39. Having also sold in Gaul all the clothes, furniture, slaves, and even freedmen belonging to his sisters, at prodigious prices, after their condemnation, he was so much delighted with his pains that he sent to Rome for all the furniture of the old palace; pressing for its conveyance all the carriages let to hire in the city, with the horses and mules belonging to the bakers, so that they often wanted bread at Rome; and many who had suits at law in progress lost their causes, because they could not make their appearance in due time according to their recognizances. In the sale of this furniture every artifice of fraud and imposition was employed. Sometimes he would rail at the bidders for being niggardly, and ask them " if they were not ashamed to be richer than he was?" at another he would affect to be sorry that the property of princes should be passing into the hands of private persons. He had found out that a rich provincial had given two hundred thousand sesterces to his chamberlains for an underhand invitation to his table, and he was much pleased to find that honour valued at so high a rate. The day following, as the same person was sitting at the sale, he sent him some bauble, for which he told him he must pay two hundred thousand sesterces, and " that he should sup with Caesar upon his own invitation."
39. in Gallia quoque, cum damnatarum sororum ornamenta et supellectilem et seruos atque etiam libertos immensis pretiis uendidisset, inuitatus lucro, quidquid instrumenti ueteris aulae erat ab urbe repetiit, comprensis ad deportandum meritoriis quoque uehiculis et pistrinensibus iumentis, adeo ut et panis Romae saepe deficeret et litigatorum plerique, quod occurrere absentes ad uadimonium non possent, causa caderent. cui instrumento distrahendo nihil non fraudis ac lenocinii adhibuit, modo auaritiae singulos increpans et quod non puderet eos locupletiores esse quam se, modo paenitentiam simulans quod principalium rerum priuatis copiam faceret. compererat prouincialem locupletem ducenta sestertia numerasse uocatoribus, ut per fallaciam conuiuio interponeretur, nec tulerat moleste tam magno aestimari honorem cenae suae; huic postero die sedenti in auctione misit, qui nescio quid friuoli ducentis milibus traderet diceretque cenaturum apud Caesarem uocatu ipsius.
40. He levied new taxes, and such as were never before known, at first by the publicans, but afterwards, because their profit was enormous, by centurions and tribunes of the pretorian guards; no description of property or persons was exempted from some kind of tax or other. For all eatables brought into the city a certain excise was exacted; for all law-suits or trials, in whatever court, the fortieth part of the sum in dispute; and such as were convicted of compromising litigations were made liable to a penalty. Out of the daily wages of the porters he received an eighth, and from the gains of common prostitutes, what they received for one favour granted. There was a clause in the law, that all bawds who kept women for prostitution or sale, should be liable to pay, and that marriage itself should not be exempted.
40. Vectigalia noua atque inaudita primum per publicanos, deinde, quia lucrum exuberabat, per centuriones tribunosque praetorianos exercuit, nullo rerum aut hominum genere omisso, cui non tributi aliquid imponeret. pro edulibus, quae tota urbe uenirent, certum statumque exigebatur; pro litibus ac iudiciis ubicumque conceptis quadragesima summae, de qua litigaretur, nec sine poena, si quis composuisse uel donasse negotium conuinceretur; ex gerulorum diurnis quaestibus pars octaua; ex capturis prostitutarum quantum quaeque uno concubitu mereret; additumque ad caput legis, ut tenerentur publico et quae meretricium quiue lenocinium fecissent, nec non et matrimonia obnoxia essent.
41. These taxes being imposed, but the act by which they were levied never submitted to public inspection, great grievances were experienced from the want of sufficient knowledge of the law. At length, on the urgent demands of the Roman people, he published the law, but it was written in a very small hand, and posted up in a corner, so that no one could make a copy of it. To leave no sort of gain untried, he opened brothels in the Palatium, with a number of cells, furnished suitably to the dignity of the place; in which married women and free born youths were ready for the reception of visitors. He sent likewise his nomenclators about the forums and courts, to invite people of all ages, the old as well as the young; to his brothel, to come and satisfy their lusts: and he was ready to lend his customers money upon interest; clerks attending to take down their names in public, as persons who contributed to the emperor's revenue. Another method of raising money, which he thought not below his notice, was gaming, which, by the help of lying and perjury, he turned to considerable account. Leaving once the management of his play to his partner in the game, he stepped into the court, and observing two rich Roman knights passing by, he ordered them immediately to be seized, and their estates confiscated. Then returning in great glee, he boasted that he had never made a better throw in his life.
41. eius modi uectigalibus indictis neque propositis, cum per ignorantiam scripturae multa commissa fierent, tandem flagitante populo proposuit quidem legem, sed et minutissimis litteris et angustissimo loco, uti ne cui describere liceret. ac ne quod non manubiarum genus experiretur, lupanar in Palatio constituit, districtisque et instructis pro loci dignitate compluribus cellis, in quibus matronae ingenuique starent, misit circum fora et basilicas nomenculatores ad inuitandos ad libidinem iuuenes senesque; praebita aduenientibus pecunia faenebris appositique qui nomina palam subnotarent, quasi adiuuantium Caesaris reditus. ac ne ex lusu quidem aleae compendium spernens plus mendacio atque etiam periurio lucrabatur. et quondam proximo conlusori demandata uice sua progressus in atrium domus, cum praetereuntis duos equites R. locupletis sine mora corripi confiscarique iussisset, exultans rediit gloriansque numquam se prosperiore alea usum.
42. After the birth of his daughter, complaining of his poverty, and the burdens to which he was subjected, not only as an emperor, but a father, he made a general collection for her maintenance and fortune. He likewise gave public notice, that he would receive new-year's gifts on the calends of January following; and accordingly stood in the vestibule of his house, to clutch the presents which the people of all ranks threw down before him by handfuls and lapfuls. At last, being seized with an invincible desire of feeling money, taking off his slippers, he repeatedly walked oyer great heaps of gold coin spread upon the spacious floor, and then laying himself down, rolled his whole body in gold over and over again.
