SIMO:Take it, and look at the seal.(Gives him the letter.)
Simo:Accipe et cognosce signum.
BALLIO: (looking at it.)Oho!’Tis nothing more nor less than Polymachaeroplagides, his own very self; I recognize it. Hallo you, Polymachaeroplagidesis his name!
Ballio:Oh, Polymachaeroplagidespurus putus est ipsus. novi. heus, Polymachaeroplagidesnomen est.
SIMO:I know now that I have rightly given you the letter, since you have mentioned the name of Polymachaeroplagides,
Simo:Scio iám me recte tibi dedisse epistulam,postquam Polymachaeroplagidem elocutus nomen es.
BALLIO:How fares he?
Ballio:Quid agit is?
SIMO:By my troth, just as a brave man and a good soldier should. But make haste, I beg, to read this letter through, for it is requisite to do so, and to take this money at once and send out the damsel.
Simo:Quod homo edepol fortis atque bellator probus.sed propera hanc pellegere quaeso epistulam (ita negotium est),atque accipere argentum actutum mulieremque emittere.
For it’s necessary for me this day to be at Sicyon, or else to suffer death to-morrow; so peremptory is my master.BALLIO:I know it: you are telling those who know it already.
nam necessést hodie Sicyoni me esse aut cras mortem exsequi,ita erus meus est imperiosus.Ballio:Novi, notis praedicas.
SIMO:Make haste then to read the letter through.
Simo:Propera pellegere épistulam ergo.
BALLIO:I’ll do so, if you’ll only hold your tongue. (He reads the letter.) “The Captain Polymachaeroplagides sends this letter, written to the procurer Ballio,”“sealed with the impression which was formerly agreed upon between us two.”SIMO:The token’s in the letterBALLIO:I see the token and I recognize it. But is he in the habit of sending no greeting written in his letter?
Ballio:Id ago, si taceas modo.milés lenoni Ballioni epistulamconscriptam mittit Polymachaeroplagides,imagine obsignatam quae inter nos duoconvenit olim. sumbolust in epistula.[video, et cognosco signum. sed in epistula][nullam salutem mittere scriptam solet?]
SIMO:Such is the military etiquette, Ballio;
Simo:[Ita militaris disciplinast, Ballio:]
with their hand they send health to their well-wishers, and with the same do they send destruction to their evil-wishers. But as you have commenced, go on to ascertain of yourself what this letter says.BALLIO:Listen then. (Reading on.) “Harpax is my camp-servant, who has come to you.”Are you this Harpax?
[manu salutem mittunt benevolentibus;][eadém malam rem mittunt malevolentibus.][sed, ut occepisti, perge opera experirier][quid epistula ista narret.]Ballio:[Ausculta modo.]“Harpax calator meus est, ad te qui venit—”tun es is Harpax?
SIMO:I am, and the real Harpax too.BALLIO: (reading on.)
Simo:Ego sum, atque ipse ἅρπαξ quidem.
“Who brings this letter; I wish the money to be received from him, and the woman to be sent together with him.’Tis becoming to send greeting to the worthy; had I deemed you worthy, I should have sent it to you.”
Ballio:“Qui epistulam istam fert; ab eo argentum accipi,cum eo simitu mulierem mitti volo.salutem scriptam dignum est dignis mittere:te si arbitrarem dignum, misissem tibi.”
SIMO:What then?
Simo:Quid nunc?
BALLIO:Pay me the money, take away the woman.
Ballio:Argentum des, abducas mulierem.
SIMO:Which of us is delaying the matter?
Simo:Vter remoratur?
BALLIO:Follow me in-doors then.
Ballio:Quin sequere ergo intro.—
SIMO:I’m following.(They go into BALLIO’S house.) (PSEUDOLUS comes forward.)
Simo:Sequor.—
PSEUDOLUS:I’ troth, a more artful fellow, and one more skilfully cunning, I never did see than is this same Simmia. Very much do I dread this man, and sadly do I fear thathe may prove mischievous against myself just as he has been against him; lest in his prosperity he may now turn his horns against me, if he finds an opportunity. Should he prove mischievous towards me … But, i’ faith, for my part I hope not, for I wish well to him.Now in three ways am I in the greatest dread. First of all then, I dread this comrade of mine, lest he should forsake me and go over from me to the enemy. Next do I dread that my master should in the meantime return from the Forum; lest, the booty taken, the plunderers should be taken.
Psevdolvs:Peiorem ego hominem magisque vorsute malumnumquam edepol quemquam vidi, quám hic est Simia;nimisque égo illum hominem metuo et formido male,ne malus item erga me sit út erga illum fuit,ne in re secunda nunc mi obvertat cornua,si occasionem capsit qui sit ⟨mihi⟩ malus;atque edepol equidem nolo, nam illi bene volo.nunc in metu sum maximo, triplici modo:primum omnium iam hunc comparem metuo meum,ne deserat med atque ad hostis transeat;metuo autem, né erus redeat etiam dum a foro,ne capta praeda capti praedones fuant.
Together with these things do I fear, lest that other Harpax should arrive here before this Harpax has departed hence with the woman. By my faith, I’m undone; they are very slow in coming out of doors. With baggage packed up, my heart is waiting, ready,if he doesn’t bring out the damsel together with himself, to fly away in exile out from of my breast. … (The door of BALLIO’S house opens.) I’m the conqueror— I’ve got the better of my wary guards.(Enter SIMMIA, from BALLIO’S house, leading PHŒNICIUM.)SIMO: (to PHŒNICIUM.)
quom haec metuo, metuo ne ille huc Harpax advenatprius quam hínc hic Harpax abierit cum muliere.perii hercle, nimium tarde egrediuntur foras.cor conligatis vasis expectat meum,si non educat mulierem secum simul,ut exulatum ex pectore aufugiat meo.victor sum, vici cautos custodes meos.
Don’t weep: you know not how the matter is, Phœnicium; but before long I’ll let you know it when you are resting.
Simia:Ne plora, nescis ut res sit, Phoenicium,verum haud multo post faxo scibis accubans.
