GELASIMUS, a Parasite. STICHUS, the servant of Epignomus. SAGARINUS, the servant of Pamphilus. PINACIUM, In the former Editions he is called Dinacium. a boy. A PIPER. PHILUMENA, In the former Editions she is called Panegyris. the wife of Epignomus. PAMPHILA, In the former Editions she is called Pinacium. the wife of Pamphilus, and sister of Philumena. CROCOTIUM, a female servant of Philumena. STEPHANIUM, a female kitchen servant of Pamphila.(Enter PHILUMENA and PAMPHILA.PHILUMENA:Sister, I think that Penelope was wretched from her very soul, who was so long deprived of her husband; for from our own fortunes, whose husbands are absent from us, we judge of her feelings;for whose affairs, still, in their absence, both night and day, sister, as is becoming, we are ever anxious.PAMPHILA:’Tis right that we should do our duty; and we do not that any further than affection bids us.PHILUMENA:But, sister, step this way a moment; I wantto speak about the affairs of my husband.PAMPHILA:Ain’t they prospering, pray?PHILUMENA:I hope and wish so, indeed. But, sister, at this am I vexed, that your and my father, one who is esteemed as especially honorable among all his fellow-citizens, should be now acting the part of a dishonorable man;who is undeservedly doing so great an injustice to our absent husbands, and is wishing to separate us from them. These things, sister, render me tired of existence; these things are a care and a vexation to me.(She sheds tears.)PAMPHILA:Weep not, sister, nor do that to your feelings which your father is threatening to do.’Tis to be hoped that he will act more righteously. I know him well; he says these things in jest; and he would not earn for himself the mountains of the Persians,which are said to be of gold, to do that of which you are in dread. Still, if he does do it, it befits you by no means to be angry; nor will it happen without some reason.For this is the third year since our husbands have been away from home.PHILUMENA:’Tis as you say; while, in the meantime, they may be living, and may be well, they do not make us acquainted where they are, what they are doing, whether they are doing well, neither do they return.PAMPHILA:And do you, sister, regret this, that they do not observe their duty, whereas you do yours?PHILUMENA:Troth, I do.PAMPHILA:Hold your peace, if you please; take care, please, that I hear not that same thing from you in future.PHILUMENA:And why, pray?PAMPHILA:Because, i’ faith, in my opinion,’tis proper for all prudent peopleto observe and to do their duty. For that reason, sister, although you are the older, I advise you to remember your duty; and if they are unjust and act otherwise to us than is right, then, i’ faith, in exactly the same degree,that there may be no further mischief, it befits us studiously to remember our duty by all means in our power.PHILUMENA:’Tis good; I’m silenced.PAMPHILA:But do take care and remember it.PHILUMENA:I do not wish, sister, to be thought to be unmindful of my husband; nor has he thrown away the distinction that he conferred upon me.For, by my troth, his kindness is pleasing and delightful to me; and, really, this choice of mine is not now irksome to me, nor is there any reason why I should wish to abandon this match. But, in fine,’tis placed in our father’s power; that must be done by us which our relatives enjoin.PAMPHILA:I know it, and in thinking of it I am overwhelmed with grief; for already has he almost disclosed his sentiments.PHILUMENA:Let us consider, then, what is necessary for us to do.
