Plutarch’s essay on friendship may possibly have been offered on some occasion as a lecture, but there is nothing to prove or disprove this assumption. From what we know of Plutarch’s relations to his friends we can well believe that he was singularly happy in his friendships, and hence well fitted to speak on the subject. He was familiar, too, with the literature dealing with friendship, and the result is an essay well worth reading. Cicero’s essay on friendship (De amicitia) may profitably be compared with Plutarch’s. Two or three emendations of a more radical nature have been adopted in the text, in the effort to make it intelligible: for example, in 96 a the translation probably gives the right sense of the passage, as Wyttenbach seemed to see, but whether the emendation is right is more doubtful. Even more doubtful is Paton’s προσεντείνειν, based on an even more dubious emendation of ἐντείνασθαι in the quotation from Euripides; for Plutarch would not be apt to refer to an aorist middle by a present active form. In these matters Plutarch was more careful than Paton. Meno, the Thessalian, who felt that he had had a good training in debating, and, to quote Empedocles’ familiar expression, was “Haunting the lofty heights of wisdom,” was asked by Socrates what virtue is; and when he replied impulsively and promptly that there is a virtue appropriate to a child and to an old man, to a grown man and to a woman, to a public official and to a private citizen, to a master and to a servant, Socrates exclaimed, “A fine answer! for when asked for one virtue you have stirred up a whole swarm of virtues,” inferring, not badly, that it was because the man knew not a single virtue that he was naming so many. And might not we also be subject to ridicule because we, who are not yet in secure possession of one friendship, are afraid that we may unwittingly become involved in a multitude of friendships? We hardly differ at all from a man who, being maimed or blind, is afraid that he may become a Briareus of the hundred hands or an Argus all-seeing. And yet we commend above measure the youth in Menander’s play who says that any man counts it a marvellous good thing “If he but have the shadow of a friend.”
Μένωνα τὸν Θετταλὸν οἰόμενον ἐν λόγοις ἱκανῶς γεγυμνάσθαι καὶ τοῦτο δὴ τὸ ὑπὸ τοῦ Ἐμπεδοκλέους λεγόμενον σοφίης ἐπʼ ἄκροισι θαμίζειν ἠρώτησεν ὁ Σωκράτης τί ἀρετή ἐστιν· ἀποκριναμένου δʼ ἰταμῶς ἐκείνου καὶ προχείρως ὅτι καὶ παιδός ἐστιν ἀρετὴ καὶ πρεσβύτου καὶ ἀνδρὸς καὶ γυναικὸς καὶ ἄρχοντος καὶ ἰδιώτου καὶ δεσπότου καὶ θεράποντος, εὖ γʼ εἶπεν ὁ Σωκράτης, ὅτι μίαν ἀρετὴν αἰτηθεὶς σμῆνος ἀρετῶν κεκίνηκας, οὐ κακῶς τεκμαιρόμενος ὅτι μηδεμίαν εἰδὼς ἀρετὴν ἄνθρωπος πολλὰς ὠνόμαζεν. ἆρʼ οὖν οὐχὶ καὶ ἡμῖν ἄν τις ἐπιχλευάσειεν ὅτι μηδέπω μίαν φιλίαν κεκτημένοι βεβαίως φοβούμεθα μὴ λάθωμεν εἰς πολυφιλίαν ἐμπεσόντες; σχεδὸν γὰρ οὐδὲν διαφέρομεν ἀνθρώπου κολοβοῦ καὶ τυφλοῦ, φοβουμένου μὴ Βριάρεως ὁ ἑκατόγχειρ καὶ Ἄργος ὁ πανόπτης γένηται. καίτοι τόν γε παρὰ τῷ Μενάνδρῳ νεανίσκον ὑπερφυῶς ἐπαινοῦμεν εἰπόντα θαυμαστὸν ὅσον νομίζειν ἀγαθὸν ἕκαστον, ἂν ἔχῃ φίλου σκιάν ἐναντίον δὲ μετὰ πολλῶν ἄλλων οὐχ ἥκιστα πρὸς φιλίας κτῆσιν ἡ τῆς πολυφιλίας ὄρεξις, ὥσπερ ἔρως ἀκολάστων γυναικῶν τῷ πολλάκις καὶ πολλοῖς συμπλέκεσθαι τῶν πρώτων κρατεῖν μὴ δυνάμενος ἀμελουμένων καὶ ἀπορρεόντων·
2. One thing which stands out among many others, as particularly antagonistic to our acquisition of friendship, is the craving for numerous friends, which is like that of licentious women, for because of our frequent intimacies with many different persons we cannot keep our hold on our earlier associates, who are neglected and drift away. A better comparison, perhaps, is the nursling of Hypsipyle, who seated himself in the meadow, and “One after another caught up Handfuls of flowers with joyful heart, But with childhood’s yearning unsated.” So it is with all of us: because anything new attracts us but soon palls on us, it is always the recent and freshly blooming friend that allures us and makes us change our minds, even while we are busy with many beginnings of friendship and intimacy at the same time, which go but little further, since, in our longing for the person we pursue, we pass over the one already within our grasp. In the first place, then, let us begin at the hearthstone, as the saying is, with the story of men’s lives which history has left us regarding steadfast friends, and let us take as witness and counsellor in our discussion the long and distant ages in which are mentioned, as paired in the bond of friendship, Theseus and Peirithoüs, Achilles and Patroclus, Orestes and Pylades, Phintias and Damon, Epameinondas and Pelopidas. For friendship is a creature that seeks a companion; it is not like cattle and crows that flock and herd together, and to look upon one’s friend as another self and to call him “brother” as though to suggest “th’other,” is nothing but a way of using duality as a measure of friendship. It is impossible to acquire either many slaves or many friends with little coin. What then is the coin of friendship? It is goodwill and graciousness combined with virtue, than which nature has nothing more rare. It follows, then, that a strong mutual friendship with many persons is impossible, but, just as rivers whose waters are divided among many branches and channels flow weak and thin, so affection, naturally strong in a soul, if portioned out among many persons becomes utterly enfeebled. This is the reason why, in the case of animals, love for their young is more strongly implanted by nature in those that give birth to but one at a time; and Homer’s name for a beloved son is “the only one, child of our eld,” that is to say, born to parents who neither have nor can ever have another child.
