PALAESTRIO:What did you dream?
Palaestrio:Quid somniasti?
PHILOCOMASIUM:I’ll tell you; but, I pray you, give attention. Last night, in my sleep, my twin-sister seemed to have come from Athens to Ephesus with a certain person, her lover.
Philocomasivm:Ego eloquar. sed amabo advortite animum.hac nocte in somnis mea soror geminast germana visavenisse Athenis in Ephesum cum suo amatore quodam;
Both of them seemed to me to be having their lodgings here next door.PALAESTRIO: (to the AUDIENCE.)
ei ambo hóspitio huc in proxumum mihi devortisse visi.
The dream that’s being related is Palaestrio’s—pray, go on.
Palaestrio:Palaestrionis somnium narratur. perge porro.
PHILOCOMASIUM:I seemed to be delighted because my sister had come, and on her account I seemed to be incurring a most grievous suspicion. For, in my sleep, my own servant seemed to accuse me, as you are now doing,of being caressed by a strange young man, whereas it was that own twin-sister of mine, who had been toying with her own friend. Thus did I dream that I was wrongfully accused of a crime.
Philocomasivm:Ego laeta visa, quia soror venisset, propter eandemsuspicionem maximam sum visa sustinere.nam arguere in somnis me meus mihi familiaris visust,me cum alieno adulescentulo, quasi nunc tu, esse osculatam,quom illa osculata mea soror gemina esset suompte amicum.id me insimulatam perperam falsum esse somniavi.
PALAESTRIO:And isn’t just the same thing befalling you when awake, that you speak of as seen in your sleep? Capital; i’ faith, the dream is verified: go in-doors, and pray.
Palaestrio:Satin eadem vigilanti expetunt quae in somnis visa memoras?eu hércle praesens somnium. abi intro et comprecare.
I should recommend that this be told to the Captain.PHILOCOMASIUM:I am resolved to do so; nor, in fact, will I allow myself, with impunity, to be accused of disgraceful conduct. (Goes into the CAPTAIN’S house.)
narrandum ego istuc militi censebo.Philocomasivm:Facere certum est,neque me quidem patiar probri falso impune insimulatam. —
SCELEDRUS:I fear for the thing I have done; my back does so tingle all over.
Sceledrvs:Timeo quid rerum gesserim, ita dorsus totus prurit.
PALAESTRIO:Are you not aware that you are done for?
Palaestrio:Scin te periisse?
SCELEDRUS:Now, indeed, I’m sure she is at home; I am now resolved to watch our door, wheresoever she may be. (Places himself at the door.)
Sceledrvs:Nunc quidem domi certo est. certa res estnunc nostrum observare ostium, ubi ubist.
PALAESTRIO:But, prithee, Sceledrus,how very like the dream she dreamt to what has happened; and how you really did believe that you had seen her kissing. …
Palaestrio:At, Sceledre, quaeso,ut ad id exemplum somnium quam simile somniavitatque ut tu suspicatus es eam vídisse osculantem.
SCELEDRUS:And do you suppose that I didn’t see her?
Sceledrvs:Nescio quid credam egomet mihi iam, ita quod vidisse credome id iam non vidisse arbitror.
PALAESTRIO:I’ faith, I verily believe you’ll come to your senses when ’tis too late. If this matter should only reach our master, you certainly are undone.
Palaestrio:Ne tu hercle sero, opinor,resipisces: si ad erum haec res prius † devenerit, peribis pulchre.
SCELEDRUS:Now, at length, I find out that there was a mist placed before my eyes.
Sceledrvs:Nunc demum experior, mi ob oculos caliginem opstitisse.
PALAESTRIO:I’ faith, that really has been plain for some time now; as she was here in-doors all the while.
Palaestrio:Dudum edepol planum est id quidem, quae hic usque fuerit intus.
SCELEDRUS:Not a word of certainty have I to utter; I did not see her, although I did see her.
Sceledrvs:Nihil habeo certi quid loquar: non vidi eam, etsi vidi.
PALAESTRIO:By my troth, through this folly of yours you certainly have nearly ruined us; while you have wished to prove yourself faithful to your master, you have been almost undone.
Palaestrio:Ne tu edepol stultitia tua nos paene perdidisti:dum te fidelem facere ero voluisti, absumptus esabsumptu's paene.
But the door of our next neighbour makes a noise; I’ll be silent.(Enter PHILOCOMASIUM, dressed in another habit, from the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.)PHILOCOMASIUM: (to a servant SERVANT.)Put fire on the altar, that in my joy I may return praises and thanks to Diana of Ephesus, and that I may send up for her a grateful smoke with odours of Arabia: she who has preserved me in the realms of Neptune and amid the boisterous temples, where with raging billows I have been so recently dismayed.SCELEDRUS: (discovering her.)
sed fores vicini proxumi crepuerunt. conticiscam.Philocomasivm:Inde ignem in aram, ut Ephesiae Dianae laeta laudesgratesque agam eique ut Arabico fumificem odore amoene,quom me in locis Neptuniis templisque turbulentisservavit, saevis fluctibus ubi sum adflictata multum.
Palaestrio! O Palaestrio!PALAESTRIO:Sceledrus! O Sceledrus! What is it you want?
Sceledrvs:Palaestrio, o Palaestrio.Palaestrio:O Sceledre, Sceledre, quid vis?
SCELEDRUS:This lady that has come out of that house just now—is she Philocomasium, our master’s lady, or is she not?
Sceledrvs:Haec mulier, quae hinc exit modo, estne erilis concubinaPhilocomasium, an non est ea?
PALAESTRIO:I’ faith, I think, it seems to be she. But ’tis a wondrous thing how she could pass from our house to next door; if, indeed, it is she.
Palaestrio:Hercle opinor, ea videtur.sed facinus mirum est, quo modo haec hinc huc transire potuit,si quidem east.
SCELEDRUS:And have you any doubt that this is she?
Sceledrvs:An dubium tibi est eam esse hanc?
PALAESTRIO:It seems to be she.
Palaestrio:Ea videtur.
SCELEDRUS:Let us approach her, and accost her. Hallo! how’s this, Philocomasium? What is there owing to you in that house? What is your business there? Why are you silent now? I am speaking to you.
Sceledrvs:Adeamus, appellemus. heus, quid istúc est, Philocomasium?quid tibi istic in istisce aedibus debetur, quid negotist?quid nunc taces? tecum loquor.
PALAESTRIO:No, faith, you are talking to yourself; for nothing at all does she answer.
Palaestrio:Immo edepol tute tecum;nam haec nil respondet.
SCELEDRUS:I am addressing you, woman, brimful of viciousness and disgrace, who are roaming about among your neighbours.
Sceledrvs:Te adloquor, viti probrique plena,quae circum vicinos vagas.
PHILOCOMASIUM:To whom are you talking?
