---
title: "Icaromenippus, or The Sky-Man · Ἰκαρομένιππος ἢ Ὑπερνέφελος"
author: "Lucian"
translator: "Henry Watson Fowler"
languages: [grc, en]
shelf: "Classical Greek"
url: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-icaromenippus/
cite: "Lucian, tr. Henry Watson Fowler, Icaromenippus, or The Sky-Man · Ἰκαρομένιππος ἢ Ὑπερνέφελος. Scriptura (scriptura.si), https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-icaromenippus/"
---

# Icaromenippus, or The Sky-Man · Ἰκαρομένιππος ἢ Ὑπερνέφελος

*Lucian, tr. Henry Watson Fowler*

Menippus flies to heaven with one eagle’s wing and one vulture’s to see how the world looks from above and how Zeus hears prayers.

> Greek: ed. Austin Morris Harmon, from the Perseus Digital Library (canonical-greekLit, tlg0062.tlg021, CC BY-SA 4.0).

> English: Henry Watson Fowler, from the Perseus Digital Library (tlg0062.tlg021.perseus-eng4). Notes are not included.

> Rows follow the references the two texts share (chapters and sections), cut where both reach the end of a sentence.

## Contents

1. [Sections 1–16](https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-icaromenippus/1.md)
2. [Sections 17–34](https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-icaromenippus/2.md)

## 1. Sections 1–16

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-icaromenippus/1/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-icaromenippus/1/#p-N

[¶0] 1. Menippus: Let me see, now. First stage, Earth to Moon, 350 miles. Second stage, up to the Sun, 500 leagues. Then the third, to the actual Heaven and Zeus’s citadel, might be put at a day’s journey for an eagle in light marching order.

> Greek: 1. Μένιππος: οὐκοῦν τρισχίλιοι μὲν ἦσαν ἀπὸ γῆς στάδιοι μέχρι πρὸς τὴν σελήνην, ὁ πρῶτος ἡμῖν σταθμός· τοὐντεῦθεν δὲ ἐπὶ τὸν ἥλιον ἄνω παρασάγγαι που πεντακόσιοι· τὸ δὲ ἀπὸ τούτου ἐς αὐτὸν ἤδη τὸν οὐρανὸν καὶ τὴν ἀκρόπολιν τὴν τοῦ Διὸς ἄνοδος καὶ ταῦτα γένοιτʼ ἂν εὐζώνῳ ἀετῷ μιᾶς ἡμέρας.

[¶1] Friend: In the name of goodness, Menippus, what are these astronomical sums you are doing under your breath? I have been dogging you for some time, listening to your suns and moons, queerly mixed up with common earthly stages and leagues.

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: τί ταῦτα πρὸς Χαρίτων, ὦ Μένιππε, ἀστρονομεῖς καὶ ἡσυχῇ πως ἀναμετρεῖς; πάλαι γὰρ ἐπακροῶμαί σου παρακολουθῶν ἡλίους καὶ σελήνας, ἔτι δὲ τὰ φορτικὰ ταῦτα σταθμούς τινας καὶ παρασάγγας ὑποξενίζοντος.

[¶2] Menippus: Ah, you must not be surprised if my talk is rather exalted and ethereal; I was making out the mileage of my journey.

> Greek: Μένιππος: μὴ θαυμάσῃς, ὦ ἑταῖρε, εἰ μετέωρα καὶ διαέρια δοκῶ σοι λαλεῖν· τὸ κεφάλαιον γὰρ δὴ πρὸς ἐμαυτὸν ἀναλογίζομαι τῆς ἔναγχος ἀποδημίας.

[¶3] Friend: Oh, I see; using stars to steer by, like the Phoenicians?

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: εἶτα, ὦγαθε, καθάπερ οἱ Φοίνικες ἄστροις ἐτεκμαίρου τὴν ὁδόν;

[¶4] Menippus: Oh no, travelling among them.

> Greek: Μένιππος: οὐ μὰ Δία, ἀλλʼ ἐν αὐτοῖς τοῖς ἄστροις ἐποιούμην τὴν ἀποδημίαν.

[¶5] Friend: Well, to be sure, it must have been a longish dream, if you lost yourself in it for whole leagues.

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: Ἡράκλεις, μακρόν τινα τὸν ὄνειρον λέγεις, εἴ γε σαυτὸν ἔλαθες κατακοιμηθεὶς παρασάγγας ὅλους.

[¶6] 2. Menippus: Dream, my good man? I am just come straight from Zeus. Dream, indeed!

> Greek: 2. Μένιππος: ὄνειρον γάρ, ὦ τάν, δοκῶ σοι λέγειν ὃς ἀρτίως ἀφῖγμαι παρὰ τοῦ Διός;

[¶7] Friend: How? What? Our Menippus a literal godsend from Heaven?

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: πῶς ἔφησθα; Μένιππος ἡμῖν διοπετὴς πάρεστιν ἐξ οὐρανοῦ;

[¶8] Menippus: Tis even so; from very Zeus I come this day, eyes and ears yet full of wonders. Oh, doubt, if you will. That my fortune should pass belief makes it only the more gratifying.

> Greek: Μένιππος: καὶ μὴν ἐγώ σοι παρʼ αὐτοῦ ἐκείνου τοῦ πάνυ Διὸς ἥκω τήμερον θαυμάσια καὶ ἀκούσας καὶ ἰδών· εἰ δὲ ἀπιστεῖς, καὶ αὐτὸ τοῦτο ὑπερευφραίνομαι τὸ πέρα πίστεως εὐτυχεῖν.

[¶9] Friend: Nay, my worshipful Olympian, how should I, ‘a man begotten, treading this poor earth,’ doubt him who transcends the clouds, a ‘denizen of Heaven,’ as Homer says? But vouchsafe to tell me how you were uplifted, and where you got your mighty tall ladder. There is hardly enough of Ganymede in your looks to suggest that you were carried off by the eagle for a cupbearer.

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: καὶ πῶς ἂν ἔγωγε, ὦ θεσπέσιε καὶ Ὀλύμπιε Μένιππε, γεννητὸς αὐτὸς καὶ ἐπίγειος ὢν ἀπιστεῖν δυναίμην ὑπερνεφέλῳ ἀνδρὶ καὶ ἵνα καθʼ Ὅμηρον εἴπω τῶν Οὐρανιώνων ἑνί; ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνά μοι φράσον, εἰ δοκεῖ, τίνα τρόπον ἤρθης ἄνω καὶ ὁπόθεν ἐπορίσω κλίμακα τηλικαύτην τὸ μέγεθος; τὰ μὲν γὰρ ἀμφὶ τὴν ὄψιν οὐ πάνυ ἔοικας ἐκείνῳ τῷ Φρυγί, ὥστε ἡμᾶς εἰκάζειν καὶ σὲ οἰνοχοήσοντά που ἀνάρπαστον γεγονέναι πρὸς τοῦ ἀετοῦ.

[¶10] Menippus: I see you are bent on making a jest of it. Well, it is extraordinary; you could not be expected to see that it is not aromance. The fact is, I needed neither ladder nor amorous eagle; I had wings of my own.

> Greek: Μένιππος: σὺ μὲν πάλαι σκώπτων δῆλος εἶ, καὶ θαυμαστὸν οὐδὲν εἴ σοι τὸ παράδοξον τοῦ λόγου μύθῳ δοκεῖ προσφερές. ἀτὰρ οὐδὲν ἐδέησέ μοι πρὸς τὴν ἄνοδον οὔτε τῆς κλίμακος οὔτε παιδικὰ γενέσθαι τοῦ ἀετοῦ· οἰκεῖα γὰρ ἦν μοι τὰ πτερά.

[¶11] Friend: Stranger and stranger! this beats Daedalus. What, you turned into a hawk or a crow on the sly?

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: τοῦτο μὲν ἤδη καὶ ὑπὲρ τὸν Δαίδαλον ἔφησθα, εἴ γε πρὸς τοῖς ἄλλοις ἐλελήθεις ἡμᾶς ἱέραξ τις ἢ κολοιὸς ἐξ ἀνθρώπου γενόμενος.

[¶12] Menippus: Now that is not a bad shot; it was Daedalus’s wing trick that I tried.

> Greek: Μένιππος: ὀρθῶς, ὦ ἑταῖρε, καὶ οὐκ ἀπὸ σκοποῦ εἴκασας· τὸ Δαιδάλειον γὰρ ἐκεῖνο σόφισμα τῶν πτερῶν καὶ αὐτὸς ἐμηχανησάμην.

[¶13] 3. Friend: Well, talk of foolhardiness! did you like the idea of falling into the sea, and giving us a Mare Menippeum after the irae of the Icarium? No fear. Icarus’s feathers were fastened with wax, and Pe course, directly the sun warmed this, he moulted and fell. No wax for me, thank you.

> Greek: 3. Ἕταιρος: εἶτα, ὦ τολμηρότατε πάντων, οὐκ ἐδεδοίκεις μὴ καὶ σύ που τῆς θαλάττης καταπεσὼν Μενίππειόν τι πέλαγος ἡμῖν ὥσπερ τὸ Ἰκάριον ἀποδείξῃς ἐπὶ τῷ σεαυτοῦ ὀνόματι;
Μένιππος: οὐδαμῶς· ὁ μὲν γὰρ Ἴκαρος ἅτε κηρῷ τὴν πτέρωσιν ἡρμοσμένος, ἐπειδὴ τάχιστα πρὸς τὸν ἥλιον ἐκεῖνος ἐτάκη, πτερορρυήσας εἰκότως κατέπεσεν· ἡμῖν δὲ ἀκήρωτα ἦν τὰ ὠκύπτερα.

[¶14] Friend: How did you manage, then? I declare I shall be believing you soon, if you go on like this.

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: πῶς λέγεις; ἤδη γὰρ οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως ἠρέμα με προσάγεις πρὸς τὴν ἀλήθειαν τῆς διηγήσεως.

[¶15] Menippus: Well, I caught a fine eagle, and also a particularly powerful vulture, and cut off their wings above the shoulder-joint. But no; if you are not in a hurry, I may as well give you dhe enterprise from the beginning.

> Greek: Μένιππος: Ὧδέ πως· ἀετὸν εὐμεγέθη συλλαβών, ἔτι δὲ γῦπα τῶν καρτερῶν, ἀποτεμὼν αὐταῖς ὠλέναις τὰ πτερὰ — μᾶλλον δὲ καὶ πᾶσαν ἐξ ἀρχῆς τὴν ἐπίνοιαν, εἴ σοι σχολή, δίειμι.

[¶16] Friend: Do, do; I am rapt aloft by your words already, my. mouth open for your bonne bouche; as you love me, leave me not in those upper regions hung up by the ears!

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: πάνυ μὲν οὖν· ὡς ἐγώ σοι μετέωρός εἰμι ὑπὸ τῶν λόγων καὶ πρὸς τὸ τέλος ἤδη κέχηνα τῆς ἀκροάσεως· μηδὲ πρὸς Φιλίου με περιίδῃς ἄνω που τῆς διηγήσεως ἐκ τῶν ὤτων ἀπηρτημένον.

[¶17] 4. Menippus: Listen, then; it would be a sorry sight, a friend deserted, with his mouth open, and sus. per aures.—Well, a very short survey of life had convinced me of the absurdity and meanness and insecurity that pervade all human objects, such as wealth, office, power. I was filled with contempt for them, realized that to care for them was to lose all chance of what deserved care, and determined to grovel no more, but fix my gaze upon the great All. Here I found my first problem in what wise men call the universal order; I could not tell how it came into being, who made it, what was its beginning, or what its end. But my next step, which was the examination of details, landed me in yet worse perplexity. I found the stars dotted quite casually about the sky, and I wanted to know what the sun was. Especially the phenomena of the moon struck me as extraordinary, and quite passed my comprehension; there must be some mystery to account for those many phases, I conjectured. Nor could I feel any greater certainty about such things as the passage of lightning, the roll of thunder, the descent of rain and snow and hail.

> Greek: 4. Μένιππος: ἄκουε τοίνυν· οὐ γὰρ ἀστεῖόν γε τὸ θέαμα κεχηνότα φίλον ἐγκαταλιπεῖν, καὶ ταῦτα ὡς σὺ φὴς ἐκ τῶν ὤτων ἀπηρτημένον. ἐγὼ γὰρ ἐπειδὴ τάχιστα ἐξετάζων τὰ κατὰ τὸν βίον γελοῖα καὶ ταπεινὰ καὶ ἀβέβαια τὰ ἀνθρώπινα πάντα εὕρισκον, πλούτους λέγω καὶ ἀρχὰς καὶ δυναστείας, καταφρονήσας αὐτῶν καὶ τὴν περὶ ταῦτα σπουδὴν ἀσχολίαν τῶν ἀληθῶς σπουδαίων ὑπολαβὼν ἀνακύπτειν τε καὶ πρὸς τὸ πᾶν ἀποβλέπειν ἐπειρώμην· καί μοι ἐνταῦθα πολλήν τινα παρεῖχε τὴν ἀπορίαν πρῶτον μὲν αὐτὸς οὗτος ὁ ὑπὸ τῶν σοφῶν καλούμενος κόσμος· οὐ γὰρ εἶχον εὑρεῖν οὔθʼ ὅπως ἐγένετο οὔτε τὸν δημιουργὸν οὔτε ἀρχὴν οὔθʼ ὅ τι τὸ τέλος ἐστὶν αὐτοῦ. ἔπειτα δὲ κατὰ μέρος ἐπισκοπῶν πολὺ μᾶλλον ἀπορεῖν ἠναγκαζόμην· τούς τε γὰρ ἀστέρας ἑώρων ὡς ἔτυχε τοῦ οὐρανοῦ διερριμμένους καὶ τὸν ἥλιον αὐτὸν τί ποτε ἦν ἄρα ἐπόθουν εἰδέναι· μάλιστα δὲ τὰ κατὰ τὴν σελήνην ἄτοπά μοι καὶ παντελῶς παράδοξα κατεφαίνετο, καὶ τὸ πολυειδὲς αὐτῆς τῶν σχημάτων ἀπόρρητόν τινα τὴν αἰτίαν ἔχειν ἐδοκίμαζον. οὐ μὴν ἀλλὰ καὶ ἀστραπὴ διαΐξασα καὶ βροντὴ καταρραγεῖσα καὶ ὑετὸς ἢ χιὼν ἢ χάλαζα κατενεχθεῖσα καὶ ταῦτα δυσείκαστα πάντα καὶ ἀτέκμαρτα ἦν.

