---
title: "On Salaried Posts in Great Houses · Περὶ τῶν ἐν Μισθῷ συνόντων"
author: "Lucian"
translator: "Henry Watson Fowler"
languages: [grc, en]
shelf: "Classical Greek"
url: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-on-salaried-posts/
cite: "Lucian, tr. Henry Watson Fowler, On Salaried Posts in Great Houses · Περὶ τῶν ἐν Μισθῷ συνόντων. Scriptura (scriptura.si), https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-on-salaried-posts/"
---

# On Salaried Posts in Great Houses · Περὶ τῶν ἐν Μισθῷ συνόντων

*Lucian, tr. Henry Watson Fowler*

The humiliations of the Greek scholar who takes a post in a rich Roman household.

> Greek: ed. Austin Morris Harmon, from the Perseus Digital Library (canonical-greekLit, tlg0062.tlg033, CC BY-SA 4.0).

> English: Henry Watson Fowler, from the Perseus Digital Library (tlg0062.tlg033.perseus-eng4). Notes are not included.

> Rows follow the references the two texts share (chapters and sections), cut where both reach the end of a sentence.

## Contents

1. [Sections 1–20](https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-on-salaried-posts/1.md)
2. [Sections 21–42](https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-on-salaried-posts/2.md)

## 1. Sections 1–20

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-on-salaried-posts/1/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-on-salaried-posts/1/#p-N

[¶0] 1. The dependent scholar! The great man’s licensed friend!— if friend, not slave, is to be the word. Believe me, Timocles, amid the humiliation and drudgery of his lot, I know not where to turn for a beginning. Many, if not most, of his hardships are familiar to me; not, heaven knows, from personal experience, for I have never been reduced to such extremity, and pray that I never may be; but from the lips of numerous victims; from the bitter outcries of those who were yet in the snare, and the complacent recollections of others who, like escaped prisoners, found a pleasure in detailing all that they had been through. The evidence of the latter was particularly valuable. Mystics, as it were, of the highest grade, Dependency had no secrets for them. Accordingly, it was with keen interest that I listened to their stories of miraculous deliverance from moral shipwreck. They reminded me of the mariners who, duly cropped, gather at the doors of a temple, with their tale of stormy seas and monster waves and promontories, castings out of cargoes, snappings of masts, shatterings of rudders; ending with the appearance of those twin brethren ’ so indispensable to nautical story, or of some other deus ex machina, who, seated at the masthead or standing at the helm, guides the vessel to some sandy shore, there to break up at her leisure—not before her crew (so benevolent is the God!) have effected a safe landing. The mariner, however, is liberal in embellishment, being prompted thereto by the exigencies of his situation; for by his appearance as a favourite of heaven, not merely a victim of 1 The Dioscuri, Castor and Pollux, who were supposed to appear to sailors in distress. fortune, the number of the charitable is increased.

> Greek: 1. καὶ τί σοι πρῶτον, ὦ φιλότης, ἢ τί ὕστατον, φασί, καταλέξω τούτων ἃ πάσχειν ἢ ποιεῖν ἀνάγκη τοὺς ἐπὶ μισθῷ συνόντας κἀν ταῖς τῶν εὐδαιμόνων τούτων φιλίαις ἐξεταζομένους — εἰ χρὴ φιλίαν τὴν τοιαύτην αὐτῶν δουλείαν ἐπονομάζειν; οἶδα γὰρ πολλὰ καὶ σχεδὸν τὰ πλεῖστα τῶν συμβαινόντων αὐτοῖς, οὐκ αὐτὸς μὰ Δία τοῦ τοιούτου πειραθείς, οὐ γὰρ ἐν ἀνάγκῃ μοι ἡ πεῖρα ἐγεγένητο, μηδέ, ὦ θεοί, γένοιτο· ἀλλὰ πολλοὶ τῶν εἰς τὸν βίον τοῦτον ἐμπεπτωκότων ἐξηγόρευον πρός με, οἱ μὲν ἔτι ἐν τῷ κακῷ ὄντες, ἀποδυρόμενοι ὁπόσα καὶ ὁποῖα ἔπασχον, οἱ δὲ ὥσπερ ἐκ δεσμωτηρίου τινὸς ἀποδράντες οὐκ ἀηδῶς μνημονεύοντες ὧν ἐπεπόνθεσαν· ἀλλὰ γὰρ εὐφραίνοντο ἀναλογιζόμενοι οἵων ἀπηλλάγησαν. ἀξιοπιστότεροι δὲ ἦσαν οὗτοι διὰ πάσης, ὡς εἰπεῖν, τῆς τελετῆς διεξεληλυθότες καὶ πάντα ἐξ ἀρχῆς εἰς τέλος ἐποπτεύσαντες. οὐ παρέργως οὖν οὐδὲ ἀμελῶς ἐπήκουον αὐτῶν καθάπερ ναυαγίαν τινὰ καὶ σωτηρίαν αὑτῶν παράλογον διηγουμένων, οἷοί εἰσιν οἱ πρὸς τοῖς ἱεροῖς ἐξυρημένοι τὰς κεφαλὰς συνάμα πολλοὶ τὰς τρικυμίας καὶ ζάλας καὶ ἀκρωτήρια καὶ ἐκβολὰς καὶ ἱστοῦ κλάσεις καὶ πηδαλίων ἀποκαυλίσεις διεξιόντες, ἐπὶ πᾶσι δὲ τοὺς Διοσκούρους ἐπιφαινομένους, — οἰκεῖοι γὰρ τῆς τοιαύτης τραγῳδίας οὗτοί γε — ἤ τινʼ ἄλλον ἐκ μηχανῆς θεὸν ἐπὶ τῷ καρχησίῳ καθεζόμενον ἢ πρὸς τοῖς πηδαλίοις ἑστῶτα καὶ πρός τινα ᾐόνα μαλακὴν ἀπευθύνοντα τὴν ναῦν, οἷ προσενεχθεῖσα ἔμελλεν αὐτὴ μὲν ἠρέμα καὶ κατὰ σχολὴν διαλυθήσεσθαι, αὐτοὶ δὲ ἀσφαλῶς ἀποβήσεσθαι χάριτι καὶ εὐμενείᾳ τοῦ θεοῦ. ἐκεῖνοι μὲν οὖν τὰ πολλὰ ταῦτα πρὸς τὴν χρείαν τὴν παραυτίκα ἐπιτραγῳδοῦσιν ὡς παρὰ πλειόνων λαμβάνοιεν, οὐ δυστυχεῖς μόνον ἀλλὰ καὶ θεοφιλεῖς τινες εἶναι δοκοῦντες·

[¶1] 2. It is otherwise with those whose narrative is of domestic storms, of billows rising mountain high (if so I may phrase it) within four walls. They tell us of the seductive calm that first lured them on to those waters, of the sufferings they endured throughout the voyage, the thirst, the sea-sickness, the briny drenchings; and how at last their luckless craft went to pieces upon some hidden reef or at the foot of some steep crag, leaving them to swim for it, and to land naked and utterly destitute. All this they tell us: but I have ever suspected them of having convenient lapses of memory, and omitting the worst part for very shame. For myself, I shall have no such scruple. All that I have heard, or can reasonably infer, of the evils of dependence, I shall place before you. For either, friend, my penetration is at fault, or you have long had a hankering for this profession.

> Greek: 2. οἱ δὲ τοὺς ἐν ταῖς οἰκίαις χειμῶνας καὶ τὰς τρικυμίας καὶ νὴ Δία πεντακυμίας τε καὶ δεκακυμίας, εἰ οἷόν τε εἰπεῖν, διηγούμενοι, καὶ ὡς τὸ πρῶτον εἰσέπλευσαν, γαληνοῦ ὑποφαινομένου τοῦ πελάγους, καὶ ὅσα πράγματα παρὰ τὸν πλοῦν ὅλον ὑπέμειναν ἢ διψῶντες ἢ ναυτιῶντες ἢ ὑπεραντλούμενοι τῇ ἅλμῃ, καὶ τέλος ὡς πρὸς πέτραν τινὰ ὕφαλον ἢ σκόπελον ἀπόκρημνον περιρρήξαντες τὸ δύστηνον σκαφίδιον ἄθλιοι κακῶς ἐξενήξαντο γυμνοὶ καὶ πάντων ἐνδεεῖς τῶν ἀναγκαίων — ἐν δὴ τούτοις καὶ τῇ τούτων διηγήσει ἐδόκουν μοι τὰ πολλὰ οὗτοι ὑπʼ αἰσχύνης ἐπικρύπτεσθαι, καὶ ἑκόντες εἶναι ἐπιλανθάνεσθαι αὐτῶν. ἀλλʼ ἔγωγε κἀκεῖνα καὶ εἴ τινʼ ἄλλα ἐκ τοῦ λόγου συντιθεὶς εὑρίσκω προσόντα ταῖς τοιαύταις συνουσίαις, οὐκ ὀκνήσω σοι πάντα, ὦ καλὲ Τιμόκλεις, διεξελθεῖν· δοκῶ γάρ μοι ἐκ πολλοῦ ἤδη κατανενοηκέναι σε τούτῳ τῷ βίῳ ἐπιβουλεύοντα, καὶ πρῶτόν γε ὁπηνίκα περὶ τῶν τοιούτων ὁ λόγος ἐνέπεσεν, εἶτα ἐπῄνεσέ τις τῶν παρόντων τὴν τοιαύτην μισθοφοράν, τρισευδαίμονας εἶναι λέγων οἷς μετὰ τοῦ φίλους ἔχειν τοὺς ἀρίστους Ῥωμαίων καὶ δειπνεῖν δεῖπνα πολυτελῆ καὶ ἀσύμβολα καὶ οἰκεῖν ἐν καλῷ καὶ ἀποδημεῖν μετὰ πάσης ῥᾳστώνης καὶ ἡδονῆς ἐπὶ λευκοῦ ζεύγους, εἰ τύχοι, ἐξυπτιάζοντας, προσέτι καὶ μισθὸν τῆς φιλίας καὶ ὧν εὖ πάσχουσιν τούτων λαμβάνειν οὐκ ὀλίγον ἐστίν·

[¶2] 3. Yes, I have seen it from the first, whenever the conversation has fallen on this subject of salaried intellects. ‘Happy men!’ some enthusiast has cried. ‘The élite of Rome are their friends. They dine sumptuously, and call for no reckoning. They are lodged splendidly, and travel comfortably—nay, luxuriously — with cushions at their backs, and as often as not a fine pair of creams in front of them. And, as if this were not enough, the friendship they enjoy and the handsome treatment they receive is made good to them with a substantial salary. They sow not, they plough not; yet all things grow for their use.’ How I have seen you prick up your ears at such words as these! How wide your mouth has opened to the bait! Now I will have a clear conscience in this matter. I will not be told hereafter that I saw you swallowing this palpable bait, and never stirred a finger to snatch it from you, and show you the hook while there was yet time; that I watched you nibbling, saw the hook well in and the fish hauled up, and then stood by shedding useless tears, A grave charge, indeed, were I to leave it in your power to bring it; such neglect would admit of no palliation, You shall therefore hear the whole truth. Now, in leisurely fashion, from without, not hereafter from within, shall you examine this weel from which no fish escapes. You shall take in hand this hook of subtle barb. You shall try the prongs of this eel-spear against your inflated cheek; and if you decide that they are not sharp, that they would be easily evaded, that a wound from them would be no great matter, that they are deficient in power and grasp—then write me among those who have cowardice to thank for their empty bellies; and for yourself, take heart of grace, and swoop upon your prey, and cormorant-wise, if you will, swallow all at a gulp.

> Greek: 3. ἀτεχνῶς γὰρ ἄσπορα καὶ ἀνήροτα τοῖς τοιούτοις τὰ πάντα φύεσθαι. ὁπότε οὖν ταῦτα καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἤκουες, ἑώρων ὅπως ἐκεχήνεις πρὸς αὐτὰ καὶ πάνυ σφόδρα πρὸς τὸ δέλεαρ ἀναπεπταμένον παρεῖχες τὸ στόμα. ὡς οὖν τό γε ἡμέτερον εἰσαῦθίς ποτε ἀναίτιον ᾖ μηδὲ ἔχῃς λέγειν ὡς ὁρῶντές σε τηλικοῦτο μετὰ τῆς καρίδος ἄγκιστρον καταπίνοντα οὐκ ἐπελαβόμεθα οὐδὲ πρὶν ἐμπεσεῖν τῷ λαιμῷ περιεσπάσαμεν οὐδὲ προεδηλώσαμεν, ἀλλὰ περιμείναντες ἐξ ἑλκομένου καὶ ἐμπεπηγότος ἤδη συρόμενον καὶ πρὸς ἀνάγκην ἀγόμενον ὁρᾶν, ὅτʼ οὐδὲν ὄφελος ἑστῶτες ἐπεδακρύομεν· ὅπως μὴ ταῦτα λέγῃς ποτέ, πάνυ εὔλογα, ἢν λέγηται, καὶ ἄφυκτα ἡμῖν, ὡς οὐκ ἀδικοῦμεν μὴ προμηνύσαντες, ἄκουσον ἐξ ἀρχῆς ἁπάντων, καὶ τὸ δίκτυόν τε αὐτὸ καὶ τῶν κύρτων τὸ ἀδιέξοδον ἔκτοσθεν ἐπὶ σχολῆς, ἀλλὰ μὴ ἔνδοθεν ἐκ τοῦ μυχοῦ προεπισκόπησον, καὶ τοῦ ἀγκίστρου δὲ τὸ ἀγκύλον καὶ τὴν εἰς τὸ ἔμπαλιν τοῦ σκόλοπος ἀναστροφὴν καὶ τῆς τριαίνης τὰς ἀκμὰς εἰς τὰς χεῖρας λαβὼν καὶ πρὸς τὴν γνάθον πεφυσημένην ἀποπειρώμενος, ἢν μὴ πάνυ ὀξέα μηδὲ ἄφυκτα μηδὲ ἀνιαρὰ ἐν τοῖς τραύμασι φαίνηται βιαίως σπῶντα καὶ ἀμάχως ἀντιλαμβανόμενα, ἡμᾶς μὲν ἐν τοῖς δειλοῖς καὶ διὰ τοῦτο πεινῶσιν ἀνάγραφε, σεαυτὸν δὲ παρακαλέσας θαρρεῖν ἐπιχείρει τῇ ἄγρᾳ, εἰ θέλεις, καθάπερ ὁ λάρος ὅλον περιχανὼν τὸ δέλεαρ.

[¶3] 4. But however much the present treatise is indebted to you for its existence, its application is not confined to you who are philosophers, whose ambition it is to form your conduct upon serious principles; it extends to the teachers of literature, of rhetoric, of music,—to all, in short, whose intellectual attainments can command a maintenance and a wage. And where the life, from beginning to end, is one and the same for all, the philosopher (I need not say), so far from being a privileged person, has but the additional ignominy of being levelled with the rest, and treated by his paymaster with as scant ceremony as the rest. In conclusion, whatever disclosures I may be led to make, the blame must fall in the first instance on the aggressors, and in the second instance on those who suffer the aggression. For me, unless truth and candour be crimes, I am blameless. ' As to the vulgar rabble of trainers and toadies, illiterate, mean-souled creatures, born to obscurity, should we attempt to dissuade them from such pursuits, our labour would be wasted. Nor can we fairly blame them, for putting up any affront, rather than part with their employers. The life suits them; they are in their element. And what other channel is there, into which their energies could be directed? Take away this, their sole vocation, and they are idle cumberers of the earth. They have nothing, then, to complain of; nor are their employers unreasonable in turning these humble vessels to the use for which they were designed. They come into a house prepared for such treatment from the first; it is their profession to endure and suffer wrong.

> Greek: 4. ῥηθήσεται δὲ ὁ πᾶς λόγος τὸ μὲν ὅλον ἴσως διὰ σέ, πλὴν ἀλλʼ οὔ γε περὶ τῶν φιλοσοφούντων ὑμῶν μόνον, οὐδὲ ὁπόσοι σπουδαιοτέραν τὴν προαίρεσιν προείλοντο ἐν τῷ βίῳ, ἀλλὰ καὶ περὶ γραμματιστῶν καὶ ῥητόρων καὶ μουσικῶν καὶ ὅλως τῶν ἐπὶ παιδείαις συνεῖναι καὶ μισθοφορεῖν ἀξιουμένων. κοινῶν δὲ ὡς ἐπίπαν ὄντων καὶ ὁμοίων τῶν συμβαινόντων ἅπασι, δῆλον ὡς οὐκ ἐξαίρετα μέν, αἰσχίω δὲ τὰ αὐτὰ ὄντα γίγνεται τοῖς φιλοσοφοῦσιν, εἰ τῶν ὁμοίων τοῖς ἄλλοις ἀξιοῖντο καὶ μηδὲν αὐτοὺς σεμνότερον οἱ μισθοδόται ἄγοιεν. ὅ τι δʼ ἂν οὖν ὁ λόγος αὐτὸς ἐπιὼν ἐξευρίσκῃ, τούτου τὴν αἰτίαν μάλιστα μὲν οἱ ποιοῦντες αὐτοί, ἔπειτα δὲ οἱ ὑπομένοντες αὐτὰ δίκαιοι ἔχειν· ἐγὼ δὲ ἀναίτιος, εἰ μὴ ἀληθείας καὶ παρρησίας ἐπιτίμιόν τί ἐστιν. τοὺς μέντοι τοῦ ἄλλου πλήθους, οἷον γυμναστάς τινας ἢ κόλακας, ἰδιώτας καὶ μικροὺς τὰς γνώμας καὶ ταπεινοὺς αὐτόθεν ἀνθρώπους, οὔτε ἀποτρέπειν ἄξιον τῶν τοιούτων συνουσιῶν, οὐδὲ γὰρ ἂν πεισθεῖεν, οὔτε μὴν αἰτιᾶσθαι καλῶς ἔχει μὴ ἀπολειπομένους τῶν μισθοδοτῶν εἰ καὶ πάνυ πολλὰ ὑβρίζοιντο ὑπʼ αὐτῶν, ἐπιτήδειοι γὰρ καὶ οὐκ ἀνάξιοι τῆς τοιαύτης διατριβῆς· ἄλλως τε οὐδὲ σχοῖεν ἄν τι ἄλλο πρὸς ὅ τι χρὴ ἀποκλίναντας αὐτοὺς παρέχειν αὑτοὺς ἐνεργούς, ἀλλʼ ἤν τις αὐτῶν ἀφέλῃ τοῦτο, ἄτεχνοι αὐτίκα καὶ ἀργοὶ καὶ περιττοί εἰσιν. οὐδὲν οὖν οὔτʼ αὐτοὶ δεινὸν πάσχοιεν ἂν οὔτʼ ἐκεῖνοι ὑβρισταὶ δοκοῖεν εἰς τὴν ἀμίδα, φασίν, ἐνουροῦντες· ἐπὶ γάρ τοι τὴν ὕβριν ταύτην ἐξ ἀρχῆς παρέρχονται εἰς τὰς οἰκίας, καὶ ἡ τέχνη φέρειν καὶ ἀνέχεσθαι τὰ γιγνόμενα. περὶ δὲ ὧν προεῖπον τῶν πεπαιδευμένων ἄξιον ἀγανακτεῖν καὶ πειρᾶσθαι ὡς ἔνι μάλιστα μετάγειν αὐτοὺς καὶ πρὸς ἐλευθερίαν ἀφαιρεῖσθαι.

