27. DIOGENES: For all this he ought to be punished. What, pray, can he have to say for himself after ridiculing all that is most holy before so many witnesses? In fact, it would be a good thing for them, too, if they were to see him punished, so that no other man might ever again sneer at Philosophy; for to keep quiet and pocket insults might well be thought to betoken weakness and simplicity rather than self-control. And who could put up with his last performances? Bringing us like slaves to the auction-room and appointing a crier, he sold us off, they say, some for a high price, some for an Attic mina, and me, arrant scoundrel that he is, for two obols! And those present laughed! On account of this, we ourselves have come up here in a rage, and we think it right that you for your part should avenge us because we have been insulted to the limit.
27. Διογένης: ἀνθʼ ὧν ἁπάντων ἄξιόν ἐστιν ὑποσχεῖν αὐτὸν τὴν δίκην. ἢ τί γὰρ ἂν εἰπεῖν ἔχοι τὰ σεμνότατα διασύρας ἐπὶ τοσούτων μαρτύρων; χρήσιμον γοῦν καὶ πρὸς ἐκείνους τὸ τοιοῦτον, εἰ θεάσαιντο αὐτὸν κολασθέντα, ὡς μηδὲ ἄλλος τις ἔτι καταφρονοίη Φιλοσοφίας· ἐπεὶ τό γε τὴν ἡσυχίαν ἄγειν καὶ ὑβριζόμενον ἀνέχεσθαι οὐ μετριότητος, ἀλλὰ ἀνανδρίας καὶ εὐηθείας εἰκότως ἂν νομίζοιτο. τὰ μὲν γὰρ τελευταῖα τίνι φορητά; ὃς καθάπερ τὰ ἀνδράποδα παραγαγὼν ἡμᾶς ἐπὶ τὸ πωλητήριον καὶ κήρυκα ἐπιστήσας ἀπημπόλησεν, ὥς φασιν, τοὺς μὲν ἐπὶ πολλῷ, ἐνίους δὲ μνᾶς Ἀττικῆς, ἐμὲ δὲ ὁ παμπονηρότατος οὗτος δύʼ ὀβολῶν· οἱ παρόντες δὲ ἐγέλων. ἀνθʼ ὧν αὐτοί τε ἀνεληλύθαμεν ἀγανακτήσαντες καὶ σὲ ἀξιοῦμεν τιμωρήσειν ἡμῖν τὰ ἔσχατα ὑβρισμένοις.
28. PLATO: Good, Diogenes! You have splendidly said all that you ought on behalf of us all.
28. Πλάτων: εὖ γε, ὦ Διόγενες, ὑπὲρ ἁπάντων καλῶς ὁπόσα ἐχρῆν ἅπαντα εἴρηκας.
PHILOSOPHY: Stop applauding! Pour in the water for the defendant. Now, Frankness, make your speech in turn, for the water now is running for you. Don’t delay, then.
Φιλοσοφία: παύσασθε ἐπαινοῦντες· ἔγχει τῷ ἀπολογουμένῳ. σὺ δὲ ὁ Παρρησιάδης λέγε ἤδη ἐν τῷ μέρει· σοὶ γὰρ τὸ νῦν ῥεῖ. μὴ μέλλε οὖν.
29. FRANKNESS: Diogenes did not complete the complaint against me, Philosophy. He left out, for some reason or other, the greater part of what I said, and everything that was very severe. But I am so far from denying. that I said it all and from appearing with a studied defence that whatever he passed over in silence or I neglected previously to say, I purpose to include now. In that way you can find out whom I put up for sale and abused, calling them pretenders and cheats. And I beg you merely to note throughout whether what I say about them is true. If my speech should prove to contain anything shocking or offensive, it is not I, their critic, but they, I think, whom you would justly blame for it, acting as they do. As soon as I perceived how many disagreeable attributes a public speaker must needs acquire, such as chicanery, lying, impudence, loudness of mouth, sharpness of elbow, and what all besides, I fled from all that, as was natural, and set out to attain your high ideals, Philosophy, expecting to sail, as it were, out of stormy waters into a peaceful haven and to live out the rest of my life under your protection.
29. Παρρησιάδης: οὐ πάντα μου, ὦ Φιλοσοφία, κατηγόρησε Διογένης, ἀλλὰ τὰ πλείω καὶ ὅσα ἦν χαλεπώτερα οὐκ οἶδα ὅ τι παθὼν παρέλιπεν. ἐγὼ δὲ τοσούτου δέω ἔξαρνος γενέσθαι ὡς οὐκ εἶπον αὐτά, ἢ ἀπολογίαν τινὰ μεμελετηκὼς ἀφῖχθαι, ὥστε καὶ εἴ τινα ἢ αὐτὸς ἀπεσιώπησεν ἢ ἐγὼ μὴ πρότερον ἔφθην εἰρηκώς, νῦν προσθήσειν μοι δοκῶ. οὕτως γὰρ ἂν μάθοις οὕστινας ἀπεκήρυττον καὶ κακῶς ἠγόρευον ἀλαζόνας καὶ γόητας ἀποκαλῶν. καί μοι μόνον τοῦτο παραφυλάττετε, εἰ ἀληθῆ περὶ αὐτῶν ἐρῶ. εἰ δέ τι βλάσφημον ἢ τραχὺ φαίνοιτο ἔχων ὁ λόγος, οὐ τὸν διελέγχοντα ἐμέ, ἀλλʼ ἐκείνους ἂν οἶμαι δικαιότερον αἰτιάσαισθε, τοιαῦτα ποιοῦντας. ἐγὼ γὰρ ἐπειδὴ τάχιστα συνεῖδον ὁπόσα τοῖς ῥητορεύουσιν ἀναγκαῖον τὰ δυσχερῆ προσεῖναι, ἀπάτην καὶ ψεῦδος καὶ θρασύτητα καὶ βοὴν καὶ ὠθισμοὺς καὶ μυρία ἄλλα, ταῦτα μέν, ὥσπερ εἰκὸς ἦν, ἀπέφυγον, ἐπὶ δὲ τὰ σά, ὦ Φιλοσοφία, καλὰ ὁρμήσας ἠξίουν ὁπόσον ἔτι μοι λοιπὸν τοῦ βίου καθάπερ ἐκ ζάλης καὶ κλύδωνος εἰς εὔδιόν τινα λιμένα ἐσπλεύσας ὑπὸ σοὶ σκεπόμενος καταβιῶναι.
30. FRANKNESS: Hardly had I caught a glimpse of “your doctrines when I conceived admiration for you, as was inevitable, and for all these men, who are the lawgivers of the higher life and lend a helping hand to those who aspire to it by giving advice which is extremely good and extremely helpful if one does not act contrary to it or falter, but fixedly regards the principles which you have established and tries to bring his life into harmony and agreement with them—a thing, to be sure, which very few, even of your own disciples, do!
30. Παρρησιάδης: κἀπειδὴ μόνον παρέκυψα εἰς τὰ ὑμέτερα, σὲ μέν, ὥσπερ ἀναγκαῖον ἦν, καὶ τούσδε ἅπαντας ἐθαύμαζον ἀρίστου βίου νομοθέτας ὄντας καὶ τοῖς ἐπʼ αὐτὸν ἐπειγομένοις χεῖρα ὀρέγοντας, τὰ κάλλιστα καὶ συμφορώτατα παραινοῦντας, εἴ τις μὴ παραβαίνοι αὐτὰ μηδὲ διολισθάνοι, ἀλλʼ ἀτενὲς ἀποβλέπων εἰς τοὺς κανόνας οὓς προτεθείκατε, πρὸς τούτους ῥυθμίζοι καὶ ἀπευθύνοι τὸν ἑαυτοῦ βίον, ὅπερ νὴ Δία καὶ τῶν καθʼ ὑμᾶς αὐτοὺς ὀλίγοι ποιοῦσιν.
31. FRANKNESS: When I saw, however, that many were not in love with Philosophy, but simply coveted the reputation of the thing, and that although in all the obvious, commonplace matters which anyone can easily copy they were very like worthy men (in beard, I mean, and walk and garb), in their life and actions, however, they contradicted their outward appearance and reversed your practice and sullied the dignity of the profession, I became angry. The case seemed to me to be as if some actor in tragedy who was soft and womanish should act the part of Achilles or Theseus, or even Heracles himself, without either walking or speaking as a hero should, but showing off airs and graces in a mask of such dignity. Even Helen or Polyxena would never suffer such a man to resemble them too closely, let alone Heracles, the conquering hero, who, in my opinion, would very soon smash both man and mask with a few strokes of his club for making him out so disgracefully effeminate.