[¶18] 5. Menippus: In this state of mind, the best I could think of was to get at the truth of it all from the people called philosophers; they of course would be able to give it me. So I selected the best of them, if solemnity of visage, pallor of complexion and length of beard are any criterion—for there could not be a moment’s doubt of their soaring words and heaven-high thoughts—and in their hands I placed myself. For a considerable sum down, and more to be paid when they should have perfected me in wisdom, I was to be made an airy metaphysician and instructed in the order of the universe. Unfortunately, so far from dispelling my previous ignorance, they perplexed me more and more, with their daily drenches of beginnings and ends, atoms and voids, matters and forms. My greatest difficulty was that, though they differed among themselves, and all they said was full of inconsistency and contradiction, they expected me to believe them, each pulling me in his own direction.

> Greek: 5. Μένιππος: οὐκοῦν ἐπειδήπερ οὕτω διεκείμην, ἄριστον εἶναι ὑπελάμβανον παρὰ τῶν φιλοσόφων τούτων ταῦτα ἕκαστα ἐκμαθεῖν· ᾤμην γὰρ ἐκείνους γε πᾶσαν ἔχειν ἂν εἰπεῖν τὴν ἀλήθειαν. οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἀρίστους ἐπιλεξάμενος αὐτῶν, ὡς ἐνῆν τεκμήρασθαι προσώπου τε σκυθρωπότητι καὶ χρόας ὠχρότητι καὶ γενείου βαθύτητι — μάλα γὰρ ὑψαγόραι τινὲς καὶ οὐρανογνώμονες οἱ ἄνδρες αὐτίκα μοι κατεφάνησαν—τούτοις ἐγχειρίσας ἐμαυτὸν καὶ συχνὸν ἀργύριον τὸ μὲν αὐτόθεν ἤδη καταβαλών, τὸ δὲ εἰσαῦθις ἀποδώσειν ἐπὶ κεφαλαίῳ τῆς σοφίας διομολογησάμενος, ἠξίουν μετεωρολέσχης τε διδάσκεσθαι καὶ τὴν τῶν ὅλων διακόσμησιν καταμαθεῖν. οἱ δὲ τοσοῦτον ἄρα ἐδέησάν με τῆς παλαιᾶς ἐκείνης ἀγνοίας ἀπαλλάξαι, ὥστε καὶ εἰς μείζους ἀπορίας φέροντες ἐνέβαλον, ἀρχάς τινας καὶ τέλη καὶ ἀτόμους καὶ κενὰ καὶ ὕλας καὶ ἰδέας καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ὁσημέραι μου καταχέοντες. ὃ δὲ πάντων ἐμοὶ γοῦν ἐδόκει χαλεπώτατον, ὅτι μηδὲν ἅτερος θατέρῳ λέγοντες ἀκόλουθον ἀλλὰ μαχόμενα πάντα καὶ ὑπεναντία, ὅμως πείθεσθαί τέ με ἠξίουν καὶ πρὸς τὸν αὑτοῦ λόγον ἕκαστος ὑπάγειν ἐπειρῶντο.

[¶19] Friend: How absurd that wise men should quarrel about facts, and hold different opinions on the same things!

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: ἄτοπον λέγεις, εἰ σοφοὶ ὄντες οἱ ἄνδρες ἐστασίαζον πρὸς αὑτοὺς περὶ τῶν λόγων καὶ οὐ τὰ αὐτὰ περὶ τῶν αὐτῶν ἐδόξαζον.

[¶20] 6. Menippus: Ah, but keep your laughter till you have heard something ” of their pretentious mystifications. To begin with, their feet are on the ground; they are no taller than the rest of us ‘men that walk the earth’; they are no sharper-sighted than their neighbours, some of them purblind, indeed, with age or indolence; and yet they say they can distinguish the limits of the sky, they measure the sun’s circumference, take their walks in the supra-lunar regions, and specify the sizes and shapes of the stars as though they had fallen from them; often one of them could not tell you correctly the number of miles from Megara to Athens, but has no hesitation about the distance in feet from the sun to the moon. How high the atmosphere is, how deep the sea, how far it is round the earth—they have the figures for all that; and moreover, they have only to draw some circles, arrange a few triangles and squares, add certain complicated spheres, and lo, they have the cubic contents of Heaven.

> Greek: 6. Μένιππος: καὶ μήν, ὦ ἑταῖρε, γελάσῃ ἀκούσας τήν τε ἀλαζονείαν αὐτῶν καὶ τὴν ἐν τοῖς λόγοις τερατουργίαν, οἵ γε πρῶτα μὲν ἐπὶ γῆς βεβηκότες καὶ μηδὲν τῶν χαμαὶ ἐρχομένων ἡμῶν ὑπερέχοντες, ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ ὀξύτερον τοῦ πλησίον δεδορκότες, ἔνιοι δὲ καὶ ὑπὸ γήρως ἢ ἀργίας ἀμβλυώττοντες, ὅμως οὐρανοῦ τε πέρατα διορᾶν ἔφασκον καὶ τὸν ἥλιον περιεμέτρουν καὶ τοῖς ὑπὲρ τὴν σελήνην ἐπεβάτευον καὶ ὥσπερ ἐκ τῶν ἀστέρων καταπεσόντες μεγέθη τε αὐτῶν διεξῄεσαν, καὶ πολλάκις, εἰ τύχοι, μηδὲ ὁπόσοι στάδιοι Μεγαρόθεν Ἀθήναζέ εἰσιν ἀκριβῶς ἐπιστάμενοι τὸ μεταξὺ τῆς σελήνης καὶ τοῦ ἡλίου χωρίον ὁπόσων εἴη πηχῶν τὸ μέγεθος ἐτόλμων λέγειν, ἀέρος τε ὕψη καὶ θαλάττης βάθη καὶ γῆς περιόδους ἀναμετροῦντες, ἔτι δὲ κύκλους καταγράφοντες καὶ τρίγωνα ἐπὶ τετραγώνοις διασχηματίζοντες καὶ σφαίρας τινὰς ποικίλας τὸν οὐρανὸν δῆθεν αὐτὸν ἐπιμετροῦντες.

[¶21] 7. Menippus: Then, how reasonable and modest of them, dealing with subjects so debatable, to issue their views without a hint of uncertainty; thus it must be and it shall be; contra genes they will have it so; they will tell you on oath the sun is a molten mass, the moon inhabited, and the stars water-drinkers, moisture being drawn up by the sun’s rope and bucket and equitably distributed among them.

> Greek: 7. Μένιππος: ἔπειτα δὲ κἀκεῖνο πῶς οὐκ ἄγνωμον αὐτῶν καὶ παντελῶς τετυφωμένον τὸ περὶ τῶν οὕτως ἀδήλων λέγοντας μηδὲν ὡς εἰκάζοντας ἀποφαίνεσθαι, ἀλλʼ ὑπερδιατείνεσθαί τε καὶ μηδεμίαν τοῖς ἄλλοις ὑπερβολὴν ἀπολιμπάνειν, μονονουχὶ διομνυμένους μύδρον μὲν εἶναι τὸν ἥλιον, κατοικεῖσθαι δὲ τὴν σελήνην, ὑδατοποτεῖν δὲ τοὺς ἀστέρας τοῦ ἡλίου καθάπερ ἱμονιᾷ τινι τὴν ἰκμάδα ἐκ τῆς θαλάττης ἀνασπῶντος καὶ ἅπασιν αὐτοῖς τὸ ποτὸν ἑξῆς διανέμοντος.

[¶22] 8. Menippus: How their theories conflict is soon apparent; next-door neighbours? no, they are miles apart. In the first place, their views of the world differ. Some say it had no beginning, and cannot end; others boldly talk of its creator and his procedure; what particularly entertained me was that these latter set up a contriver of the universe, but fail to mention where he came from, or what he stood on while about his elaborate task, though it is by no means obvious how there could be place or time before the universe came into being.

> Greek: 8. Μένιππος: τὴν μὲν γὰρ ἐναντιότητα τῶν λόγων ὁπόση ῥᾴδιον καταμαθεῖν. καὶ σκόπει πρὸς Διός, εἰ ἐν γειτόνων ἐστὶ τὰ δόγματα καὶ μὴ πάμπολυ διεστηκότα· πρῶτα μὲν γὰρ αὐτοῖς ἡ περὶ τοῦ κόσμου γνώμη διάφορος, εἴ γε τοῖς μὲν ἀγέννητός τε καὶ ἀνώλεθρος εἶναι δοκεῖ, οἱ δὲ καὶ τὸν δημιουργὸν αὐτοῦ καὶ τῆς κατασκευῆς τὸν τρόπον εἰπεῖν ἐτόλμησαν· οὓς καὶ μάλιστα ἐθαύμαζον θεὸν μέν τινα τεχνίτην τῶν ὅλων ἐφιστάντας, οὐ προστιθέντας δὲ οὔτε ὅθεν ἥκων οὔτε ὅπου ἑστὼς ἕκαστα ἐτεκταίνετο, καίτοι πρό γε τῆς τοῦ παντὸς γενέσεως ἀδύνατον καὶ χρόνον καὶ τόπον ἐπινοεῖν.

[¶23] Friend: You really do make them out very audacious conjurers.

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: μάλα τινάς, ὦ Μένιππε, τολμητὰς καὶ θαυματοποιοὺς ἄνδρας λέγεις.

[¶24] Menippus: My dear fellow, I wish I could give you their lucubrations on ideas and incorporeals, on finite and infinite. Over that point, now, there is fierce battle; some circumscribe the All, others will have it unlimited. At the same time they declare for a plurality of worlds, and speak scornfully of others who make only one. And there is a bellicose person who maintains that war is the father of the universe 3.

> Greek: Μένιππος: τί δʼ εἰ ἀκούσειας, ὦ θαυμάσιε, περί τε ἰδεῶν καὶ ἀσωμάτων ἃ διεξέρχονται ἢ τοὺς περὶ τοῦ πέρατός τε καὶ ἀπείρου λόγους; καὶ γὰρ αὖ καὶ αὕτη νεανικὴ αὐτοῖς ἡ μάχη, τοῖς μὲν τέλει τὸ πᾶν περιγράφουσι, τοῖς δὲ ἀτελὲς τοῦτο εἶναι ὑπολαμβάνουσιν· οὐ μὴν ἀλλὰ καὶ παμπόλλους τινὰς εἶναι τοὺς κόσμους ἀπεφαίνοντο καὶ τῶν ὡς περὶ ἑνὸς αὐτῶν διαλεγομένων κατεγίνωσκον. ἕτερος δέ τις οὐκ εἰρηνικὸς ἀνὴρ πόλεμον τῶν ὅλων πατέρα εἶναι ἐδόξαζε.

[¶25] 9. Menippus: As to Gods, I need hardly deal with that question. For some of them God is a number; some swear by dogs and geese and plane-trees?, Some again banish all other Gods, and attri- 1 Variously attributed to Heraclitus, who denies the possibility of repose, and insists that all things are in a state of flux; and to Empedocles, who makes all change and becoming depend on the interaction of the two principles, attraction and repulsion, 3 Socrates made a practice of substituting these for the names of Gods in his oaths, bute the control of the universe to a single one; I.ot rather depressed on learning how small the supply of divinity was. But I was comforted by the lavish souls who not only make many, but classify; there was a First God, and second and third classes of divinity. Yet again, some regard the divine nature as unsubstantial and without form, while others conceive it as a substance. Then they were not all disposed to recognize a Providence; some relieve the Gods of all care, as we relieve the superannuated of their cjvic duties; in fact, they treat them exactly like supernumeraries on the stage. The last step is also taken, of saying that Gods do not exist at all, and leaving the world to drift along without a master or a guiding hand.

