλον ἐπιταθήσεται ζηλοτυπῶν. ΠΑΝΝΥΧΙΣ: Εἰ θέλεις, εἰσίωμεν.
5. POLEMO: I warn you that your drinking days will end today, or all my training in killing must go for nothing. Call up the Thracians, Parmeno. On with them in full armour, sealing off the alley with their phalanx! Hoplites in the centre, slingers and archers on the wings, and the rest in reserve! PHILOSTRATUS: You talk to us, mercenary, as though we were babes in arms whom you wish to scare with your idle threats. When did you ever kill so much as a cock or see fighting? You may have been a corporal guarding a few yards of wall, and that’s giving you the benefit of the doubt. POLEMO: You’ll soon know all about it, when you see us advancing against your unguarded flank with our armour glittering in the sun. PHILOSTRATUS: Just prepare for the march and come on. Tibius here—he’s my only retainer—and I will pelt you with stones and potsherds and scatter you in such panic that you won’t know where you’ve gone.
5. ΠΟΛΕΜΩΝ: Ἀλλὰ προλέγω ὑμῖν ὅτι τὸ ὕστατον πίεσθε τήμερον, ἢ μάτην ἐγὼ τοσούτοις φόνοις ἐγγεγυμνασμένος πάρειμι. τοὺς Θρᾷκας, ὦ Παρμένων· ὡπλισμένοι ἡκέτωσαν ἐμφράξαντες τὸν στενωπὸν τῇ φάλαγγι· ἐπὶ μετώπου μὲν τὸ ὁπλιτικόν, παρ' ἑκάτερα δὲ οἱ σφενδονῆται καὶ τοξόται, οἱ δὲ ἄλλοι κατόπιν. ΦΙΛΟΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ: Ὡς βρεφυλλίοις ταῦτα, ὦ μισθοφόρε, ἡμῖν λέγεις καὶ μορμολύττῃ. σὺ γὰρ ἀλεκτρυόνα πώποτε ἀπέκτεινας ἢ πόλεμον εἶδες; ἐρυμάτιον ἐφρούρεις τάχα διμοιρίτης ὤν, ἵνα καὶ τοῦτο προσχαρίσωμαί σοι. ΠΟΛΕΜΩΝ: Καὶ μὴν εἴσῃ μετ' ὀλίγον, ἐπειδὰν προσιόντας ἡμᾶς ἐπὶ δόρυ θεάσῃ στίλβοντας τοῖς ὅπλοις. ΦΙΛΟΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ: Ἥκετε μόνον συσκευασάμενοι. ἐγὼ δὲ καὶ Τίβειος οὗτος—μόνος γὰρ οὗτος ἕπεταί μοι—βάλλοντες ὑμᾶς λίθοις τε καὶ ὀστράκοις οὕτω διασκεδάσομεν, ὡς μηδὲ ὅποι οἴχεσθε ἔχοιτε εἰδέναι.