THE ASS-DEALER DIABOLUS, an Athenian Captain, the rival of Argyripps. A PARASITE, a dependant of Diabolus. A BOY. ARTEMONA, wife of Demaeenetus. CLEAERETA, a procuress. PHILENIUM, daughter of Cleaereta.PROLOGUS:Attend now, Spectators, if you please, forthwith to this, and may this matter turn out fortunately for me and for yourselves, and for this company, and for our employers, and for our managers. Now, crier, do you at once make all the people give attentive ear.
PROLOGVS:Hoc agite sultis, spectatores, nunciam,quae quidem mihi atque vobis res vertat benegregique huíc et dominis atque conductoribus.face nunciam tu, praeco, omnem auritum poplum.
Come, be seated now, only be careful that ’tis not for nought. Now I will tell you why I have come forward here, and what my intention is, that you may know the name of this play. For, so far as relates to the plot, it really is a short one. Now I will tell you what I said I was wishful to inform you upon.The name of this play in Greek is Onagos — Demophilus composed it—Marcus Plautus turned it into Latin. He wishes it to be called Asinaria if by your leaves it may be so. In this play there is both pleasantry and fun.’Tis a droll story; kindly lend me your attention;may Mars, too, as, full oft at other times he has done, so give you now his aid.(Enter DEMAENETUS and LIBANUS, from the house of the former.)
age nunc reside, cave modo ne gratiis.nunc quid processerim huc et quid mihi voluerimdicam: ut sciretis nomen huius fabulae;nam quod ad argumentum attinet, sane brevest.nunc quod me dixi velle vobis dicere,dicam: húic nomen graece Onagost fabulae;Demophilus scripsit, Maccus vortit barbare;Asinariam volt esse, si per vos licet.inest lepos ludusque in hac comoedia,ridicula res est. date benigne operam mihi,ut vos, ut alias, pariter nunc Mars adiuvet.
LIBANUS:As you desire your own only son to survive your own existence, prosperous, and living on; so by your lengthened years, and by that wife of yours of whom you stand in awe,do I conjure you, that if this day you have said anything that’s false against myself, your wife may then survive your own existence, and that, she living, you, still alive, may come to utter destruction.
Libanvs:Sicut tuom vis unicum gnatum tuaesuperesse vitae sospitem et superstitem,ita ted obtestor per senectutem tuamperque illam, quam tu metuis, uxorem tuam,si quid med erga hodie falsum dixeris,ut tibi superstes uxor aetatem sietatque illa viva vivos ut pestem oppetas.
DEMAENETUS:By the Gods above as to what you seek to know, I see that I must, perforce, speak out, whatever you question me upon, being thus conjured;
Demaenetvs:Per Dium Fidium quaeris: iurato mihivideo necesse esse eloqui quidquid roges.
so determinedly have you accosted me, that I really do not dare otherwise than to disclose everything to you making all these enquiries. Say then at once what it is that you desire so much to know; as I myself shall know, so will I let you know.
[ita me obstinate adgressu'sadgressus es, ut non audeam][profecto, percontanti quin promam omnia.]proinde actutum istuc quid sit quod scire expetiseloquere: ut ipse scibo, te faciam ut scias.
LIBANUS:Troth now, prithee answer me seriously what I ask you;take care that you tell me no falsehood.
Libanvs:Dic obsecro hercle serio quod te rogem,cave míhi mendaci quicquam.
DEMAENETUS:Why, then, don’t you ask?
Demaenetvs:Quin tu ergo rogas?
LIBANUS:Will you, then, be sending me there, where stone grinds stone?
Libanvs:Num me illuc ducis, ubi lapis lapidem terit?
DEMAENETUS:What place is that? Or where in the world is that place?
Demaenetvs:Quid istúc est? aut ubi istúc est terrarum loci?
LIBANUS:Where worthless men are weeping, who breakfast upon pearled barley.DEMAENETUS:What that place is, or where it is, I cannot understand, where worthless men are weeping, who breakfast upon pearled barley.LIBANUS:Why, in the islands of club-land and rattle- chains,where dead oxen attack living men.
Libanvs:[Vbi flent nequam homines, qui polentam pinsitant.]apud fústitudinas, ferricrepinas insulas,ubi vivos homines mortui incursant boves.
DEMAENETUS:I’ faith, I now understand, Libanus, what place it is; that perhaps you mean, where the pearled barley is prepared.
Demaenetvs:Modo pol percepi, Libane, quid istuc sit loci:ubi fit polenta, te fortasse dicere.
LIBANUS:O dear: I’m not speaking of that, i’ faith, nor do I wish to speak of it. Troth now, prithee, do spit out the words that you have spoken.
Libanvs:Ah,neque hercle ego istuc dico nec dictum volo,teque obsecro hercle ut quae locutu'slocutus es despuas.
DEMAENETUS:Be it so; you shall be indulged.(He coughs and spits.)
Demaenetvs:Fiat, geratur mos tibi.
LIBANUS:Come, come—hawk away.
Libanvs:Age, age usque excrea.
DEMAENETUS:What, still more?(Spits on.)
Demaenetvs:Etiamne?
LIBANUS:Troth now; prithee, do go on—still more.DEMAENETUS:What—from the very bottom of my throat?(Spits.)
Libanvs:Age quaeso hercle usque ex penitis faucibus.
LIBANUS:Even more still.DEMAENETUS:Why, how long?(Spits.)
etiam amplius.Demaenetvs:Nam quo usque?
LIBANUS:I want you, even to the death—
Libanvs:Vsque ad mortem volo.
DEMAENETUS:Take you care of a woful mishap, if you please.