> Greek: 9. Μένιππος: περὶ μὲν γὰρ τῶν θεῶν τί χρὴ καὶ λέγειν; ὅπου τοῖς μὲν ἀριθμός τις ὁ θεὸς ἦν, οἱ δὲ κατὰ χηνῶν καὶ κυνῶν καὶ πλατάνων ἐπώμνυντο. καὶ οἱ μὲν τοὺς ἄλλους ἅπαντας θεοὺς ἀπελάσαντες ἑνὶ μόνῳ τὴν τῶν ὅλων ἀρχὴν ἀπένεμον, ὥστε ἠρέμα καὶ ἄχθεσθαί με τοσαύτην ἀπορίαν θεῶν ἀκούοντα· οἱ δʼ ἔμπαλιν ἐπιδαψιλευόμενοι πολλούς τε αὐτοὺς ἀπέφαινον καὶ διελόμενοι τὸν μέν τινα πρῶτον θεὸν ἐπεκάλουν, τοῖς δὲ τὰ δεύτερα καὶ τρίτα ἔνεμον τῆς θειότητος· ἔτι δὲ οἱ μὲν ἀσώματόν τι καὶ ἄμορφον ἡγοῦντο εἶναι τὸ θεῖον, οἱ δὲ ὡς περὶ σώματος αὐτοῦ διενοοῦντο. εἶτα καὶ προνοεῖν τῶν καθʼ ἡμᾶς πραγμάτων οὐ πᾶσιν ἐδόκουν οἱ θεοί, ἀλλʼ ἦσάν τινες οἱ τῆς συμπάσης ἐπιμελείας αὐτοὺς ἀφιέντες, ὥσπερ ἡμεῖς εἰώθαμεν ἀπολύειν τῶν λειτουργιῶν τοὺς παρηβηκότας· οὐδὲν γὰρ ὅτι μὴ τοῖς κωμικοῖς δορυφορήμασιν ἐοικότας αὐτοὺς εἰσάγουσιν. ἔνιοι δὲ ταῦτα πάντα ὑπερβάντες οὐδὲ τὴν ἀρχὴν εἶναι θεούς τινας ἐπίστευον, ἀλλʼ ἀδέσποτον καὶ ἀνηγεμόνευτον φέρεσθαι τὸν κόσμον ἀπελίμπανον.

[¶26] 10. Menippus: Well, when I heard all this, I dared not disbelieve people whose voices and beards were equally suggestive of Zeus. But I knew not where to turn for a theory that was not open to exception, nor combated by one as soon as propounded by another, I found myself in the state Homer has described; many a time I would vigorously start believing one of these gentlemen; But then came second thoughts.’ So in my distress I began to despair of ever getting any knowledge about these things on earth; the only possible escape from perplexity would be to take to myself wings and go up to Heaven, Partly the wish was father to the thought; but it was confirmed by Aesop’s Fables, from which it appears that Heaven is accessible to eagles, beetles, and sometimes camels. It was pretty clear that I could not possibly develop feathers of my own. But if I were to wear vulture’s or eagle’s wings— the only kinds equal to a man’s weight—I might perhaps succeed. I caught the birds, and effectually amputated the eagle’s right, and the vulture’s left wing. These I fastened together, attached them to my shoulders with broad thick straps, and provided grips for my hands near the end of the quill-feathers. Then I made experiments, first jumping up and helping the jump by flapping my hands, or imitating the. way a goose raises itself without leaving the ground and combines running with flight. Finding the machine obedient, I next made a bolder venture, went up the Acropolis, and launched myself from the cliff right over the theatre.

> Greek: 10. Μένιππος: τοιγάρτοι ταῦτα ἀκούων ἀπιστεῖν μὲν οὐκ ἐτόλμων ὑψιβρεμέταις τε καὶ ἠϋγενείοις ἀνδράσιν· οὐ μὴν εἶχόν γε ὅπη τῶν λόγων τραπόμενος ἀνεπίληπτόν τι αὐτῶν εὕροιμι καὶ ὑπὸ θατέρου μηδαμῆ περιτρεπόμενον. ὥστε δὴ τὸ Ὁμηρικὸν ἐκεῖνο ἀτεχνῶς ἔπασχον· πολλάκις μὲν γὰρ ἂν ὥρμησα πιστεύειν τινὶ αὐτῶν, ἕτερος δέ με θυμὸς ἔρυκεν. Ἐφʼ οἷς ἅπασιν ἀμηχανῶν ἐπὶ γῆς μὲν ἀκούσεσθαί τι περὶ τούτων ἀληθὲς ἀπεγίνωσκον, μίαν δὲ τῆς συμπάσης ἀπορίας ἀπαλλαγὴν ᾤμην ἔσεσθαι, εἰ αὐτὸς πτερωθείς πως ἀνέλθοιμι εἰς τὸν οὐρανόν. τούτου δέ μοι παρεῖχε τὴν ἐλπίδα μάλιστα μὲν ἡ ἐπιθυμία … καὶ ὁ λογοποιὸς Αἴσωπος ἀετοῖς καὶ κανθάροις, ἐνίοτε καὶ καμήλοις βάσιμον ἀποφαίνων τὸν οὐρανόν. αὐτὸν μὲν οὖν πτεροφυῆσαί ποτε οὐδεμιᾷ μηχανῇ δυνατὸν εἶναί μοι κατεφαίνετο· εἰ δὲ γυπὸς ἢ ἀετοῦ περιθείμην πτερά—ταῦτα γὰρ μόνα ἂν διαρκέσαι πρὸς μέγεθος ἀνθρωπίνου σώματος — τάχα ἄν μοι τὴν πεῖραν προχωρῆσαι. καὶ δὴ συλλαβὼν τὰ ὄρνεα θατέρου μὲν τὴν δεξιὰν πτέρυγα, τοῦ γυπὸς δὲ τὴν ἑτέραν ἀπέτεμον εὖ μάλα· εἶτα διαδήσας καὶ κατὰ τοὺς ὤμους τελαμῶσι καρτεροῖς ἁρμοσάμενος καὶ πρὸς ἄκροις τοῖς ὠκυπτέροις λαβάς τινας ταῖς χερσὶ παρασκευάσας ἐπειρώμην ἐμαυτοῦ τὸ πρῶτον ἀναπηδῶν καὶ ταῖς χερσὶν ὑπηρετῶν καὶ ὥσπερ οἱ χῆνες ἔτι χαμαιπετῶς ἐπαιρόμενος καὶ ἀκροβατῶν ἅμα μετὰ τῆς πτήσεως· ἐπεὶ δὲ ὑπήκουέ μοι τὸ χρῆμα, τολμηρότερον ἤδη τῆς πείρας ἡπτόμην, καὶ ἀνελθὼν ἐπὶ τὴν ἀκρόπολιν ἀφῆκα ἐμαυτὸν κατὰ τοῦ κρημνοῦ φέρων ἐς αὐτὸ τὸ θέατρον.

[¶27] 11. Menippus: Getting safely to the bottom that time, my aspirations shot up aloft. I took to starting from Parnes or Hymettus, flying to. Geranea, thence to the top of the Acrocorinthus, and over Pholoé and Erymanthus to Taygetus. The training for my venture was now complete; my powers were developed, and equal to a lofty flight; no more fledgeling essays for me. I went up Olympus, provisioning myself as lightly as possible. The moment was come; I soared skywards, giddy at first with that great void below, but soon conquering this difficulty. When I approached the Moon, long after parting from the clouds, I was conscious of fatigue, especially in the left or vulture’s wing. So I alighted and sat down to rest, having a_bird’s-eye view of the Earth, like the Homeric Zeus,
Surveying now the Thracian horsemen’s land,
Now Mysia,
and again, as the fancy took me, Greece or Persia or India, From all which I drew a manifold delight.

> Greek: 11. Μένιππος: ὡς δὲ ἀκινδύνως κατεπτόμην, ἤδη καὶ μετέωρα ἐφρόνουν καὶ ἄρας ἀπὸ Πάρνηθος ἢ ἀπὸ Ὑμηττοῦ μέχρι Γερανείας ἐπετόμην, εἶτʼ ἐκεῖθεν ἐπὶ τὸν Ἀκροκόρινθον ἄνω, εἶτα ὑπὲρ Φολόης καὶ Ἐρυμάνθου μέχρι πρὸς τὸ Ταΰγετον. ἤδη δʼ οὖν μοι τοῦ τολμήματος ἐκμεμελετημένου τέλειός τε καὶ ὑψιπέτης γενόμενος οὐκέτι τὰ νεοττῶν ἐφρόνουν, ἀλλʼ ἐπὶ τὸν Ὄλυμπον ἀναβὰς καὶ ὡς ἐνῆν μάλιστα κούφως ἐπισιτισάμενος τὸ λοιπὸν ἔτεινον εὐθὺ τοῦ οὐρανοῦ, τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἰλιγγιῶν ὑπὸ τοῦ βάθους, μετὰ δὲ ἔφερον καὶ τοῦτο εὐμαρῶς. ἐπεὶ δὲ κατʼ αὐτὴν ἤδη τὴν σελήνην ἐγεγόνειν πάμπολυ τῶν νεφῶν ἀποσπάσας, ᾐσθόμην κάμνοντος ἐμαυτοῦ, καὶ μάλιστα κατὰ τὴν ἀριστερὰν πτέρυγα τὴν γυπίνην. προσελάσας οὖν καὶ καθεζόμενος ἐπʼ αὐτῆς διανεπαυόμην ἐς τὴν γῆν ἄνωθεν ἀποβλέπων καὶ ὥσπερ ὁ τοῦ Ὁμήρου Ζεὺς ἐκεῖνος ἄρτι μὲν τὴν τῶν ἱπποπόλων Θρῃκῶν καθορώμενος, ἄρτι δὲ τὴν Μυσῶν, μετʼ ὀλίγον δέ, εἰ δόξειέ μοι, τὴν Ἑλλάδα, τὴν Περσίδα καὶ τὴν Ἰνδικήν. ἐξ ὧν ἁπάντων ποικίλης τινὸς ἡδονῆς ἐνεπιμπλάμην.

[¶28] Friend: Oh well, Menippus, tell me all about it. I do not want to miss a single one of your travel experiences; if you picked up any stray information, let me have that too. I promise myself a great many facts about the shape of the Earth, and how everything on it looked to you from your point of vantage.

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: οὐκοῦν καὶ ταῦτα λέγοις ἄν, ὦ Μένιππε, ἵνα μηδὲ καθʼ ἓν ἀπολειπώμεθα τῆς ἀποδημίας, ἀλλʼ εἴ τί σοι καὶ ὁδοῦ πάρεργον ἱστόρηται, καὶ τοῦτο εἰδῶμεν· ὡς ἔγωγε οὐκ ὀλίγα προσδοκῶ ἀκούσεσθαι σχήματός τε πέρι γῆς καὶ τῶν ἐπʼ αὐτῆς ἁπάντων, οἷά σοι ἄνωθεν ἐπισκοποῦντι κατεφαίνετο.

[¶29] Menippus: And you will not be disappointed there, friend. So do your best to get up to the Moon, with my story for travelling companion and showman of the terrestrial scene.

> Greek: Μένιππος: καὶ ὀρθῶς γε, ὦ ἑταῖρε, εἰκάζεις· διόπερ ὡς οἷόν τε ἀναβὰς ἐπὶ τὴν σελήνην τῷ λόγῳ συναποδήμει τε καὶ συνεπισκόπει τὴν ὅλην τῶν ἐπὶ γῆς διάθεσιν.

[¶30] 12. Menippus: Imagine yourself first descrying a tiny Earth, far smaller than the Moon looks; on turning my eyes down, I could not think for some time what had become of our mighty mountains and vast sea. If I had not caught sight of the Colossus of Rhodes and the Pharus tower, I assure you I should never have made out the Earth at all. But their height and projection, with the faint shimmer of Ocean in the sun, showed me it must be the Earth I was looking at. Then, when once I had got my sight properly focused, the whole human race was clear to me, not merely in the shape of nations and cities, but the individuals, sailing, fighting, ploughing, going to law; the women, the beasts, and in short every breed ‘that feedeth on earth’s foison.’

> Greek: 12. Μένιππος: καὶ πρῶτόν γέ μοι πάνυ μικρὰν δόκει τινὰ τὴν γῆν ὁρᾶν, πολὺ λέγω τῆς σελήνης βραχυτέραν, ὥστε ἐγὼ ἄφνω κατακύψας ἐπὶ πολὺ ἠπόρουν ποῦ εἴη τὰ τηλικαῦτα ὄρη καὶ ἡ τοσαύτη θάλαττα· καὶ εἴ γε μὴ τὸν Ῥοδίων κολοσσὸν ἐθεασάμην καὶ τὸν ἐπὶ τῇ Φάρῳ πύργον, εὖ ἴσθι, παντελῶς ἄν με ἡ γῆ διέλαθε. νῦν δὲ ταῦτα ὑψηλὰ ὄντα καὶ ὑπερανεστηκότα καὶ ὁ Ὠκεανὸς ἠρέμα πρὸς τὸν ἥλιον ὑποστίλβων διεσήμαινέ μοι γῆν εἶναι τὸ ὁρώμενον. ἐπεὶ δὲ ἅπαξ τὴν ὄψιν ἐς τὸ ἀτενὲς ἀπηρεισάμην, ἅπας ὁ τῶν ἀνθρώπων βίος ἤδη κατεφαίνετο, οὐ κατὰ ἔθνη μόνον καὶ πόλεις, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτοὶ σαφῶς οἱ πλέοντες, οἱ πολεμοῦντες, οἱ γεωργοῦντες, οἱ δικαζόμενοι, τὰ γύναια, τὰ θηρία, καὶ πάνθʼ ἁπλῶς ὁπόσα τρέφει ζείδωρος ἄρουρα.

[¶31] Friend: Most unconvincing and contradictory. Just now you were searching for the Earth, it was so diminished by distance, and if the Colossus had not betrayed it, you would have taken it for something else; and now you develop suddenly into a Lynceus, and distinguish everything upon it, the men, the beasts, one might almost say the gnat-swarms. Explain, please.

