---
title: "Stichus"
author: "Plautus"
translator: "Henry Thomas Riley"
languages: [la, en]
shelf: "Classical Latin"
url: https://scriptura.si/works/plautus-stichus/
cite: "Plautus, tr. Henry Thomas Riley, Stichus. Scriptura (scriptura.si), https://scriptura.si/works/plautus-stichus/"
---

# Stichus

*Plautus, tr. Henry Thomas Riley*

Two faithful wives wait for their husbands; the slaves celebrate.

> Latin: ed. Friedrich Leo, from the Perseus Digital Library (canonical-latinLit, phi0119.phi018, CC BY-SA 4.0).

> English: Henry Thomas Riley, from the Perseus Digital Library (phi0119.phi018.perseus-eng2). Notes are not included.

> Rows follow the references the two texts share (line numbers), cut where both reach the end of a sentence.

## Contents

1. [Lines 1–504](https://scriptura.si/works/plautus-stichus/1.md)
2. [Lines 402–775](https://scriptura.si/works/plautus-stichus/2.md)

## 1. Lines 1–504

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/plautus-stichus/1/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/plautus-stichus/1/#p-N

[¶0] GELASIMUS, a Parasite. STICHUS, the servant of Epignomus. SAGARINUS, the servant of Pamphilus. PINACIUM, In the former Editions he is called Dinacium. a boy. A PIPER. PHILUMENA, In the former Editions she is called Panegyris. the wife of Epignomus. PAMPHILA, In the former Editions she is called Pinacium. the wife of Pamphilus, and sister of Philumena. CROCOTIUM, a female servant of Philumena. STEPHANIUM, a female kitchen servant of Pamphila.
(Enter PHILUMENA and PAMPHILA.
PHILUMENA:
Sister, I think that Penelope was wretched from her very soul, who was so long deprived of her husband; for from our own fortunes, whose husbands are absent from us, we judge of her feelings;
for whose affairs, still, in their absence, both night and day, sister, as is becoming, we are ever anxious.
PAMPHILA:’Tis right that we should do our duty; and we do not that any further than affection bids us.
PHILUMENA:
But, sister, step this way a moment; I want
to speak about the affairs of my husband.
PAMPHILA:
Ain’t they prospering, pray?
PHILUMENA:
I hope and wish so, indeed. But, sister, at this am I vexed, that your and my father, one who is esteemed as especially honorable among all his fellow-citizens, should be now acting the part of a dishonorable man;
who is undeservedly doing so great an injustice to our absent husbands, and is wishing to separate us from them. These things, sister, render me tired of existence; these things are a care and a vexation to me.
(She sheds tears.)
PAMPHILA:
Weep not, sister, nor do that to your feelings which your father is threatening to do.’Tis to be hoped that he will act more righteously. I know him well; he says these things in jest; and he would not earn for himself the mountains of the Persians,
which are said to be of gold, to do that of which you are in dread. Still, if he does do it, it befits you by no means to be angry; nor will it happen without some reason.
For this is the third year since our husbands have been away from home.
PHILUMENA:’Tis as you say; while, in the meantime, they may be living, and may be well, they do not make us acquainted where they are, what they are doing, whether they are doing well, neither do they return.
PAMPHILA:
And do you, sister, regret this, that they do not observe their duty, whereas you do yours?
PHILUMENA:
Troth, I do.
PAMPHILA:
Hold your peace, if you please; take care, please, that I hear not that same thing from you in future.
PHILUMENA:
And why, pray?
PAMPHILA:
Because, i’ faith, in my opinion,’tis proper for all prudent people
to observe and to do their duty. For that reason, sister, although you are the older, I advise you to remember your duty; and if they are unjust and act otherwise to us than is right, then, i’ faith, in exactly the same degree,
that there may be no further mischief, it befits us studiously to remember our duty by all means in our power.
PHILUMENA:’Tis good; I’m silenced.
PAMPHILA:
But do take care and remember it.
PHILUMENA:
I do not wish, sister, to be thought to be unmindful of my husband; nor has he thrown away the distinction that he conferred upon me.
For, by my troth, his kindness is pleasing and delightful to me; and, really, this choice of mine is not now irksome to me, nor is there any reason why I should wish to abandon this match. But, in fine,’tis placed in our father’s power; that must be done by us which our relatives enjoin.
PAMPHILA:
I know it, and in thinking of it I am overwhelmed with grief; for already has he almost disclosed his sentiments.
PHILUMENA:
Let us consider, then, what is necessary for us to do.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Crédo egó miserám
fuísse Penelopam,
sorór, suo ex animo,
quae tám diu vidua
viró suo caruit;
nam nós eius ánimum
de nóstris factis nóscimus, quarúm viri hinc ápsunt,
quorúmque nos negótiis apséntum, ita ut aéquom est,
sollícitae noctes ét dies, sorór, sumus sémper.
Soror:
Nostrum ófficium
nos fácere aequomst,
neque id mágis facimus
quam nós monet píetas.
sed híc, soror, assíde dum: multá volo tecum
loquí de re viri.
Panegyris:
Salvéne, amabo?
Soror:
Speró quidem et volo; sed hóc, soror, crúcior,
patrém tuom meúmque adeo, unice qui unus †
civíbus ex omnibus probús perhibetur,
eúm nunc improbi viri ófficio uti,
virís qui tantas apséntibus nóstris
facit íniurias immérito
nosque áb eis abducére volt.
haec rés vitae me, sóror, saturant,
haec míhi dividiae et sénio sunt.
Panegyris:
Ne lácruma, soror, neu túo id animo
fac quod tíbi tuos pater faceré minatur:
spes ést eum melius fácturum.
novi égo illum: ioculo istaec dicit,
neque illé sibi mereat Pérsarum
montís, qui esse aurei pérhibentur,
ut istúc faciat quod tú metuis.
tamen sí faciat, minime irasci
decet, néque id immerito evéniet.
nam víri nostri domo ut ábierunt,
hic tértius annus.
Soror:
Ita út memoras.
Panegyris:
Quom ipsi ínterea vivánt, valeant,
ubi sínt, quid agant, ecquíd agant,
neque párticipant nos, néque redeunt.
Soror:
An id dóles, soror, quia illi suom ófficium
non cólunt, quom tu tuom fácis?
Panegyris:
Ita pol.
Soror:
Tace sís, cave sis audíam ego istuc
posthác ex te.
Panegyris:
Nam quíd iam?
Soror:
Quia pól meo animo omnis sápientis
suom offícium aequom est colere ét facere.
quam ob rem égo te hoc, soror, tametsi és maior,
moneo, út tuom memineris ófficium:
etsi ílli improbi sint átque aliter
nobís faciant quam aequómst, tam pol
ne quíd magis simus … omnibus obníxe opibus
nostrum ófficium meminísse decet.
Panegyris:
Placet; táceo.
Soror:
At memineris fácito.
Panegyris:
Nolo égo, soror, me credi esse immemorem viri,
neque ille éos honores, mihi quos habuit, perdidit;
nam pol mihi grata acceptaque eiust benignitas.
et me quidem haec condicio nunc non paenitet,
neque est cur [non] studeam has nuptias mutarier;
verum postremo in patris potestate est situm:
faciendum id nobis quod parentes imperant.
Soror:
Scio, atque in cogitando maerore augeor,
nam propemodum iam ostendit suam sententiam.
Panegyris:
[Igitur quaeramus, nobis quid facto usus sit.]

[¶1] (Enter ANTIPHO from his house, speaking at the door to his SERVANTS.)
ANTIPHO:
The man in condition of a servant who always waits to be told his duty, and doesn’t remember to do it of his own accord, that servant, I say, is not of a deserving character.
You remember well on each returning Calends to ask for your allotment of provisions; why, then, do you less remember to do what is necessary to do about the house? Now, therefore, if, when I return, the furniture shall not be set for me, each piece in its proper place, I’ll be putting you in mind with a bull’s hide remembrancer. Not human beings seem to be living with me, but pigs.
Take care, if you please, that my house is clean, when I return home. I shall soon be back home; I’m going to her house, to see my eldest daughter. If any one should enquire for me, call me thence, some of you; or—I shall be here soon myself.

> Latin: Antipho:
Quí manet ut moneatur semper servos homo officium suom
nec voluntáte id facere meminit, servos is habitu hau probust.
vos meministis quot kalendis petere demensum cibum:
qui minus méministis quod opus sit facto facere in aedibus?
iam quidem in súo quicqué loco nisi erit mihi situm supellectilis,
quom ego revortar, vos monimentis commonefaciam bubulis.
non homines habitare mecum mi hic videntur, sed sues.
facite sultis, nitidae ut aedes meae sint, quom redeam domum.
iam ego domi adero: ad meam maiorem filiam inviso modo;
siquis me quaéret, inde vocátote aliqui; aut iam egomet hic ero.
Soror:
Quid agimus, soror, si óffirmabit pater adversum nos?

[¶2] PHILUMENA: (aside.)
What are we to do, sister, if our father shall resolve against us?
PAMPHILA:
It befits us to submit to what he does whose power is the stronger.
By entreating, not by opposing, I think we must use our endeavours. If with mildness we ask for favour, I trust to obtain it of him. Oppose him we cannot, without disgrace and extreme criminality; I will neither do that myself, nor will I give you the advice to do it, but rather that we should entreat him. I know our family; he will yield to entreaty.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Pati
nos oportet quod ille faciat, cuius potestas plus potest.
exorando, haud adversando sumendam operam censeo:
gratiam per si petimus, spero áb eo impetrassere;
adversari sine dedecore et scelere summo haud possumus,
neque equidem id factura neque tu ut facias consilium dabo,
verum ut exoremus. novi ego nostros: exorabilest.

[¶3] ANTIPHO: (speaking to himself.)
In the first place, in what manner I should make a beginning with them, about that I am in doubt; whether I should accost them in language couched in ambiguous terms, after this fashion, as though I had never pretended anything at all against them, or whether as though I had heard that they were deserving of some censure against them; whether I should rather try them gently or with threats. I know that there will be opposition; I know my daughters right well.
If they should prefer to remain here rather than to marry afresh, why, let them do so. What need is there for me, the term of my life run out, to be waging war with my children, when I think that they don’t at all deserve that I should do so? By no means; I’ll have no disturbances. But I think that this is the best thing to be done by me; I’ll do thus; I’ll pretend as though they had themselves been guilty of some fault;
I’ll terribly terrify their minds this day by some ambiguous expressions; ana then, after that, as I shall feel disposed, I’ll disclose myself. I know that many words will be spoken; I’ll go in. (Goes to the door of PHILUMENA’S house.) But the door’s open.

> Latin: Antipho:
Principium ego quo pacto cum illis occipiam, id ratiocinor:
utrum ego perplexim lacessam oratione ad hunc modum,
quasi numquam quicquam in eas simulem, quasi nil indaudiverim
eas in se meruisse culpam, an potius temptem saeviter,
[an minaciter. scio litis fore, ego meas novi optume.]
si manere hic sese malint potius quam alio nubere.
non faciam. quid mi ópust decurso aetatis spatio cum meis
gerere bellum, quom nil, quam ob rem id faciam, meruisse arbitror?
minime, nolo turbas, séd hoc mihi optumum factu arbitror:
[sic faciam: adsimulabo quasi quam culpam in sese admiserint.]
perplexabilitér earum hodie perpavefaciam pectora;
post id [agam] igitur deinde, ut animus meus erit, faciam palam.
multa scio faciunda verba. ibo intro. sed apertast foris.
Soror:
Certo enim míhi paternae vocis sonitus auris accidit.

[¶4] PHILUMENA:
Why, surely the sound of my father’s voice reached my ears.
PAMPHILA:
I’ troth,’tis he; let’s hasten to meet him with a kiss.
(They both run to kiss him.)
PHILUMENA:
My father, my respects.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Is est ecastor. ferre advorsum homini occupemus osculum.
Soror:
Salve, mi pater.

[¶5] ANTIPHO:
And to you the same. Away this instant, and be off from me,
(Removes her.)
PHILUMENA:
One kiss.

> Latin: Antipho:
Et vos ambae. ílico agite assidite.
Soror:
Osculum—

[¶6] ANTIPHO:
I’ve had enough of your kissing.

> Latin: Antipho:
Sat est ósculi mihi vostri.

[¶7] PHILUMENA:
Prithee, father, why so?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Quí, amabo, pater?

[¶8] ANTIPHO:
Because, as it is, the seasoning of your affection has reached my soul.
PAMPHILA:
Sit down here, father.
(Points to a chair.)

> Latin: Antipho:
Quia ita meae animae salsura evenit.
Soror:
Asside hic, pater.

[¶9] ANTIPHO:
I’ll not sit there; do you sit down; I’ll sit on the bench.
(Sits on a bench.)
PAMPHILA:
Wait till I fetch a cushion.

> Latin: Antipho:
Non sedeo istic, vos sedete; ego sedero in subsellio.
Panegyris:
Mane pulvinum.

[¶10] ANTIPHO:
You take kind care of me; I’m nicely seated now as I am.
PAMPHILA:
Do let me, father.
(Goes into the house.)

> Latin: Antipho:
Bene procuras. mihi satis sic fultumst. sede.
Soror:
Sine, pater.

[¶11] ANTIPHO:
What need is there?
PAMPHILA:
There is need.
(Coming out, and bringing a cushion.)

> Latin: Antipho:
Quid opust?
Panegyris:
Opust.

[¶12] ANTIPHO:
I’ll submit to you. (Arranging the cushion.) Yes, this does very well.
PAMPHILA:
Why, daughters can never take too much care of their parent. Whom is it proper that we should esteem more dear than yourself? And then, in the next place, father, our husbands, for whom you have chosen that we should be the mothers of families.

> Latin: Antipho:
Mórem tibi geram. atque hoc est satis.
Soror:
Numquam enim nímis curare possunt suom parentem filiae.
quem aequiust nós potiorem habere quam te? postidea, pater,
viros nostros, quibus tú voluisti ésse nos matres familias.

[¶13] ANTIPHO:
You do as it is proper for good wives to do, in esteeming your husbands,
though absent, just as though they were present.
PAMPHILA:’Tis propriety, father, for us to highly honor those who have chosen us as companions for themselves.

> Latin: Antipho:
Bonas ut aequomst facere facitis, quom tamen apsentis viros
proinde habetis quasi praesentes sint.
Soror:
Pudicitiast, pater,
eos nos magnificare, qui nos socias sumpserunt sibi.

[¶14] ANTIPHO:
Is there any other person here to listen with his ears to our conversation?

> Latin: Antipho:
Num quis hic ést alienus nostris dictis auceps auribus?

[¶15] PHILUMENA:
There’s no one except us and yourself.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Nullus praeter nosque teque.

[¶16] ANTIPHO:
I wish your attention to be given; for, unacquainted with female matters and ways,
I come now as a pupil to you, my instructresses; in order that each of you may tell me what endowments matrons ought to have, who are the best esteemed.
PAMPHILA:
What’s the reason that you come hither to enquire about the ways of females?

> Latin: Antipho:
Vostrum animum adhiberi volo;
nám ego ad vos nunc imperitus rerum et morum mulierum,
discipulus venio ad magistras: quibus matronas moribus,
quae optumae sunt, esse oportet? sed utraque ut dicat mihi.
Soror:
Quid istuc est quod huc éxquaesitum mulierum mores venis?

[¶17] ANTIPHO:
Troth, I’m looking for a wife, as your mother’s dead and gone.
PAMPHILA:
You’ll easily find, father, one both worse and of worse morals
than she was; one better you’ll neither find nor does the sun behold.

> Latin: Antipho:
Pol ego uxorem quaero, postquam vostra mater mortuast.
Soror:
Facile invenies et peiorem et peius moratam, pater,
quam illa fuit: meliorem neque tu reperies neque sol videt.

[¶18] ANTIPHO:
But I’m making the enquiry of you, and of this sister of yours.
PAMPHILA:
I’ faith, father, I know how they should be, if they are to be such as I think right.

> Latin: Antipho:
At ego ex te éxquaero atque ex istac tua sorore.
Soror:
Edepol pater,
scio ut oportet esse: si sint—ita ut ego aequom censeo.

[¶19] ANTIPHO:
I wish, then, to know what you do think right.
PAMPHILA:
That when they walk through the city, they should shut the mouths of all, so that none can speak ill of them with good reason.

> Latin: Antipho:
Volo scire ergo, ut aequom censes.
Soror:
Vt, per urbem quom ambulent,
omnibus os opturent, ne quis merito male dicat sibi.

[¶20] ANTIPHO: (to PHILUMENA.)
And now speak you in your turn.

> Latin: Antipho:
Dic vicissim nunciam tu.

[¶21] PHILUMENA:
What do you wish that I should speak to you about, father?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Quid vis tibi dicam, pater?

[¶22] ANTIPHO:
How is the woman most easily distinguished, who is of a good disposition?

> Latin: Antipho:
Vbi facillime spectatur mulier, quae ingenio est bono?

[¶23] PHILUMENA:
When she, who has the power of doing ill, refrains from doing so.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Quoi male faciundi est potestas, quae ne id faciat temperat.

[¶24] ANTIPHO:
Not bad that. (To PAMPHILA.) Come, say you, which choice is the preferable, to marry a maiden or a widow?
PAMPHILA:
So far as my skill extends,
of many evils, that which is the least evil, the same is the least an evil.
He that can avoid the women, let him avoid them,
so that each day he takes care, the day before, not to do that which, the day after, he may regret.

> Latin: Antipho:
[Hau male istuc. age tu altera, utra sit condicio pensior,]
[virginemne an viduam habere?]
Soror:
[Quanta méa sapientiast,]
[ex malis multis malum quod minimumst, id minimest malum.]
Antipho:
Qui potest mulier vitare vitiis?
Soror:
Vt cottidie
pridie caveat ne faciat quod pigeat postridie.

[¶25] ANTIPHO:
What sort of woman, pray, seems to you by far the wisest?

> Latin: Antipho:
Quae tibi muliér videtur multo sapientissuma?

[¶26] PHILUMENA:
She who, when affairs are prosperous, shall still be able to know herself,
and who with equanimity can endure it to be worse with her than it has been.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Quae tamen, cum res secundae sunt, se poterit noscere,
et illa quae aequo animo patietur sibi esse peius quam fuit.

[¶27] ANTIPHO:
By my troth, in merry mood have I been trying the bent of your dispositions. But ’tis this for which I am come to you, and for which I wished to meet you both. My friends are advising me to the effect that I should remove you hence to my own house.
PAMPHILA:
But still, we, whose interests are concerned, are advising you quite otherwise.
For either, father, we ought not formerly to have been bestowed in marriage, unless our husbands pleased you, or, it is not right for us now to be taken away when they are absent.

> Latin: Antipho:
Edepol vos lepide temptavi vostrumque ingenium ingeni.
sed hoc est quod ad vos venio quodque esse ambas conventas volo:
mi auctores ita sunt amici, ut vos hinc abducam domum.
Soror:
At enim nos, quarum res agitur, aliter auctores sumus.
nam aut olim, nisi tibi placebant, non datas oportuit,
aut nunc non aequomst abduci, pater, illisce apsentibus.
Antipho:
Vosne ego patiar cum mendicis nuptas me vivo viris?
Soror:
Placet ille meus mihi mendicus: suos rex reginae placet.
idem animust in paupertate qui olim in divitiis fuit:

[¶28] ANTIPHO:
And shall I suffer you while I am alive to remain married to men who are beggars?
PAMPHILA:
This beggar of mine is agreable to me; her own king is agreable to the queen. In poverty have I the same feelings that once I had in riches.

> Latin: Antipho:
[Vosne latrones et mendicos homines magni penditis?]
Soror:
non tu me argento dedisti, opinor, nuptum, sed viro.

[¶29] ANTIPHO:
And do you set such high value on thieves and beggars?

> Latin: Antipho:
Quid illos exspectatis, quí abhinc iam abierunt triennium?
quin vos capitis condicionem ex pessuma primariam?

[¶30] PHILUMENA:
You did not, as I think, give me in marriage to the money, but to the man.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Stultitiast, pater, venatum ducere invitas canes.
hostis est uxor, invita quae viro nuptum datur.

[¶31] ANTIPHO:
Why are you still in expectation of those who have been absent for now three years? Why don’t you accept an eligible match in place of a very bad one?
PAMPHILA:’Tis folly, father, to lead unwilling dogs to hunt.
That wife is an enemy, who is given to a man in marriage against her will.

> Latin: Antipho:
Certumne est neutram vostrarum persequi imperium patris?
Panegyris:
Persequimur, nam quo dedisti nuptum, abire nolumus.

[¶32] ANTIPHO:
Are you then determined that neither of you will obey the command of your father?

> Latin: Antipho:
Bene valete. ibo atque amicis vostra consilia eloquar.

[¶33] PHILUMENA:
We do obey; for where you gave us in marriage, thence are we unwilling to depart.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Probiores credo arbitrabunt, si probis narraveris.

[¶34] ANTIPHO:
Kindly good b’ye; I’ll go and tell my friends your resolutions.
PAMPHILA:
They will, I doubt not, think us the more honorable, if you tell them to honorable men.
ANTIPHO:
Take you care, then, of their domestic concerns, the best way that you can.
(Exit.)

> Latin: Antipho:
Curate igitur familiarem rem ut potestis.

[¶35] PHILUMENA:
Now you gratify us, when you direct us aright: now we will hearken to you. Now, sister, let’s go indoors.
PAMPHILA:
Well, first I’ll take a look at home. If, perchance, any news should come to you from your husband, take you care that I know it.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Optume,
nunc places, quom recte monstras; nunc tibi auscultabimus.
nunc, soror, abeamus intro.
Soror:
Ímmo intervisam domum.
si a viro tibi forte veniet nuntius, facito ut sciam.—

[¶36] PHILUMENA:
Neither will I conceal it from you, nor do you conceal from me what you may know.
(Calls at the door of her house.) Ho there, Crocotium, go, fetch hither Gelasimus, the Parasite; bring him here with you. For, i’ faith, I wish to send him to the harbour, to see if, perchance, any ship from Asia has arrived there yesterday or to-day. But, one servant has been sitting at the harbour whole days in waiting; still, however, I wish it to be visited every now and then. Make haste, and return immediately.
(Each goes into her own house.)

> Latin: Panegyris:
Neque ego te celabo, neque tu me celassis quod scias.
eho, Crocotium, i, parasitum Gelasimum huc arcessito,
tecum adduce; nam illum ecastor mittere ad portum volo,
si quae forte ex Asia navis heri aut hodie venerit.
nam dies totos apud pórtum servos unus assidet;
sed tamen volo intervisi. propera atque actutum redi.—

[¶37] (Enter GELASIMUS.)
GELASIMUS:
I do suspect that Famine was my mother; for since I was born I have never been filled with victuals. And no man could better return the favour to his mother, than do I right unwillingly return it to my mother, Famine. For in her womb, for ten months she bore me,
whereas I have been carrying her for more than ten years in my stomach. She, too, carried me but a little child, wherefore I judge that she endured the less labour; in my stomach no little Famine do I bear, but of full growth, i’ faith, and extremely heavy.
The labour-pains arise with me each day, but I’m unable to bring forth my mother, nor know I what to do. I’ve often heard it so said that the elephant is wont to be pregnant ten whole years; for sure this hunger of mine is of its breed.
For now for many a year has it been clinging to, my inside. Now, if any person wants a droll fellow, I am on sale, with all my equipage: of a filling-up for these chasms am I in search. When little, my father gave me the name of Gelasimus,
because, even from a tiny child, I was a droll chap. By reason of poverty, in fact, did I acquire this name, because, it was poverty that made me to be a droll; for whenever she reaches a person, she instructs him thoroughly in every art. My father used to say that I was born when provisions were dear;
for that reason, I do believe, I am now the more sharply set. But on our family such complacence has been bestowed—I am in the habit of refusing no person, if any one asks me out to eat. One form of expression has most unfortunately died away with people, and one, i’ faith, most beseeming and most elegant to my thinking,
which formerly they employed: “Come here to dinner—do so—really, do promise—don’t make any difficulties—is it convenient?—I wish it to be so, I say; I’ll not part with you unless you come.” But now, in the present day, they have found a substitute for these expressions—a saying, by my faith, truly right worthless and most vile:
“I’d invite you to dinner, were I not dining; out myself.” I’ faith, I wish the very loins of that phrase broken, that it mayn’t repeat its perjury if he does dine at his own house. These phrases reduce me to learn foreign habits, and to spare the necessity for an auctioneer,
and so proclaim the auction, and put myself up for sale.
(Enter CROCOTIUM from the house of PHILUMENA, unseen by GELASIMUS.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Famem ego fuisse suspicor matrem mihi,
nam postquam natus sum, satur numquam fui.
neque quisquam melius referet matri gratiam
[quam egó meae matri refero ínvitissimus.]
neque rettulit, quam ego refero meae matri Fami.
nam illa me in alvo menses gestavit decem,
at ego illam in alvo gesto plus annos decem.
atque illa puerum me gestavit parvolum,
quo minus laboris cepisse illam existumo:
ego non pauxillulam in utero gesto famem,
verum hercle multo maximam et gravissimam;
uteri dolores mihi oboriuntur cotidie, †
sed matrem parere nequeo, nec quid agam scio.
⟨atque⟩ auditavi saepe hoc volgo dicier,
solere elephantum gravidam perpetuos decem
esse annos; eius ex sémine haec certost fames,
nam iam complures annos utero haeret meo.
nunc si ridiculum hominem quaerat quispiam,
venalis ego sum cum ornamentis omnibus;
inanimentis explementum quaerito.
Gelasimo nomen mi indidit parvo pater,
quia inde iam a pausillo puero ridiculus fui. †
propter pauperiem hoc adeo nomen repperi,
eo quía paupertas fecit ridiculus forem;
nam illa artis omnis perdocet, ubi quem attigit.
per annónam caram dixit me natum pater:
propterea, credo, nunc essurio ácrius.
sed generi nostro haec redditast benignitas:
nulli negare soleo, siquis me essúm vocat.
oratio una interiit hominum pessume,
atque optuma hercle meo animo et scitissuma,
qua ante utebantur: “véni illo ad cenam, sic face,
promitte vero, ne gravare. est commodum?
volo inquam fieri, non amittam quin eas.”
nunc reppererunt iam ei verbo vicarium
(nihili quidem hercle verbumst ac vilissimum):
“vocem te ad cenam, nisi egomet cenem foris.”
ei hércle ego verbo lumbos diffractos velim,
ni vere perierit, si cenassit domi.
haec verba subigunt mé uti mores barbaros
discam atque ut faciam praeconis compendium
itaque auctionem praedicem, ipse ut venditem.

[¶38] CROCOTIUM: (aside.)
This is the Parasite, whom I’ve been sent to fetch. I’ll listen to what he’s saying, before I accost him.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Hic illést parasitus, quem arcessitum missa sum.
quae loquitur auscultabo prius quam conloquar.

[¶39] GELASIMUS:
Now there are a good many curious mischief-makers here, who, with extreme zeal, busy themselves with the affairs of other people,
and who have themselves no affairs of their own to busy themselves with. They, when they know that any one is about to have an auction, go forthwith and sift out what’s the reason; whether a debt compels it, or whether he has purchased a farm; or whether, on a divorce, her marriage-portion is to be repaid to his wife.
All these, although, i’ faith, I don’t judge them undeserving, in their most wretched state, to go toiling on, I don’t care about. I’ll proclaim the reason of my auction, that they may rejoice in my mishaps, for there’s no person a busybody but what he’s ill-natured too. Very great mishaps, alas! have befallen wretched me.
So dreadfully afflicted has my property rendered me: my many drinking-bouts are dead and gone; how many dinners, too, that I’ve bewailed, are dead! how many a draught of honeyed wine; how many breakfasts, too, that I have lost within these last three years!
In my wretchedness, for very grief and vexation have I quite grown old. I’m almost dead with hunger.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Sed curiosi sunt hic complures mali,
alienas res qui curant studio maximo,
quibus ipsis nullast res, quam procurent, sua:
ei quando quem auctionem facturum sciunt,
adeunt, perquirunt quid sit causae ilico:
alienum aes cogat an pararit praedium,
uxorin sit reddenda dos divortio.
eos ómnis tametsi hercle haud indignos iudico
qui multum miseri sint, laborent, nil moror:
dicam auctionis causam, ut damno gaudeant;
nam curiosus nemo est quin sit malevolus.
[ipse egomet quam ob rem aúctionem praedicem]
damna evenerunt maxuma misero mihi,
ita me mancupia miserum adfecerunt male,
potationes plurumae demortuae,
quot adeo cenae, quas deflevi, mortuae,
quot potiones mulsi, quae autem prandia,
quae inter continuom perdidi triennium.
prae maerore adeo miser atque aegritudine
consenui; paene sum famé emortuos.

[¶40] CROCOTIUM: (aside.)
There’s no one such a droll, as he is when he is hungry.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Ridiculus aeque nullus est quando esurit.

[¶41] GELASIMUS:
Now am I resolved that I’ll make a sale: out of doors am I obliged to sell whatever I possess.
Attend, if you please; the bargains will be for those who are present. I’ve funny bon mots to sell. Come, bid your price. Who bids a dinner? Does any one bid a breakfast? They’ll cost vou an Herculean breakfast or dinner. Ho, there! (to one of the SPECTATORS) did you nod to me? No one will offer you better—
I won’t allow that any Parasite has better
quibbles, cajoleries, and parasitical white lies.
I’m selling a rusty flesh-scraper, too; a rusty-coloured brown bottle
for the Greek unguents at the sweating-baths; delicate after-dinner powders;
an empty Parasite as well (pointing to himself), in whom to lay by your scraps.’Tis needful that these should be sold at once for as much as they can; that, if I offer the tenth part. to Hercules, on that account it may be greater …

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Nunc auctionem facere decretumst mihi:
foras necessumst quidquid habeo vendere.
adeste sultis, praeda erit praesentium.
logos ridiculos vendo. áge licemini.
qui cena poscit? ecqui poscit prandio?
hercle aestumavi prandio, cena tibi.
ehem, adnuistin? nemo meliores dabit.
[nulli meliores esse parasito sinam.]
vel unctiones Graecas sudatorias
vendo vel alias malacas, crapularias;
cavillátiones, adsentatiunculas
ac perieratiunculas parasiticas;
robiginosam strigilem, ampullam rubidam,
parasitum inanem quo recondas reliquias.
haec veniisse iám opus est quantum potest,
ut decumam partem Hérculi polluceam.

[¶42] CROCOTIUM: (aside.)
An auction of no great value, by my troth. Hunger has taken hold of the very deepest recess of the fellow’s stomach. I’ll accost the man.
(Moves towards him.)

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Ecastor auctionem haúd magni preti.
adhaesit homini ad infimum ventrem fames.
adibo ad hominem.

[¶43] GELASIMUS:
Who’s this that’s coming towards me? Why, surely this is Crocotium, the maid-servant of Epignomus.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quis haec est quae advorsum it mihi?
Epignómi ancilla haéc quidem est Crocotium.

[¶44] CROCOTIUM:
My respects, Gelasimus.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Gelasime, salve.

[¶45] GELASIMUS:
That’s not my name.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Non id est nomen mihi.

[¶46] CROCOTIUM:
I’ faith, for sure that used to be your name.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Certo mecastor id fuit nomen tibi.

[¶47] GELASIMUS:
Distinctly it was so, but I’ve lost it by use. Now I’m called Miccotrogus from what is fact.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Fuit disertim, verum id usu perdidi:
nunc Miccotrogus nomine e vero vocor.

[¶48] CROCOTIUM:
O dear! I’ve laughed a good deal at you to-day.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
† Eu ecastor, risi te hodie multum.

[¶49] GELASIMUS:
When? or in what place?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quando aut quo in loco?

[¶50] CROCOTIUM:
Here, when you were carrying on a most worthless auction.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Hic quom auctionem praedicabas,

[¶51] GELASIMUS:
How now; did you really hear it?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Pessuma,
eho an audivisti?

[¶52] CROCOTIUM:
Aye, and one really right worthy of yourself.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Te quidem dignissumam.

[¶53] GELASIMUS:
Where are you bound for now?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quo nunc is?

[¶54] CROCOTIUM:
For yourself.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Ad te.

[¶55] GELASIMUS:
Why have you come?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quid venis?

[¶56] CROCOTIUM:
Philumena bade me ask you by all means to come to visit her at her house this instant, together with me.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Panegyris
rogare iussit ted ut opere maximo,
mecum simitu ut ires ad sese domum.

[¶57] GELASIMUS:
I’ faith, but I’ll surely come there as fast as I can. Are the entrails cooked by this? With how many lambs has she been sacrificing?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Ego illo mehercle vero eo quantum potest.
iamne exta cocta sunt? quot agnis fecerat?

[¶58] CROCOTIUM:
Indeed, she hasn’t been sacrificing at all.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Illa quidem nullum sacrificavit.

[¶59] GELASIMUS:
How? What does she want with me, then?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quo modo?
quid igitur me volt?

[¶60] CROCOTIUM:
I think that she’s going to ask you for ten measures of wheat.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Tritici modios decem
rogare, opinor [te volt].

[¶61] GELASIMUS:
Or me rather ask it of her?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Mene, ut ab sese petam?

[¶62] CROCOTIUM:
No; that you yourself should lend them to us.

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Immo ut a vobis mutuom nobis dares.

[¶63] GELASIMUS:
Tell her that I’ve nothing to give myself, or that she could wish to borrow, nor anything whatever, except this cloak that I have on. Even my very tongue that so freely used to offer itself I’ve sold as well.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Nega esse quod dem nec mihi nec mutuom,
neque aliud quicquam nisi hoc quod habeo pallium;
linguam quoque etiam vendidi datariam.

[¶64] CROCOTIUM:
How? Have you got no tongue?

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Au,
nullan tibi lingua est?

[¶65] GELASIMUS:
Why, the former one, that used to say “here, take me,” I’ve lost: see, here’s one now that says “give me.”
(Puts out his tongue.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quae quidem dicat “dabo”;
ventri reliqui eccam aliam quae dicat “cedo”.

[¶66] CROCOTIUM:
A curse may the Gods give you …

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Malum quidem sí vis—

[¶67] GELASIMUS:
Aye, if a curse you want, this same tongue will give you that.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Haec eadem dicit tibi.

[¶68] CROCOTIUM:
Well now, are you coming or not?

> Latin: Crocotivm:
Quid nunc? ituru's iturus es an non?

[¶69] GELASIMUS:
Well, be off home;
tell her I’ll be there this moment; make haste and be off. (CROCOTIUM goes into the house.)
I wonder why she has requested me to be fetched to her, who has never, before this day, requested that I should be fetched to her, ever since her husband left. I wonder what it can be; except it is for some experiment to be made upon me; I’ll go see what she wants.
But see, here’s her boy, Pinacium. Look at that now; how very facetiously and just like a picture does he stand? Full many a time, for sure, in good troth, has he poured out for me the wine, almost unmixed, right cleverly into a very tiny cup indeed.
(Stands aside.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Abi sane domum,
iam illo venturum dicito. propera atque abi.—
demiror quid illaec me ad se arcessi iusserit,
quae numquam iussit me ad se arcessi ante hunc diem,
postquam vir abiit eius. miror quid siet,
nisi ut periclum fiat: visam quid velit.
sed eccum Pinacium eius puerum. hoc vide,
satin ut facete, ⟨aeque⟩ atque ex pictura, astitit?
ne iste edepol vinum poculo pauxillulo
saepe exanclavit submerum scitissume.

[¶70] (Enter PINACIUM at a distance, with a fishing-rod, hooks, and a basket in his hand.)
PINACIUM: (to himself.)
Mercury, who is said to be the messenger of Jove, never bore such pleasing tidings to his father, as I shall e’en now be telling to my mistress.
So loaded do I bear my breast with joy and with delight; and really I don’t care to speak a syllable but in a highflown style. The charms of all the loves and graces do I bring; my heart, too, is overleaping its banks, and overflowing with joyousness.
Now have you the means of acquiring glory, fame, and honor; make haste, Pinacium, exhort your feet to swiftness, grace your message by your deeds, and come to the rescue of your mistress in her need … who is so wretched in awaiting the arrival of her husband, Epignomus; just as becomes her does she dote upon her husband, and anxiously long for him. Now, Pinacium,
do as pleases you, run on, just as you like; take care and regard no person at the value of a straw; thrust them from the path with your elbows; make right smooth your way. If a, king shall come in your way, upset the king himself forthwith.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Mercúrius, Iovis qui núntius perhibétur, numquam aequé patri
suo núntium lepidum áttulit quam égo nunc meae erae núntiabo:
ítaque onustum péctus porto laétitia lubéntiaque
néque lubet nisi gloriose quicquam proloqui profecto.
amoénitates omnium venerum et venustatum adfero
ripísque superat mi atque abundat pectus laetitia meum.
própera, Pinacium, pedes hortare, honesta dicta factis
(nunc tíbi potestas adipiscendist gloriam laudem decus)
eraéque egenti subveni, [benefacta maiorum tuom]
quae mísera in exspectatione est Epignomi adventum viri.
proinde út decet, amat vírum suom, cupide expetit. nunc, Pinacium,
age út placet, curre ut lubet, cave quémquam flocci feceris,
cubitis depulsa de via, tranquillam concinna viam;
si rex obstabit obviam, regem ipsum prius pervortito.

[¶71] GELASIMUS: (apart.)
Why, I wonder, is Pinacium running so overladen with baggage? He’s carrying a rod, and a basket, and a fish-hook.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quídnam dicam Pínacium
lascívibundum tam lubentem currere?
harúndinem fert sportulamque et hamulum piscarium.

[¶72] PINACIUM: (to himself.)
But yet, I think ’tis proper that my mistress should come with entreaty to me, and that she should send envoys to me, and gifts of gold, and chariots in which for me to be borne, for I can’t go on foot. Therefore I shall now go back. (Turns back.) I think it is only proper that I should be approached and addressed with entreaties. And do you really think that it’s mere nonsense or nothing at all that I am now acquainted with?
Blessings so great am I carrying from the harbour, joys so extensive am I bringing, that hardly could my mistress herself presume to wish this of the Gods, if she were to know it. And am I to carry it, then, of my own accord? It pleases me not, nor do I think that the duty of a man. This way does it seem to be better suited to this news of mine; let her come to meet me, let her entreat me to communicate to her this news.
Haughtiness and pride befit prosperous fortunes. But, at last, when I reconsider it, how could she know that I know this? (Turning round.) Well, I can’t do otherwise than return, than speak, than relate it at length, and relieve my mistress of her grief, and both mightily increase the good deeds of my ancestors, and present her with a comfort unhoped for and opportune.
I’ll outdo the deeds of Talthybius, and I’ll set all messengers at nought, and at the same time I’ll think about the running at the Olympic games. But this distance is far too short for the course; how sorry for it I am. How’s this? I see the door’s closed. I’ll go and knock at the door. (Knocks at the door of PHILUMENA’S house.) Open, and make haste, cause the door to be thrown open; away with all delay.
This matter is attended to too carelessly; see how long I’ve been standing here and knocking. Are you indulging yourselves with a nap? I’ll try whether the door or my arms and feet are the stronger. (Knocks and kicks.) I wish much that this door would run away from its master, that for that reason it might meet with a heavy punishment. I’m tired of knocking. Well, be this the last for you.
(Knocks again.)

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Sed tandem, opinor, aequiust eram mihi esse supplicem
atque óratores mittere ad me donaque ex auro et quadrigas,
quí vehar, nam pedibus ire non queo. ergo iam revortar.
ad me adiri et supplicari égomet mi aequom censeo.
an véro nugas censeas, nihil esse quod ego nunc scio?
tantum a portu adporto bonum, tam gaudium grande adfero,
vix ipsa domina hoc, nisi sciat, exoptare ab deis audeat.
nunc ultro id deportem? hau placet, neque id viri officium arbitror.
sic hoc videtur mihi magis meo cónvenire huic nuntio:
adversum veniat, opsecret, se ut nuntio hoc impertiam;
secundas fortunas decent superbiae.
sed tandem cum recogito, qui potuit scire haec scire me?
nón enim póssum quin revortar, quin loquar, quin edissertem
erámque ex maerore eximam, bene facta maiorum meum
exaugeam atque illam augeam insperato opportuno bono:
contundam facta Talthubi contemnamque omnis nuntios;
símulque [ad] cursuram meditabor [me] ad ludos Olympios.
sed spátium hoc occidit: brevest curriculo; quam me paenitet.
quid hoc? occlusam ianuam video. ibo et pultabo fores.
aperíte atque adproperáte, fores facite út pateant, removéte moram;
nimis haéc res sine curá geritur. vide quám dudum hic asto ét pulto.
somnóne operam datis? éxperiar, fores án cubiti ac pedes plús valeant.
nimis véllem hae fores erum fúgissent, ea caúsa ut haberent ma⟨lum mag⟩num;
deféssus sum pultándo.
hoc póstremumst. vae vobis.

[¶73] GELASIMUS: (apart.)
I’ll go and accost him. (Accosts PINACIUM.) Good day to you.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Ibo átque hunc compellábo.
salvós sis.

[¶74] PINACIUM:
And good day to you.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Et tu sálve.

[¶75] GELASIMUS:
Are you turned fisherman, then?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Iam tú piscator fáctu's factus es?

[¶76] PINACIUM:
How long is it since you ate?

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Quam prídem non edísti?

[¶77] GELASIMUS:
Whence come you? What are you carrying? Why are you in a hurry?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Vnde ís? quid fers? quid féstinas?

[¶78] PINACIUM:
About that which is no business of yours, don’t you trouble yourself.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Tua quód nil refert, né cures.

[¶79] GELASIMUS:
What’s there in that?
(Taking up the lid of the basket.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quid istíc inest?

[¶80] PINACIUM:
Snakes, for you to eat.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Quas tu edés colubras.

[¶81] GELASIMUS:
Why are you so pettish?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quid tam íracundu's iracundus es?

[¶82] PINACIUM:
If you had any shame, you wouldn’t address me.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Si ín te
pudor ádsit, non me appélles.

