---
title: "How to Tell a Flatterer from a Friend · Quomodo adulator ab amico internoscatur"
author: "Plutarch"
translator: "Frank Cole Babbitt"
languages: [grc, en]
shelf: "Philosophy"
section: 4 of 4
url: https://scriptura.si/works/plutarch-flatterer-and-friend/4/
cite: "Plutarch, tr. Frank Cole Babbitt, How to Tell a Flatterer from a Friend · Quomodo adulator ab amico internoscatur, section 4. Scriptura (scriptura.si), https://scriptura.si/works/plutarch-flatterer-and-friend/4/"
---

# How to Tell a Flatterer from a Friend · Quomodo adulator ab amico internoscatur

*Plutarch, tr. Frank Cole Babbitt*

The flatterer imitates the friend in everything; how to see through him, and how a true friend speaks frankly.

> Greek: ed. Grēgorios N. Vernardakēs, from the Perseus Digital Library (canonical-greekLit, tlg0007.tlg070, CC BY-SA 4.0).

> English: Frank Cole Babbitt, from the Perseus Digital Library (tlg0007.tlg070.perseus-eng3). Notes are not included.

> Rows follow the references the two texts share (chapters and sections), cut where both reach the end of a sentence.

## 4. Sections 28–37

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/plutarch-flatterer-and-friend/4/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/plutarch-flatterer-and-friend/4/#p-N

[¶0] 28. Now we observe that many people have neither the assurance nor the courage to school their friends when these are prospering, but on the contrary feel that good fortune is altogether inaccessible and impregnable to admonition, whereas, when one of their friends has fallen and come to grief, they assail him and trample upon him now he is reduced to a subordinate and humble position, letting loose upon him a flood of frank speech, like a stream which has been held in unnatural restraint, and they find a welcome pleasure in the change because of their friend’s former disdain and their own weakness; it would therefore be well to discuss this matter also, and to make a reply to Euripides when he says, “When Heaven grants us luck, what need of friends?” The reply is, that in good fortune men have most need of friends to speak frankly and reduce their excess of pride. For there are few persons who in good fortune have still a sober mind; most have need of discretion and reason to be put into them from without, which shall repress them when they are puffed up and unsettled with the favours of fortune. But when the Heavenly power casts them down and strips off their importance, there is in these calamities alone admonition enough to work repentance. Wherefore at such a time there is no use for a friend’s frankness or for words charged with grave and stinging reproof; but in such reversals truly “’Tis sweet to gaze into a kind man’s eyes,” when he offers consolation and encouragement. And this was true of Clearchus, the sight of whose face, Xenophon says, so kindly and benevolent in the midst of “battles and perils,” strengthened the confidence of the men in the face of danger. But he who applies frankness of speech and stinging reproof to a person in misfortune, might as well apply some stimulant of vision to a disordered and inflamed eye; he effects no cure nor any abatement of the pain, but only adds irritation to the painfulness, and exasperates the sufferer. Thus no man in good health, for instance, is at all harsh or ferocious against a friend who blames him for yielding to women and wine, or for being lazy and neglecting to take exercise, or for indulging perpetually in baths or unseasonable gourmandise. But for a man who is sick it is intolerable, nay, an aggravation of the sickness, to be told, “See what comes of your intemperance, your soft living, your gluttony and wenching.” “Heavens, man, what a time to talk of that! I am writing my will, the doctors are preparing for me a dose of castor or scammony, and you admonish and lecture me!” Under such conditions, then, the very circumstances in which the unfortunate find themselves leave no room for frank speaking and sententious saws, but they do require gentle usage and help. When children fall down, the nurses do not rush up to them to berate them, but they take them up, wash them, and straighten their clothes, and, after all this is done, they then rebuke and punish them. It is said that when Demetrius of Phalerum had been banished from his native land and was living in obscurity and humble station near Thebes, he was not well pleased to see Crates approaching, anticipating some cynical frankness and harsh language. But Crates met him with all gentleness, and conversed with him concerning the subject of banishment, how there was nothing bad in it, nor any good cause to feel distress, since thus he was set free from a hazardous and insecure office; at the same time he urged him not to be discouraged over himself and his present condition. Whereupon Demetrius, becoming more cheerful and once more taking heart, said to his friends, “What a pity that those activities and occupations of mine have kept me from knowing a man like this!” “The kindly words of friends for one in grief And admonitions when one plays the fool.” This is the way of noble friends, but the ignoble and degraded flatterers of the fortunate are “like the old fractures and sprains,” which, as Demosthenes says, “are stirred afresh whenever the body suffers some ill,” and so these persons have a clinging fondness for reverses, as though they were pleased with them and derived enjoyment from them. For if a man really needs a reminder where he has come to grief through following his own ill-advised counsel, sufficient are the words: “Never did I approve the act; indeed I often Spoke against it.”