42. Filia uero nata paupertatem nec iam imperatoria modo sed et patria conquerens onera conlationes in alimonium ac dotem puellae recepit. edixit et strenas ineunte anno se recepturum stetitque in uestibulo aedium Kal. Ian. ad captandas stipes, quas plenis ante eum manibus ac sinu omnis generis turba fundebat. nouissime contrectandae pecuniae cupidine incensus, saepe super immensos aureorum aceruos patentissimo diffusos loco et nudis pedibus spatiatus et toto corpore aliquamdiu uolutatus est.
43. Only once in his life did he take an active part in military affairs, and then not from any set purpose, but during his journey to Mevania, to see the grove and river of Clitumnus. Being recommended to recruit a body of Batavians, who attended him, he resolved upon an expedition into Germany. Immediately he drew together several legions, and auxiliary forces from all quarters, and made every where new levies with the utmost rigour. Collecting supplies of all kinds, such as never had been assembled upon the like occasion, he set forward on his march, and pursued it sometimes with so much haste and precipitation, that the pretorian cohorts were obliged, contrary to custom, to pack their standards on horses or mules, and so follow him. At other times, he would march so slow and luxuriously, that he was carried in a litter by eight men; ordering the roads to be swept by the people of the neighbouring towns, and sprinkled with water to lay the dust.
43. Militiam resque bellicas semel attigit neque ex destinato, sed cum ad uisendum nemus flumenque Clitumni Meuaniam processisset, admonitus de supplendo numero Batauorum, quos circa se habebat, expeditionis Germanicae impetum cepit; neque distulit, sed legionibus et auxiliis undique excitis, dilectibus ubique acerbissime actis, contracto et omnis generis commeatu quanto numquam antea, iter ingressus est confecitque modo tam festinanter et rapide, ut praetorianae cohortes contra morem signa iumentis imponere et ita subsequi cogerentur, interdum adeo segniter delicateque, ut octaphoro ueheretur atque a propinquarum urbium plebe uerri sibi uias et conspergi propter puluerem exigeret.
44. On arriving at the camp, in order to show himself an active general, and severe disciplinarian, he cashiered the lieutenants who came up late with the auxiliary forces from different quarters. In reviewing the army, he deprived of their companies most of the centurions of the first rank, who had now served their legal time in the wars, and some whose time would have expired in a few days; alleging against them their age and infirmity; and railing at the covetous disposition of the rest of them, he reduced the bounty due to those who had served out their time to the sum of six thousand sesterces. Though he only received the submission of Adminius, the son of Cunobeline, a British king, who being driven from his native country by his father, came over to him with a small body of troops, yet, as if the whole island had been surrendered to him, he dispatched magnificent letters to Rome. ordering the hearers to proceed in their carriages directly up to the forum and the senate-house, and not to deliver the letters but to the consuls in the temple of Mars, and in the presence of a full assembly of the senators.
44. Postquam castra attigit, ut se acrem ac seuerum ducem ostenderet, legatos, qui auxilia serius ex diuersis locis adduxerant, cum ignominia dimisit; at in exercitu recensendo plerisque centurionum maturis iam et nonnullis ante paucissimos quam consummaturi essent dies, primos pilos ademit, causatus senium cuiusque et imbecillitatem; ceterorum increpita cupiditate commoda emeritae militiae ad †sescentorum milium summam recidit. nihil autem amplius quam Adminio Cynobellini Britannorum regis filio, qui pulsus a patre cum exigua manu transfugerat, in deditionem recepto, quasi uniuersa tradita insula, magnificas Romam litteras misit, monitis speculatoribus, ut uehiculo ad forum usque et curiam pertenderent nec nisi in aede Martis ac frequente senatu consulibus traderent.
45. Soon after this, there being no hostilities, he ordered a few Germans of his guard to be carried over and placed in concealment on the other side of the Rhine, and word to be brought him after dinner, that an enemy was advancing with great impetuosity. This being accordingly done, he immediately threw himself, with his friends, and a party of the pretorian knights, into the adjoining wood, where lopping branches from the trees, and forming trophies of them, he returned by torch-light, upbraiding those who did not follow him, with timorousness and cowardice: but he presented the companions and sharers of his victory with crowns of a new form, and under a new name, having the sun, moon, and stars represented on them, which he called Exploratorie. Again, some hostages were by his order taken from the school, and privately sent off; upon notice of which he immediately rose from table, pursued them with the cavalry, as if they had run away, and coming up with them, brought them back in fetters; proceeding to an extravagant pitch of ostentation likewise in his military comedy. Upon his again sitting down to table, it being reported to him that the troops were all reassembled, he ordered them to sit down as they were, in their armour, animating them in the words of the well-known verse of Virgil:Durate, et vosmet rebus servate secundis.Bear up, and save yourselves for better days.In the meantime he reprimanded the senate and people of Rome in a very severe proclamation "For revelling and frequenting the diversions of the circus and the theatre, and enjoying themselves at their villas, whilst their emperor was fighting and exposing himself to the greatest dangers."
