ARGYRIPPUS:Indeed I will, and really with pleasure, i’ faith. (Placing his arm round PHILENIUM’S neck.) In the meantime, if it seems good to you, do you step aside there.
Argyrippvs:Ego vero, et quidem edepol lubens. interea, si videtur,concedite istuc.
LEONIDA: (to LIBANUS.)Should you like our master to be bantered a bit?
Leonida:Vin erum deludi?
LIBANUS:He really is deserving of it.
Libanvs:Dignust sane.
LEONIDA:Should you like me, in his presence, to make Philenium embrace me?
Leonida:Vin faciam ut te Philaenium praesente hoc amplexetur?
LIBANUS:I’ faith, I should like it.
Libanvs:Cupio hercle.
LEONIDA:Follow me this way.(They join ARGYRIPPUS.)
Leonida:Sequere hac.
ARGYRIPPUS:Is there any escape at all? Have you conversed enough?
Argyrippvs:Ecquid est salutis? satis locuti.
LEONIDA:Listen, and give attention, and devour my words.
Leonida:Auscultate atque operam date et mea dicta devorate.
First of all, that we are your slaves, we don’t deny; but if twenty silver minae are forthcoming for you, by what name will you call us?ARGYRIPPUS:Freed-men.
primum omnium servos tuos nos esse non negamus;sed tibi si viginti minae argenti proferentur,quo nos vocabis nomine?Argyrippvs:Libertos.
LEONIDA:And not patrons?
Leonida:Non patronos?
ARGYRIPPUS:That in preference.
Argyrippvs:Id potius.
LEONIDA: (produces the bag.)Here are twenty minae in this bag. These, if you like, I’ll give you.
Leonida:Viginti minae hic insunt in crumina,has ego, si vis, tibi dabo.
ARGYRIPPUS:May the Deities ever preserve you,protector of your master, honor to the people, treasury of resources, preserver of my inner man, and commander of love; place it here, put down that bag, here on the spot, at once.
Argyrippvs:Di te servassint semper,custos erilis, decus popli, thensaurus copiarum,salus interioris † corporis amorisque imperator.hic pone, hic istam colloca cruminam in collo plane.
LEONIDA:I don’t like you, who are my master, to carry this load.
Leonida:Nolo ego te, quí erus sis, mihi onus istuc sustinere.
ARGYRIPPUS:Still, do you rid yourself of the trouble, and fasten that bag to myself.
Argyrippvs:Quin tu labore liberas te atque istam imponis in me?
LEONIDA:I’ll carry it, porter-like; you, as befits my master, go, without any burden, before me.
Leonida:Ego baiulabo, tu, ut decet dominum, ante me ito inanis.
ARGYRIPPUS:How now?Why’s this?Why don’t you give up the bag here, for your master to feel its weight?
Argyrippvs:Quid nunc?Leonida:Quid est?Argyrippvs:Quin tradis huc cruminam pressatum umerum?
LEONIDA:Bid her to whom I’m about to give it, to beg and entreat it of me. For that’s a dangerous spot where you bid me put it down at once.PHILENIUM: (to LEONIDA.)
Leonida:Hanc, cui daturu's hancdaturus es, iube petere atque orare mecum.nam istuc proclive est, quo iubes me plane collocare.
Apple of my eye, my rose, my life, my delight,Leonida, do give me the money, and don’t sever us lovers asunder.LEONIDA: (to PHILENIUM.)
Philaenivm:Da, meus ocellus, mea rosa, mi ánime, mea voluptas,Leonida, argentum mihi, ne nos diiunge amantis.
Call me, then, your little sparrow, your chicken, your quail, your pet lamb: say that I’m your pet kid or your pet calf; take me by the ears, press your lips to my lips.
Leonida:Dic me igitur tuom passerculum, gallinam, coturnicem,agnellum, haedillum me tuom dic esse vel vitellum,prehende auriculis, compara labella cum labellis.
ARGYRIPPUS:She, kiss you, you whip-scoundrel?
Argyrippvs:Ten osculetur, verbero?
LEONIDA:Really, how unbecoming it does seem!
Leonida:Quam vero indignum visum est?
But, by the powers, you shan’t get it this day, if my knees are not embraced.ARGYRIPPUS: (aside.)
at qui pol hodie non feres, ni genua confricantur.
Necessity compels to anything. (To LEONIDA.) Let them be embraced (kneels down and embraces his knees): now give what I’m asking for.
Argyrippvs:Quidvis egestas imperat: fricentur. dan quod oro?
PHILENIUM:Come, my Leonida, prithee do bring safety to your master thus in love. Redeem yourself from him by this service, and purchase him for yourself with this money.
Philaenivm:Age, mi Leonida, obsecro, fer amanti ero salutem,redime istoc benefició te ab hoc, et tibi eme hunc isto argento.
LEONIDA:You are very pretty and amiable; and if this were mine, you should never this dayask me for it, but I would give it you:’tis better for you to ask it of him (pointing to LIBANUS), for ’twas he gave it me to keep for him. Approach him then prettily, my pretty one. (Delivers the bag to LIBANUS.) Take this, please, Libanus.
Leonida:Nimis bélla es atque amabilis, et si hoc meum esset, hodienumquam me orares quin darem: illum te orare meliust,illic hánc mihi servandam dedit. ei sane bella belle.cape hoc sis, Libane.
ARGYRIPPUS:Scoundrel, are you still trifling with me?
Argyrippvs:Furcifer, etiam me delusisti?
LEONIDA:I’ faith, I should never have done so, if you hadn’t embraced my knees so roughly. (Aside to LIBANUS.) Come, please, in your turn, do you at once have some sport with him, and give her an embrace.LIBANUS: (aside to LEONIDA.)
Leonida:Numquam hercle facerem, genua ni tam nequiter fricares.age sis tu in partem nunciam hunc delude atque amplexare hanc.
Hold your tongue; trust me for that.ARGYRIPPUS:Why don’t we accost him, Philenium? (pointing to LIBANUS)—really, a very worthy fellow, upon my faith, and not like this thief (pointing to LEONIDA).LIBANUS: (aside to LEONIDA.)