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: παντελῶς ἀπίθανα φὴς ταῦτα καὶ αὑτοῖς ὑπεναντία· ὃς γὰρ ἀρτίως, ὦ Μένιππε, τὴν γῆν ἐζήτεις ὑπὸ τοῦ μεταξὺ διαστήματος ἐς βραχὺ συνεσταλμένην, καὶ εἴ γε μὴ ὁ κολοσσὸς ἐμήνυσέ σοι, τάχα ἂν ἄλλο τι ᾠήθης ὁρᾶν, πῶς νῦν καθάπερ Λυγκεύς τις ἄφνω γενόμενος ἅπαντα διαγινώσκεις τὰ ἐπὶ γῆς, τοὺς ἀνθρώπους, τὰ θηρία, μικροῦ δεῖν τὰς τῶν ἐμπίδων νεοττιάς;

[¶32] 13. Menippus: Why, tobesure! how did I come to leave out so essential a particular? I had made out the Earth, you see, but could not distinguish any details; the distance was so great, quite beyond the scope of my vision; so I was much chagrined and baffled. At this moment of depression—I was very near tears—who should come up behind me but Empedocles the physicist? His complexion was like charcoal variegated with ashes, as if he had been baked. I will not deny that I felt some tremors at the sight of him, taking him for some lunar spirit. But he said: ‘Do not be afraid, Menippus;
A mortal I, no God; how vain thy dreams. I am Empedocles the physicist. When I threw myself into the crater in such a hurry, the smoke of Etna whirled me off up here; and now I live in the Moon, doing a good deal of high thinking on a diet of dew. So I have come to help you out of your difficulty; you are distressed, I take it, at not being able to see everything on the Earth.’ ‘Thank you so much, you good Empedocles,’ I said; ‘as soon as my wings have brought me back to Greece, I will remember to pour libations to you up the chimney, and salute you on the first of every month with three moonward yawns.’ ‘Endymion be my witness,’ he replied, ‘I had no thought of such a bargain; I was touched by the sight of your distress. Now, what do you think is the way to sharpen your sight?'

> Greek: 13. Μένιππος: εὖ γε ὑπέμνησας· ὃ γὰρ μάλιστα ἐχρῆν εἰπεῖν, τοῦτο οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως παρέλιπον. ἐπεὶ γὰρ αὐτὴν μὲν ἐγνώρισα τὴν γῆν ἰδών, τὰ δʼ ἄλλα οὐχ οἷός τε ἦν καθορᾶν ὑπὸ τοῦ βάθους ἅτε τῆς ὄψεως μηκέτι ἐφικνουμένης, πάνυ μʼ ἠνία τὸ χρῆμα καὶ πολλὴν παρεῖχε τὴν ἀπορίαν. κατηφεῖ δὲ ὄντι μοι καὶ ὀλίγου δεῖν δεδακρυμένῳ ἐφίσταται κατόπιν ὁ σοφὸς Ἐμπεδοκλῆς, ἀνθρακίας τις ἰδεῖν καὶ σποδοῦ ἀνάπλεως καὶ κατωπτημένος· κἀγὼ μὲν ὡς εἶδον, — εἰρήσεται γάρ — ὑπεταράχθην καί τινα σεληναῖον δαίμονα ᾠήθην ὁρᾶν· ὁ δέ, θάρρει, φησίν, ὦ Μένιππε, οὔτις τοι θεός εἰμι, τί μʼ ἀθανάτοισιν ἐΐσκεις; ὁ φυσικὸς οὗτός εἰμι Ἐμπεδοκλῆς· ἐπεὶ γὰρ ἐς τοὺς κρατῆρας ἐμαυτὸν φέρων ἐνέβαλον, ὁ καπνός με ἀπὸ τῆς Αἴτνης ἁρπάσας δεῦρο ἀνήγαγε, καὶ νῦν ἐν τῇ σελήνῃ κατοικῶ ἀεροβατῶν τὰ πολλὰ καὶ σιτοῦμαι δρόσον. ἥκω τοίνυν σε ἀπολύσων τῆς παρούσης ἀπορίας· ἀνιᾷ γάρ σε, οἶμαι, καὶ στρέφει τὸ μὴ σαφῶς τὰ ἐπὶ γῆς ὁρᾶν·. εὖ γε ἐποίησας, ἦν δʼ ἐγώ, βέλτιστε Ἐμπεδόκλεις, κἀπειδὰν τάχιστα κατάπτωμαι πάλιν ἐς τὴν Ἑλλάδα, μεμνήσομαι σπένδειν τέ σοι ἐπὶ τῆς καπνοδόκης κἀν ταῖς νουμηνίαις πρὸς τὴν σελήνην τρὶς ἐγχανὼν προσεύχεσθαι. ἀλλὰ μὰ τὸν Ἐνδυμίωνα, ἦ δʼ ὅς, οὐχὶ τοῦ μισθοῦ χάριν ἀφῖγμαι, πέπονθα δέ τι τὴν ψυχὴν ἰδών σε λελυπημένον. ἀτὰρ οἶσθα ὅ τι δράσας ὀξυδερκὴς γενήσῃ;

[¶33] 14. Menippus: ‘I have no idea, unless you were to remove the mist from my eyes for me; the sight seems quite bleared.’ ‘Oh, you can do without me; the thing that gives sharp sight you have brought with you from Earth.’ ‘Unconsciously, then; what is it??. ‘Why, you know that you have on an eagle’s right wing?? ‘Of course I do; but what have wings and eyes to do with one another?? ‘Only this,’ he said; ‘the eagle is far the strongest-eyed of all living things, the only one that can look straight at the sun; the test of the true royal eagle is, his meeting its rays without blinking.’ ‘So I have heard; I wish I had taken out my own eyes when I was starting, and substituted the eagle’s. I am an imperfect specimen now I am here, not up to the royal standard at all, but like the rejected bastards.’ ‘Well, you can very soon acquire one royal eye. If you will stand up for a minute, keep the vulture wing still, and work the other, your right eye, corresponding to that wing, will gain strength. As for the other, its dimness cannot possibly be obviated, as it belongs to the inferior member.’ 'Oh, I shall be quite content with aquiline vision for the right eye only,’ I said; ‘I have often observed that carpenters in ruling their wood find one better than two.’ So saying, I proceeded to carry out my instructions at once. Empedocles began gradually to disappear, and at last vanished in smoke.

> Greek: 14. Μένιππος: μὰ Δίʼ, ἦν δʼ ἐγώ, ἢν μὴ σύ μοιτὴν ἀχλύν πως ἀφέλῃς ἀπὸ τῶν ὀμμάτων· νῦν γὰρ δὴ λημᾶν οὐ μετρίως δοκῶ. καὶ μὴν οὐδέν σε, ἦ δʼ ὅς, ἐμοῦ δεήσει· τὸ γὰρ ὀξυδερκὲς αὐτὸς ἤδη γῆθεν ἥκεις ἔχων. τί οὖν τοῦτό ἐστιν; οὐ γὰρ οἶδʼ, ἔφην. οὐκ οἶσθα, ἦ δʼ ὅς, ἀετοῦτὴν πτέρυγα τὴν δεξιὰν περικείμενος; καὶ μάλα, ἦν δʼ ἐγώ· τί δʼ οὖν πτέρυγι καὶ ὀφθαλμῷ κοινόν ἐστιν; ὅτι, ἦ δʼ ὅς, παρὰ πολὺ τῶν ἄλλων ζῴων ἀετός ἐστιν ὀξυωπέστατος, ὥστε μόνος ἀντίον δέδορκε τῷ ἡλίῳ, καὶ τοῦτό ἐστιν ὁ γνήσιος καὶ βασιλεὺς ἀετός, ἢν ἀσκαρδαμυκτὶ πρὸς τὰς ἀκτῖνας βλέπῃ. φασὶ ταῦτα, ἦν δʼ ἐγώ, καί μοι ἤδη μεταμέλει ὅτι δεῦρο ἀνιὼν οὐχὶ τὼ ὀφθαλμὼ τοῦ ἀετοῦ ἐνεθέμην τοὺς ἐμοὺς ἐξελών· ὡς νῦν γε ἡμιτελὴς ἀφῖγμαι καὶ οὐ πάντα βασιλικῶς ἐνεσκευασμένος, ἀλλʼ ἔοικα τοῖς νόθοις ἐκείνοις καὶ ἀποκηρύκτοις. καὶ μὴν πάρα σοί, ἦ δʼ ὅς, αὐτίκα μάλα τὸν ἕτερον ὀφθαλμὸν ἔχειν βασιλικόν· ἢν γὰρ ἐθελήσῃς μικρὸν ἀναστὰς ἐπισχὼν τοῦ γυπὸςτὴν πτέρυγα θατέρᾳ μόνῃ πτερύξασθαι, κατὰ λόγον τῆς πτέρυγος τὸν δεξιὸν ὀφθαλμὸν ὀξυδερκὴς ἔσῃ· τὸν δὲ ἕτερον οὐδεμία μηχανὴ μὴ οὐκ ἀμβλύτερον δεδορκέναι τῆς μερίδος ὄντα τῆς χείρονος. ἃλις, ἦν δʼ ἐγώ, εἰ καὶ ὁ δεξιὸς μόνος ἀετῶδες βλέποι· οὐδὲν γὰρ ἂν ἔλαττον γένοιτο, ἐπεὶ καὶ τοὺς τέκτονας πολλάκις ἑωρακέναι μοι δοκῶ θατέρῳ τῶν ὀφθαλμῶν ἄμεινον πρὸς τοὺς κανόνας ἀπευθύνοντας τὰ ξύλα. Ταῦτα εἰπὼν ἐποίουν ἅμα τὰ ὑπὸ τοῦ Ἐμπεδοκλέους παρηγγελμένα· ὁ δὲ κατʼ ὀλίγον ὑπαπιὼν ἐς καπνὸν ἠρέμα διελύετο.

[¶34] 15. Menippus: I had no sooner flapped the wing than a flood of light enveloped me, and things that before I had not even been aware of became perfectly clear. I turned my eyes down earthwards, and with ease discerned cities, men, and all that was going on, not merely in the open, but in the fancied security of houses, There was Ptolemy in his sister’s arms, the son of Lysimachus plotting against his father, Seleucus’s son Antiochus making signs to his step-mother Stratonice, Alexander of Pherae being murdered by his wife, Antigonus corrupting his daughter-inlaw, the son of Attalus putting the poison in his cup; Arsaces was in the act of slaying his mistress, while the eunuch Arbaces drew his sword upon him; the guards were dragging Spatinus the Mede out from the banquet by the foot, with the lump on his brow from the golden cup. Similar sights were to be seen in the palaces of Libya and Scythia and Thrace—adulteries, murders, treasons, robberies, perjuries, suspicions, and monstrous betrayals.

> Greek: 15. Μένιππος: κἀπειδὴ τάχιστα ἐπτερυξάμην, αὐτίκα φῶς με πάμπολυ περιέλαμψε καὶ τὰ τέως λανθάνοντα πάντα διεφαίνετο· κατακύψας γοῦν ἐς τὴν γῆν ἑώρων σαφῶς τὰς πόλεις, τοὺς ἀνθρώπους, τὰ γιγνόμενα, καὶ οὐ τὰ ἐν ὑπαίθρῳ μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ ὁπόσα οἴκοι ἔπραττον οἰόμενοι λανθάνειν, Πτολεμαῖον μὲν συνόντα τῇ ἀδελφῇ, Λυσιμάχῳ δὲ τὸν υἱὸν ἐπιβουλεύοντα, τὸν Σελεύκου δὲ Ἀντίοχον Στρατονίκῃ διανεύοντα λάθρα τῇ μητρυιᾷ, τὸν δὲ Θετταλὸν Ἀλέξανδρον ὑπὸ τῆς γυναικὸς ἀναιρούμενον καὶ Ἀντίγονον μοιχεύοντα τοῦ υἱοῦ τὴν γυναῖκα καὶ Ἀττάλῳ τὸν υἱὸν ἐγχέοντα τὸ φάρμακον, ἑτέρωθι δʼ αὖ Ἀρσάκην φονεύοντα τὸ γύναιον καὶ τὸν εὐνοῦχον Ἀρβάκην ἕλκοντα τὸ ξίφος ἐπὶ τὸν Ἀρσάκην, Σπατῖνος δὲ ὁ Μῆδος ἐκ τοῦ συμποσίου πρὸς τῶν δορυφορούντων εἵλκετο ἔξω τοῦ ποδὸς σκύφῳ χρυσῷ τὴν ὀφρὺν κατηλοημένος. ὅμοια δὲ τούτοις ἔν τε Λιβύῃ καὶ παρὰ Σκύθαις καὶ Θρᾳξὶ γινόμενα ἐν τοῖς βασιλείοις ἦν ὁρᾶν, μοιχεύοντας, φονεύοντας, ἐπιβουλεύοντας, ἁρπάζοντας, ἐπιορκοῦντας, δεδιότας, ὑπὸ τῶν οἰκειοτάτων προδιδομένους.

[¶35] 16. Menippus: Such was the entertainment afforded me by royalty; private life was much more amusing; for I could make that out too. I saw Hermodorus the Epicurean perjuring himself for £40, Agathocles the Stoic suing a pupil for his fees, lawyer Clinias stealing a bowl from the temple of Asclepius, and Herophilus the cynic sleeping in a brothel. Not to mention the multitude of burglars, litigants, usurers, duns; oh, it was a fine representative show!

> Greek: 16. Μένιππος: καὶ τὰ μὲν τῶν βασιλέων τοιαύτην παρέσχε μοι τὴν διατριβήν, τὰ δὲ τῶν ἰδιωτῶν πολὺ γελοιότερα· καὶ γὰρ αὖ κἀκείνους ἑώρων, Ἑρμόδωρον μὲν τὸν Ἐπικούρειον χιλίων ἕνεκα δραχμῶν ἐπιορκοῦντα, τὸν Στωϊκὸν δὲ Ἀγαθοκλέα περὶ μισθοῦ τῷ μαθητῇ δικαζόμενον, Κλεινίαν δὲ τὸν ῥήτορα ἐκ τοῦ Ἀσκληπιείου φιάλην ὑφαιρούμενον, τὸν δὲ Κυνικὸν Ἡρόφιλον ἐν τῷ χαμαιτυπείῳ καθεύδοντα. τί γὰρ ἂν τοὺς ἄλλους λέγοιμι, τοὺς τοιχωρυχοῦντας, τοὺς δεκαζομένους, τοὺς δανείζοντας, τοὺς ἐπαιτοῦντας; ὅλως γὰρ ποικίλη καὶ παντοδαπή τις ἦν ἡ θέα.

