1. Best wishes from Lucian to Cronius. Unlucky Peregrinus, or, as he delighted to style himself, Proteus, has done exactly what Proteus in Homer did. After turning into everything for the sake of notoriety and achieving any number of transformations, here at last he has turned into fire; so great, it seems, was the love of notoriety that eae be him. And now your genial friend has got imself carbonified after the fashion of Empedocles, except that the latter at least tried to escape observation when he threw himself into the crater, while this gentleman waited for that one of the Greek festivals which draws the greatest crowds, heaped up a very large pyre, and leaped into it before all those witnesses; he even addressed the Greeks on the subject not many days before his venture.
1. Λουκιανὸς Κρονίῳ εὖ πράττειν. ΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸς κακοδαίμων Περεγρῖνος, ἢ ὡς αὐτὸς ἔχαιρεν ὀνομάζων ἑαυτόν, Πρωτεύς, αὐτὸ δὴ ἐκεῖνο τὸ τοῦ Ὁμηρικοῦ Πρωτέως ἔπαθεν· ἅπαντα γὰρ δόξης ἕνεκα γενόμενος καὶ μυρίας τροπὰς τραπόμενος, τὰ τελευταῖα ταῦτα καὶ πῦρ ἐγένετο· τοσούτῳ ἄρα τῷ ἔρωτι τῆς δόξης εἴχετο. καὶ νῦν ἐκεῖνος ἀπηνθράκωταί σοι ΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸς βέλτιστος κατὰ τὸν Ἐμπεδοκλέα, παρʼ ὅσον ΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸς μὲν κἂν διαλαθεῖν ἐπειράθη ἐμβαλὼν ἑαυτὸν εἰς τοὺς κρατῆρας, ΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸςΛουκιανὸς δὲ γεννάδας οὗτος, τὴν πολυανθρωποτάτην τῶν Ἑλληνικῶν πανηγύρεων τηρήσας, πυρὰν ὅτι μεγίστην νήσας ἐνεπήδησεν ἐπὶ τοσούτων μαρτύρων, καὶ λόγους τινὰς ὑπὲρ τούτου εἰπὼν πρὸς τοὺς Ἕλληνας οὐ πρὸ πολλῶν ἡμερῶν τοῦ τολμήματος.
2. I think I can see you laughing heartily at the old man’s drivelling idiocy—indeed, I hear you give tongue as you naturally would: “Oh, the stupidity! Oh, the vainglory! Oh”—everything else that we are in the habit of saying about it all. Well, you are doing this at a distance and with far greater security, but I said it right by the fire and even earlier in a great crowd of listeners, angering some of them—as many as admired the old man’s fool-hardiness; but there were others beside myself who laughed at him. However, I narrowly missed getting torn limb from limb for you by the Cynics just as Actaeon was by his dogs or his cousin Pentheus by the Maenads.
2. πολλὰ τοίνυν δοκῶ μοι ὁρᾶν σε γελῶντα ἐπὶ τῇ κορύζῃ τοῦ γέροντος, μᾶλλον δὲ καὶ ἀκούω βοῶντος οἷά σε εἰκὸς βοᾶν, ὢ τῆς ἀβελτερίας, ὢ τῆς δοξοκοπίας, ὢ — τῶν ἄλλων ἃ λέγειν εἰώθαμεν περὶ αὐτῶν. σὺ μὲν οὖν πόρρω ταῦτα καὶ μακρῷ ἀσφαλέστερον, ἐγὼ δὲ παρὰ τὸ πῦρ αὐτὸ καὶ ἔτι πρότερον ἐν πολλῷ πλήθει τῶν ἀκροατῶν εἶπον αὐτά, ἐνίων μὲν ἀχθομένων, ὅσοι ἐθαύμαζον τὴν ἀπόνοιαν τοῦ γέροντος· ἦσαν δέ τινες οἳ καὶ αὐτοὶ ἐγέλων ἐπʼ αὐτῷ. ἀλλʼ ὀλίγου δεῖν ὑπὸ τῶν Κυνικῶν ἐγώ σοι διεσπάσθην ὥσπερ ὁ Ἀκταίων ὑπὸ τῶν κυνῶν ἢ ὁ ἀνεψιὸς αὐτοῦ ὁ Πενθεὺς ὑπὸ τῶν Μαινάδων.
3. The complete mise en scéne of the affair was as follows. You know, of course, what the playwright was like and what spectacular performances he presented his whole life long, outdoing Sophocles and Aeschylus. As for my part in it, as soon as I came to Elis, in going up? by way of the gymnasium I overheard a Cynic bawling out the usual street-corner invocations to Virtue in a loud, harsh voice, and abusing everyone without exception. Then his harangue wound up with Proteus, and to the best of my ability I shall try to quote for you the very words he said. You will find the style familiar, of course, as you have often stood near them while they were ranting.
3. ἡ δὲ πᾶσα τοῦ πράγματος διασκευὴ τοιάδε ἦν. τὸν μὲν ποιητὴν οἶσθα οἷός τε ἦν καὶ ἡλίκα ἐτραγῴδει παρʼ ὅλον τὸν βίον, ὑπὲρ τὸν Σοφοκλέα καὶ τὸν Αἰσχύλον. ἐγὼ δὲ ἐπεὶ τάχιστα εἰς τὴν Ἦλιν ἀφικόμην, διὰ τοῦ γυμνασίου ἀνιὼν ἐπήκουον ἅμα Κυνικοῦ τινος μεγάλῃ καὶ τραχείᾳ τῇ φωνῇ τὰ συνήθη ταῦτα καὶ ἐκ τριόδου τὴν ἀρετὴν ἐπιβοωμένου καὶ ἅπασιν ἁπαξαπλῶς λοιδορουμένου. εἶτα κατέληξεν αὐτῷ ἡ βοὴ ἐς τὸν Πρωτέα, καὶ ὡς ἂν οἷός τε ὦ πειράσομαί σοι αὐτὰ ἐκεῖνα ἀπομνημονεῦσαι ὡς ἐλέγετο. σὺ δὲ γνωριεῖς δηλαδή, πολλάκις αὐτοῖς παραστὰς βοῶσιν.
