---
title: "Menippus, or The Descent into Hades · Μένιππος ἢ Νεκυομαντεία"
author: "Lucian"
translator: "Austin Morris Harmon"
languages: [grc, en]
shelf: "Classical Greek"
url: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-menippus/
cite: "Lucian, tr. Austin Morris Harmon, Menippus, or The Descent into Hades · Μένιππος ἢ Νεκυομαντεία. Scriptura (scriptura.si), https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-menippus/"
---

# Menippus, or The Descent into Hades · Μένιππος ἢ Νεκυομαντεία

*Lucian, tr. Austin Morris Harmon*

Menippus goes down to Teiresias to learn the best way of life: be an ordinary man and laugh a lot.

> Greek: ed. Austin Morris Harmon, from the Perseus Digital Library (canonical-greekLit, tlg0062.tlg035, CC BY-SA 4.0).

> English: Austin Morris Harmon, from the Perseus Digital Library (tlg0062.tlg035.perseus-eng2). Notes are not included.

> Rows follow the references the two texts share (chapters and sections), cut where both reach the end of a sentence.

## Contents

1. [Sections 1–22](https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-menippus/1.md)

## 1. Sections 1–22

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-menippus/1/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-menippus/1/#p-N

[¶0] 1. MENIPPUS All hail, ye halls and portals of my home! What joy you give mine eyes, to light returned! A FRIEND Isn’t this Menippus the Cynic? Assuredly nobody else, unless I cannot see straight; Menippus all over. Then what is the meaning of that strange costume— a felt cap, a lyre, and a lion’s skin? Anyhow, I must go up to him. Good day, Menippus; where under the sun have you come from? It is a long time since you have shown yourself in the city. MENIPPUS I come from Dead Men’s Lair and Darkness Gate Where Hades dwells, remote from other gods.
FRIEND Heracles! Did Menippus die without our knowing it, and has he now come to life all over again?
MENIPPUS Nay, I was living when I went to Hell.
FRIEND What reason had you for this novel and surprising trip? MENIPPUS
Youth spurred me, and I had more pluck than sense.
FRIEND My dear fellow, do stop your play-acting; come off your blank-verse, and tell me in plain language like mine what your costume is, and why you had to go down below. Certainly it is not a pleasant and attractive journey! MENIPPUS
Friend,’twas necessity drew me below to the kingdom of Hades,
There to obtain, from the spirit of Theban Teiresias, counsel.
FRIEND Man, you are surely out of your mind, or you would not recite verse in that way to your friends! MENIPPUS Don’t be surprised, my dear fellow. I have just been in the company of Euripides and Homer, so that somehow or other I have become filled with poetry, and verses come unbidden to my lips.

> Greek: 1. Μένιππος:
ὦ χαῖρε μέλαθρον πρόπυλά θʼ ἑστίας ἐμῆς,
ὡς ἄσμενός ς’ ἐσεῖδον ἐς φάος μολών. Φίλος: οὐ Μένιππος οὗτός ἐστιν ὁ κύων; οὐ μὲν οὖν ἄλλος, εἰ μὴ ἐγὼ παραβλέπω· Μένιππος ὅλος. τί οὖν αὐτῷ βούλεται τὸ ἀλλόκοτον τοῦ σχήματος, πῖλος καὶ λύρα καὶ λεοντῆ; πλὴν ἀλλὰ προσιτέον γε αὐτῷ. χαῖρε, ὦ Μένιππε· πόθεν ἡμῖν ἀφῖξαι; πολὺς γὰρ χρόνος οὐ πέφηνας ἐν τῇ πόλει. Μένιππος: ἥκω νεκρῶν κευθμῶνα καὶ σκότου πύλας λιπών, ἵνʼ Ἅιδης χωρὶς ᾤκισται θεῶν. Φίλος: Ἡράκλεις, ἐλελήθει Μένιππος ἡμᾶς ἀποθανών, κᾆτα ἐξ ὑπαρχῆς ἀναβεβίωκεν; Μένιππος: οὔκ, ἀλλʼ ἔτʼ ἔμπνουν Ἀΐδης μʼ ἐδέξατο. Φίλος: τίς δὴ αἰτία σοι τῆς καινῆς καὶ παραδόξου ταύτης ἀποδημίας; Μένιππος: νεότης μʼ ἐπῆρε καὶ θράσος τοῦ νοῦ πλέον. Φίλος: παῦσαι, μακάριε, τραγῳδῶν καὶ λέγε οὑτωσί πως ἁπλῶς καταβὰς ἀπὸ τῶν ἰαμβείων, τίς ἡ στολή; τί σοι τῆς κάτω πορείας ἐδέησεν; ἄλλως γὰρ οὐχ ἡδεῖά τις οὐδὲ ἀσπάσιος ἡ ὁδός. Μένιππος: ὦ φιλότης, χρειώ με κατήγαγεν εἰς Ἀΐδαο ψυχῇ χρησόμενον Θηβαίου Τειρεσίαο. Φίλος: οὗτος, ἀλλʼ ἦ παραπαίεις· οὐ γὰρ ἂν οὕτως ἐμμέτρως ἐρραψῴδεις πρὸς ἄνδρας φίλους. Μένιππος: μὴ θαυμάσῃς, ὦ ἑταῖρε· νεωστὶ γὰρ Εὐριπίδῃ καὶ Ὁμήρῳ συγγενόμενος οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως ἀνεπλήσθην τῶν ἐπῶν καὶ αὐτόματά μοι τὰ μέτρα ἐπὶ τὸ στόμα ἔρχεται.

[¶1] 2. But tell me, how are things going on earth, and what are they doing in the city? FRIEND Nothing new; just what they did before—stealing, lying under oath, extorting usury, and weighing pennies. MENIPPUS Poor wretches! They do not know what decisions have been made of late in the lower world, and what ordinances have been enacted against the rich; by Cerberus, they cannot possibly evade them! FRIEND What is that? Has any radical legislation been passed in the lower world affecting the upper? MENIPPUS Yes, by Zeus, a great deal; but it is not right to publish it broadcast and expose their secrets. Someone might indict me for impiety in the court of Rhadamanthus, FRIEND Oh, no, Menippus! In Heaven’s name don’t withhold your story from a friend! You will be telling a man who knows how to keep his mouth shut, and who, moreover, has been initiated into the mysteries, MENIPPUS It is a perilous demand that you are imposing upon me, and one not wholly consistent with piety. However, for your sake I must be bold. The motion, then, was passed that these rich men with great fortunes who keep their gold locked up as closely as Danae FRIEND Don’t quote the motion, my dear fellow, before telling me what I should be especially glad to hear from you; that is to say, what was the purpose of your going down, who was your guide for the journey, and then, in due order, what you saw and heard there; for it is to be expected, of course, that as a man of taste you did not overlook anything worth seeing or hearing.

> Greek: 2. Μένιππος: ἀτὰρ εἰπέ μοι, πῶς τὰ ὑπὲρ γῆς ἔχει καὶ τί ποιοῦσιν οἱ ἐν τῇ πόλει; Φίλος: καινὸν οὐδέν, ἀλλʼ οἷα καὶ πρὸ τοῦ· ἁρπάζουσιν, ἐπιορκοῦσιν, τοκογλυφοῦσιν, ὀβολοστατοῦσιν. Μένιππος: ἄθλιοι καὶ κακοδαίμονες· οὐ γὰρ ἴσασιν οἷα ἔναγχος κεκύρωται παρὰ τοῖς κάτω καὶ οἷα κεχειροτόνηται τὰ ψηφίσματα κατὰ τῶν πλουσίων, ἃ μὰ τὸν Κέρβερον οὐδεμία μηχανὴ τὸ διαφυγεῖν αὐτούς. Φίλος: τί φής; δέδοκταί τι νεώτερον τοῖς κάτω περὶ τῶν ἐνθάδε; Μένιππος: νὴ Δία, καὶ πολλά γε· ἀλλʼ οὐ θέμις ἐκφέρειν αὐτὰ πρὸς ἅπαντας οὐδὲ ἐξαγορεύειν τὰ ἀπόρρητα, μὴ καί τις ἡμᾶς γράψηται γραφὴν ἀσεβείας ἐπὶ τοῦ Ῥαδαμάνθυος. Φίλος: μηδαμῶς, ὦ Μένιππε, πρὸς τοῦ Διός, μὴ φθονήσῃς τῶν λόγων φίλῳ ἀνδρί· πρὸς γὰρ εἰδότα σιωπᾶν ἐρεῖς, τά τʼ ἄλλα καὶ πρὸς μεμυημένον. Μένιππος: χαλεπὸν μὲν ἐπιτάττεις τὸ ἐπίταγμα καὶ οὐ πάντῃ εὐσεβές· πλὴν ἀλλὰ σοῦ γε ἕνεκα τολμητέον. ἔδοξε δὴ τοὺς πλουσίους τούτους καὶ πολυχρημάτους καὶ τὸ χρυσίον κατάκλειστον ὥσπερ τὴν Δανάην φυλάττοντας — Φίλος: μὴ πρότερον εἴπῃς, ὦγαθέ, τὰ δεδογμένα πρὶν ἐκεῖνα διελθεῖν ἃ μάλιστʼ ἂν ἡδέως ἀκούσαιμί σου, τίς ἡ ἐπίνοιά σοι τῆς καθόδου ἐγένετο, τίς δʼ ὁ τῆς πορείας ἡγεμών, εἶθʼ ἑξῆς ἅ τε εἶδες ἅ τε ἤκουσας παρʼ αὐτοῖς· εἰκὸς γὰρ δὴ φιλόκαλον ὄντα σε μηδὲν τῶν ἀξίων θέας ἢ ἀκοῆς παραλιπεῖν.