[¶36] Friend: I must say, Menippus, I should have liked the details here too; it all seems to have been very much to your taste.

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: καὶ μὴν καὶ ταῦτα, ὦ Μένιππε, καλῶς εἶχε λέγειν· ἔοικε γὰρ οὐ τὴν τυχοῦσαν τερπωλήν σοι παρεσχῆσθαι.

[¶37] Menippus: I could not go through the whole of it, even to please you; to take it in with the eyes kept one busy. But the main divisions were very much what Homer gives from the shield of Achilles: here junketings and marriages, there courts and councils, in another compartment a sacrifice, and hard by a mourning. If I glanced at Getica, I would see the Getae at war; at Scythia, there were the Scythians wandering about on their waggons; half a turn in another direction gave me Egyptians at the plough, or Phoenicians chaffering, Cilician pirates, Spartan flagellants, Athenians at law.

> Greek: Μένιππος: πάντα μὲν ἑξῆς διελθεῖν, ὦ φιλότης, ἀδύνατον, ὅπου γε καὶ ὁρᾶν αὐτὰ ἔργον ἦν· τὰ μέντοι κεφάλαια τῶν πραγμάτων τοιαῦτα ἐφαίνετο οἷά φησιν Ὅμηρος τὰ ἐπὶ τῆς ἀσπίδος· οὗ μὲν γὰρ ἦσαν εἰλαπίναι καὶ γάμοι, ἑτέρωθι δὲ δικαστήρια καὶ ἐκκλησίαι, καθʼ ἕτερον δὲ μέρος ἔθυέ τις, ἐν γειτόνων δὲ πενθῶν ἄλλος ἐφαίνετο· καὶ ὅτε μὲν ἐς τὴν Γετικὴν ἀποβλέψαιμι, πολεμοῦντας ἂν ἑώρων τοὺς Γέτας· ὅτε δὲ μεταβαίην ἐπὶ τοὺς Σκύθας, πλανωμένους ἐπὶ τῶν ἁμαξῶν ἦν ἰδεῖν· μικρὸν δὲ ἐγκλίνας τὸν ὀφθαλμὸν ἐπὶ θάτερα τοὺς Αἰγυπτίους γεωργοῦντας ἐπέβλεπον, καὶ ὁ Φοῖνιξ ἐνεπορεύετο καὶ ὁ Κίλιξ ἐλῄστευεν καὶ ὁ Λάκων ἐμαστιγοῦτο καὶ ὁ Ἀθηναῖος ἐδικάζετο.

## 2. Sections 17–34

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-icaromenippus/2/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-icaromenippus/2/#p-N

[¶0] 17. Menippus: All this was simultaneous, you understand; and you must try to conceive what a queer jumble it all made. It was as if aman were to collect a number of choristers, or rather of choruses, and then tell each individual to disregard the others and start a strain of his own; if each did his best, went his own way, and tried to drown his neighbour, can you imagine what the musical effect would be?

> Greek: 17. Μένιππος: ἁπάντων δὲ τούτων ὑπὸ τὸν αὐτὸν γινομένων χρόνον ὥρα σοι ἤδη ἐπινοεῖν ὁποῖός τις ὁ κυκεὼν οὗτος ἐφαίνετο. ὥσπερ ἂν εἴ τις παραστησάμενος πολλοὺς χορευτάς, μᾶλλον δὲ πολλοὺς χορούς, ἔπειτα προστάξειε τῶν ᾀδόντων ἑκάστῳ τὴν συνῳδίαν ἀφέντα ἴδιον ᾄδειν μέλος, φιλοτιμουμένου δὲ ἑκάστου καὶ τὸ ἴδιον περαίνοντος καὶ τὸν πλησίον ὑπερβαλέσθαι τῇ μεγαλοφωνίᾳ προθυμουμένου — ἆρα ἐνθυμῇ πρὸς Διὸς οἵα γένοιτʼ ἂν ἡ ᾠδή;

[¶1] Friend: A very ridiculous confusion.

> Greek: Ἕταιρος: παντάπασιν, ὦ Μένιππε, παγγέλοιος καὶ τεταραγμένη.

[¶2] Menippus: Well, friend, such are the earthly dancers; the life of man is just such a discordant performance; not only are the voices jangled, but the steps are not uniform, the motions not concerted, the objects not agreed upon—until the impresario dismisses them one by one from the stage, with a ‘not wanted.’ Then they are all alike, and quiet enough, confounding no longer their undisciplined rival strains. But as long as the show lasts in its marvellous diversity, there is plenty of food for _ laughter in its vagaries.

> Greek: Μένιππος: καὶ μήν, ὦ ἑταῖρε, τοιοῦτοι πάντες εἰσὶν οἱ ἐπὶ γῆς χορευταὶ κἀκ τοιαύτης ἀναρμοστίας ὁ τῶν ἀνθρώπων βίος συντέτακται, οὐ μόνον ἀπῳδὰ φθεγγομένων, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἀνομοίων τὰ σχήματα καὶ τἀναντία κινουμένων καὶ ταὐτὸν οὐδὲν ἐπινοούντων, ἄχρι ἂν αὐτῶν ἕκαστον ὁ χορηγὸς ἀπελάσῃ τῆς σκηνῆς οὐκέτι δεῖσθαι λέγων· τοὐντεῦθεν δὲ ὅμοιοι πάντες ἤδη σιωπῶντες, οὐκέτι τὴν συμμιγῆ καὶ ἄτακτον ἐκείνην ᾠδὴν ἀπᾴδοντες. ἀλλʼ ἐν αὐτῷ γε ποικίλῳ καὶ πολυειδεῖ τῷ θεάτρῳ πάντα μὲν γελοῖα δήπουθεν ἦν τὰ γινόμενα.

[¶3] 18. Menippus: The people who most amused me, however, were those who dispute about boundaries, or pride themselves on cultivating the plain of Sicyon, or holding the Oenoé side of Marathon, or a thousand acres at Acharnae. The whole of Greece, as I then saw it, might measure some four inches; how much smaller Athens on the same scale. So I realized what sort of sized basis for their pride remains to our rich men. The widest-acred of them all, methought, was the proud cultivator of an Epicurean atom. Then I looked at the Peloponnese, my eyes fell on the Cynurian district, and the thought occurred that it was for this little plot, no broader than an Egyptian lentil, that all those Argives and Spartans fell in a single day, Or if I saw a man puffed up by the possession of seven or eight gold rings and half as many gold cups, again my lungs would begin to crow; why, Pangaeus with all its mines was about the size of a grain of millet.

> Greek: 18. Μένιππος: μάλιστα δὲ ἐπʼ ἐκείνοις ἐπῄει μοι γελᾶν τοῖς περὶ γῆς ὅρων ἐρίζουσι καὶ τοῖς μέγα φρονοῦσιν ἐπὶ τῷ τὸ Σικυώνιον πεδίον γεωργεῖν ἢ Μαραθῶνος ἔχειν τὰ περὶ τὴν Οἰνόην ἢ Ἀχαρνῆσι πλέθρα κεκτῆσθαι χίλια· τῆς γοῦν Ἑλλάδος ὅλης ὡς τότε μοι ἄνωθεν ἐφαίνετο δακτύλων οὔσης τὸ μέγεθος τεττάρων, κατὰ λόγον, οἶμαι, ἡ Ἀττικὴ πολλοστημόριον ἦν. ὥστε ἐνενόουν ἐφʼ ὁπόσῳ τοῖς πλουσίοις τούτοις μέγα φρονεῖν κατελείπετο· σχεδὸν γὰρ ὁ πολυπλεθρότατος αὐτῶν μίαν τῶν Ἐπικουρείων ἀτόμων ἐδόκει μοι γεωργεῖν. ἀποβλέψας δὲ δὴ καὶ ἐς τὴν Πελοπόννησον, εἶτα τὴν Κυνουρίαν γῆν ἰδὼν ἀνεμνήσθην περὶ ὅσου χωρίου, κατʼ οὐδὲν Αἰγυπτίου φακοῦ πλατυτέρου, τοσοῦτοι ἔπεσον Ἀργείων καὶ Λακεδαιμονίων μιᾶς ἡμέρας. καὶ μὴν εἴ τινα ἴδοιμι ἐπὶ χρυσῷ μέγα φρονοῦντα, ὅτι δακτυλίους τε εἶχεν ὀκτὼ καὶ φιάλας τέτταρας, πάνυ καὶ ἐπὶ τούτῳ ἂν ἐγέλων· τὸ γὰρ Πάγγαιον ὅλον αὐτοῖς μετάλλοις κεγχριαῖον ἦν τὸ μέγεθος.

[¶4] 19. Friend: You lucky man! what a rare sight you had! And how big, now, did the towns and the people look from there?

> Greek: 19. Ἕταιρος: ὦ μακάριε Μένιππε τῆς παραδόξου θέας. αἱ δὲ δὴ πόλεις πρὸς Διὸς καὶ οἱ ἄνδρες αὐτοὶ πηλίκοι διεφαίνοντο ἄνωθεν;

[¶5] Menippus: You must often have seen a community of ants, some of them a seething mass, some going abroad, others coming back to town. One is a scavenger, another a bustling porter loaded with a bit of bean-pod or half a wheat grain. They no doubt have, on their modest myrmecic scale, their architects and politicians, their magistrates and composers and philosophers. At any rate, what men and cities suggested to me was just so many ant-hills. If you think the similitude too disparaging, look into the Thessalian legends, and you will find that the most warlike tribe there was the Myrmidons, or ants turned men. Well, when I had had enough of contemplation and laughter, I roused myself and soared
To join the Gods, where dwells the Lord of storms.

> Greek: Μένιππος: οἶμαί σε πολλάκις ἤδη μυρμήκων ἀγορὰν ἑωρακέναι, τοὺς μὲν εἰλουμένους περὶ τὸ στόμα τοῦ φωλεοῦ κἀν τῷ μέσῳ πολιτευομένους, ἐνίους δʼ ἐξιόντας, ἑτέρους δὲ ἐπανιόντας αὖθις εἰς τὴν πόλιν· καὶ ὁ μέν τις τὴν κόπρον ἐκφέρει, ὁ δὲ ἁρπάσας ποθὲν ἢ κυάμου λέπος ἢ πυροῦ ἡμίτομον θεῖ φέρων. εἰκὸς δὲ εἶναι παρʼ αὐτοῖς κατὰ λόγον τοῦ μυρμήκων βίου καὶ οἰκοδόμους τινὰς καὶ δημαγωγοὺς καὶ πρυτάνεις καὶ μουσικοὺς καὶ φιλοσόφους. πλὴν αἵ γε πόλεις αὐτοῖς ἀνδράσι ταῖς μυρμηκιαῖς μάλιστα ἐῴκεσαν. εἰ δέ σοι μικρὸν δοκεῖ τὸ παράδειγμα, τὸ ἀνθρώπους εἰκάσαι τῇ μυρμήκων πολιτείᾳ, τοὺς παλαιοὺς μύθους ἐπίσκεψαι τῶν Θετταλῶν· εὑρήσεις γὰρ τοὺς Μυρμιδόνας, τὸ μαχιμώτατον φῦλον, ἐκ μυρμήκων ἄνδρας γεγονότας. ἐπειδὴ δʼ οὖν πάντα ἱκανῶς ἑώρατο καὶ κατεγεγέλαστό μοι, διασείσας ἐμαυτὸν ἀνεπτόμην δώματʼ ἐς αἰγιόχοιο Διὸς μετὰ δαίμονας ἄλλους.

[¶6] 20. Menippus: I had only flown a couple of hundred yards, when Selene’s feminine voice reached me: ‘Menippus, do me an errand to Zeus, and I will wish you a pleasant journey.’ ‘You have only to name it,’ I said, ‘provided it is not something to carry.’ ‘It is a simple message of entreaty to Zeus. I am tired to death, you must know, of being slandered by these philosophers; they have no better occupation than impertinent curiosity about me—What am I? how big am 1? why am I halved? why am I gibbous? Iam inhabited; I am just a mirror hung over the sea; I am—whatever their latest fancy suggests. It is the last straw when they say my light is stolen, sham, imported from the sun, and keep on doing their best to get up jealousy and ill feeling between brother and sister. They might have been contented with making him out a stone or a red-hot lump.

> Greek: 20. Μένιππος: οὔπω στάδιον ἀνεληλύθειν καὶ ἡ Σελήνη γυναικείαν φωνὴν προϊεμένη, Μένιππε, φησίν, οὕτως ὄναιο, διακόνησαί μοί τι πρὸς τὸν Δία. λέγοις ἄν, ἦν δʼ ἐγώ· βαρὺ γὰρ οὐδέν, ἢν μή τι φέρειν δέῃ. πρεσβείαν, ἔφη, τινὰ οὐ χαλεπὴν καὶ δέησιν ἀπένεγκε παρʼ ἐμοῦ τῷ Διί· ἀπείρηκα γὰρ ἤδη, Μένιππε, πολλὰ καὶ δεινὰ παρὰ τῶν φιλοσόφων ἀκούουσα, οἷς οὐδὲν ἕτερόν ἐστιν ἔργον ἢ τἀμὰ πολυπραγμονεῖν, τίς εἰμι καὶ πηλίκη, καὶ διʼ ἥντινα αἰτίαν διχότομος ἢ ἀμφίκυρτος γίγνομαι. καὶ οἱ μὲν κατοικεῖσθαί μέ φασιν, οἱ δὲ κατόπτρου δίκην ἐπικρέμασθαι τῇ θαλάττῃ, οἱ δὲ ὅ τι ἂν ἕκαστος ἐπινοήσῃ τοῦτό μοι προσάπτουσι. τὰ τελευταῖα δὲ καὶ τὸ φῶς αὐτὸ κλοπιμαῖόν τε καὶ νόθον εἶναί μοί φασιν ἄνωθεν ἧκον παρὰ τοῦ Ἡλίου, καὶ οὐ παύονται καὶ πρὸς τοῦτόν με ἀδελφὸν ὄντα συγκροῦσαι καὶ στασιάσαι προαιρούμενοι· οὐ γὰρ ἱκανὰ ἦν αὐτοῖς ἃ περὶ αὐτοῦ εἰρήκασι τοῦ Ἡλίου, λίθον αὐτὸν εἶναι καὶ μύδρον διάπυρον.