45. Mox deficiente belli materia paucos de custodia Germanos traici occulique trans Rhenum iussit ac sibi post prandium quam tumultuosissime adesse hostem nuntiari. quo facto proripuit se cum amicis et parte equitum praetorianorum in proximam siluam, truncatisque arboribus et in modum tropaeorum adornatis ad lumina reuersus, eorum quidem qui secuti non essent timiditatem et ignauiam corripuit, comites autem et participes uictoriae nouo genere ac nomine coronarum donauit, quas distinctas solis ac lunae siderumque specie exploratorias appellauit. rursus obsides quosdam abductos e litterario ludo clamque praemissos, deserto repente conuiuio, cum equitatu insecutus ueluti profugos ac reprehensos in catenis reduxit; in hoc quoque mimo praeter modum intemperans. repetita cena renuntiantis coactum agmen sic ut erant loricatos ad discumbendum adhortatus est. monuit etiam notissimo Vergili uersu 'durarent secundisque se rebus seruarent.' Atque inter haec absentem senatum populumque grauissimo obiurgauit edicto, quod Caesare proeliante et tantis discriminibus obiecto tempestiua conuiuia, circum et theatra et amoenos secessus celebrarent.
46. At last, as if resolved to make war in earnest, he drew up his army on the shore of the ocean, with his balistk and other engines of war, and while no one could imagine what he intended to do, on a sudden commanded them to gather up the sea shells, and fill their helmets and the folds of their dress with them, calling them " the spoils of the ocean due to the Capitol and the Palatium." As a monument of his success, he raised a lofty tower, upon which, as at Pharos, he ordered lights to be burned in the night-time for the direction of ships at sea; and then promising the soldiers a donative of a hundred denarii a man, as if he had surpassed the most eminent examples of generosity, "Go your ways," said he, "and be merry; go, ye are rich."
46. postremo quasi perpetraturus bellum, derecta acie in litore Oceani ac ballistis machinisque dispositis, nemine gnaro aut opinante quidnam coepturus esset, repente ut conchas legerent galeasque et sinus replerent imperauit, 'spolia Oceani' uocans 'Capitolio Palatioque debita,' et in indicium uictoriae altissimam turrem excitauit, ex qua ut Pharo noctibus ad regendos nauium cursus ignes emicarent; pronuntiatoque militi donatiuo centenis uiritim denariis, quasi omne exemplum liberalitatis supergressus: 'abite,' inquit, 'laeti, abite locupletes.'
47. In making preparations for his triumph, besides the prisoners and deserters from the barbarian armies, he picked out the men of greatest stature in all Gaul, such as he said were fittest to grace a triumph, with some of the chiefs, and reserved them to appear in the procession, obliging them not only to dye their hair yellow and let it grow long, but to learn the German language and assume the names commonly used in that country. He ordered likewise the gallies in which he had entered the ocean to be conveyed to Rome a great part of the way by land, and wrote to his comptrollers in the city " to make proper preparations for a triumph against his arrival, at as small expense as possible; but on a scale such as had never been seen before, since they had full power over the property of every one."
47. Conuersus hinc ad curam triumphi praeter captiuos ac transfugas barbaros Galliarum quoque procerissimum quemque et, ut ipse dicebat, ἀξιοθριάμβευτον, ac nonnullos ex principibus legit ac seposuit ad pompam coegitque non tantum rutilare et summittere comam, sed et sermonem Germanicum addiscere et nomina barbarica ferre. praecepit etiam triremis, quibus introierat Oceanum, magna ex parte itinere terrestri Romam deuehi. scripsit et procuratoribus, triumphum appararent quam minima summa, sed quantus numquam alius fuisset, quando in omnium hominum bona ius haberent.
48. Before he left the province he formed a design of the most horrid cruelty-to massacre the legions which had mutinied upon the death of Augustus, for seizing and detaining his father, Germanicus, their commander, and himself, then an infant, in the camp. Though he was with great difficulty dissuaded from this rash attempt, yet neither the most urgent entreaties nor representations could prevent him from persisting in the design of decimating these legions. Accordingly, he ordered them to assemble unarmed, without so much as their swords, and then surrounded them with armed horse. But finding that many of them, suspecting that violence was intended, were making off to arm in their own defence, he quitted the assembly as fast as he could, and immediately marched for Rome, bending now all his fury against the senate, whom he publicly threatened, to divert the general attention from the clamour excited by his disgraceful conduct. Amongst other pretexts of offence, he complained that he was defrauded of a triumph which was justly his due, though he had just before forbidden, upon pain of death, any honour to be decreed him.
48. Prius quam prouincia decederet, consilium iniit nefandae atrocitatis legiones, quae post excessum Augusti seditionem olim mouerant, contrucidandi, quod et patrem suum Germanicum ducem et se infantem tunc obsedissent, uixque a tam praecipiti cogitatione reuocatus, inhiberi nullo modo potuit quin decimare uelle perseueraret. uocatas itaque ad contionem inermes, atque etiam gladiis depositis, equitatu armato circumdedit. sed cum uideret suspecta re plerosque dilabi ad resumenda si qua uis fieret arma, profugit contionem confestimque urbem †omnem petit, deflexa omni acerbitate in senatum, cui ad auertendos tantorum dedecorum rumores palam minabatur, querens inter cetera fraudatum se iusto triumpho, cum ipse paulo ante, ne quid de honoribus suis ageretur, etiam sub mortis poena denuntiasset.
49. In his march he was waited upon by deputies from the senatorian order, entreating him to hasten his return. He replied to them, "I will come, I will come, and this with me," striking at the same time the hilt of his sword. He issued likewise this proclamation: "I am coming, but for those only who wish for me, the equestrian order and the people; for I shall no longer treat the senate as their fellow-citizen or prince." He forbad any of the senators to come to meet him; and either abandoning or deferring his triumph, he entered the city in ovation on his'birth-day. Within four months from this period he was slain, after he had perpetrated enormous crimes, and while he was meditating the execution, if possible, of still greater. He had entertained a design of removing to Antium, and afterwards to Alexandria, having first cut off the flower of the equestrian and senatorian orders. This is placed beyond all question by two books which were found in his cabinet under different titles, one being called the sword, and the other the dagger. They both contained private marks, and the names of those who were devoted to death. There was also found a large chest, filled with a variety of poisons, which being afterwards thrown into the sea by order of Claudius, are said to have so infected the waters that the fish were poisoned and cast dead by the tide upon the neighbouring shores.