31. Παρρησιάδης: ὁρῶν δὲ πολλοὺς οὐκ ἔρωτι φιλοσοφίας ἐχομένους ἀλλὰ δόξης μόνον τῆς ἀπὸ τοῦ πράγματος ἐφιεμένους, καὶ τὰ μὲν πρόχειρα ταῦτα καὶ δημόσια καὶ ὁπόσα παντὶ μιμεῖσθαι ῥᾴδιον εὖ μάλα ἐοικότας ἀγαθοῖς ἀνδράσι, τὸ γένειον λέγω καὶ τὸ βάδισμα καὶ τὴν ἀναβολήν, ἐπὶ δὲ τοῦ βίου καὶ τῶν πραγμάτων ἀντιφθεγγομένους τῷ σχήματι καὶ τἀναντία ὑμῖν ἐπιτηδεύοντας καὶ διαφθείροντας τὸ ἀξίωμα τῆς ὑποσχέσεως, ἠγανάκτουν, καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμα ὅμοιον ἐδόκει μοι καθάπερ ἂν εἴ τις ὑποκριτὴς τραγῳδίας μαλθακὸς αὐτὸς ὢν καὶ γυναικεῖος Ἀχιλλέα ἢ Θησέα ἢ καὶ τὸν Ἡρακλέα ὑποκρίνοιτο αὐτὸν μήτε βαδίζων μήτε βοῶν ἡρωϊκόν, ἀλλὰ θρυπτόμενος ὑπὸ τηλικούτῳ προσωπείῳ, ὃν οὐδʼ ἂν ἡ Ἑλένη ποτὲ ἢ Πολυξένη ἀνάσχοιντο πέρα τοῦ μετρίου αὐταῖς προσεοικότα, οὐχ ὅπως ὁ Ἡρακλῆς ὁ Καλλίνικος, ἀλλά μοι δοκεῖ τάχιστʼ ἂν ἐπιτρῖψαι τῷ ῥοπάλῳ παίων τοῦτον αὐτόν τε καὶ τὸ προσωπεῖον, οὕτως ἀτίμως κατατεθηλυμμένος πρὸς αὐτοῦ.
32. FRANKNESS: Just so with me; when I saw you so treated by those others, I could not brook the shame, of their impersonation when they made bold, though but apes, to wear heroic masks, or to copy the ass of Cumae who put on a lion’s skin and claimed to be himself a lion, braying in a very harsh and fearsome way at the ignorant Cumaeans, until at length a foreigner, who had often seen lions and asses, exposed him and chased him away by beating him with sticks. But what seemed to me most shocking, Philosophy, was this, that if people saw any one of these fellows engaged in any wicked or unseemly or indecent practice, every man of them at once laid the blame upon Philosophy herself, and upon Chrysippus or Plato or Pythagoras or whichever one of you furnished that sinner with a name for himself and a model for his harangues; and from him, because he was leading an evil life, they drew sorry conclusions about you others, who died long ago. For as you were not alive, he could not be compared with you. You were not there, and they all clearly saw him following dreadful and discreditable practices, so that you suffered judgment by default along with him and became involved in the same scandal.
32. Παρρησιάδης: τοιαῦτα καὶ αὐτὸς ὑμᾶς πάσχοντας ὑπʼ ἐκείνων ὁρῶν οὐκ ἤνεγκα τὴν αἰσχύνην τῆς ὑποκρίσεως, εἰ πίθηκοι ὄντες ἐτόλμησαν ἡρώων προσωπεῖα περιθέσθαι ἢ τὸν ἐν Κύμῃ ὄνον μιμήσασθαι, ὃς λεοντῆν περιβαλόμενος ἠξίου λέων αὐτὸς εἶναι, πρὸς ἀγνοοῦντας τοὺς Κυμαίους ὀγκώμενος μάλα τραχὺ καὶ καταπληκτικόν, ἄχρι δή τις αὐτὸν ξένος καὶ λέοντα ἰδὼν καὶ ὄνον πολλάκις ἤλεγξε καὶ ἀπεδίωξε παίων τοῖς ξύλοις. Ὃ δὲ μάλιστά μοι δεινόν, ὦ Φιλοσοφία, κατεφαίνετο, τοῦτο ἦν· οἱ γὰρ ἄνθρωποι εἴ τινα τούτων ἑώρων πονηρὸν ἢ ἄσχημον ἢ ἀσελγές τι ἐπιτηδεύοντα, οὐκ ἔστιν ὅστις οὐ Φιλοσοφίαν αὐτὴν ᾐτιᾶτο καὶ τὸν Χρύσιππον εὐθὺς ἢ Πλάτωνα ἢ Πυθαγόραν ἢ ὅτου ἐπώνυμον αὑτὸν ὁ διαμαρτάνων ἐκεῖνος ἐποιεῖτο καὶ οὗ τοὺς λόγους ἐμιμεῖτο· καὶ ἀπὸ τοῦ κακῶς βιοῦντος πονηρὰ περὶ ὑμῶν εἴκαζον τῶν πρὸ πολλοῦ τεθνηκότων· οὐ γὰρ παρὰ ζῶντας ὑμᾶς ἡ ἐξέτασις αὐτοῦ ἐγίγνετο, ἀλλʼ ὑμεῖς μὲν ἐκποδών, ἐκεῖνον δὲ ἑώρων σαφῶς ἅπαντες δεινὰ καὶ ἄσεμνα ἐπιτηδεύοντα, ὥστε ἐρήμην ἡλίσκεσθε μετʼ αὐτοῦ καὶ ἐπὶ τὴν ὁμοίαν διαβολὴν συγκατεσπᾶσθε.
33. FRANKNESS: I could not endure this spectacle, but set about exposing them and distinguishing them from you; and you, who ought to reward me for it, bring me into court! Then if I observed one of the initiates disclosing the mysteries of the Goddesses Twain and rehearsing them in public, and became indignant and showed him up, would you consider me the impious one: It would not be just. Certainly the officials of the games always flog an actor if he takes the part of Athena or Poseidon or Zeus and does not play it well and in accordance with the dignity of the gods; and the gods themselves are surely not angry at them for letting the scourgers whip a man. wearing their masks and dressed in their clothing. On the contrary, they would be gratified, I take it, if he were flogged more soundly. Not to act a servant’s or a messenger’s part cleverly is a trivial fault, but not to present Zeus or Heracles to the spectators worthily—Heaven forfend! how shameful!
33. Παρρησιάδης: ταῦτα οὐκ ἤνεγκα ὁρῶν ἔγωγε, ἀλλʼ ἤλεγχον αὐτοὺς καὶ διέκρινον ἀφʼ ὑμῶν· ὑμεῖς δέ, τιμᾶν ἐπὶ τούτοις δέον, εἰς δικαστήριόν με ἄγετε. οὐκοῦν ἤν τινα καὶ τῶν μεμυημένων ἰδὼν ἐξαγορεύοντα ταῖν θεαῖν τὰ ἀπόρρητα καὶ ἐξορχούμενον ἀγανακτήσω καὶ διελέγξω, ἐμὲ τὸν ἀσεβοῦντα ἡγήσεσθε εἶναι; ἀλλʼ οὐ δίκαιον. ἐπεὶ καὶ οἱ ἀθλοθέται μαστιγοῦν εἰώθασιν, ἤν τις ὑποκριτὴς Ἀθηνᾶν ἢ Ποσειδῶνα ἢ τὸν Δία ὑποδεδυκὼς μὴ καλῶς ὑποκρίνηται μηδὲ κατʼ ἀξίαν τῶν θεῶν, καὶ οὐ δή που ὀργίζονται αὐτοῖς ἐκεῖνοι, διότι τὸν περικείμενον αὐτῶν τὰ προσωπεῖα καὶ τὸ σχῆμα ἐνδεδυκότα ἐπέτρεψαν παίειν τοῖς μαστιγοφόροις, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἥδοιντʼ ἄν, οἶμαι, μᾶλλον μαστιγουμένῳ· οἰκέτην μὲν γάρ τινα ἢ ἄγγελον μὴ δεξιῶς ὑποκρίνασθαι μικρὸν τὸ πταῖσμα, τὸν Δία δὲ ἢ τὸν Ἡρακλέα μὴ κατʼ ἀξίαν ἐπιδείξασθαι τοῖς θεαταῖς, ἀποτρόπαιον ὡς αἰσχρόν.
34. FRANKNESS: It is most extraordinary, too, that most of them are thoroughly up in your writings, but live as if they read and studied them simply to practise the reverse. Their book tells them they must despise wealth and reputation, think that only what is beautiful is good, be free from anger, despise these people of eminence, and talk with them as man to man; and its advice is beautiful, as Heaven is my witness, and wise and wonderful, in all truth. But they teach these very doctrines for pay, and worship the rich, and are agog after money; they are more quick-tempered than curs, more cowardly than hares, more servile than apes, more lustful than jackasses, more thievish than cats, more quarrelsome than game-cocks. Consequently, they let themselves in for ridicule when they hustle after it all and elbow one another at the portals of the rich and take part in great banquets, where they pay vulgar compliments, stuff themselves beyond decency, grumble openly at their portions, vent their philosophy disagreeably and discordantly over their cups, and fail to carry their drink well. All those present who are not of the profession laugh at them, naturally, and spit philosophy to scorn for breeding up such beasts.
