---
title: "Table-Talk · Quaestiones convivales"
author: "Plutarch"
translator: "Thomas Creech, rev. William W. Goodwin"
languages: [grc, en]
shelf: "Philosophy"
section: 3 of 20
url: https://scriptura.si/works/plutarch-table-talk/3/
cite: "Plutarch, tr. Thomas Creech, rev. William W. Goodwin, Table-Talk · Quaestiones convivales, section 3. Scriptura (scriptura.si), https://scriptura.si/works/plutarch-table-talk/3/"
---

# Table-Talk · Quaestiones convivales

*Plutarch, tr. Thomas Creech, rev. William W. Goodwin*

Nine books of dinner conversations: why we hunger more in autumn, which came first, the hen or the egg, and many more.

> Greek: ed. Grēgorios N. Vernardakēs, from the Perseus Digital Library (canonical-greekLit, tlg0007.tlg112, CC BY-SA 4.0).

> English: Thomas Creech, rev. William W. Goodwin, from the Perseus Digital Library (tlg0007.tlg112.perseus-eng2). Notes are not included.

> Rows follow the references the two texts share (books, chapters and sections), cut where both reach the end of a sentence.

## 3. Book II · chapters 1–3

Source: https://scriptura.si/works/plutarch-table-talk/3/ · cite a paragraph as https://scriptura.si/works/plutarch-table-talk/3/#p-N

[¶0] 0.1. OF the several things that are provided for an entertainment, some, my Sossius Senecio, are absolutely necessary; such are wine, bread, meat, couches, and tables. Others are brought in, not for necessity, but pleasure; such are songs, shows, mimics, and buffoons (like Philip who came from the house of Callias); which, when present, delight indeed, but when absent, are not eagerly desired; nor is the entertainment looked upon as mean because such are wanting. Just so of discourses; some the sober men admit as necessary to a banquet, and others for their pretty speculations, as more profitable and agreeable than a fiddle and a pipe. My former book gives you examples of both sorts. Of the first are these, Whether we should philosophize at table?—Whether the entertainer should appoint proper seats, or leave the guests to agree upon their own? Of the second, Why lovers are inclined to poetry? and the question about the tribe Aeantis. The former I call properly συμποτικά, table-talk, but both together I comprehend under the general name of Symposiacs. They are promiscuously set down, not in any exact method, but as each singly occurred to memory. And let not my readers wonder that I dedicate these collections to you, which I have received from others or your own mouth; for if all learning is not bare remembrance, yet to learn and to remember are very commonly one and the same thing.

> Greek: 0.1. τῶν εἰς τὰ δεῖπνα καὶ τὰ συμπόσια παρασκευαζομένων, ὦ Σόσσιε Σενεκίων, τὰ μὲν ἀναγκαίαν ἔχει τάξιν, ὥσπερ οἶνος καὶ σιτία καὶ ὄψα καὶ στρωμναὶ δηλαδὴ καὶ τράπεζαι· τὰ δʼ ἐπεισόδια γέγονεν ἡδονῆς ἕνεκεν, χρείας μὴ συναγομένης, ὥσπερ ἀκροάματα καὶ θεάματα καὶ γελωτοποιός τις ἐκ Καλλίου Φίλιππος οἷς παροῦσι μὲν ἥδονται, μὴ παρόντα δʼ οὐ πάνυ ποθοῦσιν οὐδʼ αἰτιῶνται τὴν συνουσίαν ὡς ἐνδεέστερον ἔχουσαν. οὕτω δὴ καὶ τῶν λόγων τοὺς μὲν ἐπὶ χρείᾳ τῇ περὶ τὰ συμπόσια παραλαμβάνουσιν οἱ μέτριοι, τοὺς δʼ ἄλλους δέχονται θεωρίαν πιθανὴν καὶ τῷ καιρῷ μᾶλλον αὐλοῦ καὶ βαρβίτου πρέπουσαν ἔχοντας. ὧν καὶ τὸ πρῶτον ἡμῖν βιβλίον εἶχε μεμιγμένα δείγματα, τοῦ μὲν προτέρου γένους τὸ περὶ τοῦ φιλοσοφεῖν παρὰ πότον καὶ περὶ τοῦ διανέμειν αὐτὸν ἢ τοῖς δειπνοῦσιν ἐφιέναι τὰς κλίσεις καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα· τοῦ δευτέρου περὶ τοῦ τοὺς ἐρῶντας ποιητικοὺς εἶναι καὶ περὶ τῆς Αἰαντίδος φυλῆς. … καλῶ δῆτα καὶ … τὰ συμποτικά· τὰ δʼ … τερα κοινῶς συμποσιακά. σποράδην δʼ ἀναγέγραπται καὶ οὐ διακεκριμένως ἀλλʼ ὡς ἕκαστον εἰς μνήμην ἦλθεν. οὐ δεῖ δὲ θαυμάζειν τοὺς ἀναγιγνώσκοντας, εἴ σοὶ προσφωνοῦντές τινα τῶν προρρηθέντων ὑπὸ σοῦ συνηγάγομεν· καὶ γὰρ ἂν αἱ μαθήσεις ἀναμνήσεις μὴ ποιῶσι, πολλάκις εἰς ταὐτὸ τῷ μανθάνειν τὸ ἀναμιμνήσκεσθαι καθίστησι.

[¶1] 1.1. Now each book being divided into ten questions, that shall make the first in this, which Socratical Xenophon hath as it were proposed; for he tells us that, Gobryas banqueting with Cyrus, amongst other things that he found admirable in the Persians, he was surprised to hear them ask one another such questions that it was more delightful to be interrogated than to be let alone, and pass such jests on one another that it was more pleasant to be jested on than not. For if some, even whilst they praise, offend, why should not their polite and neat facetiousness be admired, whose very raillery is delightful and pleasant to him that is the subject of it? Once when you were entertaining us at Patrae, you said: I wish I could learn what kind of questions those are; for to be skilled in and make right use of apposite questions and pleasant raillery, I think is no small part of conversation.

> Greek: 1.1. δέκα δὲ προβλημάτων εἰς ἕκαστον νενεμημένων βιβλίον, ἐν τούτῳ πρῶτόν ἐστιν ὃ τρόπον τινὰ Ξενοφῶν ὁ Σωκρατικὸς ἡμῖν προβέβληκε. τὸν γὰρ Γωβρύαν φησὶ συνδειπνοῦντα τῷ Κύρῳ τὰ τʼ ἄλλα θαυμάζειν τῶν Περσῶν, καὶ ὅτι τοιαῦτα μὲν ἀλλήλους ἐπηρώτων ἃ ἥδιον ἦν ἐρωτηθῆναι ἢ μή, ἔσκωπτον δʼ ἃ σκωφθῆναι κάλλιον ἢ μὴ· εἰ γὰρ ἐπαινοῦντες ἕτεροι πολλάκις λυποῦσι καὶ προσίστανται, πῶς οὐκ ἄξιον ἦν ἄγασθαι· τὴν εὐτραπελίαν ἐκείνων καὶ τὴν σύνεσιν, ὧν καὶ τὰ σκώμματα τοῖς σκωπτομένοις ἡδονὴν καὶ χάριν παρεῖχε; δεχόμενος οὖν ἡμᾶς ἐν Πάτραις, ἡδέως ἂν ἔφης πυθέσθαι τὰ τοιαῦτα ἐρωτήματα ποίου γένους εἴη καί τίς αὐτῶν τύπος· οὐ γάρ τι μικρόν ἔφης τῆς ὁμιλητικῆς μόριον ἡ περὶ τὰς ἐρωτήσεις καὶ τὰς παιδιὰς τοῦ ἐμμελοῦς ἐπιστήμη καὶ τήρησις.

[¶2] 1.2. A considerable one, I replied; but pray observe whether Xenophon himself, in his descriptions of Socrates’s and the Persian entertainments, hath not sufficiently explained them. But if you would have my thoughts,—first, men are pleased to be asked those questions to which they have an answer ready; such are those in which the persons asked have some skill and competent knowledge; for when the enquiry is above their reach, those that can return nothing are troubled, as if requested to give something beyond their power; and those that do answer, producing some crude and insufficient demonstration, must needs be very much concerned, and apt to blunder on the wrong. Now, if the answer not only is easy but hath something not common, it is more pleasing to them that make it; and this happens, when their knowledge is greater than that of the vulgar, as suppose they are well skilled in points of astrology or logic. For not only in action and serious matters, but also in discourse, every one hath a natural disposition to be pleased (as Euripides hath it) “To seem far to outdo himself.” And all are delighted when men put such questions as they understand, and would have others know that they are acquainted with; and therefore travellers and merchants are most satisfied when their company is inquisitive about other countries, the unknown ocean, and the laws and manners of the barbarians; they are ready to inform them, and describe the countries and the creeks, imagining this to be some recompense for their toil, some comfort for the dangers they have passed. In short, whatever we are wont to discourse of though unrequested, we are desirous to be asked; because then we seem to gratify those whom otherwise our prattle would disturb and force from our conversation. And this is the common disease of navigators. But more genteel and modest men love to be asked about those things which they have bravely and successfully performed, and which modesty will not permit to be spoken by themselves before company; and therefore Nestor did well when, being acquainted with Ulysses’s desire of reputation, he said,
Tell, brave Ulysses, glory of the Greeks,
How you the horses seized.
For man cannot endure the insolence of those who praise themselves and repeat their own exploits, unless the company desires it and they are forced to a relation; therefore it tickles them to be asked about their embassies and administrations of the commonwealth, if they have done any thing notable in either. And upon this account the envious and ill-natured start very few questions of that sort; they thwart and hinder all such kind of motions, being very unwilling to give any occasion or opportunity for that discourse which shall tend to the advantage of the relator. In short, we please those to whom we put them, when we start questions about those matters which their enemies hate to hear.

