1. The dependent scholar! The great man’s licensed friend!— if friend, not slave, is to be the word. Believe me, Timocles, amid the humiliation and drudgery of his lot, I know not where to turn for a beginning. Many, if not most, of his hardships are familiar to me; not, heaven knows, from personal experience, for I have never been reduced to such extremity, and pray that I never may be; but from the lips of numerous victims; from the bitter outcries of those who were yet in the snare, and the complacent recollections of others who, like escaped prisoners, found a pleasure in detailing all that they had been through. The evidence of the latter was particularly valuable. Mystics, as it were, of the highest grade, Dependency had no secrets for them. Accordingly, it was with keen interest that I listened to their stories of miraculous deliverance from moral shipwreck. They reminded me of the mariners who, duly cropped, gather at the doors of a temple, with their tale of stormy seas and monster waves and promontories, castings out of cargoes, snappings of masts, shatterings of rudders; ending with the appearance of those twin brethren ’ so indispensable to nautical story, or of some other deus ex machina, who, seated at the masthead or standing at the helm, guides the vessel to some sandy shore, there to break up at her leisure—not before her crew (so benevolent is the God!) have effected a safe landing. The mariner, however, is liberal in embellishment, being prompted thereto by the exigencies of his situation; for by his appearance as a favourite of heaven, not merely a victim of 1 The Dioscuri, Castor and Pollux, who were supposed to appear to sailors in distress. fortune, the number of the charitable is increased.
1. καὶ τί σοι πρῶτον, ὦ φιλότης, ἢ τί ὕστατον, φασί, καταλέξω τούτων ἃ πάσχειν ἢ ποιεῖν ἀνάγκη τοὺς ἐπὶ μισθῷ συνόντας κἀν ταῖς τῶν εὐδαιμόνων τούτων φιλίαις ἐξεταζομένους — εἰ χρὴ φιλίαν τὴν τοιαύτην αὐτῶν δουλείαν ἐπονομάζειν; οἶδα γὰρ πολλὰ καὶ σχεδὸν τὰ πλεῖστα τῶν συμβαινόντων αὐτοῖς, οὐκ αὐτὸς μὰ Δία τοῦ τοιούτου πειραθείς, οὐ γὰρ ἐν ἀνάγκῃ μοι ἡ πεῖρα ἐγεγένητο, μηδέ, ὦ θεοί, γένοιτο· ἀλλὰ πολλοὶ τῶν εἰς τὸν βίον τοῦτον ἐμπεπτωκότων ἐξηγόρευον πρός με, οἱ μὲν ἔτι ἐν τῷ κακῷ ὄντες, ἀποδυρόμενοι ὁπόσα καὶ ὁποῖα ἔπασχον, οἱ δὲ ὥσπερ ἐκ δεσμωτηρίου τινὸς ἀποδράντες οὐκ ἀηδῶς μνημονεύοντες ὧν ἐπεπόνθεσαν· ἀλλὰ γὰρ εὐφραίνοντο ἀναλογιζόμενοι οἵων ἀπηλλάγησαν. ἀξιοπιστότεροι δὲ ἦσαν οὗτοι διὰ πάσης, ὡς εἰπεῖν, τῆς τελετῆς διεξεληλυθότες καὶ πάντα ἐξ ἀρχῆς εἰς τέλος ἐποπτεύσαντες. οὐ παρέργως οὖν οὐδὲ ἀμελῶς ἐπήκουον αὐτῶν καθάπερ ναυαγίαν τινὰ καὶ σωτηρίαν αὑτῶν παράλογον διηγουμένων, οἷοί εἰσιν οἱ πρὸς τοῖς ἱεροῖς ἐξυρημένοι τὰς κεφαλὰς συνάμα πολλοὶ τὰς τρικυμίας καὶ ζάλας καὶ ἀκρωτήρια καὶ ἐκβολὰς καὶ ἱστοῦ κλάσεις καὶ πηδαλίων ἀποκαυλίσεις διεξιόντες, ἐπὶ πᾶσι δὲ τοὺς Διοσκούρους ἐπιφαινομένους, — οἰκεῖοι γὰρ τῆς τοιαύτης τραγῳδίας οὗτοί γε — ἤ τινʼ ἄλλον ἐκ μηχανῆς θεὸν ἐπὶ τῷ καρχησίῳ καθεζόμενον ἢ πρὸς τοῖς πηδαλίοις ἑστῶτα καὶ πρός τινα ᾐόνα μαλακὴν ἀπευθύνοντα τὴν ναῦν, οἷ προσενεχθεῖσα ἔμελλεν αὐτὴ μὲν ἠρέμα καὶ κατὰ σχολὴν διαλυθήσεσθαι, αὐτοὶ δὲ ἀσφαλῶς ἀποβήσεσθαι χάριτι καὶ εὐμενείᾳ τοῦ θεοῦ. ἐκεῖνοι μὲν οὖν τὰ πολλὰ ταῦτα πρὸς τὴν χρείαν τὴν παραυτίκα ἐπιτραγῳδοῦσιν ὡς παρὰ πλειόνων λαμβάνοιεν, οὐ δυστυχεῖς μόνον ἀλλὰ καὶ θεοφιλεῖς τινες εἶναι δοκοῦντες·
2. It is otherwise with those whose narrative is of domestic storms, of billows rising mountain high (if so I may phrase it) within four walls. They tell us of the seductive calm that first lured them on to those waters, of the sufferings they endured throughout the voyage, the thirst, the sea-sickness, the briny drenchings; and how at last their luckless craft went to pieces upon some hidden reef or at the foot of some steep crag, leaving them to swim for it, and to land naked and utterly destitute. All this they tell us: but I have ever suspected them of having convenient lapses of memory, and omitting the worst part for very shame. For myself, I shall have no such scruple. All that I have heard, or can reasonably infer, of the evils of dependence, I shall place before you. For either, friend, my penetration is at fault, or you have long had a hankering for this profession.
2. οἱ δὲ τοὺς ἐν ταῖς οἰκίαις χειμῶνας καὶ τὰς τρικυμίας καὶ νὴ Δία πεντακυμίας τε καὶ δεκακυμίας, εἰ οἷόν τε εἰπεῖν, διηγούμενοι, καὶ ὡς τὸ πρῶτον εἰσέπλευσαν, γαληνοῦ ὑποφαινομένου τοῦ πελάγους, καὶ ὅσα πράγματα παρὰ τὸν πλοῦν ὅλον ὑπέμειναν ἢ διψῶντες ἢ ναυτιῶντες ἢ ὑπεραντλούμενοι τῇ ἅλμῃ, καὶ τέλος ὡς πρὸς πέτραν τινὰ ὕφαλον ἢ σκόπελον ἀπόκρημνον περιρρήξαντες τὸ δύστηνον σκαφίδιον ἄθλιοι κακῶς ἐξενήξαντο γυμνοὶ καὶ πάντων ἐνδεεῖς τῶν ἀναγκαίων — ἐν δὴ τούτοις καὶ τῇ τούτων διηγήσει ἐδόκουν μοι τὰ πολλὰ οὗτοι ὑπʼ αἰσχύνης ἐπικρύπτεσθαι, καὶ ἑκόντες εἶναι ἐπιλανθάνεσθαι αὐτῶν. ἀλλʼ ἔγωγε κἀκεῖνα καὶ εἴ τινʼ ἄλλα ἐκ τοῦ λόγου συντιθεὶς εὑρίσκω προσόντα ταῖς τοιαύταις συνουσίαις, οὐκ ὀκνήσω σοι πάντα, ὦ καλὲ Τιμόκλεις, διεξελθεῖν· δοκῶ γάρ μοι ἐκ πολλοῦ ἤδη κατανενοηκέναι σε τούτῳ τῷ βίῳ ἐπιβουλεύοντα, καὶ πρῶτόν γε ὁπηνίκα περὶ τῶν τοιούτων ὁ λόγος ἐνέπεσεν, εἶτα ἐπῄνεσέ τις τῶν παρόντων τὴν τοιαύτην μισθοφοράν, τρισευδαίμονας εἶναι λέγων οἷς μετὰ τοῦ φίλους ἔχειν τοὺς ἀρίστους Ῥωμαίων καὶ δειπνεῖν δεῖπνα πολυτελῆ καὶ ἀσύμβολα καὶ οἰκεῖν ἐν καλῷ καὶ ἀποδημεῖν μετὰ πάσης ῥᾳστώνης καὶ ἡδονῆς ἐπὶ λευκοῦ ζεύγους, εἰ τύχοι, ἐξυπτιάζοντας, προσέτι καὶ μισθὸν τῆς φιλίας καὶ ὧν εὖ πάσχουσιν τούτων λαμβάνειν οὐκ ὀλίγον ἐστίν·
3. Yes, I have seen it from the first, whenever the conversation has fallen on this subject of salaried intellects. ‘Happy men!’ some enthusiast has cried. ‘The élite of Rome are their friends. They dine sumptuously, and call for no reckoning. They are lodged splendidly, and travel comfortably—nay, luxuriously — with cushions at their backs, and as often as not a fine pair of creams in front of them. And, as if this were not enough, the friendship they enjoy and the handsome treatment they receive is made good to them with a substantial salary. They sow not, they plough not; yet all things grow for their use.’ How I have seen you prick up your ears at such words as these! How wide your mouth has opened to the bait! Now I will have a clear conscience in this matter. I will not be told hereafter that I saw you swallowing this palpable bait, and never stirred a finger to snatch it from you, and show you the hook while there was yet time; that I watched you nibbling, saw the hook well in and the fish hauled up, and then stood by shedding useless tears, A grave charge, indeed, were I to leave it in your power to bring it; such neglect would admit of no palliation, You shall therefore hear the whole truth. Now, in leisurely fashion, from without, not hereafter from within, shall you examine this weel from which no fish escapes. You shall take in hand this hook of subtle barb. You shall try the prongs of this eel-spear against your inflated cheek; and if you decide that they are not sharp, that they would be easily evaded, that a wound from them would be no great matter, that they are deficient in power and grasp—then write me among those who have cowardice to thank for their empty bellies; and for yourself, take heart of grace, and swoop upon your prey, and cormorant-wise, if you will, swallow all at a gulp.
