PROLOGUE:ATTEND to me this day; good things I bring upon the stage; for I think ’tis very just that to the good good things should be brought; as likewise bad things to the bad; that those who are bad may have what’s bad, those who are good what’s good; bad men are bad because they hate the good; because the good contemn the bad, needs must be that they are good; and therefore, you are good since you have ever abhorred the bad; and both by your laws, Quirites, and by your legions, have you routed them with good success. In like manner now do you give your goodly attention to this goodly company, which is a good one, and. to good people brings this day good things. Ears, eyes, and understanding, shall be amply filled. He that comes hungry or thirsty to the theatre, the same shall carefully give his attention both through laughter and a sharpened stomach; while those who are full will laugh, the hungry will be carping. Now, if you are wise, you hungry ones, give place, and go away; you who are full, stand—aye, sit you down, and give attention. I shall not now divulge the plot, nor yet the name of this play—Pseudolus will fully do that. I imagine then and I think that this is enough which I have said to you. Where mirth, jokes, laughter, wine, and jollity, are the order of the day, the Graces, too, and propriety, joyousness, and delight; he who seeks for other things, that person appears to seek for evil. Away, then, with evil cares, as being men at your ease this day.’Tis better for your loins to be stretched, and for you to arise. A long play of Plautus is coming upon the stage.(Enter CALIDORUS and PSEUDOLUS from SIMO’S house.)PSEUDOLUS:If, master, by your being silent, I could be informed what miseries are afflicting you so sadly,I would willingly have spared the trouble of two persons—of myself in asking you, and of yourself in answering me. Since, however, that cannot be, necessity compels me to enquire of you. Answer me: What’s the reason that, out of spirits for these many days past,you’ve been carrying a letter about with you, washing it with your tears, and making no person the sharer of your purpose? Speak out, that what I am ignorant of, I may know together with yourself.
PROLOGVS:exporgi meliust lumbos atque exsurgier:Plautina longa fabula in scaenam venit.Psevdolvs:Si ex te tacente fieri possem certior,ere, quae miseriae te tam misere macerent,duorúm labori ego hominum parsissem lubens,mei te rogandi et tis respondendi mihi;nunc quoniam id fieri non potest, necessitasme subigit ut te rogitem. responde mihi:quid est quod tu exanimatus iam hos multos diesgestas tabellas tecum, eas lacrumis lavis,neque tui participem consili quemquam facis?eloquere, ut quod ego nescio id tecum sciam.
CALIDORUS:I am wretchedly miserable, Pseudolus.
Calidorvs:Misere miser sum, Pseudole.
PSEUDOLUS:May Jupiter forbid it!
Psevdolvs:Id te Iuppiterprohibessit.
CALIDORUS:This belongs not at all to the arbitration of Jupiter;under the sway of Venus am I harassed, not under that of Jove.
Calidorvs:Nihil hoc Iovis ad iudicium attinet:sub Veneris regno vapulo, non sub Iovis.
PSEUDOLUS:Is it allowable for me to know what it is? For hitherto you have had me as chief confidant in your plans.
Psevdolvs:Licet me id scire quid sit? nam tu me antidhacsupremum habuisti comitem consiliis tuis.
CALIDORUS:The same is now my intention.
Calidorvs:Idem animus nunc est.
PSEUDOLUS:Let me know then what’s the matter with you. I’ll aid you either with resources, or with my efforts, or with good counsel.
Psevdolvs:Face me certum quid tibist;iuvabo aut ré aut opera aut consilio bono.
CALIDORUS:Do you take this letter: do you thence inform yourself what misery and what care are wasting me away.PSEUDOLUS: (taking the letter.)
Calidorvs:Cape has tabellas, tute hinc narrato tibiquae me miseria et cura contabefacit.
Compliance shall be given you. But, prithee, how’s this?CALIDORUS:What’s the matter?
Psevdolvs:Mos tibi geretur. sed quid hoc, quaeso?Calidorvs:Quid est?
PSEUDOLUS:As I think, these letters are very loving; they are climbing on each other’s backs.
Psevdolvs:Vt opinor, quaerunt litterae hae sibi liberos:alia aliam scandit.
CALIDORUS:Are you making sport of me with your foolery?
Calidorvs:Ludis iam ludo tuo?
PSEUDOLUS:I’ faith, I really do believe that unless the Sibyl can read them, nobody else can possibly interpret them.
Psevdolvs:Has quidem pol credo nisi Sibulla legerit,interpretari álium posse neminem.
CALIDORUS:Why speak you unkindly of those sweet letters— sweet tablets too, written upon by a hand as sweet.
Calidorvs:Cur inclementer dicis lepidis litterislepidis tabellis lepida conscriptis manu?
PSEUDOLUS:Troth now, have hens, prithee, such hands?
Psevdolvs:An, opsecro hercle, habent quas gallinae manus?
For certainly a hen has written these letters.CALIDORUS:You are annoying me. Either read it or return the letter.
nam has quidem gallina scripsit.Calidorvs:Odiosus mihi es.lege vel tabellas redde.
PSEUDOLUS:Very well then, I’ll read it through. Give me your attention.
Psevdolvs:Immo enim pellegam.advortito animum.
CALIDORUS:That’s not here.
Calidorvs:Non adest.
PSEUDOLUS:Do you summon it then.
Psevdolvs:At tu cita.
CALIDORUS:Well, I’ll be silent; do you summon it from that wax there; for there my attention is at present, not in my breast.
Calidorvs:Immo ego tacebo, tu istinc ex cera cita;nam istic meus animus nunc est, non in pectore.
PSEUDOLUS:I see your mistress, Calidorus.
Psevdolvs:Tuam amicam video, Calidore.
CALIDORUS:Where is she, prithee?
Calidorvs:Vbi ea est, opsecro?
PSEUDOLUS:See, here she is at full length in the letter; she’s lying upon the wax.
Psevdolvs:Eccam in tabellis porrectam: in cera cubat.
CALIDORUS:Now, may the Gods and Goddesses, inasmuch—
Calidorvs:At te di deaeque quantumst—
PSEUDOLUS:Preserve me from harm, to wit.
Psevdolvs:Servassint quidem.