> Greek: 1.2. μέγα μὲν οὖν ἔφην ἐγώ, ἀλλʼ ὅρα καὶ αὐτὸς ὁ Ξενοφῶν ἔν τε τῷ Σωκρατικῷ καὶ τοῖς Περσικοῖς ἐπιδείκνυσι συμποσίοις τὸ γένος. εἰ δὲ δοκεῖ καὶ ἡμᾶς ἐπιθέσθαι τινὶ λόγῳ, πρῶτον ἡδέως ἐρωτᾶσθαί μοι δοκοῦσιν ἃ ῥᾳδίως ἀποκρίνασθαι δύνανται· ταῦτα δʼ ἐστὶν ὧν ἐμπειρίαν ἔχουσιν. ὁἱ γὰρ ἀγνοοῦσιν, ἢ μὴ λέγοντες ἄχθονται καθάπερ αἰτηθέντες ὃ δοῦναι μὴ δύνανται, ἢ λέγοντες ἀπὸ δόξης καὶ εἰκασίας οὐ βεβαίου διαταράσσονται καὶ κινδυνεύουσιν. ἂν δὲ μὴ μόνον ἔχῃ τὸ ῥᾴδιον ἀλλὰ καὶ περιττὸν ἡ ἀπόκρισις, ἡδίων ἐστὶ τῷ ἀποκρινομένῳ περιτταὶ δʼ εἰσὶν αἱ τῶν ἐπισταμένων ἃ μὴ πολλοὶ γιγνώσκουσιν μηδʼ ἀκηκόασιν; οἷον ἀστρολογικῶν, διαλεκτικῶν, ἄνπερ ἕξιν ἐν αὐτοῖς ἔχωσιν. οὐ γὰρ πράττων μόνον ἕκαστος οὐδὲ διημερεύων, ὡς Εὐριπίδης φησίν, ἀλλὰ καὶ διαλεγόμενος ἵνʼ αὐτὸς αὑτοῦ τυγχάνει κράτιστος ὤν ἡδέως διατίθεται· καὶ χαίρουσι τοῖς ἐρωτῶσιν ἃ γιγνώσκοντες ἀγνοεῖσθαι καὶ λανθάνειν οὐ θέλουσι. διὸ καὶ περὶ χώρας ἀποίκου καὶ ξένης θαλάττης ἐθῶν τε βαρβαρικῶν καὶ νόμων οἱ πεπλανημένοι καὶ πεπλευκότες ἣδιον ἐρωτῶνται, καὶ προθύμως διηγοῦνται καὶ διαγράφουσι κόλπους καὶ τόπους, οἰόμενοι καὶ χάριν τινὰ τῶν πόνων ταύτην καὶ παραμυθίαν κομίζεσθαι. καθόλου δʼ ὅσα μηδενὸς ἐρωτῶντος αὐτοὶ διηγεῖσθαι καὶ λέγειν ἀφʼ ἑαυτῶν εἰώθαμεν, ἣδιον ἐρωτώμεθα, χαρίζεσθαι τούτοις δοκοῦντες; ὧν ἔργον ἦν ἐνοχλουμένων ἀποσχέσθαι. καὶ τοῦτο μὲν ἐν τοῖς πλωτικοῖς μάλιστα φύεται τὸ γένος τοῦ νοσήματος· οἱ δὲ κομψότεροι ταῦτʼ ἐρωτᾶσθαι θέλουσιν ἃ βουλόμενοι λέγειν αἰδοῦνται καὶ φείδονται τῶν παρόντων· οἷον ὅσα τυγχάνουσιν αὐτοὶ διαπεπραγμένοι καὶ κατωρθωκότες. ὀρθῶς γοῦν ὁ Νέστωρ τὴν φιλοτιμίαν τοῦ Ὀδυσσέως ἐπιστάμενος
εἴπʼ ἄγε μʼ, ὦ πολύαινʼ Ὀδυσεῦ ʽ φησἴ, μέγα κῦδος Ἀχαιῶν,
ὅππως τούσδʼ ἵππους λάβετον.
ἄχθονται γὰρ τοῖς αὑτοὺς ἐπαινοῦσι καὶ τὰς ἑαυτῶν εὐτυχίας διεξιοῦσιν, ἂν μὴ κελεύσῃ ἄλλος τις τῶν παρόντων καὶ οἷον βιαζόμενοι λέγωσι. ἡδέως γοῦν ἐρωτῶνται περὶ πρεσβειῶν καὶ περὶ πολιτειῶν εἰ μέγα τι καὶ λαμπρὸν εἰργασμένοι τυγχάνουσιν. ὅθεν ἣκιστα περὶ τούτων οἱ φθονεροὶ καὶ κακοήθεις ἐρωτῶσι, κἂν ἄλλος τις ἔρηται τὰ τοιαῦτα, διακρούονται καὶ παρατρέπουσι, χώραν τῇ διηγήσει μὴ, διδόντες μηδὲ βουλόμενοι λόγου τὸν λέγοντα κοσμοῦντος ἀφορμὰς προέσθαι. καὶ ταῦτʼ οὖν ἐρωτῶντες χαρίζεσθαι τοῖς ἀποκρινομένοις, ἃ τοὺς ἐχθροὺς καὶ δυσμενεῖς αἰσθάνονται μὴ βουλομένους ἀκούειν.

[¶3] 1.3. Ulysses says to Alcinous,
You bid me tell what various ills I bore,
That the sad tale might make me grieve the more.
And Oedipus says to the chorus, “’Tis pain to raise again a buried grief.” But Euripides on the contrary,
How sweet it is, when we are lulled in ease,
To think of toils!—when well, of a disease!
True indeed, but not to those that are still tossed, still under a misfortune. Therefore be sure never to ask a man about his own calamities; it is irksome to relate his losses of children or estate, or any unprosperous adventure by sea or land; but ask a man how he carried the cause, how he was caressed by the King, how he escaped such a storm, such an assault, thieves, and the like; this pleaseth him, he seems to enjoy it over again in his relation, and is never weary of the topic. Besides, men love to be asked about their happy friends, or children that have made good progress in philosophy or the law, or are great at court; as also about the disgrace and open conviction of their enemies; for of such matters they are most eager to discourse, yet are cautious of beginning it themselves, lest they should seem to insult over and rejoice at the misery of others. You please a hunter if you ask him about dogs, a wrestler about exercise, and an amorous man about beauties; the ceremonious and superstitious man discourses about dreams, and what success he hath had by following the directions of omens or sacrifices, and by the kindness of the Gods; and questions concerning those things will extremely please him. He that enquires any thing of an old man, though the story doth not at all concern him, wins his heart, and urges one that is very willing to discourse:
Nelides Nestor, faithfully relate
How great Atrides died, what sort of fate;
And where was Menelaus largely tell?
Did Argos hold him when the hero fell?
Here is a multitude of questions and variety of subjects; which is much better than to confine and cramp his answers, and so deprive the old man of the most pleasant enjoyment he can have.’In short, they that had rather please than distaste will still propose such questions, the answers to which shall rather get the praise and good-will than the contempt and hatred of the hearers. And so much of questions.

> Greek: 1.3. καὶ μὴν ὃ γʼ Ὀδυσσεὺς τῷ Ἀλκινόῳ
σοὶ δʼ ἐμὰ κήδεα θυμὸς ἐπετράπετο στονόεντα
εἴρεσθʼ, ὄφρʼ ἔτι μᾶλλον ὀδυρόμενος στεναχίζω.
καὶ πρὸς τὸν χορὸν ὁ Οἰδίπους δεινὸν μὲν τὸ πάλαι κείμενον ἤδη κακόν, ὦ ξεῖνʼ, ἐπεγείρειν. ὁ δʼ Εὐριπίδης τοὐναντίον ὡς ἡδὺ μεμνῆσθαι πόνων … οὐ τοῖς ἔτι πλανωμένοις καὶ κακὰ φέρουσι. τῶν οὖν κακῶν φυλακτέον ἐστὶ τὰς ἐρωτήσεις· ἀνιῶνται γὰρ διηγούμενοι καταδίκας αὑτῶν ἢ ταφὰς παίδων ἤ τινας κατὰ γῆν οὐκ εὐτυχεῖς ἢ κατὰ θάλατταν ἐμπορίας. τὸ δὲ πῶς εὐημέρησαν ἐπὶ βήματος ἢ προσηγορεύθησαν ὑπὸ τοῦ βασιλέως ἢ τῶν ἄλλων περιπεσόντων χειμῶσιν ἢ λῃσταῖς αὐτοὶ διέφυγον τὸν κίνδυνον, ἡδέως ἐρωτῶνται πολλάκις, καὶ τρόπον τινὰ τῷ λόγῳ τοῦ πράγματος ἀπολαύοντες ἀπλήστως ἔχουσι τοῦ διηγεῖσθαι καὶ μνημονεύειν. χαίρουσι δὲ καὶ περὶ φίλων εὐτυχούντων ἐρωτώμενοι καὶ περὶ παίδων προκοπτόντων ἐν μαθήμασιν ἢ συνηγορίαις ἢ φιλίαις βασιλέων. ἐχθρῶν δὲ καὶ δυσμενῶν ὀνείδη καὶ βλάβας καὶ καταδίκας ἐξελεγχθέντων καὶ σφαλέντων ἣδιον ἐρωτώμενοι καὶ προθυμότερον ἐξαγγέλλουσιν αὐτοὶ δʼ ἀφʼ αὑτῶν ὀκνοῦσι φυλαττόμενοι δόξαν ἐπιχαιρεκακίας. ἥδιον δὲ καὶ περὶ κυνῶν ἄνδρα θηρευτικὸν ἐρωτᾶν καὶ φιλαθλητὴν περὶ γυμνικῶν ἀγώνων καὶ περὶ καλῶν ἐρωτικόν. ὁ δʼ εὐσεβὴς καὶ φιλοθύτης διηγηματικὸς ὀνείρων, καὶ ὅσα χρησάμενος ἢ φήμαις ἢ ἱεροῖς ἢ θεῶν εὐμενείᾳ κατώρθωσεν, ἡδέως ἂν καὶ περὶ τούτων ἐρωτῷτο. τοῖς δὲ πρεσβύταις, κἂν μηδὲν ἡ διήγησις ᾖ προσήκουσα, πάντως οἱ ἐρωτῶντες χαρίζονται καὶ κινοῦσι βουλομένους.
ὦ Νέστορ Νηληιάδη, σὺ δʼ ἀληθὲς ἐνίσπες,
πῶς ἔθανʼ Ἀτρείδης; …
ποῦ Μενέλαος ἔην; …
ἦ οὐκ Ἄργεος ἦεν Ἀχαιικοῦ;
πολλὰ ἐρωτῶν ἅμα καὶ πολλῶν λόγων ἀφορμὰς προσιέμενος, οὐχ, ὥσπερ ἔνιοι, συστέλλοντες εἰς τἀναγκαῖον αὐτὸ καὶ συνελαύνοντες τὰς ἀποκρίσεις ἀφαιροῦνται τῆς γεροντικῆς διατριβῆς τὸ ἥδιστον. ὅλως δʼ οἱ θέλοντες εὐφραίνειν μᾶλλον ἢ λυπεῖν τοιαύτας ἐρωτήσεις προφέρονται, ὧν ταῖς ἀποκρίσεσιν οὐ ψόγος ἀλλʼ ἔπαινος, οὐδὲ μῖσος ἢ νέμεσις ἀλλʼ εὔνοια καὶ χάρις ἕπεται παρὰ τῶν ἀκουσάντων. ταῦτα μὲν οὖν τὰ περὶ τὰς ἐρωτήσεις.

