HERMOTIMUS: Yes.
ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Ναί.
LYCINUS: Yet it is not at all impossible for everyone to guess different numbers and for all these numbers to be wrong and untrue, and for not one of them to say that the man has twenty beans. Do you agree?
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Οὐ μὴν οὐδὲ τοῦτο ἀδύνατον, ἅπαντας ἄλλον ἄλλους ἀριθμοὺς εἰπεῖν, τοὺς ψευδεῖς καὶ οὐκ ὄντας, μηδένα δὲ αὐτῶν φάναι ὅτι εἴκοσιν ὁ ἀνὴρ κυάμους ἔχει. ἢ τί φής;
HERMOTIMUS: It is not impossible.
ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Οὐκ ἀδύνατον.
LYCINUS: In the same way, then, all those who study philosophy are trying to find out what happiness is, and each one says it is something different—pleasure, beauty, and all the other things they say about it. Very likely one of these things is happiness, but it is not unlikely that it is something quite different from every one of them. We seem to have gone in the wrong direction, hastening to the end before we have found the beginning. We should first, I think, have ascertained that the truth has been discovered, and that one or other of the philosophers really has knowledge of it. Then the next step would be to find out whom to believe.
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Κατὰ ταὐτὰ τοίνυν ἅπαντες μὲν οἱ φιλοσοφοῦντες τὴν εὐδαιμονίαν ζητοῦσιν ὁποῖόν τί ἐστι, καὶ λέγουσιν ἄλλος ἄλλο τι αὐτὴν εἶναι, ὁ μὲν ἡδονήν, ὁ δὲ τὸ καλόν, ὁ δὲ ὅσα ἕτερά φασι περὶ αὐτῆς. εἰκὸς μὲν οὖν καὶ τούτων ἕν τι εἶναι τὸ εὔδαιμον, οὐκ ἀπεικὸς δὲ καὶ ἄλλο τι παρ' αὐτὰ πάντα. καὶ ἐοίκαμεν ἡμεῖς ἀνάπαλιν ἢ ἐχρῆν, πρὶν τὴν ἀρχὴν εὑρεῖν, ἐπείγεσθαι πρὸς τὸ τέλος. ἔδει δ’ οἶμαι πρότερον φανερὸν γενέσθαι ὅτι ἔγνωσται τἀληθὲς καὶ πάντως ἔχει τις αὐτὸ εἰδὼς τῶν φιλοσοφούντων. εἶτα μετὰ τοῦτο τὸ ἑξῆς ἂν ἦν ζητῆσαι, ᾧ πειστέον ἐστίν.
HERMOTIMUS: This is what you are saying, then, Lycinus, that even if we go through all philosophy, we shall not even then really be able to discover the truth.
ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Ὥστε, ὦ Λυκῖνε, τοῦτο φής, ὅτι οὐδ’ ἂν διὰ πάσης φιλοσοφίας χωρήσωμεν, οὐδὲ τότε πάντως ἕξομεν τἀληθὲς εὑρεῖν.
LYCINUS: Don’t ask me, my good sir. Again, ask the argument. Perhaps it would answer you that we cannot as yet discover the truth, as long as it is uncertain whether truth is one of the things they say it is.
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Μὴ ἐμέ, ὦγαθέ, ἐρώτα, ἀλλὰ τὸν λόγον αὖθις αὐτόν· καὶ ἴσως ἂν ἀποκρίναιτό σοι ὅτι οὐδέπω, ἔστ' ἂν ἄδηλον ᾖ εἰ ἕν τι τούτων ἐστὶν ὧν οὗτοι λέγουσιν.
67. HERMOTIMUS: From what you say we shall never find it or be philosophers. We shall have to give up philosophy and live a layman’s life. At least it follows from what you say that philosophy for a human being is impossible and unattainable. For you say that whoever is going to practise philosophy must first choose the best philosophy, and the choice would be correct in your view only if the truest were chosen after going through the whole field. Then you calculated the number of years required for each and went beyond all bounds, stretching it to cover several generations, so that the search for truth exceeded any man’s lifetime. Finally you show that even this is not beyond doubt when you say it is not certain whether any of the old philosophers found the truth or not.
67. ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Οὐδέποτε ἄρα ἐξ ὧν σὺ φὴς εὑρήσομεν οὐδὲ φιλοσοφήσομεν, ἀλλὰ δεήσει ἡμᾶς ἰδιώτην τινὰ βίον ζῆν ἀποστάντας τοῦ φιλοσοφεῖν. τοῦτο ξυμβαίνει γε ἐξ ὧν φής, ἀδύνατον εἶναι φιλοσοφῆσαι καὶ ἀνέφικτον ἀνθρώπῳ γε ὄντι. ἀξιοῖς γὰρ τὸν φιλοσοφήσειν μέλλοντα ἑλέσθαι πρῶτον φιλοσοφίαν τὴν ἀρίστην, ἡ δὲ αἵρεσις οὕτως σοι ἐδόκει μόνως ἀκριβὴς ἂν γενέσθαι, εἰ διὰ πάσης φιλοσοφίας χωρήσαντες ἑλοίμεθα τὴν ἀληθεστάτην. εἶτα λογιζόμενος ἐτῶν ἀριθμόν, ὁπόσος ἑκάστῃ ἱκανός, ὑπερεξέπιπτες ἀπομηκύνων τὸ πρᾶγμα ἐς γενεὰς ἄλλας, ὡς ὑπερήμερον γίγνεσθαι τἀληθὲς τοῦ ἑκάστου βίου. τελευτῶν δὲ καὶ τοῦτο αὐτὸ οὐκ ἀνενδοίαστον ἀποφαίνεις, ἄδηλον εἶναι λέγων εἴτε εὕρηται πρὸς τῶν φιλοσοφούντων πάλαι τἀληθὲς εἴτε καὶ μή.
LYCINUS: Could you, Hermotimus, guarantee on oath that they have found it?
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Σὺ δὲ πῶς, ὦ Ἑρμότιμε, δύναιο ἂν ἐπομοσάμενος εἰπεῖν ὅτι εὕρηται πρὸς αὐτῶν;
HERMOTIMUS: No, I could not.
ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Ἐγὼ μὲν οὐκ ἂν ὀμόσαιμι.
LYCINUS: Yet how many other things have I purposely omitted which call for long examination!
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Καίτοι πόσα ἄλλα παρεῖδον ἑκών σοι ἐξετάσεως μακρᾶς καὶ αὐτὰ δεόμενα;
68. HERMOTIMUS: What sort of things?
68. ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Τὰ ποῖα;
LYCINUS: Don’t you hear some of the Stoics or Epicureans or Platonists say that, while some of them know all the doctrines, others do not, although in other respects they are quite reliable?
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Οὐκ ἀκούεις τῶν Στωϊκῶν ἢ Ἐπικουρείων ἢ Πλατωνικῶν εἶναι φασκόντων τοὺς μὲν εἰδέναι τοὺς λόγους ἑκάστους, τοὺς δὲ μή, καίτοι τά γε ἄλλα πάνυ ἀξιοπίστους ὄντας;
HERMOTIMUS: True enough.
ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Ἀληθῆ ταῦτα.
LYCINUS: Then do you not think it a very laborious business to separate and differentiate those who know from those who do not know but say they know?
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Τὸ τοίνυν διακρῖναι τοὺς εἰδότας καὶ διαγνῶναι ἀπὸ τῶν οὐκ εἰδότων μέν, φασκόντων δέ, οὔ σοι δοκεῖ πάνυ ἐργῶδες εἶναι;
HERMOTIMUS: Very.
ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Καὶ μάλα.
LYCINUS: Then if you are going to know the best Stoic you must go and make trial of most of them if not all, and take the best as your teacher, first training yourself and acquiring the power of criticism in such matters, to prevent your preferring inadvertently an inferior one. Just think how much time it needs! I left this out on purpose not to annoy you, and yet in matters of this sort I think it is the one most important requirement in such matters—I mean where there is uncertainty and doubt. And this is the only sure and firm hope you have for truth and its discovery. There is no hope whatsoever apart from the ability to judge and separate the false from the true, and like assayers of silver to distinguish the sound and genuine metal from the counterfeit. Were you to come to your examination of the doctrines with some such power and skill, all would be well; if not, you can be sure that nothing will save you from being dragged by the nose by them all or from following a leafy branch in front of you as sheep do; you will be like water spilt on a table, running whithersoever someone pulls you by the tip of his finger, or indeed like a reed growing on a river bank, bending to every breath of wind, however slight the breeze that blows and shakes it.