2. μᾶλλον δʼ ὥσπερ ὁ τῆς Ὑψιπύλης τρόφιμος εἰς τὸν λειμῶνα καθίσας ἔδρεπενἕτερον ἐφʼ ἑτέρῳ αἰρόμενοςἄγρευμʼ ἀνθέων ἡδομένᾳ ψυχᾷτὸ νήπιον ἄπληστον ἔχων,οὕτως ἕκαστον ἡμῶν διὰ τὸ φιλόκαινον καὶ ἁψίκορον ὁ πρόσφατος ἀεὶ καὶ ἀνθῶν ἐπάγεται, καὶ μετατίθησι πολλὰς ὁμοῦ καὶ ἀτελεῖς ἀρχὰς πράττοντας φιλίας καὶ συνηθείας, ἔρωτι τοῦ διωκομένου παρερχομένους τὸ καταλαμβανόμενον. πρῶτον μὲν οὖν ὥσπερ ἀφʼ ἑστίας ἀρξάμενοι τῆς τοῦ βίου φήμης ἣν ὑπὲρ φίλων βεβαίων ἀπολέλοιπεν ἡμῖν, τὸν μακρὸν καὶ παλαιὸν αἰῶνα μάρτυρα ἅμα τοῦ λόγου καὶ σύμβουλον λάβωμεν, ἐν ᾧ κατὰ ζεῦγος φιλίας λέγονται Θησεὺς καὶ Πειρίθους, Ἀχιλλεὺς καὶ Πάτροκλος, Ὀρέστης καὶ Πυλάδης, Φιντίας καὶ Δάμων, Ἐπαμεινώνδας καὶ Πελοπίδας· σύννομον γὰρ ἡ φιλία ζῷον οὐκ ἀγελαῖόν ἐστιν οὐδὲ κολοιῶδες, καὶ τὸ ἄλλον αὑτὸν ἡγεῖσθαι τὸν φίλον καὶ προσαγορεύειν ἑταῖρον ἕτερον οὐδέν ἐστιν ἢ μέτρῳ φιλίας τῇ δυάδι χρωμένων. οὔτε γὰρ δούλους οὔτε φίλους ἔστι κτήσασθαι πολλοὺς ἀπʼ ὀλίγου νομίσματος. τί οὖν νόμισμα φιλίας; εὔνοια καὶ χάρις μετʼ ἀρετῆς, ὧν οὐδὲν ἔχει σπανιώτερον ἡ φύσις. ὅθεν τὸ σφόδρα φιλεῖν καὶ φιλεῖσθαι πρὸς πολλοὺς οὐκ ἔστιν, ἀλλʼ ὥσπερ οἱ ποταμοὶ πολλὰς σχίσεις καὶ κατατομὰς λαμβάνοντες ἀσθενεῖς καὶ λεπτοὶ ῥέουσιν, οὕτω τὸ φιλεῖν ἐν ψυχῇ σφοδρὸν πεφυκὸς εἰς πολλοὺς μεριζόμενον ἐξαμαυροῦται. διὸ καὶ τῶν ζῴων τὸ φιλότεκνον τοῖς μονοτόκοις ἰσχυρότερον ἐμφύεται, καὶ Ὅμηρος· ἀγαπητὸν υἱὸν ὀνομάζει μοῦνον τηλύγετον τουτέστι τὸν τοῖς μήτʼ ἔχουσιν ἕτερον γονεῦσι μήθʼ ἕξουσι γεγενημένον.
