1. Timon: O Zeus, thou arbiter of friendship, protector of the guest, preserver of fellowship, lord of the hearth, launcher of the lightning, avenger of oaths, compeller of clouds, utterer of thunder (and pray add any other epithets; those cracked poets have plenty ready, especially when they are in difficulties with” their scansion; then it is that a string of your names saves the situation and fills up the metrical gaps), O Zeus, where is now your resplendent lightning, where your deep-toned thunder, where the glowing, white-hot, direful bolt? we know now ’tis all fudge and poetic moonshine—barring what value may attach to the rattle of the names. That renowned projectile of yours, which ranged so far and was so ready to your hand, has gone dead and cold, it seems; never a spark left in it to scorch iniquity.
1. Τίμων: Ὦ Ζεῦ φίλιε καὶ ξένιε καὶ ἑταιρεῖε καὶ ἐφέστιε καὶ ἀστεροπητὰ καὶ ὅρκιε καὶ νεφεληγερέτα καὶ ἐρίγδουπε καὶ εἴ τί σε ἄλλο οἱ ἐμβρόντητοι ποιηταὶ καλοῦσι, — καὶ μάλιστα ὅταν ἀπορῶσι πρὸς τὰ μέτρα· τότε γὰρ αὐτοῖς πολυώνυμος γινόμενος ὑπερείδεις τὸ πῖπτον τοῦ μέτρου καὶ ἀναπληροῖς τὸ κεχηνὸς τοῦ ῥυθμοῦ — ποῦ σοι νῦν ἡ ἐρισμάραγος ἀστραπὴ καὶ ἡ βαρύβρομος βροντὴ καὶ ὁ αἰθαλόεις καὶ ἀργήεις καὶ σμερδαλέος κεραυνός; ἅπαντα γὰρ ταῦτα λῆρος ἤδη ἀναπέφηνε καὶ καπνὸς ἀτεχνῶς ποιητικὸς ἔξω τοῦ πατάγου τῶν ὀνομάτων. τὸ δὲ ἀοίδιμόν σοι καὶ ἑκηβόλον ὅπλον καὶ πρόχειρον οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως τελέως ἀπέσβη καὶ ψυχρόν ἐστι, μηδὲ ὀλίγον σπινθῆρα ὀργῆς κατὰ τῶν ἀδικούντων διαφυλάττον.
2. Timon: If men are meditating perjury, a smouldering lamp-wick is as likely to frighten them off it as the omnipotent’s levin-bolt; the brand you hold over them is one from which they see neither flame nor smoke can come; a little soot-grime is the worst that need be apprehended from a touch of it. No wonder if Salmoneus challenged you to a thundering-match; he was reasonable enough when he backed his artificial heat against so cooltempered a Zeus. Of course he was; there are you in your opiate-trance, never hearing the perjurers nor casting a glance at criminals, your glazed eyes dull to all that happens, and your ears as deaf as a dotard’s.
2. Τίμων: θᾶττον γοῦν τῶν ἐπιορκεῖν τις ἐπιχειρούντων ἕωλον θρυαλλίδα φοβηθείη ἂν ἢ τὴν τοῦ πανδαμάτορος κεραυνοῦ φλόγα· οὕτω δαλόν τινα ἐπανατείνεσθαι δοκεῖς αὐτοῖς, ὡς πῦρ μὲν ἢ καπνὸν ἀπʼ αὐτοῦ μὴ δεδιέναι, μόνον δὲ τοῦτο οἴεσθαι ἀπολαύειν τοῦ τραύματος, ὅτι ἀναπλησθήσονται τῆς ἀσβόλου. ὥστε ἤδη διὰ ταῦτά σοι καὶ ὁ Σαλμωνεὺς ἀντιβροντᾶν ἐτόλμα, οὐ πάνυ τι ἀπίθανος ὤν, πρὸς οὕτω ψυχρὸν τὴν ὀργὴν Δία θερμουργὸς ἀνὴρ μεγαλαυχούμενος. πῶς γὰρ οὐ; ὅπου γε καθάπερ ὑπὸ μανδραγόρᾳ καθεύδεις, ὃς οὔτε τῶν ἐπιορκούντων ἀκούεις οὔτε τοὺς ἀδικοῦντας ἐπισκοπεῖς, λημᾷς δὲ καὶ ἀμβλυώττεις πρὸς τὰ γινόμενα καὶ τὰ ὦτα ἐκκεκώφησαι καθάπερ οἱ παρηβηκότες.
3. Timon: When you were young and keen, and your temper had some life in it, you used to bestir yourself against crime and violence; there were no armistices in those days; the thunderbolt was always hard at it, the aegis quivering, the thunder rattling, the lightning engaged in a perpetual skirmish. Earth was shaken like a sieve, buried in snow, bombarded with hail. It rained cats and dogs (if you will pardon my familiarity), and every shower was a waterspout. Why, in Deucalion’s time, hey presto, everything was swamped, mankind went under, and just one little ark was saved, stranding on the top of Lycoreus and preserving a remnant of human seed for the generation of greater wickedness.
3. Τίμων: ἐπεὶ νέος γε ἔτι καὶ ὀξύθυμος ὢν καὶ ἀκμαῖος τὴν ὀργὴν πολλὰ κατὰ τῶν ἀδίκων καὶ βιαίων ἐποίεις καὶ οὐδέποτε ἦγες τότε πρὸς αὐτοὺς ἐκεχειρίαν, ἀλλʼ ἀεὶ ἐνεργὸς πάντως ὁ κεραυνὸς ἦν καὶ ἡ αἰγὶς ἐπεσείετο καὶ ἡ βροντὴ ἐπαταγεῖτο καὶ ἡ ἀστραπὴ συνεχὲς ὥσπερ εἰς ἀκροβολισμὸν προηκοντίζετο· οἱ σεισμοὶ δὲ κοσκινηδὸν καὶ ἡ χιὼν σωρηδὸν καὶ ἡ χάλαζα πετρηδόν, ἵνα σοι φορτικῶς διαλέγωμαι, ὑετοί τε ῥαγδαῖοι καὶ βίαιοι, ποταμὸς ἑκάστη σταγών· ὥστε τηλικαύτη ἐν ἀκαρεῖ χρόνου ναυαγία ἐπὶ τοῦ Δευκαλίωνος ἐγένετο, ὡς ὑποβρυχίων ἁπάντων καταδεδυκότων μόγις ἕν τι κιβώτιον περισωθῆναι προσοκεῖλαν τῷ Λυκωρεῖ ζώπυρόν τι τοῦ ἀνθρωπίνου σπέρματος διαφυλάττον εἰς ἐπιγονὴν κακίας μείζονος.
4. Timon: Mankind pays you the natural wages of your laziness; if any one offers you a victim or a garland nowadays, it is only at Olympia as a perfunctory accompaniment of the games; he does it not because he thinks it is any good, but because he may as well keep up an old custom. It will not be long, most glorious of deities, before they serve you as you served Cronus, and depose you. I will not rehearse all the robberies of your temple—those are trifles; but they have laid hands on your person at Olympia, my lord High-Thunderer, and you had not the energy to wake the dogs or call in the neighbours; surely they might have come to the rescue and caught the fellows — before they had finished packing up the swag.: But there sat the bold Giant-slayer and Titan-conqueror letting them cut his hair, with 3 a fifteen-foot thunderbolt in his hand all the time! My good sir, when is this careless indifference to cease? how long before you will punish such wickedness? Phaethon-falls and Deucalion-deluges—a good many of them will be required to suppress this swelling human insolence.