[¶4] 1.4. As for raillery, those that cannot use it cautiously with art, and time it well, should never venture at it. For as in a slippery place, if you but just touch a man as you pass by, you throw him down; so when we are in drink, we are in danger of tripping at every little word that is not spoken with due address. And we are sometimes more offended with a joke than a plain and scurrilous abuse; for we see the latter often slip from a man unwittingly in passion, but consider the former as a thing voluntary, proceeding from malice and ill-nature; and therefore we are generally more offended at a sharp jeerer than a whistling snarler. Such a jeer has indeed something artfully malicious about it, and often seems to be an insult devised and thought of beforehand. For instance, he that calls thee salt-fish monger plainly and openly abuseth; but he that says, I remember when you wiped your nose upon your sleeve, maliciously jeers. Such was Cicero’s to Octavius, who was thought to be descended from an African; for when Cicero spoke something, and Octavius said he did not hear him, Cicero rejoined, Strange, for you have a hole through your ear. And Melanthius, when he was ridiculed by a comedian, said, You pay me now something that you do not owe me. And upon this account jeers vex more; for like bearded arrows they stick a long while, and gall the wounded sufferer. Their smartness is pleasant, and delights the company; and those that are pleased with the saying seem to believe the detracting speaker. For, according to Theophrastus, a jeer is a figurative reproach for some fault or misdemeanor; and therefore he that hears it supplies the concealed part, as if he knew and gave credit to the thing. For he that laughs and is tickled at what Theocritus said to one whom he suspected of a design upon his purse, and who asked him if he went to supper at such a place,—Yes, he replied, I go, but shall likewise lodge there all night,—doth, as it were confirm the accusation, and believe the fellow was a thief. Therefore an impertinent jeerer makes the whole company seem ill-natured and abusive, as being pleased with and consenting to the scurrility of the jeer. It was one of the excellent rules in Sparta, that none should be bitter in their jests, and the jeered should patiently endure; but if he took offence, the other was to forbear, and pursue the frolic no farther. How is it possible therefore to determine such raillery as shall delight and please the person that is jested on, when to be smart without offence is no mean piece of cunning and address?

> Greek: 1.4. σκώμματος δὲ τῷ μὴ δυναμένῳ μετʼ εὐλαβείας καὶ τέχνης κατὰ καιρὸν ἅπτεσθαι παντάπασιν ἀφεκτέον ὥσπερ γὰρ οἱ ἐν ὀλισθηρῷ τόπῳ, κἂν θίγωσιν ἐκ παραδρομῆς μόνον, ἀνατρέπουσιν, οὕτως ἐν οἴνῳ πρὸς πᾶσαν ἀφορμὴν λόγου μὴ κατὰ σχῆμα γιγνομένην ἐπισφαλῶς ἔχομεν. τοῖς δὲ σκώμμασιν ἔστιν ὅτε μᾶλλον ἢ ταῖς λοιδορίαις ἐκκινούμεθα, τὸ μὲν ὑπʼ ὀργῆς πολλάκις ἀβουλήτως ὁρῶντες γιγνόμενον, τὸ δʼ ὡς οὐκ ἀναγκαῖον ἀλλʼ ἔργον ὕβρεως καὶ κακοηθείας προβαλλόμενοι· καὶ καθόλου διαλέγεσθαι τοῖς … νοις μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς … φλυαροῦσι χαλεπαίνομεν δῆλον γὰρ ὅτι δόλος τῷ σχήματι προσέσται τῷ κατὰ τὸ σκῶμμα, λοιδόρημα δὲ … εἶναι καὶ πεποιημένον ἐκ παρασκευῆς. ὁ γὰρ εἰπὼν ταριχοπώλην αὐτόθεν ἐλοιδόρησεν, ὁ δὲ φήσας, μεμνήμεθά σε τῷ βραχίονι ἀπομυττόμενον ἔσκωψε. καὶ Κικέρων πρὸς Ὀκταούιον, ἐκ Λιβύης εἶναι δοκοῦντα λέγοντος δʼ αὐτοῦ φάσκοντα μὴ ἀκούειν, καὶ μὴν τετρυπημένον ἔφη ἔχεις τὸ οὖς. καὶ Μελάνθιος ὑπὸ τοῦ κωμῳδιοποιοῦ καταγελώμενος ἔφη οὐκ ὀφειλόμενόν μοι ἀποδίδως ἔρανον μᾶλλον οὖν τὰ σκώμματα δάκνει, καθάπερ τὰ παρηγκιστρωμένα βέλη πλείονα χρόνον ἐμμένοντα, καὶ λυπεῖ τοὺς σκωφθέντας ἡ τέρψις τῇ κομψότητι καὶ ἡδύνει τοὺς παρόντας· ἡδόμενοι γὰρ ἐπὶ τῷ λεγομένῳ, πιστεύειν δοκοῦσι καὶ συνδιασύρειν τῷ λέγοντι. ὀνειδισμὸς γάρ ἐστι τῆς ἁμαρτίας παρεσχηματισμένος τὸ σκῶμμα κατὰ τὸν Θεόφραστον· ὅθεν ἐξ αὑτοῦ τῇ ὑπονοίᾳ προστίθησιν ὁ ἀκούσας τὸ ἐλλεῖπον ὡς εἰδὼς καὶ πιστεύων. ὁ γὰρ γελάσας καὶ ἡσθείς, τοῦ Θεοκρίτου πρὸς τὸν δοκοῦντα λωποδυτεῖν ἐρωτῶντα δʼ αὐτὸν εἰ ἐπὶ δεῖπνον βαδίζει φήσαντος βαδίζειν ἐκεῖ μέντοι καθεύδειν, βεβαιοῦντι τὴν διαβολὴν ὅμοιός ἐστι. διὸ καὶ προσαναπίμπλησι τοὺς παρόντας ὁ σκώπτων παρὰ μέλος κακοηθείας, ὡς ἐφηδομένους καὶ συνυβρίζοντας. ἓν δὲ τῇ καλῇ Λακεδαίμονι τῶν μαθημάτων ἐδόκει, τὸ σκώπτειν ἀλύπως καὶ σκωπτόμενον φέρειν· εἰ δέ τις ἀπείποι σκωπτόμενος, εὐθὺς ὁ σκώπτων ἐπέπαυτο. πῶς οὖν οὐ χαλεπὸν εὑρεῖν σκῶμμα τῷ σκωπτομένῳ κεχαρισμένον, ὅπου καὶ τὸ μὴ λυποῦν τοῦ σκώμματος οὐ τῆς τυχούσης ἐμπειρίας καὶ δεξιότητός ἐστιν;

[¶5] 1.5. First then, such as will vex and gall the conscious must please those that are clean, innocent, and not suspected of the matter. Such a joke is Xenophon’s, when he pleasantly brings in a very ugly ill-looking fellow, and is smart upon him for being Sambaulas’s minion. Such was that of Aufidius Modestus, who, when our friend Quintius in an ague complained his hands were cold, replied, Sir, you brought them warm from your province; for this made Quintius laugh, and extremely pleased him; yet it had been a reproach and abuse to a covetous and oppressing governor. Thus Socrates, pretending to compare faces with the beauteous Critobulus, rallied only, and not abused. And Alcibiades again was smart on Socrates, as his rival in Agatho’s affection. Kings are pleased when jests are put upon them as if they were private and poor men. Such was the flatterer’s to Philip, who chided him: Sir, don’t I keep you? For those that mention faults of which the persons are not really guilty intimate those virtues with which they are really adorned. But then it is requisite that those virtues should be evident and certainly belong to them; otherwise the discourse will breed disturbance and suspicion. He that tells a very rich man that he will procure him a sum of money,—a temperate sober man, and one that drinks water only, that he is foxed, or hath taken a cup too much,—a hospitable, generous, good-humored man, that he is a niggard and pinch-penny,—or threatens an excellent lawyer to meet him at the bar,— must make the persons smile and please the company. Thus Cyrus was very obliging and complaisant, when he challenged his play-fellows at those sports in which he was sure to be overcome. And Ismenias piping at a sacrifice, when no good omens appeared, the man that hired him snatched the pipe, and played very ridiculously himself; and when all found fault, he said: To play satisfactorily is the gift of Heaven. And Ismenias with a smile replied: Whilst I played, the Gods were so well pleased that they were careless of the sacrifice; but to be rid of thy noise they presently received it.

> Greek: 1.5. οὐ μὴν ἀλλὰ πρῶτά μοι δοκεῖ τὰ λυποῦντα τοὺς ἐνόχους σκώμματα τοῖς μακρὰν οὖσι τῆς διαβολῆς ἡδονήν τινα καὶ χάριν ποιεῖν· οἷον ὁ Ξενοφῶν τὸν ὑπέραισχρον καὶ ὑπέρδασυν ἐκεῖνον ὡς παιδικὰ τοῦ Σαμβαύλα σκωπτόμενον εἰσάγει μετὰ παιδιᾶς. καὶ Κυήτου τοῦ ἡμετέρου μέμνησαι γάρ ἐν ἀσθενείᾳ τὰς χεῖρας ἔχειν ψυχρὰς λέγοντος, Αὐφίδιος Μόδεστος ἀλλὰ μήν ἔφη θερμὰς ἀπὸ τῆς ἐπαρχίας κεκόμικας αὐτάς· τοῦτο γὰρ ἐκείνῳ μὲν γέλωτα καὶ διάχυσιν παρέσχε, κλέπτῃ δʼ ἀνθυπάτῳ λοιδόρημα καὶ ὄνειδος ἦν. διὸ καὶ Κριτόβουλον ὁ Σωκράτης εὐπροσωπότατον ὄντα προκαλούμενος εἰς σύγκρισιν εὐμορφίας ἔπαιζεν οὐκ ἐχλεύαζεν. καὶ Σωκράτην πάλιν Ἀλκιβιάδης ἔσκωπτεν εἰς ζηλοτυπίαν τὴν περὶ Ἀγάθωνος. ἥδονται δὲ καὶ βασιλεῖς τοῖς λεγομένοις ὡς εἰς πένητας αὐτοὺς καὶ ἰδιώτας, ὥσπερ ὑπὸ Φιλίππου σκωφθεὶς ὁ παράσιτος εἶπεν οὐκ ἐγώ σε τρέφω; τὰ γὰρ οὐ προσόντα φαῦλα λέγοντες ἐμφαίνουσι τὰ προσόντα χρηστά. δεῖ δʼ ὁμολογουμένως καὶ βεβαίως προσεῖναὶ τι χρηστόν· εἰ δὲ μή, τὸ λεγόμενον τοὐναντίον ἀμφισβητήσιμον ἔχει τὴν ὑπόνοιαν. ὁ γὰρ τῷ πάνυ πλουσίῳ τοὺς δανειστὰς ἐπάξειν λέγων, ἢ τὸν ὑδροπότην καὶ σώφρονα παροινεῖν καὶ μεθύειν, ἢ τὸν εὐδάπανον καὶ μεγαλοπρεπῆ καὶ χαριστικὸν κίμβικα καὶ κυμινοπρίστην προσαγορεύων, ἢ τὸν ἐν συνηγορίαις καὶ πολιτείαις μέγαν ἀπειλῶν ἐν ἀγορᾷ λήψεσθαι, διάχυσιν καὶ μειδίαμα παρέσχεν. οὕτως ὁ Κῦρος ἐν οἷς ἐλείπετο τῶν ἑταίρων, εἰς ταῦτα προκαλούμενος ἐγίγνετο προσηνὴς καὶ κεχαρισμένος. καὶ τοῦ Ἰσμηνίου τῇ θυσίᾳ προσαυλοῦντος, ὡς οὐκ ἐκαλλιέρει, παρελόμενος τοὺς αὐλοὺς ὁ μισθωτὴς ηὔλησε γελοίως· αἰτιωμένων δὲ τῶν παρόντων, ἐκεῖνος καλλιερήσας ἔστιν ἔφη τὸ κεχαρισμένως αὐλεῖν θεόθεν· ὁ δʼ Ἰσμηνίας γελάσας ἀλλʼ ἐμοῦ μὲν εἶπεν αὐλοῦντος ἡδόμενοι διέτριβον οἱ θεοί, σοῦ δʼ ἀπαλλαγῆναι σπεύδοντες ἐδέξαντο τὴν θυσίαν.