> Greek: 28. ἐπεὶ δὲ πολλοὶ τοὺς φίλους εὖ φερομένους ἐν τοῖς πράγμασιν οὔτʼ ἀξιοῦσιν οὔτε τολμῶσι ῥυθμίζειν, ἀλλʼ ὅλως ἀπρόσιτον καὶ ἀνέφικτον ἡγοῦνται νουθεσίᾳ τὸ εὐτυχοῦν εἶναι, σφαλλομένοις δὲ καὶ πταίουσιν ἐπιτίθενται καὶ πατοῦσιν ὑπὸ χεῖρα καὶ ταπεινοὺς γεγενημένους, ὥσπερ ῥεῦμα κεκρατημένον παρὰ φύσιν τὴν παρρησίαν ἀθρόως ἐφιέντες αὐτοῖς καὶ ἀπολαύοντες ἄσμενοι τῆς μεταβολῆς διὰ τὴν πρόσθεν ὑπεροψίαν ἐκείνων αὑτῶν δʼ ἀσθένειαν, οὐ χεῖρόν ἐστι καὶ περὶ τούτων διελθεῖν καὶ ἀποκρίνασθαι τῷ Εὐριπίδῃ λέγοντι
ὅταν δʼ ὁ δαίμων εὖ διδῷ, τί δεῖ φίλων;
ὅτι δεῖ μάλιστα παρρησιαζομένων φίλων τοῖς εὐτυχοῦσι καὶ τὸ ἄγαν ὑφιέντων τοῦ φρονήματος. ὀλίγοι γάρ εἰσιν οἷς μετὰ τοῦ εὐτυχεῖν παραγίγνεται τὸ φρονεῖν· οἱ δὲ πολλοὶ φρενῶν ἐπεισάκτων δέονται καὶ λογισμῶν πιεζόντων ἔξωθεν αὐτοὺς ὑπὸ τῆς τύχης φυσωμένους καὶ σαλευομένους. ὅταν δʼ ὁ δαίμων καταβάλῃ καὶ περιέλῃ τὸν ὄγκον, αὐτοῖς τοῖς πράγμασιν ἔνεστι τὸ νουθετοῦν καὶ μετάνοιαν ἐμποιοῦν. ὅθεν οὐδὲν ἔργον τότε παρρησίας φιλικῆς οὐδὲ λόγων βάρος ἐχόντων καὶ δηγμόν, ἀλλʼ ὡς ἀληθῶς ἐν ταῖς τοιαύταις μεταβολαῖς
εἰς ὄμματʼ εὔνου φωτὸς ἐμβλέψαι γλυκὺ
παρηγοροῦντος καὶ παραθαρρύνοντος, ὥσπερ τοῦ Κλεάρχου τὸ πρόσωπον ὁ Ξενοφῶν ἐν ταῖς μάχαις καὶ παρὰ τὰ δεινά φησιν ὁρώμενον εὐμενὲς καὶ φιλάνθρωπον εὐθαρσεστέρους ποιεῖν τοὺς κινδυνεύοντας. ὁ δὲ παρρησίαν καὶ δηγμὸν ἀνθρώπῳ δυστυχοῦντι προσάγων ὥσπερ ὀξυδορκικὸν ὄμματι ταρασσομένῳ καὶ φλεγμαίνοντι, θεραπεύει μὲν οὐδὲν οὐδʼ ἀφαιρεῖ τοῦ λυποῦντος, ὀργὴν δὲ τῇ λύπῃ προστίθησι καὶ παροξύνει τὸν ἀνιώμενον. αὐτίκα γοῦν ὑγιαίνων μέν τις οὐ χαλεπός ἐστιν οὐδʼ ἄγριος παντάπασιν ἀνδρὶ φίλῳ ψέγοντι μὲν συνουσίας καὶ πότους αὐτοῦ ψέγοντι δʼ ἀργίαν καὶ ἀγυμνασίαν καὶ λουτρὰ συνεχῆ καὶ πλησμονὰς ἀκαίρους· νοσοῦντι δʼ οὐκ ἀνεκτὸν ἀλλὰ μείζων νόσος ἀκούειν ὅτι ταῦτά σοι γέγονεν ἐξ ἀκρασίας καὶ μαλακίας καὶ διʼ ὄψα καὶ γυναῖκας. ὢ τῆς ἀκαιρίας, ἄνθρωπε· διαθήκην γράφω καὶ παρασκευάζεταί μοι καστόριον ἢ σκαμώνιον ὑπὸ τῶν ἰατρῶν, σὺ δὲ νουθετεῖς καὶ φιλοσοφεῖς. οὕτω τοίνυν καὶ τὰ πράγματα τῶν δυστυχούντων οὐ παρρησίαν ἐνδέχεται καὶ γνωμολογίαν, ἀλλʼ ἐπιεικείας δεῖται καὶ βοηθείας. καὶ γὰρ αἱ τίτθαι τοῖς παιδίοις πεσοῦσιν οὐ λοιδορησόμεναι προστρέχουσιν, ἀλλʼ ἤγειραν καὶ περιέπλυναν καὶ κατέστειλαν, εἶθʼ οὕτως ἐπιπλήττουσι καὶ κολάζουσι. λέγεται δὲ καὶ Δημήτριος ὁ Φαληρεὺς ὅτε τῆς πατρίδος ἐξέπεσε καὶ περὶ Θήβας ἀδοξῶν καὶ ταπεινὰ πράττων διῆγεν, οὐχ ἡδέως ἰδεῖν προσιόντα Κράτητα, παρρησίαν κυνικὴν καὶ λόγους τραχεῖς προσδεχόμενος· ἐντυχόντος δὲ πράως αὐτῷ τοῦ Κράτητος καὶ διαλεχθέντος περὶ φυγῆς ὡς οὐδὲν ἔχοι κακὸν οὐδʼ ἄξιον φέρειν βαρέως πραγμάτων σφαλερῶν καὶ ἀβεβαίων ἀπηλλαγμένον, ἅμα δὲ θαρρεῖν ἑαυτῷ καὶ τῇ διαθέσει παρακαλοῦντος, ἡδίων γενόμενος καὶ ἀναθαρρήσας πρὸς τοὺς φίλους εἶπε φεῦ τῶν πράξεων ἐκείνων καὶ ἀσχολιῶν διʼ ἃς ἄνδρα τοιοῦτον οὐκ ἔγνωμεν
λυπουμένῳ γὰρ μῦθος εὐμενὴς φίλων,
ἄγαν δὲ μωραίνοντι νουθετήματα.
Οὗτος ὁ τρόπος τῶν γενναίων φίλων· οἱ δʼ ἀγεννεῖς καὶ ταπεινοὶ τῶν εὐτυχούντων κόλακες, ὥσπερ τὰ ῥήγματα καὶ τὰ σπάσματά φησι Δημοσθένης ὅταν τι κακὸν τὸ σῶμα λάβῃ τότε κινεῖσθαι, καὶ οὗτοι ταῖς μεταβολαῖς ἐπιφύονται, καθάπερ ἡδόμενοι καὶ ἀπολαύοντες. καὶ γὰρ ἂν δέηταί τινος ὑπομνήσεως ἐν οἷς διʼ αὑτὸν ἔπταισε βουλευσάμενος κακῶς, ἱκανόν ἐστι τὸ
οὔ τι καθʼ ἡμέτερόν γε νόον· μάλα γάρ τοι ἔγωγε
πόλλʼ ἀπεμυθεόμην ἐν τίσιν οὖν σφοδρὸν εἶναι δεῖ τὸν φίλον καὶ πότε τῷ τόνῳ χρῆσθαι τῆς παρρησίας;

[¶1] 29. In what circumstances, then, should a friend be severe, and when should he be emphatic in using frank speech? It is when occasions demand of him that he check the headlong course of pleasure or of anger or of arrogance, or that he abate avarice or curb inconsiderate heedlessness. Such was the frankness of Solon towards Croesus, who was spoiled and pampered by fickle fortune, when he bade him look to the end. In such manner Socrates tried to keep Alcibiades in check, and drew an honest tear from his eyes by exposing his faults, and so turned his heart. Of such sort was the conduct of Cyrus towards Cyaxares, and of Plato toward Dion at the time when the latter was at the height of his splendour and was drawing the eyes of all mankind upon himself through the beauty and magnificence of his works, when Plato exhorted him to be on his guard against “arbitrary self-will” and to fear it, “since it is companion to solitude.” Speusippus also wrote to Dion not to feel proud if there was much talk of him among children and light-minded women, but to see to it that by adorning Sicily with holiness, justice, and the best of laws, he should “bring name and fame” to the Academy. But, on the other hand, Euctus and Eulaeus, companions of Perseus, while his good fortune lasted always behaved so as to please him, and complied with his humour, and like all the rest they followed where he led; but when, after his disastrous encounter with the Romans at Pydna, he took to flight, these men beset him with bitter reproaches, and continually reminded him of his errors and omissions, reviling him for everything he had done, until the man, smarting with grief and anger, stabbed them with his dagger and made an end of both of them.

> Greek: 29. ὅταν ἡδονῆς ἢ ὀργῆς ἢ ὕβρεως ἐπιλαβέσθαι φερομένης οἱ καιροὶ παρακαλῶσιν ἢ κολοῦσαι φιλαργυρίαν ἢ ἀπροσεξίαν ἀνασχεῖν ἀνόητον. οὕτως ἐπαρρησιάζετο Σόλων πρὸς Κροῖσον ὑπʼ εὐτυχίας ἀβεβαίου διεφθορότα καὶ τρυφῶντα, τὸ τέλος ὁρᾶν κελεύσας· οὕτω Σωκράτης Ἀλκιβιάδην ἐκόλουε, καὶ δάκρυον ἐξῆγεν ἀληθινὸν ἐξελεγχομένου καὶ τὴν καρδίαν ἔστρεφε. τοιαῦτα τὰ Κύρου πρὸς Κυαξάρην καὶ τὰ πρὸς Δίωνα Πλάτωνος, ὅτε λαμπρότατος ἦν καὶ πάντας εἰς ἑαυτὸν ἀνθρώπους ἐπέστρεφε διὰ τὸ κάλλος τῶν πράξεων καὶ τὸ μέγεθος, παρακελευομένου φυλάττεσθαι καὶ δεδιέναι τὴν αὐθάδειαν, ὡς ἐρημίᾳ ξύνοικον ἔγραφε δὲ καὶ Σπεύσιππος αὐτῷ μὴ μέγα φρονεῖν εἰ πολὺς αὐτοῦ λόγος ἐστὶν ἐν παιδαρίοις καὶ γυναίοις, ἀλλʼ ὁρᾶν ὅπως ὁσιότητι καὶ δικαιοσύνῃ καὶ νόμοις ἀρίστοις κοσμήσας Σικελίαν εὐκλεᾶ θήσει τὴν Ἀκαδήμειαν. Εὖκτος δὲ καὶ Εὐλαῖος, ἑταῖροι Περσέως, εὐτυχοῦντι μὲν ἀεὶ πρὸς χάριν ὁμιλοῦντες καὶ συνεπινεύοντες ὥσπερ οἱ λοιποὶ παρηκολούθουν· ἐπεὶ δὲ Ῥωμαίοις συμβαλὼν περὶ Πύδναν ἔπταισε καὶ ἔφυγε, προσπεσόντες ἐπετίμων πικρῶς καὶ ἀνεμίμνησκον ὧν ἐξήμαρτεν ἢ παρεῖδεν, ἕκαστον ἐξονειδίζοντες, ἄχρι οὗ διαλγήσας ὁ ἄνθρωπος ὑπὸ λύπης καὶ ὀργῆς ἀμφοτέρους τῷ ξιφιδίῳ παίων ἀνεῖλεν.

