GIDDENEME, their Nurse. A MAID-SERVANT.PROLOGUE:I HAVE a mind to imitate the Achilles of Aristarchus from that Tragedy I’ll take for myself the opening: “Be silent, and hold your tongues, and give attention.” The head-manager it is who bids you listen,that with a good grace they may be seated on the benches, both those who have come hungry and those who have come well filled. You who have eaten, by far the most wisely have you done: you who have not eaten, do you be filled with the Play. But he who has something ready for him to eat,’tis really great folly in him, for our sakes, to come here to sit fasting.
PROLOGVS:Achillem Aristarchi mihi commentari lubet:inde míhi principium capiam, ex ea tragoedia.sileteque et tacete atque animum advortite,audire iúbet vos imperator histricus,bonoque ut animo sedeate in subselliis,et qui esurientes et qui saturi venerint:qui edistis, multo fecistis sapientius,qui non edistis, saturi fite fabulis;nam cui paratumst quod edit, nostra gratianimia est stultitia sessum impransum incedere.
Rise up, cryer! bespeak attention among the people: I’m now waiting to see if you know your duty. Exercise your voice, by means of which you subsist and find your clothes; for unless you do cry out, in your silence starvation will be creeping upon you.
exsurge, praeco, fac populo audientiam;iam dudum exspecto, si tuom officium scias:exerce vocem, quam per vivisque et † colis.nam nisi clamabis, tacitum te obrepet fames.
Well, now sit down again, that you may earn double wages. Heaven grant success! do you obey my commands. Let no worn-out debauchee be sitting in the front of the stage, nor let the lictor or his rods be noisy in the least; and let no seat-keeper be walking about before people’s faces,nor be showing any to their seats, while the actor is on the stage. Those who have been sleeping too long at home in idleness, it’s right for them now to stand contentedly, or else let them master their drowsiness. Don’t let slaves be occupying the seats, that there may be room for those who are free; or else let them pay down the money for their places; if that they cannot do,let them be off home, and escape a double evil, lest they be variegated both here with scourges, and with thongs at home, if they’ve not got things in due order when their masters come home. Let nurses keep children, baby-bantlings, at home, and let no one bring them to see the Play;lest both they themselves may be athirst, and the children may die with hunger; and that they mayn’t be squealing about here, in their hungry fits, just like kids. Let the matrons see the piece in silence, in silence laugh, and let them refrain from screaming here with their shrill voices; their themes for gossip let them carry off home,so as not to be an annoyance to their husbands both here and at home. And, as regards the managers of the performance, let not the palm of victory be given to any player wrongfully, nor by reason of favour let any be driven out of doors, in order that the inferior may be preferred to the good ones.
age nunc reside, duplicem ut mercedem feras.…bonum factum esse, edicta ut servetis mea.scortum exoletum ne quis in proscaeniosedeat, neu lictor verbum aut virgae muttiant,neu dissignator praeter os obambuletneu sessum ducat, dum histrio in scaena siet.diu quí domi otiosi dormierunt, decetanimo aequo nunc stent, vel dormire temperent.servi ne obsideant, liberis ut sit locus,vel aes pro capite dent; si id facere non queunt,domum abeant, vitent ancipiti infortunio,ne et hic varientur virgis et loris domi,si minus curassint, quóm eri reveniant domum.nutrices pueros infantis minutulosdomi ut procurent neu quae spectatum adferat,ne et ipsae sitiant et pueri pereant fameneve esurientes hic quasi haedi obvagiant.matronae tacitae spectent, tacitae rideant,canora hic voce sua tinnire temperent,domum sermones fabulandi conferant,ne et hic viris sint et domi molestiae.quodque ad ludorum curatores attinet,ne palma detur quoiquam artifici iniurianeve ambitionis causa extrudantur foras,quo deteriores anteponantur bonis.
And this, too, besides, which I had almost forgotten: while the performance is going on, do you, lacqueys, make an onset on the cookshops; now, while there’s an opportunity, now, while the tarts are smoking hot, hasten there. These injunctions, which have been given as the manager’s command,Heaven prosper them! troth now, let every one remember for himself. Now, in its turn, I wish to go back to the plot, that you may be equally knowing with myself. Its site, its limits, its boundaries I’ll now lay down; for that purpose have I been appointed surveyor.
et hoc quoque etiam, quod paene oblitus fui:dum ludi fiunt, in popinam, pedisequi,inruptionem facite; nunc dum occasio est,nunc dum scriblitae aéstuant, occurrite.haec quae imperata sunt pro imperio hístrico,bonum hercle factum pro se quisque ut meminerit.ad argumentum nunc vicissatim voloremigrare, ut aeque mecum sitis gnarures.eius núnc regiones, limites, confiniadeterminabo: ei rei ego finitor factus sum.
But, unless it’s troublesome, I wish to give you the name of this Comedy: but if it is an annoyance, I’ll tell you still, since I have leave from those who have the management. This Comedy is called the “Carthaginian;” in the Latin, Plautus has called it “the Pulse-eating Kinsman.”
sed nisi molestumst, nomen dare vobis volocomoediai; sin odiost, dicam tamen,siquidém licebit pér illos quibus est in manu.Carchedonius vocatur haec comoedia,…latine Plautus patruus pultiphagonides.
You have the name, then; now hear the rest of the story; for here will this plot be judged of by you. Its own stage is the proper place for every plot; you are the critics; I pray you lend attention. There were two cousins-german, Carthaginians,of a very high and very wealthy family. One of them is still alive, the other’s dead. The more confidently do I inform you of this, because the undertaker told me so, who anointed him for the pile.
nomen iam habetis. nunc rationes ceterasaccipite; nam argumentum hoc hic censebitur:locus argumentost suom sibi proscaenium,vos iuratores estis. quaeso, operam date.Carthaginienses fratres patrueles duofuere, summo genere et summis ditiis;eorum álter vivit, alter est emortuos.propterea apud vos dico confidentius,quia mihi pollictor dixit qui eum pollinxerat.