[¶6] 1.6. Butt more, those that jocosely put scandalous names upon things commendable, if it be opportunely done, please more than he that plainly and openly commends; for those that cover a reproach under fair and respectful words (as he that calls an unjust man Aristides, a coward Achilles) gall more than those that openly abuse. Such is that of Oedipus, in Sophocles, “The faithful Creon, my most constant friend.” The familiar irony in commendations answers to this on the other side. Such Socrates used, when he called the kind endeavor and industry of Antisthenes to make men friends pimping, bawds-craft, and allurement; and others that called Crates the philosopher, who wherever he went was caressed and honored, the door-opener.

> Greek: 1.6. ἔτι τοίνυν οἱ τὰ χρηστὰ τῶν πραγμάτων τοῖς λοιδορουμένοις ὀνόμασι μετὰ παιδιᾶς καλοῦντες, ἂν ἐμμελῶς ποιῶσιν, αὐτῶν μᾶλλον εὐφραίνουσι τῶν ἀπʼ εὐθείας ἐπαινούντων. καὶ γὰρ δάκνουσι μᾶλλον οἱ διὰ τῶν εὐφήμων ὀνειδίζοντες, ὡς οἱ τοὺς πονηροὺς Ἀριστείδας καὶ τοὺς δειλοὺς Ἀχιλλεῖς καλοῦντες, καὶ ὁ τοῦ Σοφοκλέους Οἰδίπους … ταύτης Κρέων ὁ πιστὸς οὑξ ἀρχῆς φίλος. ἀντίστροφον οὖν ἔοικε γένος εἰρωνείας εἶναι τὸ περὶ τοὺς ἐπαίνους· ᾧ καὶ Σωκράτης ἐχρήσατο, τοῦ Ἀντισθένους τὸ φιλοποιὸν καὶ συναγωγὸν ἀνθρώπων εἰς εὔνοιαν μαστροπείαν καὶ συναγωγίαν καὶ προαγωγείαν ὀνομάσας. … Κράτητα δὲ τὸν φιλόσοφον, εἰς πᾶσαν οἰκίαν εἰσιόντα μετὰ τιμῆς καὶ φιλοφροσύνης δεχομένων, θυρεπανοίκτην ἐκάλουν.

[¶7] 1.7. Again, a complaint that implies thankfulness for a received favor is pleasant raillery. Thus Diogenes of his master Antisthenes:
That man that made me leave my precious ore,
Clothed me with rags, and force. me to be poor;
That man that made me wander, beg my bread,
And scorn to have a house to hide my lead.
For it had not been half so pleasant to have said, that man that made me wise, content, and happy. And thus a Spartan, making as if he would find fault with the master of the exercises for giving him wood that would not smoke, said, He will not permit us even to shed a tear. So he that calls a hospitable man, and one that treats often, a kidnapper, and a tyrant who for a long time would not permit him to see his own table; and he whom the King hath raised and enriched, that says he had a design upon him and robbed him of his sleep and quiet. So if he that hath an excellent vintage should complain of Aeschylus’s Cabeiri for making him want vinegar, as they had jocosely threatened. For such as these have a pungent pleasantness, so that the praised are not offended nor take it ill.

> Greek: 1.7. ποιεῖ δʼ εὔχαρι σκῶμμα καὶ μέμψις ἐμφαίνουσα χάριν, ὡς Διογένης περὶ Ἀντισθένους ἔλεγεν
ὅς με ῥάκη τʼ ἤμπισχε κἀξηνάγκασεν
πτωχὸν γενέσθαι κἀκ δόμων ἀνάστατον.
οὐ γὰρ ἂν ὁμοίως πιθανὸς ἦν λέγων ὅς με σοφὸν καὶ αὐτάρκη καὶ μακάριον ἐποίησε καὶ ὁ Λάκων ἄκαπνα ξύλα τῷ γυμνασιάρχῳ παρασχόντι προσποιούμενος ἐγκαλεῖν, ἔλεγε διʼ ὃν οὐδʼ ἀποδακρῦσαι γέγονεν ἡμῖν. καὶ ὁ τὸν δειπνίζοντα καθʼ ἡμέραν ἀνδραποδιστὴν καλῶν καὶ τύραννον, διʼ ὃν ἐτῶν τοσούτων οὐχ ἑώρακε τὴν ἑαυτοῦ τράπεζαν. καὶ ὁ λέγων ὑπὸ τοῦ βασιλέως ἐπιβεβουλευμένος ἀφῃρῆσθαι τὴν σχολὴν καὶ τὸν ὕπνον, πλούσιος γεγονὼς ἐκ πένητος. καὶ εἴ τις ἀντιστρέψας αἰτιῷτο τοὺς Αἰσχύλου Καβείρους ὄξους σπανίζειν δῶμα ποιήσαντας, ὥσπερ αὐτοὶ παίζοντες ἠπείλησαν. ἅπτεται γὰρ ταῦτα μᾶλλον ἔχοντα δριμυτέραν χάριν, ὥστε μὴ προσίστασθαι μηδὲ λυπεῖν τοὺς ἐπαινουμένους.

[¶8] 1.8. Besides, he that would be civilly facetious must know the difference between a vice and a commendable study or recreation; for instance, between the love of money or contention and of music or hunting; for men are grieved if twitted with the former, but take it very well if they are laughed at for the latter. Thus Demosthenes the Mitylenæan was pleasant enough when, knocking at a man’s door that was much given to singing and playing on the harp, and being bid come in, he said, I will, if you will tie up your harp. But the flatterer of Lysimachus was offensive; for being frighted at a wooden scorpion that the king threw into his lap, and leaping out of his seat, he said after he knew the humor, And I’ll fright your majesty too; give me a talent.

> Greek: 1.8. δεῖ δὲ τὸν ἐμμελῶς σκώμματι χρησόμενον εἰδέναι καὶ νοσήματος διαφορὰν πρὸς ἐπιτήδευμα, λέγω δὲ φιλαργυρίας καὶ φιλονεικίας πρὸς φιλομουσίαν καὶ φιλοθηρίαν· ἐπʼ ἐκείνοις μὲν γὰρ ἄχθονται σκωπτόμενοι, πρὸς ταῦτα δʼ ἡδέως ἔχουσιν. οὐκ ἀηδῶς γοῦν Δημοσθένης ὁ Μιτυληναῖος, φιλῳδοῦ τινος καὶ φιλοκιθαριστοῦ θύραν κόψας, ὑπακούσαντος αὐτοῦ καὶ κελεύσαντος εἰσελθεῖν ἂν πρῶτον ἔφη τὴν κιθάραν δήσῃς. ἀηδῶς δʼ ὁ τοῦ Λυσιμάχου παράσιτος, ἐμβαλόντος αὐτοῦ σκορπίον ξύλινον εἰς τὸ ἱμάτιον, ἐκταραχθεὶς καὶ ἀναπηδήσας, ὡς ᾔσθετο τὴν παιδιάν, κἀγώ σε φησὶν ἐκφοβῆσαι βούλομαι, ὦ βασιλεῦ· δός μοι τάλαντον.

[¶9] 1.9. In several things about the body too the like caution is to be observed. Thus he that is jested on for a flat or hooked nose usually laughs at the jest. Thus Cassander’s friend was not at all displeased when Theophrastus said to him,’Tis strange, sir, that your eyes don’t sing, since your nose is so near to give them the tune; and Cyrus commanded a long hawk-nosed fellow to marry a flat-nosed girl, for then they would very well agree. But a jest on any for his stinking breath or filthy nose is irksome; for baldness it may be borne, but for blindness or infirmity in the eyes it is intolerable. It is true, Antigonus would joke upon himself, and once, receiving a petition written in great letters, he said, This a man may read if he were stark blind. But he killed Theocritus the Chian for saying,—when one told him that as soon as he appeared before the King’s eyes he would be pardoned,—Sir, then it is impossible for me to be saved. And the Byzantine to Pasiades saying, Sir, your eyes are weak, replied, You upbraid me with this infirmity, not considering that thy son carries the vengeance of Heaven on his back: now Pasiades’s son was hunch-backed. And Archippus the popular Athenian was much displeased with Melanthius for being smart on his crooked back; for Melanthius had said that he did not stand at the head of the state (προεστάναι) but bowed down before it (προκεκυφέναι). It is true, some are not much concerned at such jeers. Thus Antigonus’s friend, when he had begged a talent and was denied, desired a guard, lest somebody should rob him of that talent he was now to carry home. Different tempers make men differently affected, and that which troubles one is not regarded by another. Epaminondas feasting with his fellow-magistrates drank vinegar; and some asking if it was good for his health, he replied, I cannot tell that, but I know it makes me remember what I drink at home. Therefore it becomes every man that would rally, to look into the humors of his company, and take heed to converse without offence.

> Greek: 1.9. εἰσὶ δὲ καὶ περὶ τὰ σωματικὰ τοιαῦται διαφοραὶ τῶν πολλῶν· οἷον εἰς γρυπότητα καὶ σιμότητα σκωπτόμενοι γελῶσιν, ὡς ὁ Κασάνδρου φίλος; οὐκ ἠχθέσθη τοῦ Θεοφράστου πρὸς αὐτὸν εἰπόντος θαυμάζω σου τοὺς ὀφθαλμοὺς, ὅτι οὐκ ᾅδουσι, τοῦ μυκτῆρος; αὐτοῖς ἐνδεδωκότος καὶ ὁ Κῦρος ἐκέλευσε τὸν γρυπὸν σιμὸν ἀγαγέσθαι γύναιον, οὕτω γὰρ ἐφαρμόσειν. εἰς δὲ δυσωδίαν μυκτῆρος ἢ στόματος ἄχθονται σκωπτόμενοι· καὶ πάλιν εἰς φαλακρότητα πράως φέρουσιν, εἰς δὲ πήρωσιν ὀφθαλμῶν ἀηδῶς. καὶ γὰρ Ἀντίγονος αὐτὸς μὲν ἑαυτὸν εἰς τὸν ὀφθαλμὸν ἔσκωπτε· καί ποτε λαβὼν ἀξίωμα μεγάλοις γράμμασι γεγραμμένον ταυτὶ μέν ἔφη καὶ τυφλῷ δῆλα Θεόκριτον δὲ τὸν Χῖον ἀπέκτεινεν, ὅτι φήσαντός τινος τοῖς ὀφθαλμοῖς ἂν βασιλέως παραγένῃ, σωθήσῃ·ἀλλά μοι εἶπεν ἀδύνατον λέγεις τοῦτʼ αὐτὸ τὴν σωτηρίαν. Λέων ὁ Βυζάντιος, εἰπόντος Πασιάδου πρὸς αὐτὸν, ὀφθαλμισθῆναι διʼ αὐτοῦ τοὺς ὀφθαλμούς ἀσθένειαν ἔφη σώματος ὀνειδίζεις, νέμεσιν οὐχ ὁρῶν ἐπὶ τῶν ὤμων βαστάζοντά σου τὸν υἱόν· εἶχε δὲ κυρτὸν ὁ Πασιάδης υἱόν. ἠγανάκτησε δὲ καὶ Ἄρχιππος, ὁ δημαγωγὸς τῶν Ἀθηναίων, ὑπὸ Μελανθίου σκωφθεὶς εἰς τὸ κυρτόν· ἔφη γὰρ αὐτὸν ὁ Μελάνθιος οὐ προεστάναι τῆς πόλεως ἀλλὰ προκεκυφέναι. τινὲς δὲ ταῦτα πράως καὶ μετρίως φέρουσιν, ὥσπερ ὁ φίλος τοῦ Ἀντιγόνου τάλαντον αἰτήσας καὶ μὴ λαβὼν ᾔτησε προπομποὺς καὶ φύλακας ὅπως ἔφη μὴ ἐπιβουλευθῶ προστάξας κατʼ ὤμου τὸ τάλαντον φέρειν. οὕτω μὲν περὶ τὰ ἐκτὸς ἔχουσι διὰ τὴν ἀνωμαλίαν ἄλλοι γὰρ ἐπʼ ἄλλοις ἄχθονται. Ἐπαμεινώνδας μετὰ τῶν συναρχόντων ἑστιώμενος ἐπέπινεν ὄξος, καὶ πυνθανομένων εἰ πρὸς ὑγίειαν ἀγαθόν, οὐκ οἶδʼ εἶπεν, ὅτι μέντοι πρὸς τὸ μεμνῆσθαι τῆς οἴκοι διαίτης ἀγαθόν, ἐπίσταμαι. διὸ δεῖ καὶ πρὸς τὰς φύσεις καὶ τὰ ἤθη σκοποῦντα ταῖς παιδιαῖς χρῆσθαι, πειρώμενον ἀλύπως καὶ κεχαρισμένως ἑκάστοις ὁμιλεῖν.