3. ἀτεχνῶς γὰρ ἄσπορα καὶ ἀνήροτα τοῖς τοιούτοις τὰ πάντα φύεσθαι. ὁπότε οὖν ταῦτα καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἤκουες, ἑώρων ὅπως ἐκεχήνεις πρὸς αὐτὰ καὶ πάνυ σφόδρα πρὸς τὸ δέλεαρ ἀναπεπταμένον παρεῖχες τὸ στόμα. ὡς οὖν τό γε ἡμέτερον εἰσαῦθίς ποτε ἀναίτιον ᾖ μηδὲ ἔχῃς λέγειν ὡς ὁρῶντές σε τηλικοῦτο μετὰ τῆς καρίδος ἄγκιστρον καταπίνοντα οὐκ ἐπελαβόμεθα οὐδὲ πρὶν ἐμπεσεῖν τῷ λαιμῷ περιεσπάσαμεν οὐδὲ προεδηλώσαμεν, ἀλλὰ περιμείναντες ἐξ ἑλκομένου καὶ ἐμπεπηγότος ἤδη συρόμενον καὶ πρὸς ἀνάγκην ἀγόμενον ὁρᾶν, ὅτʼ οὐδὲν ὄφελος ἑστῶτες ἐπεδακρύομεν· ὅπως μὴ ταῦτα λέγῃς ποτέ, πάνυ εὔλογα, ἢν λέγηται, καὶ ἄφυκτα ἡμῖν, ὡς οὐκ ἀδικοῦμεν μὴ προμηνύσαντες, ἄκουσον ἐξ ἀρχῆς ἁπάντων, καὶ τὸ δίκτυόν τε αὐτὸ καὶ τῶν κύρτων τὸ ἀδιέξοδον ἔκτοσθεν ἐπὶ σχολῆς, ἀλλὰ μὴ ἔνδοθεν ἐκ τοῦ μυχοῦ προεπισκόπησον, καὶ τοῦ ἀγκίστρου δὲ τὸ ἀγκύλον καὶ τὴν εἰς τὸ ἔμπαλιν τοῦ σκόλοπος ἀναστροφὴν καὶ τῆς τριαίνης τὰς ἀκμὰς εἰς τὰς χεῖρας λαβὼν καὶ πρὸς τὴν γνάθον πεφυσημένην ἀποπειρώμενος, ἢν μὴ πάνυ ὀξέα μηδὲ ἄφυκτα μηδὲ ἀνιαρὰ ἐν τοῖς τραύμασι φαίνηται βιαίως σπῶντα καὶ ἀμάχως ἀντιλαμβανόμενα, ἡμᾶς μὲν ἐν τοῖς δειλοῖς καὶ διὰ τοῦτο πεινῶσιν ἀνάγραφε, σεαυτὸν δὲ παρακαλέσας θαρρεῖν ἐπιχείρει τῇ ἄγρᾳ, εἰ θέλεις, καθάπερ ὁ λάρος ὅλον περιχανὼν τὸ δέλεαρ.
4. But however much the present treatise is indebted to you for its existence, its application is not confined to you who are philosophers, whose ambition it is to form your conduct upon serious principles; it extends to the teachers of literature, of rhetoric, of music,—to all, in short, whose intellectual attainments can command a maintenance and a wage. And where the life, from beginning to end, is one and the same for all, the philosopher (I need not say), so far from being a privileged person, has but the additional ignominy of being levelled with the rest, and treated by his paymaster with as scant ceremony as the rest. In conclusion, whatever disclosures I may be led to make, the blame must fall in the first instance on the aggressors, and in the second instance on those who suffer the aggression. For me, unless truth and candour be crimes, I am blameless. ' As to the vulgar rabble of trainers and toadies, illiterate, mean-souled creatures, born to obscurity, should we attempt to dissuade them from such pursuits, our labour would be wasted. Nor can we fairly blame them, for putting up any affront, rather than part with their employers. The life suits them; they are in their element. And what other channel is there, into which their energies could be directed? Take away this, their sole vocation, and they are idle cumberers of the earth. They have nothing, then, to complain of; nor are their employers unreasonable in turning these humble vessels to the use for which they were designed. They come into a house prepared for such treatment from the first; it is their profession to endure and suffer wrong.
4. ῥηθήσεται δὲ ὁ πᾶς λόγος τὸ μὲν ὅλον ἴσως διὰ σέ, πλὴν ἀλλʼ οὔ γε περὶ τῶν φιλοσοφούντων ὑμῶν μόνον, οὐδὲ ὁπόσοι σπουδαιοτέραν τὴν προαίρεσιν προείλοντο ἐν τῷ βίῳ, ἀλλὰ καὶ περὶ γραμματιστῶν καὶ ῥητόρων καὶ μουσικῶν καὶ ὅλως τῶν ἐπὶ παιδείαις συνεῖναι καὶ μισθοφορεῖν ἀξιουμένων. κοινῶν δὲ ὡς ἐπίπαν ὄντων καὶ ὁμοίων τῶν συμβαινόντων ἅπασι, δῆλον ὡς οὐκ ἐξαίρετα μέν, αἰσχίω δὲ τὰ αὐτὰ ὄντα γίγνεται τοῖς φιλοσοφοῦσιν, εἰ τῶν ὁμοίων τοῖς ἄλλοις ἀξιοῖντο καὶ μηδὲν αὐτοὺς σεμνότερον οἱ μισθοδόται ἄγοιεν. ὅ τι δʼ ἂν οὖν ὁ λόγος αὐτὸς ἐπιὼν ἐξευρίσκῃ, τούτου τὴν αἰτίαν μάλιστα μὲν οἱ ποιοῦντες αὐτοί, ἔπειτα δὲ οἱ ὑπομένοντες αὐτὰ δίκαιοι ἔχειν· ἐγὼ δὲ ἀναίτιος, εἰ μὴ ἀληθείας καὶ παρρησίας ἐπιτίμιόν τί ἐστιν. τοὺς μέντοι τοῦ ἄλλου πλήθους, οἷον γυμναστάς τινας ἢ κόλακας, ἰδιώτας καὶ μικροὺς τὰς γνώμας καὶ ταπεινοὺς αὐτόθεν ἀνθρώπους, οὔτε ἀποτρέπειν ἄξιον τῶν τοιούτων συνουσιῶν, οὐδὲ γὰρ ἂν πεισθεῖεν, οὔτε μὴν αἰτιᾶσθαι καλῶς ἔχει μὴ ἀπολειπομένους τῶν μισθοδοτῶν εἰ καὶ πάνυ πολλὰ ὑβρίζοιντο ὑπʼ αὐτῶν, ἐπιτήδειοι γὰρ καὶ οὐκ ἀνάξιοι τῆς τοιαύτης διατριβῆς· ἄλλως τε οὐδὲ σχοῖεν ἄν τι ἄλλο πρὸς ὅ τι χρὴ ἀποκλίναντας αὐτοὺς παρέχειν αὑτοὺς ἐνεργούς, ἀλλʼ ἤν τις αὐτῶν ἀφέλῃ τοῦτο, ἄτεχνοι αὐτίκα καὶ ἀργοὶ καὶ περιττοί εἰσιν. οὐδὲν οὖν οὔτʼ αὐτοὶ δεινὸν πάσχοιεν ἂν οὔτʼ ἐκεῖνοι ὑβρισταὶ δοκοῖεν εἰς τὴν ἀμίδα, φασίν, ἐνουροῦντες· ἐπὶ γάρ τοι τὴν ὕβριν ταύτην ἐξ ἀρχῆς παρέρχονται εἰς τὰς οἰκίας, καὶ ἡ τέχνη φέρειν καὶ ἀνέχεσθαι τὰ γιγνόμενα. περὶ δὲ ὧν προεῖπον τῶν πεπαιδευμένων ἄξιον ἀγανακτεῖν καὶ πειρᾶσθαι ὡς ἔνι μάλιστα μετάγειν αὐτοὺς καὶ πρὸς ἐλευθερίαν ἀφαιρεῖσθαι.
