1. HERMES:What ails you, Zeus, in lone soliloquyTo pace about all pale and scholar-like?Confide in me, take me to ease your toils:Scorn not the nonsense of a serving-man. ATHENA:Yea, thou sire of us all, son of Cronus, supreme among rulers,Here at thy knees I beseech it, the grey-eyed Tritogeneia:Speak thy thought, let it not lie hid in thy mind, let us know it.What is the care that consumeth thy heart and thy soul with its gnawing?Wherefore thy deep, deep groans, and the pallor that preys on thy features?
1. Ἑρμῆς:Ὦ Ζεῦ, τί σύννους κατὰ μόνας σαυτῷ λαλεῖς,ὠχρὸς περιπατῶν, φιλοσόφου τὸ χρῶμʼ ἔχων;ἐμοὶ προσανάθου, λαβέ με σύμβουλον πόνων,μὴ καταφρονήσῃς οἰκέτου φλυαρίας. Ἀθήνη:ναὶ πάτερ ἡμέτερε, Κρονίδη, ὕπατε κρειόντων,γουνοῦμαί σε θεὰ γλαυκῶπις, τριτογένεια,ἐξαύδα, μὴ κεῦθε νόῳ, ἵνα εἴδομεν ἤδη,τίς μῆτις δάκνει σε κατὰ φρένα καὶ κατὰ θυμόν,ἢ τί βαρὺ στενάχεις ὦχρός τέ σε εἷλε παρειάς;
ZEUS:There’s nothing dreadful to express in speech,No cruel hap, no stage catastropheThat I do not surpass a dozen lines! ATHENA:Apollo! what a prelude to your speech!
Ζεύς: οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν δεινὸν ὧδʼ εἰπεῖν ἔπος,οὐδὲ πάθος οὐδὲ συμφορὰ τραγῳδική,ἣν οὐκ ἰαμβείοις ὑπερπαίω δέκα. Ἀθήνη: Ἄπολλον, οἵοις φροιμίοις ἄρχῃ λόγου;
ZEUS:O utter vile hell-spawn of mother earth,And thou, Prometheus—thou hast hurt me sore! ATHENA:What isit? None will hear thee but thy kin.
Ζεύς:ὦ παγκάκιστα χθόνια γῆς παιδεύματα,σύ τʼ, ὦ Προμηθεῦ, οἷά μʼ εἴργασαι κακά. Ἀθήνη: τί δʼ ἐστί; πρὸς χορὸν γὰρ οἰκείων ἐρεῖς.
ZEUS:Thundering stroke of my whizzing bolt, what a deed shalt thou do me!
Ζεύς: ὦ μεγαλοσμαράγου στεροπᾶς ῥοίζημα, τί ῥέξεις;
HERA: Lull your anger to sleep, Zeus, seeing that I’m no hand either at comedy or at epic like these two, nor have I swallowed Euripides whole so as to be able to play up to you in your tragedy réle.
Ἥρα: Κοίμισον ὀργάν, εἰ μὴ κωμῳδίαν, ὦ Ζεῦ, δυνάμεθα ὑποκρίνεσθαι μηδὲ ῥαψῳδεῖν ὥσπερ οὗτοι μηδὲ τὸν Εὐριπίδην ὅλον καταπεπώκαμεν, ὥστε σοι ὑποτραγῳδεῖν.
2. HERA: Do you suppose we don’t know the reason of your. anguish?
2. Ἥρα: ἀγνοεῖν ἡμᾶς νομίζεις τὴν αἰτίαν τῆς λύπης ἥτις ἐστί σοι;
ZEUS:You know not: otherwise you ‘Id shriek andscream.
Ζεύς: οὐκ οἶσθʼ, ἐπεί τοι κἂν ἐκώκυες μέγα.
HERA: I know that the sum and substance of your troubles is a love-affair; I don’t shriek and scream, though, because I am used to it, as you have already affronted me many a time in this way. It is likely that you have found another Danae or Semele or Europa and are plagued by love, and that you are thinking of turning into a bull or a satyr or a shower of gold, to fall down through the roof into the lap of your sweetheart, for these symptoms—groans and_tears and paleness—belong to nothing but love.
Ἥρα: οἶδα τὸ κεφάλαιον αὐτὸ ὧν πάσχεις ὅτι ἐρωτικόν ἐστιν· οὐ μὴν κωκύω γε ὑπὸ ἔθους, ἤδη πολλάκις ὑβρισθεῖσα ὑπὸ σοῦ τὰ τοιαῦτα. εἰκὸς γοῦν ἤτοι Δανάην τινὰ ἢ Σεμέλην ἢ Εὐρώπην αὖθις εὑρόντα σε ἀνιᾶσθαι ὑπὸ τοῦ ἔρωτος, εἶτα βουλεύεσθαι ταῦρον ἢ σάτυρον ἢ χρυσὸν γενόμενον ῥυῆναι διὰ τοῦ ὀρόφου εἰς τὸν κόλπον τῆς ἀγαπωμένης· τὰ σημεῖα γὰρ ταῦτα, οἱ στεναγμοὶ καὶ τὰ δάκρυα καὶ τὸ ὠχρὸν εἶναι, οὐκ ἄλλου του ἢ ἔρωτός ἐστιν·.
ZEUS: You simple creature, to think that our circumstances permit of love-making and such pastimes!
Ζεύς: ὦ μακαρία, ἥτις ἐν ἔρωτι καὶ ταῖς τοιαύταις παιδιαῖς οἴει τὰ πράγματα ἡμῖν εἶναι.
HERA: Well, if that isn’t it, what else is plaguing you? Aren’t you Zeus?
Ἥρα: ἀλλὰ τί ἄλλο, εἰ μὴ τοῦτο, ἀνιᾷ σε Δία ὄντα;
3. ZEUS: Why, Hera, the circumstances of the gods are as bad as they can be, and as the saying goes, it rests on the edge of a razor whether we are still to be honoured and have our due on earth or are actually to be ignored completely and count for nothing.
3. Ζεύς: ἐν ἐσχάτοις, ὦ Ἥρα, τὰ θεῶν πράγματα, καὶ τοῦτο δὴ τὸ τοῦ λόγου, ἐπὶ ξυροῦ ἕστηκεν εἴτε χρὴ τιμᾶσθαι ἡμᾶς ἔτι καὶ τὰ γέρα ἔχειν τἀν τῇ γῇ εἴτε καὶ ἠμελῆσθαι παντάπασι καὶ τὸ μηδὲν εἶναι δοκεῖν.
HERA: It can’t be that the earth has once more given birth to giants, or that the Titans have burst their bonds and overpowered their guard, and are once more taking up arms against us?
Ἥρα: μῶν ἢ γίγαντάς τινας αὖθις ἡ γῆ ἔφυσεν, ἢ οἱ Τιτᾶνες διαρρήξαντες τὰ δεσμὰ καὶ τῆς φρουρᾶς ἐπικρατήσαντες αὖθις ἡμῖν ἐναντία αἴρονται τὰ ὅπλα;
ZEUS:Take heart: the gods have naught to fear from Hell.
Ζεύς: θάρσει, τὰ νέρθεν ἀσφαλῶς ἔχει θεοῖς.
HERA: Then what else that is terrible can happen? Unless something of that sort is worrying you, I don’t see why you should behave in our presence like a Polus or an Aristodemus instead of Zeus.
Ἥρα: τί οὖν ἄλλο δεινὸν ἂν γένοιτο; οὐχ ὁρῶ γάρ, ὅτε μὴ τὰ τοιαῦτα παραλυποῖ, ἐφʼ ὅτῳ Πῶλος ἢ Ἀριστόδημος ἀντὶ Διὸς ἡμῖν ἀναπέφηνας.
4. ZEUS: Why, Hera, Timocles the Stoic and Damis the Epicurean had a dispute about Providence yesterday (I don’t know how the discussion began) in the presence of a great many men of high standing, and it was that fact that annoyed me most. Damis asserted that gods did not even exist, to say nothing of overseeing or directing events, whereas Timocles, good soul that he is, tried to take our part. Then a large crowd collected and they did not finish the conversation; they broke up after agreeing to finish the discussion another day, and now everybody is in suspense to see which will get the better of it and appear to have more truth on his side of the argument. You see the danger, don’t you? We are in a tight place, for our interests are staked on a single man, and there are only two things that can happen—we must either be thrust aside in case they conclude that we are nothing but names, or else be honoured as before if Timocles gets the better of it in the argument.
