1. ZEUS: (To an attendant.) You arrange the benches and make the place ready for the men that are coming. (To another avrenpant.) You bring on the philosophies and put them in line; but first groom them up, so that they will look well and will attract as many as possible. (Zo nErmeEs.) You, Hermes, be crier and call them together.
1. Ζεύς: σὺ μὲν διατίθει τὰ βάθρα καὶ παρασκεύαζε τὸν τόπον τοῖς ἀφικνουμένοις, σὺ δὲ στῆσον ἑξῆς παραγαγὼν τοὺς βίους, ἀλλὰ κοσμήσας πρότερον, ὡς εὐπρόσωποι φανοῦνται καὶ ὅτι πλείστους ἐπάξονται· σὺ δέ, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, κήρυττε καὶ συγκάλει.
HERMES: Under the blessing of Heaven, let the buyers now appear at the sales-room. We shall put up for sale philosophies of every type and all manner of creeds; and if anyone is unable to pay cash, he is to name a surety and pay next year.
Ἑρμῆς: ἀγαθῇ τύχῃ τοὺς ὠνητὰς ἤδη παρεῖναι πρὸς τὸ πωλητήριον. ἀποκηρύξομεν δὲ βίους φιλοσόφους παντὸς εἴδους καὶ προαιρέσεων ποικίλων. εἰ δέ τις τὸ παραυτίκα μὴ ἔχει τἀργύριον καταβαλέσθαι, εἰς νέωτα ἐκτίσει καταστήσας ἐγγυητήν.Ζεύς: πολλοὶ συνίασιν· ὥστε χρὴ μὴ διατρίβειν μηδὲ κατέχειν αὐτούς. πωλῶμεν οὖν.
2. ZEUS: Many are gathering, so we must avoid wasting time and delaying them. Let us begin the sale, then.HERMES: Which do you want us to bring on first?
2. Ἑρμῆς: τίνα πρῶτον ἐθέλεις παραγάγωμεν;
ZEUS: This fellow with the long hair, the Ionian, for he seems to be someone of distinction.
Ζεύς: τουτονὶ τὸν κομήτην, τὸν Ἰωνικόν, ἐπεὶ καὶ σεμνός τις εἶναι φαίνεται.
HERMES: You Pythagorean, come forward and let yourself be looked over by the company.
Ἑρμῆς: οὗτος ὁ Πυθαγορικὸς κατάβηθι καὶ πάρεχε σεαυτὸν ἀναθεωρεῖσθαι τοῖς συνειλεγμένοις.
ZEUS: Hawk him now.
Ζεύς: κήρυττε δή.
HERMES: The noblest of philosophies for sale, the most distinguished; who'll buy? Who wants to be more than man? Who wants to apprehend the music of the spheres and to be born again?
Ἑρμῆς: τὸν ἄριστον βίον πωλῶ, τὸν σεμνότατον. τίς ὠνήσεται; τίς ὑπὲρ ἄνθρωπον εἶναι βούλεται; τίς εἰδέναι τὴν τοῦ παντὸς ἁρμονίαν καὶ ἀναβιῶναι πάλιν;
BUYER: For looks, he is not bad, but what does he know best?
Ἀγοράστης: τὸ μὲν εἶδος οὐκ ἀγεννής. τί δὲ μάλιστα οἶδεν;
HERMES: Arithmetic, astronomy, charlatanry, geometry, music and quackery; you see in him a first-class soothsayer.
Ἑρμῆς: ἀριθμητικήν, ἀστρονομίαν, τερατείαν, γεωμετρίαν, μουσικήν, γοητείαν. μάντιν ἄκρον βλέπεις.
BUYER: May I question him?
Ἀγοράστης: ἔξεστιν αὐτὸν ἀνακρίνειν;
HERMES: Yes, and good luck to you!
Ἑρμῆς: ἀνάκρινε ἀγαθῇ τύχῃ.
3. BUYER: Where are you from?
3. Ἀγοράστης: ποδαπὸς εἶ σύ;
PYTHAGOREAN: From Samos.
Πυθαγόρας: Σάμιος.
BUYER: Where were you educated?
Ἀγοράστης: ποῦ δὲ ἐπαιδεύθης;
PYTHAGOREAN: In Egypt, with the sages there.
Πυθαγόρας: ἐν Αἰγύπτῳ παρὰ τοῖς ἐκεῖ σοφοῖσι.
BUYER: Come now, if I buy you, what will you teach me?
Ἀγοράστης: φέρε δέ, ἢν πρίωμαί σε, τί με διδάξει;
PYTHAGOREAN: I shall teach thee nothing, but make thee remember.
Πυθαγόρας: διδάξομαι μὲν οὐδέν, ἀναμνήσω δέ.
BUYER: How will you make me remember?
Ἀγοράστης: πῶς ἀναμνήσεις;
PYTHAGOREAN: First by making thy soul pure and purging off the filth upon it.
Πυθαγόρας: καθαρὴν πρότερον τὴν ψυχὴν ἐργασάμενος καὶ τὸν ἐπʼ αὐτῇ ῥύπον ἐκκλύσας.
BUYER: Well, imagine that my purification is complete, what will be your method of making me remember?
Ἀγοράστης: καὶ δὴ νόμισον ἤδη ἐκκεκαθάρθαι με, τις ὁ τρόπος τῆς ἀναμνήσεως;
PYTHAGOREAN: In the first place, long silence and speechlessness, and for five entire years no word of talk.
Πυθαγόρας: τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἡσυχίη μακρὴ καὶ ἀφωνίη καὶ πέντε ὅλων ἐτέων λαλέειν μηδέν.
BUYER: My good man, you had better teach the son of Croesus!? I want to be talkative, not a graven image. However, what comes after the silence and the five years?
Ἀγοράστης: ὥρα σοι, ὦ βέλτιστε, τὸν Κροίσου παῖδα παιδεύειν· ἐγὼ γὰρ λάλος, οὐκ ἀνδριὰς εἶναι βούλομαι. τί δὲ μετὰ τὴν σιωπὴν ὅμως καὶ τὴν πενταετίαν;
PYTHAGOREAN: Thou shalt be practised in music and geometry.
Πυθαγόρας: Μουσουργίῃ καὶ γεωμετρίῃ ἐνασκήσεαι.
BUYER: That is delightful; I am to become a fiddler before being wise!
Ἀγοράστης: χάριεν λέγεις, εἰ πρῶτόν με κιθαρῳδὸν γενόμενον κᾆτα εἶναι σοφὸν χρή.
4. PYTHAGOREAN: Then, in addition to this, in counting.
4. Πυθαγόρας: εἶτʼ ἐπὶ τουτέοισιν ἀριθμέειν.
BUYER: I know how to count now.
Ἀγοράστης: οἶδα καὶ νῦν ἀριθμεῖν.
PYTHAGOREAN: How dost thou count?
Πυθαγόρας: πῶς ἀριθμέεις;
BUYER: One, two, three, four— PYTHAGOREAN: Lo! what thou thinkest four is ten, and a perfect triangle, and our oath.
Ἀγοράστης: ἕν, δύο, τρία, τέτταρα.Πυθαγόρας: ὁρᾷς; ἃ σὺ δοκέεις τέσσαρα, ταῦτα δέκα ἐστὶ καὶ τρίγωνον ἐντελὲς καὶ ἡμέτερον ὅρκιον.
BUYER: Well, by your greatest oath, by Four, I never heard diviner doctrines or more esoteric.
Ἀγοράστης: οὐ μὰ τὸν μέγιστον τοίνυν ὅρκον τὰ τέτταρα, οὔποτε θειοτέρους λόγους ἤκουσα οὐδὲ μᾶλλον ἱερούς.
PYTHAGOREAN: Thereafter, my friend, thou shalt learn of earth and air and water and fire, what their flux is, and what form they have and how they move.
Πυθαγόρας: μετὰ δέ, ὦ ξεῖνε, εἴσεαι γῆς τε πέρι καὶ ἠέρος καὶ ὕδατος καὶ πυρὸς ἥτις αὐτέοισιν ἡ φορὴ καὶ ὁκοῖα ἐόντα μορφὴν ὅκως κινέονται.
BUYER: Why, has fire form, or air, or water?
Ἀγοράστης: μορφὴν γὰρ ἔχει τὸ πῦρ ἢ ἀὴρ ἢ ὕδωρ;
PYTHAGOREAN: Yea, very notably, for without shape and form there can be no motion. And in addition thou shalt learn that God is number and mind and harmony.
Πυθαγόρας: καὶ μάλα ἐμφανέα· οὐ γὰρ οἷά τε ἀμορφίῃ καὶ ἀσχημοσύνῃ κινέεσθαι. καὶ ἐπὶ τουτέοισι δὲ γνώσεαι τὸν θεὸν ἀριθμὸν ἐόντα καὶ νόον καὶ ἁρμονίην.
BUYER: What you say is wonderful.
Ἀγοράστης: θαυμάσια λέγεις.
5. PYTHAGOREAN: And beside all that I have said, thou shalt learn that thou, who thinkest thyself a single individual, art one person in semblance and another in reality.
5. Πυθαγόρας: πρὸς δὲ τοῖσδεσι τοῖσιν εἰρημένοισι καὶ σεωυτὸν ἕνα δοκέοντα ἄλλον ὁρεόμενον καὶ ἄλλον ἐόντα εἴσεαι.
BUYER: What’s that? I am another and not this man who now talks to you!
Ἀγοράστης: τί φής; ἄλλος εἰμὶ καὶ οὐχ οὗτος ὅσπερ νῦν πρὸς σὲ διαλέγομαι;
PYTHAGOREAN: Now thou art he, but erstwhile thou didst manifest thyself in another body and under another name, and in time thou shalt again migrate into another person.
Πυθαγόρας: νῦν μὲν οὗτος, πάλαι δὲ ἐν ἄλλῳ σώματι καὶ ἐν ἄλλῳ οὐνόματι ἐφαντάζεο· χρόνῳ δὲ αὖτις ἐς ἄλλον μεταβήσεαι.