49. aditus ergo in itinere a legatis amplissimi ordinis ut maturaret orantibus, quam maxima uoce: 'ueniam,' inquit, 'ueniam, et hic mecum,' capulum gladii crebro uerberans, quo cinctus erat. edixit et reuerti se, sed iis tantum qui optarent, equestri ordini et populo; nam se neque ciuem neque principem senatui amplius fore. uetuit etiam quemquam senatorum sibi occurrere. atque omisso uel dilato triumpho ouans urbem natali suo ingressus est; intraque quartum mensem periit, ingentia facinora ausus et aliquanto maiora moliens, siquidem proposuerat Antium, deinde Alexandream commigrare interempto prius utriusque ordinis electissimo quoque. quod ne cui dubium uideatur, in secretis eius reperti sunt duo libelli diuerso titulo, alteri 'gladius,' alteri 'pugio' index erat; ambo nomina et notas continebant morti destinatorum. inuenta et arca ingens uariorum uenenorum plena, quibus mox a Claudio demersis infecta maria traduntur non sine piscium exitio, quos enectos aestus in proxima litora eiecit.
50. He was tall, of a pale complexion, ill-shaped, his neck and legs very slender, his eyes and temples hollow, his brows broad and knit, his hair thin, and the crown of the head bald. The other parts of his body were much covered with hair. On this account it was reckoned a capital crime for any person to look down from above as he was passing by, or so much as to name a goat. His countenance, which was naturally hideous and frightful, he purposely rendered more so, forming it before a mirror into the most horrible contortions. He was crazy both in body and mind, being subject, when a boy, to the falling sickness, When he arrived at the age of man hood he endured fatigue tolerably well; but still, occasionally, he was liable to a faintness, during which he remained incapable of any effort. He was not insensible of the disorder of his mind, and sometimes had thoughts of retiring to clear his brain. It is believed that his wife Caesonia administered to him a love potion which threw him into a frenzy. What most of all disordered him was want of sleep, for he seldom had more than three or four hours rest in a night; and even then his sleep was not sound, but disturbed by strange dreams, fancying, among other things, that a form representing the ocean spoke to him. Being, therefore, often weary with lying awake so long, sometimes he sat up in his bed, at others, walked in the longest porticos about the house, and from time to time invoked and looked out for the approach of day.
50. Statura fuit eminenti, colore expallido, corpore enormi, gracilitate maxima ceruicis et crurum, oculis et temporibus concauis, fronte lata et torua, capillo raro at circa uerticem nullo, hirsutus cetera. quare transeunte eo prospicere ex superiore parte aut omnino quacumque de causa capram nominare, criminosum et exitiale habebatur. uultum uero natura horridum ac taetrum etiam ex industria efferabat componens ad speculum in omnem terrorem ac formidinem. Valitudo ei neque corporis neque animi constitit. puer comitiali morbo uexatus, in adulescentia ita patiens laborum erat, ut tamen nonnumquam subita defectione ingredi, stare, colligere semet ac sufferre uix posset. mentis ualitudinem et ipse senserat ac subinde de secessu deque purgando cerebro cogitauit. creditur potionatus a Caesonia uxore amatorio quidem medicamento, sed quod in furorem uerterit. incitabatur insomnio maxime; neque enim plus quam tribus nocturnis horis quiescebat ac ne iis quidem placida quiete, sed pauida miris rerum imaginibus, ut qui inter ceteras pelagi quondam speciem conloquentem secum uidere uisus sit. ideoque magna parte noctis uigiliae cubandique taedio nunc toro residens, nunc per longissimas porticus uagus inuocare identidem atque expectare lucem consuerat.
51. To this crazy constitution of his mind may, I think, very justly be ascribed two faults which he had of a nature directly repugnant one to the other, namely, an excessive confidence and the most abject timidity. For he, who affected so much to despise the gods, was ready to shut his eyes and wrap up his head in his cloak at the slightest storm of thunder and lightning; and if it was violent he got up and hid himself under his bed. In his visit to Sicily, after ridiculing many strange objects which that country affords, he ran away suddenly in the night from Messini, terrified by the smoke and rumbling at the summit of Mount AEtna. And though in words he was very valiant against the barbarians, yet upon passing a narrow defile in Germany in his light car, surrounded by a strong body of his troops, some one happening to say, "There would be no small consternation amongst us if an enemy were to appear," he immediately mounted his horse and rode towards the bridge in great haste; but finding them blocked up with camp-followers and baggage-wagons, he was in such a hurry that he caused himself to be carried in men's hands over the heads of the crowd. Soon afterwards, upon hearing that the Germans were again in rebellion, he prepared to quit Rome and equipped a fleet, comforting himself with this consideration, that if the enemy should prove victorious and possess themselves of the heights of the Alps as the Cimbri had done, or of the city, as the Senones formerly did, he should still have in reserve the transmarine provinces. Hence it was, I suppose, that it occurred to his assassins to invent the story intended to pacify the troops who mutinied at his death, that he had laid violent hands upon himself in a fit of terror occasioned by the news brought him of the defeat of his army.