Demaenetvs:Cave sís malam rem.
LIBANUS:Of your wife, I mean, not of yourself.
Libanvs:Vxoris dico, non tuam.
DEMAENETUS:For that speech, I give you leave to be free from apprehension.
Demaenetvs:Dono te ob istuc dictum, ut expers sis metu.
LIBANUS:May the Gods grant you whatever you desire.
Libanvs:Di tibi dent quaecumque optes.
DEMAENETUS:In return, give me your attention. Why should I ask this of you? Or why should I threaten you, because you have not made me acquainted with it? Or why, in fine, should I censure my sonas other fathers do?
Demaenetvs:Redde operam mihi.cur hoc ego ex te quaeram? aut cur miniter tibipropterea quod me non scientem feceris?aut cur postremo filio suscenseam,patres ut faciunt ceteri?
LIBANUS:What new affair is this? (Aside.) I wonder much what it is, and I’m in dread what the upshot of it may be.
Libanvs:Quid istúc novi est?demiror quid sit et quo evadat sum in metu.
DEMAENETUS:In fact, I’m now aware that my son’s in love with that Courtesan Philenium, that lives close by. Is not this as I say, Libanus?
Demaenetvs:Equidem scio iam, filius quod amet meusistanc meretricem e proxumo Philaenium.estne hoc ut dico, Libane?
LIBANUS:You are upon the right track; such is the fact. But a dreadful malady has overtaken him.
Libanvs:Rectam instas viam.ea res est. sed eum morbus invasit gravis.
DEMAENETUS:What is the malady?
Demaenetvs:Quid morbi est?
LIBANUS:Why, that his presents don’t equal his promises.
Libanvs:Quia non suppetunt dictis data.
DEMAENETUS:Are you, then, one who assists my son in his amours?
Demaenetvs:Tune es adiutor nunc amanti filio?
LIBANUS:I really am, and our Leonida is another.
Libanvs:Sum vero, et alter noster est Leonida.
DEMAENETUS:I’ faith, you do kindly, and you gain thanks from me. But this wife of mine, Libanus, don’t you know what sort of a person she is?
Demaenetvs:Bene hercle facitis ét a me initis gratiam.verum meam uxorem, Libane, nescis qualis sit?
LIBANUS:You are the first to experience it, but we give a guess beforehand.
Libanvs:Tu primus sentis, nos tamen in pretio sumus.
DEMAENETUS:I confess that she is troublesome and not to be pleased.
Demaenetvs:Fateór eam esse importunam atque incommodam.
LIBANUS:You say that later than I believed you in it.
Libanvs:Posterius istuc dicis quam credo tibi.
DEMAENETUS:All parents, Libanus, who listen to me, will show indulgence to their children,inasmuch as they will find their sons more kindly disposed and more affectionate; and that do I desire to do myself. I wish to be loved by mine; I wish myself to be like my father, who, for my sake, himself in the disguise of a ship-master, carried off from a procurer a female with whom I was in love;
Demaenetvs:Omnes parentes, Libane, liberis suis,qui mi auscultabunt, facient obsequellam†quippe quí mage amico utantur gnato et benevolo.atque ego me id facere studeo, volo amari a meis;volo mé patris mei similem, qui causa meanauclerico ipse ornatu per fallaciamquam amabam abduxit ab lenone mulierem;
nor was he ashamed, at that time of life, to devise stratagems, and to purchase with good turns me, his son, for himself. These ways of my father have I resolved to imitate. For to-day my son Argyrippus has entreated meto give him a supply of money for his amours; and I very much wish in that to oblige my son. I wish to forward his amours; I wish him to be fond of myself, his father. Although his mother keeps him strictly, and with a tight rein, as fathers have been in the habit of doing, all that I dismiss.
neque puduit eum id aetatis sycophantiasstruere et beneficiis me emere gnatum suom sibi.eos mé decretumst persequi mores patris.nam me hodie oravit Argyrippus filius,uti sibi amanti facerem argenti copiam;et íd ego percupio obsequi gnato meo.[volo amori obsecutum illius, volo amet me patrem.]quamquam illum mater arte contenteque habet,patres ut consueverunt: ego mitto omnia haec.
Especially as he has deemed me deserving, for him to entrust it to ire, I ought to pay all due regard to his feelings. Inasmuch as he has applied to me, as it is right that a respectful son should do, I wish him to have some money for him to give to his mistress …LIBANUS:You are desiring that which I find you are do siring to no purpose.
praesertim quom is me dignum quoi concrederethabuit, me habere honorem eius ingenio decet;quom me adiit, ut pudentem gnatum aequomst patrem,cupio esse amicae quod det argentum suae.Libanvs:Cupis id quod cupere te nequiquam intellego.
Your wife brought her servant Saurea with her on her marriage, who has more in his control than you have.
dotalem servom Sauream uxor tuaadduxit, cui plus in manu sit quam tibi.
DEMAENETUS:I received money with her, and for the portion I sold my authority. Now I’ll compress into a few words what I want of you; my son is now in need of twenty silver minae:
Demaenetvs:Argentum accepi, dote imperium vendidi.nunc verba in pauca conferam quid te velim.viginti iam usust filio argenti minis:
do you manage that it may be forthwith found for him.LIBANUS:From what place in the world?
face id ut paratum iam sit.Libanvs:Vnde gentium?
DEMAENETUS:Cheat me of them.
Demaenetvs:Me defraudato.
LIBANUS:You are talking downright nonsense. You are bidding me take the clothes from off a naked man. I, cheat you?—come now, fly you without wings, please. What, am I to cheat you who have nothing in your power for your own self?Unless you have first cheated your wife out of something.