4. Τίμων: τοιγάρτοι ἀκόλουθα τῆς ῥᾳθυμίας τἀπίχειρα κομίζῃ παρʼ αὐτῶν, οὔτε θύοντος ἔτι σοί τινος οὔτε στεφανοῦντος, εἰ μή τις ἄρα πάρεργον Ὀλυμπίων, καὶ οὗτος οὐ πάνυ ἀναγκαῖα ποιεῖν δοκῶν, ἀλλʼ εἰς ἔθος τι ἀρχαῖον συντελῶν· καὶ κατʼ ὀλίγον Κρόνον σε, ὦ θεῶν γενναιότατε, ἀποφαίνουσι, παρωσάμενοι τῆς τιμῆς. ἐῶ λέγειν, ποσάκις ἤδη σου τὸν νεὼν σεσυλήκασιν· οἱ δὲ καὶ αὐτῷ σοὶ τὰς χεῖρας Ὀλυμπίασιν ἐπιβεβλήκασι, καὶ σὺ ὁ ὑψιβρεμέτης ὤκνησας ἢ ἀναστῆσαι τοὺς κύνας ἢ τοὺς γείτονας ἐπικαλέσασθαι, ὡς βοηδρομήσαντες αὐτοὺς συλλάβοιεν ἔτι συσκευαζομένους πρὸς τὴν φυγήν· ἀλλʼ ὁ γενναῖος καὶ Γιγαντολέτωρ καὶ Τιτανοκράτωρ ἐκάθησο τοὺς πλοκάμους περικειρόμενος ὑπʼ αὐτῶν, δεκάπηχυν κεραυνὸν ἔχων ἐν τῇ δεξιᾷ. ταῦτα τοίνυν, ὦ θαυμάσιε, πηνίκα παύσεται οὕτως ἀμελῶς παρορώμενα; ἢ πότε κολάσεις τὴν τοσαύτην ἀδικίαν; πόσοι Φαέθοντες ἢ Δευκαλίωνες ἱκανοὶ πρὸς οὕτως ὑπέραντλον ὕβριν τοῦ βίου;
5. Timon: To leave generalities and illustrate from my own case—I have raised any number of Athenians to high position, I have turned poor men into rich, I have assisted every one that was in want, nay, flung my wealth broadcast in the service of my friends, and now that profusion has brought me to beggary, they do not so much as know me; I cannot get a glance from the men who once cringed and worshipped and hung upon my nod. If I meet one of them in the street, he passes me by as he might pass the tombstone of one long dead; it has fallen face upwards, loosened by time, but he wastes no moment deciphering it. Another will take the next turning when he sees me in the distance; I am a sight of ill omen, to be shunned by the man whose saviour and benefactor I had been not so long ago.
5. Τίμων: ἵνα γὰρ τὰ κοινὰ ἐάσας τἀμὰ εἴπω, τοσούτους Ἀθηναίων εἰς ὕψος ἄρας καὶ πλουσίους ἐκ πενεστάτων ἀποφήνας καὶ πᾶσι τοῖς δεομένοις ἐπικουρήσας, μᾶλλον δὲ ἀθρόον εἰς εὐεργεσίαν τῶν φίλων ἐκχέας τὸν πλοῦτον, ἐπειδὴ πένης διὰ ταῦτα ἐγενόμην, οὐκέτι οὐδὲ γνωρίζομαι πρὸς αὐτῶν οὐδὲ προσβλέπουσιν οἱ τέως ὑποπτήσσοντες καὶ προσκυνοῦντες κἀκ τοῦ ἐμοῦ νεύματος ἀπηρτημένοι, ἀλλʼ ἤν που καὶ ὁδῷ βαδίζων ἐντύχω τινὶ αὐτῶν, ὥσπερ τινὰ στήλην παλαιοῦ νεκροῦ ὑπτίαν ὑπὸ τοῦ χρόνου ἀνατετραμμένην παρέρχονται μηδὲ ἀναγνόντες. οἱ δὲ καὶ πόρρωθεν ἰδόντες ἑτέραν ἐκτρέπονται δυσάντητον καὶ ἀποτρόπαιον θέαμα ὄψεσθαι ὑπολαμβάνοντες τὸν οὐ πρὸ πολλοῦ σωτῆρα καὶ εὐεργέτην αὐτῶν γεγενημένον.
6. Timon: Thus in disgrace with fortune, I have betaken me to this corner of the earth, where I wear the smock-frock and dig for sixpence a day, with solitude and my spade to assist meditation. So much gain I reckon upon here—to be exempt from contemplating unmerited prosperity; no sight that so offends the eye as that. And now, Son of Cronus and Rhea, may I ask you to shake off that deep sound sleep of yours—why, Epimenides’s was a mere nap to it—, put the bellows to your thunderbolt or warm it up in Etna, get it into a good blaze, and give a display of spirit, like a manly vigorous Zeus? or are we to believe the Cretans, who show your grave among their sights?...
6. Τίμων: ὥστε ὑπὸ τῶν κακῶν ἐπὶ ταύτην τὴν ἐσχατιὰν τραπόμενος ἐναψάμενος διφθέραν ἐργάζομαι τὴν γῆν ὑπόμισθος ὀβολῶν τεττάρων, τῇ ἐρημίᾳ καὶ τῇ δικέλλῃ προσφιλοσοφῶν. ἐνταῦθα τοῦτο γοῦν μοι δοκῶ κερδανεῖν, μηκέτι ὄψεσθαι πολλοὺς παρὰ τὴν ἀξίαν εὖ πράττοντας· ἀνιαρότερον γὰρ τοῦτό γε. ἤδη ποτὲ οὖν, ὦ Κρόνου καὶ Ῥέας υἱέ, τὸν βαθὺν τοῦτον ὕπνον ἀποσεισάμενος καὶ νήδυμον — ὑπὲρ τὸν Ἐπιμενίδην γὰρ κεκοίμησαι — καὶ ἀναρριπίσας τὸν κεραυνὸν ἢ ἐκ τῆς Αἴτνης ἐναυσάμενος μεγάλην ποιήσας τὴν φλόγα ἐπιδείξαιό τινα χολὴν ἀνδρώδους καὶ νεανικοῦ Διός, εἰ μὴ ἀληθῆ ἐστι τὰ ὑπὸ Κρητῶν περὶ σοῦ καὶ τῆς ἐκεῖ ταφῆς μυθολογούμενα.
7. Zeus: Hermes, who is that calling out from Attica? there, on the lower slopes of Hymettus—a grimy squalid fellow in a smock-frock; he is bending over a spade or something; but he has a tongue in his head, and is not afraid to use it. He must be a philosopher, to judge from his fluent blasphemy.
7. Ζεύς: τίς οὗτός ἐστιν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, ὁ κεκραγὼς ἐκ τῆς Ἀττικῆς παρὰ τὸν Ὑμηττὸν ἐν τῇ ὑπωρείᾳ πιναρὸς ὅλος καὶ αὐχμῶν καὶ ὑποδίφθερος; σκάπτει δὲ οἶμαι ἐπικεκυφώς· λάλος ἄνθρωπος καὶ θρασύς. ἦ που φιλόσοφός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἂν οὕτως ἀσεβεῖς τοὺς λόγους διεξῄει καθʼ ἡμῶν.
Hermes: What, father! have you forgotten Timon—son of Echecratides, of Collytus? many is the time he has feasted us on unexceptionable victims; the rich parvenu of the whole hecatombs, you know, who used to do us so well at the Diasia.
Ἑρμῆς: τί φής, ὦ πάτερ; ἀγνοεῖς Τίμωνα τὸν Ἐχεκρατίδου τὸν Κολλυτέα; οὗτός ἐστιν ὁ πολλάκις ἡμᾶς καθʼ ἱερῶν τελείων ἑστιάσας, ὁ νεόπλουτος, ὁ τὰς ὅλας ἑκατόμβας, παρʼ ᾧ λαμπρῶς ἑορτάζειν εἰώθαμεν τὰ Διάσια.
Zeus: Dear, dear, quantum mutatus! is this the admired, the rich, the popular? What has brought him to this pass? There he is in filth and misery, digging for hire, labouring at that ponderous spade.