Panegyris:Crédo egó miserámfuísse Penelopam,sorór, suo ex animo,quae tám diu viduaviró suo caruit;nam nós eius ánimumde nóstris factis nóscimus, quarúm viri hinc ápsunt,quorúmque nos negótiis apséntum, ita ut aéquom est,sollícitae noctes ét dies, sorór, sumus sémper.Soror:Nostrum ófficiumnos fácere aequomst,neque id mágis facimusquam nós monet píetas.sed híc, soror, assíde dum: multá volo tecumloquí de re viri.Panegyris:Salvéne, amabo?Soror:Speró quidem et volo; sed hóc, soror, crúcior,patrém tuom meúmque adeo, unice qui unus †civíbus ex omnibus probús perhibetur,eúm nunc improbi viri ófficio uti,virís qui tantas apséntibus nóstrisfacit íniurias imméritonosque áb eis abducére volt.haec rés vitae me, sóror, saturant,haec míhi dividiae et sénio sunt.Panegyris:Ne lácruma, soror, neu túo id animofac quod tíbi tuos pater faceré minatur:spes ést eum melius fácturum.novi égo illum: ioculo istaec dicit,neque illé sibi mereat Pérsarummontís, qui esse aurei pérhibentur,ut istúc faciat quod tú metuis.tamen sí faciat, minime irascidecet, néque id immerito evéniet.nam víri nostri domo ut ábierunt,hic tértius annus.Soror:Ita út memoras.Panegyris:Quom ipsi ínterea vivánt, valeant,ubi sínt, quid agant, ecquíd agant,neque párticipant nos, néque redeunt.Soror:An id dóles, soror, quia illi suom ófficiumnon cólunt, quom tu tuom fácis?Panegyris:Ita pol.Soror:Tace sís, cave sis audíam ego istucposthác ex te.Panegyris:Nam quíd iam?Soror:Quia pól meo animo omnis sápientissuom offícium aequom est colere ét facere.quam ob rem égo te hoc, soror, tametsi és maior,moneo, út tuom memineris ófficium:etsi ílli improbi sint átque aliternobís faciant quam aequómst, tam polne quíd magis simus … omnibus obníxe opibusnostrum ófficium meminísse decet.Panegyris:Placet; táceo.Soror:At memineris fácito.Panegyris:Nolo égo, soror, me credi esse immemorem viri,neque ille éos honores, mihi quos habuit, perdidit;nam pol mihi grata acceptaque eiust benignitas.et me quidem haec condicio nunc non paenitet,neque est cur [non] studeam has nuptias mutarier;verum postremo in patris potestate est situm:faciendum id nobis quod parentes imperant.Soror:Scio, atque in cogitando maerore augeor,nam propemodum iam ostendit suam sententiam.Panegyris:[Igitur quaeramus, nobis quid facto usus sit.]
(Enter ANTIPHO from his house, speaking at the door to his SERVANTS.)ANTIPHO:The man in condition of a servant who always waits to be told his duty, and doesn’t remember to do it of his own accord, that servant, I say, is not of a deserving character.You remember well on each returning Calends to ask for your allotment of provisions; why, then, do you less remember to do what is necessary to do about the house? Now, therefore, if, when I return, the furniture shall not be set for me, each piece in its proper place, I’ll be putting you in mind with a bull’s hide remembrancer. Not human beings seem to be living with me, but pigs.Take care, if you please, that my house is clean, when I return home. I shall soon be back home; I’m going to her house, to see my eldest daughter. If any one should enquire for me, call me thence, some of you; or—I shall be here soon myself.
Antipho:Quí manet ut moneatur semper servos homo officium suomnec voluntáte id facere meminit, servos is habitu hau probust.vos meministis quot kalendis petere demensum cibum:qui minus méministis quod opus sit facto facere in aedibus?iam quidem in súo quicqué loco nisi erit mihi situm supellectilis,quom ego revortar, vos monimentis commonefaciam bubulis.non homines habitare mecum mi hic videntur, sed sues.facite sultis, nitidae ut aedes meae sint, quom redeam domum.iam ego domi adero: ad meam maiorem filiam inviso modo;siquis me quaéret, inde vocátote aliqui; aut iam egomet hic ero.Soror:Quid agimus, soror, si óffirmabit pater adversum nos?
PHILUMENA: (aside.)What are we to do, sister, if our father shall resolve against us?PAMPHILA:It befits us to submit to what he does whose power is the stronger.By entreating, not by opposing, I think we must use our endeavours. If with mildness we ask for favour, I trust to obtain it of him. Oppose him we cannot, without disgrace and extreme criminality; I will neither do that myself, nor will I give you the advice to do it, but rather that we should entreat him. I know our family; he will yield to entreaty.
Panegyris:Patinos oportet quod ille faciat, cuius potestas plus potest.exorando, haud adversando sumendam operam censeo:gratiam per si petimus, spero áb eo impetrassere;adversari sine dedecore et scelere summo haud possumus,neque equidem id factura neque tu ut facias consilium dabo,verum ut exoremus. novi ego nostros: exorabilest.
ANTIPHO: (speaking to himself.)In the first place, in what manner I should make a beginning with them, about that I am in doubt; whether I should accost them in language couched in ambiguous terms, after this fashion, as though I had never pretended anything at all against them, or whether as though I had heard that they were deserving of some censure against them; whether I should rather try them gently or with threats. I know that there will be opposition; I know my daughters right well.If they should prefer to remain here rather than to marry afresh, why, let them do so. What need is there for me, the term of my life run out, to be waging war with my children, when I think that they don’t at all deserve that I should do so? By no means; I’ll have no disturbances. But I think that this is the best thing to be done by me; I’ll do thus; I’ll pretend as though they had themselves been guilty of some fault;I’ll terribly terrify their minds this day by some ambiguous expressions; ana then, after that, as I shall feel disposed, I’ll disclose myself. I know that many words will be spoken; I’ll go in. (Goes to the door of PHILUMENA’S house.) But the door’s open.
