1. APOLLO: What can we make of it? Won’t we have to admit that Eros and Hermaphroditus and Priapus, though sons of the same mother, are utterly different in appearance and habits? Eros is really handsome, and an archer invested with great power, and lord of all. Hermaphroditus is an effeminate pansy, half one thing and half the other in appearance, for you can’t tell whether he’s boy or girl; whereas Priapus is quite indecently masculine. DIONYSUS: There’s no need to be surprised, Apollo. It’s not Aphrodite’s fault, but the fathers were different. Why, even when the father’s the same, the one mother often has both boys and girls in her family. Take for example your sister and yourself.
1. ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Τί ἂν λέγοιμεν; ὁμομητρίους, ὦ Διόνυσε, ἀδελφοὺς ὄντας Ἔρωτα καὶ Ἑρμαφρόδιτον καὶ Πρίαπον, ἀνομοιοτάτους εἶναι τὰς μορφὰς καὶ τὰ ἐπιτηδεύματα; ὁ μὲν γὰρ πάγκαλος καὶ τοξότης καὶ δύναμιν οὐ μικρὰν περιβεβλημένος ἁπάντων ἄρχων, ὁ δὲ θῆλυς καὶ ἡμίανδρος καὶ ἀμφίβολος τὴν ὄψιν· οὐκ ἂν διακρίναις εἴτ' ἔφηβός ἐστιν εἴτε καὶ παρθένος· ὁ δὲ καὶ πέρα τοῦ εὐπρεποῦς ἀνδρικὸς ὁ Πρίαπος. ΔΙΟΝΥΣΟΣ: Μηδὲν θαυμάσῃς, ὦ Ἄπολλον· οὐ γὰρ Ἀφροδίτη αἰτία τούτου, ἀλλὰ οἱ πατέρες διάφοροι γεγενημένοι, ὅπου γε καὶ ὁμοπάτριοι πολλάκις ἐκ μιᾶς γαστρός, ὁ μὲν ἄρσην, ἡ δὲ θήλεια, ὥσπερ ὑμεῖς, γίνονται.
APOLLO: Quite so, but we are alike and have the same interests. We’re both archers. DIONYSUS: The same as far as the bow goes, Apollo, but no farther, for Artemis kills visitors in Scythia, while you are a prophet and healer of the sick.
ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Ναί· ἀλλ’ ἡμεῖς ὅμοιοί ἐσμεν καὶ ταὐτὰ ἐπιτηδεύομεν· τοξόται γὰρ ἄμφω. ΔΙΟΝΥΣΟΣ: Μέχρι μὲν τόξου τὰ αὐτά, ὦ Ἄπολλον, ἐκεῖνα δὲ οὐχ ὅμοια, ὅτι ἡ μὲν Ἄρτεμις ξενοκτονεῖ ἐν Σκύθαις, σὺ δέ μαντεύῃ καὶ ἰᾷ τοὺς κάμνοντας.
APOLLO: What? Do you think my sister likes her Scythians? Why, the moment a Greek reaches Taurica, she’s all ready and waiting to sail off with him, in disgust at their human sacrifices.
ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Οἴει γὰρ τὴν ἀδελφὴν χαίρειν τοῖς Σκύθαις, ἥ γε καὶ παρεσκεύασται, ἤν τις Ἕλλην ἀφίκηταί ποτε εἰς τὴν Ταυρικήν, συνεκπλεῦσαι μετ' αὐτοῦ μυσαττομένη τὰς σφαγάς;
2. DIONYSUS: And the best thing she could do. But now as for Priapus—I’ll tell you something really funny. The other day—it was in Lampsacus—I was passing the city, when he invited me home with him, and put me up for the night. Now we’d gone to sleep in his dining-room, after and were pretty well soaked, when about midnight up gets our bold lad—but I’m ashamed to tell you.APOLLO: And made an attempt on you, Dionysus? DIONYSUS: Something like that.
2. ΔΙΟΝΥΣΟΣ: Εὖ γε ἐκείνη ποιοῦσα. ὁ μέντοι Πρίαπος, γελοῖον γάρ τί σοι διηγήσομαι, πρῴην ἐν Λαμψάκῳ γενόμενος, ἐγὼ μὲν παρῄειν τὴν πόλιν, ὁ δὲ ὑποδεξάμενός με καὶ ξενίσας παρ' αὑτῷ, ἐπειδὴ ἀνεπαυσάμεθα ἐν τῷ συμποσίῳ ἱκανῶς ὑποβεβρεγμένοι, κατ' αὐτάς που μέσας νύκτας ἐπαναστὰς ὁ γενναῖος—αἰδοῦμαι δὲ λέγειν.ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Ἐπείρα σε, Διόνυσε; ΔΙΟΝΥΣΟΣ: Τοιοῦτόν ἐστι.
APOLLO: How did you deal with the situation? DIONYSUS: What could I do but laugh?
ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Σὺ δὲ τί πρὸς ταῦτα; ΔΙΟΝΥΣΟΣ: Τί γὰρ ἄλλο ἢ ἐγέλασα;
APOLLO: The best thing too, no bad temper or violence. He’d some excuse for making an attempt on you. You’re so good-looking. DIONYSUS: As far as that goes, he might make an attempt on you too, Apollo. You’re so handsome and have such a fine head of hair, that he might assault you, even when he was sober.
ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Εὖ γε, τὸ μὴ χαλεπῶς μηδὲ ἀγρίως· συγγνωστὸς γάρ, εἰ καλόν σε οὕτως ὄντα ἐπείρα. ΔΙΟΝΥΣΟΣ: Τούτου μὲν ἕνεκα καὶ ἐπὶ σὲ ἄν, ὦ Ἄπολλον, ἀγάγοι τὴν πεῖραν· καλὸς γὰρ σὺ καὶ κομήτης, ὡς καὶ νήφοντα ἄν σοι τὸν Πρίαπον ἐπιχειρῆσαι.
APOLLO: Oh no, he won’t. I have arrows as well as long hair.
ΑΠΟΛΛΩΝ: Ἀλλ' οὐκ ἐπιχειρήσει γε, ὦ Διόνυσε· ἔχω γὰρ μετὰ τῆς κόμης καὶ τόξα.