CALIDORUS:For a short season have I been like a summer plant; suddenly have I sprung up, suddenly have I withered.
Calidorvs:Quasi solstitialis herba paulisper fui:repente exortus sum, repentino occidi.
PSEUDOLUS:Be silent, while I read the letter through.
Psevdolvs:Tace, dúm tabellas pellego.
CALIDORUS:Why don’t you read it then?PSEUDOLUS: (reading.)
Calidorvs:Ergo quin legis?
“Phœnicium to her lover, Calidorus, by means of wax and string and letters, her exponents, sends health, and safety does she beg of you, weeping, and with palpitating feelings, heart, and breast.”
Psevdolvs:“Phoenicium Calidoro amatori suoper ceram et lignum litterasque interpretessalutem mittit et salutem abs te expetit,lacrumans titubanti ánimo, corde et pectore.”
CALIDORUS:I’m undone; I nowhere find, Pseudolus, this safety for me to send her back.
Calidorvs:Perii, salutem nusquam invenio, Pseudole,quam illi remittam.
PSEUDOLUS:What safety?
Psevdolvs:Quam salutem?
CALIDORUS:A silver one.
Calidorvs:Argenteam.
PSEUDOLUS:And do you wish to send her back a silver safety for one on wood? Consider what you’re about.
Psevdolvs:Pro lignean salute vis argenteamremittere illi? vide sis quam tu rem geras.
CALIDORUS:Read on now; I’ll soon cause you to know from the letterhow suddenly there’s need for me for one of silver to be found.PSEUDOLUS: (reading on.)
Calidorvs:Recita modo: ex tabellis iam faxo sciesquam subito argento mi usus invento siet.
“The procurer has sold me, my love, for twenty minae, to a Macedonian officer from abroad. Before he departed hence, the Captain paid him fifteen minae; only five minae now are remaining unpaid.”
Psevdolvs:“Leno me peregre militi Macedoniominis viginti vendidit, voluptas mea;et prius quam hinc abiit, quindecim miles minasdederat; nunc unae quinque remorantur minae.
“On that account the Captain left here a token—his own likeness impressed on wax by his ring—that he who should bring hither a token like to that, together with him the procurer might send me. The next day hence, on the Festival of Bacchus, is the one fixed for this matter.”
ea caúsa miles hic reliquit symbolum,expressam in cera ex anulo suam imaginem,ut qui huc adferret eius similem symbolum,cum eo simul me mitteret. ei rei dieshaec praestituta est, proxuma Dionysia.”
CALIDORUS:Well, that’s to-morrow;my ruin is near at hand, unless I have some help in you.
cras ea quidem sunt.Calidorvs:Prope adest exitium mihi,nisi quid mihi in te est auxili.
PSEUDOLUS:Let me read it through.
Psevdolvs:Sine pellegam.
CALIDORUS:I permit you; for I seem to myself to be talking to her. Read on; the sweet and the hitter are you now mingling together for me.PSEUDOLUS: (reading on.)
Calidorvs:Sino, nám mihi videor cúm ea fabularier;lege: dulce amarumque una nunc misces mihi.
“Now our loves, our tenderness, our intimacy,”“our mirth, our dalliance, our talking, our sweet kisses, the close embrace of us lovers equally fond, the soft, dear kisses impressed on our tender lips, the delicious pressing of the swelling bosom; of all these delights, I say, for me and for you as well,”“the severance, the destruction, and the downfal is at hand, unless there is some rescue for me in you or for you in me. I have taken care that you should know all these things that I have written; now shall I make trial how far you love me, and how far you pretend to do so.”
Psevdolvs:“Nunc nostri amores mores consuetudines,[iocus lúdus sermo suavisaviatio]compressiones artae amantum corporum,teneris labellis molles morsiunculae,[nostrorum órgiorum—iunculae]papillarum horridularum oppressiunculae,harunc voluptátum mi omnium atque itidem tibidistractio discidium vastities venit,nisi quae mihi in test aut tibist in me salus.haec quaé ego scivi ut scires curavi omnia;nunc ego te experiar quid ames, quid simules. vale.”
CALIDORUS:’Tis written, Pseudolus, in wretchedness.PSEUDOLUS:Alas! very wretchedly.
Calidorvs:Est misere scriptum, Pseudole.Psevdolvs:O, miserrime.
CALIDORUS:Why don’t you weep, then?
Calidorvs:Quin fles?
PSEUDOLUS:I’ve eyes of pumice stone; I can’t prevail upon them to squeeze out one tear even.
Psevdolvs:Pumiceos oculos habeo: non queolacrumam exorare ut expuant unam modo.
CALIDORUS:Why so?
Calidorvs:Quid ita?
PSEUDOLUS:My family was always a dryeyed one.
Psevdolvs:Genus nostrum semper siccoculum fuit.
CALIDORUS:Won’t you attempt to assist me at all?
Calidorvs:Nilne adiuvare me audes?
PSEUDOLUS:What shall I do for you?
Psevdolvs:Quid faciam tibi?
CALIDORUS:Alas!
Calidorvs:Eheú.
PSEUDOLUS:Alas! do you say? Well, don’t be sparing of them, i’ faith; I’ll give you plenty.
Psevdolvs:Eheu? id quidem hercle ne parsis: dabo.
CALIDORUS:I’m distracted. I nowhere can find any money to borrow.
Calidorvs:Miser sum, argentum nusquam invenio mutuom.
PSEUDOLUS:Alas!
Psevdolvs:Eheu.
CALIDORUS:Nor is there a single coin in the house.
Calidorvs:Neque intus nummus ullus est.
PSEUDOLUS:Alas!
Psevdolvs:Eheu.
CALIDORUS:He’s going to carry the damsel away to-morrow.
Calidorvs:Ille abducturus est mulierem cras.
PSEUDOLUS:Alas!
Psevdolvs:Eheu.
CALIDORUS:Is it in that fashion that you help me?
Calidorvs:Istocine pacto me adiuvas?
PSEUDOLUS:I give you that which I have; for I’ve a perpetual supply of those treasures in my house.
Psevdolvs:Do id quod mihi est;nam is mihi thensaurus iugis in nostra est domo.