Libanvs:Taceas, me spectes.Argyrippvs:Quin ad hunc, Philaenium, adgredimur,virum quidem pol optimum et non similem furis huius?
We must walk up and down; now, in my turn, they’ll be entreating me.
Libanvs:Inambulandum est: nunc mihi vicissim supplicabunt.
ARGYRIPPUS:By heaven, Libanus, I do entreat you, be pleased by your deeds to come to your master’s rescue; do give me those twenty minae: you see that thus in love I stand in need of them.
Argyrippvs:Quaeso hercle, Libane, sis erum tuis factis sospitari,da mi istas viginti minas. vides me amantem egere.
LIBANUS:It shall be seen to; I wish it done; return here at nightfall. Now bid her, ever so little, to beg and entreat them of me.PHILENIUM: (to LIBANUS.)
Libanvs:Videbitur. factum volo. redito huc conticinno.nunc istanc tantisper iube petere atque orare mecum.
Do you wish me to begin with caressing, or with kissing you?
Philaenivm:Amandone exorarier vis ted an osculando?
LIBANUS:Why, really, with them both.
Libanvs:Enim véro utrumque.
PHILENIUM:And do you then, I do entreat you, prove the saving of us both.
Philaenivm:Ergo, obsecro, ét tu utrumque nostrum serva.
ARGYRIPPUS:O Libanus, my patron, do give me that;’tis more becomingfor the freed-man, than for the patron, to be carrying a burden in the street.
Argyrippvs:O Libane, mi patrone, mi trade istuc. magis decorumstlibertum potius quam patronum onus in via portare.
PHILENIUM:My Libanus, golden apple of my eye, the gift and the very grace of love; there’s a dear, whatever you wish, I’ll do; prithee, do give us that money.
Philaenivm:Mi Libane, ocellus aureus, donum decusque amoris,amabo, faciam quod voles, da istuc argentum nobis.
LIBANUS:Call me, then, your little duck, dove, or your puppet; your swallow, jackdaw, little sparrow, your mannikin:make of me the reptile that crawls, so that I may have a double tongue; enfold me in your arms, and embrace my neck.
Libanvs:Dic igitur med aniticulam, columbam vel catellum,hirundinem, monerulam, passerculum putillum,fac proserpentem bestiam me, duplicem ut habeam linguam,circumda torquem brachiis, meum collum circumplecte.
ARGYRIPPUS:She, embrace you, villain?
Argyrippvs:Ten complectatur, carnufex?
LIBANUS:Really, how undeserving I do seem. You shan’t for no purpose have uttered a speech so unseemly against me. By my troth, if indeed you expect to get this money, this day you shall carry myself on your shoulders.
Libanvs:Quam vero indignus videor?ne istuc nequiquam dixeris tam indignum dictum in me,vehes pól hodie me, si quidem hoc argentum ferre speres.
ARGYRIPPUS:What? I, carry you?
Argyrippvs:Ten ego veham?
LIBANUS:Otherwise, you shan’t get this money from me.
Libanvs:Tun hoc feras argentum áliter a me?
ARGYRIPPUS:Heavens, I’m undone! Still, if indeed it is decorous for the master to carry the servant, mount.
Argyrippvs:Perii hercle. si verum quidem et decorum erum vehere servom,inscende.
LIBANUS:In this way are proud people wont to be tamed. Stand still then, just as you were wont to do when formerly a boy. Do you understand what I say? (He prepares to get upon the shoulders of ARGYRIPPUS.) Aye—so—move on: I praise you much; not any horse is there more clever than yourself as a horse.ARGYRIPPUS: (while stooping.)
Libanvs:Sic isti solent superbi subdomari.asta igitur, ut consuetus es puer olim. scin ut dicam?em sic. abi, laúdo, nec te equo magis est equos ullus sapiens.
Get on, directly.LIBANUS:I’ll do so. (He gets on.) Hallo!—what’s the matter? How are you going? By my troth, I’ll deprive you of your barley then, if you don’t amble, lifting up your feet.
Argyrippvs:Inscende actutum.Libanvs:Ego fecero. hem quid istúc est? ut tu incedis?demam hercle iam de hórdeo, tolutim ni badizas.
ARGYRIPPUS:Prithee, Libanus, there’s enough now.
Argyrippvs:Amabo, Libane, iam sat est.
LIBANUS:Never this day, by my troth, shall you get anything by entreaty. For now up hill with the spur will I push on my steed. After that, I’ll deliver you to the millers, that there you may be tortured as you run.
Libanvs:Numquam hercle hodie exorabis.nam iam calcari quadrupedo agitabo advorsum clivom,postidea ad pistores dabo, ut ibí cruciere currens.
Stand still, that I may now at once get down for the hill, although you are but a bad one.(Gets off his shoulders.)
asta ut descendam nunciam in proclivi, quamquam nequam es.
ARGYRIPPUS:Well now—since you’ve both made fun of me just as you liked, are you going to give the money?
Argyrippvs:Quid nunc, amabo? quoniam, ut est libitum, nos delusistis,datisne argentum?
LIBANUS:Why, yes, if, indeed, you erect to me a statue and an altar, and then sacrifice an ox to me here as though to a God; for I am the Divinity Salvation to you.
Libanvs:Si quidem mihi statuam et aram statuisatque ut deo mi hic immolas bovem: nam ego tibi Salus sum.
LEONIDA:Nay, but, master, do you betake yourself away from him, and do you come to me.And, what he has demanded for himself, will you erect a statue for me, and offer prayers to me?
Leonida:Etiam tu, ere, istunc amoves abs te atque † ipse me adgredereatque illa, sibi quae hic iusserat, mihi statuis supplicasque?
ARGYRIPPUS:But what Divinity am I to call you?
Argyrippvs:Quem te autem divom nominem?
LEONIDA:Fortune, and that the Propitious one.
Leonida:Fortunam, atque Obsequentem.
ARGYRIPPUS:You are better than he then.
Argyrippvs:Iam istoc es melior.
LIBANUS:Why, is there ever anything better for a man than Salvation?
Libanvs:An quid est homini Salute melius?