[¶10] 1.10. Love, as in most things else, so in this matter causes different effects; for some lovers are pleased and some displeased at a merry jest. Therefore in this case a fit time must be accurately observed; for as a blast of wind puffs out a fire whilst it is weak and little, but when thoroughly kindled strengthens and increaseth it; so love, before it is evident and confessed, is displeased at a discoverer, but when it breaks forth and blazes in everybody’s eyes, then it is delighted and gathers strength by the frequent blasts of joke and raillery. When their beloved is present it will gratify them most to pass a jest upon their passion, but to fall on any other subject will be counted an abuse. If they are remarkably loving to their own wives, or entertain a generous affection for a hopeful youth, then are they proud, then tickled when jeered for such a love. And therefore Arcesilaus, when an amorous man in his school laid down this proposition, In my opinion one thing cannot touch another, replied, Sir, you touch this person, pointing to a lovely boy that sat near him.

> Greek: 1.10. ὁ δʼ ἔρως τὰ τʼ ἄλλα ποικιλώτατός ἐστι, καὶ τοῖς σκώμμασιν οἱ μὲν ἄχθονται καὶ ἀγανακτοῦσιν οἱ δὲ χαίρουσι. δεῖ δʼ εἰδέναι τὸν καιρόν· ὡς γὰρ τὸ πῦρ ἐν ἀρχῇ μὲν ἀποσβέννυσι τὸ πνεῦμα διὰ τὴν ἀσθένειαν αὐξηθέντι δὲ τροφὴν παρέχει καὶ ῥώμην, οὕτω φυόμενος ὁ ἔρως ἔτι καὶ λανθάνων δυσκολαίνει καὶ ἀγανακτεῖ πρὸς τοὺς ἀποκαλύπτοντας, ἐκλάμψας δὲ καὶ διαφανεὶς τρέφεται καὶ προσγελᾷ τοῖς σκώμμασι φυσώμενος. ἥδιστα δὲ σκώπτονται, παρόντων τῶν ἐρωμένων, εἰς αὐτὸ τὸ ἐρᾶν εἰς ἄλλο δʼ οὐδέν. ἐὰν δὲ καὶ γυναικῶν ἐρῶντες ἰδίων τύχωσιν ἢ νεανίσκων φιλοκάλων ἔρωτα γενναῖον, παντάπασι γάνυνται καὶ καλλωπίζονται τῷ σκώπτεσθαι πρὸς αὐτούς. διὸ καὶ Ἀρκεσίλαος, ἐν τῇ σχολῇ τοιαύτης μεταδόσεως αὐτῷ γενομένης ὑπό τινος τῶν ἐρωτικῶν δοκεῖ μοι μηδὲν ἅπτεσθαι μηδενός·οὐδὲ σὺ τοίνυν ἔφη τοῦδʼ ἅπτῃ; δείξας τινὰ τῶν καλῶν καὶ ὡραίων παρακαθήμενον.

[¶11] 1.11. Besides, the company must be considered; for what a man will only laugh at when mentioned amongst his friends and familiar acquaintance, he will not endure to be told of before his wife, father, or tutor, unless perhaps it be something that will please those too; as for instance, if before a philosopher one should jeer a man for going barefoot or studying all night; or before his father, for carefulness and thrift; or in the presence of his wife, for being cold to his companions and doating upon her. Thus Tigranes, when Cyrus asked him, What will your wife say when she hears that you are put to servile offices? replied, Sir, she will not hear it, but be present herself and see it.

> Greek: 1.11. ἤδη δὲ καὶ τὸ τῶν παρόντων σκεπτέον· ἃ γὰρ ἐν φίλοις καὶ συνήθεσιν ἀκούοντες γελῶσι, ταῦτα δυσχεραίνουσιν, ἂν λέγηται πρὸς αὐτοὺς τῆς γαμετῆς παρούσης ἢ τοῦ πατρὸς ἢ τοῦ καθηγητοῦ, πλὴν ἂν μή τι κεχαρισμένον τῶν λεγομένων ἐκείνοις· οἷον ἄν τις σκώπτηται τοῦ φιλοσόφου παρόντος εἰς ἀνυποδησίαν ἢ νυκτογραφίαν, ἢ τοῦ πατρὸς ἀκούοντος εἰς μικρολογίαν, ἢ τῆς γυναικὸς παρούσης εἰς τὸ ἀνέραστον ἑτέρων ἐκείνης δὲ δοῦλον καὶ θεραπευτικόν, ὡς ὁ Τιγράνης ὑπὸ τοῦ Κύρου τί δʼ, ἂν σʼ ἡ γυνὴ σκευοφοροῦντα ἀκούσῃ;ἀλλʼ οὐκ ἀκούσεται εἶπεν ὄψεται δʼ αὐτὴ παροῦσα.

[¶12] 1.12. Again, those jokes are accounted less affronting which reflect somewhat also on the man that makes them; as when one poor man, base-born fellow, or lover jokes upon another. For whatever comes from one in the same circumstances looks more like a piece of mirth than a designed affront; but otherwise it must needs be irksome and distasteful. Upon this account, when a slave whom the King had lately feed and enriched behaved himself very impertinently in the company of some philosophers, asking them, how it came to pass that the broth of beans, whether white or black, was always green, Aridices putting another question, why, let the whips be white or not, the wales and marks they made were still red, displeased him extremely, and made him rise from the table in a great rage and discontent. But Amphias the Tarsian, who was supposed to be sprung from a gardener, joking upon the governor’s friend for his obscure and mean birth, and presently subjoining, But ’tis true, I sprung from the same seed, caused much mirth and laughter. And the harper very facetiously put a check to Philip’s ignorance and impertinence; for when Philip pretended to correct him, he cried out, God forbid, sir, that ever you should be brought so low as to understand these things better than I. For by this seeming joke he instructed him without giving any offence. Therefore some of the comedians seem to lay aside their bitterness in every jest that may reflect upon themselves; as Aristophanes, when he is merry upon a bald-pate; and Cratinus in his play Pytine upon drunkenness and excess.

> Greek: 1.12. ποιεῖ δʼ ἀλυπότερα τὰ σκώμματα καὶ τὸ κοινωνεῖν ἁμωσγέπως τοὺς λέγοντας· ὅταν εἰς πενίαν λέγῃ πένης ἢ δυσγενὴς εἰς δυσγένειαν ἢ ἐρῶν εἰς ἔρωτα· δοκεῖ δʼ οὐχ ὕβρει παιδιᾷ δέ τινι γίγνεσθαι μᾶλλον ὑπὸ τῶν ὁμοίων εἰ δὲ μή, παροξύνει καὶ λυπεῖ. τὸν γοῦν ἀπελεύθερον τοῦ βασιλέως νεόπλουτον ὄντα φορτικῶς δὲ καὶ σοβαρῶς ἐπιπολάζοντα τοῖς συνδειπνοῦσι φιλοσόφοις, καί τέλος ἐρωτῶντα πῶς ἔκ τε τῶν λευκῶν καὶ τῶν μελάνων κυάμων ὁμοίως χλωρὸν γίγνεται τὸ ἔτνος, ἀντερωτήσας ὁ Ἀριδίκης, πῶς ἐκ τῶν λευκῶν καὶ μελάνων ἱμάντων φοινικοῖ γίγνονται μώλωπες, ἐποίησεν ἀναστῆναι περίλυπον γενόμενον. ὁ δὲ Ταρσεὺς Ἀμφίας ἐκ κηπουροῦ δοκῶν γεγονέναι, σκώψας δὲ τὸν φίλον τοῦ ἡγεμόνος εἰς δυσγένειαν εἶθʼ ὑπολαβὼν εὐθὺς ἀλλὰ καὶ ἡμεῖς ἐκ τῶν αὐτῶν σπερμάτων γεγόναμεν γέλωτʼ ἐποίησε. κομψῶς δὲ καὶ τοῦ Φιλίππου τὴν ὀψιμαθίαν ἅμα καὶ περιεργίαν ὁ ψάλτης ἐπέσχεν οἰομένου γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐξελέγχειν τοῦ Φιλίππου περὶ κρουμάτων καὶ ἁρμονιῶν μὴ γένοιτό σοι εἶπεν ὦ βασιλεῦ, κακῶς οὕτως, ἵνʼ ἐμοῦ σὺ ταῦτʼ εἰδῇς βέλτιον σκώπτειν γὰρ ἑαυτὸν δοκῶν, ἐκεῖνον ἀλύπως ἐνουθέτησε. διὸ καὶ τῶν κωμικῶν ἔνιοι τὴν πικρίαν ἀφαιρεῖν δοκοῦσι τῷ σκώπτειν ἑαυτούς, ὡς Ἀριστοφάνης εἰς τὴν φαλακρότητα καὶ τὴν Ἀγάθωνος ἀπόλειψιν· Κρατῖνος δὲ τὴν πυτίνην εἰς τὴν φιλοινίαν ἐδίδαξεν.

[¶13] 1.13. Besides, you must be very careful that the jest should seem to be extempore, taken from some present question or merry humor; not far fetched, as if premeditate and designed. For as men are not much concerned at the anger and debates among themselves at table while they are in the midst of their cups, but if any stranger should come in and offer abuse to any of the guests, they would hate and look upon him as an enemy; so they will easily pardon and indulge a jest if undesignedly taken from any present circumstance; but if it is nothing to the matter in hand but fetched from another thing, it must look like a design and be resented as an affront. Such was that of Timagenes to the husband of a woman that often vomited,—“Thou beginnest thy troubles when thou bringest home this vomiting woman,” —saying τήνδ’ ἐμοῦσαν (this vomiting woman), when the poet had written τήνδε Μοῦσαν (this Muse); and also his question to Athenodorus the philosopher,—Is the affection to our children natural For when the raillery is not founded on some present circumstance. it is an argument of ill-nature and a mischievous temper; and such as delight in jests like these do often for a mere word, the lightest thing in the world (as Plato says), suffer the heaviest punishment. But those that know how to time and apply a jest confirm Plato’s opinion, that to rally pleasantly and facetiously is the business of a scholar and a wit.

