1. COCHLIS: Why these tears, Parthenis? How did you break these pipes you’re carrying? PARTHENIS: It was that soldier from Aetolia, the big fellow who loves Crocale. He slapped me when he found me playing at Crocale’s house, when I’d been hired by his rival Gorgos, and bursting in smashed my pipes, overturned the table while we were still at dinner, and spilt the wine out of the bowl. Then he dragged Gorgos, that poor fellow from the country, out of the room by the hair, and both the soldier himself—Dinomachus I think he’s called—and his comrade, stood over him beating him up. And so I don’t know whether the fellow will survive, Cochlis, for blood poured in streams from his nose, and his whole face is swollen and all black and blue.
1. ΚΟΧΛΙΣ: Τί δακρύεις, ὦ Παρθενί, ἢ πόθεν κατεαγότας τοὺς αὐλοὺς φέρεις; ΠΑΡΘΕΝΙΣ: Ὁ στρατιώτης ὁ Αἰτωλὸς ὁ μέγας ὁ Κροκάλης ἐρῶν ἐρράπισέ με αὐλοῦσαν εὑρὼν παρὰ τῇ Κροκάλῃ ὑπὸ τοῦ ἀντεραστοῦ αὐτοῦ Γόργου μεμισθωμένην καὶ τούς τε αὐλούς μου συνέτριψε καὶ τὴν τράπεζαν μεταξὺ δειπνούντων ἀνέτρεψε καὶ τὸν κρατῆρα ἐξέχεεν ἐπεισπαίσας. τὸν μὲν γὰρ ἀγροῖκον ἐκεῖνον τὸν Γόργον ἀπὸ τοῦ συμποσίου κατασπάσας τῶν τριχῶν ἔπαιον περιστάντες αὐτός τε ὁ στρατιώτης—Δεινόμαχος, οἶμαι, καλεῖται—καὶ ὁ συστρατιώτης αὐτοῦ· ὥστε οὐκ οἶδα εἰ βιώσεται ὁ ἄνθρωπος, ὦ Κοχλί· αἷμά τε γὰρ ἐρρύη πολὺ ἀπὸ τῶν ῥινῶν καὶ τὸ πρόσωπον ὅλον ἐξῴδηκεν αὐτοῦ καὶ πελιδνόν ἐστιν.
2. COCHLIS: Was the fellow out of his senses or was it a drunken fit? PARTHENIS: It was jealousy, my dear, and excess of love. Crocale, I believe, had asked for two talents, if he wanted to keep her all to himself. When he refused to pay, she banged the door shut in his face, so they said, and asked in Gorgos of Oenoe, a rich farmer, an admirer of long standing, and an excellent fellow, drank with him and brought me in to give them some music. The wine had begun to flow, I was striking up one of my Lydian airs, the farmer was just getting up to dance, Crocale was clapping, and everything was most pleasant, when we heard crashes and shouts, there was a battering on the front door, and a moment later eight or nine strapping young fellows including that yahoo came rushing in. Well everything was turned upside down at once, and Gorgos, as I said, was knocked about, and kicked as he lay on the ground. Somehow Crocale was quick enough to escape next door to Thespias’ house, but I was slapped by Dinomachus, who then threw my broken pipes after me, and told me to “get to blazes out of it”. Now I’m hurrying off to tell my master about this, while the farmer is on his way to see some friends in town, who will bring that yahoo before the magistrates.