[¶2] 3. MENIPPUS I must meet your wishes in that, too, for what is a man to do when a friend constrains him? First, then, I shall tell you about my decision— what impelled me to go down. While I was a boy, when I read in Homer and Hesiod about wars and quarrels, not only of the demigods but of the gods themselves, and besides about their amours and assaults and abductions and lawsuits and banishing fathers and marrying sisters, I thought that all these things were right, and I felt an uncommon impulsion toward them. But when I came of age, I found that the laws contradicted the poets and forbade adultery, quarrelling, and theft. So I was plunged into great uncertainty, not knowing how to deal with my own case; for the gods would never have committed adultery and quarrelled with each other, I thought, unless they deemed these actions right, and the lawgivers would not recommend the opposite course unless they supposed it to be advantageous.

> Greek: 3. Μένιππος: ὑπουργητέον καὶ ταῦτά σοι· τί γὰρ ἂν καὶ πάθοι τις, ὁπότε φίλος ἀνὴρ βιάζοιτο; καὶ δὴ πρῶτά σοι δίειμι τὰ περὶ τῆς γνώμης τῆς ἐμῆς, ὅθεν ὡρμήθην πρὸς τὴν κατάβασιν. ἐγὼ γάρ, ἄχρι μὲν ἐν παισὶν ἦν, ἀκούων Ὁμήρου καὶ Ἡσιόδου πολέμους καὶ στάσεις διηγουμένων οὐ μόνον τῶν ἡμιθέων, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτῶν ἤδη τῶν θεῶν, ἔτι δὲ καὶ μοιχείας αὐτῶν καὶ βίας καὶ ἁρπαγὰς καὶ δίκας καὶ πατέρων ἐξελάσεις καὶ ἀδελφῶν γάμους, πάντα ταῦτα ἐνόμιζον εἶναι καλὰ καὶ οὐ παρέργως ἐκινούμην πρὸς αὐτά. ἐπεὶ δὲ εἰς ἄνδρας τελεῖν ἠρξάμην, πάλιν αὖ ἐνταῦθα ἤκουον τῶν νόμων τἀναντία τοῖς ποιηταῖς κελευόντων, μήτε μοιχεύειν μήτε στασιάζειν μήτε ἁρπάζειν. ἐν μεγάλῃ οὖν καθειστήκειν ἀμφιβολίᾳ, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅ τι χρησαίμην ἐμαυτῷ· οὔτε γὰρ ἄν ποτε τοὺς θεοὺς μοιχεῦσαι καὶ στασιάσαι πρὸς ἀλλήλους ἡγούμην εἰ μὴ ὡς περὶ καλῶν τούτων ἐγίγνωσκον, οὔτʼ ἂν τοὺς νομοθέτας τἀναντία παραινεῖν εἰ μὴ λυσιτελεῖν ὑπελάμβανον.

[¶3] 4. Since I was in a dilemma, I resolved to go to the men whom they call philosophers and put myself into their hands, begging them to deal with me as they would, and to show me a plain, solid path in life. That was what I had in mind when I went to them, but I was unconsciously struggling out of the smoke, as the proverb goes, right into the fire! For I found in the course of my investigation that among these men in particular the ignorance and the perplexity was greater than elsewhere, so that they speedily convinced me that the ordinary man’s way of living is as good as gold. For instance, one of them would recommend me to take my pleasure always and to pursue that under all circumstances, because that was happiness; but another, on the contrary, would recommend me to toil and moil always and to subdue my body, going dirty and unkempt, irritating everybody and calling names; and to clinch his argument he was perpetually reciting those trite lines of Hesiod’s about virtue, and talking of “sweat,” and the “climb to the summit.” Another would urge me to despise money and think it a matter of indifference whether one has it or not, while someone else, on the contrary, would demonstrate that even wealth was good. As to the universe, what is the use of talking about that? “Ideas,” “incorporealities,”’ “atoms,” “voids,” and a multitude of such terms were dinned into my ears by them every day until it made me queasy. And the strangest thing was that when they expressed the most contradictory of opinions, each of them would produce very effective and plausible arguments, so that when the selfsame thing was called hot by one and cold by another, it was impossible for me to controvert either of them, though I knew right well that nothing could ever be hot and cold at the same time. So in good earnest I acted like a drowsy man, nodding now this way and now that.

> Greek: 4. Μένιππος: ἐπεὶ δὲ διηπόρουν, ἔδοξέ μοι ἐλθόντα παρὰ τοὺς καλουμένους τούτους φιλοσόφους ἐγχειρίσαι τε ἐμαυτὸν καὶ δεηθῆναι αὐτῶν χρῆσθαί μοι ὅ τι βούλοιντο καί τινα ὁδὸν ἁπλῆν καὶ βέβαιον ὑποδεῖξαι τοῦ βίου. ταῦτα μὲν δὴ φρονῶν προσῄειν αὐτοῖς, ἐλελήθειν δʼ ἐμαυτὸν εἰς αὐτό, φασί, τὸ πῦρ ἐκ τοῦ καπνοῦ βιαζόμενος. παρὰ γὰρ δὴ τούτοις μάλιστα εὕρισκον ἐπισκοπῶν τὴν ἄγνοιαν καὶ τὴν ἀπορίαν πλείονα, ὥστε μοι τάχιστα χρυσοῦν ἀπέδειξαν οὗτοι τὸν τῶν ἰδιωτῶν τοῦτον βίον. ἀμέλει ὁ μὲν αὐτῶν παρῄνει τὸ πᾶν ἥδεσθαι καὶ μόνον τοῦτο ἐκ παντὸς μετιέναι· τοῦτο γὰρ εἶναι τὸ εὔδαιμον. ὁ δέ τις ἔμπαλιν, πονεῖν τὰ πάντα καὶ μοχθεῖν καὶ τὸ σῶμα καταναγκάζειν ῥυπῶντα καὶ αὐχμῶντα καὶ πᾶσι δυσαρεστοῦντα καὶ λοιδορούμενον, συνεχὲς ἐπιρραψῳδῶν τὰ πάνδημα ἐκεῖνα τοῦ Ἡσιόδου περὶ τῆς ἀρετῆς ἔπη καὶ τὸν ἱδρῶτα καὶ τὴν ἐπὶ τὸ ἄκρον ἀνάβασιν. ἄλλος καταφρονεῖν χρημάτων παρεκελεύετο καὶ ἀδιάφορον οἴεσθαι τὴν κτῆσιν αὐτῶν· ὁ δέ τις ἔμπαλιν ἀγαθὸν εἶναι καὶ τὸν πλοῦτον ἀπεφαίνετο. περὶ μὲν γὰρ τοῦ κόσμου τί χρὴ καὶ λέγειν; ὅς γε ἰδέας καὶ ἀσώματα καὶ ἀτόμους καὶ κενὰ καὶ τοιοῦτόν τινα ὄχλον ὀνομάτων ὁσημέραι παρʼ αὐτῶν ἀκούων ἐναυτίων. καὶ τὸ πάντων ἀτοπώτατον, ὅτι περὶ τῶν ἐναντιωτάτων ἕκαστος αὐτῶν λέγων σφόδρα νικῶντας καὶ πιθανοὺς λόγους ἐπορίζετο, ὥστε μήτε τῷ θερμὸν τὸ αὐτὸ πρᾶγμα λέγοντι μήτε τῷ ψυχρὸν ἀντιλέγειν ἔχειν, καὶ ταῦτʼ εἰδότα σαφῶς ὡς οὐκ ἄν ποτε θερμὸν εἴη τι καὶ ψυχρὸν ἐν ταὐτῷ χρόνῳ. ἀτεχνῶς οὖν ἔπασχον τοῖς νυστάζουσι τούτοις ὅμοιον, ἄρτι μὲν ἐπινεύων, ἄρτι δὲ ἀνανεύων ἔμπαλιν.

[¶4] 5. But there was something else, far more unreasonable than that. I found, upon observing these same people, that their practice directly opposed their preaching. For instance, I perceived that those who recommended scorning money clove to it tooth and nail, bickered about interest, taught for pay, and underwent everything for the sake of money; and that those who were for rejecting public opinion aimed at that very thing not only in all that they did, but in all that they said. Also that while almost all of them inveighed against pleasure, they privately devoted themselves to that alone.

