1. PAN: Good day to you, Hermes, Daddy mine.
1. ΠΑΝ: Χαῖρε, ὦ πάτερ Ἑρμῆ.
HERMES: And a bad day to you. But how am I your daddy?
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Μὴ καὶ σύ γε. ἀλλὰ πῶς ἐγὼ σὸς πατήρ;
PAN: Aren’t you Hermes of Cyllene?
ΠΑΝ: Οὐχ ὁ Κυλλήνιος Ἑρμῆς ὢν τυγχάνεις;
HERMES: Yes. How, then, are you my son?
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Καὶ μάλα. πῶς οὖν υἱὸς ἐμὸς εἶ;
PAN: I’m your bastard boy, your love-child.
ΠΑΝ: Μοιχίδιός εἰμι, ἐξ ἔρωτός σοι γενόμενος.
HERMES: Oh quite so, when some billy-goat, I suppose, led a nanny astray! How could you be mine, you with your horns and ugly snout and shaggy beard and a goat’s cloven hooves and a tail over your behind?
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Νὴ Δία, τράγου ἴσως τινὸς μοιχεύσαντος αἶγα· ἐμοὶ γὰρ πῶς, κέρατα ἔχων καὶ ῥῖνα τοιαύτην καὶ πώγωνα λάσιον καὶ σκέλη διχαλὰ καὶ τραγικὰ καὶ οὐρὰν ὑπὲρ τὰς πυγάς;
PAN: When you jeer at me, daddy, you’re mocking your own son, or rather yourself for producing such creatures as your children. It’s not my fault.
ΠΑΝ: Ὅσα ἂν ἀποσκώψῃς με, τὸν σεαυτοῦ υἱόν, ὦ πάτερ, ἐπονείδιστον ἀποφαίνεις, μᾶλλον δὲ σεαυτόν, ὃς τοιαῦτα γεννᾷς καὶ παιδοποιεῖς, ἐγὼ δὲ ἀναίτιος.
HERMES: Who do you say your mother was? Perhaps I led a nanny astray without knowing it.
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Τίνα καὶ φῄς σου μητέρα; ἤ που ἔλαθον αἶγα μοιχεύσας ἔγωγε;
PAN: No, not a nanny. But try to remember if you ever forced your attentions on a freeborn girl in Arcadia. Why are you biting your nails and thinking so hard? Why so puzzled? I’m speaking of Icarius’ girl, Penelope.
ΠΑΝ: Οὐκ αἶγα ἐμοίχευσας, ἀλλ’ ἀνάμνησον σεαυτόν, εἴ ποτε ἐν Ἀρκαδίᾳ παῖδα ἐλευθέραν ἐβιάσω. τί δακὼν τὸν δάκτυλον ζητεῖς καὶ ἐπὶ πολὺ ἀπορεῖς; τὴν Ἰκαρίου λέγω Πηνελόπην.
HERMES: Then what possessed her to produce in you a child not like me but like a goat?
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Εἶτα τί παθοῦσα ἐκείνη ἀντ' ἐμοῦ τράγῳ σε ὅμοιον ἔτεκεν;
2. PAN: I’ll tell you what she said herself. When she was packing me off to Arcadia, she said, “My boy, I, Penelope, a true blue Spartan, am your mother, but your father, let me tell you, is a god, Hermes, son of Maia and Zeus. Don’t worry because you have horns and a goat’s shanks, for when your father came courting me, he made himself into a goat so that no one would notice him. That’s why you’ve turned out like the goat.”
2. ΠΑΝ: Αὐτῆς ἐκείνης λόγον σοι ἐρῶ· ὅτε γάρ με ἐξέπεμπεν ἐπὶ τὴν Ἀρκαδίαν, Ὦ παῖ, μήτηρ μέν σοι, ἔφη, ἐγώ εἰμι, Πηνελόπη ἡ Σπαρτιᾶτις, τὸν πατέρα δὲ γίνωσκε θεὸν ἔχων Ἑρμῆν Μαίας καὶ Διός. εἰ δὲ κερασφόρος καὶ τραγοσκελὴς εἶ, μὴ λυπείτω σε· ὁπότε γάρ μοι συνῄει ὁ πατὴρ ὁ σός, τράγῳ ἑαυτὸν ἀπείκασεν, ὡς λάθοι, καὶ διὰ τοῦτο ὅμοιος ἀπέβης τῷ τράγῳ.