4. Ζεύς: Τιμοκλῆς, ὦ Ἥρα, ὁ Στωϊκὸς καὶ Δᾶμις ὁ Ἐπικούρειος χθές, οὐκ οἶδα ὅθεν σφίσιν ἀρξαμένου τοῦ λόγου, προνοίας πέρι διελεγέσθην παρόντων μάλα συχνῶν καὶ δοκίμων ἀνθρώπων, ὅπερ μάλιστα ἠνίασέ με· καὶ ὁ μὲν Δᾶμις οὐδʼ εἶναι θεοὺς ἔφασκεν, οὐχ ὅπως τὰ γινόμενα ἐπισκοπεῖν ἢ διατάττειν, ὁ Τιμοκλῆς δὲ ὁ βέλτιστος ἐπειρᾶτο συναγωνίζεσθαι ἡμῖν· εἶτα ὄχλου πολλοῦ ἐπιρρυέντος οὐδὲν πέρας ἐγένετο τῆς συνουσίας· διελύθησαν γὰρ εἰσαῦθις ἐπισκέψεσθαι τὰ λοιπὰ συνθέμενοι, καὶ νῦν μετέωροι πάντες εἰσίν, ὁπότερος κρατήσει καὶ ἀληθέστερα δόξει λέγειν. ὁρᾶτε τὸν κίνδυνον, ὡς ἐν στενῷ παντάπασι τὰ ἡμέτερα, ἐν ἑνὶ ἀνδρὶ κινδυνευόμενα; καὶ δυοῖν θάτερον ἢ παρεῶσθαι ἀνάγκη, ὀνόματα μόνον εἶναι δόξαντας, ἢ τιμᾶσθαι ὥσπερ πρὸ τοῦ, ἢν ὁ Τιμοκλῆς ὑπέρσχῃ λέγων.
5. HERA: A dreadful situation in all conscience and it wasn’t for nothing, Zeus, that you ranted over it.
5. Ἥρα: δεινὰ ταῦτα ὡς ἀληθῶς, καὶ οὐ μάτην, ὦ Ζεῦ, ἐπετραγῴδεις αὐτοῖς.
ZEUS: And you supposed I was thinking of some Danaé or Antiope in all this confusion! Come now, Hermes and Hera and Athena, what can we do? You too, you know, must do your share of the planning.
Ζεύς: σὺ δὲ ᾤου Δανάης τινὸς ἢ Ἀντιόπης εἶναι μοι λόγον ἐν ταράχῳ τοσούτῳ. τί δʼ οὖν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ καὶ Ἥρα καὶ Ἀθηνᾶ, πράττοιμεν ἄν; συνευρίσκετε γὰρ καὶ αὐτοὶ τὸ μέρος.
HERMES: Ihold the question should be laid before the people; let’s call a meeting.
Ἑρμῆς: ἐγὼ μὲν ἐπὶ τὸ κοινόν φημι δεῖν τὴν σκέψιν ἐπανενεγκεῖν ἐκκλησίαν συναγαγόντα.
HERA: I think the same as he does. ATHENA: But I think differently, father. Let’s not stir Heaven all up and show that you are upset over the business: manage it yourself in such a way that Timocles will win in the argument and Damis will be laughed to scorn and abandon the field.
Ἥρα: κἀμοὶ ταὐτὰ συνδοκεῖ ἅπερ καὶ τούτῳ. Ἀθήνη: ἀλλʼ ἐμοὶ τἀναντία δοκεῖ, ὦ πάτερ, μὴ συνταράττειν τὸν οὐρανὸν μηδὲ δῆλον εἶναι θορυβούμενον τῷ πράγματι, πράττειν δὲ ἰδίᾳ ταῦτα ἐξ ὧν κρατήσει μὲν ὁ Τιμοκλῆς λέγων, ὁ Δᾶμις δὲ καταγελασθεὶς ἄπεισιν ἐκ τῆς συνουσίας.
HERMES: But people won’t fail to know of it, Zeus, as the philosophers are to have their dispute in public, and they will think you a tyrant if you don't call everyone into counsel on such important matters of common concern to all.
Ἑρμῆς: ἀλλʼ οὔτε ἀγνοήσεται ταῦτα, ὦ Ζεῦ, ἐν φανερῷ ἐσομένης τῆς ἔριδος τοῖς φιλοσόφοις, καὶ δόξεις τυραννικὸς εἶναι μὴ κοινούμενος περὶ τῶν οὕτω μεγάλων καὶ κοινῶν ἅπασιν.
6. ZEUS: Well then, make a proclamation and let everyone come; you are right in what you say.
6. Ζεύς: οὐκοῦν ἤδη κήρυττε καὶ παρέστωσαν ἅπαντες· ὀρθῶς γὰρ λέγεις.
HERMES: Hear ye, gods, assemble in meeting! Don’t delay! Assemble one and all! Come! We are to meet about important matters.
Ἑρμῆς: ἰδοὺ δὴ εἰς ἐκκλησίαν συνέλθετε οἱ θεοί· μὴ μέλλετε, συνέλθετε πάντες, ἥκετε, περὶ μεγάλων ἐκκλησιάσομεν.
ZEUS: Is that the sort of proclamation you make, Hermes, so bald and simple and prosaic, and that too when you are calling them together on business of the greatest importance?
Ζεύς: οὕτω ψιλά, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, καὶ ἁπλοϊκὰ καὶ πεζὰ κηρύττεις, καὶ ταῦτα ἐπὶ τοῖς μεγίστοις συγκαλῶν;
HERMES: Why, how do you want me to do it, Zeus?
Ἑρμῆς: ἀλλὰ πῶς γάρ, ὦ Ζεῦ, ἀξιοῖς;
ZEUS: How do I want you to do it? Ennoble your proclamation, I tell you, with metre and_highsounding, poetical words, so that they may be more eager to assemble.
Ζεύς: ὅπως ἀξιῶ; ἀποσέμνυνε, φημί, τὸ κήρυγμα μέτροις τισὶ καὶ μεγαλοφωνίᾳ ποιητικῇ, ὡς μᾶλλον συνέλθοιεν.
HERMES: Yes, but that, Zeus, is the business of epic poets and reciters, and I am not a bit of a poet, so that I shall ruin the proclamation by making my lines too long or too short and it will be a laughing-stock to them because of the limping verses. In fact I see that even Apollo gets laughed at for some of his oracles, although they are generally so beclouded with obscurity that those who hear them don’t have much chance to examine their metres.
Ἑρμῆς: ναί. ἀλλʼ ἐποποιῶν, ὦ Ζεῦ, καὶ ῥαψῳδῶν τὰ τοιαῦτα, ἐγὼ δὲ ἥκιστα ποιητικός εἰμι· ὥστε διαφθερῶ τὸ κήρυγμα ἢ ὑπέρμετρα ἢ ἐνδεᾶ συνείρων, καὶ γέλως ἔσται παρʼ αὐτοῖς ἐπὶ τῇ ἀμουσίᾳ τῶν ἐπῶν· ὁρῶ γοῦν καὶ τὸν Ἀπόλλω γελώμενον ἐπʼ ἐνίοις τῶν χρησμῶν, καίτοι ἐπικρυπτούσης τὰ πολλὰ τῆς ἀσαφείας, ὡς μὴ πάνυ σχολὴν ἄγειν τοὺς ἀκούοντας ἐξετάζειν τὰ μέτρα.
ZEUS: Well then, Hermes, put into the proclamation a lot of the verses which Homer used in calling us together; of course you remember them.
Ζεύς: οὐκοῦν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, τῶν Ὁμήρου ἐπῶν ἐγκαταμίγνυε τὰ πολλὰ τῷ κηρύγματι, οἷς ἐκεῖνος ἡμᾶς συνεκάλει· μεμνῆσθαι δέ σε εἰκός.
HERMES: Not at all as distinctly and readily as I might, but I'll have a try at it anyway:Never a man of the gods bide away nor ever a woman,Never a stream stay at home save only the river of Ocean,Never a Nymph; to the palace of Zeus you're to come in a body,There to confer. I bid all, whether feasters on hecatombs famous,Whether the class you belong to be middle or lowest, or evenNameless you sit beside altars that yield ye no savoury odours.
Ἑρμῆς: οὐ πάνυ μὲν οὕτω σαφῶς καὶ προχείρως· πειράσομαι δὲ ὅμως.μήτε τις οὖν θήλεια θεὸς... μήτε τις ἄρσην,μηδʼ αὖ τῶν ποταμῶν μενέτω νόσφʼ Ὠκεανοῖομηδέ τε νυμφάων, ἀλλʼ ἐς Διὸς ἔλθετε πάντεςεἰς ἀγορήν, ὅσσοι τε κλυτὰς δαίνυσθʼ ἑκατόμβας,ὅσσοι τʼ αὖ μέσατοι ἢ ὕστατοι ἢ μάλα πάγχυνώνυμνοι βωμοῖσι παρʼ ἀκνίσοισι κάθησθε.
7. ZEUS: Splendid, Hermes! an excellent proclamation, that. Indeed, they are coming together already, so take them in charge and seat each of them in his proper place according to his material and workmanhip, those of gold in the front row, then next to hem those of silver, then all those of ivory, then hose of bronze or stone, and among the latter let he gods made by Phidias or Alcamenes or Myron t Euphranor or such artists have precedence and et these vulgar, inartistic fellows huddle together in silence apart from the rest and just fill out the quorum.