> Greek: 5. Μένιππος: πολλῷ δὲ τούτων ἐκεῖνο ἀλογώτερον· τοὺς γὰρ αὐτοὺς τούτους εὕρισκον ἐπιτηρῶν ἐναντιώτατα τοῖς αὑτῶν λόγοις ἐπιτηδεύοντας. τοὺς γοῦν καταφρονεῖν παραινοῦντας χρημάτων ἑώρων ἀπρὶξ ἐχομένους αὐτῶν καὶ περὶ τόκων διαφερομένους καὶ ἐπὶ μισθῷ παιδεύοντας καὶ πάντα ἕνεκα τούτων ὑπομένοντας, τούς τε τὴν δόξαν ἀποβαλλομένους αὐτῆς ταύτης χάριν τὰ πάντα καὶ πράττοντας καὶ λέγοντας, ἡδονῆς τε αὖ σχεδὸν ἅπαντας κατηγοροῦντας, ἰδίᾳ δὲ μόνῃ ταύτῃ προσηρτημένους.

[¶5] 6. Disappointed, therefore, in this expectation, I was still more uncomfortable than before, although I consoled myself somewhat with the thought that if I was still foolish and went about in ignorance of the truth, at all events I had the company of many wise men, widely renowned for intelligence. So one time, while I lay awake over these problems, I resolved to go to Babylon and address myself to one of the Magi, the disciples and successors of Zoroaster, as I had heard that with certain charms and ceremonials they could open the gates of Hades, taking down in safety anyone they would and guiding him back again. Consequently I thought best to arrange with one of these men for my going down, and then to call upon Teiresias of Boeotia and find out from him in his capacity of prophet and sage what the best life was, the life that a man of sense would choose. Well, springing to my feet, I made straight for Babylon as fast as I could go. On my arrival I conversed with one of the Chaldeans, a wise man of miraculous skill, with grey hair and a very majestic beard; his name was Mithrobarzanes. By dint of supplications and entreaties, I secured his reluctant consent to be my guide on the journey at whatever price he would.

> Greek: 6. Μένιππος: σφαλεὶς οὖν καὶ τῆσδε τῆς ἐλπίδος ἔτι μᾶλλον ἐδυσχέραινον, ἠρέμα παραμυθούμενος ἐμαυτὸν ὅτι μετὰ πολλῶν καὶ σοφῶν καὶ σφόδρα ἐπὶ συνέσει διαβεβοημένων ἀνόητός τέ εἰμι καὶ τἀληθὲς ἔτι ἀγνοῶν περιέρχομαι. καί μοί ποτε διαγρυπνοῦντι τούτων ἕνεκα ἔδοξεν εἰς Βαβυλῶνα ἐλθόντα δεηθῆναί τινος τῶν μάγων τῶν Ζωροάστρου μαθητῶν καὶ διαδόχων· ἤκουον δʼ αὐτοὺς ἐπῳδαῖς τε καὶ τελεταῖς τισιν ἀνοίγειν τοῦ Ἅιδου τὰς πύλας καὶ κατάγειν ὃν ἂν βούλωνται ἀσφαλῶς καὶ ὀπίσω αὖθις ἀναπέμπειν. ἄριστον οὖν ἡγούμην εἶναι παρά τινος τούτων διαπραξάμενον τὴν κατάβασιν ἐλθόντα παρὰ Τειρεσίαν τὸν Βοιώτιον μαθεῖν παρʼ αὐτοῦ ἅτε μάντεως καὶ σοφοῦ, τίς ἐστιν ὁ ἄριστος βίος καὶ ὃν ἄν τις ἕλοιτο εὖ φρονῶν. καὶ δὴ ἀναπηδήσας ὡς εἶχον τάχους ἔτεινον εὐθὺ Βαβυλῶνος· ἐλθὼν δὲ συγγίγνομαί τινι τῶν Χαλδαίων σοφῷ ἀνδρὶ καὶ θεσπεσίῳ τὴν τέχνην, πολιῷ μὲν τὴν κόμην, γένειον δὲ μάλα σεμνὸν καθειμένῳ, τοὔνομα δὲ ἦν αὐτῷ Μιθροβαρζάνης. δεηθεὶς δὲ καὶ καθικετεύσας μόγις ἐπέτυχον παρʼ αὐτοῦ, ἐφʼ ὅτῳ βούλοιτο μισθῷ, καθηγήσασθαί μοι τῆς ὁδοῦ.

[¶6] 7. So the man took me in charge, and first of all, for twenty-nine days, beginning with the new moon, he took me down to the Euphrates in the early morning, toward sunrise, and bathed me; after which he would make a long address which I could not follow very well, for like an incompetent announeer at the games, he spoke rapidly and indistinctly. It is likely, however, that he was invoking certain spirits. Anyhow, after the incantation he would spit in my face thrice and then go back again without looking at anyone whom he met. We ate nuts, drank milk, mead, and the water of the Choaspes, and slept out of doors on the grass. When he considered the preliminary course of dieting satisfactory, taking me to the Tigris river at midnight he purged me, cleansed me, and consecrated me with torches and squills and many other things, murmuring his incantation as he did so. Then after he had becharmed me from head to foot and walked all about me, that I might not be harmed by the phantoms, he took me home again, just as I was, walking backward. After that, we made ready for the journey.

> Greek: 7. Μένιππος: παραλαβὼν δέ με ὁ ἀνὴρ πρῶτα μὲν ἡμέρας ἐννέα καὶ εἴκοσιν ἅμα τῇ σελήνῃ ἀρξάμενος ἔλουε κατάγων ἕωθεν ἐπὶ τὸν Εὐφράτην πρὸς ἀνίσχοντα τὸν ἥλιον, ῥῆσίν τινα μακρὰν ἐπιλέγων ἧς οὐ σφόδρα κατήκουον· ὥσπερ γὰρ οἱ φαῦλοι τῶν ἐν τοῖς ἀγῶσι κηρύκων ἐπίτροχόν τι καὶ ἀσαφὲς ἐφθέγγετο. πλὴν ἐῴκει γέ τινας ἐπικαλεῖσθαι δαίμονας. μετὰ δʼ οὖν τὴν ἐπῳδὴν τρὶς ἄν μου πρὸς τὸ πρόσωπον ἀποπτύσας, ἐπανῄει πάλιν οὐδένα τῶν ἀπαντώντων προσβλέπων. καὶ σιτία μὲν ἦν ἡμῖν τὰ ἀκρόδρυα, ποτὸν δὲ γάλα καὶ μελίκρατον καὶ τὸ τοῦ Χοάσπου ὕδωρ, εὐνὴ δὲ ὑπαίθριος ἐπὶ τῆς πόας. ἐπεὶ δʼ ἅλις εἶχε τῆς προδιαιτήσεως, περὶ μέσας νύκτας ἐπὶ τὸν Τίγρητα ποταμὸν ἀγαγὼν ἐκάθηρέν τέ με καὶ ἀπέμαξε καὶ περιήγνισεν δᾳδὶ καὶ σκίλλῃ καὶ ἄλλοις πλείοσιν, ἅμα καὶ τὴν ἐπῳδὴν ἐκείνην ὑποτονθορύσας. εἶτά με ὅλον καταμαγεύσας καὶ περιελθών, ἵνα μὴ βλαπτοίμην ὑπὸ τῶν φασμάτων, ἐπανάγει εἰς τὴν οἰκίαν, ὡς εἶχον, ἀναποδίζοντα, καὶ τὸ λοιπὸν ἀμφὶ πλοῦν εἴχομεν.

[¶7] 8. He himself put on a magician’s gown very like the Median dress, and speedily costumed me in these things which you see—the cap, the lion’s skin, and the lyre besides; and he urged me, if anyone should ask my name, not to say Menippus, but Heracles or Odysseus or Orpheus. FRIEND What was his object in that, Menippus? I do not understand the reason either for the costume or for the names. MENIPPUS Why, that, at any rate, is obvious and not at all shrouded in mystery. Since they had been before us in going down to Hades alive, he thought that if he should make me look like them, I might easily slip by the frontier-guard of Aeacus and go in unhindered as something of an old acquaintance; for thanks to my costume they would speed me along on my journey just as they do in the plays.