2. ΚΟΧΛΙΣ: Ἐμάνη ὁ ἄνθρωπος ἢ μέθη τις ἦν καὶ παροινία τὸ πρᾶγμα; ΠΑΡΘΕΝΙΣ: Ζηλοτυπία τις, ὦ Κοχλί, καὶ ἔρως ἔκτοπος· ἡ Κροκάλη δὲ, οἶμαι, δύο τάλαντα αἰτήσασα, εἰ βούλεται μόνος ἔχειν αὐτήν, ἐπεὶ μὴ ἐδίδου ὁ Δεινόμαχος, ἐκεῖνον μὲν ἀπέκλεισεν ἥκοντα προσαράξασά γε αὐτῷ τὰς θύρας, ὡς ἐλέγετο, τὸν Γόργον δὲ Οἰνοέα τινὰ γεωργὸν εὔπορον ἐκ πολλοῦ ἐρῶντα καὶ χρηστὸν ἄνθρωπον προσιεμένη ἔπινε μετ' αὐτοῦ κἀμὲ παρέλαβεν αὐλήσουσαν αὐτοῖς. ἤδη δὲ προχωροῦντος τοῦ πότου ἐγὼ μὲν ὑπέκρεκόν τι τῶν Λυδίων, ὁ γεωργὸς δὲ ἤδη ἀνίστατο ὡς ὀρχησόμενος, ἡ Κροκάλη δὲ ἐκρότει, καὶ πάντα ἦν ἡδέα· ἐν τοσούτῳ δὲ κτύπος ἠκούετο καὶ βοὴ καὶ ἡ αὔλειος ἠράσσετο, καὶ μετὰ μικρὸν ἐπεισέπεσον ὅσον ὀκτὼ νεανίσκοι μάλα καρτεροὶ καὶ ὁ Μεγαρεὺς ἐν αὐτοῖς. εὐθὺς οὖν ἀνετέτραπτο πάντα καὶ ὁ Γόργος, ὥσπερ ἔφην, ἐπαίετο καὶ ἐπατεῖτο χαμαὶ κείμενος· ἡ Κροκάλη δὲ οὐκ οἶδ’ ὅπως ἔφθη ὑπεκφυγοῦσα παρὰ τὴν γείτονα Θεσπιάδα· ἐμὲ δὲ ῥαπίσας ὁ Δεινόμαχος, Ἐκφθείρου, φησί, κατεαγότας μοι τοὺς αὐλοὺς προσρίψας. καὶ νῦν ἀποτρέχω φράσουσα ταῦτα τῷ δεσπότῃ· ἀπέρχεται δὲ καὶ ὁ γεωργὸς ὀψόμενός τινας φίλους τῶν ἀστικῶν, οἳ παραδώσουσι τοῖς πρυτανεῦσι τὸν Μεγαρέα.
3. COCHLIS: That’s the profit one may get from having these soldiers for lovers—violence and suits in the law-courts. Besides, though they claim to be Generals and colonels, when the time comes to pay, they say, “Wait for pay-day, and the time I’m paid for my soldiering, and I’ll do anything you ask.” Oh, a plague on them with their empty boasts! I’m glad I’ve nothing at all to do with them. Give me a fisherman or sailor or farmer of my own class, who may have little skill in paying compliments, but gives lots of presents. But as for these fellows who shake their plumes and tell us all about their battles, why, Parthenis, they’re nothing but noise!
3. ΚΟΧΛΙΣ: Ταῦτ' ἐστὶν ἀπολαῦσαι τῶν στρατιωτικῶν τούτων ἐραστῶν, πληγὰς καὶ δίκας· τὰ δὲ ἄλλα ἡγεμόνες εἶναι καὶ χιλίαρχοι λέγοντες, ἤν τι δοῦναι δέῃ, Περίμεινον, φασί, τὴν σύνταξιν, ὁπόταν ἀπολάβω τὴν μισθοφοράν, καὶ ποιήσω πάντα. ἐπιτριβεῖεν δ’ οὖν ἀλαζόνες ὄντες· ἔγωγ' οὖν εὖ ποιῶ μὴ προσιεμένη αὐτοὺς τὸ παράπαν. ἁλιεύς τις ἐμοὶ γένοιτο ἢ ναύτης ἢ γεωργὸς ἰσότιμος κολακεύειν εἰδὼς μικρὰ καὶ κομίζων πολλά, οἱ δὲ τοὺς λόφους ἐπισείοντες οὗτοι καὶ τὰς μάχας διηγούμενοι, ψόφοι, ὦ Παρθενί.