But the only son there was of that old man who died, being separated from his father, was stolen at Carthage when seven years old, six years, in fact, before his father died. When he saw that his only son was lost to him, he himself, from grief, fell sick;
sed illí seni qui mortuost, ⟨ei⟩ filius,unicus qui fuerat, ab divitiis a patrepuer séptuennis surripitur Carthagine,sexennio prius quidem quam moritur pater.quoniam periisse sibi videt gnatum unicum,conicitur ipse in morbum ex aegritudine:
he made this cousin-german of his his heir; he himself departed for Acheron without taking leave. The person who stole the child, carried him off to Calydon, and sold him here to a certain rich old man for his master, one desirous of children, but a hater of women.
facit illum heredem fratrem patruelem suom,ipse abit ad Acheruntem sine viatico.ille quí surripuit puerum Calydonem avehit,vendit eum domino hic diviti quoidam seni,cupienti liberorum, osori mulierum.
This old man, without knowing it, bought the son of his host, that same child, and adopted him as his own son, and made him his heir when he himself departed this life. This young man is dwelling here in this house. (Pointing to the house of AGORASTOCLES.) Once more do I return to Carthage.
emit hospitalem is filium imprudens senexpuerum illum eumque adoptat sibi pro filioeumque heredem fecit, quom ipse obiit diem.is illíc adulescens habitat in illisce aedibus.revertor rursus denuo Carthaginem:
If you want to give any commission, or anything to be managed—unless a person gives the money, he will be mistaken; but he who does give it will be very much more mistaken. But this father’s cousin of his at Carthage, the old man who is still alive, had two daughters.The one when in her fifth year, the other in her fourth, were lost, together with their nurse, from the walks in the suburbs. The person who kidnapped them, carried them off to Anactorium, and sold them all, both nurse and girls, for ready money, to a man (if a Procurer is a man)the most accursed of men, as many as the earth contains; but do you yourselves now form a conjecture what sort of man it is whose name is Lycus. He removed, not long ago, from Anactorium, where he formerly lived, to Calydon here,for the sake of his business. He dwells in that house. (Pointing to the house of LYCUS.) This young man is dying distractedly in love with one of them, his kinswoman, not knowing that fact; neither is he aware who she is, nor has he ever touched her (so much does the Procurer hamper him); neither has he hitherto ever had any improper connexion with her,nor ever taken her home to his house; nor has that Procurer been willing to send her there. Because he sees that he is in love, he wishes to touch this man for a good haul. A certain Captain, who is desperately in love with her, is desirous to buy this younger one to be his mistress. But their father, the Carthaginian, since he lost them,has been continually seeking them in every quarter, by sea and land. When he has entered any city, at once he seeks out all the courtesans, wherever each of them is living; he gives her gold, and prolongs the night in his enquiries; after that he asks whence she comes, of what country, whether she was made captive or kidnapped,born of what family, who her parents were. So diligently and so skilfully does he seek for his daughters. He knows all languages, too; but, though he knows them, he pretends not to know them: what need is there of talking? He is a Carthaginian all over. He, in the evening of yesterday, came into harbour here on board ship.The father of these girls, the same is the father’s cousin of this young man. Now d’ye take this? If you do take it, draw it out: take care not to break it asunder; pray, let it proceed. (Moving as if to go.) Dear me! I had almost forgotten to say the rest. He who adopted this young man as his own son,the same was the guest of that Carthaginian, this old man’s father. He will come here to-day, and discover his daughters here, and this person, his cousin’s son, as indeed I’ve learnt. He, I say, who’ll come to-day, will find his daughtersand this his cousin’s son. But after this, farewell!—attend; I’m off; I now intend to become another man. As to what remains, some others remain who’ll explain all to you. I’ll go and dress. With kindly feelings do you then recognize me. Farewell! and give me your aid, that Salvation may prove propitious to you.(Enter, from his house, AGORASTOCLES, followed by MILPHIO.)
si quid mandare voltis aut curarier,argentum nisi qui dederit, nugas egerit;[verum] qui dederit, magis maiores nugas egerit.sed illi patruo húius, qui vivit senex,Carthaginiensi duae fuere filiae,altera quinquennis, altera quadrimula:cum nutrice una periere a Magaribus.eas quí surripuit, in Anactorium devehit,vendit eas omnis, et nutricem et virgines,praesenti argento hómini, si leno est homo,quantum hominum terra sustinet sacerrumo.vosmet nunc facite coniecturam ceterum,quid id sit hominis, cui Lyco nomen siet.is ex Anactorio, ubi prius habitaverat,huc commigravit in Calydonem haú diu,sui quaésti causa. is in illis habitat aedibus.earum híc adulescens alteram efflictim perit,suam síbi cognatam, imprudens, neque scit quae sietneque eam umquam tetigit, ita eum leno macerat:[neque quicquam cúm ea fecit etiamnum stupri][neque duxit umquam, neque ille voluit mittere]quia amare cernit, tangere hominem volt bolo.illam minorem in concubinatum sibivolt emere miles quidam, qui illam deperit.sed pater illarum Poenus, postquam eas perdidit,mari te⟨rraque⟩ úsquequaque quaeritat.ubi quamque in urbem ést ingressus, ilicoomnes meretrices, ubi quisque habitant, invenit;dat aurum, ducit noctem, rogitat postibiunde sít, quoiatis, captane an surrupta sit,quo genere gnata, qui parentes fuerint.ita docte atque astu filias quaerit suas.et is omnis linguas scit, sed dissimulat sciensse scire: Poenus plane est. quid verbis opust?is heri huc in portum navi venit vesperi,pater harunc; idem huic patruos adulescentulo est:iamne hoc tenetis? si tenetis, ducite;cave dírumpatis, quaeso, sinite transigi.ehem, paéne oblitus sum relicuom dicere.ille quí adoptavit hunc sibi pro filio,is illi Poeno húius patruo hospes fuit.is hodie huc veniet reperietque hic filiaset hunc sui fratris filium, ut quidem dídici ego.ego ibo, ornabor; vos aequo animo noscite.hic qui hodie veniet, reperiet suas filiaset hunc sui fratris filium. dehinc ceterumvalete, adeste. ibo, alius nunc fieri volo:quod restat, restant alii qui faciant palam.valete atque adiuvate, ut vos servet Salus.