> Greek: 8. Μένιππος: αὐτὸς μὲν οὖν μαγικήν τινα ἐνέδυ στολὴν τὰ πολλὰ ἐοικυῖαν τῇ Μηδικῇ, ἐμὲ δὲ τουτοισὶ φέρων ἐνεσκεύασε, τῷ πίλῳ καὶ τῇ λεοντῇ καὶ προσέτι τῇ λύρᾳ, καὶ παρεκελεύσατο, ἤν τις ἔρηταί με τοὔνομα, Μένιππον μὴ λέγειν, Ἡρακλέα δὲ ἢ Ὀδυσσέα ἢ Ὀρφέα. Φίλος: ὡς δὴ τί τοῦτο, ὦ Μένιππε; οὐ γὰρ συνίημι τὴν αἰτίαν οὔτε τοῦ σχήματος οὔτε τῶν ὀνομάτων. Μένιππος: καὶ μὴν πρόδηλόν γε τοῦτο καὶ οὐ παντελῶς ἀπόρρητον· ἐπεὶ γὰρ οὗτοι πρὸ ἡμῶν ζῶντες εἰς Ἅιδου κατεληλύθεσαν, ἡγεῖτο, εἴ με ἀπεικάσειεν αὐτοῖς, ῥᾳδίως ἂν τὴν τοῦ Αἰακοῦ φρουρὰν διαλαθεῖν καὶ ἀκωλύτως ἂν παρελθεῖν ἅτε συνηθέστερον, τραγικῶς μάλα παραπεμπόμενον ὑπὸ τοῦ σχήματος.

[¶8] 9. Well, day was just beginning to break when we went down to the river and set about getting under way. He had provided a boat, victims, mead, and everything else that we should need for the ritual. So we shipped all the stores, and at length ourselves
Gloomily hied us aboard, with great tears falling profusely.
For a space we drifted along in the river, and then we sailed into the marsh and the lake in which the Euphrates loses itself. After crossing this, we came to a deserted, woody, sunless place. There at last we landed with Mithrobarzanes leading the way; we dug a pit, we slaughtered the sheep, and we sprinkled their blood about it. Meanwhile the magician held a burning torch and no longer muttered in a low tone but shouted as loudly as he could, invoking the spirits, one and all, at the top of his lungs; also the Tormentors, the Furies,
Hecate, queen of the night, and eery Persephoneia.
With these names he intermingled a number of foreign-sounding, meaningless words of many syllables.

> Greek: 9. Μένιππος: ἤδη δʼ οὖν ὑπέφαινεν ἡμέρα, καὶ κατελθόντες ἐπὶ τὸν ποταμὸν περὶ ἀναγωγὴν ἐγιγνόμεθα. παρεσκεύαστο δʼ αὐτῷ καὶ σκάφος καὶ ἱερεῖα καὶ μελίκρατον καὶ ἄλλα ὅσα πρὸς τὴν τελετὴν χρήσιμα. ἐμβαλόμενοι οὖν ἅπαντα τὰ παρεσκευασμένα οὕτω δὴ καὶ αὐτοὶ βαίνομεν ἀχνύμενοι, θαλερὸν κατὰ δάκρυ χέοντες. Καὶ μέχρι μέν τινος ὑπεφερόμεθα ἐν τῷ ποταμῷ, εἶτα δὲ εἰσεπλεύσαμεν εἰς τὸ ἕλος καὶ τὴν λίμνην εἰς ἣν ὁ Εὐφράτης ἀφανίζεται. περαιωθέντες δὲ καὶ ταύτην ἀφικνούμεθα εἰς τι χωρίον ἔρημον καὶ ὑλῶδες καὶ ἀνήλιον, εἰς ὃ καὶ δὴ ἀποβάντες — ἡγεῖτο δὲ ὁ Μιθροβαρζάνης — βόθρον τε ὠρυξάμεθα καὶ τὰ μῆλα κατεσφάξαμεν καὶ τὸ αἷμα περὶ αὐτὸν ἐσπείσαμεν. ὁ δὲ μάγος ἐν τοσούτῳ δᾷδα καιομένην ἔχων οὐκέτʼ ἠρεμαίᾳ τῇ φωνῇ, παμμέγεθες δέ, ὡς οἷός τε ἦν, ἀνακραγὼν δαίμονάς τε ὁμοῦ πάντας ἐπεβοᾶτο καὶ Ποινὰς καὶ Ἐρινύας καὶ νυχίαν Ἑκάτην καὶ ἐπαινὴν Περσεφόνειαν, παραμιγνὺς ἅμα βαρβαρικά τινα καὶ ἄσημα ὀνόματα καὶ πολυσύλλαβα.

[¶9] 10. In a trice the whole region began to quake, the ground was rent asunder by the incantation, barking of Cerberus was audible afar off, and things took on a monstrously gloomy and sullen look.
Aye, deep down it affrighted the king of the dead, Aidoneus—
for by that time we could see almost everything— the Lake, and the River of Burning Fire, and the palace of Pluto. But in spite of it all, we went down through the chasm, finding Rhadamanthus almost dead of fright. Cerberus barked a bit, to be sure, and stirred slightly, but when I hastily touched my lyre he was at once bewitched by the music. When we reached the lake, however, we came near not getting across, for the ferry was already crowded and full of groaning. Only wounded men were aboard, one injured in the leg, another in the head, and so on. They were there, in my opinion, through some war or other. However, when good old Charon saw the lion-skin he thought that I was Heracles, so he took me in, and not only ferried me across gladly but pointed out the path for us when we went ashore.

> Greek: 10. Μένιππος: εὐθὺς οὖν ἅπαντα ἐκεῖνα ἐσαλεύετο καὶ ὑπὸ τῆς ἐπῳδῆς τοὔδαφος ἀνερρήγνυτο καὶ ὑλακὴ τοῦ Κερβέρου πόρρωθεν ἠκούετο καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμα ὑπερκατηφὲς ἦν καὶ σκυθρωπόν. ἔδδεισεν δʼ ὑπένερθεν ἄναξ ἐνέρων Ἀϊδωνεύς — κατεφαίνετο γὰρ ἤδη τὰ πλεῖστα, καὶ ἡ λίμνη καὶ ὁ Πυριφλεγέθων καὶ τοῦ Πλούτωνος τὰ βασίλεια. κατελθόντες δʼ ὅμως διὰ τοῦ χάσματος τὸν μὲν Ῥαδάμανθυν εὕρομεν τεθνεῶτα μικροῦ δεῖν ὑπὸ τοῦ δέους· ὁ δὲ Κέρβερος ὑλάκτησε μέν τι καὶ παρεκίνησε, ταχὺ δέ μου κρούσαντος τὴν λύραν παραχρῆμα ἐκηλήθη ὑπὸ τοῦ μέλους. ἐπεὶ δὲ πρὸς τὴν λίμνην ἀφικόμεθα, μικροῦ μὲν οὐδὲ ἐπεραιώθημεν· ἦν γὰρ πλῆρες ἤδη τὸ πορθμεῖον καὶ οἰμωγῆς ἀνάπλεων, τραυματίαι δὲ πάντες ἐπέπλεον, ὁ μὲν τὸ σκέλος, ὁ δὲ τὴν κεφαλήν, ὁ δὲ ἄλλο τι συντετριμμένος, ἐμοὶ δοκεῖν, ἔκ τινος πολέμου παρόντες. ὅμως δʼ οὖν ὁ βέλτιστος Χάρων ὡς εἶδε τὴν λεοντῆν, οἰηθείς με τὸν Ἡρακλέα εἶναι, εἰσεδέξατο καὶ διεπόρθμευσέν τε ἄσμενος καὶ ἀποβᾶσι διεσήμηνε τὴν ἀτραπόν.

[¶10] 11. Since we were in the dark, Mithrobarzanes led the way and I followed after, keeping hold of him, until we reached a very large meadow overgrown with asphodel, where the shades of the dead flitted squeaking about us. Going ahead little by little, we came to the court of Minos. As it chanced, he himself was sitting on a lofty throne, while beside him stood the Tormentors, the Furies, and the Avengers. From one side a great number of men were being led up in line, bound together with a long chain; they were said to be adulterers, procurers, tax-collectors, toadies, informers, and all that crowd of people who create such confusion in life. In a separate company the millionaires and the money-lenders came up, pale, pot-bellied, and gouty, each of them with a neck-iron and a hundred-pound “crow” upon him. Standing by, we looked at what was going on, and listened to the pleas of the defendants, who were prosecuted by speakers of a novel and surprising sort.
FRIEND Who were they, in Heaven’s name? Don’t hesitate to tell me that also. MENIPPUS You know these shadows that our bodies cast in the sunshine? FRIEND Why, to be sure! MENIPPUS Well, when we die, they prefer charges and give evidence against us, exposing whatever we have done in our lives; and they are considered very trustworthy because they always keep us company and never leave our bodies.