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Δεήσει τοίνυν σέ, εἰ μέλλεις Στωϊκῶν τὸν ἄριστον εἴσεσθαι, εἰ καὶ μὴ ἐπὶ πάντας, ἀλλ’ οὖν ἐπὶ τοὺς πλείστους αὐτῶν ἐλθεῖν καὶ πειραθῆναι καὶ τὸν ἀμείνω προστήσασθαι διδάσκαλον, γυμνασάμενόν γε πρότερον καὶ κριτικὴν τῶν τοιούτων δύναμιν πορισάμενον, ὡς μή σε λάθῃ ὁ χείρων προκριθείς. καὶ σὺ καὶ πρὸς τοῦτο ὅρα ὅσου δεῖ τοῦ χρόνου, οὗ ἑκὼν παρῆκα δεδιὼς μὴ σὺ ἀγανακτήσῃς, καίτοι τό γε μέγιστόν τε ἅμα καὶ ἀναγκαιότατον ἐν τοῖς τοιούτοις, λέγω δὴ τοῖς ἀδήλοις τε καὶ ἀμφιβόλοις, ἓν τοῦτό ἐστιν οἶμαι. καὶ μόνη σοι αὕτη πιστὴ καὶ βέβαιος ἐλπὶς ἐπὶ τὴν ἀλήθειάν τε καὶ εὕρεσιν αὐτῆς, ἄλλη δὲ οὐδ’ ἡτισοῦν ἢ τὸ κρίνειν δύνασθαι καὶ χωρίζειν ἀπὸ τῶν ἀληθῶν τὰ ψευδῆ ὑπάρχειν σοι καὶ κατὰ τοὺς ἀργυρογνώμονας διαγιγνώσκειν ἅ τε δόκιμα καὶ ἀκίβδηλα καὶ ἃ παρακεκομμένα, καὶ εἴ ποτε τοιαύτην τινὰ δύναμιν καὶ τέχνην πορισάμενος ᾔεις ἐπὶ τὴν ἐξέτασιν τῶν λεγομένων· εἰ δὲ μή, εὖ ἴσθι ὡς οὐδὲν κωλύσει σε τῆς ῥινὸς ἕλκεσθαι ὑφ' ἑκάστων ἢ θαλλῷ προδειχθέντι ἀκολουθεῖν ὥσπερ τὰ πρόβατα· μᾶλλον δὲ τῷ ἐπιτραπεζίῳ ὕδατι ἐοικὼς ἔσῃ, ἐφ' ὅ τι ἂν μέρος ἑλκύσῃ σέ τις ἄκρῳ τῷ δακτύλῳ ἀγόμενος, ἢ καὶ νὴ Δία καλάμῳ τινὶ ἐπ' ὄχθῃ παραποταμίᾳ πεφυκότι καὶ πρὸς πᾶν τὸ πνέον καμπτομένῳ, κἂν μικρά τις αὔρα διαφυσήσασα διασαλεύσῃ αὐτόν.
69. So find a competent teacher to give you instruction in demonstration and the art of distinguishing matters in dispute, and you will certainly find an end to your difficulties. At once the best will be clear to you, truth and falsehood will be proved under the scrutiny of this art of demonstration, and you will make a sound choice, and having made your judgment you will practise philosophy, and you will have won your thrice-desired happiness and live with her, possessing all good things in one package.HERMOTIMUS: Well done, Lycinus! What you say is far better and full of great hopes. We must look for a man, it seems, who will make us able to judge and to distinguish and able in the highest degree to prove a case. What follows will be easy now and no trouble, and it will not need much time. Now I am indeed grateful to you for finding this excellent short-cut for us.
69. Ὡς εἴ γέ τινα εὕροις διδάσκαλον, ὃς ἀποδείξεως πέρι καὶ τῆς τῶν ἀμφισβητουμένων διακρίσεως τέχνην τινὰ εἰδὼς διδάξειέ σε, παύσῃ δηλαδὴ πράγματα ἔχων. αὐτίκα γὰρ σοι τὸ βέλτιστον φανεῖται καὶ τἀληθὲς ὑπαχθὲν τῇ ἀποδεικτικῇ ταύτῃ τέχνῃ καὶ τὸ ψεῦδος ἐλεγχθήσεται, καὶ σὺ βεβαίως ἑλόμενος καὶ κρίνας φιλοσοφήσεις καὶ τὴν τριπόθητον εὐδαιμονίαν κτησάμενος βιώσῃ μετ' αὐτῆς ἅπαντα συλλήβδην ἔχων τἀγαθά.ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Εὖ γε, ὦ Λυκῖνε. παρὰ πολὺ γὰρ ταῦτα ἀμείνω καὶ ἐλπίδος οὐ μικρᾶς ἐχόμενα λέγεις, καὶ ζητητέος, ὡς ἔοικεν, ἡμῖν ἀνήρ τις τοιοῦτος, διαγνωστικούς τε καὶ διακριτικοὺς ποιήσων ἡμᾶς καὶ τὸ μέγιστον ἀποδεικτικούς· ὡς τά γε μετὰ ταῦτα ῥᾴδια ἤδη καὶ ἀπράγμονα καὶ οὐ πολλῆς διατριβῆς δεόμενα. καὶ ἔγωγε ἤδη χάριν οἶδά σοι ἐξευρόντι σύντομόν τινα ταύτην ἡμῖν καὶ ἀρίστην ὁδόν.
LYCINUS: No, you certainly have no reason to be grateful to me yet. I have discovered and told you nothing to bring you nearer to your hope. In fact we are much farther away than we were before, and as the proverb has it “a deal of toil and we’re where we were.”
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Καὶ μὴν οὐδέπω χάριν ἄν μοι εἰδείης εἰκότως· οὐδὲν γάρ σοι ἐξευρηκὼς ἔδειξα, ὡς ἐγγυτέρω σε ποιήσειν τῆς ἐλπίδος, τὸ δὲ πολὺ πορρωτέρω γεγόναμεν ἢ πρότερον ἦμεν καὶ κατὰ τοὺς παροιμιαζομένους “πολλὰ μοχθήσαντες ὁμοίως ἐσμέν.”
HERMOTIMUS: What do you mean? This seems to me a hurtful and pessimistic statement.
ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Πῶς τοῦτο φής; πάνυ γὰρ λυπηρόν τι καὶ δύσελπι ἐρεῖν ἔοικας.
70. LYCINUS: Because, my good friend, even if we find someone who professes knowledge of the art of demonstration and the ability to teach it to another, we shall not, I fancy, believe him at once, but look for someone else who can determine if the first man is speaking the truth. And even if we find this one, we are still not clear whether our arbiter knows how to distinguish the man whose judgment is correct or not, and for him too I fancy we shall need another arbiter. For how could we ourselves know how to choose the one able to judge best? Do you see how this goes on to infinity and cannot stop and be arrested? For you will see that all the proofs you can find are disputable and have no certainty. Most of them try to compel our belief on a basis of assumptions equally open to dispute, while the rest tack the most obscure and quite unrelated speculations on to self-evident truths and then say that the latter prove the former, as if a man thought to prove the existence of gods because we see their altars. So, Hermotimus, we seem to have run round in a circle and come back to our starting-point and the self-same difficulty.
70. ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Ὅτι, ὦ ἑταῖρε, κἂν εὕρωμεν ὑπισχνούμενόν τινα εἰδέναι τε ἀπόδειξιν καὶ ἄλλον διδάξειν, οὐκ αὐτίκα, οἶμαι, πιστεύσομεν αὐτῷ, ἀλλά τινα ζητήσομεν τὸν κρῖναι δυνάμενον, εἰ ἀληθῆ ὁ ἀνὴρ λέγει. κἂν τούτου εὐπορήσωμεν, ἄδηλον ἔτι ἡμῖν εἰ ὁ ἐπιγνώμων οὗτος οἶδε διαγιγνώσκειν τὸν ὀρθῶς κρινοῦντα ἢ μή, καὶ ἐπ' αὐτὸν αὖθις τοῦτον ἄλλου ἐπιγνώμονος, οἶμαι, δεῖ. ἡμεῖς γὰρ πόθεν ἂν εἰδείημεν διακρίνειν τὸν ἄριστα κρῖναι δυνάμενον; ὁρᾷς ὅποι τοῦτο ἀποτείνεται καὶ ὡς ἀπέραντον γίγνεται, στῆναί ποτε καὶ καταληφθῆναι μὴ δυνάμενον; ἐπεὶ καὶ τὰς ἀποδείξεις αὐτάς, ὁπόσας οἷόν τε εὑρίσκειν, ἀμφισβητουμένας ὄψει καὶ μηδὲν ἐχούσας βέβαιον. αἱ γοῦν πλεῖσται αὐτῶν δι’ ἄλλων ἀμφισβητουμένων πείθειν ἡμᾶς βιάζονται εἰδέναι, αἱ δὲ τοῖς πάνυ προδήλοις τὰ ἀφανέστατα συνάπτουσαι οὐδὲν αὐτοῖς κοινωνοῦντα ἀποδείξεις ὅμως αὐτῶν εἶναι φάσκουσιν, ὥσπερ εἴ τις οἴοιτο ἀποδείξειν εἶναι θεούς, διότι βωμοὶ αὐτῶν ὄντες φαίνονται. ὥστε, ὦ Ἑρμότιμε, οὐκ οἶδ’ ὅπως καθάπερ οἱ ἐν κύκλῳ θέοντες ἐπὶ τὴν αὐτὴν ἀρχὴν καὶ ἀπορίαν ἐπανεληλύθαμεν.