[¶4] 5. But the case of educated men, such as I have mentioned above, is another matter; it calls for our indignation, and for our utmost endeavours to restore them to liberty. I think it will not be amiss, if I first examine into the provocations under which they turn to a life of dependence. By showing how trivial, how inadequate these provocations are, I shall forestall the main argument used by the defenders of voluntary servitude, Most of them are content to cloak their desertion under the names of Poverty and Necessity. It is enough, they think, to plead in extenuation, that they sought to flee from this greatest of human ills, Poverty. Theognis comes pat to their purpose. His
Poverty, soul-subduing Poverty,
is in continual requisition, together with other fearful utterances of our most degenerate poets to the same effect. Now if I could see that they really found an escape from poverty in the lives they lead, I would not be too nice on the point of absolute freedom. But when we find them (to use the expression of a famous orator) ‘faring like men that are sick,’ what conclusion is then left to us to draw? What but this, that here again they have been misled, the very evil which they sold their liberty to escape remaining as it was? Poverty unending is their lot. From the bare pittance they receive nothing can be set apart. Suppose it paid, and paid in full: the whole sum is swallowed up to the last farthing, before their necessities are supplied. I would advise them to think upon better expedients; not such as are merely the protectors and accomplices of Poverty, but such as will make an end of her altogether. _ What say you, Theognis? Might this be a case for,
Steep plunge from crags into the teeming deep?
For when a pauper, a needy hireling, persuades himself that by being what he is he has escaped poverty, one cannot avoid the conclusion that he labours under some mistake.

> Greek: 5. δοκῶ δέ μοι καλῶς ἂν ποιῆσαι, εἰ τὰς αἰτίας ἀφʼ ὧν ἐπὶ τὸν τοιοῦτον βίον ἀφικνοῦνταί τινες προεξετάσας δείξαιμι οὐ πάνυ βιαίους οὐδʼ ἀναγκαίας· οὕτω γὰρ ἂν αὐτοῖς ἡ ἀπολογία προαναιροῖτο καὶ ἡ πρώτη ὑπόθεσις τῆς ἐθελοδουλείας. οἱ μὲν δὴ πολλοὶ τὴν πενίαν καὶ τὴν τῶν ἀναγκαίων χρείαν προθέμενοι ἱκανὸν τοῦτο προκάλυμμα οἴονται προβεβλῆσθαι τῆς πρὸς τὸν βίον τοῦτον αὐτομολίας, καὶ ἀποχρῆν αὐτοῖς νομίζουσιν εἰ λέγοιεν ὡς συγγνώμης ἄξιον ποιοῦσιν τὸ χαλεπώτατον τῶν ἐν τῷ βίῳ, τὴν πενίαν, διαφυγεῖν ζητοῦντες· εἶτα ὁ Θέογνις πρόχειρος καὶ πολὺ τό, πᾶς γὰρ ἀνὴρ πενίῃ δεδμημένος καὶ ὅσα ἄλλα δείματα ὑπὲρ τῆς πενίας οἱ ἀγεννέστατοι τῶν ποιητῶν ἐξενηνόχασιν. ἐγὼ δʼ εἰ μὲν ἑώρων αὐτοὺς φυγήν τινα ὡς ἀληθῶς τῆς πενίας εὑρισκομένους ἐκ τῶν τοιούτων συνουσιῶν, οὐκ ἂν ὑπὲρ τῆς ἄγαν ἐλευθερίας ἐμικρολογούμην πρὸς αὐτούς· ἐπεὶ δὲ — ὡς ὁ καλός που ῥήτωρ ἔφη — τοῖς τῶν νοσούντων σιτίοις ἐοικότα λαμβάνουσι, τίς ἔτι μηχανὴ μὴ οὐχὶ καὶ πρὸς τοῦτο κακῶς βεβουλεῦσθαι δοκεῖν αὐτούς, ἀεὶ μενούσης αὐτοῖς ὁμοίας τῆς ὑποθέσεως τοῦ βίου; πενία γὰρ εἰσαεὶ καὶ τὸ λαμβάνειν ἀναγκαῖον καὶ ἀπόθετον οὐδὲν οὐδὲ περιττὸν εἰς φυλακήν, ἀλλὰ τὸ δοθέν, κἂν δοθῇ, κἂν ἀθρόως ληφθῇ, πᾶν ἀκριβῶς καὶ τῆς χρείας ἐνδεῶς καταναλίσκεται. καλῶς δὲ εἶχε μὴ τοιαύτας τινὰς ἀφορμὰς ἐπινοεῖν αἳ τὴν πενίαν τηροῦσι παραβοηθοῦσαι μόνον αὐτῇ, ἀλλʼ αἳ τέλεον ἐξαιρήσουσιν, καὶ ὑπέρ γε τοῦ τοιούτου καὶ εἰς βαθυκήτεα πόντον ἴσως ῥιπτεῖν, εἰ δεῖ, ὦ Θέογνι, καὶ πετρέων, ὡς φής, κατʼ ἠλιβάτων. εἰ δέ τις ἀεὶ πένης καὶ ἐνδεὴς καὶ ὑπόμισθος ὢν οἴεται πενίαν αὐτῷ τούτῳ διαπεφευγέναι, οὐκ οἶδα πῶς ὁ τοιοῦτος οὐκ ἂν δόξειεν ἑαυτὸν ἐξαπατᾶν.

[¶5] 6. Others tell a different tale. For them, mere poverty would have had no terrors, had they been able, like other men, to earn their bread by their labours. But, stricken as they were by age or infirmity, they turned to this as the easiest way of making a living. Now let us consider whether they are right. This ‘easy’ way may be found to involve much labour before it yields any return; more labour perhaps than any other. To find money ready to one’s hand, without toil or trouble on one’s own part, would indeed be a dream of happiness. But the facts are otherwise. The toils and troubles of their situation are such as no words can adequately describe. Health, as it turns out, is nowhere more essential than in this vocation, in which a thousand daily labours combine to grind the victim down» and reduce him to utter exhaustion. These I shall describe in due course, when I come to speak of their other grievances. For the present let it suffice to have shown that this excuse for the sale of one’s liberty is as untenable as the former.

> Greek: 6. ἄλλοι δὲ πενίαν μὲν αὐτὴν οὐκ ἂν φοβηθῆναι οὐδὲ καταπλαγῆναί φασιν, εἰ ἐδύναντο τοῖς ἄλλοις ὁμοίως πονοῦντες ἐκπορίζειν τὰ ἄλφιτα, νῦν δέ, πεπονηκέναι γὰρ αὐτοῖς τὰ σώματα ἢ ὑπὸ γήρως ἢ ὑπὸ νόσων, ἐπὶ τήνδε ῥᾴστην οὖσαν τὴν μισθοφορὰν ἀπηντηκέναι. φέρʼ οὖν ἴδωμεν εἰ ἀληθῆ λέγουσιν καὶ ἐκ τοῦ ῥᾴστου, μὴ πολλὰ μηδὲ πλείω τῶν ἄλλων πονοῦσι, περιγίγνεται αὐτοῖς τὰ διδόμενα· εὐχῇ γὰρ ἂν ἐοικότα εἴη ταῦτά γε, μὴ πονήσαντα μηδὲ καμόντα ἕτοιμον ἀργύριον λαβεῖν. τὸ δʼ ἐστὶ καὶ ῥηθῆναι κατʼ ἀξίαν ἀδύνατον· τοσαῦτα πονοῦσιν καὶ κάμνουσιν ἐν ταῖς συνουσίαις, ὥστε πλείονος ἐνταῦθα καὶ ἐπὶ τοῦτο μάλιστα τῆς ὑγιείας δεῖσθαι, μυρίων ὄντων ὁσημέραι τῶν ἐπιτριβόντων τὸ σῶμα καὶ πρὸς ἐσχάτην ἀπόγνωσιν καταπονούντων. λέξομεν δὲ αὐτὰ ἐν τῷ προσήκοντι καιρῷ, ἐπειδὰν καὶ τὰς ἄλλας αὐτῶν δυσχερείας διεξίωμεν· τὸ δὲ νῦν εἶναι ἱκανὸν ἦν ὑποδεῖξαι ὡς οὐδʼ οἱ διὰ ταύτην λέγοντες αὑτοὺς ἀποδίδοσθαι τὴν πρόφασιν ἀληθεύοιεν ἄν.

[¶6] 7. And now for the true reason, which you will never hear from their lips. Voluptuousness and a whole pack of desires are what induce them to force their way into great houses. The dazzling spectacle of abundant gold and silver, the joys of high feeding and luxurious living, the immediate prospect of wallowing in riches, with no man to say them nay,—these are the temptations that lure them on, and make slaves of free men; not lack of the necessaries of life, as they pretend, but lust of its superfluities, greed of its costly refinements. And their employers, like finished coquettes, exercise their rigours upon these hapless slaves of love, and keep them for ever dangling in amorous attendance; but for fruition, no! never so much as a kiss may they snatch. To grant that would be to give the lover his release, a conclusion against which they are jealously on their guard, But upon hopes he is abundantly fed. Despair might else cure his ardent passion, and the lover be lover no more. So there are smiles for him, and promises; always something shall be done, some favour shall be granted, a handsome provision shall be made for him,—some day. Meanwhile, old age steals upon the pair; the superannuated lover ceases from desire, and his mistress has nothing left to give. Life has gone by, and all they have to show for it is hope.

> Greek: 7. λοιπὸν δὴ καὶ ἀληθέστατον μέν, ἥκιστα δὲ πρὸς αὐτῶν λεγόμενον, ἡδονῆς ἕνεκα καὶ τῶν πολλῶν καὶ ἀθρόων ἐλπίδων εἰσπηδᾶν αὐτοὺς εἰς τὰς οἰκίας, καταπλαγέντας μὲν τὸ πλῆθος τοῦ χρυσοῦ καὶ τοῦ ἀργύρου, εὐδαιμονήσαντας δὲ ἐπὶ τοῖς δείπνοις καὶ τῇ ἄλλῃ τρυφῇ, ἐλπίσαντας δὲ ὅσον αὐτίκα χανδὸν οὐδενὸς ἐπιστομίζοντος πίεσθαι τοῦ χρυσίου. ταῦτα ὑπάγει αὐτοὺς καὶ δούλους ἀντὶ ἐλευθέρων τίθησιν — οὐχ ἡ τῶν ἀναγκαίων χρεία, ἣν ἔφασκον, ἀλλʼ ἡ τῶν οὐκ ἀναγκαίων ἐπιθυμία καὶ ὁ τῶν πολλῶν καὶ πολυτελῶν ἐκείνων ζῆλος. τοιγαροῦν ὥσπερ δυσέρωτας αὐτοὺς καὶ κακοδαίμονας ἐραστὰς ἔντεχνοί τινες καὶ τρίβωνες ἐρώμενοι παραλαβόντες ὑπεροπτικῶς περιέπουσιν, ὅπως ἀεὶ ἐρασθήσονται αὐτῶν θεραπεύοντες, ἀπολαῦσαι δὲ τῶν παιδικῶν ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ μέχρι φιλήματος ἄκρου μεταδιδόντες· ἴσασι γὰρ ἐν τῷ τυχεῖν τὴν διάλυσιν τοῦ ἔρωτος γενησομένην. ταύτην οὖν ἀποκλείουσιν καὶ ζηλοτύπως φυλάττουσιν· τὰ δὲ ἄλλα ἐπʼ ἐλπίδος ἀεὶ τὸν ἐραστὴν ἔχουσιν. δεδίασι γὰρ μὴ αὐτὸν ἡ ἀπόγνωσις ἀπαγάγῃ τῆς ἄγαν ἐπιθυμίας καὶ ἀνέραστος αὐτοῖς γένηται· προσμειδιῶσιν οὖν καὶ ὑπισχνοῦνται καὶ ἀεὶ εὖ ποιήσουσι καὶ χαριοῦνται καὶ ἐπιμελήσονται πολυτελῶς. εἶτʼ ἔλαθον ἄμφω γηράσαντες, ἔξωροι γενόμενοι καὶ οὗτος τοῦ ἐρᾶν κἀκεῖνος τοῦ μεταδιδόναι. πέπρακται δʼ οὖν αὐτοῖς οὐδὲν ἐν ἅπαντι τῷ βίῳ πέρα τῆς ἐλπίδος.

[¶7] 8. Well now, that a man for the sake of pleasure should put up with every hardship is perhaps no great matter. Devoted to this one object, he can think of nothing, but how to procure it. Let that pass. Though it seems but a scurvy bargain, a bargain for a slave; to sell one’s liberty for pleasures far less pleasant than liberty itself. Still, as I say, let that pass, provided the price is paid. But to endure unlimited pain, merely in the hope that pleasure may come of it, this surely is carrying folly to the height of absurdity. And men do it with their eyes open. The hardships, they know, are certain, unmistakable, inevitable. As to the pleasure, that vague, hypothetic pleasure, they have never had it in all these years, and in all reasonable probability they never will. The comrades of Odysseus forgot all else in the Lotus: but it was while they were tasting its sweets. They esteemed lightly of Honour: but it was in the immediate presence of Pleasure. In men so occupied, such forgetfulness was. not wholly unnatural. But to dwell a prisoner, with Famine for company, to watch one’s neighbour fattening on the Lotus, and keeping it all to himself, and to forget Honour and Virtue in the bare prospect of a possible mouthful,—by Heaven, it is too absurd, and calls in good truth for Homeric scourgings.

> Greek: 8. τὸ μὲν δὴ διʼ ἡδονῆς ἐπιθυμίαν ἅπαντα ὑπομένειν οὐ πάνυ ἴσως ὑπαίτιον, ἀλλὰ συγγνώμη εἴ τις ἡδονῇ χαίρει καὶ τοῦτο ἐξ ἅπαντος θεραπεύει ὅπως μεθέξει αὐτῆς. καίτοι αἰσχρὸν ἴσως καὶ ἀνδραποδῶδες ἀποδόσθαι διὰ ταύτην ἑαυτόν· πολὺ γὰρ ἡδίων ἡ ἐκ τῆς ἐλευθερίας ἡδονή. ὅμως δʼ οὖν ἐχέτω τινὰ συγγνώμην αὐτοῖς, εἰ ἐπιτυγχάνοιτο· τὸ δὲ διʼ ἡδονῆς ἐλπίδα μόνον πολλὰς ἀηδίας ὑπομένειν γελοῖον οἶμαι καὶ ἀνόητον, καὶ ταῦτα ὁρῶντας ὡς οἱ μὲν πόνοι σαφεῖς καὶ πρόδηλοι καὶ ἀναγκαῖοι, τὸ δὲ ἐλπιζόμενον ἐκεῖνο, ὁτιδήποτέ ἐστιν τὸ ἡδύ, οὔτε ἐγένετό πω τοσούτου χρόνου, προσέτι δὲ οὐδὲ γενήσεσθαι ἔοικεν, εἴ τις ἐκ τῆς ἀληθείας λογίζοιτο. οἱ μέν γε τοῦ Ὀδυσσέως ἑταῖροι γλυκύν τινα τὸν λωτὸν ἐσθίοντες ἠμέλουν τῶν ἄλλων καὶ πρὸς τὸ παρὸν ἡδὺ τῶν καλῶς ἐχόντων κατεφρόνουν· ὥστε οὐ πάντῃ ἄλογος αὐτῶν ἡ λήθη τοῦ καλοῦ, πρὸς τῷ ἡδεῖ ἐκείνῳ τῆς ψυχῆς διατριβούσης. τὸ δὲ λιμῷ συνόντα παρεστῶτα ἄλλῳ τοῦ λωτοῦ ἐμφορουμένῳ μηδὲν μεταδιδόντι ὑπὸ ἐλπίδος μόνης τοῦ κἂν αὐτὸν παραγεύσασθαί ποτε δεδέσθαι, τῶν καλῶς καὶ ὀρθῶς ἐχόντων ἐπιλελησμένον, Ἡράκλεις, ὡς καταγέλαστον καὶ πληγῶν τινων Ὁμηρικῶν ὡς ἀληθῶς δεόμενον.

[¶8] 9. Such, as nearly as I can describe them, are men’s motives for taking service with the rich, for handing themselves over bodily, to be used as their employers think fit. There is one class, however, of which I ought perhaps to make mention—those whose vanity is gratified by the mere fact of being seen in the company of well-born and well-dressed men. For there are those who consider this a distinguished privilege; though for my own part I would not give a fig to enjoy and to be seen enjoying the company of the King of Persia, if I was to get nothing by it.

> Greek: 9. τὰ μὲν τοίνυν πρὸς τὰς συνουσίας αὐτοὺς ἄγοντα καὶ ἀφʼ ὧν αὑτοὺς φέροντες ἐπιτρέπουσι τοῖς πλουσίοις χρῆσθαι πρὸς ὅ τι ἂν ἐθέλωσιν, ταῦτά ἐστιν ἢ ὅτι ἐγγύτατα τούτων, πλὴν εἰ μὴ κἀκείνων τις μεμνῆσθαι ἀξιώσειεν τῶν καὶ μόνῃ τῇ δόξῃ ἐπαιρομένων τοῦ συνεῖναι εὐπατρίδαις τε καὶ εὐπαρύφοις ἀνδράσιν· εἰσὶν γὰρ οἳ καὶ τοῦτο περίβλεπτον καὶ ὑπὲρ τοὺς πολλοὺς νομίζουσιν, ὡς ἔγωγε τοὐμὸν ἴδιον οὐδὲ βασιλεῖ τῷ μεγάλῳ αὐτὸ μόνον συνεῖναι καὶ συνὼν ὁρᾶσθαι μηδὲν χρηστὸν ἀπολαύων τῆς συνουσίας δεξαίμην ἄν.