> Greek: 11. Μένιππος: ἐπεὶ δὲ ἦμεν ἐν τῷ σκότῳ, προῄει μὲν ὁ Μιθροβαρζάνης, εἱπόμην δὲ ἐγὼ κατόπιν ἐχόμενος αὐτοῦ, ἕως πρὸς λειμῶνα μέγιστον ἀφικνούμεθα τῷ ἀσφοδέλῳ κατάφυτον, ἔνθα δὴ περιεπέτοντο ἡμᾶς τετριγυῖαι τῶν νεκρῶν αἱ σκιαί. κατʼ ὀλίγον δὲ προϊόντες παραγιγνόμεθα πρὸς τὸ τοῦ Μίνωος δικαστήριον· ἐτύγχανε δὲ ὁ μὲν ἐπὶ θρόνου τινὸς ὑψηλοῦ καθήμενος, παρειστήκεσαν δὲ αὐτῷ Ποιναὶ καὶ Ἐρινύες καὶ Ἀλάστορες. ἑτέρωθεν δὲ προσήγοντο πολλοί τινες ἐφεξῆς, ἁλύσει μακρᾷ δεδεμένοι· ἐλέγοντο δὲ εἶναι μοιχοὶ καὶ πορνοβοσκοὶ καὶ τελῶναι καὶ κόλακες καὶ συκοφάνται καὶ τοιοῦτος ὅμιλος τῶν πάντα κυκώντων ἐν τῷ βίῳ. χωρὶς δὲ οἵ τε πλούσιοι καὶ τοκογλύφοι προσῄεσαν ὠχροὶ καὶ προγάστορες καὶ ποδαγροί, κλοιὸν ἕκαστος αὐτῶν καὶ κόρακα διτάλαντον ἐπικείμενος. ἐφεστῶτες οὖν ἡμεῖς ἑωρῶμέν τε τὰ γιγνόμενα καὶ ἠκούομεν τῶν ἀπολογουμένων· κατηγόρουν δὲ αὐτῶν καινοί τινες καὶ παράδοξοι ῥήτορες. Φίλος: τίνες οὗτοι, πρὸς Διός; μὴ γὰρ ὀκνήσῃς καὶ τοῦτο εἰπεῖν. Μένιππος: οἶσθά που ταυτασὶ τὰς πρὸς τὸν ἥλιον ἀποτελουμένας σκιὰς ὑπὸ τῶν σωμάτων; Φίλος: πάνυ μὲν οὖν. Μένιππος: αὗται τοίνυν, ἐπειδὰν ἀποθάνωμεν, κατηγοροῦσί τε καὶ καταμαρτυροῦσι καὶ διελέγχουσι τὰ πεπραγμένα ἡμῖν παρὰ τὸν βίον, καὶ σφόδρα τινὲς ἀξιόπιστοι δοκοῦσιν ἅτε ἀεὶ συνοῦσαι καὶ μηδέποτε ἀφιστάμεναι τῶν σωμάτων.

[¶11] 12. But to resume, Minos would examine each man carefully and send him away to the Place of the Wicked, to be punished in proportion to his crimes; and he dealt most harshly with those who were swollen with pride of wealth and place, and almost expected men to bow down and worship them; for he resented their short-lived vainglory and superciliousness, and their failure to remember that they themselves were mortal and had become possessed of mortal goods. So, after stripping off all their quondam splendour—wealth, I mean, and lineage and sovereignty—they stood there naked, with hanging heads, reviewing, point by point, their happy life among us as if it had been adream. For my part I was highly delighted to see that, and whenever I recognized one of them, I would go up and quietly remind him what he used to be in life and how puffed up he had been then, when many men stood at his portals in the early morning awaiting his advent, hustled about and locked out by his servants, while he himself, bursting upon their vision at last in garments of purple or gold or gaudy stripes, thought that he was conferring happiness and bliss upon those who greeted him if he proffered his right hand or his breast, to be covered with kisses. They chafed, I assure you, as they listened!

> Greek: 12. Μένιππος: ὁ δʼ οὖν Μίνως ἐπιμελῶς ἐξετάζων ἀπέπεμπεν ἕκαστον εἰς τὸν τῶν ἀσεβῶν χῶρον δίκην ὑφέξοντα κατʼ ἀξίαν τῶν τετολμημένων, καὶ μάλιστα ἐκείνων ἥπτετο τῶν ἐπὶ πλούτοις τε καὶ ἀρχαῖς τετυφωμένων καὶ μονονουχὶ καὶ προσκυνεῖσθαι περιμενόντων, τήν τε ὀλιγοχρόνιον ἀλαζονείαν αὐτῶν καὶ τὴν ὑπεροψίαν μυσαττόμενος, καὶ ὅτι μὴ ἐμέμνηντο θνητοί τε ὄντες αὐτοὶ καὶ θνητῶν ἀγαθῶν τετυχηκότες. οἳ δὲ ἀποδυσάμενοι τὰ λαμπρὰ ἐκεῖνα πάντα, πλούτους λέγω καὶ γένη καὶ δυναστείας, γυμνοὶ κάτω νενευκότες παρειστήκεσαν ὥσπερ τινὰ ὄνειρον ἀναπεμπαζόμενοι τὴν παρʼ ἡμῖν εὐδαιμονίαν· ὥστʼ ἔγωγε ταῦτα ὁρῶν ὑπερέχαιρον καὶ εἴ τινα γνωρίσαιμι αὐτῶν, προσιὼν ἂν ἡσυχῇ πως ὑπεμίμνησκον οἷος ἦν παρὰ τὸν βίον καὶ ἡλίκον ἐφύσα τότε, ἡνίκα πολλοὶ μὲν ἕωθεν ἐπὶ τῶν πυλώνων παρειστήκεσαν τὴν πρόοδον αὐτοῦ περιμένοντες ὠθούμενοί τε καὶ ἀποκλειόμενοι πρὸς τῶν οἰκετῶν· ὁ δὲ μόλις ἄν ποτε ἀνατείλας αὐτοῖς πορφυροῦς τις ἢ περίχρυσος ἢ διαποίκιλος εὐδαίμονας ᾤετο καὶ μακαρίους ἀποφαίνειν τοὺς προσειπόντας, εἰ τὸ στῆθος ἢ τὴν δεξιὰν προτείνων δοίη καταφιλεῖν. ἐκεῖνοι μὲν οὖν ἠνιῶντο ἀκούοντες.

[¶12] 13. But to return to Minos, he gave one decision by favour; for Dionysius of Sicily had been charged with many dreadful and impious crimes by Dion as prosecutor and the shadow as witness, but Aristippus of Cyrene appeared—they hold him in honour, and he has very great influence among the people of the lower world—and when Dionysius was within an ace of being chained up to the Chimera, he got him let off from the punishment by saying that many men of letters had found him obliging in the matter of money.

> Greek: 13. Μένιππος: τῷ δὲ Μίνῳ μία τις καὶ πρὸς χάριν ἐδικάσθη· τὸν γάρ τοι Σικελιώτην Διονύσιον πολλά γε καὶ δεινὰ καὶ ἀνόσια ὑπό τε Δίωνος κατηγορηθέντα καὶ ὑπὸ τῆς σκιᾶς καταμαρτυρηθέντα παρελθὼν Ἀρίστιππος ὁ Κυρηναῖος — ἄγουσι δʼ αὐτὸν ἐν τιμῇ καὶ δύναται μέγιστον ἐν τοῖς κάτω — μικροῦ δεῖν τῇ Χιμαίρᾳ προσδεθέντα παρέλυσε τῆς καταδίκης λέγων πολλοῖς αὐτὸν τῶν πεπαιδευμένων πρὸς ἀργύριον γενέσθαι δεξιόν.

[¶13] 14. Leaving the court reluctantly, we came to the place of punishment, where in all truth, my friend, there were many pitiful things to hear and to see. The sound of scourges could be heard, and therewithal the wails of those roasting on the fire; there were racks and pillories and wheels; Chimera tore and Cerberus ravened. They were being punished all together, kings, slaves, satraps, poor, rich, and beggars, and all were sorry for their excesses. Some of them we even recognized when we saw them, all that were recently dead. But they covered their faces and turned away, and if they so much as cast a glance at us, it was thoroughly servile and obsequious, even though they had been unimaginably oppressive and haughty in life. Poor people, however, were getting only half as much torture and resting at intervals before being punished again. Moreover, I saw all that is told of in the legends— Ixion, Sisyphus, Tantalus the Phrygian, who was certainly in a bad way, and earthborn Tityus— Heracles, how big he was! Indeed, he took up land enough for a farm as he lay there!