BUYER: You mean that I shall be immortal, changing into many forms? But enough of this.
Ἀγοράστης: τοῦτο φής, ἀθάνατον ἔσεσθαί με ἀλλαττόμενον ἐς μορφὰς πλείονας;
6. BUYER: How do you stand in the matter of diet?
6. Ἀγοράστης: ἀλλὰ τάδε μὲν ἱκανῶς. τὰ δʼ ἀμφὶ δίαιταν ὁποῖός τις εἶ;
PYTHAGOREAN: I eat nothing at all that hath life, but all else save beans.
Πυθαγόρας: ἐμψυχήϊον μὲν οὐδὲ ἓν σιτέομαι, τὰ δὲ ἄλλα πλὴν κυάμων.
BUYER: Why so? Do you dislike beans?
Ἀγοράστης: τίνος ἕνεκα; ἢ μυσάττῃ τοὺς κυάμους;
PYTHAGOREAN: Nay, but they are holy, and wonderful is their nature. First, they are nought but seed of man, and if thou open a bean while it is still green, thou wilt see that it resembleth in structure the member of a man; and again, if thou cook it and set it in the light of the moon for a fixed number of nights, thou wilt make blood. But more than this, the Athenians are wont to choose their magistrates with beans.
Πυθαγόρας: οὔκ, ἀλλὰ ἱροί εἰσι καὶ θωυμαστὴ αὐτέων ἡ φύσις· πρῶτον μὲν γὰρ τὸ πᾶν γονή εἰσι, καὶ ἢν ἀποδύσῃς κύαμον ἔτι χλωρὸν ἐόντα, ὄψεαι τοῖσιν ἀνδρείοισι μορίοισιν ἐμφερέα τὴν φυήν· ἑψηθέντα δὲ ἢν ἀφῇς ἐς τὴν σεληναίην νυξὶ μεμετρημένῃσιν, αἷμα ποιήσεις. τὸ δὲ μέζον, Ἀθηναίοισι νόμος κυάμοισι τὰς ἀρχὰς αἱρέεσθαι.
BUYER: You have explained everything duly and sacerdotally. Come, strip, for I want to see you unclothed. Heracles! His thigh is of gold! He seems to be a god and not a mortal, so I shall certainly buy him. (Yo Hermes.) What price do you sell him for?
Ἀγοράστης: καλῶς πάντα ἔφης καὶ ἱεροπρεπῶς. ἀλλὰ ἀπόδυθι, καὶ γυμνὸν γάρ σε ἰδεῖν βούλομαι. ὦ Ἡράκλεις, χρυσοῦς αὐτῷ ὁ μηρός ἐστι. θεός, οὐ βροτός τις εἶναι φαίνεται· ὥστε ὠνήσομαι πάντως αὐτόν. πόσου τοῦτον ἀποκηρύττεις;
HERMES: Ten minas.
Ἑρμῆς: δέκα μνῶν.
BUYER: I'll take him at that figure.
Ἀγοράστης: ἔχω τοσούτου λαβών.
ZEUS: Write down the buyer’s name and where he comes from.
Ζεύς: γράφε τοῦ ὠνησαμένου τοὔνομα καὶ ὅθεν ἐστίν.
HERMES: He appears to be an Italian, Zeus, one of those who live in the neighbourhood of Croton and Tarentum and the Greek settlements in that quarter of the world. But there is more than one buyer; about three hundred have bought him in shares.
Ἑρμῆς: Ἰταλιώτης, ὦ Ζεῦ, δοκεῖ τις εἶναι τῶν ἀμφὶ Κρότωνα καὶ Τάραντα καὶ τὴν ταύτῃ Ἑλλάδα· καίτοι οὐχ εἷς, ἀλλὰ τριακόσιοι σχεδὸν ἐώνηνται κατὰ κοινὸν αὐτόν.
ZEUS: Let them take him away; let us bring on another.
Ζεύς: Ἀπαγέτωσαν· ἄλλον παράγωμεν.
7. HERMES: Do you want the dirty one over yonder, from the Black Sea?
7. Ἑρμῆς: βούλει τὸν αὐχμῶντα ἐκεῖνον, τὸν Ποντικόν;
ZEUS: By all means.
Ζεύς: πάνυ μὲν οὖν.
HERMES: You there with the wallet slung about you, you with the sleeveless shirt, come and walk about the room. I offer for sale a manly philosophy, a noble philosophy, a free philosophy; who'll buy?
Ἑρμῆς: οὗτος ὁ τὴν πήραν ἐξηρτημένος, ὁ ἐξωμίας, ἐλθὲ καὶ περίιθι ἐν κύκλῳ τὸ συνέδριον. βίον ἀνδρικὸν πωλῶ, βίον ἄριστον καὶ γεννικόν, βίον ἐλεύθερον· τίς ὠνήσεται;
BUYER: Crier, what’s that you say? Are you selling someone who is free?
Ἀγοράστης: ὁ κῆρυξ πῶς ἔφης σύ; πωλεῖς τὸν ἐλεύθερον;
HERMES: That I am.
Ἑρμῆς: ἔγωγε.
BUYER: Then aren’t you afraid he may have the law on you for kidnapping or even summon you to the Areopagus?
Ἀγοράστης: εἶτʼ οὐ δέδιας μή σοι δικάσηται ἀνδραποδισμοῦ ἢ καὶ προκαλέσηταί σε εἰς Ἄρειον πάγον;
HERMES: He doesn’t mind being sold, for he thinks that he is free anyhow.
Ἑρμῆς: οὐδὲν αὐτῷ μέλει τῆς πράσεως· οἴεται γὰρ εἶναι παντάπασιν ἐλεύθερος.
BUYER: What use could a man make of him, filthy as he is, and in such a wretched condition? However, he might be made a shoveller or a drawer of water.
Ἀγοράστης: τί δʼ ἄν τις αὐτῷ χρήσαιτο ῥυπῶντι καὶ οὕτω κακοδαιμόνως διακειμένῳ; πλὴν εἰ μὴ σκαπανέα γε καὶ ὑδροφόρον αὐτὸν ἀποδεικτέον.
HERMES: Not only that, but if you make him doorkeeper, you will find him far more trusty than a dog. In tact, he is even called a dog.
Ἑρμῆς: οὐ μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἢν θυρωρὸν αὐτὸν ἐπιστήσῃς, πολὺ πιστοτέρῳ χρήσῃ τῶν κυνῶν. ἀμέλει κύων αὐτῷ καὶ τὸ ὄνομα.
BUYER: Where is he from, and what creed does he profess?
Ἀγοράστης: ποδαπὸς δέ ἐστιν ἢ τίνα τὴν ἄσκησιν ἐπαγγέλλεται;
HERMES: Ask the man himself; it is better to do so.
Ἑρμῆς: αὐτὸν ἐροῦ· κάλλιον γὰρ οὕτω ποιεῖν.
BUYER: I am afraid of his sullen, hang-dog look; he may bark at me if I go near him, or even bite me, by Zeus! Don’t you see how he has his cudgel poised and his brows bent, and scowls in a threatening, angry way?
Ἀγοράστης: δέδια τὸ σκυθρωπὸν αὐτοῦ καὶ κατηφές, μή με ὑλακτήσῃ προσελθόντα ἢ καὶ νὴ Δία δάκῃ γε. οὐχ ὁρᾷς ὡς διῆρται τὸ ξύλον καὶ συνέσπακε τὰς ὀφρῦς καὶ ἀπειλητικόν τι καὶ χολῶδες ὑποβλέπει;
HERMES: Don’t be afraid; he is gentle.
Ἑρμῆς: μὴ δέδιθι· τιθασὸς γάρ ἐστι.
8. BUYER: First of all, my friend, where are you from? CYNIC: Everywhere.
8. Ἀγοράστης: τὸ πρῶτον, ὦ βέλτιστε, ποδαπὸς εἶ; Διογένης: παντοδαπός.
BUYER: What do you mean? CYNIC: You see in me a citizen of the world.
Ἀγοράστης: πῶς λέγεις; Διογένης: τοῦ κόσμου πολίτην ὁρᾷς.
BUYER: Whom do you take for your pattern? CYNIC: Heracles.
Ἀγοράστης: ζηλοῖς δὲ δὴ τίνα; Διογένης: τὸν Ἡρακλέα.
BUYER: Then why don’t you wear a lion’s skin? For as to the cudgel, you are like him in that. CYNIC: This short cloak is my lion-skin; and I am a soldier like him, fighting against pleasures, no conscript but a volunteer, purposing to make life clean.
Ἀγοράστης: τί οὖν οὐχὶ καὶ λεοντῆν ἀμπέχῃ; τὸ μὲν γὰρ ξύλον ἔοικας αὐτῷ. Διογένης: τουτί μοι λεοντῆ, τὸ τριβώνιον. στρατεύομαι δὲ ὥσπερ ἐκεῖνος ἐπὶ τὰς ἡδονάς, οὐ κελευστός, ἀλλὰ ἑκούσιος, ἐκκαθᾶραι τὸν βίον προαιρούμενος.
BUYER: A fine purpose! But what do you know best, and what is your business? CYNIC: I am a liberator of men and a physician to their ills; in short I desire to be an interpreter of truth and free speech.
Ἀγοράστης: εὖ γε τῆς προαιρέσεως. ἀλλὰ τί μάλιστα εἰδέναι σε φῶμεν; ἢ τίνα τὴν τέχνην ἔχεις; Διογένης: ἐλευθερωτής εἰμι τῶν ἀνθρώπων καὶ ἰατρὸς τῶν παθῶν· τὸ δὲ ὅλον ἀληθείας καὶ παρρησίας προφήτης εἶναι βούλομαι.