Philocomasivm:Quicum tu fabulare?
SCELEDRUS:To whom but to yourself?
Sceledrvs:Quicum nisi tecum?
PHILOCOMASIUM:What person are you? Or what business have you with me?
Philocomasivm:Quis tu homo es, aut mecum quid est negoti?
SCELEDRUS:O, you ask me who I am, do you?
Sceledrvs:Mé rogas homo qui sim?
PHILOCOMASIUM:Why shouldn’t I ask that which I don’t know?
Philocomasivm:Quin ego hoc rogem quod nesciam?
PALAESTRIO:Who am I, then, if you don’t know him?
Palaestrio:Quis ego sum igitur, si hunc ignoras?
PHILOCOMASIUM:You are an annoyance to me, whoever you are, both you and he.
Philocomasivm:Mihi odiosus, quisquis es,et tu et hic.
SCELEDRUS:What? don’t you know us?
Sceledrvs:Non nos novisti?
PHILOCOMASIUM:No, neither of you.
Philocomasivm:Neutrum.
SCELEDRUS:I very much fear—
Sceledrvs:Metuo maxume,
PALAESTRIO:What do you fear?
Palaestrio:Quid metuis?
SCELEDRUS:Why, that we have lost ourselves somewhere or other; for she says that she knows neither you nor me.
Sceledrvs:Enim ne ⟨nos⟩ nosmet perdiderimus uspiam;nam nec te neque me novisse ait haec.
PALAESTRIO:I wish, Sceledrus, to examine into this, whether we are ourselves, or else some other persons; lest secretly somehow some one of our neighbours may have transformed us without our knowing it.
Palaestrio:Persectari hic volo,Sceledre, nos nostri an alieni simus, ne dum quispiamnos vicinorum imprudentis aliquis immutaverit.
SCELEDRUS:For my part, beyond a doubt, I am my own self.
Sceledrvs:Certe equidem noster sum.
PALAESTRIO:I’ faith, and so am I.
Palaestrio:Et pol ego. quaeris tu, mulier, malum.
SCELEDRUS:My lady, you are seeking your destruction. To you I am speaking; hark you, Philocomasium!PHILOCOMASIUM:What craziness possesses you,to be calling me wrongly by a crackjaw name?SCELEDRUS:How now! What are you called, then?
tibi ego dico, heus, Philocomasium.Philocomasivm:Quae te intemperiae tenent,qui me perperam perplexo nomine appelles?Palaestrio:Eho,quis igitur vocare?
PHILOCOMASIUM:My name is Glycera.
Philocomasivm:Diceae nomen est.
SCELEDRUS:For a bad purpose, Philocomasium, you wish to have a wrong name. Away with you, shocking woman; for most notably are you doing a wrong to my master.
Sceledrvs:Iniuria es,falsum nomen possidere, Philocomasium, postulas;ἄδικος es tu, non δικαία, et meo ero facis iniuriam.
PHILOCOMASIUM:I?
Philocomasivm:Egone?
SCELEDRUS:Yes, you.
Sceledrvs:Tu⟨ne⟩.
PHILOCOMASIUM:I, who arrived from Athens yesterday evening at Ephesus,with my lover, a young man of Athens?SCELEDRUS:Tell me,what business have you here in Ephesus?
Philocomasivm:Quaé heri Athenis Ephesum adveni vespericum meo amatore, adulescente Atheniensi?Palaestrio:Dic mihi,quid hic tibi in Epheso est negoti?
PHILOCOMASIUM:I had heard that my own twin-sister is here in Ephesus; I came here to look for her.
Philocomasivm:Geminam germanam meamhic sororem esse indaudivi, eam veni quaesitum.
SCELEDRUS:You’re a good-for-nothing woman.
Sceledrvs:Mala es.
PHILOCOMASIUM:Yes, i’ faith, I am a very foolish one to be parleying with you fellows. I am going.
Philocomasivm:Immo ecastor stulta multum, quae vobiscum fabuler.abeo.
SCELEDRUS:I won’t let you go.(Catches hold of her.)
Sceledrvs:Abire non sinam te.
PHILOCOMASIUM:Let me go.
Philocomasivm:Mitte.
SCELEDRUS:You are discovered in the fact.
Sceledrvs:Manifestaria es.
I won’t let you go.PHILOCOMASIUM:But my hands shall just now sound again against your cheek, if you don’t let me go.
non omitto.Philocomasivm:At iam crepabunt mihi manus, malae tibi,nisi me omittis.
SCELEDRUS: (to PALAESTRIO.)Why the plague are you standing idle? Why don’t you hold her on the other side?
Sceledrvs:Quid, malum, astas? quin tenes altrinsecus?
PALAESTRIO:I don’t choose to bring the business down upon my back. How do I know but that this is not Philocomasium, but is some other female that resembles her?
Palaestrio:Nil moror negotiosum mi esse tergum. qui scioan ista non sit Philocomasium átque alia eius similis sit?
PHILOCOMASIUM:Will you let me go, or will you not let me go?
Philocomasivm:Mittis me an non mittis?
SCELEDRUS:No; by force and against your will, in spite of you,I’ll drag you home, unless you’ll go of your own accord.
Sceledrvs:Immo vi atque invitam ingratiis,nisi voluntate ibis, rapiam te domum.
PHILOCOMASIUM: (pointing to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.)This is my lodging here abroad, at Athens is my home.SCELEDRUS:But your master lives here.(pointing to the CAPTAIN’S house.)PHILOCOMASIUM:I have nothing to do with that house, nor do I know or understand yourselves what persons you are.
Philocomasivm:Hosticum hoc mihidomicilium est, Athenis domus est Atticis; ego istam domumneque moror neque vos qui hómines sitis novi neque scio.
SCELEDRUS:Proceed against me at law. I’ll never let you go, until you give me your solemn word that you will go indoors here (pointing to the CAPTAIN’S house) if I let go of you.
Sceledrvs:Lege agito: te nusquam mittam, nisi das firmatam fidem,te huc, si omisero, intro ituram.
PHILOCOMASIUM:You are compelling me by force, whoever you are.
Philocomasivm:Vi me cogis, quisquis es.
I give you my word, that if you let go of me, I will go into that house where you bid me.
do fidem, si omittis, isto me intro ituram quo iubes.
SCELEDRUS:Then, now I let go of you.
Sceledrvs:Ecce omitto.
PHILOCOMASIUM:And, as I’m let go, I’ll go in here.(Runs into the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.)
Philocomasivm:At ego abeo missa. —
SCELEDRUS:She has acted with a woman’s honour.
Sceledrvs:Muliebri fecit fide.
PALAESTRIO:Sceledrus, you’ve lost the prey through your hands; as sure as possible she is the lady of our master. Do you intend to act in this matter with spirit?