51. Non inmerito mentis ualitudini attribuerim diuersissima in eodem uitia, summam confidentiam et contra nimium metum. nam qui deos tanto opere contemneret, ad minima tonitrua et fulgura coniuere, caput obuoluere, at uero maiore proripere se e strato sub lectumque condere solebat. peregrinatione quidem Siciliensi irrisis multum locorum miraculis repente a Messana noctu profugit Aetnaei uerticis fumo ac murmure pauefactus. aduersus barbaros quoque minacissimus, cum trans Rhenum inter angustias densumque agmen iter essedo faceret, dicente quodam non mediocrem fore consternationem sicunde hostis appareat, equum ilico conscendit ac propere reuersus ad pontes, ut eos calonibus et impedimentis stipatos repperit, impatiens morae per manus ac super capita hominum translatus est. mox etiam audita rebellione Germaniae fugam et subsidia fugae classes apparabat, uno solacio adquiescens transmarinas certe sibi superfuturas prouincias, si uictores Alpium iuga, ut Cimbri, uel etiam urbem, ut Senones quondam, occuparent; unde credo percussoribus eius postea consilium natum apud tumultuantes milites ementiendi, ipsum sibi manus intulisse nuntio malae pugnae perterritum.
52. In the fashion of his clothes, shoes, and all the rest of his dress, he did not wear what was either national, or properly civic, or peculiar to the male sex, or appropriate to mere mortals. He often appeared abroad in a short coat of stout cloth, richly embroidered and blazing with jewels, in a tunic with sleeves, and with bracelets upon his arms; sometimes all in silks and habited like a woman; at other times in the crepide or buskins; sometimes in the sort of shoes used by the lightarmed soldiers, or in the sock used by women, and commonly with a golden beard fixed to his chin, holding in his hand a thunderbolt, a trident, or a caduceus, marks of distinction belonging to the gods only. Sometimes, too, he appeared in the habit of Venus. He wore very commonly the triumphal ornaments, even before his expedition, and sometimes the breast-plate of Alexander the Great, taken out of his coffin.
52. Vestitu calciatuque et cetero habitu neque patrio neque ciuili, ac ne uirili quidem ac denique humano semper usus est. saepe depictas gemmatasque indutus paenulas, manuleatus et armillatus in publicum processit; aliquando sericatus et cycladatus; ac modo in crepidis uel coturnis, modo in speculatoria caliga, nonnumquam socco muliebri; plerumque uero aurea barba, fulmen tenens aut fuscinam aut caduceum deorum insignia, atque etiam Veneris cultu conspectus est. triumphalem quidem ornatum etiam ante expeditionem assidue gestauit, interdum et Magni Alexandri thoracem repetitum e conditorio eius.
53. With regard to the liberal sciences, he was little conversant in philology, but applied himself with assiduity to the study of eloquence, being indeed in point of enunciation tolerably elegant and ready; and in his perorations, when he was moved to anger, there was an abundant flow of words and periods. In speaking, his action was vehement, and his voice so strong, that he was heard at a great distance. When winding up an harangue, he threatened to draw " the sword of his lucubration," holding a loose and smooth style in such contempt, that he said Seneca, who was then much admired, "wrote only detached essays," and that "his language was nothing but sand without lime." He often wrote answers to the speeches of successful orators; and employed himself in composing accusations or vindications of eminent persons, who were impeached before the senate; and gave his vote for or against the party accused, according to his success in speaking, inviting the equestrian order, by proclamation, to hear him.
53. Ex disciplinis liberalibus minimum eruditioni, eloquentiae plurimum attendit, quantumuis facundus et promptus, utique si perorandum in aliquem esset. irato et uerba et sententiae suppetebant, pronuntiatio quoque et uox, ut neque eodem loci prae ardore consisteret et exaudiretur a procul stantibus. peroraturus stricturum se lucubrationis suae telum minabatur, lenius comptiusque scribendi genus adeo contemnens, ut Senecam tum maxime placentem 'commissiones meras' componere et 'harenam esse sine calce' diceret. solebat etiam prosperis oratorum actionibus rescribere et magnorum in senatu reorum accusationes defensionesque meditari ac, prout stilus cesserat, uel onerare sententia sua quemque uel subleuare, equestri quoque ordine ad audiendum inuitato per edicta.
54. He also zealously applied himself to the practice of several other arts of different kinds, such as fencing, charioteering, singing, and dancing. In the first of these, he practiced with the weapons used in war; and drove the chariot in circuses built in several places. He was so extremely fond of singing and dancing, that he could not refrain in the theatre from singing with the tragedians, and imitating the gestures of the actors, either by way of applause or correction. A night exhibition which he had ordered the day he was slain, was thought to be intended for no other reason, than to take the opportunity afforded by the licentiousness of the season, to make his first appearance upon the stage. Sometimes, also, he danced in the night. Summoning once to the palatium, in the second watch of the night, three men of consular rank, who feared the words of the message, he placed them on the proscenium of the stage, and then suddenly came bursting out, with a loud noise of flutes and castanets, dressed in a mantle and tunic reaching down to his heels. Having danced out a song, he retired. Yet he who had acquired such dexterity in other exercises, never learnt to swim.
54. Sed et aliorum generum artes studiosissime et diuersissimas exercuit. Thraex et auriga, idem cantor atque saltator, battuebat pugnatoriis armis, aurigabat extructo plurifariam circo; canendi ac saltandi uoluptate ita efferebatur, ut ne publicis quidem spectaculis temperaret quo minus et tragoedo pronuntianti concineret et gestum histrionis quasi laudans uel corrigens palam effingeret. nec alia de causa uidetur eo die, quo periit, peruigilium indixisse quam ut initium in scaenam prodeundi licentia temporis auspicaretur. saltabat autem nonnumquam etiam noctu; et quondam tres consulares secunda uigilia in Palatium accitos multaque et extrema metuentis super pulpitum conlocauit, deinde repente magno tibiarum et scabellorum crepitu cum palla tunicaque talari prosiluit ac desaltato cantico abiit. atque hic tam docilis ad cetera natare nesciit.