71. HERMOTIMUS: Look at what you have done to me, Lycinus. You have shown my treasure to be nothing more than ashes, and all these years and heavy toil are lost in all likelihood.
71. ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Οἷά με εἰργάσω, ὦ Λυκῖνε, ἄνθρακάς μοι τὸν θησαυρὸν ἀποφήνας, καὶ ὡς ἔοικεν ἀπολεῖταί μοι τὰ τοσαῦτα ἔτη καὶ ὁ κάματος ὁ πολύς.
LYCINUS: Well, Hermotimus, you will not be nearly so hurt if you remember that you are not the only one left outside the hoped-for blessings. No, all those who study philosophy are, as it were, wrangling over the shadow of an ass. Who could go through all that process I described? Even you yourself say that it is impossible. And now you seem to me to be acting like a man who wept and blamed fortune because he could not go up to heaven or dive deep into the sea off Sicily and come up at Cyprus, or fly like a bird from Greece to India in one day. His disappointment was due, I fancy, to expectations following a dream on some such subject or an invention of his imagination without prior enquiry whether his wishes could be fulfilled and were humanly possible. You too, my friend, have had many wonderful dreams, and the argument has poked you in the ribs and made you jump up out of your sleep. Then while your eyes are scarcely open you are angry with it, and you cannot easily shake off sleep for delight in what you have seen. Those who fabricate an unreal blessedness for themselves have just the same experience, surrounded by wealth, digging up treasure, kings, heaven-blest for some other reason—all this the goddess Wishing easily manages, great in her gifts and never saying “no,” whether you want to fly, to be as big as a Colossus, to discover whole mountains of gold; and if a slave interrupts their reverie with a question on day-to-day necessities—with what he is to buy bread, what he is to say to the landlord who has been waiting ever so long with a demand for the rent—they are so angry with him for taking all those good things away with his troublesome questions that they come near to biting off his nose.
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Ἀλλ', ὦ Ἑρμότιμε, πολὺ ἔλαττον ἀνιάσῃ, ἢν ἐννοήσῃς ὅτι οὐ μόνος ἔξω μένεις τῶν ἐλπισθέντων ἀγαθῶν, ἀλλὰ πάντες ὡς ἔπος εἰπεῖν περὶ ὄνου σκιᾶς μάχονται οἱ φιλοσοφοῦντες. ἢ τίς ἄρα δύναιτο δι’ ἐκείνων ἁπάντων χωρῆσαι ὧν ἔφην; ὅπερ ἀδύνατον καὶ αὐτὸς λέγεις εἶναι. νῦν δὲ ὅμοιόν μοι δοκεῖς ποιεῖν ὥσπερ εἴ τις δακρύοι καὶ αἰτιῷτο τὴν τύχην, ὅτι μὴ δύναιτο ἀνελθεῖν ἐς τὸν οὐρανόν, ἢ ὅτι μὴ βύθιος ὑποδὺς εἰς τὴν θάλατταν ἀπὸ Σικελίας ἐς Κύπρον ἀναδύσεται, ἢ ὅτι μὴ ἀρθεὶς πτηνὸς αὐθημερὸν ἀπὸ τῆς Ἑλλάδος εἰς Ἰνδοὺς τελεῖ. τὸ δ’ αἴτιον τῆς λύπης, ὅτι ἠλπίκει, οἶμαι, ἢ ὄναρ ποτὲ ἰδὼν τοιοῦτον ἢ αὐτὸς αὑτῷ ἀναπλάσας, οὐ πρότερον ἐξετάσας εἰ ἐφικτὰ εὔχεται καὶ κατὰ τὴν ἀνθρώπου φύσιν. καὶ δὴ καὶ σέ, ὦ ἑταῖρε, πολλὰ καὶ θαυμαστὰ ὀνειροπολοῦντα νύξας ὁ λόγος ἀπὸ τοῦ ὕπνου ἐκθορεῖν ἐποίησεν· εἶτα ὀργίζῃ αὐτῷ ἔτι μόλις τοὺς ὀφθαλμοὺς ἀνοίγων καὶ τὸν ὕπνον οὐ ῥᾳδίως ἀποσειόμενος ὑφ' ἡδονῆς ὧν ἑώρας. πάσχουσι δὲ αὐτὸ καὶ οἱ τὴν κενὴν μακαρίαν ἑαυτοῖς ἀναπλάττοντες, ἢν μεταξὺ πλουτοῦσιν αὐτοῖς καὶ θησαυροὺς ἀνορύττουσιν καὶ βασιλεύουσιν καὶ τὰ ἄλλα εὐδαιμονοῦσιν—οἷα πολλὰ ἡ θεὸς ἐκείνη ῥᾳδιουργεῖ, ἡ Εὐχή, μεγαλόδωρος οὖσα καὶ πρὸς οὐδὲν ἀντιλέγουσα, κἂν πτηνὸς θέλῃ τις γενέσθαι, κἂν κολοσσιαῖος τὸ μέγεθος, κἂν ὄρη ὅλα χρυσᾶ εὑρίσκειν· ἢν τοίνυν ταῦτα ἐννοοῦσιν αὐτοῖς ὁ παῖς προσελθὼν ἔρηταί τι τῶν ἀναγκαίων, οἷον ὅθεν ἄρτους ὠνητέον ἢ ὅ τι φατέον πρὸς τὸν ἀπαιτοῦντα τοὐνοίκιον ἐκ πολλοῦ περιμένοντα, οὕτως ἀγανακτοῦσιν ὡς ὑπὸ τοῦ ἐρομένου καὶ παρενοχλήσαντος ἀφαιρεθέντες ἅπαντα ἐκεῖνα τἀγαθὰ καὶ ὀλίγου δέουσι τὴν ῥῖνα τοῦ παιδὸς ἀποτραγεῖν.
72. But, my dear friend, do not feel like that towards me, if I, a friend, did not let you spend all your life in a dream, albeit a sweet one, digging up treasure, flying, inventing extravagant visions, and hoping for what was beyond reach, or if again I tell you to get up and carry out your daily tasks and adopt a course that will keep your mind in future on the trivalities of the common life. For what you have recently been working at and planning is no different from Hippocentaurs and Chimaeras and Gorgons and all the other images that belong to dreams and to poets and painters with their artistic licence—fancies that have never existed and can never exist. Nevertheless the vast majority of mankind believe them and they are enchanted when they see or hear things of this sort, because they are strange and monstrous.
72. Ἀλλὰ σύ, ὦ φιλότης, μὴ πάθῃς αὐτὸ πρὸς ἐμέ, εἴ σε θησαυροὺς ἀνορύττοντα καὶ πετόμενον καί τινας ἐννοίας ὑπερφυεῖς ἐννοοῦντα καί τινας ἐλπίδας ἀνεφίκτους ἐλπίζοντα φίλος ὢν οὐ περιεῖδον διὰ παντὸς τοῦ βίου ὀνείρῳ ἡδεῖ μὲν ἴσως, ἀτὰρ ὀνείρῳ γε συνόντα, διαναστάντα δὲ ἀξιῶ πράττειν τι τῶν ἀναγκαίων καὶ ὅ σε παραπέμψει ἐς τὸ λοιπὸν τοῦ βίου τὰ κοινὰ ταῦτα φρονοῦντα. ἐπεὶ ὅ γε νῦν ἔπραττες καὶ ἐπενόεις, οὐδὲν τῶν Ἱπποκενταύρων καὶ Χιμαιρῶν καὶ Γοργόνων διαφέρει, καὶ ὅσα ἄλλα ὄνειροι καὶ ποιηταὶ καὶ γραφεῖς ἐλεύθεροι ὄντες ἀναπλάττουσιν οὔτε γενόμενα πώποτε οὔτε γενέσθαι δυνάμενα. καὶ ὅμως ὁ πολὺς λεὼς πιστεύουσιν αὐτοῖς καὶ κηλοῦνται ὁρῶντες ἢ ἀκούοντες τὰ τοιαῦτα διὰ τὸ ξένα καὶ ἀλλόκοτα εἶναι.
73. You too have heard from some storyteller of a woman of surpassing beauty, beyond the Graces themselves or Heavenly Aphrodite; and, although you had not first asked whether he was telling the truth and whether this woman existed anywhere in the world, you fell in love with her at once, as they say Medea fell in love with Jason from a dream. But what above all brought you to this love—and has brought all who are in love with the same vision as you—was, I should guess, this: when he had told you about the woman and his first sketch had won your belief, he proceeded to fill in the details. You looked at nothing else, and so, when once you had let him get the first grip, he dragged you all by the nose and led you to the beloved by what he said was a straight path. The rest, I fancy, was easy: not one of you turned back to the entrance and enquired whether it was the true one and whether he had made a mistake and should not have entered; no, you followed in the steps of those who had made the journey before you, like sheep following their leader, although you should have considered at the entrance right at the beginning whether you ought to enter in there.
