---
title: "The Ignorant Book-Collector · Πρὸς τὸν ἀπαίδευτον καὶ πολλὰ βιβλία ὠνούμενον"
author: "Lucian"
translator: "Austin Morris Harmon"
languages: [grc, en]
shelf: "Classical Greek"
url: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-ignorant-book-collector/
cite: "Lucian, tr. Austin Morris Harmon, The Ignorant Book-Collector · Πρὸς τὸν ἀπαίδευτον καὶ πολλὰ βιβλία ὠνούμενον. Scriptura (scriptura.si), https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-ignorant-book-collector/"
---

# The Ignorant Book-Collector · Πρὸς τὸν ἀπαίδευτον καὶ πολλὰ βιβλία ὠνούμενον

*Lucian, tr. Austin Morris Harmon*

Against a rich man who buys rare books he cannot read.

> Greek: ed. Austin Morris Harmon, from the Perseus Digital Library (canonical-greekLit, tlg0062.tlg028, CC BY-SA 4.0).

> English: Austin Morris Harmon, from the Perseus Digital Library (tlg0062.tlg028.perseus-eng2). Notes are not included.

> Rows follow the references the two texts share (chapters and sections), cut where both reach the end of a sentence.

## Contents

1. [Sections 1–30](https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-ignorant-book-collector/1.md)

## 1. Sections 1–30

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-ignorant-book-collector/1/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/lucian-the-ignorant-book-collector/1/#p-N

[¶0] 1. Truly, what you are now doing is the reverse ot what you are aiming to do. You expect to get a reputation for learning by zealously buying up the finest books, but the thing goes by opposites and in a way becomes proof of your ignorance. Indeed, you do not buy the finest; you rely upon men who bestow their praise hit-and-miss, you are a godsend to the people that tell such lies about books, and a treasure-trove ready to hand to those who traffic in them. Why, how can you tell what books are old and highly valuable, and what are worthless and simply in wretched repair — unless you judge them by the extent to which they are eaten into and cut up, calling the book-worms into counsel to settle the question? As to their correctness and freedom from mistakes, what judgement have you, and what is it worth?

> Greek: 1. καὶ μὴν ἐναντίον ἐστὶν οὗ ἐθέλεις ὃ νῦν ποιεῖς. οἴει μὲν γὰρ ἐν παιδείᾳ καὶ αὐτὸς εἶναί τις δόξειν σπουδῇ συνωνούμενος τὰ κάλλιστα τῶν βιβλίων· τὸ δέ σοι περὶ τὰ κάτω χωρεῖ, καὶ ἔλεγχος γίγνεται τῆς ἀπαιδευσίας πως τοῦτο. μάλιστα δὲ οὐδὲ τὰ κάλλιστα ὠνῇ, ἀλλὰ πιστεύεις τοῖς ὡς ἔτυχεν ἐπαινοῦσι καὶ ἕρμαιον εἶ τῶν τὰ τοιαῦτα ἐπιψευδομένων τοῖς βιβλίοις καὶ θησαυρὸς ἕτοιμος τοῖς καπήλοις αὐτῶν. ἢ πόθεν γάρ σοι διαγνῶναι δυνατόν, τίνα μὲν παλαιὰ καὶ πολλοῦ ἄξια, τίνα δὲ φαῦλα καὶ ἄλλως σαπρά, εἰ μὴ τῷ διαβεβρῶσθαι καὶ κατακεκόφθαι αὐτὰ τεκμαίροιο καὶ συμβούλους τοὺς σέας ἐπὶ τὴν ἐξέτασιν παραλαμβάνοις; ἐπεὶ τοῦ ἀκριβοῦς ἢ ἀσφαλοῦς ἐν αὐτοῖς τίς ἢ ποία διάγνωσις;

[¶1] 2. Yet suppose I grant you that you have selected the very éditions de luxe that were prepared by Callinus or by the famous Atticus with the utmost care. What good, you strange person, will it do you to own them, when you do not understand their beauty and will never make use of it one whit more than a blind man would enjoy beauty in favourites? To be sure you look at your books with your eyes open and quite as much as you like, and you read some of them aloud with great fluency, keeping your eyes in advance of your lips; but I do not consider that enough, unless you know the merits and defects of each passage in their contents, unless you understand what every sentence means, how to construe the words, what expressions have been accurately turned by the writer in accordance with the canon of good use, and what are false, illegitimate, and counterfeit.

> Greek: 2. ἵνα δέ σοι δῶ αὐτὰ ἐκεῖνα κεκρικέναι, ὅσα ὁ Καλλῖνος εἰς κάλλος ἢ ὁ ἀοίδιμος Ἀττικὸς σὺν ἐπιμελείᾳ τῇ πάσῃ ἔγραψαν, σοὶ τί ὄφελος, ὦ θαυμάσιε, τοῦ κτήματος οὔτε εἰδότι τὸ κάλλος αὐτῶν οὔτε χρησομένῳ ποτὲ οὐδὲν μᾶλλον ἢ τυφλὸς ἄν τις ἀπολαύσειε κάλλους παιδικῶν; σὺ δὲ ἀνεῳγμένοις μὲν τοῖς ὀφθαλμοῖς ὁρᾷς τὰ βιβλία, καὶ νὴ Δία κατακόρως, καὶ ἀναγιγνώσκεις ἔνια πάνυ ἐπιτρέχων, φθάνοντος τοῦ ὀφθαλμοῦ τὸ στόμα· οὐδέπω δὲ τοῦτό μοι ἱκανόν, ἢν μὴ εἰδῇς τὴν ἀρετὴν καὶ κακίαν ἑκάστου τῶν ἐγγεγραμμένων καὶ συνίῃς ὅστις μὲν ὁ νοῦς σύμπασιν, τίς δὲ ἡ τάξις τῶν ὀνομάτων, ὅσα τε πρὸς τὸν ὀρθὸν κανόνα τῷ συγγραφεῖ ἀπηκρίβωται καὶ ὅσα κίβδηλα καὶ νόθα καὶ παρακεκομμένα.

[¶2] 3. Come now, do you maintain that without instruction you know as much as we? How can you, unless, like the shepherd of old, you once received a branch of laurel from the Muses? Helicon, which the goddesses are said to haunt, you never even heard of, I take it, and your haunts in your boyhood were not the same as ours. That you should even mention the Muses is impious. They would not have shrunk from showing themselves to a shepherd, a hardbitten, hairy man displaying rich tan on his body, but as for the like of you—in the name of your lady of Lebanon dispense me for the present from giving a full description of you in plain language!—they would never have deigned, I am sure, to come near you, but instead of giving you laurel they would have scourged you with myrtle or sprays of mallow and would have made you keep your distance from those regions, so as not to pollute either Olmeios or Hippocrene, whose waters only thirsty flocks or the clean lips of shepherds may drink. No matter how shameless you are and how courageous in such matters, you would never dare to say that you have had an education, or that you ever troubled yourself to associate intimately with books, or that So-and-so was your teacher and you went to school with So-and-so.

> Greek: 3. τί οὖν; φὴς καὶ ταὐτὰ μὴ μαθὼν ἡμῖν εἰδέναι; πόθεν, εἰ μή ποτε παρὰ τῶν Μουσῶν κλῶνα δάφνης καθάπερ ὁ ποιμὴν ἐκεῖνος λαβών; Ἑλικῶνα μὲν γάρ, ἵνα διατρίβειν αἱ θεαὶ λέγονται, οὐδὲ ἀκήκοας οἶμαί ποτε, οὐδὲ τὰς αὐτὰς διατριβὰς ἡμῖν ἐν παισὶν ἐποιοῦ· σοὶ καὶ μεμνῆσθαι Μουσῶν ἀνόσιον. ἐκεῖναι γὰρ ποιμένι μὲν οὐκ ἂν ὤκνησαν φανῆναι σκληρῷ ἀνδρὶ καὶ δασεῖ καὶ πολὺν τὸν ἥλιον ἐπὶ τῷ σώματι ἐμφαίνοντι, οἵῳ δὲ σοί — καί μοι πρὸς τῆς Λιβανίτιδος ἄφες ἐν τῷ παρόντι τὸ μὴ σύμπαντα σαφῶς εἰπεῖν — οὐδὲ ἐγγὺς γενέσθαι ποτʼ ἂν εὖ οἶδʼ ὅτι ἠξίωσαν, ἀλλʼ ἀντὶ τῆς δάφνης μυρρίνῃ ἂν ἢ καὶ μαλάχης φύλλοις μαστιγοῦσαι ἀπήλλαξαν ἂν τῶν τοιούτων, ὡς μὴ μιᾶναι μήτε τὸν Ὀλμειὸν μήτε τὴν τοῦ Ἵππου κρήνην, ἅπερ ἢ ποιμνίοις διψῶσιν ἢ ποιμένων στόμασι καθαροῖς πότιμα. καίτοι οὐδέ, εἰ καὶ πάνυ ἀναίσχυντος εἶ καὶ ἀνδρεῖος τὰ τοιαῦτα, τολμήσειας ἄν ποτε εἰπεῖν ὡς ἐπαιδεύθης ἢ ἐμέλησέ σοι πώποτε τῆς ἐν χρῷ πρὸς τὰ βιβλία συνουσίας ἢ ὡς διδάσκαλός σοι ὁ δεῖνα ἢ τῷ δεῖνι συνεφοίτας.

[¶3] 4. You expect to make up for all that now by one single expedient—by getting many books. On that theory, collect and keep all those manuscripts of Demosthenes that the orator wrote with his own hand, and those of Thucydides that were found to have been copied, likewise by Demosthenes, eight times over, and even all the books that Sulla sent from Athens to Italy. What would you gain by it in the way of learning, even if you should put them under your pillow and sleep on them or should glue them together and walk about dressed in them? “A monkey is always a monkey,” says the proverb, “even if he has birthtokens of gold.” Although you have a book in your hand and read all the time, you do not understand a single thing that you read, but you are like the donkey that listens to the lyre and wags his ears. If possessing books made their owner learned, they would indeed be a possession of great price, and only rich men like you would have them, since you could buy them at auction, as it were, outbidding us poor men. In that case, however, who could rival the dealers and booksellers for learning, who possess and sell so many books? But if you care to look into the matter, you will see that they are not much superior to you in that point; they are barbarous of speech and obtuse in mind like you—just what one would expect people to be who have no conception of what is good and bad. Yet you have only two or three books which they themselves have sold you, while they handle books night and day.

