9. In this manner the traitorous cook prepared himself to slay me: and when he was ready with his knives to do his feat, I devised with myself how I might escape the present peril, and I did not long delay, for incontinently I brake the halter wherewith I was tied, I dashed forth at full speed, and flinging my heels hither and thither, at length to save myself I ran hastily through a passage that was near, burst into a parlour where the master of the house was feasting after the sacrifice with the priests, and disquieted all the company, throwing down their meats and drinks and even the table itself. The master of the house, dismayed at my great disorder, strictly commanded one of his servants to take me up as a savage and wanton ass, and lock me in some strong place to the end I might disturb them no more;
9. Sic ille nequissimus carnifex contra me manus impias obarmabat, at ego, praecipitante consilium periculi tanti praesentia nec expectata diutina cogitatione, lanienam imminentem fuga vitare statui; protinusque vinculo, quo fueram deligatus, abrupto, cursu me proripio totis pedibus, ad tutelam salutis crebris calcibus velitatus; illicoque me, raptim transcursa proxima porticu, triclinio, in quo dominus aedium sacrificales epulas cum sacerdotibus deae cenitabat, incunctanter immitto nec pauca rerum apparatus cibarii, mensas etiam exitium conflavit aliud.
but I regarded my imprisonment as my safety, considering that by my clever colouring and deceit I was happily delivered from the hands of the traitorous cook. Howbeit, if fortune be opposite, nothing may prosper a man, nor may the fatal disposition of the divine providence be avoided or changed by wise counsel, nor by any wholesome remedy: for that very deceit, which seemed to have found for me safety for the moment, brought upon me a grievous danger, pay well nigh utter destruction: for by and by, as they were familiarly whispering together, a lad came running into the parlour, all trembling and fearful i» his countenance, and declared to the master of the house that a mad dog had run in from the next lane and had rushed furiously into the back gate; which had done much harm, for he had bitten many greyhounds and thence had entered the stable and had with like savagery attacked most of the beasts; nor finally had he spared men, for there was one Myrtilus a muleteer, Hephaestion a cook, Hypatarius a chamberlain, and Apollonius a physician, nay many more, who (thinking to chase away the mad dog) were cruelly bitten by him; and, indeed, many horses and other beasts had been infected with the venom of his poisonous teeth and become mad likewise. This thing caused them all at the table greatly to fear, and thinking that I had been, made mad by being bitten and was mad in like sort, they snatched up all manner of weapons and came out exhorting one another so to keep off the common destruction of all, themselves rather a prey to the same disease of madness. Verily, with their spears, clubs, and pitchforks, which their servants easily found for them, they had torn me limb from limb, had I not by and by observed the storm of sudden danger and crept into a chamber, where my masters intended to lodge that night.
Nam quidam subito puer mobili ac trepida facie percitus, ut familiares inter se susurrabant, irrumpit triclinium suoque annuntiat domino de proxumo angiportu canem rabidam paulo ante per posticam impetu miro sese direxisse ardentique prorsus furore venaticos canes invasisse, ac dehinc proxumum petisse stabulum atque ibi pleraque iumenta incurrisse pari saevitia, nec postremum saltem ipsis hominibus pepercisse: nam Myrtilum mulionem et Hephaestionem cocum et Hypatarium cubicularium et Apollonium medicum, immo vero et plures alios ex familia abigere temptantes variis morsibus quemque lacerasse, certe venenatis morsibus contacta nonnulla iumenta efferari simili rabie. Quae res omnium statim percussit animos, ratique me etiam eadem peste infectum ferocire, arreptis cuiuscemodi telis mutuoque ut exitium commune protelarent cohortari, ipsi potius eodem vesaniae morbo laborantes persequuntur. Nec dubio me lanceis illis vel venabulis, immo vero et bipennibus, quae facile famuli subministraverant, membratim compilassent, ni respecto subiti periculi turbine cubiculum, in quoi mei domini devertebant, protinus irrupissem. Tunc clausis obseratisque super me foribus obsidebant locum, quoad sine ullo congressionis suae periculo pestilentiae letalis pervicaci rabie possessus ac peresus absumerer: quo facto tandem libertatem nanctus, solitariae fortunae munus amplexus, super constratum lectum abiectus post multum equidem temporis somnum humanum quievi.
Then they closed and locked fast the doors about me, and kept the chamber round, till such time as they thought that they would not have to meet me in battle and the pestilent rage of madness should have killed me. Now when I was thus shut in the chamber, I had at last gained my liberty, and taking the gift that fortune had sent me, to be alone, I laid me down upon the bed to sleep, considering it was long time past since I lay and took my rest as a man doth. When morning was come, and that I was well reposed by the-softness of the bed, I rose up lustily. In the mean season I heard them which watched about the chamber all night reason with themselves in this sort: “Verily,” quoth one, “I think the ass be still raving.” “So think not,” quoth another, “For the outrageous poison of madness hath killed him.” But being thus in divers opinions, they determined to put them to the test and looked through a crevice, and espied me standing still, sober and quiet, in the middle of the chamber; and then they opened the doors and came towards me to prove whether I were gentle or no. Amongst whom there was one, which in my opinion was sent from heaven to save my life, that put forward a proof to see whether I were sane: and he willed the others to set a basin of fair water before me, and thereby they should know whether I were mad or no, for if I did drink without fear, as I accustomed to do, it was a sign that I was whole and free of all disease, where contrary if I did fly and abhor the sight and taste of the water, it was an evident proof of my continued madness;
Iamque clara die, mollitie cubiculi refota lassitudine, vegetus exsurgo atque illos, qui meae tutelae pervigiles excubias agitaverant, ausculto de meis sic altercare fortunis: ‘Adhuccine miserum istum asinum iugi furore iactari credimus? Immo vero iam virus increscente saevitia prorsus extinctum.’ Sic opinionis variae terminum ad explorationem conferunt ac de rima quadam prospiciunt sanum me atque sobrium otiose consistere: iamque ultro foribus patefactis plenius an iam sim mansuefactus periclitantur. Sed unus ex his, de caelo scilicet missus mihi sospitator, argumentum explorandae sanitatis meae tale commonstrat ceteris, ut aquae recentis completam pelvem offerrent potui meo, ac si intrepidus et more solito sumens aquis allibescerem, sanum me atque omni morbo scirent expeditum: contra vero si visum contactumque laticis vitarem ac perhorrescerem, pro comperto noxiam rabiem pertinaciter durare: hoc enim libris etiam pristinis proditum observari solere.