34. Παρρησιάδης: καὶ γὰρ αὖ καὶ τόδε πάντων ἀτοπώτατόν ἐστιν, ὅτι τοὺς μὲν λόγους ὑμῶν πάνυ ἀκριβοῦσιν οἱ πολλοὶ αὐτῶν, καθάπερ δὲ ἐπὶ τοῦτο μόνον ἀναγιγνώσκοντες αὐτοὺς καὶ μελετῶντες, ὡς τἀναντία ἐπιτηδεύοιεν, οὕτως βιοῦσιν. τὸ μὲν γὰρ βιβλίον χρημάτων φησὶ δεῖν καταφρονεῖν καὶ δόξης καὶ μόνον τὸ καλὸν ἀγαθὸν οἴεσθαι καὶ ἀόργητον εἶναι καὶ τῶν λαμπρῶν τούτων ὑπερορᾶν καὶ ἐξ ἰσοτιμίας αὐτοῖς διαλέγεσθαι, καλά, ὦ θεοί, καὶ σοφὰ καὶ θαυμάσια λέγον ὡς ἀληθῶς. οἱ δὲ καὶ αὐτὰ ταῦτα ἐπὶ μισθῷ διδάσκουσιν καὶ τοὺς πλουσίους τεθήπασιν καὶ πρὸς τὸ ἀργύριον κεχήνασιν, ὀργιλώτεροι μὲν τῶν κυνιδίων ὄντες, δειλότεροι δὲ τῶν λαγωῶν, κολακικώτεροι δὲ τῶν πιθήκων, ἀσελγέστεροι δὲ τῶν ὄνων, ἁρπακτικώτεροι δὲ τῶν γαλῶν, φιλονεικότεροι δὲ τῶν ἀλεκτρυόνων. τοιγαροῦν γέλωτα ὀφλισκάνουσιν ὠθιζόμενοι ἐπʼ αὐτὰ καὶ περὶ τὰς τῶν πλουσίων πυλῶνας ἀλλήλους παραγκωνιζόμενοι καὶ δεῖπνα πολυάνθρωπα δειπνοῦντες καὶ ἐν αὐτοῖς τούτοις ἐπαινοῦντες φορτικῶς καὶ πέρα τοῦ καλῶς ἔχοντος ἐμφορούμενοι καὶ μεμψίμοιροι φαινόμενοι καὶ ἐπὶ τῆς κύλικος ἀτερπῆ καὶ ἀπῳδὰ φιλοσοφοῦντες καὶ τὸν ἄκρατον οὐ φέροντες· οἱ ἰδιῶται δὲ ὁπόσοι πάρεισιν, γελῶσι δηλαδὴ καὶ καταπτύουσιν φιλοσοφίας, εἰ τοιαῦτα καθάρματα ἐκτρέφει.
35. FRANKNESS: Most shameless of all, though each one of them says he needs nothing and bawls it abroad that only the wise man is rich, after a little he presents himself and asks for something, and is angry if he does not get it. It is just as if someone in royal robes, with a high turban and a diadem and all the other marks of kingly dignity, should play the mendicant, begging of men worse off than himself. When they must needs receive a present, there is a great deal of talk to the effect that a man should be ready to share what he has, and that money does not matter: “What, pray, does gold or silver amount to, since it’ is not in any way better than pebbles on the sea-shore!”” But when someone in want of help, an old-time comrade and friend, goes and asks for a little of their plenty, he encounters silence, hesitancy, forgetfulness, and complete recantation of doctrines. Their numerous speeches about friendship, their “virtue’”’ and their “honour” have all gone flying off, I know not whither, winged words for certain, idly bandied about by them daily in their class-rooms.
35. Παρρησιάδης: τὸ δὲ πάντων αἴσχιστον, ὅτι μηδενὸς δεῖσθαι λέγων ἕκαστος αὐτῶν, ἀλλὰ μόνον πλούσιον εἶναι τὸν σοφὸν κεκραγὼς μικρὸν ὕστερον προσελθὼν αἰτεῖ καὶ ἀγανακτεῖ μὴ λαβών, ὅμοιον ὡς εἴ τις ἐν βασιλικῷ σχήματι ὀρθὴν τιάραν ἔχων καὶ διάδημα καὶ τὰ ἄλλα ὅσα βασιλείας γνωρίσματα προσαιτοίη τῶν ὑποδεεστέρων δεόμενος. ὅταν μὲν οὖν λαβεῖν αὐτοὺς δέῃ, πολὺς ὁ περὶ τοῦ κοινωνικὸν εἶναι δεῖν λόγος καὶ ὡς ἀδιάφορον ὁ πλοῦτος καί, τί γὰρ τὸ χρυσίον ἢ τἀργύριον, οὐδὲν τῶν ἐν τοῖς αἰγιαλοῖς ψήφων διαφέρον; ὅταν δέ τις ἐπικουρίας δεόμενος ἑταῖρος ἐκ παλαιοῦ καὶ φίλος ἀπὸ πολλῶν ὀλίγα αἰτῇ προσελθών, σιωπὴ καὶ ἀπορία καὶ ἀμαθία καὶ παλινῳδία τῶν δογμάτων πρὸς τὸ ἐναντίον· οἱ δὲ πολλοὶ περὶ φιλίας ἐκεῖνοι λόγοι καὶ ἡ ἀρετὴ καὶ τὸ καλὸν οὐκ οἶδα ὅποι ποτὲ οἴχεται ταῦτα ἀποπτάμενα πάντα, πτερόεντα ὡς ἀληθῶς ἔπη, μάτην ὁσημέραι πρὸς αὐτῶν ἐν ταῖς διατριβαῖς σκιαμαχούμενα.
36. FRANKNESS: Each of them is your friend as long as silver and gold are not in sight on the table; but if you merely give them a glimpse of an obol, the peace is broken, it is war without truce or parley everywhere, the pages of their books have become blank, and Virtue has taken to her heels. So it is with dogs, when you toss a bone among them; they spring to their feet and begin biting each other and barking at the one that was first to snatch the bone. It is said, too, that a king of Egypt once taught apes to dance, and that the animals, as they are very apt at imitating human ways, learned quickly and gave an exhibition, with purple mantles about them and masks on their faces. For a long time the show, they say, went well, until a facetions spectator, having nuts in his pocket, tossed them into the midst. On catching sight of them, the monkeys forgot their dance, changed from artists of the ballet to the simians that they really were, smashed their masks, tore their costumes, and fought with each other for the nuts; whereby the carefully planned ballet was entirely broken up, and was laughed at by the spectators.
36. Παρρησιάδης: μέχρι γὰρ τούτου φίλος ἕκαστος αὐτῶν, εἰς ὅσον ἂν μὴ ἀργύριον ἢ χρυσίον ᾖ προκείμενον ἐν τῷ μέσῳ· ἢν δέ τις ὀβολὸν ἐπιδείξῃ μόνον, λέλυται μὲν ἡ εἰρήνη, ἄσπονδα δὲ κἀκήρυκτα πάντα, καὶ τὰ βιβλία ἐξαλήλιπται καὶ ἡ ἀρετὴ πέφευγεν. οἷόν τι καὶ οἱ κύνες πάσχουσιν ἐπειδάν τις ὀστοῦν εἰς μέσους αὐτοὺς ἐμβάλῃ· ἀναπηδήσαντες δάκνουσιν ἀλλήλους καὶ τὸν προαρπάσαντα τὸ ὀστοῦν ὑλακτοῦσιν. λέγεται δὲ καὶ βασιλεύς τις Αἰγύπτιος πιθήκους ποτὲ πυρριχίζειν διδάξαι καὶ τὰ θηρία — μιμηλότατα δέ ἐστι τῶν ἀνθρωπίνων — ἐκμαθεῖν τάχιστα καὶ ὀρχεῖσθαι ἁλουργίδας ἀμπεχόμενα καὶ προσωπεῖα περικείμενα, καὶ μέχρι γε πολλοῦ εὐδοκιμεῖν τὴν θέαν, ἄχρι δὴ θεατής τις ἀστεῖος κάρυα ὑπὸ κόλπου ἔχων ἀφῆκεν εἰς τὸ μέσον· οἱ δὲ πίθηκοι ἰδόντες καὶ ἐκλαθόμενοι τῆς ὀρχήσεως, τοῦθʼ ὅπερ ἦσαν, πίθηκοι ἐγένοντο ἀντὶ πυρριχιστῶν καὶ συνέτριβον τὰ προσωπεῖα καὶ τὴν ἐσθῆτα κατερρήγνυον καὶ ἐμάχοντο περὶ τῆς ὀπώρας πρὸς ἀλλήλους, τὸ δὲ σύνταγμα τῆς πυρρίχης διελέλυτο καὶ κατεγελᾶτο ὑπὸ τοῦ θεάτρου.