9. BUVER: Very good, interpreter! But if IT buy you, what course of training will you give me? CYNIC: First, after taking you in charge, stripping you of your luxury and shackling you to want, I will puta short cloak on you. Next I will compel you to undergo pains and hardships, sleeping on the ground, drinking nothing but water and filling yourself with any food that comes your way. As for your money, in case you have any, if you follow my advice you will throw it into the sea forthwith. You will take no thought for marriage or children or native land: all that will be sheer nonsense to you, and you will leave the house of your fathers and make your home in atomb or a deserted tower or even a jar. Your wallet will be full of lupines, and of papyrus rolls written on both sides. Leading this life you will say that you are happier than the Great King; and if anyone flogs you or twists you on the rack, you will think that there is nothing painful in it.BUYER: What do you mean by not feeling pain when I am flogged? I am not enclosed in the carapace of a turtle or a crab! CYNIC: You will put in practice the saying of Euripides, slightly revised.
9. Ἀγοράστης: εὖ γε, ὦ προφῆτα· ἢν δὲ πρίωμαί σε, τίνα με τὸν τρόπον διασκήσεις; Διογένης: πρῶτον μὲν παραλαβών σε καὶ ἀποδύσας τὴν τρυφὴν καὶ ἀπορίᾳ συγκατακλείσας τριβώνιον περιβαλῶ, μετὰ δὲ πονεῖν καὶ κάμνειν καταναγκάσω χαμαὶ καθεύδοντα καὶ ὕδωρ πίνοντα καὶ ὧν ἔτυχεν ἐμπιμπλάμενον, τὰ δὲ χρήματα, ἢν ἔχῃς, ἐμοὶ πειθόμενος εἰς τὴν θάλατταν φέρων ἐμβαλεῖς, γάμου δὲ ἀμελήσεις καὶ παίδων καὶ πατρίδος, καὶ πάντα σοι ταῦτα λῆρος ἔσται, καὶ τὴν πατρῴαν οἰκίαν ἀπολιπὼν ἢ τάφον οἰκήσεις ἢ πυργίον ἔρημον ἢ καὶ πίθον· ἡ πήρα δέ σοι θέρμων ἔσται μεστὴ καὶ ὀπισθογράφων βιβλίων· καὶ οὕτως ἔχων εὐδαιμονέστερος εἶναι φήσεις τοῦ μεγάλου βασιλέως. ἢν μαστιγοῖ δέ τις ἢ στρεβλοῖ, τούτων οὐδὲν ἀνιαρὸν ἡγήσῃ.
BUYER: What saying? CYNIC: Your mind will suffer, but your tongue will not.
Ἀγοράστης: πῶς τοῦτο φὴς τὸ μὴ ἀλγεῖν μαστιγούμενον; οὐ γὰρ χελώνης ἢ καράβου τὸ δέρμα περιβέβλημαι. Διογένης: τὸ Εὐριπίδειον ἐκεῖνο ζηλώσεις μικρὸν ἐναλλάξας.Ἀγοράστης: τὸ ποῖον; Διογένης: ἡ φρήν σοι ἀλγήσει, ἡ δὲ γλῶσσα ἔσται ἀνάλγητος.
10. CYNIC: The traits that you should possess in particular are these: you should be impudent and bold, and should abuse all and each, both kings and commoners, for thus they will admire you and think you manly. Let your language be barbarous, your voice discordant and just like the barking of a dog: let your expression be set, and your gait consistent with your expression. In a word, let everything about you be bestial and savage. Put off modesty, decency and moderation, and wipe away blushes from your face completely. Frequent the most crowded place, and in those very places desire to be solitary and uncommunicative, greeting nor friend nor stranger; for to do so is abdication of the empire. Do boldly in full view of all what another would not do in secret; choose the most ridiculous ways of satisfying your lust; and at the last, if you like, eat a raw devilfish or squid, and die. That is the bliss we vouchsafe you.
10. Διογένης: ἃ δὲ μάλιστα δεῖ προσεῖναι, ταῦτά ἐστιν· ἰταμὸν χρὴ εἶναι καὶ θρασὺν καὶ λοιδορεῖσθαι πᾶσιν ἑξῆς καὶ βασιλεῦσι καὶ ἰδιώταις· οὕτω γὰρ ἀποβλέψονταί σε καὶ ἀνδρεῖον ὑπολήψονται. βάρβαρος δὲ ἡ φωνὴ ἔστω καὶ ἀπηχὲς τὸ φθέγμα καὶ ἀτεχνῶς ὅμοιον κυνί, καὶ πρόσωπον δὲ ἐντεταμένον καὶ βάδισμα τοιούτῳ προσώπῳ πρέπον, καὶ ὅλως θηριώδη τὰ πάντα καὶ ἄγρια. αἰδὼς δὲ καὶ ἐπιείκεια καὶ μετριότης ἀπέστω, καὶ τὸ ἐρυθριᾶν ἀπόξυσον τοῦ προσώπου παντελῶς. δίωκε δὲ τὰ πολυανθρωπότατα τῶν χωρίων, καὶ ἐν αὐτοῖς τούτοις μόνος καὶ ἀκοινώνητος εἶναι θέλε μὴ φίλον, μὴ ξένον προσιέμενος· κατάλυσις γὰρ τὰ τοιαῦτα τῆς ἀρχῆς. ἐν ὄψει δὲ πάντων, ἃ μηδὲ ἰδίᾳ ποιήσειεν ἄν τις, θαρρῶν ποίει, καὶ τῶν ἀφροδισίων αἱροῦ τὰ γελοιότερα, καὶ τέλος, ἤν σοι δοκῇ, πολύποδα ὠμὸν ἢ σηπίαν φαγὼν ἀπόθανε. ταύτην σοι τὴν εὐδαιμονίαν προξενοῦμεν.
11. BUYER: Get out with you! The life you talk of is abominable and inhuman. CYNIC: But at all events it is easy, man, and no trouble for all to follow; for you will not need education and doctrine and drivel, but this road is a short cut to fame. Even if you are an unlettered man,—a tanner or a fish-man or a carpenter or a money-changer— there will be nothing to hinder you from being wondered at, if only you have impudence and _ boldness and learn how to abuse people properly.
11. Ἀγοράστης: ἄπαγε· μιαρὰ γὰρ καὶ οὐκ ἀνθρώπινα λέγεις. Διογένης: ἀλλὰ ῥᾷστά γε, ὦ οὗτος, καὶ πᾶσιν εὐχερῆ μετελθεῖν· οὐ γάρ σοι δεήσει παιδείας καὶ λόγων καὶ λήρων, ἀλλʼ ἐπίτομος αὕτη σοι πρὸς δόξαν ἡ ὁδός· κἂν ἰδιώτης ᾖς, ἤτοι σκυτοδέψης ἢ ταριχοπώλης ἢ τέκτων ἢ τραπεζίτης, οὐδέν σε κωλύσει θαυμαστὸν εἴναι, ἢν μόνον ἡ ἀναίδεια καὶ τὸ θράσος παρῇ καὶ λοιδορεῖσθαι καλῶς ἐκμάθῃς.
BUYER: I do not want you for any such purpose, but you might do at a pinch for a boatman or a gardener, and only then if my friend here is willing to sell you for two obols at the outside.
Ἀγοράστης: πρὸς ταῦτα μὲν οὐ δέομαί σου. ναύτης δʼ ἂν ἴσως ἢ κηπουρὸς ἐν καιρῷ γένοιο, καὶ ταῦτα, ἢν ἐθέλῃ σε ἀποδόσθαι οὑτοσὶ τὸ μέγιστον δύʼ ὀβολῶν.
HERMES: He’s yours: take him. We shall be glad to get rid of him because he is annoying and loud-mouthed and insults and abuses everybody without exception.
Ἑρμῆς: ἔχε λαβών· καὶ γὰρ ἄσμενοι ἀπαλλαξόμεθα ἐνοχλοῦντος αὐτοῦ καὶ βοῶντος καὶ ἅπαντας ἁπαξαπλῶς ὑβρίζοντος καὶ ἀγορεύοντος κακῶς.
12. ZEUS: Call another; the Cyrenaic in the purple cloak, with the wreath on his head.
12. Ζεύς: ἄλλον κάλει τὸν Κυρηναῖον, τὸν ἐν τῇ πορφυρίδι, τὸν ἐστεφανωμένον.
HERMES: Come now, attend, everyone! Here we have high-priced wares, wanting a rich buyer. Here you are with the sweetest philosophy, the thrice-happy philosophy! Who hankers for high living? Who'll buy the height of luxury?
Ἑρμῆς: ἄγε δή, πρόσεχε πᾶς· πολυτελὲς τὸ χρῆμα καὶ πλουσίων δεόμενον. βίος οὗτος ἥδιστος, βίος τρισμακάριστος. τίς ἐπιθυμεῖ τρυφῆς; τίς ὠνεῖται τὸν ἁβρότατον;
BUYER: Come here and tell me what you know; I will buy you if you are of any use.
Ἀγοράστης: ἐλθὲ σὺ καὶ λέγε ἅπερ εἰδὼς τυγχάνεις· ὠνήσομαι γάρ σε, ἢν ὠφέλιμος ᾖς.
HERMES: Don’t bother him, please, sir, and don’t question him, for he is drunk, and so can’t answer you because his tongue falters, as you observe.
Ἑρμῆς: μὴ ἐνόχλει αὐτόν, ὦ βέλτιστε, μηδὲ ἀνάκρινε· μεθύει γάρ. ὥστε οὐκ ἂν ἀποκρίναιτό σοι, τὴν γλῶτταν, ὡς ὁρᾷς, διολισθάνων.
BUYER: Who that is in his senses would buy so corrupt and lawless a slave? How he reeks of myrrh, and how he staggers and reels in his gait! But you yourself, Hermes, might tell me what traits he has and what his object in life is.
Ἀγοράστης: καὶ τίς ἂν εὖ φρονῶν πρίαιτο διεφθαρμένον οὕτω καὶ ἀκόλαστον ἀνδράποδον; ὅσον δὲ καὶ ἀποπνεῖ μύρων, ὡς δὲ καὶ σφαλερὸν βαδίζει καὶ παράφορον. ἀλλὰ κἂν σύ γε, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, λέγε ὁποῖα πρόσεστιν αὐτῷ καὶ ἃ μετιὼν τυγχάνει.