which thing he said that he had read in ancient and credible books. Whereupon they agreed thereto and took a basin of clear water from a spring hard by and presented it before me, hesitating and delaying still; but I, as soon as I perceived the wholesome water of my salvation, ran incontinently and, thrusting my head into the basin, drank all that water, that was truly water of salvation to me, as though I had been greatly athirst. Then did I suffer them to stroke me with their hands, and to bow my ears, and to take me by the halter and aught else that they dared, so that I might, by taking each thing in good part, disprove their mad presumption 1 by my meekness and gentle behaviour. When I was thus delivered from this double danger, the next day I was laded again with the trappings of the goddess and other trumpery, and was brought out into the way with rattles and cymbals, to beg in the villages which we passed by according to our custom.
Isto placito vas immane confestim aquae pellucidae de proxumo petitae fonte cunctantes adhuc offerunt mihi: at ego sine ulla mora progressus etiam obvio gradu satis sitienter pronus et totum caput inferens salutares vere equidem illas aquas hauriebam. Iamque et plausus manuum et aurium flexus et ductum capistri et quidvis aliud periclitantium placide patiebar, quoad contra vesanam eorum praesumptionem modestiam meam liquido cunctis approbarem. Ad istum modum vitato duplici periculo, die sequenti rursum divinis exuviis onustus cum crotalis et cymbalis circumforaneum mendicabulum producor ad viam. Nec paucis casulis atque castellis oberratis devertimus ad quempiam pagum urbis opulentae quondam, ut memorabant incolae, inter semiruta vestigia conditum, et hospitio proxumi stabuli recepti cognoscimus lepidam de adulterio cuiusdam pauperis fabulam, quam vos etiam cognoscatis volo.
And after that we had gone through a few hamlets and castles, we fortuned to come to a certain village, which was builded (as the inhabitants there affirmed) among the ruined foundations of a famous and ancient city. And after that we had turned into the next inn, we heard of a pretty jest committed in the town there, in the matter of the cuckoldry of a certain poor man, which I would that you should know likewise. There was a man dwelling in the town, very poor, that had naught to live upon but that which he got by his labour as a smith and the travail of his hands: his wife too was very poor, but known to be lascivious and exceeding given to the desire of the flesh. Now it fortuned on a day that while this man was gone betimes in the morning about his business, according as he accustomed to do, his wife's lover secretly came into his house to have his pleasure with her. And so it chanced that during the time that he and she were busking together, her husband, suspecting no such matter, returned suddenly home praising the chaste continency of his wife, in that he found his doors fast locked and closed; wherefore, as his custom was, he whistled to declare his coming home. Then his crafty wife, ready with present shifts, loosed her lover from her embrace and hid him in a great tub standing in a corner, and it was very ruinous and dirty, but empty withal; and then she opened the door, blaming her husband in this sort: “Comest thou home so every day empty with thy hands wrapt in thy cloke? And bringest nothing by thy accustomed labour to maintain our house? Thou hast no regard for our profit, neither providest for any meat or drink, whereas I, poor wretch, do nothing day and night but wear my sinews with spinning, and yet my travail will scarce find the candles to lighten our hut.
Is gracili pauperie laborans fabriles operas praebendo parvis illis mercedibus vitam tenebat. Erat ei tamen uxorcula etiam, satis quidem tenuis et ipsa, verum tamen postrema lascivia famigerabilis. Sed die quadam dum matutino ille ad opus susceptum proficiscitur, statim latenter irrepit eius hospitium temerarius adulter: ac dum Veneris colluctationibus securius operantur, maritus ignarus rerum ac nihil etiam tum tale suspicans improvisus hospitium repetit. Iamque clausis et obseratis foribus uxoris laudata continentia ianuam pulsat, sibilo etiam praesentiam suam denuntiante: tunc mulier callida et ad huiusmodi flagitia perastutula tenacissimis amplexibus expeditum hominem dolio, quod erat in angulo semiobrutum sed alias vacuum, dissimulanter abscondit, et patefactis aedibus adhuc introeuntem maritum aspero sermone accipit: ‘Siccine vacuus et otiosus insinuatis manibus ambulabis mihi nec obito consueto labore vitae nostrae prospicies et aliquid cibatui parabis? At ego misera pernox et per diem lanificio nervos meos contorqueo, ut intra cellulam nostram saltem lucerna luceat. Quanto me felicior Daphne vicina, quae mero et prandio matutino saucia cum suis adulteris volutatur!’
O how much more happy is my neighbour Daphne, that eateth and drinketh at her pleasure, and well foxed passeth the time with her amorous lovers according to her desire.” “What is the matter?” quoth her husband, much grieved at that she said, “Though our master hath business in the market and hath made holiday for us, yet think not but that I have made provision for our supper this day; dost thou not see this tub that keepeth a place here in our house in vain, and doth us no service save to hinder us in our ¦¦coming and going? Behold I have sold it to a good fellow (that now cometh) for five pence, and he will pay the money and carry it away. Wherefore I pray thee lend me thy hand that I may mend it and take it up and deliver him the tub.” His wife (having invented a present shift) laughed boldly on her husband, saying: “What a notable and goodly merchant have I gotten in you, to fetch away my tub for so little for which I, poor woman that sit all day alone in my house, have been proffered! long ago seven pence!” Her husband, being well pleased at the greater price, demanded what he was that would give so much.