HERMES: Ah, yes. I do remember doing something like that. Am I, then, to be called your father? I, who am so proud of my good looks! I, who’ve still got a smooth chin! Am I to be laughed at by all for having such a bonny boy?
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Νὴ Δία, μέμνημαι ποιήσας τοιοῦτόν τι. ἐγὼ οὖν ὁ ἐπὶ κάλλει μέγα φρονῶν, ἔτι ἀγένειος αὐτὸς ὢν σὸς πατὴρ κεκλήσομαι καὶ γέλωτα ὀφλήσω παρὰ πᾶσιν ἐπὶ τῇ εὐπαιδίᾳ;
3. PAN: But I won’t disgrace you, father. I’m a musician and play the pipe loud and true. Dionysus is lost without me, and has made me his companion and fellow-reveller; I’m his dance-leader, and if you could see how many flocks I have around Tegea and on Parthenium, you’d be delighted. I’m lord and master of all Arcadia. Besides that, the other day, I fought so magnificently on the side of the Athenians at Marathon that a prize of valour was chosen for me—the cave under the Acropolis. Anyhow, go to Athens and you’ll soon find out what a great name Pan has there.
3. ΠΑΝ: Καὶ μὴν οὐ καταισχυνῶ σε, ὦ πάτερ· μουσικός τε γάρ εἰμι καὶ συρίζω πάνυ καπυρόν, καὶ ὁ Διόνυσος οὐδὲν ἐμοῦ ἄνευ ποιεῖν δύναται, ἀλλὰ ἑταῖρον καὶ θιασώτην πεποίηταί με, καὶ ἡγοῦμαι αὐτῷ τοῦ χοροῦ· καὶ τὰ ποίμνια δὲ εἰ θεάσαιό μου, ὁπόσα περὶ Τεγέαν καὶ ἀνὰ τὸ Παρθένιον ἔχω, πάνυ ἡσθήσῃ· ἄρχω δὲ καὶ τῆς Ἀρκαδίας ἁπάσης· πρῴην δὲ καὶ Ἀθηναίοις συμμαχήσας οὕτως ἠρίστευσα Μαραθῶνι, ὥστε καὶ ἀριστεῖον ᾑρέθη μοι τὸ ὑπὸ τῇ ἀκροπόλει σπήλαιον. ἢν γοῦν εἰς Ἀθήνας ἔλθῃς, εἴσῃ ὅσον ἐκεῖ τοῦ Πανὸς ὄνομα.
4. HERMES: Tell me, are you married yet, Pan? Pan’s the name they give you, isn’t it?
4. ΕΡΜΗΣ: Εἰπὲ δέ μοι, γεγάμηκας, ὦ Πάν, ἤδη; τοῦτο γάρ, οἶμαι, καλοῦσίν σε.
PAN: Of course not, daddy. I’m romantically inclined, and wouldn’t like to have to confine my attentions to just one.
ΠΑΝ: Οὐδαμῶς, ὦ πάτερ· ἐρωτικὸς γάρ εἰμι καὶ οὐκ ἂν ἀγαπήσαιμι συνὼν μιᾷ.
HERMES: No doubt, then, you try your luck with the nanny-goats?
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Ταῖς οὖν αἰξὶ δηλαδὴ ἐπιχειρεῖς.
PAN: A fine jest coming from you! My lady-friends are Echo and Pitys and all the Maenads of Dionysus, and I’m in great demand with them.
ΠΑΝ: Σὺ μὲν σκώπτεις, ἐγὼ δὲ τῇ τε Ἠχοῖ καὶ τῇ Πίτυϊ σύνειμι καὶ ἁπάσαις ταῖς τοῦ Διονύσου Μαινάσι καὶ πάνυ σπουδάζομαι πρὸς αὐτῶν.
HERMES: Please do me a favour, son. I’ve never asked one from you before.
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Οἶσθα οὖν, ὦ τέκνον, ὅ τι χαρίσῃ τὸ πρῶτον αἰτοῦντί μοι;
PAN: Tell me what you want, daddy, and let me see to it.
ΠΑΝ: Πρόσταττε, ὦ πάτερ· ἡμεῖς μὲν ἴδωμεν ταῦτα.
HERMES: You may come here and pay your respects to me, but please don’t call me daddy when anyone can hear.
ΕΡΜΗΣ: Καὶ πρόσιθί μοι καὶ φιλοφρονοῦ· πατέρα δὲ ὅρα μὴ καλέσῃς με ἄλλου ἀκούοντος.