73. Καὶ σὺ δὴ μυθοποιοῦ τινος ἀκούσας ὡς ἔστιν τις γυνὴ ὑπερφυὴς τὸ κάλλος, ὑπὲρ τὰς Χάριτας αὐτὰς ἢ τὴν Οὐρανίαν, μὴ πρότερον ἐξετάσας εἰ ἀληθῆ λέγει καὶ εἰ ἔστι που τῆς γῆς ἡ ἄνθρωπος αὕτη, ἤρας εὐθύς, ὥσπερ φασὶ τὴν Μήδειαν ἐξ ὀνείρατος ἐρασθῆναι τοῦ Ἰάσονος. ὃ δὲ δὴ μάλιστά σε πρὸς τὸν ἔρωτα ἐπηγάγετο καὶ τοὺς ἄλλους δέ, ὁπόσοι τοῦ αὐτοῦ σοι εἰδώλου ἐρῶσι, τοῦτο ἦν, ὥς γέ μοι εἰκάζοντι φαίνεται, τὸ τὸν λέγοντα ἐκεῖνον περὶ τῆς γυναικός, ἐπείπερ ἐπιστεύθη τὸ πρῶτον ὅτι ἀληθῆ λέγει, ἀκόλουθα ἐπάγειν· εἰς τοῦτο γὰρ ἑωρᾶτε μόνον, καὶ διὰ τοῦτο εἷλκεν ὑμᾶς τῆς ῥινός, ἐπείπερ ἅπαξ τὴν πρώτην λαβὴν ἐνεδώκατε αὐτῷ, καὶ ἦγεν ἐπὶ τὴν ἀγαπωμένην δι’ ἧς ἔλεγεν εὐθείας ὁδοῦ. ῥᾴδια γάρ, οἶμαι, τὰ μετὰ ταῦτα καὶ οὐδεὶς ὑμῶν ἔτι ἐπιστρεφόμενος εἰς τὴν εἴσοδον ἐξήταζεν εἰ ἀληθής ἐστιν καὶ εἰ μὴ ἔλαθεν καθ' ἣν οὐκ ἐχρῆν εἰσελθών, ἀλλ’ ἠκολούθει τοῖς τῶν προωδευκότων ἴχνεσι, καθάπερ τὰ πρόβατα πρὸς τὸν ἡγούμενον, δέον ἐπὶ τῇ εἰσόδῳ καὶ κατὰ τὴν ἀρχὴν εὐθὺς σκέψασθαι, εἴπερ εἰσιτητέον.
74. You will see better what I mean if you consider this analogy: suppose one of these daring poets were to say that there was once a man with three heads and six hands, and suppose that you facilely accepted this without asking if it were possible, just believing, he would at once follow it up by filling in the details appropriately—six eyes, six ears, three voices coming from three mouths, each taking food, and thirty fingers, unlike us with our ten on two hands; and, if he had to go to war, three hands held three shields—light, oblong, or round—, and three brandished axe, spear, and sword. Who would disbelieve these details now—details which are consistent with the first outline? It was there that you ought to have seen whether it was credible or acceptable thus. Once you admit the premises the rest comes flooding in; you will never stay its course, and disbelief is difficult now, for what follows is consistent in the way it follows the agreed premises. This has happened to you all. Because of your love and enthusiasm you made no enquiry into the conditions at each entrance. You go forward led by the consistency of what came after, not considering that things may be consistent and false. Suppose for instance you were to believe someone who said that twice five is seven and did not count for yourself, he will clearly go on to say that four times five is certainly fourteen, and so on, as long as he likes. This is what that marvellous geometry does—in the beginning it presents certain monstrous postulates and demands that we consent to them though they cannot exist—for instance points without parts, lines without breadth, and so on—and on these rotten foundations it erects its structure and claims to demonstrate truths, in spite of the fact that it starts from a false beginning.
74. Ὃ δέ φημι, σαφέστερον ἂν μάθοις, ἤν τι τοιοῦτον ὅμοιον παραθεωρήσῃς αὐτῷ· λέγοντος γάρ τινος τῶν μεγαλοτόλμων τούτων ποιητῶν, ὡς γένοιτό ποτε τρικέφαλος καὶ ἑξάχειρ ἄνθρωπος, ἂν τὸ πρῶτον ταῦτα ἀπραγμόνως ἀποδέξῃ μὴ ἐξετάσας εἰ δυνατόν, ἀλλὰ πιστεύσας, εὐθὺς ἀκολούθως ἂν ἐπάγοι τὰ λοιπά, ὡς καὶ ὀφθαλμοὺς ὁ αὐτὸς εἶχεν ἓξ καὶ ὦτα ἓξ καὶ φωνὰς τρεῖς ἅμα ἠφίει καὶ ἤσθιεν διὰ τριῶν στομάτων καὶ δακτύλους τριάκοντα εἶχεν, οὐχ ὥσπερ ἕκαστος ἡμῶν δέκα ἐν ἀμφοτέραις ταῖς χερσί· καὶ εἰ πολεμεῖν δέοι, αἱ τρεῖς μὲν χεῖρες ἑκάστη πέλτην ἢ γέρρον ἢ ἀσπίδα εἶχον, αἱ τρεῖς δὲ ἡ μὲν πέλεκυν κατέφερεν, ἡ δὲ λόγχην ἠφίει, ἡ δὲ τῷ ξίφει ἐχρῆτο. καὶ τίς ἔτι ἂν ἀπιστήσειε ταῦτα λέγοντι αὐτῷ; ἀκόλουθα γὰρ τῇ ἀρχῇ, περὶ ᾗς ἐχρῆν εὐθὺς σκοπεῖν εἴπερ παραδεκτέα καὶ εἰ συγχωρητέα οὕτως ἔχειν. ἢν δὲ ἅπαξ ἐκεῖνα δῷς, ἐπιρρεῖ τὰ λοιπὰ καὶ οὔποτε στήσεται καὶ τὸ ἀπιστεῖν αὐτοῖς οὐκέτι ῥᾴδιον, ἐπείπερ ἀκόλουθα καὶ ὅμοιά ἐστιν τῇ συγχωρηθείσῃ ἀρχῇ· ἅπερ καὶ ὑμεῖς πάσχετε. ὑπὸ γὰρ δὴ ἔρωτος καὶ προθυμίας οὐκ ἐξετάσαντες τὰ κατὰ τὴν εἴσοδον ἑκάστην ὅπως ὑμῖν ἔχει, προχωρεῖτε ὑπὸ τῆς ἀκολουθίας ἑλκόμενοι, οὐκ ἐννοοῦντες εἴ τι γένοιτο ἂν ἀκόλουθόν τι αὑτῷ καὶ ψεῦδος ὄν· οἷον, εἴ τις λέγοι τὰ δὶς πέντε ἑπτὰ εἶναι καὶ σὺ πιστεύσειας αὐτῷ μὴ ἀριθμήσας ἐπὶ σαυτοῦ, ἐπάξει δηλαδὴ ὅτι καὶ τετράκις πέντε τετταρεσκαίδεκα πάντως ἐστὶ καὶ μέχρι ἂν ὅτου ἐθελήσῃ. οἷα καὶ ἡ θαυμαστὴ γεωμετρία ποιεῖ—κἀκείνη γὰρ τοὺς ἐν ἀρχῇ ἀλλόκοτά τινα αἰτήματα αἰτήσασα καὶ συγχωρηθῆναι αὐτῇ ἀξιώσασα οὐδὲ συστῆναι δυνάμενα—σημεῖά τινα ἀμερῆ καὶ γραμμὰς ἀπλατεῖς καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα, ἐπὶ σαθροῖς τοῖς θεμελίοις τούτοις οἰκοδομεῖ τὰ τοιαῦτα καὶ ἀξιοῖ εἰς ἀπόδειξιν ἀληθῆ λέγειν ἀπὸ ψευδοῦς τῆς ἀρχῆς ὁρμωμένη.
75. Draw the comparison: you philosophers grant the premises of the various systems and then believe everything that follows, supposing that the consistency you find, false though it is, is a proof of its essential truth. Then some of you die in your hopes before they perceive the truth and condemn their deceivers, while others, even if they see too late that they have been deceived, are old men already, and hesitate to turn back out of shame, for fear that in their old age they have to acknowledge that they did not know that they were playing children’s games; so they stick to it out of shame, and praise their lot and turn as many as they can into the same course so that they may not be the only ones who are swindled, but that a multitude of others in the same state as themselves may be a consolation to them. They realise moreover this, that if they speak the truth they will no longer be revered above the many as now, nor receive the same honour. No, they would not be ready to speak the truth, knowing as they do the heights from which they will fall to the state of ordinary mortals. You will certainly find very few brave enough to admit that they have been deceived and to turn away others from a similar attempt. If, then, you meet such a one, call him a lover of truth, honest, and just, and, if you like, a philosopher; for to him alone I would not begrudge the name. As for the rest, either they have no knowledge of the truth, though they think they have, or they know it and hide it from cowardice and shame and the wish to be highly honoured.