Palaestrio:Sceledre, manibus amisisti praedam. tám east quam potisnostra erilis concubina. vin tu facere hoc strenue?
SCELEDRUS:How am I to act?
Sceledrvs:Quid faciam?
PALAESTRIO:Bring me a sword out here from in-doors.
Palaestrio:Ecfer mihi machaeram huc intus.
SCELEDRUS:What will you do with it?
Sceledrvs:Quid facies ea?
PALAESTRIO:I’ll break right into the house; and whatever man I see in-doors there caressing Philocomasium, I’ll behead him on the spot.
Palaestrio:Intro rumpam recta in aedis: quemque hic intus viderocum Philocomasio osculantem, eum ego óbtruncabo extempulo.
SCELEDRUS:And do you think that it was she?
Sceledrvs:Visanest ea esse?
PALAESTRIO:I’ faith, it was she, sure enough.
Palaestrio:Immo edepol plane east.
SCELEDRUS:But how she did dissemble.
Sceledrvs:Sed quo mododissimulabat.
PALAESTRIO:Go, bring me a sword out here.
Palaestrio:Abi, machaeram huc ecfer.
SCELEDRUS:I’ll have it here this moment.(Goes into the CAPTAIN’S house.) (PALAESTRIO alone.)
Sceledrvs:Iam faxo hic erit. —
PALAESTRIO:Beyond a doubt, neither any horse nor foot has so great a degree of boldnessin carrying out anything with as much confidence as some women. How cleverly and how skilfully she performed her part in both her characters!—how her wary keeper, my fellow-servant, is being gulled!’Tis most fortunate that the passage communicates through the party-wall.(Enter SCLEDRUS from the CAPTAIN’s house.)
Palaestrio:Neque eques neque pedes profectost quisquam tanta audacia,qui aeque faciat confidenter quicquam quam mulier facit.ut utrubique orationem docte divisit suam,ut sublinitur os custodi cauto, conservo meo.nimis beat quod commeatus transtinet trans parietem.
SCELEDRUS:Hallo! Palaestrio, there’s no occasion for the sword.
Sceledrvs:Heus, Palaestrio, machaera nihil opust.
PALAESTRIO:How so?—or what’s the matter now?
Palaestrio:Quid iam, aut quid est?
SCELEDRUS:Our master’s lady is there, at home.
Sceledrvs:Domi eccam erilem concubinam.
PALAESTRIO:What? At home?
Palaestrio:Quid, domi?
SCELEDRUS:She’s lying on the sofa.
Sceledrvs:In lecto cubat.
PALAESTRIO:Faith, but you’ve certainly brought on yourself a disagreable affair, according to what you report.
Palaestrio:Edepol ne tu tibi malam rem repperisti, ut praedicas.
SCELEDRUS:How so?
Sceledrvs:Quid iam?
PALAESTRIO:Inasmuch as you have dared to touch that lady next door here.
Palaestrio:Quia hanc attingere ausus esausu's mulierem hinc ex proxumo.
SCELEDRUS:I’ faith, I fear it much. But no one shall ever make her to be any other than her own twin-sister.PALAESTRIO:’twas she, in troth, that you saw toying: and, in fact,’tis plain that it is she, as you remark.
Sceledrvs:Magis hercle metuo.Palaestrio:Sed numquam quisquam faciet quin sororistaec sit gemina huius: eam pol tu osculantem hic videras.
SCELEDRUS:What was there more likely than that I should have been undone, if I had spoken of it to my master.
Sceledrvs:Id quidem palam est eam esse, ut dicis; quid propius fuit,quam ut perirem, si elocutus essem ero?
PALAESTRIO:Then, if you’re wise, you’ll hold your tongue. It befits a servant to know of more than he speaks. I’m going to leave you, that I may not at all participate in your designs. And I shall go to our neighbour here; these turmoils of yours don’t please me.
Palaestrio:Ergo, si sapis,mussitabis: plus oportet scire servom quam loqui.ego abeo a te, ne quid tecum consili commisceam,atque apud hunc ero vicinum; tuae mihi turbae non placent.
My master, if he comes, should he inquire for me, I shall be there; send for me next door.(Goes into the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.) (SCLEDRUS, alone.)SCELEDRUS:Well, he’s off; nor cares he any more for his master’s business than if he were not in his service. For sure she really is now here in-doors in the house, for I myself found her just now lying down in our house.
erus si veniet, si me quaeret, hic ero: hinc me arcessito. —Sceledrvs:Satin abiit ille neque erile negotiumplus curat, quasi non servitutem serviat?certo illa quidem hic nunc intus est in aedibus,nam egomet cubantem eam modo offendi domi.
I am resolved now to employ myself in watching.(Places himself against the CAPTAIN’S door.) (Enter PERIPLECOMENUS from his house.)PERIPLECOMENUS:Faith, but these men here, these servants of my neighbour the Captain, take me not to be a man, but a woman, so much do they trifle with me. My lady guest, who came here yesterday from Athens with the gentleman, my guest,is she to be mauled about and made fun of here in the street—a lady, free-born and free?SCELEDRUS: (aside.)
certum est nunc observationi operam dare.Periplectomenvs:non hercle hisce homines me marem, sed feminamvicini rentur esse servi militis:ita me ludificant. meamne hic invitam hospitam,quae heri huc Athenis cum hospite advenit meo,tractatam et ludificatam, ingenuam et liberam?
By my troth, I’m undone. He’s coming in a straight line up towards me. I fear that this matter may cause me great trouble, so far as I have heard this old gentleman speak.
Sceledrvs:Perii hercle, hic ad me recta habet rectam viam.metuo, illaec mihi res ne malo magno fuat,quantum hunc audivi facere verborum senem.
PERIPLECOMENUS:I’ll up to this fellow. Was it you, Sceledrus, source of mischief, that were just nowmaking fun of my lady guest before the house?
Periplectomenvs:Accedam ad hominem. tun, Sceledre, hic, scelerum caput,meam ludificavisti hospitam ante aedis modo?
SCELEDRUS:Good neighbour, listen, I beg.
Sceledrvs:Vicine, ausculta quaeso.
PERIPLECOMENUS:I, listen to you?
Periplectomenvs:Ego auscultem tibi?
SCELEDRUS:I wish to clear myself.
Sceledrvs:Expurigare volo me.
PERIPLECOMENUS:You, clear yourself to me, who have done an action so gross and so unbecoming? And because you are soldiers, do you suppose,you gallows-bird, that you may do what you like with us?
Periplectomenvs:Tun te expuriges,qui facinus tantum tamque indignum feceris?an quia latrocinamini, arbitraminiquidvis licere facere vobis, verbero?
SCELEDRUS:May I—?
Sceledrvs:Licetne?