[¶7] 21. Menippus: ‘These gentry who in the day look so stern and manly, dress so gravely, and are so revered by common men, would be surprised to learn how much I know of their vile nightly abominations, I see them all, though I never tell; it would be too indecent to make revelations, and show up the contrast between their nightly doings and their public performances; so, if I catch one of them in adultery or theft or other nocturnal adventure, I pull my cloud veil over me; I do not want the vulgar to see old men disgracing their long beards and their virtuous calling. But they go on giving tongue and worrying me all the same, and, so help me Night, I have thought many a time of going a long, long way off, out of reach of their impertinent tongues. Will you remember to tell Zeus all this? and you may add that I cannot remain at my post unless he will pulverize the physicists, muzzle the logicians, raze the Porch, burn the Academy, and put an end to strolling in the Lyceum. That might secure mea little peace from these daily mensurations.’

> Greek: 21. Μένιππος: καίτοι πόσα ἐγὼ συνεπίσταμαι αὐτοῖς ἃ πράττουσι τῶν νυκτῶν αἰσχρὰ καὶ κατάπτυστα οἱ μεθʼ ἡμέραν σκυθρωποὶ καὶ ἀνδρώδεις τὸ βλέμμα καὶ τὸ σχῆμα σεμνοὶ καὶ ὑπὸ τῶν ἰδιωτῶν ἀποβλεπόμενοι; κἀγὼ μὲν ταῦτα ὁρῶσα ὅμως σιωπῶ· οὐ γὰρ ἡγοῦμαι πρέπειν ἀποκαλύψαι καὶ διαφωτίσαι τὰς νυκτερινὰς ἐκείνας διατριβὰς καὶ τὸν ὑπὸ σκηνῆς ἑκάστου βίον, ἀλλὰ κἄν τινα ἴδω αὐτῶν μοιχεύοντα ἢ κλέπτοντα ἢ ἄλλο τι τολμῶντα νυκτερινώτατον, εὐθὺς ἐπισπασαμένη τὸ νέφος ἐνεκαλυψάμην, ἵνα μὴ δείξω τοῖς πολλοῖς γέροντας ἄνδρας βαθεῖ πώγωνι καὶ ἀρετῇ ἐνασχημονοῦντας. οἱ δὲ οὐδὲν ἀνιᾶσι διασπαράττοντές με τῷ λόγῳ καὶ πάντα τρόπον ὑβρίζοντες, ὥστε νὴ τὴν Νύκτα πολλάκις ἐβουλευσάμην μετοικῆσαι ὅτι πορρωτάτω, ἵνʼ αὐτῶν τὴν περίεργον ἂν γλῶτταν διέφυγον. μέμνησο οὖν ταῦτά τε ἀπαγγεῖλαι τῷ Διὶ καὶ προσθεῖναι δʼ ὅτι μὴ δυνατόν ἐστί μοι κατὰ χώραν μένειν, ἢν μὴ τοὺς φυσικοὺς ἐκεῖνος ἐπιτρίψῃ καὶ τοὺς διαλεκτικοὺς ἐπιστομίσῃ καὶ τὴν Στοὰν κατασκάψῃ καὶ τὴν Ἀκαδημίαν καταφλέξῃ καὶ παύσῃ τὰς ἐν τοῖς περιπάτοις διατριβάς· οὕτω γὰρ ἂν εἰρήνην ἀγάγοιμι καὶ παυσαίμην ὁσημέραι παρʼ αὐτῶν γεωμετρουμένη.

[¶8] 22. Menippus: ‘I will remember,’ said I, and resumed my upward flight to Heaven, through
A region where nor ox nor man had wrought.
For the Moon was soon but a small object, with the Earth entirely hidden behind it. Three days’ flight through the stars, with the Sun on my right hand, brought me close to Heaven; and my first idea was to go straight in as I was; I should easily pass unobserved in virtue of my half-eagleship; for of course the eagle was Zeus’s familiar; on second thoughts, though, my vulture wing would very soon betray me. So, thinking it better not to run any risks, I went up to the door and knocked. Hermes opened, took my name, and hurried off to inform Zeus. After a brief wait I was asked to step in; I was now trembling with apprehension, and I found that the Gods, who were all seated together, were not quite easy themselves. The unexpected nature of the visit was slightly disturbing to them, and they had visions of all mankind arriving at my heels by the same conveyance.

> Greek: 22. Μένιππος: ἔσται ταῦτα, ἦν δʼ ἐγώ, καὶ ἅμα πρὸς τὸ ἄναντες ἔτεινον τὴν ἐπὶ τοῦ οὐρανοῦ, ἔνθα μὲν οὔτε βοῶν οὔτ’ ἀνδρῶν φαίνετο ἔργα· μετʼ ὀλίγον γὰρ καὶ ἡ σελήνη βραχεῖά μοι καθεωρᾶτο καὶ τὴν γῆν ἤδη ἀπέκρυπτον. λαβὼν δὲ τὸν ἥλιον ἐν δεξιᾷ διὰ τῶν ἀστέρων πετόμενος τριταῖος ἐπλησίασα τῷ οὐρανῷ, καὶ τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἐδόκει μοι ὡς εἶχον εὐθὺς εἴσω παριέναι· ῥᾳδίως γὰρ ᾤμην διαλαθεῖν ἅτε ἐξ ἡμισείας ὢν ἀετός, τὸν δὲ ἀετὸν ἠπιστάμην ἐκ παλαιοῦ συνήθη τῷ Διί· ὕστερον δὲ ἐλογισάμην ὡς τάχιστα καταφωράσουσί με γυπὸς τὴν ἑτέραν πτέρυγα περικείμενον. ἄριστον γοῦν κρίνας τὸ μὴ παρακινδυνεύειν ἔκοπτον προσελθὼν τὴν θύραν. ὑπακούσας δὲ ὁ Ἑρμῆς καὶ τοὔνομα ἐκπυθόμενος ἀπῄει κατὰ σπουδὴν φράσων τῷ Διί, καὶ μετʼ ὀλίγον εἰσεκλήθην πάνυ δεδιὼς καὶ τρέμων, καταλαμβάνω τε πάντας ἅμα συγκαθημένους οὐδὲ αὐτοὺς ἀφρόντιδας· ὑπετάραττε γὰρ ἡσυχῇ τὸ παράδοξον μου τῆς ἐπιδημίας, καὶ ὅσον οὐδέπω πάντας ἀνθρώπους ἀφίξεσθαι προσεδόκων τὸν αὐτὸν τρόπον ἐπτερωμένους.

[¶9] 23. Menippus: But Zeus bent upon me a Titanic glance, awful, penetrating, and spoke: Who art thou? where thy city? who thy kin? At the sound, I nearly died of fear, but remained upright, though mute and paralysed by that thunderous voice. I gradually recovered, began at the beginning, and gave a clear account of myself—how I had been possessed with curiosity about the heavens, had gone to the philosophers, found their accounts conflicting, and grown tired of being logically rent in twain; so I came to my great idea, my wings, and ultimately to Heaven; I added Selene’s message. Zeus smiled and slightly unbent his brow. ‘What of Otus and Ephialtes now?’ he said; ‘here is Menippus scaling Heaven! “Well, well, for to-day consider yourself our guest. To-morrow we will treat with you of your business, and send you on your way.’ And therewith he rose and walked to the acoustic centre of Heaven, it being prayer time.

> Greek: 23. Μένιππος: ὁ δὲ Ζεὺς μάλα φοβερῶς, δριμύ τε καὶ τιτανῶδες εἰς ἐμὲ ἀπιδών, φησί Τίς πόθεν εἶς ἀνδρῶν, πόθι τοι πόλις ἠδὲ τοκῆες; Ἐγὼ δὲ ὡς τοῦτʼ ἤκουσα„ μικροῦ μὲν ἐξέθανον ὑπὸ τοῦ δέους, εἱστήκειν δὲ ὅμως ἀχανὴς καὶ ὑπὸ τῆς μεγαλοφωνίας ἐμβεβροντημένος. χρόνῳ δʼ ἐμαυτὸν ἀναλαβὼν ἅπαντα διηγούμην σαφῶς ἄνωθεν ἀρξάμενος, ὡς ἐπιθυμήσαιμι τὰ μετέωρα ἐκμαθεῖν, ὡς ἔλθοιμι παρὰ τοὺς φιλοσόφους, ὡς τἀναντία λεγόντων ἀκούσαιμι, ὡς ἀπαγορεύσαιμι διασπώμενος ὑπὸ τῶν λόγων, εἶτα ἑξῆς τὴν ἐπίνοιαν καὶ τὰ πτερὰ καὶ τὰ ἄλλα πάντα μέχρι πρὸς τὸν οὐρανόν· ἐπὶ πᾶσι δὲ προσέθηκα τὰ ὑπὸ τῆς Σελήνης ἐπεσταλμένα. μειδιάσας δʼ οὖν ὁ Ζεὺς καὶ μικρὸν ἐπανεὶς τῶν ὀφρύων, τί ἂν λέγοις, φησίν, Ὤτου πέρι καὶ Ἐφιάλτου, ὅπου καὶ Μένιππος ἐτόλμησεν ἐς τὸν οὐρανὸν ἀνελθεῖν; ἀλλὰ νῦν μὲν ἐπὶ ξένια σε καλοῦμεν, αὔριον δέ, ἔφη, περὶ ὧν ἥκεις χρηματίσαντες ἀποπέμψομεν. καὶ ἅμα ἐξαναστὰς ἐβάδιζεν ἐς τὸ ἐπηκοώτατον τοῦ οὐρανοῦ· καιρὸς γὰρ ἦν ἐπὶ τῶν εὐχῶν καθέζεσθαι.

[¶10] 24. Menippus: As he went, he put questions to me about earthly affairs, beginning with, What was wheat a quarter in Greece? had we suffered much from cold last winter? and did the vegetables want more rain? Then he wished to know whether any of Phidias’s kin were alive, why there had been no Diasia at Athens all these years, whether his Olympieum was ever going to be completed, and had the robbers of his temple at Dodona been caught? I answered all these questions, and he proceeded:—‘Tell me, Menippus, what are men’s feelings towards me?’ ‘What should they be, Lord, but those of absolute reverence, as to the King of all Gods?’ ‘Now, now, chaffing as usual,’ he said; ‘I know their fickleness very well, for all your dissimulation. There was a time when I was their prophet, their healer, and their all,
And Zeus filled every street and gathering-place.
In those days Dodona and Pisa were glorious and far-famed, and I could not get a view for the clouds of sacrificial steam. But now Apollo has set up his oracle at Delphi, Asclepius his temple of health at Pergamum, Bendis and Anubis and Artemis their shrines in Thrace, Egypt, Ephesus; and to these all run; theirs the festal gatherings and the hecatombs. As for me, I am superannuated; they think themselves very generous if they offer me a victim at Olympia at four-year intervals. My altars are cold as Plato’s Laws or Chrysippus’s Syllogisms.’