[¶9] 10. And now, since we understand what it is that these men would be at, let us mentally review their whole career;—the difficulties that beset the applicant before he gains acceptance; his condition when he is duly installed in his office; and the closing scene of his life’s drama. You may perhaps suppose that his situation, whatever its drawbacks, is at least attainable without much trouble; that you have but to will it, and the thing is done in a trice. Far from it. Much tramping about is in store for you, much kicking of heels. You will rise early, and stand long before your patron’s closed door; you will be jostled; you will hear occasional comments on your impudence. You will be exposed to the vile gabble of a Syrian porter, and to the extortions of a Libyan nomenclator, whose memory must be fee’d, if he is not to forget your name. You must dress beyond, your means, or you will be a discredit to your patron; and select his favourite colours, or you will be out of harmony with your surroundings. Finally, you will be indefatigable in following his steps, or rather in preceding them, for you will be thrust forward by his slaves, to swell his triumphal progress. And for days together you will not be favoured with a glance.

> Greek: 10. τοιαύτης δὲ αὐτοῖς τῆς ὑποθέσεως οὔσης, φέρε ἤδη πρὸς ἡμᾶς αὐτοὺς ἐπισκοπήσωμεν οἷα μὲν πρὸ τοῦ εἰσδεχθῆναι καὶ τυχεῖν ὑπομένουσιν, οἷα δὲ ἐν αὐτῷ ἤδη ὄντες πάσχουσιν, ἐπὶ πᾶσι δὲ ἥτις αὐτοῖς ἡ καταστροφὴ τοῦ δράματος γίγνεται. οὐ γὰρ δὴ ἐκεῖνό γε εἰπεῖν ἐστιν, ὡς εἰ καὶ πονηρὰ ταῦτα, εὔληπτα γοῦν καὶ οὐ πολλοῦ δεήσει τοῦ πόνου, ἀλλὰ θελῆσαι δεῖ μόνον, εἶτά σοι πέπρακται τὸ πᾶν εὐμαρῶς· ἀλλὰ πολλῆς μὲν τῆς διαδρομῆς δεῖ, συνεχοῦς δὲ τῆς θυραυλίας, ἕωθέν τε ἐξανιστάμενον περιμένειν ὠθούμενον καὶ ἀποκλειόμενον καὶ ἀναίσχυντον ἐνίοτε καὶ ὀχληρὸν δοκοῦντα καὶ ὑπὸ θυρωρῷ κακῶς συρίζοντι καὶ ὀνομακλήτορι Λιβυκῷ ταττόμενον καὶ μισθὸν τελοῦντα τῆς μνήμης τοῦ ὀνόματος. καὶ μὴν καὶ ἐσθῆτος ὑπὲρ τὴν ὑπάρχουσαν δύναμιν ἐπιμεληθῆναι χρὴ πρὸς τὸ τοῦ θεραπευομένου ἀξίωμα, καὶ χρώματα αἱρεῖσθαι οἷς ἂν ἐκεῖνος ἥδηται, ὡς μὴ ἀπᾴδῃς μηδὲ προσκρούῃς βλεπόμενος, καὶ φιλοπόνως ἕπεσθαι, μᾶλλον δὲ ἡγεῖσθαι, ὑπὸ τῶν οἰκετῶν προωθούμενον καὶ ὥσπερ τινὰ πομπὴν ἀναπληροῦντα. ὁ δὲ οὐδὲ προσβλέπει πολλῶν ἑξῆς ἡμερῶν.

[¶10] 11. But one day the best befalls you. You catch his eye; he beckons you to him,.nd puts a random question. In that - supreme moment what cold sweats, what palpitations, what untimely tremors are yours! and what mirth is theirs who witness your confusion! ‘Who was the king of the Achaeans?? is the question: and your answer, as likely as not, ‘A thousand sail.” With the charitable this passes for bashfulness; but to the impudent you are a craven, and to the ill-natured a yokel. This first experience teaches you that the condescensions of the great are not unattended with danger; and as you depart you pronounce upon yourself a sentence of utter despair. Thereafter,
many a sleepless night,
Many a day of strife shall-be thy lot—
not for the sake of Helen, not for the towers of Troy, but for the sevenpence halfpenny of your desire. At length some heaven-sent protector gives you an introduction: the scholar is brought up for examination, For the great man, who has but to receive your flatteries and compliments, this is an agreeable pastime: for you, it is a life-and-death struggle; all is hazarded on the one throw. For it will of course occur to you, that if you are rejected at the first trial, you will never pass current with any one else. A thousand different feelings now distract you. You are jealous of your rivals (for we will assume that there is competition for the post); you are dissatisfied with your own replies; you hope; you fear; you cannot remove your eye from the countenance of your judge. Does he poohpooh your efforts? You are a lost man.

> Greek: 11. ἢν δέ ποτε καὶ τὰ ἄριστα πράξῃς, καὶ ἴδῃ σε καὶ προσκαλέσας ἔρηταί τι ὧν ἂν τύχῃ, τότε δὴ τότε πολὺς μὲν ὁ ἱδρώς, ἀθρόος δὲ ὁ ἴλιγγος καὶ τρόμος ἄκαιρος καὶ γέλως τῶν παρόντων ἐπὶ τῇ ἀπορίᾳ. καὶ πολλάκις ἀποκρίνασθαι δέον, τίς ἦν ὁ βασιλεὺς τῶν Ἀχαιῶν, ὅτι χίλιαι νῆες ἦσαν αὐτοῖς, λέγεις. τοῦτο οἱ μὲν χρηστοὶ αἰδῶ ἐκάλεσαν, οἱ δὲ τολμηροὶ δειλίαν, οἱ δὲ κακοήθεις ἀπαιδευσίαν. σὺ δʼ οὖν ἐπισφαλεστάτης πειραθεὶς τῆς πρώτης φιλοφροσύνης ἀπῆλθες καταδικάσας σεαυτοῦ πολλὴν τὴν ἀπόγνωσιν. ἐπειδὰν δὲ
πολλὰς μὲν ἀΰπνους νύκτας ἰαύσῃς
ἤματα δʼ αἱματόεντα
διαγάγῃς, οὐ μὰ Δία τῆς Ἑλένης ἕνεκα οὐδὲ τῶν Πριάμου Περγάμων, ἀλλὰ τῶν ἐλπιζομένων πέντε ὀβολῶν, τύχῃς δὲ καὶ τραγικοῦ τινος θεοῦ συνιστάντος, ἐξέτασις τοὐντεῦθεν εἰ οἶσθα τὰ μαθήματα. καὶ τῷ μὲν πλουσίῳ ἡ διατριβὴ οὐκ ἀηδὴς ἐπαινουμένῳ καὶ εὐδαιμονιζομένῳ, σοὶ δὲ ὁ ὑπὲρ τῆς ψυχῆς ἀγὼν καὶ ὑπὲρ ἅπαντος τοῦ βίου τότε προκεῖσθαι δοκεῖ· ὑπεισέρχεται γὰρ εἰκότως τὸ μηδʼ ὑπʼ ἄλλου ἂν καταδεχθῆναι πρὸς τοῦ προτέρου ἀποβληθέντα καὶ δόξαντα εἶναι ἀδόκιμον. ἀνάγκη τοίνυν εἰς μυρία διαιρεθῆναι τότε, τοῖς μὲν ἀντεξεταζομένοις φθονοῦντα, — τίθει γὰρ καὶ ἄλλους εἶναι τῶν αὐτῶν ἀντιποιουμένους — αὐτὸν δὲ πάντα ἐνδεῶς εἰρηκέναι νομίζοντα, φοβούμενον δὲ καὶ ἐλπίζοντα καὶ πρὸς τὸ ἐκείνου πρόσωπον ἀτενίζοντα καὶ εἰ μὲν ἐκφαυλίζοι τι τῶν λεγομένων, ἀπολλύμενον, εἰ δὲ μειδιῶν ἀκούοι, γεγηθότα καὶ εὔελπιν καθιστάμενον.

[¶11] 12. Was that a smile? You rejoice, and hope rises high. It is only to be expected, that many of the company are your enemies, and others your rivals, and each has his secret shaft to let fly at you from his lurking-place. What a picture! The venerable grey-beard being put through his paces. Is he any use? Some say yes, others no. Time is taken for consideration. Your antecedents are industriously overhauled. Some envious compatriot, some neighbour with a trivial grievance, is asked his opinion; he has but to drop word of ‘loose morality,’ and your business is done; ‘the man speaks God’s truth!’ Every one else may testify to your character: their evidence proves nothing; they are suspected; they are venal. The fact is, you must gain every point; there must be no hitch anywhere. That is your only chance of success. And now, take it that you have succeeded beyond all expectation. Your words have found favour with the great man. Those friends, by whose judgement in such matters he sets most store, have made no attempt to alter his decision. His wife approves his choice; the steward and the major-domo have neither of them anything against you. No aspersions have been cast on your character; all is propitious, every omen is in your favour.

> Greek: 12. εἰκὸς δὲ πολλοὺς εἶναι τοὺς ἐναντία σοι φρονοῦντας καὶ ἄλλους ἀντὶ σοῦ τιθεμένους, ὧν ἕκαστος ὥσπερ ἐκ λόχου τοξεύων λέληθεν. εἶτʼ ἐννόησον ἄνδρα ἐν βαθεῖ πώγωνι καὶ πολιᾷ τῇ κόμῃ ἐξεταζόμενον εἴ τι οἶδεν ὠφέλιμον, καὶ τοῖς μὲν δοκοῦντα εἰδέναι, τοῖς δὲ μή. μέσος ἐν τοσούτῳ χρόνος, καὶ πολυπραγμονεῖταί σου ἅπας ὁ παρεληλυθὼς βίος, κἂν μέν τις ἢ πολίτης ὑπὸ φθόνου ἢ γείτων ἔκ τινος εὐτελοῦς αἰτίας προσκεκρουκὼς ἀνακρινόμενος εἴπῃ μοιχὸν ἢ παιδεραστήν, τοῦτʼ ἐκεῖνο, ἐκ τῶν Διὸς δέλτων ὁ μάρτυς, ἂν δὲ πάντες ἅμα ἑξῆς ἐπαινῶσιν, ὕποπτοι καὶ ἀμφίβολοι καὶ δεδεκασμένοι. χρὴ τοίνυν πολλὰ εὐτυχῆσαι καὶ μηδὲν ὅλως ἐναντιωθῆναι· μόνως γὰρ ἂν οὕτως κρατήσειας. Εἶεν· καὶ δὴ εὐτύχηταί σοι πάντα εὐχῆς μειζόνως· αὐτός τε γὰρ ἐπῄνεσε τοὺς λόγους καὶ τῶν φίλων οἱ ἐντιμότατοι καὶ οἷς μάλιστα πιστεύει τὰ τοιαῦτα οὐκ ἀπέτρεψαν· ἔτι δὲ καὶ ἡ γυνὴ βούλεται, οὐκ ἀντιλέγει δὲ οὔτε ὁ ἐπίτροπος οὔτε ὁ οἰκονόμος· οὐδέ τις ἐμέμψατό σου τὸν βίον, ἀλλὰ πάντα ἵλεω καὶ πανταχόθεν αἴσια τὰ ἱερά.

[¶12] 13. Hail, mighty conqueror, wreathed in the Olympian garland! Babylon is yours, Sardis falls before you. The horn of plenty is within your grasp; pigeons shall yield you milk. Now, if your crown is to be of anything better than leaves, there must be some solid benefits to compensate you for the labours you have undergone. A considerable salary will be placed at your disposal, and you will draw upon it without ceremony, whenever you have occasion. You will be a privileged person in every respect. As for toils, and muddy tramps, and wakeful nights, the time for those have gone by. Your prayers have been heard: you will take your ease, and sleep your fill. You will do the work you were engaged to do, and not a stroke besides. This, indeed, is what you have a right to expect. There would be no great hardship in bowing one’s neck to a yoke so light, so easy—and so superbly gilded. But alas, Timocles, many, nay all of these requirements are unsatisfied. Your office, now that you have got it, is attended with a thousand details insufferable to all but slaves. Let me rehearse them to, you; you shall judge for yourself whether any man with the slightest pretence to culture would endure such treatment.

> Greek: 13. κεκράτηκας οὖν, ὦ μακάριε, καὶ ἔστεψαι τὰ Ὀλύμπια, μᾶλλον δὲ Βαβυλῶνα εἴληφας ἢ τὴν Σάρδεων ἀκρόπολιν καθῄρηκας, καὶ ἕξεις τὸ τῆς Ἀμαλθείας κέρας καὶ ἀμέλξεις ὀρνίθων γάλα. δεῖ δή σοι ἀντὶ τῶν τοσούτων πόνων μέγιστα ἡλίκα γενέσθαι τἀγαθά, ἵνα μὴ φύλλινος μόνον ὁ στέφανος ᾖ, καὶ τόν τε μισθὸν οὐκ εὐκαταφρόνητον ὁρισθῆναι καὶ τοῦτον ἐν καιρῷ τῆς χρείας ἀπραγμόνως ἀποδίδοσθαι καὶ τὴν ἄλλην τιμὴν ὑπὲρ τοὺς πολλοὺς ὑπάρχειν, πόνων δὲ ἐκείνων καὶ πηλοῦ καὶ δρόμων καὶ ἀγρυπνιῶν ἀναπεπαῦσθαι, καὶ τοῦτο δὴ τὸ τῆς εὐχῆς, ἀποτείναντα τὼ πόδε καθεύδειν, μόνα ἐκεῖνα πράττοντα ὧν ἕνεκα τὴν ἀρχὴν παρελήφθης καὶ ὧν ἔμμισθος εἶ. ἐχρῆν μὲν οὕτως, ὦ Τιμόκλεις, καὶ οὐδὲν ἂν ἦν μέγα κακὸν ὑποκύψαντα φέρειν τὸν ζυγὸν ἐλαφρόν τε καὶ εὔφορον καὶ τὸ μέγιστον, ἐπίχρυσον ὄντα. ἀλλὰ πολλοῦ, μᾶλλον δὲ τοῦ παντὸς δεῖ· μυρία γάρ ἐστιν ἀφόρητα ἐλευθέρῳ ἀνδρὶ ἐν αὐταῖς ἤδη ταῖς συνουσίαις γιγνόμενα. σκέψαι δὲ αὐτὸς ἑξῆς ἀκούων, εἴ τις ἂν αὐτὰ ὑπομεῖναι δύναιτο παιδείᾳ κἂν ἐπʼ ἐλάχιστον ὡμιληκώς.

[¶13] 14. Let me begin with your first invitation to dinner, which may reasonably be expected to follow, as an earnest of the patronage to come. It is brought to you by a most communicative slave, whose goodwill it must be your first care to secure. Five shillings is the least you can slip into his palm, if you would do the thing properly. He has scruples. ‘Really, sir—couldn’t think of it; no, indeed, sir.’ But he is prevailed upon at last, and goes off, grinning from ear to ear. You then look out your best clothes, have your bath, make yourself as presentable as possible, and arrive—in fear and trembling lest you should be the first, which would wear an awkward air, just as it savours. of ostentation to arrive last. Accordingly you contrive to hit on the right moment, are received with every attention, and shown to your place, a little above the host, separated from him only by a couple of his intimates.

> Greek: 14. ἄρξομαι δὲ ἀπὸ τοῦ πρώτου δείπνου, ἢν δοκῇ, ὅ σε εἰκὸς δειπνήσειν τὰ προτέλεια τῆς μελλούσης συνουσίας. εὐθὺς οὖν πρόσεισιν παραγγέλλων τις ἥκειν ἐπὶ τὸ δεῖπνον, οὐκ ἀνομίλητος οἰκέτης, ὃν χρὴ πρῶτον ἵλεων ποιήσασθαι, παραβύσαντα εἰς τὴν χεῖρα, ὡς μὴ ἀδέξιος εἶναι δοκῇς, τοὐλάχιστον πέντε δραχμάς· ὁ δὲ ἀκκισάμενος καί, ἄπαγε, παρὰ σοῦ δὲ ἐγώ; καί, Ἡράκλεις, μὴ γένοιτο, ὑπειπὼν τέλος ἐπείσθη, καὶ ἄπεισί σοι πλατὺ ἐγχανών. σὺ δὲ ἐσθῆτα καθαρὰν προχειρισάμενος καὶ σεαυτὸν ὡς κοσμιώτατα σχηματίσας λουσάμενος ἥκεις, δεδιὼς μὴ πρὸ τῶν ἄλλων ἀφίκοιο· ἀπειρόκαλον γάρ, ὥσπερ καὶ τὸ ὕστατον ἥκειν φορτικόν. αὐτὸ οὖν τηρήσας τὸ μέσον τοῦ καιροῦ εἰσελήλυθας, καί σε πάνυ ἐντίμως ἐδέξατο, καὶ παραλαβών τις κατέκλινε μικρὸν ὑπὲρ τοῦ πλουσίου μετὰ δύο που σχεδὸν τῶν παλαιῶν φίλων.

[¶14] 15. And now you feel as if you were in heaven. You are all admiration; everything you see done throws you into ecstasies, It is all so new and strange! The waiters stare at you, the company watch your movements. Nor is the host without curiosity. Some of his servants have instructions to observe you narrowly, lest your glance should fall too often on his wife or children. The other guests’? men perceive your amazement at the novel scene, and exchange jesting asides. From the fact that you do not know what to make of your napkin, they conclude that this is your first experience of dining-out. You perspire with embarrassment; not unnaturally. You are thirsty, but you dare not ask for wine, lest you should be thought a tippler. The due connexion between the various dishes which make their appearance is beyond you: which ought you to take first? which next? There is nothing for it but to snatch a side glance at your neighbour, do as he does, and learn to dine in sequence.