> Greek: 14. Μένιππος: ἀποστάντες δὲ ὅμως τοῦ δικαστηρίου πρὸς τὸ κολαστήριον ἀφικνούμεθα. ἔνθα δή, ὦ φιλότης, πολλὰ καὶ ἐλεεινὰ ἦν καὶ ἀκοῦσαι καὶ ἰδεῖν· μαστίγων τε γὰρ ὁμοῦ ψόφος ἠκούετο καὶ οἰμωγὴ τῶν ἐπὶ τοῦ πυρὸς ὀπτωμένων καὶ στρέβλαι καὶ κύφωνες καὶ τροχοί, καὶ ἡ Χίμαιρα ἐσπάραττεν καὶ ὁ Κέρβερος ἐδάρδαπτεν. ἐκολάζοντό τε ἅμα πάντες, βασιλεῖς, δοῦλοι, σατράπαι, πένητες, πλούσιοι, πτωχοί, καὶ μετέμελε πᾶσι τῶν τετολμημένων. ἐνίους δὲ αὐτῶν καὶ ἐγνωρίσαμεν ἰδόντες, ὁπόσοι ἦσαν τῶν ἔναγχος τετελευτηκότων· οἱ δὲ ἐνεκαλύπτοντό τε καὶ ἀπεστρέφοντο, εἰ δὲ καὶ προσβλέποιεν, μάλα δουλοπρεπές τι καὶ κολακευτικόν, καὶ ταῦτα πῶς οἴει βαρεῖς ὄντες καὶ ὑπερόπται παρὰ τὸν βίον; τοῖς μέντοι πένησιν ἡμιτέλεια τῶν κακῶν ἐδίδοτο, καὶ διαναπαυόμενοι πάλιν ἐκολάζοντο. καὶ μὴν κἀκεῖνα εἶδον τὰ μυθώδη, τὸν Ἰξίονα καὶ τὸν Σίσυφον καὶ τὸν Φρύγα Τάνταλον, χαλεπῶς γε ἔχοντα, καὶ τὸν γηγενῆ Τιτυόν, Ἡράκλεις ὅσος· ἔκειτο γοῦν τόπον ἐπέχων ἀγροῦ.

[¶14] 15. After making our way past these people also, we entered the Acherusian Plain, where we found the demigods and the fair women and the whole crowd of the dead, living by nations and by clans, some of them ancient and mouldy, and, as Homer says, “impalpable,” while others were still well preserved and substantial, particularly the Egyptians, thanks to the durability of their embalming process. It was not at ail easy, though, to tell them apart, for all, without exception, become precisely alike when their bones are bare. However, with some difficulty and by dint of long study we made them out. But they were lying one atop of another, ill-defined, unidentified, retaining no longer any trace of earthly beauty. So, with many skeletons lying together, all alike staring horridly and vacuously and baring their teeth, I questioned myself how I could distinguish Thersites from handsome Nireus, or the mendicant Irus from the King of the Phaeacians, or the cook Pyrrhias from Agamemnon; for none of their former means of identification abode with them, but their bones were all alike, undefined, unlabelled, and unable ever again to be distinguished by anyone.

> Greek: 15. Μένιππος: διελθόντες δὲ καὶ τούτους εἰς τὸ πεδίον εἰσβάλλομεν τὸ Ἀχερούσιον, εὑρίσκομέν τε αὐτόθι τοὺς ἡμιθέους τε καὶ τὰς ἡρωΐνας καὶ τὸν ἄλλον ὅμιλον τῶν νεκρῶν κατὰ ἔθνη καὶ κατὰ φῦλα διαιτωμένους, τοὺς μὲν παλαιούς τινας καὶ εὐρωτιῶντας καὶ ὥς φησιν Ὅμηρος, ἀμενηνούς, τοὺς δʼ ἔτι νεαλεῖς καὶ συνεστηκότας, καὶ μάλιστα τοὺς Αἰγυπτίους αὐτῶν διὰ τὸ πολυαρκὲς τῆς ταριχείας. τὸ μέντοι διαγιγνώσκειν ἕκαστον οὐ πάνυ τι ἦν ῥᾴδιον· ἅπαντες γὰρ ἀτεχνῶς ἀλλήλοις γίγνονται ὅμοιοι τῶν ὀστῶν γεγυμνωμένων. πλὴν ἀλλὰ μόγις τε καὶ διὰ πολλοῦ ἀναθεωροῦντες αὐτοὺς ἐγιγνώσκομεν. ἔκειντο δʼ ἐπʼ ἀλλήλοις ἀμαυροὶ καὶ ἄσημοι καὶ οὐδὲν ἔτι τῶν παρʼ ἡμῖν καλῶν φυλάττοντες. ἀμέλει πολλῶν ἐν ταὐτῷ σκελετῶν κειμένων καὶ πάντων ὁμοίως φοβερόν τι καὶ διάκενον δεδορκότων καὶ γυμνοὺς τοὺς ὀδόντας προφαινόντων, ἠπόρουν πρὸς ἐμαυτὸν ᾧτινι διακρίναιμι τὸν Θερσίτην ἀπὸ τοῦ καλοῦ Νιρέως ἢ τὸν μεταίτην Ἶρον ἀπὸ τοῦ Φαιάκων βασιλέως ἢ Πυρρίαν τὸν μάγειρον ἀπὸ τοῦ Ἀγαμέμνονος. οὐδὲν γὰρ ἔτι τῶν παλαιῶν γνωρισμάτων αὐτοῖς παρέμενεν, ἀλλʼ ὅμοια τὰ ὀστᾶ ἦν, ἄδηλα καὶ ἀνεπίγραφα καὶ ὑπʼ οὐδενὸς ἔτι διακρίνεσθαι δυνάμενα.

[¶15] 16. So as I looked at them it seemed to me that human life is like a long pageant, and that all its trappings are supplied and distributed by Fortune, who arrays the participants in various costumes of many colours. Taking one person, it may be, she attires him royally, placing a tiara upon his head, giving him body-guards, and encircling his brow with the diadem; but upon another she puts the costume of a slave. Again, she makes up one person so that he is handsome, but causes another to be ugly and ridiculous. I suppose that the show must needs be diversified. And often, in the very middle of the pageant, she exchanges the costumes of several players; instead of allowing them to finish the pageant in the parts that had been assigned to them, she re-apparels them, forcing Croesus to assume the dress of a slave and a captive, and shifting Maeandrius, who formerly paraded among the servants, into the imperial habit of Polycrates. For a brief space she lets them use their costumes, but when the time of the pageant is over, each gives back the properties and lays off the costume along with his body, becoming what he was before his birth, no different from his neighbour. Some, however, are so ungrateful that when Fortune appears to them and asks her trappings back, they are vexed and indignant, as if they were being robbed of their own property, instead of giving back what they had borrowed for a little time. I suppose you have often seen these stage-folk who act in tragedies, and according to the demands of the plays become at one moment Creons, and again Priams or Agamemnons; the very one, it may be, who a short time ago assumed with great dignity the part of Cecrops or of Erectheus soon appears as a servant at the bidding of the poet. And when at length the play comes to an end, each of them strips off his gold-bespangled robe, lays aside his mask, steps out of his buskins, and goes about in poverty and humility, no longer styled Agamemnon, son of Atreus, or Creon, son of Menoeceus, but Polus, son of Charicles, of Sunium, or Satyrus, son of Theogiton, of Marathon. That is what human affairs are like, it seemed to me as I looked.

> Greek: 16. Μένιππος: τοιγάρτοι ἐκεῖνα ὁρῶντί μοι ἐδόκει ὁ τῶν ἀνθρώπων βίος πομπῇ τινι μακρᾷ προσεοικέναι, χορηγεῖν δὲ καὶ διατάττειν ἕκαστα ἡ Τύχη, διάφορα καὶ ποικίλα τοῖς πομπευταῖς τὰ σχήματα προσάπτουσα· τὸν μὲν γὰρ λαβοῦσα, εἰ τύχοι, βασιλικῶς διεσκεύασεν, τιάραν τε ἐπιθεῖσα καὶ δορυφόρους παραδοῦσα καὶ τὴν κεφαλὴν στέψασα τῷ διαδήματι, τῷ δὲ οἰκέτου σχῆμα περιέθηκεν· τὸν δέ τινα καλὸν εἶναι ἐκόσμησεν, τὸν δὲ ἄμορφον καὶ γελοῖον παρεσκεύασεν· παντοδαπὴν γάρ, οἶμαι, δεῖ γενέσθαι τὴν θέαν. πολλάκις δὲ καὶ διὰ μέσης τῆς πομπῆς μετέβαλε τὰ ἐνίων σχήματα οὐκ ἐῶσα εἰς τέλος διαπομπεῦσαι ὡς ἐτάχθησαν, ἀλλὰ μεταμφιέσασα τὸν μὲν Κροῖσον ἠνάγκασε τὴν τοῦ οἰκέτου καὶ αἰχμαλώτου σκευὴν ἀναλαβεῖν, τὸν δὲ Μαιάνδριον τέως ἐν τοῖς οἰκέταις πομπεύοντα τὴν τοῦ Πολυκράτους τυραννίδα μετενέδυσε. καὶ μέχρι μέν τινος εἴασε χρῆσθαι τῷ σχήματι· ἐπειδὰν δὲ ὁ τῆς πομπῆς καιρὸς παρέλθῃ, τηνικαῦτα ἕκαστος ἀποδοὺς τὴν σκευὴν καὶ ἀποδυσάμενος τὸ σχῆμα μετὰ τοῦ σώματος ἐγένετο οἷόσπερ ἦν πρὸ τοῦ γενέσθαι, μηδὲν τοῦ πλησίον διαφέρων. ἔνιοι δὲ ὑπʼ ἀγνωμοσύνης, ἐπειδὰν ἀπαιτῇ τὸν κόσμον ἐπιστᾶσα ἡ Τύχη, ἄχθονταί τε καὶ ἀγανακτοῦσιν ὥσπερ οἰκείων τινῶν στερισκόμενοι καὶ οὐχ ἃ πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐχρήσαντο ἀποδιδόντες. οἶμαι δέ σε καὶ τῶν ἐπὶ τῆς σκηνῆς πολλάκις ἑωρακέναι τοὺς τραγικοὺς ὑποκριτὰς τούτους πρὸς τὰς χρείας τῶν δραμάτων ἄρτι μὲν Κρέοντας, ἐνίοτε δὲ Πριάμους γιγνομένους ἢ Ἀγαμέμνονας, καὶ ὁ αὐτός, εἰ τύχοι, μικρὸν ἔμπροσθεν μάλα σεμνῶς τὸ τοῦ Κέκροπος ἢ Ἐρεχθέως σχῆμα μιμησάμενος μετʼ ὀλίγον οἰκέτης προῆλθεν ὑπὸ τοῦ ποιητοῦ κεκελευσμένος. ἤδη δὲ πέρας ἔχοντος τοῦ δράματος ἀποδυσάμενος ἕκαστος αὐτῶν τὴν χρυσόπαστον ἐκείνην ἐσθῆτα καὶ τὸ προσωπεῖον ἀποθέμενος καὶ καταβὰς ἀπὸ τῶν ἐμβατῶν πένης καὶ ταπεινὸς περίεισιν, οὐκέτʼ Ἀγαμέμνων ὁ Ἀτρέως οὐδὲ Κρέων ὁ Μενοικέως, ἀλλὰ Πῶλος Χαρικλέους Σουνιεὺς ὀνομαζόμενος ἢ Σάτυρος Θεογείτονος Μαραθώνιος. τοιαῦτα καὶ τὰ τῶν ἀνθρώπων πράγματά ἐστιν, ὡς τότε μοι ὁρῶντι ἔδοξεν.