Ζεύς: φεῦ τῆς ἀλλαγῆς· ὁ καλὸς ἐκεῖνος, ὁ πλούσιος, περὶ ὃν οἱ τοσοῦτοι φίλοι; τί παθὼν οὖν τοιοῦτός ἐστιν, αὐχμηρός, ἄθλιος, καὶ σκαπανεὺς καὶ μισθωτός, ὡς ἔοικεν, οὕτω βαρεῖαν καταφέρων τὴν δίκελλαν;
8. Hermes: Why, if you like to put it so, it was kindness and generosity and universal compassion that ruined him; but it would be nearer the truth to call him a fool and a simpleton and a blunderer; he did not realize that his protégés were carrion crows and wolves; vultures were feeding on his unfortunate liver, and he took them for friends and good comrades, showing a fine appetite just to please him. So they gnawed his bones perfectly clean, sucked oyt with great precision any marrow there might be in them, and went off, leaving him as dry as a tree whose roots have been severed; and now they do not know him or vouchsafe him a nod—no such fools—, nor ever think of showing him charity or repaying his gifts. That is how the spade and smock-frock are accounted for; he is ashamed to show his face in town; so he hires himself out to dig, and broods over his wrongs—the rich men he has made passing him contemptuously by, apparently quite unaware e that his name is Timon.
8. Ἑρμῆς: οὑτωσὶ μὲν εἰπεῖν, χρηστότης ἐπέτριψεν αὐτὸν καὶ φιλανθρωπία καὶ ὁ πρὸς τοὺς δεομένους ἅπαντας οἶκτος, ὡς δὲ ἀληθεῖ λόγῳ, ἄνοια καὶ εὐήθεια καὶ ἀκρισία περὶ τῶν φίλων, ὃς οὐ συνίει κόραξι καὶ λύκοις χαριζόμενος, ἀλλʼ ὑπὸ γυπῶν τοσούτων ὁ κακοδαίμων κειρόμενος τὸ ἧπαρ φίλους εἶναι αὐτοὺς καὶ ἑταίρους ᾤετο, ὑπʼ εὐνοίας τῆς πρὸς αὐτὸν χαίροντας τῇ βορᾷ· οἱ δὲ τὰ ὀστᾶ γυμνώσαντες ἀκριβῶς καὶ περιτραγόντες, εἰ δέ τις καὶ μυελὸς ἐνῆν, ἐκμυζήσαντες καὶ τοῦτον εὖ μάλα ἐπιμελῶς, ᾤχοντο αὖον αὐτὸν καὶ τὰς ῥίζας ὑποτετμημένον ἀπολιπόντες, οὐδὲ γνωρίζοντες ἔτι ἢ προσβλέποντες — πόθεν γάρ; — ἢ ἐπικουροῦντες ἢ ἐπιδιδόντες ἐν τῷ μέρει. διὰ ταῦτα δικελλίτης καὶ διφθερίας, ὡς ὁρᾷς, ἀπολιπὼν ὑπʼ αἰσχύνης τὸ ἄστυ μισθοῦ γεωργεῖ μελαγχολῶν τοῖς κακοῖς, ὅτι οἱ πλουτοῦντες παρʼ αὐτοῦ μάλα ὑπεροπτικῶς παρέρχονται οὐδὲ τοὔνομα, εἰ Τίμων καλοῖτο, εἰδότες.
9. Zeus: This is a case we must take up and see to. No wonder he is down on his luck. We should be putting ourselves on the level of his despicable sycophants, if we forgot all the fat ox and goat thighs he has burnt on our altars; the savour of, them is yet in my nostrils. But I have been so busy, there is such" a din of perjury, assault, and burglary; I am so frightened of the temple-robbers—they swarm now, you cannot keep them out, nor take a nap with any safety; and, with one thing and another, it is an age since I had a look at Attica. I have hardly been there since philosophy and argument came into fashion; indeed, with their shouting-matches going on, prayers are quite inaudible. One must sit with one’s ears plugged, if one does not want the drums of them cracked; such long vociferous rigmaroles about Incorporeal Things, or something™ they call Virtue! That is how we came to neglect this man—who really deserved better.
9. Ζεύς: καὶ μὴν οὐ παροπτέος ἁνὴρ οὐδὲ ἀμελητέος· εἰκότως γὰρ ἠγανάκτει δυστυχῶν· ἐπεὶ καὶ ὅμοια ποιήσομεν τοῖς καταράτοις κόλαξιν ἐκείνοις ἐπιλελησμένοι ἀνδρὸς τοσαῦτα μηρία ταύρων τε καὶ αἰγῶν πιότατα καύσαντος ἡμῖν ἐπὶ τῶν βωμῶν· ἔτι γοῦν ἐν ταῖς ῥισὶ τὴν κνῖσαν αὐτῶν ἔχω. πλὴν ὑπʼ ἀσχολίας τε καὶ θορύβου πολλοῦ τῶν ἐπιορκούντων καὶ βιαζομένων καὶ ἁρπαζόντων, ἔτι δὲ καὶ φόβου τοῦ παρὰ τῶν ἱεροσυλούντων — πολλοὶ γὰρ οὗτοι καὶ δυσφύλακτοι καὶ οὐδὲ ἐπʼ ὀλίγον καταμύσαι ἡμῖν ἐφιᾶσι — πολὺν ἤδη χρόνον οὐδὲ ἀπέβλεψα ἐς τὴν Ἀττικήν, καὶ μάλιστα ἐξ οὗ φιλοσοφία καὶ λόγων ἔριδες ἐπεπόλασαν αὐτοῖς· μαχομένων γὰρ πρὸς ἀλλήλους καὶ κεκραγότων οὐδὲ ἐπακούειν ἔστι τῶν εὐχῶν· ὥστε ἢ ἐπιβυσάμενον χρὴ τὰ ὦτα καθῆσθαι ἢ ἐπιτριβῆναι πρὸς αὐτῶν, ἀρετήν τινα καὶ ἀσώματα καὶ λήρους μεγάλῃ τῇ φωνῇ συνειρόντων. διὰ ταῦτά τοι καὶ τοῦτον ἀμεληθῆναι συνέβη πρὸς ἡμῶν οὐ φαῦλον ὄντα.
10. Zeus: However, go to him now without wasting any more time, Hermes: and take Plutus with you. Thesaurus is to accompany Plutus, and they are both to stay with Timon, and not leave him so lightly this time, even though the generous fellow does his best to find other hosts for them. As to those parasites, and the ingratitude they showed him, I will attend to them before long; they shall have their deserts as soon as I have got the thunderbolt in order again. Its two best spikes are broken and blunted; my zeal outran my discretion the other day when I took that shot at Anaxagoras the sophist; the Gods non-existent, indeed! that was what he was telling his disciples. However, I missed him (Pericles had held up his hand to shield him), and the bolt glanced off 6n to the Anaceum, set it on fire, and was itself nearly pylverized on the rock. But meanwhile it will be quite sufficient punishment for them to see Timon rolling in money.
10. Ζεύς: ὅμως δὲ τὸν Πλοῦτον, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, παραλαβὼν ἄπιθι παρʼ αὐτὸν κατὰ τάχος· ἀγέτω δὲ ὁ Πλοῦτος καὶ τὸν Θησαυρὸν μεθʼ αὑτοῦ καὶ μενέτωσαν ἄμφω παρὰ τῷ Τίμωνι μηδὲ ἀπαλλαττέσθωσαν οὕτω ῥᾳδίως, κἂν ὅτι μάλιστα ὑπὸ χρηστότητος αὖθις ἐκδιώκῃ αὐτοὺς τῆς οἰκίας. περὶ δὲ τῶν κολάκων ἐκείνων καὶ τῆς ἀχαριστίας ἣν ἐπεδείξαντο πρὸς αὐτόν, καὶ αὖθις μὲν σκέψομαι καὶ δίκην δώσουσιν, ἐπειδὰν τὸν κεραυνὸν ἐπισκευάσω· κατεαγμέναι γὰρ αὐτοῦ καὶ ἀπεστομωμέναι εἰσὶ δύο ἀκτῖνες αἱ μέγισται, ὁπότε φιλοτιμότερον ἠκόντισα πρῴην ἐπὶ τὸν σοφιστὴν Ἀναξαγόραν, ὃς ἔπειθε τοὺς ὁμιλητὰς μηδὲ ὅλως εἶναί τινας ἡμᾶς τοὺς θεούς. ἀλλʼ ἐκείνου μὲν διήμαρτον, — ὑπερέσχε γὰρ αὐτοῦ τὴν χεῖρα Περικλῆς — ὁ δὲ κεραυνὸς εἰς τὸ Ἀνακεῖον παρασκήψας ἐκεῖνό τε κατέφλεξε καὶ αὐτὸς ὀλίγου δεῖν συνετρίβη περὶ τῇ πέτρᾳ. πλὴν ἱκανὴ ἐν τοσούτῳ καὶ αὕτη τιμωρία ἔσται αὐτοῖς, ὑπερπλουτοῦντα τὸν Τίμωνα ὁρῶσιν.