37. FRANKNESS: These self-styled philosophers do just that, and I for my part abused their sort, and shall never stop criticizing and ridiculing them. But as for you and those who resemble you—for there are, there are some who truly cultivate philosophy and abide by your laws—may I never be so insane as to say anything abusive or unkind of you! What could I say? What is there of that nature in the lives that you have led? But those pretenders and miscreants deserve in my opinion to be hated. Come, now, Pythagoras, Plato, Chrysippus, Aristotle—what do you say? Have their sort anything to do with you, ov have they displayed any similarity or kinship in their mode of life? Aye, “Heracles and the monkey, as the proverb has it! Because they have long beards and claim to be philosophers and look sour, ought they to be compared with you? [could have: put up with it if they were at least convincing in their roles, but as things are, it would be easier for a buzzard to imitate a nightingale than for them to imitate philosophers. I have said all that I had to say in my own defence. Truth, tell them whether it is true.
37. Παρρησιάδης: τοιαῦτα καὶ οὗτοι ποιοῦσιν, καὶ ἔγωγε τοὺς τοιούτους κακῶς ἠγόρευον καὶ οὔποτε παύσομαι διελέγχων καὶ κωμῳδῶν, περὶ ὑμῶν δὲ ἢ τῶν ὑμῖν παραπλησίων — εἰσὶ γάρ, εἰσί τινες ὡς ἀληθῶς φιλοσοφίαν ζηλοῦντες καὶ τοῖς ὑμετέροις νόμοις ἐμμένοντες — μὴ οὕτως μανείην ἔγωγε ὡς βλάσφημον εἰπεῖν τι ἢ σκαιόν. ἢ τί γὰρ ἂν εἰπεῖν ἔχοιμι; τί γὰρ ὑμῖν τοιοῦτον βεβίωται; τοὺς δὲ ἀλαζόνας ἐκείνους καὶ θεοῖς ἐχθροὺς ἄξιον οἶμαι μισεῖν. ἢ σὺ γάρ, ὦ Πυθαγόρα καὶ Πλάτων καὶ Χρύσιππε καὶ Ἀριστότελες, τί φατε; προσήκειν ὑμῖν τοὺς τοιούτους ἢ οἰκεῖόν τι καὶ συγγενὲς ἐπιδείκνυσθαι τῷ βίῳ; νὴ Δῐ Ἡρακλῆς, φασίν, καὶ πίθηκος. ἢ διότι πώγωνας ἔχουσι καὶ φιλοσοφεῖν φάσκουσι καὶ σκυθρωποί εἰσι, διὰ τοῦτο χρὴ ὑμῖν εἰκάζειν αὐτούς; ἀλλὰ ἤνεγκα ἄν, εἰ πιθανοὶ γοῦν ἦσαν καὶ ἐπὶ τῆς ὑποκρίσεως αὐτῆς· νῦν δὲ θᾶττον ἂν γὺψ ἀηδόνα μιμήσαιτο ἢ οὗτοι φιλοσόφους. εἴρηκα ὑπὲρ ἐμαυτοῦ ὁπόσα εἶχον. σὺ δέ, ὦ Ἀλήθεια, μαρτύρει πρὸς αὐτοὺς εἰ ἀληθῆ ἐστιν.
38. PHILOSOPHY: Stand aside, Frankness; still farther... What are we to do? What did you think of the man’s speech?
38. Φιλοσοφία: μετάστηθι, ὦ Παρρησιάδη· ἔτι πορρωτέρω. τί ποιῶμεν ἡμεῖς; πῶς ὑμῖν εἰρηκέναι ἁνὴρ ἔδοξεν;
TRUTH: For my part, Philosophy, while he was speaking I prayed that I might sink into the earth, so true was everything that he said. In fact, as I listened, I recognized each of the men who act that way and applied his remarks to them: “That refers to this man; so-and-so does that.” In short, he portrayed the gentlemen to the life, as in a painting, accurate likenesses in every respect, depicting not only their persons, but their very souls‘as faithfully as could be. VIRTUE: I, Virtue, also had to blush for shame.
Ἀλήθεια: ἐγὼ μέν, ὦ Φιλοσοφία, μεταξὺ λέγοντος αὐτοῦ κατὰ τῆς γῆς δῦναι εὐχόμην· οὕτως ἀληθῆ πάντα εἶπεν. ἐγνώριζον γοῦν ἀκούουσα ἕκαστον τῶν ποιούντων αὐτὰ καὶ ἐφήρμοζον μεταξὺ τοῖς λεγομένοις, τοῦτο μὲν εἰς τόνδε, τοῦτο δὲ ὁ δεῖνα ποιεῖ· καὶ ὅλως ἔδειξε τοὺς ἄνδρας ἐναργῶς καθάπερ ἐπί τινος γραφῆς τὰ πάντα προσεοικότας, οὐ τὰ σώματα μόνον ἀλλὰ καὶ τὰς ψυχὰς αὐτὰς εἰς τὸ ἀκριβέστατον ἀπεικάσας. Ἀρετή: κἀγὼ πάνυ ἠρυθρίασα ἡ Ἀρετή.
PHILOSOPHY: And what say you?
Φιλοσοφία: ὑμεῖς δὲ τί φατέ;
PLATO: What else but to acquit him of the charge and set him down as our friend and benefactor? Indeed, just what happened to the Ilians has happened to us— we have brought down upon ourselves an actor of tragedies to hold forth about the woes of the Trojans! Let him hold forth, then, and make tragedies out of these miscreants.
Πλάτων: τί δὲ ἄλλο ἢ ἀφεῖσθαι αὐτὸν τοῦ ἐγκλήματος καὶ φίλον ἡμῖν καὶ εὐεργέτην ἀναγεγράφθαι; τὸ γοῦν τῶν Ἰλιέων ἀτεχνῶς πεπόνθαμεν· τραγῳδόν τινα τοῦτον ἐφʼ ἡμᾶς κεκινήκαμεν ᾀσόμενον τὰς Φρυγῶν συμφοράς. ᾀδέτω δʼ οὖν καὶ τοὺς θεοῖς ἐχθροὺς ἐκτραγῳδείτω.
DIOGENES: I, too, Philosophy, commend the man highly, take back my complaint and count him a friend, for he is a gallant fellow.
Διογένης: καὶ αὐτός, ὦ Φιλοσοφία, πάνυ ἐπαινῶ τὸν ἄνδρα καὶ ἀνατίθεμαι τὰ κατηγορούμενα καὶ φίλον ποιοῦμαι αὐτὸν γενναῖον ὄντα.
39. PHILOSOPHY: Good! Come, Frankness. We acquit you of the charge; you have an unanimous verdict in your favour, and from now on you may count yourself one of my household.
39. Φιλοσοφία: εὖ ἔχει· πρόσιθι Παρρησιάδη· ἀφίεμέν σε τῆς αἰτίας, καὶ ἁπάσαις κρατεῖς, καὶ τὸ λοιπὸν ἴσθι ἡμέτερος ὤν.
FRANKNESS: I pay my homage at once. (He kisses his hand.) But no! I think I shall do it more as they do in a play, for that will be more reverential:O Victory, goddess so greatly revered,Take my life in thy careAnd cease not to crown me with garlands. VIRTUE: Well, then, let us now initiate our second bowl of wine. Let us summon up those others to be punished for the insults they are inflicting upon us. Frankness shall accuse each of them.
Παρρησιάδης: προσεκύνησα τήν γε πρώτην· μᾶλλον δέ, τραγικώτερον αὐτὸ ποιήσειν μοι δοκῶ· σεμνότερον γάρ·ὦ μέγα σεμνὴ Νίκη, τὸν ἐμὸνβίοτον κατέχοιςκαὶ μὴ λήγοις στεφανοῦσα. Ἀρετή: οὐκοῦν δευτέρου κρατῆρος ἤδη καταρχώμεθα· προσκαλῶμεν κἀκείνους, ὡς δίκην ὑπόσχωσιν ἀνθʼ ὧν εἰς ἡμᾶς ὑβρίζουσι· κατηγορήσει δὲ Παρρησιάδης ἑκάστου.
PHILOSOPHY: Quite right, Virtue; so slip down into the town, Syllogism, my lad, and summon the philosophers.