5. But the case of educated men, such as I have mentioned above, is another matter; it calls for our indignation, and for our utmost endeavours to restore them to liberty. I think it will not be amiss, if I first examine into the provocations under which they turn to a life of dependence. By showing how trivial, how inadequate these provocations are, I shall forestall the main argument used by the defenders of voluntary servitude, Most of them are content to cloak their desertion under the names of Poverty and Necessity. It is enough, they think, to plead in extenuation, that they sought to flee from this greatest of human ills, Poverty. Theognis comes pat to their purpose. HisPoverty, soul-subduing Poverty,is in continual requisition, together with other fearful utterances of our most degenerate poets to the same effect. Now if I could see that they really found an escape from poverty in the lives they lead, I would not be too nice on the point of absolute freedom. But when we find them (to use the expression of a famous orator) ‘faring like men that are sick,’ what conclusion is then left to us to draw? What but this, that here again they have been misled, the very evil which they sold their liberty to escape remaining as it was? Poverty unending is their lot. From the bare pittance they receive nothing can be set apart. Suppose it paid, and paid in full: the whole sum is swallowed up to the last farthing, before their necessities are supplied. I would advise them to think upon better expedients; not such as are merely the protectors and accomplices of Poverty, but such as will make an end of her altogether. _ What say you, Theognis? Might this be a case for,Steep plunge from crags into the teeming deep?For when a pauper, a needy hireling, persuades himself that by being what he is he has escaped poverty, one cannot avoid the conclusion that he labours under some mistake.
5. δοκῶ δέ μοι καλῶς ἂν ποιῆσαι, εἰ τὰς αἰτίας ἀφʼ ὧν ἐπὶ τὸν τοιοῦτον βίον ἀφικνοῦνταί τινες προεξετάσας δείξαιμι οὐ πάνυ βιαίους οὐδʼ ἀναγκαίας· οὕτω γὰρ ἂν αὐτοῖς ἡ ἀπολογία προαναιροῖτο καὶ ἡ πρώτη ὑπόθεσις τῆς ἐθελοδουλείας. οἱ μὲν δὴ πολλοὶ τὴν πενίαν καὶ τὴν τῶν ἀναγκαίων χρείαν προθέμενοι ἱκανὸν τοῦτο προκάλυμμα οἴονται προβεβλῆσθαι τῆς πρὸς τὸν βίον τοῦτον αὐτομολίας, καὶ ἀποχρῆν αὐτοῖς νομίζουσιν εἰ λέγοιεν ὡς συγγνώμης ἄξιον ποιοῦσιν τὸ χαλεπώτατον τῶν ἐν τῷ βίῳ, τὴν πενίαν, διαφυγεῖν ζητοῦντες· εἶτα ὁ Θέογνις πρόχειρος καὶ πολὺ τό, πᾶς γὰρ ἀνὴρ πενίῃ δεδμημένος καὶ ὅσα ἄλλα δείματα ὑπὲρ τῆς πενίας οἱ ἀγεννέστατοι τῶν ποιητῶν ἐξενηνόχασιν. ἐγὼ δʼ εἰ μὲν ἑώρων αὐτοὺς φυγήν τινα ὡς ἀληθῶς τῆς πενίας εὑρισκομένους ἐκ τῶν τοιούτων συνουσιῶν, οὐκ ἂν ὑπὲρ τῆς ἄγαν ἐλευθερίας ἐμικρολογούμην πρὸς αὐτούς· ἐπεὶ δὲ — ὡς ὁ καλός που ῥήτωρ ἔφη — τοῖς τῶν νοσούντων σιτίοις ἐοικότα λαμβάνουσι, τίς ἔτι μηχανὴ μὴ οὐχὶ καὶ πρὸς τοῦτο κακῶς βεβουλεῦσθαι δοκεῖν αὐτούς, ἀεὶ μενούσης αὐτοῖς ὁμοίας τῆς ὑποθέσεως τοῦ βίου; πενία γὰρ εἰσαεὶ καὶ τὸ λαμβάνειν ἀναγκαῖον καὶ ἀπόθετον οὐδὲν οὐδὲ περιττὸν εἰς φυλακήν, ἀλλὰ τὸ δοθέν, κἂν δοθῇ, κἂν ἀθρόως ληφθῇ, πᾶν ἀκριβῶς καὶ τῆς χρείας ἐνδεῶς καταναλίσκεται. καλῶς δὲ εἶχε μὴ τοιαύτας τινὰς ἀφορμὰς ἐπινοεῖν αἳ τὴν πενίαν τηροῦσι παραβοηθοῦσαι μόνον αὐτῇ, ἀλλʼ αἳ τέλεον ἐξαιρήσουσιν, καὶ ὑπέρ γε τοῦ τοιούτου καὶ εἰς βαθυκήτεα πόντον ἴσως ῥιπτεῖν, εἰ δεῖ, ὦ Θέογνι, καὶ πετρέων, ὡς φής, κατʼ ἠλιβάτων. εἰ δέ τις ἀεὶ πένης καὶ ἐνδεὴς καὶ ὑπόμισθος ὢν οἴεται πενίαν αὐτῷ τούτῳ διαπεφευγέναι, οὐκ οἶδα πῶς ὁ τοιοῦτος οὐκ ἂν δόξειεν ἑαυτὸν ἐξαπατᾶν.
6. Others tell a different tale. For them, mere poverty would have had no terrors, had they been able, like other men, to earn their bread by their labours. But, stricken as they were by age or infirmity, they turned to this as the easiest way of making a living. Now let us consider whether they are right. This ‘easy’ way may be found to involve much labour before it yields any return; more labour perhaps than any other. To find money ready to one’s hand, without toil or trouble on one’s own part, would indeed be a dream of happiness. But the facts are otherwise. The toils and troubles of their situation are such as no words can adequately describe. Health, as it turns out, is nowhere more essential than in this vocation, in which a thousand daily labours combine to grind the victim down» and reduce him to utter exhaustion. These I shall describe in due course, when I come to speak of their other grievances. For the present let it suffice to have shown that this excuse for the sale of one’s liberty is as untenable as the former.
6. ἄλλοι δὲ πενίαν μὲν αὐτὴν οὐκ ἂν φοβηθῆναι οὐδὲ καταπλαγῆναί φασιν, εἰ ἐδύναντο τοῖς ἄλλοις ὁμοίως πονοῦντες ἐκπορίζειν τὰ ἄλφιτα, νῦν δέ, πεπονηκέναι γὰρ αὐτοῖς τὰ σώματα ἢ ὑπὸ γήρως ἢ ὑπὸ νόσων, ἐπὶ τήνδε ῥᾴστην οὖσαν τὴν μισθοφορὰν ἀπηντηκέναι. φέρʼ οὖν ἴδωμεν εἰ ἀληθῆ λέγουσιν καὶ ἐκ τοῦ ῥᾴστου, μὴ πολλὰ μηδὲ πλείω τῶν ἄλλων πονοῦσι, περιγίγνεται αὐτοῖς τὰ διδόμενα· εὐχῇ γὰρ ἂν ἐοικότα εἴη ταῦτά γε, μὴ πονήσαντα μηδὲ καμόντα ἕτοιμον ἀργύριον λαβεῖν. τὸ δʼ ἐστὶ καὶ ῥηθῆναι κατʼ ἀξίαν ἀδύνατον· τοσαῦτα πονοῦσιν καὶ κάμνουσιν ἐν ταῖς συνουσίαις, ὥστε πλείονος ἐνταῦθα καὶ ἐπὶ τοῦτο μάλιστα τῆς ὑγιείας δεῖσθαι, μυρίων ὄντων ὁσημέραι τῶν ἐπιτριβόντων τὸ σῶμα καὶ πρὸς ἐσχάτην ἀπόγνωσιν καταπονούντων. λέξομεν δὲ αὐτὰ ἐν τῷ προσήκοντι καιρῷ, ἐπειδὰν καὶ τὰς ἄλλας αὐτῶν δυσχερείας διεξίωμεν· τὸ δὲ νῦν εἶναι ἱκανὸν ἦν ὑποδεῖξαι ὡς οὐδʼ οἱ διὰ ταύτην λέγοντες αὑτοὺς ἀποδίδοσθαι τὴν πρόφασιν ἀληθεύοιεν ἄν.
7. And now for the true reason, which you will never hear from their lips. Voluptuousness and a whole pack of desires are what induce them to force their way into great houses. The dazzling spectacle of abundant gold and silver, the joys of high feeding and luxurious living, the immediate prospect of wallowing in riches, with no man to say them nay,—these are the temptations that lure them on, and make slaves of free men; not lack of the necessaries of life, as they pretend, but lust of its superfluities, greed of its costly refinements. And their employers, like finished coquettes, exercise their rigours upon these hapless slaves of love, and keep them for ever dangling in amorous attendance; but for fruition, no! never so much as a kiss may they snatch. To grant that would be to give the lover his release, a conclusion against which they are jealously on their guard, But upon hopes he is abundantly fed. Despair might else cure his ardent passion, and the lover be lover no more. So there are smiles for him, and promises; always something shall be done, some favour shall be granted, a handsome provision shall be made for him,—some day. Meanwhile, old age steals upon the pair; the superannuated lover ceases from desire, and his mistress has nothing left to give. Life has gone by, and all they have to show for it is hope.