3. We do not maintain that our friend should be “the only one,” but along with others let there be some “child of our eld” and “late-begotten,” as it were, who has consumed with us in the course of time the proverbial bushel of salt, not as is the fashion nowadays, by which many get the name of friend by drinking a single glass together, or by playing ball or gambling together, or by spending a night under the same roof, and so pick up a friendship from inn, gymnasium, or market-place. In the houses of rich men and rulers, the people see a noisy throng of visitors offering their greetings and shaking hands and playing the part of armed retainers, and they think that those who have so many friends must be happy. Yet they can see a far greater number of flies in those persons’ kitchens. But the flies do not stay on after the good food is gone, nor the retainers after their patron’s usefulness is gone. But true friendship seeks after three things above all else: virtue as a good thing, intimacy as a pleasant thing, and usefulness as a necessary thing, for a man ought to use judgement before accepting a friend, and to enjoy being with him and to use him when in need of him, and all these things stand in the way of one’s having many friends; but most in the way is the first (which is the most important)—the approval through judgement. Therefore we must, in the first place, consider whether it is possible in a brief period of time to test dancers who are to dance together, or rowers who are to pull together, or servants who are to be guardians of property or attendants of children, let alone the testing of a multitude of friends who are to strip for a general contest with every kind of fortune, each one of whom “Puts his successes with the common store, And shares in bad luck, too, without distress.” For no ship is launched upon the sea to meet so many storms, nor do men, when they erect protecting walls for strongholds, and dams and moles for harbours, anticipate perils so numerous and so great as those from which friendship, rightly and surely tried, promises a refuge and protection. But when some thrust their friendship upon us without being tried, and are found to be like bad coins when put to the test, “Those who are bereft rejoice, And those who have them pray for some escape.” But here is the difficulty—that it is not easy to escape or to put aside an unsatisfactory friendship; but as harmful and disquieting food can neither be retained without causing pain and injury, nor ejected in the form in which it was taken in, but only as a disgusting and repulsive mess, so an unprincipled friend either causes pain and intense discomfort by his continued association, or else with accompanying enmity and hostility is forcibly ejected like bile.
3. τὸν δὲ φίλον ἡμεῖς μοῦνον μὲν οὐκ ἀξιοῦμεν εἶναι, μετʼ ἄλλου δὲ τηλύγετός τις καὶ ὀψίγονος ἔστω, τὸν θρυλούμενον ἐκεῖνον χρόνῳ τῶν ἁλῶν συγκατεδηδοκὼς μέδιμνον, οὐχ ὥσπερ νῦν πολλοὶ φίλοι λεγόμενοι συμπιόντες ἅπαξ ἢ συγκαταλύσαντες ἢ συγκυβεύσαντες ἢ συγκαταλύσαντες, ἐκ πανδοκείου καὶ παλαίστρας καὶ ἀγορᾶς φιλίαν συλλέγουσιν. ἐν δὲ ταῖς τῶν πλουσίων καὶ ἡγεμονικῶν οἰκίαις πολὺν ὄχλον καὶ θόρυβον ἀσπαζομένων καὶ δεξιουμένων καὶ δορυφορούντων ὁρῶντες εὐδαιμονίζουσι τοὺς πολυφίλους. καίτοι πλείονάς γε μυίας ἐν τοῖς ὀπτανείοις αὐτῶν ὁρῶσιν. ἀλλʼ οὔθʼ αὗται τῆς λιχνείας οὔτʼ ἐκεῖνοι τῆς χρείας ἐπιλιπούσης παραμένουσιν. ἐπεὶ δʼ ἡ ἀληθινὴ φιλία τρία ζητεῖ μάλιστα, τὴν ἀρετὴν ὡς καλόν, καὶ τὴν συνήθειαν ὡς ἡδύ, καὶ τὴν χρείαν ὡς ἀναγκαῖον δεῖ γὰρ ἀποδέξασθαι κρίναντα καὶ χαίρειν συνόντα καὶ χρῆσθαι δεόμενον, ἃ πάντα πρὸς τὴν πολυφιλίαν ὑπεναντιοῦται, καὶ μάλιστά πως τὸ κυριώτατον ἡ κρίσις, σκεπτέον πρῶτον εἰ δυνατόν ἐστιν ἐν βραχεῖ χρόνῳ δοκιμάσαι χορευτὰς συγχορευσομένους, ἐρέτας ὁμορροθήσοντας, οἰκέτας χρημάτων ἐπιτρόπους ἢ τέκνων παιδαγωγοὺς ἐσομένους, μήτι γε φίλους πολλοὺς εἰς ἀγῶνα πάσης τύχης συναποδυσομένους, ὧν ἕκαστος αὐτὸς θʼ αὑτὸνπράττων εὖ τίθησιν εἰς μέσον,τοῦ δυστυχοῦς τε λαγχάνων οὐκ ἄχθεταιοὔτε ναῦς γὰρ ἐπὶ τοσούτους ἕλκεται χειμῶνας εἰς θάλατταν, οὔτε χωρίοις τριγχοὺς καὶ λιμέσι προβάλλουσιν ἕρκη καὶ χώματα τηλικούτους προσδεχόμενοι κινδύνους καὶ τοσούτους, ὅσων ἐπαγγέλλεται φιλία καταφυγὴν καὶ βοήθειαν, ὀρθῶς καὶ βεβαίως ἐξετασθεῖσα· τῶν δʼ ἀνεξετάστως παραρρυέντων ὥσπερ νομισμάτων ἀδοκίμων ἐλεγχομένωνοἱ μὲν ἐστερημένοιχαίρουσιν, οἱ δʼ ἔχοντες εὔχονται φυγεῖνἔστι δὲ τοῦτο χαλεπὸν καὶ οὐ ῥᾴδιον, τὸ φυγεῖν ἢ ἀποθέσθαι δυσαρεστουμένην φιλίαν. ἀλλʼ ὥσπερ σιτίον βλαβερὸν καὶ δυσχεραινόμενον οὔτε κατέχειν οἷόν τε μὴ λυποῦν καὶ διαφθεῖρον οὔτʼ ἐκβάλλειν οἷον εἰσῆλθεν ἀλλʼ εἰδεχθὲς καὶ συμπεφυρμένον καὶ ἀλλόκοτον, οὕτω φίλος πονηρὸς ἢ σύνεστι λυπῶν καὶ λυμαινόμενος, ἢ βίᾳ μετʼ ἔχθρας καὶ δυσμενείας ὥσπερ χολή τις ἐξέπεσε.