Sic confutatus maritus ‘Et quid istic est?’ ait ‘Nam licet forensi negotio officinator noster attentus ferias nobis fecerit, tamen hodiernae cenulae nostrae prospexi. Vides istud dolium, quod semper vacuum frustra locum detinet tantum et revera praeter impedimentum conversationis nostrae nihil praestat amplius? Istud ego quinque denariis cuidam venditavi; et adest, ut dato pretio secum rem suam ferat. Quin itaque praecingeris mihique manum tantisper accommodas, ut exobrutum protinus tradatur emptori.’ E re nata fallacia, mulier temerarium tollens cachinnum ‘Magnum’ inquit ‘Istum virum ac strenuum negotiatorem nacta sum, qui rem, quam ego mulier et intra hospitium contenta iamdudum septem denariis vendidi, minoris distraxit.’ Additamento pretii laetus maritus ‘Et quis est ille,’ ait ‘Qui tanto praestinavit?’ At illa ‘Olim, inepte,’ inquit ‘Descendit in dolium sedulo soliditatem eius probaturus.’
“Look, fool,” quoth she, “He is gone under to see where it be sound or no.” Then her lover, which was under the tub, began to stir that his words might agree to the words of the woman, and said: “Dame, will you have me tell the truth? This tub is old and rotten and cracked as meseemeth on every side.” And then he turned himself to her husband, colouring the matter and saying: “I pray, honest man, whoever you be, light a candle that I may make the tub clean within, to see if it be for my purpose or no, for I do not mind to east away my money wilfully.” This clever husband by and by, suspecting nothing, delayed not to light a candle, saying: “I pray you, good brother, put not yourself to so much pain, but stand by and let me make the tub clean and ready for you”; whereupon he put off his coat and took the light and crept under the tub to rub away the old filth from the sides. In the mean season the minion lover cast his wife on the bottom of the tub, and had his pleasure with her over his head, and she, like the very harlot that she was, played a merry prank upon her husband; for as she was in the midst of her pastime, she turned her head on this side and that side, shewing now this and now that to be cleansed, till as they had both ended their business, and then he delivered seven pence for the tub: and then the poor smith must himself carry it on his back to the lover's lodging.
Nec ille sermoni mulieris defuit sed exsurgens alacriter ‘Vis’ inquit ‘Verum scire, materfamilias? Hoc tibi dolium nimis vetustum est et multifariam rimis hiantibus quassum ’; ad maritumque eius dissimulanter conversus ‘Quin tu, quicunque es homuncio, lucernam ’ ait ‘Actutum mihi expedis, ut erasis intrinsecus sordibus diligenter an aptum usui possim dinoscere, nisi nos putas aes de malo habere?’ Nec quicquam moratus ac suspicatus acer et egregius ille maritus, accensa lucerna, ‘Discede,’ inquit ‘Frater, et otiosus assiste, donec probe procuratum istud tibi repraesentem,’ et cum dicto nudatus ipse, delato lumine, scabiem vetustam cariosae testae occipit exculpere. At vero adulter, I bellissimus ille pusio, inclinatam dolio pronam uxorem fabri superincurvatus secure dedolabat. Ast illa capite in dolium demisso maritum suum astu meretricio tractabat ludicre: hoc et illud et aliud et rursus aliud purgandum demonstrat digito suo, donec utroque opere perfecto, acceptis septem denariis, calamitosus faber collo suo gerens dolium coactus est ad hospitium adulteri perferre.
After that Ave had tarried there a few days at the cost and charges of the whole village, and had gotten much money by our divination and prognostication of things to come, those good priests invented a new mean to pick men's purses; for they had one lot whereon was written this cheating answer, which they gave for every enquiry; and it was: “The oxen tied and yoked together: do plough the ground to the intent it may bring forth her increase.” 1 And by these kind of lots they deceived many of the simple sort: for if one had demanded whether he should have a good wife or no, they would say that his lot did testify the same, that he should be tied and yoked to a good woman and have increase of children: if one demanded whether he should buy lands and possessions, they said that there was much reason in the mentioning of the oxen and the yoke, which foretold that he should have much ground that should yield his increase: if one demanded the advice of heaven whether he should have a good and prosperous voyage, they said he should have good success because that now these gentlest of beasts were joined together and v ready to go, and that of the increase of the soil should be his profit: if one demanded whether he should vanquish his enemies, or prevail in pursuit of thieves, they said that the oracle foretold victory, for that his enemies' necks should be brought under the yoke, and that a rich and fertile gain should be gotten from the thieves' booty.
Pauculis ibi diebus commorati et munificentia publica saginati vaticinationisque crebris mercedibus suffarcinati purissimi illi sacerdotes novum quaestus genus sibi comminiscuntur. Sorte unica pro casibus pluribus enotata consulentes de rebus variis plurimos ad hunc modum cavillantur. Sors haec erat: Ideo coniuncti terram proscindunt boves, ut in futurum laeta germinent sata. Tum si qui matrimonium forte coaptantes interrogarent, rem ipsam responderi aiebant, iungendos, connubio et satis liberum procreandis. Si possessiones praestinaturus quaereret, merito boves ut et iugum et arva sementis florentia pronuntiari. Si qui de profectione sollicitus divinum caperet auspicium. iunctos iam paratosque quadripedum cunctorum mansuetissimos et lucrum promitti de glebae germine. Si proelium capessiturus vel latronum factionem persecuturus utiles necne processus sciscitaretur addictam victoriam forti praesagio contendebant, quippe cervices hostium iugo subactum iri ei praedam de rapinis uberrimam fructuosamque captum iri.