Φιλοσοφία: ὀρθῶς, ὦ Ἀρετή, ἔλεξας. ὥστε σύ, παῖ Συλλογισμέ, κατακύψας εἰς τὸ ἄστυ προσκήρυττε τοὺς φιλοσόφους.
40. SYLLOGISM: Oyez! Silence! Let the philosophers come to the Acropolis to present their defence before Virtue, Philosophy, and Justice. FRANKNESS: Do you see! Very few of them understood the summons and are coming up. Besides, they fear Justice, and most of them are actually too busy because of their attentions to the rich. If you wish them all to come, Syllogism, make your proclamation like this— SYLLOGISM: No! You summon them, Frankness. in the way you think best.
40. Συλλογισμός: ἄκουε, σίγα· τοὺς φιλοσόφους ἥκειν εἰς ἀκρόπολιν ἀπολογησομένους ἐπὶ τῆς Ἀρετῆς καὶ Φιλοσοφίας καὶ Δίκης. Παρρησιάδης: ὁρᾷς; ὀλίγοι ἀνίασι γνωρίσαντες τὸ κήρυγμα, καὶ ἄλλως δεδίασι τὴν Δίκην· οἱ πολλοὶ δὲ αὐτῶν οὐδὲ σχολὴν ἄγουσιν ἀμφὶ τοὺς πλουσίους ἔχοντες. εἰ δὲ βούλει πάντας ἥκειν, κατὰ τάδε, ὦ Συλλογισμέ, κήρυττε — Συλλογισμός: Μηδαμῶς, ἀλλὰ σύ, ὦ Παρρησιάδη, προσκάλει καθʼ ὅ τι σοι δοκεῖ.
41. FRANKNESS: Nothing hard about that. Oyez! Silence! All who assert that they are philosophers, and all who think that they have any connection with the name, come tothe Acropolis for a distribution of gifts! Two minas will be given to every man, and a seed-cake also; and whoever displays a Jong beard shall receive a basket of figs into the bargain. Never mind temperance or justice or self-control, as these qualities are not essential if they are not available; but let each bring with him five syllogisms by all means, for without these it is impossible to be wise.Lo, we have set up as prize two talents of gold for the contest;These shall we give unto him who prevails over all in debating!
41. Παρρησιάδης: οὐδὲν τόδε χαλεπόν. ἄκουε, σίγα. ὅσοι φιλόσοφοι εἶναι λέγουσιν καὶ ὅσοι προσήκειν αὐτοῖς οἴονται τοῦ ὀνόματος, ἥκειν εἰς ἀκρόπολιν ἐπὶ τὴν διανομήν. δύο μναῖ ἑκάστῳ δοθήσονται καὶ σησαμαῖος πλακοῦς· ὃς δʼ ἂν πώγωνα βαθὺν ἐπιδείξηται, καὶ παλάθην ἰσχάδων οὗτός γε προσεπιλήψεται. κομίζειν δʼ ἕκαστον σωφροσύνην μὲν ἢ δικαιοσύνην ἢ ἐγκράτειαν μηδαμῶς· οὐκ ἀναγκαῖα γὰρ ταῦτά γε, ἢν μὴ παρῇ· πέντε δὲ συλλογισμοὺς ἐξ ἅπαντος· οὐ γὰρ θέμις ἄνευ τούτων εἶναι σοφόν.κεῖται δʼ ἐν μέσσοισι δύο χρυσοῖο τάλαντα,τῷ δόμεν, ὃς μετὰ πᾶσιν ἐριζέμεν ἔξοχος εἴη.
42. PHILOSOPHY: Aha! What a lot of them! The road up to the gate is full of men hustling after the two minas, as soon as they heard of them; others are coming up beside the Pelasgicon; others by the precinct of Asclepius; even more of them along the Areopagus; some, too, by the tomb of Talus; and some have set ladders against the temple of the Twin Brethren and are climbing up with a hum, by Heaven, and “in clusters” like swarming bees, to use the words of Homer; from that side right many, and from the otherThousands of men, like the leaves and the flowers that come in the springtime.The Acropolis is full in a trice as theynoisily settle in place,and everywhere are begging-bags and flattery, beards and shamelessness, staves and gluttony, syllogisms and avarice. The few that came up in answer to the first summons are obscure and inconspicuous, intermingled with the crowd of others, and they escape the eye in the general similarity of garb.
42. Φιλοσοφία: βαβαί, ὅσοι· πλήρης μὲν ἡ ἄνοδος ὠθιζομένων ἐπὶ τὰς δύο μνᾶς, ὡς ἤκουσαν μόνον· παρὰ δὲ τὸ Πελασγικὸν ἄλλοι καὶ κατὰ τὸ Ἀσκληπιεῖον ἕτεροι καὶ παρὰ τὸν Ἄρειον πάγον ἔτι πλείους, ἔνιοι δὲ καὶ κατὰ τὸν Τάλω τάφον, οἱ δὲ καὶ πρὸς τὸ Ἀνακεῖον προσθέμενοι κλίμακας ἀνέρπουσι βομβηδὸν νὴ Δία καὶ βοτρυδὸν ἑσμοῦ δίκην, ἵνα καὶ καθʼ Ὅμηρον εἴπω· ἀλλὰ κἀκεῖθεν εὖ μάλα πολλοὶ κἀντεῦθεν μυρίοι, ὅσσα τε φύλλα καὶ ἄνθεα γίνεται ὥρῃ. μεστὴ δὲ ἡ ἀκρόπολις ἐν βραχεῖ κλαγγηδὸν προκαθιζόντων καὶ πανταχοῦ πήρα κολακεία, πώγων ἀναισχυντία, βακτηρία λιχνεία, συλλογισμὸς φιλαργυρία· οἱ ὀλίγοι δέ, ὁπόσοι πρὸς τὸ πρῶτον κήρυγμα ἐκεῖνο ἀνῄεσαν, ἀφανεῖς καὶ ἄσημοι, ἀναμιχθέντες τῷ πλήθει τῶν ἄλλων, καὶ λελήθασιν ἐν τῇ ὁμοιότητι τῶν ἄλλων σχημάτων.
FRANKNESS: In fact, that is the worst feature of it all, Philosophy, and the one for which you could be most criticized, that you have set no mark and token upon them. These cheats are often more convincing than the genuine philosophers.
Παρρησιάδης: τοῦτο γοῦν τὸ δεινότατόν ἐστιν, ὦ Φιλοσοφία, καὶ ὅ τις ἂν μέμψαιτο μάλιστά σου, τὸ μηδὲν ἐπιβαλεῖν γνώρισμα καὶ σημεῖον αὐτοῖς· πιθανώτεροι γὰρ οἱ γόητες οὗτοι πολλάκις τῶν ἀληθῶς φιλοσοφούντων.
PHILOSOPHY: That shall be seen to presently; but let us welcome them now.
Φιλοσοφία: ἔσται τοῦτο μετʼ ὀλίγον, ἀλλὰ δεχώμεθα ἤδη αὐτούς.
43. PLATONIST: We Platonists should get our share first. PYTHAGOREAN: No! we Pythagoreans, for Pythagoras was earlier. STOIC: Nonsense! we of the Porch are better. PERIPATETIC: Not at all; in matters of money we of the Walk should be first. EPICUREAN: Give us Epicureans the cakes and the figs, but we will wait for the money, even if we have to be the last to get it. ACADEMIC: Where are the two talents? We Academics will show you how much better debaters we are than the rest! STOIC: Not while we Stoics are here!
43. Πλατωνικός: ἡμᾶς πρώτους χρὴ τοὺς Πλατωνικοὺς λαβεῖν. Πυθαγορικός: οὔκ, ἀλλὰ τοὺς Πυθαγορικοὺς ἡμᾶς· πρότερος γὰρ ὁ Πυθαγόρας ἦν. Στωικός: Ληρεῖτε· ἀμείνους ἡμεῖς οἱ ἀπὸ τῆς Στοᾶς. Περιπατητικός: οὐ μὲν οὖν, ἀλλʼ ἔν γε τοῖς χρήμασι πρῶτοι ἂν ἡμεῖς εἴημεν οἱ ἐκ τοῦ Περιπάτου. ΕΠΙΚΟΥΡΕΙΟΣ: ἡμῖν τοῖς Ἐπικουρείοις τοὺς πλακοῦντας δότε καὶ τὰς παλάθας· περὶ δὲ τῶν μνῶν περιμενοῦμεν, κἂν ὑστάτους δέῃ λαβεῖν. Ἀκαδημαικός: ποῦ τὰ δύο τάλαντα; δείξομεν γὰρ οἱ Ἀκαδημαϊκοὶ ὅσον τῶν ἄλλων ἐσμὲν ἐριστικώτεροι. Στωικός: οὐχ ἡμῶν γε τῶν Στωϊκῶν παρόντων.