HERMES: In general, he is accommodating to live with, satisfactory to drink with, and handy to accompany an amorous and profligate master when he riots about town with a flute-girl, Moreover, he is a connoisseur in pastries and a highly expert cook: in short, a Professor of Luxury. He was educated in Athens, and entered service in Sicily, at the court of the tyrants, with whom he enjoyed high favour. The sum and substance of his creed is to despise everything, make use of everything and cull pleasure from every source.
Ἑρμῆς: τὸ μὲν ὅλον, συμβιῶναι δεξιὸς καὶ συμπιεῖν ἱκανὸς καὶ κωμάσαι μετὰ αὐλητρίδος ἐπιτήδειος ἐρῶντι καὶ ἀσώτῳ δεσπότῃ· τὰ ἄλλα δὲ πεμμάτων ἐπιστήμων καὶ ὀψοποιὸς ἐμπειρότατος, καὶ ὅλως σοφιστὴς ἡδυπαθείας. ἐπαιδεύθη μὲν οὖν Ἀθήνησιν, ἐδούλευσε δὲ καὶ περὶ Σικελίαν τοῖς τυράννοις καὶ σφόδρα εὐδοκίμει παρʼ αὐτοῖς. τὸ δὲ κεφάλαιον τῆς προαιρέσεως, ἁπάντων καταφρονεῖν, ἅπασι χρῆσθαι, πανταχόθεν ἐρανίζεσθαι τὴν ἡδονήν.
BUYER: You had better look about for someone else, among these rich and wealthy people; for I can’t afford to buy a jolly life.
Ἀγοράστης: ὥρα σοι ἄλλον περιβλέπειν τῶν πλουσίων τούτων καὶ πολυχρημάτων· ἐγὼ μὲν γὰρ οὐκ ἐπιτήδειος ἱλαρὸν ὠνεῖσθαι βίον.
HERMES: It looks as if this fellow would be left on our hands, Zeus.
Ἑρμῆς: Ἄπρατος ἔοικεν ἡμῖν οὗτος, ὦ Ζεῦ, μένειν.
13. ZEUS: Remove him; bring on another—stay! those two, the one from Abdera who laughs and the one from Ephesus who cries, for I want to sell them together.
13. Ζεύς: Μετάστησον· ἄλλον παράγε· μᾶλλον δὲ τὼ δύο τούτω, τὸν γελῶντα τὸν Ἀβδηρόθεν καὶ τὸν κλάοντα τὸν ἐξ Ἐφέσου· ἅμα γὰρ αὐτὼ πεπρᾶσθαι βούλομαι.
HERMES: Come down among us, you two. I sell the two best philosophies; we offer the two that are sagest of all.
Ἑρμῆς: κατάβητον ἐς τὸ μέσον. τὼ ἀρίστω βίω πωλῶ, τὼ σοφωτάτω πάντων ἀποκηρύττομεν.
BUYER: Zeus! What a contrast! One of thei never stops laughing, and the other is apparently mourning a death, as he weeps incessantly. What is the matter, man? Why are you laughing? DEMOCRITEAN: Dost thou need to ask? Because to me it seemeth that all your affairs are laughable, and yourselves as well.
Ἀγοράστης: ὦ Ζεῦ τῆς ἐναντιότητος. ὁ μὲν οὐ διαλείπει γελῶν, ὁ δέ τινα ἔοικε πενθεῖν· δακρύει γοῦν τὸ παράπαν. τί ταῦτα, ὦ οὗτος; τί γελᾷς; Δημόκριτος: ἐρωτᾷς; ὅτι μοι γελοῖα πάντα δοκέει τὰ πρήγματα ὑμέων καὶ αὐτοὶ ὑμέες.
BUYER: What, are you laughing at us all, and do you think nothing of our affairs? DEMOCRITEAN: Even so; for there is nothing serious in them, but everything is a hollow mockery, drift of atoms, infinitude.
Ἀγοράστης: πῶς λέγεις; καταγελᾷς ἡμῶν ἁπάντων καὶ παρʼ οὐδὲν τίθεσαι τὰ ἡμέτερα πράγματα; Δημόκριτος: ὧδε ἔχει· σπουδαῖον γὰρ ἐν αὐτέοισιν οὐδέν, κενεὰ δὲ πάντα καὶ ἀτόμων φορὴ καὶ ἀπειρίη.
BUYER: No indeed, but you yourself are a hollow mockery in very truth and an infinite ass.
Ἀγοράστης: οὐ μὲν οὖν, ἀλλὰ σὺ κενὸς ὡς ἀληθῶς καὶ ἄπειρος.
14. BUYER: Oh, what effrontery! Will you never stop laughing? (Zo the other.) But you, why do youcry? For I think it is much more becoming to talk with you. HERACLITEAN: Because I consider, O stranger, that the affairs of man are woeful and tearful, and there is naught in them that is not foredoomed; therefore I pity and grieve for men. And their present woes I do not consider great, but those to come in future will be wholly bitter; I speak of the great conflagrations and the collapse of the universe. It is for this that I grieve, and because nothing is fixed, but all things are in a manner stirred up into porridge, and joy and joylessness, wisdom and unwisdom, great and small are all but the same, circling about, up and down, and interchanging in the game of Eternity.
14. Ἀγοράστης: ὢ τῆς ὕβρεως, οὐ παύσῃ γελῶν; σὺ δὲ τί κλάεις, ὦ βέλτιστε; πολὺ γὰρ οἶμαι κάλλιον σοὶ προσλαλεῖν. Ἡράκλειτος: ἡγέομαι γάρ, ὦ ξεῖνε, τὰ ἀνθρωπήϊα πρήγματα ὀϊζυρὰ καὶ δακρυώδεα καὶ οὐδὲν αὐτέων ὅ τι μὴ ἐπικήριον· τὸ δὴ οἰκτείρω τε σφέας καὶ ὀδύρομαι, καὶ τὰ μὲν παρεόντα οὐ δοκέω μεγάλα, τὰ δὲ ὑστέρῳ χρόνῳ ἐσόμενα πάμπαν ἀνιηρά, λέγω δὲ τὰς ἐκπυρώσιας καὶ τὴν τοῦ ὅλου συμφορήν· ταῦτα ὀδύρομαι καὶ ὅτι ἔμπεδον οὐδέν, ἀλλʼ ὅκως ἐς κυκεῶνα τὰ πάντα συνειλέονται καί ἐστι τὠυτὸ τέρψις ἀτερψίη, γνῶσις ἀγνωσίη, μέγα μικρόν, ἄνω κάτω περιχωρέοντα καὶ ἀμειβόμενα ἐν τῇ τοῦ αἰῶνος παιδιῇ.
BUYER: And what is Eternity? HERACLITEAN: A child playing a game, moving counters, in discord, in concord.
Ἀγοράστης: τί γὰρ ὁ αἰών ἐστι; Ἡράκλειτος: παῖς παίζων, πεσσεύων, διαφερόμενος, συμφερόμενος.
BUYER: What are men? HERACLITEAN: Mortal gods.
Ἀγοράστης: τί δὲ ἄνθρωποι; Ἡράκλειτος: θεοὶ θνητοί.
BUYER: And the Gods? HERACLITEAN: Immortal men.
Ἀγοράστης: τί δὲ θεοί; Ἡράκλειτος: ἄνθρωποι ἀθάνατοι.
BUYER: Are you telling riddles, man, or making conundrums? You are just like Apollo, for you say nothing plainly. HERACLITEAN: Because you matter naught to me.
Ἀγοράστης: αἰνίγματα λέγεις, ὦ οὗτος, ἢ γρίφους συντίθης; ἀτεχνῶς γὰρ ὥσπερ ὁ Λοξίας οὐδὲν ἀποσαφεῖς. Ἡράκλειτος: οὐδὲν γάρ μοι μέλει ὑμέων.
BUYER: Then nobody in his sense will buy you. HERACLITEAN: I bid ye go weep, one and all, buy you or buy you not.
Ἀγοράστης: τοιγαροῦν οὐδὲ ὠνήσεταί σέ τις εὖ φρονῶν. Ἡράκλειτος: ἐγὼ δὲ κέλομαι πᾶσιν ἡβηδὸν οἰμώζειν, τοῖσιν ὠνεομένοισι καὶ τοῖσιν οὐκ ὠνεομένοισι.
BUYER: This fellow’s trouble is not far removed from insanity. However, I for my part will not buy either of them.
Ἀγοράστης: τουτὶ τὸ κακὸν οὐ πόρρω μελαγχολίας ἐστίν· οὐδέτερον δὲ ὅμως αὐτῶν ἔγωγε ὠνήσομαι.
HERMES: They are left unsold also.
Ἑρμῆς: ἄπρατοι καὶ οὗτοι μένουσιν.
ZEUS: Put up another.
Ζεύς: ἄλλον ἀποκήρυττε.
15. HERMES: Do you want the Athenian over there, who has so much to say?
15. Ἑρμῆς: βούλει τὸν Ἀθηναῖον ἐκεῖνον, τὸν στωμύλον;
ZEUS: By all means.
Ζεύς: πάνυ μὲν οὖν.
HERMES: Come here, sir. We are putting up a righteous and intelligent philosophy. Who'll buy the height of sanctity?
Ἑρμῆς: δεῦρο ἐλθὲ σύ. βίον ἀγαθὸν καὶ συνετὸν ἀποκηρύττομεν. τίς ὠνεῖται τὸν ἱερώτατον;
BUYER: Tell me what you know best? ACADEMIC: I am a lover, and wise in matters of love.
Ἀγοράστης: εἰπέ μοι, τί μάλιστα εἰδὼς τυγχάνεις; Σωκράτης: παιδεραστής εἰμι καὶ σοφὸς τὰ ἐρωτικά.
BUYER: How am I to buy you, then? What I wanted was a tutor for my son, who is handsome. ACADEMIC: But who would be more suitable than I to associate with a handsome lad? It is not the body I love, it is the soul that I hold beautiful. As a matter of fact, even if they lie beneath the same cloak with me, they will tell you that I have done them no wrong.