Antipho:Principium ego quo pacto cum illis occipiam, id ratiocinor:utrum ego perplexim lacessam oratione ad hunc modum,quasi numquam quicquam in eas simulem, quasi nil indaudiverimeas in se meruisse culpam, an potius temptem saeviter,[an minaciter. scio litis fore, ego meas novi optume.]si manere hic sese malint potius quam alio nubere.non faciam. quid mi ópust decurso aetatis spatio cum meisgerere bellum, quom nil, quam ob rem id faciam, meruisse arbitror?minime, nolo turbas, séd hoc mihi optumum factu arbitror:[sic faciam: adsimulabo quasi quam culpam in sese admiserint.]perplexabilitér earum hodie perpavefaciam pectora;post id [agam] igitur deinde, ut animus meus erit, faciam palam.multa scio faciunda verba. ibo intro. sed apertast foris.Soror:Certo enim míhi paternae vocis sonitus auris accidit.
PHILUMENA:Why, surely the sound of my father’s voice reached my ears.PAMPHILA:I’ troth,’tis he; let’s hasten to meet him with a kiss.(They both run to kiss him.)PHILUMENA:My father, my respects.
Panegyris:Is est ecastor. ferre advorsum homini occupemus osculum.Soror:Salve, mi pater.
ANTIPHO:And to you the same. Away this instant, and be off from me,(Removes her.)PHILUMENA:One kiss.
Antipho:Et vos ambae. ílico agite assidite.Soror:Osculum—
ANTIPHO:I’ve had enough of your kissing.
Antipho:Sat est ósculi mihi vostri.
PHILUMENA:Prithee, father, why so?
Panegyris:Quí, amabo, pater?
ANTIPHO:Because, as it is, the seasoning of your affection has reached my soul.PAMPHILA:Sit down here, father.(Points to a chair.)
Antipho:Quia ita meae animae salsura evenit.Soror:Asside hic, pater.
ANTIPHO:I’ll not sit there; do you sit down; I’ll sit on the bench.(Sits on a bench.)PAMPHILA:Wait till I fetch a cushion.
Antipho:Non sedeo istic, vos sedete; ego sedero in subsellio.Panegyris:Mane pulvinum.
ANTIPHO:You take kind care of me; I’m nicely seated now as I am.PAMPHILA:Do let me, father.(Goes into the house.)
Antipho:Bene procuras. mihi satis sic fultumst. sede.Soror:Sine, pater.
ANTIPHO:What need is there?PAMPHILA:There is need.(Coming out, and bringing a cushion.)
Antipho:Quid opust?Panegyris:Opust.
ANTIPHO:I’ll submit to you. (Arranging the cushion.) Yes, this does very well.PAMPHILA:Why, daughters can never take too much care of their parent. Whom is it proper that we should esteem more dear than yourself? And then, in the next place, father, our husbands, for whom you have chosen that we should be the mothers of families.
Antipho:Mórem tibi geram. atque hoc est satis.Soror:Numquam enim nímis curare possunt suom parentem filiae.quem aequiust nós potiorem habere quam te? postidea, pater,viros nostros, quibus tú voluisti ésse nos matres familias.
ANTIPHO:You do as it is proper for good wives to do, in esteeming your husbands,though absent, just as though they were present.PAMPHILA:’Tis propriety, father, for us to highly honor those who have chosen us as companions for themselves.
Antipho:Bonas ut aequomst facere facitis, quom tamen apsentis virosproinde habetis quasi praesentes sint.Soror:Pudicitiast, pater,eos nos magnificare, qui nos socias sumpserunt sibi.
ANTIPHO:Is there any other person here to listen with his ears to our conversation?
Antipho:Num quis hic ést alienus nostris dictis auceps auribus?
PHILUMENA:There’s no one except us and yourself.
Panegyris:Nullus praeter nosque teque.
ANTIPHO:I wish your attention to be given; for, unacquainted with female matters and ways,I come now as a pupil to you, my instructresses; in order that each of you may tell me what endowments matrons ought to have, who are the best esteemed.PAMPHILA:What’s the reason that you come hither to enquire about the ways of females?