7. Ζεύς: εὖ γε, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, ἄριστα κεκήρυκταί σοι, καὶ συνίασι γὰρ ἤδη· ὥστε παραλαμβάνων κάθιζε αὐτοὺς κατὰ τὴν ἀξίαν ἕκαστον, ὡς ἂν ὕλης ἢ τέχνης ἔχῃ, ἐν προεδρίᾳ μὲν τοὺς χρυσοῦς, εἶτα ἐπὶ τούτοις τοὺς ἀργυροῦς, εἶτα ἑξῆς ὁπόσοι ἐλεφάντινοι, εἶτα τοὺς χαλκοῦς ἢ λιθίνους, καὶ ἐν αὐτοῖς τούτοις οἱ Φειδίου μὲν ἢ Ἀλκαμένους ἢ Μύρωνος ἢ Εὐφράνορος ἢ τῶν ὁμοίων τεχνιτῶν προτετιμήσθων, οἱ συρφετώδεις δὲ οὗτοι καὶ ἄτεχνοι πόρρω που συνωσθέντες σιωπῇ ἀναπληρούντων μόνον τὴν ἐκκλησίαν.
HERMES: It shall be done, and they shall be seated properly; but I had better find out about this; if one of them is of gold and very heavy, yet not precise in workmanship but quite ordinary and misshapen, is he to sit in front of the bronzes of Myron and Polyclitus and the marbles of Phidias and Alcamenes, or is precedence to be given to the art?
Ἑρμῆς: ἔσται ταῦτα καὶ καθεδοῦνται ὡς προσήκει. ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνο οὐ χεῖρον εἰδέναι, ἤν τις αὐτῶν χρυσοῦς μὲν ᾖ καὶ πολυτάλαντος τὴν ὁλκήν, οὐκ ἀκριβὴς δὲ τὴν ἐργασίαν, ἀλλὰ κομιδῇ ἰδιωτικὸς καὶ ἀσύμμετρος, πρὸ τῶν χαλκῶν τῶν Μύρωνος καὶ Πολυκλείτου καὶ τῶν Φειδίου καὶ Ἀλκαμένους λιθίνων καθεδεῖται ἢ προτιμοτέραν χρὴ νομίζειν εἶναι τὴν τέχνην;
ZEUS: It ought to be that way, but gold must have precedence all the same.
Ζεύς: ἐχρῆν μὲν οὕτως, ἀλλʼ ὁ χρυσὸς ὅμως προτιμητέος.
HERMES: I understand: you tell me to seat them in order of wealth, not in order of merit; by valuation. Come to the front seats, then, you of gold.
Ἑρμῆς: μανθάνω· πλουτίνδην κελεύεις ἀλλὰ μὴ ἀριστίνδην καθίζειν, καὶ ἀπὸ τιμημάτων· ἥκετʼ οὖν εἰς τὴν προεδρίαν ὑμεῖς οἱ χρυσοῖ.
8. HERMES: It is likely, Zeus, that none but foreigners will occupy the front row, for as to the Greeks you yourself see what they are like, attractive, to be sure, and good looking and artistically made, but all of marble or bronze, nevertheless, or at most in the case of the very richest, of ivory with just a little gleam of gold, merely to the extent of being superficially tinged and brightened, within while even these are of wood and shelter whole droves of mice that keep court inside. But Bendis here and Anubis over there and Attis beside him and Mithras and Men are of solid gold and heavy and very valuable indeed.
8. Ἑρμῆς: ἐοίκασι δʼ οὖν, ὦ Ζεῦ, οἱ βαρβαρικοὶ προεδρεύσειν μόνοι· ὡς τούς γε Ἕλληνας ὁρᾷς ὁποῖοί εἰσι, χαρίεντες μὲν καὶ εὐπρόσωποι καὶ κατὰ τέχνην ἐσχηματισμένοι, λίθινοι δὲ ἢ χαλκοῖ ὅμως ἅπαντες ἢ οἵ γε πολυτελέστατοι αὐτῶν ἐλεφάντινοι ὀλίγον ὅσον τοῦ χρυσοῦ ἐπιστίλβον ἔχοντες, ὡς ἐπικεχράνθαι καὶ ἐπηυγάσθαι μόνον, τὰ δὲ ἔνδον ὑπόξυλοι καὶ οὗτοι, μυῶν ἀγέλας ὅλας ἐμπολιτευομένας σκέποντες· ἡ Βενδῖς δὲ αὕτη καὶ ὁ Ἄνουβις ἐκεινοσὶ καὶ παρʼ αὐτὸν ὁ Ἄττις καὶ ὁ Μίθρης καὶ ὁ Μὴν ὁλόχρυσοι καὶ βαρεῖς καὶ πολυτίμητοι ὡς ἀληθῶς.
9. POSEIDON: Now why is it right, Hermes, for this dog-faced fellow from Egypt to sit in front of me when I am Poseidon?
9. Ποσειδῶν: καὶ ποῦ τοῦτο, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, δίκαιον, τὸν κυνοπρόσωπον τοῦτον προκαθίζειν μου τὸν Αἰγύπτιον, καὶ ταῦτα Ποσειδῶνος ὄντος;
HERMES: That’s all very well, but Lysippus made you of bronze and a pauper because the Corinthians had no gold at that time, while this fellow is richer than you are by mines-full. So you must put up with being thrust aside and not be angry if one who has such a snout of gold is preferred before you.
Ἑρμῆς: ναί, ἀλλὰ σὲ μέν, ὦ ἐννοσίγαιε, χαλκοῦν ὁ Λύσιππος καὶ πτωχὸν ἐποίησεν, οὐκ ἐχόντων τότε Κορινθίων χρυσόν· οὗτος δὲ ὅλοις μετάλλοις πλουσιώτερός ἐστιν. ἀνέχεσθαι οὖν χρὴ παρεωσμένον, καὶ μὴ ἀγανακτεῖν εἴ τις ῥῖνα τηλικαύτην χρυσῆν ἔχων προτετιμήσεταί σου.
10. APHRODITE: Well then, Hermes, take me and seat me in the front row somewhere, for I am golden.HERMES: Not as far as I can see, Aphrodite: unless I am stone blind, you are of white marble, quarried on Pentelicus, no doubt, and then, the plan having approved itself to Praxiteles, turned iuto Aphrodite and put into the care of the Cnidians. APHRODITE: But I'll prove it to you by a competent witness, Homer, who says all up and down his lays that I am “golden Aphrodite.”
10. Ἀφροδίτη: οὐκοῦν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, κἀμὲ λαβὼν ἐν τοῖς προέδροις που κάθιζε· χρυσῆ γάρ εἰμι.Ἑρμῆς: οὐχ ὅσα γε, ὦ Ἀφροδίτη, κἀμὲ ὁρᾶν, ἀλλʼ εἰ μὴ πάνυ λημῶ, λίθου τοῦ λευκοῦ, Πεντέληθεν, οἶμαι, λιθοτομηθεῖσα, εἶτα δόξαν οὕτω Πραξιτέλει Ἀφροδίτη γενομένη Κνιδίοις παρεδόθης. Ἀφροδίτη: καὶ μὴν ἀξιόπιστόν σοι μάρτυρα τὸν Ὅμηρον παρέξομαι ἄνω καὶ κάτω τῶν ῥαψῳδιῶν χρυσῆν με τὴν Ἀφροδίτην εἶναι λέγοντα.
HERMES: Yes, and the same man said that Apollo was rich in gold and wealthy, but now you'll see that he too is sitting somewhere among the middle class, uncrowned by the pirates and robbed of the pegs of his lyre. So be content yourself if you are not quite classed with the common herd in the meeting.
Ἑρμῆς: καὶ γὰρ τὸν Ἀπόλλω ὁ αὐτὸς πολύχρυσον εἶναι ἔφη καὶ πλούσιον· ἀλλὰ νῦν ὄψει κἀκεῖνον ἐν τοῖς ζευγίταις που καθήμενον, ἀπεστεφανωμένον τε ὑπὸ τῶν λῃστῶν καὶ τοὺς κόλλοπας τῆς κιθάρας περισεσυλημένον. ὥστε ἀγάπα καὶ σὺ μὴ πάνυ ἐν τῷ θητικῷ ἐκκλησιάζουσα.
11. COLOSSUS OF RHODES: But who would make bold to rival me, when I ain Helius and so great in size? If the Rhodians had not wanted to make me monstrous and enormous, they might have made sixteen gods of gold at the same expense, so in virtue of this I should be considered more valuable. And I have art and precision of workmanship, too, for all my great size.HERMES: What’s to be done, Zeus? This is a hard question to decide, at least for me; for if I should consider the material, he is only bronze, but if I compute how many thousands it cost to cast him, he would be more than a millionaire.
