1. APOLLO: What’s the joke, Hermes?
1. ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Τί γελᾷς, ὦ Ἑρμῆ;
HERMES: It’s the funniest thing I ever saw, Apollo.
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Ὅτι γελοιότατα, ὦ Ἄπολλον, εἶδον.
APOLLO: Well tell me, so that I too can hear and share the joke.
ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Εἰπὲ οὖν, ὡς καὶ αὐτὸς ἀκούσας ἔχω ξυγγελᾶν.
HERMES: Aphrodite has been surprised with Ares, and Hephaestus has caught them and tied them up.
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Ἡ Ἀφροδίτη ξυνοῦσα τῷ Ἄρει κατείληπται καὶ ὁ Ἥφαιστος ἔδησεν αὐτοὺς ξυλλαβών.
APOLLO: How? It sounds as if you have a good story to tell.
ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Πῶς; ἡδὺ γάρ τι ἐρεῖν ἔοικας.
HERMES: He’d known about all this for a long time, and had been out to catch them. He put invisible cords round the bed, and went off to work at his furnace. Then Ares crept in, unnoticed, as he thought, but the Sun-god saw him and told Hephaestus. And when they’d got on the bed, and were in the act, and in his trap, the cords folded themselves round about them, and Hephaestus put in an appearance. Aphrodite, being in the nude, was most embarrassed that she couldn’t hide her nakedness, while Ares tried at first to escape, hoping to break the cords, but later on, realising he was prisoner and couldn’t escape, kept begging for mercy.
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Ἐκ πολλοῦ, οἶμαι, ταῦτα εἰδὼς ἐθήρευεν αὐτούς, καὶ περὶ τὴν εὐνὴν ἀφανῆ δεσμὰ περιθεὶς εἰργάζετο ἀπελθὼν ἐπὶ τὴν κάμινον· εἶτα ὁ μὲν Ἄρης ἐσέρχεται λαθών, ὡς ᾤετο, καθορᾷ δὲ αὐτὸν ὁ Ἥλιος καὶ λέγει πρὸς τὸν Ἥφαιστον. ἐπεὶ δὲ ἐπέβησαν τοῦ λέχους καὶ ἐν ἔργῳ ἦσαν καὶ ἐντὸς ἐγεγένηντο τῶν ἀρκύων, περιπλέκεται μὲν αὐτοῖς τὰ δεσμά, ἐφίσταται δὲ ὁ Ἥφαιστος. ἐκείνη μὲν οὖν—καὶ γὰρ ἔτυχε γυμνὴ οὖσα—οὐκ εἶχεν ὅπως ἐγκαλύψαιτο αἰδουμένη, ὁ δὲ Ἄρης τὰ μὲν πρῶτα διαφυγεῖν ἐπειρᾶτο καὶ ἤλπιζε ῥήξειν τὰ δεσμά, ἔπειτα δὲ, συνεὶς ἐν ἀφύκτῳ ἐχόμενον ἑαυτὸν, ἱκέτευεν.
2. APOLLO: And what’s happened? Has Hephaestus let him go?
2. ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Τί οὖν; ἀπέλυσεν αὐτὸν ὁ Ἥφαιστος;
HERMES: Not yet, but he’s got all the gods together, and is showing them the guilty pair. They’re lying there bound together naked, hiding their faces and blushing, and I must say I found it a most delightful spectacle. Why, they’re almost in the act.
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Οὐδέπω, ἀλλὰ ξυγκαλέσας τοὺς θεοὺς ἐπιδείκνυται τὴν μοιχείαν αὐτοῖς· οἱ δὲ γυμνοὶ ἀμφότεροι κάτω νενευκότες ξυνδεδεμένοι ἐρυθριῶσι, καὶ τὸ θέαμα ἥδιστον ἐμοὶ ἔδοξε μονονουχὶ αὐτὸ γινόμενον τὸ ἔργον.
APOLLO: Isn’t that blacksmith ashamed himself to put on show this insult to his marriage?
ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Ὁ δὲ χαλκεὺς ἐκεῖνος οὐκ αἰδεῖται καὶ αὐτὸς ἐπιδεικνύμενος τὴν αἰσχύνην τοῦ γάμου;
HERMES: Not a bit of it. He’s standing over them, chortling. But I personally, if truth must be told, envied Ares for having made a conquest of the fairest of the goddesses, and even for being a fellow-prisoner with her.
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Μὰ Δί', ὅς γε καὶ ἐπιγελᾷ ἐφεστὼς αὐτοῖς. ἐγὼ μέντοι, εἰ χρὴ τἀληθὲς εἰπεῖν, ἐφθόνουν τῷ Ἄρει μὴ μόνον μοιχεύσαντι τὴν καλλίστην θεόν, ἀλλὰ καὶ δεδεμένῳ μετ' αὐτῆς.
APOLLO: Do you mean you wouldn’t have minded being tied up in such circumstances?
ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Οὐκοῦν καὶ δεδέσθαι ἂν ὑπέμεινας ἐπὶ τούτῳ;
HERMES: Would you, my dear fellow? Just come and have a look. If you don’t make the same wish when you’ve seen them, you’ll earn my praise.
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Σὺ δ’ οὐκ ἄν, ὦ Ἄπολλον; ἰδὲ μόνον ἐπελθών· ἐπαινέσομαι γάρ σε, ἢν μὴ τὰ ὅμοια καὶ αὐτὸς εὔξῃ ἰδών.