CALIDORUS:It’s all over with me this very day. But can you now lend me one drachma, which I’ll pay you back to-morrow
Calidorvs:Actum est de me hodie. sed potes nunc mutuamdrachumam dare unam mihi, quam cras reddam tibi?
PSEUDOLUS:I’ faith, I hardly think I could, even though I should pawn myself for it. But what do you want to do with this drachma?
Psevdolvs:Vix hercle, opinor, si me opponam pignori.sed quid ea drachuma facere vis?
CALIDORUS:I want to purchase a halter for myself.
Calidorvs:Restim volomihi émere.
PSEUDOLUS:For what reason?
Psevdolvs:Quam ob rem?
CALIDORUS:With which to hang myself.
Calidorvs:Qui me faciam pensilem.
I’m determined, ere ’tis dark, to take a leap in the dark.
certum est mihi ante tenebras tenebras persequi.
PSEUDOLUS:Who then shall pay me back my drachma * * * *? Do you wish purposely to hang yourself for the very reason, that you may cheat mo out of my drachma if I lend it you?
Psevdolvs:Quis mi igitur drachumam reddet, si dedero tibi?an tu te ea caúsa vis sciens suspendereut me defraudes, drachumam si dederim tibi?
CALIDORUS:At all events, I can in nowise surviveif she’s removed and carried off from me.
Calidorvs:Profecto nullo pacto possum vivere,si illa a me abalienatur atque abducitur.
PSEUDOLUS:Why do you weep, you cuckoo? You shall survive.
Psevdolvs:Quid fles, cucule? vives.
CALIDORUS:Why should I not weep, who have neither a coin of silver in ready money, nor have the hope of a groat anywhere in the world?
Calidorvs:Quid ego ni fleam,quoi nec paratus nummus argenti sietneque libellai spes sit usquam gentium?
PSEUDOLUS:As I understand the tenor of this letter,unless you weep for her with tears of silver, the affection which you wish yourself by those tears to prove is of no more value than if you were to pour water into a sieve. But have no fear, I’ll not forsake you in your love. In troth, I do trust that this day, from some quarter or other, by my good aidI shall find you help in the money line. But whence that is to come,—that whence I know not how to pronounce; except only that so it shall be; my eyebrow twitches to that effect.
Psevdolvs:Vt litterarum ego harum sermonem audio,nisi tu illi lacrumis fleveris argenteis,quod tu istis lacrumis te probare postulas,non pluris refert quam si imbrem in cribrum geras.verum ego te amantem, ne pave, non deseram.spero alicunde hodie me bona opera aut hac meatibi inventurum esse auxilium argentarium.atque id futurum unde unde dicam nescio,nisi quia futurum est: ita supercilium salit.
CALIDORUS:As to what you say, I trust that your deeds may be as good as your words.
Calidorvs:Vtinam quae dicis dictis facta suppetant.
PSEUDOLUS:I’ faith, you surely know, if I set my plans a-going,after what fashion and how great is the bustle that I am in the habit of causing.
Psevdolvs:Scis tu quidem hercle, mea si commovi sacra,quo pacto et quantas soleam turbellas dare.
CALIDORUS:In you are now centred all the hopes of my existence.
Calidorvs:In te nunc omnes spes sunt aetati meae.
PSEUDOLUS:Is it enough, if I this day make this damsel to be yours, or if I find you twenty minae?
Psevdolvs:Satin est, si hanc hodie mulierem efficio tibitua ut sit, aut si tibi do viginti minas?
CALIDORUS:’Tis enough, if so it is to be.PSEUDOLUS:Ask of me twenty minae,that you may be assured that I’ll procure for you that which I have promised. Ask them of me, by my troth, prithee do; I long to make the promise.
Calidorvs:Satis, sí futurumst.Psevdolvs:Roga me viginti minas,ut me effecturum tibi quod promisi scias.roga, opsecro hercle. gestio promittere.
CALIDORUS:Will you this day find me twenty minae of silver?
Calidorvs:Dabisne argenti mi hodie viginti minas?
PSEUDOLUS:I will find them; be no more troublesome to me then. And this I tell you first, that you mayn’t deny that it was told you;
Psevdolvs:Dabo. molestus nunciam ne sis mihi.atque hoc, ne dictum tibi neges, dico prius:
if I can no one else, I’ll diddle your father out of the money.
si neminem alium potero, tuom tangam patrem.
CALIDORUS:So far as filial affection is concerned, even my mother as well. May the Gods always preserve you for me. But what if you are not able?
Calidorvs:Di te mihi semper servent. verum, si potest,pietatis causa—vel etiam matrem quoque.
PSEUDOLUS:Upon that matter do you go to sleep with either eye.
Psevdolvs:De istac re in oculum utrumvis conquiescito.
CALIDORUS:With the eye or with the ear?
Calidorvs:Oculum anne in aurem?
PSEUDOLUS:The latter is too common an expression.
Psevdolvs:At hoc pervolgatumst minus.
Now, that no one may affirm that it wasn’t told him, I tell you all (to the AUDIENCE), in the presence of the youths in this audience, and of all the people, to all my friends and all my acquaintances I give notice, that for this day they must guard against me, and not trust me.CALIDORUS:Hist! be silent, prithee, by all the powers!
nunc, ne quis dictum sibi neget, dico omnibuspube praesenti in contione: omni poplo,omnibus amicis notisque edico meis,in hunc diem a me ut caveant, ne credant mihi.Calidorvs:St, táce opsecro hércle.
PSEUDOLUS:What’s the matter?
Psevdolvs:Quid negoti est?
CALIDORUS:There was a noise at the procurer’s door.
Calidorvs:Ostiumlenonis crepuit.
PSEUDOLUS:I could only wish it were his legs in preference.
Psevdolvs:Crura mavellem modo.
CALIDORUS:Yes, and he himself is coming out from in-doors, the perjured scoundrel.(They stand at a distance.) (Enter BALLIO, with several MALE and FEMALE SLAVES, from his house.)
Calidorvs:Atque ipse egreditur intus, periuri caput.