Ἀγοράστης: πῶς οὖν ἐγὼ πρίωμαί σε; παιδαγωγοῦ γὰρ ἐδεόμην τῷ παιδὶ καλῷ ὄντι μοι. Σωκράτης: τίς δʼ ἂν ἐπιτηδειότερος ἐμοῦ γένοιτο συνεῖναι καλῷ; καὶ γὰρ οὐ τῶν σωμάτων ἐραστής εἰμι, τὴν ψυχὴν δὲ ἡγοῦμαι καλήν. ἀμέλει κἂν ὑπὸ ταὐτὸν ἱμάτιόν μοι κατακέωνται, ἀκούσει αὐτῶν λεγόντων μηδὲν ὑπʼ ἐμοῦ δεινὸν παθεῖν.
BUYER: I can’t believe what you say, that you, though a lover, take no interest in anything beyond the soul, even when you have the opportunity, lying beneath the same cloak.
Ἀγοράστης: ἄπιστα λέγεις, τὸ παιδεραστὴν ὄντα μὴ πέρα τῆς ψυχῆς πολυπραγμονεῖν, καὶ ταῦτα ἐπʼ ἐξουσίας, ὑπὸ τῷ αὐτῷ ἱματίῳ κατακείμενον.
16. ACADEMIC: But I swear to you by the dog and the plane-tree that this is so. BUYER: Heracles! What curious gods! ACADEMIC: What is that you say? Don’t you think the dog is a god? Don’t you know about Anubis in Egypt, how great he is, and about Sirius in the sky and Cerberus in the world below?
16. Σωκράτης: καὶ μὴν ὀμνύω γέ σοι τὸν κύνα καὶ τὴν πλάτανον οὕτω ταῦτα ἔχειν. Ἀγοράστης: Ἡράκλεις τῆς ἀτοπίας τῶν θεῶν. Σωκράτης: τί σὺ λέγεις; οὐ δοκεῖ σοι ὁ κύων εἶναι θεός; οὐχ ὁρᾷς τὸν Ἄνουβιν ἐν Αἰγύπτῳ ὅσος; καὶ τὸν ἐν οὐρανῷ Σείριον καὶ τὸν παρὰ τοῖς κάτω Κέρβερον;
17. BUYER: Quite right; I was entirely mistaken. But what is your manner of life? ACADEMIC: I dwell in a city that I created for myself, using an imported constitution and enacting statutes of my own.
17. Ἀγοράστης: Εὖ λέγεις, ἐγὼ δὲ διημάρτανον. ἀλλὰ τίνα βιοῖς τὸν τρόπον; Σωκράτης: οἰκῶ μὲν ἐμαυτῷ τινα πόλιν ἀναπλάσας, χρῶμαι δὲ πολιτείᾳ ξένῃ καὶ νόμους νομίζω τοὺς ἐμούς.
BUYER: I should like to hear one of your enactments. ACADEMIC: Let me tell you the most important one, the view that I hold about wives; it is that none of thei shall belong solely to any one man, but that everyone who so desires may share the rights of the husband.
Ἀγοράστης: ἓν ἐβουλόμην ἀκοῦσαι τῶν δογμάτων. Σωκράτης: ἄκουε δὴ τὸ μέγιστον, ὃ περὶ τῶν γυναικῶν μοι δοκεῖ· μηδεμίαν αὐτῶν μηδενὸς εἶναι μόνου, παντὶ δὲ μετεῖναι τῷ βουλομένῳ τοῦ γάμου.
BUYER: You mean by this that you have abolished the laws against adultery? ACADEMIC: Yes, and in a word, all this pettiness about such matters.
Ἀγοράστης: τοῦτο φής, ἀνῃρῆσθαι τοὺς περὶ μοιχείας νόμους; Σωκράτης: νὴ Δία, καὶ ἁπλῶς γε πᾶσαν τὴν περὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα μικρολογίαν.
BUYER: What is your attitude as to pretty boys? ACADEMIC: Their kisses shall be a guerdon for the bravest after they have done some splendid, reckless deed.
Ἀγοράστης: τί δὲ περὶ τῶν ἐν ὥρᾳ παίδων σοι δοκεῖ; Σωκράτης: καὶ οὗτοι ἔσονται τοῖς ἀρίστοις ἆθλον φιλῆσαι λαμπρόν τι καὶ νεανικὸν ἐργασαμένοις.
18. BUYER: My word, what generosity! And what is the gist of your wisdom? ACADEMIC: My “ideas”; I mean the patterns of existing things: for of everything that you behold, the earth, with all that is upon it, the sky, the sea, invisible images exist outside the universe.
18. Ἀγοράστης: βαβαὶ τῆς φιλοδωρίας. τῆς δὲ σοφίας τί σοι τὸ κεφάλαιον; Σωκράτης: αἱ ἰδέαι καὶ τὰ τῶν ὄντων παραδείγματα· ὁπόσα γὰρ δὴ ὁρᾷς, τὴν γῆν, τὰ ἐπὶ γῆς, τὸν οὐρανόν, τὴν θάλατταν, ἁπάντων τούτων εἰκόνες ἀφανεῖς ἑστᾶσιν ἔξω τῶν ὅλων.
BUYER: Where do they exist? ACADEMIC: Nowhere; for if they were anywhere, they would not be.
Ἀγοράστης: ποῦ δὲ ἑστᾶσιν; Σωκράτης: οὐδαμοῦ· εἰ γάρ που εἶεν, οὐκ ἂν εἶεν.
BUYER: I do not see these patterns that you speak of. ACADEMIC: Of course not, for the eye of your soul is blind; but I see images of everything,—an invisible “you,” another “me,” and in a word, two of everything.
Ἀγοράστης: οὐχ ὁρῶ ταῦθʼ ἅπερ λέγεις τὰ παραδείγματα. Σωκράτης: εἰκότως· τυφλὸς γὰρ εἶ τῆς ψυχῆς τὸν ὀφθαλμόν. ἐγὼ δὲ πάντων ὁρῶ εἰκόνας καὶ σὲ ἀφανῆ κἀμὲ ἄλλον, καὶ ὅλως διπλᾶ πάντα.
BUYER: Then I must buy you for your wisdom and your sharp sight. (Zo Hermes.) Come, let’s see what price you will make me for him?
Ἀγοράστης: τοιγαροῦν ὠνητέος εἶ σοφὸς καὶ ὀξυδερκής τις ὤν. φέρε ἴδω τί καὶ πράξεις με ὑπὲρ αὐτοῦ σύ;
HERMES: Give me two talents.
Ἑρμῆς: δὸς δύο τάλαντα.
BUYER: He is sold to me at the price you mention, But I will pay the money later on.
Ἀγοράστης: Ὠνησάμην ὅσου φής. τἀργύριον μέντοι εἰς αὖθις καταβαλῶ.
19. HERMES: What is your name?
19. Ἑρμῆς: τί σοι τοὔνομα;
BUYER: Dion of Syracuse.
Ἀγοράστης: Δίων Συρακούσιος.
HERMES: He is yours; take him, with good luck to you. Epicurean, I want you now. Who will buy him? He is a pupil of the laugher yonder and of the drunkard, both of whom we put up a short time ago. In one way, however, he knows more than they, because he is more impious. Besides, he is agreeable and fond of good eating.
Ἑρμῆς: ἄγε λαβὼν ἀγαθῇ τύχῃ. τὸν Ἐπικούρειον σὲ ἤδη καλῶ. τίς ὠνήσεται τοῦτον; ἔστι μὲν τοῦ γελῶντος ἐκείνου μαθητὴς καὶ τοῦ μεθύοντος, οὓς μικρῷ πρόσθεν ἀπεκηρύττομεν. ἓν δὲ πλέον οἶδεν αὐτῶν, παρʼ ὅσον δυσσεβέστερος τυγχάνει· τὰ δὲ ἄλλα ἡδὺς καὶ λιχνείᾳ φίλος.
BUYER: What is his price?
Ἀγοράστης: τίς ἡ τιμή;
HERMES: Two minas.
Ἑρμῆς: δύο μναῖ.
BUYER: Here you are. But, say! I want to know what food he likes.
Ἀγοράστης: λάμβανε· τὸ δεῖνα δέ, ὅπως εἰδῶ, τίσι χαίρει τῶν ἐδεσμάτων;
HERMES: He eats sweets and honey-cakes, and, above all, figs.
Ἑρμῆς: τὰ γλυκέα σιτεῖται καὶ τὰ μελιτώδη καὶ μάλιστά γε τὰς ἰσχάδας.
BUYER: No trouble about that; we shall buy him cakes of pressed figs from Caria.
Ἀγοράστης: χαλεπὸν οὐδέν· ὠνησόμεθα γὰρ αὐτῷ παλάθας τῶν Καρικῶν.
20. ZEUS: Call another, the one over there with the cropped head, the dismal fellow from the Porch.
20. Ζεύς: ἄλλον κάλει, τὸν ἐν χρῷ κουρίαν ἐκεῖνον, τὸν σκυθρωπόν, τὸν ἀπὸ τῆς στοᾶς.
HERMES: Quite right; at all events it looks as if the men who frequent the public square were waiting for him in great numbers. I sell virtue itself, the most perfect of philosophies. Who wants to be the only one to know everything?
Ἑρμῆς: εὖ λέγεις· ἐοίκασι γὰρ πολύ τι πλῆθος αὐτὸν περιμένειν τῶν ἐπὶ τὴν ἀγορὰν ἀπηντηκότων. αὐτὴν τὴν ἀρετὴν πωλῶ, τῶν βίων τὸν τελειότατον. τίς ἅπαντα μόνος εἰδέναι θέλει;
BUYER: What do you mean by that?
Ἀγοράστης: πῶς τοῦτο φής;
HERMES: That he is the only wise man, the only handsome man, the only just man, brave man, king, orator, rich man, lawgiver, and everything else that there is.