PERIPLECOMENUS:But so may all the Gods and Goddesses prosper me, if a punishment with the rod is not given to you at my request, a long and lasting one, from morning to evening; because you have been breaking my gutters and my tiles,while you were following there a monkey like your own self; because, too, you have been peeping down from there at my guest in my house, when he was caressing and fondling his mistress; besides, you have dared to accuse the chaste lady of your master of criminality, and myself of a heinous offence;and further, because you have dared to maul about my lady guest before my house. If the punishment of the whip is not given to you, I will cause your master to be more laden with disgrace than the sea is full of waves in a heavy storm.
Periplectomenvs:At ita me di deaeque omnis ament,nisi mihi supplicium virgeum de te daturlongum diutinumque, a mane ad vesperum,quod meas confregisti imbricis et tegulas,ibi dum condignam te sectatus essectatu's simiam,quodque inde inspectavisti meum apud me hospitemamplexum amicam, quom osculabatur, suam,quodque cóncubinam erilem insimulare ausus esprobri pudicam meque summi flagiti,tum quod tractavisti hospitam ante aedis meam:nisi mihi supplicium stimuleum de ⟨te⟩ datur,dedecoris pleniorem erum faciam tuom,quam magno vento plenumst undarum mare.
SCELEDRUS:I am driven to such straits, Periplecomenus, that I don’t knowwhether it is fitter for me rather to dispute this matter with you, or whether, if she is not our lady, and if our lady was not seen by me, it seems more proper for me to excuse myself to you; as even now I don’t know which I saw, so like is that guest of yours to our lady—if, indeed, she is not the same person.
Sceledrvs:Ita sum coactus, Periplectomene, ut nesciamutrum me postulare prius … tecum aequom siet;nisi ⟨si⟩ istaec non est haec neque ⟨haec⟩ istast, mihime expurigare tibi videtur aequius;sicut etiam nunc nescio quid viderim:itast ista huius similis nostrai tua,siquidem non eadem est.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Go into my house and look: you’ll soon see.
Periplectomenvs:Vise ad me intro, iam scies.
SCELEDRUS:May I go?
Sceledrvs:Licetne?
PERIPLECOMENUS:Why, I command you; go and examine at your leisure.
Periplectomenvs:Quin te iubeo; et placide noscita.
SCELEDRUS:I am determined to do so.(Goes into the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.)
Sceledrvs:Ita facere certum est. —
PERIPLECOMENUS: (probably looking up to a window in the CAPTAIN’S house.)Ho! Philocomasium! pass instantly, with all speed, into my house;’tis absolutely necessary. Afterwards, when Sceledrus shall have come out from my house,pass quickly, with all haste, back again to your own house. By my troth, now, I’m afraid she’ll be making some blunder. Should he not see the woman … My door opens.(Enter SCLEDRUS from the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.)
Periplectomenvs:Heus, Philocomasium, citotranscurre curriculo ad nos, ita negotiumst.post, quando exierit Sceledrus a nobis, citotranscurrito ad vos rursum curriculo domum.nunc pol ego metuo ne quid infuscaverit.si hic non videbit mulierem — aperitur foris.
SCELEDRUS:O ye immortal Gods! A woman more like,and more the same, who is not the same, I do not think the Gods could make.
Sceledrvs:Pro di immortales, similiorem mulieremmagisque eándem, ut pote quae non sit eadem, non reordeos fácere posse.
PERIPLECOMENUS:What now?
Periplectomenvs:Quid nunc?
SCELEDRUS:I certainly merit chastisement.
Sceledrvs:Commerui malum.
PERIPLECOMENUS:What then? Is it she?
Periplectomenvs:Quid igitur? eanest?
SCELEDRUS:Although ’tis she,’tis not she.
Sceledrvs:Etsi east, non est ea.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Have you seen this lady?
Periplectomenvs:Vidistin istam?
SCELEDRUS:I have seen both her and the gentleman, your guest, caressing and kissing.
Sceledrvs:Vidi, et illam et hospitem,complexam atque osculantem.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Is it she?
Periplectomenvs:Eanest?
SCELEDRUS:I know not.
Sceledrvs:Nescio.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Would you know for certain?
Periplectomenvs:Vin scire plane?
SCELEDRUS:I should like to.
Sceledrvs:Cupio.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Go you this instant into your own house: see whether your lady is within.
Periplectomenvs:Abi intro ad vos domumcontinuo, vide sitne istaec vostra intus.
SCELEDRUS:Very well: you’ve advised me rightly. I’ll be out again to you this instant.(Goes into the CAPTAIN’S house.)
Sceledrvs:Licet,pulchre admonuisti. iám ego ad te exibo foras. —
PERIPLECOMENUS:I’ faith, I never saw any man more cleverly fooled, and by more singular devices.
Periplectomenvs:Numquam edepol hominem quemquam ludificariermagis facete vidi et magis miris modis.
But here he is coming.(Enter SCLEDRUS from the CAPTAIN’s house.)SCELEDRUS:Periplecomenus, by Gods and men, and by my own folly, and by your knees! I do beseech you—
sed eccum egreditur.Sceledrvs:Periplectomene, te opsecroper deos atque homines perque stultitiam meamperque tua genua —
PERIPLECOMENUS:What now?
Periplectomenvs:Quíd opsecras me?
SCELEDRUS:Pardon my ignorance and my folly; now, at length, I know that I am half-witted, blind, and thoughtless;
Sceledrvs:Inscitiaemeae et stultitiae ignoscas. nunc demum sciome fuisse excordem, caecum, incogitabilem.
for, behold! Philocomasium is at home.PERIPLECOMENUS:How, then, hang-dog. Have you seen them both?
nam Philocomasium eccam intus.Periplectomenvs:Quid nunc, furcifer?vidistin ambas?
SCELEDRUS:I have seen them.
Sceledrvs:Vidi.
PERIPLECOMENUS:I wish you to bring your master to me.
Periplectomenvs:Erum exhibeas volo.
SCELEDRUS:Indeed, I confess that I deserve a very great punishment; and I own that I have done a wrong to your lady guest. But I thought that she was the lady of my master,to whom the Captain, my master, gave me as a keeper; for it is not possible for water ever to be drawn more like to water from the same well, than is she to this lady guest of yours. And I will confess, as well, that I did look through the skylight into your house.
Sceledrvs:Meruisse equidem me maxumum fateor malum,et tuae fecisse me hospitae aio iniuriam;sed meam esse erilem concubinam censui,cui me custodem erus addidit miles meus.nam ex uno puteo similior numquam potisaqua aquai sumi quam haec est atque ista hospita.et me despexe ad te per impluvium tuomfateor.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Why shouldn’t you confess what I saw myself?
Periplectomenvs:Quid ni fateare, ego quod viderim?