7. λοιπὸν δὴ καὶ ἀληθέστατον μέν, ἥκιστα δὲ πρὸς αὐτῶν λεγόμενον, ἡδονῆς ἕνεκα καὶ τῶν πολλῶν καὶ ἀθρόων ἐλπίδων εἰσπηδᾶν αὐτοὺς εἰς τὰς οἰκίας, καταπλαγέντας μὲν τὸ πλῆθος τοῦ χρυσοῦ καὶ τοῦ ἀργύρου, εὐδαιμονήσαντας δὲ ἐπὶ τοῖς δείπνοις καὶ τῇ ἄλλῃ τρυφῇ, ἐλπίσαντας δὲ ὅσον αὐτίκα χανδὸν οὐδενὸς ἐπιστομίζοντος πίεσθαι τοῦ χρυσίου. ταῦτα ὑπάγει αὐτοὺς καὶ δούλους ἀντὶ ἐλευθέρων τίθησιν — οὐχ ἡ τῶν ἀναγκαίων χρεία, ἣν ἔφασκον, ἀλλʼ ἡ τῶν οὐκ ἀναγκαίων ἐπιθυμία καὶ ὁ τῶν πολλῶν καὶ πολυτελῶν ἐκείνων ζῆλος. τοιγαροῦν ὥσπερ δυσέρωτας αὐτοὺς καὶ κακοδαίμονας ἐραστὰς ἔντεχνοί τινες καὶ τρίβωνες ἐρώμενοι παραλαβόντες ὑπεροπτικῶς περιέπουσιν, ὅπως ἀεὶ ἐρασθήσονται αὐτῶν θεραπεύοντες, ἀπολαῦσαι δὲ τῶν παιδικῶν ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ μέχρι φιλήματος ἄκρου μεταδιδόντες· ἴσασι γὰρ ἐν τῷ τυχεῖν τὴν διάλυσιν τοῦ ἔρωτος γενησομένην. ταύτην οὖν ἀποκλείουσιν καὶ ζηλοτύπως φυλάττουσιν· τὰ δὲ ἄλλα ἐπʼ ἐλπίδος ἀεὶ τὸν ἐραστὴν ἔχουσιν. δεδίασι γὰρ μὴ αὐτὸν ἡ ἀπόγνωσις ἀπαγάγῃ τῆς ἄγαν ἐπιθυμίας καὶ ἀνέραστος αὐτοῖς γένηται· προσμειδιῶσιν οὖν καὶ ὑπισχνοῦνται καὶ ἀεὶ εὖ ποιήσουσι καὶ χαριοῦνται καὶ ἐπιμελήσονται πολυτελῶς. εἶτʼ ἔλαθον ἄμφω γηράσαντες, ἔξωροι γενόμενοι καὶ οὗτος τοῦ ἐρᾶν κἀκεῖνος τοῦ μεταδιδόναι. πέπρακται δʼ οὖν αὐτοῖς οὐδὲν ἐν ἅπαντι τῷ βίῳ πέρα τῆς ἐλπίδος.
8. Well now, that a man for the sake of pleasure should put up with every hardship is perhaps no great matter. Devoted to this one object, he can think of nothing, but how to procure it. Let that pass. Though it seems but a scurvy bargain, a bargain for a slave; to sell one’s liberty for pleasures far less pleasant than liberty itself. Still, as I say, let that pass, provided the price is paid. But to endure unlimited pain, merely in the hope that pleasure may come of it, this surely is carrying folly to the height of absurdity. And men do it with their eyes open. The hardships, they know, are certain, unmistakable, inevitable. As to the pleasure, that vague, hypothetic pleasure, they have never had it in all these years, and in all reasonable probability they never will. The comrades of Odysseus forgot all else in the Lotus: but it was while they were tasting its sweets. They esteemed lightly of Honour: but it was in the immediate presence of Pleasure. In men so occupied, such forgetfulness was. not wholly unnatural. But to dwell a prisoner, with Famine for company, to watch one’s neighbour fattening on the Lotus, and keeping it all to himself, and to forget Honour and Virtue in the bare prospect of a possible mouthful,—by Heaven, it is too absurd, and calls in good truth for Homeric scourgings.
8. τὸ μὲν δὴ διʼ ἡδονῆς ἐπιθυμίαν ἅπαντα ὑπομένειν οὐ πάνυ ἴσως ὑπαίτιον, ἀλλὰ συγγνώμη εἴ τις ἡδονῇ χαίρει καὶ τοῦτο ἐξ ἅπαντος θεραπεύει ὅπως μεθέξει αὐτῆς. καίτοι αἰσχρὸν ἴσως καὶ ἀνδραποδῶδες ἀποδόσθαι διὰ ταύτην ἑαυτόν· πολὺ γὰρ ἡδίων ἡ ἐκ τῆς ἐλευθερίας ἡδονή. ὅμως δʼ οὖν ἐχέτω τινὰ συγγνώμην αὐτοῖς, εἰ ἐπιτυγχάνοιτο· τὸ δὲ διʼ ἡδονῆς ἐλπίδα μόνον πολλὰς ἀηδίας ὑπομένειν γελοῖον οἶμαι καὶ ἀνόητον, καὶ ταῦτα ὁρῶντας ὡς οἱ μὲν πόνοι σαφεῖς καὶ πρόδηλοι καὶ ἀναγκαῖοι, τὸ δὲ ἐλπιζόμενον ἐκεῖνο, ὁτιδήποτέ ἐστιν τὸ ἡδύ, οὔτε ἐγένετό πω τοσούτου χρόνου, προσέτι δὲ οὐδὲ γενήσεσθαι ἔοικεν, εἴ τις ἐκ τῆς ἀληθείας λογίζοιτο. οἱ μέν γε τοῦ Ὀδυσσέως ἑταῖροι γλυκύν τινα τὸν λωτὸν ἐσθίοντες ἠμέλουν τῶν ἄλλων καὶ πρὸς τὸ παρὸν ἡδὺ τῶν καλῶς ἐχόντων κατεφρόνουν· ὥστε οὐ πάντῃ ἄλογος αὐτῶν ἡ λήθη τοῦ καλοῦ, πρὸς τῷ ἡδεῖ ἐκείνῳ τῆς ψυχῆς διατριβούσης. τὸ δὲ λιμῷ συνόντα παρεστῶτα ἄλλῳ τοῦ λωτοῦ ἐμφορουμένῳ μηδὲν μεταδιδόντι ὑπὸ ἐλπίδος μόνης τοῦ κἂν αὐτὸν παραγεύσασθαί ποτε δεδέσθαι, τῶν καλῶς καὶ ὀρθῶς ἐχόντων ἐπιλελησμένον, Ἡράκλεις, ὡς καταγέλαστον καὶ πληγῶν τινων Ὁμηρικῶν ὡς ἀληθῶς δεόμενον.
9. Such, as nearly as I can describe them, are men’s motives for taking service with the rich, for handing themselves over bodily, to be used as their employers think fit. There is one class, however, of which I ought perhaps to make mention—those whose vanity is gratified by the mere fact of being seen in the company of well-born and well-dressed men. For there are those who consider this a distinguished privilege; though for my own part I would not give a fig to enjoy and to be seen enjoying the company of the King of Persia, if I was to get nothing by it.
9. τὰ μὲν τοίνυν πρὸς τὰς συνουσίας αὐτοὺς ἄγοντα καὶ ἀφʼ ὧν αὑτοὺς φέροντες ἐπιτρέπουσι τοῖς πλουσίοις χρῆσθαι πρὸς ὅ τι ἂν ἐθέλωσιν, ταῦτά ἐστιν ἢ ὅτι ἐγγύτατα τούτων, πλὴν εἰ μὴ κἀκείνων τις μεμνῆσθαι ἀξιώσειεν τῶν καὶ μόνῃ τῇ δόξῃ ἐπαιρομένων τοῦ συνεῖναι εὐπατρίδαις τε καὶ εὐπαρύφοις ἀνδράσιν· εἰσὶν γὰρ οἳ καὶ τοῦτο περίβλεπτον καὶ ὑπὲρ τοὺς πολλοὺς νομίζουσιν, ὡς ἔγωγε τοὐμὸν ἴδιον οὐδὲ βασιλεῖ τῷ μεγάλῳ αὐτὸ μόνον συνεῖναι καὶ συνὼν ὁρᾶσθαι μηδὲν χρηστὸν ἀπολαύων τῆς συνουσίας δεξαίμην ἄν.
10. And now, since we understand what it is that these men would be at, let us mentally review their whole career;—the difficulties that beset the applicant before he gains acceptance; his condition when he is duly installed in his office; and the closing scene of his life’s drama. You may perhaps suppose that his situation, whatever its drawbacks, is at least attainable without much trouble; that you have but to will it, and the thing is done in a trice. Far from it. Much tramping about is in store for you, much kicking of heels. You will rise early, and stand long before your patron’s closed door; you will be jostled; you will hear occasional comments on your impudence. You will be exposed to the vile gabble of a Syrian porter, and to the extortions of a Libyan nomenclator, whose memory must be fee’d, if he is not to forget your name. You must dress beyond, your means, or you will be a discredit to your patron; and select his favourite colours, or you will be out of harmony with your surroundings. Finally, you will be indefatigable in following his steps, or rather in preceding them, for you will be thrust forward by his slaves, to swell his triumphal progress. And for days together you will not be favoured with a glance.