Ἑρμῆς: ὅτι μόνος οὗτος σοφός, μόνος καλός, μόνος δίκαιος ἀνδρεῖος βασιλεὺς ῥήτωρ πλούσιος νομοθέτης καὶ τὰ ἄλλα ὁπόσα ἐστίν.
BUYER: Then he is the only cook,—yes and the only tanner or carpenter, and so forth?
Ἀγοράστης: οὐκοῦν καὶ μάγειρος μόνος, καὶ νὴ Δία γε σκυτοδέψης ἢ τέκτων καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα;
HERMES: So it appears.
Ἑρμῆς: ἔοικεν.
21. BUYER: Come here, my good fellow, and tell your buyer what you are like, and first of all whether you are not displeased with being sold and living in slavery?
21. Ἀγοράστης: ἐλθέ, ὦγαθέ, καὶ λέγε πρὸς τὸν ὠνητὴν ἐμὲ ποῖός τις εἶ, καὶ πρῶτον εἰ οὐκ ἄχθῃ πιπρασκόμενος καὶ δοῦλος ὤν.
STOIC: Not at all, for these things are not in our control, and all that is not in our control is immaterial.
Χρύσιππος: οὐδαμῶς· οὐ γὰρ ἐφʼ ἡμῖν ταῦτά ἐστιν. ἃ δὲ οὐκ ἐφʼ ἡμῖν, ἀδιάφορα εἶναι συμβέβηκεν.
BUYER: I don’t understand what you mean by this.
Ἀγοράστης: οὐ μανθάνω ᾗ καὶ λέγεις.
STOIC: What, you do not understand that of such things some are “approved,” and some, to the contrary, “disapproved”’?
Χρύσιππος: τί φής; οὐ μανθάνεις ὅτι τῶν τοιούτων τὰ μέν ἐστι προηγμένα, τὰ δʼ ἀνάπαλιν ἀποπροηγμένα;
BUYER: Even now I do not understand.
Ἀγοράστης: οὐδὲ νῦν μανθάνω.
STOIC: Of course not, for you are not familiar with our vocabulary and have not the faculty of forming concepts; but a scholar who has mastered the science of logic knows not only this, but what predicaments and bye-predicaments are, and how they differ from each other.
Χρύσιππος: εἰκότως· οὐ γὰρ εἶ συνήθης τοῖς ἡμετέροις ὀνόμασιν οὐδὲ τὴν καταληπτικὴν φαντασίαν ἔχεις, ὁ δὲ σπουδαῖος ὁ τὴν λογικὴν θεωρίαν ἐκμαθὼν οὐ μόνον ταῦτα οἶδεν, ἀλλὰ καὶ σύμβαμα καὶ παρασύμβαμα ὁποῖα καὶ ὁπόσον ἀλλήλων διαφέρει.
BUYER: In the name of wisdom, don’t begrudge telling me at least what predicaments and bye-predicaments are; for I am somehow impressed by the rhythm of the terms.
Ἀγοράστης: πρὸς τῆς σοφίας, μὴ φθονήσῃς κἂν τοῦτο εἰπεῖν, τί τὸ σύμβαμα καὶ τὸ παρασύμβαμα· καὶ γὰρ οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως ἐπλήγην ὑπὸ τοῦ ῥυθμοῦ τῶν ὀνομάτων.
STOIC: Indeed, I do not begrudge it at all. If a man who is lame dashes his lame foot against a stone and receives an unlooked-for injury, he was already in a predicament, of course, with his lameness, and with his injury he gets into a bye-predicament too.
Χρύσιππος: ἀλλʼ οὐδεὶς φθόνος· ἢν γάρ τις χωλὸς ὢν αὐτῷ ἐκείνῳ τῷ χωλῷ ποδὶ προσπταίσας λίθῳ τραῦμα ἐξ ἀφανοῦς λάβῃ, ὁ τοιοῦτος εἶχε μὲν δήπου σύμβαμα τὴν χωλείαν, τὸ τραῦμα δὲ παρασύμβαμα προσέλαβεν.
22. BUYER: Oh, what subtlety! And what else do you claim to know best?
22. Ἀγοράστης: ὢ τῆς ἀγχινοίας· τί δὲ ἄλλο μάλιστα φὴς εἰδέναι;
STOIC: The word-snares with which I entangle those who converse with me and stop their mouths and make them hold their peace, putting a very muzzle on them. This power is called the syllogism of wide renown.
Χρύσιππος: τὰς τῶν λόγων πλεκτάνας αἷς συμποδίζω τοὺς προσομιλοῦντας καὶ ἀποφράττω καὶ σιωπᾶν ποιῶ, φιμὸν ἀτεχνῶς αὐτοῖς περιτιθείς· ὄνομα δὲ τῇ δυνάμει ταύτῃ ὁ ἀοίδιμος συλλογισμός.
BUYER: Heracles! An invincible and mighty thing, by what you say.
Ἀγοράστης: Ἡράκλεις, ἄμαχόν τινα καὶ βίαιον λέγεις.
STOIC: See for yourself. Have you a child?
Χρύσιππος: σκόπει γοῦν· ἔστι σοι παιδίον;
BUYER: What of it?
Ἀγοράστης: τί μήν;
STOIC: If a crocodile should seize it on finding it straying beside the river, and then should promise to give it back to you if you told him truly what he intended to do about giving it back, what would you say he had made up his mind to do?
Χρύσιππος: τοῦτο ἤν πως κροκόδειλος ἁρπάσῃ πλησίον τοῦ ποταμοῦ πλαζόμενον εὑρών, κᾆτά σοι ἀποδώσειν ὑπισχνῆται αὐτό, ἢν εἴπῃς τἀληθὲς ὅ τι δέδοκται αὐτῷ περὶ τῆς ἀποδόσεως τοῦ βρέφους, τί φήσεις αὐτὸν ἐγνωκέναι;
BUYER: Your question is hard to answer, for I don’t know which alternative I should follow in my reply, in order to get back the child. Come, in Heaven’s name answer it yourself and save the child for me, for fear the beast may get ahead of us and devour it!
Ἀγοράστης: δυσαπόκριτον ἐρωτᾷς. ἀπορῶ γὰρ ὁπότερον εἰπὼν ἀπολάβοιμι. ἀλλὰ σὺ πρὸς Διὸς ἀποκρινάμενος ἀνάσωσαί μοι τὸ παιδίον, μὴ καὶ φθάσῃ αὐτὸ καταπιών.
STOIC: Courage! I'll teach you other things that are more wonderful.
Χρύσιππος: θάρρει· καὶ ἄλλα γάρ σε διδάξομαι θαυμασιώτερα.
BUYER: What are they?
Ἀγοράστης: τὰ ποῖα;
STOIC: The Reaper, the Master, and above all, the Electra and the Veiled Figure.
Χρύσιππος: τὸν θερίζοντα καὶ τὸν κυριεύοντα καὶ ἐπὶ πᾶσι τὴν Ἠλέκτραν καὶ τὸν ἐγκεκαλυμμένον.
BUYER: What do you mean by the Veiled Figure and the Electra?
Ἀγοράστης: τίνα τοῦτον τὸν ἐγκεκαλυμμένον ἢ τίνα τὴν Ἠλέκτραν λέγεις;
STOIC: The Electra is the famous Electra, the daughter of Agamemnon, who at once knew and did not know the same thing; for when Orestes stood beside her before the recognition she knew that Orestes was her brother, but did not know that this was Orestes. As to the Veiled Figure, you shall hear a very wonderful argument. Tell me, do you know your own father?
Χρύσιππος: Ἠλέκτραν μὲν ἐκείνην τὴν πάνυ, τὴν Ἀγαμέμνονος, ἣ τὰ αὐτὰ οἶδέ τε ἅμα καὶ οὐκ οἶδε· παρεστῶτος γὰρ αὐτῇ τοῦ Ὀρέστου ἔτι ἀγνῶτος οἶδε μὲν Ὀρέστην, ὅτι ἀδελφὸς αὐτῆς, ὅτι δὲ οὗτος Ὀρέστης ἀγνοεῖ. τὸν δʼ αὖ ἐγκεκαλυμμένον καὶ πάνυ θαυμαστὸν ἀκούσῃ λόγον· ἀπόκριναι γάρ μοι, τὸν πατέρα οἶσθα τὸν σεαυτοῦ;
BUYER: Yes.
Ἀγοράστης: ναί.
STOIC: But if I put a veiled figure before you and asked you if you know him, what will you say?
Χρύσιππος: τί οὖν; ἤν σοι παραστήσας τινὰ ἐγκεκαλυμμένον ἔρωμαι, τοῦτον οἶσθα; τί φήσεις;
BUYER: That I don’t, of course.
Ἀγοράστης: δηλαδὴ ἀγνοεῖν.
23. STOIC: But the veiled figure turns out to be your own father; so if you don’t know him, you evidently don’t know your own father.
23. Χρύσιππος: ἀλλὰ μὴν αὐτὸς οὗτος ἦν ὁ πατὴρ ὁ σός· ὥστε εἰ τοῦτον ἀγνοεῖς, δῆλος εἶ τὸν πατέρα τὸν σὸν ἀγνοῶν.
BUYER: Not so: I should unveil him and find out the truth! But to go on—what is the purpose of your wisdom, and what shall you do when you reach the summit of virtue?
Ἀγοράστης: οὐ μὲν οὖν· ἀλλʼ ἀποκαλύψας αὐτὸν εἴσομαι τὴν ἀλήθειαν. ὅμως δʼ οὖν τί σοι τῆς σοφίας τὸ τέλος, ἢ τί πράξεις πρὸς τὸ ἀκρότατον τῆς ἀρετῆς ἀφικόμενος;
STOIC: I shall then devote myself to the chief natural goods, I mean wealth, health, and the like. But first I must go through many preparatory toils, whetting my eyesight with closely-written books, collecting learned comments and stufting myself with solecisms and uncouth words; and to cap all, a man may not become wise until he has taken the hellebore treatment three times running.
