1. ZEUS: Stop quarrelling, you two; you’re just like a couple of men. It’s quite improper and out of place at the table of the gods. HERACLES: But, Zeus, do you really mean this medicine man to have a place above me? ASCLEPIUS: He does, by Zeus, for I’m your better. HERACLES: How, you crackbrain? Because Zeus blasted you with his thunderbolt for your impious doings, and you’ve now received immortality because he relented and pitied you? ASCLEPIUS: You must have forgotten, Heracles, how you too were scorched to death on Oeta, that you taunt me with getting burned. HERACLES: That doesn’t mean our lives were the same. I’m the son of Zeus, and performed all those labours cleaning up the world, by overcoming monsters, and punishing men of violence; but you’re just a herb-chopper and quack, useful perhaps among suffering humanity for administering potions, but without one manly deed to show.
1. ΖΕΥΣ: Παύσασθε, ὦ Ἀσκληπιὲ καὶ Ἡράκλεις, ἐρίζοντες πρὸς ἀλλήλους ὥσπερ ἄνθρωποι· ἀπρεπῆ γὰρ ταῦτα καὶ ἀλλότρια τοῦ συμποσίου τῶν θεῶν. ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ: Ἀλλὰ θέλεις, ὦ Ζεῦ, τουτονὶ τὸν φαρμακέα προκατακλίνεσθαί μου; ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ: Νὴ Δία· καὶ γάρ ἀμείνων εἰμί. ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ: Κατὰ τί, ὦ ἐμβρόντητε; ἢ ὅτι σε ὁ Ζεὺς ἐκεραύνωσεν ἃ μὴ θέμις ποιοῦντα, νῦν δὲ κατ' ἔλεον αὖθις ἀθανασίας μετείληφας; ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ: Ἐπιλέλησαι γὰρ καὶ σύ, ὦ Ἡράκλεις, ἐν τῇ Οἴτῃ καταφλεγείς, ὅτι μοι ὀνειδίζεις τὸ πῦρ; ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ: Οὔκουν ἴσα καὶ ὅμοια βεβίωται ἡμῖν, ὃς Διὸς μὲν υἱός εἰμι, τοσαῦτα δὲ πεπόνηκα ἐκκαθαίρων τὸν βίον, θηρία καταγωνιζόμενος καὶ ἀνθρώπους ὑβριστὰς τιμωρούμενος· σὺ δὲ ῥιζοτόμος εἶ καὶ ἀγύρτης, ἐν ἀθλίοις δὲ ἴσως ἀνθρώποις χρήσιμος ἐπιθέσει τῶν φαρμάκων, ἀνδρῶδες δὲ οὐδὲν ἐπιδεδειγμένος.
2. ASCLEPIUS: Have you nothing to say of how I healed your burns, when you came up half-scorched the other day? Between the tunic and the fire after it, your body was in a fine mess. Besides, if nothing else, I was never a slave like you, carding wool in Lydia, wearing purple, and being beaten with Omphale’s golden sandal. What’s more, I never killed my wife and children in a fit of spleen. HERACLES: If you don’t stop insulting me, you’ll pretty soon find out that your immortality won’t help you much. I’ll pick you up and throw you head first out of heaven, so that you’ll crack your skull, and not even Apollo the Healer will be able to do anything for you. ZEUS: Stop it, I say; don’t disturb our dinner-party, or I’ll send you both from the table. But it’s only reasonable, Heracles, that Asclepius should have a place above you, as he died before you.
2. ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ: Οὐ λέγεις, ὅτι σου τὰ ἐγκαύματα ἰασάμην, ὅτε πρῴην ἀνῆλθες ἡμίφλεκτος ὑπ' ἀμφοῖν διεφθορὼς τὸ σῶμα, καὶ τοῦ χιτῶνος καὶ μετὰ τοῦτο τοῦ πυρός; ἐγὼ δὲ εἰ καὶ μηδὲν ἄλλο, οὔτε ἐδούλευσα ὥσπερ σὺ οὔτε ἔξαινον ἔρια ἐν Λυδίᾳ πορφυρίδα ἐνδεδυκὼς καὶ παιόμενος ὑπὸ τῆς Ὀμφάλης χρυσῷ σανδάλῳ, ἀλλὰ οὐδὲ μελαγχολήσας ἀπέκτεινα τὰ τέκνα καὶ τὴν γυναῖκα. ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ: Εἰ μὴ παύσῃ λοιδορούμενός μοι, αὐτίκα μάλα εἴσῃ ὅτι οὐ πολύ σε ὀνήσει ἡ ἀθανασία, ἐπεὶ ἀράμενός σε ῥίψω ἐπὶ κεφαλὺν ἐκ τοῦ οὐρανοῦ, ὥστε μηδὲ τὸν Παιῶνα ἰάσασθαί σε τὸ κρανίον συντριβέντα. ΖΕΥΣ: Παύσασθε, φημί, καὶ μὴ ἐπιταράττετε ἡμῖν τὴν εὐωχίαν, ἢ ἀμφοτέρους ὑμᾶς ἀποπέμψομαι τοῦ συμποσίου. καίτοι εὔγνωμον, ὦ Ἡράκλεις, προκατακλίνεσθαί σου τὸν Ἀσκληπιὸν ἅτε καὶ πρότερον ἀποθανόντα.