4. We ought therefore not to accept readily chance acquaintances, or attach ourselves to them, nor ought we to make friends of those who seek after us, but rather we should seek after those who are worthy of friendship. For one should by no means take what can be easily taken. In fact we step over or thrust aside bramble and brier, which seize hold upon us, and make our way onward to the olive and the vine. Thus it is always an excellent thing not to make an intimate acquaintance of the man who is ready with his embraces, but rather, of our own motion, to embrace those of whom we approve as worthy of our attention and useful to us.
4. διὸ δεῖ μὴ ῥᾳδίως προσδέχεσθαι μηδὲ κολλᾶσθαι τοῖς ἐντυγχάνουσι μηδὲ φιλεῖν τοὺς διώκοντας, ἀλλὰ τοὺς ἀξίους φιλίας διώκειν. οὐ γὰρ αἱρετέον πάντως τὸ ῥᾳδίως ἁλισκόμενον. καὶ γὰρ ἀπαρίνην καὶ βάτον ἐπιλαμβανομένην ὑπερβάντες καὶ διωσάμενοι βαδίζομεν ἐπὶ τὴν ἐλαίαν καὶ τὴν ἄμπελον. οὕτως ἀεὶ μὴ τὸν εὐχερῶς περιπλεκόμενον ποιεῖσθαι συνήθη καλόν, ἀλλὰ τοῖς ἀξίοις σπουδῆς καὶ ὠφελίμοις αὐτοὺς περιπλέκεσθαι δοκιμάζοντας.
5. Just as Zeuxis, when some persons charged him with painting slowly, retorted by saying, “Yes, it takes me a long time, for it is to last long,” so it is necessary to preserve friendship and intimacy by adopting them only after spending a long time in passing judgement upon them. Is it, then, true that while it is not easy to pass judgement on a large number of friends, yet it is easy to associate with a large number at the same time, or is this also impossible? Now it is a fact that the enjoyment of friendship lies in its intimacy, and the pleasantest part of it is found in association and daily companionship: “Never in life again shall we take counsel together Sitting apart from our comrades.” And in regard to Odysseus, Menelaus says: “Else there were nothing Which could have parted us twain in the midst of our love and enjoyment; No, not till Death’s dark cloud had wrapped its shadow around us.” Now what is commonly called having a multitude of friends apparently produces the opposite result. For friendship draws persons together and unites them and keeps them united in a close fellowship by means of continual association and mutual acts of kindness— Just as the fig-juice fastens the white milk firmly and binds it, as Empedocles puts it (for such is the unity and consolidation that true friendship desires to effect); but, on the other hand, having a multitude of friends causes disunion, separation, and divergence, since, by calling one hither and thither, and transferring one’s attention now to this person, now to that, it does not permit any blending or close attachment of goodwill to take place in the intimacy which moulds itself about friendship and takes enduring form. This at once suggests also the inequality there must be and embarrassment about rendering services, since the very useful elements in friendship are rendered practically useless by having many friends. For “In divers men solicitude excites conduct diverse.” For neither do our natures tend in the same direction as our impulses, nor do we, day in and day out, meet with the same sort of fortune; and the occasions which prompt our various actions, like the winds, help some friends on their way, and are adverse to others.
5. ὥσπερ οὖν ὁ Ζεῦξις αἰτιωμένων αὐτόν τινων ὅτι ζωγραφεῖ βραδέως, ὁμολογῶ εἶπεν ἐν πολλῷ χρόνῳ γράφειν, καὶ γὰρ εἰς πολύν, οὕτω φιλίαν δεῖ καὶ συνήθειαν σῴζειν παραλαβόντας ἐν πολλῷ κριθεῖσαν. ἆρʼ οὖν κρῖναι μὲν οὐκ ἔστι πολλοὺς φίλους ῥᾴδιον, συνεῖναι δὲ πολλοῖς ὁμοῦ ῥᾴδιον, ἢ καὶ τοῦτο ἀδύνατον; καὶ μὴν ἀπόλαυσίς ἐστιν ἡ συνήθεια τῆς φιλίας, καὶ τὸ ἥδιστον ἐν τῷ συνεῖναι καὶ συνδιημερεύεινοὐ μὲν γὰρ ζωοί γε φίλων ἀπάνευθεν ἑταίρωνβουλὰς ἑζόμενοι βουλεύσομενκαὶ περὶ τοῦ Ὀδυσσέως ὁ Μενέλαοςοὐδέ κεν ἄλλοἄμμε διέκρινεν φιλέοντέ τε τερπομένω τε,πρὶν γʼ ὅτε δὴ θανάτοιο μέλαν νέφος ἀμφεκάλυψετοὐναντίον οὖν ἔοικεν ἡ καλουμένη πολυφιλία ποιεῖν. ἡ μὲν γὰρ συνάγει καὶ συνίστησι καὶ συνέχει καταπυκνοῦσα ταῖς ὁμιλίαις καὶ φιλοφροσύναιςὡς δʼ ὅτʼ ὀπὸς γάλα λευκὸν ἐγόμφωσεν καὶ ἔδησεκατʼ Ἐμπεδοκλέα τοιαύτην γὰρ ἡ φιλία βούλεται ποιεῖν ἑνότητα καὶ σύμπηξιν, ἡ δὲ πολυφιλία διίστησι καὶ ἀποσπᾷ καὶ ἀποστρέφει, τῷ μετακαλεῖν καὶ μεταφέρειν ἄλλοτε πρὸς ἄλλον οὐκ ἐῶσα κρᾶσιν οὐδὲ κόλλησιν εὐνοίας ἐν τῇ συνηθείᾳ περιχυθείσῃ καὶ παγείσῃ γενέσθαι. τοῦτο δʼ εὐθὺς ὑποβάλλει καὶ τὴν περὶ τὰς ὑπουργίας ἀνωμαλίαν καὶ δυσωπίαν· τὰ γὰρ εὔχρηστα τῆς φιλίας δύσχρηστα γίγνεται διὰ τὴν πολυφιλίαν.ἄλλον τρόπον γὰρ ἄλλων ἐγείρει φροντὶς ἀνθρώπωνοὔτε γὰρ αἱ φύσεις ἡμῶν ἐπὶ ταὐτὰ ταῖς ὁρμαῖς ῥέπουσιν, οὔτε τύχαις ὁμοτρόποις ἀεὶ σύνεσμεν οἵ τε τῶν πράξεων καιροὶ καθάπερ τὰ πνεύματα τοὺς μὲν φέρουσι τοῖς δʼ ἀντιπίπτουσι.