Libanvs:Maxumas nugas agis:nudo detrahere vestimenta me iubes.defraudem te ego? age sís, tu sine pennis vola.tene ego defraudem, cui ipsi nihil est in manu,nisi quid tu porro uxorem defraudaveris?
DEMAENETUS:Impose upon or rob myself in any way you can, my wife in any way, my servant Saurea in any way. I promise you that it shall not prove to your detriment, if you effect it to-day.
Demaenetvs:Qua me, qua uxorem, qua tu servom Saureampotes, circumduce, aufer; promitto tibinon offuturum, si id hodie effeceris.
LIBANUS:On the same principle you might bid me to fish in the air,and to hunt with a javelin in the midst of the sea.
Libanvs:Iubeas una opera me piscari in aere,venari autem rete iaculo in medio mari.†
DEMAENETUS:Take Leonida as your coadjutor; devise some plan or other, think of some expedient: bring it about that my son this day gets some money to give his mistress.
Demaenetvs:Tibi optionem sumito Leonidam,fabricare quidvis, quidvis comminiscere:perficito, argentum hodie ut habeat filius,amicae quod det.
LIBANUS:What say you, Demaenetus …if the foe should intercept me, will you ransom me?
Libanvs:Quid ais tu, Demaenete?Demaenetvs:Quid ⟨vis?⟩Libanvs:Si forte in insidias devenero,tun redimes me, si me hostes interceperint?
DEMAENETUS:I will ransom you.
Demaenetvs:Redimam.
LIBANUS:Then do you attend to something else, whatever you please.
Libanvs:Tum tu igitur aliud cura quid lubet.
DEMAENETUS:I’m off to the Forum, unless you wish for anything.LIBANUS:Be off—why are you not walking?
ego eo ad forum, nisi quid vis.Demaenetvs:Ei, bene ambula.
DEMAENETUS:And do you hear, too—?LIBANUS:Well now.
atque audin etiam?Libanvs:Ecce.
DEMAENETUS:If I want you for anything, where will you be?
Demaenetvs:Si quid te volam,ubi eris?
LIBANUS:Wherever it shall be agreable to my feelings. Really, there’s not a person that I shall stand in dread of from this time forward, for fear he might be able to do me an injury, since in your discourse you have disclosed to me all your sentiments. Why, your own self even I don’t stand much in awe of, if I carry this out. I’ll go where I intended, and there I’ll commune upon my plans.
Libanvs:Vbicumque libitum erit animo meo.profecto nemo est quem iam dehinc metuam mihine quid nocere possit, cum tu mihi tuaoratione omnem animum ostendisti tuom.quin te quoque ipsum facio haud magni, si hoc patro.pergam quo occepi atque ibi consilia exordiar.
DEMAENETUS:Do you hear me? I shall be with Archibulus, the banker.
Demaenetvs:Audin tu? apud Archibulum ego ero argentarium.
LIBANUS:In the Forum, you mean?
Libanvs:Nempe in foro?
DEMAENETUS:There, if there shall be any occasion for me.
Demaenetvs:Ibi, si quid opus fuerit.
LIBANUS:I’ll remember it.(Exit.)
Libanvs:Meminero.—
DEMAENETUS: (to himself)Not any servant can there be more artful than this fellow, nor yet more crafty, nor one that it is more difficult for you to be on your guard against.
Demaenetvs:Non esse servos peior hoc quisquam potestnec magis versutus nec quo ab caveas aegrius.
If you want anything well managed, entrust it to this same fellow; he’d rather he should die in wretchedness, than not have that quite completed which he has promised. For I know that this money is as surely forthcoming for my son, as that I look upon this same walking-stick.
eidem homini, si quid recte curatum velis,mandes: moriri sese misere mavolet,quam non perfectum reddat quod promiserit.nam ego illud argentum tam paratum filioscio esse quam me hunc scipionem contui.
But why am I delaying to go to the Forum where I had intended …(Exit.) (Enter ARGYRIPPUS, from the house of CLEAERETA, addressing her within.)ARGYRIPPUS:Is’t thus it is,—me to be shut out of doors? Is this the reward that’s given to me who deserve so highly of you? To him who deserves well you are unkind, to him who deserves ill you are indulgent.
sed quid ego cesso ire ad forum, quo inceperam?… atque ibi manebo apud argentarium.—Argyrippvs:Sícine hoc fít? foras aédibus me éici?promerenti optume hocin preti redditur?bene merenti mala es, male merenti bona es;
But to your own misfortune, for now from this spot will I go to the Triumvirs, and there I’ll take care your names shall be. I’ll punish capitally yourself and your daughter, you enticers, pests, and destruction of young men! For, compared with you, the sea is not the sea; you are a most dangerous sea.
at malo cum tuo, nam iam ex hoc locoíbo ego ad trés viros vóstraque ibi nóminafaxo erunt, capitis te perdam ego et filiam,pérlecebrae, pérmities, ádulescentum exitium.nám mare haud ést mare, vós mare acérrumum;
For on the sea did I find it, here have I been cleaned out of my wealth. What I have given, and what kindnesses I have done, I find them all valueless for good, and thrown away. But from hence-forth, whatever harm I shall be able to do you, I will do it, and do it at your deserts. I’ faith, I’ll reduce you to the verge of poverty, that state from which you have risen.By my troth, I’ll make you to know what you now are, and what you once were; what you were before I visited that daughter of yours, and, in my passion, bestowed upon her my affection; on coarse bread you were enjoying your life, in rags, and in want. And if these you had, especial thanks did you return to all the Divinities. Now, bad woman, you the same person, when ’tis better with you, don’t know me through whose means it is so.
nam in mari repperi, hic elavi bonis.ingrata atque inrita esse omnia intellegoquae dedi et quod bene feci, at posthac tibimále quod potero fácere faciam, méritoque id faciám tuo.ego pol te redigam eodem unde orta es, ad egestatis terminos,ego edepol te faciam ut quae sis nunc et quae fueris scias.quae prius quam ístam adii atque amans ego animum méum isti dedi,sordido vitam oblectabas pane in pannis inopia,atque ea si érant, magnás habebas omnibus dis gratias;eadem nunc, cum est melius, me, cuius opera est, ignoras mala.