11. Κολοσσός Ῥοδίων: ἐμοὶ δὲ τίς ἂν ἐρίσαι τολμήσειεν Ἡλίῳ τε ὄντι καὶ τηλικούτῳ τὸ μέγεθος; εἰ γοῦν μὴ ὑπερφυᾶ μηδὲ ὑπέρμετρον οἱ Ῥόδιοι κατασκευάσασθαί με ἠξίωσαν, ἀπὸ τοῦ ἴσου τελέσματος ἑκκαίδεκα χρυσοῦς θεοὺς ἐπεποίηντο ἄν· ὥστε ἀνάλογον πολυτελέστερος ἂν νομιζοίμην. καὶ πρόσεστιν ἡ τέχνη καὶ τῆς ἐργασίας τὸ ἀκριβὲς ἐν μεγέθει τοσούτῳ.Ἑρμῆς: τί, ὦ Ζεῦ, χρὴ ποιεῖν; δύσκριτον γὰρ ἐμοὶ γοῦν τοῦτο· εἰ μὲν γὰρ ἐς τὴν ὕλην ἀποβλέποιμι, χαλκοῦς ἐστιν, εἰ δὲ λογιζοίμην ἀφʼ ὁπόσων ταλάντων κεχάλκευται, ὑπὲρ τοὺς πεντακοσιομεδίμνους ἂν εἴη.
ZEUS: Oh, why had he to turn up to disparage the smallness of the others and to disarrange the seating? See here, most puissant of Rhodians, however much you may deserve precedence over those of gold, how can you sit in the front row unless everyone else is to be obliged to stand up so that you alone can sit down, occupying the whole Pnyx with one of your hams? Therefore you had better stand up during the meeting and stoop over the assembly.
Ζεύς: τί γὰρ ἔδει παρεῖναι καὶ τοῦτον ἐλέγξοντα τὴν τῶν ἄλλων μικρότητα καὶ ἐνοχλήσοντα τῇ καθέδρᾳ; πλὴν ἀλλʼ, ὦ Ῥοδίων ἄριστε, εἰ καὶ ὅτι μάλιστα προτιμητέος εἶ τῶν χρυσῶν, πῶς ἂν καὶ προεδρεύοις, εἰ μὴ δεήσει ἀναστῆναι πάντας ὡς μόνος καθέζοιο, τὴν Πνύκα ὅλην θατέρᾳ τῶν πυγῶν ἐπιλαβών; ὥστε ἄμεινον ποιήσεις ὀρθοστάδην ἐκκλησιάζων, ἐπικεκυφὼς τῷ συνεδρίῳ.
12. HERMES: Here is still another question that is hard to solve. Both of them are of bronze and of the same artistic merit, each being by Lysippus, and what is more they are equals in point of family, for both are sons of Zeus—I mean Dionysus here and Heracles. Which of them has precedence? Vor they are quarrelling, as you gee.
12. Ἑρμῆς: ἰδοὺ πάλιν ἄλλο δύσλυτον καὶ τοῦτο· χαλκῶ μὲν γὰρ ἀμφοτέρω ἐστὸν καὶ τέχνης τῆς αὐτῆς, Λυσίππου ἑκάτερον τὸ ἔργον, καὶ τὸ μέγιστον, ὁμοτίμω τὰ ἐς γένος, ἅτε δὴ Διὸς παῖδε, ὁ Διόνυσος οὑτοσὶ καὶ Ἡρακλῆς. πότερος οὖν αὐτῶν προκαθίζει; φιλονεικοῦσι γάρ, ὡς ὁρᾷς.
ZEUS: We are wasting time, Hermes, when we should have been holding our meeting long ago, so for the present let them sit promiscuously wherever each wishes; some other day we shall call a meeting about this, and I shall then decide what order of precedence should be fixed in their case.
Ζεύς: διατρίβομεν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, πάλαι δέον ἐκκλησιάζειν· ὥστε νῦν μὲν ἀναμὶξ καθιζόντων, ἔνθʼ ἂν ἕκαστος ἐθέλῃ, εἰσαῦθις δὲ ἀποδοθήσεται περὶ τούτων ἐκκλησία, κἀγὼ εἴσομαι τότε ἥντινα χρὴ ποιήσασθαι τὴν τάξιν ἐπʼ αὐτοῖς.
13. HERMES: Heracles! what a row they are making with their usual daily shouts: “Give us our shares!”’ “Where is the nectar?” “The ambrosia is all gone!” "Where are the hecatombs?” “Victims in common!”’
13. Ἑρμῆς: ἀλλʼ, Ἡράκλεις, ὡς θορυβοῦσι τὰ κοινὰ καὶ τὰ καθʼ ἡμέραν ταῦτα βοῶντες, διανομάς· ποῦ τὸ νέκταρ; ἡ ἀμβροσία ἐπέλιπεν· ποῦ αἱ ἑκατόμβαι; κοινὰς τὰς θυσίας.
ZEUS: Hush them up, Hermes, so that they may learn why they were called together, as soon as they have stopped this nonsense.
Ζεύς: κατασιώπησον αὐτούς, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, ὡς μάθωσιν ὅτου ἕνεκα συνελέγησαν τοὺς λήρους τούτους ἀφέντες.
HERMES: Not all of them understand Greek, Zeus, and I am no polyglot, to make a proclamation that Scyths and Persians and Thracians and Celts can understand. I had better sign to them with my hand, I think, and make them keep still.
Ἑρμῆς: οὐχ ἅπαντες, ὦ Ζεῦ, τὴν Ἑλλήνων φωνὴν συνιᾶσιν· ἐγὼ δὲ οὐ πολύγλωττός εἰμι, ὥστε καὶ Σκύθαις καὶ Πέρσαις καὶ Θρᾳξὶν καὶ Κελτοῖς συνετὰ κηρύττειν. ἄμεινον οὖν, οἶμαι, τῇ χειρὶ σημαίνειν καὶ παρακελεύεσθαι σιωπᾶν.
ZEUS: Do so.
Ζεύς: οὕτω ποίει.
14. HERMES: Good! There you have them, quieter than the sophists. It is time to make your speech, then. Come, come, they have been gazing at you this long time, waiting to see what in the world you are going to say.
14. Ἑρμῆς: εὖ γε, ἀφωνότεροι γεγένηνταί σοι τῶν σοφιστῶν. ὥστε ὥρα δημηγορεῖν. ὁρᾷς; πάλαι πρὸς σὲ ἀποβλέπουσι περιμένοντες ὅ τι καὶ ἐρεῖς.
ZEUS: Well, Hermes, I need not hesitate to tell you how I feel, since you are my son. You know how confident and loud-spoken I always was in our meetings?
Ζεύς: ἀλλʼ ὅ γε πέπονθα, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, οὐκ ἂν ὀκνήσαιμι πρὸς σὲ εἰπεῖν υἱὸν ὄντα. οἶσθα ὅπως θαρραλέος ἀεὶ καὶ μεγαληγόρος ἐν ταῖς ἐκκλησίαις ἦν.
HERMES: Yes, and I used to be frightened when I heard you making a speech, above all when you threatened to pull up the earth and the sea from their foundations, with the gods to boot, letting down that cord of gold.
Ἑρμῆς: οἶδα καὶ ἐδεδίειν γε ἀκούων σου δημηγοροῦντος, καὶ μάλιστα ὁπότε ἠπείλεις ἀνασπάσειν ἐκ βάθρων τὴν γῆν καὶ τὴν θάλασσαν αὐτοῖς θεοῖς τὴν σειρὰν ἐκείνην τὴν χρυσῆν καθείς.
ZEUS: But now, my boy, I don’t know whether because of the greatness of the impending disasters or because of the number of those present (for the meeting is packed with gods, as you see), I am confused in the head and trembly and my tongue seems to be tied; and what is strangest of all, I have forgotten the introduction to the whole matter, which I prepared in order that my beginning might present them “a countenance most fair.”
Ζεύς: ἀλλὰ νῦν, ὦ τέκνον, οὐκ οἶδα εἴτε ὑπὸ τοῦ μεγέθους τῶν ἐφεστώτων δεινῶν εἴτε καὶ ὑπὸ τοῦ πλήθους τῶν παρόντων — πολυθεωτάτη γάρ, ὡς ὁρᾷς, ἡ ἐκκλησία — διατετάραγμαι τὴν γνώμην καὶ ὑπότρομός εἰμι καὶ ἡ γλῶττά μοι πεπεδημένη ἔοικε· τὸ δὲ ἀτοπώτατον ἁπάντων, ἐπιλέλησμαι τὸ προοίμιον τῶν ὅλων, ὃ παρεσκευασάμην ὡς εὐπροσωποτάτη μοι ἡ ἀρχὴ γένοιτο πρὸς αὐτούς.
HERMES: You have spoiled everything, Zeus. They are suspicious of your silence and expect to hear about some extraordinary disaster because you are delaying.
Ἑρμῆς: ἀπολώλεκας, ὦ Ζεῦ, ἅπαντα· οἱ δὲ ὑποπτεύουσι τὴν σιωπὴν καί τι ὑπέρμεγα κακὸν ἀκούσεσθαι προσδοκῶσιν, ἐφʼ ὅτῳ σὺ διαμέλλεις.