AGORASTOCLES:Full oft have I entrusted many matters to you, Milphio,matters of doubt and necessity, and standing in need of good counsel, which you wisely, discreetly, cleverly, and skilfully have by your aid brought to completion for me. For which services I do confess that both your liberty and many kind thanks are due unto you.
Agorastocles:Saepe ego res multas tibi mandavi, Milphio,dubias, egenas, inopiosas consili,quas tu sapienter, docte et cordate et catemihi reddidisti ópiparas opera tua.quibus pró bene factis fateor deberi tibiet libertatem et multas grates gratias.
MILPHIO:An old adage, if you timely introduce it, is a clever thing: but your compliments are to me what are wont to be called sheer nonsense, and, upon my faith, mere bagatelles. Just now, you are full of kind speeches towards me; yesterday, without hesitation, upon my back you wore out three bulls’ hides with flogging.
Milphio:Scitumst, per tempus si obviamst, verbum vetus.nam tuae blanditiae mihi sunt, quod dici solet,gerrae germanae, σαὶ δὲ κολλῦραι λύραι.nunc mihi blandidicus es: heri in tergo meotris facile corios contrivisti bubulos.
AGORASTOCLES:But if, being in love, I did anything by reason of my distraction, Milphio, it’s only reasonable that you should pardon me for it.
Agorastocles:Amans per amorem si quid feci, Milphio,ignoscere id te mi aequom est.
MILPHIO:I’ve seen nothing more reasonable. I, too, am now dying for love; allow me to thrash you just as you did me, for no fault at all; and then, after that, do you pardon me being thus in love.
Milphio:Haud vidi magis.em, nunc ego amore pereo. sine te verberem,item ut tu mihi fecisti, ob nullam noxiam:post id locorum tu mihi amanti ignoscito.
AGORASTOCLES:If you have a mind for it, or it gives you pleasure, I do permit it; tie me up, bind me, scourge me; I recommend you, I give you my permission.
Agorastocles:Si tibi lubido est aut voluptati, sino:suspende, vinci, verbera; auctor sum, sino.
MILPHIO:If, hereafter, you should revoke your permission, when you are unloosed, I myself should be hung up for punishment.
Milphio:Si auctoritatem postea defugeris,ubi dissolutus tu sies, ego pendeam.
AGORASTOCLES:And would I venture to do that, to yourself espercially?
Agorastocles:Egone istuc ausim facere, praesertim tibi?
On the contrary, if I see you but struck, it gives me pain immediately.
quin si feriri video te, extemplo dolet.
MILPHIO:To me, indeed, i’ faith.
Milphio:Mihi quidem hercle.
AGORASTOCLES:No, to me.
Agorastocles:Immo mihi.
MILPHIO:I could prefer that to be the case. But what now do you wish?
Milphio:Istuc mavelim.sed quid nunc tibi vis?
AGORASTOCLES:Why need I tell a lie to you? I am desperately in love.
Agorastocles:Cur ego apud te mentiar?amo immodeste.
MILPHIO:My shoulder-blades feel that.
Milphio:Meae istuc scapulae sentiunt.
AGORASTOCLES:But I mean with this damsel, my neighbour Adelphasium,the elder Courtesan that belongs to this Procurer.
Agorastocles:At ego hanc vicinam dico Adelphasium meam,lenonis huius meretricem maiusculam.
MILPHIO:For my own part, I’ve heard that from yourself already.
Milphio:Iam pridem equidem istuc ex te audivi.
AGORASTOCLES:I’m on the rack with love for her. But than this Procurer Lycus, her master, not dirt itself is more dirty.
Agorastocles:Differorcupidine eius. sed lenone istoc Lyco,illius domino, non lutumst lutulentius.
MILPHIO:Do you wish now to present him with some mischief?
Milphio:Vin tu illi nequam dare nunc?
AGORASTOCLES:I should like it.
Agorastocles:Cupio.
MILPHIO:Why look then, present him with me.
Milphio:Em me dato.
AGORASTOCLES:Go and be hanged!
Agorastocles:Abi díerectus.
MILPHIO:But tell me seriously, do you wish to present him with a plague?
Milphio:Dic mihi vero serio:vin dare malum illi?
AGORASTOCLES:I should like it.
Agorastocles:Cupio.
MILPHIO:Well then, present him with this selfsame me; I’d cause him to be having both a mischief and a plague.
Milphio:Em, eundem me dato:utrumque faxo habebit, et nequam et malum.
AGORASTOCLES:You are joking.
Agorastocles:Iocare.
MILPHIO:Should you like this very day, without risk to yourself, to make her free?
Milphio:Vin tu illam hodie sine [damno et] dispendiotuo túam libertam facere?
AGORASTOCLES:I should like it, Milphio.
Agorastocles:Cupio, Milphio.
MILPHIO:I’ll manage for you to make her so. You have indoors three hundred golden Philippean pieces.
Milphio:Ego faciam ut facias. sunt tibi intus aureitrecenti nummi Philippi?
AGORASTOCLES:Six hundred even.
Agorastocles:Sescenti quoque.
MILPHIO:Three hundred are enough.
Milphio:Satis súnt trecenti.
AGORASTOCLES:To do what with them?
Agorastocles:Quid iis facturu's facturus es?
MILPHIO:Hold your peace. This day I’ll make you a present of the Procurer, whole, with all his household.
Milphio:Tace.totum lenonem tibi cum tota familiadabo hodie dono.
AGORASTOCLES:What to do?
Agorastocles:Qui id facturu's facturus es?
MILPHIO:You shall soon know.
Milphio:Iam scies.
Collybiscus, your bailiff, is in the city just now. The Procurer doesn’t know him. Do you fully understand?
tuos Cóllybiscus nunc in urbest vilicus;eum hic non novit leno. satin intellegis?
AGORASTOCLES:I’ faith, I understand that; but what you are driving at I know not.
Agorastocles:Intellego hercle, sed quo evadas nescio.
MILPHIO:You don’t know?
Milphio:Non scis?
AGORASTOCLES:Not I, faith.