[¶2] 30. Let thus much, then, serve to define the proper occasion in general. But the friend who is concerned for his friends must not let slip the occasions which they themselves often present, but he should turn these to account. For sometimes a question, the telling of a story, blame or commendation of like things in other people, may serve as an opening for frank speech. For example, Demaratus is said to have come to Macedonia during the time when Philip was at odds with his wife and son. Philip, after greeting him, inquired how well the Greeks were at harmony together; and Demaratus, who knew him well and wished him well, said, “A glorious thing for you, Philip, to be inquiring about the concord of Athenians and Peloponnesians, while you let your own household be full of all this quarrelling and dissension!” Excellent, too, was the retort of Diogenes on the occasion when he had entered Philip’s camp and was brought before Philip himself, at the time when Philip was on his way to fight the Greeks. Not knowing who Diogenes was, Philip asked him if he were a spy. “Yes, indeed, Philip,” he replied, “I am here to spy upon your ill-advised folly, because of which you, without any compelling reason, are on your way to hazard a kingdom and your life on the outcome of a single hour.” This perhaps was rather severe.

> Greek: 30. ὁ μὲν οὖν κοινὸς οὕτω προωρίσθω καιρός· οὓς δὲ παρέχουσιν αὐτοὶ πολλάκις οὐ χρὴ προΐεσθαι τὸν κηδόμενον φίλων ἀλλὰ χρῆσθαι· καὶ γὰρ ἐρώτησις ἐνίοις καὶ διήγησις καὶ ψόγος ὁμοίων ἐφʼ ἑτέροις ἢ ἔπαινος ὥσπερ ἐνδόσιμον εἰς παρρησίαν ἐστίν. οἷον ἐλθεῖν Δημάρατον εἰς Μακεδονίαν λέγουσι καθʼ ὃν χρόνον ἐν διαφορᾷ πρὸς τὴν γυναῖκα καὶ τὸν υἱὸν ὁ Φίλιππος ἦν· ἀσπασαμένου δʼ αὐτὸν τοῦ Φιλίππου καὶ πυθομένου πῶς πρὸς ἀλλήλους ἔχουσιν ὁμονοίας οἱ Ἕλληνες, εἰπεῖν τὸν Δημάρατον εὔνουν ὄντα καὶ συνήθη πάνυ γοῦν ὦ Φίλιππε καλὸν ἐστί σοι πυνθάνεσθαι μὲν περὶ τῆς Ἀθηναίων καὶ Πελοποννησίων ὁμοφροσύνης, τὴν δʼ οἰκίαν περιορᾶν τὴν σεαυτοῦ τοσαύτης στάσεως καὶ διχονοίας γέμουσαν εὖ δὲ καὶ Διογένης, ὃς ἐπεὶ παρελθὼν εἰς τὸ τοῦ Φιλίππου στρατόπεδον, ὅτε τοῖς Ἕλλησιν ἐβάδιζε μαχούμενος, ἀνήχθη πρὸς αὐτόν, ὁ δʼ ἀγνοῶν ἠρώτησεν εἰ κατάσκοπός ἐστι, πάνυ μὲν οὖν ἔφη κατάσκοπος ὦ Φίλιππε τῆς ἀβουλίας σου καὶ τῆς ἀνοίας, διʼ ἣν οὐδενὸς ἀναγκάζοντος ἔρχῃ περὶ τῆς βασιλείας καὶ τοῦ σώματος ὥρᾳ μιᾷ διακυβεύσων Τοῦτο μὲν οὖν ἴσως σφοδρότερον·

[¶3] 31. But another opportunity for admonition arises when people, having been reviled by others for their errors, have become submissive and downcast. The tactful man will make an adept use of this, by rebuffing and dispersing the revilers, and by taking hold of his friend in private and reminding him that, if there is no other reason for his being circumspect, he should at least try to keep his enemies from being bold. “For where have these fellows a chance to open their mouths, or what can they say against you, if you put away and cast from you all that which gets you a bad name?” In this way he who reviles is charged with hurting, and he who admonishes is credited with helping. But some persons manage more cleverly, and by finding fault with strangers, turn their own intimate acquaintances to repentance; for they accuse the others of what they know their own acquaintances are doing. My professor, Ammonius, at an afternoon lecture perceived that some of his students had eaten a luncheon that was anything but frugal, and so he ordered his freedman to chastise his own servant, remarking by way of explanation that “that boy can’t lunch without his wine!” At the same time he glanced towards us, so that the rebuke took hold of the guilty.

> Greek: 31. ἕτερος δὲ καιρός ἐστι νουθεσίας ὅταν ὑπʼ ἄλλων λοιδορηθέντες ἐφʼ οἷς ἁμαρτάνουσι ταπεινοί τε γένωνται καὶ συσταλῶσιν. ᾧ χρῷτʼ ἂν ἐμμελῶς χαρίεις τοὺς μὲν λοιδοροῦντας ἀνακόπτων καὶ διακρουόμενος, ἰδίᾳ δʼ αὐτὸς ἁπτόμενος τοῦ φίλου καὶ ὑπομιμνῄσκων ὡς εἰ διὰ μηδὲν ἄλλο προσεκτέον αὐτῷ, ὅπως γε μὴ θρασεῖς ὦσιν οἱ ἐχθροί. ποῦ γὰρ ἔστι τούτοις τὸ στόμα διᾶραι, τί δὲ προσειπεῖν, ἂν ἀφῇς ταῦτα καὶ ῥίψῃς ἐφʼ οἷς κακῶς ἀκούεις; γίγνεται γὰρ οὕτω τὸ μὲν λυπηρὸν τοῦ λοιδοροῦντος, τὸ δʼ ὠφέλιμον τοῦ νουθετοῦντος. ἔνιοι δὲ κομψότερον, ἄλλους ψέγοντες, ἐπιστρέφουσι τοὺς συνήθεις· κατηγοροῦσι γὰρ ἑτέρων ἃ πράττοντας ἐκείνους ἴσασιν. ὁ δʼ ἡμέτερος καθηγητὴς Ἀμμώνιος ἐν δειλινῇ διατριβῇ τῶν γνωρίμων τινὰς αἰσθόμενος ἠριστηκότας οὐχ ἁπλοῦν ἄριστον ἐκέλευσεν ἰδίῳ παιδὶ πληγὰς ἐμβαλεῖν τὸν ἀπελεύθερον, ἐπειπὼν ὅτι χωρὶς ὄξους ἀριστᾶν οὐ δύναται. καὶ ἅμα πρὸς ἡμᾶς ἀπέβλεψεν, ὥστε τῶν ἐνόχων ἅψασθαι τὴν ἐπιτίμησιν, ἔτι τοίνυν εὐλαβητέον ἐστὶν ἐν πολλοῖς παρρησίᾳ χρῆσθαι πρὸς φίλον, ἐνθυμούμενον τὸ τοῦ Πλάτωνος.