4. “Does anyone dare,” he said, ‘to call Proteus vainglorious, O Earth, O sun, O rivers, O sea, O Heracles, god of our fathers!—Proteus, who was imprisoned in Syria, who renounced five thousand talents in favour of his native land, who was banished from the city of Rome, who is more conspicuous than the sun, who is able to rival Olympian Zeus himself? Because he has resolved to depart from life by way of fire, are there people who attribute this to vainglory? Why, did not Heracles do so? Did not Asclepius and Dionysus, by grace of the thunderbolt? Did not Empedocles end by leaping into the crater?”
4. Πρωτέα γάρ τις, ἔφη, κενόδοξον τολμᾷ λέγειν, ὦ γῆ καὶ ἥλιε καὶ ποταμοὶ καὶ θάλαττα καὶ πατρῷε Ἡράκλεις — Πρωτέα τὸν ἐν Συρίᾳ δεθέντα, τὸν τῇ πατρίδι ἀνέντα πεντακισχίλια τάλαντα, τὸν ἀπὸ τῆς Ῥωμαίων πόλεως ἐκβληθέντα, τὸν τοῦ Ἡλίου ἐπισημότερον, τὸν αὐτῷ ἀνταγωνίσασθαι τῷ Ὀλυμπίῳ δυνάμενον; ἀλλʼ ὅτι διὰ πυρὸς ἐξάγειν τοῦ βίου διέγνωκεν ἑαυτόν, εἰς κενοδοξίαν τινὲς τοῦτο ἀναφέρουσιν; οὐ γὰρ Ἡρακλῆς οὕτως; οὐ γὰρ Ἀσκληπιὸς καὶ Διόνυσος κεραυνῷ; οὐ γὰρ τὰ τελευταῖα Ἐμπεδοκλῆς εἰς τοὺς κρατῆρας;
5. When Theagenes —for that was the bawler’s, name—said that, I asked a bystander, “What is the meaning of his talk about fire, and what have Heracles and Empedocles to do with Proteus?” “Before long,” he replied, “Proteus is going to burn himself up at the Olympic festival.” “How,” said I, “and why?” Then he undertook to tell me, but the Cynic was bawling, so that it was impossible to hear anyone else. I listened, therefore, while he flooded us with the rest of his bilge-water and got off a lot of amazing hyperbole about Proteus, for, not deigning to compare him with the man of Sinope, or his teacher Antisthenes, or even with Socrates himself, he summoned Zeus to the lists. Then, however, he decided to keep them about equal, and thus concluded his speech:
5. ὡς δὲ ταῦτα εἶπεν ὁ Θεαγένης — τοῦτο γὰρ ὁ κεκραγὼς ἐκεῖνος ἐκαλεῖτο — ἠρόμην τινὰ τῶν παρεστώτων, τί βούλεται τὸ περὶ τοῦ πυρός, ἢ τί Ἡρακλῆς καὶ Ἐμπεδοκλῆς πρὸς τὸν Πρωτέα. ὁ δέ, οὐκ εἰς μακράν, ἔφη, καύσει ἑαυτὸν ὁ Πρωτεὺς Ὀλυμπίασιν. πῶς, ἔφην, ἢ τίνος ἕνεκα; εἶτα ὁ μὲν ἐπειρᾶτο λέγειν, ἐβόα δὲ ὁ Κυνικός, ὥστε ἀμήχανον ἦν ἄλλου ἀκούειν. ἐπήκουον οὖν τὰ λοιπὰ ἐπαντλοῦντος αὐτοῦ καὶ θαυμαστάς τινας ὑπερβολὰς διεξιόντος κατὰ τοῦ Πρωτέως· τὸν μὲν γὰρ Σινωπέα ἢ τὸν διδάσκαλον αὐτοῦ Ἀντισθένη οὐδὲ παραβάλλειν ἠξίου αὐτῷ, ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ τὸν Σωκράτη αὐτόν, ἐκάλει δὲ τὸν Δία ἐπὶ τὴν ἅμιλλαν. εἶτα μέντοι ἔδοξεν αὐτῷ ἴσους πως φυλάξαι αὐτούς, καὶ οὕτω κατέπαυε τὸν λόγον·
6. “These are the two noblest masterpieces that the world has seen—the Olympian Zeus, and Proteus; of the one, the creator and artist was Phidias, of the other, Nature. But now this holy image is about to depart from among men to gods, borne on the wings of fire, leaving us bereft.” After completing this discourse with copious perspiration, he shed tears in a highly ridiculous way and tore his hair, taking care not to pull very hard; and at length he was led away, sobbing as he went, by some of the Cynics, who strove to comfort him.
6. δύο γὰρ ταῦτα, ἔφη, ὁ βίος ἄριστα δημιουργήματα ἐθεάσατο, τὸν Δία τὸν Ὀλύμπιον καὶ Πρωτέα· πλάσται δὲ καὶ τεχνῖται, τοῦ μὲν Φειδίας, τοῦ δὲ ἡ φύσις. ἀλλὰ νῦν ἐξ ἀνθρώπων εἰς θεοὺς τὸ ἄγαλμα τοῦτο οἰχήσεται, ὀχούμενον ἐπὶ τοῦ πυρός, ὀρφανοὺς ἡμᾶς καταλιπόν. ταῦτα ξὺν πολλῷ ἱδρῶτι διεξελθὼν ἐδάκρυε μάλα γελοίως καὶ τὰς τρίχας ἐτίλλετο, ὑποφειδόμενος μὴ πάνυ ἕλκειν· καὶ τέλος ἀπῆγον αὐτὸν λύζοντα μεταξὺ τῶν Κυνικῶν τινες παραμυθούμενοι.