10. τοιαύτης δὲ αὐτοῖς τῆς ὑποθέσεως οὔσης, φέρε ἤδη πρὸς ἡμᾶς αὐτοὺς ἐπισκοπήσωμεν οἷα μὲν πρὸ τοῦ εἰσδεχθῆναι καὶ τυχεῖν ὑπομένουσιν, οἷα δὲ ἐν αὐτῷ ἤδη ὄντες πάσχουσιν, ἐπὶ πᾶσι δὲ ἥτις αὐτοῖς ἡ καταστροφὴ τοῦ δράματος γίγνεται. οὐ γὰρ δὴ ἐκεῖνό γε εἰπεῖν ἐστιν, ὡς εἰ καὶ πονηρὰ ταῦτα, εὔληπτα γοῦν καὶ οὐ πολλοῦ δεήσει τοῦ πόνου, ἀλλὰ θελῆσαι δεῖ μόνον, εἶτά σοι πέπρακται τὸ πᾶν εὐμαρῶς· ἀλλὰ πολλῆς μὲν τῆς διαδρομῆς δεῖ, συνεχοῦς δὲ τῆς θυραυλίας, ἕωθέν τε ἐξανιστάμενον περιμένειν ὠθούμενον καὶ ἀποκλειόμενον καὶ ἀναίσχυντον ἐνίοτε καὶ ὀχληρὸν δοκοῦντα καὶ ὑπὸ θυρωρῷ κακῶς συρίζοντι καὶ ὀνομακλήτορι Λιβυκῷ ταττόμενον καὶ μισθὸν τελοῦντα τῆς μνήμης τοῦ ὀνόματος. καὶ μὴν καὶ ἐσθῆτος ὑπὲρ τὴν ὑπάρχουσαν δύναμιν ἐπιμεληθῆναι χρὴ πρὸς τὸ τοῦ θεραπευομένου ἀξίωμα, καὶ χρώματα αἱρεῖσθαι οἷς ἂν ἐκεῖνος ἥδηται, ὡς μὴ ἀπᾴδῃς μηδὲ προσκρούῃς βλεπόμενος, καὶ φιλοπόνως ἕπεσθαι, μᾶλλον δὲ ἡγεῖσθαι, ὑπὸ τῶν οἰκετῶν προωθούμενον καὶ ὥσπερ τινὰ πομπὴν ἀναπληροῦντα. ὁ δὲ οὐδὲ προσβλέπει πολλῶν ἑξῆς ἡμερῶν.
11. But one day the best befalls you. You catch his eye; he beckons you to him,.nd puts a random question. In that - supreme moment what cold sweats, what palpitations, what untimely tremors are yours! and what mirth is theirs who witness your confusion! ‘Who was the king of the Achaeans?? is the question: and your answer, as likely as not, ‘A thousand sail.” With the charitable this passes for bashfulness; but to the impudent you are a craven, and to the ill-natured a yokel. This first experience teaches you that the condescensions of the great are not unattended with danger; and as you depart you pronounce upon yourself a sentence of utter despair. Thereafter,many a sleepless night,Many a day of strife shall-be thy lot—not for the sake of Helen, not for the towers of Troy, but for the sevenpence halfpenny of your desire. At length some heaven-sent protector gives you an introduction: the scholar is brought up for examination, For the great man, who has but to receive your flatteries and compliments, this is an agreeable pastime: for you, it is a life-and-death struggle; all is hazarded on the one throw. For it will of course occur to you, that if you are rejected at the first trial, you will never pass current with any one else. A thousand different feelings now distract you. You are jealous of your rivals (for we will assume that there is competition for the post); you are dissatisfied with your own replies; you hope; you fear; you cannot remove your eye from the countenance of your judge. Does he poohpooh your efforts? You are a lost man.
11. ἢν δέ ποτε καὶ τὰ ἄριστα πράξῃς, καὶ ἴδῃ σε καὶ προσκαλέσας ἔρηταί τι ὧν ἂν τύχῃ, τότε δὴ τότε πολὺς μὲν ὁ ἱδρώς, ἀθρόος δὲ ὁ ἴλιγγος καὶ τρόμος ἄκαιρος καὶ γέλως τῶν παρόντων ἐπὶ τῇ ἀπορίᾳ. καὶ πολλάκις ἀποκρίνασθαι δέον, τίς ἦν ὁ βασιλεὺς τῶν Ἀχαιῶν, ὅτι χίλιαι νῆες ἦσαν αὐτοῖς, λέγεις. τοῦτο οἱ μὲν χρηστοὶ αἰδῶ ἐκάλεσαν, οἱ δὲ τολμηροὶ δειλίαν, οἱ δὲ κακοήθεις ἀπαιδευσίαν. σὺ δʼ οὖν ἐπισφαλεστάτης πειραθεὶς τῆς πρώτης φιλοφροσύνης ἀπῆλθες καταδικάσας σεαυτοῦ πολλὴν τὴν ἀπόγνωσιν. ἐπειδὰν δὲπολλὰς μὲν ἀΰπνους νύκτας ἰαύσῃςἤματα δʼ αἱματόενταδιαγάγῃς, οὐ μὰ Δία τῆς Ἑλένης ἕνεκα οὐδὲ τῶν Πριάμου Περγάμων, ἀλλὰ τῶν ἐλπιζομένων πέντε ὀβολῶν, τύχῃς δὲ καὶ τραγικοῦ τινος θεοῦ συνιστάντος, ἐξέτασις τοὐντεῦθεν εἰ οἶσθα τὰ μαθήματα. καὶ τῷ μὲν πλουσίῳ ἡ διατριβὴ οὐκ ἀηδὴς ἐπαινουμένῳ καὶ εὐδαιμονιζομένῳ, σοὶ δὲ ὁ ὑπὲρ τῆς ψυχῆς ἀγὼν καὶ ὑπὲρ ἅπαντος τοῦ βίου τότε προκεῖσθαι δοκεῖ· ὑπεισέρχεται γὰρ εἰκότως τὸ μηδʼ ὑπʼ ἄλλου ἂν καταδεχθῆναι πρὸς τοῦ προτέρου ἀποβληθέντα καὶ δόξαντα εἶναι ἀδόκιμον. ἀνάγκη τοίνυν εἰς μυρία διαιρεθῆναι τότε, τοῖς μὲν ἀντεξεταζομένοις φθονοῦντα, — τίθει γὰρ καὶ ἄλλους εἶναι τῶν αὐτῶν ἀντιποιουμένους — αὐτὸν δὲ πάντα ἐνδεῶς εἰρηκέναι νομίζοντα, φοβούμενον δὲ καὶ ἐλπίζοντα καὶ πρὸς τὸ ἐκείνου πρόσωπον ἀτενίζοντα καὶ εἰ μὲν ἐκφαυλίζοι τι τῶν λεγομένων, ἀπολλύμενον, εἰ δὲ μειδιῶν ἀκούοι, γεγηθότα καὶ εὔελπιν καθιστάμενον.
12. Was that a smile? You rejoice, and hope rises high. It is only to be expected, that many of the company are your enemies, and others your rivals, and each has his secret shaft to let fly at you from his lurking-place. What a picture! The venerable grey-beard being put through his paces. Is he any use? Some say yes, others no. Time is taken for consideration. Your antecedents are industriously overhauled. Some envious compatriot, some neighbour with a trivial grievance, is asked his opinion; he has but to drop word of ‘loose morality,’ and your business is done; ‘the man speaks God’s truth!’ Every one else may testify to your character: their evidence proves nothing; they are suspected; they are venal. The fact is, you must gain every point; there must be no hitch anywhere. That is your only chance of success. And now, take it that you have succeeded beyond all expectation. Your words have found favour with the great man. Those friends, by whose judgement in such matters he sets most store, have made no attempt to alter his decision. His wife approves his choice; the steward and the major-domo have neither of them anything against you. No aspersions have been cast on your character; all is propitious, every omen is in your favour.
12. εἰκὸς δὲ πολλοὺς εἶναι τοὺς ἐναντία σοι φρονοῦντας καὶ ἄλλους ἀντὶ σοῦ τιθεμένους, ὧν ἕκαστος ὥσπερ ἐκ λόχου τοξεύων λέληθεν. εἶτʼ ἐννόησον ἄνδρα ἐν βαθεῖ πώγωνι καὶ πολιᾷ τῇ κόμῃ ἐξεταζόμενον εἴ τι οἶδεν ὠφέλιμον, καὶ τοῖς μὲν δοκοῦντα εἰδέναι, τοῖς δὲ μή. μέσος ἐν τοσούτῳ χρόνος, καὶ πολυπραγμονεῖταί σου ἅπας ὁ παρεληλυθὼς βίος, κἂν μέν τις ἢ πολίτης ὑπὸ φθόνου ἢ γείτων ἔκ τινος εὐτελοῦς αἰτίας προσκεκρουκὼς ἀνακρινόμενος εἴπῃ μοιχὸν ἢ παιδεραστήν, τοῦτʼ ἐκεῖνο, ἐκ τῶν Διὸς δέλτων ὁ μάρτυς, ἂν δὲ πάντες ἅμα ἑξῆς ἐπαινῶσιν, ὕποπτοι καὶ ἀμφίβολοι καὶ δεδεκασμένοι. χρὴ τοίνυν πολλὰ εὐτυχῆσαι καὶ μηδὲν ὅλως ἐναντιωθῆναι· μόνως γὰρ ἂν οὕτως κρατήσειας. Εἶεν· καὶ δὴ εὐτύχηταί σοι πάντα εὐχῆς μειζόνως· αὐτός τε γὰρ ἐπῄνεσε τοὺς λόγους καὶ τῶν φίλων οἱ ἐντιμότατοι καὶ οἷς μάλιστα πιστεύει τὰ τοιαῦτα οὐκ ἀπέτρεψαν· ἔτι δὲ καὶ ἡ γυνὴ βούλεται, οὐκ ἀντιλέγει δὲ οὔτε ὁ ἐπίτροπος οὔτε ὁ οἰκονόμος· οὐδέ τις ἐμέμψατό σου τὸν βίον, ἀλλὰ πάντα ἵλεω καὶ πανταχόθεν αἴσια τὰ ἱερά.