Thus by the telling of fortunes so cleverly and cunningly they gathered a great quantity of money; but when they were weary with giving of answers, they drove me away before them the next night, through a lane which was more dangerous and stony than the way which we had gone before; for it was full of deep and gaping holes, sometimes wet with quagmires and foggy marshes, and sometimes very slippery with mud and filth, whereby my legs failed me with often stumbling and falling, in such sort that I could scarce come wearily and with bruised legs to the plain field-paths. And behold by and by from behind a great company of the inhabitants of the town, armed with weapons and on horseback, overtook us, hardly pulling up the horses of their car, for they galloped furiously, they incontinently arrested Philebus and his priests, and tied them by the necks and beat them cruelly, calling them sacrilegious thieves and vile robbers, and after that they had manacled their hands they urged them furiously again and again: “Shew us,” quoth they, “The cup of gold, the temptation of your crime, which you have taken privily away from the very shrine of the Mother of the gods, under, the colour of your solemn religion, which you must needs perform secretly shut up in her temple; and now you think to escape in the night without punishment for your deed, leaving the boundaries of town and setting secretly forth before it be yet light.”
Ad istum modum divinationis astu captioso corraserant non parvas pecunias, sed assiduis interrogationibus argumento satietate iam defecti, rursum ad viam prodeunt, via tota quam nocte confeceramus longe peiorem. Quidni? Lacunosis incilibus voraginosam, partim stagnanti palude fluidam et alibi subluvie caenosa lubricam. Crebris denique offensaculis et assiduis lapsibus iam contusis cruribus meis vix tandem ad campestres semitas fessus evadere potui. Et ecce nobis repente de tergo manipulus armati supercurrunt equites, aegreque cohibita equorum curriculi rabie, Philebum ceterosque comites eius involant avidi colloque constricto et sacrilegos impurosque compellantes interdum pugnis obverberant, necnon manicis etiam cunctos coartant et identidem ingenti sermone comprimunt, promerent potius aureum cantharum, promerent auctoramentum illud sui sceleris, quod simulatione sollemnium, quae in operto factitaverant, ab ipsis pulvinaribus matris deum clanculo furati, prorsus quasi possent tanti facinoris evadere supplicium tacita profectione, adhuc luce dubia pomerium pervaserint.
By and by one came towards me, and thrusting his hand into the bosom of the goddess which I bare, found and brought out before them all the cup which they had stole: howbeit, for all their robbery which appeared evident and plain, those accursed and vile creatures would not be confounded or abashed, but, jesting and laughing out the matter, began to say: “Is it reason, masters, that you should thus rigorously intreat us, as often befalls innocent men, and threaten to bring the faithful priests of religion into danger of death for a small trifling cup, which the Mother of the gods determined to give to her sister for a present?” Howbeit, for all their lies and eavillations, they were carried back to the town and put in prison by the inhabitants, who, taking the cup of gold and the image of the goddess which I bare, did put and consecrate them amongst the treasure of the temple. The next day I was carried to the market to be sold by the voice of the crier, and again my price was set; but I was sold at seven pence more than Philebus gave for me. There fortuned to pass by a baker of the next village, who, after that he had bought a great deal of corn, bought me likewise to carry it home, and when he had well laded me therewith, he drove me through a stony and dangerous way to his bakehouse. There I saw a great company of horses that went round and round in the mill turning the stones and grinding of corn: and not by day only, but at night also they must needs still work at the mill and make flour in those engines that never stood still: but lest I should be discouraged at the first, my master entertained me well in a luxurious place;
Nec defuit qui, manu super dorsum meum iniecta, in ipso deae quam gerebam gremio scrutatus, repperiret atque incoram omnium aureum depromeret cantharum. Nec isto saltem tam nefario scelere impuratissima illa capita confutari terrerive potuere, sed mendacioso risu cavillantes, ‘En’ inquiunt ‘Indignae rei scaevitatem, qua plerumque insontes periclitantur homines! Propter unicum caliculum, quem deum mater sorori suae deae Syriae hospitale munus obtulit, noxios religionis antistites ad discrimen vocari capitis!’ Haec et alias similes afannas frustra blaterantes eos retrorsus abducunt pagani statimque vinctos in Tullianum compingunt cantharoque et ipso simulacro, quod gerebant, apud fani donarium redditis ac consecratis, altera die productum me rursum voce praeconis venui subiciunt septemque nummis carius, quam prius me comparaverat Philebus, quidam pistor de proximo castello praestinavit, protinusque frumento etiam coemto affatim onustum per iter arduum, scrupis et cuiuscemodi stirpibus infestum ad pistrinum, quod exercebat, perducit.
for the first day I had a holiday and did nothing but fare daintily at a full manger. Howbeit, such mine ease and felicity did not long endure; for the next day following I was tied to the greatest mill (as it seemed to me) betimes in the morning with my face covered, and placed in a small path of a circle to the end in turning and winding so often one way I might keep a certain course and tread in my own path again and again. But I forgat not my wisdom and careful prudence so as to lend myself too easily to the new labour, for although when I was a man I had seen many such horse-mills, and knew well enough how they should be turned, yet feigning myself ignorant of such kind of toil I stood still and would not go, whereby I thought I should be taken from the mill as an ass unapt, and put to some other lighter labour, or else to be driven into the fields to pasture: but my subtlety did me small profit, for by and by when the mill stood still, the many servants came about me armed with sticks, whereas I suspected nothing, mine eyes being covered, and suddenly when a sign was given they cried out and plentifully beat me forward, in such sort that I could not stay to advise myself, because of the sudden attack and noise, but leaned sturdily against my rope and went briskly on my appointed path; whereby all the company laughed to see so sudden a change. When a good part of the day was past, so that I was not able to endure any longer, they took off my harness, and tied me to the manger; but although my bones were weary, and that I needed to refresh myself with rest and provender, being utterly dead with hunger, yet I was so curious and anxious also, that I did greatly delight to behold the horrible fashion of the baker's mill, in so much that I could not eat nor drink while I looked on, although there was food in plenty.