7. After him, another man went up at once, not permitting the throng to disperse, but pouring a libation on the previous sacrificial offerings while they were still ablaze. At first he laughed a long time, and obviously did it from the heart. Then he began somewhat after this fashion: “Since that accursed Theagenes terminated his pestilential remarks with the tears of Heraclitus, I, on the contrary, shall begin with the laughter of Democritus.” And again he went on laughing a long time, so that he drew most of us into doing likewise.
7. μετὰ δὲ τοῦτον ἄλλος εὐθὺς ἀναβαίνει, οὐ περιμείνας διαλυθῆναι τὸ πλῆθος ἀλλὰ ἐπʼ αἰθομένοις τοῖς προτέροις ἱερείοις ἐπέχει τῶν σπονδῶν. καὶ τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἐπὶ πολὺ ἐγέλα καὶ δῆλος ἦν νειόθεν αὐτὸ δρῶν· εἶτα ἤρξατο ὧδέ πως· ἐπεὶ ὁ κατάρατος Θεαγένης τέλος τῶν μιαρωτάτων αὐτοῦ λόγων τὰ Ἡρακλείτου δάκρυα ἐποιήσατο, ἐγὼ κατὰ τὸ ἐναντίον ἀπὸ τοῦ Δημοκρίτου γέλωτος ἄρξομαι. καὶ αὖθις ἐγέλα ἐπὶ πολύ, ὥστε καὶ ἡμῶν τοὺς πολλοὺς ἐπὶ τὸ ὅμοιον ἐπεσπάσατο.
8. Then, changing countenance, he said, “Pray, what else, gentlemen, are we to do when we hear utterances so ridiculous, and see old men all but standing on their heads in public for the sake of a little despicable notoriety? That you may know what manner of thing is this ‘holy image’ which is about to be burned up, give me your ears, for I have observed his character and kept an eye on his career from the beginning, and have ascertained various particulars from his fellow-citizens and people who cannot have helped knowing him thoroughly.
8. εἶτα ἐπιστρέψας ἑαυτόν, ἢ τί γὰρ ἄλλο, ἔφη, ὦ ἄνδρες, χρὴ ποιεῖν ἀκούοντας μὲν οὕτω γελοίων ῥήσεων, ὁρῶντας δὲ ἄνδρας γέροντας δοξαρίου καταπτύστου ἕνεκα μονονουχὶ κυβιστῶντας ἐν τῷ μέσῳ; ὡς δὲ εἰδείητε οἷόν τι τὸ ἄγαλμά ἐστι τὸ καυθησόμενον, ἀκούσατέ μου ἐξ ἀρχῆς παραφυλάξαντος τὴν γνώμην αὐτοῦ καὶ τὸν βίον ἐπιτηρήσαντος· ἔνια δὲ παρὰ τῶν πολιτῶν αὐτοῦ ἐπυνθανόμην καὶ οἷς ἀνάγκη ἦν ἀκριβῶς εἰδέναι αὐτόν.
9. “This creation and masterpiece of nature, this Polyclitan canon, as soon as he came of age, was taken in adultery in Armenia and got a sound thrashing, but finally jumped down from the roof and made his escape, with a radish stopping his vent. Then he corrupted a handsome boy, and by paying three thousand drachmas to the boy’s parents, who were poor, bought himself off from being brought before the governor of the province of Asia.
9. τὸ γὰρ τῆς φύσεως τοῦτο πλάσμα καὶ δημιούργημα, ὁ τοῦ Πολυκλείτου κανών, ἐπεὶ εἰς ἄνδρας τελεῖν ἤρξατο, ἐν Ἀρμενίᾳ μοιχεύων ἁλοὺς μάλα πολλὰς πληγὰς ἔλαβεν καὶ τέλος κατὰ τοῦ τέγους ἁλόμενος διέφυγε, ῥαφανῖδι τὴν πυγὴν βεβυσμένος. εἶτα μειράκιόν τι ὡραῖον διαφθείρας τρισχιλίων ἐξωνήσατο παρὰ τῶν γονέων τοῦ παιδός, πενήτων ὄντων, μὴ ἐπὶ τὸν ἁρμοστὴν ἀπαχθῆναι τῆς Ἀσίας.
10. “All this and the like of it I propose to pass over; for he was still unshapen clay, and our ‘holy image’ had not yet been consummated for us. What he did to his father, however, is very well worth hearing; but you all know it—you have heard how he strangled the aged man, unable to tolerate his living beyond sixty years. Then, when the affair had been noised abroad, he condemned himself to exile and roamed about, going to one country after another.
10. ταῦτα καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἐάσειν μοι δοκῶ· πηλὸς γὰρ ἔτι ἄπλαστος ἦν καὶ οὐδέπω ἐντελὲς ἄγαλμα ἡμῖν δεδημιούργητο. ἃ δὲ τὸν πατέρα ἔδρασεν καὶ πάνυ ἀκοῦσαι ἄξιον· καίτοι πάντες ἴστε, καὶ ἀκηκόατε ὡς ἀπέπνιξε τὸν γέροντα, οὐκ ἀνασχόμενος αὐτὸν ὑπὲρ ἑξήκοντα ἔτη ἤδη γηρῶντα. εἶτα ἐπειδὴ τὸ πρᾶγμα διεβεβόητο, φυγὴν ἑαυτοῦ καταδικάσας ἐπλανᾶτο ἄλλοτε ἄλλην ἀμείβων.
