---
title: "The Carousal, or The Lapiths · Συμπόσιον ἢ Λαπίθαι"
author: "Lucian"
translator: "Henry Watson Fowler"
languages: [grc, en]
shelf: "Classical Greek"
url: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-carousal/
cite: "Lucian, tr. Henry Watson Fowler, The Carousal, or The Lapiths · Συμπόσιον ἢ Λαπίθαι. Scriptura (scriptura.si), https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-carousal/"
---

# The Carousal, or The Lapiths · Συμπόσιον ἢ Λαπίθαι

*Lucian, tr. Henry Watson Fowler*

A wedding feast at which the philosophers of every school end in a drunken brawl.

> Greek: ed. Austin Morris Harmon, from the Perseus Digital Library (canonical-greekLit, tlg0062.tlg015, CC BY-SA 4.0).

> English: Henry Watson Fowler, from the Perseus Digital Library (tlg0062.tlg015.perseus-eng4). Notes are not included.

> Rows follow the references the two texts share (chapters and sections), cut where both reach the end of a sentence.

## Contents

1. [Sections 1–23](https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-carousal/1.md)
2. [Sections 24–48](https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-carousal/2.md)

## 1. Sections 1–23

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-carousal/1/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-carousal/1/#p-N

[¶0] 1. Philosophy: Ah, Lycinus, I hear you had a very varied entertainment dining with Aristaenetus last night; a philosophic debate followed by a sharp difference of opinion, I understand; if Charinus’s information was correct, it went as far as blows, and the conference had a bloody end.

> Greek: 1. Φίλων: ποικίλην, ὦ Λυκῖνε, διατριβήν φασι γεγενῆσθαι ὑμῖν χθὲς ἐν Ἀρισταινέτου παρὰ τὸ δεῖπνον καί τινας λόγους φιλοσόφους εἰρῆσθαι καὶ ἔριν οὐ σμικρὰν συστῆναι ἐπʼ αὐτοῖς, εἰ δὲ μὴ ἐψεύδετο Χαρῖνος, καὶ ἄχρι τραυμάτων προχωρῆσαι τὸ πρᾶγμα καὶ τέλος αἵματι διαλυθῆναι τὴν συνουσίαν.

[¶1] Lycinus: Charinus? he was not there; what can he know about it?

> Greek: Λυκῖνος: καὶ πόθεν, ὦ Φίλων, ἠπίστατο Χαρῖνος ταῦτα; οὐ γὰρ συνεδείπνει μεθʼ ἡμῶν.

[¶2] Philosophy: Dionicus the doctor had told him, he said; be was one of you, was he not?

> Greek: Φίλων: Διονίκου ἔφη τοῦ ἰατροῦ ἀκοῦσαι. Διόνικος δὲ καὶ αὐτός, οἶμαι, τῶν συνδείπνων ἦν.

[¶3] Lycinus: Yes, but only later on; he came when the fray was already a promising one, though no blows had yet been struck. I doubt whether he could have any intelligible account to give, as he had not followed the beginning of the rivalry that was to end in bloodshed.

> Greek: Λυκῖνος: καὶ μάλα· οὐ μὴν ἐξ ἀρχῆς γε οὐδʼ αὐτὸς ἅπασι παρεγένετο, ἀλλὰ ὀψὲ μεσούσης σχεδὸν ἤδη τῆς μάχης ἐπέστη ὀλίγον πρὸ τῶν τραυμάτων. ὥστε θαυμάζω εἴ τι σαφὲς εἰπεῖν ἐδύνατο μὴ παρακολουθήσας ἐκείνοις, ἀφʼ ὧν ἀρξαμένη ἐς τὸ αἷμα ἐτελεύτησεν αὐτοῖς ἡ φιλονεικία.

[¶4] 2. Philosophy: Just so; Charinus told me to apply to you, if I wanted a true description of all the details. Dionicus had mentioned that he had not been there all through, but said you knew the whole of the facts, and would remember the arguments too, as you are a real student and take more than an outside interest in that sort of thing. So no more ceremony, please, but spread me this most tempting of banquets; its attractions are enhanced by the fact that we shall enjoy it soberly, quietly, without bloodshed or danger, whatever regrettable words or deeds the old men’s weak heads or the young men’s vinous exaltation may have led them into.

> Greek: 2. Φίλων: τοιγαροῦν, ὦ Λυκῖνε, καὶ ὁ Χαρῖνος αὐτός, εἰ βουλοίμεθα τἀληθῆ ἀκοῦσαι καὶ ὅπως ἐπράχθη ἕκαστα, παρὰ σὲ ἡμᾶς ἥκειν ἐκέλευσε. καὶ τὸν Διόνικον γὰρ αὐτὸν εἰπεῖν ὡς αὐτὸς μὲν οὐ παραγένοιτο ἅπασι, σὲ δὲ ἀκριβῶς εἰδέναι τὰ γεγενημένα καὶ τοὺς λόγους αὐτοὺς ἂν ἀπομνημονεῦσαι ἅτε μὴ παρέργως τῶν τοιούτων, ἀλλʼ ἐν σπουδῇ ἀκροώμενον. ὥστε οὐκ ἂν φθάνοις ἑστιῶν ἡμᾶς ἡδίστην ταύτην ἑστίασιν, ἧς οὐκ οἶδα τίς ἡδίων ἔμοιγε, καὶ μάλιστα ὅσῳ νήφοντες ἐν εἰρήνῃ καὶ ἀναιμωτὶ ἔξω βέλους ἑστιασόμεθα, εἴτε γέροντες ἐπαρῴνησάν τι παρὰ τὸ δεῖπνον εἴτε νέοι, εἰπεῖν τε ὅσα ἥκιστα ἐχρῆν ὑπὸ τοῦ ἀκράτου προαχθέντες καὶ πρᾶξαι.

[¶5] 3. Lycinus: What an indiscreet demand, Philo! What, make the story public? give a full description of what men do in their cups? A veil should be drawn over such things; they should be ascribed to Dionysus; I am not at all sure that he will pardon the man who holds aloof from his mystic influence. I should like to be sure that it does not betray an evil nature if you dwell too curiously on what you should forget as you leave the dining-room. ‘Babble wet, But dry forget,’ goes the rhyme. It was not right of Dionicus to blab to Charinus, bespattering great philosophers with stale wine-rinsings. No, get thee behind me; my lips are sealed.

> Greek: 3. Λυκῖνος: νεανικώτερα ἡμᾶς, ὦ Φίλων, ἀξιοῖς ἐκφέρειν ταῦτα πρὸς τοὺς πολλοὺς καὶ ἐπεξιέναι διηγουμένους πράγματα ἐν οἴνῳ καὶ μέθῃ γενόμενα, δέον λήθην ποιήσασθαι αὐτῶν καὶ νομίζειν ἐκεῖνα πάντα θεοῦ ἔργα τοῦ Διονύσου εἶναι, ὃς οὐκ οἶδα εἴ τινα τῶν αὑτοῦ ὀργίων ἀτέλεστον καὶ ἀβάκχευτον περιεῖδεν. ὅρα οὖν μὴ κακοήθων τινῶν ἀνθρώπων ᾖ τὸ ἀκριβῶς τὰ τοιαῦτα ἐξετάζειν, ἃ καλῶς ἔχει ἐν τῷ συμποσίῳ καταλιπόντας ἀπαλλάττεσθαι. μισῶ γάρ, φησὶ καὶ ὁ ποιητικὸς λόγος, μνάμονα συμπόταν. καὶ οὐδὲ ὁ Διόνικος ὀρθῶς ἐποίησε πρὸς τὸν Χαρῖνον ταῦτα ἐξαγορεύσας καὶ πολλὴν τὴν ἑωλοκρασίαν κατασκεδάσας ἀνδρῶν φιλοσόφων. ἐγὼ δέ, ἄπαγε, οὐκ ἄν τι τοιοῦτον εἴποιμι.

[¶6] 4. Philosophy: Coquette! and you have mistaken your man too; I am quite aware that you are more eager to tell than I to hear; I believe, if you had no one to listen, you would find a pillar or statue and out with the whole tale to it in one torrent. If I try to make off now, you will never let me go till I have done my listening; you will hold on to me and pursue me and solicit me. Then it will be my turn to coquet. Oh, very well; do not trouble to tell me; good-bye; I will get it out of some one else.

> Greek: 4. Φίλων: Θρύπτῃ ταῦτα, ὦ Λυκῖνε. ἀλλʼ οὔτι γε πρὸς ἐμὲ οὕτω ποιεῖν ἐχρῆν, ὃς ἀκριβῶς πολὺ πλέον ἐπιθυμοῦντά σε εἰπεῖν οἶδα ἢ ἐμὲ ἀκοῦσαι, καί μοι δοκεῖς, εἰ ἀπορήσειας τῶν ἀκουσομένων, κἂν πρὸς κίονά τινα ἢ πρὸς ἀνδριάντα ἡδέως ἂν προσελθὼν ἐκχέαι πάντα συνείρων ἀμυστί. εἰ γοῦν ἐθελήσω ἀπαλλάττεσθαι νῦν, οὐκ ἐάσεις με ἀνήκοον ἀπελθεῖν, ἀλλʼ ἕξει καὶ παρακολουθήσεις καὶ δεήσει. κἀγὼ θρύψομαι πρὸς σὲ ἐν τῷ μέρει· καὶ εἴ γε δοκεῖ, ἀπίωμεν ἄλλου αὐτὰ πευσόμενοι, σὺ δὲ μὴ λέγε.

[¶7] Lycinus: Oh, you needn’t be so hasty. I will tell you, if you are so set upon it; only don’t repeat it to everybody.

> Greek: Λυκῖνος: μηδὲν πρὸς ὀργήν· διηγήσομαι γάρ, ἐπείπερ οὕτως προθυμῇ, ἀλλʼ ὅπως μὴ πρὸς πολλοὺς ἐρεῖς.

[¶8] Philosophy: If I know anything whatever of you, you will take good care of that; you will not leave me many to repeat it to.

> Greek: Φίλων: εἰ μὴ παντάπασιν ἐγὼ ἐπιλέλησμαι Λυκίνου, αὐτὸς σὺ ἄμεινον ποιήσεις αὐτὸ καὶ φθάσεις εἰπὼν ἅπασιν, ὥστε οὐδὲν ἐμοῦ δεήσει.

[¶9] 5. Philosophy: Now begin with telling me what Aristaenetus was giving the banquet for; was it his boy Zeno’s wedding?

> Greek: 5. Φίλων: ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνό μοι πρῶτον εἰπέ, τῷ παιδὶ τῷ Ζήνωνι ὁ Ἀρισταίνετος ἀγόμενος γυναῖκα εἱστία ὑμᾶς;

[¶10] Lycinus: No, his girl Cleanthis’s—to the son of Eucritus the banker, a student of philosophy.

> Greek: Λυκῖνος: οὔκ, ἀλλὰ τὴν θυγατέρα ἐξεδίδου αὐτὸς τὴν Κλεανθίδα τῷ Εὐκρίτου τοῦ δανειστικοῦ, τῷ φιλοσοφοῦντι.

[¶11] Philosophy: I know; a fine lad; only a lad, though; old enough to marry?

> Greek: Φίλων: Παγκάλῳ νὴ Δία μειρακίῳ, ἁπαλῷ γε μὴν ἔτι καὶ οὐ πάνυ καθʼ ὥραν γάμων.

[¶12] Lycinus: Well, he was the most suitable to be had, I suppose. He is a well-behaved youngster, has taken up philosophy, and is sole heir to a rich father; so he was the selected bridegroom.

> Greek: Λυκῖνος: ἀλλʼ οὐκ εἶχεν ἄλλον ἐπιτηδειότερον, οἶμαι. τοῦτον οὖν κόσμιόν τε εἶναι δοκοῦντα καὶ πρὸς φιλοσοφίαν ὡρμημένον, ἔτι δὲ μόνον ὄντα πλουσίῳ τῷ Εὐκρίτῳ, προείλετο νυμφίον ἐξ ἁπάντων.

[¶13] Philosophy: Ah, no doubt Eucritus’s money is a consideration. Well, and who were the guests?

> Greek: Φίλων: οὐ μικρὰν λέγεις αἰτίαν τὸ πλουτεῖν τὸν Εὔκριτον. ἀτὰρ οὖν, ὦ Λυκῖνε, τίνες οἱ δειπνοῦντες ἦσαν;

[¶14] 6. Lycinus: Why, I need not give you the whole list; what you want is the philosophers and men of letters. There was the old Stoic Zenothemis, and with him ‘Labyrinth’ Diphilus; Aristaenetus’s son Zeno is his pupil. The Peripatetics were represented by Cleodemus—the ready, argumentative person—you know him; ‘Sword,’ and ‘Cleaver,’ his disciples call him. And then diere was Hermon the Epicurean; directly he came in, there were queer looks and edgings away in the Stoic contingent; he might have been a parricide or an outlaw, by the way they treated him. These had been asked as Aristaenetus’s personal friends and intimates, under which head come also Histiaeus the literary man and Dionysodorus the rhetorician.