Agorastocles:Non hercle.
MILPHIO:But I’ll soon let you know. The gold shall be given him, for him to take to the Procurer,and say that he’s a stranger from another city; that he’s amorously inclined, and wishes to gratify his inclinations; that he wants free range to be found him, where he may secretly indulge his appetite, so that there may be no overlooker. The Procurer, greedy for the gold, will at once take him into his house;
Milphio:At ego iam faxo scies.ei dabitur aurum, ut ad lenonem deferatdicatque se peregrinum esse, ex alio oppido:se amare velle atque obsequí animo suo;locum sibi velle liberum praeberier,ubi nequam faciat clam, ne quis sit arbiter.leno ad se accipiet auri cupidus ilico:
he’ll conceal the man and the gold.AGORASTOCLES:The design pleases me.
celabit hominem et aurum.Agorastocles:Consilium placet.
MILPHIO:Do you then enquire of him whether your slave hasn’t come to him. He’ll think that I am being sought for; immediately he’ll say no to you. Have you any doubt but that the Procurer will at once have to double the gold for you, and be considered to have stolen the man?
Milphio:Rogato, servos veneritne ad eum tuos.ille mé censebit quaeri: continuo tibinegabit. quid tu dubitas, quin extempulodupli tibi auri et hominis fur leno siet?
Neither has he the means of raising it. When he comes to trial, the Praetor will award his whole household to you. Thus with a pitfall shall we deceive the Procurer Lycus.
neque id unde efficiat habet: ubi in ius venerit,addicet praetor familiam totam tibi.ita decipiemus fovea lenonem Lycum.
AGORASTOCLES:The design pleases me.
Agorastocles:Placet consilium.
MILPHIO:Aye, when I’ve polished it up, you’ll then say so still more even; now it’s but in the rough.
Milphio:Immo etiam, ubi expolivero,magis hoc tum demum dices: nunc etiam rudest.
AGORASTOCLES:I’m going to the Temple of Venus, unless, Milphio, you wish for anything. It’s the Aphrodisia to-day.
Agorastocles:Ego in aedem Veneris eo, nisi quid vis, Milphio.Aphrodisia hodie sunt.
MILPHIO:I know.
Milphio:Scio.
AGORASTOCLES:I wish to amuse my eyes with the harlot finery.
Agorastocles:Oculos volomeos délectare munditiis meretriciis.
MILPHIO:Let’s first proceed to this, the plan we have resolved upon. Let’s go in-doors, that we may instruct Collybiscus, the bailiff,how to plant this cheatery.
Milphio:Hoc primum agamus quod consilium cepimus.abeamus intro, ut Collybiscum vilicumhanc perdoceamus ut ferat fallaciam.
AGORASTOCLES:Although Cupid has the sway in my heart, still I’ll listen to you.
Agorastocles:Quamquam Cupido in corde vorsatur, tamentibi auscultabo.—
MILPHIO:I’ll cause you to be glad it’s done. (AGORASTOCLES goes into his house.) There is a speck of love upon this man’s breast, which cannot by any means be washed out without great harm;
Milphio:Faciam ut facto gaudeas.inest amoris macula huic homini in pectore,sine damno magno quae elui ne utiquam potest.
this Lycus, too, the Procurer, is such a wicked person, against whom the engine of mischief is now well aimed, which before long I shall discharge from my battery. But see, here’s Adelphasium coming out, and Anterastylis. The first is the one who renders my master distracted.
itaque hic scelestus est homo leno Lycus,quoi iam infortuni intenta ballistast probe,quam ego haud multo post mittam e ballistario.sed Adelphasium eccam exit atque Anterastilis.haec est prior, quae meum erum dementem facit.
But I’ll call him out. (Goes to the door and calls.) Hallo! Agorastocles, come out of doors if you would see most joyous sports!(in haste, from the house.)
sed evocabo. heus, i foras, Agorastocles,si vis videre ludos iucundissimos.
AGORASTOCLES:What’s this bustle, Milphio?
Agorastocles:Quid istúc tumultist, Milphio?
MILPHIO: (pointing to the door of LYCUS’S house.)Why, here’s your mistress, if you’d like to see her.
Milphio:Em amores tuos,si vis spectare.
AGORASTOCLES:O may the Gods bestow many a blessing on you, for having presented to me a sight so charming as this!(They stand apart.) (Enter ADELPHASIUM, ANTERASTYLIS, and an ATTENDANT.)
Agorastocles:O multa tibi di dent bona,quom hoc mi optulisti tam lepidum spectaculum.
ADELPHASIUM:The man who wants to find abundance of employment for himself—a woman and a ship, these two things, let him procure; for no two things do produce more trouble, if, perchance, you begin to equip them; neither are these two things ever equipped enough,nor is the largest amount of equipment sufficient for them. And as I mention these things, from experience at home do I now say thus; for we two, even from daybreak up to the present hour of the day, have never ceasedeither washing, or scrubbing, or rubbing, or dressing, smoothing, polishing, painting, trimming, with all our might, and at the same time the two maid-servants, that have been provided for each of us, have been giving us their assistance in washing and cleaning; and in carrying water two men have become quite weary.
Adelphasivm:Negóti sibí qui volét vim paráre,navem et mulierem, haec duo comparato.nam nullae magis res duae plus negotihabent, forte si occeperis exornare,[neque umquam satis hae duae res ornantur]neque eis ulla ornandi satis satietas est.atque haec, ut loquor, nunc domo docta dico.nam nos usque ab aurora ad hoc quod diei est,[postquam aurora inluxit, numquam concessamus]ex industria ambae numquam concessamuslavari aut fricari aut tergeri aut ornari,poliri expoliri, pingi fingi; et unabinae singulis quae dataé nobis ancíllae,eae nos lavando eluendo operam déderunt,aggerúndaque aqua sunt viri duo defessi.
Fie upon it! how great a plague there is in one female. But if there are two, I know full well that they are able to give to any one, the mightiest nation whatsoever, more trouble than enough, in being night and day, always, at all hours, dressing, washing, rubbing, polishing.
apage sis, negoti quantum in muliere una est.sed vero duae, sat scio, maxumo unipoplo cuilubet plus satis dare potis sunt,quae noctes diesque omni in aetate semperornantur, lavantur, tergentur, poliuntur.
In fine, there’s no moderation in women, nor do we understand how ever to set a limit to washing and scrubbing. But she who is washed clean, unless she is thoroughly dressed, in my notion at least, is just as though she were dirty.
postremo modus muliebris nullust: numquamlavando et fricando scimus facere finem.[nam quae lauta est nisi perculta est, meo quidem animo quasi inluta est.]
ANTERASTYLIS:I really wonder, sister, that you talk in this fashion; you who are so knowing, and discreet, and clever;
Anterastilis:Mirór equidem, sóror, te istaec sic fabulari,quae tam callida et docta sis et faceta.
for when with all care we have ourselves in trim, hardly and with difficulty do we find poor pitiful admirers.
nam quom sedulo munditer nos habemus,vix aegreque amatorculos invenimus.
ADELPHASIUM:Such is the fact; but still reflect upon this one thing; a limit is best to be observed in all things, sister; all things in excess give too much trouble to mortals of themselves.
Adelphasivm:Ita est. verum hoc unum tamen cogitato:modus ómnibus rebús, soror, optimus est habitu.nimia ómnia nimium éxhibent negóti hominibus éx se.
ANTERASTYLIS:Sister, prithee, do reflect that we are accounted just in the same way as pickled salt-fish is thought of—without any relish and without sweetness; unless full oft and long it is soaked in water, it smells badly, and is salt, so that you cannot touch it.
Anterastilis:Sorór, cogitá, amabo, itém nos perhibériquam si salsa muriatica esse autumantur:[sine omni lepore et síne suavitate]nisí multa aqua usque et diu macerantur,olént, salsa súnt, tangere út non velís.
Just so are we. Women of this class are utterly tasteless, and devoid of grace, without dress and expense.MILPHIO: (apart.)
itém nos sumús[eius seminis mulieres sunt]insúlsae admodum átque invenústaesine múnditia et súmptu.
She surely is a cook, Agorastocles, according to my notion; she knows how to soak pickled fish.AGORASTOCLES: (pushing him away.)Why are you thus troublesome?
Milphio:Coqua ést haec quidem, Ágorastoclés, ut ego opínor:scit, muriatica ut maceret.Agorastocles:Quid molestu's molestus es?
ADELPHASIUM:Sister, do, there’s a dear, forbear. It’s quite sufficient for others to say that to us, not to be ourselves as well proclaiming our foibles.
Adelphasivm:Soror, parce, amabo: sat est istuc aliosdicere nobis, ne nosmet in nostra etiam vitia loquamur.
ANTERASTYLIS:I’ll have done, then.
Anterastilis:Quiésco.
ADELPHASIUM:I thank you: but now answer me this; are all things here which ought to be provided for propitiating the Gods?
Adelphasivm:Ergo amó te. sed hóc nunc respóndemihí: sunt hic ómnia,quae ad deúm pacem opórtet adésse?
ANTERASTYLIS:I’ve taken care of everything.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Anterastilis:Omnia áccuravi.
How charming and joyous a day, and full of delight, worthy of Venus, by my troth, whose Aphrodisia are celebrated to-day!MILPHIO: (apart.)
Agorastocles:Diém pulchrum et célebrem et venústatis plénum,dignúm Venere pól, quoi sunt Áphrodisia hódie.
Any thanks for me, for calling you out of doors? Oughtn’t I now to be presented with a cask of old wine? Say it shall be given. Don’t you answer me?
Milphio:Ecquid gratiae, quom huc foras te evocavi?iam núm me decét donaricadó vini véteris? dic dáre. nil respóndes?
His tongue has fallen out, I imagine. What, plague on it, have you been struck with amazement standing here?(He shakes him.)AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)Do let me love on; don’t disturb me, and do hold your peace.MILPHIO: (apart.)
lingua huíc excidít, ut ego opínor.quíd hic, malum, astans ópstipuisti?Agorastocles:Síne amem, ne opturba ac tace.
I’ll hold my peace.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)If you had held your peace, why then that “I’ll hold my peace” would not have been in existence.
Milphio:Taceo.Agorastocles:Si tacuisses, iam istuc taceo non gnatum foret.
ANTERASTYLIS:Let’s go, my sister.(She moves.)
Anterastilis:Eamus, mea soror.
ADELPHASIUM:How now—why, prithee, are you now hastening that way?
Adelphasivm:Eho amabo, quid illo nunc properas?
ANTERASTYLIS:Do you ask me? Because our master is waiting for us at the Temple of Venus.
Anterastilis:Rogas?quia erus nos apud aedem Veneris mantat.
ADELPHASIUM:Let him wait, i’ faith. Do you stay;
Adelphasivm:Maneat pol. mane.
there’s a crowd just now at the altar. Do you wish yourself to be pushed about among those common prostitutes, the doxies of bakers, the cast-offs of the spelt-bread sellers; wretched creatures, daubed over with grease, followers of poor slaves, who stink for you of their stable and stall, their seats and very sheds; whom, in fact, not a single freeman has ever touched or taken home with him,the twopenny strumpets of dirty trumpery slaves?MILPHIO: (apart.)
turba est nunc apud aram. an te ibi vis inter istás versarierprosedas, pistorum amicas, reliquias alicarias,miseras schoeno delibutas servolicolas sordidas,quae tibi olant stabulum statumque, sellam et sessibulum merum,quas adeo hau quisquam umquam liber tetigit neque duxit domum,servolorum sordidulorum scorta diobolaria?
Away with you to utter perdition! Do you dare, then, to despise the slaves, you hussey? As if she was a beauty, as if kings were in the habit of making her their choice. A monstrosity of a woman! Diminutive as she is, she does spit out such mighty words—seven nights with whom I wouldn’t purchase at a cupful of vapour.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Milphio:I in malam crucem. tun audes etiam servos spernere,propudium? quasi bella sit, quasi eampse reges ductitent,monstrum mulieris, tantilla tanta verba funditat,quoius egó nebulai cyatho septem noctes non emam.
Immortal and omnipotent Divinities, what is there among you more beauteous? What have you that I should deem you more immortal than I am myself. in beholding with my eyes these delights so great? But Venus is not Venus; for my own part, her will I worship as Venus; that she may love me and prove propitious. Milphio!—hallo! Milphio, where are you?MILPHIO: (apart.)See, here I am with you.
Agorastocles:Di immortales omnipotentes, quid est apud vos pulchrius?quid habetis qui mage immortales vos credam esse quam ego siem,qui haec tanta oculis bona concipio? nam Venus non est Venus:hanc equidem Venerem venerabor, me ut amet posthac propitia.Milphio, heus, ubi es?Milphio:Assum ápud te, eccum.
AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)But I want you boiled.MILPHIO: (apart.)
Agorastocles:At ego elixus sis volo.
Why really, master, you are making merry.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)Why, it was from yourself I learnt all this.MILPHIO: (apart.)
Milphio:Enim vero, ere, facis delicias.Agorastocles:De tequidem haéc didici omnia.
What, even to be in love with her whom you have never touched? Really, that is nonsense.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)I’ faith, the Gods as well do I love and fear from whom, nevertheless, I keep off my hands.
Milphio:Etiamne ut ames eam quam numquam tetigeris?Agorastocles:Nihil id quidemst:deos quoque edepol et amo et metuo, quíbus tamen ábstineo manus.
ANTERASTYLIS:Alas! upon my word, when I look at the dress of us both, I’m grieved at the way we are dressed out.
Anterastilis:Eu ecastor, quom ornatum aspicio nostrum ambarum, paenitetexornatae ut simus.
ADELPHASIUM:Why really, it’s quite in a proper style;
Adelphasivm:Immo vero sane commode;
for our master’s gain and our own we are dressed quite well enough. For no profits can result, if the outlay exceeds them, sister; therefore, that is better to be had which is enough, than that which is more than enough.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
nam pro erili et nostro quaestu satis bene ornatae sumus.non enim pótis est quaestus fieri, ni sumptus sequitur, scio,et tamen quaéstus non consistet, si eum sumptus superat, soror.eo illud satiust, satis quod habitu, ⟨haud satis est quod⟩ plus quam sat est.
So may the Gods love me, may she love me (I had rather she than the Gods), Milphio;
Agorastocles:Ita me di ament, ut illa me amet malim quam di, Milphio.
why, this woman has it in her power to force a flint-stone to be in love with her.MILPHIO: (apart.)
nam illa mulier lapidem silicem subigere, ut se amet, potest.
Upon my faith, in that you certainly tell no lie, for you are more senseless than a flint-stone to be in love with her.<AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)But consider this, will you; I’ve never soiled her with a kiss.MILPHIO: (apart.)
Milphio:Pol id quidem hau mentire, nam tu es lapide silice stultior,qui hanc ames.Agorastocles:At vide sis, cum illac numquam limavi caput.
I’ll run, then, somewhere to a fish-pond or a pool, and fetch some soil.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Milphio:Curram igitur aliquo ad piscinam aut ad lacum, limum petam.
What need is there of that?MILPHIO: (apart.)I’ll tell you; to soil her lips and yours.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Agorastocles:Quid eo opust?Milphio:Ego dicam: ut illi ét tibi limem caput.
To utter perdition with you!MILPHIO: (apart.)For my part, I’m there already.
Agorastocles:I in malam rem.Milphio:Ibi sum équidem.
AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)Do you persist?
Agorastocles:Perdis.
MILPHIO: (apart.)I’ll hold my tongue.
Milphio:Taceo.
AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)But I wish you to do so always.MILPHIO: (apart.)
Agorastocles:At perpetuo volo.
Why really, master, you challenge me at my own game, and still you make fun of me.
Milphio:Enim vero, ere, meo me lacessis ludo et delicias facis.
ANTERASTYLIS:At present, sister, I suppose you think yourself quite well enough drest; but when the instances of other courtesans are compared, then you will be having the heartache, if perchance you should see any one more nicely drest.
Anterastilis:Satis nunc lepide ornatam credo, soror, te tibi viderier;sed ubi exempla conferentur meretricum aliarum, ibi tibierit cordolium, si quam ornatam melius forte aspexeris.
ADELPHASIUM:Envy was never inbred in me, my sister, nor yet spitefulness: I had rather by far that I was adorned with a good disposition than with gold; gold is met with by luck, a good disposition is found by nature. I very much prefer for myself to be called good than fortunate. It more befits a courtesan to show modesty than purple;
Adelphasivm:Invidia in me numquam innatast neque malitia, mea soror.bono med esse ingenio ornatam quam auro multo mavolo:aurum, id fortuna invenitur, natura ingenium bonum.[bonam ego quam beatam me esse nimio dici mavolo.]meretricem pudorem gerere magis decet quam purpuram:
and more does it become a courtesan to show modesty than golden jewels. Evil habits soil a fine dress more than mud; good manners, by their deeds, easily set off a lowly garb.AGORASTOCLES: (apart to MILPHIO.)
[magisque meretricem pudorem quam aurum gerere condecet.]pulchrum ornatum turpes mores peius caeno conlinunt,lepidi mores turpem ornatum facile factis comprobant.
How now, you; would you like to play a merry and a frolicsome prank?MILPHIO: (apart.)I should like.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Agorastocles:Eho tu, vin tu facinus facere lepidum et festivom?Milphio:Volo.
Can you, then, give attention to me?MILPHIO: (apart.)I can.
Agorastocles:Potesne mi auscultare?Milphio:Possum.
AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)Be off home, and go hang yourself.MILPHIO: (apart.)
Agorastocles:Abi domum ac suspende te.
Why?AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)Because you’ll never again hear so many words as sweet as these. What need have you to live? Only listen to me, and go hang yourself.
Milphio:Quam ob rem?Agorastocles:Quia iam numquam audibis verba tot tam suavia.quid tibi opust vixisse? ausculta mihi modo ac suspende te.
MILPHIO: (apart)Why yes, if, like grapes that are drying, you’ll hang together with me.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Milphio:Siquidem tu es mecum futurus pro uva passa pensilis.