11. “It was then that he learned the wondrous lore of the Christians, by associating with their priests and scribes in Palestine. And—how else could it be P—in a trice he made them all look like children; for he was prophet, cult-leader, head of the synagogue, and everything, all by himself. He interpreted and explained some of their books and even composed many, and they revered him as a god, made use of him as a lawgiver, and set him down as a protector, next after that other, to be sure, whom they still worship, the man who was crucified in Palestine because he introduced this new cult into the world.
11. ὅτεπερ καὶ τὴν θαυμαστὴν σοφίαν τῶν Χριστιανῶν ἐξέμαθεν, περὶ τὴν Παλαιστίνην τοῖς ἱερεῦσιν καὶ γραμματεῦσιν αὐτῶν ξυγγενόμενος. καὶ τί γάρ; ἐν βραχεῖ παῖδας αὐτοὺς ἀπέφηνε, προφήτης καὶ θιασάρχης καὶ ξυναγωγεὺς καὶ πάντα μόνος αὐτὸς ὤν, καὶ τῶν βίβλων τὰς μὲν ἐξηγεῖτο καὶ διεσάφει, πολλὰς δὲ αὐτὸς καὶ συνέγραφεν, καὶ ὡς θεὸν αὐτὸν ἐκεῖνοι ᾐδοῦντο καὶ νομοθέτῃ ἐχρῶντο καὶ προστάτην ἐπεγράφοντο, μετὰ γοῦν ἐκεῖνον ὃν ἔτι σέβουσι, τὸν ἄνθρωπον τὸν ἐν τῇ Παλαιστίνῃ ἀνασκολοπισθέντα, ὅτι καινὴν ταύτην τελετὴν εἰσῆγεν ἐς τὸν βίον.
12. “Then at length Proteus was apprehended for this and thrown into prison, which itself gave him no little reputation as an asset for his future career and the charlatanism and notoriety-seeking that he was enamoured of. Well, when he had been imprisoned, the Christians, regarding the incident as a calamity, left nothing undone in the effort to rescue him. Then, as this was impossible, every other form of attention was shown him, not in any casual way but with assiduity; and from the very break of day aged widows and orphan children could be seen waiting near the prison, while their officials even slept inside with him after bribing the guards. Then elaborate meals were brought in, and sacred books of theirs were read aloud, and excellent Peregrinus—for he still went by that name—was called by them ‘the new Socrates.’
12. τότε δὴ καὶ συλληφθεὶς ἐπὶ τούτῳ ὁ Πρωτεὺς ἐνέπεσεν εἰς τὸ δεσμωτήριον, ὅπερ καὶ αὐτὸ οὐ μικρὸν αὐτῷ ἀξίωμα περιεποίησεν πρὸς τὸν ἑξῆς βίον καὶ τὴν τερατείαν καὶ δοξοκοπίαν ὧν ἐρῶν ἐτύγχανεν. ἐπεὶ δʼ οὖν ἐδέδετο, οἱ Χριστιανοὶ συμφορὰν ποιούμενοι τὸ πρᾶγμα πάντα ἐκίνουν ἐξαρπάσαι πειρώμενοι αὐτόν. εἶτʼ, ἐπεὶ τοῦτο ἦν ἀδύνατον, ἥ γε ἄλλη θεραπεία πᾶσα οὐ παρέργως ἀλλὰ σὺν σπουδῇ ἐγίγνετο· καὶ ἕωθεν μὲν εὐθὺς ἦν ὁρᾶν παρὰ τῷ δεσμωτηρίῳ περιμένοντα γρᾴδια χήρας τινὰς καὶ παιδία ὀρφανά, οἱ δὲ ἐν τέλει αὐτῶν καὶ συνεκάθευδον ἔνδον μετʼ αὐτοῦ διαφθείραντες τοὺς δεσμοφύλακας. εἶτα δεῖπνα ποικίλα εἰσεκομίζετο καὶ λόγοι ἱεροὶ αὐτῶν ἐλέγοντο, καὶ ὁ βέλτιστος Περεγρῖνος — ἔτι γὰρ τοῦτο ἐκαλεῖτο — καινὸς Σωκράτης ὑπʼ αὐτῶν ὠνομάζετο.
13. “Indeed, people came even from the cities in Asia, sent by the Christians at their common expense, to succour and defend and encourage the hero. They show incredible speed whenever any such public action is taken; for in no time they lavish their all. So it was then in the case of Peregrinus; much money came to him from them by reason of his imprisonment, and he procured not a little revenue from it. The poor wretches have convinced themselves, first and foremost, that they are going to be immortal and live for all time, in consequence of which they despise death and even willingly give themselves into custody, most of them. Furthermore, their first lawgiver persuaded them that they are all brothers of one another after they have transgressed once for all by denying the Greek gods and by worshipping that crucified sophist himself and living under his laws. Therefore they despise all things indiscriminately and consider them common property, receiving such doctrines traditionally without any definite evidence. So if any charlatan and trickster, able to profit by occasions, comes among them, he quickly acquires sudden wealth by imposing upon simple folk.