> Greek: 15. σὺ δʼ ὥσπερ εἰς τοῦ Διὸς τὸν οἶκον παρελθὼν πάντα τεθαύμακας καὶ ἐφʼ ἑκάστῳ τῶν πραττομένων μετέωρος εἶ· ξένα γάρ σοι καὶ ἄγνωστα πάντα· καὶ ἥ τε οἰκετεία εἰς σὲ ἀποβλέπει καὶ τῶν παρόντων ἕκαστος ὅ τι πράξεις ἐπιτηροῦσιν, οὐδὲ αὐτῷ δὲ ἀμελὲς τῷ πλουσίῳ τοῦτο, ἀλλὰ καὶ προεῖπέ τισι τῶν οἰκετῶν ἐπισκοπεῖν εἴ πως εἰς τοὺς παῖδας ἢ εἰς τὴν γυναῖκα πολλάκις ἐκ περιωπῆς ἀποβλέψεις. οἱ μὲν γὰρ τῶν συνδείπνων ἀκόλουθοι ὁρῶντες ἐκπεπληγμένον εἰς τὴν ἀπειρίαν τῶν δρωμένων ἀποσκώπτουσι, τεκμήριον τοῦ μὴ παρʼ ἄλλῳ πρότερόν σε δεδειπνηκέναι τὸ καινὸν εἶναί σοι τὸ χειρόμακτρον τιθέμενοι. ὥσπερ οὖν εἰκός, ἰδίειν τε ἀνάγκη ὑπʼ ἀπορίας καὶ μήτε διψῶντα πιεῖν αἰτεῖν τολμᾶν, μὴ δόξῃς οἰνόφλυξ τις εἶναι, μήτε τῶν ὄψων παρατεθέντων ποικίλων καὶ πρός τινα τάξιν ἐσκευασμένων εἰδέναι ἐφʼ ὅ τι πρῶτον ἢ δεύτερον τὴν χεῖρα ἐνέγκῃς· ὑποβλέπειν οὖν εἰς τὸν πλησίον δεήσει κἀκεῖνον ζηλοῦν καὶ μανθάνειν τοῦ δείπνου τὴν ἀκολουθίαν.

[¶15] 16. On the whole, your feelings are mingled, your spirit perturbed, and stricken with awe. One moment you are envying your host his gold, his ivory, and all his magnificence; the next, you are pitying yourself,—that miserable nonentity which calls its existence life; and then at intervals comes the thought, ‘how happy shall I be, sharing in these splendours, enjoying them as if they were my own!’ For you conceive of your future life as one continual feast; and the smiling attendance of gracious Ganymedes gives a charming finish to the picture. That line of Homer keeps coming to your lips:
Small blame to Trojan or to greaved Achaean,
if such happiness as this was to be the reward of their toils and sufferings. Presently healths are drunk. The host calls for a large beaker, and drinks to ‘the Professor,’ or whatever your title is to be. You, in your innocence, do not know that you ought to say something in reply; you receive the cup in silence, and are set down as a boor.

> Greek: 16. τὰ δʼ ἄλλα ποικίλος εἶ καὶ θορύβου πλέως τὴν ψυχήν, πρὸς ἕκαστα τῶν πραττομένων ἐκπεπληγμένος, καὶ ἄρτι μὲν εὐδαιμονίζεις τὸν πλούσιον τοῦ χρυσοῦ καὶ τοῦ ἐλέφαντος καὶ τῆς τοσαύτης τρυφῆς, ἄρτι δὲ οἰκτείρεις σεαυτόν, ὡς τὸ μηδὲν ὢν εἶτα ζῆν ὑπολαμβάνεις. ἐνίοτε δὲ κἀκεῖνο εἰσέρχεταί σε, ὡς ζηλωτόν τινα βιώσῃ τὸν βίον ἅπασιν ἐκείνοις ἐντρυφήσων καὶ μεθέξων αὐτῶν ἐξ ἰσοτιμίας· οἴει γὰρ εἰσαεὶ Διονύσια ἑορτάσειν. καί που καὶ μειράκια ὡραῖα διακονούμενα καὶ ἠρέμα προσμειδιῶντα γλαφυρωτέραν ὑπογράφει σοι τὴν μέλλουσαν διατριβήν, ὥστε συνεχῶς τὸ Ὁμηρικὸν ἐκεῖνο ἐπιφθέγγεσθαι, οὐ νέμεσις Τρῶας καὶ ἐϋκνήμιδας Ἀχαιούς πολλὰ πονεῖν καὶ ὑπομένειν ὑπὲρ τῆς τοσαύτης εὐδαιμονίας. Φιλοτησίαι τὸ ἐπὶ τούτῳ, καὶ σκύφον εὐμεγέθη τινὰ αἰτήσας προὔπιέν σοι τῷ διδασκάλῳ, ἢ ὁτιδήποτε προσειπών· σὺ δὲ λαβών, ὅτι μέν τί σε καὶ αὐτὸν ὑπειπεῖν ἔδει ἠγνόησας ὑπʼ ἀπειρίας, καὶ ἀγροικίας δόξαν ὦφλες.

[¶16] 17. Apart from this, your host’s pledge has secured you the enmity of many of his old friends, with some of whom it was already a grievance, that an acquaintance of a few hours’ standing should sit above men who have been drinking the cup of slavery for years. Tongues are busy with you at once. Listen to some of them. ‘So! We are.o give place to new-comers! It wanted but this. The gates of Rome are open to none but these Greeks. Now what is their claim to be set over our heads? I suppose they think they are conferring a favour on us with their wordy stuff?’ ‘How he did drink, to be sure!’ says another. ‘And did you see how he shovelled his food down, hand over hand? Mannerless starveling! He has never so much as dreamt of white bread before. 'Twas the same with. the capon and pheasant; much if he left us the bones to pick!’ ‘My dear sirs’ (cries number three), ‘I give him five days at the outside; after which you will see him at our end of the table, making like moan with ourselves. He is a new pair of shoes just now, and is treated with all ceremony. Wait till he has been worn a few times, and the mud has done its work; he will be flung under the bed, poor wretch, like the rest of us, to be a receptacle for bugs.’ Such are some among the many comments you excite; and, for all we know, mischief may be brewing at this moment.

> Greek: 17. ἐπίφθονος δʼ οὖν ἀπὸ τῆς προπόσεως ἐκείνης πολλοῖς τῶν παλαιῶν φίλων γεγένησαι, καὶ πρότερον ἐπὶ τῇ κατακλίσει λυπήσας τινὰς αὐτῶν, ὅτι τήμερον ἥκων προὐκρίθης ἀνδρῶν πολυετῆ δουλείαν ἠντληκότων. εὐθὺς οὖν καὶ τοιοῦτός τις ἐν αὐτοῖς περὶ σοῦ λόγος· τοῦτο ἡμῖν πρὸς τοῖς ἄλλοις δεινοῖς ἐλείπετο, καὶ τῶν ἄρτι εἰσεληλυθότων εἰς τὴν οἰκίαν δευτέρους εἶναι, καὶ μόνοις τοῖς Ἕλλησι τούτοις ἀνέῳκται ἡ Ῥωμαίων πόλις· καίτοι τί ἐστιν ἐφʼ ὅτῳ προτιμῶνται ἡμῶν; οὐ ῥημάτια δύστηνα λέγοντες οἴονταί τι παμμέγεθες ὠφελεῖν; ἄλλος δέ, οὐ γὰρ εἶδες ὅσα μὲν ἔπιεν, ὅπως δὲ τὰ παρατεθέντα συλλαβὼν κατέφαγεν; ἀπειρόκαλος ἄνθρωπος καὶ λιμοῦ πλέως, οὐδʼ ὄναρ λευκοῦ ποτε ἄρτου ἐμφορηθείς, οὔτι γε Νομαδικοῦ ἢ Φασιανοῦ ὄρνιθος, ὧν μόλις τὰ ὀστᾶ ἡμῖν καταλέλοιπεν. τρίτος ἄλλος, ὦ μάταιοι, φησίν, πέντε οὐδʼ ὅλων ἡμερῶν ὄψεσθε αὐτὸν ἐνταῦθά που ἐν ἡμῖν τὰ ὅμοια ποτνιώμενον· νῦν μὲν γὰρ ὥσπερ τὰ καινὰ τῶν ὑποδημάτων ἐν τιμῇ τινι καὶ ἐπιμελείᾳ ἐστίν, ἐπειδὰν δὲ πατηθῇ πολλάκις καὶ ὑπὸ τοῦ πηλοῦ ἀναπλασθῇ, ὑπὸ τῇ κλίνῃ ἀθλίως ἐρρίψεται κόρεων ὥσπερ ἡμεῖς ἀνάπλεως. Ἐκεῖνοι μὲν οὖν τοιαῦτα πολλὰ περὶ σοῦ στρέφουσι, καί που ἤδη καὶ πρὸς διαβολάς τινες αὐτῶν παρασκευάζονται.

[¶17] 18. Meanwhile, you are the guest of the evening, and the principal theme of conversation. Your unwonted situation has led you on to drink more than was advisable. For some time you have been feeling uncomfortable effects from your host’s light, eager wine. To get up before the rest would be bad manners: to remain is perilous. The drinking is prolonged; subject upon subject is started, spectacle after spectacle is produced; for your host is determined that you shall see all he has to show. You suffer the torments of the damned. You see nothing of what is going forward: some favourite singer or musician is performing—you hear him not; and while you force out some complimentary phrase, you are praying that an earthquake may swallow up all, or that the news of a fire may break up the party.

> Greek: 18. τὸ δʼ οὖν συμπόσιον ὅλον ἐκεῖνο σόν ἐστιν καὶ περὶ σοῦ οἱ πλεῖστοι τῶν λόγων. σὺ δʼ ὑπʼ ἀηθείας πλέον τοῦ ἱκανοῦ ἐμπιὼν οἴνου λεπτοῦ καὶ δριμέος, πάλαι τῆς γαστρὸς ἐπειγούσης, πονηρῶς ἔχεις, καὶ οὔτε προεξαναστῆναί σοι καλὸν οὔτε μένειν ἀσφαλές. ἀποτεινομένου τοίνυν τοῦ πότου καὶ λόγων ἐπὶ λόγοις γιγνομένων καὶ θεαμάτων ἐπὶ θεάμασι παριόντων — ἅπαντα γὰρ ἐπιδείξασθαί σοι τὰ αὑτοῦ βούλεται — κόλασιν οὐ μικρὰν ὑπομένεις μήτε ὁρῶν τὰ γιγνόμενα μήτε ἀκούων εἴ τις ᾄδει ἢ κιθαρίζει πάνυ τιμώμενος μειρακίσκος, ἀλλʼ ἐπαινεῖς μὲν ὑπʼ ἀνάγκης, εὔχῃ δὲ ἢ σεισμῷ συμπεσεῖν ἐκεῖνα πάντα ἢ πυρκαϊάν τινα προσαγγελθῆναι, ἵνα ποτὲ καὶ διαλυθῇ τὸ συμπόσιον.

[¶18] 19. Such, my friend, is your first dinner, the best you will ever get. For my part, give me a dinner of herbs, with liberty to eat when I will and as much as I will. I shall spare you the recital of the nocturnal woes that follow your excess. The next morning, you have to come to terms as to the amount of your salary, and the times of payment. Appearing in answer to his summons, you find two or three friends with him. He bids you be seated, and begins to speak. ‘You have now seen the sort of way in which we live—no ostentation, no fuss; everything quite plain and ordinary. Now you will consider everything here as your own. It would be a strange thing, indeed, were to entrust you with the highest responsibility of all, the moral guidance of myself and my children’—if there are children to be taught—‘and yet hesitate to place the rest at your disposal. Something, however, must be settled. I know your moderate, independent spirit. I quite realize that you come to us from no mercenary motive, that you are influenced only by the regard and uniform respect which will be assured to you in this house. Still, as I say, something must be settled. Now, my dear sir, tell me yourself, what you think right; remembering that there is something to be expected at the great festivals; for you will not find me remiss in that respect, though I say nothing definite at present; and these occasions, as you know, come pretty frequently in the course of the year. This consideration will no doubt influence you in settling the amount of your salary; and apart from that, it sits well on men of culture like yourself, to be above the thought of money.’

> Greek: 19. τοῦτο μὲν δή σοι τὸ πρῶτον, ὦ ἑταῖρε, καὶ ἥδιστον ἐκεῖνο δεῖπνον, οὐκ ἔμοιγε τοῦ θύμου καὶ τῶν λευκῶν ἁλῶν ἥδιον ὁπηνίκα βούλομαι καὶ ὁπόσον ἐλευθέρως ἐσθιομένων. ἵνα γοῦν σοι τὴν ὀξυρεγμίαν τὴν ἐπὶ τούτοις παρῶ καὶ τὸν ἐν τῇ νυκτὶ ἔμετον, ἕωθεν δεήσει περὶ τοῦ μισθοῦ συμβῆναι ὑμᾶς, ὁπόσον τε καὶ ὁπότε τοῦ ἔτους χρὴ λαμβάνειν. παρόντων οὖν ἢ δύο ἢ τριῶν φίλων προσκαλέσας σε καὶ καθίζεσθαι κελεύσας ἄρχεται λέγειν· τὰ μὲν ἡμέτερα ὁποῖά ἐστιν ἑώρακας ἤδη, καὶ ὡς τῦφος ἐν αὐτοῖς οὐδὲ εἷς, ἀτραγῴδητα δὲ καὶ πεζὰ πάντα καὶ δημοτικά, χρὴ δέ σε οὕτως ἔχειν ὡς ἁπάντων ἡμῖν κοινῶν ἐσομένων· γελοῖον γὰρ εἰ τὸ κυριώτατον, τὴν ψυχήν σοι τὴν ἐμαυτοῦ ἢ καὶ νὴ Δία τῶν παίδων. — εἰ παῖδες εἶεν αὐτῷ παιδεύσεως δεόμενοι — ἐπιτρέπων τῶν ἄλλων μὴ ἐπʼ ἴσης ἡγοίμην δεσπότην. ἐπεὶ δὲ καὶ ὡρίσθαι τι δεῖ, — ὁρῶ μὲν τὸ μέτριον καὶ αὔταρκες τοῦ σοῦ τρόπου καὶ συνίημι ὡς οὐχὶ μισθοῦ ἐλπίδι προσελήλυθας ἡμῶν τῇ οἰκίᾳ, τῶν δὲ ἄλλων ἕνεκα, τῆς εὐνοίας τῆς παρʼ ἡμῶν καὶ τιμῆς, ἣν παρὰ πᾶσιν ἕξεις· ὅμως δʼ οὖν καὶ ὡρίσθω τι, — σὺ δʼ αὐτὸς ὅ τι καὶ βούλει λέγε, μεμνημένος, ὦ φίλτατε, κἀκείνων ἅπερ ἐν ἑορταῖς διετησίοις εἰκὸς ἡμᾶς παρέξειν· οὐ γὰρ ἀμελήσομεν οὐδὲ τῶν τοιούτων, εἰ καὶ μὴ νῦν αὐτὰ συντιθέμεθα· πολλαὶ δέ, οἶσθα, τοῦ ἔτους αἱ τοιαῦται ἀφορμαί. καὶ πρὸς ἐκεῖνα τοίνυν ἀποβλέπων μετριώτερον δῆλον ὅτι ἐπιβαλεῖς ἡμῖν τὸν μισθόν. ἄλλως τε καὶ πρέπον ἂν εἴη τοῖς πεπαιδευμένοις ὑμῖν κρείττοσιν εἶναι χρημάτων.

[¶19] 20. Your hopes are blasted at the words, and your proud spirit is tamed. The dream of the millionaire and landed proprietor fades away, as you gradually catch his parsimonious drift. Yet you smirk appreciation of the promise. You are to ‘consider everything as your own’; there, surely, is something solid? 'Tis a draught (did you but know it)
That wets the lips, but leaves the palate dry.
After an interval of embarrassment, you leave the matter to his decision, He declines the responsibility, and calls for the intervention of one of the company: let him name a sum, at once worthy of your acceptance, and not burdensome to his purse, which has so many more urgent calls upon it. ‘Sir,’ says this officious old gentleman, who has been a toady from his youth, ‘Sir, you are the luckiest manin Rome. Denyit if youcan! You have gained a privilege which many a man has longed for, and is not like to obtain at Fortune’s hands, You have been admitted to enjoy the company and share the hearth and home of the first citizen of our empire. Used aright, such a privilege will be more to you than the wealth of a Croesus or a Midas. Knowing as I do how many there are—persons of high standing—who would be glad to pay money down, merely for the honour and glory of the acquaintanceship, of being seen in his company, and ranking as his friends and intimates,—knowing this, I am at a loss for words in which to express my sense of your good fortune. You are not only to enjoy this happiness, but to be paid for enjoying it! Under the circumstances, I think we shall satisfy your most extravagant expectations, if we say ’—and he names a sum which in itself is of the smallest, quite apart from all reference to your brilliant hopes.

> Greek: 20. ὁ μὲν ταῦτα εἰπὼν καὶ ὅλον σε διασείσας ταῖς ἐλπίσι τιθασὸν ἑαυτῷ πεποίηκε, σὺ δὲ πάλαι τάλαντα καὶ μυριάδας ὀνειροπολήσας καὶ ἀγροὺς ὅλους καὶ συνοικίας συνίης μὲν ἠρέμα τῆς μικρολογίας, σαίνεις δὲ ὅμως τὴν ὑπόσχεσιν καὶ τό, πάντα ἡμῖν κοινὰ ἔσται, βέβαιον καὶ ἀληθὲς ἔσεσθαι νομίζεις, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅτι τὰ τοιαῦτα χείλεα μέν τʼ ἐδίηνʼ, ὑπερῴην δʼ οὐκ ἐδίηνε. τελευταῖον δʼ ὑπʼ αἰδοῦς αὐτῷ ἐπέτρεψας. ὁ δὲ αὐτὸς μὲν οὔ φησιν ἐρεῖν, τῶν φίλων δέ τινα τῶν παρόντων κελεύει μέσον ἐλθόντα τοῦ πράγματος εἰπεῖν ὃ μήτʼ αὐτῷ γίγνοιτʼ ἂν βαρὺ καὶ πρὸς ἄλλα τούτων ἀναγκαιότερα δαπανῶντι μήτε τῷ ληψομένῳ εὐτελές. ὁ δὲ ὠμογέρων τις ἐκ παίδων κολακείᾳ σύντροφος, ὡς μὲν οὐκ εὐδαιμονέστατος εἶ, φησίν, τῶν ἐν τῇ πόλει ἁπάντων, ὦ οὗτος, οὐκ ἂν εἴποις, ᾧ γε τοῦτο πρῶτον ὑπῆρχεν ὃ πολλοῖς πάνυ γλιχομένοις μόλις ἂν γένοιτο παρὰ τῆς Τύχης· λέγω δὲ ὁμιλίας ἀξιωθῆναι καὶ ἑστίας κοινωνῆσαι καὶ εἰς τὴν πρώτην οἰκίαν τῶν ἐν τῇ Ῥωμαίων ἀρχῇ καταδεχθῆναι· τοῦτο γὰρ ὑπὲρ τὰ Κροίσου τάλαντα καὶ τὸν Μίδου πλοῦτον, εἰ σωφρονεῖν οἶσθα. ἰδὼν δὲ πολλοὺς τῶν εὐδοκίμων ἐθελήσαντας ἄν, εἰ καὶ προσδιδόναι δέοι, μόνης τῆς δόξης ἕνεκα συνεῖναι τούτῳ καὶ ὁρᾶσθαι περὶ αὐτὸν ἑταίρους καὶ φίλους εἶναι δοκοῦντας, οὐκ ἔχω ὅπως σε τῆς εὐποτμίας μακαρίσω, ὃς καὶ προσλήψῃ μισθὸν τῆς τοιαύτης εὐδαιμονίας. ἀρκεῖν οὖν νομίζω, εἰ μὴ πάνυ ἄσωτος εἶ, τοσόνδε τι· — εἰπὼν ἐλάχιστον καὶ μάλιστα πρὸς τὰς σὰς ἐκείνας ἐλπίδας.