[¶16] 17. FRIEND But tell me, Menippus; those who have such expensive, high monuments on earth, and tombstones and statues and inscriptions—are they no more highly honoured there than the common dead? MENIPPUS Nonsense, man! If you had seen Mausolus himself—I mean the Carian, so famous for his monument —I know right well that you would never have stopped laughing, so humbly did he lie where he was flung, in a cubby-hole, inconspicuous among the rest of the plebeian dead, deriving, in my opinion, only this much satisfaction from his monument, that he was heavy laden with such a great weight resting upon him. When Aeacus measures off the space for each, my triend—and he gives at most not over a foot—one must be content to lie in it, huddled together to fit its compass. But you would have laughed much more heartily, I think, if you had seen our kings and satraps reduced to poverty there, and either selling salt fish on account of their neediness or teaching the alphabet, and getting abused and hit over the head by all comers, like the meanest of slaves. In fact, when I saw Philip of Macedon, I could not control my laughter. He was pointed out to me in a corner, cobbling worn-out sandals for pay! Many others, too, could be seen begging at the cross-roads—your Xerxeses, I mean, and Dariuses and Polycrateses.

> Greek: 17. Φίλος: εἰπέ μοι, ὦ Μένιππε, οἱ δὲ τοὺς πολυτελεῖς τούτους καὶ ὑψηλοὺς τάφους ἔχοντες ὑπὲρ γῆς καὶ στήλας καὶ εἰκόνας καὶ ἐπιγράμματα οὐδὲν τιμιώτεροι παρʼ αὐτοῖς εἰσι τῶν ἰδιωτῶν νεκρῶν; Μένιππος: ληρεῖς, ὦ οὗτος· εἰ γοῦν ἐθεάσω τὸν Μαύσωλον αὐτόν, — λέγω δὲ τὸν Κᾶρα, τὸν ἐκ τοῦ τάφου περιβόητον — εὖ οἶδα ὅτι οὐκ ἂν ἐπαύσω γελῶν, οὕτω ταπεινὸς ἔρριπτο ἐν παραβύστῳ που λανθάνων ἐν τῷ λοιπῷ δήμῳ τῶν νεκρῶν, ἐμοὶ δοκεῖν, τοσοῦτον ἀπολαύων τοῦ μνήματος, παρʼ ὅσον ἐβαρύνετο τηλικοῦτον ἄχθος ἐπικείμενος· ἐπειδὰν γάρ, ὦ ἑταῖρε, ὁ Αἰακὸς ἀπομετρήσῃ ἑκάστῳ τὸν τόπον, — δίδωσι δὲ τὸ μέγιστον οὐ πλέον ποδός — ἀνάγκη ἀγαπῶντα κατακεῖσθαι πρὸς τὸ μέτρον συνεσταλμένον. πολλῷ δʼ ἂν οἶμαι μᾶλλον ἐγέλασας, εἰ ἐθεάσω τοὺς παρʼ ἡμῖν βασιλέας καὶ σατράπας πτωχεύοντας παρʼ αὐτοῖς καὶ ἤτοι ταριχοπωλοῦντας ὑπʼ ἀπορίας ἢ τὰ πρῶτα διδάσκοντας γράμματα καὶ ὑπὸ τοῦ τυχόντος ὑβριζομένους καὶ κατὰ κόρρης παιομένους ὥσπερ τῶν ἀνδραπόδων τὰ ἀτιμότατα. Φίλιππον γοῦν τὸν Μακεδόνα ἐγὼ θεασάμενος οὐδὲ κρατεῖν ἐμαυτοῦ δυνατὸς ἦν· ἐδείχθη δέ μοι ἐν γωνίᾳ τινὶ μισθοῦ ἀκούμενος τὰ σαθρὰ τῶν ὑποδημάτων. πολλοὺς δὲ καὶ ἄλλους ἦν ἰδεῖν ἐν ταῖς τριόδοις μεταιτοῦντας, Ξέρξας λέγω καὶ Δαρείους καὶ Πολυκράτας.

[¶17] 18. FRIEND What you say about the kings is extraordinary and almost incredible. But what was Socrates doing, and Diogenes, and the rest of the wise men? MENIPPUS As to Socrates, there too he goes about crossquestioning everyone. His associates are Palamedes, Odysseus, Nestor, and other talkative corpses. His legs, I may say, were still puffed up and swollen from his draught of poison. And good old Diogenes lives with Sardanapalus the Assyrian, Midas the Phrygian, and several other wealthy men. As he hears them lamenting and reviewing their former good-fortune, he laughs and rejoices; and often he lies on his back and sings in a very harsh and unpleasant voice, drowning out their lamentations, so that the gentlemen are annoyed and think of changing their lodgings because they cannot stand Diogenes.

> Greek: 18. Φίλος: ἄτοπα διηγῇ τὰ περὶ τῶν βασιλέων καὶ μικροῦ δεῖν ἄπιστα. τί δὲ ὁ Σωκράτης ἔπραττεν καὶ Διογένης καὶ εἴ τις ἄλλος τῶν σοφῶν; Μένιππος: ὁ μὲν Σωκράτης κἀκεῖ περίεισιν διελέγχων ἅπαντας· σύνεστι δʼ αὐτῷ Παλαμήδης καὶ Ὀδυσσεὺς καὶ Νέστωρ καὶ εἴ τις ἄλλος λάλος νεκρός. ἔτι μέντοι ἐπεφύσητο αὐτῷ καὶ διῳδήκει ἐκ τῆς φαρμακοποσίας τὰ σκέλη. ὁ δὲ βέλτιστος Διογένης παροικεῖ μὲν Σαρδαναπάλλῳ τῷ Ἀσσυρίῳ καὶ Μίδᾳ τῷ Φρυγὶ καὶ ἄλλοις τισὶ τῶν πολυτελῶν· ἀκούων δὲ οἰμωζόντων αὐτῶν καὶ τὴν παλαιὰν τύχην ἀναμετρουμένων γελᾷ τε καὶ τέρπεται, καὶ τὰ πολλὰ ὕπτιος κατακείμενος ᾄδει μάλα τραχείᾳ καὶ ἀπηνεῖ τῇ φωνῇ τὰς οἰμωγὰς αὐτῶν ἐπικαλύπτων, ὥστε ἀνιᾶσθαι τοὺς ἄνδρας καὶ διασκέπτεσθαι μετοικεῖν οὐ φέροντας τὸν Διογένην.

[¶18] 19. FRIEND Well, enough of this, but what was the motion that in the beginning you said had been passed against the rich? MENIPPUS Thanks for reminding me. Somehow or other, in spite of my intention to speak about that, I went very much astray in my talk. During my stay there, the city fathers called a public meeting to discuss matters of general interest; so when I saw many people running in the same direction, I mingled with the dead and speedily became one of the electors myself. Well, various business was transacted, and at last that about the rich. After many dreadful charges of violence and mendacity and superciliousness and injustice had been brought against them, at length one of the demagogues rose and read the following motion.