But I do love her.MILPHIO: (apart.)But I, to eat and drink.
Agorastocles:At ego amo hanc.Milphio:At ego esse et bibere.
ADELPHASIUM: (to her SISTER.)How now, you? How say you—?
Adelphasivm:Eho tu, quid ais?
ANTERASTYLIS:What is it you ask me?
Anterastilis:Quid rogas?
ADELPHASIUM:Do you see? My eyes which were full of dirt, are they clear now?ANTERASTYLIS: (looking close at her eyes.)
Adelphasivm:Viden tu? pleni oculi sorderum quí erant, iam splendent mihi.
Why, even still there’s a little dirt in the middle of the eye.ADELPHASIUM:Lend me your right hand, please.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Anterastilis:Immo etiam in medio oculo paullum sordest.Adelphasivm:Cedo sis dexteram.
And would you really touch or rub her eyes with unwashed hands?
Agorastocles:Vt quidem tu huius oculos inlutis manibus tractes aut teras?
ANTERASTYLIS:Too great indolence has taken possession of us to-day.
Anterastilis:Nimia nos socordia hodie tenuit.
ADELPHASIUM:For what reason, prithee?
Adelphasivm:Qua de re, obsecro?
ANTERASTYLIS:Why, because we didn’t come long since, before daylight, to the Temple of Venus, to be the first to place fire upon her altar.
Anterastilis:Quia non iam dudum ante lucem ad aedem Veneris venimus,primae ut inferremus ignem in aram.
ADELPHASIUM:O, there’s no need for doing that;
Adelphasivm:Aha, non factost opus:
those who have faces suited for the night only, make haste to go and sacrifice by night; before Venus is awake, they are already hurrying with all haste to sacrifice; for if they were to come when Venus is awake, so ugly are they, upon my faith, I do believe they would drive Venus herself away from the Temple.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
quaé habent nocturna ora, noctu sacruficatum ire occupant.prius quam Venus expergiscatur, prius deproperant sedulosacruficare; nam vigilante Venere si veniant eae,ita sunt turpes, credo ecastor Venerem ipsam e fano fugent.
Milphio!MILPHIO: (apart.)Poor Milphio, i’ faith! What do you want with me now?AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Agorastocles:Milphio.Milphio:Edepol Milphionem miserum. quid nunc vis tibi?
Troth now, prithee, do mark how she speaks honied wine!MILPHIO: (apart.)Nothing at all, except tile-cakes, sesamum, and poppies, wheat and parched nuts.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Agorastocles:Opsecro hercle, ut mulsa loquitur.Milphio:Nil nisi laterculos,sesumam papaveremque, triticum et frictas nuces.
Do I seem at all to be in love?MILPHIO: (apart.)In love to your loss, a thing that Mercury is by no means in love with.AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Agorastocles:Ecquid amare videor?Milphio:Damnum, quod Mercurius minime amat.
Why, really, by my troth, it befits no lover to be in love with pelf.
Agorastocles:Namque edepol lucrum amare nullum amatorem addecet.
ANTERASTYLIS:Let’s go, my sister.
Anterastilis:Eamus, mea germana.
ADELPHASIUM:Do, please, just as you like.Follow me this way.
Adelphasivm:Age sis, ut lubet.
ANTERASTYLIS:I’ll follow.(They move.)AGORASTOCLES: (apart.)
Anterastilis:Sequere hac.Adelphasivm:Sequor.
They are going.What if we accost them?MILPHIO: (apart.)You accost them.
Milphio:Eunt hae.
AGORASTOCLES: (going towards them.)In the first place, health to you, the elder; and you, the younger, health to you in the second degree of estimation; (to the ATTENDANT) you, the third, health to you, without any place in my estimation.ATTENDANT:In that case, faith, I’ve wasted my oil and my labour.
Agorastocles:Quid si adeamus?Milphio:Adeas.
AGORASTOCLES: (to ADELPHASIUM.)
Agorastocles:Primum prima salva sis,et secunda tu secundo salve in pretio; tertiasalve extra pretium.Ancilla:Tum pol ego et oleum et operam perdidi.
Whither are you betaking yourself?ADELPHASIUM:What I? To the Temple of Venus.
Agorastocles:Quo te agis?Adelphasivm:Egone? in aedem Veneris.
AGORASTOCLES:Why thither?
Agorastocles:Quid eo?
ADELPHASIUM:To propitiate Venus.
Adelphasivm:Vt Venerem propitiem.
AGORASTOCLES:How now? Is she angry, then? Upon my faith, she is propitious. I will even answer for her.(Stands before her.)
Agorastocles:Eho, an irata est? propitia hercle est. vel ego pro illa spondeo.
ADELPHASIUM:What are you about?Prithee, why are you annoying me?
quid tu ais?Adelphasivm:Quid mihi molestu's molestus es, opsecro?
AGORASTOCLES:Thus cruel? Alas!
Agorastocles:Aha, tam saeviter.
ADELPHASIUM:Let me go away, I beg of you.
Adelphasivm:Mitte, amabo.
AGORASTOCLES:Why in such a hurry? There’s a crowd there at present.
Agorastocles:Quid festinas? turba nunc illi est.
ADELPHASIUM:I know it; there are other females there whom I wish to see, and by whom to be seen.
Adelphasivm:Scio.sunt illi aliae quas spectare ego, et me spectari volo.
AGORASTOCLES:How can it give you pleasure to look at ugly people, and to afford one so beauteous to be looked at?
Agorastocles:Qui lubet spectare turpes, pulchram spectandam dare?
ADELPHASIUM:Because to-day, at the Temple of Venus, there’s a fair for the courtesans;
Adelphasivm:Quia apud aedem Veneris hodie est mercatus meretricius:
there the dealers meet; there I wish myself to be shown.
eo conveniunt mercatores, ibi ego me ostendi volo.
AGORASTOCLES:To wares unsaleable, its right to entice the buyer of one’s own accord; good wares easily meet with a purchaser, although they may be placed in concealment. How say you? When, at my house here (pointing) will you lay your head and side by me?