75. Κατὰ ταὐτὰ τοίνυν καὶ ὑμεῖς δόντες τὰς ἀρχὰς τῆς προαιρέσεως ἑκάστης πιστεύετε τοῖς ἑξῆς καὶ γνώρισμα τῆς ἀληθείας αὐτῶν τὴν ἀκολουθίαν ἡγεῖσθε εἶναι ψευδῆ οὖσαν. εἶτα οἱ μὲν ὑμῶν ἐναποθνήσκουσιν ταῖς ἐλπίσι, πρὶν ἰδεῖν τἀληθὲς καὶ καταγνῶναι τῶν ἐξαπατησάντων ἐκείνων, οἱ δὲ κἂν αἴσθωνται ἐξηπατημένοι ὀψέ ποτε γέροντες ἤδη γενόμενοι, ὀκνοῦσιν ἀναστρέφειν αἰδούμενοι εἰ δεήσει τηλικούτους αὐτοὺς ὄντας ἐξομολογήσασθαι ὅτι παίδων πράγματα ἔχοντες οὐ συνίεσαν· ὥστε ἐμμένουσιν τοῖς αὐτοῖς ὑπ' αἰσχύνης καὶ ἐπαινοῦσι τὰ παρόντα καὶ ὁπόσους ἂν δύνωνται προτρέπουσιν ἐπὶ τὰ αὐτά, ὡς ἂν μὴ μόνοι ἐξηπατημένοι ὦσιν ἀλλὰ ἔχωσι παραμυθίαν τὸ καὶ πολλοὺς καὶ ἄλλους τὰ ὅμοια παθεῖν αὐτοῖς. καὶ γὰρ αὖ κἀκεῖνο ὁρῶσιν, ὅτι ἢν τἀληθὲς εἴπωσιν οὐκέτι σεμνοὶ ὥσπερ νῦν καὶ ὑπὲρ τοὺς πολλοὺς δόξουσιν οὐδὲ τιμήσονται ὁμοίως. οὐκ ἂν οὖν ἑκόντες εἴποιεν εἰδότες, ἀφ' οἵων ἐκπεσόντες ὅμοιοι τοῖς ἄλλοις δόξουσιν. ὀλίγοις δ’ ἂν πάνυ ἐντύχοις ὑπ' ἀνδρείας τολμῶσι λέγειν ὅτι ἐξηπάτηνται καὶ τοὺς ἄλλους ἀποτρέπειν τῶν ὁμοίων πειρωμένους. εἰ δ’ οὖν τινι τοιούτῳ ἐντύχοις, φιλαλήθη τε κάλει τὸν τοιοῦτον καὶ χρηστὸν καὶ δίκαιον καί, εἰ βούλει, φιλόσοφον· οὐ γὰρ ἂν φθονήσαιμι τούτῳ μόνῳ τοῦ ὀνόματος. οἱ δ’ ἄλλοι ἢ οὐδὲν ἀληθὲς ἴσασιν οἰόμενοι εἰδέναι ἢ εἰδότες ἀποκρύπτονται ὑπὸ δειλίας καὶ αἰσχύνης καὶ τοῦ προτιμᾶσθαι βούλεσθαι.
76. However, in Athena’s name let us forget all that I have said and let it drop, let it pass into oblivion like all history before Euclid’s archonship. Let us assume that this philosophy of the Stoics and no other is right, and see whether it is attainable and possible, or if those who desire it labour in vain. For I hear that it makes wonderful promises of the happiness in store for those who attain its height, for they alone will take and possess every true good. You may know the answer to the next question better than I—have you ever met a Stoic, one of the top men, of a type that feels no pain, one who is not dragged down by pleasure, who is never angry, but rises above envy, despises wealth, and is perfectly happy? Our canon and measure of the virtuous life must be like that—for if he fall short in the least thing he is imperfect, even if he has more of everything—and if he is not like that, he is not yet happy.
76. Καίτοι πρὸς τῆς Ἀθηνᾶς ἅπαντα μὲν ἃ ἔφην, ἐάσωμεν αὐτοῦ καταβαλόντες καὶ λήθη τις ἔστω αὐτῶν ὥσπερ τῶν πρὸ Εὐκλείδου ἄρχοντος πραχθέντων. ὑποθέμενοι δὲ ταύτην φιλοσοφίαν ὀρθὴν εἶναι τὴν τῶν Στωϊκῶν, ἄλλην δὲ μηδ’ ἡντιναοῦν, ἴδωμεν εἰ ἐφικτὴ αὕτη καὶ δυνατή ἐστιν, ἢ μάτην κάμνουσιν ὁπόσοι ἐφίενται αὐτῆς. τὰς μὲν γὰρ ὑποσχέσεις ἀκούω θαυμαστάς τινας, ἡλίκα εὐδαιμονήσουσιν οἱ ἐς τὸ ἀκρότατον ἐλθόντες, μόνους γὰρ τούτους πάντα συλλαβόντας ἕξειν τὰ τῷ ὄντι ἀγαθά. τὸ μετὰ ταῦτα δὲ σὺ ἂν ἄμεινον εἰδείης, εἴ τινι ἐντετύχηκας τοιούτῳ Στωϊκῷ τῶν ἄκρων, οἵῳ μήτε λυπεῖσθαι μήθ' ὑφ' ἡδονῆς κατασπᾶσθαι μήτε ὀργίζεσθαι, φθόνου δὲ κρείττονι καὶ πλούτου καταφρονοῦντι καὶ συνόλως εὐδαίμονι. ὁποῖον χρὴ τὸν κανόνα εἶναι καὶ γνώμονα τοῦ κατὰ τὴν ἀρετὴν βίου—ὁ γὰρ καὶ κατὰ μικρότατον ἐνδέων ἀτελής, κἂν πάντα πλείω ἔχῃ—εἰ δὲ τοῦτο οὐχί, οὐδέπω εὐδαίμων.
77. HERMOTIMUS: I have never seen such a man.
77. ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Οὐδένα τοιοῦτον εἶδον.
LYCINUS: Good for you, Hermotimus! You do not tell deliberate lies. Then what have you in view as a philosopher, when you see neither your teacher nor his teacher nor his predecessor even back to the tenth generation truly wise and therefore happy? For it would not be right for you to say that it is enough if you come near to happiness—that is of no use: a man standing by the door is as much outside the threshold and in the open as one a long way off, the difference being that the former will be more annoyed because he has a near view of what he cannot have. Then just to get near happiness (this I will grant you) you take all that trouble, wearing yourself out, and so much of your life has slipped away in torpor and weariness, slumped in sleeplessness; and you will labour on, as you say, for at least another twenty years, so that when you are eighty (have you a guarantee of living so long?) you may be one of those who are not yet happy—unless you think that you alone will reach and grasp in your pursuit that which very many good and far swifter men have pursued before you and failed to catch.
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Εὖ γε, ὦ Ἑρμότιμε, ὅτι οὐ ψεύδῃ ἑκών. εἰς τί δ’ οὖν ἀποβλέπων φιλοσοφεῖς, ὅταν ὁρᾷς μήτε τὸν διδάσκαλον τὸν σὸν μήτε τὸν ἐκείνου μήτε τὸν πρὸ αὐτοῦ μηδ’ ἂν εἰς δεκαγονίαν ἀναγάγῃς μηδένα αὐτῶν σοφὸν ἀκριβῶς καὶ διὰ τοῦτο εὐδαίμονα γεγενημένον; οὐδὲ γὰρ ἂν ἐκεῖνο ὀρθῶς εἴποις ὡς ἀπόχρη κἂν πλησίον γένῃ τῆς εὐδαιμονίας, ἐπεὶ οὐδὲν ὄφελος· ὁμοίως γὰρ ἔξω τοῦ ὀδοῦ ἐστιν καὶ ἐν τῷ ὑπαίθρῳ ὅ τε παρὰ τὴν θύραν ἔξω ἑστὼς καὶ ὁ πόρρω· διαλλάττοιεν δ’ ἄν, ὅτι μᾶλλον οὗτος ἀνιάσεται ὁρῶν ἐγγύθεν οἵων ἐστέρηται. εἶτα ἵνα πλησίον γένῃ τῆς εὐδαιμονίας (δώσω γὰρ τοῦτό σοι) τοσαῦτα πονεῖς κατατρύχων σεαυτόν, καὶ παραδεδράμηκέ σε ὁ βίος ὁ τοσοῦτος ἐν ἀκηδίᾳ καὶ καμάτῳ καὶ ἀγρυπνίαις κάτω νενευκότα· καὶ εἰσαῦθις πονήσεις, ὡς φής, ἄλλα εἴκοσιν ἔτη τοὐλάχιστον, ἵνα ὀγδοηκοντούτης γενόμενος (εἴ τις ἐγγυητής ἐστί σοι ὅτι βιώσῃ τοσαῦτα) ὅμως ᾖς ἐν τοῖς μηδέπω εὐδαιμονοῦσιν—εἰ μὴ μόνος οἴει τεύξεσθαι τούτου καὶ αἱρήσειν διώκων ὃ πρὸ σοῦ μάλα πολλοὶ καὶ ἀγαθοὶ καὶ ὠκύτεροι παρὰ πολὺ διώκοντες οὐ κατέλαβον.