> Greek: 19. Φίλος: ταυτὶ μὲν ἱκανῶς· τί δὲ τὸ ψήφισμα ἦν, ὅπερ ἐν ἀρχῇ ἔλεγες κεκυρῶσθαι κατὰ τῶν πλουσίων; Μένιππος: εὖ γε ὑπέμνησας· οὐ γὰρ οἶδʼ ὅπως περὶ τούτου λέγειν προθέμενος πάμπολυ ἀπεπλανήθην τοῦ λόγου. διατρίβοντος γάρ μου παρʼ αὐτοῖς προὔθεσαν οἱ πρυτάνεις ἐκκλησίαν περὶ τῶν κοινῇ συμφερόντων· ἰδὼν οὖν πολλοὺς συνθέοντας ἀναμίξας ἐμαυτὸν τοῖς νεκροῖς εὐθὺς εἷς καὶ αὐτὸς ἦν τῶν ἐκκλησιαστῶν. διῳκήθη μὲν οὖν καὶ ἄλλα, τελευταῖον δὲ τὸ περὶ τῶν πλουσίων· ἐπεὶ γὰρ αὐτῶν κατηγόρητο πολλὰ καὶ δεινά, βία καὶ ἀλαζονεία καὶ ὑπεροψία καὶ ἀδικία, τέλος ἀναστάς τις τῶν δημαγωγῶν ἀνέγνω ψήφισμα τοιοῦτον.

[¶19] 20. (MOTION) “Whereas many lawless deeds are done in life by the rich, who plunder and oppress and in every way humiliate the poor, “Be it resolved by the senate and people, that when they die their bodies be punished like those of the other malefactors, but their souls be sent back up into life and enter into donkeys until they shall have passed two hundred and fifty thousand years in the said condition, transmigrating from donkey to donkey, bearing burdens, and being driven by the poor; and that thereafter it be permitted them to die. “On motion of Scully Fitzbones of Corpsebury, Cadavershire.” After this motion had been read, the officials put it to the vote, the majority indicated assent by the usual sign, Brimo brayed and Cerberus howled. That is the way in which their motions are enacted and ratified.

> Greek: 20. Ψήφισμα: ἐπειδὴ πολλὰ καὶ παράνομα οἱ πλούσιοι δρῶσι παρὰ τὸν βίον ἁρπάζοντες καὶ βιαζόμενοι καὶ πάντα τρόπον τῶν πενήτων καταφρονοῦντες, δεδόχθω τῇ βουλῇ καὶ τῷ δήμῳ, ἐπειδὰν ἀποθάνωσι, τὰ μὲν σώματα αὐτῶν κολάζεσθαι καθάπερ καὶ τὰ τῶν ἄλλων πονηρῶν, τὰς δὲ ψυχὰς ἀναπεμφθείσας ἄνω εἰς τὸν βίον καταδύεσθαι εἰς τοὺς ὄνους, ἄχρις ἂν ἐν τῷ τοιούτῳ διαγάγωσι μυριάδας ἐτῶν πέντε καὶ εἴκοσιν, ὄνοι ἐξ ὄνων γιγνόμενοι καὶ ἀχθοφοροῦντες καὶ ὑπὸ τῶν πενήτων ἐλαυνόμενοι, τοὐντεῦθεν δὲ λοιπὸν ἐξεῖναι αὐτοῖς ἀποθανεῖν. εἶπε τὴν γνώμην Κρανίων Σκελετίωνος Νεκυσιεὺς φυλῆς Ἀλιβαντίδος. Τούτου ἀναγνωσθέντος τοῦ ψηφίσματος ἐπεψήφισαν μὲν αἱ ἀρχαί, ἐπεχειροτόνησε δὲ τὸ πλῆθος καὶ ἐβριμήσατο ἡ Βριμὼ καὶ ὑλάκτησεν ὁ Κέρβερος· οὕτω γὰρ ἐντελῆ γίγνεται καὶ κύρια τὰ ἐγνωσμένα.

[¶20] 21. Well, there you have what took place at the meeting. For my part, I did what I came to do. Going to Teiresias, I told him the whole story and besought him to tell me what sort of life he considered the best. He laughed (he is a blind little old gentleman, pale, with a piping voice) and said: “My son, I know the reason for your perplexity; it came from the wise men, who are not consistent with themselves. But it is not permissible to tell you, for Rhadamanthus has forbidden it.” “Don’t say that, gaffer,” said I. “Tell me, and don’t allow me to go about in life blinder than you are.” So he took me aside, and after he had led me a good way apart from the others, he bent his head slightly toward my ear and said: “The life of the common sort is best, and you will act more wisely if you stop speculating about heavenly bodies and discussing final causes and first causes, spit your scorn at those clever syllogisms, and counting all that sort of thing nonsense, make it always your sole object to put the present to good use and to hasten on your way, laughing a great deal and taking nothing seriously.”
So he spoke, and betook him again through the asphodel meadow.

> Greek: 21. ταῦτα μὲν δή σοι τὰ ἐν τῇ ἐκκλησίᾳ. ἐγὼ δέ, οὗπερ ἀφίγμην ἕνεκα, τῷ Τειρεσίᾳ προσελθὼν ἱκέτευον αὐτὸν τὰ πάντα διηγησάμενος εἰπεῖν πρός με ποῖόν τινα ἡγεῖται τὸν ἄριστον βίον. ὁ δὲ γελάσας — ἔστι δὲ τυφλόν τι γερόντιον καὶ ὠχρὸν καὶ λεπτόφωνον — Ὦ τέκνον, φησί, τήν μὲν αἰτίαν οἶδά σοι τῆς ἀπορίας ὅτι παρὰ τῶν σοφῶν ἐγένετο οὐ ταὐτὰ γιγνωσκόντων ἑαυτοῖς· ἀτὰρ οὐ θέμις λέγειν πρὸς σέ· ἀπείρηται γὰρ ὑπὸ τοῦ Ῥαδαμάνθυος. μηδαμῶς, ἔφην, ὦ πατέριον, ἀλλʼ εἰπὲ καὶ μὴ περιίδῃς με σοῦ τυφλότερον περιιόντα ἐν τῷ βίῳ. ὁ δὲ δή με ἀπαγαγὼν καὶ πολὺ τῶν ἄλλων ἀποσπάσας ἤρεμα προσκύψας πρὸς τὸ οὖς φησίν, ὁ τῶν ἰδιωτῶν ἄριστος βίος, καὶ σωφρονέστερος παυσάμενος τοῦ μετεωρολογεῖν καὶ τέλη καὶ ἀρχὰς ἐπισκοπεῖν καὶ καταπτύσας τῶν σοφῶν τούτων συλλογισμῶν καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα λῆρον ἡγησάμενος τοῦτο μόνον ἐξ ἅπαντος θηράσῃ, ὅπως τὸ παρὸν εὖ θέμενος παραδράμῃς γελῶν τὰ πολλὰ καὶ περὶ μηδὲν ἐσπουδακώς. ὣς εἰπὼν πάλιν ὦρτο κατʼ ἀσφοδελὸν λειμῶνα.

[¶21] 22. As it was late by then, I said: “Come, Mithrobarzanes, why do we delay? Why not go back to life again?” To this he replied: “Never fear, Menippus; I will show you a quick and easy short cut.” And then, taking me to a place murkier than the rest of the region and pointing with his finger to a dim and slender ray of light coming in as if through a keyhole, a long way off, he said: “That is the sanctuary of Trophonius, where the people from Boeotia come down. So go up by that route and you will be in Greece directly.” Delighted with his words, I embraced the sorcerer, very laboriously crawled up through the hole somehow, and found myself in Lebadeia.

> Greek: 22. ἐγὼ δὲ — καὶ γὰρ ἤδη ὀψὲ ἦν — ἄγε δή, ὦ Μιθροβαρζάνη, φημί, τί διαμέλλομεν καὶ οὐκ ἄπιμεν αὖθις εἰς τὸν βίον; ὁ δὲ πρὸς ταῦτα, θάρρει, φησίν, ὦ Μένιππε· ταχεῖαν γάρ σοι καὶ ἀπράγμονα ὑποδείξω ἀτραπόν. καὶ δὴ ἀγαγών με πρός τι χωρίον τοῦ ἄλλου ζοφερώτερον δείξας τῇ χειρὶ πόρρωθεν ἀμαυρὸν καὶ λεπτὸν ὥσπερ διὰ κλειθρίας φῶς εἰσρέον, ἐκεῖνο, ἔφη, ἐστὶν τὸ ἱερὸν τὸ Τροφωνίου, κἀκεῖθεν κατίασιν οἱ ἀπὸ Βοιωτίας. ταύτην οὖν ἄνιθι καὶ εὐθὺς ἔσῃ ἐπὶ τῆς Ἑλλάδος. ἡσθεὶς δὲ τοῖς εἰρημένοις ἐγὼ καὶ τὸν μάγον ἀσπασάμενος χαλεπῶς μάλα διὰ τοῦ στομίου ἀνερπύσας οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως ἐν Λεβαδείᾳ γίγνομαι.