BALLIO:Get out, come, out with you, you rascals, kept at a loss and bought at a loss, in the minds of not one of whom aught ever comes to do aright,of whom I can’t make a bit of use, unless I try it after this fashion. (He flogs the men all round.) At no time did I ever see human beings more like asses; so hardened are your ribs with stripes; when you flog them, you hurt yourself the most. Of such a disposition are these whipping-posts who follow this line of conduct; when the opportunity is given, pilfer, purloin, prig, plunder, drink, eat, and run away’s the word. Thisis their method, so that you would choose rather to leave wolves among sheep, than these fellows on guard in your house. Yet, when you look at their appearance, they don’t seem amiss; by their doings they deceive you. Now, therefore, unless you all of you give your attention to this charge, unless you remove drowsiness and sloth from your breasts and eyes,I’ll make your sides to be right thoroughly marked with thongs, so much so that not even Campanian coverlets are coloured as well, nor yet Alexandrian tapestry of purple embroidered with beasts all over. Even yesterday I already gave you all notice, and assigned to each his own respective employment; but so utterly worthless are you, so neglectful, of such stubborn dispositions,that you compel me to put you in mind of your duty with a basting. You are so minded I suppose, to get the better of this scourge and myself through the hardness of your hides. Never, i’ faith, will your hides prove harder, than is this cow-hide of mine. (He dangles it before them.) Do look at that, please; they are minding other matters. Attend to this, and give heed to this.
Ballio:Exíte, agite exite, ígnavi, male hábiti et male concíliati,quorúm numquam quicquám quoiquam venit ín mentem ut recté faciant,quibus, nísi ad hoc exemplum éxperior, non pótest usura usúrpari.neque ego hómines magis asinós numquam vidi, íta plagis costaé callent:quós quom ferias, tíbi plus noceas; éo enim ingenio hi súnt flagritribae,qui haéc habent cónsilia, úbi data occásiost, rape clépe tenehárpaga bibe és fuge: hocést eorum opus, ut mávelis lúpos apud ovis línquere,quam hós domi custodes.át faciem quom aspícias eorum, hau máli videntur: ópera fallunt.núnc adeo hanc edictionem nisi animum advortetis omnes,nisi somnum socordiamque ex pectore oculisque exmovetis,ita ego vestra latera loris faciam ut valide varia sint,ut né peristromáta quidem aeque pícta sint Campánicaneque Aléxandrina beluata tonsilia tappetia.atque héri iam edixeram omnibus dederamque eas provincias,verum ita vos estis praediti callenti ingenio ímprobi,officium vestrum ut vos malo cogatis commonerier;nempe íta animati éstis vos: vincítis duritia hoc átque me.hoc sis vide, ut alias res agunt. hoc ágite, hoc animum advortite,huc adhibete auris quae ego loquor, plagigera genera hóminum.numquam edepol vostrum durius tergum erit quam terginum hoc meum.
(He flogs one of them.) How now? Does it pain? Ah, that’s the way it’s laid on when any slave slights his master. Stand all of you before me, you race of mortals born to be thrashed; turn your ears this way; give attention all of you to what I say. You fellow who are holding the pitcher, do you fetch the water; do you take care that the cauldron’s full this instant. You, with the axe, I appoint over the wood-cutting department.
quid nunc? doletne? em sic datur, si quis erum servos spernit.adsistite omnes contra me et quae loquar advortite animum.tu qui urnam habes aquam ingere, face plenum ahenum sit coco.te cum securi caudicali praeficio provinciae.
SLAVES of Ballio.:But this one is blunted on the edge.BALLIO:Let it be so, then. And so are you yourselves with stripes;
Servvs:At haec retunsast.Ballio:Sine siet; itidem vos quoque estis plagis [omnes]:
yet am I for that reason any the less to enjoy your services? My orders I give to you, that the house be made clean. You have what you are to do; make haste, and go in-doors. (Exit FIRST SLAVE.) Be you the one that makes the couches smooth. Do you wash the plate clean, and arrange it in order as well, Take care that when I return from the Forum, I find things done; that all be swept, sprinkled, scoured, made smooth, cleaned, and arranged in order.
numqui minus ea gratia tamen omnium opera útor?tíbi hoc praecipio ut níteant aedes. hábes quod facias: própera, abi intro.tu esto lectisterniator. tu argentum eluito, idem exstruito.haec, quom ego a foro revortar, facite ut offendam parata,vorsa sparsa, tersa strata, lautaque unctaque omnia ut sint.
For this day is my birthday; it befits you all to celebrate it. Take care to lay the gammon of bacon, the brawn, the collared neck, and the udder, in water; do you hear me? I wish to entertain tip-top men in first-rate style, that they may fancy that I have property. Go you in-doors, and get these things ready quickly, that there may be no delay when the cook comes. I’m going to market, that I may make purchase of whatever fish is there.
nam mi hódie natalís dies est, decet éum omnis vos concélebrare.pernám callum glandiúm sumen facito ín aqua iaceant. sátin audis?magnífice volo me víros summos accípere, ut mihi rem essé reantur.intro abíte atque haec cito célerate, ne móra quae sit, cocus cum veniat;ego eo ín macellum, ut píscium quidquíd ibist pretio praéstinem.
Boy, go you before me; I must have a care that no one cuts away my purse. Or wait there; there’s something that I had almost forgotten to say at home. Do you hear me, you women? I have this charge for you—you, misses of distinction, who spend your time with illustrious men in refinements, luxury, and delights; now shall I know and make trial this day,which one has regard for her liberty, which for her appetite which thinks on her business, which on sleeping only: this day I’ll make trial which I must think of as a freed-woman, and which as one to be sold. Take you care that many a present from your lovers comes in for me this day; for if your year’s board isn’t picked up for me, to-morrow I’ll turn you adrift on the public. You know that this is my birthday; where are those youths, the apples of whose eyes you are,whose very existence, whose delight you are? Where are your kisses, where your bosoms sweet as honey? Make the bearers of presents to come here then, for my sake, before this house, in whole regiments. Why am I to find clothes for you, gold trinkets, and those things which you need? What have I, you jades, through your means, except vexation, you women, eager for nothing but the wine? You are a-soaking away yourselves and your paunches too, at the very time that I’m here a-dry.