From a wild beast, I’ll make you tame through hunger, only trust me for that. But I have no reason to blame your daughter herself; she does not deserve it in the least. She acts by your command; she obeys your bidding; you are her mother, you too her mistress. I’ll revenge myself on you; I’ll ruin you; as you are deserving, and as you merit at my hands. But look now, the hag, how she really doesn’t think me worthyfor her to come to and address and deprecate my resentment. But, see, the enticer’s coming out at last, I think. Here. before the door, I’ll address her in my own fashion, as I please, since I’m not allowed to do so within.(Enter CLEAERETA, from her house.)
reddam ego te ex fera fame mansuetem, me specta modo.nam isti quid suscenseam ipsi? nihil est, nihil quicquam meret;tuo facit iussu, tuo imperio paret: mater tu, eadem era es.té ego ulciscar, té ego ut digna es perdam atque ut de me meres.at scelesta viden ut ne id quidem, me dignum esse existumatquém adeat, quem conloquatur quoique irato supplicet?atque eccam inlecebra exit tandem; opinor hic ante ostiummeo modo loquar quaé volam, quoniam intus non licitum est mihi.
CLEAERETA:If any purchaser should come, he could not carry him away from me each single word of those for gold Philippean pieces.
Cleareta:Vnum quodque istorum verbum nummis Philippis aureisnon potest auferre hinc a me si quis emptor venerit;
What you say wrongfully against us is good gold and silver. Your heart is locked up here with us, at the helm of Cupid. With oars and with sails make haste and fly as fast as you can; the further you betake yourself to sea, the more the tide will bring you back to harbour.
nec recte quae tu in nos dicis, aurum atque argentum merumst:fixus hic apud nós est animus tuos clavo Cupidinis.remigio veloque quantum poteris festina et fuge:quam magis té in altum capessis, tam aestus te in portum refert.
ARGYRIPPUS:I faith, I’ll be depriving this custom-house officer of his dues.
Argyrippvs:Ego pol istum portitorem privabo portorio;
From henceforth I’ll persist in treating you as you have deserved of me and mine, since you have treated me not as I deserve, in excluding me from your house.
ego te dehinc ut merita es de me et mea re tractare exsequar,quom tu med ut meritus sum non tractas atque eicis domo.
CLEAERETA:I know that that is rather said with the tongue, than that it will happen in deed.
Cleareta:Magis istuc percipimus lingua dici, quam factis fore.
ARGYRIPPUS:I alone have brought you from obscurity and from want; if I alone patronize you, you can never return sufficient thanks.
Argyrippvs:Solus solitudine ego ted atque ab egestate abstuli;solus si ductem, referre gratiam numquam potes.
CLEAERETA:Do you still be the only one to patronize me, if you alone will always give me what I ask. Do you always keep what has been promised you, on this condition, that you surpass others in your presents.
Cleareta:Solus ductato, si semper solus quae poscam dabis;semper tibi promissum habeto hac lege, dum superes datis.
ARGYRIPPUS:What limit is there to be to giving? For really you can never be satisfied; the moment that you’ve received something, not very long after, you are devising something for you to be asking for.
Argyrippvs:Qui modus dandi? nam numquam tu quidem expleri potes;modo quom accepisti, haud multo post aliquid quod poscas paras.
CLEAERETA:What limit is there to be to your enjoying yourself, and to your indulging your amour? Can you never be satisfied?
Cleareta:Quid modist ductando, amando? numquamne expleri potes?
The moment that you have sent her home, that instant, you are directly asking me to send her back to you.
modo remisisti, continuo iam ut remittam ad te rogas.
ARGYRIPPUS:In fact, I have given whatever you have demanded of me.
Argyrippvs:Dedi equidem quod mecum egisti.
CLEAERETA:And I have sent the damsel to you. A requital has been given, like for like; a return for the money.
Cleareta:Et tibi ego misi mulierem:par pari datum hostimentumst, opera pro pecunia.
ARGYRIPPUS:You treat me badly.
Argyrippvs:Male agis mecum.
CLEAERETA:Why do you blame me if I do my duty? For nowhere is it either feigned in story or represented in pictures or written in poems,where a procuress, who wishes to thrive, treats any lover well.
Cleareta:Quid me accusas, si facio officium meum?nam neque fictum usquamst neque pictum neque scriptum in poematisubi lena bene agat cum quiquam amante, quae frugi esse volt.
ARGYRIPPUS:Still,’twere right for you to show favour to me at least, that I might last the longer for you.
Argyrippvs:Mihi quidem te parcere aequomst tandem, ut tibi durem diu.