SCELEDRUS:And there saw in your house this lady guest of yours, kissing.PERIPLECOMENUS:You saw her?SCELEDRUS:I saw her. Why should I deny what I did see? But I fancied that I had seen Philocomasium.
et ibi osculantem meum hospitem cum ista hospitavidisti?Sceledrvs:Vidi (cur negem quod viderim?),sed Philocomasium me vidisse censui.
PERIPLECOMENUS:And did you suppose me to be the very vilest of all men, in allowing, with my own knowledge,such an injury so glaringly to be done to my neighbour?
Periplectomenvs:Ratun istic me hominem esse omnium minimi preti,si ego me sciente paterer vicino meoeam fieri apud me tam insignite iniuriam?
SCELEDRUS:Now, at length, I am of opinion that it was done foolishly by me, when I come to understand the matter; but still I did not do it with any ill intent.
Sceledrvs:Nunc demum a me insipienter factum esse arbitror,cum rem cognosco; at non malitiose tamenfeci.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Yes, but ’twas improperly done; for it befits a person that is a servant to keep his eyes, and hands, and talk, asleep.
Periplectomenvs:Immo indigne; nám hominem servom suosdomitos habere oportet oculos et manusorationemque.
SCELEDRUS:Now, if after this day I mutter anything, even what I know for certain, give me over to torture; I’ll give myself up to you. This time, prithee, do pardon me for this.
Sceledrvs:Egone si post hunc diemmuttivero, etiam quod egomet certo sciam,dato excruciandum me: egomet me dedam tibi;nunc hoc mi ignosce quaeso.
PERIPLECOMENUS:I shall subdue my feelings, so as to think that it was not done by you with malicious intent.
Periplectomenvs:Vincam animum meum,ne malitiose factum id esse aps te arbitrer.
I will pardon you in this matter.SCELEDRUS:May the Gods bless you, then!
ignoscam tibi istuc.Sceledrvs:At tibi di faciant bene.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Troth now, as the Gods may prosper you, really do restrain your tongue henceforth; even that which you do know, don’t know, and don’t you see what you do see.
Periplectomenvs:Ne tu hercle, si te di ament, linguam comprimesposthac, etiam illud quod scies nesciverisnec videris quod videris.
SCELEDRUS:You counsel me aright; so I’m resolved to do. Are you quite appeased?
Sceledrvs:Bene me mones,ita facere certum est. sed satine oratus esoratu's?
PERIPLECOMENUS:Away with you.
Periplectomenvs:Abi.
SCELEDRUS:Is there aught else you now require of me?
Sceledrvs:Numquid nunc aliud me vis?
PERIPLECOMENUS:That you would know me not.(Makes as if he is departing.)SCELEDRUS: (aside.)
Periplectomenvs:Ne me noveris.
He has been cajoling me. How kindly he vouchsafed his favour not to be angry. I know what plan he is upon: that directly the Captain returns home from the Forum, I may be caught at home. He and Palaestrio togetherhave me in their power: I have perceived that, and for some time I’ve known it. I’ faith, never will I be seeking a bait this day from out of that wicker-net. For now somewhither will I betake myself, and for some days will I lie concealed until this turmoil is hushed and their resentment is softened. Enough punishment for my unlucky prating have I already merited.But still, whatever befals me I’ll be off hence home.(Goes into the CAPTAIN’S house.) (PERIPLECOMENUS, alone.)
Sceledrvs:Dedit híc mihi verba. quam benigne gratiamfecit, ne iratus esset. scio quam rem gerat:ut miles cum extemplo a foro adveniat domum,domi cómprehendar. una hic et Palaestriome habent venalem: sensi et iam dudum scio.numquam hercle ex ista nassa ego hodie escam petam;nam iam aliquo aufugiam et me occultabo aliquot dies,dum haec consilescunt turbae atque irae leniunt.nam uni satis populo impio merui mali. —[verum tamen dé me quidquid est, ibo hinc domum.]
PERIPLECOMENUS:So he has departed hence. I’ faith, I know right well, that a dead pig full oft has more relish by far than a living one: so bamboozled has he been, that he did not see what he really did see. For his eyes, and ears, and thoughtshave come over to us. So far,’tis right cleverly managed; the lady has played her part most excellently. I’ll go back again to my Senate; for Palaestrio is now at home in my house, and now Sceledrus is gone from the door. A full Senate can now be held.
Periplectomenvs:Illic hínc abscessit. sat edepol certo scio,occisam saepe sapere plus multo suem:quoin id adimatur ne id quod vidit viderit.nam illius oculi atque aures atque opiniotransfugere ad nos. usque adhuc actum est probe;nimium festivam mulier operam praehibuit.redeo in senatum rusum; nam Palaestriodomi nunc apud me est, Sceledrus nunc autemst foris:frequens senatus poterit nunc haberier.
I’ll go in; lest while I am absent, there should be a distribution of their parts among them.(Goes into his house.) (Enter PALAESTRIO from the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.)PALAESTRIO: (on entering he calls to PLEUSICLES and PERIPLECOMENUS, who are in the house of the latter.)Keep yourselves within doors, yet a moment, Pleusicles. Let me first look out, that there may be no ambush anywhere, against that council which we intend to hold. For now we have need of a safe place from which no enemy can win the spoils of our counsels.
ibo intro, ne, dum absum, alter sorti defuat. —Palaestrio:Cóhibete intra limen etiam vos parumper, Pleusicles,sinite me prius pérspectare, ne uspiam insidiae sientconcilium quod habere volumus. nam ópus est nunc tuto loco,unde inimicus ne quis nostri spolia capiat consili.
For a well-devised plan is very often filched away, if the place for deliberating has not been chosen with care or with caution; and what is well-advised is ill-advised if it proves of use to the enemy; and if it proves of use to the enemy, it cannot otherwise than prove a detriment to yourself. For if the enemy learn your plans,by your own self-same plans they tie your tongue and bind your hands; and they do the very same to you that you intended to do to them. But I’ll spy about, lest any one, either in this direction on the left or on the right, should come like a huntsman on our counsels with his ears like toils. (Looks about.) Quite vacant is the prospect hence right to the bottom of the street.
nam bene consultum inconsultum est, si id inimicis usuist,neque potest quin, si id inimicis usuist, obsit tibi;[nam bene ⟨consultum⟩ consilium surripitur saepissime,][si minus cúm cura aut cautella locus loquendi lectus est.]quippe qui, si rescivere inimici consilium tuom,tuopte tibi consilio occludunt linguam et constringunt manus,atque eadem quae illis voluisti facere, illi faciunt tibi.sed speculabor, ne quis aut hinc aut ab laeva aut dexteranostro consilio venator adsit cum auritis plagis.sterilis hinc prospectus usque ad ultumam est plateam probe.