Agorastocles:Invendibili merci oportet ultro emptorem adducere:proba mers facile emptorem reperit, tam etsi in abstruso sitast.quid ais tu? quando illi apud me mecum caput et corpus copulas? †
ADELPHASIUM:On the day on which Orcus sends away the dead from Acheron.
Adelphasivm:Quo die Orcus Acherunte mortuos amiserit.
AGORASTOCLES:I’ve got in-doors I know not how many golden coins in a state of madness.
Agorastocles:Sunt mihi intus nescio quot nummi aurei lymphatici.
ADELPHASIUM:Bring them to me; I’ll make their madness pretty soon come to an end.MILPHIO: (with indignation.)
Adelphasivm:Deferto ad me, faxo actutum constiterit lymphaticum.
A nice one, upon my word!AGORASTOCLES:Away to utter and extreme perdition with you, and go and be hanged!MILPHIO: (aside to AGORASTOCLES.)
Milphio:Bellula hercle.Agorastocles:I díerecte in maxumam malam crucem.
The more I look at her, the more insignificant she is, and a mere bauble.
Milphio:Quam magis aspecto, tam magis est nimbata et nugae merae.
AGORASTOCLES:Keep your prating to yourself; I’m tired of it.(To ADELPHASIUM.) Come, do lift up this outer garment.(Raises it from the ground, and attempts to embrace her.)
Adelphasivm:Segrega sermonem. taedet.Agorastocles:Age, sustolle hoc amiculum.
ADELPHASIUM:I’m in a state of purity; prithee forbear to touch me, Agorastocles.
Adelphasivm:Pura sum, comperce amabo me attrectare, Agorastocles.
AGORASTOCLES:What am I to do, then?
Agorastocles:Quid agam nunc?
ADELPHASIUM:If you are wise, you may be saving yourself your anxiety.
Adelphasivm:Si sapias, curam hanc facere compendi potes.
AGORASTOCLES:What? Me not be anxious on your account? What are you about, Milphio?(Beckons to him.)
Agorastocles:Quid? ego non te curem? quid ais, Milphio?
MILPHIO: (aside.)See now, my aversion, this. (Aloud.) What is it you want with me?
Milphio:Ecce odium meum.quid me vis?
AGORASTOCLES: (pointing to ADELPHASIUM.)Why is she angry with me?
Agorastocles:Cur mi haec irata est?
MILPHIO:Why is she angry with you? Why should I trouble myself about that? For that is rather your own concern.
Milphio:Cur haec irata est tibi?cur ego id curem? namque istaec magis meast curatio. †
AGORASTOCLES:On my word, it’s all over with you this very instant, if you don’t make her as smooth for me as the sea is at the time when the halcyon is rearing her young ones there.
Agorastocles:Iam hercle tu periisti, nísi illam mihi tam tranquillam facisquam mare olimst, quóm ibi alcedo pullos educit suos.
MILPHIO:What am I to do?
Milphio:Quid faciam?
AGORASTOCLES:Entreat her, soothe, and flatter her.
Agorastocles:Exora, blandire, expalpa.
MILPHIO:I’ll do so with all diligence; but see, please, that you don’t afterwards be giving this ambassador of yours a dressing with your fists.
Milphio:Faciam sedulo.sed vide sís, ne tu oratorem hunc pugnis pectas postea.
AGORASTOCLES:I’ll not do so.
Agorastocles:Non faciam.
ADELPHASIUM: (to her SISTER.)Let’s now begone. (AGORASTOCLES stands before her.) Do you detain me still? You act badly;
Adelphasivm:Non aequos in me es, sed morare et male facis.
you make me many fair promises; of those many, the whole come to nothing at all. Not once, but a hundred times, have you sworn to give me my freedom. While depending on you, I have neither anywhere procured any other resources for myself, nor is this assistance of yours at all visible. And thus none the less am I still a slave. Move on, sister. (To AGORASTOCLES.) Get you gone from me!AGORASTOCLES:Utterly undone! Come now, Milphio, what are you about?(Points at ADELPHASIUM.)MILPHIO: (addressing ADELPHASIUM.)
bene promittis multa ex multis: omnia in cassum cadunt.liberare iuravisti me haud semel, sed centiens:dum te exspecto, neque ego usquam aliam mihi paravi copiamneque istuc usquam apparet; ita nunc servio nihilo minus.i, soror. apscede tu a me.Agorastocles:Perii. ecquid agis, Milphio?
My joy, my delight, my life, my pleasure, apple of my eye, my little lip, my health, my sweet kiss, my honey, my heart, my biestings, my cream-cheese—AGORASTOCLES: (aside.)Am I to allow these things to be said in my presence? I’m quite distracted, wretch that I am, if I don’t order him at full speed to be hurried off to the executioner in a chariot and four!MILPHIO: (to ADELPHASIUM.)
Milphio:Mea voluptas, mea delicia, mea vita, mea amoenitas,meus ocellus, meum labellum, mea salus, meum savium,meum mel, meum cor, mea colustra, meus molliculus caseus—Agorastocles:Mene ego illaéc patiar praesente dici? discrucior miser,nisi ego illum iubeo quadrigis cursim ad carnificem rapi.
Prithee, for my sake, don’t be angry with my master. I’ll make—ADELPHASIUM:Let me alone.
Milphio:Noli, amabo, suscensere ero meo, causa mea.
MILPHIO:You are too cross. He’ll pay the money for you, and make you a citizen of Attica, and a free woman.ADELPHASIUM: (to MILPHIO, who is standing before her.)
ego faxo, si non irata es, ninnium pro te dabitatque te fáciet ut sis civis Attica atque libera.
But why don’t you let me go away? What is it you want? Just as he wishes me well, in like manner do you wish me well.
quin adire sínis? quin tibi qui bene volunt, bene vis item?
MILPHIO:If, indeed, he has deceived you before, from this time forward he shall be truthful to you.
si ante quid mentitust, nunciam dehinc érit verax tibi.sine te exorem, sine prehendam auriculis, sine dem savium.
ADELPHASIUM:Get you gone hence, will you, you trepanner.
Adelphasivm:Apscede hinc sis, sycophanta par ero.