44. PHILOSOPHY: Stop your bickering! You Cynics, do not jostle one another or strike each other with your staves. You were asked here for a different purpose, let me assure you! And now I, Philosophy, and Virtue here and Truth will decide who are the genuine philosophers. Then all who are found to be living by our rules shall be pronounced superior and will be happy ever after, but as for the cheats and all those who have nothing in common with us, we shall put the wretches to a wretched end, so that they may not claim any part in things that are over their heads, false pretenders that they are! What is this? Are you running away? By Heaven, they are, most of them jumping over the cliffs! The Acropolis is empty except for these few who have remained because they did not fear the trial.
44. Φιλοσοφία: παύσασθε φιλονεικοῦντες· ὑμεῖς δὲ οἱ Κυνικοὶ μήτε ὠθεῖτε ἀλλήλους μήτε τοῖς ξύλοις παίετε· ἐπʼ ἄλλα γὰρ ἴστε κεκλημένοι. καὶ νῦν ἔγωγε ἡ Φιλοσοφία καὶ Ἀρετὴ αὕτη καὶ Ἀλήθεια δικάσομεν οἵτινες οἱ ὀρθῶς φιλοσοφοῦντές εἰσιν. εἶτα ὅσοι μὲν ἂν εὑρεθῶσιν κατὰ τὰ ἡμῖν δοκοῦντα βιοῦντες, εὐδαιμονήσουσιν ἄριστοι κεκριμένοι· τοὺς γόητας δὲ καὶ οὐδὲν ἡμῖν προσήκοντας κακοὺς κακῶς ἐπιτρίψομεν, ὡς μὴ ἀντιποιῶνται τῶν ὑπὲρ αὐτοὺς ἀλαζόνες ὄντες. τί τοῦτο; φεύγετε; νὴ Δία, κατὰ τῶν γε κρημνῶν οἱ πολλοὶ ἁλλόμενοι. κενὴ δʼ οὖν ἡ ἀκρόπολις, πλὴν ὀλίγων τούτων ὁπόσοι μεμενήκασιν οὐ φοβηθέντες τὴν κρίσιν.
45. PHILOSOPHY: Attendants, pick up the bag which the Cynic threw away in the rout. Come, let me see what is in it; probably lupines, or a book, or some whole-wheat bread. ATTENDANT: No! gold—see here!—perfume, a razor, a mirror, and a set of dice!
45. Φιλοσοφία: οἱ ὑπηρέται ἀνέλεσθε τὴν πήραν, ἣν ὁ Κυνικὸς ἀπέρριψεν ἐν τῇ τροπῇ. φέρʼ ἴδω τί καὶ ἔχει· ἦ που θέρμους ἢ βιβλίον ἢ ἄρτους τῶν αὐτοπυριτῶν; Ὑπηρέτης: Οὔκ, ἀλλὰ χρυσίον τουτὶ καὶ μύρον καὶ μαχαίριον κουρευτικὸν καὶ κάτοπτρον καὶ κύβους.
PHILOSOPHY: Good for you, my fine fellow! Were these your instruments for the mortification of the flesh, and did’ _ you think that with the aid of these you could abuse all mankind and instruct the rest of the world?
Φιλοσοφία: εὖ γε, ὦ γενναῖε. τοιαῦτα ἦν σοι τὰ ἐφόδια τῆς ἀσκήσεως καὶ μετὰ τούτων ἠξίους λοιδορεῖσθαι πᾶσιν καὶ τοὺς ἄλλους παιδαγωγεῖν;
FRANKNESS: Well, there you see what they are like. You must consider how all this is to stop going on unobserved, and how those who come into contact with them are to tell which of them are the good and which, on the contrary, the followers of thte other life.
Παρρησιάδης: τοιοῦτοι μὲν οὖν ὑμῖν οὗτοι. χρὴ δὲ ὑμᾶς σκοπεῖν ὅντινα τρόπον ἀγνοούμενα ταῦτα πεπαύσεται καὶ διαγνώσονται οἱ ἐντυγχάνοντες, οἵτινες οἱ ἀγαθοὶ αὐτῶν εἰσι καὶ οἵτινες αὖ πάλιν οἱ τοῦ ἑτέρου βίου.
PHILOSOPHY: Invent a plan, Truth; for it would be in your own interest to do so, in order that Falsehood may not prevail over you, and bad men, under the cloak of Ignorance, escape your eye when they imitate the good.
Φιλοσοφία: Σύ, ὦ Ἀλήθεια, ἐξεύρισκε· ὑπὲρ σοῦ γὰρ τοῦτο γένοιτʼ ἄν, ὡς μὴ ἐπικρατῇ σου τὸ Ψεῦδος μηδὲ ὑπὸ τῇ Ἀγνοίᾳ λανθάνωσιν οἱ φαῦλοι τῶν ἀνδρῶν σε τοὺς χρηστοὺς μεμιμημένοι.
46. TRUTH: If you think best, let us empower Frankness himself to do this, since we have seen that he is honest and in sympathy with us, and that he particularly admires you, Philosophy—to take along Investigation and put himself in the way of all who claim to be philosophers. Then, whenever he finds a truly legitimate son of Philosophy, let him crown the man with a wreath of green olive and invite him to the Prytaneum; and if he meets a scoundrel whose philosophy is but stage-play—there are many of that sort—let him tear his mantle, cut off his beard close to the skin with goat-shears, and stamp or brand a mark on his forehead, between the eyebrows; let the pattern of the brand be a fox or an ape.
46. Ἀλήθεια: ἐπʼ αὐτῷ, εἰ δοκεῖ, Παρρησιάδῃ ποιησώμεθα τὸ τοιοῦτον, ἐπεὶ χρηστὸς ὦπται καὶ εὔνους ἡμῖν καὶ σέ, ὦ Φιλοσοφία, μάλιστα θαυμάζων, παραλαβόντα μεθʼ ἑαυτοῦ τὸν Ἔλεγχον ἅπασι τοῖς φάσκουσι φιλοσοφεῖν ἐντυγχάνειν. εἶθʼ ὃν μὲν ἂν εὕρῃ γνήσιον ὡς ἀληθῶς φιλόσοφον, στεφανωσάτω θαλλοῦ στεφάνῳ καὶ εἰς τὸ Πρυτανεῖον καλεσάτω, ἢν δέ τινι — οἷοι πολλοί εἰσι — καταράτῳ ἀνδρὶ ὑποκριτῇ φιλοσοφίας ἐντύχῃ, τὸ τριβώνιον περισπάσας ἀποκειράτω τὸν πώγωνα ἐν χρῷ πάνυ τραγοκουρικῇ μαχαίρᾳ καὶ ἐπὶ τοῦ μετώπου στίγματα ἐπιβαλέτω ἢ ἐγκαυσάτω κατὰ τὸ μεσόφρυον· ὁ δὲ τύπος τοῦ καυτῆρος ἔστω ἀλώπηξ ἢ πίθηκος.
PHILOSOPHY: Good for you, Truth! Let the test, Frankness, be like the test of the eaglets against the sun. Not that they, like the eaglets, are to stare at the light and be put to the proof in that way; but set gold and fame and pleasure in their view, and whomsoever of them you see paying no attention and in no way attracted to the spectacle, let him be the one to wear the crown of green olive; but whomever you see gazing fixedly at the gold and reaching his hand out after it, hale him off to the branding-place, after first cutting off his beard in accordance with our decision.
Φιλοσοφία: εὖ γε, ὦ Ἀλήθεια, φής· ὁ δὲ ἔλεγχος, Παρρησιάδη, τοιόσδε ἔστω, οἷος ὁ τῶν ἀετῶν πρὸς τὸν ἥλιον εἶναι λέγεται, οὐ μὰ Δίʼ ὥστε κἀκείνους ἀντιβλέπειν τῷ φωτὶ καὶ πρὸς ἐκεῖνο δοκιμάζεσθαι, ἀλλὰ προθεὶς χρυσίον καὶ δόξαν καὶ ἡδονὴν ὃν μὲν ἂν αὐτῶν ἴδῃς ὑπερορῶντα καὶ μηδαμῶς ἑλκόμενον πρὸς τὴν ὄψιν, οὗτος ἔστω ὁ τῷ θαλλῷ στεφόμενος, ὃν δʼ ἂν ἀτενὲς ἀποβλέποντα καὶ τὴν χεῖρα ὀρέγοντα ἐπὶ τὸ χρυσίον, ἀπάγειν ἐπὶ τὸ καυτήριον τοῦτον ἀποκείρας πρότερον τὸν πώγωνα ὡς ἔδοξεν.
47. FRANKNESS: It shall be done, Philosophy. You shall very soon see most of them wearing the fox-brand or the ape- brand, and but few crowned with wreaths. If you like, however, I will bring you up some of them here and now.
47. Παρρησιάδης: ἔσται ταῦτα, ὦ Φιλοσοφία, καὶ ὄψει αὐτίκα μάλα τοὺς πολλοὺς αὐτῶν ἀλωπεκίας ἢ πιθηκοφόρους, ὀλίγους δὲ καὶ ἐστεφανωμένους· εἰ βούλεσθε μέντοι, κἀνταῦθα ὑμῖν ἀνάξω τινὰς ἤδη αὐτῶν.
PHILOSOPHY: What! you will bring up the runaways?
Φιλοσοφία: πῶς λέγεις; ἀνάξεις τοὺς φυγόντας;
FRANKNESS: Yes, indeed, if the priestess will be good enough to lend me for a moment that hook and line which the fisherman from the Peiraeus dedicated. PRIESTESS: There, take it, and the rod too, so that you may have a complete outfit.
Παρρησιάδης: καὶ μάλα, ἤνπερ ἡ ἱέρειά μοι ἐθελήσῃ πρὸς ὀλίγον χρῆσαι τὴν ὁρμιὰν ἐκείνην καὶ τὸ ἄγκιστρον, ὅπερ ὁ ἁλιεὺς ἀνέθηκεν ὁ ἐκ Πειραιῶς. Ἱερεία: ἰδοὺ δὴ λαβέ, καὶ τὸν κάλαμόν γε ἅμα, ὡς πάντα ἔχῃς.
FRANKNESS: And now, priestess, give me some figs quickly and a little of your gold. PRIESTESS: Take them.
Παρρησιάδης: οὐκοῦν, ὦ ἱέρεια, καὶ ἰσχάδας μοί τινας δὸς ἀνύσασα καὶ ὀλίγον τοῦ χρυσίου. Ἱερεία: λάμβανε.
PHILOSOPHY: What does the man intend to do? Baiting the hook with the fig and the gold, and taking his seat on the crest of the wall, he has made a cast into the town! Why are you doing that, Frankness? Have you made up your mind to fish up the stones out of the Pelasgicon?
Φιλοσοφία: τί πράττειν ἁνὴρ διανοεῖται; δελεάσας τὸ ἄγκιστρον ἰσχάδι καὶ τῷ χρυσίῳ καθεζόμενος ἐπὶ τὸ ἄκρον τοῦ τειχίου καθῆκεν εἰς τὴν πόλιν. τί ταῦτα, ὦ Παρρησιάδη, ποιεῖς; ἦ που τοὺς λίθους ἁλιεύσειν διέγνωκας ἐκ τοῦ Πελασγικοῦ;
FRANKNESS: Hush, Philosophy; wait and see my catch. Poseidon, god of fishermen, and dear Amphitrite, send us up quantities of fish!
Παρρησιάδης: σιώπησον, ὦ Φιλοσοφία, καὶ τὴν ἄγραν περίμενε· σὺ δέ, ὦ Πόσειδον ἀγρεῦ καὶ Ἀμφιτρίτη φίλη, πολλοὺς ἡμῖν ἀνάπεμπε τῶν ἰχθύων.
48. FRANKNESS: Ah! I see a fine big pike, or rather, a golden carp.—No, it is a cat-fish. Anyhow, he is coming up to the hook with his mouth open. He has scented the gold; now he is close by; he struck; he is on; let’s pull him up. You pull too, Investigation. Investigation, take hold of the line with me! INVESTIGATION: He isup! Come, let me see what you are, my good fish. A dogfish! Heracles, what teeth! How about it, my fine fellow? Caught, were you, gormandizing about the rocks, where you hoped to slip under cover and keep out of sight? But now you will be in public view, hung up by the gills! Let us take out the hook and the bait. No, by Zeus, he has swallowed it! Here is your hook, all bare; the fig and the gold are secure in his insides.
48. Παρρησιάδης: ἀλλʼ ὁρῶ τινα λάβρακα εὐμεγέθη, μᾶλλον δὲ χρύσοφρυν· οὐκ, ἀλλὰ γαλεός ἐστιν. πρόσεισι γοῦν τῷ ἀγκίστρῳ κεχηνώς· ὤσφραται τοῦ χρυσίου· πλησίον ἤδη ἐστίν· ἔψαυσεν· εἴληπται· ἀνασπάσωμεν. καὶ σύ, ὦ Ἔλεγχε, ἀνάσπα· Ἔλεγχε, συνεπιλαβοῦ τῆς ὁρμιᾶς. Ἔλεγχος: ἄνω ἐστί. φέρʼ ἴδω τίς εἶ, ὦ βέλτιστε ἰχθύων; κύων οὗτός γε. Ἡράκλεις τῶν ὀδόντων. τί τοῦτο, ὦ γενναιότατε; εἴληψαι λιχνεύων περὶ τὰς πέτρας, ἔνθα λήσειν ἤλπισας ὑποδεδυκώς; ἀλλὰ νῦν ἔσῃ φανερὸς ἅπασιν ἐκ τῶν βραγχίων ἀπηρτημένος. ἐξέλωμεν τὸ ἄγκιστρον καὶ τὸ δέλεαρ. μὰ Δίʼ ἔπιεν. τουτὶ κενόν σοι τὸ ἄγκιστρον· ἡ δʼ ἰσχὰς ἤδη προσέσχηται καὶ τὸ χρυσίον ἐν τῇ κοιλίᾳ.
FRANKNESS: Let him spew them up, by Zeus, so that we may bait for others. That’s well. What say you, Diogenes; do you know who this fellow is, and has he anything in common with you?
Παρρησιάδης: ἐξεμεσάτω νὴ Δία, ὡς καὶ ἐπʼ ἄλλους δελεάσωμεν. εὖ ἔχει· τί φής, ὦ Διόγενες; οἶσθα τοῦτον ὅστις ἐστίν, ἢ προσήκει τί σοι ἁνήρ;
DIOGENES: Not in the least!
Διογένης: οὐδαμῶς.
FRANKNESS: Well, how much ought we to call him worth? For my part, I valued him at two obols the other day.
Παρρησιάδης: τί οὖν; πόσου ἄξιον αὐτὸν χρὴ φάναι; ἐγὼ μὲν γὰρ δύʼ ὀβολῶν πρῴην αὐτὸν ἐτιμησάμην.
DIOGENES: A high price. He is inedible and ugly and tough and worthless. Throw him down the cliff head first. Let down your hook and pull up another. But I say: look out, Frankness, not to let your rod bend till it breaks.
Διογένης: πολὺ λέγεις· ἄβρωτός τε γάρ ἐστιν καὶ εἰδεχθὴς καὶ σκληρὸς καὶ ἄτιμος· ἄφες αὐτὸν ἐπὶ κεφαλὴν κατὰ τῆς πέτρας· σὺ δὲ ἄλλον ἀνάσπασον καθεὶς τὸ ἄγκιστρον. ἐκεῖνο μέντοι· ὅρα, ὦ Παρρησιάδη, μὴ καμπτόμενός σοι ὁ κάλαμος ἀποκλασθῇ.
FRANKNESS: Have no fear, Diogenes. They are light, and pull no harder than weakfish.
Παρρησιάδης: θάρρει, ὦ Διόγενες· κοῦφοί εἰσι καὶ τῶν ἀφύων ἐλαφρότεροι.
DIOGENES: Aye, they are mighty weak, for certain; pull them up, however.
Διογένης: νὴ Δίʼ, ἀφυέστατοί γε· ἀνάσπα δὲ ὅμως.
49. FRANKNESS: See! Here comes another fish that looks like a plate, as if he were sliced lengthways, a sort of flatfish, opening his mouth for the hook. He has swallowed it; he is caught. Up with him! What is he? INVESTIGATION: The kind that styles itself Platonic.
49. Παρρησιάδης: ἰδού τις ἄλλος ὑπόπλατος ὥσπερ ἡμίτομος ἰχθὺς πρόσεισιν, ψῆττά τις, κεχηνὼς εἰς τὸ ἄγκιστρον· κατέπιεν, ἔχεται, ἀνεσπάσθω. τίς ἐστιν; Ἔλεγχος: ὁ Πλατωνικὸς εἶναι λέγων.
FRANKNESS: So you came to get the gold too, confound you? What do vou say, Plato? What are we to do with him?
Παρρησιάδης: καὶ σύ, ὦ κατάρατε, ἥκεις ἐπὶ τὸ χρυσίον; τί φής, ὦ Πλάτων; τί ποιῶμεν αὐτόν;
50. PLATO: Over the same cliff with him! Let down for another.
50. Πλάτων: ἀπὸ τῆς αὐτῆς πέτρας καὶ οὗτος· ἐπʼ ἄλλον καθείσθω.