Ibi complurium iumentorum multivii circuitus intorquebant molas ambage varia; nec die tantum, verum perpeti etiam nocte prorsus instabili machinarum vertigine lucubrabant pervigilem farinam. Sed mihi, ne rudimentum servitii perhorrescerem scilicet, novus dominus loca lautia prolixe praebuit: nam et diem primum illum feriatum dedit et cibariis abundanter instruxit praesepium. Nec tamen illa otii saginaeque beatitudo duravit ulterius, sed die sequenti molae, quae maxima videbatur, matutinus? adstituor et illico velata facie propellor ad incurva spatia flexuosi canalis, ut in orbe termini circumfluentis reciproco gressu mea recalcans vestigia vagarer errore certo. Nec tamen sagacitatis ac prudentiae meae prorsus oblitus facilem me tirocinio disciplinae praebui sed, quamquam frequenter, cum inter homines agerem, machinas similiter circumrotari vidissem, tamen, ut expers et ignarus operis, stupore mentito defixus haerebam, quod enim rebar ut minus aptum et huiusmodi ministerio satis inutilem me ad alium quempiam, utique leviorem laborem legatum iri, vel otiosum certe cibatum iri. Sed frustra sollertiam damnosam exercui: complures enim protinus baculis armati me circumsteterunt atque, ut eram luminibus obtectis securus etiamnunc, repente signo dato et clamore conferto plagas ingerentes acervatim, adeo me strepitu turbulentant, ut cunctis consiliis abiectis illico scitissime taeniae sparteae totus innixus discursus alacres obirem:
O good Lord, what a sort of poor slaves were there; some had their skin bruised all over black and blue, some had their backs striped with lashes and were but covered rather than clothed with torn rags, some had their members only hidden by a narrow cloth, all wore such ragged clouts that, you might perceive through them all their.naked bodies, some were marked and burned in the forehead with hot irons, some had their hair half clipped, some had shackles on their legs, ugly and evil favoured, some could scarce see, their eyes and faces were so black and dim with smoke, their eye lids all cankered with the darkness of that reeking place, half blind and sprinkled black and white with dirty flour like boxers which fight together befouled with sand. But how should I speak of the horses my companions, how they, being old mules or weak horses, thrust their heads into the manger and ate the heaps of straws? They had their necks all wounded and worn away with old sores, they rattled their nostrils with a continual cough, their sides were bare with continued rubbing of their harness and great travail, their ribs were broken and the bones did show with perpetual beating, their hoofs were battered very broad with endless walking, and their whole skin ragged by reason of mange and their great age.
at subita sectae commutatione risum tote coetu commoveram. Iamque maxima diei parte transacta defectum alioquin me, helcio sparteo dimoto, nexu machinae liberatum applicant praesepio. At ego quamquam eximie fatigatus et refectione virium vehementer indiguus et prorsus fame perditus, tamen familiari curiositate attonitus et satis anxius, postposito cibo qui copiosus aderat, inoptabilis officinae disciplinam cum delectatione quadam arbitrabar. Dii boni! Quales illic homunculi vibicibus lividis totam cutem depicti dorsumque plagosum scissili centunculo magis inumbrati quam obtecti, nonnulli exiguo tegili tantum modo pubem inlecti, cuncti tamen sic tunicati ut essent per pannulos manifesti, frontes litterati et capillum semirasi et pedes annulati, tum lurore deformes et fumosis tenebris vaporosae caliginis palpebras adesi atque adeo male luminati, et in modum pugilum, qui pulvisculo perspersi dimicant, farinulenta cinere sordide candidati.
When I saw this dreadful sight, I greatly began to fear lest I should come to the like state: and considering with myself the good fortune which I was sometime in when I was a man, I greatly despaired and lamented, holding down my head, but I saw no comfort or consolation of my torments, saving that my mind and my inborn curiosity was somewhat recreated to hear and understand what every man said and did, for they neither feared nor doubted my presence. At that time I remembered how truly Homer, the divine author of ancient Poetry among the Greeks, described him to be a wise man 1 which had travelled divers countries and nations, and by straitly observing them all had obtained great virtue and knowledge. Wherefore I do now give great thanks to my assy form, in that by that mean I have seen the experience of many things, and am become more experienced (notwithstanding that I was then very little wise). But I will tell you a pretty and handsome jest, which cometh now to my remembrance, to the intent your ears may be delighted in hearing the same, and I do now begin it. The baker which bought me was an honest and sober man, but his wife the most pestilent woman in all the world, in so much that he endured with her many miseries and afflictions to his bed and house, so that I myself did secretly pity his estate and bewail his evil fortune: for there was not one single fault that was lacking to her, but all the mischiefs that could be devised had flowed into her heart as into some filthy privy;
Iam de meo iumentario contubernio quid vel ad quem modum memorem? Quales illi muli senes vel cantherii debiles! Circa praesepium capita demersi contruncabant moles palearum, cervices cariosa vulnerum putredine follicantes, nares languidas assiduo pulsu tussedinis hiulei, pectora copulae sparteae tritura continua exulcerati, costas perpetua castigatione ossium tenus renudati, ungulas multivia circumcursione in enorme vestigium porrecti totumque corium veterno atque scabiosa macie exasperati. Talis familiae funestum mihi etiam metuens exemplum veterisque Lucii fortunam recordatus et ad ultimam salutis metam detrusus summisso capite maerebam. Nec ullum uspiam cruciabilis vitae solacium aderat, nisi quod ingenita mihi curiositate recreabar dum praesentiam meam parvi facientes libere quae volunt omnes et agunt et loquuntur. Nec immerito priscae poeticae divinus auctor apud Graios summae prudentiae virum monstrare cupiens multarum civitatum obitu et variorum populorum cognitu summas adeptum virtutes cecinit: nam et ipse gratas gratias asino meo memini, quod me suo celatum tegmine variisque fortunis exercitatum, etsi minus prudentem, multiscium reddidit.
she was crabbed, cruel, cursed, drunken, obstinate, niggish, covetous in base robberies, riotous in filthy expenses, an enemy, to faith and chastity, a despiser of all the gods whom others did honour, one that affirmed that she had instead of our sure religion an only god by herself,1 whereby, inventing empty rites and ceremonies, she deceived all men, but especially her poor husband, delighting in drinking wine, yea, early in the morning, and abandoning her body to continual whoredom. This mischievous quean hated me in such wonderful sort that she commanded every day, before she was up, that I, the new ass, should be put in the mill to grind: and the first thing which she would do in the morning, when she had left her chamber, was to see me cruelly beaten, and that I should grind and be kept from the manger long after the other beasts did feed and take rest. When I saw that I was so cruelly handled, she gave me great desire to learn her conversation and her life; for I saw oftentimes a young man, which would privily go into her chamber, whose face I did greatly desire to see, but I could not, by reason mine eyes were covered every day: and verily, if I had been free and at liberty, I would have discovered all her abomination.