6. But if all our friends want the same things at the same time, it is hard to satisfy all, in either their counsels, their public life, their ambitions, or their dispensing of hospitality. And if at one and the same time they chance to be occupied in diverse activities and experiences, and call upon us at the same instant, one to join him on a voyage to foreign parts, another to help him in defending a suit, another to sit with him as judge, another to help him in managing his buying and selling, another to help him to celebrate his wedding, another to mourn with him at a funeral, The city is with burning incense filled; Full too of joyous hymns and doleful groans is the possession of a host of friends. It is impossible to be with them all, and unnatural to be with none, and yet to do a service to one alone, and thus to offend many, is a source of vexation; For fond affection does not brook neglect. Yet people are more tolerant of acts of negligence and remissness on the part of their friends, and they accept from them without anger such excuses as “I forgot,” “I didn’t know.” But the man who says, “I did not appear with you when your case was in court, for I was appearing with another friend,” and “I did not come and see you when you had fever, for I was busy helping so-and-so to entertain some friends,” thus alleging, as the reason for his inattention, his attention to others, does not absolve himself from blame, but only aggravates the trouble by arousing jealousy. But most people, apparently, look at the possession of a host of friends merely from the point of view of what such friendships are able to bestow, and overlook what these demand in return, forgetting that he who accepts the services of many for his needs must in turn render like service to many in their need. Therefore, just as Briareus in purveying for fifty bellies with an hundred hands had no advantage over us who manage one stomach with what two hands provide, so in making use of many friends is involved also serving many, and sharing in their anxieties, preoccupations, and troubles. For no credence is to be given to Euripides when he says: “In the friendship which mortals with each other form Moderation should rule, and it never should reach To the soul’s inmost marrow; and easy to loose Should the spells ever be that are laid on the mind So to thrust them aside or to draw them close,” thus easing off one’s friendship or hauling it close according to exigencies, like the sheet of a ship’s sail. But let us, my dear Euripides, turn the application of this advice to our enmities, and advise the use of “moderation” in our disagreements, “not reaching the soul’s inmost marrow,” and that hatred, anger, complainings, and suspicions be “easy to loose,” and commend rather to us the Pythagorean maxim, “not to clasp hands with many”; that is, not to make many friends nor to welcome a common and indiscriminate friendship, or even a friendship with one person, if the coming of any friendship into one’s life brings with it many afflictions, wherein refusal to share the other’s anxieties, burdens, toils, and dangers is altogether intolerable for free-born and generous persons. There is truth in the remark of the wise Chilon, who, in answer to the man who boasted of having no enemy, said, “The chances are that you have no friend either.” For enmities follow close upon friendships, and are interwoven with them, inasmuch as it is impossible for a friend not to share his friend’s wrongs or disrepute or disfavour; for a man’s enemies at once look with suspicion and hatred upon his friend, and oftentimes his other friends are envious and jealous, and try to get him away.