i, púere, prae; ne quísquam pertundát cruminam caútiost.vel ópperire, est quód domi dicére paene fui oblítus.audítin? vobis, múlieres, hanc hábeo edictiónem.vós, quae in munditiís, mollitiis déliciisque aetátulam agitis,viris cúm summis, inclútae amicae, nunc égo scibo atque hodie éxperiar,quae cápiti, quae ventri óperam det, quae suaé rei, quae somnó studeat;quam líbertam fore míhi credam et quam vénalem, hodie expériar.facite hódie ut mihi munéra multa huc ab amátoribus convéniant.nam nísi mihi penus annúos hodie † convenit, cras populo prostituam vos.natálem scitis mi ésse diem hunc: ubi istí sunt quibus vos óculi estis,quibus vítae, quibus delíciae estis, quibus sávia, mammia, méllillae?maniplátim mihi munérigeruli facite ánte aedis iam hic ádsint.cur égo vestem, aurum atque éa quibus est vobís usus, prahibeo? aút quid midomi nísi malum vestra operást hodie? improbaé vini modo cúpidae estis:eo vós † vestros panticesque adeo madefáctatis, quom ego sim híc siccus.
Now, therefore, this is the best thing to do; for me to call you each by her name, that no one of you may be declaring to me by-and-by that her business hasn’t been told her. Give attention, all of you. In the first place, Hedylium, my business is with you—you, who are the favorite of the corn-merchants, men who have, all of them, immense mountains of wheat piled up at home;
nunc ádeo hoc factust óptumum, ut nomíne quemque appellem suo,ne díctum esse actutúm sibi quaepiám vostrarum míhi neget:advórtite animum cúnctae.princípio, Hedytium, técum ago, quae amíca es frumentáriis,quibus cúnctis montes máxumi [acervi] frumenti súnt domi:
take you care that wheat is brought here for me, to suffice this year to come for myself and all my household, and that I may so abound in corn that the city may change my name for me, and instead of the procurer Ballio proclaim me King lasions.CALIDORUS: (apart.)
fac sís sit delatum húc mihi fruméntum, hunc annum quód satis,mi et fámiliae omni sít meae, atque ádeo ut frumento áfluam,ut cívitas nomén mihi commútet meque ut praédicetlenóne ex Ballióne regem Iásonem.
Do you hear what the gallows-bird is saying? … Doesn’t he seem a regular boaster to you?PSEUDOLUS: (apart.)
Calidorvs:Aúdin, furcifér quae loquitur? sátin magnificus tíbi videtur?
I’ troth the fellow does, and a wicked one as well. But hush now, and give attention to this.
Psevdolvs:Pól iste, atque etiam málificus.séd tace atque hanc rém gere.
BALLIO:Aeschrodora, you who have for your patrons the butchers, those rivals of the procurers, who, just like ourselves, by false oaths seek their gains, do you listen; unless the three larders shall be crammed for me this day with carcases of ample weight, to-morrow, just as they say that formerly the two sons of Jupiter fastened Dirceto the bull, aye, this day as well, will I tie you up to the larder; that, in fact, shall be your bull.
Ballio:Aéschrodora, tú quae amicos tíbi habes lenonum aémuloslánios, qui, item ut nós iurando, iúre malo male quaérunt rem, audi:nísi carnariá tria gravida tégoribus onere úberi hodiemíhi erunt, cras te quási Dircam olim, ut mémorant, duo gnatí Iovisdévinxere ad taúrum, item ego te dístringam ad carnárium;íd tibi profecto taúrus fiet.
CALIDORUS: (apart.)I’m quite enraged by the talk of this fellow;
Calidorvs:Nímis sermone huius íra incendor.
that we should suffer the youth of Attica to encourage here this fellow! Where are they—where are they skulking, they of mature age, who have their amorous dealings with this procurer? Why don’t they meet? Why don’t they one and all deliver the public from this pestilence?
Psevdolvs:Húncine hic hominém paticólere iuventutem átticam?úbi sunt, ubi latént quibus aetas íntegra est, qui amant á lenone?quín conveniunt? quín una omnes péste hac populum hunc líberant?
But I am very simple, and very ignorant; they would venture, of course, to do that to those, to whom their passions compel them, to their misfortune, to be subservient, and, at the same time, prevent them from doing that against them which they would rather wish to do.PSEUDOLUS: (apart.)Hush!CALIDORUS: (apart.)What’s the matter?
sed nímium stultus, nímis fui indóctus: illine aúdeantid fácere quibus ut sérviantsuos ámor cogit?[simul prohibet faciant adversum eos quod nolunt]Calidorvs:Vah táce.
PSEUDOLUS: (apart.)
Psevdolvs:Quid est?
Pshaw! you are not very obliging. Why are you drowning his talk by your noise?CALIDORUS: (apart.)
Calidorvs:Male mórigeru’s es mihi, quóm sermoni huius óbsonas.
I’ll be silent.PSEUDOLUS: (apart.)But I’d much rather you would be silent, than that you should say you will be silent.
Psevdolvs:Táceo.Calidorvs:At taceas málo multo quám tacere dicas.
BALLIO:And you,Xystilis, take you care and give me your attention—you whose fanciers have large quantities of oil at home. If oil shall not be brought me here forthwith in leathern bags, I’ll to-morrow cause yourself to be carried off in a leathern bag to the prostitutes’ shambles.
Ballio:Tu aútem,Xýstilis, fac ut ánimum advortas, quóius amatorés oliviδύναμιν domi habent máxumam.sí mihi non iam huc cúlleisóleum deportátum erit,te ípsam culleo égo cras faciam ut déportere—in pérgulam;
There a bed shall be given you, I warrant, where you can have no rest, but where, even to downright fainting— You understand what’s the tendency of that which I’m saying? Will you tell me, you viper you, you who have so many of your fanciers so right well laden with their oil,is now the head of any one of your fellow-slaves a bit the better anointed by your means, or do I, myself, get my dainty morsels a bit the better seasoned with oil for it? But I understand— you don’t care much about oil; with wine you anoint yourself. Only wait a bit; by my troth I’ll punish you for all at one spell, unless indeed this day you contrive to manage all these things that I’ve been speaking of.