> Greek: 4. ἀλλʼ ἑνὶ τούτῳ μόνῳ πάντα ἐκεῖνα ἀναδραμεῖσθαι νῦν ἐλπίζεις, τῷ κτᾶσθαι πολλὰ βιβλία. κατὰ δὴ ταῦτα, ἐκεῖνα ἔχε συλλαβὼν τὰ τοῦ Δημοσθένους ὅσα τῇ χειρὶ τῇ αὑτοῦ ὁ ῥήτωρ ἔγραψε, καὶ τὰ τοῦ Θουκυδίδου ὅσα παρὰ τοῦ Δημοσθένους καὶ αὐτὰ ὀκτάκις μεταγεγραμμένα εὑρέθη, καὶ ὅλως ἅπαντα ἐκεῖνα ὅσα ὁ Σύλλας Ἀθήνηθεν εἰς Ἰταλίαν ἐξέπεμψε· τί ἂν πλέον ἐκ τούτου εἰς παιδείαν κτήσαιο, κἂν ὑποβαλόμενος αὐτὰ ἐπικαθεύδῃς ἢ συγκολλήσας καὶ περιβαλόμενος περινοστῇς; πίθηκος γὰρ ὁ πίθηκος, ἡ παροιμία φησί, κἂν χρύσεα ἔχῃ σύμβολα. καὶ σὺ τοίνυν βιβλίον μὲν ἔχεις ἐν τῇ χειρὶ καὶ ἀναγιγνώσκεις ἀεί, τῶν δὲ ἀναγιγνωσκομένων οἶσθα οὐδέν, ἀλλʼ ὄνος λύρας ἀκούεις κινῶν τὰ ὦτα. ὡς εἴ γε τὸ κεκτῆσθαι τὰ βιβλία καὶ πεπαιδευμένον ἀπέφαινε τὸν ἔχοντα, πολλοῦ ἂν ὡς ἀληθῶς τὸ κτῆμα ἦν ἄξιον καὶ μόνων ὑμῶν τῶν πλουσίων, εἰ ὥσπερ ἐξ ἀγορᾶς ἦν πριάσθαι τοὺς πένητας ἡμᾶς ὑπερβάλλοντας. τίς δὲ τοῖς ἐμπόροις καὶ τοῖς βιβλιοκαπήλοις ἤρισεν ἂν περὶ παιδείας τοσαῦτα βιβλία ἔχουσι καὶ πωλοῦσιν, ἀλλʼ εἴ γε διελέγχειν ἐθέλεις, ὄψει μηδʼ ἐκείνους πολύ σου τὰ εἰς παιδείαν ἀμείνους, ἀλλὰ βαρβάρους μὲν τὴν φωνὴν ὥσπερ σύ, ἀξυνέτους δὲ τῇ γνώσει, οἵους εἰκὸς εἶναι τοὺς μηδὲν τῶν καλῶν καὶ αἰσχρῶν καθεωρακότας. καίτοι σὺ μὲν δύο ἢ τρία παρʼ αὐτῶν ἐκείνων πριάμενος ἔχεις, οἱ δὲ νύκτωρ καὶ μεθʼ ἡμέραν διὰ χειρὸς ἔχουσιν αὐτά.

[¶4] 5. What good, then, does it do you to buy them—unless you think that even the book-cases are learned because they contain so many of the works of the ancients! Answer me this question, if you will—or better, as you are unable to answer, nod or shake your head inreply. If a man who did not know how to play the flute should buy the instrument of Timotheus or that of Ismenias, for which [smenias paid seven talents in Corinth, would that make him able to play, or would it do him no good to own it since he did not know how to use it as a musician would? You did well to shake your head. Even if he obtained the flute of Marsyas or Olympus, he could not play without previous instruction. And what if a man should get the bow of Heracles without being a Philoctetes so as to be able to draw it and shoot straight? What do you think about him? That he would make any showing worthy of an archer? You shake your head at this, too. So, of course, with a man who does not know how to steer, and one who has not practised riding; if the one should take the helm of a fine vessel, finely constructed in every detail both for beauty and for seaworthiness, and the other should get an Arab or a “Centaur” or a “Koppa-brand,” each would give proof, I have no doubt, that he did not know what to do with his property. Do you assent to this? Take my advice, now, and assent to this also; if an ignorant man like you should buy many books, would he not give rise to gibes at himself for his ignorance? Why do you shrink from assenting to this also? To do so is a clear giveaway, I maintain, and everybody who sees it at once quotes that very obvious proverb: “What has a dog to do with a bath?”

> Greek: 5. τίνος οὖν ἀγαθοῦ ὠνῇ ταῦτα, εἰ μὴ καὶ τὰς ἀποθήκας αὐτὰς τῶν βιβλίων ἡγῇ πεπαιδεῦσθαι τοσαῦτα περιεχούσας παλαιῶν ἀνδρῶν συγγράμματα; καί μοι, εἰ δοκεῖ, ἀπόκριναι· μᾶλλον δέ, ἐπεὶ τοῦτό σοι ἀδύνατον, ἐπίνευσον γοῦν ἢ ἀνάνευσον πρὸς τὰ ἐρωτώμενα. εἴ τις αὐλεῖν μὴ ἐπιστάμενος κτήσαιτο τοὺς Τιμοθέου αὐλοὺς ἢ τοὺς Ἰσμηνίου, οὓς ἑπτὰ ταλάντων ὁ Ἰσμηνίας ἐν Κορίνθῳ ἐπρίατο, ἆρʼ ἂν διὰ τοῦτο καὶ αὐλεῖν δύναιτο, ἢ οὐδὲν ὄφελος αὐτῷ τοῦ κτήματος οὐκ ἐπισταμένῳ χρήσασθαι κατὰ τὴν τέχνην; εὖ γε ἀνένευσας· οὐδὲ γὰρ τοὺς Μαρσύου ἢ Ὀλύμπου κτησάμενος αὐλήσειεν ἂν μὴ μαθών. τί δʼ εἴ τις τοῦ Ἡρακλέους τὰ τόξα κτήσαιτο μὴ Φιλοκτήτης ὢν ὡς δύνασθαι ἐντείνασθαί τε αὐτὰ καὶ ἐπίσκοπα τοξεῦσαι; τί σοι καὶ οὗτος δοκεῖ; ἆρʼ ἂν ἐπιδείξασθαί τι ἔργον τοξότου ἄξιον; ἀνένευσας καὶ τοῦτο. κατὰ ταὐτὰ δὴ καὶ ὁ κυβερνᾶν οὐκ εἰδὼς καὶ ἱππεύειν μὴ μεμελετηκὼς εἰ ὁ μὲν ναῦν καλλίστην παραλάβοι, τοῖς πᾶσι καὶ εἰς κάλλος καὶ εἰς ἀσφάλειαν κάλλιστα ἐξειργασμένην, ὁ δὲ ἵππον κτήσαιτο Μῆδον ἢ κενταυρίδην ἢ κοππαφόρον, ἐλέγχοιτο ἄν, οἶμαι, ἑκάτερος οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅ τι χρήσαιτο ἑκατέρῳ. ἐπινεύεις καὶ τοῦτο; πείθου δὴ καὶ τοῦτό μοι ἐπίνευσον· εἴ τις ὥσπερ σὺ ἀπαίδευτος ὢν ὠνοῖτο πολλὰ βιβλία, οὐ σκώμματα οὗτος εἰς ἀπαιδευσίαν καθʼ ἑαυτοῦ ἐκφέροι; τί ὀκνεῖς καὶ τοῦτο ἐπινεύειν; ἔλεγχος γάρ, οἶμαι, σαφὴς οὗτος, καὶ τῶν ὁρώντων ἕκαστος εὐθὺς τὸ προχειρότατον ἐκεῖνο ἐπιφθέγγεται, τί κυνὶ καὶ βαλανείῳ;

[¶5] 6. Not long ago there was a rich man in Asia, both of whose feet had been amputated in consequence of an accident; they were frozen, I gather, when he had to make a journey through snow. Well, this of course was pitiable, and to remedy the mischance he had had wooden feet made for him, which he used to lace on, and in that way made shift to walk, leaning upon his servants as he did so, But he did one thing that was ridiculous: he used always to buy very handsome sandals of the latest cut and went to the utmost trouble in regard to them, in order that his timber toes might be adorned with the most beautiful footwear! Now are not you doing just the same thing? Is it not true that although you have a crippled, fig-wood understanding, you are buying gilt buskins which even a normal man could hardly get about in?

> Greek: 6. καὶ ἐγένετό τις οὐ πρὸ πολλοῦ ἐν Ἀσίᾳ πλούσιος ἀνὴρ ἐκ συμφορᾶς ἀποτμηθεὶς τοὺς πόδας ἀμφοτέρους, ἀπὸ κρύους, οἶμαι, ἀποσαπέντας ἐπειδή ποτε διὰ χιόνος ὁδοιπορῆσαι συνέβη αὐτῷ. οὗτος τοίνυν τοῦτο μὲν ἐλεεινὸν ἐπεπόνθει, καὶ θεραπεύων τὴν δυστυχίαν ξυλίνους πόδας πεποίητο, καὶ τούτους ὑποδούμενος ἐβάδιζεν ἐπιστηριζόμενος ἅμα τοῖς οἰκέταις. ἐκεῖνο δὲ γελοῖον ἐποίει, κρηπῖδας γὰρ καλλίστας ἐωνεῖτο νεοτμήτους ἀεί, καὶ τὴν πλείστην πραγματείαν περὶ ταύτας εἶχεν, ὡς καλλίστοις ὑποδήμασι κεκοσμημένα εἴη αὐτῷ τὰ ξύλα. οὐ ταὐτὰ οὖν καὶ σὺ ποιεῖς χωλὴν μὲν ἔχων καὶ συκίνην τὴν γνώμην, ὠνούμενος δὲ χρυσοῦς ἐμβάτας, οἷς μόλις ἄν τις καὶ ἀρτίπους ἐμπεριπατήσειεν;

[¶6] 7. As you have often bought Homer among your other books, have someone take the second book of his Iliad and read it to you. Do not bother about the rest of the book, for none of it applies to you; but he has a description of a man making a speech, an utterly ridiculous fellow, warped and deformed in body. Now then, if that man, Thersites, should get the armour of Achilles, do you suppose that he would thereby at once become both handsome and strong; that he would leap the river, redden its stream with Trojan gore, and kill Hector—yes, and before Hector, kill Lycaon and Asteropaeus—when he cannot even carry the “ash tree” on his shoulders? You will hardly say so. No, he would make himself a laughing-stock, limping under the shield, falling on his face beneath the weight of it, showing those squint eyes of his under the helmet every time he looked up, making the corselet buckle up with the hump on his back, trailing the greaves on the ground —disgracing, in short, both the maker of the arms and their proper owner. Do not you see that the same thing happens in your case, when the roll that you hold in your hands is very beautiful, with a slipcover of purple vellum and a gilt knob, but in reading it you barbarize its language, spoil its beauty and warp its meaning? Men of learning laugh at you, while the toadies who live with you praise you —and they themselves for the most part turn to one another and laugh!

> Greek: 7. ἐπεὶ δὲ ἐν τοῖς ἄλλοις καὶ τὸν Ὅμηρον ἐπρίω πολλάκις, ἀναγνώτω σοί τις αὐτοῦ λαβὼν τὴν δευτέραν τῆς Ἰλιάδος ῥαψῳδίαν, ἧς τὰ μὲν ἄλλα μὴ ἐξετάζειν· οὐδὲν γὰρ αὐτῶν πρὸς σέ· πεποίηται δέ τις αὐτῷ δημηγορῶν παγγέλοιος ἄνθρωπος, διάστροφος τὸ σῶμα καὶ λελωβημένος. ἐκεῖνος τοίνυν ὁ Θερσίτης ὁ τοιοῦτος εἰ λάβοι τὴν Ἀχιλλέως πανοπλίαν, οἴει ὅτι αὐτίκα διὰ τοῦτο καὶ καλὸς ἅμα καὶ ἰσχυρὸς ἂν γένοιτο, καὶ ὑπερπηδήσεται μὲν τὸν ποταμόν, ἐπιθολώσει δὲ αὐτοῦ τὸ ῥεῖθρον τῷ φόνῳ τῶν Φρυγῶν, ἀποκτενεῖ δὲ τὸν Ἕκτορα καὶ πρὸ αὐτοῦ τὸν Λυκάονα καὶ τὸν Ἀστεροπαῖον, μηδὲ φέρειν ἐπὶ τῶν ὤμων τὴν μελίαν δυνάμενος; οὐκ ἂν εἴποις· ἀλλὰ καὶ γέλωτα ἂν ὀφλισκάνοι χωλεύων ὑπὸ τῇ ἀσπίδι καὶ ἐπὶ στόμα καταπίπτων ὑπὸ τοῦ βάρους καὶ ὑπὸ τῷ κράνει ὁπότε ἀνανεύσειε δεικνὺς τοὺς παραβλῶπας ἐκείνους αὑτοῦ ὀφθαλμοὺς καὶ τὸν θώρακα ἐπαίρων τῷ τοῦ μεταφρένου κυρτώματι καὶ τὰς κνημῖδας ἐπισυρόμενος, καὶ ὅλως αἰσχύνων ἀμφοτέρους, καὶ τὸν δημιουργὸν αὐτῶν καὶ τὸν δεσπότην. τὸ αὐτὸ δὴ καὶ σὺ πάσχων οὐχ ὁρᾷς, ὁπόταν τὸ μὲν βιβλίον ἐν τῇ χειρὶ ἔχῃς πάγκαλον, πορφυρᾶν μὲν ἔχον τὴν διφθέραν, χρυσοῦν δὲ τὸν ὀμφαλόν, ἀναγιγνώσκῃς δὲ αὐτὸ βαρβαρίζων καὶ καταισχύνων καὶ διαστρέφων, ὑπὸ μὲν τῶν πεπαιδευμένων καταγελώμενος, ὑπὸ δὲ τῶν συνόντων σοι κολάκων ἐπαινούμενος, οἳ καὶ αὐτοὶ πρὸς ἀλλήλους ἐπιστρεφόμενοι γελῶσι τὰ πολλά;

[¶7] 8. I should like to tell you of an incident that took place at Delphi. A man of Tarentum, Evangelus by name, a person of some distinction in Tarentum, desired to obtain a victory in the Pythian games. As far as the athletic competition was concerned, at the very outset that seemed to him to be impossible, as he was not well endowed by nature either for strength or for speed; but in playing the lyre and singing he became convinced that he would win easily, thanks to detestable fellows whom he had about him, who applauded and shouted whenever he made the slightest sound in striking up. So he came to Delphi resplendent in every way; in particular, he had provided himself with a gold-embroidered robe and a very beautiful laurel-wreath of gold, which for berries had emeralds as large as berries. The lyre itself was something extraordinary for beauty and costliness, all of pure gold, ornamented with graven gems and many-coloured jewels, with the Muses and Apollo and Orpheus represented upon it in relief—a great marvel to all who saw it.

> Greek: 8. θέλω γοῦν σοι διηγήσασθαί τι Πυθοῖ γενόμενον. Ταραντῖνος Εὐάγγελος τοὔνομα τῶν οὐκ ἀφανῶν ἐν τῷ Τάραντι ἐπεθύμησεν νικῆσαι Πύθια. τὰ μὲν οὖν τῆς γυμνῆς ἀγωνίας αὐτίκα ἐδόκει αὐτῷ ἀδύνατον εἶναι μήτε πρὸς ἰσχὺν μήτε πρὸς ὠκύτητα εὖ πεφυκότι, κιθάρᾳ δὲ καὶ ᾠδῇ ῥᾳδίως κρατήσειν ἐπείσθη ὑπὸ καταράτων ἀνθρώπων οὓς εἶχε περὶ αὑτὸν ἐπαινούντων καὶ βοώντων ὁπότε καὶ τὸ σμικρότατον ἐκεῖνος ἀνακρούσαιτο. ἧκεν οὖν εἰς τοὺς Δελφοὺς τοῖς τε ἄλλοις λαμπρὸς καὶ δὴ καὶ ἐσθῆτα χρυσόπαστον ποιησάμενος καὶ στέφανον δάφνης χρυσῆς κάλλιστον, ὡς ἀντὶ καρποῦ τῆς δάφνης σμαράγδους εἶναι ἰσομεγέθεις τῷ καρπῷ· τὴν μέν γε κιθάραν αὐτήν, ὑπερφυές τι χρῆμα εἰς κάλλος καὶ πολυτέλειαν, χρυσοῦ μὲν τοῦ ἀκηράτου πᾶσαν, σφραγῖσι δὲ καὶ λίθοις ποικίλοις κατακεκοσμημένην, Μουσῶν μεταξὺ καὶ Ἀπόλλωνος καὶ Ὀρφέως ἐντετορνευμένων, θαῦμα μέγα τοῖς ὁρῶσιν.

[¶8] 9. When the day of the competition at last came, there were three of them, and Evangelus drew second place on the programme. So, after Thespis _ of Thebes had made a good showing, he came in all ablaze with gold and emeralds and beryls and sapphires. The purple of his robe also became him well, gleaming beside the gold. With all this he bedazzled the audience in advance and filled his hearers with wonderful expectations; but when at Jength he had to sing and play whether he would or no, he struck up a discordant, jarring prelude, breaking three strings at once by coming down upon the lyre harder than he ought, and began to sing ‘in an unmusical, thin voice, so that a burst of laughter came from the whole audience, and the judges of the competition, indignant at his presumption, scourged him and turned him out of the theatre. Then indeed that precious simpleton Evangelus cut a comical figure with his tears as he was chivvied across the stage by the scourgers, his legs all bloody from their whips, gathering up the gems of the lyre—for they had dropped out when it shared his flogging.

> Greek: 9. ἐπεὶ δʼ οὖν ποτε καὶ ἧκεν ἡ τοῦ ἀγῶνος ἡμέρα, τρεῖς μὲν ἦσαν, ἔλαχεν δὲ μέσος αὐτῶν ὁ Εὐάγγελος ᾄδειν· καὶ μετὰ Θέσπιν τὸν Θηβαῖον οὐ φαύλως ἀγωνισάμενον εἰσέρχεται ὅλος περιλαμπόμενος τῷ χρυσῷ καὶ τοῖς σμαράγδοις καὶ βηρύλλοις καὶ ὑακίνθοις· καὶ ἡ πορφύρα δὲ ἐνέπρεπε τῆς ἐσθῆτος, ἣ μεταξὺ τοῦ χρυσοῦ διεφαίνετο. τούτοις ἅπασι προεκπλήξας τὸ θέατρον καὶ θαυμαστῆς ἐλπίδος ἐμπλήσας τοὺς θεατάς, ἐπειδή ποτε καὶ ᾆσαι καὶ κιθαρίσαι πάντως ἔδει, ἀνακρούεται μὲν ἀνάρμοστόν τι καὶ ἀσύντακτον, ἀπορρήγνυσι δὲ τρεῖς ἅμα χορδὰς σφοδρότερον τοῦ δέοντος ἐμπεσὼν τῇ κιθάρᾳ, ᾄδειν δὲ ἄρχεται ἀπόμουσόν τι καὶ λεπτόν, ὥστε γέλωτα μὲν παρὰ πάντων γενέσθαι τῶν θεατῶν, τοὺς ἀθλοθέτας δὲ ἀγανακτήσαντας ἐπὶ τῇ τόλμῃ μαστιγώσαντας αὐτὸν ἐκβαλεῖν τοῦ θεάτρου· ὅτεπερ καὶ γελοιότατος ὤφθη δακρύων ὁ χρυσοῦς Εὐάγγελος καὶ ὑπὸ τῶν μαστιγοφόρων συρόμενος διὰ μέσης τῆς σκηνῆς καὶ τὰ σκέλη καθῃματωμένος ἐκ τῶν μαστίγων καὶ συλλέγων χαμάθεν τῆς κιθάρας τὰς σφραγῖδας· ἐξεπεπτώκεσαν γὰρ κἀκείνης συμμαστιγουμένης αὐτῷ.