11. Hermes: Nothing like lifting wp your voice, making yourself a nuisance, and showing a bold front; it is equally effective whether you are pleading with juries or deities. Here is Timon developing from pauper to millionaire, just because his prayer was loud and free enough to startle Zeus; if he had dug quietly with his face to his work, he might have dug to all eternity, for any notice he would have got.
11. Ἑρμῆς: οἷον ἦν τὸ μέγα κεκραγέναι καὶ ὀχληρὸν εἶναι καὶ θρασύν. οὐ τοῖς δικαιολογοῦσι μόνοις, ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῖς εὐχομένοις τοῦτο χρήσιμον· ἰδού γέ τοι αὐτίκα μάλα πλούσιος ἐκ πενεστάτου καταστήσεται ὁ Τίμων βοήσας καὶ παρρησιασάμενος ἐν τῇ εὐχῇ καὶ ἐπιστρέψας τὸν Δία· εἰ δὲ σιωπῇ ἔσκαπτεν ἐπικεκυφώς, ἔτι ἂν ἔσκαπτεν ἀμελούμενος.
Plutus: Well, Zeus, I am not going to him.
Πλοῦτος: ἀλλʼ ἐγὼ οὐκ ἂν ἀπέλθοιμι, ὦ Ζεῦ, παρʼ αὐτόν.
Zeus: Your reason, good Plutus; have I not told you to go?
Ζεύς: διὰ τί, ὦ ἄριστε Πλοῦτε, καὶ ταῦτα ἐμοῦ κελεύσαντος;
12. Plutus: Good God! why, he insulted me, threw me about, dismembered me—me, his old family friend—and practically pitchforked me out of the house; he could not have been in a greater hurry to be rid of me if I had been a live coal in his hand. What, go there again, to be transferred to toadies and flatterers and harlots? No, no, Zeus; send me to people who will appreciate the gift, take care of me, value and cherish me. Let these gulls consort with the poverty which they prefer to me; she will find them a smock-frock and a spade, and they can be thankpa ful fora miserable pittance of sixpence a day, these reckless squanderers of £1,000 presents.
12. Πλοῦτος: ὅτι νὴ Δία ὕβριζεν εἰς ἐμὲ καὶ ἐξεφόρει καὶ ἐς πολλὰ κατεμέριζε, καὶ ταῦτα πατρῷον αὐτῷ φίλον ὄντα, καὶ μονονουχὶ δικράνοις ἐξεώθει με τῆς οἰκίας καθάπερ οἱ τὸ πῦρ ἐκ τῶν χειρῶν ἀπορριπτοῦντες. αὖθις οὖν ἀπέλθω παρασίτοις καὶ κόλαξι καὶ ἑταίραις παραδοθησόμενος; ἐπʼ ἐκείνους, ὦ Ζεῦ, πέμπε με τοὺς ἡσθησομένους τῇ δωρεᾷ, τοὺς περιέψοντας, οἷς τίμιος ἐγὼ καὶ περιπόθητος· οὗτοι δὲ οἱ λάροι τῇ πενίᾳ συνέστωσαν, ἣν προτιμῶσιν ἡμῶν, καὶ διφθέραν παρʼ αὐτῆς λαβόντες καὶ δίκελλαν ἀγαπάτωσαν ἄθλιοι τέτταρας ὀβολοὺς ἀποφέροντες, οἱ δεκαταλάντους δωρεὰς ἀμελητὶ προϊέμενοι.
13. Zeus: Ah, Timon will not treat you that way again. If his loins are not of cast iron, his spade-work will have taught him a thing or two about your superiority to poverty. You are so particular, you know; now, you are finding fault with Timon for opening the door to you and letting you wander at your own sweet will, instead of keeping you in jealous seclusion. Yesterday it was another story: you were imprisoned by rich men under bolts and locks and seals, and never allowed a glimpse of sunlight. That was the burden of your complaint—you were stifled in-deep darkness. We saw you pale and careworn, your fingers hooked with coin-counting, and heard how you would like to run away, if only you could get the chance. It was monstrous, then, that you should be kept in a bronze or- iron chamber, like a Danae condemned to virginity, and brought up by those stern unscrupulous tutors, Interest, Debit and Credit.
13. Ζεύς: οὐδὲν ἔτι τοιοῦτον ὁ Τίμων ἐργάσεται περὶ σέ· πάνυ γὰρ αὐτὸν ἡ δίκελλα πεπαιδαγώγηκεν, εἰ μὴ παντάπασιν ἀνάλγητός ἐστι τὴν ὀσφῦν, ὡς χρῆν σὲ ἀντὶ τῆς πενίας προαιρεῖσθαι. σὺ μέντοι πάνυ μεμψίμοιρος εἶναί μοι δοκεῖς, ὃς νῦν μὲν τὸν Τίμωνα αἰτιᾷ, διότι σοι τὰς θύρας ἀναπετάσας ἠφίει περινοστεῖν ἐλευθέρως οὔτε ἀποκλείων οὔτε ζηλοτυπῶν· ἄλλοτε δὲ τοὐναντίον ἠγανάκτεις κατὰ τῶν πλουσίων κατακεκλεῖσθαι λέγων πρὸς αὐτῶν ὑπὸ μοχλοῖς καὶ κλεισὶ καὶ σημείων ἐπιβολαῖς, ὡς μηδὲ παρακῦψαί σοι ἐς τὸ φῶς δυνατὸν εἶναι. ταῦτα γοῦν ἀπωδύρου πρός με, ἀποπνίγεσθαι λέγων ἐν πολλῷ τῷ σκότῳ· καὶ διὰ τοῦτο ὠχρὸς ἡμῖν ἐφαίνου καὶ φροντίδος ἀνάπλεως, συνεσπακὼς τοὺς δακτύλους πρὸς τὸ ἔθος τῶν λογισμῶν καὶ ἀποδράσεσθαι ἀπειλῶν, εἰ καιροῦ λάβοιο, παρʼ αὐτῶν· καὶ ὅλως τὸ πρᾶγμα ὑπέρδεινον ἐδόκει σοι, ἐν χαλκῷ ἢ σιδηρῷ τῷ θαλάμῳ καθάπερ τὴν Δανάην παρθενεύεσθαι ὑπʼ ἀκριβέσι καὶ παμπονήροις παιδαγωγοῖς ἀνατρεφόμενον, τῷ Τόκῳ καὶ τῷ Λογισμῷ.
14. Zeus: They were perfectly ridiculous, you know, loving ye you to distraction, but not daring to enjoy you when they might; you were in their power, yet they could not give the reins to their passion; they kept awake watching you with their eyes glued to bolt and seal; the enjoyment that satisfied them was not to enjoy you themselves, but to prevent others enjoying you— true dogs in the manger. Yes, and then how absurd it was that they should scrape and hoard, and end by being jealous of their own selves! Ah, if they could but see that rascally slave—steward—trainer—sneaking in bent on carouse! little enough be troubles his head about the luckless unamiable owner at his nightly accounts by a dim little half-fed lamp. How, pray, do you reconcile your old strictures of this sort with your contrary denunciation of Timon?