13. Hail, mighty conqueror, wreathed in the Olympian garland! Babylon is yours, Sardis falls before you. The horn of plenty is within your grasp; pigeons shall yield you milk. Now, if your crown is to be of anything better than leaves, there must be some solid benefits to compensate you for the labours you have undergone. A considerable salary will be placed at your disposal, and you will draw upon it without ceremony, whenever you have occasion. You will be a privileged person in every respect. As for toils, and muddy tramps, and wakeful nights, the time for those have gone by. Your prayers have been heard: you will take your ease, and sleep your fill. You will do the work you were engaged to do, and not a stroke besides. This, indeed, is what you have a right to expect. There would be no great hardship in bowing one’s neck to a yoke so light, so easy—and so superbly gilded. But alas, Timocles, many, nay all of these requirements are unsatisfied. Your office, now that you have got it, is attended with a thousand details insufferable to all but slaves. Let me rehearse them to, you; you shall judge for yourself whether any man with the slightest pretence to culture would endure such treatment.
13. κεκράτηκας οὖν, ὦ μακάριε, καὶ ἔστεψαι τὰ Ὀλύμπια, μᾶλλον δὲ Βαβυλῶνα εἴληφας ἢ τὴν Σάρδεων ἀκρόπολιν καθῄρηκας, καὶ ἕξεις τὸ τῆς Ἀμαλθείας κέρας καὶ ἀμέλξεις ὀρνίθων γάλα. δεῖ δή σοι ἀντὶ τῶν τοσούτων πόνων μέγιστα ἡλίκα γενέσθαι τἀγαθά, ἵνα μὴ φύλλινος μόνον ὁ στέφανος ᾖ, καὶ τόν τε μισθὸν οὐκ εὐκαταφρόνητον ὁρισθῆναι καὶ τοῦτον ἐν καιρῷ τῆς χρείας ἀπραγμόνως ἀποδίδοσθαι καὶ τὴν ἄλλην τιμὴν ὑπὲρ τοὺς πολλοὺς ὑπάρχειν, πόνων δὲ ἐκείνων καὶ πηλοῦ καὶ δρόμων καὶ ἀγρυπνιῶν ἀναπεπαῦσθαι, καὶ τοῦτο δὴ τὸ τῆς εὐχῆς, ἀποτείναντα τὼ πόδε καθεύδειν, μόνα ἐκεῖνα πράττοντα ὧν ἕνεκα τὴν ἀρχὴν παρελήφθης καὶ ὧν ἔμμισθος εἶ. ἐχρῆν μὲν οὕτως, ὦ Τιμόκλεις, καὶ οὐδὲν ἂν ἦν μέγα κακὸν ὑποκύψαντα φέρειν τὸν ζυγὸν ἐλαφρόν τε καὶ εὔφορον καὶ τὸ μέγιστον, ἐπίχρυσον ὄντα. ἀλλὰ πολλοῦ, μᾶλλον δὲ τοῦ παντὸς δεῖ· μυρία γάρ ἐστιν ἀφόρητα ἐλευθέρῳ ἀνδρὶ ἐν αὐταῖς ἤδη ταῖς συνουσίαις γιγνόμενα. σκέψαι δὲ αὐτὸς ἑξῆς ἀκούων, εἴ τις ἂν αὐτὰ ὑπομεῖναι δύναιτο παιδείᾳ κἂν ἐπʼ ἐλάχιστον ὡμιληκώς.
14. Let me begin with your first invitation to dinner, which may reasonably be expected to follow, as an earnest of the patronage to come. It is brought to you by a most communicative slave, whose goodwill it must be your first care to secure. Five shillings is the least you can slip into his palm, if you would do the thing properly. He has scruples. ‘Really, sir—couldn’t think of it; no, indeed, sir.’ But he is prevailed upon at last, and goes off, grinning from ear to ear. You then look out your best clothes, have your bath, make yourself as presentable as possible, and arrive—in fear and trembling lest you should be the first, which would wear an awkward air, just as it savours. of ostentation to arrive last. Accordingly you contrive to hit on the right moment, are received with every attention, and shown to your place, a little above the host, separated from him only by a couple of his intimates.
14. ἄρξομαι δὲ ἀπὸ τοῦ πρώτου δείπνου, ἢν δοκῇ, ὅ σε εἰκὸς δειπνήσειν τὰ προτέλεια τῆς μελλούσης συνουσίας. εὐθὺς οὖν πρόσεισιν παραγγέλλων τις ἥκειν ἐπὶ τὸ δεῖπνον, οὐκ ἀνομίλητος οἰκέτης, ὃν χρὴ πρῶτον ἵλεων ποιήσασθαι, παραβύσαντα εἰς τὴν χεῖρα, ὡς μὴ ἀδέξιος εἶναι δοκῇς, τοὐλάχιστον πέντε δραχμάς· ὁ δὲ ἀκκισάμενος καί, ἄπαγε, παρὰ σοῦ δὲ ἐγώ; καί, Ἡράκλεις, μὴ γένοιτο, ὑπειπὼν τέλος ἐπείσθη, καὶ ἄπεισί σοι πλατὺ ἐγχανών. σὺ δὲ ἐσθῆτα καθαρὰν προχειρισάμενος καὶ σεαυτὸν ὡς κοσμιώτατα σχηματίσας λουσάμενος ἥκεις, δεδιὼς μὴ πρὸ τῶν ἄλλων ἀφίκοιο· ἀπειρόκαλον γάρ, ὥσπερ καὶ τὸ ὕστατον ἥκειν φορτικόν. αὐτὸ οὖν τηρήσας τὸ μέσον τοῦ καιροῦ εἰσελήλυθας, καί σε πάνυ ἐντίμως ἐδέξατο, καὶ παραλαβών τις κατέκλινε μικρὸν ὑπὲρ τοῦ πλουσίου μετὰ δύο που σχεδὸν τῶν παλαιῶν φίλων.
15. And now you feel as if you were in heaven. You are all admiration; everything you see done throws you into ecstasies, It is all so new and strange! The waiters stare at you, the company watch your movements. Nor is the host without curiosity. Some of his servants have instructions to observe you narrowly, lest your glance should fall too often on his wife or children. The other guests’? men perceive your amazement at the novel scene, and exchange jesting asides. From the fact that you do not know what to make of your napkin, they conclude that this is your first experience of dining-out. You perspire with embarrassment; not unnaturally. You are thirsty, but you dare not ask for wine, lest you should be thought a tippler. The due connexion between the various dishes which make their appearance is beyond you: which ought you to take first? which next? There is nothing for it but to snatch a side glance at your neighbour, do as he does, and learn to dine in sequence.
15. σὺ δʼ ὥσπερ εἰς τοῦ Διὸς τὸν οἶκον παρελθὼν πάντα τεθαύμακας καὶ ἐφʼ ἑκάστῳ τῶν πραττομένων μετέωρος εἶ· ξένα γάρ σοι καὶ ἄγνωστα πάντα· καὶ ἥ τε οἰκετεία εἰς σὲ ἀποβλέπει καὶ τῶν παρόντων ἕκαστος ὅ τι πράξεις ἐπιτηροῦσιν, οὐδὲ αὐτῷ δὲ ἀμελὲς τῷ πλουσίῳ τοῦτο, ἀλλὰ καὶ προεῖπέ τισι τῶν οἰκετῶν ἐπισκοπεῖν εἴ πως εἰς τοὺς παῖδας ἢ εἰς τὴν γυναῖκα πολλάκις ἐκ περιωπῆς ἀποβλέψεις. οἱ μὲν γὰρ τῶν συνδείπνων ἀκόλουθοι ὁρῶντες ἐκπεπληγμένον εἰς τὴν ἀπειρίαν τῶν δρωμένων ἀποσκώπτουσι, τεκμήριον τοῦ μὴ παρʼ ἄλλῳ πρότερόν σε δεδειπνηκέναι τὸ καινὸν εἶναί σοι τὸ χειρόμακτρον τιθέμενοι. ὥσπερ οὖν εἰκός, ἰδίειν τε ἀνάγκη ὑπʼ ἀπορίας καὶ μήτε διψῶντα πιεῖν αἰτεῖν τολμᾶν, μὴ δόξῃς οἰνόφλυξ τις εἶναι, μήτε τῶν ὄψων παρατεθέντων ποικίλων καὶ πρός τινα τάξιν ἐσκευασμένων εἰδέναι ἐφʼ ὅ τι πρῶτον ἢ δεύτερον τὴν χεῖρα ἐνέγκῃς· ὑποβλέπειν οὖν εἰς τὸν πλησίον δεήσει κἀκεῖνον ζηλοῦν καὶ μανθάνειν τοῦ δείπνου τὴν ἀκολουθίαν.