[¶9] 10. After a moment’s delay, a man named Eumelus, from Elis, came on, who had an old lyre, fitted with wooden pegs, and a costume that, including the wreath, was hardly worth ten drachmas; but as he sang well and played skilfully, he had the best of it and was proclaimed victor, so that he could laugh at Evangelus for the empty display that he had made with his lyre and his gems. Indeed, the story goes that he said to him: “Evangelus, you wear golden laurel, being rich; but I am poor and I wear the laurel of Delphi! ‘However, you got at least this much by your outfit: you are going away not only unpitied for your defeat but hated into the bargain because of this inartistic lavishness of yours.” There you have your own living image in Evangelus, except that you are not at all put out by the laughter of the audience. 1 It would not be out of place to tell you another story about something that happened in Lesbos long ago.

> Greek: 10. μικρὸν δὲ ἐπισχὼν μετʼ αὐτὸν Εὔμηλός τις Ἠλεῖος εἰσέρχεται, κιθάραν μὲν παλαιὰν ἔχων, ξυλίνους δὲ κόλλοπας ἐπικειμένην, ἐσθῆτα δὲ μόγις σὺν τῷ στεφάνῳ δέκα δραχμῶν ἀξίαν· ἀλλʼ οὗτός γε ᾄσας δεξιῶς καὶ κιθαρίσας κατὰ τὸν νόμον τῆς τέχνης ἐκράτει καὶ ἀνεκηρύττετο καὶ τοῦ Εὐαγγέλου κατεγέλα μάτην ἐμπομπεύσαντος τῇ κιθάρᾳ καὶ ταῖς σφραγῖσιν ἐκείναις. καὶ εἰπεῖν γε λέγεται πρὸς αὐτόν· ὦ Εὐάγγελε, σὺ μὲν χρυσῆν δάφνην περίκεισαι, πλουτεῖς γάρ, ἐγὼ δὲ ὁ πένης τὴν Δελφικήν. πλὴν τοῦτό γε μόνον ὤνησο τῆς σκευῆς, ὅτι μηδὲ ἐλεούμενος ἐπὶ τῇ ἥττῃ ἀπέρχῃ, ἀλλὰ μισούμενος προσέτι διὰ τὴν ἄτεχνόν σου ταύτην τρυφήν. περὶ πόδα δή σοι καὶ Εὐάγγελος οὗτος, παρʼ ὅσον σοί γε οὐδʼ ὀλίγον μέλει τοῦ γέλωτος τῶν θεατῶν.

[¶10] 11. They say that when the women of Thrace tore Orpheus to pieces, his head and his lyre fell into the Hebrus, and were carried out into the Aegean Sea; and that the head floated along on the lyre, singing a dirge (so the story goes) over Orpheus, while the lyre itself gave out sweet sounds as the winds struck the strings. In that manner they came ashore at Lesbos to the sound of music, and the people there took them up, burying the head where their temple of Dionysus now stands and hanging up the lyre in the temple of Apollo, where it was long preserved.

> Greek: 11. οὐκ ἄκαιρον δʼ ἂν γένοιτο καὶ Λέσβιον μῦθόν τινα διηγήσασθαί σοι πάλαι γενόμενον. ὅτε τὸν Ὀρφέα διεσπάσαντο αἱ Θρᾷτται, φασὶ τὴν κεφαλὴν αὐτοῦ σὺν τῇ λύρᾳ εἰς τὸν Ἕβρον ἐμπεσοῦσαν ἐκβληθῆναι εἰς τὸν μέλανα κόλπον, καὶ ἐπιπλεῖν γε τὴν κεφαλὴν τῇ λύρᾳ, τὴν μὲν ᾄδουσαν θρῆνόν τινα ἐπὶ τῷ Ὀρφεῖ, ὡς λόγος, τὴν λύραν δὲ αὐτὴν ὑπηχεῖν τῶν ἀνέμων ἐμπιπτόντων ταῖς χορδαῖς, καὶ οὕτω μετʼ ᾠδῆς προσενεχθῆναι τῇ Λέσβῳ, κἀκείνους ἀνελομένους τὴν μὲν κεφαλὴν καταθάψαι ἵναπερ νῦν τὸ Βακχεῖον αὐτοῖς ἐστι, τὴν λύραν δὲ ἀναθεῖναι εἰς τοῦ Ἀπόλλωνος τὸ ἱερόν, καὶ ἐπὶ πολύ γε σώζεσθαι αὐτήν.

[¶11] 12. In after time, however, Neanthus, the son of Pittacus the tyrant, heard how the lyre charmed animals and plants and stones, and made music even after the death of Orpheus without anyone’s touching it; so he fell in love with the thing, ‘tampered with the priest, and by means of a generous bribe prevailed upon him to substitute another similar lyre, and give him the one of Orpheus. After securing it, he did not think it safe to play it in the city by day, but went out into the suburbs at night with it under his cloak, and then, taking it in hand, struck and jangled the strings, untrained and unmusical lad that he was, expecting that under his touch the lyre would make wonderful music with which he could charm and enchant everybody, and indeed that he would become immortal, inheriting the musical genius of Orpheus. At length the dogs (there were many of them there), brought together by the noise, tore him to pieces; so his fate, at least, was like that of Orpheus, and only the dogs answered his call. By that it became very apparent that it was not the lyre which had wrought the spell, but the skill and the singing of Orpheus, the only distinctive gifts that he had from his mother; while the lyre was just a piece of property, no better than any other stringed instrument.

> Greek: 12. χρόνῳ δὲ ὕστερον Νέανθον τὸν τοῦ Πιττακοῦ τοῦ τυράννου ταῦτα ὑπὲρ τῆς λύρας πυνθανόμενον, ὡς ἐκήλει μὲν θηρία καὶ φυτὰ καὶ λίθους, ἐμελῴδει δὲ καὶ μετὰ τὴν τοῦ Ὀρφέως συμφορὰν μηδενὸς ἁπτομένου, εἰς ἔρωτα τοῦ κτήματος ἐμπεσεῖν καὶ διαφθείραντα τὸν ἱερέα μεγάλοις χρήμασι πεῖσαι ὑποθέντα ἑτέραν ὁμοίαν λύραν δοῦναι αὐτῷ τὴν τοῦ Ὀρφέως. λαβόντα δὲ μεθʼ ἡμέραν μὲν ἐν τῇ πόλει χρῆσθαι οὐκ ἀσφαλὲς οἴεσθαι εἶναι, νύκτωρ δὲ ὑπὸ κόλπου ἔχοντα μόνον προελθεῖν εἰς τὸ προάστειον καὶ προχειρισάμενον κρούειν καὶ συνταράττειν τὰς χορδὰς ἄτεχνον καὶ ἄμουσον νεανίσκον, ἐλπίζοντα μέλη τινὰ θεσπέσια ὑπηχήσειν τὴν λύραν ὑφʼ ὧν πάντας καταθέλξειν καὶ κηλήσειν, καὶ ὅλως μακάριον ἔσεσθαι κληρονομήσαντα τῆς Ὀρφέως μουσικῆς· ἄχρι δὴ συνελθόντας τοὺς κύνας πρὸς τὸν ἦχον — πολλοὶ δὲ ἦσαν αὐτόθι — διασπάσασθαι αὐτόν, ὡς τοῦτο γοῦν ὅμοιον τῷ Ὀρφεῖ παθεῖν καὶ μόνους ἐφʼ ἑαυτὸν συγκαλέσαι τοὺς κύνας. ὅτεπερ καὶ σαφέστατα ὤφθη ὡς οὐχ ἡ λύρα ἡ θέλγουσα ἦν, ἀλλὰ ἡ τέχνη καὶ ἡ ᾠδή, ἃ μόνα ἐξαίρετα τῷ Ὀρφεῖ παρὰ τῆς μητρὸς ὑπῆρχεν· ἡ λύρα δὲ ἄλλως κτῆμα ἦν, οὐδὲν ἄμεινον τῶν ἄλλων βαρβίτων.

[¶12] 13. But why do I talk to you of Orpheus and Neanthus, when even in our own time there was and still is, I think, a man who paid three thousand drachmas for the earthenware lamp of Epictetus the Stoic: He thought, I suppose, that if he should read by — that lamp at night, he would forthwith acquire the wisdom of Epictetus in his dreams and would be just like that marvellous old man.

> Greek: 13. καὶ τί σοι τὸν Ὀρφέα ἢ τὸν Νέανθον λέγω, ὅπου καὶ καθʼ ἡμᾶς αὐτοὺς ἐγένετό τις καὶ ἔτι ἐστίν, οἶμαι, ὃς τὸν Ἐπικτήτου λύχνον τοῦ Στωϊκοῦ κεραμεοῦν ὄντα τρισχιλίων δραχμῶν ἐπρίατο; ἤλπιζεν γὰρ οἶμαι κἀκεῖνος, εἰ τῶν νυκτῶν ὑπʼ ἐκείνῳ τῷ λύχνῳ ἀναγιγνώσκοι, αὐτίκα μάλα καὶ τὴν Ἐπικτήτου σοφίαν ὄναρ ἐπικτήσεσθαι καὶ ὅμοιος ἔσεσθαι τῷ θαυμαστῷ ἐκείνῳ γέροντι.

[¶13] 14. And only a day or two ago another man paid a talent for the staff which Proteus the Cynic laid aside before leaping into the fire; and he keeps this treasure and displays it just as the Tegeans do the skin of the Calydonian boar, the Thebans the bones of Geryon, and the Memphites the tresses of Isis. Yet the original owner of this marvellous possession surpassed even you yourself in ignorance and indecency. You see what a wretched state the collector is in: in all conscience he needs a staff—on his pate.