6. καίτοι κἂν πάντες ἅμα τῶν αὐτῶν οἱ φίλοι δέωνται, χαλεπὸν ἐξαρκέσαι πᾶσι βουλευομένοις ἢ πολιτευομένοις ἢ φιλοτιμουμένοις ἢ ὑποδεχομένοις. ἂν δʼ ἑνὶ καιρῷ διαφόροις πράγμασι καὶ πάθεσι προστυγχάνοντες ὁμοῦ παρακαλῶσιν ὁ μὲν πλέων συναποδημεῖν, ὁ δὲ κρινόμενος συνδικεῖν, ὁ δὲ κρίνων συνδικάζειν, ὁ δὲ πιπράσκων ἢ ἀγοράζων συνδιοικεῖν, ὁ δὲ γαμῶν συνθύειν, ὁ δὲ θάπτων συμπενθεῖν,πόλις δʼ ὁμοῦ μὲν θυμιαμάτων γέμῃ,ὁμοῦ δὲ παιάνων τε καὶ στεναγμάτωνἡ πολυφιλία, πᾶσι μὲν ἀμήχανον παρεῖναι, μηδενὶ δʼ ἄτοπον, ἑνὶ δʼ ὑπουργοῦντα προσκρούειν πολλοῖς ἀνιαρὸνοὐδεὶς γὰρ ἀγαπῶν αὐτὸς ἀμελεῖθʼ ἡδέωςΚαίτοι τὰς ἀμελείας καὶ ῥᾳθυμίας τῶν φίλων πραότερον φέρουσι, καὶ τὰς τοιαύτας ἀπολογίας ἀμηνίτως δέχονται παρʼ αὐτῶν ἐξελαθόμην ἠγνόησα ὁ δὲ λέγων οὐ παρέστην σοι δίκην ἔχοντι, παριστάμην γὰρ ἑτέρῳ φίλῳ, καὶ πυρέττοντά σʼ οὐκ εἶδον, τῷ δεῖνι γὰρ φίλους ἑστιῶντι συνησχολούμην αἰτίαν τῆς ἀμελείας τὴν ἑτέρων ἐπιμέλειαν ποιούμενος οὐ λύει τὴν μέμψιν, ἀλλὰ προσεπιβάλλει ζηλοτυπίαν. ἀλλʼ οἱ πολλοὶ τὰς πολυφιλίας ἃ δύνανται παρέχειν μόνον ὡς ἔοικε σκοποῦσιν, ἃ δʼ ἀνταπαιτοῦσι παρορῶσι, καὶ οὐ μνημονεύουσιν ὅτι δεῖ τὸν πολλοῖς εἰς ἃ δεῖται χρώμενον πολλοῖς δεομένοις ἀνθυπουργεῖν. ὥσπερ οὖν ὁ Βριάρεως ἑκατὸν χερσὶν εἰς πεντήκοντα φορῶν γαστέρας οὐδὲν ἡμῶν πλέον εἶχε τῶν ἀπὸ δυεῖν χεροῖν μίαν κοιλίαν διοικούντων, οὕτως ἐν τοῖς φίλοις χρήσιμον καὶ τὸ λειτουργεῖν πολλοῖς ἔνεστι καὶ τὸ συναγωνιᾶν καὶ τὸ συνασχολεῖσθαι καὶ συγκάμνειν. οὐ γὰρ Εὐριπίδῃ πειστέον λέγοντιχρῆν γὰρ μετρίας εἰς ἀλλήλουςφιλίας θνητοὺς ἀνακίρνασθαικαὶ μὴ πρὸς ἄκρον μυελὸν ψυχῆς,εὔλυτα δʼ εἶναι στέργηθρα φρενῶν,ἀπὸ τʼ ὤσασθαι καὶ ξυντεῖναι,καθάπερ πόδα νεὼς ἐνδιδόντι καὶ προσάγοντι ταῖς χρείαις τὴν φιλίαν. ἀλλὰ τοῦτο μέν, ὦ Εὐριπίδη, μεταθῶμεν ἐπὶ τὰς ἔχθρας, καὶ κελεύωμεν μετρίας ποιεῖσθαι τὰς διαφορὰς καὶ μὴ πρὸς ἄκρον μυελὸν ψυχῆς, εὔλυτα δʼ εἶναι μίση καὶ ὀργὰς καὶ μεμψιμοιρίας καὶ ὑπονοίας· ἐκεῖνο δὲ μᾶλλον ἡμῖν παραίνει τὸ Πυθαγορικὸν μὴ πολλοῖς ἐμβάλλειν δεξιὰν τουτέστι μὴ πολλοὺς ποιεῖσθαι φίλους μηδὲ πολύκοινον μηδὲ πάνδημον ἀσπάζεσθαι φιλίαν καὶ πρὸς ἐναντίην ἢ μετὰ πολλῶν παθῶν εἰσιοῦσαν, ὧν τὸ μὲν συναγωνιᾶν καὶ συνάχθεσθαι καὶ συμπονεῖν καὶ συγκινδυνεύειν πάνυ δύσοιστον τοῖς ἐλευθέροις καὶ γενναίοις ἐστί· τὸ δὲ τοῦ σοφοῦ Χίλωνος ἀληθές, ὃς πρὸς τὸν εἰπόντα μηδένα ἔχειν ἐχθρὸν ἔοικας ἔφη σὺ μηδὲ φίλον ἔχειν. αἱ γὰρ ἔχθραι ταῖς φιλίαις εὐθὺς ἐπακολουθοῦσι καὶ συμπλέκονται, ἐπείπερ οὐκ ἔστι φίλον μὴ συναδικεῖσθαι μηδὲ συναδοξεῖν μηδὲ συναπεχθάνεσθαι·
7. As the oracle given to Timesias about his colony prophesied: “Soon shall your swarms of honey-bees turn out to be hornets,” so, in like manner, men who seek for a swarm of friends unwittingly run afoul of hornets’ nests of enemies. Besides, the resentment of an enemy and the gratitude of a friend do not weigh equally in the balance. See what treatment Alexander meted out to the friends and family of Philotas and Parmenio, Dionysius those of Dion, Nero those of Plautus, and Tiberius those of Sejanus, torturing and killing them. For as the golden crown and the robe of Creon’s daughter did not help Creon, but, as he suddenly ran to her and clasped her in his arms, the fire, fastening upon him, burned him up and destroyed him as well as his daughter, so some persons without deriving any benefit from their friends’ good fortunes, perish with them in their misfortunes. This is the experience especially of men of culture and refinement, as Theseus, for example, shared with Peirithoüs his punishment and imprisonment, “Yoked fast in duty’s bonds not forged by man,” and Thucydides asserts that in the pestilence those who had the highest claim to virtue perished with their friends who were ill; for they did not spare themselves in going, as they did, to visit those who had claims on their friendship.