CLEAERETA:Don’t you know, the woman that shows favour to a lover, that same woman shows little favour to herself? Just like a fish, so is a lover to a procuress; he’s good for nothing if he isn’t fresh. Then it has juice, then it has sweetness; in any fashion you like you may season it,either stewed or roasted; ill any way you will, you may turn it. So the lover; he’s ready to give, he longs for something to be asked of him, for there it’s taken from a full stock, nor does he know what he’s giving, or what mischief he’s doing. Of this matter does the new lover think; he wishes himself to please his mistress, he wishes to please me, he wishes to please her lady’s maid, he wishes to please the men-servants, he wishes to please the maid-servants as well, and even my dogdoes he caress, that when it sees him, it may be delighted. I tell the truth; it shows cleverness for every person to be fair-dealing for his own advantage.
Cleareta:Non tu scis? quae amanti parcet, eadem sibi parcet parum.quasi piscis, itidemst amator lenae: nequam est, nisi recens;is habet sucum, is suavitatem, eum quo vis pacto condias,vel patinarium vel assum, verses quo pacto lubet:is dare volt, is se aliquid posci, nam ibi de pleno promitur;neque ille scit quid det, quid damni faciat: illi rei studet.volt placere sese amicae, volt mihi, volt pedisequae,volt famulis, volt etiam ancillis; et quoque catulo meosubblanditur novos amator, se ut quom videat gaudeat.vera dico: ad suom quemque hominem quaestum esse aequomst callidum.
ARGYRIPPUS:I’ve thoroughly learned that this is true, to my own great misfortune.
Argyrippvs:Perdidici istaec esse vera damno cum magno meo.
CLEAERETA:I’ faith, if you now had anything to give, you’d be uttering different remarks; now, since you’ve got nothing, you expect to be having her by means of harsh language.
Cleareta:Si ecastor nunc habeas quod des, alia verba praehibeas;nunc quia nihil habes, maledictis te eam ductare postulas.
ARGYRIPPUS:’Tis not my way.CLEAERETA:Nor yet mine, indeed, i’ faith, to be sending her to you for nothing; but this shall be done out of regard for your youthful age and your own sake, since you have rather been the cause of profit to us than of reputation to yourself. If two talents of silver are paid me down, reckoned in my hand, this night will I grant you for nothing, as a present, by reason of my respect for you.
Argyrippvs:Non meum est.Cleareta:Nec meum quidem edepol, ad te ut mittam gratiis.verum aetatis atque honoris gratia hoc fiet tui,quia nobis lucro fuisti potius quam decori tibi:si mihi dantur duo talenta argenti numerata in manum,hanc tibi noctem honoris causa gratiis dono dabo.
ARGYRIPPUS:What if I haven’t it?
Argyrippvs:Quid si non est?
CLEAERETA:I’ll believe that you haven’t it—still, she shall go to another.
Cleareta:Tibi non esse credam, illa alio ibit tamen.
ARGYRIPPUS:Where is that which I have given you already?
Argyrippvs:Vbi illaec quae dedi ante?
CLEAERETA:Spent; for if it was remaining to me, the damsel should be sent to you, and I should never ask for anything. Daylight, water, the sun, the moon, the night, these things I purchase not with money; the rest, whatever we wish to enjoy, we purchase on Grecian trust.
Cleareta:Abusa. nam si ea durarent mihi,mulier mitteretur ad te, numquam quicquam poscerem.diem aquam solem lunam noctem, haec argento non emo:ceterum quae volumus uti Graeca mercamur fide.
When we ask bread of the baker, wine from the wineshop—if they receive the money, they give their wares; the same principle do I go upon. My hands always have eyes in them; they believe what they see. There’s an old saying, “trusting is good for nought;” you know whose it is—I say no more.
quom a pistore panem petimus, vinum ex oenopolio,si aes habent, dant mercem: eadem nos discipulina utimur.semper oculatae manus sunt nostrae, credunt quod vident.vetus est: “nihili coactiost” — scis cuius. non dico amplius.
ARGYRIPPUS:Now I’m clean stripped, you tell me another tale;a very different one, I say, you give me now from formerly, when I was making presents; a different one from formerly, when with kindness and good words you used to entice me to your house. Then did your house even smile upon me, when I used to come to you. You used to say that I alone of all loved you and her. When I had given anything, just like the young ones of a pigeon were you both upon my lips;and all your likings were according to my own liking. You always kept close to me; whatever I requested, whatever I wished, you used to do; what I didn’t wish and forbade, that, with carefulness, you used to avoid, nor did you first venture to attempt to do it. Now, you jades, you don’t much care either what I do wish or what I don’t wish.
Argyrippvs:Aliam nunc mi orationem despoliato praedicas,longe aliam, inquam, praebes nunc atque olim, quom dabam,aliam atque olim, quom inliciebas me ad te blande ac benedice.tum mi aedes quoque arridebant, cum ad te veniebam, tuae;me unice unum ex omnibus te atque illam amare aibas mihi;ubi quid dederam, quasi columbae pulli in ore ambae meousque eratis, meo de studio studia erant vostra omnia,usque adhaerebatis: quod ego iusseram, quod volueramfaciebatis, quod nolebam ac votueram, de industriafugiebatis, neque conari id facere audebatis prius.nunc neque quid velim neque nolim facitis magni, pessumae.
CLEAERETA:Don’t you know? This calling of ours is very like that of the fowler. The fowler, when he has prepared the spot, sprinkles the food about. The birds are accustomed to the spot.’Tis necessary for him to make an outlay, who seeks for gain. They eat often; if they are caught once, they reimburse the fowler.So in like manner here with us. Our house is the spot, I am the fowler, the courtesan is the food, the couch is the decoy, the lovers the birds. By kindly welcoming them, by addressing them courteously, by dallying, and by chattering over the wine, and amusing conversation, they are won. If one of them has touched her bosom, that is not without advantage to the fowler. If he has taken a kiss, him you may take without a net. That you should be forgetful of these things, you who have been schooled so long!