[¶83] GELASIMUS:
May I learn the truth from you?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Possúm scire ex te vérum?

[¶84] PINACIUM:
You may; this day you’ll get no dinner.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Potes: hódie non cenábis.

[¶85] (Enter PHILUMENA from her house.)
PHILUMENA:
Who now, pray, is breaking this door down? (To GELASIMUS.) Are you doing this? Do you come to me like an enemy?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Quisnam, ópsecro, has frangit fóres? ubi est?
tun haéc facis? tun mihi huc hóstis venis?

[¶86] GELASIMUS:
My respects to you; I come at your bidding.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Salvé, tuo arcessitú venio huc.

[¶87] PHILUMENA:
And is it for that reason you are breaking down my door?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Ean grátia fores effríngis?

[¶88] GELASIMUS:
Scold your own people; the offenders are your own. I came to see what you wanted me for. Why, for my own part, I pitied this door.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Tuos ínclama, tui délinquont: ego quíd me velles vísebam;
nam mé quidem harum míserebat.

[¶89] PINACIUM:
For that reason your assistance was given so very readily.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Ergo aúxilium properé latumst.

[¶90] PHILUMENA:
Pray, who’s that, talking here so near to us?
GELASIMUS:
Pinacium.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Quisnam híc loquitur tam própe nos?
Pinacivm:
Pinacium.

[¶91] PHILUMENA:
Where is he?
(Looks on each side.)

> Latin: Panegyris:
Úbi is est?

[¶92] PINACIUM: (coming forward.)
Attend to me, and leave alone that needy Parasite, Philumena.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Réspice ad me et relínque egentem párasitum, Panégyris.

[¶93] PHILUMENA:
Pinacium.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Pinacium.

[¶94] PINACIUM:
That name my elders gave me.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Istuc indiderunt nomen maiores mihi.

[¶95] PHILUMENA:
What’s your business

> Latin: Panegyris:
Quid agis?

[¶96] PINACIUM:
What’s my business, do you ask?

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Quid agam rogitas?

[¶97] PHILUMENA:
Why shouldn’t I ask it?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Quidni rogitem?

[¶98] PINACIUM:
What’s yours with me?

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Quid mecum est tibi?

[¶99] PHILUMENA:
Do you insult me, impudent fellow? Answer me, this very instant, Pinacium.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Mein fastidis, propudiose? eloquere propere, Pinacium.

[¶100] PINACIUM:
Bid those, then, to let me alone, who are detaining me.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Iube me omittere igitur hos, qui retinent.

[¶101] PHILUMENA:
Who are detaining you?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Qui retinent?

[¶102] PINACIUM:
Do you ask me that? A lassitude is in possession of all my limbs.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Rogas?
omnia membra lassitudo mihi tenet.

[¶103] PHILUMENA:
Well, I know right well that it’s not in possession of your tongue.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Linguam quidem
sat scio tibi non tenere.

[¶104] PINACIUM:
With such rapid speed have I been hastening from the harbour, for the sake of your own well-doing.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Ita celeri curriculo fui
propere a portu, tui honoris causa.

[¶105] PHILUMENA:
Why, do you bring any good news?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Ecquid adportas boni?

[¶106] PINACIUM:
I bring more, by very much, than you expect.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Nimio † inparti multo tanto plus quam speras.

[¶107] PHILUMENA:
I’m saved, then.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Salva sum.

[¶108] PINACIUM:
And I’m done for; lassitude is drinking up my marrow apace.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
At ego perii, quoi medullam lassitudo perbibit.

[¶109] GELASIMUS:
What, then, am I, the marrow of whose stomach, to my sorrow, famine has seized upon?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quid ego, quoi misero medullam ventris percepit fames.

[¶110] PHILUMENA:
Did you meet any one?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Ecquem convenisti?

[¶111] PINACIUM:
Many.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Multos.

[¶112] PHILUMENA:
But any man?

> Latin: Panegyris:
At virum?

[¶113] PINACIUM:
Very many; but, of the many, not one a greater rascal than he is.
(Points at GELASIMUS.)
PHILUMENA:
How so?

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Equidem plurimos:
verum ex multis nequiorem nullum quám hic est.

[¶114] GELASIMUS:
I have been affronted already at his saying uncivil things to me. If you irritate me any further—
(Holds up his fist to PINACIUM.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quo modo?
iam dudum ego ístum patior dicere iniuste mihi.
praeterhac si me inritassis—

[¶115] PINACIUM:
I’ faith, you’ll be plaguy hungry to eat me.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Edepol essuries male.

[¶116] GELASIMUS:
I’ll cause you to know that assuredly you’ve said that with reason.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Animum inducam, ut istuc verum te elocutum esse arbitrer.

[¶117] PINACIUM:
I wish everything to be made clean. (Calls to the SERVANTS from the door.) Bring out here your brooms, and a reed as well, that I may destroy all the labours of the spiders and their plaguy webs, and rout out all their looms.
(The SERVANTS bring some brooms.)

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Munditias volo fieri. ecferte huc scopas simulque harundinem,
ut operam omnem araneorum perdam et texturam improbem
deiciamque eorum ómnis telas.

[¶118] GELASIMUS:
The poor things will be cold in future.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Miseri algebunt postea.

[¶119] PINACIUM:
What? Do you think that they are just like yourself, with only one coat? Take this broom.
(Gives him a broom.)

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Quid? illos itidemne esse censes quasi te, cum veste unica?
cape illas scopas.

[¶120] GELASIMUS:
I’ll take it.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Cápiam.

[¶121] PINACIUM:
This I’ll take myself. Do you sweep away there.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Hoc egomet, tu hoc converre.

[¶122] GELASIMUS:
I’ll do so.
(Sweeps away.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Ego fecero.

[¶123] PINACIUM: (calling aloud.)
Will some one bring here a pail and water?

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Ecquis huc effert nassiternam cúm aqua?

[¶124] GELASIMUS:
Really, this fellow’s playing the Aedile without the vote of the public even.
(The water is brought.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Sine suffragio
populi tamen aedilitatem hic quidém gerít.

[¶125] PINACIUM:
Come, do you quickly sweep the ground, and sprinkle before the house.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Age tu ocius
† pinge, humum consperge ante aedis.

[¶126] GELASIMUS:
I’ll do so.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Faciam.

[¶127] PINACIUM:
It needs be done.
I’ll knock down the spider-webs there from the door and from the wall.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Factum oportuit.
ego hinc araneas de foribus deiciam et de pariete.

[¶128] GELASIMUS:
I’ faith, a troublesome business, this.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Edepol rem negotiosam.

[¶129] PHILUMENA:
Still, I don’t at all understand what it means; unless, perchance, some guests are about to come?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Quid sit, nil etiam scio,
nisi forte hospites venturi sunt.

[¶130] PINACIUM: (ordering the SERVANTS.)
Do you spread the couches.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
⟨Vos⟩ lectos sternite.

[¶131] GELASIMUS: (aside.)
The beginning pleases me, about the couches.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Principium placet de lectis.

[¶132] PINACIUM:
Others, you chop the billets; others, you clean the fish which the fisherman has brought;
take you down the gammon of bacon and the collar of brawn.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Alii ligna caedite,
alii piscis depurgate, quos piscatu rettuli,
pernam et glandium deicite.

[¶133] GELASIMUS: (aside.)
I’ faith, this is a very sensible fellow.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Hic hercle homo nimium sapit.

[¶134] PHILUMENA:
By my troth, as I imagine, you haven’t quite minded the directions of your mistress.

> Latin: Panegyris:
Non ecastor, ut ego opinor, satis erae morem geris.

[¶135] PINACIUM:
Why, I’ve left all matters unattended to by reason of what you wished.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Immo res omnis relictas habeo prae quod tu velis.

[¶136] PHILUMENA:
Then do you inform me upon that, on account of which you were sent to the harbour?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Tum tu igitur, qua causa missus es ad portum, id expedi.

[¶137] PINACIUM:
I’ll tell you. After, with the daybreak, you had sent me to the harbour,
the sun with its beams opportunely arose from out of the sea. While I was enquiring of the revenue officers whether any ship had arrived from Asia, and they were saying none had come, I beheld, in the meantime, a bark, than which I think I never saw a greater one. With a favouring breeze, and in full sail, it came into harbour.
We were enquiring one of another whose ship it was, and what it carried? In the meantime I espied your husband and his servant Stichus.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Dicam. postquam me misisti ad portum, cum luci simul,
commodum radiosus sese sol superabat ex mari.
dum percontor portitores, ecquae navis venerit
ex Asia, negant venisse, conspicatus sum interim
cercurum, quo ego me maiorem non vidisse censeo.
in portum vento secundo, velo passo pervenit.
alius alium percontamur: quoiast navis? quid vehit?
interibi Epignomúm conspicio tuom virum et servom Stichum.

[¶138] PHILUMENA:
Ha! what? Did you mention Epignomus?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Hem quid? Epignomum elocutu's elocutus es?
Pinacivm:
Tuom virum.

[¶139] GELASIMUS:
Your husband
and my own life.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Et vitam meam.

[¶140] PINACIUM:
He has arrived, I say.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Venit inquam.

[¶141] PHILUMENA:
Did you see him yourself?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Tutin ipsus ipsum vidisti?

[¶142] PINACIUM:
Yes, and with pleasure too.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Lubens.
argentí aurique advexit nimium.

[¶143] GELASIMUS:
I’ faith, I’ll surely take the broom, and sweep this place with pleasure.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Nimis factum bene.
hercle vero capiam scopas atque hoc convorram lubens.

[¶144] PINACIUM:
He has brought a great amount of silver and gold.
GELASIMUS:’Tis right cleverly done.
PINACIUM:
Wool and purple in plenty.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Lanam purpuramque multam.

[¶145] GELASIMUS:
Aye, for me to clothe my carcase with.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Em qui ventrem vestiam.

[¶146] PINACIUM:
Couches, adorned with ivory and gold.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Lectos eburatos, auratos.

[¶147] GELASIMUS:
I’ll recline at table right regally.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Accubabo regie.

[¶148] PINACIUM:
Besides—Babylonian coverings for couches, and carpets dyed in purple, has he brought.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Tum Babylonica et peristroma tonsilia et tappetia
advexit, nimium bonae rei.

[¶149] GELASIMUS:
Abundance of fine things.
I’ faith, his business has been successful.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Hercle rem gestam bene.

[¶150] PINACIUM:
Then, as I began to say, female players on the harp, on the pipe, sackbuts too, has he brought with him, of surprising beauty.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Poste, ut occepi narrare, fidicinas, tibicinas,
sambucas advexit secum forma eximia.

[¶151] GELASIMUS:
Capital! When I’m at my wine, I’ll be quite sportive; then am I in merriest pin.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Eugepae,
quando adbibero, adludiabo: tum sum ridiculissumus.

[¶152] PINACIUM:
Besides many unguents of numerous kinds.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Poste unguenta multigenerum multa.

[¶153] GELASIMUS:
I’ll not sell my bon mots; I’ll not have an auction now; I’ve got an estate in fee.
Let the mischievous hunters of auctions go to perdition. Hercules, I congratulate thee that the tenths which I vowed to thee are increased.’Tis my hope that at length, by some means or other, I may expel this plaguy famine from my stomach.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Non vendo logos.
iam non facio aúctionem, mi optigit hereditas:
malivoli, perquisitores auctionum, perierint.
Hercules, decumam esse adauctam tibi quam vovi gratulor.
[spes est, tandem aliquando inportunam exigere ex utero famem.]

[¶154] PINACIUM:
And then, besides, he has brought some Parasites with him.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Poste autem advexit parasitos secum.

[¶155] GELASIMUS:
Alas! to my confusion, I’m undone.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Ei, perii miser.

[¶156] PINACIUM:
Right funny fellows.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Ridiculissumos.

[¶157] GELASIMUS:
I’ faith, I’ll sweep this dust back, which I just now swept together. (Sweeps it back.)
Those bon mots are now on sale, which I was saying I wouldn’t sell. I’m done for: now there is occasion for spiteful persons to rejoice at my misfortune.
Hercules, thou who art a God, thou really hast departed not opportunely.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Revorram hercle hoc quod converri modo.

[¶158] PHILUMENA:
Did you see Pamphilus, the husband of my sister?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Vidistin virum sororis Pamphilum?

[¶159] PINACIUM:
No.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Non.

[¶160] PHILUMENA:
Isn’t he there?

> Latin: Panegyris:
Non adest?

[¶161] PINACIUM:
Yes, they said that he had come as well. I ran hither before them, with all speed, that I might bring the welcome tidings.

> Latin: Pinacivm:
Immo venisse eum simitu aiebat ille: ego huc citus
praecucurri, ut nuntiarem nuntium exoptabilem.
Gelasimvs:
Venales logi sunt illi, quos negabam vendere.
ilicet, iam meo malost quod malevolentes gaudeant.
Hercules, qui deus sis, sane discessisti non bene.

[¶162] PHILUMENA:
Go in-doors, Pinacium; bid the servants prepare the sacred things for me. (To GELASIMUS.) Fare you well!

> Latin: Panegyris:
I intro, Pinacium, iube fámulos rem divinam mi apparent.
bene vale.

[¶163] GELASIMUS:
Do you want me to assist?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Vin administrem?

[¶164] PHILUMENA:
I have servants enough in the house.
(PHILUMENA and PINACIUM go into the house.)

> Latin: Panegyris:
Sat servorum habeo domi.—

[¶165] GELASIMUS: (to himself.)
In good sooth, Gelasimus, I doubt you have come to but little purpose, if neither he that is here gives you any aid, nor yet he that’s coming.
I’ll off indoors to my books, and take my instructions from the cleverest sayings; for if I don’t drive away those fellows, the Parasites that are coming, most surely I’m undone.
(Exit.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Enim vero, Gelasime, opinor provenisti futtile,
si neque ille adest neque hic, qui venit, quicquam subvenit.
ibo intro ad libros et discam de dictis melioribus;
nam ni illos homines expello, ego occidi planissume.—

[¶166] (Enter EPIGNOMUS and STICHUS, followed by some SLAVES.)
EPIGNOMUS:
Inasmuch as, my business prosperously carried on, I am returned safe home, thanks do I return to Neptune and to his tempests; to Mercury as well, who in my traffic
has aided me, and by my profits has rendered my property fourfold. Those whom formerly I affected with sorrow at my departure, the same shall I now make joyous at my arrival. But already have I met my connexion Antipho, and from bad terms have I returned to friendship with him.
See, prithee, what money can effect. Since, my affairs prospering, he sees that I’ve returned, and brought home great wealth, without any mediators, there on board the ship, upon the deck, we have returned to friendship and good feeling.
Both he and my brother dine with me this day; for yesterday we were both in the same harbour together; but to-day my ship weighed anchor a little the soonest. Take these people in-doors, Stichus, whom I’ve brought with me.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Quom bene re gesta salvos convortor domum,
Neptuno grates habeo et Tempestatibus;
simul Mercurio, qui me in mercimoniis
iuvit lucrisque quadruplicavit rem meam.
olim quos abiens adfeci aegrimonia,
eos núnc laetantis faciam ádventu meo.
nam iam Antiphonem conveni adfinem meum
cumque eo reveni ex inimicitia in gratiam.
videte, quaeso, quid potest pecunia:
quoniam bene gesta re rediisse me videt
magnasque adportavisse divitias domum,
sine advocatis ibidem in cercuro in stega
in amicitiam atque in gratiam convortimus.
et is hodie apud me cenat et frater meus;
nam heri ambo in uno portu fuimus, sed mea
hodie solutast navis aliquanto prius.
age abdúce hasce intro, quas mecum adduxi, Stiche.

## 2. Lines 402–775

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/plautus-stichus/2/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/plautus-stichus/2/#p-N

[¶0] STICHUS:
Master, whether I’m silent or speak, I’m sure you know
how many hardships I’ve endured in your service; now, on my arrival home, I wish to spend in freedom this one day after these many hardships.

> Latin: Stichvs:
Ere, sí ego taceam seu loquar, scio scire te
quam multas tecum miserias mulcaverim.
nunc hunc diem unum ex illis multis miseriis
volo mé eleutheria capere advenientem domum.

[¶1] EPIGNOMUS:
You ask what’s just and right. Stlchus, you may take this day for yourself; I don’t object to it. Go where you like.
A cask, too, of old wine, I give you to drink.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Et ius et aequom postulas: sumas, Stiche.
in hunc diem te nil moror; abi quo lubet.
cadum tibi veteris vini propino.

[¶2] STICHUS:
O, grand! I’ll have my mistress this day.

> Latin: Stichvs:
Papae,
ducam hodie amicam.

[¶3] EPIGNOMUS:
Even ten, so long as it is at your own expense.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Vel decem, dum de tuo.

[¶4] STICHUS:
What …?

> Latin: Stichvs:
Quid? hoc etiam unum?

[¶5] EPIGNOMUS:
What …?

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Quid id autem unumst? expedi.

[¶6] STICHUS:
I’ll go and dine …
’Tis thus it pleases me …

> Latin: Stichvs:
Ad cenam ibone?

[¶7] EPIGNOMUS:
Where do you dine to-day?

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Si vocatu's vocatus es, censeo.

[¶8] STICHUS:
This plan have I thus resolved upon. I have a mistress here in the neighbourhood, Stephanium, the servantmaid of your brother. I’m going to invite her; I’ll take her to a pic-nic entertainment at her fellow-servant’s, Sagarinus We both have the same mistress; we are rivals.

> Latin: Stichvs:
Sic hoc placet; rogatu necne, nil moror.

[¶9] EPIGNOMUS:
Come then, conduct them in. I grant you this day.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Vbi cenas hodie?

[¶10] STICHUS:
Hold me to blame if I don’t make the most of it. Troth now, I’ll pass through the garden to my mistress, to engage her beforehand for me this evening; at the same time I’ll give my contribution, and bid the dinner to be cooked at Sagarinus’s,
or else I’ll go myself and make my marketing as caterer. Sagarinus, … … a servant … for my … with stripes … to take him home well thrashed,
I’ll make all things to be in readiness here; but I’m delaying myself. And don’t you be surprised (to the AUDIENCE) that men, who are slaves, drink, court, and give invitations to dinner? This is allowed us at Athens. But when I think of it, rather than meet with censure, there’s here, too,
another door to the back buildings of our house. I’ll go that way to market; by that way I’ll bring back the provisions—through the garden there’s a passage that communicates with both houses. (To the SLAVES.) Do you follow me this way. I surely will pull this day to bits.
(Goes into the house of EPIGNOMUS.) (Enter GELASIMUS.)
GELASIMUS: (to himself.)
I’ve consulted my books; I’m as sure as possible,
that by my funny bon mots I shall recover my patron. Now I’m going to see whether he has arrived by this from the harbour, that when he comes I may smooth him down with my speeches.

> Latin: Stichvs:
Sic hanc rationem institi:
amicam ego habeo Stephanium hinc ex proxumo,
tui frátris ancillam: eo condixi in symbolam
ad cenam, ad eius consérvom Sangarinum Syrum.
eademst amica ambobus, rivales sumus.

[¶11] EPIGNOMUS:
Surely, this is Gelasimus, the Parasite, that’s coming.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Age abduce hasce intro. hunc tibi dedo diem.
Stichvs:
Meam culpam habeto, nisi probe excruciavero.
iam hercle ego per hortum ad amicam transibo meam
mi hanc occupatum noctem; eadem symbolam
dabo et iubebo ad Sangarinum cenam coqui.
aut egomet ibo atque opsonabo opsonium.
Sangarinus scio iam hic aderit cum domino suo,
servos homo, qui nisi temperi ad cenam meat,
advorsitores pol cum verberibus decet
dari, uti eum verberabundi adducant domum.
parata res faciam ut sit. egomet me moror.
atque id ne vos miremini, hominis servolos
potare, amare atque ad cenam condicere:
licet haec Athenis nobis. sed quom cogito,
potius quam invidiam inveniam, est etiam hic ostium
aliud posticum nostrarum harunc aedium:
[posticam partem magis utuntur aedium]
ea ibo opsonatum, eadem referam opsonium:
per hortum utroque commeatus continet.
ite hac secundum vos me. ego hunc lacero diem.—

[¶12] GELASIMUS: (to himself.)
With lucky auspices, by my troth, this day did I come out of doors;
since an omen auspiciously befel me. This was beheld by me; how a weasel carried off a mouse close at my feet. For as she found sustenance for herself this day, so do I hope that I shall do, as the augury predicts.
(Sees EPIGNOMUS.) Surely this is Epignomus that’s standing here; I’ll go and address him. My dear Epignomus, how pleased I am to see you now; how my tears are starting forth for very joy. Have you all along enjoyed your health?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Libros inspexi; tam confido quam potis,
me meum optenturum regem ridiculis meis.
nunc interviso, iamne a portu advenerit,
ut eum ádvenientem meis dictis deleniam.

[¶13] EPIGNOMUS:
With care it has been preserved.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Hic quidém Gelasimus est parasitus, qui venit.

[¶14] GELASIMUS:
Right heartily I wish you health.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Auspicio hodie óptumo exivi foras:
mustela murem ábstulit praeter pedes;
cum strena óbscaevavit; spectatum hoc mihist.
nam ut illa vitam repperit hodie sibi,
item me spero facturum: augurium hac facit.
Epignómus hic quidemst qui ástat. ibo atque adloquar.
⟨o⟩ Épignome, ut ego nunc te conspicio libens,
ut prae laetitia lacrimae prosiliunt mihi.
valuistin usque?

[¶15] EPIGNOMUS:
You speak kindly, and like a friend. May the Gods grant what you wish.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Sustentatumst sedulo.

[¶16] GELASIMUS:
…

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Propino tibi salutem plenis faucibus.

[¶17] EPIGNOMUS:
I, sup there with you?

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Bene atque amice dicis. di dent quae velis.

[¶18] GELASIMUS:
Since you are returned safe.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Cenem illi apud te, quoniam salvos advenis.

[¶19] EPIGNOMUS:
Really, an engagement has been made already; but I give you thanks.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Locatast opera nunc quidem; tam gratiast.

[¶20] GELASIMUS:
Do promise me.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Promitte.

[¶21] EPIGNOMUS:
It’s settled.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Certumst.

[¶22] GELASIMUS:
But do, I say.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Sic face inquam.

[¶23] EPIGNOMUS:
The thing’s agreed on.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Certa res.

[¶24] GELASIMUS:
By my troth, you’d do it with much pleasure to me.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Lubente me hercle facies.

[¶25] EPIGNOMUS:
I know that well.
When an opportunity shall come, it shall be so.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Idem ego istuc scio.
quando usus veniet, fiet.

[¶26] GELASIMUS:
Now, then, is the opportunity.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Nunc ergo usus est.

[¶27] EPIGNOMUS:
I’ faith, I cannot.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Non edepol possum.

[¶28] GELASIMUS:
Why make difficulties? Do consider; I have I know not what luxuries at hand.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quid gravare? censeas.
nescio quid vero hábeo in mundo.

[¶29] EPIGNOMUS:
Do be off, now; seek for yourself another guest for to-day.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
I modo,
alium convivam quaerito tibi in hunc diem.

[¶30] GELASIMUS:
You promise, then?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quin tu promittis?

[¶31] EPIGNOMUS:
I would make no difficulty if I could.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Non graver, si possiem.

[¶32] GELASIMUS:
Really, on my word, one thing, for sure, I promise you, I’d entertain you with pleasure, beyond a doubt, if you would promise.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Vnum quidem hercle certo promitto tibi:
libens accipiam certo, si promiseris.

[¶33] EPIGNOMUS:
Adieu!
(Moving.)

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Valeas.

[¶34] GELASIMUS:
Have you resolved?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Certumnest?

[¶35] EPIGNOMUS:
I have resolved. I shall dine at home.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Certum. cenabo domi.

[¶36] GELASIMUS: (aside.)
Since nothing has been effected this way, I’ll therefore approach him by a more open path, and I’ll speak plainly out.
(To EPIGNOMUS.) Since you, yourself, are not willing to promise to come to me,
should you like that I should come to dine with you?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
[Quando quidem tu ad me non vis promittere]
sed—quoniam nil processit hac, ego ivero
apertiore magis via; ita plane loquar:
vin ad te ad cenam veniam?

[¶37] EPIGNOMUS:
If it were possible, I should like it; but here are nine other people coming to dine at my house.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Si possim, velim;
verum hic apud me cenant alieni novem.

[¶38] GELASIMUS:
For my part, I don’t ask that I should recline on the couch; you know that I’m a man for the lower seats.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Hau postulo equidem med in lecto accumbere:
scis tu me esse unisubselli virum.

[¶39] EPIGNOMUS:
But these are deputies of a people, tip-top men they come here as public ambassadors from Ambracia.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
At ei óratores sunt popli, summi viri;
Ambracia veniunt huc legati publice.

[¶40] GELASIMUS:
Let then the deputies of a people, your tip-top men, recline at the tip-top place; I, the lowest, in the lowest quarter.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Ergo oratores populi, summates viri,
summi accubent, ego infimatis infimus.

[¶41] EPIGNOMUS:
It isn’t proper for you to be entertained among deputies.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Haud aequomst te inter oratores accipi.

[¶42] GELASIMUS:
I ’faith, and I—I’m a deputy, too, but little it does avail me.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Equidem hercle orator sum, sed procedit parum.

[¶43] EPIGNOMUS:
I intend that to-morrow we shall dine upon the scraps. Sincerely, farewell.
(Goes into his house.)

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Cras de reliquiis nos volo. multum vale.—

[¶44] GELASIMUS:
By my troth,’tis clear that I’m undone, and by no fault of my own. The number is less than it was before by one Gelasimus. I’m resolved, hereafter, never to believe in a weasel,
for I know of no beast more uncertain than her. She who herself is ten times a day shifting her place, from her have I taken my omens in matters of life and death to me! I’m determined to call my friends together, to take counsel how by rule I must starve henceforth.
(Exit.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Perii hercle vero plane, nihil obnoxie.
uno Gelasimo minus est quam dudum fuit.
certumst mustelae posthac numquam credere,
nam incertiorem nullam novi bestiam;
quaen eapse deciens in die mutat locum,
ea ego auspicavi ín re capitali mea?
certumst amicos convocare, ut consulam
qua lege nunc med essurire oporteat.—

[¶45] (Enter ANTIPHO and PAMPHILUS.)
ANTIPHO:
So may the Gods favour me, and preserve for me my daughters, it is a pleasure to me, Pamphilus, that I see you both return home to your native land, your business prosperously managed, yourself and your brother.

> Latin: Antipho:
Íta me di bene amént measque mihi [bene] servassint filias,
ut mihi volup est, Pamphilippe, quia vos in patriam domum
rediisse video bene gesta re ambos, te et fratrem tuom.

[¶46] PAMPHILUS:
I should have heard enough from you, Antipho, did I not see that you are friendly to me; now, since I’ve found that you are my friend, I’ll give you credence.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Satis abs te accipiam, nisi videam mihi te amicum esse, Antipho;
nunc quia té amicum mihi experior esse, credetur tibi.

[¶47] ANTIPHO:
I would invite you to my house to dinner, had not your brother told me that you were going to dine at his house to-day, when he invited myself to his house to dinner. And it would have been more proper for me to give you an entertainment on your arrival, than to engage myself to him, were it not that I didn’t wish to disoblige him. Now I don’t wish with words alone to insinuate myself into your favour;
to-morrow you shall be at my house, both you and he, with your wives.

> Latin: Antipho:
Vocem ego te ad me ad cenam, frater tuos ni dixisset mihi,
te apud se cenaturum esse hodie, quom me ad se ad cenam vocat.
et magis pár fuerat me vobis dare cenam advenientibus,
quam me ad illúm promittere, nisi nollem ei advorsarier.
nunc me gratiam abs te inire verbis nil desidero:
cras apud me éritis et tu et ille cum vostris uxoribus.

[¶48] PAMPHILUS:
Then, the day after, at my house; for it was yesterday he invited me for to-day. But am I quite reconciled to you, Antipho?

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
At apud mé perendie. nam ille heri me iam vocaverat
in hunc diem. sed satin ego tecum pacificatus sum, Antipho?

[¶49] ANTIPHO:
Since you have thus thrived in your affairs, as it behoves yourselves and persons friendly disposed to wish, let there be good-will and intercourse between us. Take you care to think of this;
according as wealth is obtained by each man, so does he experience his friends. If his fortunes are flourishing, so are his friends true; if his prospects decline, so, too, do his friends decline. Fortune finds friends.
(from his house.)

> Latin: Antipho:
Quando ita rem gessistis ut vos velle amicosque addecet,
pax commersque est vobis mecum. nam hoc tu facito ut cogites:
ut cuique homini res paratast, périnde amicis utitur:
si res firma, ⟨item⟩ fírmi amici sunt; sin res laxe labat,
itidem amici conlabascunt: res amicos invenit.

[¶50] EPIGNOMUS: (to himself.)
I’m now returned.’Tis a great delight, if you have been long from home, when you return home again, if no anxieties come in contact with your feelings.
But, in my absence, so well has my wife taken care of my private affairs, that she has made me free and unembarrassed by anxieties. But, see, here’s my brother Pamphilus, walking with his father-in-law.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Iam redeo. nimiast voluptas, ubi diu afueris domo,
domum ubi rédieris, sí tibi nullast aegritudo animo obviam.
nam ita me absente familiarem rem uxor curavit meam,
omnium me éxilem atque inanem fecit aegritudinum.
sed eccum fratrem Pamphilippum, incedit cum socero suo.

[¶51] PAMPHILUS:
How fares it, Epignomus?

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Quid agitur, Epignome?

[¶52] EPIGNOMUS:
How with you? How long since you came into harbour?

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Quid tu? quam dudum in portum venis?

[¶53] PAMPHILUS:
Not very long ago.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Hau longissume.

[¶54] EPIGNOMUS: (aside.)
And is it since then that he has become on smooth terms with you?

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Postilla iam iste est tranquillus tibi?

[¶55] ANTIPHO: (overhearing.)
More smooth than the sea, on which you have both been borne.

> Latin: Antipho:
Magis quam mare quo ambo estis vecti.

[¶56] EPIGNOMUS:
You do as you are wont to do other things. Do we unlade the ship to-day, brother?

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Facis ut alias res soles.
hodiene exoneramus navem, frater?

[¶57] PAMPHILUS:
I would rather go quietly to work. Let’s rather lade ourselves with delights in their turn. How soon will the dinner be cooked? I haven’t breakfasted to-day.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Clementer volo.
nos potius oneremus nosmet vícissatim voluptátibus.
quam mox coctast cena? inpransus ego sum.

[¶58] EPIGNOMUS:
Go in-doors to my house and bathe.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Abi intro ad me et lava.

[¶59] PAMPHILUS:
I’ll only step home to my own house, to salute the Gods and my wife.
If I do that as I wish, I’ll forthwith return to your house.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Deos salutatum atque uxorem módo intro devortor domum;
haec si ita ut volo conficio, continuo ad te transeo.

[¶60] EPIGNOMUS:
But your wife is hastening to come here with her sister.
PAMPHILUS:’Tis very good; there will then be the less delay on that account. I shall be at your house this instant.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Apud nos eccillam festinat cum sorore uxor tua.
Pamphilippvs:
Optumest, iam istoc morai minus erit. iam ego apud te ero.

[¶61] ANTIPHO: (to PAMPHILUS.)
Before you go away, in your presence I wish to relate a single story to him.

> Latin: Antipho:
Prius quam abis, praesente ted huic apologum agere unum volo.
Pamphilippvs:
Maxume.
Antipho:
Fuit olim, quasi ego sum, senex; ei filiae
duae erant, quasi nunc meae sunt; eae erant duobus nuptae fratribus,
quasi nunc meae sunt vobis.

[¶62] EPIGNOMUS:
By all means.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Miror quo evasurust apologus.

[¶63] ANTIPHO:
There was once an old gentleman, just as I now am; he had two daughters, such as mine now are; they were married to two brothers,
just as mine now are to yourselves.
PAMPHILUS:
I wonder how the story is to turn out?

> Latin: Antipho:
Erant minori illi adulescenti fidicina et tibicina,
peregre advexerat, quasi nunc tu; sed ille erat caeleps senex,
quasi ego nunc sum.
Epignomvs:
Perge porro. praesens hic quidem est apologus.

[¶64] ANTIPHO:
One of these young men had, as you (to PAMPHILUS) now have, a damsel, a music-girl; he had brought her from abroad, as you have now done. Now, this old gentleman was a widower, just as I now am.
PAMPHILUS:
Do proceed; this story is really à propos.

> Latin: Antipho:
Deinde senex ille illi dixit, cuius erat tibicina,
quasi ego nunc tibi dico:
Epignomvs:
Ausculto atque animum advorto sedulo.

[¶65] ANTIPHO:
Then said this old gentleman to him to whom the music-girl belonged, just as I now say to you—
PAMPHILUS:
I’m listening, and carefully giving heed.

> Latin: Antipho:
“Ego tibi meam filiam, bene quicum cubitares, dedi:
nunc mihi reddi ego aequom esse abs te quicum cubitem censeo.”
Epignomvs:
Quis istuc dicit? an ille quasi tu?

[¶66] ANTIPHO:
“I gave you my daughter, to be a comfortable bedfellow for you; now, I think it fair that one should be given me in return by you, to be my bed-fellow.”
PAMPHILUS:
Who says that? Does he say it just as though you were to say it?

> Latin: Antipho:
Quasi ego nunc dico tibi.
“Immo duas dabo,” inquit ille adulescens “una si parumst;
et si duarum paenitebit,” inquit “addentur duae.”
Epignomvs:
Quis istuc quaeso? an ille quasi ego?

[¶67] ANTIPHO:
Just as I now say it to you.
“Aye, I’ll give you two of them,” says this young man, “if one’s too little; and if you are not satisfied with two,” says he, “two more shall be added.”
PAMPHILUS:
Prithee, who says that? Does he say it just as though I were to say it?

> Latin: Antipho:
Is ipse quasi tu. ⟨tum⟩ senex
ille quasi ego: “si vis,” inquit “quattuor sane dato,
dúm equidem hercle quod edint addas, meum ne contruncent cibum.”
Epignomvs:
Videlicet parcum illum fuisse senem, qui ⟨illi istaec⟩ dixerit,
quóm ille, illi qui pollicetur, eum cibum poposcerit.

[¶68] ANTIPHO:
He says it just as though you were to say it. Then says this old gentleman, just as though I were to say it, “Well, give me four, if you like, so long only as, i’ faith, you find them something to eat as well, that they mayn’t consume my victuals.”
PAMPHILUS:
Why surely it must have been a stingy old chap to say that, in asking food as well of him who promised them to him.

> Latin: Antipho:
Videlicet non fuisse illum aequom ádulescentem, qui ilico
ubi ille poscit denegavit dare se granum tritici.
hercle qui aequom postulabat ille senex, quando quidem
filiae illae dederat dotem, accipere pro tibicina.
Epignomvs:
Hercle ille quidem certo adulescens docte vorsutus fuit,
qui seni illi concubinam dare dotatam noluit.

[¶69] ANTIPHO:
Why surely, this young man must have been a good-for-nothing fellow, who forthwith, when the other asked him, refused to give him a grain of wheat. But, i’ troth, the old gentleman asked what was fair, inasmuch as
the dowry which he had given to his daughter, he wished him to have as an equivalent for the music-girl.

> Latin: Antipho:
Senex quidem voluit, si posset, indipisci de cibo;
quia nequit, qua lege licuit velle dixit fieri.
“fiat” ille inquít adulescens. “facis benigne” inquit senex.
“habeon rem pactam?” inquit. “faciam ita” inquit “ut fieri voles.”
sed ego ibo intro et gratulabor vostrum adventum filiis.
poste ibo lautum ín pyelum, ibi fovebo sénectutem meam.
post ubi lavero, otiosus vos opperiar accubans.—

[¶70] PAMPHILUS:
I’ faith, for sure I really do think that the young man was well advised, who wouldn’t give a mistress to that old fellow in return for the dower.
ANTIPHO:
The old gentleman wished, indeed, if he could, to bargain for their maintenance; because he couldn’t, he said he wished it to be done on what terms it might.
“Done,” said this young man. “You do me a kindness,” said the old gentleman. “Have I the thing agreed upon?” said he. “I’ll do even as you wish it to be done,” said the other. But I’ll be off in-doors, and congratulate my daughters on your arrival. Then I’ll go wash me at the bath; there will I take all care of my old age; after that, when I’ve bathed, lying down, I’ll await you at my leisure.
(Exit.)

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Graphicum mortalem Antiphonem, ut apologum fecit quam fabre.
Epignomvs:
Etiam nunc scelestus ⟨se⟩ esse ducit pro adulescentulo.
dabitur homini amica, noctu quae in lecto occentet senem;
namque edepol aliud quidem illi quid amica opus sit nescio.

[¶71] PAMPHILUS:
A funny mortal, Antipho; how cleverly he did make up his story.
Even yet the rogue considers himself a young man. A mistress shall be given to the fellow, to sing to the old chap at night in bed; for, i’ faith, indeed, I know not of what other use a mistress can be to him.
But how fares our Parasite, Gelasimus? Is he well, too?

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Sed quid agit parasitus noster Gelasimus? etiam valet?

[¶72] EPIGNOMUS:
I’ faith, I saw the fellow not so very long ago.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Vidi edepol hominem haud perdudum.

[¶73] PAMPHILUS:
How fares he?

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Quid agit?

[¶74] EPIGNOMUS:
Like one half-starved.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Quod famelicus.

[¶75] PAMPHILUS:
Why didn’t you invite the fellow to your house to dinner?

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Quin vocavisti hominem ad cenam?

[¶76] EPIGNOMUS:
That on my arrival I mightn’t be wasting anything. But see, here’s the wolf in the Fable; here he is in person with his ravenous fit.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Ne quid advéniens perderem.
atque eccum tibi lúpum in sermone: praesens esuriens adest.

[¶77] PAMPHILUS:
We’ll have some sport with the fellow.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Ludificemur hominem.

[¶78] EPIGNOMUS:
You put me in mind of a plan I had already resolved on.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Capti consili memorem mones.

[¶79] (Enter GELASIMUS.)
GELASIMUS:
…
…
(to the AUDIENCE.)
But as I had begun to tell you; while I have been absent hence,
I’ve now been consulting with my friends and with my relatives. They have been my advisers to the effect that I should this very day kill myself with starvation. But don’t I see Pamphilus with his brother Epignomus? Yes,’tis he. I’ll accost the man. (Goes up to PAMPHILUS.) O longed-for Pamphilus! O my salvation! O my life! O my delight! right welcome. I rejoice that
you’ve returned safe from abroad to your native land. Welcome.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Sed ita ut occepi narrare vobis: quom hic non adfui,
cúm amicis deliberavi iam et cum cognatis meis.
ita mi auctores fuere, ut egomet me hodie iugularem fame.
sed videone ego Pamphilippum cum fratre Epignomo? atque is est.
adgrediar hominem. ⟨o⟩ sperate Pamphilippe, o spes mea,
o mea vita, o mea voluptas, salve. salvom gaudeo
peregre te in patriam rediisse.

[¶80] PAMPHILUS:
Welcome, Gelasimus.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Salvo salve, Gelasime.

[¶81] GELASIMUS:
Have you been quite well?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Valuistin bene?

[¶82] PAMPHILUS:
I have taken good care of my health.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Sustentatumst sedulo.

[¶83] GELASIMUS:
I’ troth, I’m glad of it. I’ faith, I confoundedly wish I had now a thousand measures of silver.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Edepol gaudeo.
edepol ne ego nunc mihi medimnum mille esse argenti velim.

[¶84] EPIGNOMUS:
What need have you of it?

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Quid eo tibi opust?

[¶85] GELASIMUS:
I’ faith, that I might invite him to dinner, and not invite you.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Hunc hercle ad cenam ut vocem, te non vocem.

[¶86] EPIGNOMUS:
You are talking against your own interest.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Advorsum te fabulare.

[¶87] GELASIMUS:
This, then, that I might invite you both
… for my part … I should not avoid … there is nothing so … as this …

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Illud quidem, ambos ut vocem;
et equidem simitu hau maligne vos invitassem domum
ad me, sed mihi ipsi domi meae nihil est. atque hoc scitis vos.

[¶88] EPIGNOMUS:
Troth, now, I’d ask you with pleasure, if there were room left.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Edepol te vocem lubenter, si superfiat locus.

[¶89] GELASIMUS:
Well, standing, then, I’ll gobble down a bit in the scramble.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quin tum stans obstrusero aliquid strenue.

[¶90] EPIGNOMUS:
No, only this one thing can be done.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Immo unum hoc potest.

[¶91] GELASIMUS:
What?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quid?

[¶92] EPIGNOMUS:
When the guests have gone, that then you may come—

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Vbi convivae abierint, tum venias.

[¶93] GELASIMUS:
Hurra! capital!

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Vae aetati tuae.

[¶94] EPIGNOMUS:
To wash the pots, I mean; not to dinner.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Vasa lautum, non ad cenam dico.

[¶95] GELASIMUS:
The Gods confound you! What say you, Pamphilus?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Di te perduint.
quid ais, Pamphilippe?

[¶96] PAMPHILUS:
I’ troth, this day I’m engaged to dine elsewhere abroad.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Ad cenam hercle alio promisi foras.

[¶97] GELASIMUS:
How, abroad?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quid, foras?

[¶98] PAMPHILUS:
Really abroad, on my word.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Foras hércle vero.

[¶99] GELASIMUS:
How the plague do you like, thus wearied, to be supping abroad?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Qui malum tíbi lasso libet
foris cenare?

[¶100] PAMPHILUS:
Which do you advise me?

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Vtrum tu censes?

[¶101] GELASIMUS:
Order a dinner to be cooked at home, and word to be sent to him who invited you.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Iuben domi cenam coqui
atque ad illúm renuntiari?

[¶102] PAMPHILUS:
Shall I dine at home, alone?

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Solus cenabo domi?

[¶103] GELASIMUS:
Why, not alone; invite me.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Non enim sólus: me vocato.

[¶104] PAMPHILUS:
But I’m afraid lest he should scold me, who has been to this expense for my sake.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
At ille ne suscenseat,
mea qui causa sumptum fecit.

[¶105] GELASIMUS:
It may easily be excused—only listen to me; do order a dinner to be cooked at home.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Facile excusari potest.
mihi modo ausculta, iube cénam domi coqui.

[¶106] EPIGNOMUS:
Not by my advice, indeed, will he act so as to disappoint that person this day.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Non me quidem
faciet auctore, hodie ut illum decipiat.

[¶107] GELASIMUS:
Will you not be off from here? Perhaps you suppose that I don’t see what you’re about. Do you look to yourself, please.
(To PAMPHILUS.) How that fellow is gaping after your property just like a hungry wolf. Don’t you know how men are set upon here in the street at night?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Non tu hinc abis?
nisi me non perspicere censes quid agas. cave sis tu tibi,
nam illic homó tuam hereditatem inhiát, quasi esuriens lupus.
non tu scis, quam éfflictentur homines noctu hic in via?

[¶108] PAMPHILUS:
So many the more servants will I bid to come and fetch me, that they may protect me.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Tanto pluris qui defendant ire advorsum iussero.

[¶109] EPIGNOMUS:
He won’t stir—he won’t stir; because you persuade him so earnestly not to go out.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Non it, non it, quia tanto opere suades ne ebitat.

[¶110] GELASIMUS:
Do order a dinner to be cooked at home with all speed for me and for yourself and your wife.
Troth, if you do so, I don’t think you’ll say that you are deceived.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Iube
domi mi tibique tuaeque uxori celeriter cenam coqui.
si hercle faxis, non opinor dices deceptum fore.

[¶111] PAMPHILUS:
So far as that dinner is concerned, Gelasimus, you may be dinnerless to-day.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Per hanc tibi cenam incenato, Gelasime, esse hodie licet.

[¶112] GELASIMUS:
Are you going abroad to dine?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Ibisne ad cenam foras?

[¶113] PAMPHILUS:
I’m going to dine at my brother’s, hard by.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Apud frátrem ceno in proxumo.

[¶114] GELASIMUS:
Is that fixed?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Certumnest?

[¶115] PAMPHILUS:
Fixed.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Certum.

[¶116] GELASIMUS:
By my troth, I hope you may be struck with a stone this day.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Edepol te hodie lapide percussum velim.

[¶117] PAMPHILUS:
I’m not afraid; I shall go through the garden; I’ll not go abroad.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Non metuo: per hortúm transibo, non prodibo in publicum.

[¶118] EPIGNOMUS:
What say you to that, Gelasimus?

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Quid ais, Gelasime?

[¶119] GELASIMUS:
You’re entertaining your deputies; keep them to yourself.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Oratores tu accipis, habeas tibi.

[¶120] EPIGNOMUS:
Why, faith,’tis your own business.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Tua pol refert.

[¶121] GELASIMUS:
If, indeed,’tis my own business, avail yourself of my assistance; invite me.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Enim, si quidem meá refert, opera utere.

[¶122] EPIGNOMUS:
By my faith, I see, as I fancy, one place still for yourself only, where you may recline.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Posse edepol tibi opinor etiam uni locum condi …
ubi accubes.

[¶123] PAMPHILUS:
Really, I do think it may be managed.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Sane faciundum censeo.

[¶124] GELASIMUS:
O light of the city!

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
O lux oppidi.

[¶125] EPIGNOMUS:
If you can manage to recline in a small compass.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Si arte poteris accubare.

[¶126] GELASIMUS:
Aye, even between two wedges of iron.
As little space as a puppy can lie in, the same will be enough for me.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Vél inter cuneos ferreos;
tantillum loculi, ubi catellus cubet, id mi satis est loci.

[¶127] EPIGNOMUS:
I’ll beg for it some way or other; come along.
(Pulls him along.)

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Exorabo aliquo modo. veni.

[¶128] GELASIMUS:
What? This way?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Hucine?

[¶129] EPIGNOMUS:
Yes, to prison. For here, indeed, you’ll not find any further entertainment. Let’s be off, you Pamphilus.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Immo in carcerem;
nam hic quidem genium meliorem tuom non facies. eamus, tu.

[¶130] PAMPHILUS:
I’ll but salute the Gods: then I’ll pass through to your house forthwith.

> Latin: Pamphilippvs:
Deos salutabo modo, poste ad te continuo transeo.—

[¶131] GELASIMUS:
What then?

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quid igitur?

[¶132] EPIGNOMUS:
Why, I said that you might go to prison.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Dixi equidem, in carcerem ires.

[¶133] GELASIMUS:
Well, if you order it,
I’ll go there even.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Quin si iusseris,
eo quoque ibo.

[¶134] EPIGNOMUS:
Immortal Gods! really, by my troth, this fellow might be induced by a dinner or a breakfast to bear extreme torture.

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Di immortales, hic quidem pól summam in crucem
cena aut prandio perduci potest.

[¶135] GELASIMUS:
Such is my nature; with anything can I struggle much more easily than with hunger.

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Ita ingenium meumst:
quicumvis depugno multo facilius quam cum fame.

[¶136] EPIGNOMUS:
I know it: at my house
full long enough has this facility of yours been experienced by me …
while you were the Parasite of myself and my brother, we ruined our fortunes.
Now I don’t wish you to be made by me from a Gelasimus into a Catagelasimus.
(EPIGNOMUS and PAMPHILUS go into their houses.)

> Latin: Epignomvs:
Dum parasitus mi atque fratri fuisti, rem confregimus.

[¶137] GELASIMUS:
And are you gone now? Surely he is gone. Now have I need of a wise resolution. Both are gone; consider, Gelasimus, what plan you must adopt. … What, I? Yes, you. What, for myself? Yes, for yourself. Don’t you see how dear provisions are? Don’t you see how the kindness and the heartiness of men have vanished? Don’t you see how drolls are set at nought, and how they themselves are sponged upon?
By my troth, not a person shall ever behold me alive on the morrow; for, this instant, in-doors will I load my throat with a bulrush dose. And by this I shall not give cause for men to say that I died of hunger.
(Exit.)

> Latin: Gelasimvs:
Non nego ista ápud te.
Epignomvs:
Satis spectatast mihi iam tua felicitas;
nunc ego nolo ex Gelasimo mihi fieri te Catagelasimum.—
Gelasimvs:
Iamne abiisti? Gelasime, vide quíd es capturus consili.
egone? tune. mihine? tibine. viden ut annonast gravis?
viden, benignitates hominum ut periere et prothymiae?
viden ridiculos nihili fieri, atque ipsos parasitarier?
numquam edepol me vivom quisquam in crastinum inspiciet diem;
nam mihi iam intus potione iuncea onerabo gulam,
neque ego hoc committam, ut me esse homines mortuom dicant fame.—

[¶138] (Enter STICHUS, and provisions, a table, and couches on the stage.)
STICHUS:
Foolishly and unwisely is it done in my opinion, if people are in the habit, if they are expecting a person; of looking out for him; faith, ne doesn’t on that account come a bit the faster. I’m now doing that same thing, in looking out for Sagarinus;
who, still, for that reason won’t come a jot the faster. Troth, I shall just now be taking my place alone, if he doesn’t come here. I’ll now fetch that cask of wine hither from home, and then I’ll take my place. The day, like snow, is melting away apace.
(Goes into the house of EPIGNOMUS.) (Enter SAGARINUS.)
SAGARINUS:
Hail! Athens, thou nurse of Greece;
country of my master, hail! How joyously do I behold thee. But I have a wish to see how my mistress and fellow-servant, Stephanium, is faring. For I bade Stichus to give her my regards, and to tell her that I should come to-day, so that she might cook a dinner in good time.
But, surely, here’s Stichus.
(with a cask of wine)
STICHUS: (to himself.)
A clever thing you did, master, when you presented your servant, Stichus, with this gift. O ye immortal Gods! how many delights do I carry, how many smiles, how many jokes, how many a kiss, dancing, dalliance, and good-fellowship.
SAGARINUS:
Stichus,
how fare you?
STICHUS:
Right well, Sagarinus, most delightfully; I’m bringing Dionysus, as my guest and yours. For, i’ faith, the dinner’s cooked; free range has been given me and you at your house. For at our house there’s an entertainment; your master’s dining there with his wife, and Antipho as well;
there, too, is my master. This was given me as a present.
(Points to the cask.)
SAGARINUS:
How? Are you dreaming?
STICHUS:
I’ faith, I’m telling you the truth.
SAGARINUS:
Who then gave you this?
STICHUS:
What matters that to you?
I wish us this day to wash away everything of foreign climes.
Leave them alone; let’s now attend to Athens; follow me.
Do you at once make haste, and bathe.
SAGARINUS:
I have bathed.
STICHUS:
Very good follow me, then, this. way in-doors, Sagarinus.
SAGARINUS:
Of course, I follow. By my troth, this beginning pleases me as I return home; a happy omen and augury has met me in my path.
(They go into the house of PAMPHILUS.) (Enter STEPHANIUM from the house of EPIGNOMUS.)
STEPHANIUM: (to the AUDIENCE.)
I wish that it may appear wondrous to no one of you, Spectators,
why I who live there (pointing to the house of PAMPHILUS) am come out hither from this other house: I’ll inform you thereon. Just now was I sent for to this house by the back way. For as soon as news was brought that the husbands of these ladies were about to come, we all hurried thither. We attended to laying the couches, and setting all in order. Still, amid these duties, I had a care for my friends,
Stichus and my fellow-servant Sagarinus, that their dinner should be cooked. Stichus has been caterer; but for cooking it, I’ve appointed one my deputy. Now, I’ll be off hence, and attend to my friends, who, I see, are coming here.
(Goes into the house of PAMPHILUS.) (Enter STICHUS and SAGARINUS from the house of PAMPHILUS with provisions, a PIPER following.)
SAGARINUS:
Come, out of doors with you; lead on the procession. Stichus, I appoint you commander of the cask. I’m resolved to prove our banquet in every fashion this day.
So may the Gods love me, we are well entertained in being feasted in this place. I will that each person that passes by shall be invited to join the banquet.
STICHUS:
Agreed, so long only as, i’ faith, each man comes with his own wine; for of this, a mouthful shall be given to no person but ourselves, this day. Eating alone, let’s wait upon ourselves.
SAGARINUS:
This banquet,
for our means, is quite sufficient, with its nuts, beans, figs, a dish of olives, pounded lupines, and a cake.
STICHUS:
It better becomes a man who is a slave to bring his expenses within moderation than beyond. Each one to his own station; they, who have wealth at home, drink from cups, goblets, and bowls; we, if we are now
drinking from our Samian jug, still build our walls according to our means.
SAGARINUS:
But while she who is your mistress and mine is arranging her hair, and bedecking herself, I wish us to have some diversion among ourselves. I appoint you the commander of this feast.
STICHUS:
Very aptly does it suggest itself to your mind.
SAGARINUS:
Wouldn’t we be more suitably entertained like Cynics on benches here, than upon couches?
STICHUS:
Aye, but this is far the most pleasant.
SAGARINUS:
On which side is each of us to recline by our mistress?
STICHUS:
Of course you go to the upper place. And, so that you may understand it, I make a division with you on these terms: consider, and take which province you would even like now to take.
(They take their places.)
SAGARINUS:
But what’s your meaning about this “province?”
STICHUS:
Whether you would choose to hold the command over the water or over Bacchus.
SAGARINUS:
Over Bacchus, most distinctly.
But, in the meantime, general of ours, why stands this goblet here? See how many cups we have drunk.
STICHUS:
As many as there are fingers on your hand. The Greek song is, “Drink either your five cups or your three, but not your four.”
SAGARINUS: (about to drink.)
I pledge you. Do you take for yourself the tenth part from the fountain, if you are wise. Here’s luck to you, luck to us; here’s luck to thee, luck to me; luck to our Stephanium as well.
STICHUS:’Tis bravely done. I pledge you in a goblet.
(Drinks.)
SAGARINUS:
Keep your wine; I’d very much like something by way of a relish.
STICHUS:
If you are not satisfied with what’s here, there’s nothing else. Take some water.
SAGARINUS:
You say right; I care for no dainties.
Drink away, Piper; drink, if you do drink. I’ faith, this must be drunk—don’t shirk it. (Holds the goblet to the PIPER.) Why flinch at what you see must be done by you? Why don’t you drink? Do it, if you are to do it. Take it, I tell you, for the public pays for this. That’s not your way to shirk your drink. Take your pipes out of your mouth.
(The PIPER drinks.)
STICHUS:
When he has drunk, either do you mind my rules, or else I’ll give up.
I don’t wish us to drink this straight out; we shall soon be about nothing; for, by my faith, almost all in a moment, the cask might be turned head downwards.
SAGARINUS: (to the PIPER.)
How now? Although you did make a fuss about it, still it didn’t hurt you. Come, Piper, when you’ve done drinking, put back your pipes to your lips; quickly puff out your cheeks, just like a reptile serpent.
Come now, Stichus, whichever of the two breaks order, shall be fined a cup.
STICHUS:
You propose a good regulation. You ought to have your way, who only ask what’s fair.
SAGARINUS:
Mind it then; if you offend, I’ll forthwith take the forfeit on the spot.
STICHUS:
You ask what’s quite right and just.
SAGARINUS: (pledging STICHUS.)
Here’s to you first of all.
STICHUS:’Tis a droll thing this, for two persons, rivals of each other, to be courting,
to be drinking from one goblet, and to be kissing one wench.’Tis worthy of remark this: I am you, you are I; of one accord are we. With one mistress are we both in love; when she’s with me, still she’s with you; and when she’s with you, she’s with me as well; neither of us envies the other.
SAGARINUS:
Come, come, there’s enough of it; I don’t want it overdone to weariness. I’d now like some other sport.
STICHUS:
Drink on, if you are drinking.
SAGARINUS:
There shall be no skulking in me.
But, troth, I’ve had enough of the feast; would but our mistress come here. If she were here, nothing else would be away.
STICHUS:
Should you like us to invite our mistress out? She shall give us a dance.
SAGARINUS:
I agree.
STICHUS: (calling aloud.)
My sweet one, my lovely one, my pleasing one, Stephanium, do come out of doors to your sweethearts; to me you are quite charming.
SAGARINUS:
But to me, indeed, most charming.
STICHUS:
Make us jovial fellows more jovial by your assistance and your company.
Returning from abroad, we want you, dear little Stephanium, my honey, that is, if our lovingness is pleasing to you, if we are acceptable to you.

> Latin: Stichvs:
More hoc fit, atque stulte mea sententia:
si quem hominem exspectant, eum solent provisere;
qui hercle illa causa ócius nihilo venit.
idem ego nunc facio, qui proviso Sagarinum,
qui nihilo citius veniet tamen hac gratia.
iam hercle ego decumbam solus, si ille huc non venit.
cadum modo hinc a me huc cum vino transferam,
postidea accumbam. quasi nix tabescit dies.—
Sangarinvs:
Salvete, Athenae, quae nutrices Graeciae,
sperata erilis patria, te video libens.
sed amica mea et conserva quid agat Stephanium
curaest, ut valeat. nam Sticho mandaveram,
salutem ut nuntiaret atque ei ut diceret
me hodie venturum, ut cenam coqueret temperi.
sed Stichus est hic quidem.
Stichvs:
Fecisti, ere, facetias,
quom hoc donavisti dono tuom servom Stichum.
pro di immortales, quot ego voluptates fero,
quot risiones, quot iocos, quot savia,
saltationes, blanditias, prothymias.
Sangarinvs:
Stiche.
Stichvs:
Hem.
Sangarinvs:
Quíd fit?
Stichvs:
Euge, Sangarine lepidissume.
fero convivam Dionysum mihique et tibi.
namque edepol cena cocta est, locus liber datust
mihi et tibi apud vos (nam apud nos est convivium,
ibi voster cenat cum uxore adeo et Antipho,
ibidem erus est noster), hoc mihi dono datumst.
Sangarinvs:
Quis somniavit aurum?
Stichvs:
Quid id ad te attinet?
proin tu lavare propera.
Sangarinvs:
Lautus sum.
Stichvs:
Optime,
[sequere ergo hác me íntro.]
Sangarinvs:
[Ego vero sequor.]
Stichvs:
volo eluamus hodie, peregrina omnia
relinque, Athenas nunc colamus. sequere me.—
Sangarinvs:
Sequor, et domum redeunti principium placet.
bona scaeva strenaque obviam occessit mihi.—
Stephanivm:
Mirúm videri némini vestrúm volo, spectatóres,
quid ego hinc, quae illic habito, exeam: faciam vos certiores.
domo dúdum huc arcessita sum, ⟨nam⟩ quoniam nuntiatum est
istarum venturos viros, ibi festinamus omnes;
lectis sternendis studuimus munditiisque apparandis.
intér illud tamen negotium meis curavi amicis,
Sticho et conservo Sagarino meo, cena cocta ut esset.
Stichus obsonatust, ceterum ego operam do: is adlegavit.
nunc ibo hinc et amicos meos curabo hic advenientes.—
Sangarinvs:
Ágite ite foras: férte pompam. cádo te praefició, Stiche.
omnibus módis temptare certumst nostrum hodie convivium.
ita me di ament, lepide accipimur quom hoc recipimur in loco.
quisquis praetéreat, comissatum volo vocari.
Stichvs:
Convenit,
dum quidem hercle quisque veniat, ⟨veniat⟩ cum vino suo.
nam hinc quidem hodie polluctura praeter nos dabitur nemini. †
nosmet inter nos ministrémus monotropi.
Sangarinvs:
Hoc conviviumst
pro opibus nostris satis commodule nucibus, fabulis, ficulis,
oleae † interiplio, lupillo, comminuto crustulo.
Stichvs:
Sat est: servo homini módeste melius facere sumptum quam ampliter.
suom quemque decet: quibus divitiae domi sunt, scaphiis cantharis
batiocis bibunt, át nos nostro Samiolo poterio:
tamen bibimús nos, tamen efficimus pro opibus nostra moenia.
Sangarinvs:
Age dice uter utrubi áccumbamus.
Stichvs:
Abi tu sane superior.
atque adeo, ut tu scire possis, pacto ego hoc técum divido:
vide, utram tibi libet etiam nunc capere, cape provinciam.
Sangarinvs:
Quid istuc est provinciai?
Stichvs:
Vtrum Fontine an Libero
imperium te inhibere mavis?
Sangarinvs:
Nimio liquido Libero.
sed amica mea et tua dum cenat dumque se exórnat, nos volo
tamen ludere inter nós. strategum te facio huic convivio.
Stichvs:
Nimium lepide in mentem venit: potius quam in subsellio
cynice hic accipimur quam in lectis.
Sangarinvs:
Immo enim nímio hic dulcius.
sed interim, stratege noster, cur hic cessat cantharus?
vide, quot cyathos bibimus.
Stichvs:
Tot quot digiti tibi sunt in manu.
cantio Graecast: ἢ πέντ' ἢ τρία πῖν' ἢ μὴ τέτταρα.
Sangarinvs:
Tibi propino. decumam a fonte tibi tute inde, si sapis.
bene vos, bene nos, bene te, bene me, bene nostram etiam Stephanium.
Stichvs:
[Bibe si bibis.]
Sangarinvs:
[Non mora erit apud me.]
Stichvs:
[Edepol convivi sat est,]
[modo nostra huc amica accedat: id abest, aliud nil abest.]
Stichvs:
Lepide hoc actum est. tibi propino cantharum. vinum tu habes.
Sangarinvs:
Nimis vellem aliquid pulpamenti.
Stichvs:
Si horum, quae adsunt, paenitet,
nihil est. tene aquam.
Sangarinvs:
Melius dicis; nil moror cuppedia.
bibe, tibicen. age si quid agis, bíbendum hercle hoc est, ne nega.
quid hic fastidis quod faciundum vides esse tibi? quin bibis?
[age si quid agis] accipe inquam. non hoc ⟨tuo fit sumptu⟩: inpendet publicum.
haud tuom istúc est te vereri. éripe ex ore tibias.
Stichvs:
Vbi illic biberit, vel servato meum modum vel tu dabo. †
nolo ego nos † prosumo bibere. nulli rei erimus postea;
namque edepol quam vis desubito vel cadus verti potest.
Sangarinvs:
Quid igitur? quamquam gravatus fuisti, non nocuit tamen.
age, tibicen, quando bíbisti, refer ad labeas tibias,
suffla celeriter tibi buccas quasi proserpens bestia,
agedum. Stiche, uter démutassit, poculo multabitur.
Stichvs:
Bonum ius dicis. impetrare oportet qui aequom postulat.
Sangarinvs:
Age ergo observa. si pecassis, multam hic retinebo ilico.
Stichvs:
Optimum atque aequissimum oras. em tibi hoc primum omnium:
haec facetiast, amare inter se rivalis duos,
uno cantharo potare, únum scortum ducere.
hoc memorabilest: ego tu sum, tu es ego, unianimi sumus,
unam amicam amamus ambo, mecum ubi est, tecum est tamen;
tecum ubi autem est, mecum ibi autemst: neuter neutri ínvidet.
Sangarinvs:
Ohe, iam satis, nolo obtaedescat; alium ludum nunc volo.
Stichvs:
Vin amicam huc evocemus? ea saltabit.
Sangarinvs:
Censeo.
Stichvs:
Mea suavis, amabilis, amoena Stephanium, ad amores tuos
foras egredere, satis mihi pulchra és.
Sangarinvs:
At enim pulcherrima.
Stichvs:
Fac nos hilaros hilariores opera atque adventu tuo.
Sangarinvs:
Peregre advenientes te expetimus, Stephaniscidium, mel meum,
sí amabilitas tibi nostrá placet, si tibi ambo áccepti sumus.

[¶139] (Enter STEPHANIUM, from the house of PAMPHILUS.)
STEPHANIUM:
I’ll indulge you, my dears; but, so may pretty Venus favour me, I should have already come out of doors here together with you, had I not been sprucing myself up for you. For such is the way of woman,
when she is well washed, made clean, dressed and tricked out, still is she incomplete; and a female who is a courtesan much more quickly acquires dislike for herself by sluttishness than always keeps in favour through neatness.
STICHUS:
That’s very cleverly said.
SAGARINUS:’Tis the genuine language of Venus.
STICHUS:
Sagarinus.
SAGARINUS:
What’s the matter?
STICHUS:
I’m in pain all over.
SAGARINUS:
All over? So much the more unfortunate you.
STEPHANIUM:
Where do I take my place?
SAGARINUS:
Wherever you please.
STEPHANIUM:
I’d like with both of you, for I love you both.
STICHUS:
Whack go my savings. I’m done for;
freedom has abandoned this person of mine.
STEPHANIUM:
Prithee, do give me room, where I may take my place, if, indeed, I am agreable. (She takes her place.)
Now I do long to be cozy with you both.
STICHUS:
I’m ruined utterly. What were you saying?
SAGARINUS:
Heyday! What’s the matter?
STICHUS:
So may the Gods favour me, it never shall be otherwise this day but that this girl shall have a dance somehow. Come, my love, my sweet, do dance; I’ll dance too.
(They rise and dance.)
SAGARINUS:
I’ faith, you shan’t that way get the better of me, but what I’ll have a bit of enjoyment, too, that way.
STEPHANIUM:
Well, if I must dance, do you then give the Piper something to drink.
STICHUS:
Aye, and to me.
SAGARINUS: (holds the goblet to the PIPER.)
Piper, you take first: and after that, if you tipple this off, just as has been your wont before to-day, straightway
strike up some merry and amorous tune to dance to, by which we may tingle all over from our very finger nails. Pour some water here.
(The PIPER stops playing while he drinks the water.)
SAGARINUS:
Take this, you; toss it off. The drink didn’t please him just now; now at last he takes it with less difficulty. Take it, you. (To STEPHANIUM.) In the meantime, apple of my eye, give me a kiss while he’s drinking.
STEPHANIUM:
Why, it’s the way of a common strumpet, for a damsel to give a kiss standing to her sweetheart as he stands.
(She turns away, while he tries to kiss her.)
STICHUS:
Bravo! bravo! that’s the way it’s given to a thief.
SAGARINUS:
Come, blow out your cheeks now; something in the amorous way at once. Give us a new tune in return for the old wine.
SAGARINUS:
What person in the Ionian or the ballet line is there that can do anything like that?
(He capers about.)
STICHUS:
If you get the better of me this turn, just challenge me to another.
SAGARINUS:
Just you do it in this fashion.
(Capers.)
STICHUS:
And you in this fashion.
(Capers too.)
SAGARINUS:
O grand!
STICHUS:
O fine!
SAGARINUS:
O wonderful!
STICHUS:
Quiet!
SAGARINUS:
Now, then, both in the same step. (They dance quietly, in the same measure.) I challenge all the dancing-masters to dance against me.’Tis no more possible for there to be enough of this for us than for there to be too much rain for a mushroom.
STICHUS: (ceasing to dance)
Let’s away hence in-doors at once now; we’ve danced long enough for the wine.
You, Spectators, give us your applause, and then go home to enjoy yourselves.

> Latin: Stephanivm:
Mórem vobis geram, meaé deliciae. nam íta me Venus amoéna amet,
ut ego huc iam dudum simitu exissem vobiscum foras,
nisi me vobis exornarem. nam ita est ingenium muliebre:
bene cum lauta est, tersa ornata ficta est, infecta est tamen;
nimioque sibi mulier meretrix repperit odium ocius
sua inmunditia, quam in perpetuom ut placeat munditia sua.
Stichvs:
Nimium lepide fabulata est.
Sangarinvs:
Veneris mera est oratio,
Stichvs:
Sangarine.
Sangarinvs:
Quid est?
Stichvs:
Totus doleo.
Sangarinvs:
Totus? tanto miserior.
Stephanivm:
Vtrubi accumbo?
Sangarinvs:
Vtrubí tu vis?
Stephanivm:
Cum ambobus volo, nam ambos amo.
Stichvs:
Vapulat peculium, actum est.
Sangarinvs:
Fugit hoc libertas caput.
Stephanivm:
Date mihi lócum, ubi accumbam, amabo, siquidem placeo.
Stichvs:
Tun mihi?
Stephanivm:
Cupio cúm utroque.
Stichvs:
Ei mihi, bene ⟨ego⟩ dispereo. quid ais?
Sangarinvs:
Quid est?
Stichvs:
Ita me di ament, numquam enim fíet hodie, haec quin saltet tamen.
age, mulsa mea suavitudo, salta: saltabo ego simul.
Sangarinvs:
Numquam edepol med istoc vinces, quin ego ibidem pruriam.
Stephanivm:
Siquidem mihi saltandum est, tum vos date bibat tibicini.
Stichvs:
Et quidem nóbis.
Sangarinvs:
Tene, tibicen, primum; postidea loci
si hoc eduxeris, proinde ut consuetu's consuetus es antehac, celeriter
lepidam et suavem cantionem aliquam occupito cinaedicam,
ubi perpruriscamus usque ex unguiculis. inde huc aquam.
Sangarinvs:
tene tu hóc, educe. dudum placuit potio:
nunc minus gravate iam accipit. tene tu. interim,
meus oculus, da mihi savium, dum illic bibit.
Stichvs:
Prostibilest tandem? stantem stanti savium
dare amicum amicae? euge euge, sic furi datur.
Sangarinvs:
Age, iam infla buccas, nunciam aliquid suaviter.
redde cántionem veteri pro vino novam.
Sangarinvs:
qui Iónicus aut cinaédicust, qui hoc tále facere póssiet?
Stichvs:
Si istóc me vorsu víceris, alió me provocáto:
Sangarinvs:
Fac tu hóc modo.
Stichvs:
At tu hoc módo.
Sangarinvs:
Babae.
Stichvs:
Tataé.
Sangarinvs:
Papae.
Stichvs:
Pax.
Sangarinvs:
Nunc páriter ambo. omnís voco cinaédos contra.
satis ésse nobis nón magis potis quám fungo imber.
Stichvs:
Intro hínc abeamus nunciam: saltátum satis pro vinost.
vos, spectatores, plaudite atque ite ad vos comissatum.