13. καὶ μὴν κἀκ τῶν ἐν Ἀσίᾳ πόλεων ἔστιν ὧν ἧκόν τινες, τῶν Χριστιανῶν στελλόντων ἀπὸ τοῦ κοινοῦ, βοηθήσοντες καὶ συναγορεύσοντες καὶ παραμυθησόμενοι τὸν ἄνδρα. ἀμήχανον δέ τι τὸ τάχος ἐπιδείκνυνται, ἐπειδάν τι τοιοῦτον γένηται δημόσιον· ἐν βραχεῖ γὰρ ἀφειδοῦσι πάντων. καὶ δὴ καὶ τῷ Περεγρίνῳ πολλὰ τότε ἧκεν χρήματα παρʼ αὐτῶν ἐπὶ προφάσει τῶν δεσμῶν, καὶ πρόσοδον οὐ μικρὰν ταύτην ἐποιήσατο. πεπείκασι γὰρ αὑτοὺς οἱ κακοδαίμονες τὸ μὲν ὅλον ἀθάνατοι ἔσεσθαι καὶ βιώσεσθαι τὸν ἀεὶ χρόνον, παρʼ ὃ καὶ καταφρονοῦσιν τοῦ θανάτου καὶ ἑκόντες αὑτοὺς ἐπιδιδόασιν οἱ πολλοί. ἔπειτα δὲ ὁ νομοθέτης ὁ πρῶτος ἔπεισεν αὐτοὺς ὡς ἀδελφοὶ πάντες εἶεν ἀλλήλων, ἐπειδὰν ἅπαξ παραβάντες θεοὺς μὲν τοὺς Ἑλληνικοὺς ἀπαρνήσωνται, τὸν δὲ ἀνεσκολοπισμένον ἐκεῖνον σοφιστὴν αὐτὸν προσκυνῶσιν καὶ κατὰ τοὺς ἐκείνου νόμους βιῶσιν. καταφρονοῦσιν οὖν ἁπάντων ἐξ ἴσης καὶ κοινὰ ἡγοῦνται, ἄνευ τινὸς ἀκριβοῦς πίστεως τὰ τοιαῦτα παραδεξάμενοι. ἢν τοίνυν παρέλθῃ τις εἰς αὐτοὺς γόης καὶ τεχνίτης ἄνθρωπος καὶ πράγμασιν χρῆσθαι δυνάμενος, αὐτίκα μάλα πλούσιος ἐν βραχεῖ ἐγένετο ἰδιώταις ἀνθρώποις ἐγχανών.
14. “However, Peregrinus was freed by the then governor of Syria, a man who was fond of philosophy.. Aware of his recklessness and that he would gladly die in order that he might leave behind him a reputation for it, he freed him, not considering him worthy even of the usual chastisement. Upon returning to his home, he found that the matter of his father’s murder was still at fever heat and that there were many who were for pressing the charge against him. Most of his possessions had been carried off during his absence, and only his farms remained, amounting to fifteen talents; for the entire property which the old man left had been worth perhaps thirty talents, not five thousand as that utterly ridiculous Theagenes asserted. Even the entire city of Parium, taking along with it the five that are its neighbours, would not fetch that much, including the men, the cattle, and all the rest of their belongings.
14. πλὴν ἀλλʼ ὁ Περεγρῖνος ἀφείθη ὑπὸ τοῦ τότε τῆς Συρίας ἄρχοντος, ἀνδρὸς φιλοσοφίᾳ χαίροντος, ὃς συνεὶς τὴν ἀπόνοιαν αὐτοῦ καὶ ὅτι δέξαιτʼ ἂν ἀποθανεῖν ὡς δόξαν ἐπὶ τούτῳ ἀπολίποι, ἀφῆκεν αὐτὸν οὐδὲ τῆς κολάσεως ὑπολαβὼν ἄξιον. ὁ δὲ εἰς τὴν οἰκείαν ἐπανελθὼν καταλαμβάνει τὸ περὶ τοῦ πατρῴου φόνου ἔτι φλεγμαῖνον καὶ πολλοὺς τοὺς ἐπανατεινομένους τὴν κατηγορίαν. διήρπαστο δὲ τὰ πλεῖστα τῶν κτημάτων παρὰ τὴν ἀποδημίαν αὐτοῦ καὶ μόνοι ὑπελείποντο οἱ ἀγροὶ ὅσον εἰς πεντεκαίδεκα τάλαντα. ἦν γὰρ ἡ πᾶσα οὐσία τριάκοντά που ταλάντων ἀξία ἣν ὁ γέρων κατέλιπεν, οὐχ ὥσπερ ὁ παγγέλοιος Θεαγένης ἔλεγε πεντακισχιλίων· τοσούτου γὰρ οὐδὲ ἡ πᾶσα τῶν Παριανῶν πόλις πέντε σὺν αὐτῇ τὰς γειτνιώσας παραλαβοῦσα πραθείη ἂν αὐτοῖς ἀνθρώποις καὶ βοσκήμασιν καὶ τῇ λοιπῇ παρασκευῇ.
15. “However, the charge and complaint was still aglow, and it was probable that before long somebody would appear against him; above all, the people themselves were enraged, mourning over a good old man (as he was called by those who had seen him) so impiously slain. But observe what a plan our clever Proteus discovered to cope with all this, and how he escaped the danger. Coming before the assembly of the Parians—he wore his hair long by now, dressed in a dirty mantle, had a wallet slung at his side, the staff was in his hand, and in general he was very histrionic in his get-up—manifesting himself to them in this guise, he said that he relinquished to the state all the property which had been left him by his father of blessed memory. When the people, poor folk agape for largesses, heard that, they lifted their voices forthwith: ‘The one and only philosopher! The one and only patriot! The one and only rival of Diogenes and Crates!’ His enemies were muzzled, and anyone who tried to mention the murder was at once pelted with stones.