Cleareta:Non tu scis? hic noster quaestus aucupi simillimust.auceps quando concinnavit aream, offundit cibum;aves adsuescunt: nécesse est facere sumptum qui quaerit lucrum;saepe edunt: semel si sunt captae, rem solvont aucupi.itidem hic apud nos: aedes nobis area est, auceps sum ego,esca est meretrix, lectus inlex est, amatores aves;bene salutando consuescunt, compellando blanditer,osculando, oratione vinnula, venustula.si papillam pertractavit, haud est ab re aúcupis;savium si sumpsit, sumere eum licet sine retibus.haecine te esse oblitum, in ludo qui fuisti tam diu?
ARGYRIPPUS:That’s your own fault, in turning away from you a scholar half instructed.
Argyrippvs:Tua ista culpa est, quae discipulum semidoctum abs te amoves.
CLEAERETA:Come back again without hesitation, if you’ve got the pay; for the present, be off.(Pretends to go.)
Cleareta:Remeato audacter, mercedem sí eris nactus: nunc abi.
ARGYRIPPUS:Stay, stay; don’t you hear me? Say what you think it fair that I should give you for her, that for this year she may be with no one else.
Argyrippvs:Mane, mane, audi. dic, quid me aequom censes pro illa tibi dare,annum hunc ne cum quiquam alio sit?
CLEAERETA:What, you? Twenty minae. And on this condition: if any other person shall bring them first to me, to you—good-bye.
Cleareta:Tene? viginti minas;atque ea lege: si alius ad me prius attulerit, tu vale.
ARGYRIPPUS:But I— There’s still something that I wish to say to you before you go.
Argyrippvs:At ego est etiam prius quam abis quod volo loqui.
CLEAERETA:Say what you please.
Cleareta:Dic quod lubet.
ARGYRIPPUS:I’m not entirely ruined yet; there’s still something more left for me to come to ruin. I have wherewithal to give you what you ask; but I’ll give it you on my own terms,that you may be enabled to understand that throughout all this year she is to be at my service, and that, in the meantime, she is to admit no other man whatever to her, besides myself.
Argyrippvs:Non omnino iam perii, est relicuom quo peream magis.habeo unde istuc tibi quod poscis dem; sed in leges measdabo, uti scire possis, perpetuom annum hunc mihi uti serviatnec quemquam interea alium admittat prorsus quam me ad se virum.
CLEAERETA:Why, if you choose, the male-servants that are at home, I’ll make eunuchs of. In fine, take you care and bring articles of agreement that we will be as you wish. Impose conditions upon us as you wish, and as you shall choose.
Cleareta:Quin, si tu voles, domi sérvi qui sunt castrabo viros.postremo ut voles nos esse, syngraphum facito adferas;ut voles, ut tibi lubebit, nobis legem imponito:
Do you only bring the money with you, I’ll readily put up with the rest. The doors of procurers are very like those of a custom-house officer; if you bring anything, then they are opened; if there is nothing for you to give, then the doors are not opened.(Goes into her house.)ARGYRIPPUS: (to himself.)I’m undone, if I don’t procure these twenty minae. And really, unless I make away with this much money, I must come to destruction.
modo tecum una argentum adferto, facile patiar cetera.portitorum símillumae sunt ianuae lenoniae:si adfers, tum patent, si non est quod des, aedes non patent.—Argyrippvs:Interii, si non invenio ego illas viginti minas,et profecto, nisi illud perdo argentum, pereundum est mihi.
Now I’ll go to the Forum, and make trial with my resources, with all my endeavours. I’ll beg, I’ll earnestly entreat each friend as I see him; both good and bad am I determined to apply to, and make trial of. But if I can’t borrow it, I’ll take it up at interest, I’m resolved.(Goes into the house of DEMAENETUS.) (Enter LIBANUS, from the house of DEMAENETUS.)LIBANUS:Upon my faith, Libanus, it really were better for you now to be waking,and to be devising some plan for procuring the money. A long time has now elapsed, since you parted with your master and went to the Forum. For that end that you might devise some plan for procuring the money, there till this time of day have you been sleeping at your ease. Why don’t you away with all slothfulness from yourself, and remove all sluggishness,and betake yourself again to your former dexterous ingenuity. Preserve your master; take you care, too, how you do the same that other servants are wont, who employ a clever ingenuity in cheating their master? Whence shall I get it? Whom shall I diddle out of it? Whither shall I steer this fly-boat?’Tis settled,’tis confirmed by auspices; on each side do the birds give good omens.The woodpecker and the crow are on my right, the raven, as well, upon my left. They are persuading me to it: i’ faith, I’m resolved to follow your advice. (Starts and listens.) But what means this, that the woodpecker is tapping the elm-tree? That’s not for nothing. Troth, for certain, so far as I can gather omens from augury, the rods are in readiness for my own back, or for Saurea the chamberlain.
nunc pergam ad forum atque experiar opibus, omni copia,supplicabo, exobsecrabo ut quemque amicum videro,dignos indignos adire atque experiri certumst mihi,†nam si mutuas non potero, certumst sumam faenore.—Libanvs:Hercle vero, Libane, nunc te meliust expergiscieratque argento comparando fingere fallaciam.iam diu est factúm quom discesti ab ero atque abiisti ad forum,[igitur inveniundo argento ut fingeres fallaciam.]ibi tu ad hoc diei tempus dormitasti in otio.quin tu abs te socordiam omnem reice et segnitiem amoveatque ad ingenium vetus versutum te recipis tuom.serva erum, cave tú idem faxis alii quod servi solent,quí ad eri fraudationem callidum ingenium gerunt.unde sumam? quem intervortam? quo hanc celocem conferam?impetritum, inauguratumst: quovis admittunt aves,picus et cornix ab laeva, corvos parra ab dexteraconsuadent; certum herclest vostram consequi sententiam.sed quid hoc, quod picus ulmum tundit? non temerariumst.certe hercle ego quantum ex augurio éius pici intellego,aut mihi in mundo sunt virgae aut atriensi Saureae.