78. Well, catch it then, if you wish: grasp and hold all of it; but in the first place I do not see what good could ever be supposed to compensate for all these efforts. Then what time will you have left to enjoy it, old man as you will be, too far gone for pleasure, and with one foot in the grave, as they say? Unless, my noble friend, you are putting in training for a future life, so that you can live it better when you get there, knowing how to live like a man preparing and training himself for a better dinner for such a long time that before he knows it he is dead of hunger.
78. Ἀλλὰ καὶ κατάλαβε, εἰ δοκεῖ, καὶ ἔχε ὅλον συλλαβών· τὸ μὲν δὴ πρῶτον οὐχ ὁρῶ ὅ τι ποτ' ἂν εἴη τἀγαθόν, ὡς ἀντάξιον δοκεῖν τῶν πόνων τῶν τοσούτων. ἔπειτα ἐς πόσον ἔτι τὸν λοιπὸν χρόνον ἀπολαύσεις αὐτοῦ γέρων ἤδη καὶ παντὸς ἡδέος ἔξωρος ὢν καὶ τὸν ἕτερον πόδα φασὶν ἐν τῇ σορῷ ἔχων; εἰ μή τι ἐς ἄλλον, ὦ γενναῖε, βίον προγυμνάζεις ἑαυτόν, ὡς ἐς ἐκεῖνον ἐλθὼν ἄμεινον διαγάγοις, εἰδὼς ὅντινα τρόπον χρὴ βιοῦν ὅμοιον ὡς εἴ τις ἐς τοσοῦτον σκευάζοι τε καὶ εὐτρεπίζοι ὡς δειπνήσων ἄμεινον ἄχρι ἂν λάθῃ ὑπὸ λιμοῦ διαφθαρείς.
79. Moreover, you have never realised, I suppose, that virtue lies in action, in acting justly and wisely and bravely. While all of you (by “you” I mean the philosophers at the top) neglect these things, and are studying how to find and compose your wretched texts and syllogisms and problems. You spend most of your lives on this, and whoever wins in this race is your Conquering Hero. That, I fancy, is why you admire this teacher of yours, the old man, because he reduces his pupils to perplexity and knows how to question and quibble and cheat and throw into inextricable confusion. So you just throw away the fruit—which has to do with works—and busy yourselves with the husk, in your discussions throwing the leaves over each other. Isn’t that what you all do, Hermotimus, from dawn till dusk?HERMOTIMUS: Yes, just that.
79. Ἀλλὰ μὴν οὐδ’ ἐκεῖνό πω κατανενόηκας οἶμαι ὡς ἡ μὲν ἀρετὴ ἐν ἔργοις δήπου ἐστίν, οἷον ἐν τῷ δίκαια πράττειν καὶ σοφὰ καὶ ἀνδρεῖα, ὑμεῖς δὲ (τὸ δὲ ὑμεῖς ὅταν εἴπω, τοὺς ἄκρους τῶν φιλοσοφούντων φημί) ἀφέντες ταῦτα ζητεῖν καὶ ποιεῖν ῥημάτια δύστηνα μελετᾶτε καὶ συλλογισμοὺς καὶ ἀπορίας καὶ τὸ πλεῖστον τοῦ βίου ἐπὶ τούτοις διατρίβετε, καὶ ὃς ἂν κρατῇ ἐν αὐτοῖς καλλίνικος ὑμῖν δοκεῖ. ἀφ' ὧν οἶμαι καὶ τὸν διδάσκαλον τουτονὶ θαυμάζετε γέροντα ἄνδρα, ὅτι τοὺς προσομιλοῦντας ἐς ἀπορίαν καθίστησιν καὶ οἶδεν ὡς χρὴ ἐρέσθαι καὶ σοφίσασθαι καὶ πανουργῆσαι καὶ ἐς ἄφυκτα ἐμβαλεῖν, καὶ τὸν καρπὸν ἀτεχνῶς ἀφέντες—οὗτος δὲ ἦν περὶ τὰ ἔργα—περὶ τὸν φλοιὸν ἀσχολεῖσθε τὰ φύλλα καταχέοντες ἀλλήλων ἐν ταῖς ὁμιλίαις. ἢ γὰρ ἄλλα ἐστὶν ἃ πράττετε, ὦ Ἑρμότιμε, πάντες ἕωθεν εἰς ἑσπέραν;ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Οὔκ, ἀλλὰ ταῦτα.
LYCINUS: Then wouldn’t it be right to say that you forget the substance and hunt the shadow, or ignore the crawling serpent and hunt the slough? Yes, and that you are like a man pouring water into a mortar and braying it with an iron pestle who thinks that he is doing essential and productive work, not knowing that although you bray your arms off, as they say, water is still water?
ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Ἢ οὖν οὐχὶ καὶ ὀρθῶς τις φαίη τὴν σκιὰν ὑμᾶς θηρεύειν ἐάσαντας τὸ σῶμα ἢ τοῦ ὄφεως τὸ σύφαρ ἀμελήσαντας τοῦ ὁλκοῦ; μᾶλλον δὲ τὸ ὅμοιον ποιεῖν ὥσπερ εἴ τις ἐς ὅλμον ὕδωρ ἐκχέας ὑπέρῳ σιδηρῷ πτίττοι πράττειν ἀναγκαῖόν τι καὶ προὔργου οἰόμενος, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅτι ἂν ἀποβάλῃ φασὶ τοὺς ὤμους πτίττων, ὕδωρ ὁμοίως τὸ ὕδωρ μένει;
80. Now here let me ask you if, leaving aside his talk, you would care to be like your teacher. Would you care to be so irritable, so mean, so quarrelsome, yes, and so fond of pleasure, even if people don’t think it? Why don’t you speak, Hermotimus? Shall I tell you what I heard the other day from a very old man who spoke in defence of some philosophy or other? Quite a number of young men keep him company to learn his wisdom, and he was in a temper as he demanded payment from one of his pupils, saying that it was overdue and that the day had gone by: the debt ought to have been paid sixteen days before on the last day of the month, according to the agreement.
80. Καί μοι δὸς ἐνταῦθα ἤδη ἐρέσθαι σε εἰ ἐθέλοις ἂν ἔξω τῶν λόγων τὰ ἄλλα ἐοικέναι τῷ διδασκάλῳ, οὕτω μὲν ὀργίλος, οὕτω δὲ μικρολόγος, οὕτω δὲ φιλόνεικος ὢν καὶ φιλήδονος νὴ Δί', εἰ καὶ μὴ τοῖς πολλοῖς δοκεῖ. τί σιγᾷς, ὦ Ἑρμότιμε; θέλεις διηγήσομαι ἃ πρῴην ἤκουσα ὑπὲρ φιλοσοφίας τινὸς λέγοντος ἀνδρὸς πάνυ γεγηρακότος, ᾧ πάμπολλοι τῶν νέων ἐπὶ σοφίᾳ πλησιάζουσιν; ἀπαιτῶν γὰρ παρά τινος τῶν μαθητῶν τὸν μισθὸν ἠγανάκτει, λέγων ὑπερήμερον εἶναι καὶ ἐκπρόθεσμον τοῦ ὀφλήματος, ὃν ἔδει πρὸ ἑκκαίδεκα ἡμερῶν ἐκτετικέναι τῇ ἕνῃ καὶ νέᾳ· οὕτω γὰρ συνθέσθαι.