14. Ζεύς: ἄτοπα γοῦν ποιεῖν ἔφασκες αὐτοὺς ἐρῶντας μὲν εἰς ὑπερβολήν, ἐξὸν δὲ ἀπολαύειν οὐ τολμῶντας, οὐδὲ ἐπʼ ἀδείας χρωμένους τῷ ἔρωτι κυρίους γε ὄντας, ἀλλὰ φυλάττειν ἐγρηγορότας, ἐς τὸ σημεῖον καὶ τὸν μοχλὸν ἀσκαρδαμυκτὶ βλέποντας, ἱκανὴν ἀπόλαυσιν οἰομένους οὐ τὸ αὐτοὺς ἀπολαύειν ἔχειν, ἀλλὰ τὸ μηδενὶ μεταδιδόναι τῆς ἀπολαύσεως, καθάπερ τὴν ἐν τῇ φάτνῃ κύνα μήτε αὐτὴν ἐσθίουσαν τῶν κριθῶν μήτε τῷ ἵππῳ πεινῶντι ἐπιτρέπουσαν. καὶ προσέτι γε καὶ κατεγέλας αὐτῶν φειδομένων καὶ φυλαττόντων καὶ τὸ καινότατον αὑτοὺς ζηλοτυπούντων, ἀγνοούντων δὲ ὡς κατάρατος οἰκέτης ἢ οἰκονόμος πεδότριψ ὑπεισιὼν λαθραίως ἐμπαροινήσει, τὸν κακοδαίμονα καὶ ἀνέραστον δεσπότην πρὸς ἀμαυρόν τι καὶ μικρόστομον λυχνίδιον καὶ διψαλέον θρυαλλίδιον ἐπαγρυπνεῖν ἐάσας τοῖς τόκοις. πῶς οὖν οὐκ ἄδικα ταῦτά σου, πάλαι μὲν ἐκεῖνα αἰτιᾶσθαι, νῦν δὲ τῷ Τίμωνι τὰ ἐναντία ἐπικαλεῖν;
15. Plutus: Oh, if you consider the thing candidly; you will find both attitudes reasonable. It is clear enough that Timon’s utter negligence comes from slackness, and not from any consideration for me. As for the other sort, who keep me shut up in the obscurity of strong-boxes, intent on making me heavy and fat and unwieldy, never touching me themselves, and never letting me see the light, lest some one else should catch sight of me, I always thought of them as fools and tyrants; what harm had I done that they should let me rot in close confinement? and did not they know that in a little while they would pass away and have to resign me to some other lucky man?
15. Πλοῦτος: καὶ μὴν εἴ γε τἀληθὲς ἐξετάζοις, ἄμφω σοι εὔλογα δόξω ποιεῖν· τοῦ τε γὰρ Τίμωνος τὸ πάνυ τοῦτο ἀνειμένον ἀμελὲς καὶ οὐκ εὐνοϊκὸν ὡς πρὸς ἐμὲ εἰκότως ἂν δοκοίη· τούς τε αὖ κατάκλειστον ἐν θύραις καὶ σκότῳ φυλάττοντας, ὅπως αὐτοῖς παχύτερος γενοίμην καὶ πιμελὴς καὶ ὑπέρογκος ἐπιμελουμένους, οὔτε προσαπτομένους αὐτοὺς οὔτε ἐς τὸ φῶς προάγοντας, ὡς μηδὲ ὀφθείην πρός τινος, ἀνοήτους ἐνόμιζον εἶναι καὶ ὑβριστάς, οὐδὲν ἀδικοῦντά με ὑπὸ τοσούτοις δεσμοῖς κατασήποντας, οὐκ εἰδότας ὡς μετὰ μικρὸν ἀπίασιν ἄλλῳ τινὶ τῶν εὐδαιμόνων με καταλιπόντες.
16. Plutus: No, give me neither these nor the off-hand gentry; my beau ideal is the man who steers a middle course, as far from complete abstention as from utter profusion. Consider, Zeus, by your own great name; suppose a man were to take a fair young wife, and then absolutely decline all jealous precautions, to the point of letting her wander where she would by day or night, keeping company with any one who had a mind to her—or put it a little stronger, and let him be procurer, janitor, pander, and advertiser of her charms in his own person—well, what sort of love is his? come, Zeus, you have a good deal of experience, you know what love is.
16. Πλοῦτος: οὔτʼ οὖν ἐκείνους οὔτε τοὺς πάνυ προχείρους εἰς ἐμὲ τούτους ἐπαινῶ, ἀλλὰ τούς, ὅπερ ἄριστόν ἐστι, μέτρον ἐπιθήσοντας τῷ πράγματι καὶ μήτε ἀφεξομένους τὸ παράπαν μήτε προησομένους τὸ ὅλον. σκόπει γάρ, ὦ Ζεῦ, πρὸς τοῦ Διός. εἴ τις νόμῳ γήμας γυναῖκα νέαν καὶ καλὴν ἔπειτα μήτε φυλάττοι μήτε ζηλοτυποῖ τὸ παράπαν, ἀφιεὶς καὶ βαδίζειν ἔνθα ἐθέλοι νύκτωρ καὶ μεθʼ ἡμέραν καὶ συνεῖναι τοῖς βουλομένοις, μᾶλλον δὲ αὐτὸς ἀπάγοι μοιχευθησομένην ἀνοίγων τὰς θύρας καὶ μαστροπεύων καὶ πάντας ἐπʼ αὐτὴν καλῶν, ἆρα ὁ τοιοῦτος ἐρᾶν δόξειεν ἄν; οὐ σύ γε, ὦ Ζεῦ, τοῦτο φαίης ἄν, ἐρασθεὶς πολλάκις.
17. Plutus: On the other hand, let a man make a suitable match for the express purpose of raising heirs, and then let him neither himself have anything to do with her ripe, yet modest, beauty, nor allow any other to set eyes on it, but shut her up in barren, fruitless virginity; let him say all the while that he is in love with her, and let his pallid hue, his wasting flesh and his sunken eyes confirm the statement;—is he a madman, or is he not? he should be raising a family and enjoying matrimony; but he lets this fair-faced lovely girl wither away; he might as well be bringing up a perpetual priestess of Demeter. And now you understand my feelings when one set of people kick me about or waste me by the bucketful, and the others clap irons on me like a runaway convict.
17. Πλοῦτος: εἰ δέ τις ἔμπαλιν ἐλευθέραν γυναῖκα εἰς τὴν οἰκίαν νόμῳ παραλαβὼν ἐπʼ ἀρότῳ παίδων γνησίων, ὁ δὲ μήτε αὐτὸς προσάπτοιτο ἀκμαίας καὶ καλῆς παρθένου μήτε ἄλλῳ προσβλέπειν ἐπιτρέποι, ἄγονον δὲ καὶ στεῖραν κατακλείσας παρθενεύοι, καὶ ταῦτα ἐρᾶν φάσκων καὶ δῆλος ὢν ἀπὸ τῆς χρόας καὶ τῆς σαρκὸς ἐκτετηκυίας καὶ τῶν ὀφθαλμῶν ὑποδεδυκότων, ἔσθʼ ὅπως ὁ τοιοῦτος οὐ παραπαίειν δόξειεν ἄν, δέον παιδοποιεῖσθαι καὶ ἀπολαύειν τοῦ γάμου, καταμαραίνων εὐπρόσωπον οὕτω καὶ ἐπέραστον κόρην καθάπερ ἱέρειαν τῇ Θεσμοφόρῳ τρέφων διὰ παντὸς τοῦ βίου; ταῦτα καὶ αὐτὸς ἀγανακτῶ, πρὸς ἐνίων μὲν ἀτίμως λακτιζόμενος καὶ λαφυσσόμενος καὶ ἐξαντλούμενος, ὑπʼ ἐνίων δὲ ὥσπερ στιγματίας δραπέτης πεπεδημένος.