## 2. Sections 21–42

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-on-salaried-posts/2/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-on-salaried-posts/2/#p-N

[¶0] 21. However, there is nothing for it but to submit with a good grace. It is too late now for escape; you are in the toils. So you open your mouth for the bit, and are very manageable from the first. You give your rider no occasion to keep a tight rein, or to use the spur; and at last by imperceptible degrees you are quite broken in to him. The outside world from that time watches you with envy. You dwell within his courts; you have free access; you are become a person of consequence. Yet it is now incomprehensible to you how they can suppose you to be happy. At the same time, you are not without a certain exultation: you cheat yourself from day to day with the thought that there are better things to come. Quite the contrary turns out to be the case. Your prospects, like the proverbial sacrifice of Mandrobulus, dwindle and contract from day to day.

> Greek: 21. ἀγαπᾶν δʼ ὅμως ἀναγκαῖον· οὐ γὰρ οὐδʼ ἂν φυγεῖν ἔτι σοι δυνατὸν ἐντὸς ἀρκύων γενομένῳ. δέχῃ τοίνυν τὸν χαλινὸν μύσας καὶ τὰ πρῶτα εὐάγωγος εἶ πρὸς αὐτὸν οὐ πάνυ περισπῶντα οὐδὲ ὀξέως νύττοντα, μέχρι ἂν λάθῃς τέλεον αὐτῷ συνήθης γενόμενος. οἱ μὲν δὴ ἔξω ἄνθρωποι τὸ μετὰ τοῦτο ζηλοῦσί σε ὁρῶντες ἐντὸς τῆς κιγκλίδος διατρίβοντα καὶ ἀκωλύτως εἰσιόντα καὶ τῶν πάνυ τινὰ ἔνδον γεγενημένον· σὺ δὲ αὐτὸς οὐδέπω ὁρᾷς οὗτινος ἕνεκα εὐδαίμων αὐτοῖς εἶναι δοκεῖς. πλὴν ἀλλὰ χαίρεις γε καὶ σεαυτὸν ἐξαπατᾷς καὶ ἀεὶ τὰ μέλλοντα βελτίω γενήσεσθαι νομίζεις. τὸ δʼ ἔμπαλιν ἢ σὺ ἤλπισας γίγνεται καὶ ὡς ἡ παροιμία φησίν, ἐπὶ Μανδροβούλου χωρεῖ τὸ πρᾶγμα, καθʼ ἑκάστην, ὡς εἰπεῖν, τὴν ἡμέραν ἀποσμικρυνόμενον καὶ εἰς τοὐπίσω ἀναποδίζον.

[¶1] 22. Gradually you get some faint glimmerings of the truth. It begins to dawn upon you at last, that those golden hopes were neither more nor less than gilded bubbles: the vexations, on the other hand, are realities; solid, abiding, uncompromising realities. ‘And what are these vexations?” you will perhaps exclaim; ‘I see nothing so vexatious about the matter; I know not what are the hardships and the drudgery alluded to.’ Then listen. And do not confine yourself to the article of drudgery, but keep a sharp look-out for ignominy, for degradation, for everything, in short, that is unworthy of a free man.

> Greek: 22. ἠρέμα οὖν καὶ κατʼ ὀλίγον, ὥσπερ ἐν ἀμυδρῷ τῷ φωτὶ τότε πρῶτον διαβλέπων, ἄρχῃ κατανοεῖν ὡς αἱ μὲν χρυσαῖ ἐκεῖναι ἐλπίδες οὐδὲν ἀλλʼ ἢ φῦσαί τινες ἦσαν ἐπίχρυσοι, βαρεῖς δὲ καὶ ἀληθεῖς καὶ ἀπαραίτητοι καὶ συνεχεῖς οἱ πόνοι. τίνες οὗτοι; ἴσως ἐρήσῃ με· οὑχ ὁρῶ γὰρ ὅ τι τὸ ἐπίπονον ἐν ταῖς τοιαύταις συνουσίαις ἐστὶν οὐδʼ ἐπινοῶ ἅτινα ἔφησθα τὰ καματηρὰ καὶ ἀφόρητα. οὐκοῦν ἄκουσον, ὦ γενναῖε, μὴ εἰ κάματος ἔνεστιν ἐν τῷ πράγματι μόνον ἐξετάζων, ἀλλὰ καὶ τὸ αἰσχρὸν καὶ ταπεινὸν καὶ συνόλως δουλοπρεπὲς οὐκ ἐν παρέργῳ τῆς ἀκροάσεως τιθέμενος.

[¶2] 23. Let me remind you then, to begin with, that you are no longer free-born, no longer a man of family. Birth, freedom, ancestry, all these you will leave on the other side of the door, when you enter upon the fulfilment of your servile contract; for Freedom will never bear you company in that ignoble station. You are a slave, wince as you may at the word; and, be assured, a slave of many masters; a downward-looking drudge, from morning till night
serving for sorry wage.
Then again, you are a backward pupil: Servitude was not the nurse of your childhood; you are getting on in years when she takes you in hand; accordingly, you will do her little credit, and give little satisfaction to your lord. Recollections of Freedom will exercise their demoralizing influence upon you, causing you to jib at times, and you will make villanous work of your new profession. Or will your aspirations after Freedom be satisfied, perhaps, with the thought, that you are no son of a Pyrrhias or a Zopyrion, no Bithynian, to be knocked down under the hammer of a bawling auctioneer? My dear sir, when pay-day comes round each month, and you mingle in the herd of Pyrrhiases and Zopyrions, and hold out your hand for the wage that is due to you, what is that but a sale? No need of an auctioneer, > for the man who can cry his own wares, and hawks his liberty about from day to day.

> Greek: 23. καὶ πρῶτόν γε μέμνησο μηκέτι ἐλεύθερον τὸ ἀπʼ ἐκείνου μηδὲ εὐπατρίδην σεαυτὸν οἴεσθαι. πάντα γὰρ ταῦτα, τὸ γένος, τὴν ἐλευθερίαν, τοὺς προγόνους ἔξω τοῦ ὀδοῦ καταλείψων ἴσθι ἐπειδὰν ἐπὶ τοιαύτην σαυτὸν λατρείαν ἀπεμπολήσας εἰσίῃς· οὐ γὰρ ἐθελήσει σοι ἡ Ἐλευθερία συνεισελθεῖν ἐφʼ οὕτως ἀγεννῆ πράγματα καὶ ταπεινὰ εἰσιόντι. δοῦλος οὖν, εἰ καὶ πάνυ ἀχθέσῃ τῷ ὀνόματι, καὶ οὐχ ἑνός, ἀλλὰ πολλῶν δοῦλος ἀναγκαίως ἔσῃ καὶ θητεύσεις κάτω νενευκὼς ἕωθεν εἰς ἑσπέραν ἀεικελίῳ ἐπὶ μισθῷ. καὶ ἅτε δὴ μὴ ἐκ παίδων τῇ Δουλείᾳ συντραφείς, ὀψιμαθήσας δὲ καὶ πόρρω που τῆς ἡλικίας παιδευόμενος πρὸς αὐτῆς οὐ πάνυ εὐδόκιμος ἔσῃ οὐδὲ πολλοῦ ἄξιος τῷ δεσπότῃ· διαφθείρει γάρ σε ἡ μνήμη τῆς ἐλευθερίας ὑπιοῦσα καὶ ἀποσκιρτᾶν ἐνίοτε ποιεῖ καὶ διʼ αὐτὸ ἐν τῇ δουλείᾳ πονηρῶς ἀπαλλάττειν. πλὴν εἰ μὴ ἀποχρῆν σοι πρὸς ἐλευθερίαν νομίζεις τὸ μὴ Πυρρίου μηδὲ Ζωπυρίωνος υἱὸν εἶναι, μηδὲ ὥσπερ τις Βιθυνὸς ὑπὸ μεγαλοφώνῳ τῷ κήρυκι ἀπημπολῆσθαι. ἀλλʼ ὁπόταν, ὦ βέλτιστε, τῆς νουμηνίας ἐπιστάσης ἀναμιχθεὶς τῷ Πυρρίᾳ καὶ τῷ Ζωπυρίωνι προτείνῃς τὴν χεῖρα ὁμοίως τοῖς ἄλλοις οἰκέταις καὶ λάβῃς ἐκεῖνο ὁτιδήποτε ἦν τὸ γιγνόμενον, τοῦτο ἡ πρᾶσίς ἐστι. κήρυκος γὰρ οὐκ ἔδει ἐπʼ ἄνδρα ἑαυτὸν ἀποκηρύξαντα καὶ μακρῷ χρόνῳ μνηστευσάμενον ἑαυτῷ τὸν δεσπότην.

[¶3] 24. Wretch! (one is prompted to exclaim, and particularly when the culprit is a professed philosopher) Wretch! Were you captured and sold by a pirate or a brigand, you would bewail your lot, and think that Fortune had dealt hardly with you. Were a man to lay violent hands on you, and claim a master’s rights in you, loud and bitter would be your outcry: ‘By heaven and earth,’tis monstrous! I appeal to the laws!’ And now, at an age at which a born slave may begin to look towards Freedom, now for a few pence do you sell yourself, your virtue and wisdom, in one parcel? And could Plato’s noble words, could all that Chrysippus and Aristotle " have said, of the blessings of freedom and the curse of slavery, raise no compunction in you? Do you count it no shame to be pitted against toadies and vulgar parasites? no shame to sit at the noisy banquets of a promiscuous, and for the most part a disreputable company, a Greek among Romans, wearing the foreign garb of philosophy, and stammering their tongue with a foreign accent? How fulsome are your flatteries on these occasions! how indecent your tipplings! And next morning the bell rings, and up you must get, losing the best of your sleep, to trudge up and down with yesterday’s mud still on your shoes. Were lupines and wild herbs so scarce with you? had the springs ceased to give their wonted supply, that you were brought to such a pass? No, the cause of your captivity is too clear. Not water, not lupines were the object of your desire, but dainty viands and fragrant wines; and your sin has found you out: you are hooked like a pike by your greedy jaws. We have not far to look for the reward of gluttony. Like a monkey with a collar about its neck, you are kept to make amusement for the company; fancying yourself supremely happy, because you are unstinted in the matter of dried figs. As to freedom and generosity, they are fled, with the memories of Greece, and have left no trace behind them.

> Greek: 24. εἶτʼ, ὦ κάθαρμα, φαίην ἄν, καὶ μάλιστα πρὸς τὸν φιλοσοφεῖν φάσκοντα, εἰ μέν σέ τις ἢ πλέοντα καταποντιστὴς συλλαβὼν ἢ λῃστὴς ἀπεδίδοτο, ᾤκτειρες ἂν σεαυτὸν ὡς παρὰ τὴν ἀξίαν δυστυχοῦντα, ἢ εἴ τίς σου λαβόμενος ἦγε δοῦλον εἶναι λέγων, ἐβόας ἂν τοὺς νόμους καὶ δεινὰ ἐποίεις καὶ ἠγανάκτεις καί, Ὦ γῆ καὶ θεοί, μεγάλῃ τῇ φωνῇ ἐκεκράγεις ἄν, σεαυτὸν δὲ ὀλίγων ἕνεκα ὀβολῶν ἐν τούτῳ τῆς ἡλικίας, ὅτε καὶ εἰ φύσει δοῦλος ἦσθα, καιρὸς ἦν πρὸς ἐλευθερίαν ἤδη ὁρᾶν, αὐτῇ ἀρετῇ καὶ σοφίᾳ φέρων ἀπημπόληκας, οὐδὲ τοὺς πολλοὺς ἐκείνους λόγους αἰδεσθεὶς οὓς ὁ καλὸς Πλάτων ἢ ὁ Χρύσιππος ἢ Ἀριστοτέλης διεξεληλύθασι τὸ μὲν ἐλευθέριον ἐπαινοῦντες, τὸ δουλοπρεπὲς δὲ διαβάλλοντες; καὶ οὐκ αἰσχύνῃ κόλαξιν ἀνθρώποις καὶ ἀγοραίοις καὶ βωμολόχοις ἀντεξεταζόμενος καὶ ἐν τοσούτῳ πλήθει Ῥωμαϊκῷ μόνος ξενίζων τῷ τρίβωνι καὶ πονηρῶς τὴν Ῥωμαίων φωνὴν βαρβαρίζων, εἶτα δειπνῶν δεῖπνα θορυβώδη καὶ πολυάνθρωπα συγκλύδων τινῶν καὶ τῶν πλείστων μοχθηρῶν; καὶ ἐν αὐτοῖς ἐπαινεῖς φορτικῶς καὶ πίνεις πέρα τοῦ μετρίως ἔχοντος. ἕωθέν τε ὑπὸ κώδωνι ἐξαναστὰς ἀποσεισάμενος τοῦ ὕπνου τὸ ἥδιστον συμπεριθεῖς ἄνω καὶ κάτω ἔτι τὸν χθιζὸν ἔχων πηλὸν ἐπὶ τοῖν σκελοῖν. οὕτως ἀπορία μέν σε θέρμων ἔσχεν ἢ τῶν ἀγρίων λαχάνων, ἐπέλιπον δὲ καὶ αἱ κρῆναι ῥέουσαι τοῦ ψυχροῦ ὕδατος, ὡς ἐπὶ ταῦτά σε ὑπʼ ἀμηχανίας ἐλθεῖν; ἀλλὰ δῆλον ὡς οὐχ ὕδατος οὐδὲ θέρμων, ἀλλὰ πεμμάτων καὶ ὄψου καὶ οἴνου ἀνθοσμίου ἐπιθυμῶν ἑάλως, καθάπερ ὁ λάβραξ αὐτὸν μάλα δικαίως τὸν ὀρεγόμενον τούτων λαιμὸν διαπαρείς. παρὰ πόδας τοιγαροῦν τῆς λιχνείας ταύτης τἀπίχειρα, καὶ ὥσπερ οἱ πίθηκοι δεθεὶς κλοιῷ τὸν τράχηλον ἄλλοις μὲν γέλωτα παρέχεις, σεαυτῷ δὲ δοκεῖς τρυφᾶν, ὅτι ἔστι σοι τῶν ἰσχάδων ἀφθόνως ἐντραγεῖν. ἡ δὲ ἐλευθερία καὶ τὸ εὐγενὲς αὐτοῖς φυλέταις καὶ φράτερσι φροῦδα πάντα καὶ οὐδὲ μνήμη τις αὐτῶν.

[¶4] 25. And would that that were all, the disgrace of falling from freedom to servitude! Would that your employments were not those of a very menial! Consider; are your duties any lighter than those of a Dromo or a Tibius? As to the studies in which your employer professed an interest when he engaged you, they are nothing to him. Shall an ass affect the lyre? Remove from these men’s minds the gold and the silver, with the cares that these involve, and what remains? Pride, luxury, sensuality, insolence, wantonness, ignorance. Consuming must be their desire, doubt it not, for the wisdom of Homer, the eloquence of Demosthenes, the sublimity of Plato! No, your employer has no need of your services in this direction, On the other hand, you have a long beard and a venerable countenance; the Grecian cloak hangs admirably upon your shoulders, and you are known to be a professor of rhetoric, or literature, or philosophy; it will not be amiss, he thinks, to have such pursuits represented in the numerous retinue that marches before him, It will give him an air of Grecian culture, of liberal curiosity in fact. Friend, friend! your stock-in-trade would seem to be not words of wisdom, but a cloak and a beard. If you would do your duty, therefore, be always well in evidence; begin your unfailing attendance from the early hours of the morning, and never quit his side. Now and again he places a hand upon your shoulder, and mutters some nonsense for the benefit of the passers-by, who are to understand that though he walk abroad the Muses are not forgotten, that in all his comings and goings he can find elegant employment for his mind.