I’m not leading you to that Macedonian long-teethed fellow, who now causes you to be weeping. To him will I lead you, whose you especially long to be. I’ll cause you before very long to be embracing Calidorus.
non ego te ad illum duco dentatum virumMacedoniensem, qui te nunc flentem facit:cuiam esse te vis maxime, ad eum ducere:Calidorum haud multo post faxo amplexabere.
PSEUDOLUS:Prithee, why did you stay so long in-doors?
Psevdolvs:Quid tu intus quaeso desedisti quam diu?
For how long a time was my heart throbbing with beating against my breast.
mihi cor retunsumst oppugnando pectore.
SIMO:You have found reason, you whipping-post, with a vengeance to be making enquires of me … amid the ambush of the enemy. Why don’t we go home with all speed with military strides.
Simo:Occasionem repperisti, verbero,ubi perconteris me, insidiis hostilibus?quin hinc metimur gradibus militariis?
PSEUDOLUS:Now, by my troth, although you are a worthless fellow, you advise aright. March in triumphal procession, this way, straight in the path to the festive goblet.(They march off in triumphal procession.) (Enter BALLIO, from his house.)
Psevdolvs:Atque edepol, quamquam nequam homo es, recte mones.ite hac triumphi ad cantharum recta via.—
BALLIO:Ha, ha, ha! (laughing.) Now, at last, my mind is in a state of ease, since that fellow has departed hence, and taken away the woman. I should like Pseudolus now to come, that wicked rascal,to carry the woman off from me by his stratagems. I know for sure, right well, that I had rather in solemn form perjure myself a thousand times, than that he should cheat me by making a laughing-stock of me. By my troth now, I’ll laugh at the fellow if I meet him.
Ballio:Hahae, nunc demum mi animus in tuto est loco,postquam iste hinc abiit atque abduxit mulierem.iube núnc venire Pseudolum, scelerum caput,et abdúcere a me mulierem fallaciis.conceptis hercle verbis, satis certo scio,ego periurare me mavellem miliens,quam mi illum verba per deridiculum dare.nunc deridebo hercle hominem, si convenero;
But I guess that he’ll soon be on the treadmill, just as befits him. Now I wish for Simo that he would come in my way, in order that he might be joyful in common with my joy.(Enter SIMO.)SIMO: (to himself.)
verum in pistrino credo, ut convenit, fore.nunc ego Simonem mi obviam veniat velim,ut mea laetitia laetus promiscam siet.
I’m going to see what business my Ulysses has transacted; whether he now has the statue from the Ballionian citadel.
Simo:Viso quid rerum meus Vlixes egerit,iamne habeat signum ex arce Ballionia.
BALLIO:O, lucky man! give me your lucky hand.(Takes his hand.)
Ballio:O fortunate, cedo fortunatam manum,Simo.
SIMO:What’s the matter?
Simo:Quíd est?
SIMO:What now?
Simo:Quid iam?
BALLIO:There’s nothing at all for you to fear.
Ballio:Nihil est quod metuas.
SIMO:What’s the matter? Has that fellow Pseudolus come to you?
Simo:Quid est?venitne homo ad te?
SIMO:What good fortune is there, then?
Simo:Quid est igitur boni?
BALLIO:Your twenty minae are safe and sound which Pseudolus stipulated for from you this day.
Ballio:Minae viginti sanae et salvae sunt tibi,hodie quas aps te est instipulatus Pseudolus.
SIMO:I’ faith, I really do wish they were.
Simo:Velim quidem hercle.
BALLIO:Ask of me twenty minae if he this day gets hold of that woman, or gives her to your son this day, as he has promised. On my word, prithee, do demand them of me; I quite long to promise them.
Ballio:Róga me viginti minas,si ille hodie ílla sit potitus mulieresive eam tuo gnato hodie, ut promisit, dabit,[roga opsecro hercle, gestio promittere.]
And, besides this, keep the woman as a present for yourself, that in every way you may know that your money’s safe.
omnibus modis tibi esse rem ut salvam scias;atque etiam habeto mulierem dono tibi.
SIMO:There’s no danger that I know of in making this bargain. According as you have solemnly pledged your word, will you give me twenty minae?
Simo:Nullum periclumst, quod sciam, stipularier,ut concepisti verba: viginti minasdabin?
BALLIO:They shall be given.
Ballio:Dabuntur.
SIMO:This, indeed, is not so badly done. But have you met the fellow?
Simo:Hoc quidem actumst hau male.[sed convenistin hominem?]
BALLIO:Aye, both of them together.
Ballio:[Immo ambo simul.]
SIMO:What did he say? What did ho talk about? Prithee, what did he mention to you?
Simo:[Quid ait? quid narrat? quaeso, quid dixit tibi?]
BALLIO:Theatrical nonsense; expressions which, in comedies, are wont to be used to a procurer, which boys are acquainted with. He said that I was worthless, and wicked, and forsworn.
Ballio:[Nugas theatri, verba quae in comoediis][solent lenoni dici, quae pueri sciunt:][malum et scelestum et peiurum aibat esse me.]
SIMO:I’ faith, he told no lie.BALLIO:’Twas for that reason I wasn’t angry.
Simo:[Pol hau mentitust.]Ballio:[Ergo haud iratus fui:]
For what matters it for you to speak uncivilly to him who cares not for it, and who don’t deny the truth of what you say?
[nam quanti refert ei nec recte dicere,][qui nihili faciat quique infitias non eat?]
SIMO:Why is it that you are in no fear of him? That I’m longing to hear.
Simo:Quid est? quid non metuam ab eo? id audire expeto.
BALLIO:Because he never will carry the woman off now, nor is he able. Don’t you yourself remember that I told you, some time since,that she had been sold to a Macedonian officer?
Ballio:Quia numquam abducet mulierem iam, nec potest,a me. meministin tibi me dudum dicere,eam véniisse militi Macedonio?
SIMO:I remember.
Simo:Memini.
BALLIO:Well, his servant just now brought me the money, and the token with the impression, which had been arranged between himself and me.
Ballio:Em íllius servos húc ad me argentum attulitet obsignatum sumbolum,
SIMO:What then?
Simo:Quid postea?
BALLIO:He took away with him the woman, not long since.