81. During this show of temper, the young man’s uncle came up to him. He was a countryman—a mere layman to you philosophers. “Good heavens! Stop saying you’ve been cheated of a fortune because we bought some pretty talk from you and haven’t paid you the balance yet. In any case you still have what you sold to us: your capital of knowledge is not reduced. And what about my hopes in sending the young man to you in the first place? You’ve made him no better—he carried off my neighbour Echecrates’ daughter, a virgin, and raped her. He only just missed a summons for assault, but I paid a talent to Echecrates, who is a poor man, in recompense for his crime. The other day he thrashed his mother because she caught him carrying off the wine jar under his coat—his contribution, I suppose, to the wine-feast. As for passion and anger and shamelessness and recklessness and lying, he was far better last year than he is now. Yet I would have liked him to be helped by you in this sort of thing, rather than have all that knowledge which every day at dinner he parades at us, though we’ve no need of it: how a crocodile carried off a young lad, and promised to give him back if his father answered some question or other; or how when it’s day it can’t be night. Sometimes our fine gentleman even makes horns grow out of our heads, he twists our words so. We laugh at all this, especially when he stops up his ears and does his practice and says over to himself his ‘states’ and “conditions’ and ‘comprehensions’ and ‘images,’ and a string of other names like these. We hear him say that God is not in heaven but pervades everything—sticks and stones and beasts right down to the meanest. And when his mother asks him why he talks such nonsense, he laughs at her and says: ‘If I learn this “nonsense” properly, there will be nothing to stop me being the only rich man, the only king, and the rest slaves and scum compared with me.’”
81. Καὶ ἐπεὶ ταῦτα ἠγανάκτει, παρεστὼς ὁ θεῖος τοῦ νεανίσκου, ἄγροικος ἄνθρωπος καὶ ἰδιώτης ὡς πρὸς τὰ ὑμέτερα, Πέπαυσο, εἶπεν, ὦ θαυμάσιε, τὰ μέγιστ' ἠδικῆσθαι λέγων, εἰ ῥημάτια παρὰ σοῦ πριάμενοι μηδέπω ἐκτετίκαμεν διάφορον. καίτοι ἃ μὲν ἡμῖν πέπρακας, ἔχεις ἔτι καὶ αὐτὸς καὶ οὐδὲν ἔλαττον γέγονέ σοι τῶν μαθημάτων. τὰ δ’ ἄλλα ὧν ἐξ ἀρχῆς ἐπιθυμῶν συνέστησά σοι τὸν νεανίσκον, ὁ δ’ οὐδὲν ἀμείνων γεγένηται διὰ σέ, ὃς τοὐμοῦ γείτονος Ἐχεκράτους τὴν θυγατέρα συναρπάσας παρθένον οὖσαν διέφθειρεν καὶ ὀλίγου δίκην ἔφυγε βιαίων, εἰ μὴ ἐγὼ ταλάντου ὠνησάμην τὸ πλημμέλημα παρὰ πένητος ἀνδρὸς τοῦ Ἐχεκράτους. τὴν μητέρα δὲ πρῴην ἐρράπισεν, ὅτι αὐτοῦ ἐλάβετο ὑπὸ κόλπου ἐκκομίζοντος τὸν κάδον, ὡς ἔχοι συμβολὰς οἶμαι καταθεῖναι. τὰ μὲν γὰρ ἐς ὀργὴν καὶ θυμὸν καὶ ἀναισχυντίαν καὶ ἐς τόλμαν καὶ ψεῦδος μακρῷ τινι ἄμεινον εἶχε πέρυσιν ἢ νῦν. καίτοι ἐβουλόμην ἂν αὐτὸν ἐς ταῦτα ὠφελῆσθαι ὑπὸ σοῦ μᾶλλον ἤπερ ἐκεῖνα εἰδέναι, ἃ καθ' ἑκάστην ἡμέραν πρὸς ἡμᾶς οὐδὲν δεομένους ἐπὶ τὸ δεῖπνον διεξέρχεται, ὡς κροκόδειλος ἥρπασε παιδίον, καὶ ὑπέσχηται ἀποδώσειν αὐτό, ἂν ἀποκρίνηται ὁ πατὴρ οὐκ οἶδ’ ὅ τι, ἢ ὡς ἀναγκαῖόν ἐστιν ἡμέρας οὔσης μὴ νύκτα εἶναι. ἐνίοτε δὲ καὶ κέρατα ἡμῖν ὁ γενναῖος ἀναφύει οὐκ οἶδ’ ὅπως περιπλέκων τὸν λόγον. ἡμεῖς δὲ γελῶμεν ἐπὶ τούτοις, καὶ μάλιστα ὅταν ἐπιβυσάμενος τὰ ὦτα μελετᾷ πρὸς αὐτὸν ἕξεις τινὰς καὶ σχέσεις καὶ καταλήψεις καὶ φαντασίας καὶ τοιαῦτα πολλὰ ὀνόματα διεξιών. ἀκούομεν δὲ αὐτοῦ λέγοντος ὡς καὶ ὁ θεὸς οὐκ ἐν οὐρανῷ ἐστιν ἀλλὰ διὰ πάντων πεφοίτηκεν, οἷον ξύλων καὶ λίθων καὶ ζῴων ἄχρι καὶ τῶν ἀτιμοτάτων. καὶ τῆς γε μητρὸς ἐρομένης αὐτὸν τί ταῦτα ληρεῖ, καταγελάσας αὐτῆς, Ἀλλὰ ἢν τὸν λῆρον τοῦτον, ἔφη, ἐκμάθω ἀκριβῶς, οὐδὲν κωλύσει με μόνον πλούσιον μόνον βασιλέα εἶναι, τοὺς δὲ ἄλλους ἀνδράποδα καὶ καθάρματα νομίζεσθαι ὡς πρὸς ἐμέ.
82. This is what the man said. Now hear the philosopher’s reply, Hermotimus, the answer of experience: “If he had not come to me, don’t you think he would have done much worse, and even perhaps have faced the public executioner? As it is, philosophy and his regard for philosophy have put a bit in his mouth, and so he is more moderate and still tolerable. For it brings some shame on him if he shows himself unworthy of that dress and name, things which accompany him and serve as a tutor. So I deserve my pay from you, if not for any improvement I have made, at any rate for what out of respect for philosophy he has not done. Nurses too say as much, that little children must go to school: if they are still too young to learn anything good, at any rate they will be out of mischief while they are there. No, in general I think I have done what I had to do. Come tomorrow and bring along anyone you like who knows our teaching, and you will see how he asks questions and gives answers, how much he has learnt and how many books he has read already on axioms, syllogisms, comprehensions, properties, and all sorts of things. If he has beaten his mother or carried off girls, what is that to me?
82. Τοιαῦτα τοῦ ἀνδρὸς εἰπόντος, ὁ φιλόσοφος ὅρα οἵαν ἀπόκρισιν ἀπεκρίνατο, ὦ Ἑρμότιμε, ὡς πρεσβυτικήν· ἔφη γάρ, Ἀλλ' εἴ γε μὴ ἐμοὶ ἐπλησίαζεν οὗτος, οὐκ οἴει μακρῷ χείρω ἂν αὐτὸν ἐξεργάσασθαι ἢ καὶ νὴ Δία ἴσως τῷ δημίῳ παραδεδόσθαι; ὡς νῦν γε χαλινόν τινα ἐμβέβληκεν αὐτῷ ἡ φιλοσοφία καὶ ἡ πρὸς ταύτην αἰδώς, καὶ διὰ τοῦτο μετριώτερός ἐστιν ὑμῖν καὶ φορητὸς ἔτι. φέρει γάρ τινα αἰσχύνην αὐτῷ, εἰ ἀνάξιος φαίνοιτο τοῦ σχήματος καὶ τοῦ ὀνόματος, ἃ δὴ παρακολουθοῦντα παιδαγωγεῖ αὐτόν. ὥστε δίκαιος ἂν εἴην, εἰ καὶ μὴ ὦν βελτίω ἀπέφηνα, μισθὸν παρ' ὑμῶν λαβεῖν, ἀλλ’ οὖν ἐκείνων γε ἃ μὴ δέδρακεν αἰδούμενος φιλοσοφίαν. ἐπεὶ καὶ αἱ τίτθαι τοιάδε λέγουσι περὶ τῶν παιδίων, ὡς ἀπιτητέον αὐτοῖς ἐς διδασκάλου· καὶ γὰρ ἂν μηδέπω μαθεῖν ἀγαθόν τι δύνωνται, ἀλλ’ οὖν φαῦλον οὐδὲν ποιήσουσιν ἐκεῖ μένοντες. ἐγὼ μὲν οὖν τὰ ἄλλα πάντα ἀποπλῆσαί μοι δοκῶ, καὶ ὅντινα ἂν ἐθέλῃς τῶν εἰδότων τὰ ἡμέτερα, ἧκέ μοι ἐς αὔριον παραλαβὼν ὄψει τε ὅπως ἐρωτᾷ καὶ πῶς ἀποκρίνεται καὶ ὅσα μεμάθηκεν καὶ ὅσα ἤδη ἀνέγνωκε βιβλία περὶ ἀξιωμάτων, περὶ συλλογισμῶν, περὶ καταλήψεως, περὶ καθηκόντων καὶ ἄλλα ποικίλα. εἰ δὲ ἢ τὴν μητέρα ἔτυπτεν ἢ παρθένους συνήρπαζε, τί ταῦτα πρὸς ἐμέ;
83. You didn’t make me his chaperon.” This was the defence of philosophy that the old man gave. Would you too agree, Hermotimus, that it is enough that we study philosophy in order to keep out of mischief? Or was it with other hopes that we thought it worth while to study philosophy in the first place, not so that in our goings and comings we should present a fairer face than the layman? Why do you not answer this as well? HERMOTIMUS: Only because I could almost weep. Your argument is true, and I’m driven to this: I’m in anguish at the time I’ve wasted like a fool, and at all the money I’ve paid for my labours, too. I was drunk and now I am sober and am seeing just what it was that I loved and what I have gone through for it.