> Greek: 25. καὶ ἀγαπητὸν εἰ μόνον τὸ αἰσχρὸν προσῆν τῷ πράγματι, δοῦλον ἀντʼ ἐλευθέρου δοκεῖν, οἱ δὲ πόνοι μὴ κατὰ τοὺς πάνυ τούτους οἰκέτας. ἀλλʼ ὅρα εἰ μετριώτερά σοι προστέτακται τῶν Δρόμωνι καὶ Τιβείῳ προστεταγμένων. ὧν μὲν γὰρ ἕνεκα, τῶν μαθημάτων ἐπιθυμεῖν φήσας, παρείληφέ σε, ὀλίγον αὐτῷ μέλει. τί γὰρ κοινόν, φασί, λύρᾳ καὶ ὄνῳ; πάνυ γοῦν, — οὐχ ὁρᾷς; — ἐκτετήκασι τῷ πόθῳ τῆς Ὁμήρου σοφίας ἢ τῆς Δημοσθένους δεινότητος ἢ τῆς Πλάτωνος μεγαλοφροσύνης, ὧν ἤν τις ἐκ τῆς ψυχῆς ἀφέλῃ τὸ χρυσίον καὶ τὸ ἀργύριον καὶ τὰς περὶ τούτων φροντίδας, τὸ καταλειπόμενόν ἐστι τῦφος καὶ μαλακία καὶ ἡδυπάθεια καὶ ἀσέλγεια καὶ ὕβρις καὶ ἀπαιδευσία. δεῖται δή σου ἐπʼ ἐκεῖνα μὲν οὐδαμῶς, ἐπεὶ δὲ πώγωνα ἔχεις βαθὺν καὶ σεμνός τις εἶ τὴν πρόσοψιν καὶ ἱμάτιον Ἑλληνικὸν εὐσταλῶς περιβέβλησαι καὶ πάντες ἴσασί σε γραμματικὸν ἢ ῥήτορα ἢ φιλόσοφον, καλὸν αὐτῷ δοκεῖ ἀναμεμῖχθαι καὶ τοιοῦτόν τινα τοῖς προϊοῦσι καὶ προπομπεύουσιν αὐτοῦ· δόξει γὰρ ἐκ τούτου καὶ φιλομαθὴς τῶν Ἑλληνικῶν μαθημάτων καὶ ὅλως περὶ παιδείαν φιλόκαλος. ὥστε κινδυνεύεις, ὦ γενναῖε, ἀντὶ τῶν θαυμαστῶν λόγων τὸν πώγωνα καὶ τὸν τρίβωνα μεμισθωκέναι. χρὴ οὖν σε ἀεὶ σὺν αὐτῷ ὁρᾶσθαι καὶ μηδέποτε ἀπολείπεσθαι, ἀλλὰ ἕωθεν ἐξαναστάντα παρέχειν σεαυτὸν ὀφθησόμενον ἐν τῇ θεραπείᾳ καὶ μὴ λιπεῖν τὴν τάξιν. ὁ δὲ ἐπιβάλλων ἐνίοτέ σοι τὴν χεῖρα, ὅ τι ἂν τύχῃ ληρεῖ, τοῖς ἐντυγχάνουσιν ἐπιδεικνύμενος ὡς οὐδὲ ὁδῷ βαδίζων ἀμελής ἐστι τῶν Μουσῶν, ἀλλʼ εἰς καλὸν τὴν ἐν τῷ περιπάτῳ διατίθεται σχολήν.

[¶5] 26. Breathless and perspiring, you trot, a pitiable spectacle, at the litter’s side; or if he walks—you know what Rome is—, up hill and down dale after him you tramp. While he is paying a call on a friend, you are left outside, where, for lack of a seat, you are fain to take out your book and read standing. Night finds you hungry and thirsty. You snatch an apology for a bath; and it is midnight or near it before you get to dinner. You are no longer an honoured guest; no longer do you engage the attention of the company. You have retired to make room for some newer capture, Thrust into the most obscure corner, you sit watching the progress of dinner, gnawing in canine sort any bones that come down to you and regaling yourself with hungry zest on such tough mallow-leaves—the wrappers of daintier fare—as may escape the vigilance of those who sit above you. No slight is wanting. You have not so much as an egg to call your own; for there is no reason why you should expect to be treated in the same way as a stranger; that would be absurd. The birds that fall to your lot are not like other birds. Your neighbour gets some plump, luscious affair; you, a poor halfchicken, or lean pigeon, an insult, a positive outrage in poultry. As often as not, an extra guest appears unexpectedly, and the waiter solves the difficulty by removing your share (with the whispered consolation that you are ‘one of the family’), and placing it before the new-comer. When the joint, be it pork or venison, is brought in to be carved, let us hope that you stand well with the carver, or you will receive a Promethean helping of ‘bones wrapped up in fat.’ And the way in which a dish is whisked past you, after remaining with your neighbour till he can eat no more!—what free man would endure it, though he were as innocent of gall as any stag? And I have said nothing yet of the wine. While the other guests are drinking of some rare old vintage, you have vile thick stuff, whose colour you must industriously conceal with the help of a gold or silver cup, lest it should betray the estimation in which the drinker is held. It would be something if you could get enough even of this. Alas! you may call and call: the waiter is
as one that marketh not.

> Greek: 26. σὺ δʼ ἄθλιος τὰ μὲν παραδραμών, τὰ δὲ βάδην ἄναντα πολλὰ καὶ κάταντα — τοιαύτη γάρ, ὡς οἶσθα, ἡ πόλις — περιελθὼν ἵδρωκάς τε καὶ πνευστιᾷς, κἀκείνου ἔνδον τινὶ τῶν φίλων πρὸς ὃν ἦλθεν διαλεγομένου, μηδὲ ὅπου καθίζῃς ἔχων ὀρθὸς ὑπʼ ἀπορίας ἀναγιγνώσκεις τὸ βιβλίον προχειρισάμενος. ἐπειδὰν δὲ ἄσιτόν τε καὶ ἄποτον ἡ νὺξ καταλάβῃ, λουσάμενος πονηρῶς ἀωρὶ περὶ αὐτό που σχεδὸν τὸ μεσονύκτιον ἥκεις ἐπὶ τὸ δεῖπνον, οὐκέθʼ ὁμοίως ἔντιμος οὐδὲ περίβλεπτος τοῖς παροῦσιν, ἀλλʼ ἤν τις ἄλλος ἐπεισέλθῃ νεαλέστερος, εἰς τοὐπίσω σύ· καὶ οὕτως εἰς τὴν ἀτιμοτάτην γωνίαν ἐξωσθεὶς κατάκεισαι μάρτυς μόνον τῶν παραφερομένων, τὰ ὀστᾶ, εἰ ἐφίκοιτο μέχρι σοῦ, καθάπερ οἱ κύνες περιεσθίων ἢ τὸ σκληρὸν τῆς μαλάχης φύλλον ᾧ τὰ ἄλλα συνειλοῦσιν, εἰ ὑπεροφθείη ὑπὸ τῶν προκατακειμένων, ἄσμενος ὑπὸ λιμοῦ παροψώμενος. Οὐ μὴν οὐδὲ ἡ ἄλλη ὕβρις ἄπεστιν, ἀλλʼ οὔτε ᾠὸν ἔχεις μόνος — οὐ γὰρ ἀναγκαῖόν ἐστιν καὶ σὲ τῶν αὐτῶν ἀεὶ τοῖς ξένοις καὶ ἀγνώστοις ἀντιποιεῖσθαι· ἀγνωμοσύνη γὰρ δὴ τοῦτό γε — οὔτε ἡ ὄρνις ὁμοία ταῖς ἄλλαις, ἀλλὰ τῷ μὲν πλησίον παχεῖα καὶ πιμελής, σοὶ δὲ νεοττὸς ἡμίτομος ἢ φάττα τις ὑπόσκληρος, ὕβρις ἄντικρυς καὶ ἀτιμία. πολλάκις δʼ εἰ ἐπιλίποι ἄλλου τινὸς αἰφνιδίως ἐπιπαρόντος, ἀράμενος ὁ διάκονος τὰ σοὶ παρακείμενα φέρων ἐκείνῳ παρατέθεικεν ὑποτονθορύσας, σὺ γὰρ ἡμέτερος εἶ. τεμνομένου μὲν γὰρ ἐν τῷ μέσῳ ἢ συὸς ὑπογαστρίου ἢ ἐλάφου, χρὴ ἐκ παντὸς ἢ τὸν διανέμοντα ἵλεων ἔχειν ἢ τὴν Προμηθέως μερίδα φέρεσθαι, ὀστᾶ κεκαλυμμένα τῇ πιμελῇ. τὸ γὰρ τῷ μὲν ὑπὲρ σὲ τὴν λοπάδα παρεστάναι ἔστʼ ἂν ἀπαγορεύσῃ ἐμφορούμενος, σὲ δὲ οὕτω ταχέως παραδραμεῖν, τίνι φορητὸν ἐλευθέρῳ ἀνδρὶ κἂν ὁπόσην αἱ ἔλαφοι τὴν χολὴν ἔχοντι; καίτοι οὐδέπω ἐκεῖνο ἔφην, ὅτι τῶν ἄλλων ἥδιστόν τε καὶ παλαιότατον οἶνον πινόντων μόνος σὺ πονηρόν τινα καὶ παχὺν πίνεις, θεραπεύων ἀεὶ ἐν ἀργύρῳ ἢ χρυσῷ πίνειν, ὡς μὴ ἐλεγχθείης ἀπὸ τοῦ χρώματος οὕτως ἄτιμος ὢν συμπότης. καὶ εἴθε γε κἂν ἐκείνου εἰς κόρον ἦν πιεῖν, νῦν δὲ πολλάκις αἰτήσαντος ὁ παῖς οὐδʼ ἀΐοντι ἔοικεν.

[¶6] 27. Many are your grievances; nay, all is one huge grievance. And the climax is reached, when you find yourself eclipsed by some minion, some dancing-master, some vile Alexandrian patterer of Ionic lays. How should you hope to rank with the minister of Love’s pleasures, with the stealthy conveyer of billetsdoux? You cower shamefaced in your corner, and bewail your hard lot, as well you may; cursing your luck that you have never a smattering of such graceful accomplishments yourself. I believe you wish that you could turn love-songs, or sing other men’s with a good grace; perceiving as you do what a thing it is to be in request. Nay, you could find it in you to play the wizard’s, the fortune-teller’s part; to deal in thrones and in millions of money. For these, too, you observe, make their way in the world, and are high in favour. Gladly would you enter on any one of these vocations, rather than be a useless castaway. Alas, even these are beyond you; you lack plausibility. It remains for you to give place to others; to endure neglect, and keep your complaints to yourself.

> Greek: 27. ἀνιᾷ δή σε πολλὰ καὶ ἀθρόα καὶ σχεδὸν τὰ πάντα, καὶ μάλιστα ὅταν σε παρευδοκιμῇ κίναιδός τις ἢ ὀρχηστοδιδάσκαλος ἢ Ἰωνικὰ συνείρων Ἀλεξανδρεωτικὸς ἀνθρωπίσκος. τοῖς μὲν γὰρ τὰ ἐρωτικὰ ταῦτα διακονουμένοις καὶ γραμματίδια ὑπὸ κόλπου διακομίζουσιν πόθεν σύ γʼ ἰσότιμος; κατακείμενος τοιγαροῦν ἐν μυχῷ τοῦ συμποσίου καὶ ὑπʼ αἰδοῦς καταδεδυκὼς στένεις ὡς τὸ εἰκὸς καὶ σεαυτὸν οἰκτείρεις καὶ αἰτιᾷ τὴν Τύχην οὐδὲ ὀλίγα σοι τῶν χαρίτων ἐπιψεκάσασαν. ἡδέως δʼ ἄν μοι δοκεῖς καὶ ποιητὴς γενέσθαι τῶν ἐρωτικῶν ᾀσμάτων ἢ κἂν ἄλλου ποιήσαντος δύνασθαι ᾄδειν ἀξίως· ὁρᾷς γὰρ οἷ τὸ προτιμᾶσθαι καὶ εὐδοκιμεῖν ἐστιν. ὑποσταίης δὲ ἄν, εἰ καὶ μάγον ἢ μάντιν ὑποκρίνασθαι δέοι τῶν κλήρους πολυταλάντους καὶ ἀρχὰς καὶ ἀθρόους τοὺς πλούτους ὑπισχνουμένων· καὶ γὰρ αὖ καὶ τούτους ὁρᾷς εὖ φερομένους ἐν ταῖς φιλίαις καὶ πολλῶν ἀξιουμένους. κἂν ἕν τι οὖν τούτων ἡδέως ἂν γένοιο, ὡς μὴ ἀπόβλητος καὶ περιττὸς εἴης· ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ πρὸς ταῦτα ὁ κακοδαίμων πιθανὸς εἶ. τοιγαροῦν ἀνάγκη μειοῦσθαι καὶ σιωπῇ ἀνέχεσθαι ὑποιμώζοντα καὶ ἀμελούμενον.

[¶7] 28. Nay, more. Should some slave whisper that you alone withheld your praise, when his mistress’s favourite danced or played, the neglect may cost you dear. Then let your dry throat be as busy as any thirsty frog’s. See to it, that your voice is heard leading the chorus of applause; and time after time, when all else are silent, throw in some studied servile compliment. The situation is not without humour. Hungry as you are, ay, and thirsty into the bargain, you must anoint yourself with oil of gladness, and crown your head with garlands. It reminds one of the offerings made by recent mourners ata tomb. The tomb gets the ointment and the garlands, while the mourners drink and enjoy the feast.

> Greek: 28. ἢν μὲν γὰρ κατείπῃ σοῦ τις ψιθυρὸς οἰκέτης, ὡς μόνος οὐκ ἐπῄνεις τὸν τῆς δεσποίνης παιδίσκον ὀρχούμενον ἢ κιθαρίζοντα, κίνδυνος οὐ μικρὸς ἐκ τοῦ πράγματος. χρὴ οὖν χερσαίου βατράχου δίκην διψῶντα κεκραγέναι, ὡς ἐπίσημος ἔσῃ ἐν τοῖς ἐπαινοῦσι καὶ κορυφαῖος ἐπιμελούμενον· πολλάκις δὲ καὶ τῶν ἄλλων σιωπησάντων αὐτὸν ἐπειπεῖν ἐσκεμμένον τινὰ ἔπαινον πολλὴν τὴν κολακείαν ἐμφανιοῦντα. τὸ μὲν γὰρ λιμῷ συνόντα καὶ νὴ Δία γε διψῶντα μύρῳ χρίεσθαι καὶ στεφανοῦσθαι τὴν κεφαλήν, ἠρέμα καὶ γελοῖον· ἔοικας γὰρ τότε στήλῃ ἑώλου τινὸς νεκροῦ ἄγοντος ἐναγίσματα· καὶ γὰρ ἐκείνων καταχέαντες μύρον καὶ τὸν στέφανον ἐπιθέντες αὐτοὶ πίνουσι καὶ εὐωχοῦνται τὰ παρεσκευασμένα.

[¶8] 29. If your patron is of a jealous disposition, and has a young wife or handsome children, and you are not wholly without personal attractions, then beware! you are on dangerous ground. Many are the ears of a king, and many the eyes, that see not the truth only, but ever something over and above the truth, lest they should seem to fail of their office. Imagine yourself, therefore, at a Persian banquet. Keep your eyes downwards, lest a eunuch should catch them resting on one of the concubines. For see, there stands another with his bow ever on the stretch: c2 one glance at the forbidden object as you raise your cup, and his arrow is through your jaw before you can put it down.

> Greek: 29. ἢν μὲν γὰρ καὶ ζηλότυπός τις ᾖ καὶ παῖδες εὔμορφοι ὦσιν ἢ νέα γυνὴ καὶ σὺ μὴ παντελῶς πόρρω Ἀφροδίτης καὶ Χαρίτων ᾖς, οὐκ ἐν εἰρήνῃ τὸ πρᾶγμα οὐδὲ ὁ κίνδυνος εὐκαταφρόνητος. ὦτα γὰρ καὶ ὀφθαλμοὶ βασιλέως πολλοί, οὐ μόνον τἀληθῆ ὁρῶντες, ἀλλʼ ἀεί τι καὶ προσεπιμετροῦντες, ὡς μὴ νυστάζειν δοκοῖεν. δεῖ οὖν ὥσπερ ἐν τοῖς Περσικοῖς δείπνοις κάτω νεύοντα κατακεῖσθαι, δεδιότα μή τις εὐνοῦχός σε ἴδῃ προσβλέψαντα μιᾷ τῶν παλλακίδων, ἐπεὶ ἄλλος γε εὐνοῦχος ἐντεταμένον πάλαι τὸ τόξον ἔχων ἃ μὴ θέμις ὁρῶντα ἕτοιμος κολάσαι, διαπείρας τῷ οἰστῷ μεταξὺ πίνοντος τὴν γνάθον.

[¶9] 30. And now dinner is over; you retire, and snatch a little sleep. But at cock-crow you are aroused. ‘Wretch! Worm that I am!’ you exclaim. ‘To sacrifice the pursuits, the society of former days, the placid life wherein sleep was measured by inclination, and my comings and goings were unfettered, and all to precipitate myself bodily into this hideous gulf! And why? What, in God’s name, is my glorious recompense? Was there no other way? Could I not have provided for myself better than this, and preserved liberty and free-will into the bargain? Alas! the lion is fast bound in the net. I am haled hither and thither. Pitiable is my lot, where no honour is to be won, no favour to be hoped for. Untaught, unpractised in the arts of flattery, I am pitted against professionals. I am no choice spirit, no jolly companion; to raise a laugh is beyond me. My presence (well do I know it) is a vexation to my patron, and then most when he is in his most gracious mood. He finds me sullen; and how to attune myself to him I know not. If I wear a grim face, I am a sour fellow, scarcely to be endured. If I assume my most cheerful expression, my smiles arouse his contempt and disgust. As well attempt to act a comic part in the mask of tragedy! And what is the end of it all? My present life has been another’s: do I look to have a new life which shall be my own?’