Ballio:Qui inter me atque illum militem convenerat:is secum abduxit mulierem hau multo prius.
SIMO:Do you say this in real truth?
Simo:Bonan fide istuc dicis?
BALLIO:Whence could I possibly have that quality?
Ballio:Vnde ea sit mihi?
SIMO:Do you only take care that he hasn’t been playing some trick there.
Simo:Vide módo, ne illic sit contechnatus quippiam.
BALLIO:The letter and the impress on the seal make me sure. Indeed,’twas but just now he took her off for Sicyon.
Ballio:Epistula atque imago me certum facit;quin illam [quidem iam] in Sicyonem ex urbe abduxit modo.
SIMO:Troth now,’twas well done. Why do I delay to make Pseudolus give a name to a colony at the mill-stones?
Simo:Bene hercle factum. quid ego cesso Pseudolumfacere ut det nomen ad molas coloniam?
But who’s this fellow in the scarf?BALLIO:I don’t know, i’ faith; however, let’s observe whither he’s going, and what business he’s upon.(They stand on one side.) (Enter HARPAX.)HARPAX: (to himself.)
sed quis hic homo est chlamydatus?Ballio:Non edepol scio,nisi ut observemus quó eat aut quam rem gerat.
That slave’s a base and worthless fellow, who values his master’s commands at nought; and he, too, is good for nothing who is forgetful to do his duty unless he’s put in mind.
Harpax:Malus ét nequam est homo quí nihili eri ímperium sui sérvos facit,nihilíst autem suom qui ófficium facere ímmemor est, nisi est ádmonitus.
But those who forthwith deem themselves to be at liberty, when they have hidden themselves from the sight of their master, who riot, wench, devour what they have,—aye, what they have not,—long do those same endure the name of servitude. Nor is there any good disposition in them,except only that they may uphold themselves by their dishonest contrivances. With these, neither their company nor their conversation suits me, nor by these persons have I been ever known. Although he is away, I consider my master as being here; I fear himwhen he isn’t here, that I may not have to fear him when he is here. Therefore, as I have been ordered, to this business will I give my attention. But that Syrus, to whom I gave the token, would have been letting me stay even yet in the shop. As he bade me, I stayed there; he said that he would send for me when the procurer was at home. But since he hasn’t come, or called me while staying there,I’m come hither of my own accord, that I may know what is the fact, that that fellow mayn’t be playing tricks with me. And there is nothing better than that I should knock at this door, and call some out here from indoors. I want this procurer to take this money of me, and to send off this woman with me.(Goes towards BALLIO’S door.)BALLIO: (from behind, to SIMO.)
nam quí liberós [esse] ilicó se arbitrantur,ex cónspectu erí si suí se abdidérunt,lúxantur, lustrántur, comedunt quód habent, ei nomén diusérvitutís ferunt.néc boni ingeni quícquam in is inest,nisi ut improbis se artibus teneant. †cum hís mihi néc locusnec sérmo convenít neque is úmquam nobilís fui.ego, ut mi ímperatumst, étsi abest, híc adesse erum árbitror.núnc ego illum metuo,quom hic nón adest, ne quom ádsiet métuam. ei rei operám dabo.nam ín taberna úsque adhuc, sí venirét Syrus,cui dedi sumbolum, mansi, uti iusserat:leno ubi esset domi, me aibat arcessere;vérum ubi is nón venit néc vocat,venio húc ultro, ut sciam, quíd rei sit, ne illíc homo me ludíficetur.neque quícquamst melius, quam út hoc pultém atque aliquem évocem hinc íntus.léno argentum hóc voloá me accipiat átque amittat múlierem mecúm simul.
Hark you!SIMO: (apart.)What do you want?
Ballio:Heús tu.Simo:Quid vis?
BALLIO: (apart.)This fellow’s my own.
Ballio:Híc homo meus est.
SIMO: (apart.)How so?
Simo:Quídum?
BALLIO: (apart, pointing to the purse in the hand of HARPAX.)Because that booty’s mine.
Ballio:Quia praeda haec meast:
He’s in search of a mistress he has got money. I already long to fix my teeth in him.SIMO: (apart.)
scórtum quaerit, hábet argentum. iam ádmordere hunc míhi lubet.
Are you going to devour him already?BALLIO: (apart.)While he’s fresh, while he’s in the habit of giving away, while he’s warm upon it,’tis proper for him to be gobbled up. The good men keep me poor, the bad ones support me; the virtuous are a benefit to the public, the debauched to myself.SIMO: (aside.)
Simo:Iamne íllum coméssurus és?Ballio:Dum recéns estdatór, dum calét, devorári decét iam.boní me virí pauperánt, improbi aúgent;popló strenuí, mi improbí usuí sunt.
A mischief may the Gods send you; such a villain are you.BALLIO: (apart.)Venus bestows upon me these blessings, when she drives hither these haters of money, these who quite long for losses, who carefully pamper themselves and their youthful age, eat, drink, and wench. Of quite different dispositions are they and you.HARPAX: (to himself.)I’m now delaying myself, in not knocking at this door, that I may know whether or no Ballio is at home now.
Simo:Malúm quod tibí di dabúnt, sic sceléstu’s es.Harpax:Me nunc commoror, quom has foris non ferio, ut sciam,sítne Ballió domi.Ballio:Vénus mi haec bona dat, quom hós huc adigitlúcrifugas, damnícupidos, qui sé suamque aetatém bene curant,édunt, bibunt, scortántur: illi súnt alio ingenio átque tu,quí neque tibi bene ésse patere et íllis quibus est ínvides.
(Calls out, going up to the door.) Hallo! where are you? Hallo! where are you?BALLIO: (apart.)Why, he’s going straight up towards my house.
Harpax:Heús ubi estis vós?Ballio:Hic quidem ad me récta habet rectám viam.Harpax:[Heus ubi estís vos?]Ballio:[Heus adulescens, quid istic debetur tibi?]
I shall come off finely loaded with plunder from this fellow; I know it’s a lucky omen for me.HARPAX: (knocking violently at the door.)
bene ego ab hoc praedatus ibo; novi, bona scaevast mihi.
Does any one come to open this door?BALLIO: (calling out to him.)Hallo! you in the scarf, what’s owing you at that house?
Harpax:Ecquis hoc áperit?Ballio:Heus chlamydate, quid istic debetur tibi?
HARPAX:I’m enquiring for Ballio, the procurer, the master of the house.
Harpax:Aedium dominum lenonem Ballionem quaerito.
BALLIO:Whoever you are, young man, make short work of your enquiries.
Ballio:Quisquis es, adulescens, operam fac compendi quaerere.
HARPAX:Why so?
Harpax:Quid iam?
BALLIO:Because he himself in person sees you in his presence before him.
Ballio:Quia tute ipsus ipsum praesens praesentem vides.
HARPAX:What, are you he?
Harpax:Tune is es?
SIMO:You in the scarf, take you care, please, of some crooked misfortune, and point your finger at him; this fellow is a procurer.
Simo:Chlamydate, cáve sis tibi a curvo infortunioatque in hunc intende digitum: hic leno est.
BALLIO: (pointing to SIMO.)And this is an honest man.
Ballio:At hic est vir bonus.
(To SIMO.) But you, worthy fellow, are many a time being hunted after in the Forum with noise enough, when you haven’t a groat in the world, unless this procurer here comes to help you a bit.
sed, tu, bone vir, flagitare saepe clamore in foro,quom libella nusquamst, nisi quid leno hic subvenit tibi.
HARPAX:But why don’t you address yourself to me?
Harpax:Quin tu mecum fabulare?
BALLIO:I do address you. What is it you want?
Ballio:Fabulor. quid vis tibi?
HARPAX:You to take this money.(He holds out the five minae.)
Harpax:Argentum accipias.
BALLIO: (holding out his hand.)Already have I extended my hand, if you are going to give it.
Ballio:Iamdudum, si des, porrexi manum.
HARPAX:Take it; here are five picked minae of silver counted out.
Harpax:Accipe: hic sunt quinque argenti lectae numeratae minae.
(Gives him the money.) This did my master, Polymachaeroplagides. order me to deliver to you, the sum which he was owing, and that you were to send Phœnicium with me.
hoc tibi erus me iussit ferre Polymachaeroplagides,quod deberet, atque ut mecum mitteres Phoenicium.
BALLIO:Your master?
Ballio:Erus tuos—
HARPAX:I say to that effect.
Harpax:Ita dico.
BALLIO:The Captain?
Ballio:Miles—
HARPAX:I speak to that effect.
Harpax:Ita loquor.
BALLIO:The Macedonian?
Ballio:Macedonius—
HARPAX:Such is the fact, I say.
Harpax:Admodum, inquam.
BALLIO:Polymachaeroplagides sent you to me?
Ballio:Te ad me misit Polymachaeroplagides?
HARPAX:You say what’s fact.
Harpax:Vera memoras.
BALLIO:To give me this money?
Ballio:Hoc argentum ut mihi dares?
HARPAX:If you really arethe procurer Ballio.
Harpax:Si tu quidem esleno Ballio.
BALLIO:And for you to take away the woman from me?
Ballio:Atque ut a me mulierem tu abduceres?
HARPAX:Even so.
Harpax:Ita.
BALLIO:Did he say that it was Phœnicium?
Ballio:Phoenicium esse dixit?
HARPAX:You remember it exactly.
Harpax:Recte meministi.
BALLIO:Wait there; I’ll return to you this instant.
Ballio:Mane.iam redeo ad te.
HARPAX:Make haste, then, with all speed, for I’m in a hurry.’Tis now late in the day, d’ye see?
Harpax:At maturate propera, nam propero: videsiam diem multum esse.
BALLIO:I see; still I wish to call this person aside. Do you only wait there; I’ll return to you this instant. (He takes SIMO on one side.) What’s to be done now, Simo?
Ballio:Video: hunc advocare etiam volo;mane modo istic, iam revertar ad te. quid nunc fit, Simo?
What are we to do? I’ve detected this fellow that has brought the money in the fact.
quid agimus? manufesto hunc hominem teneo, qui argentum attulit.
BALLIO:And don’t you understand what this plan is?
Ballio:An nescis quae sit haec res?
SIMO:About as much as the most ignorant do.
Simo:Iuxta cum ignarissimis.
BALLIO:Your servant, Pseudolus, has sent this fellow on the message, as though he was from the Macedonian Captain.
Ballio:Pseudolus tuos allegavit hunc, quasi a Macedoniomilite esset.
SIMO:Have you got the money from the fellow?
Simo:Haben argentum ab homine?
BALLIO:Do you ask about that which you see?(Shows the purse in his hand.)
Ballio:Rogitas quod vides?
SIMO:Harkye, remember to give me one half of that plunder.
Simo:Heus, memento ergo dimidium istinc mihi de praeda dare:
It’s right that that should be in common.BALLIO:Why, plague on’t,’tis all your own.HARPAX: (coming forward a step.)
commune istuc esse oportet.Ballio:Quid, malum? id totum tuom est.
How soon are you going to attend to me?BALLIO:I’ll attend to you, indeed. (Aside.) What now do you advise me to do, Simo?SIMO: (aside.)
Harpax:Quam mox mi operam das?Ballio:Tibi do equidem. quid nunc mi es auctor, Simo?
Let’s make some fun of this counterfeit spy, even until he himself shall be sensible that he is being made a fool of.
Simo:Exploratorem hunc faciamus ludos suppositicium,adeo donicum ipsus sese ludos fieri senserit.
BALLIO:Follow me. (To HARPAX.) What have you to say? You are his servant, I suppose?
Ballio:Sequere. quid ais? nempe tu illíus servos es?
HARPAX:Most certainly.
Harpax:Planissume.
BALLIO:At what price did he purchase you?
Ballio:Quanti te emit?
HARPAX:With the victory of his prowess in battle; for I was a very great general at home in my own country.
Harpax:Suarum in pugna virium victoria.nám ego eram domi imperator summus in patria mea.
BALLIO:Why, did he ever capture a gaol in your country?
Ballio:An etiam umquam ille expugnavit carcerem, patriam tuam?
HARPAX:If you utter affronting speeches, you’ll be hearing them.
Harpax:Contumeliam si dices, audies.
BALLIO:In what time did you come from Sicyon hither?
Ballio:Quotumo dieex Sicyone huc pervenisti?
HARPAX:In one day, by noon.
Harpax:Altero ad meridie.
SIMO:Bravo! By my troth, you did come quickly;how very swift of foot this man is.
Ballio:Strenue mehercle iisti.Simo:Quamvis pernix híc est homo:
BALLIO:When you look at his calves, you might know that he can wear heavy fetters.
ubi suram aspicias, scias pósse eum—gerere crassas compedes.
How say you—were you also, when a child, in the habit of sleeping in a cradle?
Ballio:Quid ais? tune etiam cubitare solitu’s es in cunis puer?
SIMO:Of course.
Simo:Scilicet.
BALLIO:And were you, too, in the habit of doing —you know what I mean?
Ballio:Etiamne facere solitus es—scin quid loquar?
SIMO:Of course he was in the habit of doing as other children did?
Simo:Scilicet solitum esse.
HARPAX:Are you men in your senses?
Harpax:Sanine estis?
BALLIO:What, because I asked you that?
Ballio:Quíd hoc quod te rogo?
At night, when the Captain was going on guard, and when you were going with him, did the sword of the officer fit your scabbard?
noctu in vigiliam quando ibat miles, quom tu ibas simul,conveniebatne in vaginam tuam machaera militis?
HARPAX:Go to utter perdition.
Harpax:I in malam crucem.
BALLIO:You, indeed, shall have the opportunity of going there in good time to-day.
Ballio:Ire licebit tamen tibi hodie temperi.
HARPAX:But do you bring out the woman to me, or else give me back the money.
Harpax:Quin tu mulierem mi emittis, aut redde argentum.
BALLIO:Wait a bit.
Ballio:Mane.
HARPAX:Why should I wait?
Harpax:Quid maneam?
BALLIO:That scarf, tell me for how much it has been lent.
Ballio:Chlamydem hanc commemora quanti conductast.
HARPAX:What matters it?
Harpax:Quid est?
SIMO:How much is the sword hired for?
Simo:Quid meret machaera?
HARPAX:These fellows surely stand in need of hellebore.
Harpax:Elleborum hisce hóminibus opus ést.
BALLIO:How now—(Takes hold of him.)HARPAX: (repulsing him.)
Ballio:Eho.
Leave me alone.BALLIO:What wages does that broad-brimmed hat hire to-day for its owner?
Harpax:Mitte.Ballio:Quid mercedis petasus hodie domino demeret?
HARPAX:What owner?SIMO:What do the shoes? …HARPAX:What are you dreaming about? Why, I’m the owner of all these things, bought with my own savings.
Harpax:Quid domino? quid somniatis? mea quidem haec habeo omnia,meo peculio empta.
BALLIO:Those, you mean, which the upper part of your thighs supports.
Ballio:Nempe quod fémina summa sustinent.
HARPAX: (aside.)These old fellows have been anointed; they want themselves rubbed down, after the old-fashioned custom.
Harpax:Vncti hi sunt senes, fricari sese ex antiquo volunt.
BALLIO:I’ faith, prithee, answer me this truly and seriously, which I ask of you: What are you to earn? For how trifling a sum has Pseudolus hired you?
Ballio:Responde, opsecro hercle, vero serio hoc quod te rogo:quid meres? quantillo argento te conduxit Pseudolus?
HARPAX:Who is this Pseudolus?
Harpax:Quis istic Pseudolust?
BALLIO:Your tutor, who has instructed you in this knavery, to take away the woman hence from me by stratagem.
Ballio:Praeceptor tuos, qui te hanc fallaciamdocuit, ut fallaciis hinc mulierem a me abduceres.
HARPAX:What Pseudolus, and what stratagem are you talking to me about? A person that I know of no colour, black or white.
Harpax:Quem tu Pseudolum, quas tu mihi praedicas fallacias?quem égo hominem † nullius coloris novi.
BALLIO:Will you not be off from here? There’s no profit here for swindlers to-day. Therefore you may tell Pseudolus that another person has carried off the prize-the first Harpax that came.
Ballio:Non tu istinc abis?nihil est hodie hic sucophantis quaestus: proin tu Pseudolonunties abduxisse alium praedam, qui occurrit priorHarpax.
HARPAX:On my word, I really am that Harpax.
Harpax:Is quidem edepol Harpax ego sum.
BALLIO:Aye, on my word, you want to be.
Ballio:Immo edepol esse vis.
This is nothing more nor less than a downright impostor.HARPAX:I have given yourself the money, and a while ago, immediately on my arrival, the token to your servant; a letter sealed with the likeness of my master, here before the door.
purus putus hic sucophanta est.Harpax:Ego tibi argentum dediet dudum, adveniens extemplo, sumbolum servo tuo,eri imágine obsignatam epistulam, hic ante ostium.
BALLIO:You gave a letter to my servant? What servant?
Ballio:Meo tu epistulam dedisti servo? quoi servo?
HARPAX:To Syrus.BALLIO: (to SIMO.)
Harpax:Suro.
The wicked rogue has assurance enough. He hasn’t contrived his knavish scheme amiss.
Ballio:Non confidit sycophanta hic [nequam est] nugis: meditatus malest.
By my faith, that whipping-post of a fellow, Pseudolus, how cleverly he has managed his plans; just as much money as the Captain owed, he has given this man, and has dressed out the fellow that he might take away the woman … (To HARPAX.) But the real Harpax himself brought that letter hither to me.HARPAX:My name is Harpax; I am the servant of the Macedonian Captain. I’m doing nothing roguishly or cheatingly, nor do I know or understand this Pseudolus, what mortal being he is.
[edepol hominem verberonem Pseudolum, ut docte dolum][commentust: tantundem argenti quantum miles debuit][dedit huic atque hominem exornavit, mulierem qui abduceret.]nam illam epistulam ipsus verus Harpax huc ad me attulit.Harpax:Harpax ego vocor, ego servos sum Macedonis militis;ego nec sycophantiose quicquam ago nec malefice,neque istum Pseudolum mortalis qui sit novi neque scio.
SIMO:Unless it’s something wonderful, procurer, you’ve clearly lost the woman.
Simo:Tu, nisi mirumst, leno, plane perdidisti mulierem.
BALLIO:Assuredly, by my troth, I’m in dread of that more and more, when I come to hear his words.
Ballio:Edepol ne istuc magis magisque metuo, quom verba audio.
I’ faith, that Syrus, too, has already set my heart a-freezing, that received the token from him.SIMO:’Tis a wonder if it isn’t Pseudolus.
mihi quoque edepol iamdudum ille Surus cor perfrigefacit,sumbolum qui ab hoc accepit. mira sunt ni Pseudolust.
(To HARPAX.) How now, you! of what appearance was the person to whom you delivered the token?
eho tu, qua facie fuit, dúdum quoi dedisti sumbolum?
HARPAX:A certain red-haired fellow, pot-bellied, with thick calves, swarthy, with a big head, sharp eyes, red face,and very large feet.
Harpax:Rufus quidam, ventriosus, crassis suris, subniger,magno capite, acutis oculis, ore rubicundo, admodummagnis pedibus.
BALLIO:You prove our undoing, when you mention the feet. It was Pseudolus himself. It’s all up with me. I’m dying now, Simo.
Ballio:Perdidisti, postquam dixisti pedes.Pseudolus fuit ipsus. actumst de me. iam morior, Simo.
HARPAX:By my troth, I shan’t let you die, unless the money’s returned me-twenty minae.
Harpax:Hercle te hau sinam emoriri, nisi mi argentum redditur,viginti minae.
SIMO:And another twenty minae to me as well.BALLIO: (to SIMO.)
Simo:Atque etiam mihi aliae viginti minae.
And is the sum to be taken of me that I promised by way of a joke?
Ballio:Auferen tu id praemium a me, quod promisi per iocum?
SIMO:From unprincipled men it’s proper for both their money and their plunder to be taken.
Simo:De improbis viris auferri praemium et praedam decet.
BALLIO:At least you might give up Pseudolus to me.
Ballio:Saltem Pseudolum mihi dedas.
SIMO:I, give up Pseudolus to you? What has he done amiss? Did I not tell you a hundred times that you were to beware of him?
Simo:Pseudolum ego dedam tibi?quid deliquit? dixin, ab eo tibi ut caveres, centiens?
BALLIO:He has ruined me.
Ballio:Perdidit me.
SIMO:And on me he has laid a fine of twenty fair minae.
Simo:At me viginti modicis multavit minis.
BALLIO:What am I to do then?
Ballio:Quid nunc faciam?
HARPAX:When you have given me the money—go hang yourself.
Harpax:Si mi argentum dederis, te suspendito.
BALLIO:The Gods confound you. (To HARPAX.) Follow me, then, this way, please, to the Forum, that I may pay you.
Ballio:Di te perdant. sequere sis me ergo hac ad fórum, ut solvam.
HARPAX:I follow you.
Harpax:Sequor.
SIMO:What am I to do?
Simo:Quid ego?
BALLIO:Strangers I’ll pay at once; to-morrow I’ll settle with fellow-citizens. Pseudolus has been holding a council-general against my life, in sending that fellow to me to-day to carry off the woman. (To HARPAX.) Do you follow me, (To the AUDIENCE.) Now don’t you be expecting that I shall be returning home this way.
Ballio:Peregrinos absolvam, cras agam cum civibus.Pseudolus mihi centuriata hábuit capitis comitia,qui illum ad mé hodie adlegavit, mulierem qui abduceret.sequere tu. nunc ne expectetis, dum hac domum redeam via;
As matters stand, I’ve determined to go through the alleys.
ita res gestast: angiporta haec certum est consectarier.
HARPAX:If you had walked at the rate you talk, you’d by this have been at the Forum.
Harpax:Si graderere tantum quantum loquere, iam esses ad forum.—
BALLIO:I’m determined to make this, instead of my birthday, my dying day.(Exit BALLIO, HARPAX following.) (SIMO, alone)
Ballio:Certumst mi hunc emortualem facere ex natali die.—
SIMO:I’ve touched this fellow handsomely, and cleverly has my servant managed his adversary. Now am I resolved to lie in ambush for Pseudolusin a different manner to what’s done in other plays, where people lie in wait with goads or whips. Without revenge will I at once pay down the twenty minae which I promised if he should effect it. I’ll carry them to him of my own accord. This creature is very clever, very cunning, very artful. Pseudolus has surpassed the Trojan stratagem and Ulysses too.
Simo:Bene ego illum tetigi, bene autem servos inimicum suom.nunc mihi certum est alio pacto Pseudolo insidias dare,quam in aliis comoediis fit, ubi cum stimulis aut flagrisinsidiantur: at ego iam intus promam viginti minas,quas promisi si effecisset; obviam ei ultro deferam.nimis illic mortalis doctus, nimis vorsutus, nimis malus;superavit dolum Troianum átque Vlixem Pseudolus.
Now I’ll be off in-doors. I’ll take out the money; I’ll lie in ambush for Pseudolus.(Goes into his house.) (Enter PSEUDOLUS, drunk, with a chaplet on his head.)PSEUDOLUS: (staggering.)How’s this? And is it the fact? Feet-are you standing or not? Or is it this you want, some; one to pick me up here as I lie? But, by my faith, if I do fall down, yours will be the fault. Are you going to go? Heigho! I must wait upon myself.This is the great fault in wine; it first lays hold of the feet;’tis a cunning wrestler. By my faith, assuredly am I now come off right well drenched; with such exquisite viands, with such becoming elegance, in such a delightful place, have we been delightfully entertained.
nunc ibo intro, argentum promam, Pseudolo insidias dabo.—Psevdolvs:Quid hóc? sicine hóc fit, pedés? statin án non?an íd voltis, út me hinc iacéntem aliquis tóllat?nam hércle si cécidero, véstrum erit flagítium.pérgitin pérgere? ah, sérviendúm mihihodie ést; magnum hoc vitiúm vino est:pedés captat prímum, luctátor dolósust.profécto edepol égo nunc probe habeo madúlsam:ita víctu excurato, íta magnis mundítiis ⟨et⟩ dis dígnis,itaque ín loco festivó sumus festíve accepti.
What’s the need for me to make much prosing? This is the thing for a man, an object for him to pass his life for; here are all pleasures and all delights. I think that the ecstasy is equal to that of the Deities, when the lover embraces his mistress, when he places lip to lip,when melting kisses are exchanged, when breast is pressed to breast, or else, if they please, they are locked in strict embrace; then for your most loving mistress, with her white hand, to be pledging you in the luscious goblet, for no one there to be disagreable to another, for no one to be indulging in silly conversation;for unguents and perfumes, ribbons and festive wreaths, to be provided in profusion; and for the rest of the entertainment, too, to be provided in no niggardly style. That no one may have to question me then, in this manner have myself and my young master been spending this day in jollity.After I had fulfilled all my task just as I intended, the enemy put to flight, I was leaving them reclining and drinking, each lover with his mistress, and my own mistress there as well, indulging heart and soul. But after I had risen, they begged me to dance. After this fashion (he dances) did I show myself off there quite charmingly, in a master-like style, to wit; for I amthoroughly acquainted with the Ionian step. Thus, clad in my little mantle, full of fun, I was stepping about, this way. Some of them clapped me, others cried out for me to dance again. In that same Ionian fashion once again did I begin to take a turn; I presented myself to my mistress,that she might caress me; as I was pirouetting, down I tumbled: that was the funeral dirge for my sport. And so, while I was a-struggling to get up, near—, almost, I mean, I soiled my mantle.
quid opúst me multas agere ámbages? hocest hómini quam ob rem vítam amet,hic ómnes voluptatés, in hoc omnés venustatés sunt:deis próximum esse árbitror.nam úbi amans complexúst amantem, úbi ad labra labélla adiungit,úbi alter alterúm bilingui mánifesto inter sé prehendunt,ubi mámmam mammicula ópprimit aut, si lúbet, corpora condúplicantur,manu cándida cantharum dúlciferum propínat amicissíma amico:ibi iám neque esse alium alii ódiosumnec mólestum nec sermónibus morologís uti,unguénta atque odóres, lemníscos, coróllasdarí dapsilés, non ením parce prómi(victúm ceterum ne quís me roget):hóc ego modo átque erus minor húnc diem súmpsimus prothyme,póstquam opus meum ómne ut volui pérpetravi hóstibus fugatis.illós accubántis, potántis, amántiscum scórtis relíqui, et meúm scortum ibídem,suó cordi atque ánimo opsequéntes. sed póstquamexúrrexi, oránt med ut sáltem.ad hunc me modum intuli illis satis facete,nimis ex discipulina, quippe ego quiprobe Ionica perdidici. sed palliolatim amictussic haec incessi ludibundus.plaudúnt ⟨et⟩ “parúm” clamitánt mi, ut revértar.óccepi dénuo, hóc modo: nóluiídem; amicaé dabam mé meae,út me amarét: ubi círcumvortór, cado:id fúit naenia lúdo.ítaque dum enitór, prox, iam paene ínquinavi pállium.
Then, by my troth, I was the cause of plenteous mirth. A goblet was presented me on account of my fall. Forthwith I changed my mantle, and put on this; thence have I come hither, that I might get rid of my surfeit. Now I’m going to my old master, to put him in mind of our bargain. Open-open the door. Hallo, there! Tell Simo, somebody, that I’m here.(Knocks at the door of SIMO’S house.) (Enter SIMO, from his house.)
nímiae tum volúptati edepolfúi ob casúm. datur cántharus: bibi.commúto ilicó pallium, íllud posívi;inde húc exií, crapulám dum amovérem.núnc ab ero ad erum méum maiorem vénio foedus cómmemoratum.áperite, aperite, heús, Simoni mé adesse aliquis núntiate.
SIMO:The voice of a rascally fellow is calling me out of doors. (He stares at PSEUDOLUS.) But what’s this? How’s this? What is it I see in this guise?PSEUDOLUS: (staggering towards him.)
Simo:Vóx viri péssumi me éxciet foras.séd quid hoc? quó modo? quíd video ego?
Your own Pseudolus, drunk, with a chaplet on.SIMO: (to himself.)
Psevdolvs:Cúm corona ébrium Pseúdolum tuom.
By my troth, this is free and easy indeed. But see his attitude; is he on my account a bit the more afraid?
Simo:Líbere hercle hóc quidem. séd vide statum.núm mea grátia pértimescít magis?
I’m thinking whether I shall address him harshly or kindly. But this (pointing to a purse in his hand) that I’m carrying forbids me to use rough measures towards him just now; if there’s any hope for me, centred in this.PSEUDOLUS: (staggering up to SIMO.)
cógito, saéviter blanditerne ádloquar.sed me hóc votat vim fácere nuncquód fero, sí qua in hoc spés sitast mihi.
A worthless fellow is coming to meet the best of men.
Psevdolvs:Vír malus viro óptumo obviam it.
SIMO:May the Gods bless you, Pseudolus. (PSEUDOLUS eructates.) Foh! go to utter perdition.(Pushes him away.)
Simo:Dí te ament, Pseúdole. fú i in malám crucem.
PSEUDOLUS:But why should I have that mischance befal me?
Psevdolvs:Cur égo adflictor?
SIMO:Why, the plague, in your drunkenness, are you eructating in my face?
Simo:Quid tú, malum, in os igitúr mi ebrius inrúctas?
PSEUDOLUS:Hold me up, steadily; take care that I don’t fall. Don’t you see me, how drenched and soaking I am?
Psevdolvs:Mólliter síc tene mé, cave né cadam:non vídes me ut madide mádeam?
SIMO:What impudence is this, for you to be going about this way in broad daylight, drunk, with a chaplet on?
Simo:Quae ístaec audáciast, té sic intérdiuscúm corolla ébrium incédere?
PSEUDOLUS:Such is my pleasure. (Eructates again.)
Psevdolvs:Lubet.
SIMO:Why your pleasure? Do you persist in eructating in my very face?
Simo:Quíd, lubet? pérgin ructáre in os mihi?
PSEUDOLUS:An eructation is comforting to me; do indulge me in it; do but stand off.
Psevdolvs:Suávis ructús mihi est. síc sine, Simo.
SIMO:For my part I really do believe, you villain, that you are able in a single hour to drink up four right plentiful vintages of the Massic hills.
Simo:Credo équidem potesse té, scelus,Mássici móntis ubérrumos quáttuorfrúctus ebíbere in hora úna.
PSEUDOLUS:A winter hour, add.
Psevdolvs:Hiberna áddito.
SIMO:You don’t remind me amiss. But tell me, however, whence I am to say that you are bringing your deeply-laden bark?
Simo:Hau mále mones, sed díc tamen,únde onustám celocem ágere te praédicem?
PSEUDOLUS:I’ve just been having a thorough bout with your son.That damsel is the cause of this; along with your son she is carousing, a free woman.
Psevdolvs:Cúm tuo fílio pérpotaví modo.séd, Simo, ut probe táctus Ballio est!quaé tibi díxi, ut effécta reddidi!
SIMO:You are a most worthless fellow.
Simo:Péssumu’s es homo.
PSEUDOLUS:But, Simo, wasn’t Ballio nicely diddled? How well I carried what I told you into effect.
Psevdolvs:Mulier haec facit.cúm tuo fílio líbera accubat.
SIMO:I know everything in its order, just as you managed each particular.
Simo:ómnia, ut quícque egisti, órdine scio.
PSEUDOLUS:Why, then, do you hesitate to pay me the money?
Psevdolvs:Quíd ergo dubitas dáre mi argentum?
SIMO:You ask what’s just, I confess; take it.(Gives him the money.)
Simo:Iús petis, fateór. tene.
PSEUDOLUS:But you declared that you wouldn’t give it me; and still do you give it.
Psevdolvs:át negabás daturum ésse te mihi.onera húnc hominem atque me cónsequere hac.
SIMO:Are you laughing at me?What? Are you going to take this from your master, Pseudolus?
Simo:Egone ístum onerém?
PSEUDOLUS:With most willing heart and soul.
Psevdolvs:Onerábis, scio.
SIMO:Prithee, can’t you venture to make me an abatement of some portion of this money?
Simo:Quid ego huíc homini faciám? satin ultro et argéntum aufert et me ínridet?
PSEUDOLUS:No: you shall say that I really am a greedy fellow; for you shall never be richer by a single coin of this money.
Psevdolvs:Vae víctis.
SIMO:Well,I really didn’t suppose that it would ever come to pass with me that I should be begging of you.
Simo:Vorte ergo úmerum.
PSEUDOLUS:Load your shoulder with it, and follow me this way.(Pointing.)
Psevdolvs:Em.
SIMO:I—load myself with that?PSEUDOLUS:You will load yourself, I’m sure.SIMO:What am I to do to this fellow? Doesn’t he, contrary to my expectation, take my money, and then laugh at me?PSEUDOLUS:Woe to the conquered:turn your back, then.(Turns him round.)
Simo:Hóc ego numquam rátus sumfore me, út tibi fierem súpplex.
SIMO:Oh! oh!desist. Let me alone—I’m in pain.
heu heú heu.Psevdolvs:Desine.Simo:Dóleo.
PSEUDOLUS:Were you not in pain, I should be in pain;and no compassion would you have had for my back, if I hadn’t this day managed this.
Psevdolvs:Ni doléres tu, ego dolérem.
SIMO:There will be an opportunity for me to be revenged on you, if I live.
Simo:Quid? hoc aúferen, Pseudole mi, aps tuo ero?
PSEUDOLUS:Why do you threaten? I’ve got a back of my own.
Psevdolvs:Lubentíssimo corde atque ánimo.Simo:Non aúdes, quaeso, aliquám partem mihi grátiam facere hinc árgenti?Psevdolvs:Non: mé dices avidum ésse hominem nam hinc númquam eris nummo dívitior;neque té mei tergi mísereret, si hoc nón hodie ecfecíssem.Simo:Erit úbi te ulciscar, sí vivo.Psevdolvs:Quid mínitare? habeo térgum.
SIMO:Very well, then. (Moves as if going.)
Simo:Age sáne igitur.
PSEUDOLUS:Come you back then.
Psevdolvs:Redi.
SIMO:Why come back?
Simo:Quíd redeam?
PSEUDOLUS:Only come you back; you shall not be deceived.SIMO: (turns round.)
Psevdolvs:Redi módo: non eris decéptus.
I am come back.PSEUDOLUS:Come and have a drink with me.
Simo:Redeó.Psevdolvs:Simul mecum ⟨i⟩ pótatum.
SIMO:What—I, come?
Simo:Egone éam?
PSEUDOLUS:Do as I ask you. If you do come, I’ll let you take half of this, or even more.(Points to the purse in his hand.)
Psevdolvs:Fac quod te iúbeo:si is, aút dimidium aut plús etiam faxo hínc feres.
SIMO:I’ll come; take me where you like, Pseudolus.
Simo:Eo, duc mé quo vis.
PSEUDOLUS:How now then? Are you at all angry with me or with your son, Simo, on account of these matters?
Psevdolvs:Quid núnc? numquid íratus és aut mihi aút filió propter hás res, Simó?
SIMO:Certainly, not at all.
Simo:Nil profécto.
PSEUDOLUS: (going.)Step this way now.
Psevdolvs:I hac.
SIMO:I follow you. But why don’t you invite the Spectators as well?PSEUDOLUS: (turning round.)
Ballio:Té sequor. quín vocas spéctatorés simul?
I’ faith, they are not in the habit of inviting me; and, therefore, I don’t invite them. But if you (addressing the AUDIENCE) are willing to applaud and approve of this company of players, and this Comedy,I invite you for to-morrow.
Psevdolvs:Hércle me isti haú solentvocáre, neque ergo ego ístos;vérum si vóltis adplaúdere atque ádprobarehúnc gregem et fábulam,in crástinum vos vocábo.