18. Zeus: However, indignation is superfluous; both sets have just what they deserve—one as hungry and thirsty and drymouthed as Tantalus, getting no further than gaping at the gold; and the other finding its food swept away from its very gullet, as the Harpies served Phineus. Come, be off with you; you will find Timon has much more sense nowadays.
18. Ζεύς: τί οὖν ἀγανακτεῖς κατʼ αὐτῶν; διδόασι γὰρ ἄμφω καλὴν τὴν δίκην, οἱ μὲν ὥσπερ ὁ Τάνταλος ἄποτοι καὶ ἄγευστοι καὶ ξηροὶ τὸ στόμα, ἐπικεχηνότες μόνον τῷ χρυσίῳ, οἱ δὲ καθάπερ ὁ Φινεὺς ἀπὸ τῆς φάρυγγος τὴν τροφὴν ὑπὸ τῶν Ἁρπυιῶν ἀφαιρούμενοι. ἀλλʼ ἄπιθι ἤδη σωφρονεστέρῳ παρὰ πολὺ τῷ Τίμωνι ἐντευξόμενος.
Plutus: Oh, of course! he will not do his best to let me run out of a leaky vessel before I have done running in! oh no, he will not be consumed with apprehensions of the inflow’s gaining on the waste and flooding him! I shall be supplying a cask of the Danaids; no matter how fast I pour in, the thing will not hold water; every gallon will be out almost before it is in; the bore of the waste-pipe is so large, and never a plug.
Πλοῦτος: ἐκεῖνος γάρ ποτε παύσεται ὥσπερ ἐκ κοφίνου τετρυπημένου, πρὶν ὅλως εἰσρυῆναί με, κατὰ σπουδὴν ἐξαντλῶν, φθάσαι βουλόμενος τὴν ἐπιρροήν, μὴ ὑπέραντλος εἰσπεσὼν ἐπικλύσω αὐτόν; ὥστε ἐς τὸν τῶν Δαναΐδων πίθον ὑδροφορήσειν μοι δοκῶ καὶ μάτην ἐπαντλήσειν, τοῦ κύτους μὴ στέγοντος, ἀλλὰ πρὶν εἰσρυῆναι σχεδὸν ἐκχυθησομένου τοῦ ἐπιρρέοντος· οὕτως εὐρύτερον τὸ πρὸς τὴν ἔκχυσιν κεχηνὸς τοῦ πίθου καὶ ἀκώλυτος ἡ ἔξοδος.
19. Zeus: Well, if he does not stop the hole—if the leak is more than temporary—you will run out in no time, and he can find his smock-frock and spade again in the dregs of the cask. Now go along, both of you, and make the man rich. And, Hermes, on your way back, remember to bring the Cyclopes with you from Etna; my thunderbolt wants the grindstone; and I have work for it as soon as it is sharp.
19. Ζεύς: οὐκοῦν εἰ μὴ ἐμφράξεται τὸ κεχηνὸς τοῦτο καὶ ἔσται ἅπαξ ἀναπεπταμένον, ἐκχυθέντος ἐν βραχεῖ σου ῥᾳδίως εὑρήσει τὴν διφθέραν αὖθις καὶ τὴν δίκελλαν ἐν τῇ τρυγὶ τοῦ πίθου. ἀλλʼ ἄπιτε ἤδη καὶ πλουτίζετε αὐτόν· σὺ δὲ μέμνησο, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, ἐπανιὼν πρὸς ἡμᾶς ἄγειν τοὺς Κύκλωπας ἐκ τῆς Αἴτνης, ὅπως τὸν κεραυνὸν ἀκονήσαντες ἐπισκευάσωσιν· ὡς ἤδη γε τεθηγμένου αὐτοῦ δεησόμεθα.
20. Hermes: Come along, Plutus. Hullo! limping? My good man, I did not know you were lame as well as blind.
20. Ἑρμῆς: προΐωμεν, ὦ Πλοῦτε. τί τοῦτο; ὑποσκάζεις; ἐλελήθεις με, ὦ γεννάδα, οὐ τυφλὸς μόνον ἀλλὰ καὶ χωλὸς ὤν.
Plutus: No, it is intermittent. As sure as Zeus sends me to any one, a sort of lethargy comes over me, my legs are like lead, and I can hardly get to my journey’s end; my destined host is sometimes an old man before I reach him. As a parting guest, on the other hand, you may see me wing my way swifter than any dream. ‘Are you ready?’ and almost before ‘Go’ has sounded, up goes my name as winner; I have flashed round the course absolutely unseen sometimes.
Πλοῦτος: οὐκ ἀεὶ τοῦτο, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, ἀλλʼ ὁπόταν μὲν ἀπίω παρά τινα πεμφθεὶς ὑπὸ τοῦ Διός, οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως βραδύς εἰμι καὶ χωλὸς ἀμφοτέροις, ὡς μόγις τελεῖν ἐπὶ τὸ τέρμα, προγηράσαντος ἐνίοτε τοῦ περιμένοντος, ὁπόταν δὲ ἀπαλλάττεσθαι δέῃ, πτηνὸν ὄψει, πολὺ τῶν ὀνείρων ὠκύτερον· ἅμα γοῦν ἔπεσεν ἡ ὕσπληγξ, κἀγὼ ἤδη ἀνακηρύττομαι νενικηκώς, ὑπερπηδήσας τὸ στάδιον οὐδὲ ἰδόντων ἐνίοτε τῶν θεατῶν.
Hermes: You are not quite keeping to the truth; I could name you plenty of people who yesterday had not the price of a halter to hang themselves with, and to-day have developed into lavish men of fortune; they drive their pair of high-steppers, whereas a donkey would have been beyond their means before. They go about in purple raiment with jewelled fingers, hardly convinced yet that their wealth is not all a dream.
Ἑρμῆς: οὐκ ἀληθῆ ταῦτα φής· ἐγώ γέ τοι πολλοὺς ἂν εἰπεῖν ἔχοιμί σοι χθὲς μὲν οὐδὲ ὀβολὸν ὥστε πρίασθαι βρόχον ἐσχηκότας, ἄφνω δὲ τήμερον πλουσίους καὶ πολυτελεῖς ἐπὶ λευκοῦ ζεύγους ἐξελαύνοντας, οἷς οὐδὲ κἂν ὄνος ὑπῆρξε πώποτε. καὶ ὅμως πορφυροῖ καὶ χρυσόχειρες περιέρχονται οὐδʼ αὐτοὶ πιστεύοντες οἶμαι ὅτι μὴ ὄναρ πλουτοῦσιν.
21. Plutus: Ah, those are special cases, Hermes. I do not go on my own feet on those occasions, and it is not Zeus who sends me, but Pluto, who has his own ways of conferring wealth and making presents; Pluto and Plutus are not unconnected, you see. When I am to flit from one house to another, they lay me on parchment, seal me up carefully, make a parcel of me and take me round. The dead man lies in some dark corner, shrouded from the knees upward in an old sheet, with the cats fighting for possession of him, while those who have expectations wait for me in the public place, gaping as wide as young swallows that scream for their mother’s return.
21. Πλοῦτος: ἑτεροῖον τοῦτʼ ἐστίν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, καὶ οὐχὶ τοῖς ἐμαυτοῦ ποσὶ βαδίζω τότε, οὐδὲ ὁ Ζεύς, ἀλλʼ ὁ Πλούτων ἀποστέλλει με παρʼ αὐτοὺς ἅτε πλουτοδότης καὶ μεγαλόδωρος καὶ αὐτὸς ὤν· δηλοῖ γοῦν καὶ τῷ ὀνόματι. ἐπειδὰν τοίνυν μετοικισθῆναι δέῃ με παρʼ ἑτέρου πρὸς ἕτερον, ἐς δέλτον ἐμβαλόντες με καὶ κατασημηνάμενοι ἐπιμελῶς φορηδὸν ἀράμενοι μετακομίζουσιν· καὶ ὁ μὲν νεκρὸς ἐν σκοτεινῷ που τῆς οἰκίας πρόκειται ὑπὲρ τὰ γόνατα παλαιᾷ τῇ ὀθόνῃ σκεπόμενος, περιμάχητος ταῖς γαλαῖς, ἐμὲ δὲ οἱ ἐπελπίσαντες ἐν τῇ ἀγορᾷ περιμένουσι κεχηνότες ὥσπερ τὴν χελιδόνα προσπετομένην τετριγότες οἱ νεοττοί.