Antipho:Vostrum animum adhiberi volo;nám ego ad vos nunc imperitus rerum et morum mulierum,discipulus venio ad magistras: quibus matronas moribus,quae optumae sunt, esse oportet? sed utraque ut dicat mihi.Soror:Quid istuc est quod huc éxquaesitum mulierum mores venis?
ANTIPHO:Troth, I’m looking for a wife, as your mother’s dead and gone.PAMPHILA:You’ll easily find, father, one both worse and of worse moralsthan she was; one better you’ll neither find nor does the sun behold.
Antipho:Pol ego uxorem quaero, postquam vostra mater mortuast.Soror:Facile invenies et peiorem et peius moratam, pater,quam illa fuit: meliorem neque tu reperies neque sol videt.
ANTIPHO:But I’m making the enquiry of you, and of this sister of yours.PAMPHILA:I’ faith, father, I know how they should be, if they are to be such as I think right.
Antipho:At ego ex te éxquaero atque ex istac tua sorore.Soror:Edepol pater,scio ut oportet esse: si sint—ita ut ego aequom censeo.
ANTIPHO:I wish, then, to know what you do think right.PAMPHILA:That when they walk through the city, they should shut the mouths of all, so that none can speak ill of them with good reason.
Antipho:Volo scire ergo, ut aequom censes.Soror:Vt, per urbem quom ambulent,omnibus os opturent, ne quis merito male dicat sibi.
ANTIPHO: (to PHILUMENA.)And now speak you in your turn.
Antipho:Dic vicissim nunciam tu.
PHILUMENA:What do you wish that I should speak to you about, father?
Panegyris:Quid vis tibi dicam, pater?
ANTIPHO:How is the woman most easily distinguished, who is of a good disposition?
Antipho:Vbi facillime spectatur mulier, quae ingenio est bono?
PHILUMENA:When she, who has the power of doing ill, refrains from doing so.
Panegyris:Quoi male faciundi est potestas, quae ne id faciat temperat.
ANTIPHO:Not bad that. (To PAMPHILA.) Come, say you, which choice is the preferable, to marry a maiden or a widow?PAMPHILA:So far as my skill extends,of many evils, that which is the least evil, the same is the least an evil.He that can avoid the women, let him avoid them,so that each day he takes care, the day before, not to do that which, the day after, he may regret.
Antipho:[Hau male istuc. age tu altera, utra sit condicio pensior,][virginemne an viduam habere?]Soror:[Quanta méa sapientiast,][ex malis multis malum quod minimumst, id minimest malum.]Antipho:Qui potest mulier vitare vitiis?Soror:Vt cottidiepridie caveat ne faciat quod pigeat postridie.
ANTIPHO:What sort of woman, pray, seems to you by far the wisest?
Antipho:Quae tibi muliér videtur multo sapientissuma?
PHILUMENA:She who, when affairs are prosperous, shall still be able to know herself,and who with equanimity can endure it to be worse with her than it has been.
Panegyris:Quae tamen, cum res secundae sunt, se poterit noscere,et illa quae aequo animo patietur sibi esse peius quam fuit.
ANTIPHO:By my troth, in merry mood have I been trying the bent of your dispositions. But ’tis this for which I am come to you, and for which I wished to meet you both. My friends are advising me to the effect that I should remove you hence to my own house.PAMPHILA:But still, we, whose interests are concerned, are advising you quite otherwise.For either, father, we ought not formerly to have been bestowed in marriage, unless our husbands pleased you, or, it is not right for us now to be taken away when they are absent.
Antipho:Edepol vos lepide temptavi vostrumque ingenium ingeni.sed hoc est quod ad vos venio quodque esse ambas conventas volo:mi auctores ita sunt amici, ut vos hinc abducam domum.Soror:At enim nos, quarum res agitur, aliter auctores sumus.nam aut olim, nisi tibi placebant, non datas oportuit,aut nunc non aequomst abduci, pater, illisce apsentibus.Antipho:Vosne ego patiar cum mendicis nuptas me vivo viris?Soror:Placet ille meus mihi mendicus: suos rex reginae placet.idem animust in paupertate qui olim in divitiis fuit:
ANTIPHO:And shall I suffer you while I am alive to remain married to men who are beggars?PAMPHILA:This beggar of mine is agreable to me; her own king is agreable to the queen. In poverty have I the same feelings that once I had in riches.