ARGYRIPPUS:Though I praise Fortune, still, not to speak in dispraise of the Divinity Salvation—
Argyrippvs:Licet laúdem Fortunam, tamen ut ne Salutem culpem.
PHILENIUM:By the powers, but they are good, both of them.
Philaenivm:Ecastor ambae sunt bonae.
ARGYRIPPUS:I shall know it, when they have conferred anything that’s good.
Argyrippvs:Sciam ubi boni quid dederint.
LEONIDA:Wish for that which you desire to befall you.
Leonida:Opta id quod ut cóntingat tibi vis.
ARGYRIPPUS:What if I do wish it?
Argyrippvs:Quid si optaro?
LEONIDA:It shall come to pass.
Leonida:Eveniet.
ARGYRIPPUS:I wish for her to be devoted to me alone this whole year round.
Argyrippvs:Opto annum hunc perpetuom mihi huius operas.
LEONIDA:You have obtained it.
Leonida:Impetrasti.
ARGYRIPPUS:Do you really say so?
Argyrippvs:Ain vero?
LEONIDA:I do say so for certain.
Leonida:Certe inquam.
LIBANUS:Come to me, in my turn, and make trial: wish ardently for that which you especially desire to happen to you; it shall be done.
Libanvs:Ad me adi vicissim atque experire.exopta id quod vis maxime tibi evenire: fiet.
ARGYRIPPUS:What other thing could I ardently wish for rather than that of which I am in want?Oblige me with twenty silver minae to give to her mother.
Argyrippvs:Quid ego aliud exoptem amplius nisi illud cuius inópiast,viginti argenti commodas minas, huius quas dem matri.
LIBANUS:They shall be given: take care and be of good courage, your wishes shall be fulfilled.
Libanvs:Dabuntur, animo sis bono face, exoptata optingent.
ARGYRIPPUS:Just as they are wont, Salvation and Fortune are deceiving mortals.
Argyrippvs:Vt consuevere, homines Salus frustratur et Fortuna.
LEONIDA:I this day have been the head in finding this money for you.
Leonida:Ego caput huic argento fui hodie reperiundo.
LIBANUS:I have been the foot.
Libanvs:Ego pes fui.
ARGYRIPPUS:Why, neither head nor foot of your talking is visible;
Argyrippvs:Quin nec caput nec pes sermoni apparet.
I can understand neither what you mean, nor why you are trifling with me.
nec quid dicatis scire nec me cur ludatis possum.
LIBANUS:I think that now you’ve been teased enough; now let’s disclose the matter as it really stands. Give your attention, Argyrippus, if you please. Your father has ordered us to bring this money to you.
Libanvs:Satis iám delusum censeo. nunc rém ut est eloquamur.animum, Argyrippe, advorte sis. pater nos ferre hoc iussitargentum ad ted.
ARGYRIPPUS:How very à propos and opportunely you have brought it.LIBANUS: (giving him the bag.)
Argyrippvs:Vt temperi opportuneque attulistis.
Here, in this, there will be twenty good minae, obtained by bad means:
Libanvs:Hic inerunt viginti minae bonae, mala opera partae;
these, on certain conditions, he bade us give you.ARGYRIPPUS:Prithee, what are they?
has tibi nos pactis legibus dare iussit.Argyrippvs:Quid id est, quaeso?
LIBANUS:That you would grant him her favours and an entertainment.
Libanvs:Noctem huius et cénam sibi ut dares.
ARGYRIPPUS:Bid him come, I beg. For him who deserves it right well, we’ll do what he wishes, him who has brought these scattered loves of ours to a happy result.
Argyrippvs:Iube advenire quaeso:meritissimo eius quae volet faciemus, qui hosce amoresnostros dispulsos compulit.
LEONIDA:You’ll permit your father then, Argyrippus, to caress her?
Leonida:⟨Patierin, Argyrippe,⟩patrem hanc amplexari tuom?
ARGYRIPPUS:She, by being restored to me, will easily cause me to permit it.
Argyrippvs:Haec faciet facile ut patiar.
Prithee, Leonida, run, and beg my father to come here.
Leonida, curre obsecro, patrem huc orato ut veniat.
LIBANUS:He has been in the house some time.ARGYRIPPUS:He hasn’t come this way, at all events.
Leonida:Iam dudum est intus.Argyrippvs:Hac quidem non venit.Leonida:Angiportoillac per hortum circum iit clam, ne quis se viderethuc ire familiarium: ne uxor resciscat metuit.de argento si mater tua sciát ut sit factum—Argyrippvs:Heia,bene dicite.
LIBANUS: (pointing to the back way.)He came round that way by the lane, through the garden, lest any one of his friends should see him coming here; he’s afraid that his wife may come to know of it. If your mother knew about the money, how it was obtained—
Libanvs:Ite intro cito.
ARGYRIPPUS:Well, well—do use words of good omens;go in-doors quickly,farewell.
Argyrippvs:Valete.—
LEONIDA:And you two, love on.(He and LIBANUS go into the house of DEMAENETUS; ARGYRIPPUS and PHILENIUM into that of CLEAERETA.) (Enter DIABOLUS and a PARASITE, with a scroll in his hand.)
Leonida:Et vos amate.—
DIABOLUS:Come now, show me this agreement that you’ve written out between myself and the procuress. Read over the conditions; for you are a quite unique composer in such matters.
Diabolvs:Agedum istum ostende quem conscripsti syngraphuminter me et amicam et lenam. leges pellege.nam tu poeta es prorsus ad eam rem unicus.
A PARASITE:I’ll make the procuress be terrified when she hears the conditions.
Parasitvs:Horrescet faxo lena, leges cum audiet.
DIABOLUS:Troth now, prithee, proceed and read them over to me.
Diabolvs:Age quaeso mi hercle translege.
A PARASITE:Are you attending?
Parasitvs:Audin?
DIABOLUS:I’m all attention.A PARASITE: (reads the agreement.)
Diabolvs:Audio.
“Diabolus, the son of Glaucus, has made a present to Cleaereta, the procuress, of twenty silver minae, that Philenium may be with him night and day for this whole year.”DIABOLUS:Yes, and not with any other person.