Χρύσιππος: περὶ τὰ πρῶτα κατὰ φύσιν τότε γενήσομαι, λέγω δὲ πλοῦτον, ὑγίειαν καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα. πρότερον δὲ ἀνάγκη πολλὰ προπονῆσαι λεπτογράφοις βιβλίοις παραθήγοντα τὴν ὄψιν καὶ σχόλια συναγείροντα καὶ σολοικισμῶν ἐμπιπλάμενον καὶ ἀτόπων ῥημάτων· καὶ τὸ κεφάλαιον, οὐ θέμις γενέσθαι σοφόν, ἢν μὴ τρὶς ἐφεξῆς τοῦ ἐλλεβόρου πίῃς.
BUYER: These projects of yours are noble and dreadfully courageous. But tobe a Gnipho and a usurer—for I see that this is one of your traits too—what shall we say of this? That it is the mark of a man who has already taken his hellebore-treatment and is consumuinate in virtue?
Ἀγοράστης: γενναῖά σου ταῦτα καὶ δεινῶς ἀνδρικά. τὸ δὲ Γνίφωνα εἶναι καὶ τοκογλύφον — καὶ γὰρ τάδε ὁρῶ σοι προσόντα — τί φῶμεν, ἀνδρὸς ἤδη πεπωκότος τὸν ἐλλέβορον καὶ τελείου πρὸς ἀρετήν;
STOIC: Yes; at any rate money-lending is especially appropriate to a wise man, for as drawing inferences is a specialty of his, and as money-lending and drawing interest is next-door to drawing inferences, the one, like the other, belongs particularly to the scholar: and not only getting simple interest, like other people, but interest upon interest. For don’t you know that there is a first interest and a second interest, the offspring, as it were, of the first? And you surely perceive what logic says: “If he gets the first interest, he will get the second; but he will get the first, ergo he will get the second.”
Χρύσιππος: ναί· μόνῳ γοῦν τὸ δανείζειν πρέποι ἂν τῷ σοφῷ· ἐπεὶ γὰρ ἴδιον αὐτοῦ συλλογίζεσθαι, τὸ δανείζειν δὲ καὶ λογίζεσθαι τοὺς τόκους πλησίον εἶναι δοκεῖ τῷ συλλογίζεσθαι, μόνου ἂν εἴη τοῦ σπουδαίου καθάπερ ἐκεῖνο καὶ τοῦτο, καὶ οὐ μόνον γε ἁπλοῦς, ὥσπερ οἱ ἄλλοι, τοὺς τόκους, ἀλλὰ καὶ τούτων ἑτέρους τόκους λαμβάνειν· ἢ γὰρ ἀγνοεῖς ὅτι τῶν τόκων οἱ μέν εἰσι πρῶτοί τινες, οἱ δὲ δεύτεροι, καθάπερ αὐτῶν ἐκείνων ἀπόγονοι; ὁρᾷς δὲ δὴ καὶ τὸν συλλογισμὸν ὁποῖά φησιν· εἰ τὸν πρῶτον τόκον λήψεται, λήψετα ι καὶ τὸν δεύτερον· ἀλλὰ μὴν τὸν πρῶτον λήψεται, λήψεται ἄρα καὶ τὸν δεύτερον·.
24. BUYER: Then we are to say the same of the fees that you get for your wisdom from young men, and obviously none but the scholar will get paid for his virtue?
24. Ἀγοράστης: οὐκοῦν καὶ μισθῶν πέρι τὰ αὐτὰ φῶμεν, οὓς σὺ λαμβάνεις ἐπὶ τῇ σοφίᾳ παρὰ τῶν νέων, καὶ δῆλον ὅτι μόνος ὁ σπουδαῖος μισθὸν ἐπὶ τῇ ἀρετῇ λήψεται;
STOIC: Your understanding of the matter is correct. You see, I donot take pay on my own account, but for the sake of the giver himself: for since there are two classes of men, the disbursive and the receptive, I train myself to be receptive and my pupil to be disbursive.
Χρύσιππος: μανθάνεις· οὐ γὰρ ἐμαυτοῦ ἕνεκα λαμβάνω, τοῦ δὲ διδόντος αὐτοῦ χάριν· ἐπεὶ γάρ ἐστιν ὁ μέν τις ἐκχύτης, ὁ δὲ περιεκτικός, ἐμαυτὸν μὲν ἀσκῶ εἶναι περιεκτικόν, τὸν δὲ μαθητὴν ἐκχύτην.
BUYER: On the contrary, the young man ought to be receptive and you, who alone are rich, disbursive!
Ἀγοράστης: καὶ μὴν τοὐναντίον ἐχρῆν τὸν νέον μὲν εἶναι περιεκτικόν, σὲ δὲ τὸν μόνον πλούσιον ἐκχύτην.
STOIC: You are joking, man. Look out that I don’t shoot you with my indemonstrable syllogism.
Χρύσιππος: σκώπτεις, ὦ οὗτος. ἀλλʼ ὅρα μή σε ἀποτοξεύσω τῷ ἀναποδείκτῳ συλλογισμῷ.
BUYER: What have I to fear from that shaft?
Ἀγοράστης: καὶ τί δεινὸν ἀπὸ τοῦ βέλους;
STOIC: Perplexity and aphasia and a sprained intellect.
Χρύσιππος: ἀπορία καὶ σιωπὴ καὶ διαστραφῆναι τὴν διάνοιαν.
25. STOIC: But the great thing is that if I wish I can turn you into a stone forthwith.
25. Χρύσιππος: ὃ δὲ μέγιστον, ἢν ἐθέλω, τάχιστά σε ἀποδείξω λίθον.
BUYER: How will you turn me into a stone? You are not a Perseus, I think, my dear fellow.
Ἀγοράστης: πῶς λίθον; οὐ γὰρ Περσεὺς σύ, ὦ βέλτιστε, εἶναί μοι δοκεῖς.
STOIC: In this way. Isa stone a substance?
Χρύσιππος: ὧδέ πως· ὁ λίθος σῶμά ἐστι;
BUYER: Yes.
Ἀγοράστης: ναί.
STOIC: And how about this—is not an animal a substance?
Χρύσιππος: τί δέ; τὸ ζῷον οὐ σῶμα;
BUYER: Yes.
Ἀγοράστης: ναί.
STOIC: And you are an animal?
Χρύσιππος: σὺ δὲ ζῷον;
BUYER: So it appears, anyhow.
Ἀγοράστης: ἔοικα γοῦν.
STOIC: Then you are a substance, and therefore a stone!
Χρύσιππος: λίθος ἄρα εἶ σῶμα ὤν.
BUYER: Don’t say that! Distribute my middle, for Heaven’s sake, and make me a man again.
Ἀγοράστης: μηδαμῶς. ἀλλʼ ἀνάλυσόν με πρὸς τοῦ Διὸς καὶ ἐξ ὑπαρχῆς ποίησον ἄνθρωπον.
STOIC: That is not difficult. Be a man once more!—Tell me, is every substance an animal?
Χρύσιππος: οὐ χαλεπόν· ἀλλʼ ἔμπαλιν ἴσθι ἄνθρωπος. εἰπὲ γάρ μοι, πᾶν σῶμα ζῷον;
STOIC: Well, is a stone an animal?
Χρύσιππος: τί δέ; λίθος ζῷον;
STOIC: You are a substance?
Χρύσιππος: σὺ δὲ σῶμα εἶ;
BUYER: Yes.
Ἀγοράστης: ναί.
STOIC: But even if you are a substance, you are an animal.
Χρύσιππος: σῶμα δὲ ὢν ζῷον εἶ;
BUYER: Yes.
Ἀγοράστης: ναί.
STOIC: Then you are not a stone, being an animal.
Χρύσιππος: οὐκ ἄρα λίθος εἶ ζῷόν γε ὤν.
BUYER: Thank you kindly; my legs were already as cold and solid as Niobe’s. Iwill buy you. (Zo uunmes.) How much have I to pay for him?
Ἀγοράστης: εὖ γε ἐποίησας, ὡς ἤδη μου τὰ σκέλη καθάπερ τῆς Νιόβης ἀπεψύχετο καὶ πάγια ἦν. ἀλλὰ ὠνήσομαί γε σέ. πόσον ὑπὲρ αὐτοῦ καταβαλῶ;
HERMES: Twelve minas.
Ἑρμῆς: μνᾶς δώδεκα.
BUYER: Here you are.
Ἀγοράστης: λάμβανε.
HERMES: Are you the sole purchaser?
Ἑρμῆς: μόνος δὲ αὐτὸν ἐώνησαι;
BUYER: No, indeed; there are all these men whom you see.
Ἀγοράστης: μὰ Δίʼ, ἀλλʼ οὗτοι πάντες οὓς ὁρᾷς.
HERMES: Yes, there are many of them, heavy-shouldered fellows, fit associates for the Reaper.
Ἑρμῆς: πολλοί γε καὶ τοὺς ὤμους καρτεροὶ καὶ τοῦ θερίζοντος ἄξιοι.
26. ZEUS: Don’t delay; call another, the Peripatetic.
26. Ζεύς: μὴ διάτριβε· ἄλλον κάλει τὸν Περιπατητικόν.
HERMES: (To renivatetic.) I say, you who are handsome, you who are rich! (Yo the buyers.) Come now, buy the height of intelligence, the one who knows absolutely everything!
Ἑρμῆς: σέ φημι, τὸν καλόν, τὸν πλούσιον. ἄγε δή, ὠνήσασθε τὸν συνετώτατον, τὸν ἅπαντα ὅλως ἐπιστάμενον.
BUYER: What is he like!
Ἀγοράστης: ποῖος δέ τις ἐστί;
HERMES: Moderate, gentlemanly, adaptable in his way of living, and, what is more, he is double.
Ἑρμῆς: μέτριος, ἐπιεικής, ἁρμόδιος τῷ βίῳ, τὸ δὲ μέγιστον, διπλοῦς.
BUYER: What do you mean?
Ἀγοράστης: πῶς λέγεις;
HERMES: Viewed from the outside, he seems to be one man, and from the inside, another; so if you buy him, be sure to call the one self “exoteric” and the other “esoteric.”