> Greek: 6. Λυκῖνος: τοὺς μὲν ἄλλους τί ἄν σοι λέγοιμι; οἱ δὲ ἀπὸ φιλοσοφίας καὶ λόγων, οὕσπερ ἐθέλεις, οἶμαι, ἀκοῦσαι μάλιστα, Ζηνόθεμις ἦν ὁ πρεσβύτης ὁ ἀπὸ τῆς στοᾶς καὶ ξὺν αὐτῷ Δίφιλος ὁ Λαβύρινθος ἐπίκλην, διδάσκαλος οὗτος ὢν τοῦ Ἀρισταινέτου υἱέος τοῦ Ζήνωνος· τῶν δὲ ἀπὸ τοῦ περιπάτου Κλεόδημος, οἶσθα τὸν στωμύλον, τὸν ἐλεγκτικόν, Ξίφος αὐτὸν οἱ μαθηταὶ καὶ Κοπίδα καλοῦσιν. ἀλλὰ καὶ ὁ Ἐπικούρειος Ἕρμων παρῆν, καὶ εἰσελθόντα γε αὐτὸν εὐθὺς ὑπεβλέποντο οἱ Στωϊκοὶ καὶ ἀπεστρέφοντο καὶ δῆλοι ἦσαν ὥς τινα πατραλοίαν καὶ ἐναγῆ μυσαττόμενοι. οὗτοι μὲν αὐτοῦ Ἀρισταινέτου φίλοι καὶ συνήθεις ὄντες παρεκέκληντο ἐπὶ δεῖπνον καὶ ξὺν αὐτοῖς ὁ γραμματικὸς Ἱστιαῖος καὶ ὁ ῥήτωρ Διονυσόδωρος.

[¶15] 7. Lycinus: Then Chaereas (that is the bridegroom’s name) was responsible for his tutor Ion the Platonic—a grave reverend man remarkable for the composure of his expression. He is generally spoken of as ‘The Standard,’ so infallible is his judgement. As he walked up the room, everybody got out of his way and saluted him like some higher being; the great Ion’s presence is like an angel’s visit.

> Greek: 7. Λυκῖνος: διὰ δὲ τὸν νυμφίον τὸν Χαιρέαν Ἴων ὁ Πλατωνικὸς συνειστιᾶτο διδάσκαλος αὐτοῦ ὤν, σεμνός τις ἰδεῖν καὶ θεοπρεπὴς καὶ πολὺ τὸ κόσμιον ἐπιφαίνων τῷ προσώπῳ· κανόνα γοῦν οἱ πολλοὶ ὀνομάζουσιν αὐτὸν εἰς τὴν ὀρθότητα τῆς γνώμης ἀποβλέποντες. καὶ ἐπεὶ παρῆλθεν, ὑπεξανίσταντο πάντες αὐτῷ καὶ ἐδεξιοῦντο ὥς τινα τῶν κρειττόνων, καὶ ὅλως θεοῦ ἐπιδημία τὸ πρᾶγμα ἦν Ἴων ὁ θαυμαστὸς συμπαρών.

[¶16] 8. Lycinus: When nearly all the guests had arrived, and we were to take our places, the ladies occupied the whole of the table to the right of the entrance; there were a good many of them, surrounding the closely veiled bride. The table at the far end accommodated the general company, in due precedence.

> Greek: 8. Λυκῖνος: δέον δὲ ἤδη κατακλίνεσθαι ἁπάντων σχεδὸν παρόντων, ἐν δεξιᾷ μὲν εἰσιόντων αἱ γυναῖκες ὅλον τὸν κλιντῆρα ἐκεῖνον ἐπέλαβον, οὐκ ὀλίγαι οὖσαι, καὶ ἐν αὐταῖς ἡ νύμφη πάνυ ἀκριβῶς ἐγκεκαλυμμένη, ὑπὸ τῶν γυναικῶν περιεχομένη· ἐς δὲ τὸ ἀντίθυρον ἡ ἄλλη πληθύς, ὡς ἕκαστος ἀξίας εἶχε.

[¶17] 9. Lycinus: At the one opposite the ladies, Eucritus had the first place, with Aristaenetus next him. Then a doubt arose whether the next was Zenothemis the Stoic’s, in virtue of his years, or Hermon the Epicurean’s, who is priest of the Twin Gods, and also of the noblest blood in the land. Zenothemis found the solution. ‘Aristaenetus,’ he said, ‘if you place me below this Epicurean (I need not use worse language than that), I at once leave the room’; and calling his servant he made as if to depart. ‘Have your way, Zenothemis,’ said Hermon, ‘though, whatever your contempt for Epicurus, etiquette would have suggested your giving way to my priesthood, if I had no other claims.’ ‘Priest and Epicurean! that is a good joke,’ retorted Zenothemis, and took the place, with Hermon next him, however. Then came Cleodemus the Peripatetic, Ion with the bridegroom, myself, Diphilus and his pupil Zeno, then Dionysodorus the rhetorician and Histiaeus the literary man.

> Greek: 9. Λυκῖνος: κατʼ ἀντικρὺ δὲ τῶν γυναικῶν πρῶτος ὁ Εὔκριτος, εἶτα Ἀρισταίνετος. εἶτα ἐνεδοιάζετο πότερον χρὴ πρότερον Ζηνόθεμιν τὸν Στωϊκὸν ἅτε γέροντα ἢ Ἕρμωνα τὸν Ἐπικούρειον, ἱερεὺς γὰρ ἦν τοῖν ἀνάκοιν καὶ γένους τοῦ πρώτου ἐν τῇ πόλει. ἀλλὰ ὁ Ζηνόθεμις ἔλυσε τὴν ἀπορίαν· εἰ γάρ με, φησίν, ὦ Ἀρισταίνετε, δεύτερον ἄξεις τουτουὶ τοῦ ἀνδρός, ἵνα μηδὲν ἄλλο κακὸν εἴπω, Ἐπικουρείου, ἄπειμι ὅλον σοι τὸ συμπόσιον καταλιπών· καὶ ἅμα τὸν παῖδα ἐκάλει καὶ ἐξιόντι ἐῴκει. καὶ ὁ Ἕρμων, Ἔχε μέν, ὦ Ζηνόθεμι, τὰ πρῶτα, ἔφη· ἀτὰρ εἰ καὶ μηδέν τι ἕτερον, ἱερεῖ γε ὄντι ὑπεξίστασθαι καλῶς εἶχεν, εἰ καὶ τοῦ Ἐπικούρου πάνυ καταπεφρόνηκας. ἐγέλασα, ἦ δʼ ὃς ὁ Ζηνόθεμις, Ἐπικούρειον ἱερέα, καὶ ἅμα λέγων κατεκλίνετο καὶ μετʼ αὐτὸν ὅμως ὁ Ἕρμων, εἶτα Κλεόδημος ὁ Περιπατητικός, εἶτα ὁ Ἴων καὶ ὑπʼ ἐκεῖνον ὁ νυμφίος, εἶτʼ ἐγὼ καὶ παρʼ ἐμὲ ὁ Δίφιλος καὶ ὑπʼ αὐτῷ Ζήνων ὁ μαθητής, εἶτα ὁ ῥήτωρ Διονυσόδωρος καὶ ὁ γραμματικὸς Ἱστιαῖος.

[¶18] 10. Philosophy: Upon my word, a very temple of the Muses, peopled mainly with the learned! I congratulate Aristaenetus on choosing for his guests on so auspicious an occasion these patterns of wisdom; he skimmed the cream off every sect in a most catholic spirit.

> Greek: 10. Φίλων: βαβαί, ὦ Λυκῖνε, μουσεῖόν τι τὸ συμπόσιον διηγῇ σοφῶν ἀνδρῶν τῶν πλείστων, καὶ ἔγωγε τὸν Ἀρισταίνετον ἐπαινῶ, ὅτι τὴν εὐκταιοτάτην ἑορτὴν ἄγων τοὺς σοφωτάτους ἑστιᾶν πρὸ τῶν ἄλλων ἠξίωσεν, ὅ τι περ τὸ κεφάλαιον ἐξ ἑκάστης αἱρέσεως ἀπανθισάμενος, οὐχὶ τοὺς μέν, τοὺς δὲ οὔ, ἀλλὰ ἀναμὶξ ἅπαντας.

[¶19] Lycinus: Oh, yes, he is not one’s idea of the rich man at all; he cares for culture, and gives most of his time to those who have it.

> Greek: Λυκῖνος: ἔστι γάρ, ὦ ἑταῖρε, οὐχὶ τῶν πολλῶν τούτων πλουσίων, ἀλλὰ καὶ παιδείας μέλει αὐτῷ καὶ τὸ πλεῖστον τοῦ βίου τούτοις ξύνεστιν.

[¶20] 11. Lycinus: Well, we fell to, quietly at first, on the ample and varied fare, But you do not want a catalogue of soups and pastry and sauces; there was plenty of everything. At this stage Cleodemus bent down to Ion, and said: ‘Do you see how the old man’ (this was Zenothemis; I could overhear their talk) ‘is stuffing down the good things—his dress gets a good deal of the gravy—and what a lot he hands back to his servant? he thinks we cannot see him, and does not care whether there will be enough to go round, Just call Lycinus’s attention to him.’ This was quite unnecessary, as I had had an excellent view of it for some time.

> Greek: 11. Λυκῖνος: εἱστιώμεθα οὖν ἐν ἡσυχίᾳ τὸ πρῶτον, καὶ παρεσκεύαστο ποικίλα. πλὴν οὐδὲν οἶμαι χρὴ καὶ ταῦτα καταριθμεῖσθαι, χυμοὺς καὶ πέμματα καὶ καρυκείας· ἅπαντα γὰρ ἄφθονα. ἐν τούτῳ δὲ ὁ Κλεόδημος ἐπικύψας ἐς τὸν Ἴωνα, ὁρᾷς, ἔφη, τὸν γέροντα — Ζηνόθεμιν λέγων, ἐπήκουον γάρ — ὅπως ἐμφορεῖται τῶν ὄψων καὶ ἀναπέπλησται ζωμοῦ τὸ ἱμάτιον καὶ ὅσα τῷ παιδὶ κατόπιν ἑστῶτι ὀρέγει λανθάνειν οἰόμενος τοὺς ἄλλους, οὐ μεμνημένος τῶν μεθʼ αὑτόν; δεῖξον οὖν καὶ Λυκίνῳ ταῦτα, ὡς μάρτυς εἴη. ἐγὼ δὲ οὐδὲν ἐδεόμην δείξοντός μοι τοῦ Ἴωνος πολὺ πρότερον αὐτὰ ἐκ περιωπῆς ἑωρακώς.

[¶21] 12. Lycinus: Just after Cleodemus had said this, in burst Alcidamas the cynic. He had not been asked, but put a good face upon it with the usual ‘No summons Menelaus waits.’ The general opinion clearly was that he was an impudent rogue, and various people struck in with what came to hand: ‘What, Menelaus, art distraught?’ or, ‘It liked not Agamemnon, Atreus’ son,’ and other neat tags suited to the occasion; but these were all asides; no one ventured to make them audible to him. Alcidamas is a man uncommonly ‘good at the war-cry’; he will bark you louder than any dog of them all, literal or metaphorical; my gentlemen all knew he was their better, and lay low.

> Greek: 12. Λυκῖνος: ἅμα δὲ ταῦτα ὁ Κλεόδημος εἰρήκει καὶ ἐπεισέπαισεν ὁ Κυνικὸς Ἀλκιδάμας ἄκλητος, ἐκεῖνο τὸ κοινὸν ἐπιχαριεντισάμενος, τὸν Μενέλαον αὐτόματον ἥκοντα. τοῖς μὲν οὖν πολλοῖς ἀναίσχυντα ἐδόκει πεποιηκέναι καὶ ὑπέκρουον τὰ προχειρότατα, ὁ μὲν τὸ ἀφραίνεις Μενέλαε, ὁ δʼ ἀλλʼ οὐκ Ἀτρείδῃ Ἀγαμέμνονι ἥνδανε θυμῷ, καὶ ἄλλοι ἄλλα πρὸς τὸν καιρὸν εὔστοχα καὶ χαρίεντα ὑποτονθορύζοντες· ἐς μέντοι τὸ φανερὸν οὐδεὶς ἐτόλμα λέγειν· ἐδεδοίκεσαν γὰρ τὸν Ἀλκιδάμαντα, βοὴν ἀγαθὸν ἀτεχνῶς ὄντα καὶ κρακτικώτατον κυνῶν ἁπάντων, παρʼ ὃ καὶ ἀμείνων ἐδόκει καὶ φοβερώτατος ἦν ἅπασιν.

[¶22] 13. Lycinus: Aristaenetus told him he was quite right to come; would he take a chair and sit behind Histiaeus and Dionysodorus? ‘Stuff!' he said; ‘a soft womanish trick, to sit on a chair or a stool! one might as well loll at one’s food half on one’s back, like all of you on this soft couch with purple cushions under you. As for me, I will take my dinner standing and walking about the room. If I get tired, I will lay my old cloak on the ground and prop myself on my elbow like Heracles in the pictures.’ ‘Just as you please,’ said Aristaenetus; and after that Alcidamas fed walking round, shifting his quarters like the Scythians according to where pasturage was richest, and following the servants up as they carried the dishes.