Antipho:[Vosne latrones et mendicos homines magni penditis?]Soror:non tu me argento dedisti, opinor, nuptum, sed viro.
ANTIPHO:And do you set such high value on thieves and beggars?
Antipho:Quid illos exspectatis, quí abhinc iam abierunt triennium?quin vos capitis condicionem ex pessuma primariam?
PHILUMENA:You did not, as I think, give me in marriage to the money, but to the man.
Panegyris:Stultitiast, pater, venatum ducere invitas canes.hostis est uxor, invita quae viro nuptum datur.
ANTIPHO:Why are you still in expectation of those who have been absent for now three years? Why don’t you accept an eligible match in place of a very bad one?PAMPHILA:’Tis folly, father, to lead unwilling dogs to hunt.That wife is an enemy, who is given to a man in marriage against her will.
Antipho:Certumne est neutram vostrarum persequi imperium patris?Panegyris:Persequimur, nam quo dedisti nuptum, abire nolumus.
ANTIPHO:Are you then determined that neither of you will obey the command of your father?
Antipho:Bene valete. ibo atque amicis vostra consilia eloquar.
PHILUMENA:We do obey; for where you gave us in marriage, thence are we unwilling to depart.
Panegyris:Probiores credo arbitrabunt, si probis narraveris.
ANTIPHO:Kindly good b’ye; I’ll go and tell my friends your resolutions.PAMPHILA:They will, I doubt not, think us the more honorable, if you tell them to honorable men.ANTIPHO:Take you care, then, of their domestic concerns, the best way that you can.(Exit.)
Antipho:Curate igitur familiarem rem ut potestis.
PHILUMENA:Now you gratify us, when you direct us aright: now we will hearken to you. Now, sister, let’s go indoors.PAMPHILA:Well, first I’ll take a look at home. If, perchance, any news should come to you from your husband, take you care that I know it.
Panegyris:Optume,nunc places, quom recte monstras; nunc tibi auscultabimus.nunc, soror, abeamus intro.Soror:Ímmo intervisam domum.si a viro tibi forte veniet nuntius, facito ut sciam.—
PHILUMENA:Neither will I conceal it from you, nor do you conceal from me what you may know.(Calls at the door of her house.) Ho there, Crocotium, go, fetch hither Gelasimus, the Parasite; bring him here with you. For, i’ faith, I wish to send him to the harbour, to see if, perchance, any ship from Asia has arrived there yesterday or to-day. But, one servant has been sitting at the harbour whole days in waiting; still, however, I wish it to be visited every now and then. Make haste, and return immediately.(Each goes into her own house.)
Panegyris:Neque ego te celabo, neque tu me celassis quod scias.eho, Crocotium, i, parasitum Gelasimum huc arcessito,tecum adduce; nam illum ecastor mittere ad portum volo,si quae forte ex Asia navis heri aut hodie venerit.nam dies totos apud pórtum servos unus assidet;sed tamen volo intervisi. propera atque actutum redi.—
(Enter GELASIMUS.)GELASIMUS:I do suspect that Famine was my mother; for since I was born I have never been filled with victuals. And no man could better return the favour to his mother, than do I right unwillingly return it to my mother, Famine. For in her womb, for ten months she bore me,whereas I have been carrying her for more than ten years in my stomach. She, too, carried me but a little child, wherefore I judge that she endured the less labour; in my stomach no little Famine do I bear, but of full growth, i’ faith, and extremely heavy.The labour-pains arise with me each day, but I’m unable to bring forth my mother, nor know I what to do. I’ve often heard it so said that the elephant is wont to be pregnant ten whole years; for sure this hunger of mine is of its breed.For now for many a year has it been clinging to, my inside. Now, if any person wants a droll fellow, I am on sale, with all my equipage: of a filling-up for these chasms am I in search. When little, my father gave me the name of Gelasimus,because, even from a tiny child, I was a droll chap. By reason of poverty, in fact, did I acquire this name, because, it was poverty that made me to be a droll; for whenever she reaches a person, she instructs him thoroughly in every art. My father used to say that I was born when provisions were dear;for that reason, I do believe, I am now the more sharply set. But on our family such complacence has been bestowed—I am in the habit of refusing no person, if any one asks me out to eat. One form of expression has most unfortunately died away with people, and one, i’ faith, most beseeming and most elegant to my thinking,which formerly they employed: “Come here to dinner—do so—really, do promise—don’t make any difficulties—is it convenient?—I wish it to be so, I say; I’ll not part with you unless you come.” But now, in the present day, they have found a substitute for these expressions—a saying, by my faith, truly right worthless and most vile:“I’d invite you to dinner, were I not dining; out myself.” I’ faith, I wish the very loins of that phrase broken, that it mayn’t repeat its perjury if he does dine at his own house. These phrases reduce me to learn foreign habits, and to spare the necessity for an auctioneer,and so proclaim the auction, and put myself up for sale.(Enter CROCOTIUM from the house of PHILUMENA, unseen by GELASIMUS.)