> Greek: 1.13. οὐχ ἥκιστα δὲ δεῖ προσέχειν καὶ φυλάττειν, ὅπως ἐκ τοῦ παρατυχόντος ἔσται τὸ σκῶμμα πρὸς τινας ἐρωτήσεις αὐτόθεν ἢ παιδιὰς γιγνόμενον, ἀλλὰ μὴ πόρρωθεν οἷον ἐκ παρασκευῆς ἐπεισόδιον. ὡς γὰρ ὀργὰς καὶ μάχας τὰς ἐκ τῶν συμποσίων πραότερον φέρουσιν, ἐὰν δʼ ἐπελθών τις ἔξωθεν λοιδορῆται καὶ ταράττῃ, τοῦτον ἐχθρὸν ἡγοῦνται καὶ μισοῦσιν οὕτω μέτεστι συγγνώμης σκώμματι καὶ παρρησίας, ἂν ἐκ τῶν παρόντων ἔχῃ τὴν γένεσιν, ἀφελῶς καὶ ἀπλάστως φυόμενον· ἂν δʼ μὴ πρὸς λόγον ἀλλʼ ἔξωθεν, ἐπιβουλῇ καὶ ὕβρει προσέοικεν· οἷον τὸ Τιμαγένους πρὸς τὸν ἄνδρα τῆς ἐμετικῆς κακῶν γὰρ ἄρχεις τήνδε μοῦσαν εἰσάγων· καὶ πρὸς Ἀθηνόδωρον τὸν φιλόσοφον, εἰ φυσικὴ ἡ πρὸς τὰ ἔκγονα φιλοστοργία ἡ γὰρ ἀκαιρία καὶ τὸ μὴ πρὸς λόγον ὕβριν ἐμφαίνει καὶ δυσμένειαν. οὗτοι μὲν οὖν κατὰ Πλάτωνα κουφοτάτου πράγματος, λόγων, βαρυτάτην ζημίαν ἔτισαν· οἱ δὲ τὸν καιρὸν εἰδότες καὶ φυλάττοντες αὐτῷ τῷ Πλάτωνι μαρτυροῦσιν, ὅτι τοῦ πεπαιδευμένου καλῶς ἔργον ἐστὶ τὸ παίζειν ἐμμελῶς καὶ κεχαρισμένως.

[¶14] 2.1. IN Eleusis, after the solemn celebration of the sacred mysteries, Glaucias the orator entertained us at a feast; where, after the rest had done, Xenocles of Delphi, as his humor is, began to be smart upon my brother Lamprias for his good Boeotian stomach. I in his defence opposing Xenocles, who was an Epicurean, said, Pray, sir, do not all place the very essence of pleasure in privation of pain and suffering? But Lamprias, who prefers the Lyceum before the Garden, ought by his practice to confirm Aristotle’s doctrine; for he affirms that every man hath a better stomach in the autumn than in other seasons of the year, and gives the reason, which I cannot remember at present. So much the better (says Glaucias), for when supper is done, we will endeavor to discover it ourselves. That being over, Glaucias and Xenocles drew various reasons from the autumnal fruit. One said, that it scoured the body, and by this evacuation continually raised new appetites. Xenocles affirmed, that ripe fruit had usually a pleasing vellicating sapor, and thereby provoked the appetite better than sauces or sweetmeats; for sick men of a vitiated stomach usually recover it by eating fruit. But Lamprias said, that our natural heat, the principal instrument of nutrition, in the midst of summer is scattered and becomes rare and weak, but in autumn it unites again and gathers strength, being shut in by the ambient cold and contraction of the pores. I for my part said: In summer we are more thirsty and use more moisture than in other seasons; and therefore Nature, observing the same method in all her operations, at this change of seasons employs the contrary and makes us hungry; and to maintain an equal temper in the body, she gives us dry food to countervail the moisture taken in the summer. Yet none can deny but that the food itself is a partial cause; for not only new fruit, bread, or corn, but flesh of the same year, is better tasted than that of the former, more forcibly provokes the guests, and enticeth them to eat on.

> Greek: 2.1. ἐν Ἐλευσῖνι μετὰ τὰ μυστήρια τῆς πανηγύρεως ἀκμαζούσης, εἱστιώμεθα παρὰ Γλαυκίᾳ τῷ ῥήτορι. πεπαυμένων δὲ δειπνεῖν τῶν ἄλλων, Ξενοκλῆς ὁ Δελφὸς ὥσπερ εἰώθει τὸν ἀδελφὸν ἡμῶν Λαμπρίαν εἰς ἀδδηφαγίαν Βοιώτιον ἐπέσκωπτεν. ἐγὼ δʼ ἀμυνόμενος ὑπὲρ αὐτοῦ τὸν Ξενοκλέα τοῖς Ἐπικούρου λόγοις χρώμενον οὐ γὰρ ἅπαντες εἶπον ὦ βέλτιστε, ποιοῦνται τὴν τοῦ ἀλγοῦντος ὑπεξαίρεσιν ὅρον ἡδονῆς καὶ πέρας· Λαμπρίᾳ δὲ καὶ ἀνάγκη, πρὸ τοῦ κήπου κυδαίνοντι τὸν περίπατον καὶ τὸ Λύκειον ἔργῳ μαρτυρεῖν Ἀρἰστοτέλει· φησι γὰρ ὁ ἀνὴρ βρωτικώτατον ἕκαστον αὐτὸν αὑτοῦ περὶ τὸ φθινόπωρον εἶναι, καὶ τὴν αἰτίαν ἐπείρηκεν ἐγὼ δʼ οὐ μνημονεύωβέλτιον εἶπεν ὁ Γλαυκίας αὐτοὶ γὰρ ἐπιχειρήσομεν ζητεῖν, ὅταν παυσώμεθα δειπνοῦντες. ὡς οὖν ἀφῃρέθησαν αἱ τράπεζαι, γλαυκίας μὲν καὶ Ξενοκλῆς ᾐτιάσαντο τὴν ὀπώραν διαφόρως, ὁ μὲν ὡς τὴν κοιλίαν ὑπεξάγουσαν καὶ τῷ κενοῦσθαι τὸ σῶμα νεαρὰς ὀρέξεις ἀεὶ παρασκευάζουσαν· ὁ δὲ Ξενοκλῆς ἔλεγεν εὔστομόν τι καὶ δηκτικὸν ἔχοντα τῶν ὡραίων τὰ πλεῖστα τὸν στόμαχον ἐπὶ τὴν βρῶσιν ἐκκαλεῖσθαι παντὸς μᾶλλον ὄψου καὶ ἡδύσματος· καὶ γὰρ τοῖς ἀποσίτοις τῶν ἀρρώστων ὀπώρας τι προσενεχθὲν ἀναλαμβάνει τὴν ὄρεξιν. ὁ δὲ Λαμπρίας εἶπεν, ὅτι τὸ οἰκεῖον καὶ τὸ σύμφυτον θερμὸν ἡμῶν, ᾧ τρέφεσθαι πεφύκαμεν, ἐν μὲν τῷ θέρει διέσπαρται καὶ γέγονεν ἀσθενέστερον καὶ μανόν, ἐν δὲ τῷ φθίνοντι καιρῷ συναγείρεται πάλιν καὶ ἰσχύει, κατακρυπτόμενον ἐντὸς διὰ τὴν περίψυξιν καὶ τὴν πύκνωσιν τοῦ σώματος. ἐγὼ δʼ ὑπὲρ τοῦ μὴ δοκεῖν ἀσύμβολος τοῦ λόγου μετασχεῖν εἶπον, ὅτι τοῦ θέρους διψητικώτεροι γιγνόμεθα καὶ πλείονι χρώμεθα τῷ ὑγρῷ διὰ τὸ καῦμα· νῦν οὖν ἡ φύσις ἐν τῇ μεταβολῇ ζητοῦσα τοὐναντίον, ὥσπερ εἴωθε, πεινητικωτέρους ποιεῖ, καὶ τὴν ξηρὰν τροφὴν τῇ κράσει τοῦ σώματος· ἀνταποδίδωσιν. οὐ μὴν οὐδὲ τὰ σιτία φήσαι τις ἂν αἰτίας ἀμοιρεῖν παντάπασιν, ἀλλʼ ἐκ νέων καὶ προσφάτων γενόμενα καρπῶν οὐ μόνον μάζας καὶ ὄσπρια καὶ ἄρτους καὶ πυροὺς, ἀλλὰ καὶ κρέα ζῴων εὐωχουμένων τὰ ἐπέτεια τοῖς τε χυμοῖς διαφέρειν τῶν παλαιῶν καὶ μᾶλλον ἐπάγεσθαι τοὺς χρωμένους καὶ ἀπολαύοντας.

[¶15] 3.1. WHEN upon a dream I had forborne eggs a long time, on purpose that in an egg (as in a Carian ) I might make experiment of a notable vision that often troubled me; some at Sossius Senecio’s table suspected that I was tainted with Orpheus’s or Pythagoras’s opinions, and refused to cat an egg (as some do the heart and brain) imagining it to be the principle of generation. And Alexander the Epicurean ridiculingly repeated,—
To feed on beans and parents’ heads
Is equal sin;
as if the Pythagoreans covertly meant eggs by the word κύαμοι (beans), deriving it from κύω or κυέω (to conceive), and thought it as unlawful to feed on eggs as on the animals that lay them. Now to pretend a dream for the cause of my abstaining, to an Epicurean, had been a defence more irrational than the cause itself; and therefore I suffered jocose Alexander to enjoy his opinion, for he was a pleasant man and excellently learned.

> Greek: 3.1. ἐξ ἐνυπνίου τινὸς ἀπειχόμην ᾠῶν πολὺν ἡδο παρὰ τοῦτο ποιούμενος, ἐν καθάπερ ἐν Καρὶ διάπειραν λαβεῖν τῆς ὄψεως ἐναργῶς μοι πολλάκις γενομένης· ὑπόνοιαν μέντοι παρέσχον, ἑστιῶντος ἡμᾶς Σοσσίου Σενεκίωνος, ἐνέχεσθαι δόγμασιν Ὀρφικοῖς ἢ Πυθαγορικοῖς, καὶ τὸ ᾠόν, ὥσπερ ἔνιοι καρδίαν καὶ ἐγκέφαλον, ἀρχὴν ἡγούμενος γενέσεως ἀφοσιοῦσθαι· καὶ προὔφερεν Ἀλέξανδρος ὁ Ἐπικούρειος ἐπὶ γέλωτι τὸ ἶσόν τοι κυάμους ἔσθειν κεφαλάς τε τοκήων ὡς δὴ κυάμους τὰ ᾠὰ διὰ τὴν κύησιν αἰνιττομένων τῶν ἀνδρῶν, διαφέρειν δὲ μηδὲν οἰομένων τὸ ἐσθίειν ᾠὰ τοῦ χρῆσθαι τοῖς τίκτουσι τὰ ᾠὰ ζῴοις. ἐγίγνετο δὴ τὸ τῆς αἰτίας ἀπολόγημα τῆς αἰτίας αὐτῆς ἀλογώτερον, Ἐπικουρείῳ λέγειν ἐνύπνιον. ὅθεν οὐ παρῃτούμην τὴν δόξαν ἅμα προσπαίζων τι τῷ Ἀλεξάνδρῳ καὶ γὰρ ἦν χαρίεις καὶ φιλόλογος ἐπιεικῶς.