83. οὐ γὰρ παιδαγωγόν με ἐπεστήσατε αὐτῷ. Τοιαῦτα γέρων ἄνθρωπος ὑπὲρ φιλοσοφίας ἔλεγε. σὺ δὲ καὶ αὐτὸς ἂν φαίης, ὦ Ἑρμότιμε, ἱκανὸν εἶναι ὡς διὰ τοῦτο φιλοσοφοίημεν, ὡς μηδὲν τῶν φαυλοτέρων πράττοιμεν; ἢ ἐπ' ἄλλαις ἐλπίσιν ἐξ ἀρχῆς φιλοσοφεῖν ἠξιοῦμεν, οὐχ ὡς τῶν ἰδιωτῶν κοσμιώτεροι εἴημεν περινοστοῦντες; τί οὖν οὐκ ἀποκρίνῃ καὶ τοῦτο; ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Τί δὲ ἄλλο ἢ ὅτι καὶ δακρῦσαι ὀλίγου δέω; ἐς τοσοῦτό μου καθίκετο ὁ λόγος ἀληθὴς ὤν, καὶ ὀδύρομαι, ὅσον ἄθλιος χρόνον ἀνάλωκα καὶ προσέτι μισθοὺς οὐκ ὀλίγους τελῶν ἀντὶ τῶν πόνων. νυνὶ γὰρ ὥσπερ ἐκ μέθης ἀνανήφων ὁρῶ οἷα μέν ἐστιν ὧν ἤρων, ὁπόσα δὲ πέπονθα διὰ ταῦτα.
84. LYCINUS: Why tears, honest friend? There’s a deal of sense, I think, in that fable of Aesop’s where a man sits on the shore by the water’s edge to count the waves. When he fails he is hurt and takes it badly, until the Fox comes up to him and says: “Why are you worrying about those that have gone, my noble sir? Let them go and begin your count from here.” And so with you; since that is your view, you will do better in the future to make up your mind to join in the common life. Share in the city life of everyday, and give up your hopes of the strange and puffed-up. You will not be ashamed, if you are wise, to learn afresh in your old age and make a change for the better.
84. ΛΥΚΙΝΟΣ: Καὶ τί δεῖ δακρύων, ὦ χρηστέ; τὸ γὰρ τοῦ μύθου ἐκεῖνο πάνυ συνετόν, οἶμαι, ὃν Αἴσωπος διηγεῖτο· ἔφη γὰρ ἄνθρωπόν τινα ἐπὶ τῇ ἠϊόνι καθεζόμενον ἐπὶ τὴν κυματωγὴν ἀριθμεῖν τὰ κύματα, σφαλέντα δὲ καὶ ἄχθεσθαι καὶ ἀνιᾶσθαι, ἄχρι δὴ τὴν κερδὼ παραστᾶσαν εἰπεῖν αὐτῷ, Τί, ὦ γενναῖε, ἀνιᾷ τῶν παρελθόντων ἕνεκα, δέον τὰ ἐντεῦθεν ἀρξάμενον ἀριθμεῖν ἀμελήσαντα ἐκείνων; Καὶ σὺ τοίνυν, ἐπείπερ οὕτω σοι δοκεῖ, ἐς τὸ λοιπὸν ἂν ἄμεινον ποιήσαις βίον τε κοινὸν ἅπασι βιοῦν ἀξιῶν καὶ συμπολιτεύσῃ τοῖς πολλοῖς οὐδὲν ἀλλόκοτον καὶ τετυφωμένον ἐλπίζων, καὶ οὐκ αἰσχυνῇ, ἤνπερ εὖ φρονῇς, εἰ γέρων ἄνθρωπος μεταμαθήσῃ καὶ μεταχωρήσεις πρὸς τὸ βέλτιον.
85. In all that I have said, my dear friend, do not think that I have directed my argument against the Stoa, or that I have some special hatred for the Stoics. No, it applied to all alike. I should have said the same to you if you had chosen the school of Plato or Aristotle and condemned the rest without a trial. As it is, you have given pride of place to the Stoics, and so the argument has seemed to be directed against the Stoa, although it had no particular grudge against it.
85. ταῦτα πάντα, ὦ φιλότης, ὁπόσα εἶπον, μή με νομίσῃς κατὰ τῆς Στοᾶς παρεσκευασμένον ἢ ἔχθραν τινὰ ἐξαίρετον πρὸς Στωϊκοὺς ἐπανῃρημένον εἰρηκέναι, ἀλλὰ κοινὸς ἐπὶ πάντας ὁ λόγος. τὰ γὰρ αὐτὰ πρὸς σὲ εἶπον ἄν, εἰ τὰ Πλάτωνος ἢ Ἀριστοτέλους ᾕρησο τῶν ἄλλων ἀκρίτων ἐρήμην καταγνούς. νῦν δὲ ἐπεὶ τὰ Στωϊκῶν προετίμησας, πρὸς τὴν Στοὰν ἀποτετάσθαι ὁ λόγος ἔδοξεν οὐδὲν ἐξαίρετον πρὸς αὐτὴν ἔχων.
86. HERMOTIMUS: You are right. I am going away to do just that—to make a change—of dress as well. You will soon see me without this big, shaggy beard. I shall not punish my daily life, but all will be liberty and freedom. Perhaps I shall even put on purple, to show everybody that I’ve no part in that nonsense now. Could I but spew out all that I have heard from them! I can tell you that I would not flinch from drinking hellebore, for the opposite reason to Chrysippus—to remember their doctrines no more. So it is no small favour that I owe you, Lycinus: you came and pulled me out when I was being carried away by a rough, turbid torrent, giving myself to it and going with the stream. You were a “God from the machine,” as in the play. I think I might well shave my head like free men who are saved from shipwreck, to give thanks for salvation today now that I have had so heavy a mist shaken off my eyes. If in the future I ever meet a philosopher while I am walking on the road, even by chance, I will turn round and get out of his way as if he were a mad dog.
86. ΕΡΜΟΤΙΜΟΣ: Εὖ λέγεις· ἄπειμι γοῦν ἐπ' αὐτὸ τοῦτο, ὡς μεταβαλοίμην καὶ αὐτὸ δὴ τὸ σχῆμα. ὄψει γοῦν οὐκ εἰς μακρὰν οὔτε πώγωνα ὥσπερ νῦν λάσιον καὶ βαθὺν οὔτε δίαιταν κεκολασμένην, ἀλλ’ ἄνετα πάντα καὶ ἐλεύθερα. τάχα δὲ καὶ πορφυρίδα μεταμφιάσομαι, ὡς εἰδεῖεν ἅπαντες ὅτι μηκέτι μοι τῶν λήρων ἐκείνων μέτεστιν. ὡς εἴθε γε καὶ ἐξεμέσαι δυνατὸν ἦν ἅπαντα ἐκεῖνα, ὁπόσα ἤκουσα παρ' αὐτῶν, καὶ εὖ ἴσθι, οὐκ ἂν ὤκνησα καὶ ἐλλέβορον πιεῖν διὰ τοῦτο ἐς τὸ ἔμπαλιν ἢ ὁ Χρύσιππος, ὅπως μηδὲν ἔτι νοήσαιμι ὧν φασιν. σοὶ δ’ οὖν οὐ μικρὰν χάριν οἶδα, ὦ Λυκῖνε, ὅτι με παραφερόμενον ὑπὸ θολεροῦ τινος χειμάρρου καὶ τραχέος, ἐπιδιδόντα ἐμαυτὸν καὶ κατὰ ῥοῦν συρρέοντα τῷ ὕδατι, ἀνέσπασας ἐπιστάς, τὸ τῶν τραγῳδῶν τοῦτο, θεὸς ἐκ μηχανῆς ἐπιφανείς. δοκῶ δέ μοι οὐκ ἀλόγως ἂν καὶ ξυρήσασθαι τὴν κεφαλὴν ὥσπερ οἱ ἐκ τῶν ναυαγίων ἀποσωθέντες ἐλεύθεροι, ἅτε καὶ σωτήρια τήμερον ἄξων τοσαύτην ἀχλὺν ἀποσεισάμενος τῶν ὀμμάτων. φιλοσόφῳ δὲ εἰς τὸ λοιπὸν κἂν ἄκων ποτὲ ὁδῷ βαδίζων ἐντύχω, οὕτως ἐκτραπήσομαι καὶ περιστήσομαι ὥσπερ τοὺς λυττῶντας τῶν κυνῶν.