> Greek: 13. Λυκῖνος: ὁ δὲ Ἀρισταίνετος ἐπαινέσας αὐτὸν ἐκέλευε θρόνον τινὰ λαβόντα καθίζεσθαι παρʼ Ἱστιαῖόν τε καὶ Διονυσόδωρον. ὁ δέ, ἄπαγε, φησί, γυναικεῖον λέγεις καὶ μαλθακὸν ἐπὶ θρόνου καθίζεσθαι ἢ σκίμποδος, ὥσπερ ὑμεῖς μαλακῆς ταύτης εὐνῆς μικροῦ δεῖν ὕπτιοι κατακείμενοι ἑστιᾶσθε πορφυρίδας ὑποβεβλημένοι· ἐγὼ δὲ κἂν ὀρθοστάδην δειπνήσαιμι ἐμπεριπατῶν ἅμα τῷ συμποσίῳ· εἰ δὲ καὶ κάμοιμι, χαμαὶ τὸν τρίβωνα ὑποβαλόμενος κείσομαι ἐπʼ ἀγκῶνος οἷον τὸν Ἡρακλέα γράφουσιν. οὕτως, ἔφη, γιγνέσθω, ὁ Ἀρισταίνετος, εἴ σοι ἥδιον. καὶ τὸ ἀπὸ τούτου περιιὼν ἐν κύκλῳ ὁ Ἀλκιδάμας ἐδείπνει ὥσπερ οἱ Σκύθαι πρὸς τὴν ἀφθονωτέραν νομὴν μετεξανιστάμενος καὶ τοῖς περιφέρουσι τὰ ὄψα συμπερινοστῶν.

[¶23] 14. Lycinus: However, he did not let feeding interrupt his energetic expositions of virtue and vice, and his scoffs at gold and silver. What was the good of this multitude of wonderful cups, he wanted to know, when earthenware would serve the purpose? Aristaenetus got rid of his obtrusiveness for the moment by signing to his servant to hand the cynic a huge goblet of potent liquor. It seemed a happy thought; but he little knew the woes that were to flow from that goblet. When Alcidamas got it, he was quiet for a while, throwing himself on the ground in dishabille as he had threatened, with his elbow planted vertically, just in the attitude of the painters’ Heracles with Pholus.

> Greek: 14. Λυκῖνος: καὶ μέντοι καὶ σιτούμενος ἐνεργὸς ἦν ἀρετῆς πέρι καὶ κακίας μεταξὺ διεξιὼν καὶ ἐς τὸν χρυσὸν καὶ τὸν ἄργυρον ἀποσκώπτων· ἠρώτα γοῦν τὸν Ἀρισταίνετον, τί βούλονται αὐτῷ αἱ τοσαῦται καὶ τηλικαῦται κύλικες τῶν κεραμεῶν ἴσον δυναμένων. ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνον μὲν ἤδη διενοχλοῦντα ἔπαυσεν ἐς τὸ παρὸν Ἀρισταίνετος τῷ παιδὶ διανεύσας εὐμεγέθη σκύφον ἀναδοῦναι αὐτῷ ζωρότερον ἐγχέαντα· καὶ ἐδόκει ἄριστα ἐπινενοηκέναι οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅσων κακῶν ἀρχὴν ὁ σκύφος ἐκεῖνος ἐνεδεδώκει. λαβὼν δὲ ἅμα ὁ Ἀλκιδάμας ἐσίγησε μικρὸν καὶ ἐς τοὔδαφος καταβαλὼν ἑαυτὸν ἔκειτο ἡμίγυμνος, ὥσπερ ἠπειλήκει, πήξας τὸν ἀγκῶνα ὀρθόν, ἔχων ἅμα τὸν σκύφον ἐν τῇ δεξιᾷ, οἷος ὁ παρὰ τῷ Φόλῳ Ἡρακλῆς ὑπὸ τῶν γραφέων δείκνυται.

[¶24] 15. Lycinus: By this time the wine was flowing pretty freely everywhere; healths were drunk, conversation was general, and the lights had come in. I now noticed the boy standing near Cleodemus —a good-looking cup-bearer—to have an odd smile on. I suppose I am to give you all the by-play of the dinner, especially any tender incidents. Well, so I was trying to get at the reason for the smile. In a little while he came to take Cleodemus’s cup from him; he gave the boy’s fingers a pinch, and handed him up a couple of shillings, I think it was, with the cup. The smile appeared again in response to the pinch, but I imagine he failed to notice the coins; he did not get hold of them; they went ringing on the floor, and there were two blushing faces to be seen. Those round, however, could not tell whose the money was, the boy saying he had not dropped it, and Cleodemus, at whose place it had been heard to fall, not confessing to the loss. So the matter was soon done with; hardly any one had grasped the situation—only Aristaenetus, as far as I could gather. He shifted the boy soon after, effecting the transfer without any fuss, and assigned Cleodemus a strong grown-up fellow who might be a mule or horse groom. So much for that business; it would have seriously compromised Cleodemus if it had attracted general attention; but it was smothered forthwith by Aristaenetus’s tactful handling of the offence.

> Greek: 15. Λυκῖνος: ἤδη δὲ καὶ ἐς τοὺς ἄλλους συνεχῶς περιεσοβεῖτο ἡ κύλιξ καὶ φιλοτησίαι καὶ ὁμιλίαι καὶ φῶτα εἰσεκεκόμιστο. ἐν τοσούτῳ δʼ ἐγὼ τὸν παρεστῶτα τῷ Κλεοδήμῳ παῖδα οἰνοχόον ὄντα ὡραῖον ἰδὼν ὑπομειδιῶντα — χρὴ γάρ, οἶμαι, καὶ ὅσα πάρεργα τῆς ἑστιάσεως εἰπεῖν, καὶ μάλιστα εἴ τι πρὸς τὸ γλαφυρώτερον ἐπράχθη—μάλα ἤδη παρεφύλαττον ὅ τι καὶ μειδιάσειε. καὶ μετὰ μικρὸν ὁ μὲν προσῆλθεν ὡς ἀποληψόμενος παρὰ τοῦ Κλεοδήμου τὴν φιάλην, ὁ δὲ τόν τε δάκτυλον ἀπέθλιψεν αὐτοῦ καὶ δραχμὰς δύο, οἶμαι, συνανέδωκε μετὰ τῆς φιάλης· ὁ παῖς δὲ πρὸς μὲν τὸν δάκτυλον θλιβόμενον αὖθις ἐμειδίασεν, οὐ μὴν συνεῖδεν, οἶμαι, τὸ νόμισμα, ὥστε μὴ δεξαμένου ψόφον αἱ δύο δραχμαὶ παρέσχον ἐκπεσοῦσαι, καὶ ἠρυθρίασαν ἄμφω μάλα σαφῶς. ἠπόρουν δὲ οἱ πλησίον οὗτινος εἴη τὰ νομίσματα, τοῦ μὲν παιδὸς ἀρνουμένου μὴ ἀποβεβληκέναι, τοῦ δὲ Κλεοδήμου, καθʼ ὃν ὁ ψόφος ἐγένετο, μὴ προσποιουμένου τὴν ἀπόρριψιν. ἠμελήθη οὖν καὶ παρώφθη τοῦτο οὐ πάνυ πολλῶν ἰδόντων πλὴν μόνου, ὡς ἐμοὶ ἔδοξε, τοῦ Ἀρισταινέτου· μετέστησε γὰρ τὸν παῖδα μικρὸν ὕστερον ἀφανῶς ὑπεξαγαγὼν καὶ τῷ Κλεοδήμῳ τινὰ παραστῆναι διένευσε τῶν ἐξώρων ἤδη καὶ καρτερῶν, ὀρεωκόμον τινὰ ἢ ἱπποκόμον. καὶ τοῦτο μὲν ὧδέ πως ἐκεχωρήκει, μεγάλης ἂν αἰσχύνης αἴτιον τῷ Κλεοδήμῳ γενόμενον, εἰ ἔφθη διαφοιτῆσαν εἰς ἅπαντας, ἀλλὰ μὴ κατέσβη αὐτίκα, δεξιῶς πάνυ τοῦ Ἀρισταινέτου τὴν παροινίαν ἐνέγκαντος.

[¶25] 16. Lycinus: Alcidamas the cynic, who had now emptied his goblet, after finding out the bride’s name, called for silence; he then faced the ladies, and cried out in a loud voice: ‘Cleanthis, I drink to you in the name of my patron Heracles.’ There was a general laugh; upon which, ‘You vile scum,’ says he, ‘you laugh, do you, because I invoke our God Heracles as I toast the bride? Let me tell you that, if she will not pledge me, she shall never bear a son as brave of spirit, as free of judgement, as strong of body, as myself.” And he proceeded to show us more of the said body, till it was scarcely decent. The company irritated him by laughing again; he stood there with a wandering wrathful eye, and looked as if he were going to make trouble. He would probably have brought down his stick on somebody’s head, but for the timely arrival of an enormous cake, the sight of which mollified him; he quieted down, and accompanied its progress, eating hard.

> Greek: 16. Λυκῖνος: ὁ Κυνικὸς δὲ Ἀλκιδάμας, ἐπεπώκει γὰρ ἤδη, πυθόμενος ἥτις ἡ γαμουμένη παῖς καλοῖτο, σιωπὴν παραγγείλας μεγάλῃ τῇ φωνῇ ἀποβλέψας ἐς τὰς γυναῖκας, Προπίνω σοι, ἔφη, ὦ Κλεανθί, Ἡρακλέους ἀρχηγέτου. ὡς δʼ ἐγέλασαν ἐπὶ τούτῳ ἅπαντες, ἐγελάσατε, εἶπεν, ὦ καθάρματα, εἰ τῇ νύμφῃ προὔπιον ἐπὶ τοῦ ἡμετέρου· θεοῦ τοῦ Ἡρακλέους; καὶ μὴν εὖ εἰδέναι χρὴ ὡς ἢν μὴ λάβῃ παρʼ ἐμοῦ τὸν σκύφον, οὔποτε τοιοῦτος ἂν υἱὸς αὐτῇ γένοιτο οἷος ἐγώ, ἄτρεπτος μὲν ἀλκήν, ἐλεύθερος δὲ τὴν γνώμην, τὸ σῶμα δὲ οὕτω καρτερός· καὶ ἅμα παρεγύμνου ἑαυτὸν μᾶλλον ἄχρι πρὸς τὸ αἴσχιστον. αὖθις ἐπὶ τούτοις ἐγέλασαν οἱ συμπόται, καὶ ὃς ἀγανακτήσας ἐπανίστατο δριμὺ καὶ παράφορον βλέπων καὶ δῆλος ἦν οὐκέτι εἰρήνην ἄξων. τάχα δʼ ἄν τινος καθίκετο τῇ βακτηρίᾳ, εἰ μὴ κατὰ καιρὸν εἰσεκεκόμιστο πλακοῦς εὐμεγέθης, πρὸς ὃν ἀποβλέψας ἡμερώτερος ἐγένετο καὶ ἔληξε τοῦ θυμοῦ καὶ ἐνεφορεῖτο συμπεριιών.

[¶26] 17. Lycinus: The rest were mostly flushed with wine by this time, and the room was full of clamour. Dionysodorus the rhetorician was alternately delivering speeches of his own composition and receiving the plaudits of the servants behind. Histiaeus, the literary man below him, was making an eclectic mixture of Pindar, Hesiod, and Anacreon, whose collaboration produced a most remarkable ode, some of it really prophetic of what was soon to come—‘Then hide met stubborn hide,’ for instance, and ‘Uprose the wailings and the prayers of men.’ Zenothemis too had taken a scroll in small writing from his servant, which he was reading aloud.

> Greek: 17. Λυκῖνος: καὶ οἱ πλεῖστοι ἐμέθυον ἤδη καὶ βοῆς μεστὸν ἦν τὸ συμπόσιον· ὁ μὲν γὰρ Διονυσόδωρος ὁ ῥήτωρ ἀντιρρήσεις τινὰς ἐν μέρει διεξῄει καὶ ἐπῃνεῖτο ὑπὸ τῶν κατόπιν ἐφεστώτων οἰκετῶν, ὁ δὲ Ἱστιαῖος ὁ γραμματικὸς ἐρραψῴδει ὕστερος κατακείμενος καὶ συνέφερεν ἐς τὸ αὐτὸ τὰ Πινδάρου καὶ Ἡσιόδου καὶ Ἀνακρέοντος, ὡς ἐξ ἁπάντων μίαν ᾠδὴν παγγέλοιον ἀποτελεῖσθαι, μάλιστα δʼ ἐκεῖνα ὥσπερ προμαντευόμενος τὰ μέλλοντα, σὺν δʼ ἔβαλον ῥινούς· καὶ ἔνθα δʼ ἄρʼ οἰμωγή τε καὶ εὐχωλὴ πέλεν ἀνδρῶν. ὁ Ζηνόθεμις δʼ ἀνεγίνωσκε παρὰ τοῦ παιδὸς λαβὼν λεπτόγραφόν τι βιβλίον.