22. Plutus: Then the seal is taken off, the string cut, the parchment opened, and my new owner’s name made known. It is a relation, or a parasite, or perhaps a domestic minion, whose value lay in his vices and his smooth cheeks; he has continued to supply his master with all sorts of unnatural pleasures beyond the years which might excuse such service, and now the fine fellow is richly rewarded. But whoever it is, he snatches me up, parchment included, and is off with me in a flash; he used to be called Pyrrhias or Dromo or Tibius, but now he is Megacles, Megabyzus, or Protarchus; off he goes, leaving the disappointed ones staring at each other in very genuine mourning – over the fine fish which has jumped out of the landing-net after swallowing their good bait.
22. Πλοῦτος: ἐπειδὰν δὲ τὸ σημεῖον ἀφαιρεθῇ καὶ τὸ λίνον ἐντμηθῇ καὶ ἡ δέλτος ἀνοιχθῇ καὶ ἀνακηρυχθῇ μου ὁ καινὸς δεσπότης ἤτοι συγγενής τις ἢ κόλαξ ἢ καταπύγων οἰκέτης ἐκ παιδικῶν τίμιος, ὑπεξυρημένος ἔτι τὴν γνάθον, ἀντὶ ποικίλων καὶ παντοδαπῶν ἡδονῶν ἃς ἤδη ἔξωρος ὢν ὑπηρέτησεν αὐτῷ μέγα τὸ μίσθωμα ὁ γενναῖος ἀπολαβών, ἐκεῖνος μέν, ὅστις ἂν ᾖ ποτε, ἁρπασάμενός με αὐτῇ δέλτῳ θεῖ φέρων ἀντὶ τοῦ τέως Πυρρίου ἢ Δρόμωνος ἢ Τιβείου Μεγακλῆς ἢ Μεγάβυζος ἢ Πρώταρχος μετονομασθείς, τοὺς μάτην κεχηνότας ἐκείνους ἐς ἀλλήλους ἀποβλέποντας καταλιπὼν ἀληθὲς ἄγοντας τὸ πένθος, οἷος αὐτοὺς ὁ θύννος ἐκ μυχοῦ τῆς σαγήνης διέφυγεν οὐκ ὀλίγον τὸ δέλεαρ καταπιών.
23. Plutus: The fellow who has pounced on me has neither taste nor feeling; the sight of fetters still gives him a start; crack a whip in his neighbourhood, and his ears tingle; the treadmill is an abode of awe to him. He is now insufferable—insults his new equals, and whips his old fellows to see what that side of the transaction feels like. He ends by finding a mistress, or taking to the turf, or being cajoled by parasites; these have only to swear he is handsomer than Nireus, nobler than Cecrops or Codrus, wiser than Odysseus, richer than a dozen Croesuses rolled into one; and so the poor wretch disperses in a moment what cost so many perjuries, robberies, and swindles to amass. Hermes: A very fair picture.
23. Πλοῦτος: ὁ δὲ ἐμπεσὼν ἀθρόος εἰς ἐμὲ ἀπειρόκαλος καὶ παχύδερμος ἄνθρωπος, ἔτι τὴν πέδην πεφρικὼς καὶ εἰ παριὼν ἄλλως μαστίξειέ τις ὄρθιον ἐφιστὰς τὸ οὖς καὶ τὸν μυλῶνα ὥσπερ τὸ Ἀνάκτορον προσκυνῶν, οὐκέτι φορητός ἐστι τοῖς ἐντυγχάνουσιν, ἀλλὰ τούς τε ἐλευθέρους ὑβρίζει καὶ τοὺς ὁμοδούλους μαστιγοῖ ἀποπειρώμενος εἰ καὶ αὐτῷ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἔξεστιν, ἄχρι ἂν ἢ ἐς πορνίδιόν τι ἐμπεσὼν ἢ ἱπποτροφίας ἐπιθυμήσας ἢ κόλαξι παραδοὺς ἑαυτὸν ὀμνύουσιν, ἦ μὴν εὐμορφότερον μὲν Νιρέως εἶναι αὐτόν, εὐγενέστερον δὲ τοῦ Κέκροπος ἢ Κόδρου, συνετώτερον δὲ τοῦ Ὀδυσσέως, πλουσιώτερον δὲ συνάμα Κροίσων ἑκκαίδεκα, ἐν ἀκαρεῖ τοῦ χρόνου ἄθλιος ἐκχέῃ τὰ κατʼ ὀλίγον ἐκ πολλῶν ἐπιορκιῶν καὶ ἁρπαγῶν καὶ πανουργιῶν συνειλεγμένα.
24. Hermes: But when you go on your own feet, how can a blind man like you find the way? Zeus sends you to people who he thinks deserve riches; but how do you distinguish them?
24. Ἑρμῆς: αὐτά που σχεδὸν φὴς τὰ γινόμενα· ὁπόταν δʼ οὖν αὐτόπους βαδίζῃς, πῶς οὕτω τυφλὸς ὢν εὑρίσκεις τὴν ὁδόν; ἢ πῶς διαγινώσκεις ἐφʼ οὓς ἄν σε ὁ Ζεὺς ἀποστείλῃ κρίνας εἶναι τοῦ πλουτεῖν ἀξίους;
Plutus: Do you suppose I do find them? not much. I should scarcely have passed Aristides by, and gone to Hipponicus, Callias, and any number of other Athenians whose merits could have been valued in copper.
Πλοῦτος: οἴει γὰρ εὑρίσκειν με … οἵτινές εἰσι; μὰ τὸν Δία οὐ πάνυ· οὐ γὰρ ἂν Ἀριστείδην καταλιπὼν Ἱππονίκῳ καὶ Καλλίᾳ προσῄειν καὶ πολλοῖς ἄλλοις Ἀθηναίων οὐδὲ ὀβολοῦ ἀξίοις.
Hermes: Well, but what do you do when he sends you?
Ἑρμῆς: πλὴν ἀλλὰ τί πράττεις καταπεμφθείς;
Plutus: I just wander up and down till I come across some one; the first comer takes me off home with him, and thanks—whom but the God of windfalls, yourself?
Πλοῦτος: ἄνω καὶ κάτω πλανῶμαι, περινοστῶν ἄχρι ἂν λάθω τινὶ ἐμπεσών· ὁ δέ, ὅστις ἂν πρῶτός μοι περιτύχῃ, ἀπαγαγὼν παρʼ αὑτὸν ἔχει, σὲ τὸν Ἑρμῆν ἐπὶ τῷ παραλόγῳ τοῦ κέρδους προσκυνῶν.
25. Hermes: So Zeus is in error, and you do not enrich deserving pevsais according to his pleasure?
25. Ἑρμῆς: οὐκοῦν ἐξηπάτηται ὁ Ζεὺς οἰόμενός σε κατὰ τὰ αὐτῷ δοκοῦντα πλουτίζειν ὅσους ἂν οἴηται τοῦ πλουτεῖν ἀξίους;
Plutus: My dear fellow, how can he expect it? He knows I am blind, and he sends me groping about for a thing so hard to detect, and so nearly extinct this long time, that a Lynceus would have his work cut out spying for its dubious remains: So you see, as the good are few, and cities are crowded with multitudes of the bad, I am much more likely to come upon me latter in my rambles, and they keep me in their nets.