I’ll call them out. Hallo! Periplecomenus and Pleusicles, come out!(Enter PERIPLECOMENUS and PLEUSICLES from the house of the former.)
evocabo. heus Periplectomene et Pleusicles, progredimini.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Behold us here obedient to your call.
Periplectomenvs:Ecce nos tibi oboedientes.
PALAESTRIO:The sway is easy over the good. But I wish to know, if we are to carry out the matter on the same plan that we formed within?
Palaestrio:Facilest imperium in bonis.sed volo scíre: eodem consilio, quód intus meditati sumus,gerimus rem?
PERIPLECOMENUS:Why, in fact there’s nothing can be more conducive to our purpose.Well, what say you, Pleusicles?
Periplectomenvs:Magis nón potest esse ad rem utibile.Palaestrio:Immo …quid tibi, Pleusicles?
PLEUSICLES:Can that displease me which pleases yourselves? What person is there more my friend than your own self?PERIPLECOMENUS:You speak kindly and obligingly.
Plevsicles:Quodne vóbis placeat, displiceat mihi?quis homo sit magis meus quam tu es?Palaestrio:Loquere lepide et commode.
PALAESTRIO:Faith, and so he ought to do.PLEUSICLES:But this affair shockingly distresses me, and torments my very heart and body.
Periplectomenvs:Pol ita decet hunc facere.Plevsicles:At hoc me facinus miserum maceratmeumque cor corpusque cruciat.
PERIPLECOMENUS:What is it that torments you? Tell me.
Periplectomenvs:Quid id est quod cruciat? cedo.
PLEUSICLES:That I should cause childish actions in a person of your years, and that I should require of you deeds that neither become yourself nor your virtues;
Plevsicles:Me tibi istúc aetatis homini facinora pueriliaobicere, neque te decora neque tuis virtutibus;
and that, with all your might, for my sake you are striving to aid me in my passion, and are doing actions of such a kind, as, when done, these years of yours are wont rather to avoid than follow. I am ashamed that I cause you this trouble in your old age.
ea te expetere ex opibus summis mei honoris gratiamihique amanti ire opitulatum atque ea te facere facinora,quae istaec aetas fugere facta magis quam sectari solet:eam pudet me tíbi in senecta obicere sollicitudinem.
PERIPLECOMENUS:You are a person in love after a new fashion. If, in fact, you are ashamed of anything you do,you are nothing of a lover. You are rather the shadow of those who are in love, than a true lover, Pleusicles.
Palaestrio:Novo modo tu homo amás, siquidem te quicquam quod faxis pudet;nihil amas, umbra es amantis magis quam amator, Pleusicles.
PLEUSICLES:Ought I to employ these years of yours in seconding my love?
Plevsicles:Hancine aetatem exercere ⟨mei⟩ me amoris gratia?
PERIPLECOMENUS:How say you? Do I seem to you so very much a subject for Acheron? So much a bier’s-man? Do I seem to you to have had so very long a life? Why, really, I am not more than four-and-fifty years old;I see clearly with my eyes, I’m ready with my hands, I’m active with my feet.
Periplectomenvs:Quid ais tu? itane tibi ego videor oppido Acherunticus?tam capularis, tamine tibi diu videor vitam vivere?nam équidem haud sum natus annos praeter quinquaginta et quattuor,clare oculis video, pernix sum manibus, pedibus mobilis.
PALAESTRIO:If he is seen by you to have white hair, he is by no means an old man in mind; in him the natural strength of his mind is unimpaired.
Palaestrio:Si albicapillus hic, videtur neutiquam ab ingenio senex.inest in hoc emussitata sua sibi ingenua indoles.
PLEUSICLES:By my troth, for my part, I have found it to be so as you say, Palaestrio; for, in fact, his kindness is quite that of a young man.
Plevsicles:Pol id quidem éxperior ita esse ut praedicas, Palaestrio;nam benignitas quidem huius oppido adulescentula est.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Yes, my guest, the more you make trial of it, the more you will know my courtesy towards you in your love.
Periplectomenvs:Immo, hospes, magis cúm periclum facies, magis nosces meamcomitatem erga te amantem.
PLEUSICLES:What need to know what’s known already?
Plevsicles:Quid opus nota noscere?
PERIPLECOMENUS:I’ll show you more amiability on my part than I’ll make mention of … that you may have instances for proving it at home, and not have to seek it out of doors. For unless one has loved himself, with difficulty he sees into the feelings of one in love.But I have some little love and moisture in my body still, and not yet am I dried up for the pursuits of merriment and pleasure. Either the merry banterer likewise, or the agreable boon-companion will I be; no interrupter of another am I at a feast. I bear in mind how properly to keep myself from proving disagreable to my fellow-guests;and how to take a due share with my conversation, and to be silent as well in my turn, when the discourse belongs to another. Far from being a spitter or hawker am I, far from being a dirty-nosed old fellow, too. And never do I take liberties with any person’s mistress when out in company; I don’t snatch up the dainty bits before another, nor take the cup before my turn; nor, through wine, do dissensions ever arise on my account at the convivial board. If there is any one there that is disagreable, I go off home; I cut the parley short. Stretched at my ease, I devote myself to pleasure, love, and mirth. In fine, at Ephesus was I born, not among the Apulians, not at Animula.
Periplectomenvs:Vt apud ⟨te⟩ exemplum experiundi hábeas, ne quaeras foris;nam nisi qui ipse amavit, aegre amantis ingenium inspicit:et ego amoris aliquantum habeo umorisque etiam in corpore,neque dum exarui ex amoenis rebus et voluptariis.vel cavillator facetus vel conviva commodusitem eró, neque ego oblocutor sum alteri in convivio:incommoditate abstinere me apud convivas commodocommemini et meae orationis iustam partem persequiet meam partem itidem tacere, quom aliena est oratio;minime sputator, screator sum, itidem minime mucidus:post Ephesi sum natus, non enim in Apulis; non sum Animulas.
PLEUSICLES:O what a most delightful old man, if he possesses the qualities he mentions!Why, troth, surely now, he was brought up in the very rearing of Venus.PALAESTRIO:Why, in fact, you will not find another person who is of his years, more accomplished in every respect, or who is more a friend to his friend.
Palaestrio:O lepidum senem, in se si quas memorat virtutis habet,atque equidem plane educatum in nutricatu Venerio.Periplectomenvs:Plus dabo quam praedicabo ex me venustatis tibi.neque ego úmquam alienum scortum subigito in convivio,neque praeripio pulpamentum neque praevorto poculum,neque per vinum umquam ex me exoritur discidium in convivio:si quis ibi est odiosus, abeo domum, sermonem segrego;Venerem, amorem amoenitatemque accubans exerceo.Palaestrio:Tu quidem edepol omnis moris ad venustatem † vacet;cedo tris mi hominis aurichalco contra cum istis moribus.