Parasitvs:“Diabolus Glauci filius Clearetaelenae dedit dóno argenti viginti minas,Philaenium ut secum esset noctes et dieshunc annum totum.”Diabolvs:Neque cum quiquam alio qui Demaenetvs
A PARASITE:Am I to add that?
Parasitvs:Addone?
DIABOLUS:Add it, and take care and write it plainly and distinctly.A PARASITE: (writes it down, and then reads.)
Diabolvs:Ádde, et scribas víde plane et probe.
“And not admit any other man whatever, because either her friend or her patron, she may choose to call him—”DIABOLUS:Not any one!A PARASITE:“Or because she may say that he is the lover of a female friend of hers. The door must be closed to all men except to yourself.”
Parasitvs:“Alienum hóminem intro mittat neminem.quod illa aút amicum aút patronum nominet,aut quód illa amicae … amatorem praedicet,fores occlusae ómnibus sint nisi tibi.
“On the door she must write that she is engaged. Or, because she may affirm that the letter has been brought from abroad, there is not to be even any letter in the house, nor so much as a waxed tablet; and if there is any useless picture, let her sell it; if she does not part with it, within four days”“from the time when she has received the money of you, let it be considered as your own; you to burn it if you like; so that she may have no wax, with which she may be able to make a letter. She is to invite no guest; you are to invite them. On no one of them is she to cast her eyes:”
in foribus scribat occupatam ésse se.aut quod illa dicat peregre allatam epistulam,ne epistula quidem ulla sit in aedibusnec cerata adeo tabula; et si qua inutilispictura sit, eam vendat: ni in quadriduoabalienarit, quo abs te argentum acceperit,tuos arbitratus sit, comburas, si velis,ne illi sit cera, ubi facere possit litteras.vocet convivam neminem illa, tu voces;ad eorum ne quem óculos adiciat suos.
“if she looks upon any other person, she must be blind forthwith. Then she is to drink cup by cup equally with yourself. She is to receive it from you; she is to hand it to you for you to drink. She is not to have a relish for less or for more than yourself.”DIABOLUS:That’s quite to my taste.A PARASITE: (reading.)
si quem alium aspexit, caeca continuo siet.tecum una potet, aeque pocla potitet:abs ted accipiat, tibi propinet, tu bibas,ne illa minus aut plus quam tu sapiat.”Diabolvs:Satis placet.
“She is to remove all causes of suspicion from her,”“nor is she to tread on any man’s foot with her foot; when she rises she is neither to step upon the next couch, nor when she gets down from the couch is she thence to extend her hand to any one; she is not to give to nor ask of any one a ring for her to look at; she is not to present dice to any man whatever except to yourself”;
Parasitvs:“Suspiciones omnes ab se segreget.neque illaec ulli pede pedém homini premat,cum surgat, neque ⟨cum⟩ in lectum inscendat proximum,neque cum descendat inde, det cuiquam manum:spectandum ne cui ánulum det neque roget.talos ne cuiquam hómini admoveat nisi tibi.
“when she throws them, she is not to say,’You I call upon,’ she is to mention your name. She may call on any Goddess that she pleases as propitious to her, but on no God: if she should chance to be very full of devotion, she is to tell you, and you are to pray to him that he may be propitious. She is neither to nod at any man, wink, or make a sign.”
cum iaciat, “te” ne dicat: nomen nominet.deam invocet sibi quam libebit propitiam,deum nullum; si magis religiosa fuerit,tibi dicat: tu pro illa ores ut sit propitius.neque illa ulli homini nutet, nictet, annuat.
“In fine, if the lamp goes out, she is not to move a single joint of herself in the dark.”DIABOLUS:That’s very good; so, in fact, she must do: but expunge that about the chamber; for my part, I prefer that she should move. I don’t wish her to have an excuse, and to say that it is forbidden her by her vow.
post, si lucerna exstincta sit, ne quid suimembri commoveat quicquam in tenebris.”Diabolvs:Optumest.ita scilicet facturam. verum in cubiculo—deme istuc—equidem illam moveri gestio.nolo illam habere causam et votitam dicere.
A PARASITE:I understand, you fear some quibble.
Parasitvs:Scio, cáptiones metuis.
DIABOLUS:Just so.
Diabolvs:Verum.
A PARASITE:Then as you bid me, I’ll strike it out.(Erases it.)
Parasitvs:Ergo ut iubestollam.
DIABOLUS:And why not?
Diabolvs:Quid ni?
A PARASITE:Hear the rest.
Parasitvs:Audi relicua.
DIABOLUS:Say on, I’m listening.A PARASITE: (goes on reading.)
Diabolvs:Loquere, audio.
“And she is not to use any shuffling words, nor is she to know how to speak in any tongue but the Attic. If perchance she should begin to cough,”“she is not to cough so as to expose her tongue to any one in coughing. But if she should pretend as though she had a running at the nose, even then she is not to do so; you yourself must wipe her lips rather than that she should open her mouth before another person. And her mother, the procuress, is not to come in in the middle of the wine,”“nor is she to utter a word of abuse to any one; if she does so speak, let this be her fine, to go for twenty days without wine.”DIABOLUS:You have written it nicely; a clever agreement.
Parasitvs:“Neque ullum verbum faciat perplexabile,neque ulla lingua sciat loqui nisi Attica.forte sí tussire occepsit, ne sic tussiat,ut cuiquam linguam in tussiendo proserat.quod illa aútem simulet, quasi gravedo profluat,hoc ne sic faciat: tu labellum abstergeaspotius quam cuiquam savium faciat palam.nec mater lena ad vinum accedat interim,nec ulli verbo male dicat. si dixerit,haec multa ei esto, vino viginti diesut careat.”Diabolvs:Pulchre scripsti. scitum syngraphum.
A PARASITE:“Then, if she bids her maid-servant carry chaplets, garlands, or unguents, to Venus or to Cupid,”“your servant is to watch whether she gives them to Venus or to a man. If perchance she should say she wishes to keep herself in purity, let her account for as many nights as she has kept herself in purity. These are no trifles; for they are no funeral dirge.”