íbi tibi adeo léctus dabitur, úbi tu hau somnum cápias, sed ubiúsque ad languorém—tenesquó se haec tendant quaé loquor.áin, excetra tu? quaé tibi amicos tót habes tam probe óleo onustos,num quoípiam est hodié tua tuorum ópera conservórumnítidiusculúm caput? aut num ipse égo pulmento utór magisúnctiusculó? sed scio, tu óleum hau magni péndis, vinoté devincis. síne modo,réprehendam hercle ego cúncta una opera, nísi quidem hodie tu ómniafácis effecta haec út loquor.
But as for you, Phœnicium, I tell you this, you pet of the mighty men—you who have been for so long a time always paying down to me your money for your liberty—you who only know how to promise, but don’t know how to pay what you have promised; unless this day all your keep is brought me here out of the stores of your customers, to-morrow, Phœnicium, with a true Phœnician hide, you’ll pay a visit to the strumpets’ shambles.(The SLAVES go into the house of BALLIO.) (CALIDORUS and PSEUDOLUS come forward. BALLIO stands near his door.)
tu aútem, quae pro cápite argentum míhi iam iamque sémper numeras,éa pacisci módo scis, sed quod pácta es non scis sólvere,Phoenícium, tibi ego haéc loquor, delíciae summatúm virum:nísi hodie mi ex fúndis tuorum amícorum omne huc pénus adfertur,crás Phoeniciúm poeniceo cório invises pérgulam.
CALIDORUS:Pseudolus, don’t you hear what he says?
Calidorvs:Pseudóle, non audis quae híc loquitur?
PSEUDOLUS:I hear it, master, and I give good heed.
Psevdolvs:Audío, ere, equidem atque animum ádvorto.
CALIDORUS:What do you advise me to send him, that he mayn’t devote my mistress to dishonor?
Calidorvs:Quid mi és auctor, huic út mittam, ne amícam hic meam prostítuat?
PSEUDOLUS:Don’t you trouble yourself about that; be of cheerful mind. I’ll manage for myself and for you. For some time past I’ve been on terms of goodwill with him, and he with me; and our friendship is of old standing. I’ll send him this day, on his birthday, a mischief heavy and well-matured.
Psevdolvs:Nil cúrassis, liquido és animo: ego pró me et pro te cúrabo.iam díu ego huic bene et hic míhi volumus, et amícitia est antíqua:mittam hódie huic suo die nátali malam rém magnam et matúram.
CALIDORUS:What’s the plan?
Calidorvs:Quid opúst?
PSEUDOLUS:Can’t you attend to something else?
Psevdolvs:Potin aliam rem út cures?
CALIDORUS:But—
Calidorvs:At—
PSEUDOLUS:Tut.
Psevdolvs:Bát.
CALIDORUS:I’m distracted.
Calidorvs:Crucior.
PSEUDOLUS:Harden your heart.
Psevdolvs:Cor dúra.
CALIDORUS:I cannot.
Calidorvs:Non póssum.
PSEUDOLUS:Make yourself to can.
Psevdolvs:Fac possís.
CALIDORUS:By what means, pray, can I prevail upon my feelings?
Calidorvs:Quonam pactó possim?
PSEUDOLUS:Carry you out that which is to your advantage, rather than give heed with your feelings to the thing that’s disadvantageous.
Psevdolvs:Vince ánimum.in rém quod sit praevórtaris quam in re ádvorsa animo auscúltes.
CALIDORUS:That’s nonsense; there is no pleasure, unless a lover acts like a fool.
Calidorvs:Nugae ístaec sunt: non iúcundumst nisi amáns facit stulte.
PSEUDOLUS:Do you persist?
Psevdolvs:Pérgin?
CALIDORUS:O my dear Pseudolus, let me be undone—do let me, please.
Calidorvs:O Pseúdole mi, sine sím nihili,mitte mé sis.
PSEUDOLUS:I’ll let you; only let me go.(Going.)
Psevdolvs:Sino, modo ego ábeam.
CALIDORUS:Stay, stay. As you shall, then, wish me to be, so will I be.
Calidorvs:Mane, máne, iam ut voles med ésse ita ero.
PSEUDOLUS:Now, at last, you are in your senses.BALLIO: (coming forward from the door of his house to the other side of the stage.)
Psevdolvs:Nunc tú sapis.
The day is passing; I’m causing delay to myself. Boy, do you go before me.(Moves as if going.)CALIDORUS:Hallo there! he’s going; why don’t you call him back?
Ballio:ít dies; egó mihi cesso.í prae, puere.Calidorvs:Heus, ábit. quin revocas?
PSEUDOLUS:Why in such a hurry? Gently.
Psevdolvs:Quíd properas? placide.
CALIDORUS:But before he’s gone.
Calidorvs:át prius quam abeat.
BALLIO:Why the plague do you go so slowly, boy?
Ballio:Quíd [hoc], malum, tam plácide is, puere?
PSEUDOLUS:You born on this day, hallo! you born on this day; I’m calling to you; hallo! you born on this day, come you back and look at us. Although you are busy,we want you; stop—it’s because some persons want to speak to you.
Psevdolvs:Hódie nate, heus, hódie nate, tíbi ego dico, heus, hódie nate,redi ét respice ád nos. tamétsi occupátu’s es,morámur. mane, ém conloquí qui volúnt te.
BALLIO:What’s this? Who is it, when I’m busy, causes me unseasonable delay?
Ballio:Quid hóc est? quis ést qui morám mi occupátomoléstam optulit?
PSEUDOLUS:He that has been your supporter.
Psevdolvs:Qui tibí sospitalisfuít.
BALLIO:He’s dead that has been; only he that is, is now alive.
Ballio:Mortuóst qui fuít: qui sit úsust.
PSEUDOLUS:You are too saucy.
Psevdolvs:Nímis superbe.
BALLIO:You are too troublesome.(Turns away to go on.)
Ballio:Nímis molestus.
CALIDORUS:Seize the fellow: follow him up.
Calidorvs:Réprehende hominem, adséquere.
BALLIO:Go on, boy.