[¶16] 3.2. Soon after he proposed that perplexed question, that plague of the inquisitive, Which was first, the bird or the egg? And my friend Sylla, saying that with this little question, as with an engine, we shook the great and weighty question (whether the world had a beginning), declared his dislike of such problems. But Alexander deriding the question as slight and impertinent, my relation Firmus said: Well, sir, at present your atoms will do me some service; for if we suppose that small things must be the principles of greater, it is likely that the egg was before the bird; for an egg amongst sensible things is very simple, and the bird is more mixed, and contains a greater variety of parts. It is universally true, that a principle is before that whose principle it is; now the seed is a principle, and the egg is somewhat more than the seed, and less than the bird; for as a disposition or a progress in goodness is something between a tractable mind and a habit of virtue, so an egg is as it were a progress of Nature tending from the seed to a perfect animal. And as in an animal they say the veins and arteries are formed first, upon the same account the egg should be before the bird, as the thing containing before the thing contained. Thus art first makes rude and ill-shapen figures, and afterwards perfects every thing with its proper form; and it was for this reason that the statuary Polycletus said, Then our work is most difficult, when the clay comes to be fashioned by the nail. So it is probable that matter, not readily obeying the slow motions of contriving Nature, at first frames rude and indefinite masses, as the egg, and of these moulded anew, and joined in better order, the animal afterward is formed. As the canker is first, and then growing dry and cleaving lets forth a winged animal, called psyche; so the egg is first as it were the subject matter of the generation. For it is certain that, in every change, that out of which the thing changes must be before the thing changing. Observe how worms and caterpillars are bred in trees from the moisture corrupted or concocted; now none can say but that the engendering moisture is naturally before all these. For (as Plato says) matter is as a mother or nurse in respect of the bodies that are formed, and we call that matter out of which any thing that is is made. And with a smile continued he, I speak to those that are acquainted with the mystical and sacred discourse of Orpheus, who not only affirms the egg to be before the bird, but makes it the first being in the whole world. The other parts, because deep mysteries (as Herodotus would say), we shall now pass by; but let us look upon the various kinds of animals, and we shall find almost every one beginning from an egg,—fowls and fishes; land animals, as lizards; amphibious, as crocodiles; some with two legs, as a cock; some without any, as a snake; and some with many, as a locust. And therefore in the solemnly feast of Bacchus it is very well done to dedicate an egg, as the emblem of that which begets and contains every thing in itself.

> Greek: 3.2. ἐκ δὲ τούτου τὸ ἄπορον καὶ πολλὰ πράγματα τοῖς ζητητικοῖς παρέχον εἰς μέσον εἷλκε πρόβλημα περὶ τοῦ ᾠοῦ καὶ τῆς ὄρνιθος, ὁπότερον γένοιτο πρότερον αὐτῶν. καὶ Σύλλας μὲν ὁ ἑταῖρος εἰπὼν ὅτι μικρῷ προβλήματι καθάπερ ὀργάνῳ μέγα καὶ βαρὺ σαλεύομεν τὸ περὶ τῆς τοῦ κόσμου γενέσεως, ἀπηγόρευσε. τοῦ δʼ Ἀλεξάνδρου τῆς ζητήσεως ὡς μηδὲν προσφυὲς φερούσης καταγελάσαντος, ὁ γαμβρὸς ἡμῶν Φίρμος ἐμοὶ τοίνυν ἔφη χρῆσον ἐν τῷ παρόντι τὰς ἀτόμους. εἰ γὰρ τὰ μικρὰ δεῖ στοιχεῖα τῶν μεγάλων ἀρχὰς ὑποτίθεσθαι, πρῶτον εἰκὸς ἐστι τὸ ᾠὸν γεγονέναι τῆς ὄρνιθος· ἔστι γὰρ καὶ ἁπλοῦν, ὡς ἐν αἰσθητοῖς· ποικίλον δὲ καὶ μεμιγμένον μᾶλλον ἡ ὄρνις. καθόλου δʼ ἡ μὲν ἀρχὴ πρῶτον ἀρχὴ δὲ τὸ σπέρμα, τὸ δʼ ᾠὸν σπέρματος; μὲν πλέον ζῴου δὲ μικρότερον. ὡς γὰρ ἡ προκοπὴ μέσον εὐφυΐας εἶναι δοκεῖ καὶ ἀρετῆς, οὕτω τὸ ᾠὸν προκοπὴ τίς ἐστι τῆς φύσεως ἐπὶ τὸ ἔμψυχον ἀπὸ τοῦ σπέρματος πορευομένης. ἔτι δʼ, ὥσπερ ἐν τῷ ζῴῳ πρῶτα γίγνεσθαι λέγουσιν ἀρτηρίας καὶ φλέβας, οὕτω λόγον ἔχει καὶ τοῦ ζῴου τὸ ᾠὸν γεγονέναι πρῶτον, ὡς περιέχον ἐμπεριεχομένου. καὶ γὰρ αἱ τέχναι πρῶτον ἀτύπωτα καὶ ἄμορφα πλάττουσιν, εἶθʼ ὕστερον ἕκαστα τοῖς εἴδεσι διαρθροῦσιν ᾕ Πολύκλειτος ὁ πλάστης εἶπε χαλεπώτατον εἶναι τοὔργον, ὅταν ἐν ὄνυχι ὁ πηλὸς γένηται. διὸ καὶ τῇ φύσει τὸ πρῶτον εἰκός ἐστιν ἀτρέμα κινούσῃ τὴν ὕλην ἀργοτέραν ὑπακούειν, τύπους ἀμόρφους καὶ ἀορίστους ἐκφέρουσαν ὥσπερ τὰ ᾠά· μορφουμένων δὲ τούτων καὶ διαχαρασσομένων, ὕστερον ἐνδημιουργεῖσθαι τὸ ζῷον. ὡς δὲ κάμπη γίγνεται τὸ πρῶτον, εἶτʼ ἐκπαγεῖσα διὰ ξηρότητα καὶ περιρραγεῖσα ἕτερον πτερωθὲν διʼ αὑτῆς τὴν καλουμένην ψυχὴν μεθίησι, τὸν αὐτὸν τρόπον ἐνταῦθα προϋφίσταται τὸ ᾠὸν οἷον ὕλη τῆς γενέσεως. ἀνάγκη γὰρ ἐν πάσῃ μεταβολῇ πρότερον εἶναι τοῦ μεταβάλλοντος τὸ ἐξ οὗ μετέβαλε. σκόπει δʼ ὅτι σκνῖπες ἐν δένδρῳ καὶ τερηδόνες ἐμφύονται ξύλῳ κατὰ σῆψιν ὑγρότητος ἢ πέψιν· ὧν οὐδεὶς ἂν ἀξιώσειεν μὴ προϋποκεῖσθαι μηδὲ πρεσβύτερον εἶναι φύσει τὸ γεννῶν. ἡ γὰρ ὕλη λόγον ἔχει πρὸς τὰ γιγνόμενα μητρὸς ὥς φησι Πλάτων καὶ τιθήνης ὕλη δὲ πᾶν, ἐξ οὗ σύστασιν ἔχει τὸ γεννώμενον τὸ δʼ ἐπὶ τούτοις ἔφη γελάσας ἀείσω ξυνετοῖσι τὸν Ὀρφικὸν καὶ ἱερὸν λόγον, ὃς οὐκ ὄρνιθος μόνον τὸ ᾠὸν ἀποφαίνει πρεσβύτερον, ἀλλὰ καὶ συλλαβὼν ἅπασαν αὐτῷ τὴν ἁπάντων ὁμοῦ πρεσβυγένειαν ἀνατίθησι. καὶ τἄλλα μὲν εὔστομα κείσθω καθʼ Ἡρόδοτον· ἔστι γὰρ μυστικώτερα· ζῴων δὲ πολλὰς φύσεις τοῦ κόσμου περιέχοντος, οὐδὲν ὡς εἰπεῖν γένος ἄμοιρόν ἐστι τῆς ἐξ ᾠοῦ γενέσεως· ἀλλὰ καὶ πτηνὰ γεννᾷ καὶ νηκτὰ μυρία καὶ χερσαῖα, σαύρας, καὶ ἀμφίβια, κροκοδείλους, καὶ δίποδα, τὸν ὄρνιν, καὶ ἄποδα, τὸν ὄφιν, καὶ πολύποδα, τὸν ἀττέλεβον· ὅθεν οὐκ ἀπὸ τρόπου τοῖς περὶ τὸν Διόνυσον ὀργιασμοῖς ὡς μίμημα τοῦ τὰ πάντα γεννῶντος καὶ περιέχοντος ἐν ἑαυτῷ συγκαθωσίωται.

[¶17] 3.3. To this discourse of Firmus, Senecio replied: Sir, your last similitude contradicts your first, and you have unwittingly opened the world (instead of the door, as the saying is) against yourself. For the world was before all, being the most perfect; and it is rational that the perfect in Nature should be before the imperfect, as the sound before the maimed, and the whole before the part. For it is absurd that there should be a part when there is nothing whose part it is; and therefore nobody says the seed’s man or egg’s hen, but the man’s seed and hen’s egg; because those being after these and formed in them, pay as it were a debt to Nature, by bringing forth another. For they are not in themselves perfect, and therefore have a natural appetite to produce such a thing as that out of which they were first formed; and therefore seed is defined as a telling produced that is to be perfected by another production. Now nothing can be perfected by or want that which as yet is not. Everybody sees that eggs have the nature of a concretion or consistence in some animal or other, but want those organs, veins, and muscles which animals enjoy. Therefore no story delivers that ever any egg was formed immediately from earth; and the poets themselves tell us, that the egg out of which came the Tyndaridae fell down from heaven. But even till this time the earth produceth some perfect and organized animals, as mice in Egypt, and snakes, frogs, and grasshoppers almost everywhere, some external and invigorating principle assisting in the production. And in Sicily, where in the servile war much blood was shed, and many carcasses rotted on the ground, whole swarms of locusts were produced, and spoiled the corn over the whole isle. Such spring from and are nourished by the earth; and seed being formed in them, pleasure and titillation provoke them to mix, upon which some lay eggs, and some bring forth their young alive; and this evidently proves that animals first sprang from earth, and afterwards by copulation, after different ways, propagated their several kinds. In short, it is the same thing as if you said the womb was before the woman; for as the womb is to the egg, the egg is to the chick that is formed in it; so that he that inquires how birds should be when there were no eggs, might ask as well how men and women could be before any organs of generation were formed. Parts generally have their subsistence together with the whole; particular powers follow particular members, and operations follow those powers, and effects those operations. Now the effect of the generative power is the seed and egg; so that these must be after the formation of the whole. Therefore consider, as there can be no digestion of food before the animal is formed, so there can be no seed nor egg; for those, it is likely, are made by some digestion and alterations; nor can it be that, before the animal is, the superfluous parts of the food of the animal should have a being. Besides, though seed may perhaps pretend to be a principle, the egg cannot; for it doth not subsist first, nor hath it the nature of a whole, for it is imperfect. Therefore we do not affirm that the animal is produced without a principle of its being; but we call the principle that power which changes, mixes, and tempers the matter, so that a living creature is regularly produced; but the egg is an after-production, as the blood or milk of an animal after the taking in and digestion of the food. For we never see an egg formed immediately of mud, for it is produced in the bodies of animals alone; but a thousand living creatures rise from the mud. What need of many instances? None ever found the spawn or egg of an eel; yet if you empty a pit and take out all the mud, as soon as other water settles in it, eels likewise are presently produced. Now that must exist first which hath no need of any other thing that it may exist, and that after, which cannot be without the concurrence of another thing. And of this priority is our present discourse. Besides, birds build nests before they lay their eggs; and women provide cradles, swaddling-clothes, and the like; yet who says that the nest is before the egg, or the swaddling-clothes before the infant? For the earth (as Plato says) doth not imitate a woman, but a woman, and so likewise all other females, the earth. Moreover it is probable that the first production out of the earth, which was then vigorous and perfect, was self-sufficient and entire, nor stood in need of those secundines, membranes, and vessels, which now Nature forms to help the weakness and supply the defects of breeders.