Parasitvs:“Tum si coronas, serta, unguenta iusseritancillam ferre Veneri aút Cupidini,tuos servos servet, Venerine eas det an viro.si forte pure velle habere dixerit,tot noctes reddat spurcas quot pure habuerit.”haec sunt non nugae, non enim mortualia.
DIABOLUS:The conditions please me entirely; follow me indoors.
Diabolvs:Placent profecto leges. sequere intro.—
A PARASITE:I follow.(They go into the house of CLEAERETA.) … (Enter DIABOLUS and the PARASITE.
Parasitvs:Sequor.—
DIABOLUS:Follow this way. Am I to put up with this, or shall I hold my tongue? I would rather die than not discover this to his wife. And say you so, old man? With a mistress would you be acting the part of a youngster? Would you be excusing yourself to your wife, and calling yourself an aged man? Would you be taking the mistress from her lover? And would you be presenting the moneyto the procuress, and be secretly pilfering it from your wife at home? You should hang me, rather than you should carry off these matters undiscovered. On my honor, I’ll really go this instant hence to her whom I’m sure that you’ll very soon be destroying, in order that you may be able to supply your extravagance, unless, indeed, she shall first prevent you.
Diabolvs:Sequere hac. egone haec patiar aut taceam? emorime malim, quam haec non eius uxori indicem.ain tu? ápud amicam munus adulescentulifungare, uxori excuses te et dicas senem?praeripias scortum amanti atque argentum obiciaslenae? suppiles clam domi uxorem tuam?suspendam potius me, quam tu haec tacita auferas.iam quidem hercle ad illam hinc ibo, quam tu propediem,nisi quídem illa ante occupassit te, effliges scio,luxuriae sumptus suppeditare ut possies.
A PARASITE:I’m of opinion that thus you must act.’Tis more becoming that I should disclose this matter, rather than yourself, lest she may think that you, excited by reason of love, rather than for her own sake, have acted thus.
Parasitvs:Ego sic faciundum censeo: me honestiust,quam te palam hanc rem facere, ne illa existimetamoris causa percitum id fecisse temagis quám sua caúsa.
DIABOLUS:Why, faith, you say what’s right. Do you then contrive to raise a storm and strife against him,that he, together with his own son, is carousing with one mistress the livelong day, and that he’s secretly pilfering from her.
Diabolvs:At pol qui dixti rectius.tu ergo fac ut illi turbas lites concias;cum suo sibí gnato unam ad amicam de diepotare, illam expilare ⟨narra⟩.
A PARASITE:Don’t suggest to me. I’ll take care of that.
Parasitvs:Ne mone,ego istud curabo.—
DIABOLUS:But I’ll wait for you at home.(Exit DIABOLUS; the PARASITE goes into the house of DEMAENETUS.) (A Table, and everything requisite for an Entertainment, being placed before the house of CLEAERETA, enter ARGYRIPPUS, DEMAENETUS, and PHILENIUM, from the house of CLEAERETA.)
Diabolvs:At ego te opperiar domi.—
ARGYRIPPUS:Come then, father, let’s take our places, please.
Argyrippvs:[Age decumbamus sis, pater.]
DEMAENETUS:As you bid me, my son, so it shall be.
Demaenetvs:[Vt iusseris,][mi gnate, ita fiet.]
ARGYRIPPUS: (to the ATTENDANTS.)Lads, spread the table.
Argyrippvs:[Pueri, mensam adponite.]
DEMAENETUS:Is it at all displeasing to you, son, if she takes her place by me?(They take their places.)
Demaenetvs:Numquídnam tibi moléstumst, gnate mí, si haec nunc mecum áccubat?
ARGYRIPPUS:Duty, father, keeps sorrow from my eyes; although I love her, still I can control my feelings, not to take it to heart because she takes her place by you.
Argyrippvs:Pietas, pater, oculis dolorem prohibet. quamquam ego istánc amo,possum equidem inducere animum, ne aegre patiar quia tecum accubat.
DEMAENETUS:It becomes a young man to be respectful, Argyrippus.
Demaenetvs:Decet verecundum esse adulescentem, Argyrippe.
ARGYRIPPUS:Troth, father, through proper regard for you, I can be so.
Argyrippvs:Edepol, pater,merito tuo facere possum.
DEMAENETUS:Come, then, let’s enjoy this banquetwith wine and pleasant discourse. I don’t wish to be feared, I prefer myself to be loved by you, my son.
Demaenetvs:Age ergo, hoc agitemus conviviumvino ut sermone suavi. nolo ego metui, amari mavolo,mi gnate, me abs te.
ARGYRIPPUS:In truth, I do them both, as is proper for a son.
Argyrippvs:Pol ego utrumque facio, ut aequom est filium.
DEMAENETUS:I’d believe it, if I saw you were cheerful.
Demaenetvs:Credam istuc, si esse te hilarum videro.
ARGYRIPPUS:Why, do you think that I’m sorrowful?
Argyrippvs:An tu me tristem putas?
DEMAENETUS:Do I think so? You, whom I see as melancholy as if the day of trial had been named for you.
Demaenetvs:Putem ego, quem videam aeque esse maestum ut quasi dies si dicta sit?
ARGYRIPPUS:Don’t you say that.
Argyrippvs:Ne dixis istuc.
DEMAENETUS:Don’t you be so, then I’ll not say so.
Demaenetvs:Ne sic fueris: ilico ego non dixero.
ARGYRIPPUS:Well then, look at me; I’m laughing.(He affects to laugh.)
Argyrippvs:Em aspecta: rideo.
DEMAENETUS:I’d like that those who wish me ill would laugh thus.
Demaenetvs:Vtinam male qui mihi volunt sic rideant.
ARGYRIPPUS:I know, indeed, father, why you now suppose to yourself that I’m sad; it is because she is by you. And really, father, by my faith, to tell you the truth, that matter does hurt me; and not for this reason, that I don’t desire for you that which you wish,but because I love her; another woman, indeed, I could easily endure to be by you.