[¶4] 32. One other point: we must be very careful about the use of frank speech toward a friend before a large company, bearing in mind the incident in which Plato was involved. It so happened that Socrates had handled one of his acquaintances rather severely in a conversation which took place close by the money-changers’, whereupon Plato said, “Were it not better that this had been said in private?” Socrates retorted, “Should you not have done better if you had addressed your remark to me in private?” And again, when Pythagoras once assailed a devoted pupil pretty roughly in the presence of several persons, the youth, as the story goes, hanged himself, and from that time on Pythagoras never admonished anybody when anyone else was present. For error should be treated as a foul disease, and all admonition and disclosure should be in secret, with nothing of show or display in it to attract a crowd of witnesses and spectators. For it is not like friendship, but sophistry, to seek for glory in other men’s faults, and to make a fair show before the spectators, like the physicians who perform operations in the theatres with an eye to attracting patients. Quite apart from the affront involved—which ought never to be allowed in any corrective treatment— some regard must be paid to the contentiousness and self-will that belong to vice; for it is not enough to say, as Euripides has it, that “Love reproved More urgent grows,” but if admonition be offered in public, and unsparingly, it only confirms each and every morbid emotion in its shamelessness. Hence, just as Plato insists that elderly men who are trying to cultivate a sense of respect among the young, must themselves, first of all, show respect for the young, so among friends a modest frankness best engenders modesty, and a cautious quiet approach and treatment of the erring one saps the foundations of his vice and annihilates it, since it gradually becomes imbued with consideration for the consideration shown to it. It follows, then, that the best way is to “Hold one’s head quite close, that the others may not hear it.” And least of all is it decent to expose a husband in the hearing of his wife, and a father in the sight of his children, and a lover in the presence of his beloved, or a teacher in the presence of his students: for such persons are driven almost insane with grief and anger at being taken to task before those with whom they feel it is necessary to stand well. I imagine also that it was not so much the wine that caused Cleitus to be so exasperating to Alexander, as that he gave the impression of trying to curb him before a large company. And Aristomenes, Ptolemy’s tutor, because he gave Ptolemy a slap to wake him up, as he was nodding while an embassy was present, thereby afforded a hold to the flatterers, who affected to be indignant on the king’s behalf, and said, “If with all your fatiguing duties and great lack of sleep you dropped off, we ought to admonish you in private, not to lay hands on you before so many people”; and Ptolemy sent a goblet of poison with orders that the man should drink it off. So, too, Aristophanes says that Cleon accused him because “With strangers present he reviles the State,” thus trying to exasperate the Athenians against him. This blunder, therefore, along with the others, must be guarded against by those who desire, not to show off, or to win popularity, but to employ frank speaking in a way that is beneficial and salutary. In feet, persons that use frank speaking ought to be able to say what Thucydides represents the Corinthians as saying about themselves, that they “have a good right to reprove others”—which is not a bad way of putting it. For as Lysander, we are told, said to the man from Megara, who in the council of the allies was making bold to speak for Greece, that “his words needed a country to back them”; so it may well be that every man’s frank speaking needs to be backed by character, but this is especially true in the case of those who admonish others and try to bring them to their sober senses. Plato at any rate used to say that he admonished Speusippus by his life, as, to be sure, the mere sight of Xenocrates in the lecture-room, and a glance from him, converted Polemon and made him a changed man. But the speech of a man light-minded and mean in character, when it undertakes to deal in frankness, results only in evoking the retort: “Wouldst thou heal others, full of sores thyself!”

> Greek: 32. ἐπεὶ γὰρ ὁ Σωκράτης ἥψατό τινος τῶν συνήθων σφοδρότερον ἐπὶ ταῖς τραπέζαις διαλεγόμενος, οὐκ ἄμεινον ἦν ὁ Πλάτων ἔφη ἰδίᾳ ταῦτα λελέχθαι; καὶ ὁ Σωκράτης σὺ δʼ οὐκ ἄμεινον εἶπεν ἐποίησας ἂν ἰδίᾳ πρὸς ἐμὲ τοῦτʼ εἰπών; Πυθαγόρου δὲ τραχύτερον ἐν πολλοῖς γνωρίμῳ προσενεχθέντος ἀπάγξασθαι τὸ μειράκιον λέγουσιν, ἐκ τούτου δὲ μηδέποτε τὸν Πυθαγόραν αὖθις ἄλλου παρόντος ἄλλον νουθετῆσαι. δεῖ γὰρ ὡς νοσήματος οὐκ εὐπρεποῦς τῆς ἁμαρτίας τὴν νουθέτησιν καὶ ἀνακάλυψιν ἀπόρρητον εἶναι καὶ μὴ πανηγυρικὴν μηδʼ ἐπιδεικτικὴν μηδὲ μάρτυρας καὶ θεατὰς συνάγουσαν. οὐ γὰρ φιλικὸν ἀλλὰ σοφιστικὸν ἀλλοτρίοις ἐνευδοκιμεῖν σφάλμασι, καλλωπιζόμενον πρὸς τοὺς παρόντας, ὥσπερ οἱ χειρουργοῦντες ἐν τοῖς θεάτροις ἰατροὶ πρὸς ἐργολαβίαν. ἄνευ δὲ τῆς ὕβρεως, ἣν οὐδεμιᾷ θεραπείᾳ προσεῖναι δίκαιόν ἐστι, καὶ τὸ τῆς κακίας σκεπτέον φιλόνεικον καὶ αὔθαδες, οὐ γὰρ ἁπλῶς νουθετούμενος ἔρως μᾶλλον πιέζει κατʼ Εὐριπίδην, ἀλλʼ ἂν νουθετῇ τις ἐν πολλοῖς καὶ μὴ φειδόμενος, πᾶν νόσημα καὶ πᾶν πάθος εἰς τὸ ἀναίσχυντον καθίστησιν. ὥσπερ οὖν ὁ Πλάτων τοὺς παρασκευάζοντας ἐν τοῖς νέοις αἰσχύνην γέροντας αὐτοὺς ἀξιοῖ πρῶτον αἰσχύνεσθαι τοὺς νέους,· οὕτω τῶν φίλων ἡ δυσωπουμένη παρρησία δυσωπεῖ μάλιστα, καὶ τὸ μετʼ εὐλαβείας ἀτρέμα προσιέναι καὶ ἅπτεσθαι τοῦ ἁμαρτάνοντος ὑπερείπει καὶ διεργάζεται τὴν κακίαν ἀναπιμπλαμένην τοῦ αἰδεῖσθαι τὸ αἰδούμενον. ὅθεν ἄριστα μὲν ἔχει τὸ
ἄγχι σχὼν κεφαλήν, ἵνα μὴ πευθοίαθʼ οἱ ἄλλοι,
ἥκιστα δὲ πρέπει γαμετῆς ἀκουούσης ἄνδρα καὶ παίδων ἐν ὄψει πατέρα καὶ ἐραστὴν ἐρωμένου παρόντος ἢ γνωρίμων διδάσκαλον ἀποκαλύπτειν· ἐξίστανται γὰρ ὑπὸ λύπης καὶ ὀργῆς ἐλεγχόμενοι παρʼ οἷς εὐδοκιμεῖν ἀξιοῦσιν. οἶμαι δὲ καὶ Κλεῖτος οὐχ οὕτω παρώξυνε διὰ τὸν οἶνον, ὡς ὅτι πολλῶν παρόντων ἐδόκει κολούειν Ἀλέξανδρον. καὶ Ἀριστομένης ὁ Πτολεμαίου καθηγητὴς ὅτι νυστάζοντα πρεσβείας παρούσης ἐπάταξεν ἐξεγείρων, λαβήν τινα παρέσχε τοῖς κόλαξι, προσποιουμένοις ἀγανακτεῖν ὑπὲρ τοῦ βασιλέως καὶ λέγουσιν εἰ τοσαῦτα κοπιῶν καὶ ἀγρυπνῶν κατηνέχθης, ἰδίᾳ σε νουθετεῖν ὀφείλομεν, οὐκ ἐναντίον ἀνθρώπων τοσούτων προσφέρειν τὰς χεῖρας ὁ δὲ φαρμάκου κύλικα πέμψας ἐκέλευσεν ἐκπιεῖν τὸν ἄνθρωπον. Ἀριστοφάνης δὲ καὶ τὸν Κλέωνα τοῦτʼ ἐγκαλεῖν φησιν ὅτι
ξένων παρόντων τὴν πόλιν κακῶς λέγει
καὶ παροξύνει τοὺς Ἀθηναίους. διὸ δεῖ φυλάττεσθαι καὶ τοῦτο μετὰ τῶν ἄλλων τοὺς μὴ παρεπιδείκνυσθαι μηδὲ δημαγωγεῖν ἀλλʼ ὀνησιφόρως καὶ θεραπευτικῶς χρῆσθαι τῇ παρρησίᾳ βουλομένους καὶ μὴν ὅπερ ὁ Θουκυδίδης τοὺς Κορινθίους λέγοντας περὶ αὑτῶν πεποίηκεν, ὡς ἄξιοί εἰσιν ἑτέροις ἐπενεγκεῖν ψόγον, οὐ κακῶς εἰρημένον, ἔδει παρεῖναι τοῖς παρρησιαζομένοις. Λύσανδρος μὲν γὰρ ὡς ἔοικε πρὸς τὸν ἐκ Μεγάρων ἐν τοῖς συμμάχοις παρρησιαζόμενον ὑπὲρ τῆς Ἑλλάδος ἔφη τοὺς λόγους αὐτοῦ πόλεως δεῖσθαι· παρρησία δὲ παντὸς ἀνδρὸς ἤθους ἴσως δεῖται, καὶ τοῦτʼ ἀληθέστατόν ἐστιν ἐπὶ τῶν ἑτέρους νουθετούντων καὶ σωφρονιζόντων λεγόμενον. ὁ γοῦν Πλάτων ἔλεγε νουθετεῖν τῷ βίῳ τὸν Σπεύσιππον, ὥσπερ ἀμέλει καὶ Πολέμωνα Ξενοκράτης ὀφθεὶς μόνον ἐν τῇ διατριβῇ καὶ ἀποβλέψας πρὸς αὐτὸν ἐτρέψατο καὶ μετέθηκεν. ἐλαφροῦ δὲ καὶ φαύλου τὸ ἦθος ἀνθρώπου λόγῳ παρρησίας ἁπτομένῳ περίεστι προσακοῦσαι τὸ
ἄλλων ἰατρὸς αὐτὸς ἕλκεσιν βρύων οὐ μὴν ἀλλʼ ἐπεὶ φαύλους γε ὄντας αὐτοὺς ἑτέροις τε τοιούτοις ὁμιλοῦντας ἐξάγει τὸ πράγματα πολλάκις εἰς τὸ νουθετεῖν, ἐπιεικέστατος ἂν εἴη τρόπος ὁ συνεμπλέκων καὶ συμπεριλαμβάνων ἁμηγέπη τῷ ἐγκλήματι τὸν παρρησιαζόμενον·