But what means this that Leonida is running this way out of breath? I fear that this bodes ill for my trumped-up schemes(Stands apart.) (Enter LEONIDA, running.)LEONIDA: (to himself.)
sed quid illúc, quod exanimatus currit huc Leonida?metuo quom illic obscaevavit meae falsae fallaciae.
Where now shall I find Libanus, or my master’s son, that I may make them more mirthful than is Mirth herself? Great booty and a triumph do I bring them on my arrival.
Leonida:Vbi ego nunc Libanum requiram aut familiarem filium,ut ego illos lubentiores faciam quam Lubentiast?maximam praedam et triumphum eis adfero adventu meo.
Inasmuch as together with me they drink, together with me they are wont to wench, why, this booty that I’ve got, together with them will I share it.LIBANUS: (apart.)
quando mecum pariter potant, pariter scortari solent,hanc quidem, quam nactus, praedam pariter cum illis partiam.
This fellow has been robbing a house, if he has been acting after his usual manner. Woe to the person that has so carelessly kept the door!LEONIDA: (to himself.)
Libanvs:Illic homo aedis compilavit, more si fecit suo.vae illi, qui tam indiligenter observavit ianuam.
I could be ready to be a slave for an age, if I could only meet with Libanus.LIBANUS: (apart.)
Leonida:Aetatem velim servire, Libanum ut conveniam modo.
I’ faith, with my assistance, indeed, you shall never be free a bit the sooner.LEONIDA: (to himself.)
Libanvs:Mea quidem hercle ópera liber numquam fies ocius.
I’d give two hundred teeming lashes on my back as well.LIBANUS: (apart.)
Leonida:Etiam de tergo ducentas plagas praegnatis dabo.
He’s giving away all his substance, for he carries his treasures on his back.LEONIDA: (to himself.)
Libanvs:Largitur peculium, omnem in tergo thensaurum gerit.
But if time should intervene upon this opportunity, never, upon my faith, will he hereafter obtain it again, even with white horses.
Leonida:Nam si huic sése occasioni tempus supterduxerit,numquam edepol quadrigis albis indipiscet postea;
He’ll be deserting his master in the siege; he’ll be increasing the courage of the foe. But if with me he is desirous to seize hold upon this opportunity which has presented itself, very great bounties brimful of joyousness, will he, together with myself, be producing for his masters, both for the son and the father. So that, for life, they will be indebted to us both,bound by our services.LIBANUS: (apart.)He’s talking of persons being bound, I don’t know who. I don’t like it; I fear for us in common, lest he may have been cheating in some cheatery.LEONIDA: (to himself.)
erum in óbsidione linquet, inimicum animos auxerit.sed si mecum occasionem opprimere hanc, quae obvenit, studet,maximas opimitates, gaudio exfertissimassuis eris ille una mecum pariet, gnatoque et patri,adeo ut aetatem ambo ambobus nobis sint obnoxii,nostro devincti beneficio.Libanvs:Vinctos nescio quos ait;non placet: metuo, in commune ne quam fraudem frausus sit.
I’m utterly undone, unless I find Libanus at once, wherever in the world he is.LIBANUS: (apart.)
Leonida:Perii ego oppido, nisi Libanum invenio iam, ubiubi est gentium.
This fellow’s looking out for an accomplice, to unite with himself in a bad design. I don’t like it:’tis a portentous sign that instant, when a person trembles that sweats.LEONIDA: (to himself.)
Libanvs:Illic homó socium ad malam rem quaerit quem adiungat sibi.non placet: pro monstro extemplo est, quando qui sudat tremit.
But why, as I hasten, do I loiter here with my feet, and make myself so bounteous with my tongue? Why don’t I bid it be quiet, that in its talkativeness is wearing out the day?LIBANUS: (apart.)
Leonida:Sed quid ego hic properans concesso pedibus, lingua largior?quin ego hanc iubeo tacere, quae loquens lacerat diem?
Upon my faith, an unfortunate man, to check his patroness; for if he has done anything roguishly, his tongue perjures itself in his behalf.LEONIDA: (to himself.)
Libanvs:Edepol hominem ínfelicem, qui patronam comprimat.nam si quid sceleste fecit, lingua pro illo perierat.
I’ll make haste, lest I should be providing a safe keeping for my spoil too late.LIBANUS: (apart.)
Leonida:Adproperabo, ne post tempus praedae praesidium parem.
What spoil is this? I’ll go meet him, and enquire what it is. (He accosts him.) I wish you health in as loud a voice as my strength admits of.
Libanvs:Quae illaec praeda est? ibo advorsum atque electabo, quidquid est.iubeo te salvere voce summa, quo ad vires valent.
LEONIDA:Exerciser of the whip, health to you.
Leonida:Gymnasium flagri, salveto.
LIBANUS:Keeper of the gaol, how do you do?
Libanvs:Quid agis, custos carceris?
LEONIDA:Ha! colonizer of the chains.
Leonida:O catenarum colone.
LIBANUS:Ha! delight of the scourges.
Libanvs:O virgarum lascivia.
LEONIDA:When naked, how many pounds do you say you are in weight?
Leonida:Quot pondo ted esse censes nudum?