ZEUS: Then do you want me to recite them my famous Homeric introduction?
Ζεύς: βούλει οὖν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, τὸ Ὁμηρικὸν ἐκεῖνο προοίμιον ἀναρραψῳδήσω πρὸς αὐτούς;
HERMES: Which one?
Ἑρμῆς: τὸ ποῖον;
ZEUS: "Hark to me, all of the gods, and all the goddesses likewise.”
Ζεύς: κέκλυτέ μευ πάντες τε θεοὶ πᾶσαί τε θέαιναι.
HERMES: Tut, tut! you gave ws enough of your parodies in the beginning. If you wish, however, you can stop your tiresome versification and deliver one of Demosthenes’ speeches against Philip, any one you choose, with but little modification. Indeed, that is the way most people make speeches nowadays.
Ἑρμῆς: ἄπαγε, ἱκανῶς καὶ πρὸς ἡμᾶς πεπαρῴδηταί σοι τὰ πρῶτα. πλὴν εἰ δοκεῖ, τὸ μὲν φορτικὸν τῶν μέτρων ἄφες, σὺ δὲ τῶν Δημοσθένους δημηγοριῶν τῶν κατὰ Φιλίππου ἥντινα ἂν ἐθέλῃς σύνειρε, ὀλίγα ἐναλλάττων· οὕτω γοῦν οἱ πολλοὶ νῦν ῥητορεύουσιν.
ZEUS: Good! That is a short cut to speechmaking and a timely help to anyone who doesn’t know what to say.
Ζεύς: εὖ λέγεις ἐπίτομόν τινα ῥητορείαν καὶ ῥᾳδιουργίαν ταύτην εὔκαιρον τοῖς ἀπορουμένοις.
15. HERMES: Do begin, then.
15. Ἑρμῆς: ἄρξαι δʼ οὖν ποτε.
ZEUS: Gentlemen of Heaven, in preference to great riches you would choose, I am sure, to learn why it is that you are now assembled. This being so, it behoves you to give my words an attentive hearing. The present crisis, gods, all but breaks out in speech and says that we must grapple stoutly with the issues of the day, but we, it seems to me, are treating them with great indifference. I now Jesire—my Demosthenes is running short, you see —to tell you plainly what it was that disturbed me nd mmade me call the meeting. Yesterday, as you know, when Mnesitheus the 1ip-captain made the offering for the deliverance of 's slip, which came near being lost off Caphereus, e banqueted at Piraeus, those of us whom nesitheus asked to the sacrifice. Then, after the atioms, you all went in different directions, wherpy each of you thought fit, but I myself, as it was Every late, went up to town to take my evening stroll in the Potters’ Quarter, reflecting as I went upon the stinginess of Mnesitheus. ‘To feast sixteen gods he had sacrificed only a cock, and a wheezy old cock at that, and four cakes of frankincense that were thoroughly well mildewed, so that they went right out on the coals and didn’t even give off enough smoke to smell with the tip of your nose; and yet he had promised whole herds of cattle while the ship was drifting on the rock and was inside the ledges.
Ζεύς: ἀντὶ πολλῶν ἄν, ὦ ἄνδρες θεοί, χρημάτων ὑμᾶς ἑλέσθαι νομίζω, εἰ φανερὸν γένοιτο ὑμῖν ὅ τι δή ποτε ἄρα τοῦτό ἐστιν ἐφʼ ὅτῳ νῦν συνελέγητε. ὅτε τοίνυν τοῦτο οὕτως ἔχει, προσήκει προθύμως ἀκροᾶσθαί μου λέγοντος. ὁ μὲν οὖν παρὼν καιρός, ὦ θεοί, μονονουχὶ λέγει φωνὴν ἀφιεὶς ὅτι τῶν παρόντων ἐρρωμένως ἀντιληπτέον ἡμῖν ἐστιν, ἡμεῖς δὲ πάνυ ὀλιγώρως ἔχειν δοκοῦμεν πρὸς αὐτά. βούλομαι δὲ ἤδη — καὶ γὰρ ἐπιλείπει ὁ Δημοσθένης — αὐτὰ ὑμῖν δηλῶσαι σαφῶς, ἐφʼ οἷς διαταραχθεὶς συνήγαγον τὴν ἐκκλησίαν. χθὲς γάρ, ὡς ἴστε, Μνησιθέου τοῦ ναυκλήρου θύσαντος τὰ σωτήρια ἐπὶ τῇ νηῒ ὀλίγου δεῖν ἀπολομένῃ περὶ τὸν Καφηρέα, εἱστιώμεθα ἐν Πειραιεῖ, ὁπόσους ἡμῶν ὁ Μνησίθεος ἐπὶ τὴν θυσίαν ἐκάλεσεν· εἶτα μετὰ τὰς σπονδὰς ὑμεῖς μὲν ἄλλος ἄλλην ἐτράπεσθε, ὡς ἑκάστῳ ἔδοξεν, ἐγὼ δὲ — οὐδέπω γὰρ πάνυ ὀψὲ ἦν — ἀνῆλθον ἐς τὸ ἄστυ ὡς περιπατήσαιμι τὸ δειλινὸν ἐν Κεραμεικῷ, ἐννοῶν ἅμα τοῦ Μνησιθέου τὴν μικρολογίαν, ὃς ἑκκαίδεκα θεοὺς ἑστιῶν ἀλεκτρυόνα μόνον κατέθυσε, γέροντα κἀκεῖνον ἤδη καὶ κορυζῶντα, καὶ λιβανωτοῦ χόνδρους τέτταρας εὖ μάλα εὐρωτιῶντας, ὡς αὐτίκα ἐπισβεσθῆναι τῷ ἄνθρακι, μηδὲ ὅσον ἄκρᾳ τῇ ῥινὶ ὀσφραίνεσθαι τοῦ καπνοῦ παρασχόντας, καὶ ταῦτα ἑκατόμβας ὅλας ὑποσχόμενος ὁπότε ἡ ναῦς ἤδη προσεφέρετο τῷ σκοπέλῳ καὶ ἐντὸς ἦν τῶν ἑρμάτων.
16. ZEUS: But when, thus reflecting, I had reached the Painted Porch, I saw a great number of men gathered together, some inside, in the porch itself, a number in the court, and one or two sitting on the seats bawling and straining their lungs. Guessing (as was indeed the case) that they were philosophers of the disputatious order, I decided to stop and hear what they were saying, and as I happened to be wrapped im one of my thick clouds, I dressed myself after their style and lengthened my beard with a pull, making myself very like a philosopher; then, elbowing the rabble aside, I went in without being recognized. I found the Epicurean Damis, that sly rogue, and Timocles the Stoic, the best man in the world, disputing madly: at least Timocles was sweating and had worn his voice out with shouting, while Damnis with his sardonic laughter was making him more and more excited.
16. Ζεύς: ἐπεὶ δὲ ταῦτα ἐννοῶν γίγνομαι κατὰ τὴν Ποικίλην, ὁρῶ πλῆθος ἀνθρώπων πάμπολυ συνεστηκός, ἐνίους μὲν ἔνδον ἐν αὐτῇ τῇ στοᾷ, πολλοὺς δὲ καὶ ἐν τῷ ὑπαίθρῳ, καί τινας βοῶντας καὶ διατεινομένους ἐπὶ τῶν θάκων καθημένους. εἰκάσας οὖν ὅπερ ἦν, φιλοσόφους εἶναι τῶν ἐριστικῶν τούτων, ἐβουλήθην ἐπιστὰς ἀκοῦσαι αὐτῶν ὅ τι καὶ λέγουσι· καὶ — ἔτυχον γὰρ νεφέλην τῶν παχειῶν περιβεβλημένος — σχηματίσας ἐμαυτὸν εἰς τὸν ἐκείνων τρόπον καὶ τὸν πώγωνα ἐπισπασάμενος εὖ μάλα ἐῴκειν φιλοσόφῳ· καὶ δὴ παραγκωνισάμενος τοὺς πολλοὺς εἰσέρχομαι ἀγνοούμενος ὅστις εἴην. εὑρίσκω τε τὸν Ἐπικούρειον Δᾶμιν, τὸν ἐπίτριπτον, καὶ Τιμοκλέα τὸν Στωϊκόν, ἀνδρῶν βέλτιστον, ἐκθύμως πάνυ ἐρίζοντας· ὁ γοῦν Τιμοκλῆς καὶ ἵδρου καὶ τὴν φωνὴν ἤδη ἐξεκέκοπτο ὑπὸ τῆς βοῆς, ὁ Δᾶμις δὲ τὸ σαρδάνιον ἐπιγελῶν ἔτι μᾶλλον παρώξυνε τὸν Τιμοκλέα.