FRANKNESS: Ah, I see a very handsome one coming up, as far as can be judged in the deep water; of many colours, with golden stripes on his back. Do you see him, Investigation? INVESTIGATION: He is the kind that claims the name of Aristotle.
Παρρησιάδης: καὶ μὴν ὁρῶ τινα πάγκαλον προσιόντα, ὡς ἂν ἐν βυθῷ δόξειεν, ποικίλον τὴν χρόαν, ταινίας τινὰς ἐπὶ τοῦ νώτου ἐπιχρύσους ἔχοντα. ὁρᾷς, ὦ Ἔλεγχε; Ἔλεγχος: ὁ τὸν Ἀριστοτέλη προσποιούμενος οὗτός ἐστιν.
FRANKNESS: He came up and then swam away again. He is making a careful survey. Now he has come back again; he has opened his mouth; he is caught. Up with him. ARISTOTLE: Don’t ask me about him, Frankness. I don’t know who he is.
Παρρησιάδης: ἦλθεν, εἶτα πάλιν ἄπεισιν. περισκοπεῖ ἀκριβῶς, αὖθις ἐπανῆλθεν, ἔχανεν, εἴληπται, ἀνιμήσθω. Ἀριστοτέλης: μὴ ἀνέρῃ με, ὦ Παρρησιάδη, περὶ αὐτοῦ· ἀγνοῶ γὰρ ὅστις ἐστίν.
FRANKNESS: Then he too shall go over the cliff, Aristotle.
Παρρησιάδης: οὐκοῦν καὶ οὗτος, ὦ Ἀριστότελες, κατὰ τῶν πετρῶν.
51. FRANKNESS: But look here! I see a great number of fish closely alike in colour, spiny and rough-skinned, harder to grasp than sea-urchins. Shall we need a seine for them?
51. Παρρησιάδης: ἀλλʼ ἢν ἰδού, πολλούς που τοὺς ἰχθῦς ὁρῶ κατὰ ταὐτὸν ὁμόχροας, ἀκανθώδεις καὶ τὴν ἐπιφάνειαν ἐκτετραχυσμένους, ἐχίνων δυσληπτοτέρους. ἦ που σαγήνης ἐπʼ αὐτοὺς δεήσει;
PHILOSOPHY: But we haven't any. It will be enough if we land only one out of the school. The one that comes to the hook will of course be the boldest of them. INVESTIGATION: Let down your line, if you want, but first arm it with iron for some distance, so that he may. not saw it off with his teeth after he has swallowed the gold.
Φιλοσοφία: ἀλλʼ οὐ πάρεστιν. ἱκανὸν εἰ κἂν ἕνα τινὰ ἐκ τῆς ἀγέλης ἀνασπάσαιμεν. ἥξει δὲ ἐπὶ τὸ ἄγκιστρον δηλαδὴ ὃς ἂν αὐτῶν θρασύτατος ᾖ. Ἔλεγχος: κάθες, εἰ δοκεῖ, σιδηρώσας γε πρότερον ἐπὶ πολὺ τῆς ὁρμιᾶς, ὡς μὴ ἀποπρίσῃ τοῖς ὀδοῦσι καταπιὼν τὸ χρυσίον.
FRANKNESS: It is down. Poseidon, grant us a quick catch! Aha! _ they are fighting over the bait; some are nibbling the fig in schools and some have taken firm hold of the gold. Good! A very powerful one is on the hook! Come, let me see whose namesake you say you are. But itis silly of me to try to make a fish talk; these anyhow are certainly dumb! Come, Investigation, tell us whom he has for master. INVESTIGATION: Chrysippus here.
Παρρησιάδης: καθῆκα. καὶ σὺ δέ, ὦ Πόσειδον, ταχεῖαν ἐπιτέλει τὴν ἄγραν. βαβαί, μάχονται περὶ τοῦ δελέατος, καὶ οἱ μὲν συνάμα πολλοὶ περιτρώγουσι τὴν ἰσχάδα, οἱ δὲ προσφύντες ἔχονται τοῦ χρυσίου. εὖ ἔχει· περιεπάρη τις μάλα καρτερός. φέρʼ ἴδω τίνος ἐπώνυμον σεαυτὸν εἶναι λέγεις; καίτοι γελοῖός εἰμι ἀναγκάζων ἰχθὺν λαλεῖν· ἄφωνοι γὰρ οὗτοί γε. ἀλλὰ σύ, ὦ Ἔλεγχε, εἰπὲ ὅντινα ἔχει διδάσκαλον αὐτοῦ. Ἔλεγχος: Χρύσιππον τουτονί.
FRANKNESS: I understand: because there was gold in the name, I take it. Well, Chrysippus, in the name of the Goddess of Wisdom tell us, do you know these fellows, and do you advise them to do as they do? CHRYSIPPUS: By Zeus, your questions are insulting, Frankness, if you imply that we have anything in common with that sort.
Παρρησιάδης: μανθάνω· διότι χρυσίον προσῆν, οἶμαι, τῷ ὀνόματι. σὺ δʼ οὖν, Χρύσιππε, πρὸς τῆς Ἀθηνᾶς εἰπέ, οἶσθα τοὺς ἄνδρας ἢ τοιαῦτα παραινεῖς αὐτοῖς ποιεῖν; Χρύσιππος: νὴ Δίʼ, ὑβριστικὰ ἐρωτᾷς, ὦ Παρρησιάδη, προσήκειν τι ἡμῖν ὑπολαμβάνων τοιούτους ὄντας.
FRANKNESS: Good, Chrysippus: that is handsome of you. He too shall go head first after the rest, as he is.spiny and there is danger that anyone who should try to eat him might get a hole in his gullet.
Παρρησιάδης: εὖ γε, ὦ Χρύσιππε, γενναῖος εἶ. οὗτος δὲ καὶ αὐτὸς ἐπὶ κεφαλὴν μετὰ τῶν ἄλλων, ἐπεὶ καὶ ἀκανθώδης ἐστί, καὶ δέος μὴ διαπαρῇ τις τὸν λαιμὸν ἐσθίων.
52. PHILOSOPHY: Enough of fishing, Frankness. One of them— there are many capable of it—may snatch off the gold and the hook and make away with them, and then you will have to settle with the priestess. So let us go away to take our stroll, and as for you (to the. Philosophers), it is high time you went where you came from, that you may not overstay your leave. Frankness, you and Investigation seek them all out on every hand and either crown or brand them, as I said.
52. Φιλοσοφία: ἅλις, ὦ Παρρησιάδη, τῆς ἄγρας, μὴ καί τίς σοι, οἷοι πολλοί εἰσιν, οἴχηται ἀποσπάσας τὸ χρυσίον καὶ τὸ ἄγκιστρον, εἶτά σε ἀποτῖσαι τῇ ἱερείᾳ δεήσῃ. ὥστε ἡμεῖς μὲν ἀπίωμεν περιπατήσουσαι· καιρὸς δὲ καὶ ὑμᾶς ἀπιέναι ὅθεν ἥκετε, μὴ καὶ ὑπερήμεροι γένησθε τῆς προθεσμίας. σφὼ δέ, σὺ καὶ ὁ Ἔλεγχος, ὦ Παρρησιάδη, ἐν κύκλῳ ἐπὶ πάντας αὐτοὺς ἰόντες ἢ στεφανοῦτε ἢ ἐγκάετε, ὡς ἔφην.
FRANKNESS: It shall be done, Philosophy. Good-bye, gentlemen. Let us go down into the town, Investigation, and carry out our orders. INVESTIGATION: Where shall we go first? To the Academy, or to the Porch? Or shall we begin with the Lyceum?
Παρρησιάδης: ἔσται ταῦτα, ὦ Φιλοσοφία. χαίρετε, ὦ βέλτιστοι ἀνδρῶν. ἡμεῖς δὲ κατίωμεν, ὦ Ἔλεγχε, καὶ τελῶμεν τὰ παρηγγελμένα. Ἔλεγχος: ποῖ δὲ καὶ πρῶτον ἀπιέναι δεήσει; μῶν εἰς τὴν Ἀκαδημίαν ἢ εἰς τὴν Στοὰν ἢ ἀπὸ τοῦ Λυκείου ποιησώμεθα τὴν ἀρχήν;
FRANKNESS: It will make no difference. I am sure, however, that wherever we go we shall need few crowns of olive, but many brands.
Παρρησιάδης: οὐδὲν διοίσει τοῦτο. πλὴν οἶδά γε ἐγὼ ὡς ὅποι ποτʼ ἂν ἀπέλθωμεν, ὀλίγων μὲν τῶν στεφάνων, πολλῶν δὲ τῶν καυτηρίων δεησόμεθα.