15. ἀλλʼ ἔτι γε ἡ κατηγορία καὶ τὸ ἔγκλημα θερμὸν ἦν, καὶ ἐῴκει οὐκ εἰς μακρὰν ἐπαναστήσεσθαί τις αὐτῷ, καὶ μάλιστα ὁ δῆμος αὐτὸς ἠγανάκτει, χρηστόν, ὡς ἔφασαν οἱ ἰδόντες, γέροντα πενθοῦντες οὕτως ἀσεβῶς ἀπολωλότα. ὁ δὲ σοφὸς οὗτος Πρωτεὺς πρὸς ἅπαντα ταῦτα σκέψασθε οἷόν τι ἐξεῦρεν καὶ ὅπως τὸν κίνδυνον διέφυγεν. παρελθὼν γὰρ εἰς τὴν ἐκκλησίαν τῶν Παριανῶν — ἐκόμα δὲ ἤδη καὶ τρίβωνα πιναρὸν ἠμπείχετο καὶ πήραν παρήρτητο καὶ τὸ ξύλον ἐν τῇ χειρὶ ἦν, καὶ ὅλως μάλα τραγικῶς ἐσκεύαστο — τοιοῦτος οὖν ἐπιφανεὶς αὐτοῖς ἀφεῖναι ἔφη τὴν οὐσίαν ἣν ὁ μακαρίτης πατὴρ αὐτῷ κατέλιπεν δημοσίαν εἶναι πᾶσαν. τοῦτο ὡς ἤκουσεν ὁ δῆμος, πένητες ἄνθρωποι καὶ πρὸς διανομὰς κεχηνότες, ἀνέκραγον εὐθὺς ἕνα φιλόσοφον, ἕνα φιλόπατριν, ἕνα Διογένους καὶ Κράτητος ζηλωτήν. οἱ δὲ ἐχθροὶ ἐπεφίμωντο, κἂν εἴ τις ἐπιχειρήσειεν μεμνῆσθαι τοῦ φόνου, λίθοις εὐθὺς ἐβάλλετο.
16. “He left home, then, for the second time, to roam about, possessing an ample source of funds in the Christians, through whose ministrations he lived in unalloyed prosperity. For a time he battened himself thus; but then, after he had transgressed in some way even against them—he was seen, I think, eating some of the food that is forbidden them — they no longer accepted him, and so, being at a loss, he thought he must sing a palinode and demand his possessions back from his city. Submitting a petition, he expected to recover them by order of the Emperor. Then, as the city sent representatives to oppose the claim, he achieved nothing, but was directed to abide by what he had once for all determined, under no compulsion from anyone.
16. ἐξῄει οὖν τὸ δεύτερον πλανησόμενος, ἱκανὰ ἐφόδια τοὺς Χριστιανοὺς ἔχων, ὑφʼ ὧν δορυφορούμενος ἐν ἅπασιν ἀφθόνοις ἦν. καὶ χρόνον μέν τινα οὕτως ἐβόσκετο· εἶτα παρανομήσας τι καὶ ἐς ἐκείνους — ὤφθη γάρ τι, ὡς οἶμαι, ἐσθίων τῶν ἀπορρήτων αὐτοῖς — οὐκέτι προσιεμένων αὐτὸν ἀπορούμενος ἐκ παλινῳδίας ἀπαιτεῖν ᾤετο δεῖν παρὰ τῆς πόλεως τὰ κτήματα, καὶ γραμματεῖον ἐπιδοὺς ἠξίου ταῦτα κομίσασθαι κελεύσαντος βασιλέως. εἶτα τῆς πόλεως ἀντιπρεσβευσαμένης οὐδὲν ἐπράχθη, ἀλλʼ ἐμμένειν ἐκελεύσθη οἷς ἅπαξ διέγνω μηδενὸς καταναγκάσαντος.
17. “Thereafter he went away a third time, to Egypt, to visit Agathobulus, where he took that wonderful course of training in asceticism, shaving one half of his head, daubing his face with mud, and demonstrating what they call‘indifference’ by erecting his notorious indifference of the Cynics towards what they ate. Peregrinus may have signalised his relapse to Cynicism by sampling a “dinner of Hecate” at the cross-roads. yard amid a thronging mob of bystanders, besides giving and taking blows on the back-sides with a stalk of fennel, and playing the mountebank even more audaciously in many other ways.
17. τρίτη ἐπὶ τούτοις ἀποδημία εἰς Αἴγυπτον παρὰ τὸν Ἀγαθόβουλον, ἵναπερ τὴν θαυμαστὴν ἄσκησιν διησκεῖτο, ξυρόμενος μὲν τῆς κεφαλῆς τὸ ἥμισυ, χριόμενος δὲ πηλῷ τὸ πρόσωπον, ἐν πολλῷ δὲ τῶν περιεστώτων δήμῳ ἀναφλῶν τὸ αἰδοῖον καὶ τὸ ἀδιάφορον δὴ τοῦτο καλούμενον ἐπιδεικνύμενος, εἶτα παίων καὶ παιόμενος νάρθηκι εἰς τὰς πυγὰς καὶ ἄλλα πολλὰ νεανικώτερα θαυματοποιῶν.
18. “From there, thus equipped, he set sail for Italy and immediately after disembarking he fell to abusing everyone, and in particular the Emperor, knowing him to be mild and gentle, so that he was safe in making bold. The Emperor, as one would expect, cared little for his libels and did not think fit to punish for mere words a man who only used philosophy as a cloak, and above all, a man who had made a profession of abusiveness. But in our friend’s case, even from this his reputation grew, among simple folk anyhow, and he was a cynosure for his recklessness, until finally the city prefect, a wise man, packed him off for immoderate indulgence in the thing, saying that the city had no need of any such philosopher. However, this too made for his renown, and he was on everybody’s lips as the philosopher who had been banished for his frankness and excessive freedom, so that in this respect he approached Musonius, Dio, Epictetus, and anyone else who has been in a similar predicament.
18. ἐκεῖθεν δὲ οὕτω παρεσκευασμένος ἐπὶ Ἰταλίας ἔπλευσεν καὶ ἀποβὰς τῆς νεὼς εὐθὺς ἐλοιδορεῖτο πᾶσι, καὶ μάλιστα τῷ βασιλεῖ, πρᾳότατον αὐτὸν καὶ ἡμερώτατον εἰδώς, ὥστε ἀσφαλῶς ἐτόλμα· ἐκείνῳ γάρ, ὡς εἰκός, ὀλίγον ἔμελεν τῶν βλασφημιῶν καὶ οὐκ ἠξίου τὴν φιλοσοφίαν ὑποδυόμενόν τινα κολάζειν ἐπὶ ῥήμασι καὶ μάλιστα τέχνην τινὰ τὸ λοιδορεῖσθαι πεποιημένον. τούτῳ δὲ καὶ ἀπὸ τούτων τὰ τῆς δόξης ηὐξάνετο, παρὰ γοῦν τοῖς ἰδιώταις, καὶ περίβλεπτος ἦν ἐπὶ τῇ ἀπονοίᾳ, μέχρι δὴ ὁ τὴν πόλιν ἐπιτετραμμένος ἀνὴρ σοφὸς ἀπέπεμψεν αὐτὸν ἀμέτρως ἐντρυφῶντα τῷ πράγματι, εἰπὼν μὴ δεῖσθαι τὴν πόλιν τοιούτου φιλοσόφου. πλὴν ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῦτο κλεινὸν αὐτοῦ καὶ διὰ στόματος ἦν ἅπασιν, ὁ φιλόσοφος διὰ τὴν παρρησίαν καὶ τὴν ἄγαν ἐλευθερίαν ἐξελαθείς, καὶ προσήλαυνε κατὰ τοῦτο τῷ Μουσωνίῳ καὶ Δίωνι καὶ Ἐπικτήτῳ καὶ εἴ τις ἄλλος ἐν περιστάσει τοιαύτῃ ἐγένετο.
19. “Coming at last to Greece under these circumstances, at one moment he abused the Eleans, at another he counselled the Greeks to take up arms against the Romans, and at another he libelled a man outstanding in literary attainments and position because he had been a benefactor to Greece in many ways, and particularly because he had brought water to Olympia and prevented the visitors to the festival from dying of thirst, maintaining that he was making the Greeks effeminate, for the spectators of the Olympic games ought to endure their thirst—yes, by Heaven, and even to lose their lives, no doubt, many of them, through the frequent distempers which formerly ran riot in the vast crowd on account of the dryness of the place! And he said this while he drank that same water! When they almost killed him with stones, mobbing him with one accord, he managed to escape death at the moment by fleeing to Zeus for sanctuary (stout fellow!), and afterwards, at the next Olympiad, he gave the Greeks a speech which he had composed during the four years that had intervened, praising the man who had brought in the water and defending himself for running away at that time.
19. οὕτω δὴ ἐπὶ τὴν Ἑλλάδα ἐλθὼν ἄρτι μὲν Ἠλείοις ἐλοιδορεῖτο, ἄρτι δὲ τοὺς Ἕλληνας ἔπειθεν ἀντάρασθαι ὅπλα Ῥωμαίοις, ἄρτι δὲ ἄνδρα παιδείᾳ καὶ ἀξιώματι προὔχοντα, διότι καὶ ἐν τοῖς ἄλλοις εὖ ἐποίησεν τὴν Ἑλλάδα καὶ ὕδωρ ἐπήγαγεν τῇ Ὀλυμπίᾳ καὶ ἔπαυσε δίψει ἀπολλυμένους τοὺς πανηγυριστάς, κακῶς ἠγόρευεν ὡς καταθηλύναντα τοὺς Ἕλληνας, δέον τοὺς θεατὰς τῶν Ὀλυμπίων διακαρτερεῖν διψῶντας καὶ νὴ Δία γε καὶ ἀποθνήσκειν πολλοὺς αὐτῶν ὑπὸ σφοδρῶν τῶν νόσων, αἳ τέως διὰ τὸ ξηρὸν τοῦ χωρίου ἐν πολλῷ τῷ πλήθει ἐπεπόλαζον. καὶ ταῦτα ἔλεγε πίνων τοῦ αὐτοῦ ὕδατος. ὡς δὲ μικροῦ κατέλευσαν αὐτὸν ἐπιδραμόντες ἅπαντες, τότε μὲν ἐπὶ τὸν Δία καταφυγὼν ὁ γενναῖος εὕρετο μὴ ἀποθανεῖν, ἐς δὲ τὴν ἑξῆς Ὀλυμπιάδα λόγον τινὰ διὰ τεττάρων ἐτῶν συνθεὶς τῶν διὰ μέσου ἐξήνεγκε πρὸς τοὺς Ἕλληνας, ἔπαινον ὑπὲρ τοῦ τὸ ὕδωρ ἐπαγαγόντος καὶ ἀπολογίαν ὑπὲρ τῆς τότε φυγῆς.
20. “At last he was disregarded by all and no longer so admired; for all his stuff was stale and he could not turn out any further novelty with which to surprise those who came in his way and make them marvel and stare at him—a thing for which he had a fierce craving from the first. So he devised this ultimate venture of the pyre, and spread a report among the Greeks immediately after the last Olympic games that he would burn himself up at the next festival.
20. ἤδη δὲ ἀμελούμενος ὑφʼ ἁπάντων καὶ μηκέθʼ ὁμοίως περίβλεπτος ὤν — ἕωλα γὰρ ἦν ἅπαντα καὶ οὐδὲν ἔτι καινουργεῖν ἐδύνατο ἐφʼ ὅτῳ ἐκπλήξει τοὺς ἐντυγχάνοντας καὶ θαυμάζειν καὶ πρὸς αὐτὸν ἀποβλέπειν ποιήσει, οὗπερ ἐξ ἀρχῆς δριμύν τινα ἔρωτα ἐρῶν ἐτύγχανεν — τὸ τελευταῖον τοῦτο τόλμημα ἐβουλεύσατο περὶ τῆς πυρᾶς, καὶ διέδωκε λόγον ἐς τοὺς Ἕλληνας εὐθὺς ἀπʼ Ὀλυμπίων τῶν ἔμπροσθεν ὡς ἐς τοὐπιὸν καύσων ἑαυτόν.
21. And now, they say, he is playing the mountebank over that very thing, digging a pit, collecting logs, and promising really awesome fortitude. “What he should have done, I think, was first and foremost to await death and not to cut and run from life; but if he had determined to be off at all costs, not to use fire or any of these devices out of tragedy, but to choose for his departure some other form of death out of the myriads that there are. If, however, he is partial to fire as something connected with Heracles,. why in the world did he not quietly select a wellwooded mountain and cremate himself upon it in solitude, taking along only one person such as Theagenes here for his Philoctetes? On the contrary, it is in Olympia, at the height of the festival, all but in the theatre, that he plans to roast himself— not undeservedly, by Heracles, if it is right for parricides and for atheists to suffer for their hardinesses. And from that point of view he seems to be getting about it very late in the day; he ought long ago to have been flung into the bull of Phalaris to pay the fitting penalty instead of opening his mouth to the flames once for all and expiring in a trice. For people tell me that no other form of death is quicker than that by fire; you have only to open your mouth, and die forthwith.
21. καὶ νῦν αὐτὰ ταῦτα θαυματοποιεῖ, ὥς φασι, βόθρον ὀρύττων καὶ ξύλα συγκομίζων καὶ δεινήν τινα τὴν καρτερίαν ὑπισχνούμενος. ἐχρῆν δέ, οἶμαι, μάλιστα μὲν περιμένειν τὸν θάνατον καὶ μὴ δραπετεύειν ἐκ τοῦ βίου· εἰ δὲ καὶ πάντως διέγνωστό οἱ ἀπαλλάττεσθαι, μὴ πυρὶ μηδὲ τοῖς ἀπὸ τῆς τραγῳδίας τούτοις χρῆσθαι, ἀλλʼ ἕτερόν τινα θανάτου τρόπον, μυρίων ὄντων, ἑλόμενον ἀπελθεῖν. εἰ δὲ καὶ τὸ πῦρ ὡς Ἡράκλειόν τι ἀσπάζεται, τί δή ποτε οὐχὶ κατὰ σιγὴν ἑλόμενος ὄρος εὔδενδρον ἐν ἐκείνῳ ἑαυτὸν ἐνέπρησεν μόνος, ἕνα τινὰ οἷον Θεαγένη τοῦτον Φιλοκτήτην παραλαβών; ὁ δὲ ἐν Ὀλυμπίᾳ τῆς πανηγύρεως πληθούσης μόνον οὐκ ἐπὶ σκηνῆς ὀπτήσει ἑαυτόν, οὐκ ἀνάξιος ὤν, μὰ τὸν Ἡρακλέα, εἴ γε χρὴ καὶ τοὺς πατραλοίας καὶ τοὺς ἀθέους δίκας διδόναι τῶν τολμημάτων. καὶ κατὰ τοῦτο πάνυ ὀψὲ δρᾶν αὐτὸ ἔοικεν, ὃν ἐχρῆν πάλαι ἐς τὸν τοῦ Φαλάριδος ταῦρον ἐμπεσόντα τὴν ἀξίαν ἀποτετικέναι, ἀλλὰ μὴ ἅπαξ χανόντα πρὸς τὴν φλόγα ἐν ἀκαρεῖ τεθνάναι. καὶ γὰρ αὖ καὶ τόδε οἱ πολλοί μοι λέγουσιν, ὡς οὐδεὶς ὀξύτερος ἄλλος θανάτου τρόπος τοῦ διὰ πυρός· ἀνοῖξαι γὰρ δεῖ μόνον τὸ στόμα καὶ αὐτίκα τεθνάναι.
22. “The spectacle is being planned, I suppose, as Something awe-inspiring—a fellow getting burnt up in a holy place where it is impious even to bury the others who die. But you have heard, no doubt, that long ago a man who wished to become famous burned the temple of Ephesian Artemis, not being able to attain that end in any other way. He himself has something similar in mind, so great is the craving for fame that has penetrated him to the core.
22. τὸ μέντοι θέαμα ἐπινοεῖται, οἶμαι, ὡς σεμνόν, ἐν ἱερῷ χωρίῳ καιόμενος ἄνθρωπος, ἔνθα μηδὲ θάπτειν ὅσιον τοὺς ἄλλους ἀποθνήσκοντας. ἀκούετε δέ, οἶμαι, ὡς καὶ πάλαι θέλων τις ἔνδοξος γενέσθαι, ἐπεὶ κατʼ ἄλλον τρόπον οὐκ εἶχεν ἐπιτυχεῖν τούτου, ἐνέπρησε τῆς Ἐφεσίας Ἀρτέμιδος τὸν νεών. τοιοῦτόν τι καὶ αὐτὸς ἐπινοεῖ, τοσοῦτος ἔρως τῆς δόξης ἐντέτηκεν αὐτῷ.