> Greek: 14. χθὲς δὲ καὶ πρῴην ἄλλος τις τὴν Πρωτέως τοῦ Κυνικοῦ βακτηρίαν, ἣν καταθέμενος ἥλατο εἰς τὸ πῦρ, ταλάντου κἀκεῖνος ἐπρίατο, καὶ ἔχει μὲν τὸ κειμήλιον τοῦτο καὶ δείκνυσιν ὡς Τεγεᾶται τοῦ Καλυδωνίου ὑὸς τὸ δέρμα καὶ Θηβαῖοι τὰ ὀστᾶ τοῦ Γηρυόνου καὶ Μεμφῖται τῆς Ἴσιδος τοὺς πλοκάμους· αὐτὸς δὲ ὁ τοῦ θαυμαστοῦ κτήματος δεσπότης καὶ αὐτὸν σὲ τῇ ἀπαιδευσίᾳ καὶ βδελυρίᾳ ὑπερηκόντισεν. ὁρᾷς ὅπως κακοδαιμόνως διάκειται, βακτηρίας εἰς τὴν κεφαλὴν ὡς ἀληθῶς δεόμενος.

[¶14] 15. They say that Dionysius used to write tragedy in a very feeble and ridiculous style, so that Philoxenus was often thrown into the quarries on account of it, not being able to control his laughter. Well, when he discovered that he was being laughed at, he took great pains to procure the wax-tablets on which Aeschylus used to write, thinking that he too would be inspired and possessed with divine frenzy in virtue of the tablets. But for all that, what he wrote on those very tablets was far more ridiculous than what he had written before: for example,
Doris, the wife of Dionysius,
Is dead—
and again,
Alackaday, a right good wife I’ve lost!
—for that came from the tablet; and so did this:
'Tis of themselves alone that fools make sport.
The last line Dionysius might have addressed to you with especial fitness, and those tablets of his should have been gilded for it.

> Greek: 15. λέγεται δὲ καὶ Διονύσιον τραγῳδίαν ποιεῖν φαύλως πάνυ καὶ γελοίως, ὥστε τὸν Φιλόξενον πολλάκις διʼ αὐτὴν εἰς τὰς λατομίας ἐμπεσεῖν οὐ δυνάμενον κατέχειν τὸν γέλωτα. οὗτος τοίνυν πυθόμενος ὡς ἐγγελᾶται, τὸ Αἰσχύλου πυξίον εἰς ὃ ἐκεῖνος ἔγραφε σὺν πολλῇ σπουδῇ κτησάμενος καὶ αὐτὸς ᾤετο ἔνθεος ἔσεσθαι καὶ κάτοχος ἐκ τοῦ πυξίου· ἀλλʼ ὅμως ἐν αὐτῷ ἐκείνῳ μακρῷ γελοιότερα ἔγραφεν, οἷον κἀκεῖνο τό· Δωρὶς τέθνηκεν ἡ Διονυσίου γυνή. καὶ πάλιν· οἴμοι, γυναῖκα χρησίμην ἀπώλεσα. καὶ τοῦτο γὰρ ἐκ τοῦ πυξίου, καὶ τό·· αὑτοῖς γὰρ ἐμπαίζουσιν οἱ μωροὶ βροτῶν. Τοῦτο μέν γε πρὸς σὲ μάλιστα εὐστόχως ἂν εἰρημένον εἴη τῷ Διονυσίῳ, καὶ διʼ αὐτὸ χρυσῶσαι αὐτοῦ ἔδει ἐκεῖνο τὸ πυξίον.

[¶15] 16. For what expectation do you base upon your books that you are always unrolling them and rolling them up, glueing them, trimming them, smearing them with saffron and oil of cedar, putting slip-covers on them, and fitting them with knobs, just as if you were going to derive some profit from them? Ah yes, already you have been improved beyond measure by their purchase, when you talk as you do—but no, you are more dumb than any fish!—and live in a way that cannot even be mentioned with decency, and have incurred everybody’s savage hatred? as the phrase goes, for your beastliness! If books made men like that, they ought to be given as wide a berth as possible.

> Greek: 16. τίνα γὰρ ἐλπίδα καὶ αὐτὸς ἔχων εἰς τὰ βιβλία καὶ ἀνατυλίττεις ἀεὶ καὶ διακολλᾷς καὶ περικόπτεις καὶ ἀλείφεις τῷ κρόκῳ καὶ τῇ κέδρῳ καὶ διφθέρας περιβάλλεις καὶ ὀμφαλοὺς ἐντίθης, ὡς δή τι ἀπολαύσων αὐτῶν; πάνυ γοῦν ἤδη βελτίων γεγένησαι διὰ τὴν ὠνήν, ὃς τοιαῦτα μὲν φθέγγῃ — μᾶλλον δὲ τῶν ἰχθύων ἀφωνότερος εἶ — βιοῖς δὲ ὡς οὐδʼ εἰπεῖν καλόν, μῖσος δὲ ἄγριον, φασί, παρὰ πάντων ἔχεις ἐπὶ τῇ βδελυρίᾳ· ὡς εἰ τοιούτους ἀπειργάζετο τὰ βιβλία, φυγῇ φευκτέον ἂν ἦν ὅτι πορρωτάτω ἀπʼ αὐτῶν.

[¶16] 17. Two things can be acquired from the ancients, the ability to speak and to act as one ought, by emulating the best models and shunning the worst; and when a man clearly fails to benefit from them either in the one way or in the other, what else is he doing but buying haunts for mice and lodgings for worms, and excuses to thrash his servants for negligence?

> Greek: 17. δυοῖν δὲ ὄντοιν ἅττʼ ἂν παρὰ τῶν παλαιῶν τις κτήσαιτο, λέγειν τε δύνασθαι καὶ πράττειν τὰ δέοντα ζήλῳ τῶν ἀρίστων καὶ φυγῇ τῶν χειρόνων, ὅταν μήτε ἐκεῖνα μήτε ταῦτα φαίνηταί τις παρʼ αὐτῶν ὠφελούμενος, τί ἄλλο ἢ τοῖς μυσὶ διατριβὰς ὠνεῖται καὶ ταῖς τίλφαις οἰκήσεις καὶ πληγὰς ὡς ἀμελοῦσι τοῖς οἰκέταις;

[¶17] 18. Furthermore, would it not be discreditable if someone, on seeing you with a book in your hand(youalways have one, no matter what), should ask what orator or historian or poet it was by, and you, knowing from the title, should easily answer that question; and if then—for such topics often spin themselves out to some length in conversation—he should either commend or criticise something in its contents, and you should be at a loss and have nothing to say? Would you not then pray for the earth to open and swallow you for getting yourself into trouble like Bellerophon by carrying your book about?

> Greek: 18. πῶς δὲ οὐ κἀκεῖνο αἰσχρόν, εἴ τις ἐν τῇ χειρὶ ἔχοντά σε βιβλίον ἰδών — ἀεὶ δέ τι πάντως ἔχεις — ἔροιτο οὗτινος ἢ ῥήτορος ἢ συγγραφέως ἢ ποιητοῦ ἐστι, σὺ δὲ ἐκ τῆς ἐπιγραφῆς εἰδὼς πρᾴως εἴποις τοῦτό γε· εἶτα, ὡς φιλεῖ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἐν συνουσίᾳ προχωρεῖν εἰς μῆκος λόγων, ὁ μὲν ἐπαινοῖ τι ἢ αἰτιῷτο τῶν ἐγγεγραμμένων, σὺ δὲ ἀποροίης καὶ μηδὲν ἔχοις εἰπεῖν; οὐκ εὔξῃ τότε χανεῖν σοι τὴν γῆν, κατὰ σεαυτοῦ ὁ Βελλεροφόντης περιφέρων τὸ βιβλίον;

[¶18] 19. When Demetrius, the Cynic, while in Corinth, saw an ignorant fellow reading a beautiful book (it was the Bacchae of Euripides, I dare say, and he was at the place where the messenger reports the fate of Pentheus and the deed of Agave), he snatched it away and tore it up, saying: “It is better for Pentheus to be torn to tatters by me once for all than by you repeatedly.” Though I am continually asking myself the question, I have never yet been able to discover why you have shown so much zeal in the purchase of books. Nobody who knows you in the least would think that you do it on account of their helpfulness or use, any more than a bald man would buy a comb, or a blind man a mirror, or a deaf-mute a flute-player, or an eunuch a concubine, or a landsman an oar, or a seaman a plough. But perhaps you regard the matter as a display of wealth and wish to show everyone that out of your vast surplus you spepd money even for things of no use to you? Come now, as far as I know—and I too am a Syrian —if you had not smuggled yourself into that old man’s will with all speed, you would be starving to death by now, and would be putting up your books at auction!