Argyrippvs:Scio equidem quam ob rem me, pater, tu tristem credas nunc tibi:quia istaéc est tecum. atque ego quidem hercle ut verum tibi dicam, pater,ea res me male habet; at non eo, quia tibi non cupiam quae velis;verum istam amo. aliam tecum esse equidem facile possum perpeti.
DEMAENETUS:But I have a fancy for this one.
Demaenetvs:At ego hanc volo.
ARGYRIPPUS:Then you have what you desire; for myself, I wish for what I could desire.
Argyrippvs:Ergo sunt quae exoptas: mihi quae ego exoptem volo.
DEMAENETUS:Submit to it this one day, since I’ve given you the power to be with her for a year, and have procured for you the command of money in your amour.
Demaenetvs:Vnum hunc diem perpetere, quoniam tibi potestatem dedi,cum hac annum ut esses, atque amanti argenti feci copiam.
ARGYRIPPUS:Well, by doing that, you have laid me under an obligation to you.
Argyrippvs:Em istoc me facto tibi devinxti.
DEMAENETUS:Why then don’t you show yourself cheerful to me?(They commence the banquet, PHILENIUM reclining below DEMAENETUS.) (Enter ARTEMONA and the PARASITE, from the house of DEMAENETUS, at the further side of the stage.
Demaenetvs:Quin te ergo hilarum das mihi?
ARTEMONA:Prithee, do you say that my husband is carousing here, together with my son?—and that he has carried to his mistress twenty minae of silver?—and that, with the knowledge of my son, his father is perpetrating this wickedness?
Artemona:Áin tu meum virum híc potare, óbsecro, cum fílioet ad amicam detulisse argenti viginti minasmeoque filio sciente id facere flagitium patrem?
A PARASITE:Trust me in nothing henceforth, either divine or human,Artemona, if you find me untruthful in this matter.
Parasitvs:Neque divini neque mi humani posthac quicquam accreduas,Artemona, si huius rei mé mendacem inveneris.
ARTEMONA:Wretched then am I, who have supposed that, beyond others, my husband was sober, decent, chaste, and especially fond of his wife.
Artemona:At scelesta ego praeter alios meum virum † frugi rata,siccum, frugi, continentem, amantem uxoris maxume.
A PARASITE:But now, henceforth, understand that he, before all men, is a person of the smallest worth—a drunkard, a good-for-nothing fellow, unchaste, and a contemner of his own wife.
Parasitvs:At nunc dehinc scito illum ante omnes minimi mortalem preti,madidum, nihili, incontinentem atque osorem uxoris suae.
ARTEMONA:I’ faith, if this wasn’t true, he would never be doing the things that he is now doing.
Artemona:Pol ni istaec vera essent, numquam faceret ea quae nunc facit.
A PARASITE:Upon my word, I too always hitherto took him to be a decent person; but by this action he declares himself,—to be carousing, indeed, together with his son, and, a decrepit old man, toying with a mistress in his company.
Parasitvs:Ego quoque hercle illum antehac hominem semper sum frugi ratus,verum hoc facto sese ostendit, qui quidem cum filiopotet una atque una amicam ductet, decrepitus senex.
ARTEMONA:For this it is, i’ faith, that he’s going out to dinner every day.
Artemona:Hoc ecastor est quod ille it ad cenam cottidie.
He says that he’s going to Archidemus, Chereas, Chaerestratus, Clinius, Chremes, Cratinus, Dinias, Demosthenes: while he’s thinking of debauchery, and public dens of infamy with his harlot.
ait sese ire ad Archidemum, Chaeream, Chaerestratum,Cliniam, Chremem, Cratinum, Diniam, Demosthenem:is apud scortum corruptelae est liberis, lustris studet.
A PARASITE:Why don’t you bid your maid-servants carry him off home upon their shoulders?
Parasitvs:Quin tu illum iubes ancillas rapere sublimen domum?
ARTEMONA:Do you only be quiet. By my troth, I’ll surely give him some trouble.
Artemona:Tace modo. ne ⟨ego⟩ illum ecastor miserum habebo.
A PARASITE:I’m sure of it, that so it will befall him, so long, indeed, as you shall continue married to him.
Parasitvs:Ego istúc scio,ita fore illi dum quidem cum íllo nupta eris.
ARTEMONA:I was fancying that this fellow was still giving attendance either in the senate or to his dependants: that for that reason it was, that, worn out with fatigue, he snored the whole night through. Wearied with his labours out of doors he comes home at night. Another’s farm he ploughs, his own he leaves untilled.
Artemona:Ego censeo.†eum etiam hominem in senatu dare operam aut clientibus,ibi labore delassatum noctem totam stertere:ille operé foris faciendo lassus noctu ⟨ad me⟩ advenit;fundum alienum arat, incultum familiarem deserit.
Both he himself is corrupted, and he corrupts his son as well.
is etiam corruptus porro suom corrumpit filium.
A PARASITE:Do you only follow me this way, I’ll make you just now to fall upon the man himself in the very fact.
Parasitvs:Sequere hac me modó, iam faxo ipsum hominem manifesto opprimas.
ARTEMONA:By heaven, there’s nothing that I could more wish for.
Artemona:Nihil ecastor est quod facere mavelim.
A PARASITE:Just stop there.(He moves stealthily forward, and examines the other side of the stage.)
Parasitvs:Mane dum.
ARTEMONA:What’s the matter?A PARASITE: (returning to her.)
Artemona:Quid est?
If perchance you were to see your husband reclining, if you beheld him with a garland on, caressing a mistress, could you recognize him?
Parasitvs:Possis, si forte accubantem tuom virum conspexeriscum corona amplexum amicam, si videas, cognoscere?
ARTEMONA:I’ troth, I could.
Artemona:Possum ecastor.
A PARASITE: (points to the other end of the stage.)Then there’s your man.
Parasitvs:Em tibi hominem.
ARTEMONA: (moving stealthily forward with the PARASITE.)I’m undone.
Artemona:Perii.
A PARASITE:Stay a little. Let’s observe in private, from ambush, what business they are about.
Parasitvs:Paulisper mane.aucupemus ex insidiis clanculum quam rem gerant.