> Greek: 30. εἶτα ἀπελθὼν τοῦ δείπνου μικρόν τι κατέδαρθες· ὑπὸ δὲ ᾠδὴν ἀλεκτρυόνων ἀνεγρόμενος, ὢ δείλαιος ἐγώ, φής, καὶ ἄθλιος, οἵας τὰς πάλαι διατριβὰς ἀπολιπὼν καὶ ἑταίρους καὶ βίον ἀπράγμονα καὶ ὕπνον μετρούμενον τῇ ἐπιθυμίᾳ καὶ περιπάτους ἐλευθερίους εἰς οἷον βάραθρον φέρων ἐμαυτὸν ἐνσέσεικα. τίνος ἕνεκα, ὦ θεοί, ἢ τίς ὁ λαμπρὸς οὗτος μισθός ἐστιν; οὐ γὰρ καὶ ἄλλως μοι πλείω τούτων ἐκπορίζειν δυνατὸν ἦν καὶ προσῆν τὸ ἐλεύθερον καὶ τὸ πάντα ἐπʼ ἐξουσίας; νῦν δὲ τὸ τοῦ λόγου, λέων κρόκῃ δεθείς, ἄνω καὶ κάτω περισύρομαι, τὸ πάντων οἴκτιστον, οὐκ εὐδοκιμεῖν εἰδὼς οὐδὲ κεχαρισμένος εἶναι δυνάμενος. ἰδιώτης γὰρ ἔγωγε τῶν τοιούτων καὶ ἄτεχνος, καὶ μάλιστα παραβαλλόμενος ἀνδράσι τέχνην τὸ πρᾶγμα πεποιημένοις, ὥστε καὶ ἀχάριστός εἰμι καὶ ἥκιστα συμποτικός, οὐδʼ ὅσον γέλωτα ποιῆσαι δυνάμενος. συνίημι δὲ ὡς καὶ ἐνοχλῶ πολλάκις βλεπόμενος, καὶ μάλισθʼ ὅταν ἡδίων αὐτὸς αὑτοῦ εἶναι θέλῃ· σκυθρωπὸς γὰρ αὐτῷ δοκῶ. καὶ ὅλως οὐκ ἔχω ὅπως ἁρμόσωμαι πρὸς αὐτόν. ἢν μὲν γὰρ ἐπὶ τοῦ σεμνοῦ φυλάττω ἐμαυτόν, ἀηδὴς ἔδοξα καὶ μονονουχὶ φευκτέος· ἢν δὲ μειδιάσω καὶ ῥυθμίσω τὸ πρόσωπον εἰς τὸ ἥδιστον, κατεφρόνησεν εὐθὺς καὶ διέπτυσεν, καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμα ὅμοιον δοκεῖ ὥσπερ ἂν εἴ τις κωμῳδίαν ὑποκρίναιτο τραγικὸν προσωπεῖον περικείμενος. τὸ δʼ ὅλον, τίνα ἄλλον ὁ μάταιος ἐμαυτῷ βιώσομαι βίον τὸν παρόντα τοῦτον ἄλλῳ βεβιωκώς;

[¶10] 31. Your soliloquy is interrupted by the bell. The old routine awaits you: you must trudge, and you must stand; and first anoint your limbs, if you would hold out to the end. Dinner will be the same as ever, and go on as late as ever. The change from all your former habits, the wakeful night, the violent exercise, the exhaustion, are slowly undermining your health at this moment, and preparing you for consumption or colic, for asthma or the delights of gout. However, you hold out in spite of all, though many a time your right place would be in bed. But that would never do: that looks like shamming, like shirking your work. The result is that you grow as pallid as a man at the point of death.

> Greek: 31. ἔτι σου ταῦτα διαλογιζομένου ὁ κώδων ἤχησεν, καὶ χρὴ τῶν ὁμοίων ἔχεσθαι καὶ περινοστεῖν καὶ ἑστάναι, ὑπαλείψαντά γε πρότερον τοὺς βουβῶνας καὶ τὰς ἰγνύας, εἰ θέλεις διαρκέσαι πρὸς τὸν ἆθλον. εἶτα δεῖπνον ὅμοιον καὶ εἰς τὴν αὐτὴν ὥραν περιηγμένον. καί σοι τὰ τῆς διαίτης πρὸς τὸν πάλαι βίον ἀντίστροφα, καὶ ἡ ἀγρυπνία δὲ καὶ ὁ ἱδρὼς καὶ ὁ κάματος ἠρέμα ἤδη ὑπορύττουσιν, ἢ φθόην ἢ περιπνευμονίαν ἢ κώλου ἄλγημα ἢ τὴν καλὴν ποδάγραν ἀναπλάττοντες. ἀντέχεις δὲ ὅμως, καὶ πολλάκις κατακεῖσθαι δέον, οὐδὲ τοῦτο συγκεχώρηται· σκῆψις γὰρ ἡ νόσος καὶ φυγὴ τῶν καθηκόντων ἔδοξεν. ὥστʼ ἐξ ἁπάντων ὠχρὸς ἀεὶ καὶ ὅσον οὐδέπω τεθνηξομένῳ ἔοικας.

[¶11] 32. So much for your city life. And now for an excursion into the country. I will content myself with a single detail. As likely as not it is awet day. Your turn for the carriage (as might be expected) comes last. You wait and wait, till at last its return is out of the question, and you are squeezed into some vehicle with the cook, or with my lady’s friseur, without even a proper allowance of straw.

> Greek: 32. καὶ τὰ μὲν ἐν τῇ πόλει ταῦτα. ἢν δέ που καὶ ἀποδημῆσαι δέῃ, τὰ μὲν ἄλλα ἐῶ· ὕοντος δὲ πολλάκις ὕστατος ἐλθὼν — τοιοῦτο γάρ σοι ἀποκεκλήρωται καὶ τὸ ζεῦγος — περιμένεις ἔστʼ ἂν οὐκέτʼ οὔσης καταγωγῆς τῷ μαγείρῳ σε ἢ τῷ τῆς δεσποίνης κομμωτῇ συμπαραβύσωσιν, οὐδὲ τῶν φρυγάνων δαψιλῶς ὑποβαλόντες.

[¶12] 33. I shall make no scruple of relating to you an experience of Thesmopolis the Stoic, which I had from his own mouth; a most amusing incident, and just the sort of thing one might expect to find happening again. He was in the service of a certain wealthy and luxurious lady of quality, whom on one occasion he had to accompany on a journey from Rome. The fun began at once. The philosopher received as his travelling companion a beardless exquisite of the pitch-plastering persuasion, by whom, you may be certain, my lady set great store; his name, she informed the philosopher, was ‘Robinetta.’ Is not this a promising start?—the grave and reverend Thesmopolis, with his hoary beard (you know what a long, venerable affair it is), side by side with this rouged and painted ogler, whose drooping neck and plucked throat suggested the yulture rather than the robin! 'Twas all that Thesmopolis could do to persuade him not to wear his hair-net; and as it was he had a sad journey of it, with the fellow singing and whistling all the time—I daresay he would have danced there and then, if Thesmopolis had not prevented him.

> Greek: 33. οὐκ ὀκνῶ δέ σοι καὶ διηγήσασθαι ὅ μοι Θεσμόπολις οὗτος ὁ Στωϊκὸς διηγήσατο συμβὰν αὐτῷ πάνυ γελοῖον καὶ νὴ Δίʼ οὐκ ἀνέλπιστον ὡς ἂν καὶ ἄλλῳ ταὐτὸν συμβαίη. συνῆν μὲν γὰρ πλουσίᾳ τινὶ καὶ τρυφώσῃ γυναικὶ τῶν ἐπιφανῶν ἐν τῇ πόλει. δεῆσαν δὲ καὶ ἀποδημῆσαί ποτε, τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἐκεῖνο παθεῖν ἔφη γελοιότατον, συγκαθέζεσθαι γὰρ αὐτῷ παραδεδόσθαι φιλοσόφῳ ὄντι κίναιδόν τινα τῶν πεπιττωμένων τὰ σκέλη καὶ τὸν πώγωνα περιεξυρημένων· διὰ τιμῆς δʼ αὐτὸν ἐκείνη, ὡς τὸ εἰκός, ἦγεν. καὶ τοὔνομα δὲ τοῦ κιναίδου ἀπεμνημόνευεν· Χελιδόνιον γὰρ καλεῖσθαι. τοῦτο τοίνυν πρῶτον ἡλίκον, σκυθρωπῷ καὶ γέροντι ἀνδρὶ καὶ πολιῷ τὸ γένειον — οἶσθα δὲ ὡς βαθὺν πώγωνα καὶ σεμνὸν ὁ Θεσμόπολις εἶχεν — παρακαθίζεσθαι φῦκος ἐντετριμμένον καὶ ὑπογεγραμμένον τοὺς ὀφθαλμοὺς καὶ διασεσαλευμένον τὸ βλέμμα καὶ τὸν τράχηλον ἐπικεκλασμένον, οὐ χελιδόνα μὰ Δίʼ, ἀλλὰ γῦπά τινα περιτετιλμένον τὰ πτερά· καὶ εἴ γε μὴ πολλὰ δεηθῆναι αὐτοῦ, καὶ τὸν κεκρύφαλον ἔχοντα ἐπὶ τῇ κεφαλῇ ἂν συγκαθίζεσθαι. τὰ δʼ οὖν ἄλλα παρʼ ὅλην τὴν ὁδὸν μυρίας τὰς ἀηδίας ἀνασχέσθαι ὑπᾴδοντος καὶ τερετίζοντος, εἰ δὲ μὴ ἐπεῖχεν αὐτός, ἴσως ἂν καὶ ὀρχουμένου ἐπὶ τῆς ἀπήνης.

[¶13] 34. But there was more to come, as you will see. ‘Thesmopolis,’ cries my lady, calling him to her, ‘I have a great favour to ask of you; now please don’t say no, and don’t wait to be asked twice, there’s a good creature.’ Of course, he said he would do anything she wished. ‘I only ask you, because I know you are to be trusted; you are so good-natured and affectionate! I want you to take my little dog Myrrhina in with you, and see that she wants for nothing. Poor little lady! she is soon to become a mother. These hateful, inattentive servants take no notice of me when we are travelling, much less of her. You will be doing me a great kindness, I assure you, in taking charge of her; I am so fond of the sweet little pet!’ She prayed and almost wept; and Thesmopolis promised. Imagine the ludicrous picture. The little beast peeping out from beneath the philosophic cloak; within licking distance of that beard, which perhaps still held traces of the thick soup of yesterday; yapping away with its shrill pipe of a voice, as Maltese terriers will; and no doubt taking other liberties, which Thesmopolis did not think worth mentioning. That night at dinner, the exquisite, his fellow traveller, after cracking a passable joke here and there at the expense of the other guests, came to Thesmopolis. ‘Of him,’ he remarked, ‘I have only this to say, that our Stoic has turned Cynic.’ According to what I heard, the little animal actually littered in his mantle!

> Greek: 34. ἕτερον δʼ οὖν τι καὶ τοιοῦτον αὐτῷ προσταχθῆναι. καλέσασα γὰρ αὐτὸν ἡ γυνή, Θεσμόπολι, φησίν, οὕτως ὄναιο, χάριν οὐ μικρὰν αἰτούσῃ δὸς μηδὲν ἀντειπὼν μηδὲ ὅπως ἐπὶ πλεῖόν σου δεήσομαι περιμείνας. τοῦ δέ, ὅπερ εἰκὸς ἦν, ὑποσχομένου πάντα πράξειν, δέομαί σου τοῦτο, ἔφη, χρηστὸν ὁρῶσά σε καὶ ἐπιμελῆ καὶ φιλόστοργον, τὴν κύνα ἣν οἶσθα τὴν Μυρρίνην ἀναλαβὼν εἰς τὸ ὄχημα φύλαττέ μοι καὶ ἐπιμελοῦ ὅπως μηδενὸς ἐνδεὴς ἔσται· βαρύνεται γὰρ ἡ ἀθλία τὴν γαστέρα καὶ σχεδὸν ὡς ἐπίτεξ ἐστίν· οἱ δὲ κατάρατοι οὗτοι καὶ ἀπειθεῖς οἰκέται οὐχ ὅπως ἐκείνης, ἀλλʼ οὐδʼ ἐμοῦ αὐτῆς πολὺν ποιοῦνται λόγον ἐν ταῖς ὁδοῖς. μὴ τοίνυν τι σμικρὸν οἰηθῇς εὖ ποιήσειν με τὸ περισπούδαστόν μοι καὶ ἥδιστον κυνίδιον διαφυλάξας. ὑπέσχετο ὁ Θεσμόπολις πολλὰ ἱκετευούσης καὶ μονονουχὶ καὶ δακρυούσης. τὸ δὲ πρᾶγμα παγγέλοιον ἦν, κυνίδιον ἐκ τοῦ ἱματίου προκῦπτον μικρὸν ὑπὸ τὸν πώγωνα καὶ κατουρῆσαν πολλάκις, εἰ καὶ μὴ ταῦτα ὁ Θεσμόπολις προσετίθει, καὶ βαΰζον λεπτῇ τῇ φωνῇ — τοιαῦτα γὰρ τὰ Μελιταῖα — καὶ τὸ γένειον τοῦ φιλοσόφου περιλιχμώμενον, καὶ μάλιστα εἴ τι τοῦ χθιζοῦ αὐτῷ ζωμοῦ ἐγκατεμέμικτο. καὶ ὅ γε κίναιδος, ὁ σύνεδρος, οὐκ ἀμούσως ποτὲ καὶ εἰς τοὺς ἄλλους τοὺς παρόντας ἐν τῷ συμποσίῳ ἀποσκώπτων, ἐπειδή ποτε καὶ ἐπὶ τὸν Θεσμόπολιν καθῆκε τὸ σκῶμμα, περὶ δὲ Θεσμοπόλιδος, ἔφη, τοῦτο μόνον εἰπεῖν ἔχω, ὅτι ἀντὶ Στωϊκοῦ ἤδη Κυνικὸς ἡμῖν γεγένηται. τὸ δʼ οὖν κυνίδιον καὶ τετοκέναι ἐν τῷ τρίβωνι τῷ τοῦ Θεσμοπόλιδος ἐπυθόμην.

[¶14] 35. Such are the caprices, nay, the insults, let me rather say, with which the patron gradually breaks the spirit of his dependants. I know myself of an orator, a very free speaker, who was actually ordered to stand up and deliver a speech at table; and a masterly speech it was, trenchant and terse. He received the congratulations of the company on being timed by a wine- instead of a water-clock; and this affront, it is said, he was content to put up, for the consideration of £8. But what of that? Wait till you get a patron who has poetical or historical tendencies, and spouts passages of his own works all through dinner: you must praise, you must flatter, you must devise original compliments for him,—or die in the attempt. Then there are the beaux, the Adonises and Hyacinths, as you must be careful to call them, undeterred by the eighteen inches or so of nose that some of them carry on their faces. Do your praises halt? 'Tis envy,’tis treason! Away with you, Philoxenus that you are, to Syracusan quarries!—Let them be orators, let them be philosophers, if they will: what matter for a solecism here and there? Find Attic elegance, find honey of Hymettus in every word; and pronounce it law henceforth, to speak as they speak.

> Greek: 35. τοιαῦτα ἐντρυφῶσι, μᾶλλον δὲ ἐνυβρίζουσι τοῖς συνοῦσι, κατὰ μικρὸν αὐτοὺς χειροήθεις τῇ ὕβρει παρασκευάζοντες. οἶδα δʼ ἐγὼ καὶ ῥήτορα τῶν καρχάρων ἐπὶ τῷ δείπνῳ κελευσθέντα μελετήσαντα μὰ τὸν Δίʼ οὐκ ἀπαιδεύτως, ἀλλὰ πάνυ τορῶς καὶ συγκεκροτημένως· ἐπῃνεῖτο γοῦν μεταξὺ πινόντων οὐ πρὸς ὕδωρ μεμετρημένον, ἀλλὰ πρὸς οἴνου ἀμφορέας λέγων, καὶ τοῦτο ὑποστῆναι τὸ τόλμημα ἐπὶ διακοσίαις δραχμαῖς ἐλέγετο. ταῦτα μὲν οὖν ἴσως μέτρια. ἢν δὲ ποιητικὸς αὐτὸς ἢ συγγραφικὸς ὁ πλούσιος ᾖ, παρὰ τὸ δεῖπνον τὰ αὑτοῦ ῥαψῳδῶν, τότε καὶ μάλιστα διαρραγῆναι χρὴ ἐπαινοῦντα καὶ κολακεύοντα καὶ τρόπους ἐπαίνων καινοτέρους ἐπινοοῦντα. εἰσὶ δʼ οἳ καὶ ἐπὶ κάλλει θαυμάζεσθαι ἐθέλουσιν, καὶ δεῖ Ἀδώνιδας αὐτοὺς καὶ Ὑακίνθους ἀκούειν, πήχεως ἐνίοτε τὴν ῥῖνα ἔχοντας. σὺ δʼ οὖν ἂν μὴ ἐπαινῇς, εἰς τὰς λιθοτομίας τὰς Διονυσίου εὐθὺς ἀφίξῃ ὡς καὶ φθονῶν καὶ ἐπιβουλεύων αὐτῷ. χρὴ δὲ καὶ σοφοὺς καὶ ῥήτορας εἶναι αὐτούς, κἂν εἴ τι σολοικίσαντες τύχωσιν, αὐτὸ τοῦτο τῆς Ἀττικῆς καὶ τοῦ Ὑμηττοῦ μεστοὺς δοκεῖν τοὺς λόγους καὶ νόμον εἶναι τὸ λοιπὸν οὕτω λέγειν.

[¶15] 36. If we had only men to deal with, it would be something: but there are the women too. For among the objects of feminine ambition is this, of having a scholar or two in their pay, to dance attendance at the litter’s side; it adds one more to the list of their adornments, if they can get the reputation of culture and philosophy, of turning a song which will bear comparison with Sappho’s. So they too keep their philosopher, their orator, or their Jittérateur; and give him audience— when, think you? Why, at the toilet, by all that is ridiculous, among the rouge-pots and hair-brushes; or else at the dinnertable. They have no leisure at other times. As it is, the philosopher is often interrupted by the entrance of a maid with a billet-doux. Virtue has then to bide her time; for the audience will not be resumed till the gallant has his answer.

> Greek: 36. καίτοι φορητὰ ἴσως τὰ τῶν ἀνδρῶν. αἱ δὲ οὖν γυναῖκες — καὶ γὰρ αὖ καὶ τόδε ὑπὸ τῶν γυναικῶν σπουδάζεται, τὸ εἶναί τινας αὐταῖς πεπαιδευμένους μισθοῦ ὑποτελεῖς συνόντας καὶ τῷ φορείῳ ἑπομένους· ἓν γάρ τι καὶ τοῦτο τῶν ἄλλων καλλωπισμάτων αὐταῖς δοκεῖ, ἢν λέγηται ὡς πεπαιδευμέναι τέ εἰσιν καὶ φιλόσοφοι καὶ ποιοῦσιν ᾄσματα οὐ πολὺ τῆς Σαπφοῦς ἀποδέοντα — διὰ δὴ ταῦτα μισθωτοὺς καὶ αὗται περιάγονται ῥήτορας καὶ γραμματικοὺς καὶ φιλοσόφους, ἀκροῶνται δʼ αὐτῶν — πηνίκα; γελοῖον γὰρ καὶ τοῦτο — ἤτοι μεταξὺ κομμούμεναι καὶ τὰς κόμας παραπλεκόμεναι ἢ παρὰ τὸ δεῖπνον· ἄλλοτε γὰρ οὐκ ἄγουσι σχολήν. πολλάκις δὲ καὶ μεταξὺ τοῦ φιλοσόφου τι διεξιόντος ἡ ἅβρα προσελθοῦσα ὤρεξε παρὰ τοῦ μοιχοῦ γραμμάτιον, οἱ δὲ περὶ σωφροσύνης ἐκεῖνοι λόγοι ἑστᾶσι περιμένοντες, ἔστʼ ἂν ἐκείνη ἀντιγράψασα τῷ μοιχῷ ἐπαναδράμῃ πρὸς τὴν ἀκρόασιν.