Ἑρμῆς: ἄλλος μὲν ὁ ἔκτοσθεν φαινόμενος, ἄλλος δὲ ὁ ἔντοσθεν εἶναι δοκεῖ· ὥστε ἢν πρίῃ αὐτόν, μέμνησο τὸν μὲν ἐξωτερικόν, τὸν δὲ ἐσωτερικὸν καλεῖν.
BUYER: What does he know best?
Ἀγοράστης: τί δὲ γινώσκει μάλιστα;
HERMES: That goods are threefold, in the soul, in the body, and in things external.
Ἑρμῆς: τρία εἶναι τὰ ἀγαθά, ἐν ψυχῇ, ἐν σώματι, ἐν τοῖς ἐκτός.
BUYER: He has common sense. How much is he?
Ἀγοράστης: ἀνθρώπινα φρονεῖ. πόσου δέ ἐστιν;
HERMES: Twenty minas.
Ἑρμῆς: εἴκοσι μνῶν.
BUYER: Your price is high.
Ἀγοράστης: πολλοῦ λέγεις.
HERMES: Not so, bless you, for he himself appears to have a bit of money, so you can’t be too quick about buying him. Besides, he will tell you at once how long a gnat lives, how far down into the sea the sunlight reaches, and what the soul of an oyster is like.
Ἑρμῆς: οὔκ, ὦ μακάριε· καὶ γὰρ αὐτὸς ἔχειν τι ἀργύριον δοκεῖ, ὥστε οὐκ ἂν φθάνοις ὠνούμενος. ἔτι δὲ εἴσῃ αὐτίκα μάλα παρʼ αὐτοῦ πόσον μὲν ὁ κώνωψ βιοῖ τὸν χρόνον, ἐφʼ ὁπόσον δὲ βάθος ἡ θάλαττα ὑπὸ τοῦ ἡλίου καταλάμπεται, καὶ ὁποία τίς ἐστιν ἡ ψυχὴ τῶν ὀστρείων.
BUYER: Heracles, what insight!
Ἀγοράστης: Ἡράκλεις τῆς ἀκριβολογίας.
HERMES: What if I should tell you of other information demanding far keener vision, about sperm and conception and the shaping of the embryo in the womb, and how man is a creature that laughs, while asses do not laugh, and neither do they build houses nor sail boats.
Ἑρμῆς: τί δὲ εἰ ἀκούσειας ἄλλα πολλῷ τούτων ὀξυδερκέστερα, γονῆς τε πέρι καὶ γενέσεως καὶ τῆς ἐν ταῖς μήτραις τῶν ἐμβρύων πλαστικῆς, καὶ ὡς ἄνθρωπος μὲν γελαστικόν, ὄνος δὲ οὐ γελαστικὸν οὐδὲ τεκταινόμενον οὐδὲ πλωϊζόμενον;
BUYER: This is high and helpful information that you tell of, so I shall buy him for the twenty minas.
Ἀγοράστης: πάνσεμνα φὴς καὶ ὀνησιφόρα τὰ μαθήματα, ὥστε ὠνοῦμαι αὐτὸν τῶν εἴκοσιν.
27. HERMES: Very well.
27. Ἑρμῆς: εἶεν.
ZEUS: Whom have we left?
Ζεύς: τίς λοιπὸς ἡμῖν;
HERMES: This Sceptic is still on our hands. Reddy, come here and be put up without delay. The crowd is already drifting away, and there will be but few at his sale. However,—who'll buy this one?
Ἑρμῆς: καταλείπεται ὁ Σκεπτικὸς οὗτος. σὺ ὁ Πυρρίας πρόσιθι καὶ ἀποκηρύττου κατὰ τάχος. ἤδη μὲν ὑπορρέουσιν οἱ πολλοὶ καὶ ἐν ὀλίγοις ἡ πρᾶσις ἔσται. ὅμως δὲ τίς καὶ τοῦτον ὠνήσεται;
BUYER: I will. But first tell me, what do you know? SCEPTIC: Nothing.
Ἀγοράστης: ἔγωγε. ἀλλὰ πρῶτον εἰπέ μοι, σὺ τί ἐπίστασαι; Πύρρων: οὐδέν.
BUYER: What do you mean by that? SCEPTIC: That in my opinion nothing at all exists.
Ἀγοράστης: πῶς τοῦτο ἔφησθα; Πύρρων: ὅτι οὐδὲν ὅλως εἶναί μοι δοκεῖ.
BUYER: Then do not we exist? SCEPTIC: I don’t even know that.
Ἀγοράστης: οὐδὲ ἡμεῖς ἄρα ἐσμέν τινες; Πύρρων: οὐδὲ τοῦτο οἶδα.
BUYER: Not even that you yourself exist? SCEPTIC: I am far more uncertain about that.
Ἀγοράστης: οὐδὲ ὅτι σύ τις ὢν τυγχάνεις; Πύρρων: πολὺ μᾶλλον ἔτι τοῦτο ἀγνοῶ.
BUYER: Oh, what a state of doubt? But what are these scales of yours for? SCEPTIC: I weigh arguments in them and make them balance one another, and when I see they are precisely alike and equal in weight, then, ah! then I do not know which is the truer.
Ἀγοράστης: ὢ τῆς ἀπορίας. τί δέ σοι τὰ σταθμία ταυτὶ βούλεται; Πύρρων: ζυγοστατῶ ἐν αὐτοῖς τοὺς λόγους καὶ πρὸς τὸ ἴσον ἀπευθύνω, καὶ ἐπειδὰν ἀκριβῶς ὁμοίους τε καὶ ἰσοβαρεῖς ἴδω, τότε δὴ τότε ἀγνοῶ τὸν ἀληθέστερον.
BUYER: What else can you do fairly well? SCEPTIC: Everything except catch a runaway slave.
Ἀγοράστης: τῶν ἄλλων δὲ τί ἂν πράττοις ἐμμελῶς; Πύρρων: τὰ πάντα πλὴν δραπέτην μεταδιώκειν.
BUYER: Why can’t you do that? SCEPTIC: Because, my dear sir, I am unable to apprehend anything.
Ἀγοράστης: τί δὲ τοῦτό σοι ἀδύνατον; Πύρρων: ὅτι, ὦγαθέ, οὐ καταλαμβάνω.
BUYER: Of course, for you look to be slow and lazy. But what is the upshot of your wisdom? SCEPTIC: Ignorance, and failure of hearing and vision.
Ἀγοράστης: εἰκότως· βραδὺς γὰρ καὶ νωθής τις εἶναι δοκεῖς. ἀλλὰ τί σοι τὸ τέλος τῆς ἐπιστάσεως; Πύρρων: ἡ ἀμαθία καὶ τὸ μήτε ἀκούειν μήτε ὁρᾶν.
BUYER: Then you mean being both deaf and blind? SCEPTIC: Yes, and devoid of judgement and feeling, and, in a word, no better than a worm.
Ἀγοράστης: οὐκοῦν καὶ τὸ τυφλὸς ἅμα καὶ κωφὸς εἶναι λέγεις; Πύρρων: καὶ ἄκριτός γε προσέτι καὶ ἀναίσθητος καὶ ὅλως τοῦ σκώληκος οὐδὲν διαφέρων.
BUYER: I must buy you for that reason. (Zo uenmes.) How much may I call him worth?
Ἀγοράστης: ὠνητέος εἶ διὰ ταῦτα. πόσου τοῦτον ἄξιον χρὴ φάναι;
HERMES: An Attie mina.
Ἑρμῆς: μνᾶς Ἀττικῆς·
BUYER: Here you are. (Yo scertic.) What have you to say, fellow? Have I bought you? SCEPTIC: Doubtful.
Ἀγοράστης: λάμβανε. τί φής, ὦ οὗτος; ἐώνημαι σε; Πύρρων: ἄδηλον.
BUYER: No, indeed, I have bought you and paid the price in cash. SCEPTIC: I am suspending judgement on that point and thinking it over.
Ἀγοράστης: μηδαμῶς· ἐώνημαι γὰρ καὶ τἀργύριον κατέβαλον. Πύρρων: ἐπέχω περὶ τούτου καὶ διασκέπτομαι.
BUYER: Come now, fellow, walk along behind me as my servant should. SCEPTIC: Who knows if what you say is true?
Ἀγοράστης: καὶ μὴν ἀκολούθει μοι, καθάπερ χρὴ ἐμὸν οἰκέτην. Πύρρων: τίς οἶδεν εἰ ἀληθῆ ταῦτα φής;
BUYER: The crier, the mina, and the men present. SCEPTIC: Is there anyone here present?
Ἀγοράστης: ὁ κῆρυξ καὶ ἡ μνᾶ καὶ οἱ παρόντες. Πύρρων: πάρεισι γὰρ ἡμῖν τινες;
BUYER: Come, I'll chuck you into the mill and convince you that I am your master, with sorry logic! SCEPTIC: Suspend judgement on that point.
Ἀγοράστης: ἀλλʼ ἔγωγέ σε ἤδη ἐμβαλὼν ἐς τὸν μυλῶνα πείσω εἶναι δεσπότης κατὰ τὸν χείρω λόγον. Πύρρων: ἔπεχε περὶ τούτου.
BUYER: No, by Heaven! I have already affirmed my judgement.
Ἀγοράστης: μὰ Δίʼ, ἀλλʼ ἤδη γε ἀπεφηνάμην.
HERMES: (To scertic.) Stop hanging back and go with your buyer. (Zo the company.) We invite you all here to-morrow, for we intend to put up for sale the careers of laymen, workingmen, and tradesmen.
Ἑρμῆς: σὺ μὲν παῦσαι ἀντιτείνων καὶ ἀκολούθει τῷ πριαμένῳ, ὑμᾶς δὲ εἰς αὔριον παρακαλοῦμεν· ἀποκηρύξειν γὰρ τοὺς ἰδιώτας καὶ βαναύσους καὶ ἀγοραίους βίους μέλλομεν.