17. ZEUS: Their whole discussion was about us. That confounded Damis asserted that we do not exercise any providence in behalf of men and do not oversee what goes on among them, saying nothing less than that we do not exist at all (for that isof course what his argument implied), and there were some who applauded him. The other, however, I mean Timocles, was on our side and fought for us and got angry and took our part in every way, praising our management and telling how we govern and direct everything in the appropriate order and system; and he too had some who applauded him. But finally he grew tired and began to speak badly and the crowd began to turn admiring eyes on Damis; so, seeing the danger, I ordered night to close in and break up the conference. They went away, therefore, after agreeing to carry the dispute to a conclusion the next day, and I myself, going along with the crowd, overheard them praising Damis’ views on their way home and even then far preferring his side: there were some, however, who recommended them not to condemn the other side in advance but to wait and see what Timocles would say the next day.
17. Ζεύς: ἦν δὲ ἄρα περὶ ἡμῶν ὁ πᾶς λόγος αὐτοῖς· ὁ μὲν γὰρ κατάρατος Δᾶμις οὔτε προνοεῖν ἡμᾶς ἔφασκε τῶν ἀνθρώπων οὔτʼ ἐπισκοπεῖν τὰ γινόμενα παρʼ αὐτοῖς, οὐδὲν ἄλλο ἢ μηδὲ ὅλως ἡμᾶς εἶναι λέγων· τοῦτο γὰρ αὐτῷ δηλαδὴ ὁ λόγος ἐδύνατο· καὶ ἦσάν τινες οἳ ἐπῄνουν αὐτόν. ὁ δʼ ἕτερος τὰ ἡμέτερα ὁ Τιμοκλῆς ἐφρόνει καὶ ὑπερεμάχει καὶ ἠγανάκτει καὶ πάντα τρόπον συνηγωνίζετο τὴν ἐπιμέλειαν ἡμῶν ἐπαινῶν καὶ διεξιὼν ὡς ἐν κόσμῳ καὶ τάξει τῇ προσηκούσῃ ἐξηγούμεθα καὶ διατάττομεν ἕκαστα· καὶ εἶχε μέν τινας καὶ αὐτὸς τοὺς ἐπαινοῦντας. πλὴν ἐκεκμήκει γὰρ ἤδη καὶ πονήρως ἐφώνει καὶ τὸ πλῆθος εἰς τὸν Δᾶμιν ἀπέβλεπε —, συνεὶς δὲ ἐγὼ τὸ κινδύνευμα τὴν νύκτα ἐκέλευσα περιχυθεῖσαν διαλῦσαι τὴν συνουσίαν. ἀπῆλθον οὖν εἰς τὴν ὑστεραίαν συνθέμενοι εἰς τέλος ἐπεξελεύσεσθαι τὸ σκέμμα, κἀγὼ παρομαρτῶν τοῖς πολλοῖς ἐπήκουον μεταξὺ ἀπιόντων οἴκαδε παρʼ αὑτοὺς ἐπαινούντων τὰ τοῦ Δάμιδος καὶ ἤδη παρὰ πολὺ αἱρουμένων τὰ ἐκείνου· ἦσαν δὲ καὶ οἱ μὴ ἀξιοῦντες προκατεγνωκέναι τῶν ἐναντίων ἀλλὰ περιμένειν εἴ τι καὶ ὁ Τιμοκλῆς αὔριον ἐρεῖ.
18. ZEUS: That is why I called you together, gods, and it is no trivial reason if you consider that all our honour and glory and revenue comes from men, and if they are convinced either that there are no gods at all or that if there are they have no thought of men, we shall be without sacrifices, without presents and without honours on earth and shall sit idle in Heaven in the grip of famine, choused out of our old-time feasts and celebrations and games and sacrifices and vigils and processions. Such being the issue, I say that all must try to think out something to save the situation for us, so that Timocles will win and be thought to have the truth on his side of the argument and Damis will be laughed to scorn by the audience: for I have very little confidence that Timocles will win by himself if he has not our backing. Therefore make your lawful proclamation, Hermes, so that they may arise and give counsel. HERMES: Hark! Hush! No noise! Who of the gods in full standing that have the right to speak wants to do so? What’s this? Nobody arises? Are you dumfounded by the greatness of the issues presented, that you hold your tongues?
18. Ζεύς: ταῦτʼ ἔστιν ἐφʼ οἷς ὑμᾶς συνεκάλεσα, οὐ μικρά, ὦ θεοί, εἰ λογιεῖσθε ὡς ἡ πᾶσα μὲν ἡμῖν τιμὴ καὶ δόξα καὶ πρόσοδος οἱ ἄνθρωποί εἰσιν· εἰ δʼ οὗτοι πεισθεῖεν ἢ μηδὲ ὅλως θεοὺς εἶναι ἢ ὄντας ἀπρονοήτους εἶναι σφῶν αὐτῶν, ἄθυτα καὶ ἀγέραστα καὶ ἀτίμητα ἡμῖν ἔσται τὰ ἐκ γῆς καὶ μάτην ἐν οὐρανῷ καθεδούμεθα λιμῷ ἐχόμενοι, ἑορτῶν ἐκείνων καὶ πανηγύρεων καὶ ἀγώνων καὶ θυσιῶν καὶ παννυχίδων καὶ πομπῶν στερούμενοι. ὡς οὖν ὑπὲρ τηλικούτων φημὶ δεῖν ἅπαντας ἐπινοεῖν τι σωτήριον τοῖς παροῦσι καὶ ἀφʼ ὅτου κρατήσει μὲν ὁ Τιμοκλῆς καὶ δόξει ἀληθέστερα λέγειν, ὁ Δᾶμις δὲ καταγελασθήσεται πρὸς τῶν ἀκουόντων· ὡς ἔγωγε οὐ πάνυ τῷ Τιμοκλεῖ πέποιθα ὡς κρατήσει καθʼ ἑαυτόν, ἢν μὴ καὶ τὰ παρʼ ἡμῶν αὐτῷ προσγένηται. κήρυττε οὖν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, τὸ κήρυγμα τὸ ἐκ τοῦ νόμου, ὡς ἀνιστάμενοι συμβουλεύοιεν.
19. MOMUS:Marry, you others may all into water and earth be converted;but as for me, if I were privileged to speak frankly, I would have a great deal to say.
19. Ἑρμῆς: ἄκουε, σίγα, μὴ τάραττε· τίς ἀγορεύειν βούλεται τῶν τελείων θεῶν, οἷς ἔξεστι; τί τοῦτο; οὐδεὶς ἀνίσταται, ἀλλʼ ἡσυχάζετε πρὸς τὸ μέγεθος τῶν ἠγγελμένων ἐκπεπληγμένοι;Μῶμος: ἀλλʼ ὑμεῖς μὲν πάντες ὕδωρ καὶ γαῖα γένοισθε· ἐγὼ δέ, εἴ γέ μοι μετὰ παρρησίας λέγειν δοθείη, πολλὰ ἄν, ὦ Ζεῦ, ἔχοιμι εἰπεῖν.
ZEUS: Speak, Momus, with full confidence, for it is clear that your frankness will be intended for our common good.
Ζεύς: λέγε, ὦ Μῶμε, πάνυ θαρρῶν· δῆλος γὰρ εἶ ἐπὶ τῷ συμφέροντι παρρησιασόμενος.
MOMUS: Well then, listen, gods, to what comes straight from the heart, as the saying goes. I quite expected that we should wind up in this helpless plight and that we should have a great crop of sophists like this, who get from us ourselves the justification for their temerity; and I vow by Themis that it is not right to be angry either at Epicurus or at his associates and successors in doctrine if they have formed such an idea of us. Why, what could one expect them to think when they see so much confusion in life, and see that the good men among them are neglected and waste away in poverty and illness and bondage while scoundrelly, pestilential fellows are highly honoured and have enormous wealth and lord it over their betters, and that templerobbers are not punished but escape, while men who are guiltless of all wrong-dving sometimes die by the cross or the scourge?
Μῶμος: οὐκοῦν ἀκούετε, ὦ θεοί, τά γε ἀπὸ καρδίας, φασίν· ἐγὼ γὰρ καὶ πάνυ προσεδόκων ἐς τόδε ἀμηχανίας περιστήσεσθαι τὰ ἡμέτερα καὶ πολλοὺς τοιούτους ἀναφύσεσθαι ἡμῖν σοφιστάς, παρʼ ἡμῶν αὐτῶν τὴν αἰτίαν τῆς τόλμης λαμβάνοντας· καὶ μὰ τὴν Θέμιν οὔτε τῷ Ἐπικούρῳ ἄξιον ὀργίζεσθαι οὔτε τοῖς ὁμιληταῖς αὐτοῦ καὶ διαδόχοις τῶν λόγων, εἰ τοιαῦτα περὶ ἡμῶν ὑπειλήφασιν. ἢ τί γὰρ αὐτοὺς ἀξιώσειέ τις ἂν φρονεῖν, ὁπόταν ὁρῶσι τοσαύτην ἐν τῷ βίῳ τὴν ταραχήν, καὶ τοὺς μὲν χρηστοὺς αὐτῶν ἀμελουμένους, ἐν πενίᾳ καὶ νόσοις καὶ δουλείᾳ καταφθειρομένους, παμπονήρους δὲ καὶ μιαροὺς ἀνθρώπους προτιμωμένους καὶ ὑπερπλουτοῦντας καὶ ἐπιτάττοντας τοῖς κρείττοσι, καὶ τοὺς μὲν ἱεροσύλους οὐ κολαζομένους ἀλλὰ διαλανθάνοντας, ἀνασκολοπιζομένους δὲ καὶ τυμπανιζομένους ἐνίοτε τοὺς οὐδὲν ἀδικοῦντας;
20. MOMUS: It is natural, then, that on seeing this they think of us as if we were nothing at all, especially when they hear the oracles saying that on crossing the Halys somebody will destroy a great kingdom, without indicating whether he will destroy his own or that of the enemy; and again“Glorious Salamis, death shalt thou bring to the children of women,for surely both Persians and Greeks were the children of women! And when the reciters tell them that we fall in love and get wounded and are thrown into chains and become slaves and quarrel among ourselves and have a thousand cares, and all this in spite of our claim to be blissful and deathless, are they not justified in laughing at us and holding us in no esteem? We, however, are vexed if any humans not wholly without wits criticize all this and reject our providence, when we ought to be glad if any of them continue to sacrifice to us, offending as we do.