16. On the whole, your feelings are mingled, your spirit perturbed, and stricken with awe. One moment you are envying your host his gold, his ivory, and all his magnificence; the next, you are pitying yourself,—that miserable nonentity which calls its existence life; and then at intervals comes the thought, ‘how happy shall I be, sharing in these splendours, enjoying them as if they were my own!’ For you conceive of your future life as one continual feast; and the smiling attendance of gracious Ganymedes gives a charming finish to the picture. That line of Homer keeps coming to your lips:Small blame to Trojan or to greaved Achaean,if such happiness as this was to be the reward of their toils and sufferings. Presently healths are drunk. The host calls for a large beaker, and drinks to ‘the Professor,’ or whatever your title is to be. You, in your innocence, do not know that you ought to say something in reply; you receive the cup in silence, and are set down as a boor.
16. τὰ δʼ ἄλλα ποικίλος εἶ καὶ θορύβου πλέως τὴν ψυχήν, πρὸς ἕκαστα τῶν πραττομένων ἐκπεπληγμένος, καὶ ἄρτι μὲν εὐδαιμονίζεις τὸν πλούσιον τοῦ χρυσοῦ καὶ τοῦ ἐλέφαντος καὶ τῆς τοσαύτης τρυφῆς, ἄρτι δὲ οἰκτείρεις σεαυτόν, ὡς τὸ μηδὲν ὢν εἶτα ζῆν ὑπολαμβάνεις. ἐνίοτε δὲ κἀκεῖνο εἰσέρχεταί σε, ὡς ζηλωτόν τινα βιώσῃ τὸν βίον ἅπασιν ἐκείνοις ἐντρυφήσων καὶ μεθέξων αὐτῶν ἐξ ἰσοτιμίας· οἴει γὰρ εἰσαεὶ Διονύσια ἑορτάσειν. καί που καὶ μειράκια ὡραῖα διακονούμενα καὶ ἠρέμα προσμειδιῶντα γλαφυρωτέραν ὑπογράφει σοι τὴν μέλλουσαν διατριβήν, ὥστε συνεχῶς τὸ Ὁμηρικὸν ἐκεῖνο ἐπιφθέγγεσθαι, οὐ νέμεσις Τρῶας καὶ ἐϋκνήμιδας Ἀχαιούς πολλὰ πονεῖν καὶ ὑπομένειν ὑπὲρ τῆς τοσαύτης εὐδαιμονίας. Φιλοτησίαι τὸ ἐπὶ τούτῳ, καὶ σκύφον εὐμεγέθη τινὰ αἰτήσας προὔπιέν σοι τῷ διδασκάλῳ, ἢ ὁτιδήποτε προσειπών· σὺ δὲ λαβών, ὅτι μέν τί σε καὶ αὐτὸν ὑπειπεῖν ἔδει ἠγνόησας ὑπʼ ἀπειρίας, καὶ ἀγροικίας δόξαν ὦφλες.
17. Apart from this, your host’s pledge has secured you the enmity of many of his old friends, with some of whom it was already a grievance, that an acquaintance of a few hours’ standing should sit above men who have been drinking the cup of slavery for years. Tongues are busy with you at once. Listen to some of them. ‘So! We are.o give place to new-comers! It wanted but this. The gates of Rome are open to none but these Greeks. Now what is their claim to be set over our heads? I suppose they think they are conferring a favour on us with their wordy stuff?’ ‘How he did drink, to be sure!’ says another. ‘And did you see how he shovelled his food down, hand over hand? Mannerless starveling! He has never so much as dreamt of white bread before. 'Twas the same with. the capon and pheasant; much if he left us the bones to pick!’ ‘My dear sirs’ (cries number three), ‘I give him five days at the outside; after which you will see him at our end of the table, making like moan with ourselves. He is a new pair of shoes just now, and is treated with all ceremony. Wait till he has been worn a few times, and the mud has done its work; he will be flung under the bed, poor wretch, like the rest of us, to be a receptacle for bugs.’ Such are some among the many comments you excite; and, for all we know, mischief may be brewing at this moment.
17. ἐπίφθονος δʼ οὖν ἀπὸ τῆς προπόσεως ἐκείνης πολλοῖς τῶν παλαιῶν φίλων γεγένησαι, καὶ πρότερον ἐπὶ τῇ κατακλίσει λυπήσας τινὰς αὐτῶν, ὅτι τήμερον ἥκων προὐκρίθης ἀνδρῶν πολυετῆ δουλείαν ἠντληκότων. εὐθὺς οὖν καὶ τοιοῦτός τις ἐν αὐτοῖς περὶ σοῦ λόγος· τοῦτο ἡμῖν πρὸς τοῖς ἄλλοις δεινοῖς ἐλείπετο, καὶ τῶν ἄρτι εἰσεληλυθότων εἰς τὴν οἰκίαν δευτέρους εἶναι, καὶ μόνοις τοῖς Ἕλλησι τούτοις ἀνέῳκται ἡ Ῥωμαίων πόλις· καίτοι τί ἐστιν ἐφʼ ὅτῳ προτιμῶνται ἡμῶν; οὐ ῥημάτια δύστηνα λέγοντες οἴονταί τι παμμέγεθες ὠφελεῖν; ἄλλος δέ, οὐ γὰρ εἶδες ὅσα μὲν ἔπιεν, ὅπως δὲ τὰ παρατεθέντα συλλαβὼν κατέφαγεν; ἀπειρόκαλος ἄνθρωπος καὶ λιμοῦ πλέως, οὐδʼ ὄναρ λευκοῦ ποτε ἄρτου ἐμφορηθείς, οὔτι γε Νομαδικοῦ ἢ Φασιανοῦ ὄρνιθος, ὧν μόλις τὰ ὀστᾶ ἡμῖν καταλέλοιπεν. τρίτος ἄλλος, ὦ μάταιοι, φησίν, πέντε οὐδʼ ὅλων ἡμερῶν ὄψεσθε αὐτὸν ἐνταῦθά που ἐν ἡμῖν τὰ ὅμοια ποτνιώμενον· νῦν μὲν γὰρ ὥσπερ τὰ καινὰ τῶν ὑποδημάτων ἐν τιμῇ τινι καὶ ἐπιμελείᾳ ἐστίν, ἐπειδὰν δὲ πατηθῇ πολλάκις καὶ ὑπὸ τοῦ πηλοῦ ἀναπλασθῇ, ὑπὸ τῇ κλίνῃ ἀθλίως ἐρρίψεται κόρεων ὥσπερ ἡμεῖς ἀνάπλεως. Ἐκεῖνοι μὲν οὖν τοιαῦτα πολλὰ περὶ σοῦ στρέφουσι, καί που ἤδη καὶ πρὸς διαβολάς τινες αὐτῶν παρασκευάζονται.
18. Meanwhile, you are the guest of the evening, and the principal theme of conversation. Your unwonted situation has led you on to drink more than was advisable. For some time you have been feeling uncomfortable effects from your host’s light, eager wine. To get up before the rest would be bad manners: to remain is perilous. The drinking is prolonged; subject upon subject is started, spectacle after spectacle is produced; for your host is determined that you shall see all he has to show. You suffer the torments of the damned. You see nothing of what is going forward: some favourite singer or musician is performing—you hear him not; and while you force out some complimentary phrase, you are praying that an earthquake may swallow up all, or that the news of a fire may break up the party.
18. τὸ δʼ οὖν συμπόσιον ὅλον ἐκεῖνο σόν ἐστιν καὶ περὶ σοῦ οἱ πλεῖστοι τῶν λόγων. σὺ δʼ ὑπʼ ἀηθείας πλέον τοῦ ἱκανοῦ ἐμπιὼν οἴνου λεπτοῦ καὶ δριμέος, πάλαι τῆς γαστρὸς ἐπειγούσης, πονηρῶς ἔχεις, καὶ οὔτε προεξαναστῆναί σοι καλὸν οὔτε μένειν ἀσφαλές. ἀποτεινομένου τοίνυν τοῦ πότου καὶ λόγων ἐπὶ λόγοις γιγνομένων καὶ θεαμάτων ἐπὶ θεάμασι παριόντων — ἅπαντα γὰρ ἐπιδείξασθαί σοι τὰ αὑτοῦ βούλεται — κόλασιν οὐ μικρὰν ὑπομένεις μήτε ὁρῶν τὰ γιγνόμενα μήτε ἀκούων εἴ τις ᾄδει ἢ κιθαρίζει πάνυ τιμώμενος μειρακίσκος, ἀλλʼ ἐπαινεῖς μὲν ὑπʼ ἀνάγκης, εὔχῃ δὲ ἢ σεισμῷ συμπεσεῖν ἐκεῖνα πάντα ἢ πυρκαϊάν τινα προσαγγελθῆναι, ἵνα ποτὲ καὶ διαλυθῇ τὸ συμπόσιον.