55. Those for whom he once conceived a regard, he favoured even to madness. He used to kiss Mnester, the pantomimic actor, publicly in the theatre; and if any person made the least noise while he was dancing, he would order him to be dragged from his seat, and scourged him with his own hand. A Roman knight once making some bustle, he sent him, by a centurion, an order to depart forthwith for Ostia, and carry a letter from him to king Ptolemy in Mauritania. The letter was comprised in these words: "Do neither good nor harm to the bearer." He made some gladiators captains of his German guards. He deprived the gladiators called Mirmillones of some of their arms. One Columbus coming off with victory in a combat, but being slightly wounded, he ordered some poison to be infused in the wound, which he thence called Columbinum. For thus it was certainly named with his own hand in a list of other poisons. He was so extravagantly fond of the party of charioteers whose colours were green, that he supped and lodged for some time constantly in the stable where their horses were kept. At a certain revel, he made a present of two millions of sesterces to one Cythicus, a driver of a chariot. The day before the Circensian games, he used to send his soldiers to enjoin silence in the neighbourhood, that the repose of his horse Incitatus, might not be disturbed. For this favourite animal, besides a marble stable, an ivory manger, purple housings, and a jewelled frontlet, he appointed a house, with a retinue of slaves, and fine furniture, for the reception of such as were invited in the horse's name to sup with him. It is even said that he intended to make him consul.
55. Quorum uero studio teneretur, omnibus ad insaniam fauit. Mnesterem pantomimum etiam inter spectacula osculabatur, ac si qui saltante eo uel leuiter obstreperet, detrahi iussum manu sua flagellabat. equiti R. tumultuanti per centurionem denuntiauit, abiret sine mora Ostiam perferretque ad Ptolemaeum regem in Mauretaniam codicillos suos; quorum exemplum erat: 'ei quem istoc misi, neque boni quicquam neque mali feceris.' Thraeces quosdam Germanis corporis custodibus praeposuit. murmillonum armaturas recidit. Columbo uictori, leuiter tamen saucio, uenenum in plagam addidit, quod ex eo Columbinum appellauit; sic certe inter alia uenena scriptum ab eo repertum est. prasinae factioni ita addictus et deditus, ut cenaret in stabulo assidue et maneret, agitatori Eutycho comisatione quadam in apophoretis uicies sestertium contulit. Incitato equo, cuius causa pridie circenses, ne inquietaretur, uiciniae silentium per milites indicere solebat, praeter equile marmoreum et praesaepe eburneum praeterque purpurea tegumenta ac monilia e gemmis domum etiam et familiam et supellectilem dedit, quo lautius nomine eius inuitati acciperentur; consulatum quoque traditur destinasse.
56. In this frantic and savage career, numbers had formed designs for cutting him off; but one or two conspiracies being discovered, and others postponed for want of opportunity, at last two men concerted a plan together. and accomplished their purpose; not without the privity of some of the greatest favourites amongst his freedmen, and the prefects of the pretorian guards; because, having been nante, though falsely, as concerned in one conspiracy against hipi, they perceived that they were suspected and become objects of his hatred. For he had immediately endeavoured to render them obnoxious to the soldiery, drawing his sword, and declaring, "That he would kill himself if they thought him worthy of death;" and ever after he was continually accusing them to one another, and setting them all mutually at variance. The conspirators having resolved to fall upon him as he returned at noon from the Palatine garies, Cassius Charea, tribune of the pretorian guards, claimed the part of making the onset. This Chaerea was now an elderly man, and had been often reproached by Caius for effeminacy. When he came for the watchword, the latter would give "Priapus," or "Venus;" and if on any occasion he returned thanks, would offer him his hand to kiss, making with his fingers an obscene gesture.
56. Ita bacchantem atque grassantem non defuit plerisque animus adoriri. sed una ⟨atque⟩ altera conspiratione detecta, aliis per inopiam occasionis cunctantibus, duo consilium communicauerunt perfeceruntque, non sine conscientia potentissimorum libertorum praefectorumque praetori; quod ipsi quoque etsi falso in quadam coniuratione quasi participes nominati, suspectos tamen se et inuisos sentiebant. nam et statim seductis magnam fecit inuidiam destricto gladio affirmans sponte se periturum, si et illis morte dignus uideretur, nec cessauit ex eo criminari alterum alteri atque inter se omnis committere. Cum placuisset Palatinis ludis spectaculo egressum meridie adgredi, primas sibi partes Cassius Chaerea tribunus cohortis praetoriae depoposcit, quem Gaius seniorem iam et mollem et effeminatum denotare omni probro consuerat et modo signum petenti 'Priapum' aut 'Venerem' dare, modo ex aliqua causa agenti gratias osculandam manum offerre formatam commotamque in obscaenum modum.
57. His approaching fate was indicated by many prodigies. The statue of Jupiter at Olympia, which he had ordered to be taken down and brought to Rome, suddenly burst out into such a violent fit of laughter, that, the machines employed in the work giving way, the workmen took to their heels. When this accident happened, there came up a man named Cassius, who said that he was commanded in a dream to sacrifice a bull to Jupiter. The Capitol at Capua was struck with lightning upon the ides of March [i th March]; as was also, at Rome, the apartment of the chief porter of the Palatiun. Some construed the latter into a presage that the master of the palace was in danger from his own guards; and the other they regarded as a sign, that an illustrious person would be cut off, as had happened before on that day. Sylla, the astrologer, being consulted by him respecting his nativity, assured him, "That death would unavoidably and speedily befall him." The oracle of Fortune at Antium likewise forewarned him of Cassius; on which account he had given orders for putting to death Cassius Longi nus, at that time proconsul of Asia, not considering that Chaerea bore also that name. The day preceding his death he dreamt that he was standing in heaven near the throne of Jupiter, who giving him a push with the great toe of his right foot, he fell headlong upon the earth. Some things which happened the very day of his death, and only a little before it, were likewise considered as ominous presages of that event. Whilst he was at sacrifice, he was bespattered with the blood of a flamingo. And Mnester, the pantomimic actor, performed in a play, which the tragedian Neoptolemus had formerly acted at the games in which Philip, the king of Macedon, was slain. And in the piece called Laureolus, in which the principal actor, running out in a hurry, and falling, vomited blood, several of the inferior actors vying with each other to give the best specimen of their art, made the whole stage flow with blood. A spectacle had been purposed to be performed that night, in which the fables of the infernal regions were to be represented by Egyptians and Ethiopians.