> Greek: 24. Μένιππος: μεταξύ τε προϊὼν ἀνέκρινέ με περὶ τῶν ἐν τῇ γῇ πραγμάτων, τὰ πρῶτα μὲν ἐκεῖνα, πόσου νῦν ὁ πυρός ἐστιν ὤνιος ἐπὶ τῆς Ἑλλάδος, καὶ εἰ σφόδρα ὑμῶν ὁ πέρυσι χειμὼν καθίκετο, καὶ εἰ τὰ λάχανα δεῖται πλείονος ἐπομβρίας. μετὰ δὲ ἠρώτα εἴ τις ἔτι λείπεται τῶν ἀπὸ Φειδίου καὶ διʼ ἣν αἰτίαν ἐλλείποιεν Ἀθηναῖοι τὰ Διάσια τοσούτων ἐτῶν, καὶ εἰ τὸ Ὀλυμπίειον αὐτῷ ἐπιτελέσαι διανοοῦνται, καὶ εἰ συνελήφθησαν οἱ τὸν ἐν Δωδώνῃ νεὼν σεσυληκότες. ἐπεὶ δὲ περὶ τούτων ἀπεκρινάμην, εἰπέ μοι, Μένιππε, ἔφη, περὶ δὲ ἐμοῦ οἱ ἄνθρωποι τίνα γνώμην ἔχουσι; τίνα, ἔφην, δέσποτα, ἢ τὴν εὐσεβεστάτην, βασιλέα σε πάντων εἶναι θεῶν; παίζεις ἔχων, ἔφη· τὸ δὲ φιλόκαινον αὐτῶν ἀκριβῶς οἶδα, κἂν μὴ λέγῃς. ἦν γάρ ποτε χρόνος, ὅτε καὶ μάντις ἐδόκουν αὐτοῖς καὶ ἰατρὸς καὶ πάντα ὅλως ἦν ἐγώ,
μεσταὶ δὲ Διὸς πᾶσαι μὲν ἀγυιαί,
πᾶσαι δ' ἀνθρώπων ἀγοραί·
καὶ ἡ Δωδώνη τότε καὶ ἡ Πῖσα λαμπραὶ καὶ περίβλεπτοι πᾶσιν ἦσαν, ὑπὸ δὲ τοῦ καπνοῦ τῶν θυσιῶν οὐδὲ ἀναβλέπειν μοι δυνατόν· ἐξ οὗ δὲ ἐν Δελφοῖς μὲν Ἀπόλλων τὸ μαντεῖον κατεστήσατο, ἐν Περγάμῳ δὲ τὸ ἰατρεῖον ὁ Ἀσκληπιὸς καὶ τὸ Βενδίδειον ἐγένετο ἐν Θρᾴκῃ καὶ τὸ Ἀνουβίδειον ἐν Αἰγύπτῳ καὶ τὸ Ἀρτεμίσιον ἐν Ἐφέσῳ, ἐπὶ ταῦτα μὲν ἅπαντες θέουσι καὶ πανηγύρεις ἀνάγουσι καὶ ἑκατόμβας παριστᾶσι καὶ χρυσᾶς πλίνθους ἀνατιθέασιν ἐμὲ δὲ παρηβηκότα ἱκανῶς τετιμηκέναι νομίζουσιν, ἂν διὰ πέντε ὅλων ἐτῶν θύσωσιν ἐν Ὀλυμπίᾳ. τοιγαροῦν ψυχροτέρους ἄν μου τοὺς βωμοὺς ἴδοις τῶν Πλάτωνος νόμων ἢ τῶν Χρυσίππου συλλογισμῶν.

[¶11] 25. Menippus: So talking, we reached the spot where he was to sit and listen to the prayers. There was a row of openings with lids like wellcovers, and a chair of gold by each. Zeus took his seat at the first, lifted off the lid and inclined his ear. From every quarter of Earth were coming the most various and contradictory petitions; for I too bent down my head and listened. Here are specimens. ‘O Zeus, that I might be king!’ ‘O Zeus, that my onions and garlic might thrive!’ ‘Ye Gods, a speedy death for my father!? Or again, ‘Would that I might succeed to my wife’s property!’ ‘Grant that my plot against my brother be not detected.’ ‘Let me win my suit. ‘Give me an Olympic garland.’ Of those at sea, one prayed for a north, another for a south wind; the farmer asked for rain, the fuller for sun. Zeus listened, and gave each prayer careful consideration, but without promising to grant them all;
Our Father this bestowed, and that withheld.
Righteous prayers he allowed to come up through the hole, received and laid them down at his right, while he sent the unholy ones packing with a downward puff of breath, that Heaven might not be defiled by their entrance. In one case I saw him puzzled; two men praying for opposite things and promising the same sacrifices, he could not tell which of them to favour, and experienced a truly Academic suspense of judgement, showing a reserve and equilibrium worthy of Pyrrho himself.

> Greek: 25. Μένιππος: τοιαῦθʼ ἅμα διεξιόντες ἀφικνούμεθα ἐς τὸ χωρίον ἔνθα ἔδει αὐτὸν καθεζόμενον διακοῦσαι τῶν εὐχῶν. θυρίδες δὲ ἦσαν ἑξῆς τοῖς στομίοις τῶν φρεάτων ἐοικυῖαι πώματα ἔχουσαι, καὶ παρʼ ἑκάστῃ θρόνος ἔκειτο χρυσοῦς. καθίσας οὖν ἑαυτόν·ἑαυτόν· ἐπὶ τῆς πρώτης ὁ Ζεὺς καὶ ἀφελὼν τὸ πῶμα παρεῖχε τοῖς εὐχομένοις ἑαυτόν·ἑαυτόν· εὔχοντο δὲ πανταχόθεν τῆς γῆς διάφορα καὶ ποικίλα. συμπαρακύψας γὰρ καὶ αὐτὸς ἐπήκουον ἅμα τῶν εὐχῶν. ἦσαν δὲ τοιαίδε, ὦ Ζεῦ, βασιλεῦσαί μοι γένοιτο· ὦ Ζεῦ, τὰ κρόμμυά μοι φῦναι καὶ τὰ σκόροδα· Ὦ θεοί, τὸν πατέρα μοι ταχέως ἀποθανεῖν ὁ δέ τις ἂν ἔφη, εἴθε κληρονομήσαιμι τῆς γυναικός, εἴθε λάθοιμι ἐπιβουλεύσας τῷ ἀδελφῷ, γένοιτό μοι νικῆσαι τὴν δίκην, δὸς στεφθῆναι τὰ Ὀλύμπια. τῶν πλεόντων δὲ ὁ μὲν βορέαν εὔχετο ἐπιπνεῦσαι, ὁ δὲ νότον, ὁ δὲ γεωργὸς ᾔτει ὑετόν, ὁ δὲ γναφεὺς ἥλιον. ἐπακούων δὲ ὁ Ζεὺς καὶ τὴν εὐχὴν ἑκάστην ἀκριβῶς ἐξετάζων οὐ πάντα ὑπισχνεῖτο, ἀλλʼ ἕτερον μὲν ἔδωκε πατήρ, ἕτερον δʼ ἀνένευσε· τὰς μὲν γὰρ δικαίας τῶν εὐχῶν προσίετο ἄνω διὰ τοῦ στομίου καὶ ἐπὶ τὰ δεξιὰ κατετίθει φέρων, τὰς δὲ ἀνοσίους ἀπράκτους αὖθις ἀπέπεμπεν ἀποφυσῶν κάτω, ἵνα μηδὲ πλησίον γένοιντο τοῦ οὐρανοῦ. ἐπὶ μιᾶς δέ τινος εὐχῆς καὶ ἀποροῦντα αὐτὸν ἐθεασάμην· δύο γὰρ ἀνδρῶν τἀναντία εὐχομένων καὶ τὰς ἴσας θυσίας ὑπισχνουμένων οὐκ εἶχεν ὁποτέρῳ μᾶλλον ἐπινεύσειεν αὐτῶν, ὥστε δὴ τὸ Ἀκαδημαϊκὸν ἐκεῖνο ἐπεπόνθει καὶ οὐδέν τι ἀποφήνασθαι δυνατὸς ἦν, ἀλλʼ ὥσπερ ὁ Πύρρων ἐπεῖχεν ἔτι καὶ διεσκέπτετο.

[¶12] 26. Menippus: The prayers disposed of, he went on to the next chair and opening, and attended to oaths and their takers. These done with, and Hermodorus the Epicurean annihilated, he proceeded to the next chair to deal with omens, prophetic voices, and auguries, ‘Then came the turn of the sacrifice aperture, through which the smoke came up and communicated to Zeus the name of the devotee it represented. After that, he was free to give his wind and weather orders:—Rain for Scythia to-day, a thunderstorm for Libya, snow for Greece. The north wind he instructed to blow in Lydia, the west to raise a storm in the Adriatic, the south to take a rest; a thousand bushels of hail to be distributed over Cappadocia.

> Greek: 26. Μένιππος: ἐπεὶ δὲ ἱκανῶς ἐχρημάτισε ταῖς εὐχαῖς, ἐπὶ τὸν ἑξῆς μεταβὰς θρόνον καὶ τὴν δευτέραν θυρίδα κατακύψας τοῖς ὅρκοις ἐσχόλαζε καὶ τοῖς ὀμνύουσι. χρηματίσας δὲ καὶ τούτοις καὶ τὸν Ἐπικούρειον Ἑρμόδωρον ἐπιτρίψας μετεκαθέζετο ἐπὶ τὸν ἑξῆς θρόνον κληδόσι καὶ φήμαις καὶ οἰωνοῖς προσέξων. εἶτʼ ἐκεῖθεν ἐπὶ τὴν τῶν θυσιῶν θυρίδα μετῄει, διʼ ἧς ὁ καπνὸς ἀνιὼν ἀπήγγελλε τῷ Διὶ τοῦ θύοντος ἑκάστου τοὔνομα. ἀποστὰς δὲ τούτων προσέταττε τοῖς ἀνέμοις καὶ ταῖς ὥραις ἃ δεῖ ποιεῖν· τήμερον παρὰ Σκύθαις ὑέτω, παρὰ Λίβυσιν ἀστραπτέτω, παρʼ Ἕλλησι νιφέτω, σὺ δὲ ὁ Βορέας πνεῦσον ἐν Λυδίᾳ, σὺ δὲ ὁ Νότος ἡσυχίαν ἄγε, ὁ δὲ Ζέφυρος τὸν Ἀδρίαν διακυμαινέτω, καὶ τῆς χαλάζης ὅσον μέδιμνοι χίλιοι διασκεδασθήτωσαν ὑπὲρ Καππαδοκίας, Μένιππος: ἁπάντων δὲ ἤδη σχεδὸν αὐτῷ διῳκημένων ἀπῄειμεν ἐς τὸ συμπόσιον·

[¶13] 27. Menippus: His work was now pretty well completed, and as it was just dinner time, we went to the banquet hall. Hermes received. me, and gave me my place next to a group of Gods whose alien origin left them in a rather doubtful position—Pan, the Corybants, Attis, and Sabazius. I was supplied with bread by Demeter, wine by Dionysus, meat by Heracles, myrtle-blossoms by Aphrodite, and sprats by Posidon. But I also got a sly taste of ambrosia and nectar; good-natured Ganymede, as often as he saw that Zeus’s attention was engaged elsewhere, brought round the nectar and indulged me with a half-pint or so. The Gods, as Homer (who I think must have had the same opportunities of observation as myself) somewhere says, neither eat bread nor drink the ruddy wine; they heap their plates with ambrosia, and are nectar-bibbers; but their choicest dainties are the smoke of sacrifice ascending with rich fumes, and the blood of victims poured by their worshippers round the altars. During dinner, Apollo harped, Silenus danced his wild measures, the Muses uprose and sang to us from Hesiod’s Birth of Gods, and the first of Pindar’s odes. When we had our fill and had well drunken, we slumbered, each where he was, Menippus:
Slept all the Gods, and men with plumed helms,
That livelong night; but me kind sleep forsook;
for I had much upon my mind; most of all, how came it that Apollo, in all that time, had never grown a beard?

> Greek: 27. δείπνου γὰρ ἤδη καιρὸς ἦν· καί με ὁ Ἑρμῆς παραλαβὼν κατέκλινε παρὰ τὸν Πᾶνα καὶ τοὺς Κορύβαντας καὶ τὸν Ἄττιν καὶ τὸν Σαβάζιον, τοὺς μετοίκους τούτους καὶ ἀμφιβόλους θεούς. καὶ ἄρτον τε ἡ Δημήτηρ παρεῖχε καὶ ὁ Διόνυσος οἶνον καὶ ὁ Ἡρακλῆς κρέα καὶ μύρτα ἡ Ἀφροδίτη καὶ ὁ Ποσειδῶν μαινίδας. ἅμα δὲ καὶ τῆς ἀμβροσίας ἠρέμα καὶ τοῦ νέκταρος παρεγευόμην· ὁ γὰρ βέλτιστος Γανυμήδης ὑπὸ φιλανθρωπίας εἰ θεάσαιτο ἀποβλέποντά που τὸν Δία, κοτύλην ἂν ἢ καὶ δύο τοῦ νέκταρος ἐνέχει μοι φέρων. οἱ δὲ θεοί, ὡς Ὅμηρός που λέγει (καὶ αὐτός, οἶμαι, καθάπερ ἐγὼ τἀκεῖ τεθεαμένος), οὔτε σῖτον ἔδουσιν, οὐ πίνους’ αἴθοπα οἶνον, ἀλλὰ τὴν ἀμβροσίαν παρατίθενται καὶ τοῦ νέκταρος μεθύσκονται, μάλιστα δὲ ἥδονται σιτούμενοι τὸν ἐκ τῶν θυσιῶν καπνὸν αὐτῇ κνίσῃ ἀνενηνεγμένον καὶ τὸ αἷμα δὲ τῶν ἱερείων, ὃ τοῖς βωμοῖς οἱ θύοντες περιχέουσιν. ἐν δὲ τῷ δείπνῳ ὅ τε Ἀπόλλων ἐκιθάρισε καὶ ὁ Σιληνὸς κόρδακα ὠρχήσατο καὶ αἱ Μοῦσαι ἀναστᾶσαι τῆς τε Ἡσιόδου Θεογονίας ᾖσαν ἡμῖν καὶ τὴν πρώτην ᾠδὴν τῶν ὕμνων τῶν Πινδάρου. κἀπειδὴ κόρος ἦν, ἀνεπαυόμεθα ὡς εἶχεν ἕκαστος ἱκανῶς ὑποβεβρεγμένοι.

[¶14] 28. and how was night possible in Heaven, with the sun always there taking his share of the good cheer? So I had but a short nap of it. And in the morning Zeus arose, and bade summon an assembly.

> Greek: 28. Μένιππος:
ἄλλοι μέν ῥα θεοί τε καὶ ἀνέρες ἱπποκορυσταὶ
εὗδον παννύχιοι, ἐμὲ δʼ οὐκ ἔχε νήδυμος ὕπνος·
ἀνελογιζόμην γὰρ πολλὰ μὲν καὶ ἄλλα, μάλιστα δὲ ἐκεῖνα, πῶς ἐν τοσούτῳ χρόνῳ ὁ Ἀπόλλων οὐ φύσειε πώγωνα ἢ πῶς γίνοιτο νὺξ ἐν οὐρανῷ τοῦ ἡλίου παρόντος ἀεὶ καὶ συνευωχουμένου. τότε μὲν οὖν μικρόν τι κατέδαρθον. ἕωθεν δὲ διαναστὰς ὁ Ζεὺς προσέταττε κηρύττειν ἐκκλησίαν.