ARGYRIPPUS:What end will you put to your caresses, father?
Argyrippvs:Quid modi, pater, amplexando facies?
DEMAENETUS:I confess, my son—
Demaenetvs:Fateor, gnate mi—
ARGYRIPPUS:What do you confess?
Argyrippvs:Quid fatere?
DEMAENETUS:That I’m utterly undone with love for her.A PARASITE: (to ARTEMONA.)
Demaenetvs:Me ex amore húius corruptum oppido.
Do you hear what he says?ARTEMONA:I hear.
Parasitvs:Audin quid ait?Artemona:Audio.
DEMAENETUS: (to PHILENIUM.)Ought I not to filch the mantle from my wife at home,which she is so fond of, and bring it to you? Though my wife’s life should last a whole year in consequence, by my troth I could not be dissuaded from doing so.A PARASITE: (to ARTEMONA.)
Demaenetvs:Egon ut non domo uxori meaesubripiam in deliciis pallam quam hábet, atque ad te deferam,non edepol conduci possum vita uxoris annua.
Do you suppose that he has been accustomed to frequent a brothel to-day for the first time?
Parasitvs:Censen tu illum hodié primum ire ádsuetum esse in ganeum?
ARTEMONA:Upon my faith, it was he that was pilfering me; whereas I was suspecting my maid-servants, and was tormenting the wretched creatures who were innocent all the while.
Artemona:Ille ecastor suppilabat me, quod ancillas meassuspicabar atque insontis miseras cruciabam.
ARGYRIPPUS:Father,bid him pour out some wine;’tis a long time since I drank first.DEMAENETUS: (to the SERVANT.)
Argyrippvs:Pater,iube dari vinum; iam dudum factum est cum primum bibi.
Begin, boy, from the top. (To PHILENIUM.) Come, do you meanwhile from below give me a kiss.(Kisses her.)ARTEMONA: (to the PARASITE.)
Demaenetvs:Da, puere, ab summo. áge tu interibi ab infimo da savium.
Wretch that I am, I’m undone! How the villain, the garnishing of a bier, is kissing away.
Artemona:Perii misera, ut osculatur carnufex, capuli decus.
DEMAENETUS:A breath, by my faith, somewhat sweeter than that of my wife.
Demaenetvs:Edepol animam suaviorem aliquanto quam uxoris meae.
PHILENIUM:Tell me, there’s a dear, does the breath of your wife smell bad?
Philaenivm:Dic amabo, an fetet anima úxoris tuae?
DEMAENETUS:I’d prefer to drink bilge-water, if it were necessary, rather than kiss her.ARTEMONA: (apart.)
Demaenetvs:Nauteambibere malim, si necessum sit, quam illam oscularier.
Aye, pray, how say you? By my troth, to your own great detriment, you’ve surely said that against me. Never mind; only de you come home, I’ll let you know what danger there is in speaking abusively against a wife with a dowry.
Artemona:Ain tandem? edepol ne tu istuc cum malo magno tuoDixisti in me. sine, revenias modo domum, faxo ut sciasquid pericli sit dotatae uxori vitium dicere.
PHILENIUM:By heavens, you are a wretch.
Philaenivm:Miser ecastor es.
ARTEMONA: (apart.)I’ faith, he’s deserving so to be.
Artemona:Ecastor dignus est.
ARGYRIPPUS:How say you, father?(Takes a draught in the meanwhile.)
Argyrippvs:Quid ais, pater?
Don’t you love my mother?DEMAENETUS:Who—I? I love her just now, because she isn’t present.
ecquid matrem amas?Demaenetvs:Egone illam? nunc amo, quia non adest.
ARGYRIPPUS:How, when she is present?
Argyrippvs:Quid cum adest?
DEMAENETUS:Then, I wish she was dead.
Demaenetvs:Periisse cupio.
A PARASITE: (apart to ARTEMONA.)This fellow is fond of you, according to what he says.
Parasitvs:Amat homo hic te, ut praedicat.
ARTEMONA:On my word, he’s surely laying out all this at interest; for if, this day, he returns home, I’ll especially have my revenge in kissing him.ARGYRIPPUS: (handing the dice-box.)
Artemona:Ne illa ecastor faenerato funditat: nam si domumredierit hodie, osculando ego ulciscar potissimum.
Father, throw the dice; that afterwards I may have a throw.DEMAENETUS:By all means.
Argyrippvs:Iace, pater, talos, ut porro nos iaciamus.Demaenetvs:Maxime.
You, Philenium, for myself, and death for my wife. (He throws.) ’Tis Venus’s cast. Lads, clap your hands, and give me some honeyed wine in my cup, in honor of my throw.ARTEMONA: (apart.)
te, Philaenium, mihi atque uxoris mortem. hoc Venerium est.pueri, plaudite et mi ob iactum cantharo mulsum date.
I can hold out no longer.A PARASITE: (apart.)If you haven’t learned the fulling trade, it’s not to be wondered at; now it’s quite fitting for you to beset his eyes. (They make their appearance before the revellers.)
Artemona:Non queo durare.Parasitvs:Si non didicisti fulloniam,non mirandum est. … in oculos invadi optumum est.
ARTEMONA:By heavens, I will live, and you this day have made that invocation to your own great misfortune.
Artemona:Ego pol vivam et tu istaec hodie cum tuo magno maloinvocavisti.
A PARASITE:Will some one run to fetch the undertakers?
Parasitvs:Ecquis currit pollictorem accersere?
ARGYRIPPUS:Health to you, mother.
Argyrippvs:Mater, salve.
ARTEMONA:Health indeed after this fashion!
Artemona:Sat salutis.
A PARASITE: (aside.)Demaenetus is dead.’Tis time to betake myself hence: this battle bravely waxes hot. I’ll be off to Diabolus. I’ll tell him his orders are performed as he desired them; and in the meantime I’ll persuade him that we should take a meal, while these people are squabbling.
Parasitvs:Mortuost Demaenetus.tempus est subducere hinc me; pulchre hoc gliscit proelium.ibo ad Diabolum, mandata dicam facta ut voluerit,atque interea ut decumbamus suadebo, hi dum litigant.