PLEUSICLES:By my troth, your whole manners really do show marks of first-rate breeding. Find me three men of such manners against a like weight in double-distilled gold.
Plevsicles:At quidem illúc aetatis qui sit non invenies alterumlepidiorem ad omnís res nec qui amicus amico sit magis.
PERIPLECOMENUS:I’ll make you confess that I really am a youngster in my manners; so abounding in kindnesses will I prove myself to you in every respect. Should you have need of an advocate, severe or fierce? I am he. Have you need of one that is gentle? You shall say that I am more gentle than the sea is when hush’d,and something more balmy will I prove than is the Zephyr breeze. In this same person will I display to you either the most jovial boon-companion, or the first-rate trencher-man, and the best of caterers. Then, as for dancing, there is no ballet-master that is so supple as I.PALAESTRIO: (to PLEUSICLES.)
Periplectomenvs:Tute me ut fateare faciam esse adulescentem moribus,ita apud omnis comparebo tibi res bene factis frequens.opusne erit tibi advocato tristi, iracundo? ecce me;opusne leni? leniorem dices quam mutum est mare,liquidiusculusque ero quam ventus est favonius.vel hilarissimum convivam hinc indidem expromam tibi,pel primarium parasitum atque obsonatorem optumum;tum ad saltandum non cinaedus malacus aequest atque ego.
What could you wish added to these accomplishments, if the option were given you?
Palaestrio:Quid ad illas artis optassis, si optio eveniat tibi?
PLEUSICLES:That thanks could be returned by me to him in degree equal to his deserts, and to yourself, to both of whom I feel that I am now the cause of extreme anxiety. But it is grievous to me to be the cause of so great expense to you.
Plevsicles:Huius pro méritis ut referri pariter possit gratia,tibique, quibus nunc me esse experior summae sollicitudini.at tibi tanto sumptui esse mihi molestumst.
PERIPLECOMENUS:You are a simpleton. For, if you lay anything out on a bad wife and upon an enemy, that is an expense; that which is laid out on a deserving guest and a friend is gain;as that, which is expended upon sacred rites, is a profit to the wise man. By the blessing of the Gods, I have enough, with which to receive you with hospitality in my house. Eat, drink, indulge your tastes with me, and surfeit yourself with enjoyments; my house is at your service, myself likewise do I wish to be at your service. For, through the blessing of the Gods, I may say that, by reason of my wealth,I could have married a dowered wife of the best family; but I don’t choose to introduce an everlasting female barker at me into my house.
Periplectomenvs:Morus es.nam in mala uxore atque inimico si quid sumas, sumptus est,in bono hospite atque amico quaestus est quod sumituret quod in divinis rebus sumptumst, sapienti lucrumst.deum virtute est te unde hospitio accipiam apud me comiter:es, bibe, animo obsequere mecum atque onera te hilaritudine.liberae sunt aedis, liber sum autem ego: mei volo vivere.nam mihi, deum virtute dicam, propter divitias measlicuit uxorem dotatam genere summo ducere;sed nolo mi oblatratricem in aedis intro mittere.
PLEUSICLES:Why don’t you choose? For ’tis a delightful thing to be the father of children [liberos].
Palaestrio:Cur non vis? nam procreare liberos lepidumst onus.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Troth,’tis very much sweeter by far to be free [liberum] yourself.For a good wife, if it is possible for her to be married anywhere on earth, where can I find her? But am I to take one home who is never to say this to me, “Buy me some wool, my dear, with which a soft and warm cloak may be made, and good winter under-clothes, that you mayn’t catch cold this winter-weather;” such an expression as this you can never hear from a wife,but, before the cocks crow, she awakes me from my sleep, and says, “Give me some money, my dear, with which to make my mother a present on the Calends, give me some money to make preserves; give me something to give on the Quinquatrus to the sorceress, to the woman who interprets the dreams, to the prophetess, and to the female diviner;”
Periplectomenvs:Hercle vero liberum esse tete, id multo lepidiust.Palaestrio:Tu homo et alteri sapienter potis es consulere et tibi.Periplectomenvs:Nam bona uxor suave ductust, si sit usquam gentiumubi ea possit inveniri; verum egone eam ducam domum,quae mihi numquam hoc dicat “eme, mi vir, lanam, unde tibi palliummalacum et calidum conficiatur tunicaeque hibernae bonae,ne algeas hac hieme” (hoc numquam verbum ex uxore audias),verum prius quam galli cantent quae me e somno suscitet,dicat “da, mi vir, kalendis meam qui matrem munerem,da qui faciam † condiat, dá quod dem quinquatribuspraecantrici, coniectrici, hariolae atque haruspicae;flagitiumst, si nil mittetur quae supercilio spicit;
“besides,’tis impossible for me, in civility, not to fee the expiating woman; for long has the mattress-maker been grumbling, because she has received nothing; besides, the midwife found fault with me, that too little had been sent for her. What! arn’t you going to send something to the nurse that brings up the young slaves? It’s a shame if nothing’s sent her; with what a brow she does look at me.” These and many other expenses of the women like to thesefrighten me from a wife, to be uttering speeches to me like to this.
tum plicatricem clementer non potest quin munerem;iam pridem, quia nihil abstulerit, suscenset ceriaria;tum opstetrix expostulavit mecum, parum missum sibi;quid? nutrici non missurus esmissuru's quicquam, quae vernas alit?”haec atque horum similia alia damna multa mulierumme uxore prohibent, mihi quae huius similes sermones serat.
PALAESTRIO:In good sooth, the Gods are propitious to you; for so soon as you lose this liberty, you will not easily reinstate yourself in the same condition.
Palaestrio:Di tibi propitii sunt, nam hercle si istam semel amiserislibertatem, haud facile in eundem rusum restitues locum.
PLEUSICLES:You are a person who are able to counsel wisely both for another and for yourself. But ’tis some merit for a man of noble family and of ample wealth to rear children—a memorial of his race and of himself.
Plevsicles:At illa laus est, magno in genere et in divitiis maxumisliberos hominem educare, generi monumentum et sibi.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Since I have many relations, what need have I of children? Now I live well and happily, and as I like, and as contents my feelings. For I shall bequeath my property to my relations, and divide it among them. These, like children, pay attentions to me; they come to see how I do, or what I want; before it is daybreak they are with me; they make inquiry how I have enjoyed my sleep in the night.
Periplectomenvs:Quando habeo multos cognatos, quid opus est mihi liberis?nunc bene vivo et fortunate atque ut volo atque animo ut lubet.mea bona in morté cognatis didam, inter eos partiam.[ei apud me aderunt, me curabunt, visent quid agam, ecquid velim.]prius quam lucet adsunt, rogitant noctu ut somnum ceperim.