Ballio:I puere.
PSEUDOLUS:Let’s go and meet him this way.(They run and stand before him.)
Psevdolvs:Occédamus hác obviám.
BALLIO:May Jupiter confound you, whoever you are.
Ballio:Iuppitér teperdát, quisquis és.
PSEUDOLUS:That for yourself I wish.
Psevdolvs:Te volo.
BALLIO:And for both of you do I. Turn you this way, boy.(Takes another direction.)
Ballio:át vos ego ámbos.vorte hác te, puere.
PSEUDOLUS:May we not speak with you?
Psevdolvs:Non licét conloquí te?
BALLIO:Why, it doesn’t please me.
Ballio:At míhi non lubét.
PSEUDOLUS:But if it’s something to your advantage?
Psevdolvs:Sin tuámst quippiam ín rem?
BALLIO:Am I allowed to go away, pray, or am I not?
Ballio:Licétne, opsecró, bitere án non licet?
PSEUDOLUS:Pshaw!Stop.(Catches hold of him.)
Psevdolvs:Vah,mánta.
BALLIO:Let me go.
Ballio:Omitte.
CALIDORUS:Ballio, listen.
Calidorvs:Bállio, audi.
BALLIO:I’m deaf.CALIDORUS:Really, you are uncivil.BALLIO:You are a chatterer of nonsense.
Ballio:Súrdus sum † profecto inanilogistae.
CALIDORUS:I gave you money so long as I had it.
Calidorvs:Dedí dum fuít.
BALLIO:I’m not asking what you gave.
Ballio:Non petó quod dedísti.
CALIDORUS:I’ll give you some when I have it.
Calidorvs:Dabó quando erít.
BALLIO:When you have it, bring it to me.
Ballio:Ducitó quando habébis.
CALIDORUS:Alas, alas! In what a foolish fashion have I lavished what I brought to you, and what I gave you.
Calidorvs:éheu, quam ego malis pérdidi modisquód tibi détuli et quód dedi.
BALLIO:Your wealth defunct,you now are talking about it; you are a simpleton, a cause that has been tried you are trying over again.
Ballio:Mórtuavérba re núnc facis; stúltus es, rem áctam agis.
PSEUDOLUS:At least consider him, who he is.
Psevdolvs:Nósce saltem húnc quis est.
BALLIO:I’ve known for a long time now who he was; who he now is, let him know himself. Do you walk on (to the BOY).
Ballio:Iám diu scioquí fuit: núnc qui sit ipsús sciat.ámbula tú.
PSEUDOLUS:And can’t you, Ballio, only once give a look this way for your own profit?
Psevdolvs:Potin út semel modo,Bállio, huc cúm lucro respícias?
BALLIO:At that price I’ll give a look; for if I were sacrificing to supreme Jupiter, and were presenting the entrails in my hands to lay them on the altar, if in the meanwhile anything in the way of profit were offered, I should in preference forsake the sacrifice. There’s no being able to resist that sort of piety, however other things go.PSEUDOLUS: (aside.)
Ballio:Réspiciam istoc prétio; nam si sácruficem summó Ioviatque in manibus exta teneam, ut poriciam, interea locisi lucri quid detur, potius rem divinam deseram.non potest pietati opsisti huíc, utut rés sunt ceterae.
The very Gods, whom it is especially our duty to reverence—them he esteems of little value.
Psevdolvs:Deos quidem, quos maxume aequom est metuere, eos minimi facit.
BALLIO:I’ll speak to him. Hail to you, right heartily, the very vilest slave in Athens.
Ballio:Compellabo. salve multum, serve Athenis pessume.
PSEUDOLUS:May the Gods and Goddesses favour you, Ballio, both at his wish and at my own; or, if you are deserving of other terms, let them neither favour nor bless you.
Psevdolvs:Di te deaeque ament vel huius arbitratu vel meo,vel, si dignu’s es alio pacto, neque ament nec faciant bene.
BALLIO:What’s the matter, Calidorus?
Ballio:Quid agitur, Calidore?
CALIDORUS:Love and pinching want are the matter.
Calidorvs:Amatur atque egetur acriter.
BALLIO:I would pity you, if, upon pity I could support my establishment.
Ballio:Misereat, si familiam alere possim misericordia.
PSEUDOLUS:Aye, aye, we know you quite well, what sort of character you are; don’t be proclaiming it. But do you know what we want?
Psevdolvs:Heia, scimus nos quidem te qualis sis; ne praedices.sed scin quid nos volumus?
BALLIO:I’ faith, I know it pretty nearly; that there may be something unfortunate for me.
Ballio:Pol ego propemodum: ut male sit mihi.
PSEUDOLUS:Both to that and this for which we called you back, prithee do give your attention.
Psevdolvs:Et id et hoc quod te revocamus. quaeso animum advorte.
BALLIO:I am attending; but compress into a few words what you want, as I’m busy now.
Ballio:Audio.atque in pauca, ut occupatus nunc sum, confer quid velis.
PSEUDOLUS:He (pointing to CALIDORUS) is quite ashamed about what he promised you, and the day for which he promised it,that he hasn’t even yet paid you those twenty minae for his mistress.
Psevdolvs:Hunc pudet, quod tibi promisit quaque id promisit die,quia tibi minas viginti pró amica etiam non dedit.
BALLIO:That which we are ashamed at is much more easily endured than that which we are vexed at. At not having paid the money, he is ashamed; I, because I have not received it, am vexed.
Ballio:Nimio id quod pudet facilius fertur quam illud quod piget.non dedisse istunc pudet: me quia non accepi piget.
PSEUDOLUS:Still, he’ll pay it, he’ll procure it; do you only wait some days to come. But he has been afraid of this, that you’ll sell her on account of his embarrassment.
Psevdolvs:At dabit, parabit: aliquot hos dies manta modo.nám hic id metuit, ne illam vendas ob simultatem suam.
BALLIO:He had an opportunity, had he wished, of paying the money long ago.
Ballio:Fuit occasio, si vellet, iam pridem argentum ut daret.
CALIDORUS:What if I had it not?
Calidorvs:Quid, si non habui?