7. οἱ γὰρ ἐχθροὶ τὸν φίλον εὐθὺς ὑφορῶνταί τε καὶ μισοῦσιν, οἱ δὲ φίλοι πολλάκις φθονοῦσί τε καὶ ζηλοτυποῦσι καὶ περισπῶσιν. ὥσπερ οὖν ὁ τῷ Τιμησίᾳ περὶ τῆς ἀποικίας δοθεὶς χρησμὸς προηγόρευσεσμῆνα μελισσάων τάχα τοι καὶ σφῆκες; ἔσονται, οὕτως οἱ φίλων ζητοῦντες ἑσμὸν ἔλαθον ἐχθρῶν σφηκιαῖς περιπεσόντες. καὶ οὐκ ἴσον ἄγει σταθμὸν ἐχθροῦ μνησικακία καὶ φίλου χάρις. ὅρα δὲ τοὺς Φιλώτου καὶ Παρμενίωνος φίλους καὶ οἰκείους ἃ διέθηκεν Ἀλέξανδρος, ἃ τοὺς Δίωνος Διονύσιος τοὺς Πλαύτου Νέρων καὶ τοὺς Σηιανοῦ Τιβέριος στρεβλοῦντες καὶ ἀποκτιννύοντες. ὡς γὰρ τὸν Κρέοντα τῆς θυγατρὸς οὐδὲν ὁ χρυσὸς οὐδʼ ὁ πέπλος ὠφέλει, τὸ δὲ πῦρ ἀναφθὲν αἰφνιδίως προσδραμόντα καὶ περιπτύξαντα κατέκαυσε καὶ συναπώλεσεν, οὕτως ἔνιοι τῶν φίλων οὐδὲν ἀπολαύσαντες εὐτυχούντων συναπόλλυνται δυστυχοῦσι. καὶ τοῦτο μάλιστα πάσχουσιν οἱ φιλόσοφοι καὶ χαρίεντες, ὡς Θησεὺς τῷ Πειρίθῳ κολαζομένῳ καὶ δεδεμένῳαἰδοῦς ἀχαλκεύτοις συνέζευκται πέδαις, ἐν δὲ τῷ λοιμῷ φησιν ὁ Θουκυδίδης τοὺς ἀρετῆς μάλιστα μεταποιουμένους συναπόλλυσθαι τοῖς φίλοις νοσοῦσιν ἠφείδουν γὰρ σφῶν αὐτῶν ἰόντες παρὰ τοὺς ἐπιτηδείους.
8. For these reasons it is not a fit thing to be thus unsparing of our virtue, uniting and intertwining it now with one and now with another, but rather only with those who are qualified to keep up the same participation, that is to say, those who are able, in a like manner, to love and participate. For herein plainly is the greatest obstacle of all to having a multitude of friends, in that friendship comes into being through likeness. Indeed, if even the brute beasts are made to mate with others unlike themselves only by forcible compulsion, and crouch aside, and show resentment as they try to escape from each other, while with animals of their own race and kind they consort with mutual satisfaction, and welcome the participation with a ready goodwill, how then is it possible for friendship to be engendered in differing characters, unlike feelings, and lives which hold to other principles? It is true that the harmony produced on harp and lyre gets its consonance through tones of dissonant pitch, a likeness being somehow engendered between the higher and the lower notes; but in our friendship’s consonance and harmony there must be no element unlike, uneven, or unequal, but all must be alike to engender agreement in words, counsels, opinions, and feelings, and it must be as if one soul were apportioned among two or more bodies.
8. ὅθεν οὕτω τῆς ἀρετῆς ἀφειδεῖν οὐ προσῆκον ἄλλοτʼ ἄλλοις συνδέοντας αὐτὴν καὶ συμπλέκοντας, ἀλλὰ τοῖς ἀξίοις τὴν αὐτῆς κοινωνίαν φυλάττειν, τουτέστι τοῖς ὁμοίως φιλεῖν καὶ κοινωνεῖν δυναμένοις. καὶ γὰρ δὴ τοῦτο πάντων μέγιστόν ἐστιν ἐναντίωμα πρὸς τὴν πολυφιλίαν, ὅτι τῇ φιλίᾳ γένεσις διʼ ὁμοιότητός ἐστιν. ὅπου γὰρ καὶ τὰ ἄψυχα τὰς μίξεις πρὸς τὰ ἀνόμοια ποιεῖται μετὰ βίας ἀναγκαζόμενα καὶ ὀκλάζει καὶ ἀγανακτεῖ φεύγοντα ἀπʼ ἀλλήλων, τοῖς δὲ συγγενέσι καὶ οἰκείοις ὁμοπαθεῖ κεραννύμενα καὶ προσίεται τὴν κοινωνίαν λείως καὶ μετʼ εὐμενείας, πῶς οἷόν τε φιλίαν ἤθεσι διαφόροις, ἐγγενέσθαι καὶ πάθεσιν ἀνομοίοις καὶ βίοις ἑτέρας προαιρέσεις ἔχουσιν; ἡ μὲν γὰρ περὶ ψαλμοὺς καὶ φόρμιγγας ἁρμονία διʼ ἀντιφώνων ἔχει τὸ σύμφωνον, ὀξύτησι καὶ βαρύτησιν ἁμωσγέπως ὁμοιότητος ἐγγιγνομένης· τῆς δὲ φιλικῆς συμφωνίας ταύτης καὶ ἁρμονίας οὐδὲν ἀνόμοιον οὐδʼ ἀνώμαλον οὐδʼ ἄνισον εἶναι δεῖ μέρος, ἀλλʼ ἐξ ἁπάντων ὁμοίως ἐχόντων ὁμολογεῖν καὶ ὁμοβουλεῖν καὶ ὁμοδοξεῖν καὶ συνομοπαθεῖν, ὥσπερ μιᾶς ψυχῆς ἐν πλείοσι διῃρημένης σώμασι.