[¶15] 29. Menippus: When all were gathered, he thus commenced:— 'The immediate occasion of my summoning you is the arrival of this stranger yesterday. But I have long intended to take counsel with you regarding the philosophers, and now, urged by Selene and her complaints, I have determined to defer the consideration of the question no longer. There is a class which has recently become conspicuous among men; they are idle, quarrelsome, vain, irritable, lickerish, silly, puffed up, arrogant, and, in Homeric phrase, vain cumberers of the earth. These men have divided themselves into bands, each dwelling in a separate word-maze of its own construction, and call themselves Stoics, Epicureans, Peripatetics, and more farcical names yet. Then they take to themselves the holy name of Virtue, and with uplifted brows and flowing beards exhibit the deceitful semblance that hides immoral lives; their model is the tragic actor, from whom if you strip off the mask and the gold-spangled robe, there is nothing left but a paltry fellow hired for a few shillings to play a part.

> Greek: 29. Μένιππος: κἀπειδὴ παρῆσαν ἅπαντες, ἄρχεται λέγειν· Τὴν μὲν αἰτίαν τοῦ συναγαγεῖν ὑμᾶς ὁ χθιζὸς οὗτος ξένος παρέσχηται· πάλαι δὲ βουλόμενος ὑμῖν κοινώσασθαι περὶ τῶν φιλοσόφων, μάλιστα ὑπὸ τῆς Σελήνης καὶ ὧν ἐκείνη μέμφεται προτραπεὶς ἔγνων μηκέτʼ ἐπὶ πλέον παρατεῖναι τὴν διάσκεψιν. γένος γάρ τι ἀνθρώπων ἐστὶν οὐ πρὸ πολλοῦ τῷ βίῳ ἐπιπολάσαν ἀργὸν φιλόνεικον κενόδοξον ὀξύχολον ὑπόλιχνον ὑπόμωρον τετυφωμένον ὕβρεως ἀνάπλεων καὶ ἵνα καθʼ Ὅμηρον εἴπω ἐτώσιον ἄχθος ἀρούρης. οὗτοι τοίνυν εἰς συστήματα διαιρεθέντες καὶ διαφόρους λόγων λαβυρίνθους ἐπινοήσαντες οἱ μὲν Στωϊκοὺς ὠνομάκασιν ἑαυτούς, οἱ δὲ Ἀκαδημαϊκούς, οἱ δὲ Ἐπικουρείους, οἱ δὲ Περιπατητικοὺς καὶ ἄλλα πολλῷ γελοιότερα τούτων· ἔπειτα δὲ ὄνομα σεμνὸν τὴν ἀρετὴν περιθέμενοι καὶ τὰς ὀφρῦς ἐπάραντες καὶ τὰ μέτωπα ῥυτιδώσαντες καὶ τοὺς πώγωνας ἐπισπασάμενοι περιέρχονται ἐπιπλάστῳ σχήματι κατάπτυστα ἤθη περιστέλλοντες, ἐμφερεῖς μάλιστα τοῖς τραγικοῖς ἐκείνοις ὑποκριταῖς, ὧν ἢν ἀφέλῃ τις τὰ προσωπεῖα καὶ τὴν χρυσόπαστον ἐκείνην στολήν, τὸ καταλειπόμενόν ἐστι γελοῖον ἀνθρώπιον ἑπτὰ δραχμῶν ἐς τὸν ἀγῶνα μεμισθωμένον.

[¶16] 30. Menippus: ‘Nevertheless, quite undeterred by their own characters, they scorn the human and travesty the divine; they gather a company of guileless youths, and feed them with solemn chatter upon Virtue and quibbling verbal puzzles; in their pupils’ presence they are all for fortitude and temperance, and have no words bad enough for wealth and pleasure: when they are by themselves, there is no limit to their gluttony, their lechery, their licking of dirty pence. But the head and front of their offending is this: they neither work themselves nor help others’ work; they are useless drones,
Of no avail in council nor in war;
which notwithstanding, they censure others; they store up poisoned words, they con invectives, they heap their neighbours with reproaches; their highest honours are for him who shall be loudest and most overbearing and boldest in abuse.

> Greek: 30. Μένιππος: τοιοῦτοι δὲ ὄντες ἀνθρώπων μὲν ἁπάντων καταφρονοῦσι, περὶ θεῶν δὲ ἀλλόκοτα διεξέρχονται· καὶ συνάγοντες εὐεξαπάτητα μειράκια τήν τε πολυθρύλητον ἀρετὴν τραγῳδοῦσι καὶ τὰς τῶν λόγων ἀπορίας ἐκδιδάσκουσι, καὶ πρὸς μὲν τοὺς μαθητὰς καρτερίαν ἀεὶ καὶ σωφροσύνην καὶ τὸ αὐταρκὲς ἐπαινοῦσι καὶ πλούτου καὶ ἡδονῆς καταπτύουσι, μόνοι δὲ καὶ καθʼ ἑαυτοὺς γενόμενοι τί ἂν λέγοι τις ὅσα μὲν ἐσθίουσιν, ὅσα δὲ ἀφροδισιάζουσιν, ὅπως δὲ περιλείχουσι τῶν ὀβολῶν τὸν ῥύπον; τὸ δὲ πάντων δεινότατον, ὅτι μηδὲν αὐτοὶ μήτε κοινὸν μήτε ἴδιον ἐπιτελοῦντες, ἀλλʼ ἀχρεῖοι καὶ περιττοὶ καθεστῶτες οὔτε ποτʼ ἐν πολέμῳ ἐναρίθμιοι οὔτʼ ἐνὶ βουλῇ, ὅμως τῶν ἄλλων κατηγοροῦσι καὶ λόγους τινὰς πικροὺς συμφορήσαντες καὶ λοιδορίας καινὰς ἐκμεμελετηκότες ἐπιτιμῶσι καὶ ὀνειδίζουσι τοῖς πλησίον, καὶ οὗτος αὐτῶν τὰ πρῶτα φέρεσθαι δοκεῖ ὃς ἂν μεγαλοφωνότατός τε ᾖ καὶ ἰταμώτατος καὶ πρὸς τὰς βλασφημίας θρασύτατος.

[¶17] 31. Menippus: 'Ask one of these brawling bawling censors, And what do you do? in God’s name, what shall we call your contribution to progress? and he would reply, if conscience and truth were anything to him: I consider it superfluous to sail the sea or till the earth or fight for my country or follow a trade; but I have a loud voice and a dirty body; I eschew warm water and go barefoot through the winter; I am a Momus who can always pick holes in other people’s coats; ifarich man keeps a costly table or a mistress, I make it my business to be properly horrified; but if my familiar friend is lying sick, in need of help and care, I am not aware of it. Such, your Godheads, is the nature of this vermin.

> Greek: 31. Μένιππος: καίτοι τὸν διατεινόμενον αὐτὸν καὶ βοῶντα καὶ κατηγοροῦντα τῶν ἄλλων ἢν ἔρῃ, σὺ δὲ δὴ τί πράττων τυγχάνεις ἢ τί φῶμεν πρὸς θεῶν σε πρὸς τὸν βίον συντελεῖν; φαίη ἄν, εἰ τὰ δίκαια καὶ ἀληθῆ θέλοι λέγειν, ὅτι πλεῖν μὲν ἢ γεωργεῖν ἢ στρατεύεσθαι ἤ τινα τέχνην μετιέναι περιττὸν εἶναί μοι δοκεῖ, κέκραγα δὲ καὶ αὐχμῶ καὶ ψυχρολουτῶ καὶ ἀνυπόδητος τοῦ χειμῶνος περιέρχομαι καὶ τρίβωνα ῥυπαρὸν περιβέβλημαι καὶ ὥσπερ ὁ Μῶμος τὰ ὑπὸ τῶν ἄλλων γιγνόμενα συκοφαντῶ, καὶ εἰ μέν τις ὠψώνηκε τῶν πλουσίων πολυτελῶς ἢ ἑταίραν ἔχει, τοῦτο πολυπραγμονῶ καὶ ἀγανακτῶ, εἰ δὲ τῶν φίλων τις ἢ ἑταίρων κατάκειται νοσῶν ἐπικουρίας τε καὶ θεραπείας δεόμενος, ἀγνοῶ. Τοιαῦτα μέν ἐστιν ὑμῖν, ὦ θεοί, ταῦτα τὰ θρέμματα.

[¶18] 32. Menippus: ‘There is a special insolence in those who call themselves Epicureans; these go so far as to lay their hands on our character; we take no interest in human affairs, they say, and in fact have nothing to do with the course of events. And this is a serious question for you; if once they infect their generation with this view, you will learn what hunger means. Who will sacrifice to you, if he does not expect to profit by it? As to Selene’s complaints, you all heard them yesterday from this stranger’s lips. And now decide upon such measures as shall advantage mankind and secure your own safety.’

> Greek: 32. Μένιππος: οἱ δὲ δὴ Ἐπικούρειοι αὐτῶν λεγόμενοι μάλα δὴ καὶ ὑβρισταί εἰσι καὶ οὐ μετρίως ἡμῶν καθάπτονται μήτε ἐπιμελεῖσθαι τῶν ἀνθρωπίνων λέγοντες τοὺς θεοὺς μήτε ὅλως τὰ γιγνόμενα ἐπισκοπεῖν· ὥστε ὥρα ὑμῖν λογίζεσθαι διότι ἢν ἅπαξ οὗτοι πεῖσαι τὸν βίον δυνηθῶσιν, οὐ μετρίως πεινήσετε. τίς γὰρ ἂν ἔτι θύσειεν ὑμῖν πλέον οὐδὲν ἕξειν προσδοκῶν; ἃ μὲν γὰρ ἡ Σελήνη αἰτιᾶται, πάντες ἠκούσατε τοῦ ξένου χθὲς διηγουμένου. πρὸς ταῦτα βουλεύεσθε ἃ καὶ τοῖς ἀνθρώποις γένοιτʼ ἂν ὠφελιμώτατα καὶ ἡμῖν ἀσφαλέστατα.

[¶19] 33. Menippus: Zeus had no sooner closed his speech than clamour prevailed, all crying at once: Blast! burn! annihilate! to the pit with them! to Tartarus! to the Giants! Zeus ordered silence again, and then, ‘Your wishes,’ he said, ‘shall be executed; they shall all be annihilated, and their logic with them. But just at present chastisement is not lawful; you are aware that - we are now in the four months of the long vacation; the formal notice has lately been issued. In the spring of next year, the baleful levin-bolt shall give them the fate they deserve.’ He spake, and sealed his word with lowering brows.

> Greek: 33. Μένιππος: εἰπόντος ταῦτα τοῦ Διὸς ἡ ἐκκλησία διετεθορύβητο, καὶ εὐθὺς ἐβόων ἅπαντες, κεραύνωσον, κατάφλεξον ἐπίτριψον, ἐς τὸ βάραθρον, ἐς τὸν Τάρταρον, ὡς τοὺς Γίγαντας. ἡσυχίαν δὲ ὁ Ζεὺς αὖθις παραγγείλας, ἔσται ταῦτα ὡς βούλεσθε, ἔφη, καὶ πάντες ἐπιτρίψονται αὐτῇ διαλεκτικῇ, πλὴν τό γε νῦν εἶναι οὐ θέμις κολασθῆναί τινα· ἱερομηνία γάρ ἐστιν, ὡς ἴστε, μηνῶν τούτων τεττάρων, καὶ ἤδη τὴν ἐκεχειρίαν περιηγγειλάμην. ἐς νέωτα οὖν ἀρχομένου ἦρος κακοὶ κακῶς ἀπολοῦνται τῷ σμερδαλέῳ κεραυνῷ. ἦ καὶ κυανέῃσιν ἐπʼ ὀφρύσι νεῦσε Κρονίων.

[¶20] 34. Menippus: ‘As to Menippus,’ he added, ‘my pleasure is this. He shall be deprived of his wings, and so incapacitated for repeating his visit, but shall to-day be conveyed back to Earth by Hermes.’ So saying, he dismissed the assembly. The Cyllenian accordingly lifted me up by the right ear, and yesterday evening deposited me in the Ceramicus. And now, friend, you have all the latest from Heaven. I must be off to the Poecile, to let the philosophers loitering there know the luck they are in. Henry Watson Fowler

> Greek: 34. Μένιππος: περὶ δὲ τουτουὶ Μενίππου ταῦτα, ἔφη, μοι δοκεῖ· περιαιρεθέντα αὐτὸν τὰ πτερά, ἵνα μὴ καὶ αὖθις ἔλθῃ ποτέ, ὑπὸ τοῦ Ἑρμοῦ ἐς τὴν γῆν κατενεχθῆναι τήμερον καὶ ὁ μὲν ταῦτα εἰπὼν διέλυσε τὸν σύλλογον, ἐμὲ δὲ ὁ Κυλλήνιος τοῦ δεξιοῦ ὠτὸς ἀποκρεμάσας περὶ ἑσπέραν χθὲς κατέθηκε φέρων ἐς τὸν Κεραμεικόν. Ἅπαντα ἀκήκοας, ἅπαντα, ὦ ἑταῖρε, τἀξ οὐρανοῦ· ἄπειμι τοίνυν καὶ τοῖς ἐν τῇ Ποικίλῃ περιπατοῦσι τῶν φιλοσόφων αὐτὰ ταῦτα εὐαγγελιούμενος.