[¶27] 18. Lycinus: Now came one of the usual slight breaks in the procession of dishes; and Aristaenetus, to avoid the embarrassment of a blank, told his jester to come in and talk or perform, by way of putting the company still more at their ease. So in came an ugly fellow with a shaven head—just a few hairs standing upright on the crown. He danced with dislocations and contortions, which made him still more absurd, then improvised and delivered some anapaests in an Egyptian accent, and wound up with witticisms on the guests.

> Greek: 18. Λυκῖνος: διαλιπόντων δὲ ὀλίγον, ὥσπερ εἰώθασι, τῶν παρακομιζόντων τὰ ὄψα μηχανώμενος Ἀρισταίνετος μηδʼ ἐκεῖνον ἀτερπῆ τὸν καιρὸν εἶναι μηδὲ κενὸν ἐκέλευσε τὸν γελωτοποιὸν εἰσελθόντα εἰπεῖν τι ἢ πρᾶξαι γελοῖον, ὡς ἔτι μᾶλλον οἱ συμπόται διαχυθεῖεν. καὶ παρῆλθεν ἄμορφός τις ἐξυρημένος τὴν κεφαλήν, ὀλίγας ἐπὶ τῇ κορυφῇ τρίχας ὀρθὰς ἔχων· οὗτος ὠρχήσατό τε κατακλῶν ἑαυτὸν καὶ διαστρέφων, ὡς γελοιότερος φανείη, καὶ ἀνάπαιστα συγκροτῶν διεξῆλθεν αἰγυπτιάζων τῇ φωνῇ, καὶ τέλος ἐπέσκωπτεν ἐς τοὺς παρόντας.

[¶28] 19. Lycinus: Most of them took these in good part; but when it came to Alcidamas’s turn, and he called him a Maltese poodle, Alcidamas, who had shown signs of jealousy for some time and did not at all like the way he was holding every one’s attention, lost his temper. He threw off his cloak and challenged the fellow to a bout of pancratium; otherwise he would let him feel his stick. So poor Satyrion, as the jester was called, had to accept the challenge and stand up. A charming spectacle— the philosopher sparring and exchanging blows with a buffoon! Some of us were scandalized and some amused, till Alcidamas found he had his bellyful, being no match for the tough little fellow. They gave us a good laugh.

> Greek: 19. Λυκῖνος: οἱ μὲν οὖν ἄλλοι ἐγέλων ὁπότε σκωφθεῖεν, ἐπεὶ δὲ καὶ εἰς τὸν Ἀλκιδάμαντα ὅμοιόν τι ἀπέρριψε Μελιταῖον κυνίδιον προσειπὼν αὐτόν, ἀγανακτήσας ἐκεῖνος — καὶ πάλαι δὲ δῆλος ἦν φθονῶν αὐτῷ εὐδοκιμοῦντι καὶ κατέχοντι τὸ συμπόσιον — ἀπορρίψας τὸν τρίβωνα προὐκαλεῖτό οἱ παγκρατιάζειν, εἰ δὲ μή, κατοίσειν αὐτοῦ ἔφη τὴν βακτηρίαν. οὕτω δὴ ὁ κακοδαίμων Σατυρίων — τοῦτο γὰρ ὁ γελωτοποιὸς ἐκαλεῖτο — συστὰς ἐπαγκρατίαζε. καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμα ὑπερήδιστον ἦν, φιλόσοφος ἀνὴρ γελωτοποιῷ ἀνταιρόμενος καὶ παίων καὶ παιόμενος ἐν τῷ μέρει. οἱ παρόντες δὲ οἱ μὲν ᾐδοῦντο, οἱ δὲ ἐγέλων, ἄχρι ἀπηγόρευσε παιόμενος ὁ Ἀλκιδάμας ὑπὸ συγκεκροτημένου ἀνθρωπίσκου καταγωνισθείς. γέλως οὖν πολὺς ἐξεχύθη ἐπʼ αὐτοῖς.

[¶29] 20. Lycinus: It was now, not long after this match, that Dionicus the doctor came in, He had been detained, he said, by a brain-fever case; the patient was Polyprepon the piper, and thereby hung a tale. He had no sooner entered the room, not knowing how far gone the man was, when he jumped up, secured the door, drew a dagger, and handed him the pipes, with an order to play them; and when Dionicus could not, he took a strap and inflicted chastisement on the palms of his hands. To escape from this perilous position, Dionicus proposed a match, with a scale of forfeits to be exacted with the strap. He played first himself, and then handed over the pipes, receiving in exchange the strap and dagger. These he lost no time in sending out of window into the open court, after which it was safe to grapple with him and shout for help; the neighbours broke open the door and rescued him. He showed us his wealed hands and some scratches on his face. His story had as distinguished a success as the jester before; he then squeezed himself in by Histiaeus and dined on what was left. His coming was providential, and he most useful in the sequel.

> Greek: 20. Λυκῖνος: ἐνταῦθα Διόνικος ἐπεισῆλθεν ὁ ἰατρὸς οὐ πολὺ κατόπιν τοῦ ἀγῶνος· ἐβεβραδύκει δέ, ὡς ἔφασκε, φρενίτιδι ἑαλωκότα θεραπεύων Πολυπρέποντα τὸν αὐλητήν. καί τι καὶ γελοῖον διηγήσατο· ἔφη μὲν γὰρ εἰσελθεῖν παρʼ αὐτὸν οὐκ εἰδὼς ἐχόμενον ἤδη τῷ πάθει, τὸν δὲ ταχέως ἀναστάντα ἐπικλεῖσαί τε τὴν θύραν καὶ ξιφίδιον σπασάμενον ἀναδόντα αὐτῷ τοὺς αὐλοὺς κελεύειν αὐλεῖν· εἶτα ἐπεὶ μὴ δύναιτο, παίειν σκῦτος ἔχοντα ἐς ὑπτίας τὰς χεῖρας. τέλος οὖν ἐν τοσούτῳ κινδύνῳ ἐπινοῆσαι τοιόνδε· ἐς ἀγῶνα γὰρ προκαλέσασθαι αὐτὸν ἐπὶ ῥητῷ πληγῶν ἀριθμῷ, καὶ πρῶτον μὲν αὐτὸς αὐλῆσαι πονήρως, μετὰ δὲ παραδοὺς τοὺς αὐλοὺς ἐκείνῳ δέξασθαι παρʼ αὐτοῦ τὸ σκῦτος καὶ τὸ ξιφίδιον καὶ ἀπορρῖψαι τάχιστα διὰ τῆς φωταγωγοῦ ἐς τὸ ὕπαιθρον τῆς αὐλῆς, καὶ τὸ ἀπὸ τούτου ἀσφαλέστερος ἤδη προσπαλαίων αὐτῷ ἐπικαλεῖσθαι τοὺς γειτνιῶντας, ὑφʼ ὧν ἀνασπασάντων τὸ θύριον σωθῆναι αὐτός. ἐδείκνυ δὲ καὶ σημεῖα τῶν πληγῶν καὶ ἀμυχάς τινας ἐπὶ τοῦ προσώπου. καὶ ὁ μὲν Διόνικος οὐ μεῖον εὐδοκιμήσας τοῦ γελωτοποιοῦ ἐπὶ τῇ διηγήσει πλησίον τοῦ Ἱστιαίου παραβύσας ἑαυτὸν ἐδείπνει ὅσα λοιπά, οὐκ ἄνευ θεοῦ τινος ἡμῖν ἐπιπαρών, ἀλλὰ καὶ πάνυ χρήσιμος τοῖς μετὰ ταῦτα γεγενημένος.

[¶30] 21. Lycinus: There now appeared a messenger who said he brought a communication from Hetoemocles the Stoic, which his master had directed him to read publicly, and then return. With Aristaenetus’s permission he took it to the lamp, and began reading.

> Greek: 21. Λυκῖνος: παρελθὼν γὰρ εἰς τὸ μέσον οἰκέτης παρʼ Ἑτοιμοκλέους τοῦ Στωϊκοῦ ἥκειν λέγων γραμματίδιον ἔχων κελεῦσαί οἱ ἔφη τὸν δεσπότην ἐν τῷ κοινῷ ἀναγνόντα εἰς ἐπήκοον ἅπασιν ὀπίσω αὖθις ἀπαλλάττεσθαι. ἐφέντος οὖν τοῦ Ἀρισταινέτου προσελθὼν πρὸς τὸν λύχνον ἀνεγίνωσκεν.

[¶31] Philosophy: The usual thing, I suppose—a panegyric on the bride, or an epithalamium?

> Greek: Φίλων: ἦ που, ὦ Λυκῖνε, τῆς νύμφης ἐγκώμιον ἢ ἐπιθαλάμιον, οἷα πολλὰ ποιοῦσιν;

[¶32] Lycinus: Just what we took it for; however, it was quite another story. Here are the contents:

> Greek: Λυκῖνος: ἀμέλει καὶ ἡμεῖς τοιοῦτον ᾠήθημεν, ἀλλʼ οὐδʼ ἐγγὺς ἦν τούτου· ἐνεγέγραπτο γάρ·

[¶33] 22. Lycinus: HETOEMOCLES THE PHILOSOPHER TO ARISTAENETUS, GREETING. My views on dining are easily deducible from my whole past life; though daily importuned by far richer men than you to join them, I invariably refuse; I know too well the tumults and follies that attend the wine-cup. But if there is one whose neglect I may fairly resent, it is yourself; the fruit of my long and unremitting attentions to you is to find myself not on the roll of your friends; I, your next-door neighbour, am singled out for exclusion. The sting of it is in the personal ingratitude; happiness for me is not found in a plate of wild boar or hare or pastry; these I get in abundance at the houses of people who understand the proprieties; this very day I might have dined (and well, by all accounts) with my pupil Pammenes; but he pressed me to no purpose; I was reserving myself, poor fool, for you.

> Greek: 22. Λυκῖνος: Ἑτοιμοκλῆς φιλόσοφος Ἀρισταινέτῳ. ὅπως μὲν ἔχω πρὸς δεῖπνα ὁ παρεληλυθώς μοι βίος ἅπας μαρτύριον ἂν γένοιτο, ὅς γε ὁσημέραι πολλῶν ἐνοχλούντων παρὰ πολὺ σοῦ πλουσιωτέρων ὅμως οὐδὲ πώποτε φέρων ἐμαυτὸν ἐπέδωκα εἰδὼς τοὺς ἐπὶ τοῖς συμποσίοις θορύβους καὶ παροινίας. ἐπὶ σοῦ δὲ μόνου εἰκότως ἀγανακτῆσαί μοι δοκῶ, ὃς τοσοῦτον χρόνον ὑπʼ ἐμοῦ λιπαρῶς τεθεραπευμένος οὐκ ἠξίωσας ἐναριθμῆσαι κἀμὲ τοῖς ἄλλοις φίλοις, ἀλλὰ μόνος ἐγώ σοι ἄμοιρος, καὶ ταῦτα ἐν γειτόνων οἰκῶν. ἀνιῶμαι οὖν ἐπὶ σοὶ τὸ πλέον οὕτως ἀχαρίστῳ φανέντι· ἐμοὶ γὰρ ἡ εὐδαιμονία οὐκ ἐν ὑὸς ἀγρίου μοίρᾳ ἢ λαγωοῦ ἢ πλακοῦντος, ἃ παρʼ ἄλλοις ἀφθόνως ἀπολαύω τὰ καθήκοντα εἰδόσιν, ἐπεὶ καὶ τήμερον παρὰ τῷ μαθητῇ Παμμένει δειπνῆσαι πολυτελές, ὥς φασι, δεῖπνον δυνάμενος οὐκ ἐπένευσα ἱκετεύοντι, σοὶ ὁ ἀνόητος ἐμαυτὸν φυλάττων.

[¶34] 23. Lycinus: But you pass me by, and feast others. I ought not to be surprised; you have not acquired the power of distinguishing merit; you have no apprehensive imagination. I know whence the blow comes; it 1s from your precious philosophers, Zenothemis and The Labyrinth, whose mouths (though I would not boast) I could stop with a single syllogism. Let either of them tell me, What is Philosophy? or, not to go beyond the merest elements, how does condition differ from constitution? for I will not resort to real puzzles, as the Horns, the Sorites, or the Reaper. Well, I wish you joy of their company. As for me, holding as I do that nothing is good but what is right, I shall get over a slight like this.