Fabulam, denique bonam prae ceteris suavem compertu ad aures vestras afferre decrevi, et en occipio. Pistor ille qui me pretio suum fecerat, bonus alioquin vir et apprime modestus, pessimam et ante cunctas mulieres longe deterrimam sortitus coniugam poenas extremas tori Larisque sustinebat, ut Hercule eius vicem ego quoque tacitus frequenter ingemescerem. Nec enim vel unum vitium nequissimae illi feminae deerat, sed omnia prorsus, ut in quandam caenosam latrinam, in eius animum flagitia confluxerant: saeva, scaeva, virosa, ebriosa, pervicax, pertinax, in rapinis turpibus avara, in sumptibus foedis profusa, inimica fidei, hostis pudicitiae: tunc spretis atque calcatis divinis numinibus in vicem certae religionis mentita sacrilega praesumptione dei, quem praedicaret unicum, confictis observationibus vacuis fallens omnes homines et miserum maritum decipiens matutino mero et continuo stupro corpus manciparat.
She had an old woman, a bawd, a messenger of mischief, that daily haunted to her house, and made good cheer with her at breakfast, and then they would drink wine unmixed, and after this first skirmish they would contrive and plot to the utter undoing and impoverishment of her husband: but I, that was greatly offended with the negligence of Fotis, who made me an ass instead of a bird, did yet comfort myself for the miserable deformity of my shape by this only mean, in that I had long ears, whereby I might hear all things that were done even afar off. On a day I heard the shameless old bawd say to the baker's wife: “ Dame, you have chosen (notwithstanding my counsel) a young man to your lover, who as meseemeth is dull, fearful, without any grace, and dastardly coucheth at the frowning looks of your odious husband, whereby you have no delight nor pleasure with him. How far better is the young man Philesitherus, who is comely, beautiful, in the flower of his youth, liberal, courteous, valiant, and stout against the diligent pryings and watches of husbands, alone worthy to embrace the worthiest dames of this country, and alone worthy to wear a crown of gold, be it for one part alone that he played with clever wit to one that was jealous over his wife. Hearken how it was, and then judge the diversity of these two lovers. Know you one Barbarus, a senator of our town, whom the vulgar people call likewise Scorpion for his peevish manners? This Barbarus had a gentlewoman to his wife, of exceeding beauty, whom he caused daily to be enclosed within his house with diligent custody.” Then the baker's wife said: “I know her very well, for her name is Arete, and we two dwelled together at one school.”
Talis illa mulier miro me persequebatur odio: nam et antelucio recubans adhuc subiungi machinae novicium clamabat asinum, et statim ut cubiculo primum processerat insistens iubebat incoram sui plagas mihi quam plurimas irrogari et,cum tempestivo prandio laxarentur iumenta cetera, longe tardius applicari praesepio iubebat. Quae saevitia multo mihi magis genuinam curiositatem in suos mores ampliaverat: nam et assiduo plane commeantem in eius cubiculum quendam sentiebam iuvenem, cuius et faciem videre cupiebam ex summo studio, si tamen velamentum capitis libertatem tribuisset meis aliquando luminibus; nec enim mihi sollertia defuisset ad detegenda quoquo modo pessimae feminae flagitia. Sed anus quaedam stuprum sequestra et adulterorum internuntia de die cotidie inseparabilis aderat, eum qua protinus ientaculo ac dehinc vino mero mutuis vicibus velitata scaenas fraudulentas in exitium miserrimi mariti subdolis ambagibus construebat. At ego, quamquam graviter suscensens errori Fotidis, quae me dum avem fabricat, perfecit asinum, isto tamen vel unico solacio aerumnabilis deformitatis meae recreabar, quod auribus grandissimis praeditus cuncta longule etiam dissita facillime sentiebam.
“Then you know,” quoth the old woman, “The whole tale of Philesitherus?” “No, verily,” said she, “But I greatly desire to know it: therefore I pray you, mother, tell me the whole story.” By and by the old woman, which knew well to babble, began to tell as followeth: “ You shall understand that on a day this Barbarus, preparing himself to ride abroad, and willing to keep the chastity of his wife (whom he so well loved) alone to himself, called his man Myrmex (whose faith he had tried and proved in many things) and secretly committed to him the custody of his wife, threatening him, that if any man did but touch her with his finger as he passed by, he would not only put him in prison, and bind him hand and foot, but also cause him to be put to death cruelly and shamefully;
Denique die quadam madidae formositate praeditum mira custodela munitam domi suae quam cautissime cohibebat.” Ad haec ultima pistoris illa uxor subiciens, ‘Quidni?’ inquit ‘Novi diligenter. Areten meam condiscipulam memoras.’‘Ergo" inquit anus "Nosti totam Philesitheri et ipsius fabulam?’ ‘Minime gentium,’ inquit ‘Sed nosse valde cupio, et oro, mater, ordine mihi singula retexe.’ Nec commorata illa sermocinatrix immodica sic anus incipit:
which words he confirmed by oath of all the gods in heaven, and so he departed careless away, leaving Myrmex to follow his wife with all diligence. When Barbarus was gone Myrmex, being greatly astonished and afraid at his master's threatenings, was exceeding constant and fixed in his purpose, and would not suffer his mistress to go abroad, but as she sat all day a-spinning, he was so careful that he sat by her; and when night came he, went with her to the baths, holding her by the garment, so faithful he was to fulfil the commandment of his master Howbeit, the beauty of 'this noble matron could not be hidden from the burning eyes of Philesitherus, who considering her great chastity, and how she was diligently kept by Myrmex, was greatly set afire, and ready to do or suffer aught to gain her;
“Barbarus iste eum necessariam profectionem pararet pudicitiamque carae coniugis conservare summa diligentia cuperet, servilium suum Myrmecem, fidelitate praecipua cognitum, secreto commonet suaeque dominae custodelam omnem permittit, carcerem et perpetua vincula, mortem denique violentam defamem comminatus, si quisquam hominum vel in transitu digito tenus eam contigisset, idque deierans etiam confirmat per omnia divina numina. Ergo igitur summo pavore perculsum Myrmecem acerrimum relinquens uxori secutorem, securam dirigit profectionem. Tunc obstinato animo vehementer anxius Myrmex nec usquam dominam suam progredi sinebat, et lanificio domestico destrictam inseparabilis assidebat,ac tantum necessario vespertini lavacri progressu affixus atque conglutinatus, extremas manu prendens lacinias, mira sagacitate commissae provinciae fidem tuebatur.