Them will I have for children who are ever sending presents to me. Are they sacrificing—they give a greater part of it to me than to themselves; they take me home with them to share the entrails; they invite me to their houses to breakfast and to dinner. He thinks himself most unfortunate, who has sent but very little to me. They vie with one another with their presents; I say in a low voice to myself:
[eos pro liberis habebo, qui mihi mittunt munera.]sacrificant: dant inde partem mihi maiorem quam sibi,abducunt ad exta; me ad se ad prandium, ad cenam vocant;ille misérrumum se retur, minimum qui misit mihi.illi inter se certant donis, egomet mecum mussito:
“They are gaping after my property; while, in their emulation, they are nourishing me and loading me with presents.”
bona mea inhiant, me certatim nutricant et munerant.
PALAESTRIO:Upon right good grounds and right well do you fully understand yourself and your own interests, and if you are happy, sons twofold and threefold have you.
Palaestrio:Nimis bona ratione nimiumque ad te ⟨te⟩ et tuam vitam habes:et tibi sunt gemini et trigemini, si te bene habes, filii.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Troth, if I had had them, enough anxiety should I have had from my children.… I should have been everlastingly tormented in mind; but if perchance one had had a fever, I think I should have died. Or if one, in liquor, had tumbled anywhere from his horse, I should have been afraid that he had broken his legs or neck on that occasion.
Periplectomenvs:Pol si habuissem, satis cepissem miseriarum e liberis:continuo excruciarer animi: si ei forte fuisset febris,censerem emori; cecidissetve ebrius aut de equo uspiam,metuerem ne ibi diffregisset crura aut cervices sibi.
PALAESTRIO:’Tis right that riches should come, and that long life should be granted to this man, who both husbands his property and yet enjoys himself and has kind wishes for his friends.
Palaestrio:Huic homini dignum est divitias esse et diu vitam dari,qui et rem servat et se bene habet suisque amicis usui est.
PLEUSICLES:O what a delightful person! So may the Gods and Goddesses prosper me,’twere right the Deities should so ordain that all should not live after one rule as to the duration of life. Just as he who is a trusty market-officer sets their prices on the wares; as that which is good or valuable is sold according to its excellence, and that which is worthless, according to the faultiness of the commodity, deprives its owner of its price;so were it right that the Gods should portion out the life of man, so as to give to him who is kindly disposed a long life, and speedily to deprive of existence those who are reprobate and wicked. If they had provided this, bad men would both have been fewer, and with less hardihood would they do their wicked deeds; and then,those who were good men, of them there would have been a more plenteous harvest.
Plevsicles:O lepidum caput. ita me di deaeque ament, aequom fuitdeos paravisse, uno exemplo ne omnes vitam viverent;sicut merci pretium statuit qui est probus agoranomus:quae probast mers, pretium ei statuit, pro virtute ut veneat,quae improbast, pro mercis vitio dominum pretio pauperat,itidem divos dispertisse vitam humanam aequom fuit:qui lepide ingeniatus esset, vitam ei longinquam darent,qui improbi essent et scelesti, is adimerent animam cito.si hoc paravissent, et homines essent minus multi maliet minus audacter scelesta facerent facta, et postea,quí homines probi essent, esset is annona vilior.
PERIPLECOMENUS:He who would blame the ordinances of the Gods must be foolish and ignorant. … At present we must at once have an end of these matters; for new I want to go to market, that, my guest, according to your own deserts and mine, I may entertain you hospitably at my house, heartily and with right hearty cheer.
Periplectomenvs:Qui deorum consilia culpet, stultus inscitusque sit,quique eos vituperet. nunc istis rebus desisti decet.nunc volo opsonare, ut, hospes, tua te ex virtute et meameae domi accipiam benigne, lepide et lepidis victibus.
PLEUSICLES:I am content with the expense that I have been to you already. For no guest can be thus hospitably entertained by a friend, but that when he has been there three days running, he must now become a bore; but when he is prolonging his stay for ten successive days, he is a nuisance to the household. Although the master willingly allows it, the servants grumble.
Plevsicles:Nihil me paenitet iam quanto sumptui fuerim tibi;nam hospes nullus tám in amici hospitium devorti potest,quin, ubi triduom continuom fuerit, iam odiosus siet;verum ubi dies decem continuos sit, east odiorum Ilias:tam etsi dominus non invitus patitur, servi murmurant.
PERIPLECOMENUS:I have trained up the servants that are in my service, my guest, not to rule over me, or for me to be obedient to them. If that is disagreable to them which is agreable to me, I steer my own course; that which they don’t like must still be done at their peril, and whether they like it or no. Now, as I intended, I shall go to market.
Periplectomenvs:Serviendae servituti ego servos instruxi mihi,hospes, non qui mi imperarent quibusve ego essem obnoxius:si illis aegrest mihi quod volup est, meo remigio rem gero,tamen id quod odiost faciundumst cum malo atque ingratiis.nunc, quod occepi, opsonatum pergam.
PLEUSICLES:If you are resolved,do cater somewhat within bounds, at no great expense; anything is enough for me.
Plevsicles:Si certumst tibi,commodulum obsona, ne magno sumptu: mihi quidvis sat est.
PERIPLECOMENUS:Won’t you now have done with that old-fashioned and antiquated talk? Now surely, guest, you are using the cant of the vulgar. For they are in the habit of saying, when they have taken their places, when dinner is put on table: “What necessity was there for you to go to this great expense on out account?”
Periplectomenvs:Quin tu istanc orationem hinc veterem atque antiquam amoves?[nam] proletario sermone nunc quidem, hospes, utere;nam ei solent, quando accubuere, ubi cena adpositast, dicere:“quid opus fuit hoc, ⟨hospes⟩, sumptu tanto nostra gratia?
“Surely you were mad, for this same dinner was enough for ten persons.” What has been provided on their account they find fault with; they eat it up, however.
insanivisti hercle, nám idem hoc hominibus sat erat decem.”quod eorum causa obsonatumst culpant et comedunt tamen.
PALAESTRIO:Troth, in that self-same fashion ’tis generally done. How clever and shrewd is his discernment.
Palaestrio:Fit pol íllud ad íllud exemplum. ut docte et perspecte sapit.
PERIPLECOMENUS:But these same persons never say, although such an abundance has been provided, “Do order that to be taken off; do take away this dish; remove this gammon of bacon, I’ll have none of it;”“put aside that piece of pork; this conger’s good when cold; remove it, take and put it aside.” You hear none of them saying this in earnest, but they stretch themselves out, while with half their bodies on the table, they are indulging their appetite.
Periplectomenvs:Sed eidem homines numquam dicunt, quamquam adpositumst ampliter:“iube illud demi; tolle hanc patinam; remove pernam, nil moror;aufer illam offam porcinam, probus hic conger frigidus,remove, abi aufer” neminem eorum haec adseverare audias,sed procellunt se et procumbunt dimidiati, dum appetunt.