LIBANUS:Upon my faith, I don’t know.
Libanvs:Non edepol scio.
LEONIDA:I know that you don’t know; but, i’ faith, I who have weighed you do know. Tied up naked, you were a hundred pounds in weight, when you were hanging with your feet downwards.
Leonida:Scibam ego te nescire, at pol ego, qui ted expendi, scio:nudus vinctus centum pondo es, quando pendes per pedes.
LIBANUS:On what evidence is that?
Libanvs:Quo argumento istuc?
LEONIDA:I’ll tell you on what evidence, and in what way. When you are tied up with a full hundred pounds to your feet, when the manacles are fastened to your hands, and tied to the beam,you are weighing neither more nor less, than as being a worthless and good-for-nothing fellow.
Leonida:Ego dicam, quo argumento et quo modo.ad pedes quando adligatumst aequom centumpondium,ubi manus manicae complexae sunt atque adductae ad trabem,nec dependes nec propendes—quin malus nequamque sis.
LIBANUS:Woe be to you!
Libanvs:Vae tibi.
LEONIDA:That, Servitude bequeaths to you by her will.
Leonida:Hoc testamento Servitus legat tibi.
LIBANUS:I wish this skirmishing of words to be cut short. What matter is this?
Libanvs:Verbivelitationem fieri compendi volo.Quid istud est negoti?
LEONIDA:Am I sure in trusting you?
Leonida:Certum est credere.
LIBANUS:You may, without hesitation.
Libanvs:Audacter licet.
LEONIDA:If you wish to assist our master’s son in his amour,there is so much of a good opportunity on a sudden, but still mingled with evil—all the hangman’s days will be rendered famous by ourselves. Libanus, now have we occasion to find some boldness and inventiveness. An exploit so great have I thought of just now, that we two may be pronounced the most deserving of all for torture to befall us.
Leonida:Sis amanti subvenire familiari filio,tantum adest boni improviso, verum commixtum malo:omnes de nobis carnificum concelebrabuntur dies.Libane, nunc audacia usust nobis inventa et dolis.tantum facinus modo invéni ego, ut nos dicamur duoomnium dignissumi esse, quo cruciatus confluant.
LIBANUS:’Twas on that account I was wondering why my shoulder-blades were aching just now, which were beginning to prognosticate that there was some danger for them at home. Whatever it is, speak out.LEONIDA:’Tis great booty with great risk.
Libanvs:Ergo mirabar quod dudum scapulae gestibant mihi,hariolari quae occeperunt, sibi esse in mundo malum.quidquid est, eloquere.Leonida:Magna est praeda cum magno malo.
LIBANUS:If indeed all persons by compact were to collect all the tortures, I have, I fancy, a back at home, so that I need not seek it out of doors.
Libanvs:Si quidem omnes coniurati cruciamenta conferant,habeo opinor familiare tergum, ne quaeram foris.
LEONIDA:If you maintain such firmness of resolve, then we are all right.
Leonida:Si istam firmitudinem animi óptines, salvi sumus.
LIBANUS:Why, if the matter were to be atoned for by my back, I could wish to seize the public money: I’ll persist in my denial, and I’ll endure all; in fine, I’ll forswear myself.
Libanvs:Quin si tergo res solvenda est, rapere cupio publicum:pernegabo atque obdurabo, periurabo denique.
LEONIDA:Ah! that’s true valour, when occasion is, for one to endure misfortune with boldness. He that endures misfortune with boldness, that man afterwards enjoys good fortune.
Leonida:Em ista virtus est, quando usust qui malum fert fortiter;fortiter malum qui patitur, idem post potitur bonum.
LIBANUS:Why don’t you tell the matter at once? I’m longing to tempt the scourge.LEONIDA: (breathing hard.)
Libanvs:Quin rem actutum edisseris? cupio malum nanciscier.
Ask deliberately each particular then, that I may rest me. Don’t you see that I’m still out of breath with running?LIBANUS:Well, well, I’ll wait your pleasure, even, in fact, till you die.
Leonida:Placide ergo unum quidquid rogita, ut adquiescam. non videsme ex cursura anhelitum etiam ducere?Libanvs:Age, age, manserotuo arbitratu, vel adeo usque dum peris.
LEONIDA:Where’s our master, pray?
Leonida:Vbinam est erus?
LIBANUS:The old one is at the Forum, the young one is here in-doors.
Libanvs:Maior apud forumst, minor hic est intus.
LEONIDA:That’s enough for me then.
Leonida:Iam satis est mihi.
LIBANUS:Is it then that you’ve become a rich man?
Libanvs:Túm igitur tu dives es factus?
LEONIDA:Leave off your raillery.
Leonida:Mitte ridicularia.
LIBANUS:I’ll have done; for my ears are in expectation of what you are bringing me.
Libanvs:Mitto. … istuc quod adfers aures exspectant meae.
LEONIDA:Give your attention, that equally with myself you may learn this.
Leonida:Animum adverte, ut aeque mecum haéc scias.
LIBANUS:I’m silent, then.
Libanvs:Taceo.
LEONIDA:You oblige me. Don’t you remember that our chamberlain sold some Arcadian asses to a dealer of Pella?
Leonida:Beas.meministin asinos Arcadicos mercatori Pellaeonostrum vendere atriensem?
LIBANUS:I remember it; after that, what then?
Libanvs:Memini. quid tum postea?
LEONIDA:Well, he has sent some money here then to be paid to Saurea, for the asses; a young man has just now come who has brought this money.
Leonida:Em ergo is argentum huc remisit, quod daretur Saureaepró asinis. adulescens venit modo, qui id argentum attulit.