Πλοῦτος: καὶ μάλα δικαίως, ὦγαθέ, ὅς γε τυφλὸν ὄντα εἰδὼς ἔπεμπεν ἀναζητήσοντα δυσεύρετον οὕτω χρῆμα καὶ πρὸ πολλοῦ ἐκλελοιπὸς ἐκ τοῦ βίου, ὅπερ οὐδʼ ὁ Λυγκεὺς ἂν ἐξεύροι ῥᾳδίως, ἀμαυρὸν οὕτω καὶ μικρὸν ὄν. τοιγαροῦν ἅτε τῶν μὲν ἀγαθῶν ὀλίγων ὄντων, πονηρῶν δὲ πλείστων ἐν ταῖς πόλεσι τὸ πᾶν ἐπεχόντων, ῥᾷον ἐς τοὺς τοιούτους ἐμπίπτω περιιὼν καὶ σαγηνεύομαι πρὸς αὐτῶν.
Hermes: But when you are leaving them, how do you find escape so easy? you do not know the way.
Ἑρμῆς: εἶτα πῶς ἐπειδὰν καταλίπῃς αὐτοὺς ῥᾳδίως φεύγεις, οὐκ εἰδὼς τὴν ὁδόν;
Plutus: Ah, there is just one occasion which brings me quickass of eye and foot; and that is flight.
Πλοῦτος: Ὀξυδερκὴς τότε πως καὶ ἀρτίπους γίνομαι πρὸς μόνον τὸν καιρὸν τῆς φυγῆς.
26. Hermes: Yet another question. You are not only blind (excuse my frankness), but pallid and decrepit; how comes it, then, that you have so many lovers? All men’s looks are for you; if they get possession of you, they count themselves happy men; if they miss you, life is not worth living. Why, I have known not a few so sick for love of you that they have scaled some skypointing crag, and thence hurled themselves to unplumbed ocean depths, when they thought they were scorned by you, because you would not acknowledge their first salute. I am sure you know yourself well enough to confess that they must be lunatics, to rave about such charms as yours.
26. Ἑρμῆς: ἔτι δή μοι καὶ τοῦτο ἀπόκριναι, πῶς τυφλὸς ὤν — εἰρήσεται γάρ — καὶ προσέτι ὠχρὸς καὶ βαρὺς ἐκ τοῖν σκελοῖν τοσούτους ἐραστὰς ἔχεις, ὥστε πάντας ἀποβλέπειν εἰς σέ, καὶ τυχόντας μὲν εὐδαιμονεῖν οἴεσθαι, εἰ δὲ ἀποτύχοιεν οὐκ ἀνέχεσθαι ζῶντας; οἶδα γοῦν τινας οὐκ ὀλίγους αὐτῶν οὕτως σου δυσέρωτας ὄντας ὥστε καὶ ἐς βαθυκήτεα πόντον φέροντες ἔρριψαν αὑτοὺς καὶ πετρῶν κατʼ ἠλιβάτων, ὑπερορᾶσθαι νομίζοντες ὑπὸ σοῦ ὅτεπερ οὐδὲ τὴν ἀρχὴν ἑώρας αὐτούς. πλὴν ἀλλὰ καὶ σὺ ἂν εὖ οἶδα ὅτι ὁμολογήσειας, εἴ τι συνίης σαυτοῦ, κορυβαντιᾶν αὐτοὺς ἐρωμένῳ τοιούτῳ ἐπιμεμηνότας.
27. Plutus: Why, you do not suppose they see me in my true shape, lame, blind, and so forth?
27. Πλοῦτος: οἴει γὰρ τοιοῦτον οἷός εἰμι ὁρᾶσθαι αὐτοῖς, χωλὸν ἢ τυφλὸν ἢ ὅσα ἄλλα μοι πρόσεστιν;
Hermes: How else, unless they are all as blind themselves?
Ἑρμῆς: ἀλλὰ πῶς, ὦ Πλοῦτε, εἰ μὴ τυφλοὶ καὶ αὐτοι πάντες εἰσίν;
Plutus: They are not blind, my dear boy; but the ignorant misconceptions now so prevalent obscure their vision. And then I contribute; not to be an absolute fright when they see me, I put on a charming mask, all gilt and jewels, and dress myself up. They take the mask for my face, fall in love with its beauty, and are dying to possess it. If any one were to strip and show me to them naked, they would doubtless reproach themselves for their blindness in being captivated by such an vely misshapen creature.
Πλοῦτος: οὐ τυφλοί, ὦ ἄριστε, ἀλλʼ ἡ ἄγνοια καὶ ἡ ἀπάτη, αἵπερ νῦν κατέχουσι τὰ πάντα, ἐπισκιάζουσιν αὐτούς· ἔτι δὲ καὶ αὐτός, ὡς μὴ παντάπασιν ἄμορφος εἴην, προσωπεῖόν τι ἐρασμιώτατον περιθέμενος, διάχρυσον καὶ λιθοκόλλητον, καὶ ποικίλα ἐνδὺς ἐντυγχάνω αὐτοῖς· οἱ δὲ αὐτοπρόσωπον οἰόμενοι ὁρᾶν τὸ κάλλος ἐρῶσι καὶ ἀπόλλυνται μὴ τυγχάνοντες. ὡς εἴ γέ τις αὐτοῖς ὅλον ἀπογυμνώσας ἐπέδειξέ με, δῆλον ὡς κατεγίνωσκον ἂν αὑτῶν ἀμβλυώττοντες τὰ τηλικαῦτα καὶ ἐρῶντες ἀνεράστων καὶ ἀμόρφων πραγμάτων.
28. Hermes: How about fruition, then? When they are rich, and have put the mask on themselves, they are still deluded; if any one tries to take it off, they would sooner part with their heads than with it; and it is not likely they do not know by that time that the beautyis adventitious, now that they have aninside view.
28. Ἑρμῆς: τί οὖν ὅτι καὶ ἐν αὐτῷ ἤδη τῷ πλουτεῖν γενόμενοι καὶ τὸ προσωπεῖον αὐτοὶ περιθέμενοι ἔτι ἐξαπατῶνται, καὶ ἤν τις ἀφαιρῆται αὐτούς, θᾶττον ἂν τὴν κεφαλὴν ἢ τὸ προσωπεῖον πρόοιντο; οὐ γὰρ δὴ καὶ τότε ἀγνοεῖν εἰκὸς αὐτοὺς ὡς ἐπίχριστος ἡ εὐμορφία ἐστίν, ἔνδοθεν τὰ πάντα ὁρῶντας.
Plutus: There too I have powerful allies.
Πλοῦτος: οὐκ ὀλίγα, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, καὶ πρὸς τοῦτό μοι συναγωνίζεται.
Hermes: Namely—?
Ἑρμῆς: τὰ ποῖα;
Plutus: When a man makes my acquaintance, and opens the door to let me in, there enter unseen by my side Arrogance, Folly, Vainglory, Effeminacy, Insolence, Deceit, and a goodly company more. These possess his soul; he begins to admire mean things, pursues what he should abhor, reveres me amid my bodyguard of the insinuating vices which I have begotten, and would consent to anything sooner than part with me.
Πλοῦτος: ἐπειδάν τις ἐντυχὼν τὸ πρῶτον ἀναπετάσας τὴν θύραν εἰσδέχηταί με, συμπαρεισέρχεται μετʼ ἐμοῦ λαθὼν ὁ τῦφος καὶ ἡ ἄνοια καὶ ἡ μεγαλαυχία καὶ μαλακία καὶ ὕβρις καὶ ἀπάτη καὶ ἄλλʼ ἄττα μυρία· ὑπὸ δὴ τούτων ἁπάντων καταληφθεὶς τὴν ψυχὴν θαυμάζει τε τὰ οὐ θαυμαστὰ καὶ ὀρέγεται τῶν φευκτῶν κἀμὲ τὸν πάντων ἐκείνων πατέρα τῶν εἰσεληλυθότων κακῶν τέθηπε δορυφορούμενον ὑπʼ αὐτῶν, καὶ πάντα πρότερον πάθοι ἂν ἢ ἐμὲ προέσθαι ὑπομείνειεν ἄν.