20. Μῶμος: εἰκότως τοίνυν ταῦτα ὁρῶντες οὕτω διανοοῦνται περὶ ἡμῶν ὡς οὐδὲν ὅλως ὄντων, καὶ μάλιστα ὅταν ἀκούωσι τῶν χρησμῶν λεγόντων, ὡς διαβάς τις τὸν Ἅλυν μεγάλην ἀρχὴν καταλύσει, οὐ μέντοι δηλούντων, εἴτε τὴν αὑτοῦ εἴτε τὴν τῶν πολεμίων· καὶ πάλιν ὦ θείη Σαλαμίς, ἀπολεῖς δὲ σὺ τέκνα γυναικῶν. καὶ Πέρσαι γάρ, οἶμαι, καὶ Ἕλληνες γυναικῶν τέκνα ἦσαν. ὅταν μὲν γὰρ τῶν ῥαψῳδῶν ἀκούωσιν, ὅτι καὶ ἐρῶμεν καὶ τιτρωσκόμεθα καὶ δεσμούμεθα καὶ δουλεύομεν καὶ στασιάζομεν καὶ μυρία ὅσα πράγματα ἔχομεν, καὶ ταῦτα μακάριοι καὶ ἄφθαρτοι ἀξιοῦντες εἶναι, τί ἄλλο ἢ δικαίως καταγελῶσι καὶ ἐν οὐδενὶ λόγῳ τίθενται τὰ ἡμέτερα; ἡμεῖς δὲ ἀγανακτοῦμεν, εἴ τινες ἄνθρωποι ὄντες οὐ πάνυ ἀνόητοι διελέγχουσι ταῦτα καὶ τὴν πρόνοιαν ἡμῶν παρωθοῦνται, δέον ἀγαπᾶν εἴ τινες ἡμῖν ἔτι θύουσι τοιαῦτα ἐξαμαρτάνουσιν.
21. MOMUS: I beg you here and now, Zeus, as we are alone and there is no man in our gathering except Heracles and Dionysus and Ganymede and Asclepius, these naturalized aliens—answer me truly, have you ever had enough regard for those on earth to find out who are the good among them and who are the bad? No, you can’t say that you have! In fact, if Theseus on his way from Troezen to Athens had not incidentally done away with themarauders, as far as you and your providence are concerned nothing would hinder Sciron and Pityocamptes and Cereyon and the rest of them from continuing to live in luxury by slaughtering wayfarers. Andif Eurystheus, an upright man, full of providence, had not out of the love he bore his fellow men looked into the conditions everywhere and sent out this servant of his, a hard-working fellow eager for tasks, you, Zeus, would have paid little heed to the Hydra and the Stymphalian birds and the Thracian mares and the insolence and wantonness of the Centaurs.
21. Μῶμος: καί μοι ἐνταῦθα, ὦ Ζεῦ — μόνοι γάρ ἐσμεν καὶ οὐδεὶς ἄνθρωπος πάρεστι τῷ συλλόγῳ ἔξω Ἡρακλέους καὶ Διονύσου καὶ Γανυμήδους καὶ Ἀσκληπιοῦ, τῶν παρεγγράπτων τούτων — ἀπόκριναι μετʼ ἀληθείας, εἴ ποτέ σοι ἐμέλησεν ἐς τοσοῦτον τῶν ἐν τῇ γῇ, ὡς ἐξετάσαι οἵτινες αὐτῶν οἱ φαῦλοι ἢ οἵτινες οἱ χρηστοί εἰσιν· ἀλλʼ οὐκ ἂν εἴποις. εἰ γοῦν μὴ ὁ Θησεὺς ἐκ Τροιζῆνος εἰς Ἀθήνας ἰὼν ὁδοῦ πάρεργον ἐξέκοψε τοὺς κακούργους, ὅσον ἐπὶ σοὶ καὶ τῇ σῇ προνοίᾳ οὐδὲν ἂν ἐκώλυεν ζῆν ἐντρυφῶντας ταῖς τῶν ὁδῷ βαδιζόντων σφαγαῖς τὸν Σκείρωνα καὶ Πιτυοκάμπτην καὶ Κερκυόνα καὶ τοὺς ἄλλους· ἢ εἴ γε μὴ ὁ Εὐρυσθεύς, ἀνὴρ δίκαιος καὶ προνοητικός, ὑπὸ φιλανθρωπίας ἀναπυνθανόμενος τὰ παρʼ ἑκάστοις ἐξέπεμπε τουτονὶ τὸν οἰκέτην αὑτοῦ, ἐργατικὸν ἄνθρωπον καὶ πρόθυμον εἰς τοὺς πόνους, ὦ Ζεῦ, σὺ ὀλίγον ἐφρόντισας ἂν τῆς Ὕδρας καὶ τῶν ἐν Στυμφάλῳ ὀρνέων καὶ ἵππων τῶν Θρᾳκίων καὶ τῆς Κενταύρων ὕβρεως καὶ παροινίας.
22. MOMUS: If you would have me speak the truth, we sit here considering just one question, whether anybody is slaying victims and burning incense at our altars; everything else drifts with the current, swept aimlessly along. Therefore we are getting and shall continue to get no more than we deserve when men gradually begin to crane their necks upward and find out that it does them no good to sacrifice to us and hold processions. Then in a little while you shall see the Epicuruses and Metrodoruses and Damises laughing at us, and our pleaders overpowered and silenced by them. So it is for the rest of you to check and remedy all this, you who carried it so far. To me, being only Momus, it does not make much difference if I ain to be unhonoured, for even in bygone days I was not one of those in honour, while you are still fortunate and enjoy your sacrifices.
22. Μῶμος: ἀλλʼ εἰ χρὴ τἀληθῆ λέγειν, καθήμεθα τοῦτο μόνον ἐπιτηροῦντες, εἴ τις θύει καὶ κνισᾷ τοὺς βωμούς· τὰ δʼ ἄλλα κατὰ ῥοῦν φέρεται ὡς ἂν τύχῃ ἕκαστον παρασυρόμενα. τοιγαροῦν εἰκότα νῦν πάσχομεν καὶ ἔτι πεισόμεθα, ἐπειδὰν κατʼ ὀλίγον οἱ ἄνθρωποι ἀνακύπτοντες εὑρίσκωσιν οὐδὲν ὄφελος αὐτοῖς ὄν, εἰ θύοιεν ἡμῖν καὶ τὰς πομπὰς πέμποιεν. εἶτʼ ἐν βραχεῖ ὄψει καταγελῶντας τοὺς Ἐπικούρους καὶ Μητροδώρους καὶ Δάμιδας, κρατουμένους δὲ καὶ ἀποφραττομένους ὑπʼ αὐτῶν τοὺς ἡμετέρους συνηγόρους· ὥστε ὑμέτερον ἂν εἴη παύειν καὶ ἰᾶσθαι ταῦτα, τῶν καὶ ἐς τόδε αὐτὰ προαγαγόντων. Μώμῳ δὲ οὐ μέγας ὁ κίνδυνος, εἰ ἄτιμος ἔσται· οὐδὲ γὰρ πάλαι τῶν τιμωμένων ἦν, ὑμῶν ἔτι εὐτυχούντων καὶ τὰς θυσίας καρπουμένων.
23. ZEUS: Let us ignore this fellow’s nonsense, gods; he is always harsh and fault-finding. As that wonderful man Demosthenes says, to reproach and criticize and find fault is easy and anyone can do it, but to advise how a situation. may be improved requires a really wise counsellor; and this is what the rest of you will do, I am very sure, even if Momus says nothing.