> Greek: 3.3. ταῦτα τοῦ Φίρμου διεξιόντος, ὁ Σενεκίων ἔφη τὴν τελευταίαν τῶν εἰκόνων αὐτῷ πρώτην ἀντιπίπτειν. ἔλαθες γάρ εἶπεν ὦ Φίρμε, τὸν κόσμον ἀντὶ τῆς παροιμιακῆς θύρας ἐπὶ σεαυτὸν ἀνοίξας· ὁ γὰρ κόσμος προϋφέστηκε πάντων τελειότατος ὤν· καὶ λόγον ἔχει τοῦ ἀτελοῦς φύσει πρότερον εἶναι τὸ τέλειον, ὡς τοῦ πεπηρωμένου τὸ ὁλόκληρον καὶ τοῦ μέρους τὸ ὅλον· οὐδὲ γὰρ ἔχει λόγον εἶναι μέρος οὗ μέρος; ἐστὶ μὴ γεγονότος. ὅθεν οὐθεὶς λέγει τοῦ σπέρματος εἶναι τὸν ἄνθρωπον οὐδὲ τοῦ ᾠοῦ τὴν ἀλεκτορίδα, τῆς δʼ ἀλεκτορίδος τὸ ᾠὸν εἶναι καὶ τὸ σπέρμα τοῦ ἀνθρώπου λέγομεν, ὡς τούτων ἐπιγιγνομένων ἐκείνοις καὶ τὴν γένεσιν ἐν ἐκείνοις λαμβανόντων εἶθʼ ὥσπερ ὄφλημα τῇ φύσει τὴν γένεσιν ἀποδιδόντων. ἐνδεᾶ γάρ ἐστι, τοῦ οἰκείου· διὸ καὶ βούλεσθαι ποιεῖν πέφυκεν ἄλλο τοιοῦτον, οἷον ἦν ἐξ οὗ ἀπεκρίθη. καὶ τὸν σπερματικὸν λόγον ὁρίζονται γόνον ἐνδεᾶ γενέσεως· ἐνδεὲς δʼ οὐδέν ἐστι τοῦ μὴ γενομένου μηδʼ ὄντος· τὰ δʼ ᾠὰ καὶ παντάπασι βλέπεται τὴν φύσιν ἔχοντα τῆς ἔν τινι ζῴῳ πήξεως καὶ συστάσεως ὀργάνων τε τοιούτων καὶ ἀγγείων δεομένην. ὅθεν οὐδʼ ἱστόρηται γηγενὲς ᾠόν· ἀλλὰ καὶ τὸ· Τυνδάρειον οἱ ποιηταὶ λέγουσιν οὐρανοπετὲς ἀναφανῆναι. ζῷα δʼ αὐτοτελῆ καὶ ὁλόκληρα μέχρι νῦν ἀναδίδωσιν ἡ γῆ, μῦς ἐν Αἰγύπτῳ πολλαχοῦ δʼ ὄφεις καὶ βατράχους καὶ τέττιγας, ἀρχῆς ἔξωθεν ἑτέρας καὶ δυνάμεως ἐγγενομένης. ἐν δὲ Σικελίᾳ περὶ τὸν δουλικὸν πόλεμον, αἵματος πολλοῦ καὶ νεκρῶν ἀτάφων ἐν τῇ γῇ κατασαπέντων, πλῆθος ἀττελέβων ἐξήνθησε καὶ τὸν σῖτον ἔφθειρον πανταχοῦ σκεδασθέντες ἐπὶ τὴν νῆσον. ταῦτα τοίνυν ἐκ γῆς φύεται καὶ τρέφεται καὶ τροφῆς περίσσωμα ποιεῖ γόνιμον, ᾧ καθʼ ἡδονὰς πρὸς ἄλληλα τρέπεται, καὶ συνδυαζόμενα τῇ μίξει τὰ μὲν ᾠοτοκεῖν τὰ δὲ ζῳοτοκεῖν πέφυκε. καὶ τούτῳ μάλιστα δῆλόν ἐστιν, ὅτι τὴν πρώτην γένεσιν ἐκ γῆς λαβόντα καθʼ ἕτερον τρόπον ἤδη καὶ· διʼ ἀλλήλων ποιεῖται τὰς τεκνώσεις. καθόλου δʼ ὅμοιόν ἐστι τῷ λέγειν, πρὸ τῆς γυναικὸς ἡ μήτρα γέγονεν· ὡς γὰρ ἡ μήτρα πρὸς τὸ ᾠόν, οὕτω πάλιν τὸ ᾠὸν πρὸς τὸν νεοσσὸν πέφυκε, κυόμενον ἐν αὐτῷ καὶ λοχευόμενον ὥστε μηδὲν διαφέρειν τὸν διαποροῦντα, πῶς ὄρνιθες ἐγένοντο μὴ γενομένων ᾠῶν, τοῦ πυνθανομένου, πῶς ἄνδρες ἐγένοντο καὶ γυναῖκες πρὶν αἰδοῖα γενέσθαι καὶ μήτρας. καίτοι τῶν μερῶν τὰ πλεῖστα συνυφίσταται τοῖς ὅλοις, αἱ δὲ δυνάμεις ἐπιγίνονται τοῖς μέρεσιν αἱ δʼ ἐνέργειαι ταῖς δυνάμεσι, τὰ δʼ ἀποτελέσματα ταῖς ἐνεργείαις· ἀποτέλεσμα δὲ τῆς γεννητικῆς τῶν μορίων δυνάμεως τὸ σπέρμα καὶ τὸ ᾠόν· ὥστε τῆς τῶν ὅλων καθυστερεῖν γενέσεως. σκόπει δὲ μή, καθάπερ οὐ δυνατόν ἐστι πέψιν τροφῆς εἶναι πρὶν ἢ γενέσθαι ζῷον, οὕτως οὐδʼ ᾠὸν οὐδὲ σπέρμα· καὶ γὰρ ταῦτα πέψεσί τισι καὶ μεταβολαῖς ἐπιγενέσθαι ἔοικεν· καὶ οὐχ οἷόν τε, πρὶν ἢ γενέσθαι ζῷον, ἔχειν ζῴου τροφῆς περίττωμα τὴν φύσιν. οὐ μὴν ἀλλὰ τὸ σπέρμα μὲν ἁμωσγέπως ἀρχῆς τινος ἀντιποιεῖται, τὸ δʼ ᾠὸν οὔτʼ ἀρχῆς ἔχει λόγον, οὐ γὰρ ὑφίσταται πρῶτον· οὔθʼ ὅλου φύσιν, ἀτελὲς γάρ ἐστιν. ὅθεν ἀρχῆς μὲν ἄνευ γεγονέναι ζῷον οὐ λέγομεν, ἀρχὴν δʼ εἶναι ζῳογονίας, ὑφʼ ἧς πρῶτον ἡ ὕλη μετέβαλε, δυνάμεως κρᾶσίν τινα καὶ μῖξιν ἐνεργασαμένης γόνιμον· τὸ δʼ ᾠὸν ἐπιγέννημα εἶναι, καθάπερ τὸ αἷμα καὶ τὸ γάλα, τοῦ ζῴου μετὰ τροφὴν καὶ πέψιν· οὐ γὰρ ὦπται συνιστάμενον ᾠὸν ἐκ τῆς ἰλύος, ἀλλʼ ἐν μόνῳ ζῴῳ τοῦτο τὴν σύστασιν ἔχει καὶ γένεσιν· ζῷα δὲ καθʼ αὑτὰ μυρία συνίσταται. καὶ τί δεῖ λέγειν τἄλλα; πολλῶν γὰρ ἐγχέλεων ἁλισκομένων, οὐδεὶς ἑώρακεν οὔτε θορὸν οὔτʼ ᾠὸν ἔγχελυν ἔχουσαν· ἀλλὰ κἂν τὸ ὕδωρ τις ἐξαρύσῃ καὶ τὴν ἰλὺν ἀναξύσῃ πᾶσαν, εἰς τὸν τόπον ὕδατος συρρυέντος ἐγχέλεις ζῳογονοῦνται. δεῖ οὖν ὕστερον ἀνάγκῃ γεγονέναι τὸ θατέρου δεόμενον πρὸς γένεσιν· δὲ καὶ νῦν θατέρου χωρὶς ἄλλως ὑπάρχει συνίστασθαι, τοῦτο προτερεῖν τῇ ἀρχῇ τῆς γενέσεως. περὶ ἐκείνης γὰρ ἔστι τῆς πρώτης ὁ λόγος· ἐπεὶ νῦν γε καὶ νεοττιὰς συντίθησι τὰ πτηνὰ πρὸ τῆς ᾠοτοκίας, καὶ σπάργανα παρασκευάζουσιν αἱ γυναῖκες· ἀλλʼ οὐκ ἂν εἴποις καὶ νεοττιὰν ᾠοῦ γεγονέναι πρότερον καὶ σπάργανα παίδων. οὐ γὰρ γῆ φησὶν ὁ Πλάτων γυναῖκα, γῆν δὲ γυνὴ μιμεῖται καὶ τῶν ἄλλων θηλέων ἕκαστον. διὸ πρώτην γένεσιν εἰκός ἐστιν ἐκ γῆς τελειότητι καὶ ῥώμῃ τοῦ γεννῶντος αὐτοτελῆ καὶ ἀπροσδεᾶ γενέσθαι, τοιούτων ὀργάνων καὶ στεγασμάτων καὶ ἀγγείων μὴ δεομένην, ἃ νῦν ἡ φύσις ἐν τοῖς τίκτουσιν ἐργάζεται καὶ μηχανᾶται διʼ ἀσθένειαν.