> Greek: 19. Δημήτριος δὲ ὁ Κυνικὸς ἰδὼν ἐν Κορίνθῳ ἀπαίδευτόν τινα βιβλίον κάλλιστον ἀναγιγνώσκοντα — τὰς Βάκχας οἶμαι τοῦ Εὐριπίδου, κατὰ τὸν ἄγγελον δὲ ἦν τὸν διηγούμενον τὰ τοῦ Πενθέως πάθη καὶ τὸ τῆς Ἀγαύης ἔργον — ἁρπάσας διέσπασεν αὐτὸ εἰπών, ἄμεινόν ἐστι τῷ Πενθεῖ ἅπαξ σπαραχθῆναι ὑπʼ ἐμοῦ ἢ ὑπὸ σοῦ πολλάκις. Ζητῶν δὲ ἀεὶ πρὸς ἐμαυτὸν οὔπω καὶ τήμερον εὑρεῖν δεδύνημαι τίνος ἕνεκα τὴν σπουδὴν ταύτην ἐσπούδακας περὶ τὴν ὠνὴν τῶν βιβλίων· ὠφελείας μὲν γὰρ ἢ χρείας τῆς ἀπʼ αὐτῶν οὐδʼ ἂν οἰηθείη τις τῶν καὶ ἐπʼ ἐλάχιστόν σε εἰδότων, οὐ μᾶλλον ἢ φαλακρὸς ἄν τις πρίαιτο κτένας ἢ κάτοπτρον ὁ τυφλὸς ἢ ὁ κωφὸς αὐλητὴν ἢ παλλακὴν ὁ εὐνοῦχος ἢ ὁ ἠπειρώτης κώπην ἢ ὁ κυβερνήτης ἄροτρον. ἀλλὰ μὴ ἐπίδειξιν πλούτου σοι τὸ πρᾶγμα ἔχει καὶ βούλει τοῦτο ἐμφῆναι ἅπασιν, ὅτι καὶ εἰς τὰ μηδέν σοι χρήσιμα ὅμως ἐκ πολλῆς τῆς περιουσίας ἀναλίσκεις; καὶ μὴν ὅσα γε κἀμὲ Σύρον ὄντα εἰδέναι, εἰ μὴ σαυτὸν φέρων ταῖς τοῦ γέροντος ἐκείνου διαθήκαις παρενέγραψας, ἀπωλώλεις ἂν ὑπὸ λιμοῦ ἤδη καὶ ἀγορὰν προὐτίθεις τῶν βιβλίων·.

[¶19] 20. The only remaining reason is that you have been convinced by your toadies that you are not only handsome and charming but a scholar and an orator and a writer without peer, and you buy the books to prove their praises true. They say that you hold forth to them at dinner, and that they, like stranded frogs, make a clamour because they are thirsty, or else they get nothing to drink if they do not burst themselves shouting. To be sure, you are somehow very easy to lead by the nose, and believe them in everything; for once you were even persuaded that you resembled a certain royal person in looks, like the false Alexander, the false Philip (the fuller), the false Nero in our grandfathers’ time, and whoever else has been put down under the title “false.”

> Greek: 20. λοιπὸν οὖν δὴ ἐκεῖνο, πεπεισμένον ὑπὸ τῶν κολάκων ὡς οὐ μόνον καλὸς εἶ καὶ ἐράσμιος ἀλλὰ σοφὸς καὶ ῥήτωρ καὶ συγγραφεὺς οἷος οὐδʼ ἕτερος, ὠνεῖσθαι τὰ βιβλία, ὡς ἀληθεύοις τοὺς ἐπαίνους αὐτῶν. φασὶ δὲ σὲ καὶ λόγους ἐπιδείκνυσθαι αὐτοῖς ἐπὶ δείπνῳ κἀκείνους χερσαίων βατράχων δίκην διψῶντας κεκραγέναι, ἢ μὴ πίνειν, ἢν μὴ διαρραγῶσι βοῶντες. καὶ γὰρ οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως ῥᾷστος εἶ τῆς ῥινὸς ἕλκεσθαι, καὶ πιστεύεις αὐτοῖς ἅπαντα, ὅς ποτε κἀκεῖνο ἐπείσθης, ὡς βασιλεῖ τινι ὡμοιώθης τὴν ὄψιν, καθάπερ ὁ ψευδαλέξανδρος καὶ ὁ ψευδοφίλιππος ἐκεῖνος κναφεὺς καὶ ὁ κατὰ τοὺς προπάτορας ἡμῶν ψευδονέρων καὶ εἴ τις ἄλλος τῶν ὑπὸ τῷ ψευδο τεταγμένων.

[¶20] 21. And what wonder that you, a silly, ignorant fellow, were thus imposed upon and appeared in public holding your head high and imitating the gait and dress and glance of the man whom you delighted to make yourself resemble? Even Pyrrhus of Epirus, a marvellous man in other ways, was once, they say, so spoiled by toadies after the self-same fashion that he believed he was like the famous Alexander. Yet (to borrow a phrase from the musicians) the discrepancy was a matter of two octaves; for I have seen the portrait of Pyrrhus. But in spite of that he had acquired the conviction that he was a perfect replica of Alexander’s beauty. To be sure, I have been uncomplimentary to Pyrrhus in comparing you with him in this matter, but what followed would be quite in character with you. When Pyrrhus was in this state of mind and had this conviction about himself, everyone without exception concurred with him and humoured him until an old foreign woman in Larissa told him the truth and cured him of drivelling. Pyrrhus showed her portraits of Philip, Perdiccas, Alexander, Cassander and other kings, and asked her whom he resembled, quite certain that she would fix upon Alexander; but, after delaying a good while, she said, “Batrachion, the cook’: and as a matter of fact there was in Larissa a cook called Batrachion who resembled Pyrrhus.

> Greek: 21. καὶ τί θαυμαστὸν εἰ τοῦτο ἔπαθες, ἀνόητος καὶ ἀπαίδευτος ἄνθρωπος, καὶ προῄεις ἐξυπτιάζων καὶ μιμούμενος βάδισμα καὶ σχῆμα καὶ βλέμμα ἐκείνου ᾧ σεαυτὸν εἰκάζων ἔχαιρες, ὅπου καὶ Πύρρον φασὶ τὸν Ἠπειρώτην, τὰ ἄλλα θαυμαστὸν ἄνδρα, οὕτως ὑπὸ κολάκων ἐπὶ τῷ ὁμοίῳ ποτὲ διαφθαρῆναι ὡς πιστεύειν ὅτι ὅμοιος ἦν Ἀλεξάνδρῳ ἐκείνῳ; καίτοι τὸ τῶν μουσικῶν τοῦτο, δὶς διὰ πασῶν τὸ πρᾶγμα ἦν· εἶδον γὰρ καὶ τὴν τοῦ Πύρρου εἰκόνα· καὶ ὅμως ἐπέπειστο ἐκμεμάχθαι τοῦ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὴν μορφήν. ἀλλʼ ἕνεκα μὲν δὴ τούτων ὕβρισταί μοι εἰς τὸν Πύρρον, ὅτι σὲ εἴκασα κατὰ τοῦτο αὐτῷ· τὸ δὲ ἀπὸ τούτου καὶ πάνυ σοι πρέπον ἂν εἴη. ἐπεὶ γὰρ οὕτω διέκειτο ὁ Πύρρος καὶ ταῦτα ὑπὲρ ἑαυτοῦ ἐπέπειστο, οὐδεὶς ὅστις οὐ συνετίθετο καὶ συνέπασχεν αὐτῷ, ἄχρι δή τις ἐν Λαρίσῃ πρεσβῦτις ξένη αὐτῷ τἀληθὲς εἰποῦσα ἔπαυσεν αὐτὸν τῆς κορύζης. ὁ μὲν γὰρ Πύρρος ἐπιδείξας αὐτῇ εἰκόνα Φιλίππου καὶ Περδίκκου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου καὶ Κασσάνδρου καὶ ἄλλων βασιλέων ἤρετο τίνι ὅμοιος εἴη, πάνυ πεπεισμένος ἐπὶ τὸν Ἀλέξανδρον ἥξειν αὐτήν, ἡ δὲ πολὺν χρόνον ἐπισχοῦσα, Βατραχίωνι, ἔφη, τῷ μαγείρῳ· καὶ γὰρ ἦν τις ἐν τῇ Λαρίσῃ Βατραχίων μάγειρος τῷ Πύρρῳ ὅμοιος.

[¶21] 22. As for you, I cannot say which of the profligates that hang about the actors in the pantomimes you resemble; I do know very well, however, that everyone thinks you are still downright daft over that likeness. It is no wonder, then, since you are such a failure at likenesses, that you want to make yourself resemble men of learning, believing those who praise you so. But why do I talk beside the point? The reason for your craze about books is patent, even if I in my blindness failed to see it long ago. It is a bright idea on your part (you think so, anyhow), and.you base no slight expectations upon the thing in case the emperor, who is a scholar and holds learning in especial esteem, should find out about it; if he should hear that you are buying books and making a large collection, you think you will soon get all you want from him.

> Greek: 22. καὶ σὺ δὴ ᾧτινι μὲν τῶν τοῖς ὀρχησταῖς συνόντων κιναίδων ἔοικας οὐκ ἂν εἴποιμι, ὅτι δὲ μανίαν ἐρρωμένην ἔτι καὶ νῦν μαίνεσθαι δοκεῖς ἅπασιν ἐπʼ ἐκείνῃ τῇ εἰκόνι, πάνυ σαφῶς οἶδα. οὔκουν θαυμαστόν, εἰ ἀπίθανος οὕτως ζωγράφος ὢν καὶ τοῖς πεπαιδευμένοις ἐξομοιοῦσθαι ἐθέλεις, πιστεύων τοῖς τὰ τοιαῦτά σε ἐπαινοῦσι. καίτοι τί ταῦτα ληρῶ; πρόδηλος γὰρ ἡ αἰτία τῆς περὶ τὰ βιβλία σπουδῆς, εἰ καὶ ὑπὸ νωθείας ἐγὼ μὴ πάλαι κατεῖδον· σοφὸν γάρ, ὡς γοῦν οἴει, τοῦτʼ ἐπινενόηκας καὶ ἐλπίδας οὐ μικρὰς ἔχεις περὶ τοῦ πράγματος, εἰ βασιλεὺς μάθοι ταῦτα σοφὸς ἀνὴρ καὶ παιδείαν μάλιστα τιμῶν· εἰ δὲ ταῦτα ὑπὲρ σοῦ ἐκεῖνος ἀκούσειεν, ὡς ὠνῇ βιβλία καὶ συνάγεις πολλά, πάντα ἐν βραχεῖ παρʼ αὐτοῦ ἔσεσθαί σοι νομίζεις.