and so he endeavoured by all kind of means to enterprise the matter, and to break through the serene guard of her house, and remembered the fragility of man, that might be enticed and corrupted with money, since by gold even adamant gates may be opened. On a day when he found Myrmex alone, he discovered his love, desiring him to shew his favour to heal him thereof (otherwise he intended and should certainly die unless he soon obtained his desire) with assurance that he need not fear, as he might privily be let in alone and under the covering of the night, without knowledge of any person, and in a moment come out again. To these, and other gentle words, he added a wedge which might violently split the hard tenacity of Myrmex; for he shewed him glittering new gold pieces in his hand, saying that he would give his mistress twenty crowns, and him ten. Now Myrmex, hearing these words, was greatly troubled, abhorring in his mind to commit so wicked a mischief; wherefore he stopped his ears, and turning his head departed away. Howbeit, although far apart and having now speedily gotten him home, the glittering hue of these crowns could never out of his mind, but he seemed to see the money, which was so worthy a prey, before his eyes. Wherefore, poor Myrmex was tossed on the waves of opinions and was utterly distracted and could not tell what to do; for on the one side, he considered the promise which he made to his master, and the punishment which should ensue if he did contrary, while on the other side, he thought of the gain and passing pleasure, of 'the crowns of gold.
Sed ardentem Philesitheri vigilantiam matronae nobilis pulchritudo latere non potuit, atque hac ipsa potissimum famosa castitate et insignis tutelae nimietate instinctus atque inflammatus, quidvis facere, quidvis pati paratus, ad expugnandam tenacem domus disciplinam totis accingitur viribus; certusque fragilitatis humanae fidei et quod pecuniae cunctae sint difficultates perviae auroque soleant adamantinae etiam perfringi fores, opportune nanetus Myrmecis solitatem, ei amorem suum aperit et supplex eum medelam cruciatui deprecatur; nam sibi statutam decretamque mortem proximare ni maturius cupito potiatur: nee eum tamen quicquam, in re facili formidare debere, quippe cum vespera solus, fide tenebrarum contectus atque absconditus, introrepere et intra momentum temporis remeare posset. His et huiuscemodi suadelis validum addebat cuneum, qui rigentem prorsus servi tenacitatem violenter diffinderet; porrecta enim manu sua demonstrat ei novitate nimia candentes solidos aureos, quorum viginti quidem puellae destinasset, ipsi vero decem libenter offerret.
In the end the desire of the money did more prevail than the fear of death, for the desire of the flourishing crowns was not abated by distance of space, but it did even invade his dreams in the night time, and where the menaces of his master compelled him to tarry at home, the pestilent avarice of the gold egged him out of doors; wherefore, putting all shame aside without further delay, he declared the whole matter to his mistress; who, according to the light nature of women, when she heard him speak of so great a sum, put her chastity in pawn to the vile money. Myrmex, seeing the intent of his mistress, was very glad, and hastened to the ruin and breaking of his faith, and for great desire that the gold should not only be his, but that he might handle the same instantly, ran hastily to Philesitherus, declaring that his mistress had consented to his mind, wherefore he demanded the gold which he promised; and then incontinently Philesitherus delivered him ten golden crowns, who had never before possessed even money of copper. When night came, Myrmex brought him disguised and covered into his mistress' chamber; but, about midnight, when he and she were together making the first sacrifice of love unto the. goddess Venus, behold, her husband (contrary to their expectation) came and knocked at the door, calling with a loud voice and beating upon it with a stone. Their long tarrying increased the suspicion of the master, in such sort that he threatened to beat Myrmex cruelly: but he, being troubled with fear, and driven to his latter shifts, excused the matter as best he could, saying that he could not find the key, by reason it had been hidden curiously away and that the night was so lark.
Exhorruit Myrmex inauditum facinus et occlusis auribus effugit protinus: nee auri tamen splendor flammeus oculos ipsius exire potuit, sed quam procul semotus et domum celeri gradu pervectus videbat tamen decora illa monetae lumina et opulentam praedam iam tenebat animo, miroque mentis salo et cogitationum dissensione misellus in diversas sententias carpebatur ae distrahebatur: illic fides, hic lucrum; illic cruciatus, hic voluptas. Ad postremum tamen formidinem mortis vicit aurum: nec saltem spatio cupido formosae pecuniae leniebatur, sed nocturnas etiam curas invaserat pestilens avaritia, ut quamvis herilis eum commutatio domi cohiberet, aurum tamen foras evocaret. Tunc devorato pudore et dimota cunctatione, sic ad aures dominae mandatum perfert: nec a genuina levitate descivit mulier sed execrando metallo pudicitiam suam protinus auctorata est. Ita gaudio perfusus ad suae fidei praecipitium praecipitat turbatione pedibus intectis procurrit cubiculo. Tunc Myrmex tandem clave pessulis subiecta repandit fores et recipit etiam tunc fidem deum boantem dominum, eoque propere cubiculum petente, clandestino transcursu dimittit Philesitherum. Quo iam pro limine liberato securus sui clausa domo rursum sei reddidit quieti.