19. Such, my friend, is your first dinner, the best you will ever get. For my part, give me a dinner of herbs, with liberty to eat when I will and as much as I will. I shall spare you the recital of the nocturnal woes that follow your excess. The next morning, you have to come to terms as to the amount of your salary, and the times of payment. Appearing in answer to his summons, you find two or three friends with him. He bids you be seated, and begins to speak. ‘You have now seen the sort of way in which we live—no ostentation, no fuss; everything quite plain and ordinary. Now you will consider everything here as your own. It would be a strange thing, indeed, were to entrust you with the highest responsibility of all, the moral guidance of myself and my children’—if there are children to be taught—‘and yet hesitate to place the rest at your disposal. Something, however, must be settled. I know your moderate, independent spirit. I quite realize that you come to us from no mercenary motive, that you are influenced only by the regard and uniform respect which will be assured to you in this house. Still, as I say, something must be settled. Now, my dear sir, tell me yourself, what you think right; remembering that there is something to be expected at the great festivals; for you will not find me remiss in that respect, though I say nothing definite at present; and these occasions, as you know, come pretty frequently in the course of the year. This consideration will no doubt influence you in settling the amount of your salary; and apart from that, it sits well on men of culture like yourself, to be above the thought of money.’
19. τοῦτο μὲν δή σοι τὸ πρῶτον, ὦ ἑταῖρε, καὶ ἥδιστον ἐκεῖνο δεῖπνον, οὐκ ἔμοιγε τοῦ θύμου καὶ τῶν λευκῶν ἁλῶν ἥδιον ὁπηνίκα βούλομαι καὶ ὁπόσον ἐλευθέρως ἐσθιομένων. ἵνα γοῦν σοι τὴν ὀξυρεγμίαν τὴν ἐπὶ τούτοις παρῶ καὶ τὸν ἐν τῇ νυκτὶ ἔμετον, ἕωθεν δεήσει περὶ τοῦ μισθοῦ συμβῆναι ὑμᾶς, ὁπόσον τε καὶ ὁπότε τοῦ ἔτους χρὴ λαμβάνειν. παρόντων οὖν ἢ δύο ἢ τριῶν φίλων προσκαλέσας σε καὶ καθίζεσθαι κελεύσας ἄρχεται λέγειν· τὰ μὲν ἡμέτερα ὁποῖά ἐστιν ἑώρακας ἤδη, καὶ ὡς τῦφος ἐν αὐτοῖς οὐδὲ εἷς, ἀτραγῴδητα δὲ καὶ πεζὰ πάντα καὶ δημοτικά, χρὴ δέ σε οὕτως ἔχειν ὡς ἁπάντων ἡμῖν κοινῶν ἐσομένων· γελοῖον γὰρ εἰ τὸ κυριώτατον, τὴν ψυχήν σοι τὴν ἐμαυτοῦ ἢ καὶ νὴ Δία τῶν παίδων. — εἰ παῖδες εἶεν αὐτῷ παιδεύσεως δεόμενοι — ἐπιτρέπων τῶν ἄλλων μὴ ἐπʼ ἴσης ἡγοίμην δεσπότην. ἐπεὶ δὲ καὶ ὡρίσθαι τι δεῖ, — ὁρῶ μὲν τὸ μέτριον καὶ αὔταρκες τοῦ σοῦ τρόπου καὶ συνίημι ὡς οὐχὶ μισθοῦ ἐλπίδι προσελήλυθας ἡμῶν τῇ οἰκίᾳ, τῶν δὲ ἄλλων ἕνεκα, τῆς εὐνοίας τῆς παρʼ ἡμῶν καὶ τιμῆς, ἣν παρὰ πᾶσιν ἕξεις· ὅμως δʼ οὖν καὶ ὡρίσθω τι, — σὺ δʼ αὐτὸς ὅ τι καὶ βούλει λέγε, μεμνημένος, ὦ φίλτατε, κἀκείνων ἅπερ ἐν ἑορταῖς διετησίοις εἰκὸς ἡμᾶς παρέξειν· οὐ γὰρ ἀμελήσομεν οὐδὲ τῶν τοιούτων, εἰ καὶ μὴ νῦν αὐτὰ συντιθέμεθα· πολλαὶ δέ, οἶσθα, τοῦ ἔτους αἱ τοιαῦται ἀφορμαί. καὶ πρὸς ἐκεῖνα τοίνυν ἀποβλέπων μετριώτερον δῆλον ὅτι ἐπιβαλεῖς ἡμῖν τὸν μισθόν. ἄλλως τε καὶ πρέπον ἂν εἴη τοῖς πεπαιδευμένοις ὑμῖν κρείττοσιν εἶναι χρημάτων.
20. Your hopes are blasted at the words, and your proud spirit is tamed. The dream of the millionaire and landed proprietor fades away, as you gradually catch his parsimonious drift. Yet you smirk appreciation of the promise. You are to ‘consider everything as your own’; there, surely, is something solid? 'Tis a draught (did you but know it)That wets the lips, but leaves the palate dry.After an interval of embarrassment, you leave the matter to his decision, He declines the responsibility, and calls for the intervention of one of the company: let him name a sum, at once worthy of your acceptance, and not burdensome to his purse, which has so many more urgent calls upon it. ‘Sir,’ says this officious old gentleman, who has been a toady from his youth, ‘Sir, you are the luckiest manin Rome. Denyit if youcan! You have gained a privilege which many a man has longed for, and is not like to obtain at Fortune’s hands, You have been admitted to enjoy the company and share the hearth and home of the first citizen of our empire. Used aright, such a privilege will be more to you than the wealth of a Croesus or a Midas. Knowing as I do how many there are—persons of high standing—who would be glad to pay money down, merely for the honour and glory of the acquaintanceship, of being seen in his company, and ranking as his friends and intimates,—knowing this, I am at a loss for words in which to express my sense of your good fortune. You are not only to enjoy this happiness, but to be paid for enjoying it! Under the circumstances, I think we shall satisfy your most extravagant expectations, if we say ’—and he names a sum which in itself is of the smallest, quite apart from all reference to your brilliant hopes.
20. ὁ μὲν ταῦτα εἰπὼν καὶ ὅλον σε διασείσας ταῖς ἐλπίσι τιθασὸν ἑαυτῷ πεποίηκε, σὺ δὲ πάλαι τάλαντα καὶ μυριάδας ὀνειροπολήσας καὶ ἀγροὺς ὅλους καὶ συνοικίας συνίης μὲν ἠρέμα τῆς μικρολογίας, σαίνεις δὲ ὅμως τὴν ὑπόσχεσιν καὶ τό, πάντα ἡμῖν κοινὰ ἔσται, βέβαιον καὶ ἀληθὲς ἔσεσθαι νομίζεις, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅτι τὰ τοιαῦτα χείλεα μέν τʼ ἐδίηνʼ, ὑπερῴην δʼ οὐκ ἐδίηνε. τελευταῖον δʼ ὑπʼ αἰδοῦς αὐτῷ ἐπέτρεψας. ὁ δὲ αὐτὸς μὲν οὔ φησιν ἐρεῖν, τῶν φίλων δέ τινα τῶν παρόντων κελεύει μέσον ἐλθόντα τοῦ πράγματος εἰπεῖν ὃ μήτʼ αὐτῷ γίγνοιτʼ ἂν βαρὺ καὶ πρὸς ἄλλα τούτων ἀναγκαιότερα δαπανῶντι μήτε τῷ ληψομένῳ εὐτελές. ὁ δὲ ὠμογέρων τις ἐκ παίδων κολακείᾳ σύντροφος, ὡς μὲν οὐκ εὐδαιμονέστατος εἶ, φησίν, τῶν ἐν τῇ πόλει ἁπάντων, ὦ οὗτος, οὐκ ἂν εἴποις, ᾧ γε τοῦτο πρῶτον ὑπῆρχεν ὃ πολλοῖς πάνυ γλιχομένοις μόλις ἂν γένοιτο παρὰ τῆς Τύχης· λέγω δὲ ὁμιλίας ἀξιωθῆναι καὶ ἑστίας κοινωνῆσαι καὶ εἰς τὴν πρώτην οἰκίαν τῶν ἐν τῇ Ῥωμαίων ἀρχῇ καταδεχθῆναι· τοῦτο γὰρ ὑπὲρ τὰ Κροίσου τάλαντα καὶ τὸν Μίδου πλοῦτον, εἰ σωφρονεῖν οἶσθα. ἰδὼν δὲ πολλοὺς τῶν εὐδοκίμων ἐθελήσαντας ἄν, εἰ καὶ προσδιδόναι δέοι, μόνης τῆς δόξης ἕνεκα συνεῖναι τούτῳ καὶ ὁρᾶσθαι περὶ αὐτὸν ἑταίρους καὶ φίλους εἶναι δοκοῦντας, οὐκ ἔχω ὅπως σε τῆς εὐποτμίας μακαρίσω, ὃς καὶ προσλήψῃ μισθὸν τῆς τοιαύτης εὐδαιμονίας. ἀρκεῖν οὖν νομίζω, εἰ μὴ πάνυ ἄσωτος εἶ, τοσόνδε τι· — εἰπὼν ἐλάχιστον καὶ μάλιστα πρὸς τὰς σὰς ἐκείνας ἐλπίδας.