[¶22] 23. But do you suppose, you rotter, that he is so steeped in mandragora as to hear that and yet not know how you pass your time during the day, what your drinking bouts are like, how you spend your nights, and in whose company? Do not you know that a monarch has many eyes and ears? And your doings are so conspicuous that even the blind and the deaf may know of them; for if you but speak, if you but bathe in public—or, if you choose, don’t even do that—if your servants but bathe in public, do you not think that all your nocturnal arcana will be known at once? Answer me this question: if Bassus, that literary man who belonged to your following, or Battalus the fluteplayer, or the cinaedus Hemitheon of Sybaris, who wrote those wonderful regulations for you, which say that you must use cosmetics and depilatories and so forth—if one of those fellows should to-day walk about with a lion’s skin on his back and a club in his hand, what do you suppose those who saw him would think? That he was Heracles? Not unless they were gravel-blind; for there are a thousand things in their appearance that would give the lie to their costume; the gait, the glance, the voice, the thin neck, the white lead and mastich and rouge that you beautify yourselves with; in short, to quote the proverb, it would be easier to conceal five elephants under your arm than a single cinaedus. Then if the lion’s skin would not have hidden such as they, do you suppose that you will be undetected behind a book? Impossible: the other earmarks of your sort will betray and reveal you.

> Greek: 23. ἀλλʼ, ὦ κατάπυγον, οἴει τοσοῦτον μανδραγόραν κατακεχύσθαι αὐτοῦ ὡς ταῦτα μὲν ἀκούειν, ἐκεῖνα δὲ μὴ εἰδέναι, οἷος μέν σου ὁ μεθʼ ἡμέραν βίος, οἷοι δέ σοι πότοι, ὁποῖαι δὲ νύκτες καὶ οἵοις καὶ ἡλίκοις συγκαθεύδεις; οὐκ οἶσθα ὡς ὦτα καὶ ὀφθαλμοὶ πολλοὶ βασιλέως; τὰ δὲ σὰ οὕτω περιφανῆ ἐστιν ὡς καὶ τυφλοῖς εἶναι καὶ κωφοῖς γνώριμα· εἰ γὰρ καὶ φθέγξαιο μόνον, εἰ γὰρ καὶ λουόμενος ἀποδύσαιο, μᾶλλον δὲ μὴ ἀποδύσῃ, εἰ δοκεῖ, οἱ δʼ οἰκέται μόνον ἢν ἀποδύσωνταί σου, τί οἴει; μὴ αὐτίκα ἔσεσθαι πάντα σου πρόδηλα τὰ τῆς νυκτὸς ἀπόρρητα; εἰπὲ γοῦν μοι καὶ τόδε, εἰ Βάσσος ὁ ὑμέτερος ἐκεῖνος σοφιστὴς ἢ Βάταλος ὁ αὐλητὴς ἢ ὁ κίναιδος Ἡμιθέων ὁ Συβαρίτης, ὃς τοὺς θαυμαστοὺς ὑμῖν νόμους συνέγραψεν, ὡς χρὴ λεαίνεσθαι καὶ παρατίλλεσθαι καὶ πάσχειν καὶ ποιεῖν ἐκεῖνα, — εἰ τούτων τις νυνὶ λεοντῆν περιβαλόμενος καὶ ῥόπαλον ἔχων βαδίζοι, τί οἴει φανεῖσθαι τοῖς ὁρῶσιν; Ἡρακλέα εἶναι αὐτόν; οὔκ, εἴ γε μὴ χύτραις λημῶντες τυγχάνοιεν. μυρία γάρ ἐστι τὰ ἀντιμαρτυροῦντα τῷ σχήματι, βάδισμα καὶ βλέμμα καὶ φωνὴ καὶ τράχηλος ἐπικεκλασμένος καὶ ψιμύθιον καὶ μαστίχη καὶ φῦκος, οἷς ὑμεῖς κοσμεῖσθε, καὶ ὅλως κατὰ τὴν παροιμίαν, θᾶττον ἂν πέντε ἐλέφαντας ὑπὸ μάλης κρύψειας ἢ ἕνα κίναιδον. εἶτα ἡ λεοντῆ μὲν τὸν τοιοῦτον οὐκ ἂν ἔκρυψεν, σὺ δʼ οἴει λήσειν σκεπόμενος βιβλίῳ; ἀλλʼ οὐ δυνατόν· προδώσει γάρ σε καὶ ἀποκαλύψει τὰ ἄλλα ὑμῶν γνωρίσματα.

[¶23] 24. You are completely unaware, it seems to me, that good expectations are not to be sought from the booksellers but derived from one’s self and one’s daily life. Do you expect to find public advocates and character-witnesses in the scribes Atticus and Callinus? No: you will find them heartless fellows, bent upon ruining you, if the gods so will it, and reducing you to the uttermost depths of poverty. Even now you ought to come to your senses, sell these books to some learned man, and your new house along with them, and then pay the slave dealers at least a part of the large sums you owe them.

> Greek: 24. τὸ δʼ ὅλον ἀγνοεῖν μοι δοκεῖς ὅτι τὰς ἀγαθὰς ἐλπίδας οὐ παρὰ τῶν βιβλιοκαπήλων δεῖ ζητεῖν, ἀλλὰ παρʼ αὑτοῦ καὶ τοῦ καθʼ ἡμέραν βίου λαμβάνειν. σὺ δʼ οἴει συνήγορον κοινὸν καὶ μάρτυρα ἔσεσθαί σοι τὸν Ἀττικὸν καὶ Καλλῖνον τοὺς βιβλιογράφους; οὔκ, ἀλλʼ ὠμούς τινας ἀνθρώπους ἐπιτρίψοντάς σε, ἢν οἱ θεοὶ ἐθέλωσι, καὶ πρὸς ἔσχατον πενίας συνελάσοντας· δέον ἔτι νῦν σωφρονήσαντα ἀποδόσθαι μέν τινι τῶν πεπαιδευμένων τὰ βιβλία ταῦτα καὶ σὺν αὐτοῖς τὴν νεόκτιστον ταύτην οἰκίαν, ἀποδοῦναι δὲ τοῖς ἀνδραποδοκαπήλοις μέρος γοῦν ἀπὸ πολλῶν τῶν ὀφειλομένων.

[¶24] 25. For mark this, you have had a tremendous passion for two things, the acquisition of expensive books and the purchase of well-grown, vigorous slaves, and you are showing great zeal and persistence in the thing; but being poor, you cannot adequately manage both. See now what a precious thing advice is! I urge you to drop what does not concern you, cultivate your other weakness, and buy those menials of yours, so that your household may not be depleted and you may not for that reason have to send out for free men, who, if they do not get all they want, can safely go away and tell what you do after your wine. For instance, only the other day a vile fellow told a most disgraceful story about you when he came away, and even showed marks. I can prove by those who were there at the time that I was indignant and came near giving him a thrashing in my anger on your behalf, especially when he called upon one after another to corroborate his evidence and they all told the same story. In view of this, my friend, husband and save your money so that you may be able to misconduct yourself at home in great security; for who could persuade you now to change your ways? When a dog has once learned to gnaw leather, he cannot stop.

> Greek: 25. καὶ γὰρ κἀκεῖνα· περὶ δύο ταῦτα δεινῶς ἐσπούδακας, βιβλίων τε τῶν πολυτελῶν κτῆσιν καὶ μειρακίων τῶν ἐξώρων καὶ ἤδη καρτερῶν ὠνήν, καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμά σοι πάνυ σπουδάζεται καὶ θηρεύεται. ἀδύνατον δὲ πένητα ὄντα πρὸς ἄμφω διαρκεῖν. σκόπει τοίνυν ὡς ἱερὸν χρῆμα συμβουλή. ἀξιῶ γάρ σε ἀφέμενον τῶν μηδὲν προσηκόντων τὴν ἑτέραν νόσον θεραπεύειν καὶ τοὺς ὑπηρέτας ἐκείνους ὠνεῖσθαι, ὅπως μὴ ἐπιλειπόντων σε τῶν οἴκοθεν μεταστέλλοιό τινας τῶν ἐλευθέρων, οἷς ἀκίνδυνον ἀπελθοῦσιν, ἢν μὴ λάβωσιν ἅπαντα, ἐξαγορεῦσαι τὰ πραχθέντα ὑμῖν μετὰ τὸν πότον, οἷα καὶ πρῴην αἴσχιστα περὶ σοῦ διηγεῖτο ἐξελθὼν ὁ πόρνος, ἔτι καὶ δήγματα ἐπιδεικνύς. ἀλλʼ ἔγωγε καὶ μάρτυρας ἂν παρασχοίμην τοὺς τότε παρόντας ὡς ἠγανάκτησα καὶ ὀλίγου πληγὰς ἐνέτριψα αὐτῷ χαλεπαίνων ὑπὲρ σοῦ, καὶ μάλισθʼ ὅτε καὶ ἄλλον ἐπεκαλέσατο μάρτυρα τῶν ὁμοίων καὶ ἄλλον ταὐτὰ καὶ λόγοις διηγουμένους. πρὸς δὴ ταῦτα, ὦγαθέ, ταμιεύου τἀργύριον καὶ φύλαττε, ὡς οἴκοι καὶ κατὰ πολλὴν ἀσφάλειαν ταῦτα ποιεῖν καὶ πάσχειν ἔχῃς. ὥστε μὲν γὰρ μηκέτι ἐργάζεσθαι τίς ἂν μεταπείσειέ σε; οὐδὲ γὰρ κύων ἅπαξ παύσαιτʼ ἂν σκυτοτραγεῖν μαθοῦσα.

[¶25] 26. The other way is easier, not to buy books any longer. You are well enough educated; you have learning to spare; you have all the works of antiquity almost at the tip of your tongue; you know not only all history but all the arts of literary composition, its merits and defects, and how to use an Attic vocabulary; your many books have made you wondrous wise, consummate in learning. There is no reason why I should not have my fun with you, since you like to be gulled!

> Greek: 26. τὸ δʼ ἕτερον ῥᾴδιον, τὸ μηκέτι ὠνεῖσθαι βιβλία. ἱκανῶς πεπαίδευσαι, ἅλις σοι τῆς σοφίας. μόνον οὐκ ἐπʼ ἄκρου τοῦ χείλους ἔχεις τὰ παλαιὰ πάντα. πᾶσαν μὲν ἱστορίαν οἶσθα, πάσας δὲ λόγων τέχνας καὶ κάλλη αὐτῶν καὶ κακίας καὶ ὀνομάτων χρῆσιν τῶν Ἀττικῶν· πάνσοφόν τι χρῆμα καὶ ἄκρον ἐν παιδείᾳ γεγένησαι διὰ τὸ πλῆθος τῶν βιβλίων. κωλύει γὰρ οὐδὲν κἀμέ σοι ἐνδιατρίβειν, ἐπειδὴ χαίρεις ἐξαπατώμενος.

[¶26] 27. As you have so many books, I should like to ask you what you like best to read? Plato? Antisthenes? Archilochus? Hipponax? Or do you scorn them and incline to occupy yourself with the orators? Tell me, do you read the speech of Aeschines against Timarchus? No doubt you know it all and understand everything in it, but have you dipped into Aristophanes and Eupolis? Have you read the Baptae, the whole play? Then did it have no effect upon you, and did you not blush when you saw the point of it? Indeed, a man may well wonder above all what the state of your soul is when you lay hold of your books, and of your hands when you open them. When do you do your reading? In the daytime? Nobody ever saw you doing it. - At night, then? When you have already given instructions to your henchmen, or before you have talked with them? Come, in the name of Cotys, never again dare to do such a thing.

> Greek: 27. ἡδέως δʼ ἂν καὶ ἐροίμην σε, τὰ τοσαῦτα βιβλία ἔχων τί μάλιστα ἀναγιγνώσκεις αὐτῶν; τὰ Πλάτωνος; τὰ Ἀντισθένους; τὰ Ἀρχιλόχου; τὰ Ἱππώνακτος; ἢ τούτων μὲν ὑπερφρονεῖς, ῥήτορες δὲ μάλιστά σοι διὰ χειρός; εἰπέ μοι, καὶ Αἰσχίνου τὸν κατὰ Τιμάρχου λόγον ἀναγιγνώσκεις; ἢ ἐκεῖνά γε πάντα οἶσθα καὶ γιγνώσκεις αὐτῶν ἕκαστον, τὸν δὲ Ἀριστοφάνην καὶ τὸν Εὔπολιν ὑποδέδυκας; ἀνέγνως καὶ τοὺς Βάπτας, τὸ δρᾶμα ὅλον; εἶτʼ οὐδέν σου τἀκεῖ καθίκετο, οὐδʼ ἠρυθρίασας γνωρίσας αὐτά; τοῦτο γοῦν καὶ μάλιστα θαυμάσειεν ἄν τις, τίνα ποτὲ ψυχὴν ἔχων ἅπτῃ τῶν βιβλίων, ὁποίαις αὐτὰ χερσὶν ἀνελίττεις. πότε δὲ ἀναγιγνώσκεις; μεθʼ ἡμέραν; ἀλλʼ οὐδεὶς ἑώρακε τοῦτο ποιοῦντα. ἀλλὰ νύκτωρ; πότερον ἐπιτεταγμένος ἤδη ἐκείνοις ἢ πρὸ τῶν λόγων;

[¶27] 28. Leave the books alone and attend to your own affairs exclusively. Yet you ought not to do that, either; you ought to be put to shame by Phaedra in Euripides, who is indignant at women and says:
They shudder not at their accomplice, night,
Nor chamber-walls, for fear they find a voice.
But if you have made up your mind to cleave to the same infirmity at all costs, go ahead: buy books, keep them at home under lock and key, and enjoy the fame of your treasures—that is enough for you. But never lay hands on them or read them or sully with your tongue the prose and poetry of the ancients, that has done you no harm. I know that in all this I am wasting words, and, as the proverb has it, trying to scrub an Ethiop white. You will buy them and make no use of them and get yourself laughed at by men of learning who are satisfied with the gain that they derive, not from the beauty of books or their expensiveness, but from the language and thought of their author.

> Greek: 28. ἀλλὰ πρὸς Κότυος μηκέτι μὴ τολμήσῃς τοιοῦτο μηδέν, ἄφες δὲ τὰ βιβλία καὶ μόνα ἐργάζου τὰ σαυτοῦ. καίτοι ἐχρῆν μηκέτι μηδὲ ἐκεῖνα„ αἰδεσθῆναι δὲ τὴν τοῦ Εὐριπίδου Φαίδραν καὶ ὑπὲρ τῶν γυναικῶν ἀγανακτοῦσαν καὶ λέγουσαν,
οὐδὲ σκότον φρίσσουσι τὸν συνεργάτην
τέρεμνά τʼ οἴκων μή ποτε φθογγὴν ἀφῇ.
εἰ δὲ πάντως ἐμμένειν τῇ ὁμοίᾳ νόσῳ διέγνωσται, ἴθι, ὠνοῦ μὲν βιβλία καὶ οἴκοι κατακλείσας ἔχε καὶ καρποῦ τὴν δόξαν τῶν κτημάτων. ἱκανόν σοι καὶ τοῦτο. προσάψῃ δὲ μηδέποτε μηδὲ ἀναγνῷς μηδὲ ὑπαγάγῃς τῇ γλώττῃ παλαιῶν ἀνδρῶν λόγους καὶ ποιήματα μηδὲν δεινόν σε εἰργασμένα. οἶδα ὡς μάτην ταῦτά μοι λελήρηται καὶ κατὰ τὴν παροιμίαν Αἰθίοπα σμήχειν ἐπιχειρῶ· σὺ γὰρ ὠνήσῃ καὶ χρήσῃ εἰς οὐδὲν καὶ καταγελασθήσῃ πρὸς τῶν πεπαιδευμένων, οἷς ἀπόχρη ὠφελεῖσθαι οὐκ ἐκ τοῦ κάλλους τῶν βιβλίων οὐδʼ ἐκ τῆς πολυτελείας αὐτῶν, ἀλλʼ ἐκ τῆς φωνῆς καὶ τῆς γνώμης τῶν γεγραφότων.

[¶28] 29. You expect to palliate and conceal your ignorance by getting a reputation for this, and to daze people by the number of your books, unaware that you are doing the same as the most ignorant physicians, who get themselves ivory pill-boxes and silver cupping-glasses and gold-inlaid scalpels; when the time comes to use them, however, they do not know how to handle them, but someone who has studied his profession comes upon the scene with a knife that is thoroughly sharp, though covered with rust, and frees the patient from his pain. But let me compare your case with something still more comical. Consider the barbers and you will observe that the master-craftsmen among them have only a razor and a pair of shears and a suitable mirror, while the unskilled, amateurish fellows put on view a multitude of shears and huge mirrors; but for all that, they cannot keep their ignorance from being found out. In fact, what happens to them is as comical as can be—people have their hair cut next door and then go to their mirrors to brush it.

> Greek: 29. σὺ δὲ οἴει θεραπεύσειν τὴν ἀπαιδευσίαν καὶ ἐπικαλύψειν τῇ δόξῃ ταύτῃ καὶ ἐκπλήξειν τῷ πλήθει τῶν βιβλίων, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅτι καὶ οἱ ἀμαθέστατοι τῶν ἰατρῶν τὸ αὐτὸ σοὶ ποιοῦσιν, ἐλεφαντίνους νάρθηκας καὶ σικύας ἀργυρᾶς ποιούμενοι καὶ σμίλας χρυσοκολλήτους· ὁπόταν δὲ καὶ χρήσασθαι τούτοις δέῃ, οἱ μὲν οὐδὲ ὅπως χρὴ μεταχειρίσασθαι αὐτὰ ἴσασιν· παρελθὼν δέ τις εἰς τὸ μέσον τῶν μεμαθηκότων φλεβότομον εὖ μάλα ἠκονημένον ἔχων ἰοῦ τἄλλα μεστὸν ἀπήλλαξε τῆς ὀδύνης τὸν νοσοῦντα. ἵνα δὲ καὶ γελοιοτέρῳ τινὶ τὰ σὰ εἰκάσω, τοὺς κουρέας τούτους ἐπίσκεψαι, καὶ ὄψει τοὺς μὲν τεχνίτας αὐτῶν ξυρὸν καὶ μαχαιρίδας καὶ κάτοπτρον σύμμετρον ἔχοντας, τοὺς δὲ ἀμαθεῖς καὶ ἰδιώτας πλῆθος μαχαιρίδων προτιθέντας καὶ κάτοπτρα μεγάλα, οὐ μὴν λήσειν γε διὰ ταῦτα οὐδὲν εἰδότας. ἀλλὰ τὸ γελοιότατον ἐκεῖνο πάσχουσιν, ὅτι κείρονται μὲν οἱ πολλοὶ παρὰ τοῖς γείτοσιν αὐτῶν, πρὸς δὲ τὰ ἐκείνων κάτοπτρα προσελθόντες τὰς κόμας εὐθετίζουσιν.

[¶29] 30. So it is with you: you might, to be sure, lend your books to someone else who wants them, but you cannot use them yourself. But you never lent a book to anyone; you act like the dog in the manger, who neither eats the grain herself nor lets the horse eat it, who can. I give myself the liberty of saying this much to you for the present, just about your books; about your other detestable and ignominions conduct you shall often be told in future.

> Greek: 30. καὶ σὺ τοίνυν ἄλλῳ μὲν δεηθέντι χρήσειας ἂν τὰ βιβλία, χρήσασθαι δὲ αὐτὸς οὐκ ἂν δύναιο. καίτοι οὐδὲ ἔχρησάς τινι βιβλίον πώποτε, ἀλλὰ τὸ τῆς κυνὸς ποιεῖς τῆς ἐν τῇ φάτνῃ κατακειμένης, ἣ οὔτε αὐτὴ τῶν κριθῶν ἐσθίει οὔτε τῷ ἵππῳ δυναμένῳ φαγεῖν ἐπιτρέπει. ταῦτα τό γε νῦν εἶναι ὑπὲρ μόνων τῶν βιβλίων παρρησιάζομαι πρὸς σέ, περὶ δὲ τῶν ἄλλων ὅσα κατάπτυστα καὶ ἐπονείδιστα ποιεῖς, αὖθις ἀκούσῃ πολλάκις.