In the mean season Philesitherus, hearing the noise at the door, slipt on his coat (yet barefoot, because of his great confusion) and privily ran out of the chamber. When at last Myrmex had fitted the key into the lock and opened the door to his master that still threatened terribly by all the gods, and had let him in, he went into the chamber to his wife; in the mean while Myrmex let out Philesitherus, and when he had seen him pass the threshold, he barred the doors safe, and went to bed, fearing nothing. The next morning, when Barbarus was about leaving his chamber, he perceived two unknown slippers lying under his bed, in the which Philesitherus had entered the night before. Then he conceived a great suspicion and jealousy in his mind: howbeit, he would not discover his heart's sorrow to his wife, neither to any other of his household, but putting secretly the slippers in his bosom, commanded his other servants to bind Myrmex incontinently, and to bring him quickly bound to the justice after him, groaning and wailing inwardly within himself, and thinking verily that by the means of the slippers he might track out the matter. It fortuned that while Barbarus went through the street towards the justice with a countenance of fury and rage, and Myrmex fast bound followed him weeping, not yet because he was found guilty before the master, but by reason he knew his own conscience guilty and therefore he cried bitterly and tailed upon the mercy which availed him nothing, behold, by adventure Philesitherus (going about other earnest business) fortuned to meet them by the way; who, fearing the matter which he so suddenly saw, yet not utterly dismayed, remembering that which he had forgotten in his haste, and conjecturing the rest, did suddenly invent a mean, for that he was of great confidence and present mind, to excuse Myrmex; for he thrust away the slaves and ran upon him and beat him wildly about the head with his fists, saying: 'Ah, mischievous varlet that thou art, and perjured knave, it were a good deed if thy master here would put thee to death, and all the gods whom thou hast hastily swallowed down with thy false swearing, for thou art worthy to be imprisoned in a dark dungeon, and to wear out these irons, that stolest my slippers away when thou wert at the baths yesternight.'
Sed dum prima luce Barbarus procedit cubiculo, videt sub lectulo soleas incognitas quibus inductus Philesitherus irrepserat, suspectisque e re nata quae gesta sunt, non uxori, non ulli familiarium cordolio patefacto, sublatis iis et in sinum furtim absconditis, iusso tantum Myrmece per conservos vincto forum versus attrahi, tacitos secum mugitus iterans rapidum dirigit gressum, certus solearum indicio vestigium adulteri posse se perfacile indipisci. Sed ecce per plateam dum Barbarus vultu turgido subductisque superciliis incedit iratus ac pone eum Myrmex vinculis obrutus, non quidem coram noxae prehensus, conscientia tamen pessima permixtus, lacrimis uberibus ac postremis lamentationibus inefficacem commovet miserationem, opportune Philesitherus occurrens, quamquam diverso quodam negotio destinatos, rei pentina tamen facie permotus, non enim deterritus, recolens festinationis suae delictum et cetera consequenter suspicatus sagaciter, extemplo sumpta familiari constantia, dimotis servulis invadit cum summo clamore Myrmecem pugnisque malas eius dementer propinquante helcio tandem absolutus refectuique secure redditus non tam Hercule laboris libertatem, gratulabar, quam quod revelatis luminibus libere iam cunctas facinorosae mulieris artes prospectare poteram. Sol ipsum quidem delapsus Oceanum subterrenas orbis plagas illuminabat, et ecce nequissimae anus adhaerens lateri temerarius adulter adventat, puer admodum et adhuc lubrico genarum splendore conspicuus, adhuc adulteros ipse delectans: hunc multis admodum saviis exceptum mulier cenam iubet paratam accumbere.
Barbarus, hearing these words, was utterly convinced and deceived by the timely subtlety of that clever youth, and returned incontinently home, and calling his servant Myrmex, forgave him and commanded him to deliver the slippers again to the right owner, whence he had stolen the same.” The old woman had scarce finished her tale, when the baker's wife began to say: “Verily she is blessed, and most blessed, that hath the free fruition of so worthy a lover; but as for me, poor wretch, I am fallen into the hands of a coward, who is afraid every clap of the mill, and dares do nothing before the blind face of yonder scabbed ass.” Then the old woman answered: “I promise you certainly, if you will, you shall have this young man, that is firm and constant of mind, as well as smart and brisk, at your pleasure this very evening,” and therewithal she departed out of the chamber, appointing to return at night. In the mean season, the baker's chaste wife made ready a lordly supper with abundance of wine and exquisite fare, fresh meat and gravy, and waited for the coming of the young man as for some god: for it happened by good fortune that her husband supped at a fuller's that lived next- door.
Sed ut primum occursoriam potionem et inchoatum gustum extremis labiis contingebat adulescens, multo celerius opinione rediens maritus adventat. Tunc uxor egregia diras devotiones in eum deprecata et crurum ei fragium abominata, exsangui formidine trepidantem adulterum alveo ligneo, quo frumenta confusa purgari consuerant, temere propter iacenti suppositum abscondit, ingenitaque astutia dissimulato tanto flagitio, intrepidum mentita vultum, percontatur dei marito, cur utique contubernalis artissimi deserta cenula praematurus afforet. At ille dolenti prorsus animo suspirans assidue, ‘Nefarium’ inquit ‘Et extremum facinus perditae feminae tolerare nequiens fuga me proripui. Hem qualis, dii boni, matrona, quam fida quamque sobria turpissimo se dedecora foedavit! Iuro per istam ego sanctam Cererem, me nunc etiam meis oculis de tali muliere minus credere.’ His instincta verbis mariti audacissima uxor noscendae rei cupiens non cessat obtundere totam prorsus a principio fabulam promeret: nec destitit, donec eius voluntati succubuit maritus et sic, ignarus suorum, domus alienae percenset infortunium: