1.55. And since the judge, nay, rather the godless brigand, intent only on keeping his promise, carried everything to excess, having ordered Aginatius to be put to the question, he caused a whole train of executioners to enter, and amid the gloomy clanking of chains had the slaves, who were already drooping through long continued filth and neglect, tortured to the very verge of death, to give evidence to endanger their master’s life: a thing which our merciful laws forbade to be done in a trial for fornication.
1.55. Et quoniam iudex, quin immo praedo nefandus, ad id solum quod promisit intentus, cuncta extollebat in maius, iusso sub quaestione Aginatio statui, agmina fecit introire carnificum, catenisque sonantibus triste, mancipia squalore diuturno marcentia, in domini caput ad usque ultimum lacerabat exitium, quod in stupri quaestione fieri vetuere clementissimae leges.
1.56. Finally, when tortures already almost mortal had extorted from a maid-servant a few ambiguous words, without fully examining the trustworthiness of the testimony, he ordered Aginatius to be led off to execution, hastily and without a hearing, although with loud cries he called upon the emperors’ names. Accordingly he was hoisted up and put to death; and Anepsia was executed on a like sentence. While Maximinus was thus busied in person when he was in Rome and through his emissaries when he acted from a distance, the Eternal City wept bitterly for its dead.
1.56. Denique cum iam contigua morti tormenta ancillae voces expressissent obliquas, indicii fide parum plene discussa, Aginatius ad supplicium duci pronuntiatur abrupte, nec auditus cum magnis clamoribus appellaret nomina principum, sublimis raptus occiditur, pari sententia Anepsia interfecta. Haec agitante (cum adesset) perque emissarios emissaries (cum procul ageret) Maximino, funera urbs deploravit aeterna.
1.57. But the final curses of his victims did not sleep. For, under Gratian, as shall be told later at the proper time, not only did this same Maximinus, because of his intolerable arrogance, fall victim to the executioner’s sword, but Simplicius also was beheaded in Illyricum. Doryphorianus, too, was charged with a capital crime and thrown into the prison called Tullianum, but Gratian, at the suggestion of his mother, had him taken from there, and on his return home put him to death with tremendous tortures. But let us return to the point from which we made this digression. This, if I may say so, was the state of affairs in Rome.
1.57. Sed vigilarunt ultimae dirae caesorum. Namque ut postea tempestive dicetur, et idem Maximinus sub Gratiano intoleranter se efferens, damnatorio iugulatus est ferro, et Simplicius in Illyrico truncatus, et Doryphorianum pronuntiatum capitis reum, trusumque in carcerem Tullianum, matris consilio, princeps exinde rapuit, reversumque ad lares per cruciatus oppressit immensos. Verum unde huc fleximus revertamur. Is urbanarum rerum status, ut ita dixerim, fuit.
2.1. But Valentinian, meditating important and useful plans, fortified the entire Rhine from the beginnings of Raetia as far as the strait of the Ocean with great earthworks, erecting lofty fortresses and castles, and towers at frequent intervals, in suitable and convenient places as far as the whole length of Gaul extends; in some places also works were constructed even on the farther bank of the river, which flows by the lands of the savages.
2.1. At Valentinianus magna animo concipiens et utilia, Rhenum omnem a Raetiarum exordio, ad usque fretalem Oceanum, magnis molibus communiebat, castra extollens altius et castella, turresque assiduas per habiles locos et opportunos, qua Galliarum extenditur longitudo: non numquam etiam ultra flumen aedificiis positis, subradens barbaros fines.
2.2. Finally, when he considered that a lofty and secure fortification (which he himself had built from its very foundations) since a river called the Nicer flowed at its foot could gradually be undermined by the immense force of the waters, he even thought of turning the course of the stream in a different direction; and after he had hunted up men skilled in hydraulic work, the difficult task was begun with a great force of soldiers.
2.2. Denique cum reputaret munimentum celsum et tutum, quod ipse a primis fundarat auspiciis, praeterlabente Nicro nomine fluvio, paulatim subverti posse undarum pulsu immani, meatum ipsum aliorsum vertere cogitavit, et quaesitis artificibus peritis aquariae rei, copiosaque militis manu arduum est opus aggressus.
2.3. For during many days beams of oak were bound together and placed in the bed of the river; but although they were fastened again and again by great piles driven close to them on both sides, they were forced from their place by the rising waters, and finally were swept away by the force of the current and lost.
2.3. Per multos enim dies compaginatae formulae e roboribus, coniectaeque in alveum, fixis refixisque aliquotiens prope ingentibus stilis stills, fluctibus erectis confundebantur, avulsaeque vi gurgitis interibant.
2.4. Yet finally the day was won by the efficient superviion of the emperor and the labour of his obedient soldiers, who as they worked were often sunk chin-deep in the water; and at last, though not without danger to some of the men, the defensive works, relieved of the pressure of the snarling river, are now strong.
2.4. Vicit tamen imperatoris vehementior cura, et morigeri militis labor, mento tenus (dum operaretur) saepe demersi: tandem non sine quorundam discrimine, castra praesidiaria, inquietudini ringentis amnis exempta, nunc valida sunt.
2.5. Being joyful and exultant because of these and similar successes, the emperor then, considering the time of year and the state of the season, as became a dutiful prince devoted himself to those matters which would be helpful to the commonwealth. And thinking it most suitable for accomplishing what he had in mind, he planned hastily to build a fortification on the farther side of the Rhine on Mount Pirus, which is in the country of the savages. And in order that speed might make the accomplishment of the work secure, through Syagrius, at that time a secretary, afterwards prefect and consul, he ordered the general Arator to try to speed that work, while deep quiet reigned everywhere.
2.5. His ac talibus laetus exsultansque exin, quae pro anni et temporis statu utilia conducerent rei publicae studium habuit, ut officio principis congruebat. Ratusque aptissimum ad id quod deliberabat implendum, trans Rhenum in monte Piri (qui barbaricus locus est) munimentum exstruere disposuit raptim. Utque celeritas effectum negotii faceret tutum, per Syagrium tunc tune notarium, postea praefectum et consulem, Aratorem monuit ducem, ut dum undique altum esset silentium, id arripere conaretur.
2.6. The general at once crossed the river with the secretary, as was ordered, and, with the soldiers under his command, had begun to dig the foundations, when Hermogenes was appointed as his successor. At the same moment some chiefs of the Alamanni arrived, fathers of the hostages whom we were holding in accordance with the treaty as important pledges of the continued permanence of peace.
2.6. Transiit cum notario dux (ut iussum est) statim, fodereque per militem quem duxit fundamenta exorsus, Hermogenen susceperat successorem, eodemque puncto quidam optimates Alamanni venere, obsidum patres, quos lege foederis mansuraeque diutius pacis haut aspernanda pignora tenebamus.
2.7. They on bended knees begged that the Romans, whose fortune consistent trustworthiness had raised to skies, should not, regardless of their security, be led astray by a perverse error, and, treading their promises under foot, enter upon an unworthy undertaking.
2.7. Qui flexis poplitibus supplicabant, ne Romani securitatis improvidi, quorum fortunam sempiterna fides caelo contiguam fecit, pravo deciperentur errore, pactisque calcatis, rem adorerentur indignam.
2.8. But, since they said these and similar things to no purpose, as they were not listened to, and perceived that they would receive no peaceful nor mild reply, they withdrew, weeping at the fate of their sons. Scarcely had they left the place, when a band of barbarians who were awaiting the reply to be made (as they were given to understand) at that time to their chiefs, dashing forth from the hollow defile of a neighbouring hill, attacked our soldiers, who were half-nude and still carrying earth, and quickly drawing their swords were cutting them down; and with them also both leaders were slain.
2.8. Verum haec et similia loquentes in cassum, cum nec audirentur, nec quietum aliquid vel mite referri sentirent, filiorum flentes exitium discesserunt, eisdemque aegre digressis, ex abdito collis propinqui sinu, barbaricus prosiluit globus, optimatibus tum danda responsa (ut intellegi dabatur) opperiens: et adortus milites seminudos, humum etiam tum gestantes, expeditis agiliter gladiis, obtruncabant, inter quos etiam duces ambo sunt caesi.
2.9. Not a single man survived to tell what had happened, except Syagrius. He, after all the others had been slain, returned to the court, but by sentence of the angry emperor he was cashiered and went to his home, being considered by a cruel judgment to have deserved this because he alone had escaped.
2.9. Nec indicaturus gesta superfuit quisquam, praeter Syagrium, qui deletis omnibus ad comitatum reversus, irati sententia principis sacramento exutus, abiit ad lares, id commeruisse saevo iudicatus arbitrio, quod evaserit solus.
2.10. Meanwhile throughout Gaul there spread, to the ruin of many, a savage frenzy for brigandage, which kept watch of the frequented roads and fell indiscriminately upon everything profitable that fell in its way. Finally, in addition to many others who fell victim to such ambuscades, Constantianus, chief of the imperial stables, a relative by marriage of Valentinian and own brother to Cerealis and Justina, was surprised by an unexpected attack and presently slain.
2.10. Haec inter per Gallias latrociniorum rabies saeva scatebat in perniciem multorum, observans celebres vias, fundensque indistanter quidquid inciderat fructuosum. Denique praeter complures alios quos absumpserunt insidiae tales, Constantianus tribunus stabuli impetu est clandestino exceptus, moxque interfectus, Valentiniani affinis, Cerealis et Iustinae germanus.
2.11. But at a distance from there, as if the furies were stirring up similar troubles, the Maratocupreni, a fierce race of brigands, were ranging about on every side; they dwelt in a village of the same name situated near Apamia in Syria, were exceedingly numerous, skilled in crafty wiles, and dreaded because they roamed about quietly under the guise of honourable traders and soldiers, and fell upon rich houses, estates, and towns.
2.11. At procul, tamquam horum similia cientibus furiis, per omne latus Maratocupreni grassatores acerrimi vagabantur, vici huius nominis incolae, in Syria prope Apamiam positi, nimium quantum numero et exquisitis fallaciis abundantes, ideoque formidati, quod mercatorum militumque honoratorum specie sine strepitu ullo diffusi, opimas domos et villas et oppida pervadebant.
2.12. No one could guard against their unexpected coming, since they did not assail previously chosen places, but various quarters and those that were far removed, breaking out wherever the wind took them—the same reason that makes the Saxons feared before all other enemies for their sudden raids. But although these confederate bands destroyed the property of many, and, driven by the gadfly of the madness which they had conceived, caused lamentable slaughter, being no less greedy for blood than for booty, yet for fear that by giving a minute account of their deeds I may somewhat delay the direct course of my project, it will suffice to tell of this one destructive and welldevised stroke of theirs.
2.12. Nec quisquam adventum eorum cavere poterat inopinum, non destinata, sed varia petentium et longinqua, et quocumque ventus duxerat, inrumpentium erumpentum: quam ob causam prae ceteris hostibus Saxones timentur ut repentini. Et quamlibet coniurati multorum opes attriverint, oestroque concepti furoris exagitati, strages edidere luctificas, sanguinis nihilo minus avidi quam praedarum, tamen ne per minutias gesta narrando, rectum aliquatenus operis impediam cursum, id unum sufficiet, eorum exitiale poni commentum.
2.13. A united body of these godless men, disguised as the retinue of a state treasurer, and one of them as that official himself, in the darkness of evening, preceded by the mournful cry of a herald, entered a city and beset with swords the fine house of a distinguished citizen, as if he had been proscribed and condemned to death. They seized all his valuable furniture, and since the servants were struck with sudden fear, and in their bewilderment did not defend their master, they killed many of them, and before the return of daylight departed at quick step.
2.13. Quaesitus in unum impiorum hominum globus, imitatus rationalis officium, ipsumque iudicem, vespertinis tenebris lugubre clamante praecone, civitatem ingressi, ambitiosam domum cuiusdam primatis, ut proscripti iussique interfici, cum gladiis obsederunt, raptaque suppellectili pretiosa, quia subito perculsi familiares, hebetatis sensibus non defenderant dominum, caesis pluribus ante revolutam lucem gressu discessere veloci.
2.14. But when, after being enriched by the booty of many men, they abandoned the sweet pleasure of robbery, which was interrupted by a movement of the emperor’s forces, they were crushed, and perished to the last man. Even their children, who were still small, in order that they might not grow up to follow the example of their fathers, were destroyed in the same fate; and the houses which they had built in showy fashion at the sorrowful expense of others were torn down. These things, then, happened in the connection in which they have been told.
2.14. Verum cum exuviis referti multorum, rapiendi dulcedinem praetermitterent, interceptam, imperiali motu, oppressi interiere omnes ad unum, eorumque suboles parva etiam tum turn, ne ad parentum exempla subcresceret, pari sorte deleta est, et lares versi, quos ambitiose luctuosis aliorum dispendiis construxerunt. Et haec quidem textu processere narrato.
3.1. But Theodosius, that leader of celebrated name, filled with courageous vigour sallied forth from Augusta, which was earlier called Lundinium, with a force which he had mustered with energy and skill, and rendered the greatest aid to the troubled and confused fortunes of the Britons. He secured beforehand everywhere the places suitable for ambushing the savages, requiring nothing of the common soldiers in which he himself did not smartly take the first tasks.
3.1. Theodosius vero dux nominis incluti, animi vigore collecto, ab Augusta profectus, quam veteres appellavere Lundinium, cum milite industria comparato sollerti, versis turbatisque Britannorum fortunis opem maximam tulit, opportuna ubique ad insidiandum barbaris praeveniens loca, nihilque gregariis imperans, cuius non ipse primitias alacri capesseret mente.
3.2. In this way, while he performed the duties of an active common soldier and observed the care of a distinguished general, after having routed and put to flight various tribes which an insolence fostered by impunity was inflaming with a desire to attack the Romans, he completely restored the cities and strongholds which had been founded to secure a long period of peace, but had suffered repeated misfortunes.
3.2. Hocque genere cum strenui militis munia et praeclari ducis curas expleret, fusis fusiss variis gentibus et fugatis, quas insolentia nutriente securitate, aggredi Romanas res inflammabat, in integrum restituit civitates et castra, multiplicibus quidem damnis afflicta, sed ad quietem temporis longi fundata.
3.3. But while he was thus engaged, a dread event had taken place, which would have resulted in grave danger, if it had not been crushed in the very beginning of its attempt.
3.3. Evenerat autem eodem haec agente facinus dirum, erupturum in periculum grave, ni inter ipsa conatus principia fuisset exstinctum.
3.4. A certain Valentinus, born in Valeria, a part of Pannonia, a man of haughty spirit, brother-in-law of that pernicious vice-governor Maximinus, who was afterwards prefect, had been exiled to Britain because of a serious crime. There, impatient of quiet like a noxious beast, he roused himself to new and destructive plans, nursing a certain grudge against Theodosius, since he perceived that he was the only one who could resist his abominable designs.
3.4. Valentinus quidam natus in Valeria Pannoniae, superbi spiritus homo, Maximini illius exitialis vicarii, postea praefecti coniugis frater, ob grave crimen actus in Britannias exsul, quietis impatiens ut malefica bestia, ad res perniciosas consurgebat et novas, in Theodosium tumore quodam, quem solum resistere posse nefandis cogitationibus advertebat.
3.5. However, after a good deal of looking about secretly and openly, driven by the swelling gale of his vast ambition, he began to tempt exiles and soldiers by promising for bold deeds as enticing rewards as his circumstances at the time permitted.
3.5. Multa tamen clam palamque circumspiciens, crescente flatu cupiditatis immensae, exsules sollicitabat et milites, pro temporis captu ausorum illecebrosas pollicendo mercedes.
3.6. And already the time for carrying out the plans was near at hand, when that leader, eager for deeds of daring, learning of this from a prearranged source, resolved with lofty heart to punish those who were found guilty: Valentinus indeed, along with a few of his closest associates, he had consigned to the general Dulcitius, to be punished with death; but with the military knowledge in which he surpassed all his contemporaries, he divined future dangers, and as to the rest of the conspirators forbade the carrying on of investigations, lest by spreading fear among many the disturbances in the provinces, which had just been lulled to sleep, should be revived.
3.6. Iamque propinquante temptatorum effectu, doctus haec unde convenerat, dux alacrior ad audendum, et corde celso ad vindictam compertorum erectus, Valentinum quidem cum paucis arta ei societate iunctissimis, letali poena plectendos, Dulcitio dediderat duci: militari scientia vero, qua superabat praesentes, futura coniciens, de coniuratis quaestiones agitari prohibuit, ne formidine sparsa per multos, reviviscerent provinciarum turbines consopiti.
3.7. Then, after the danger had been wholly removed, since it was common knowledge that propitious fortune had failed him in none of his undertakings, he turned his attention to making many necessary improvements, restoring the cities and defences, as we have said, and protecting the frontiers by sentinels and outposts. And so completely did he recover a province which had passed into the enemy’s hands and restore it to its former condition, that, in the words of his report, it had a legitimate governor; and it was henceforth called Valentia, in accordance with the emperor’s wish, who, one might almost say, celebrated an ovation in his joy on hearing the priceless news.
3.7. Hinc ad corrigenda plura conversus et necessaria, periculo penitus dempto, cum aperte constaret, nulla eius propitiam deseruisse fortunam, instaurabat urbes et praesidiaria (ut diximus) castra, limitesque vigiliis tuebatur et praetenturis, recuperatamque provinciam, quae in dicionem concesserat hostium, ita reddiderat statui pristino, ut eodem referente et rectorem haberet legitimum, et Valentia deinde vocaretur arbitrio principis, velut ovantis gaudio nuntio inaestimabili cognito.
3.8. In the midst of such important events the Arcani, a class of men established in early times, about which I said something in the history of Constans, had gradually become corrupted, and consequently he removed them from their posts. For they were clearly convicted of having been led by the receipt, or the promise, of great booty at various times to betray to the savages what was going on among us. For it was their duty to hasten about hither and thither over long spaces, to give information to our generals of the clashes of rebellion among neighbouring peoples.
3.8. Inter haec tam praecipua, Arcanos genus hominum a veteribus institutum, super quibus aliqua in actibus Constantis rettulimus rettulinmus, paulatim prolapsos in vitia a stationibus suis removit: aperte convictos, acceptarum promissarumque magnitudine praedarum allectos, quae apud nos agebantur, aliquotiens barbaris prodidisse. Id enim illis erat officium, ut ultro citroque, per longa spatia discurrentes, vicinarum gentium strepitus nostris ducibus intimarent.
3.9. After the above-mentioned affairs and other similar ones had been so brilliantly managed, Theodosius was summoned to the court, leaving the provinces dancing for joy, after distinguishing himself by many helpful victories like Furius Camillus or Papirius Cursor. And because of his general popularity he was escorted as far as the strait. where he crossed with a light wind, and came into the emperor’s company. He was received with joy and words of praise, and succeeded to the position of Jovinus, commander of the cavalry forces, whom the emperor Valentinian considered to be lacking in energy.
3.9. Ita spectatissime ante dictis rebus aliisque administratis similibus, ad comitatum accitus, tripudiantesque relinquens provincias, ut Furius Camillus vel Cursor Papirius, victoriis crebris et salutaribus erat insignis. Et favore omnium ad usque fretum deductus, leni vento transgressus, venit ad commilitium principis, cumque gaudio susceptus et laudibus, in locum Iovini ut lenti successit, qui equorum copias tuebatur.
4.1. After long lasting and serious dispersion from affairs in Rome, constrained by the great mass of foreign events, I shall return to a brief account of these, beginning with the prefecture of Olybrius, which was exceedingly peaceful and mild; for he never allowed himself to be turned from humane conduct, but was careful and anxious that no word or act of his should ever be found harsh. He severely punished calumny, cut down the profits of the privy-purse wherever it was possible, fully and impartially distinguished justice from injustice, and showed himself most lenient towards those wbom he governed.
4.1. Diu multumque a negotiis discussus urbanis, adigente cumulo foris gestorum, ad ea strictim exsequenda regrediar, exorsus ab Olybrii praefectura, tranquilla nimis et leni, qui numquam ab humanitatis statu deiectus, sollicitus erat et anxius, nequid usquam factum eius asperum inveniretur aut dictum, calumniarum acerrimus insectator, fisci lucra unde poterat circumcidens, iustorum iniustorumque distinctor, et arbiter plenus, in subiectos admodum temperatus.
4.2. But a cloud was thrown over all these merits by a fault which indeed was not harmful to the community, but yet was a stain on a high official; for almost his whole private life, since he was inclined to luxury, he spent in playhouses and love affairs, though the latter were neither unlawful nor incestuous.
4.2. Sed obnubilabat haec omnia vitium, parum quidem nocens rei communi, sed in alto iudice maculosum, quod citeriorem vitam paene omnem vergentem in luxum, per argumenta scaenica amoresque peregerat, nec vetitos nec incestos.
4.3. After him Ampelius governed the city, a man who himself also lusted after pleasures. Born at Antioch, he had been formerly marshal of the court, was twice raised to the rank of proconsul, and then, long afterwards, to the high honour of the prefecture. Although admirable in other respects and well suited to gaining the favour of the people, he was nevertheless sometimes hard, and I wish he had been steadfast of purpose; for he could have corrected in part, even though to a small extent, the incitements of appetite and gross gluttony, if he had not let himself be turned to laxity and thus lost enduring fame.
4.3. Post hunc urbem rexit Ampelius, cupidus ipse quoque voluptatum, Antiochiae genitus, ex magistro officiorum, ad proconsulatum geminum, indeque multo postea ad praefecturae culmen evectus, lectus alia et ad populi favorem adipiscendum aptissimus, non numquam tamen rigidus, atque utinam in proposito perseverans. Correxisset enim ex parte, licet exigua, irritamenta gulae et ganeas taetras, ni flexus in molliora, amisisset gloriam diu victuram.
4.4. For he gave orders that no wine-shop should be opened before the fourth hour, that no one of the common people should heat water, that up to a fixed hour of the day no victualler should offer cooked meat for sale, and that no respectable man should be seen chewing anything in public.
4.4. Namque statuerat, ne taberna vinaria ante horam quartam aperiretur, neve aquam vulgarium calefaceret quisquam, vel usque ad praestitutum diei spatium lixae coctam proponerent carnem, vel honestus quidam mandens videretur in publico.
4.5. These shameful acts, and others worse than these, had, by being constantly overlooked, blazed up to such unbridled heights that not even that celebrated Cretan Epimenides, if, after the manner of myth, he had been called up from the lower world and returned to our times, would have been able single-handed to purify Rome; such was the stain of incurable sins that had overwhelmed most people.
4.5. Quae probra aliaque his maiora, dissimulatione iugi neglecta, ita effrenatius exarserunt, ut nec Epimenides ille Cretensis, si fabularum ritu ab inferis excitatus redisset ad nostra, solus purgare sufficeret Romam: tanta plerosque labes insanabilium flagitiorum oppressit.
4.6. And first, as often, according to the quantity of topics, I shall give an account of the delinquencies of the nobles and then of the common people, condensing the events in a rapid disgression.
4.6. Et primo nobilitatis, ut aliquotiens pro locorum copia fecimus, dein plebis digeremus errata, incidentia veloci constringentes excessu.
4.7. Some men, distinguished (as they think) by famous fore-names, pride themselves beyond measure in being called Reburri, Flavonii, Pagonii, Gereones, and Dalii, along with Tarracii and Pherrasii, and many other equally fine-sounding indications of eminent ancestry.
4.7. Praenominum claritudine conspicui quidam (ut putant) in immensum semet extollunt, cum Reburri et Elabunii Flavonii et Pagonii Gereonesque appellentur, ac Dalii cum Tarraciis et Perrasiis Ferasiis, aliisque ita decens sonantibus originum insignibus multis.
4.8. Others, resplendent in silken garments, as though they were to be led to death, or as if (to speak without any evil omen) they were bringing up the rear preceded by an army, are followed by a throng of slaves drawn up in troops, amid noise and confusion.
4.8. Non nullos fulgentes sericis indumentis, ut ducendos duceudos ad mortem, vel ut sine diritate ominis loquamur, praegresso exercitu, arma cogentes, manipulatim concitato fragore sequitur multitudo multitude servorum.
4.9. When such men, each attended by fifty servants, have entered the vaulted rooms of a bath, they shout in threatening tones: “Where on earth are our attendants?” If they have learned that an unknown courtesan has suddenly appeared, some woman who has been a common prostitute of the crowd of our city, some old strumpet, they all strive to be the first to reach her, and caressing the new-comer, extol her with such disgraceful flattery as the Parthians do Samiramis, the Egyptians their Cleopatras, the Carians Artemisia, or the people of Palmyra Zenobia. And those who stoop to do such things are men in the time of whose forefathers a senator was punished with the censor’s brand of infamy, if he had dared, while this was still considered unseemly, to kiss his wife in the presence of their own daughter.
4.9. Tales ubi comitantibus singulos quinquaginta ministris, tholos introierint balnearum, “Ubi ubi sunt nostri?” minaciter clamant: si apparuisse subito ignotam compererint meretricem, aut oppidanae quondam prostibulum plebis, vel meritorii corporis veterem lupam, certatim concurrunt, palpantesque advenam, deformitate magna blanditiarum ita extollunt, ut Samiramim Parthi vel Cleopatras Aegyptus aut Artemisiam Cares vel Zenobiam Palmyreni. Et haec admittunt hi quorum apud maiores censoria nota senator afflictus est, ausus dum adhuc non deceret, praesente communi filia coniugem osculari.
4.10. Some of these men, when one begins to salute them breast to breast, like menacing bulls turn to one side their heads, where they should be kissed, and offer their flatterers their knees to kiss or their hands, thinking that quite enough to ensure them a happy life; and they believe that a stranger is given an abundance of all the duties of courtesy, even though the great men may perhaps be under obligation to him, if he is asked what hot baths or waters he uses, or at what house he has been put up.
4.10. Ex his quidam cum salutari pectoribus oppositis coeperint, osculanda capita in modum taurorum minacium obliquantes, adulatoribus offerunt genua suavianda savianda, vel manus, id illis sufficere ad beate vivendum existimantes, et abundare omni cultu humanitatis peregrinum putantes, cuius forte etiam gratia sunt obligati, interrogatum, quibus thermis utatur aut aquis, aut ad quam successerit domum.
4.11. And although they are so important and, in their own opinion, such cultivators of the virtues, if they learn that someone has announced that horses or chariots are coming from anywhere whatever, they hover over this same man and ask him questions as anxiously as their ancestors looked up to the two sons of Tyndareus, when they filled everything with joy by announcing those famous victories of olden days.
4.11. Et cum ita graves sint et cultores virtutum, (ut putant) si venturos ventures undelibet equos aut aurigas quendam didicerint nuntiasse, ita velociter sollerter imminent eidem et percunctantur, ut Tyndaridas fratres eorum suspexere maiores, cum priscis illis victoriis indicatis gaudio cuncta complessent.
4.12. Their houses are frequented by idle chatterboxes, who with various pretences of approval applaud every word of the man of loftier fortune, emulating the witty flatteries of the parasites in the comedies. For just as the parasites puff up boastful soldiers by attributing to them the sieges and battles against thousands of enemies, comparing them with the heroes of old, so these also, admiring the rows of columns hanging in the air with lofty facade, and the walls gleaming with the remarkable colours of precious stones, raise these noble men to the gods.
4.12. Horum domus otiosi quidam garruli frequentant, variis assentandi figmentis, ad singula ulterioris fortunae verba plaudentes, parasitorum in comoediis facetias affectando. Ut enim illi sufflant milites gloriosos, obsidiones et pugnas contra milia hostium, eisdem ut heroicis aemulis assignantes, ita hi quoque columnarum constructiones, alta fronte suspensas mirando, atque parietes lapidum circumspectis coloribus nitidos, ultra mortalitatem nobiles viros extollunt.
4.13. Sometimes at their banquets the scales are even called for, in order to weigh the fish, birds, and dormice that are served, whose great size they commend again and again, as hitherto unexampled, often repeating it to the weariness of those present, especially when thirty secretaries stand near by, with pen-cases and small tablets, recording these same items, so that the only thing lacking seems to be a schoolmaster.
4.13. Poscuntur etiam in conviviis aliquotiens trutinae, ut appositi pisces et volucres ponderentur, et glires, quorum magnitudo magnitude saepius replicata, non sine taedio praesentium, ut antehac antebac inusitata, laudatur assidue, maxime cum haec eadem numerantes, notarii triginta prope assistant, cum thecis et pugillaribus tabulis, ut deesse solus magister ludi litterarii videretur.
4.14. Some of them hate learning as they do poison, and read with attentive care only Juvenal and Marius Maximus, in their boundless idleness handling no other books than these, for what reason it is not for my humble mind to judge.
4.14. Quidam detestantes ut venena doctrinas, Iuvenalem et Marium Maximum curatiore studio legunt, nulla volumina praeter haec in profundo otio contrectantes, quam ob causam non iudicioli est nostri.
4.15. Whereas, considering the greatness of their fame and of their parentage, they ought to pore over many and varied works; they ought to learn that Socrates, when condemned to death and thrown into prison, asked a musician, who was skilfully rendering a song of the lyric poet Stesichorus, that he might be taught to do this while there was still time. And when the musician asked of what use that could be to him, since he was to die on the following day, Socrates replied: “In order that I may know something more before I depart from life.”
4.15. Cum multa et varia pro amplitudine gloriarum et generum lectitare deberent, audientes destinatum poenae Socratem, coniectumque in carcerem, rogasse quendam scite lyrici carmen Stesichori modulantem, ut doceretur id agere, dum liceret: interroganteque musico, quid ei poterit hoc prodesse, morituro postridie, respondisse, “Ut aliquid sciens amplius e vita discedam.”
4.16. But a few among them are so strict in punishing offences, that if a slave is slow in bringing the hot water, they condemn him to suffer three hundred lashes; if he has intentionally killed a man, although many people insist that he be condemned to death, his master will merely cry out: “What should a worthless fellow do, notorious for wicked deeds? But if he dares to do anything else like that hereafter, he shall be punished.”
4.16. Ita autem pauci sunt inter eos severi vindices delictorum ut, si aquam calidam tardius attulerit servus, trecentis affligi verberibus iubeatur: si hominem sponte occiderit propria, instantibus plurimis, ut damnetur ut reus, dominus hactenus exclamabit: “Quid faciat male factis famosus et nequam? et siquid aliud eius modi deinceps ausus fuerit, corrigetur.”
4.17. But the height of refinement with these men at present is, that it is better for a stranger to kill any man’s brother than to decline his invitation to dinner. For a senator thinks that he is suffering the loss of a rich property, if the man whom he has, after considerable weighing of pros and cons, invited once, fails to appear at his table.
4.17. Civilitatis autem hoc apud eos est nunc summum, quod expedit peregrino fratrem interficere cuiuslibet, quam cum rogatus sit ad convivium excusare: defectum enim patrimonii se opimi perpeti senator existimat, si is defuerit quem aliquotiens libratis sententiis, invitaverit semel.
4.18. Some of them, if they make a longish journey to visit their estates, or to hunt by the labours of others, think that they have equalled the marches of Alexander the Great or of Caesar; or if they have sailed in their gaily-painted boats from the Lake of Avernus to Puteoli, it is the adventure of the golden fleece, especially if they should dare it in the hot season. And if amid the gilded fans flies have lighted on the silken fringes, or through a rent in the hanging curtain a little ray of sun has broken in, they lament that they were not born in the land of the Cimmerians.
4.18. Pars eorum si agros visuri processerunt longius, aut alienis laboribus venaturi, Alexandri Magni itinera se putant aequiperasse, vel Caesaris: aut si a lacu Averni lembis invecti sunt pictis Puteolos, velleri certamen scertamen, maxime cum id vaporato audeant tempore. Ubi si inter aurata flabella laciniis sericis insederint muscae, vel per foramen umbraculi pensilis radiolus irruperit solis, queruntur quod non sunt apud Cimmerios nati.
4.19. Then when they come from the bath of Silvanus or from the healing waters of Mamaea, as any one of them emerges he has himself dried with the finest linens, opens the presses and carefully searches amongst garments shimmering with shifting light, of which he brings enough with him to clothe eleven men. At length, some are chosen and he puts them on; then he takes back his rings, which, in order that the dampness may not injure them, he has handed to a servant, and after his fingers have been as good as measured to receive them, he departs.
4.19. Dein cum a Silvani lavacro vel Mamaeae aquis ventitant sospitalibus, ut quisquam eorum egressus, tenuissimis se terserit linteis, solutis pressoriis, vestes luce nitentes ambigua diligenter explorat, quae una portantur sufficientes ad induendos homines undecim: tandemque electis aliquot involutus, receptis anulis quos (ne violentur humoribus) famulo tradidit, digitis ut metatis abit.
4.20. And, indeed, if any veteran has recently retired because of his years from service with the emperor, such a company of admirers attend him that... is considered to be the leader of the old song; the others quietly listen to what he says. He alone, like the father of a family, tells irrelevant stories and entertaining tales, and in most of them cleverly deceiving his hearers.
4.20. Enim vero siqui vetus in commilitio principis recens digressus fuerit in otium ut aevi provecti, ille tali praesente coetu … mirionum … cantilenae praesul existimatur: ceteri taciturni audiunt dicta … solus pater familias textui narrans aliena, et placentia referens, et erudite pleraque fallendo.
4.21. Some of these, though few in number, shrink from the name of gamblers, and therefore desire to be called rather tesserarii, persons who differ from each other only as much as thieves do from brigands. But this must be admitted, that while all friendships at Rome are lukewarm, those alone which are formed at the gambling table, as if they were gained by glorious toil, have a bond of union and are united by complete firmness of exceeding affection; whence some members of these companies are found to be so harmonious that you would take them for the brothers Quintilius. And so you may see a man of low station, who is skilled in the secrets of dice-playing, walking abroad like Porcius Cato after his unexpected and unlooked-for defeat for the praetorship, with a set expression of dignity and sorrow because at some great banquet or assemblage a former proconsul was given a higher place of honour.
4.21. Quidam ex his (licet rari) aleatorum vocabulum declinantes, ideoque se cupientes appellari potius tesserarios: inter quos tantum differt, quantum inter fures atque latrones. Hoc tamen fatendum est, quod cum omnes amicitiae Romae tepescant, aleariae solae, quasi gloriosis quaesitae sudoribus, sociales sunt et affectus nimii firmitate plena conexae: unde quidam ex his gregibus inveniuntur ita concordes, ut Quintilios esse existimes fratres. Ideoque videre licet ignobilem artis tesserariae callentem arcana, ut Catonem Porcium ob repulsam praeturae, nec suspectam antea nec speratam, incedere gravitate composita maestiorem, quod ei in maiore convivio vel consessu proconsularis quidam est antelatus.
4.22. Some lie in wait for men of wealth, old or young, childless or unmarried, or even for those who have wives or children—for no distinction is observed in this respect—enticing them by wonderful trickeries to make their wills; and when they have set their last decisions in order and left some things to these men, to humour whom they have made their wills in their favour, they forthwith die; so that you would not think that the death was brought about by the working of the allotment of destiny, nor could an illness easily be proved by the testimony of witnesses; nor is the funeral of these men attended by any mourners.
4.22. Subsident aliqui copiosos homines senes aut iuvenes, orbos vel caelibes, aut etiam uxores habentes seu liberos (nec enim hoc titulo discrimen aliquod observatur), ad voluntates condendas allicientes eos praestigiis praestrigiis miris: qui cum, supremis iudiciis ordinatis, quaedam reliquerint his quibus morem gerendo testati sunt, ilico pereunt, ut id impleri sorte fatorum operante nec putes, nec facile possit aegritudo testari nec funus comitatur his quisquam.
4.23. Another, who attained some rank, moderate though it be, walking with neck puffed up, looks askance at his former acquaintances, so that you might think that a Marcellus was returning after the taking of Syracuse.
4.23. Alius cum dignitate (licet mediocri), cervice tumida gradiens, notos antea obliquato contuetur aspectu, ut post captas Syracusas existimes reverti Marcellum.
4.24. Many of them, who deny that there are higher powers in heaven, neither appear in public nor eat a meal nor think they can with due caution take a bath, until they have critically examined the calendar and learned where, for example, the planet Mercury is, or what degree of the constellation of the Crab the moon occupies in its course through the heavens.
4.24. Multi apud eos negantes esse superas potestates in caelo, nec in publicum prodeunt nec prandent nec lavari arbitrantur se cautius posse, antequam ephemeride scrupulose sciscitata didicerint, ubi sit verbi gratia signum Mercurii, vel quotam Cancri sideris partem polum discurrens obtineat luna.
4.25. Another, if he finds a creditor of his demanding his due with too great urgency, resorts to a charioteer who is all too ready to dare any enterprise, and causes the creditor to be charged with being a poisoner; and he is not let off until he has surrendered the bill of indebtedness and paid heavy costs. And besides, the accuser has the voluntary debtor put in prison as if he were his property, and does not set him free until he acknowledges the debt.
4.25. Alius si creditorem suum flagitare molestius adverterit debitum, ad aurigam confugit, audentem omnia praelicenter, eumque ut veneficum curat urgeri: unde non nisi reddita cautione, dispendioque afflictus gravi discedit. Et additur huic, debitorem voluntarium includit ut proprium, nec ante eius professionem absolvit.
4.26. In another place a wife by hammering day and night on the same anvil—as the old proverb has it —drives her husband to make a will, and the husband insistently urges his wife to do the same. Skilled jurists are brought in on both sides, one in a bedroom, the other, his rival, in the dining-room to discuss disputed points. These are joined by opposing interpreters of horoscopes, on the one side making profuse promises of prefectures and the burial of rich matrons, on the other telling women that for their husbands’ funerals now quietly approaching they must make the necessary preparations. And a maid-servant bears witness, by nature somewhat pale,... As Cicero says: “They know of nothing on earth that is good unless it brings gain. Of their friends, as of their cattle, they love those best from whom they hope to get the greatest profit.”
4.26. Parte alia uxor, ut proverbium loquitur vetus, eamdem incudem diu noctuque tundendo, maritum testari compellit, hocque idem ut faciat uxor, urget maritus instanter: et periti iuris altrinsecus assciscuntur, unus in cubiculo alter eius aemulus in triclinio, repugnantia tractaturi: eisdemque subseruntur genitalium fatorum interpretes controversi, hinc praefecturas profusius largientes, et sepulturas divitum matronarum; inde ad exsequias virorum iam adventantes necessaria parari oportere iubentes: et testatur ancilla suapte natura pallidior, spiritu pridie consumpto defuncta … um Roma atque, ut Tullius ait: “Nec in rebus humanis quicquam bonum norunt nisi quod fructuosum sit: amicos tamquam pecudes eos potissimum diligunt, ex quibus se sperant maximum fructum esse capturos.”