[¶16] 37. At rare intervals, at the Saturnalia or the Feast of Minerva, you will be presented with a sorry cloak, or a worn-out tunic; and a world of ceremony will go to the presentation. The first who gets wind of the great man’s intention flies to you with the news of what is in store for you; and the bringer of glad tidings does not go away empty-handed. The next morning a dozen of them arrive, conveying the present, each with his tale of how he spoke up for you, or the hints he threw out, or how he was entrusted with the choice, and chose the best. Not a man of them but departs with your money in his pocket, grumbling that it is no more.

> Greek: 37. ἐπειδὰν δέ ποτε διὰ μακροῦ τοῦ χρόνου Κρονίων ἢ Παναθηναίων ἐπιστάντων πέμπηταί τί σοι ἐφεστρίδιον ἄθλιον ἢ χιτώνιον ὑπόσαθρον, ἐνταῦθα μάλιστα πολλὴν δεῖ καὶ μεγάλην γενέσθαι τὴν πομπήν. καὶ ὁ μὲν πρῶτος εὐθὺς ἔτι σκεπτομένου παρακούσας τοῦ δεσπότου προδραμὼν καὶ προμηνύσας ἀπέρχεται μισθὸν οὐκ ὀλίγον τῆς ἀγγελίας προλαβών. ἕωθεν δὲ τρισκαίδεκα ἥκουσιν κομίζοντες, ἕκαστος ὡς πολλὰ εἶπε καὶ ὡς ὑπέμνησε καὶ ὡς ἐπιτραπεὶς τὸ κάλλιον ἐπελέξατο διεξιών. ἅπαντες δʼ οὖν ἀπαλλάττονται λαβόντες, ἔτι καὶ βρενθυόμενοι ὅτι μὴ πλείω ἔδωκας.

[¶17] 38. As to that salary, it will be paid to you sixpence at a time, and there will be black looks when you ask for it. Still, you must get it somehow. Ply your patron therefore with flatteries and entreaties, and pay due observance to his steward, and let it be the kind of observance that stewards like best; nor must you forget your kind introducer. You do get something at last; but it all goes to pay the tailor, the doctor, or the shoemaker, and you are left the proud possessor of nothing at all.

> Greek: 38. ὁ μὲν γὰρ μισθὸς αὐτὸς κατὰ δῠ ὀβολοὺς ἢ τέτταρας, καὶ βαρὺς αἰτῶν σὺ καὶ ὀχληρὸς δοκεῖς. ἵνα δʼ οὖν λάβῃς, κολακευτέος μὲν αὐτὸς καὶ ἱκετευτέος, θεραπευτέος δὲ καὶ ὁ οἰκονόμος, οὗτος μὲν κατʼ ἄλλον θεραπείας τρόπον· οὐκ ἀμελητέος δὲ οὐδὲ ὁ σύμβουλος καὶ φίλος. καὶ τὸ ληφθὲν ἤδη προωφείλετο ἱματιοκαπήλῳ ἢ ἰατρῷ ἢ σκυτοτόμῳ τινί. ἄδωρα οὖν σοι τὰ δῶρα καὶ ἀνόνητα.

[¶18] 39. Meanwhile, jealousy is rife, and some slander is perhaps working its stealthy way to ears which are predisposed to hear anything to your discredit. For your employer perceives that by this time incessant fatigues have worn you out; you are crippled, you are good for nothing more, and gout is coming on. All the profit that was to be had of you, he has effectually sucked out. Your prime has gone by, your bodily vigour is exhausted, you are a tattered remnant. He begins to look about for a convenient dunghill whereon to deposit you, and for an ablebodied substitute to do your work. You have attempted the honour of one of his minions: you have been trying to corrupt his wife’s maid, venerable sinner that you are!—any accusation will serve. You are gagged and turned out neck and crop into the darkness. Away you go, helpless and destitute, with gout’ for the cheering companion of your old age. Whatever you once knew, you have unlearnt in all these years: on the other hand, you have developed a paunch like a balloon; a monster insatiable, inexorable, which has acquired a habit of asking for more, and likes not at all the unlearning process.

> Greek: 39. πολὺς δὲ ὁ φθόνος, καί που καὶ διαβολή τις ἠρέμα ὑπεξανίσταται πρὸς ἄνδρα ἤδη τοὺς κατὰ σοῦ λόγους ἡδέως ἐνδεχόμενον· ὁρᾷ γὰρ ἤδη σὲ μὲν ὑπὸ τῶν συνεχῶν πόνων ἐκτετρυχωμένον καὶ πρὸς τὴν θεραπείαν σκάζοντα καὶ ἀπηυδηκότα, τὴν ποδάγραν δὲ ὑπανιοῦσαν. ὅλως γὰρ ὅπερ ἦν νοστιμώτατον ἐν σοὶ ἀπανθισάμενος καὶ τὸ ἐγκαρπότατον τῆς ἡλικίας καὶ τὸ ἀκμαιότατον τοῦ σώματος ἐπιτρίψας καὶ ῥάκος σε πολυσχιδὲς ἐργασάμενος ἤδη περιβλέπει, σὲ μὲν οἷ τῆς κόπρου ἀπορρίψει φέρων, ἄλλον δὲ ὅπως τῶν δυναμένων τοὺς πόνους καρτερεῖν προσλήψεται. καὶ ἤτοι μειράκιον αὐτοῦ ὅτι ἐπείρασάς ποτε ἢ τῆς γυναικὸς ἅβραν παρθένον γέρων ἀνὴρ διαφθείρεις ἢ ἄλλο τι τοιοῦτον ἐπικληθείς, νύκτωρ ἐγκεκαλυμμένος ἐπὶ τράχηλον ὠσθεὶς ἐξελήλυθας, ἔρημος ἁπάντων καὶ ἄπορος, τὴν βελτίστην ποδάγραν αὐτῷ γήρᾳ παραλαβών, καὶ ἃ μὲν τέως ᾔδεις ἀπομαθὼν ἐν τοσούτῳ χρόνῳ, θυλάκου δὲ μείζω τὴν γαστέρα ἐργασάμενος, ἀπλήρωτόν τι καὶ ἀπαραίτητον κακόν. καὶ γὰρ ὁ λαιμὸς ἀπαιτεῖ τὰ ἐκ τοῦ ἔθους καὶ ἀπομανθάνων αὐτὰ ἀγανακτεῖ.

[¶19] 40. It is not to be supposed that any one else will give you employment, at your age; you are like an old horse, whose very hide has deteriorated in value. Not to mention that the worst interpretation will be put upon your late dismissal; you will be credited with adultery, or poisoning, or something of that kind. Your accuser, you see, is convincing even in silence; whereas you—you are a loose-principled, unscrupulous Greek. That is the character we Greeks bear; and it serves us right; I see excellent grounds for the opinion they have of us. Greek after Greek who enters their service sets up (in default of any other practical knowledge) for wizard or poisoner, and deals in love-charms and evil spells; and these are they who talk of culture, who wear grey beards and philosophic cloaks! When these, who are accounted the best of us, stand thus exposed, when men observe their interested servility, their gross flatteries at table and elsewhere, it is not to be wondered at that we have all fallen under suspicion.

> Greek: 40. καί σε οὐκ ἄν τις ἄλλος δέξαιτο ἔξωρον ἤδη γεγονότα καὶ τοῖς γεγηρακόσιν ἵπποις ἐοικότα, ὧν οὐδὲ τὸ δέρμα ὁμοίως χρήσιμον. ἄλλως τε καὶ ἡ ἐκ τοῦ ἀπωσθῆναι διαβολὴ πρὸς τὸ μεῖζον εἰκαζομένη μοιχὸν ἢ φαρμακέα σε ἤ τι τοιοῦτον ἄλλο δοκεῖν ποιεῖ· ὁ μὲν γὰρ κατήγορος καὶ σιωπῶν ἀξιόπιστος, σὺ δὲ Ἕλλην καὶ ῥᾴδιος τὸν τρόπον καὶ πρὸς πᾶσαν ἀδικίαν εὔκολος. τοιούτους γὰρ ἅπαντας ἡμᾶς εἶναι οἴονται, καὶ μάλα εἰκότως· δοκῶ γάρ μοι καὶ τῆς τοιαύτης δόξης αὐτῶν, ἣν ἔχουσι περὶ ἡμῶν, κατανενοηκέναι τὴν αἰτίαν. πολλοὶ γὰρ εἰς τὰς οἰκίας παρελθόντες ὑπὲρ τοῦ μηδὲν ἄλλο χρήσιμον εἰδέναι μαντείας καὶ φαρμακείας ὑπέσχοντο καὶ χάριτας ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐρωτικοῖς καὶ ἐπαγωγὰς τοῖς ἐχθροῖς, καὶ ταῦτα πεπαιδεῦσθαι λέγοντες καὶ τρίβωνας ἀμπεχόμενοι καὶ πώγωνας οὐκ εὐκαταφρονήτους καθειμένοι. εἰκότως οὖν τὴν ὁμοίαν περὶ πάντων ὑπόνοιαν ἔχουσιν, οὓς ἀρίστους ᾤοντο τοιούτους ὁρῶντες, καὶ μάλιστα ἐπιτηροῦντες αὐτῶν τὴν ἐν τοῖς δείπνοις καὶ τῇ ἄλλῃ συνουσίᾳ κολακείαν καὶ τὴν πρὸς τὸ κέρδος δουλοπρέπειαν.

[¶20] 41. Those whom they have cast off, they hate, and seek to make an end of them altogether; arguing, naturally enough, that men who know their secrets, and have seen them in all their nakedness, may divulge many a foible which will not bear the light; and the thought is torment to them. The fact is, that these great men are for all the world like handsomely bound books. Outside are the gilt edges and the purple cover: and within? a Thyestes feasts upon his own children; an Oedipus commits incest with his mother; a Tereus woos two sisters at once. Such are these human books: their brilliancy attracts all eyes, but between the purple covers lurks many a horrid tale. Turn over the pages of any one of them, and you find a drama worthy the pen of Sophocles or Euripides: close the volume—all is gilt edge and exquisite tooling. Well may they hate the confidants of such crimes, and plot their destruction! What if the outcast should take to rehearsing in public the tragedy that he has got by heart?

> Greek: 41. ἀποσεισάμενοι δὲ αὐτοὺς μισοῦσι, καὶ μάλα εἰκότως, καὶ ἐξ ἅπαντος ζητοῦσιν ὅπως ἄρδην ἀπολέσωσιν, ἢν δύνωνται· λογίζονται γὰρ ὡς ἐξαγορεύσουσιν αὐτῶν τὰ πολλὰ ἐκεῖνα τῆς φύσεως ἀπόρρητα ὡς ἅπαντα εἰδότες ἀκριβῶς καὶ γυμνοὺς αὐτοὺς ἐπωπτευκότες. τοῦτο τοίνυν ἀποπνίγει αὐτούς· ἅπαντες γὰρ ἀκριβῶς ὅμοιοί εἰσιν τοῖς καλλίστοις τούτοις βιβλίοις, ὧν χρυσοῖ μὲν οἱ ὀμφαλοί, πορφυρᾶ δὲ ἔκτοσθεν ἡ διφθέρα, τὰ δὲ ἔνδον ἢ Θυέστης ἐστὶν τῶν τέκνων ἑστιώμενος ἢ Οἰδίπους τῇ μητρὶ συνὼν ἢ Τηρεὺς δύο ἀδελφὰς ἅμα ὀπυίων. τοιοῦτοι καὶ αὐτοί εἰσι, λαμπροὶ καὶ περίβλεπτοι, ἔνδον δὲ ὑπὸ τῇ πορφύρᾳ πολλὴν τὴν τραγῳδίαν σκέποντες· ἕκαστον γοῦν αὐτῶν ἢν ἐξειλήσῃς, δρᾶμα οὐ μικρὸν εὑρήσεις Εὐριπίδου τινὸς ἢ Σοφοκλέους, τὰ δʼ ἔξω πορφύρα εὐανθὴς καὶ χρυσοῦς ὁ ὀμφαλός. ταῦτα οὖν συνεπιστάμενοι αὑτοῖς, μισοῦσι καὶ ἐπιβουλεύουσιν εἴ τις ἀποστὰς ἀκριβῶς κατανενοηκὼς αὐτοὺς ἐκτραγῳδήσει καὶ πρὸς πολλοὺς ἐρεῖ.

[¶21] 42. I am minded to give you, after the manner of Cebes, a life-picture of Dependence; with this before your eyes, you may judge for yourself, whether it is the life for you. I would gladly call in the aid of an Apelles or a Parrhasius, an Aetion or a Euphranor, but no such perfect painters are to be found in these days; I must sketch you the picture in outline as best I can. I begin then with tall golden gates, not set in the plain, but high upon a hill. Long and steep and slippery is the ascent; and many a time when a man looks to reach the top, his foot slips, and he is plunged headlong. Within the gates sits Wealth, a figure all of gold (so at least she seems); most fair, most lovely. Her lover painfully scales the height, and draws near to the door; and that golden sight fills him with amazement. The beautiful woman in gorgeous raiment who now takes him by the hand is Hope. As she leads him in, his spirit is stricken with awe. Hope still shows the way; but two others, Despair and Servitude, now take charge of him, and conduct him to Toil, who grinds the poor wretch down with labour, and at last hands him over to Age. He looks sickly now, and all his colour is gone. Last comes Contempt, and laying violent hands on him drags him into the presence of Despair; it is now time for Hope to take wing and vanish. Naked, potbellied, pale and old, he is thrust forth, not by those golden gates by which he entered, but by some obscure back-passage. One hand covers his nakedness; with the other he would fain strangle himself. Now let Regret meet him without, dropping vain tears and heaping misery on misery,—and my picture is complete. Examine it narrowly in all its details, and see whether you life the idea of going in at my golden front door, to be expelled ignominiously at the back, And whichever way you decide, remember the words of the wise man: ‘Blame not Heaven, but your own choice.’ Francis George Fowler

> Greek: 42. βούλομαι δʼ ὅμως ἔγωγε ὥσπερ ὁ Κέβης ἐκεῖνος εἰκόνα τινὰ τοῦ τοιούτου βίου σοι γράψαι, ὅπως εἰς ταύτην ἀποβλέπων εἰδῇς εἴ σοι παριτητέον ἐστὶν εἰς αὐτήν. ἡδέως μὲν οὖν Ἀπελλοῦ τινος ἢ Παρρασίου ἢ Ἀετίωνος ἢ καὶ Εὐφράνορος ἂν ἐδεήθην ἐπὶ τὴν γραφήν· ἐπεὶ δὲ ἄπορον νῦν εὑρεῖν τινα οὕτως γενναῖον καὶ ἀκριβῆ τὴν τέχνην, ψιλὴν ὡς οἷόν τέ σοι ἐπιδείξω τὴν εἰκόνα. καὶ δὴ γεγράφθω προπύλαια μὲν ὑψηλὰ καὶ ἐπίχρυσα καὶ μὴ κάτω ἐπὶ τοῦ ἐδάφους, ἀλλʼ ἄνω τῆς γῆς ἐπὶ λόφου κείμενα, καὶ ἡ ἄνοδος ἐπὶ πολὺ καὶ ἀνάντης καὶ ὄλισθον ἔχουσα, ὡς πολλάκις ἤδη πρὸς τῷ ἄκρῳ ἔσεσθαι ἐλπίσαντας ἐκτραχηλισθῆναι διαμαρτόντος τοῦ ποδός. ἔνδον δὲ ὁ Πλοῦτος αὐτὸς καθήσθω χρυσοῦς ὅλος, ὡς δοκεῖ, πάνυ εὔμορφος καὶ ἐπέραστος. ὁ δὲ ἐραστὴς μόλις ἀνελθὼν καὶ πλησιάσας τῇ θύρᾳ τεθηπέτω ἀφορῶν εἰς τὸ χρυσίον. παραλαβοῦσα δʼ αὐτὸν ἡ Ἐλπίς, εὐπρόσωπος καὶ αὕτη καὶ ποικίλα ἀμπεχομένη, εἰσαγέτω σφόδρα ἐκπεπληγμένον τῇ εἰσόδῳ. τοὐντεῦθεν δὲ ἡ μὲν Ἐλπὶς ἀεὶ προηγείσθω, διαδεξάμεναι δʼ αὐτὸν ἄλλαι γυναῖκες, Ἀπάτη καὶ Δουλεία, παραδότωσαν τῷ Πόνῳ, ὁ δὲ πολλὰ τὸν ἄθλιον καταγυμνάσας τελευτῶν ἐγχειρισάτω αὐτὸν τῷ Γήρᾳ ἤδη ὑπονοσοῦντα καὶ τετραμμένον τὴν χρόαν. ὑστάτη δὲ ἡ Ὕβρις ἐπιλαβομένη συρέτω πρὸς τὴν Ἀπόγνωσιν. ἡ δὲ Ἐλπὶς τὸ ἀπὸ τούτου ἀφανὴς ἀποπτέσθω, καὶ μηκέτι καθʼ οὓς εἰσῆλθε τοὺς χρυσοῦς θυρῶνας, ἔκ τινος δὲ ἀποστρόφου καὶ λεληθυίας ἐξόδου ἐξωθείσθω γυμνὸς προγάστωρ ὠχρὸς γέρων, τῇ ἑτέρᾳ μὲν τὴν αἰδῶ σκέπων, τῇ δεξιᾷ δὲ αὐτὸς ἑαυτὸν ἄγχων. ἀπαντάτω δʼ ἐξιόντι ἡ Μετάνοια δακρύουσα εἰς οὐδὲν ὄφελος καὶ τὸν ἄθλιον ἐπαπολλύουσα. τοῦτο μὲν ἔστω τὸ τέλος τῆς γραφῆς. σὺ δʼ οὖν, ὦ ἄριστε Τιμόκλεις, αὐτὸς ἤδη ἀκριβῶς ἐπισκοπῶν ἕκαστα ἐννόησον, εἴ σοι καλῶς ἔχει παρελθόντα εἰς τὴν εἰκόνα κατὰ ταύτας τὰς θύρας ἐκείνης τῆς ἔμπαλιν αἰσχρῶς οὕτως ἐκπεσεῖν. ὅ τι δʼ ἂν πράττῃς, μέμνησο τοῦ σοφοῦ λέγοντος ὡς θεὸς ἀναίτιος, αἰτία δὲ ἑλομένου.