9. What man is there, then, so indefatigable, so changeable, so universally adaptable, that he can assimilate and accommodate himself to many persons, without deriding the advice of Theognis when he says: “Copy this trait of the cuttle-fish, which changes its colour So as to seem to the eye like to the rock where it clings?” However, the changes in the cuttle-fish have no depth, but are wholly on the surface, which, owing to its closeness or looseness of texture, takes up the emanations from objects which come near to it; whereas friendships seek to effect a thorough-going likeness in characters, feelings, language, pursuits, and dispositions. Such varied adaptation were the task of a Proteus, not fortunate and not at all scrupulous, who by magic can change himself often on the very instant from one character to another, reading books with the scholarly, rolling in the dust with wrestlers, following the hunt with sportsmen, getting drunk with topers, and taking part in the canvass of politicians, possessing no firmly founded character of his own. And as the natural philosophers say of the formless and colourless substance and material which is the underlying basis of everything and of itself turns into everything, that it is now in a state of combustion, now liquefied, at another time aeriform, and then again solid, so the possession of a multitude of friends will necessarily have, as its underlying basis, a soul that is very impressionable, versatile, pliant, and readily changeable. But friendship seeks for a fixed and steadfast character which does not shift about, but continues in one place and in one intimacy. For this reason a steadfast friend is something rare and hard to find.
9. τίς οὖν ἐστιν οὕτως ἐπίπονος καὶ μετάβολος καὶ παντοδαπὸς ἄνθρωπος, ὥστε πολλοῖς ἑαυτὸν ἐξομοιοῦν καὶ προσαρμόττειν καὶ μὴ καταγελᾶν τοῦ Θεόγνιδος παραινοῦντοςπουλύποδος νόον ἴσχε πολυχρόου, ὃς ποτὶ πέτρῃ,τῇ περ ὁμιλήσῃ, τοῖος ἰδεῖν ἐφάνη;καίτοι τοῦ πολύποδος αἱ μεταβολαὶ βάθος οὐκ ἔχουσιν, ἀλλὰ περὶ αὐτὴν γίγνονται τὴν ἐπιφάνειαν, στυφότητι καὶ μανότητι τὰς ἀπορροὰς τῶν πλησιαζόντων ἀναλαμβάνουσαν· αἱ δὲ φιλίαι τὰ ἤθη ζητοῦσι συνεξομοιοῦν καὶ τὰ πάθη καὶ τοὺς λόγους καὶ τὰ ἐπιτηδεύματα καὶ τὰς διαθέσεις. Πρωτέως τινὸς οὐκ εὐτυχοῦς οὐδὲ πάνυ χρηστοῦ τὸ ἔργον, ἀλλʼ ὑπὸ γοητείας ἑαυτὸν εἰς ἕτερον εἶδος ἐξ ἑτέρου μεταλλάττοντος ἐν ταὐτῷ πολλάκις, φιλολόγοις συναναγιγνώσκοντος καὶ παλαισταῖς συγκονιομένου καὶ φιλοθήροις συγκυνηγετοῦντος καὶ φιλοπόταις συμμεθυσκομένου καὶ πολιτικοῖς συναρχαιρεσιάζοντος, ἰδίαν ἤθους ἑστίαν οὐκ ἔχοντος,·. ὡς δὲ τὴν ἀσχημάτιστον οἱ φυσικοὶ καὶ ἀχρώματον οὐσίαν καὶ ὕλην λέγουσιν ὑποκειμένην καὶ τρεπομένην ὑφʼ αὑτῆς νῦν μὲν φλέγεσθαι νῦν δʼ ἐξυγραίνεσθαι, τοτὲ δʼ ἐξαεροῦσθαι πήγνυσθαι δʼ αὖθις, οὕτως ἄρα τῇ πολυφιλίᾳ ψυχὴν ὑποκεῖσθαι δεήσει πολυπαθῆ καὶ πολύτροπον καὶ ὑγρὰν καὶ ῥᾳδίαν μεταβάλλειν. ἀλλʼ ἡ φιλία στάσιμόν τι ζητεῖ καὶ βέβαιον ἦθος καὶ ἀμετάπτωτον ἐν μιᾷ χώρᾳ καὶ συνηθείᾳ· διὸ καὶ σπάνιον καὶ δυσεύρετόν ἐστι φίλος βέβαιος.