Afterwards, in fine, I’ll bring him here to-morrow, to the procuress, that he may give her the twenty mince, that, in his turn, he in his passion may be enabled to obtain this damsel. I hope that Argyrippus will be able to be prevailed upon to allow him to pass each alternate night with him in her company; for, unless I obtain that, I’ve lost my patron; so great is the passion of the man by reason of his love.(He quietly withdraws.)ARTEMONA: (addressing PHILENIUM.)What business have you to give a retreat here in your house to my husband?
poste demum huc cras adducam ad lenam, ut viginti minasei det, in partem hac amanti ut liceat ei potirier.Argyrippus exorari spero poterit, ut sinatsese alternas cum illo noctes hac frui. nam ni impetro,regem perdidi: ex amore tantum est homini incendium.—Artemona:Quid tibi hunc receptio ad te est meum virum?
PHILENIUM:Troth, he really will this day be the death of wretched me, through sheer disgust.
Philaenivm:Pol me quidemmiseram odio énicavit.
ARTEMONA: (to DEMAENETUS.)Rise, wencher, be off home.
Artemona:Surge, amator, i domum.
DEMAENETUS:I’m undone.
Demaenetvs:Nullus sum.
ARTEMONA:Yes, you are; don’t, i’ faith, gainsay it, you most vile of all men. Why, the cuckoo’s still on his nest. Rise, wencher, be off home.
Artemona:Immo es, ne nega, omnium ⟨unus⟩ pol nequissimus.at etiam cubat cuculus. surge, amator, i domum.
DEMAENETUS:Woe to me!
Demaenetvs:Vae mihi.
ARTEMONA:You prophesy correctly. Rise, wencher, be off home.
Artemona:Vera hariolare. surge, amator, i domum.
DEMAENETUS:Step a little this way then.
Demaenetvs:Abscede ergo paululum istuc.
ARTEMONA:Rise, wencher, be off home.
Artemona:Surge, amator, i domum.
DEMAENETUS:Now, prithee, wife—
Demaenetvs:Iam obsecro, uxor.
ARTEMONA:Do you remember now that I’m your wife? It was but just now, when you were heaping abuse upon me, that I wasn’t your wife.
Artemona:Nunc uxorem me esse meministi tuam?modo, cum dicta in me ingerebas, odium, non uxor eram.
DEMAENETUS:I’m utterly ruined.
Demaenetvs:Totus perii.
ARTEMONA:Why, pray? Does the breath of your wife smell strong?
Artemona:Quid tandem? anima fetetne uxoris tuae?
DEMAENETUS:It smells of myrrh.
Demaenetvs:Murram olet.
ARTEMONA:Have you filched my mantle then to be giving to your harlot?
Artemona:Iam subrupuisti pallam, quam scorto dares?
ARGYRIPPUS:By the powers—what, did he promise that he would filch your mantle?
Philaenivm:Ecastor qui subrupturum pallam promisit tibi.
ARTEMONA:Won’t you hold your tongue?ARGYRIPPUS:I was going to dissuade him, mother.
Demaenetvs:Non taces?Argyrippvs:Ego dissuadebam, mater.
ARTEMONA: (to ARGYRIPPUS.)A pretty son! (To DEMAENETUS.) Is it proper for a father to teach these morals to his children? Are you ashamed of nothing?
Artemona:Bellum filium.istoscine patrem aequom est mores liberis largirier?nilne te pudet?
DEMAENETUS:I’ faith, if there’s nothing else, I’m ashamed of you, wife.
Demaenetvs:Pol, si aliud nil sit, tui me, uxor, pudet.
ARTEMONA:With your hoary head, your wife is dragging you, you cuckoo, from dens of infamy.
Artemona:Cano capite te cuculum uxor ex lustris rapit.
DEMAENETUS:The dinner’s cooking; mayn’t I stop, only to take my dinner?
Demaenetvs:Non licet manere (cena coquitur) dum cenem modo?
ARTEMONA:Faith, you’ll dine to-day on a heavy mishap, as you deserve.DEMAENETUS: (rising.)
Artemona:Ecastor cenabis hodie, ut dignus es, magnum malum.
I shall repose but uncomfortably; my wife is taking me home condemned.
Demaenetvs:Male cubandum est: iudicatum me uxor abducit domum.
ARGYRIPPUS:I told you, father, not to devise ill against my mother.PHILENIUM: (to DEMAENETUS.)
Argyrippvs:Dicebam, pater, tibi, ne matri consuleres male.
Do remember about the mantle, there’s a dear.DEMAENETUS: (calls out to CLEAERETA.)Won’t you order her to go away from here?ARTEMONA: (to DEMAENETUS.)
Philaenivm:De palla memento, amabo.Demaenetvs:Iuben hanc hinc abscedere?
Be off home.PHILENIUM: (to DEMAENETUS.)Do give me a kiss, at least, before you go.
Artemona:I domum.Philaenivm:Da savium etiam prius quam abis.
DEMAENETUS: (to PHILENIUM.)Go hang yourself.(Exeunt.)
Demaenetvs:I in crucem.
PHILENIUM:No, I’ll go in, in preference. (To ARGYRIPPUS.) Follow me this way, my life.
Philaenivm:Immo intro potius. sequere hac me, mí anime.
ARGYRIPPUS:Yes, I follow.
Argyrippvs:Ego vero sequor.
The COMEDIANS:If this old fellow, unknown to his wife, has been in any way indulging his own inclinations, he has been doing nothing new or wonderful, or otherwise than others are in the habit of doing. No one is there of a disposition so severe, or of a temper so firm,but that he will enjoy himself when he has any opportunity. Now if you wish to interpose in behalf of this old man, so that he be not punished, we think that it can be brought about if you give us loud applause.
Grex:Hic senex si quid clam uxorem suo animo fecit volup,neque novom neque mirum fecit nec secus quam alii solent;nec quisquam est tam ingenio duro nec tam firmo pectore,quin ubi quicque occasionis sit sibi faciat bene.nunc si voltis deprecari huic seni ne vapulet,remur impetrari posse, plausum si clarum datis.