57. Futurae caedis multa prodigia extiterunt. Olympiae simulacrum Iouis, quod dissolui transferrique Romam placuerat, tantum cachinnum repente edidit, ut machinis labefactis opifices diffugerint; superuenitque ilico quidam Cassius nomine, iussum se somnio affirmans immolare taurum Ioui. Capitolium Capuae Id. Mart. de caelo tactum est, item Romae cella Palatini atriensis. nec defuerunt qui coniectarent altero ostento periculum a custodibus domino portendi, altero caedem rursus insignem, qualis eodem die facta quondam fuisset. consulenti quoque de genitura sua Sulla mathematicus certissimam necem appropinquare affirmauit. monuerunt et Fortunae Antiatinae, ut a Cassio caueret; qua causa ille Cassium Longinum Asiae tum proconsulem occidendum delegauerat, inmemor Chaeream Cassium nominari. pridie quam periret, somniauit consistere se in caelo iuxta solium Iouis impulsumque ab eo dextri pedis pollice et in terras praecipitatum. prodigiorum loco habita sunt etiam, quae forte illo ipso die paulo prius acciderant. sacrificans respersus est phoenicopteri sanguine; et pantomimus Mnester tragoediam saltauit, quam olim Neoptolemus tragoedus ludis, quibus rex Macedonum Philippus occisus est, egerat; et cum in Laureolo mimo, in quo a[u]ctor proripiens se ruina sanguinem uomit, plures secundarum certatim experimentum artis darent, cruore scaena abundauit. parabatur et in noctem spectaculum, quo argumenta inferorum per Aegyptios et Aethiopas explicarentur.
58. On the ninth of the calends of February [24th January], and about the seventh hour of the day, after hesitating whether he should rise to dinner, as his stomach was disordered by what he had eaten the day before, at last, by the advice of his friends, he came forth. In the vaulted passage through which he had to pass, were some boys of noble extraction, who had been brought from Asia to act upon the stage, waiting for him in a private corridor, and he stopped to see and speak to them; and had not the leader of the party said that he was suffering from cold, he would have gone back, and made them act immediately. Respecting what followed, two different accounts are given. Some say, that, whilst he was speaking to the boys, Chaerea came behind him, and gave him a heavy blow on the neck with his sword first crying out, "Take this:" that then a tribune, by name Cornelius Sabinus, another of the conspirators, ran him through the breast. Others say, that the crowd being kept at a distance by some centurions who were in the plot, Sabinus came, according to custom,.fr. the word, and that Caius gave him "Jupiter," upon which Chaerea cried out, "Be it so!" and then, on his looking round, clove one of his jaws with a blow. As he lay on the ground, crying out that he was still alive, the rest dispatched him with thirty wounds. For the word agreed upon among them all was, "Strike again." Some likewise ran their swords through his privy parts. Upon the first bustle, the litter bearers came running in with their poles to his assistance, and, immediately afterwards, his German body guards, who killed some of the assassins, and also some senators who had no concern in the affair.
58. VIIII. Kal. Febr. hora fere septima cunctatus an ad prandium surgeret marcente adhuc stomacho pridiani cibi onere, tandem suadentibus amicis egressus est. cum in crypta, per quam transeundum erat, pueri nobiles ex Asia ad edendas in scaena operas euocati praepararentur, ut eos inspiceret hortareturque restitit, ac nisi princeps gregis algere se diceret, redire ac repraesentare spectaculum uoluit. duplex dehinc fama est: alii tradunt adloquenti pueros a tergo Chaeream ceruicem gladio caesim grauiter percussisse praemissa uoce: 'hoc age!' dehinc Cornelium Sabinum, alterum e coniuratis, tribunum ex aduerso traiecisse pectus; alii Sabinum summota per conscios centuriones turba signum more militiae petisse et Gaio 'Iouem' dante Chaeream exclamasse: 'accipe ratum!' respicientique maxillam ictu discidisse. iacentem contractisque membris clamitantem se uiuere ceteri uulneribus triginta confecerunt; nam signum erat omnium: 'repete!' quidam etiam per obscaena ferrum adegerunt. ad primum tumultum lecticari cum asseribus in auxilium accucurrerunt, mox Germani corporis custodes, ac nonnullos ex percussoribus, quosdam etiam senatores innoxios interemerunt.
59. He lived twenty-nine years, and reigned three years, ten months and eight days. His body was carried privately into the Lamian Gardens, where it was half burnt upon a pile hastily raised, and then had some earth carelessly thrown over it. It was afterwards disinterred by his sisters, on their return from banishment, burnt to ashes, and buried. Before this was done, it is well-known that the keepers of the gardens were greatly disturbed by apparitions; and that not a night passed without some terrible alarm or other in the house where he was slain, until it was destroyed by fire. His wife Caesonia was killed with him, being stabbed by a centurion; and his daughter had her brains knocked out against a wall.
59. Vixit annis uiginti nouem, imperauit triennio et decem mensibus diebusque octo. cadauer eius clam in hortos Lamianos asportatum et tumultuario rogo semiambustum leui caespite obrutum est, postea per sorores ab exilio reuersas erutum et crematum sepultumque. satis constat, prius quam id fieret, hortorum custodes umbris inquietatos; in ea quoque domo, in qua occubuerit, nullam noctem sine aliquo terrore transactam, donec ipsa domus incendio consumpta sit. perit una et uxor Caesonia gladio a centurione confossa et filia parieti inlisa.