BALLIO:If you had been in love, you would have found it on loan. You would have gone to the usurer; you would have paid the interest; or else you would have pilfered it from your father.
Ballio:Si amabas, invenires mutuom,ad danistam devenires, adderes faenusculum,surruperes patri.
PSEUDOLUS:Ought he to have pilfered it from his father, you most shameless villain? There is no fear that you’ll point out to him anything that’s right.
Psevdolvs:Surruperet hic patri, audacissume?non periclumst ne quid recte monstres.
BALLIO:That’s not like a procurer.
Ballio:Non lenoniumst.
CALIDORUS:And could I possibly pilfer anything from my father, an old man so much on his guard? And besides, if I could do so, filial affection forbids.
Calidorvs:Egon patri surrupere possim quicquam, tam cauto seni?atque adeo, si facere possim, pietas prohibet.
BALLIO:I understand you; do you then at night embrace filial affection in place of Phœnicium. But since I see you prefer your filial affection to your love—are all men your fathers? Is there no one for you to askto lend you some money?
Ballio:Audio.pietatem ergo istam amplexator noctu pro Phoenicio.sed cum pietatem te amori video tuo praevortere,omnes ⟨homines⟩ tibi patres sunt? nullus est tibi quem rogesmutuom argentum?
CALIDORUS:Why, the very name of lending’s dead and gone by this.
Calidorvs:Quin nomen quoque iam interiit mutuom.
PSEUDOLUS:Look you now; since, i’ faith, those fellows arose from the banker’s table, with a filled skin, who, when they called in their own, paid what they had borrowed to no born creature, since then, I say, all people have been more cautious not to trust another.
Psevdolvs:Heus tu, postquam hercle isti a mensa surgunt satis poti viri,qui suom repetunt, alienum reddunt nato nemini,postilla omnes cautiores sunt, ne credant alteri.
CALIDORUS:Most wretched am I; nowhere am I able to find a coin of silver;
Calidorvs:Nimis miser sum, nummum nusquam reperire argenti queo;
so distractedly am I perishing both through love and want of money.
ita miser et amore pereo et inopia argentaria.
BALLIO:Buy oil on credit, and sell it for ready money; then, i’ faith, even two hundred minae ready money might be raised.
Ballio:Eme die caeca hercle olivom, id vendito oculata die:iam hercle vel ducentae fieri possunt praesentes minae.
CALIDORUS:There I’m done; the twenty-five year old law founders me. All are afraid to trust me.
Calidorvs:Perii, annorum lex me perdit quinavicenaria.metuont credere omnes.
BALLIO:The same law have I. I’m afraid to trust you.
Ballio:Eadem est mihi lex: metuo credere.
PSEUDOLUS:To trust him, indeed! How now, do you repent of the great profit he has been to you?
Psevdolvs:Credere autem? eho an paenitet te, quanto hic fuerit usui?
BALLIO:No lover is a profitable one, except him who keeps continually making presents. Either let him be always giving, or when he has nothing, let him at the same time cease to be in love.
Ballio:Non est usu quisquam amator nisi qui perpetuat data;det, det usque: quando nil sit, simul amare desinat.
CALIDORUS:And don’t you pity me at all?
Calidorvs:Nilne te miseret?
BALLIO:You come empty-handed; words don’t chink. But I wish you life and health.
Ballio:Inanis cedis, dicta non sonant.atque ego te vivom salvomque vellem.
PSEUDOLUS:Heyday! Is he dead already?
Psevdolvs:Eho an iam mortuost?
BALLIO:However he is, to me indeed, at all events, with these speeches, he is dead. Then, does a lover really live, when he comes begging to a procurer? Do you always come to me with a complaint that brings its money. As for that, which you are now lamenting about, that you have got no money, complain of it to your stepmother.
Ballio:Vtut est, mihi quidem profecto cum istis dictis mortuost:ilico vixit amator, ubi lenoni supplicat.semper tu ad me cum argentata accedito querimonia;nam istuc quod nunc lamentare, non esse argentum tibi,apud novercam querere.
PSEUDOLUS:Why, have you ever been married to his father, pray?
Psevdolvs:Eho an umquam tu huius nupsisti patri?
BALLIO:May the Gods grant better things.
Ballio:Di melius faciant.
PSEUDOLUS:Do what we ask you, Ballio, on my credit, if you are afraid to trust him. Within the next three days, from some quarter, in some way, either by land or sea, I’ll rout up this money for you.
Psevdolvs:Face hoc quod te rogamus, Ballio,mea fide, si isti formidas credere. ego in hoc triduoaut terra aut marí alicunde evolvam id argentum tibi.
BALLIO:I, trust you?
Ballio:Tibi ego credam?
PSEUDOLUS:Why not?
Psevdolvs:Quor non?
BALLIO:Because, i’ faith, on the same principle that I trust you, on that principle I should tie a run-away dog to a lamb’s fry.
Ballio:Quia pol quá opera credam tibi,una opera alligem fugitivam canem agninis lactibus.
CALIDORUS:Is the obligation thus ungratefully returned by you to me, who have deserved so well of you?
Calidorvs:Sicine mi abs te bene merenti male refertur gratia?
BALLIO:What do you want now?
Ballio:Quid nunc vis?
CALIDORUS:That you will only wait these six days of the Feast, and will not sell her or prove the death of the person who loves her.
Calidorvs:Vt opperiare hos sex dies aliquos modo,ne illam vendas neu me perdas hominem amantem.
BALLIO:Be of good courage; I’ll wait six months even.
Ballio:Animo bono es.vel sex menses opperibor.
CALIDORUS:Capital—most delightful man!
Calidorvs:Euge, homo lepidissume.
BALLIO:Aye; and do you wish, too, that from joyful I should make you even more joyous?
Ballio:Immo vin etiam te faciam ex laeto laetantem magis?
CALIDORUS:How so?
Calidorvs:Quid iam?
BALLIO:Why, because I’ve got no Phœnicium to sell.
Ballio:Quia enim non venalem iám habeo Phoenicium.
CALIDORUS:Not got her?
Calidorvs:Non habes?
BALLIO:I’ faith, not I, indeed.
Ballio:Non hercle vero.