[¶5] 33. Since, however, circumstances oftentimes impel men that are none too good themselves to use admonition when in the company of others who are no better than they, the most reasonable method would be that which in some way involves and includes in the arraignment the speaker himself. This is the principle of the reproof “Son of Tydeus, what has made us forget our swift prowess?” and “We are no match now even for Hector Who is only one man.” And in this way Socrates quietly took the young men to task, not assuming that he himself was exempted from ignorance, but feeling that he had need as well as they to study virtue and to search for truth. For those win goodwill and confidence who give the impression that, while addicted to the same faults, they are correcting their friends precisely as they correct themselves. But the man who gives himself airs in trying to curb another as though he himself were some pure and passionless being, unless he be well on in years or possessed of an acknowledged position in virtue and repute, only appears annoying and tedious, and profits nothing. Therefore it was not without a purpose that Phoenix interjected the account of his own misfortunes, his attempt in a fit of anger to slay his father, and his sudden change of heart, “Lest I be known among the Greeks as my father’s slayer ” This he did because he would not seem to admonish Achilles as though he were unaffected by anger and without fault himself. For such things make a deep moral impression, and persons are more wont to yield to those who seem to have like emotions but no feeling of contempt. Since a brilliant light must not be brought near to an inflamed eye, and a troubled spirit likewise does not put up with frank speaking and plain reproof, among the most useful helps is a light admixture of praise, as in the following: “Not without honour now can you be remiss in swift prowess, You who are all the best in our host. No cause for a quarrel Have I ’gainst any man who may be remiss in the fighting, If he is craven, but with you I am wroth beyond measure,” and “Pandarus, where is now your bow and its winged arrows? Where your repute which no man among us can rival?” Lines like the following also sound a clear summons to come back when men are on the verge of giving way: “Where’s Oedipus and all those riddles famed?” and “Can much-enduring Heracles speak thus?” For not only do they mitigate the harsh and peremptory tone of the censure, but they also arouse in a man a desire to emulate his better self, since he is made to feel ashamed of disgraceful conduct by being reminded of his honourable actions, and is prompted to look upon himself as an example of what is better. But whenever we draw comparisons with other people, as, for example, with those of a man’s own age or his fellow-citizens or his kinsmen, then the spirit of contentiousness that belongs to vice is made sullen and savage, and it will often suggest with some temper, “Then why don’t you go away to my betters, and not trouble me?” One must, therefore, in frank speaking toward one set of persons be on his guard against commending another set, with the single exception, it is true, of parents. For example, Agamemnon can say: “Truly Tydeus’ son is not much like his father,” and so, too, Odysseus in the Scyrians: “Dost thou, to shame the glory of thy race, Card wool, whose father was the noblest Greek?”