60. Of the miserable condition of those times, any person may easily form an estimate from the following circumstances. When his death was made public, it was not immediately credited. People entertained a suspicion that a report of his being killed had been contrived and spread by himself with the view of discovering how they stood affected towards him. Nor had the conspirators fixed upon any one to succeed him. The senators were so unanimous in their resolution to assert the liberty of their country, that the consuls assembled them at first not in the usual place of meeting, because it was named after Julius Caesar, but in the Capitol. Some proposed to abolish the memory of the Caesars, and level their temples with the ground. It was particularly remarked on this occasion, that all the Caesars, who had the praenomen of Caius, died by the sword, from the Caius Caesar who was slain in the times of Cinna. Unfortunately, a great chasm in the annals of Tacitus, at this period, precludes all information from that historian respecting the reign of Caligula; but from what he mentions towards the close of the preceding chapter, it is evident that Caligula was forward to seize the reins of government upon the death of Tiberius, whom, though he rivalled him in his vices, he was far from imitating in his dissimulation. Amongst the people, the remembrance of Germanicus' virtues cherished for his family an attachment which was probably increased by its misfortunes; and they were anxious to see revived in the son the popularity of the father. Considering, however, that Caligula's vicious disposition was already known, and that it had even been an inducement with Tiberius to procure his succession, in order that it might prove a foil to his own memory, it is surprising that no effort was made at this juncture to shake off the despotism which had been so intolerable in the last reign, and restore the ancient liberty of the republic. Since the commencement of the imperial dominion, there never had been any period so favourable for a counter-revolution as the present crisis. There existed now no Livia to influence the minds of the senate and people in respect of the government; nor was there any other person allied to the family of Germanicus, whose countenance or intrigues could promote the views of Caligula. He himself was now only in the twenty-fifth year of his age, was totally inexperienced in the administration of public affairs, had never performed even the smallest service to his country, and was generally known to be of a character which disgraced his illustrious descent. Yet, in spite of all these circumstances, such was the destiny of Rome, that his accession afforded joy to the soldiers, who had known him in his childhood, and to the populace in the capital, as well as the people in the provinces, who were flattered with the delusive expectation of receiving a prince who should adorn the throne with the amiable virtues of Germanicus. It is difficult to say, whether weakness of understanding, or corruption of morals, were more conspicuous in the character of Caligula. He seems to have discovered from his earliest years an innate depravity of mind, which was undoubtedly much increased by defect of education. He had lost both his parents at an early period of life; and from Tiberius's own character, as well as his views in training the person who should succeed him on the throne, there is reason to think, that if any attention whatever was paid to the education of Caligula, it was directed to vitiate all his faculties and passions, rather than to correct and improve them. If such was really the object, it was indeed prosecuted with success. The commencement, however, of his reign was such as by no means prognosticated its subsequent transition. The sudden change of his conduct, the astonishing mixture of imbecility and presumption, of moral turpitude and frantic extravagance, which he afterwards evinced; such as rolling himself over heaps of gold, his treatment of his horse Incitatus, and his design of making him consul, seem to justify a suspicion that his brain had actually been affected, either by the potion, said to have been given him by his wife Caesonia, or otherwise. Philtres, orlopyejotions, as they were called, were frequent in those times, and the people believed that they operated upon the mind by a mysterious and sympathetic power. It is, however, beyond a doubt, that their effects were produced entirely by the action of their physical the satyrion, which, according to Pliny, was a provocative. They were generally given by women to their husbands at bed-time; and it was necessary towards their successful operation, that the parties should sleep together. This circumstance explains the whole mystery. The philtres were nothing more than medicines of a stimulating quality, which, after exciting violent, but temporary effects, enfeebled the constitution, and occaioned nervous disorders, by which the mental faculties, as well as the corporeal, might be injured. That this was really the case with Caligula, seems probable, not only from the falling sickness, to which he was subject, but from the habitual wakefulness of which he complained. The profusion of this emperor, during his short reign of three years and ten months, is unexampled in history. In the midst of profound peace, without any extraordinary charges either civil or military, he expended, in less than one year, besides the current revenue of the empire, the sum of $108,796,875, which had been left by Tiberius at his death. To supply the extravagance of future years, new and exorbitant taxes were imposed upon the people, and those too on the necessaries of life. There existed now among the Romans every motive that could excite a general indignation against the government; yet such was still the dread of imperial power, though vested in the hands of so weak and despicable a sovereign, that no insurrection was attempted, nor any extensive conspiracy formed; but the obnoxious emperor fell at last a sacrifice to a few centurions of his own guard. This reign was of too short duration to afford any new productions in literature; but, had it been extended to a much longer period, the effects would probably have been the same. Polite learning never could flourish under an emperor who entertained a design of destroying the writings of Virgil and Livy. It is fortunate that these, and other valuable productions of antiquity, were too widely diffused over the world, and too carefully preserved, to be in danger of perishing through the frenzy of this capricious barbarian.
60. Condicionem temporum illorum etiam per haec aestimare quiuis possit. nam neque caede uulgata statim creditum est, fuitque suspicio ab ipso Gaio famam caedis simulatam et emissam, ut eo pacto hominum erga se mentes deprehenderet; neque coniurati cuiquam imperium destinauerunt; et senatus in asserenda libertate adeo consensit, ut consules primo non in curiam, quia Iulia uocabatur, sed in Capitolium conuocarent, quidam uero sententiae loco abolendam Caesarum memoriam ac diruenda templa censuerint. obseruatum autem notatumque est in primis Caesares omnes, quibus Gai praenomen fuerit, ferro perisse, iam inde ab eo, qui Cinnanis temporibus sit occisus.