23. Ζεύς: τοῦτον μέν, ὦ θεοί, ληρεῖν ἐάσωμεν ἀεὶ τραχὺν ὄντα καὶ ἐπιτιμητικόν· ὡς γὰρ ὁ θαυμαστὸς Δημοσθένης ἔφη, τὸ μὲν ἐγκαλέσαι καὶ μέμψασθαι καὶ ἐπιτιμῆσαι ῥᾴδιον καὶ παντός, τὸ δὲ ὅπως τὰ παρόντα βελτίω γενήσεται συμβουλεῦσαι, τοῦτʼ ἔμφρονος ὡς ἀληθῶς συμβούλου· ὅπερ οἱ ἄλλοι εὖ οἶδʼ ὅτι ποιήσετε καὶ τούτου σιωπῶντος.
24. POSEIDON: For my part I am pretty much subaqueous, as you know, and live by myself in the depths, doing my best to rescue sailors, speed vessels on their course and calm the winds. Nevertheless I am interested in matters here too, and I say that this Damis should be put out of the way before he enters the dispute, either with a thunderbolt or by some other means, for fear that he may get the better of it in the argument; for you say, Zeus, that he is a plausible fellow. At the same time we'll show them how we punish people who say such things against us.
24. Ποσειδῶν: ἐγὼ δὲ τὰ μὲν ἄλλα ὑποβρύχιός εἰμι, ὡς ἴστε, καὶ ἐν βυθῷ πολιτεύομαι κατʼ ἐμαυτόν, εἰς ὅσον ἐμοὶ δυνατὸν σώζων τοὺς πλέοντας καὶ παραπέμπων τὰ πλοῖα καὶ τοὺς ἀνέμους καταμαλάττων· ὅμως δʼ οὖν — μέλει γάρ μοι καὶ τῶν ἐνταῦθα — φημὶ δεῖν τὸν Δᾶμιν τοῦτον ἐκποδὼν ποιήσασθαι, πρὶν ἐπὶ τὴν ἔριν ἥκειν, ἤτοι κεραυνῷ ἤ τινι ἄλλῃ μηχανῇ, μὴ καὶ ὑπέρσχῃ λέγων — φὴς γάρ, ὦ Ζεῦ, πιθανόν τινα εἶναι αὐτόν· ἅμα γὰρ καὶ δείξομεν αὐτοῖς ὡς μετερχόμεθα τοὺς τὰ τοιαῦτα καθʼ ἡμῶν διεξιόντας.
25. ZEUS: Are you joking, Poseidon, or have you completely forgotten that nothing of the sort is in our power, but the Fates decide by their spinning that one man is to die by a thunderbolt, another by the sword and another by fever or consumption? If it lay in my power, do you suppose I would have let the temple-robbers get away from Olympia the other day unscathed by my thunderbolt, when they had shorn off two of my curls weighing six pounds apiece? Or would you yourself at Geraestus have allowed the fisherman from Oreus to filch your trident? Besides, it will look as if we were getting angry because we have been injured, and as if we feared the arguments of Damis and were making away with him for that reason, without waiting for him to be put to the proof by Timocles. Shall we not seem, then, to be winning by default if we win in that way?
25. Ζεύς: παίζεις, ὦ Πόσειδον, ἢ τέλεον ἐπιλέλησαι ὡς οὐδὲν ἐφʼ ἡμῖν τῶν τοιούτων ἐστίν, ἀλλʼ αἱ Μοῖραι ἑκάστῳ ἐπικλώθουσι, τὸν μὲν κεραυνῷ, τὸν δὲ ξίφει, τὸν δὲ πυρετῷ ἢ φθόῃ ἀποθανεῖν; ἐπεὶ εἴ γέ μοι ἐπʼ ἐξουσίας τὸ πρᾶγμα ἦν, εἴασα ἄν, οἴει, τοὺς ἱεροσύλους πρῴην ἀπελθεῖν ἀκεραυνώτους ἐκ Πίσης δύο μου τῶν πλοκάμων ἀποκείραντας ἓξ μνᾶς ἑκάτερον ἕλκοντας; ἢ σὺ αὐτὸς περιεῖδες ἂν ἐν Γεραιστῷ τὸν ἁλιέα τὸν ἐξ Ὠρεοῦ ὑφαιρούμενόν σου τὴν τρίαιναν; ἄλλως τε καὶ δόξομεν ἀγανακτεῖν λελυπημένοι τῷ πράγματι καὶ δεδιέναι τοὺς παρὰ τοῦ Δάμιδος λόγους καὶ διʼ αὐτὸ ἀποσκευάζεσθαι τὸν ἄνδρα, οὐ περιμείναντες ἀντεξετασθῆναι αὐτὸν τῷ Τιμοκλεῖ. ὥστε τί ἄλλο ἢ ἐξ ἐρήμης κρατεῖν οὕτω δόξομεν;
POSEIDON: Why, I supposed I had thought of a short cut to victory?
Ποσειδῶν: καὶ μὴν ἐπίτομόν τινα ταύτην ᾤμην ἐπινενοηκέναι ἔγωγε πρὸς τὴν νίκην.
ZEUS: Avast! a stockfish idea, Poseidon, downright stupid, to make away with your adversary in advance so that he may die undefeated, leaving the question still in dispute and unsettled!
Ζεύς: ἄπαγε, θυννῶδες τὸ ἐνθύμημα, ὦ Πόσειδον, καὶ κομιδῇ παχύ, προαναιρήσειν τὸν ἀνταγωνιστὴν ὡς ἀποθάνοι ἀήττητος, ἀμφήριστον ἔτι καὶ ἀδιάκριτον καταλιπὼν τὸν λόγον.
POSEIDON: Well, then, the rest of you think of something else that is better, since you relegate my ideas to the stockfish in that fashion.
Ποσειδῶν: οὐκοῦν ἄμεινόν τι ὑμεῖς ἄλλο ἐπινοεῖτε, εἰ τἀμὰ οὕτως ὑμῖν ἀποτεθύννισται.
26. APOLLO: If we young fellows without beards were permitted by law to take the floor, perhaps I might have made some contribution to the debate.
26. Ἀπόλλων: εἰ καὶ τοῖς νέοις ἔτι καὶ ἀγενείοις ἡμῖν ἐφεῖτο ἐκ τοῦ νόμου δημηγορεῖν, ἴσως ἂν εἶπόν τι συμφέρον εἰς τὴν διάσκεψιν.
MOMUS: In the first place, Apollo, the debate is on such great issues that the right to speak does not go by age but is open to all alike; for it would be delicious if when we were in direst danger we quibbled about our rights under the law. Secondly, according to law _ you are already fully entitled to the floor, for you came of age long ago and are registered in the list of the Twelve Gods and almost were a member of the council in the days of Cronus. So don’t play the boy with us: say what you think boldly, and don’t be sensitive about speaking without a beard when you have such a long-bearded, hairy-faced son in Asclepius. Besides, it would be in order for you to show your wisdom now or never, unless you sit on Helicon and talk philosophy with the Muses for nothing.
Μῶμος: ἡ μὲν σκέψις, ὦ Ἄπολλον, οὕτω περὶ μεγάλων, ὥστε μὴ καθʼ ἡλικίαν, ἀλλὰ κοινὸν ἅπασι προκεῖσθαι τὸν λόγον· χάριεν γάρ, εἰ περὶ τῶν ἐσχάτων κινδυνεύοντες περὶ τῆς ἐν τοῖς νόμοις ἐξουσίας μικρολογούμεθα. σὺ δὲ καὶ πάνυ ἤδη ἔννομος εἶ δημηγόρος, πρόπαλαι μὲν ἐξ ἐφήβων γεγονώς, ἐγγεγραμμένος δὲ ἐς τὸ τῶν δώδεκα ληξιαρχικόν, καὶ ὀλίγου δεῖν τῆς ἐπὶ Κρόνου βουλῆς ὤν· ὥστε μὴ μειρακιεύου πρὸς ἡμᾶς, ἀλλὰ λέγε θαρρῶν ἤδη τὰ δοκοῦντα, μηδὲν αἰδεσθεὶς εἰ ἀγένειος ὢν δημηγορήσεις, καὶ ταῦτα βαθυπώγωνα καὶ εὐγένειον οὕτως υἱὸν ἔχων τὸν Ἀσκληπιόν. ἄλλως τε καὶ πρέπον ἂν εἴη σοι νῦν μάλιστα ἐκφαίνειν τὴν σοφίαν, εἰ μὴ μάτην ἐν τῷ Ἑλικῶνι κάθησαι ταῖς Μούσαις συμφιλοσοφῶν.
APOLLO: But it is not for you to give such permission, Momus; it is for Zeus, and if he lets me perhaps I may say something not without sweetness and light and worthy of my study on Helicon.
Ἀπόλλων: ἀλλʼ οὐ σέ, ὦ Μῶμε, χρὴ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἐφιέναι, τὸν Δία δέ· καὶ ἢν οὗτος κελεύσῃ, τάχʼ ἄν τι οὐκ ἄμουσον εἴποιμι ἀλλὰ τῆς ἐν τῷ Ἑλικῶνι μελέτης ἄξιον.