> Greek: 33. ἐφʼ ᾧ λέλεκται καὶ τὸ
Τυδείδη, τί παθόντε λελάσμεθα θούριδος ἀλκῆς;
καὶ τὸ
νῦν δʼ οὐδʼ ἑνὸς ἄξιοί εἰμεν
Ἕκτορος
καὶ ὁ Σωκράτης οὕτως ἀτρέμα τοὺς νέους ἤλεγχεν, ὡς μηδʼ αὐτὸς ἀπηλλαγμένος ἀμαθίας, ἀλλὰ μετʼ ἐκείνων οἰόμενος δεῖν ἀρετῆς ἐπιμέλεσθαι καὶ ζητεῖν τἀληθές. καὶ γὰρ εὔνοιαν καὶ πίστιν ἔχουσιν οἱ ταὐτὰ μὲν ἁμαρτάνειν, ἐπανορθοῦσθαι δὲ τοὺς φίλους ὥσπερ αὑτοὺς δοκοῦντες. ὁ δὲ σεμνύνων ἑαυτὸν ἐν τῷ κολούειν ἕτερον, ὡς δή τις εἰλικρινὴς καὶ ἀπαθής, ἂν μὴ πολὺ καθʼ ἡλικίαν προήκων μηδʼ ἔχων ἀρετῆς ὁμολογούμενον ἀξίωμα καὶ δόξης, ἐπαχθὴς φανεὶς καὶ βαρὺς οὐδὲν ὠφέλησεν. ὅθεν οὐχ ἁπλῶς ὁ Φοῖνιξ ἐνέβαλε τὰ περὶ αὑτὸν ἀτυχήματα, διʼ ὀργὴν ἐπιχειρήσαντος ἀνελεῖν τὸν πατέρα καὶ ταχὺ μεταγνόντος,
ὡς μὴ πατροφόνος μετʼ Ἀχαιοῖσιν καλεοίμην,
ἵνα μὴ δοκῇ νουθετεῖν ἐκεῖνον ὡς αὐτὸς ἀπαθὴς ὢν ὑπʼ ὀργῆς καὶ ἀναμάρτητος. ἐνδύεται γὰρ ἠθικῶς τὰ τοιαῦτα, καὶ μᾶλλον εἴκουσι τοῖς ὁμοιοπαθεῖν ἀλλὰ μὴ περιφρονεῖν δοκοῦσιν. ἐπεὶ δʼ οὔτε φῶς λαμπρὸν ὄμματι φλεγμαίνοντι προσοιστέον, οὔτʼ ἐμπαθὴς ψυχὴ παρρησίαν ἀναδέχεται καὶ νουθεσίαν ἄκρατον, ἐν τοῖς χρησιμωτάτοις ἐστὶ τῶν βοηθημάτων ὁ παραμιγνύμενος ἐλαφρὸς ἔπαινος, ὥσπερ ἐν τούτοις
ὑμεῖς δʼ οὐκέτι καλὰ μεθίετε θούριδος ἀλκῆς
πάντες ἄριστοι ἐόντες ἀνὰ στρατόν. οὐδʼ ἂν ἔγωγε
ἀνδρὶ μαχεσσαίμην ὅστις πολέμοιο μεθείη
λυγρὸς ἐών· ὑμῖν δὲ νεμεσσῶμαι περὶ κῆρι
καὶ
Πάνδαρε, ποῦ τοι τόξον ἰδὲ πτερόεντες ὀιστοὶ
καὶ κλέος, ᾧ οὔ τίς τοι ἐρίζεται ἐνθάδε γʼ ἀνήρ;
σφόδρα δʼ ἐμφανῶς ἀνακαλεῖται καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα τοὺς ὑποφερομένους
ὁ δʼ Οἰδίπους ποῦ καὶ τὰ κλείνʼ αἰνίγματα;
καὶ
ὁ πολλὰ δὴ τλὰς Ἡρακλῆς λέγει τάδε;
οὐ γὰρ μόνον ἀνίησι τοῦ ψόγου τὸ τραχὺ καὶ κολαστικόν, ἀλλὰ καὶ ζῆλον ἐμποιεῖ πρὸς ἑαυτὸν αἰδουμένῳ τὰ αἰσχρὰ τῇ τῶν καλῶν ὑπομνήσει καὶ παράδειγμα ποιουμένῳ τῶν βελτιόνων ἑαυτόν. ὅταν δʼ ἑτέρους οἷον ἥλικας ἢ πολίτας ἢ συγγενεῖς παραβάλλωμεν, ἄχθεται καὶ διαγριαίνεται τὸ φιλόνεικον τῆς κακίας, καὶ τοῦτο πολλάκις εἴωθεν ὑποφωνεῖν μετʼ ὀργῆς τί οὖν οὐκ ἄπει πρὸς τοὺς ἐμοῦ κρείττονας, ἐμοὶ δὲ μὴ παρέχεις πράγματα; φυλακτέον οὖν ἑτέρους ἐπαινεῖν παρρησιαζόμενον πρὸς ἑτέρους, ἂν μὴ νὴ Δία γονεῖς ὦσιν. ὡς Ἀγαμέμνων
ἦ ὀλίγον οἱ παῖδα ἐοικότα γείνατο Τυδεύς,
καὶ ὁ ἐν τοῖς Σκυρίοις Ὀδυσσεὺς
σὺ δʼ, ὦ τὸ λαμπρὸν φῶς καταισχύνων γένους,
ξαίνεις, ἀρίστου πατρὸς Ἑλλήνων γεγώς;

[¶6] 34. Least of all is it becoming to reply to admonition with admonition, and to counter frank speaking with frank speaking. For this provokes instant heat, and causes estrangement, and such altercation, as a rule, bewrays, not the man that merely rewards frankness with frankness, but the man that cannot tolerate frankness. It is better, therefore, to bear patiently with a friend who affects to offer admonition; for if later he errs himself, and requires admonition, this very fact, in a certain way, gives our frank speaking a chance to speak frankly. For if he be gently reminded, without any show of resentment, that he himself has not been wont to overlook the errors of his friends, but to take his friends to task and enlighten them, he will be much more inclined to yield and accept the correction, as being a way to requite a kindly and gracious feeling, and not fault-finding or anger.

> Greek: 34. ἥκιστα δὲ προσήκει νουθετούμενον ἀντινουθετεῖν καὶ παρρησίᾳ παρρησίαν ἀντεκφέρειν· ταχὺ γὰρ ἐκκάει καὶ ποιεῖ διαφοράν, καὶ ὅλως οὐκ ἀντιπαρρησιαζομένου δόξειεν ἂν ἀλλὰ παρρησίαν μὴ φέροντος ὁ τοιοῦτος ὠθισμὸς εἶναι. βέλτιον οὖν ὑπομένειν τὸν νουθετεῖν δοκοῦντα φίλον· ἂν γὰρ ὕστερον αὐτὸς ἁμαρτάνῃ καὶ δέηται νουθεσίας, αὐτὸ τοῦτο τῇ παρρησίᾳ τρόπον τινὰ παρρησίαν δίδωσιν. ὑπομιμνῃσκόμενος γὰρ ἄνευ μνησικακίας ὅτι τοὺς φίλους καὶ αὐτὸς εἰώθει μὴ περιορᾶν ἁμαρτάνοντας ἀλλʼ ἐξελέγχειν καὶ διδάσκειν, μᾶλλον ἐνδώσει καὶ παραδέξεται τὴν ἐπανόρθωσιν, ὡς οὖσαν εὐνοίας καὶ χάριτος οὐ μέμψεως ἀνταπόδοσιν οὐδʼ ὀργῆς.

[¶7] 35. Then again, as Thucydides says, “Whoever incurs unpopularity over matters of the highest importance, shows a right judgement”; so it is the duty of a friend to accept the odium that comes from giving admonition when matters of importance and of great concern are at stake. But if he is for ever bickering over everything and about everything, and approaches his acquaintance in the manner not of a friend but of a schoolmaster, his admonitions will lose their edge and effectiveness in matters of the highest importance, since, like a physician who should dole out his supply of a pungent or bitter but necessary and costly medicine by prescribing it in a great number of slight cases where it is not necessary, he will have used up his supply of frankness without result. He will, therefore, be earnestly on his guard against continual censoriousness in himself; and if another person is apt to search narrowly into everything, and keeps up a continual comment of petty accusation, this will give him the key, as it were, in opening an attack on faults that are more important. The physician Philotimus, on an occasion, when a man with an ulcerated liver showed him his finger with a whitlow on it, said, “My friend, you need not concern yourself about a sore finger.” And so, too, the right occasion gives a friend a chance to say to the man whose accusations are based on trifles of no real import, “Why dwell on playful sports and conviviality and nonsense? Let this man, my friend, but get rid of the woman he keeps, or cease gambling, and there we have a man in all else admirable.” For the man who receives indulgence in small matters is not unready to grant to his friend the right to speak frankly in regard to the greater. But the inveterate nagger, everywhere sour and unpleasant, noticing everything and officiously making it his concern, is not only intolerable to children and brothers, but is unendurable even to slaves.

> Greek: 35. ἔτι τοίνυν ὁ μὲν Θουκυδίδης φησὶν ὅστις ἐπὶ μεγίστοις τὸ ἐπίφθονον λαμβάνει, ὀρθῶς βουλεύεται· τῷ δὲ φίλῳ προσήκει τὸ ἐκ τοῦ νουθετεῖν ἐπαχθὲς ὑπὲρ μεγάλων ἀναδέχεσθαι καὶ σφόδρα διαφερόντων. ἂν δʼ ἐπὶ πᾶσι καὶ πρὸς πάντα δυσκολαίνῃ καὶ μὴ φιλικῶς ἀλλὰ παιδαγωγικῶς προσφέρηται τοῖς συνήθεσιν, ἀμβλὺς ἐν τοῖς μεγίστοις νουθετῶν ἔσται καὶ ἄπρακτος, ὥσπερ ἰατρὸς δριμὺ φάρμακον ἢ πικρὸν ἀναγκαῖον δὲ καὶ πολυτελὲς εἰς πολλὰ καὶ μικρὰ καὶ οὐκ ἀναγκαῖα διελὼν τῇ παρρησίᾳ κατακεχρημένος. αὐτὸς μὲν οὖν σφόδρα φυλάξεται τὸ συνεχὲς καὶ φιλαίτιον· ἑτέρου δὲ μικρολογουμένου περὶ πάντα καὶ παρασυκοφαντοῦντος ὥσπερ ἐνδόσιμον ἕξει πρὸς τὰ μείζονα τῶν ἁμαρτημάτων. καὶ γὰρ ἰατρὸς Φιλότιμος ἐμπύου τὸ ἧπαρ ἀνθρώπου δείξαντος αὐτῷ τὸν δάκτυλον ἡλκωμένον οὐκ ἔστι σοι εἶπεν ὦ τᾶν περὶ παρωνυχίας ὁ λόγος. οὐκοῦν καὶ τῷ φίλῳ δίδωσιν ὁ καιρὸς εἰπεῖν πρὸς τὸν ἐπὶ μικροῖς καὶ μηδενὸς ἀξίοις ἐγκαλοῦντα τί παιδιὰς καὶ πότους καὶ φλυάρους λέγομεν; οὗτος, ὦ τᾶν, ἀποπεμψάσθω τὴν ἑταίραν ἢ παυσάσθω κυβεύων, καὶ τἄλλα θαυμαστὸς ἡμῖν ἄνθρωπός ἐστιν ὁ γὰρ εἰς τὰ μικρὰ συγγνώμην λαβὼν οὐκ ἀηδῶς εἰς τὰ μείζονα τῷ φίλῳ παρρησίαν δίδωσιν· ὁ δʼ ἐγκείμενος ἀεὶ καὶ πανταχοῦ πικρὸς καὶ ἀτερπὴς καὶ πάντα γιγνώσκων καὶ πολυπραγμονῶν οὐδὲ παισὶν ἀνεκτὸς οὐδʼ ἀδελφοῖς, ἀλλὰ καὶ δούλοις ἀφόρητος.

[¶8] 36. But since, to quote Euripides, “not everything connected with old age is bad,” and the same thing holds true also of our friends’ fatuity, we ought to keep close watch upon our friends not only when they go wrong but also when they are right, and indeed the first step should be commendation cheerfully bestowed. Then later, just as steel is made compact by cooling, and takes on a temper as the result of having first been relaxed and softened by heat, so when our friends have become mollified and warmed by our commendations we should give them an application of frankness like a tempering bath. For the right occasion gives us a chance to say, “Is this conduct worthy to compare with that? Do you see what fruits honour yields? This is what we your friends demand; this befits your own character; nature intended you for this.” But those other promptings must be exorcised— “Off to the mountain or else to the surge of the loud-roaring ocean.” For as a kind-hearted physician would prefer to relieve a sick man’s ailment by sleep and diet rather than by castor and scammony, so a kindly friend, a good father, and a teacher, take pleasure in using commendation rather than blame for the correction of character. For nothing else makes the frank person give so little pain and do so much good by his words, as to refrain from all show of temper, and to approach the erring good-humouredly and with kindliness. For this reason they should not be sharply refuted when they make denial, nor prevented from defending themselves; but we should in some way or other help them to evolve some presentable excuses, and, repudiating the worse motive, provide one more tolerable ourselves, such as is found in Hector’s words to his brother: “Strange man!’Tis not right to nurse this wrath in your bosom,” as though his withdrawal from the combat were not desertion, or cowardice, but only a display of temper. And so Nestor to Agamemnon: “But you to your high-minded spirit Gave way.” For a higher moral tone, I think, is assumed in saying “You acted unbecomingly” rather than “You did wrong,” and “You were inadvertent” rather than “You were ignorant,” and “Don’t be contentious with your brother” rather than “Don’t be jealous of your brother,” and “Keep away from the woman who is trying to ruin you” rather than “Stop trying to ruin the woman.” Such is the method which frankness seeks to take when it would reclaim a wrongdoer; but to stir a man to action it tries the opposite method. For example, whenever it either becomes necessary to divert persons that are on the point of going wrong, or when we would give an earnest impulse to those who are trying to make a stand against the onset of a violent adverse impulse, or who are quite without energy and spirit for what is noble, we should turn round and ascribe their action to some unnatural or unbecoming motives. Thus Odysseus, as Sophocles represents him, in trying to rouse the spirit of Achilles, says that Achilles is not angry on account of the dinner, but “Already at the sight of builded Troy You are afraid.” And again when Achilles is exceedingly indignant at this, and says that he is for sailing away, Odysseus says “I know what ’tis you flee; not ill repute, But Hector’s near; it is not good to stay.” So by alarming the spirited and manly man with an imputation of cowardice, the chaste and orderly with an imputation of licentiousness, the liberal and lordly with an imputation of pettiness and stinginess, they give to such persons an impulse toward what is noble, and turn them away from what is disgraceful, proving themselves moderate in matters beyond remedy, and owning more to sorrow and sympathy than to blame in their frank speaking; but in efforts to prevent the commission of error and in any wrestling with the emotions they are severe, inexorable, and unremitting. For this is the right time for a resolute goodwill and genuine frankness. Blame for past deeds is a weapon which we see enemies using against each other. Whereby is confirmed the saying of Diogenes that as a matter of self-preservation, a man needs to be supplied with good friends or else with ardent enemies; for the former instruct him, and the latter take him to task. But it is better to guard against errors by following proffered advice than to repent of errors because of men’s upbraiding. This is the reason why it is necessary to treat frankness as a fine art, inasmuch as it is the greatest and most potent medicine in friendship, always needing, however, all care to hit the right occasion, and a tempering with moderation.

> Greek: 36. ἐπεὶ δʼ οὔτε τῷ γήρᾳ πάντα πρόσεστι κακὰ κατʼ Εὐριπίδην οὔτε τῇ τῶν φίλων ἀβελτερίᾳ, δεῖ μὴ μόνον ἁμαρτάνοντας ἀλλὰ καὶ κατορθοῦντας ἐπιτηρεῖν τοὺς φίλους, καὶ νὴ Δία προθύμως ἐπαινεῖν τὸ πρῶτον· εἶθʼ ὥσπερ ὁ σίδηρος πυκνοῦται τῇ περιψύξει καὶ δέχεται τὴν στόμωσιν ἀνεθεὶς πρῶτον ὑπὸ θερμότητος καὶ μαλακὸς γενόμενος, οὕτω τοῖς φίλοις διακεχυμένοις καὶ θερμοῖς οὖσιν ὑπὸ τῶν ἐπαίνων ὥσπερ βαφὴν ἀτρέμα τὴν παρρησίαν ἐπάγειν. δίδωσι γὰρ καιρὸς εἰπεῖν ἆρʼ ἄξιον ἐκεῖνα τούτοις παραβάλλειν; ὁρᾷς τὸ καλὸν οἵους καρποὺς ἀποδίδωσι; ταῦτʼ ἀπαιτοῦμεν οἱ φίλοι, ταῦτʼ ἐστὶν οἰκεῖα, πρὸς ταῦτα πέφυκας· ἐκεῖνα δʼ ἀποδιοπομπητέον
εἰς ὄρος ἢ ἐς κῦμα πολυφλοίσβοιο θαλάσσης
ὡς γὰρ ἰατρὸς εὐγνώμων βούλοιτʼ ἂν ὕπνῳ καὶ τροφῇ μᾶλλον ἢ καστορίῳ καὶ σκαμωνίῳ τὸ νόσημα λῦσαι τοῦ κάμνοντος, οὕτω καὶ φίλος ἐπιεικὴς καὶ πατὴρ χρηστὸς καὶ διδάσκαλος ἐπαίνῳ μᾶλλον ἢ ψόγῳ χαίρει πρὸς ἐπανόρθωσιν ἤθους χρώμενος οὐδὲν γὰρ ἄλλο ποιεῖ τὸν παρρησιαζόμενον ἥκιστα λυπεῖν καὶ μάλιστα θεραπεύειν ἢ τὸ φειδόμενον ὀργῆς ἐν ἤθει καὶ μετʼ εὐνοίας προσφέρεσθαι τοῖς ἁμαρτάνουσιν. ὅθεν οὔτʼ ἀρνουμένους δεῖ πικρῶς ἐξελέγχειν οὔτε κωλύειν ἀπολογουμένους, ἀλλὰ καὶ προφάσεις εὐσχήμονας ἁμωσγέπως συνεκπορίζειν καὶ τῆς χείρονος αἰτίας ἀφισταμένοις αὐτοὺς ἐνδιδόναι μετριωτέραν, ὡς ὁ Ἕκτωρ
δαιμόνιʼ, οὐ μὲν καλὰ χόλον τόνδʼ ἔνθεο θυμῷ
πρὸς τὸν ἀδελφόν, ὡς οὐκ ἀπόδρασιν οὐδὲ δειλίαν οὖσαν ἀλλʼ ὀργὴν τὴν ἐκ τῆς μάχης ἀναχώρησιν αὐτοῦ. καὶ πρὸς τὸν Ἀγαμέμνονα ὁ Νέστωρ
σὺ δὲ σῷ μεγαλήτορι θυμῷ
εἴξας.
ἠθικώτερον γὰρ οἶμαι τοῦ ἠδίκησας καὶ ἠσχημόνησας τὸ οὐκ ἐπέστησας καὶ ἠγνόησας, καὶ τὸ μὴ φιλονείκει πρὸς τὸν ἀδελφὸν ἢ τὸ μὴ φθόνει τῷ ἀδελφῷ καὶ τὸ φύγε τὴν γυναῖκα διαφθείρουσαν ἢ τὸ παῦσαι τὴν γυναῖκα διαφθείρων. τοιοῦτον γὰρ ἡ θεραπευτικὴ παρρησία ζητεῖ τρόπον, ἡ δὲ πρακτικὴ τὸν ἐναντίον. ὅταν γὰρ ἢ μέλλοντας ἁμαρτάνειν ἐκκροῦσαι δεήσῃ πρὸς ὁρμήν τινα βίαιον ἐνισταμένους ἐξ ἐναντίας φερομένην ἢ πρὸς τὰ καλὰ μαλακῶς καὶ ἀπροθύμως ἔχοντας ἐντεῖναι καὶ παρορμῆσαι θελήσωμεν, εἰς αἰτίας δεῖ περιφέρειν ἀτόπους καὶ μὴ πρεπούσας τὸ γιγνόμενον. ὡς ὁ παρὰ Σοφοκλεῖ τὸν Ἀχιλλέα παροξύνων Ὀδυσσεὺς οὔ φησιν ὀργίζεσθαι διὰ τὸ δεῖπνον, ἀλλʼ
ἤδη φησὶ τὰ Τροίας εἰσορῶν ἑδώλια
δέδοικας,
καὶ πρὸς ταῦτα πάλιν τοῦ Ἀχιλλέως διαγανακτοῦντος καὶ ἀποπλεῖν λέγοντος
ἐγᾦδʼ ὃ φεύγεις, οὐ τὸ μὴ κλύειν κακῶς,
ἀλλʼ ἐγγὺς Ἕκτωρ ἐστί· οὐ μένειν καλόν.
τὸν μὲν οὖν θυμοειδῆ καὶ ἀνδρώδη δειλίας δόξῃ, τὸν δὲ σώφρονα καὶ κόσμιον ἀκολασίας, τὸν δʼ ἐλευθέριον καὶ μεγαλοπρεπῆ μικρολογίας καὶ φιλαργυρίας δεδιττόμενοι παρορμῶσι πρὸς τὰ καλὰ καὶ τῶν αἰσχρῶν ἀπελαύνουσι, μέτριοι μὲν ἐν τοῖς ἀνηκέστοις ἐξεταζόμενοι καὶ τὸ λυπούμενον καὶ τὸ συναλγοῦν πλέον ἐν τῷ παρρησιάζεσθαι τοῦ ψέγοντος ἔχοντες, ἐν δὲ ταῖς κωλύσεσι τῶν ἁμαρτανομένων καὶ πρὸς τὰ πάθη διαμάχαις σφοδροὶ καὶ ἀπαραίτητοι καὶ συνεχεῖς ὄντες οὗτος γὰρ ὁ καιρὸς εὐνοίας ἀθρύπτου καὶ παρρησίας ἀληθινῆς ἐστι. τῷ δὲ ψέγειν τὰ πραχθέντα καὶ τοὺς ἐχθροὺς κατʼ ἀλλήλων ὁρῶμεν χρωμένους, ὥσπερ Διογένης ἔλεγεν ὅτι τῷ μέλλοντι σῴζεσθαι δεῖ φίλους ἀγαθοὺς ἢ διαπύρους ἐχθροὺς ὑπάρχειν οἱ μὲν γὰρ διδάσκουσιν, οἱ δʼ ἐλέγχουσι. βέλτιον δὲ τὰς ἁμαρτίας φυλάττεσθαι τοῖς συμβουλεύουσι πειθόμενον ἢ μετανοεῖν ἁμαρτάνοντα διὰ τοὺς κακῶς λέγοντας. καὶ διὰ τοῦτο δεῖ καὶ περὶ τὴν παρρησίαν φιλοτεχνεῖν, ὅσῳ μέγιστόν ἐστι καὶ κράτιστον ἐν φιλίᾳ φάρμακον, εὐστοχίας τε καιροῦ μάλιστα καὶ κράσεως μέτρον ἐχούσης ἀεὶ δεομένη.

[¶9] 37. Since, then, as has been said, frankness, from its very nature, is oftentimes painful to the person to whom it is applied, there is need to follow the example of the physicians; for they, in a surgical operation, do not leave the part that has been operated upon in its suffering and pain, but treat it with soothing lotions and fomentations; nor do persons that use admonition with skill simply apply its bitterness and sting, and then run away; but by further converse and gentle words they mollify and assuage, even as stone-cutters smooth and polish the portions of statues that have been previously hammered and chiselled. But the man who has been hard hit and scored by frankness, if he be left rough and tumid and uneven, will, owing to the effect of anger, not readily respond to an appeal the next time, or put up with attempts to soothe him. Therefore those who employ admonition should be particularly on their guard in this respect, and not take their leave too soon, nor allow anything painful and irritating to their acquaintances to form the final topic of conversation at an interview.

> Greek: 37. ἐπεὶ τοίνυν, ὥσπερ εἴρηται, πολλάκις ἡ παρρησία τῷ θεραπευομένῳ λυπηρὰ πέφυκε, δεῖ μιμεῖσθαι τοὺς ἰατρούς οὔτε γὰρ ἐκεῖνοι τέμνοντες ἐν τῷ πονεῖν καὶ ἀλγεῖν καταλείπουσι τὸ πεπονθός, ἀλλʼ ἐνέβρεξαν προσηνῶς καὶ κατῃόνησαν, οὔθʼ οἱ νουθετοῦντες ἀστείως τὸ πικρὸν καὶ δηκτικὸν προσβαλόντες ἀποτρέχουσιν, ἀλλʼ ὁμιλίαις ἑτέραις καὶ 12· λόγοις ἐπιεικέσιν ἐκπραΰνουσι καὶ διαχέουσιν, ὥσπερ οἱ λιθοξόοι τὰ πληγέντα καὶ περικοπέντα τῶν ἀγαλμάτων ἐπιλεαίνοντες καὶ γανοῦντες. ὁ δὲ πληγεὶς μὲν τῇ παρρησίᾳ καὶ χαραχθείς, ἀφεθεὶς δὲ τραχὺς καὶ οἰδῶν καὶ ἀνώμαλος ὑπʼ ὀργῆς δυσανάκλητος αὖθίς ἐστι καὶ δυσπαρηγόρητος. διὸ καὶ τοῦτο δεῖ παραφυλάττειν ἐν τοῖς μάλιστα τοὺς νουθετοῦντας καὶ μὴ προαπολείπειν, μηδὲ ποιεῖσθαι πέρας ὁμιλίας καὶ συνουσίας τὸ λυποῦν καὶ παροξῦνον τοὺς συνήθεις.