> Greek: 23. Λυκῖνος: σὺ δὲ ἡμᾶς παραλιπὼν ἄλλους εὐωχεῖς, εἰκότως· οὔπω γὰρ δύνασαι διακρίνειν τὸ βέλτιον οὐδὲ τὴν καταληπτικὴν φαντασίαν ἔχεις. ἀλλὰ οἶδα ὅθεν μοι ταῦτα, παρὰ τῶν θαυμαστῶν σου φιλοσόφων, Ζηνοθέμιδος καὶ Λαβυρίνθου, ὧν — ἀπείη δὲ ἡ Ἀδράστεια — συλλογισμῷ ἑνὶ ἀποφράξαι ἄν μοι τάχιστα δοκῶ τὰ στόματα. ἢ εἰπάτω τις αὐτῶν, τί ἐστὶ φιλοσοφία; ἢ τὰ πρῶτα ταῦτα, τί διαφέρει σχέσις ἕξεως; ἵνα μὴ τῶν ἀπόρων εἴπω τι, κερατίναν ἢ σωρείτην ἢ θερίζοντα λόγον. Ἀλλὰ σὺ μὲν ὄναιο αὐτῶν. ἐγὼ δὲ ὡς ἂν μόνον τὸ καλὸν ἀγαθὸν ἡγούμενος εἶναι οἴσω ῥᾳδίως τὴν ἀτιμίαν.

## 2. Sections 24–48

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-carousal/2/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-carousal/2/#p-N

[¶0] 24. Lycinus: You will be kind enough not to resort later to the well-worn excuse of having forgotten in the bustle of your engagements; I have spoken to you twice to-day, in the morning at your house, and later when you were sacrificing at the Anaceum. This is to let your guests know the rights of the case.

> Greek: 24. Λυκῖνος: καίτοι ὅπως μὴ ἐς ἐκείνην ἔχῃς καταφεύγειν τὴν ἀπολογίαν ὕστερον, ἐπιλαθέσθαι λέγων ἐν τοσούτῳ θορύβῳ καὶ πράγματι, δίς σε τήμερον προσηγόρευσα καὶ ἕωθεν ἐπὶ τῇ οἰκίᾳ καὶ ἐν τῷ ἀνακείῳ θύοντα ὕστερον. ταῦτα ἐγὼ τοῖς παροῦσιν ἀπολελόγημαι.

[¶1] 25. Lycinus: If you think it is the dinner I care about, reflect upon the story of Oeneus; you will observe that, when he omitted Artemis alone from the Gods to whom he offered sacrifice, she resented it. Homer’s account of it states that he
Forgot or ne’er bethought bim—woeful blindness!
Euripides’s begins,
This land of Calydon, across the gulf
From Pelops land, with all its fertile plains—;
and Sophocles’s,
Upon the tilth of Oeneus Leto’s child,
Far-darting Goddess, loosed a monstrous boar.

> Greek: 25. Λυκῖνος: εἰ δὲ δείπνου ἕνεκα ὀργίζεσθαί σοι δοκῶ, τὸ κατὰ τὸν Οἰνέα ἐννόησον· ὄψει γὰρ καὶ τὴν Ἄρτεμιν ἀγανακτοῦσαν, ὅτι μόνην αὐτὴν οὐ παρέλαβεν ἐκεῖνος ἐπὶ τὴν θυσίαν τοὺς ἄλλους θεοὺς ἑστιῶν. φησὶ δὲ περὶ αὐτῶν Ὅμηρος ὧδέ πως· ἢ λάθετʼ ἢ οὐκ ἐνόησεν, ἀάσατο δὲ μέγα θυμῷ· καὶ Εὐριπίδης·
Καλυδὼν μὲν ἥδε γαῖα, Πελοπίας χθονὸς
ἐν ἀντιπόρθμοις, πεδίʼ ἔχουσʼ εὐδαίμονα.
καὶ Σοφοκλῆς·
συὸς μέγιστον χρῆμʼ ἐπʼ Οἰνέως γύαις
ἀνῆκε Λητοῦς παῖς ἑκηβόλος θεά.

[¶2] 26. Lycinus: I quote you but these few of the many passages upon the incident, just to suggest the qualities of him whom you have passed over, to entertain, and to have your son taught by, Dipbilus! natural enough; of course, the lad fancies him, and finds him an agreeable master! If tale-telling were not beneath me, I would add a piece of information that, if you choose, you can get confirmed by the boy’s attendant Zopyrus. But a wedding is not a time for unpleasantness or denunciations, especially of offences so vile. Diphilus deserves it richly at my hands, indeed—two pupils he has stolen from me—; but for the good name of Philosophy I will bold my band.

> Greek: 26. Λυκῖνος: ταῦτά σοι ἀπὸ πολλῶν ὀλίγα παρεθέμην, ὅπως μάθῃς οἷον ἄνδρα παραλιπὼν Δίφιλον ἑστιᾷς καὶ τὸν υἱὸν αὐτῷ παραδέδωκας, εἰκότως· ἡδὺς γάρ ἐστι τῷ μειρακίῳ καὶ πρὸς χάριν αὐτῷ σύνεστιν. εἰ δὲ μὴ αἰσχρὸν ἦν ἐμὲ λέγειν τὰ τοιαῦτα, κἄν τι προσέθηκα, ὅπερ σύ, εἰ θέλεις, παρὰ Ζωπύρου τοῦ παιδαγωγοῦ ἂν μάθοις ἀληθὲς ὄν. ἀλλʼ οὐ χρὴ ταράττειν ἐν γάμοις οὐδὲ διαβάλλειν ἄλλους, καὶ μάλιστα ἐφʼ οὕτως αἰσχραῖς αἰτίαις· καὶ γὰρ εἰ Δίφιλος ἄξιος δύο ἤδη μαθητάς μου περισπάσας, ἀλλʼ ἔγωγε φιλοσοφίας αὐτῆς ἕνεκεν σιωπήσομαι.

[¶3] 27. Lycinus: My man bas instructions, if you should offer him a portion of wild boar or venison or sesame cake to bring me in lieu of my dinner, to refuse it. I would not have you find the motive of my letter in such desires.

> Greek: 27. Λυκῖνος: προσέταξα δὲ τῷ οἰκέτῃ τούτῳ, ἢν διδῷς αὐτῷ μοῖράν τινα ἢ συὸς ἢ ἐλάφου ἢ σησαμοῦντος, ὡς ἐμοὶ διακομίσειε καὶ ἀντὶ τοῦ δείπνου ἀπολογία γένοιτο, μὴ λαβεῖν, μὴ καὶ δόξωμεν ἐπὶ τούτῳ πεπομφέναι.

[¶4] 28. Lycinus: My dear fellow, I went all hot and cold as this was read; I was praying that the earth might swallow me up when I saw everybody laughing at the different points; the most amused were those who knew Hetoemocles and his white hair and reverend looks; it was such a surprise to find the reality behind that imposing beard and serious countenance. I felt sure Aristaenetus had passed him over not in neglect, but because he supposed he would never accept an invitation or have anything to do with festivities; he had thought it out of the question, and not worth trying.

> Greek: 28. Λυκῖνος: τούτων, ὦ ἑταῖρε, ἀναγινωσκομένων μεταξὺ ἱδρώς τέ μοι περιεχεῖτο ὑπʼ αἰδοῦς, καὶ τοῦτο δὴ τὸ τοῦ λόγου, χανεῖν μοι τὴν γῆν ηὐχόμην ὁρῶν τοὺς παρόντας γελῶντας ἐφʼ ἑκάστῳ καὶ μάλιστα ὅσοι ᾔδεσαν τὸν Ἑτοιμοκλέα, πολιὸν ἄνθρωπον καὶ σεμνὸν εἶναι δοκοῦντα. ἐθαύμαζον οὖν οἷος ὢν διαλάθοι αὐτοὺς ἐξαπατωμένους τῷ πώγωνι καὶ τῇ τοῦ προσώπου ἐντάσει. ὁ γὰρ Ἀρισταίνετος ἐδόκει μοι οὐκ ἀμελείᾳ παριδεῖν αὐτόν, ἀλλʼ οὔποτʼ ἂν ἐλπίσας κληθέντα ἐπινεῦσαι οὐδ’ ἂν ἐμπαρασχεῖν ἑαυτὸν τοιούτῳ τινί· ὥστε οὐδὲ τὴν ἀρχὴν πειρᾶσθαι ἠξίου.

[¶5] 29. Lycinus: As soon as the man stopped reading, all eyes were turned on Zeno and Diphilus, who were pale with apprehension, and confirmed by their embarrassment the insinuations of Hetoemocles. Aristaenetus was uneasy and disturbed, but urged us to drink, and tried to smooth the matter over with an attempt at a smile; he told the man he would see to it, and dismissed him. Zeno disappeared shortly after; his attendant had signed to him, as from his father, to retire.

> Greek: 29. Λυκῖνος: ἐπεὶ δʼ οὖν ἐπαύσατό ποτε ὁ οἰκέτης ἀναγινώσκων, τὸ μὲν συμπόσιον ἅπαν εἰς τοὺς ἀμφὶ τὸν Ζήνωνα καὶ Δίφιλον ἀπέβλεπε δεδοικότας καὶ ὠχριῶντας καὶ τῇ ἀπορίᾳ τῶν προσώπων ἐπαληθεύοντας τὰ ὑπὸ τοῦ Ἑτοιμοκλέους κατηγορηθέντα· ὁ Ἀρισταίνετος δὲ ἐτετάρακτο καὶ θορύβου μεστὸς ἦν, ἐκέλευε δʼ ὅμως πίνειν ἡμᾶς καὶ ἐπειρᾶτο εὖ διατίθεσθαι τὸ γεγονὸς ὑπομειδιῶν ἅμα, καὶ τὸν οἰκέτην ἀπέπεμψεν εἰπὼν ὅτι ἐπιμελήσεται τούτων. μετʼ ὀλίγον δὲ καὶ ὁ Ζήνων ὑπεξανέστη ἀφανῶς, τοῦ παιδαγωγοῦ νεύσαντος ἀπαλλάττεσθαι ὡς κελεύσαντος τοῦ πατρός.

[¶6] 30. Lycinus: Cleodemus had been on the look-out for an opportunity; he was spoiling for a fight with the Stoics, and chafing over the difficulty of starting the subject; but the letter had struck the right key, and off he went. ‘Now we see the productions of your fine Chrysippus, your glorious Zeno, your Cleanthes— a few poor catch-words, some fruitless posers, a philosophic exterior, and a large supply of—Hetoemocleses. What ripe wisdom does this letter reveal, with its conclusion that Aristaenetus is an Oeneus, and Hetoemocles an Artemis! How auspicious, how suitable to the occasion, its tone!'

> Greek: 30. Λυκῖνος: ὁ Κλεόδημος δὲ καὶ πάλαι τινὸς ἀφορμῆς δεόμενος — ἐβούλετο γὰρ συμπλακῆναι τοῖς Στωικοῖς καὶ διερρήγνυτο οὐκ ἔχων ἀρχὴν εὔλογον — τότε οὖν τὸ ἐνδόσιμον παρασχούσης τῆς ἐπιστολῆς, τοιαῦτα, ἔφη, ἐξεργάζεται ὁ καλὸς Χρύσιππος καὶ Ζήνων ὁ θαυμαστὸς καὶ Κλεάνθης, ῥημάτια δύστηνα καὶ ἐρωτήσεις μόνον καὶ σχήματα φιλοσόφων, τὰ δʼ ἄλλα Ἑτοιμοκλεῖς οἱ πλεῖστοι· καὶ αἱ ἐπιστολαὶ ὁρᾶτε ὅπως πρεσβυτικαί, καὶ τὸ τελευταῖον Οἰνεὺς μὲν Ἀρισταίνετος, Ἑτοιμοκλῆς δὲ Ἄρτεμις. Ἡράκλεις, εὔφημα πάντα καὶ ἑορτῇ πρέποντα.

[¶7] 31. Lycinus: ‘To be sure,’ chimed in Hermon, his left-hand neighbour; he had no doubt heard that Aristaenetus had bespoken a wild boar, and thought the introduction of the one at Calydon appropriate. Aristaenetus, I adjure you by the domestic altar, let him taste the victim, or we shall have the old man starving, and withering away like his Meleager. Though indeed it would not be so very hard on him; such a fate is one of Chrysippus’s things indifferent.

> Greek: 31. Λυκῖνος: νὴ Δίʼ, εἶπεν ὁ Ἕρμων ὑπερκατακείμενος· ἠκηκόει γάρ, οἶμαι, ὗν τινα ἐσκευάσθαι Ἀρισταινέτῳ ἐς τὸ δεῖπνον, ὥστε οὐκ ἄκαιρον ἐδόκει μεμνῆσθαι τοῦ Καλυδωνίου. ἀλλὰ πρὸς τῆς Ἑστίας, ὦ Ἀρισταίνετε, πέμπε ὡς τάχιστα τῶν ἀπαρχῶν, μὴ καὶ φθάσῃ ὁ πρεσβύτης ὑπὸ λιμοῦ ὥσπερ ὁ Μελέαγρος ἀπομαρανθείς. καίτοι οὐδὲν ἂν πάθοι δεινόν· ἀδιάφορα γὰρ ὁ Χρύσιππος τὰ τοιαῦτα ἡγεῖτο.

[¶8] 32. Lycinus: Here Zenothemis woke up and thundered out: ‘Chrysippus? you name that name? because a pretender like Hetoemocles comes short of his profession, you argue from him to the real sages, to Cleanthes and Zeno? And who are the men, pray, who hold such language? Why, Hermon, who shore the curls» the solid golden curls, of the Dioscuri, and who will yet receive his barber’s fee from the executioner. And Cleodemus, who was caught in adultery with his pupil Sostratus’s wife, and paid the shameful penalty. Silence would better become the owners of such consciences.’ ‘Who trades in his own wife’s favours?” retorted Cleodemus; ‘I do not do that, and I do not undertake to keep my foreign pupil’s purse and then swear by Polias the deposit was never made; I do not lend money at fifty per cent, and I do not hale my pupils into court if fees are not paid to the day.’ ‘You will hardly deny, though,’ said Zenothemis, ‘that you supplied Crito with the poison for his father.’

> Greek: 32. Λυκῖνος: Χρυσίππου γὰρ μέμνησθε ὑμεῖς, ἔφη ὁ Ζηνόθεμις ἐπεγείρας ἑαυτὸν καὶ φθεγξάμενος παμμέγεθες, ἢ ἀφʼ ἑνὸς ἀνδρὸς οὐκ ἐννόμως φιλοσοφοῦντος Ἑτοιμοκλέους τοῦ γόητος μετρεῖτε τὸν Κλεάνθην καὶ Ζήνωνα σοφοὺς ἄνδρας; τίνες δὲ καὶ ὄντες ὑμεῖς ἐρεῖτε ταῦτα; οὐ σὺ μὲν τῶν Διοσκούρων ἤδη, ὦ Ἕρμων, τοὺς πλοκάμους περικέκαρκας χρυσοῦς ὄντας; καὶ δώσεις δίκην παραδοθεὶς τῷ δημίῳ. σὺ δὲ τὴν Σωστράτου γυναῖκα τοῦ μαθητοῦ ἐμοίχευες, ὦ Κλεόδημε, καὶ καταληφθεὶς τὰ αἴσχιστα ἔπαθες. οὐ σιωπήσεσθε οὖν τοιαῦτα συνεπιστάμενοι ἑαυτοῖς; ἀλλʼ οὐ μαστροπὸς ἐγὼ τῆς ἐμαυτοῦ γυναικός, ἦ δʼ ὃς ὁ Κλεόδημος, ὥσπερ σύ, οὐδὲ τοῦ ξένου μαθητοῦ λαβὼν τοὐφόδιον παρακαταθήκας ἔπειτα ὤμοσα κατὰ τῆς Πολιάδος μὴ εἰληφέναι, οὐδʼ ἐπὶ τέτταρσι δραχμαῖς δανείζω, οὐδὲ ἄγχω τοὺς μαθητάς, ἢν μὴ κατὰ καιρὸν ἀποδῶσι τοὺς μισθούς. ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνο, ἔφη ὁ Ζηνόθεμις, οὐκ ἂν ἔξαρνος γένοιο μὴ οὐχὶ φάρμακον ἀποδόσθαι Κρίτωνι ἐπὶ τὸν πατέρα.

[¶9] 33. Lycinus: And therewith, his cup being in his hand, about half full of wine, he emptied it over the pair; and Ion, whose worst guilt was being their neighbour, came in for a good deal of it. Hermon bent forward, dried his head, and entered a protest. Cleodemus, having no wine to reply with, leant over and spat at Zenothemis; at the same time he clutched the old man’s beard with his left hand, and was aiming a blow which would have killed him, when Aristaenetus arrested it, stepped over Zenothemis, and lay down between the two, making himself a buffer in the interests of peace.

> Greek: 33. Λυκῖνος: καὶ ἅμα, ἔτυχε γὰρ πίνων, ὁπόσον ἔτι λοιπὸν ἐν τῇ κύλικι, περὶ ἥμισυ σχεδόν, κατεσκέδασεν αὐτοῖν. ἀπέλαυσε δὲ καὶ ὁ Ἴων τῆς γειτονήσεως, οὐκ ἀνάξιος ὤν. ὁ μὲν οὖν Ἕρμων ἀπεξύετο ἐκ τῆς κεφαλῆς τὸν ἄκρατον προνενευκὼς καὶ τοὺς παρόντας ἐμαρτύρετο, οἷα ἐπεπόνθει. ὁ Κλεόδημος δέ — οὐ γὰρ εἶχε κύλικα — ἐπιστραφεὶς προσέπτυσέ τε τὸν Ζηνόθεμιν καὶ τῇ ἀριστερᾷ τοῦ πώγωνος λαβόμενος ἔμελλε παίσειν κατὰ κόρρης, καὶ ἀπέκτεινεν ἂν τὸν γέροντα, εἰ μὴ Ἀρισταίνετος ἐπέσχε τὴν χεῖρα καὶ ὑπερβὰς τὸν Ζηνόθεμιν ἐς τὸ μέσον αὐτοῖν κατεκλίθη, ὡς διασταῖεν ὑπὸ διατειχίσματι αὐτῷ εἰρήνην ἄγοντες.

[¶10] 34. Lycinus: All this time, Philo, my thoughts were busy enough with the old commonplace, that after all it is no use having all theory at your finger’s ends, if you do not conform your conduct to the right. Here were these masters of precept making themselves perfectly ridiculous in practice. Then it was borne in upon me that possibly the vulgar notion is right, and culture only misleads the people who are too much wrapt up in books and bookish ideas, Of all that philosophic company there was not a man—not so much as an accidental exception—who could pass muster; if his conduct did not condemn him, his words did yet more fatally. I could not make the wine responsible, either; the author of that letter was fasting and sober.

> Greek: 34. Λυκῖνος: ἐν ὅσῳ δὲ ταῦτʼ ἐγίνετο, ποικίλα, ὦ Φίλων, ἐγὼ πρὸς ἐμαυτὸν ἐνενόουν, οἷον τὸ πρόχειρον ἐκεῖνο, ὡς οὐδὲν ὄφελος ἦν ἄρα ἐπίστασθαι τὰ μαθήματα, εἰ μή τις καὶ τὸν βίον ῥυθμίζοι πρὸς τὸ βέλτιον· ἐκείνους γοῦν περιττοὺς ὄντας ἐν τοῖς λόγοις ἑώρων γέλωτα ἐπὶ τῶν πραγμάτων ὀφλισκάνοντας. ἔπειτα εἰσῄει με, μὴ ἄρα τὸ ὑπὸ τῶν πολλῶν λεγόμενον ἀληθὲς ᾖ καὶ τὸ πεπαιδεῦσθαι ἀπάγῃ τῶν ὀρθῶν λογισμῶν τοὺς ἐς μόνα τὰ βιβλία καὶ τὰς ἐν ἐκείνοις φροντίδας ἀτενὲς ἀφορῶντας· τοσούτων γοῦν φιλοσόφων παρόντων οὐδὲ κατὰ τύχην ἕνα τινὰ ἔξω ἁμαρτήματος ἦν ἰδεῖν, ἀλλʼ οἱ μὲν ἐποίουν αἰσχρά, οἱ δʼ ἔλεγον αἰσχίω· οὐδὲ γὰρ ἐς τὸν οἶνον ἔτι ἀναφέρειν εἶχον τὰ γινόμενα λογιζόμενος οἷα ὁ Ἑτοιμοκλῆς ἄσιτος ἔτι καὶ ἄποτος ἐγεγράφει.

[¶11] 35. Lycinus: Things seemed to go by contraries; you might see the ordinary people behaving quite properly at table; no rioting and disorder there; the most they did was to laugh at and, no doubt, censure the others, whom they had been accustomed to respect and to credit with the qualities their appearance suggested. It was the wise men who made beasts of themselves, abused each other, over-fed, shouted and came to blows. I thought one could find no better illustration for our dinner than the poets’ story of Eris. When she was not invited to Peleus’s nuptials, she threw that apple on the table which brought about the great Trojan war. Hetoemocles’s letter was just such an apple, woeful Iliad and all.

> Greek: 35. Λυκῖνος: ἀνέστραπτο οὖν τὸ πρᾶγμα, καὶ οἱ μὲν ἰδιῶται κοσμίως πάνυ ἑστιώμενοι οὔτε παροινοῦντες οὔτε ἀσχημονοῦντες ἐφαίνοντο, ἀλλʼ ἐγέλων μόνον καὶ κατεγίνωσκον αὐτῶν, οἶμαι, οὕς γε ἐθαύμαζον οἰόμενοί τινας εἶναι ἀπὸ τῶν σχημάτων, οἱ σοφοὶ δὲ ἠσέλγαινον καὶ ἐλοιδοροῦντο καὶ ὑπερενεπίμπλαντο καὶ ἐκεκράγεσαν καὶ εἰς χεῖρας ᾔεσαν. ὁ θαυμάσιος δὲ Ἀλκιδάμας καὶ ἐούρει ἐν τῷ μέσῳ οὐκ αἰδούμενος τὰς γυναῖκας. καὶ ἐμοὶ ἐδόκει, ὡς ἂν ἄριστά τις εἰκάσειεν, ὁμοιότατα εἶναι τὰ ἐν τῷ συμποσίῳ οἷς περὶ τῆς Ἔριδος οἱ ποιηταὶ λέγουσιν· οὐ γὰρ κληθεῖσαν αὐτὴν ἐς τοῦ Πηλέως τὸν γάμον ῥῖψαι τὸ μῆλον εἰς τὸ σύνδειπνον, ἀφʼ οὗ τοσοῦτον πόλεμον ἐπʼ Ἰλίῳ γεγενῆσθαι. καὶ ὁ Ἑτοιμοκλῆς τοίνυν ἐδόκει μοι τὴν ἐπιστολὴν ἐμβαλὼν εἰς τὸ μέσον ὥσπερ τι μῆλον οὐ μείω τῆς Ἰλιάδος κακὰ ἐξεργάσασθαι.

[¶12] 36. Lycinus: For buffer-Aristaenetus had proved ineffectual, and the quarrel between Zenothemis and Cleodemus was proceeding. ‘For the present,’ said the latter, ‘I am satisfied with exposing your ignorance; to-morrow I will give you your deserts more adequately. Pray explain, Zenothemis, or the reputable Diphilus for you, how it is that you Stoics class the acquisition of wealth among the things indifferent, and then concentrate your whole efforts upon it, hang perpetually about the rich to that end, lend money, screw out your usury, and take pay for your teaching. Or again, if you hate pleasure and condemn the Epicureans, how comes it that you will do and endure the meanest things for it? you resent it if you are not asked out; and when you are, you eat so much, and convey so much more to your servant’s keeping’—and he interrupted himself to make a grab at the napkin that Zenothemis’s boy was holding, full of all sorts of provender; he meant to get it away and empty the contents on the floor; but the boy held on too tight.

> Greek: 36. Λυκῖνος: οὐ γὰρ ἐπαύσαντο οἱ ἀμφὶ τὸν Ζηνόθεμιν καὶ Κλεόδημον φιλονεικοῦντες, ἐπεὶ μέσος αὐτῶν ὁ Ἀρισταίνετος ἐγένετο· ἀλλά, νῦν μέν, ἔφη ὁ Κλεόδημος, ἱκανόν, εἰ ἐλεγχθείητε ἀμαθεῖς ὄντες, αὔριον δὲ ἀμυνοῦμαι ὑμᾶς ὅντινα καὶ χρὴ τρόπον· ἀπόκριναί μοι οὖν, ὦ Ζηνόθεμι, ἢ σὺ ἢ ὁ κοσμιώτατος Δίφιλος, καθʼ ὅ τι ἀδιάφορον εἶναι λέγοντες τῶν χρημάτων τὴν κτῆσιν οὐδὲν ἀλλʼ ἢ τοῦτο ἐξ ἁπάντων σκοπεῖτε ὡς πλείω κτήσεσθε καὶ διὰ τοῦτο ἀμφὶ τοὺς πλουσίους ἀεὶ ἔχετε καὶ δανείζετε καὶ τοκογλυφεῖτε καὶ ἐπὶ μισθῷ παιδεύετε, πάλιν τε αὖ τὴν ἡδονὴν μισοῦντες καὶ τῶν Ἐπικουρείων κατηγοροῦντες αὐτοὶ τὰ αἴσχιστα ἡδονῆς ἕνεκα ποιεῖτε καὶ πάσχετε, ἀγανακτοῦντες εἴ τις μὴ καλέσειεν ἐπὶ δεῖπνον· εἰ δὲ καὶ κληθείητε, τοσαῦτα μὲν ἐσθίοντες, τοσαῦτα δὲ τοῖς οἰκέταις ἐπιδιδόντες — καὶ ἅμα λέγων τὴν ὀθόνην περισπᾶν ἐπεχείρει, ἣν ὁ παῖς εἶχε τοῦ Ζηνοθέμιδος, μεστὴν οὖσαν παντοδαπῶν κρεῶν, καὶ ἔμελλε λύσας ἀπορρίπτειν αὐτὰ εἰς τὸ ἔδαφος, ἀλλʼ ὁ παῖς οὐκ ἀνῆκε καρτερῶς ἀντεχόμενος.

[¶13] 37. Lycinus: 'Quite right, Cleodemus,’ said Hermon; ‘let them tell us why they condemn pleasure, and yet expect more of it than any one else.’ ‘No, no,’ says Zenothemis; ‘you give us your grounds, Cleodemus, for saying wealth is not a thing indifferent. ‘No, I tell you; let us have your case.? So the see-saw went on, till Ion came out of his retirement and called a truce: ‘I will give you,’ he said, ‘a theme worthy of the occasion; and you shall speak and listen without trying for personal triumphs; take a leaf from our Plato this time.’ ‘Hear, hear,’ from the company, especially from Aristaenetus and Eucritus, who hailed this escape from unpleasantness. The former now went back to his own place, confident of peace.

> Greek: 37. Λυκῖνος: καὶ ὁ Ἕρμων, εὖ γε, ἔφη, ὦ Κλεόδημε, εἰπάτωσαν οὗτινος ἕνεκα ἡδονῆς κατηγοροῦσιν αὐτοὶ ἥδεσθαι ὑπὲρ τοὺς ἄλλους ἀξιοῦντες. οὔκ, ἀλλὰ σύ, ἦ δʼ ὃς ὁ Ζηνόθεμις, εἰπέ, ὦ Κλεόδημε, καθʼ ὅ τι οὐκ ἀδιάφορον ἡγῇ τὸν πλοῦτον. οὐ μὲν οὖν, ἀλλὰ σύ. καὶ ἐπὶ πολὺ τοῦτο ἦν, ἄχρι δὴ ὁ Ἴων προκύψας ἐς τὸ ἐμφανέστερον, παύσασθε, ἔφη· ἐγὼ δέ, εἰ δοκεῖ, λόγων ἀφορμὰς ὑμῖν ἀξίων τῆς παρούσης ἑορτῆς καταθήσω ἐς τὸ μέσον· ὑμεῖς δὲ ἀφιλονείκως ἐρεῖτε καὶ ἀκούσεσθε ὥσπερ ἀμέλει καὶ παρὰ τῷ ἡμετέρῳ Πλάτωνι ἐν λόγοις ἡ πλείστη διατριβὴ ἐγένετο. πάντες ἐπῄνεσαν οἱ παρόντες, καὶ μάλιστα οἱ ἀμφὶ τὸν Ἀρισταίνετόν τε καὶ Εὔκριτον, ἀπαλλάξεσθαι τῆς ἀηδίας οὕτω γοῦν ἐλπίσαντες. καὶ μετῆλθέ τε ὁ Ἀρισταίνετος ἐπὶ τὸν αὑτοῦ τόπον εἰρήνην γεγενῆσθαι ἐλπίσας, Λυκῖνος: καὶ ἅμα εἰσεκεκόμιστο ἡμῖν τὸ ἐντελὲς ὀνομαζόμενον δεῖπνον, μία ὄρνις ἑκάστῳ καὶ κρέας ὑὸς καὶ λαγῶα καὶ ἰχθὺς ἐκ ταγήνου καὶ σησαμοῦντες καὶ ὅσα ἐντραγεῖν, καὶ ἐξῆν ἀποφέρεσθαι ταῦτα.

[¶14] 38. Lycinus: The ‘repast,’ as they call it, had just made its appearance; each guest was served with a bird, a slice of wild boar, a portion of hare, a fried fish, some sesame cakes and sweet-meats—all these to be taken home if the guest chose. Every man had not a separate dish, however; Aristaenetus and Eucritus shared one little table, from which each was to take what belonged to him; so Zenothemis the Stoic and Hermon the Epicurean; Cleodemus and Ion had the third table, the bridegroom and I the next; Diphilus had a double portion, by the absence of Zeno. Remember these details, Philo; you will find they bear on the story. Philo: Trust me.

> Greek: 38. προὔκειτο δὲ οὐχ ἓν ἑκάστῳ πινάκιον, ἀλλʼ Ἀρισταινέτῳ μὲν καὶ Εὐκρίτῳ ἐπὶ μιᾶς τραπέζης κοινόν, καὶ τὰ παρʼ αὑτῷ ἑκάτερον ἐχρῆν λαβεῖν· Ζηνοθέμιδι δὲ τῷ Στωϊκῷ καὶ Ἕρμωνι τῷ Ἐπικουρείῳ ὁμοίως κοινὸν καὶ τούτοις· εἶτα ἑξῆς Κλεοδήμῳ καὶ Ἴωνι, μεθʼ οὓς τῷ νυμφίῳ καὶ ἐμοί, τῷ Διφίλῳ δὲ τὰ ἀμφοῖν, ὁ γὰρ Ζήνων ἀπεληλύθει. καὶ μέμνησό μοι τούτων, ὦ Φίλων, διότι δή ἐστί τι ἐν αὐτοῖς χρήσιμον ἐς τὸν λόγον. Φίλων: μεμνήσομαι δή.

[¶15] 39. Lycinus: Ion proceeded: ‘I will start, then, if you wish it.' He reflected a moment, and then: ‘With so much talent in the room, no less a subject might seem indicated than Ideas, Incorporeals, and the Immortality of the Soul. On the other hand our divergent views might make that too controversial; so I will take the question of marriage, and say what seems appropriate. The counsel of perfection here would be to dispense with it, and be satisfied, according to the prescription of Plato and Socrates, with contemplating male beauty. So, and only so, is absolute virtue to be attained. But if marriage is admitted as a practical necessity, then we should adopt the Platonic system of holding our wives in common, thus obviating rivality.’

> Greek: 39. Λυκῖνος: ὁ τοίνυν Ἴων, πρῶτος οὖν ἄρχομαι, ἔφη, εἰ δοκεῖ. καὶ μικρὸν ἐπισχών, ἐχρῆν μὲν ἴσως, ἔφη, τοιούτων ἀνδρῶν παρόντων περὶ ἰδεῶν τε καὶ ἀσωμάτων εἰπεῖν καὶ ψυχῆς ἀθανασίας· ἵνα δὲ μὴ ἀντιλέγωσί μοι ὁπόσοι μὴ κατὰ ταὐτὰ φιλοσοφοῦσι, περὶ γάμων ἐρῶ τὰ εἰκότα. τὸ μὲν οὖν ἄριστον ἦν μὴ δεῖσθαι γάμων, ἀλλὰ πειθομένους Πλάτωνι καὶ Σωκράτει παιδεραστεῖν· μόνοι γοῦν οἱ τοιοῦτοι ἀποτελεσθεῖεν ἂν πρὸς ἀρετήν· εἰ δὲ δεῖ καὶ γυναικείου γάμου, κατὰ τὰ Πλάτωνι δοκοῦντα κοινὰς εἶναι ἐχρῆν τὰς γυναῖκας, ὡς ἔξω ζήλου εἴημεν.

[¶16] 40. Lycinus: The unseasonableness of these remarks raised a laugh. And Dionysodorus had another criticism: ‘Spare us these provincialisms,’ he said; ‘or give us your authority for “rivality.”’ ‘Such carpings are beneath contempt,’ was the polite reply. Dionysodorus was about to return the compliment with interest, when our good man of letters intervened: ‘Stop,’ said Histiaeus, ‘and let me read you an epithalamium.’

> Greek: 40. Λυκῖνος: γέλως ἐπὶ τούτοις ἐγένετο ὡς οὐκ ἐν καιρῷ λεγομένοις. Διονυσόδωρος δέ, παῦσαι, ἔφη, βαρβαρικὰ ἡμῖν ᾄδων, ποῦ γὰρ ἂν εὑρίσκοιμεν τὸν ζῆλον ἐπὶ τούτου καὶ παρὰ τίνι; καὶ σὺ γὰρ φθέγγῃ, κάθαρμα; εἶπεν ὁ Ἴων, καὶ Διονυσόδωρος ἀντελοιδορεῖτο τὰ εἰκότα. ἀλλʼ ὁ γραμματικὸς Ἱστιαῖος ὁ βέλτιστος, παύσασθε, ἔφη· ἐγὼ γὰρ ὑμῖν ἐπιθαλάμιον ἀναγνώσομαι. καὶ ἀρξάμενος ἀνεγίνωσκεν.

[¶17] 41. Lycinus: He at once went off at score; and I think I can reproduce the effusion:
Or like, in Aristaenetus’s hall,
Cleanthis, softly nurtured bright princess,
Surpassing other beauties virginal,
Cythera’s Queen, or Helen’s loveliness,
Bridegroom, the best of your contemporaries,
Nireus’s and Achilles’ peer, rejoice!
While we in hymeneal voluntaries
Over the pair keep lifting up our voice.

> Greek: 41. Λυκῖνος: ἦν γὰρ ταῦτα, εἴ γε μέμνημαι, τὰ ἐλεγεῖα·
ἢ οἵη ποτʼ ἄρʼ ἥγʼ Ἀρισταινέτου ἐν μεγάροισι
δῖα Κλεανθὶς ἄνασσʼ ἐτρέφετʼ ἐνδυκέως,
προὔχουσʼ ἀλλάων πασάων παρθενικάων,
κρέσσων τῆς Κυθέρης ἠδʼ ἅμα τῆς Ἑλένης.
νυμφίε, καὶ σὺ δὲ χαῖρε, κρατερῶν κράτιστε ἐφήβων,
κρέσσων Νιρῆος καὶ Θέτιδος πάϊδος.
ἄμμες δʼ αὖθʼ ὑμῖν τοῦτον θαλαμήϊον ὕμνον
ξυνὸν ἐπʼ ἀμφοτέροις πολλάκις ᾀσόμεθα.

[¶18] 42. Lycinus: By the time the laughter that not unnaturally followed had subsided, it was time to pack up our ‘repasts’; Aristaenetus and Eucritus took each his intended portion; Chaereas and I, Ion and Cleodemus, did likewise. But as Zeno was not there, Diphilus expected to come in for his share too. He said everything on that table was his, and disputed possession with the servants. There was a tug of war between them just like that over the body of Patroclus; at last he was worsted and had to let go, to the huge amusement of all, which he heightened by taking the thing as a most serious wrong.

> Greek: 42. Λυκῖνος: γέλωτος οὖν ἐπὶ τούτοις, ὡς τὸ εἰκός, γενομένου ἀνελέσθαι ἤδη τὰ παρακείμενα ἔδει, καὶ ἀνείλοντο οἱ περὶ τὸν Ἀρισταίνετον καὶ Εὔκριτον τὴν πρὸ αὑτοῦ ἑκάτερος κἀγὼ τἀμὰ καὶ ὁ Χαιρέας ὅσα ἐκείνῳ ἔκειτο καὶ Ἴων ὁμοίως καὶ ὁ Κλεόδημος. ὁ δὲ Δίφιλος ἠξίου καὶ τὰ τῷ Ζήνωνι δὴ ἀπόντι παραδοθέντα φέρεσθαι καὶ ἔλεγε μόνῳ παρατεθῆναί οἱ αὐτὰ καὶ πρὸς τοὺς διακόνους ἐμάχετο, καὶ ἀντέσπων τῆς ὄρνιθος ἐπειλημμένοι ὥσπερ τὸν Πατρόκλου νεκρὸν ἀνθέλκοντες, καὶ τέλος ἐνικήθη καὶ ἀφῆκε πολὺν γέλωτα παρασχὼν τοῖς συμπόταις, καὶ μάλιστα ἐπεὶ ἠγανάκτει μετὰ τοῦτο ὡς ἂν τὰ μέγιστα ἠδικημένος.

[¶19] 43. Lycinus: As I told you, Hermon and Zenothemis were neighbours, the latter having the upper place. Their portions were equal enough except in one respect, and the division was peaceful until that was reached. But the bird on Hermon’s side was— by chance, no doubt—the fatter. The moment came for them to take their respective birds. At this point—now attend carefully, please, Philo; here is the kernel of the whole affair—at this point Zenothemis let his own bird lie, and took the fatter one before Hermon. But Hermon was not going to be put upon; he laid hold of it too. Then their voices were lifted up, they closed, belaboured each other’s faces with the birds, clutched each other’s beards, and called for assistance, Hermon appealing to Cleodemus, Zenothemis to Alcidamas and Diphilus. The allies took their sides, Ion alone preserving neutrality.

> Greek: 43. Λυκῖνος: οἱ δὲ ἀμφὶ τὸν Ἕρμωνα καὶ Ζηνόθεμιν ἅμα κατέκειντο, ὥσπερ εἴρηται, ὁ μὲν ὑπεράνω ὁ Ζηνόθεμις, ὁ δʼ ὑπʼ αὐτόν· παρέκειτο δʼ αὐτοῖς τὰ μὲν ἄλλα πάντα ἴσα, καὶ ἀνείλοντο εἰρηνικῶς· ἡ δὲ ὄρνις ἡ πρὸ τοῦ Ἕρμωνος πιμελεστέρα, οὕτως, οἶμαι, τυχόν. ἔδει δὲ καὶ ταύτας ἀναιρεῖσθαι τὴν ἑαυτοῦ ἑκάτερον. ἐν τούτῳ τοίνυν ὁ Ζηνόθεμις — καί μοι, ὦ Φίλων, πάνυ πρόσεχε τὸν νοῦν, ὁμοῦ γάρ ἐσμεν ἤδη τῷ κεφαλαίῳ τῶν πραχθέντων — ὁ δὲ Ζηνόθεμις, φημί, τὴν παρʼ αὑτῷ ἀφεὶς τὴν πρὸ τοῦ Ἕρμωνος ἀνείλετο πιοτέραν, ὡς ἔφην, οὖσαν· ὁ δʼ ἀντεπελάβετο καὶ οὐκ εἴα πλεονεκτεῖν. βοὴ τὸ ἐπὶ τούτοις, καὶ συμπεσόντες ἔπαιον ἀλλήλους ταῖς ὄρνισιν αὐταῖς ἐς τὰ πρόσωπα, καὶ τῶν πωγώνων ἐπειλημμένοι ἐπεκαλοῦντο βοηθεῖν, ὁ μὲν τὸν Κλεόδημον ὁ Ἕρμων, ὁ δὲ Ζηνόθεμις Ἀλκιδάμαντα καὶ Δίφιλον, καὶ συνίσταντο οἱ μὲν ὡς τοῦτον, οἱ δʼ ὡς ἐκεῖνον πλὴν μόνου τοῦ Ἴωνος·

[¶20] 44. Lycinus: The hosts engaged. Zenothemis lifted a goblet from the table where it stood before Aristaenetus, and hurled it at Hermon;
And him it missed, but found another mark,
laying open the bridegroom’s skull with a sound deep gash. This opened the lips of the ladies; most of them indeed jumped down into the battle’s interspace, led by the young man’s mother, as soon as she saw his blood flowing; the bride too was startled from her place by terror for him. Meanwhile Alcidamas was in his glory maintaining the cause of Zenothemis; down came his stick on Cleodemus’s skull, he injured Hermon’s jaw, and severely wounded several of the servants who tried to protect them. The other side were not beaten, however; Cleodemus with levelled finger was gouging out Zenothemis’s eye, not to mention fastening on his nose and biting a piece off it; and when Diphilus came to Zenothemis’s rescue, Hermon pitched him head first from the couch.

> Greek: 44. Λυκῖνος: ἐκεῖνος δὲ μέσον ἑαυτὸν ἐφύλαττεν. οἱ δʼ ἐμάχοντο συμπλακέντες, καὶ ὁ μὲν Ζηνόθεμις σκύφον ἀράμενος ἀπὸ τῆς τραπέζης κείμενον πρὸ τοῦ Ἀρισταινέτου ῥίπτει ἐπὶ τὸν Ἕρμωνα, κἀκείνου μὲν ἅμαρτε, παραὶ δέ οἱ ἐτράπετʼ ἄλλῃ, διεῖλε δὲ τοῦ νυμφίου τὸ κρανίον ἐς δύο χρηστῷ μάλα καὶ βαθεῖ τῷ τραύματι. βοὴ οὖν παρὰ τῶν γυναικῶν ἐγένετο καὶ κατεπήδησαν ἐς τὸ μεταίχμιον αἱ πολλαί, καὶ μάλιστα ἡ μήτηρ τοῦ μειρακίου, ἐπεὶ τὸ αἷμα εἶδε· καὶ ἡ νύμφη δὲ ἀνεπήδησε φοβηθεῖσα περὶ αὐτοῦ. ἐν τοσούτῳ δὲ ὁ Ἀλκιδάμας ἠρίστευσε τῷ Ζηνοθέμιδι συμμαχῶν, καὶ πατάξας τῇ βακτηρίᾳ τοῦ Κλεοδήμου μὲν τὸ κρανίον, τοῦ Ἕρμωνος δὲ τὴν σιαγόνα ἐπέτριψε καὶ τῶν οἰκετῶν ἐνίους βοηθεῖν αὐτοῖς ἐπιχειροῦντας κατέτρωσεν· οὐ μὴν ἀπετράποντο ἐκεῖνοι, ἀλλʼ ὁ μὲν Κλεόδημος ὀρθῷ τῷ δακτύλῳ τὸν ὀφθαλμὸν τοῦ Ζηνοθέμιδος ἐξώρυττε καὶ τὴν ῥῖνα προσφὺς ἀπέτραγεν, ὁ δὲ Ἕρμων τὸν Δίφιλον ἐπὶ ξυμμαχίαν ἥκοντα τοῦ Ζηνοθέμιδος ἀφῆκεν ἐπὶ κεφαλὴν ἀπὸ τοῦ κλιντῆρος.

[¶21] 45. Lycinus: Histiaeus too was wounded in trying to part the pair; it was a kick in the teeth, I think, from Cleodemus, who took him for Diphilus. So the poor man of letters lay ‘disgorging blood,’ as his own Homer describes it. It was a scene of tumult and tears. The women were hanging over Chaereas and wailing, the other men trying to restore peace. The great centre of destruction was Alcidamas, who after routing the forces immediately opposed to him was striking at whatever presented itself. Many a man had fallen there, be sure, had he not broken his stick. I was standing close up to the wall watching the proceedings in which I took no part; Histiaeus’s fate had taught me the dangers of intervention. It was a sight to recall the Lapithae and Centaurs—tables upside down, blood in streams, bowls hurtling in the air.

> Greek: 45. Λυκῖνος: ἐτρώθη δὲ καὶ Ἱστιαῖος ὁ γραμματικὸς διαλύειν αὐτοὺς ἐπιχειρῶν, λάξ, οἶμαι, εἰς τοὺς ὀδόντας ὑπὸ τοῦ Κλεοδήμου Δίφιλον εἶναι οἰηθέντος. ἔκειτο γοῦν ὁ ἄθλιος κατὰ τὸν αὑτοῦ Ὅμηρον αἷμʼ ἐμέων. πλὴν ταραχῆς γε καὶ δακρύων μεστὰ ἦν πάντα. καὶ αἱ μὲν γυναῖκες ἐκώκυον τῷ Χαιρέᾳ περιχυθεῖσαι, … οἱ δὲ ἄλλοι κατέπαυον. μέγιστον δὲ ἦν ἁπάντων κακῶν ὁ Ἀλκιδάμας, ἐπεὶ ἅπαξ τὸ καθʼ αὑτὸν ἐτρέψατο, παίων τὸν προστυχόντα· καὶ πολλοὶ ἄν, εὖ ἴσθι, ἔπεσον εἰ μὴ κατέαξε τὴν βακτηρίαν. ἐγὼ δὲ παρὰ τὸν τοῖχον ὀρθὸς ἐφεστὼς ἑώρων ἕκαστα οὐκ ἀναμιγνὺς ἑαυτὸν ὑπὸ τοῦ Ἱστιαίου διδαχθείς, ὡς ἔστιν ἐπισφαλὲς διαλύειν τὰ τοιαῦτα. Λαπίθας οὖν καὶ Κενταύρους εἶπες ἄν, εἰ εἶδες τραπέζας ἀνατρεπομένας καὶ αἷμα ἐκκεχυμένον καὶ σκύφους ῥιπτομένους.

[¶22] 46. Lycinus: At last Alcidamas upset the lamp, there was a great darkness, and confusion was worse confounded. It was not so easy to procure another light, and many a horrid deed was done in the dark. When some one came at last with a lamp, Alcidamas was discovered stripping and applying compulsion to the flutegirl, and Dionysodorus proved to have been as incongruously engaged; as he stood up, a goblet rolled out of his bosom, His account of the matter was that Ion had picked it up in the confusion, and given it him to save it from damage! for which piece of carefulness Ion was willing to receive credit.

> Greek: 46. Λυκῖνος: τέλος δὲ ὁ Ἀλκιδάμας ἀνατρέψας τὸ λυχνίον σκότος μέγα ἐποίησε, καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμα, ὡς τὸ εἰκός, μακρῷ χαλεπώτερον ἐγεγένητο· καὶ γὰρ οὐ ῥᾳδίως εὐπόρησαν φωτὸς ἄλλου, ἀλλὰ πολλὰ ἐπράχθη καὶ δεινὰ ἐν τῷ σκότῳ. καὶ ἐπεὶ παρῆν τις λύχνον ποτὲ κομίζων, κατελήφθη Ἀλκιδάμας μὲν τὴν αὐλητρίδα ἀπογυμνῶν καὶ πρὸς βίαν συνενεχθῆναι αὐτῇ σπουδάζων, Διονυσόδωρος δὲ ἄλλο τι γελοῖον ἐφωράθη πεποιηκώς· σκύφος γὰρ ἐξέπεσεν ἐκ τοῦ κόλπου ἐξαναστάντος αὐτοῦ. εἶτʼ ἀπολογούμενος Ἴωνα ἔφη ἀνελόμενον ἐν τῇ ταραχῇ δοῦναι αὐτῷ, ὅπως μὴ ἀπόλοιτο, καὶ ὁ Ἴων κηδεμονικῶς ἔλεγε τοῦτο πεποιηκέναι.

[¶23] 47. Lycinus: So the party came to an end, tears being resolved in the laughter at Alcidamas, Dionysodorus and Ion. The wounded were borne off in sad case, especially old Zenothemis, holding one hand on his nose and the other on his eye, and bellowing out that the agony was more than he could bear. Hermon was in poor condition himself, having lost a couple of teeth; but he could not let this piece of evidence go; ‘Bear in mind, Zenothemis,’ he called out, ‘that you do not consider pain a thing indifferent.’ The bridegroom, who had been seen to by Dionicus, was also taken off with his head in bandages—in the carriage in which he was to have taken his bride home. It had been a sorry wedding-feast for him, poor fellow. Dionicus had done what he could for the rest, they were taken home to bed, and very ill most of them were on the way. Alcidamas stayed where he was; it was impossible to get rid of him, as he had thrown himself down anyhow across a couch and fallen asleep.

> Greek: 47. Λυκῖνος: ἐπὶ τούτοις διελύθη τὸ συμπόσιον τελευτῆσαν ἐκ τῶν δακρύων αὖθις ἐς γέλωτα ἐπὶ τῷ Ἀλκιδάμαντι καὶ Διονυσοδώρῳ καὶ Ἴωνι. καὶ οἵ τε τραυματίαι φοράδην ἐξεκομίζοντο πονήρως ἔχοντες, καὶ μάλιστα ὁ πρεσβύτης ὁ Ζηνόθεμις ἀμφοτέραις τῇ μὲν τῆς ῥινός, τῇ δὲ τοῦ ὀφθαλμοῦ ἐπειλημμένος, βοῶν ἀπόλλυσθαι ὑπʼ ἀλγηδόνων, ὥστε καὶ τὸν Ἕρμωνα καίπερ ἐν κακοῖς ὄντα — δύο γὰρ ὀδόντας ἐξεκέκοπτο — ἀντιμαρτύρεσθαι λέγοντα, Μέμνησο μέντοι, ὦ Ζηνόθεμι, ὡς οὐκ ἀδιάφορον ἡγῇ τὸν πόνον· καὶ ὁ νυμφίος δὲ ἀκεσαμένου τὸ τραῦμα τοῦ Διονίκου ἀπήγετο ἐς τὴν οἰκίαν ταινίαις κατειλημένος τὴν κεφαλήν, ἐπὶ τὸ ζεῦγος ἀνατεθεὶς ἐφʼ οὗ τὴν νύμφην ἀπάξειν ἔμελλε, πικροὺς ὁ ἄθλιος τοὺς γάμους ἑορτάσας· καὶ τῶν ἄλλων δὲ ὁ Διόνικος ἐπεμελεῖτο δὴ τὰ δυνατά, καὶ καθευδήσοντες ἀπήγοντο ἐμοῦντες οἱ πολλοὶ ἐν ταῖς ὁδοῖς. ὁ μέντοι Ἀλκιδάμας αὐτοῦ ἔμεινεν· οὐ γὰρ ἠδυνήθησαν ἐκβαλεῖν τὸν ἄνδρα, ἐπεὶ ἅπαξ καταβαλὼν ἑαυτὸν ἐπὶ τῆς κλίνης πλαγίως ἐκάθευδε.

[¶24] 48. Lycinus: And now you know all about the banquet, my dear Philo; a tragedy epilogue seems called for:
Hidden power sways each hour:
Men propose, the Gods dispose:
Fail surmises, come surprises.
It was the unexpected that came to pass here, at any rate. Well, live and learn; I know now that a quiet man had better keep clear of these feasts of reason. Henry Watson Fowler

> Greek: 48. Λυκῖνος: τοῦτό σοι τέλος, ὦ καλὲ Φίλων, ἐγένετο τοῦ συμποσίου, ἢ ἄμεινον τὸ τραγικὸν ἐκεῖνο ἐπειπεῖν,
πολλαὶ μορφαὶ τῶν δαιμονίων,
πολλὰ δʼ ἀέλπτως κραίνουσι θεοί,
καὶ τὰ δοκηθέντʼ οὐκ ἐτελέσθη·
ἀπροσδόκητα γὰρ ὡς ἀληθῶς ἀπέβη καὶ ταῦτα. ἐκεῖνό γε μὴν μεμάθηκα ἤδη, ὡς οὐκ ἀσφαλὲς ἄπρακτον ὄντα συνεστιᾶσθαι τοιούτοις σοφοῖς.