Gelasimvs:Famem ego fuisse suspicor matrem mihi,nam postquam natus sum, satur numquam fui.neque quisquam melius referet matri gratiam[quam egó meae matri refero ínvitissimus.]neque rettulit, quam ego refero meae matri Fami.nam illa me in alvo menses gestavit decem,at ego illam in alvo gesto plus annos decem.atque illa puerum me gestavit parvolum,quo minus laboris cepisse illam existumo:ego non pauxillulam in utero gesto famem,verum hercle multo maximam et gravissimam;uteri dolores mihi oboriuntur cotidie, †sed matrem parere nequeo, nec quid agam scio.⟨atque⟩ auditavi saepe hoc volgo dicier,solere elephantum gravidam perpetuos decemesse annos; eius ex sémine haec certost fames,nam iam complures annos utero haeret meo.nunc si ridiculum hominem quaerat quispiam,venalis ego sum cum ornamentis omnibus;inanimentis explementum quaerito.Gelasimo nomen mi indidit parvo pater,quia inde iam a pausillo puero ridiculus fui. †propter pauperiem hoc adeo nomen repperi,eo quía paupertas fecit ridiculus forem;nam illa artis omnis perdocet, ubi quem attigit.per annónam caram dixit me natum pater:propterea, credo, nunc essurio ácrius.sed generi nostro haec redditast benignitas:nulli negare soleo, siquis me essúm vocat.oratio una interiit hominum pessume,atque optuma hercle meo animo et scitissuma,qua ante utebantur: “véni illo ad cenam, sic face,promitte vero, ne gravare. est commodum?volo inquam fieri, non amittam quin eas.”nunc reppererunt iam ei verbo vicarium(nihili quidem hercle verbumst ac vilissimum):“vocem te ad cenam, nisi egomet cenem foris.”ei hércle ego verbo lumbos diffractos velim,ni vere perierit, si cenassit domi.haec verba subigunt mé uti mores barbarosdiscam atque ut faciam praeconis compendiumitaque auctionem praedicem, ipse ut venditem.
CROCOTIUM: (aside.)This is the Parasite, whom I’ve been sent to fetch. I’ll listen to what he’s saying, before I accost him.
Crocotivm:Hic illést parasitus, quem arcessitum missa sum.quae loquitur auscultabo prius quam conloquar.
GELASIMUS:Now there are a good many curious mischief-makers here, who, with extreme zeal, busy themselves with the affairs of other people,and who have themselves no affairs of their own to busy themselves with. They, when they know that any one is about to have an auction, go forthwith and sift out what’s the reason; whether a debt compels it, or whether he has purchased a farm; or whether, on a divorce, her marriage-portion is to be repaid to his wife.All these, although, i’ faith, I don’t judge them undeserving, in their most wretched state, to go toiling on, I don’t care about. I’ll proclaim the reason of my auction, that they may rejoice in my mishaps, for there’s no person a busybody but what he’s ill-natured too. Very great mishaps, alas! have befallen wretched me.So dreadfully afflicted has my property rendered me: my many drinking-bouts are dead and gone; how many dinners, too, that I’ve bewailed, are dead! how many a draught of honeyed wine; how many breakfasts, too, that I have lost within these last three years!In my wretchedness, for very grief and vexation have I quite grown old. I’m almost dead with hunger.
Gelasimvs:Sed curiosi sunt hic complures mali,alienas res qui curant studio maximo,quibus ipsis nullast res, quam procurent, sua:ei quando quem auctionem facturum sciunt,adeunt, perquirunt quid sit causae ilico:alienum aes cogat an pararit praedium,uxorin sit reddenda dos divortio.eos ómnis tametsi hercle haud indignos iudicoqui multum miseri sint, laborent, nil moror:dicam auctionis causam, ut damno gaudeant;nam curiosus nemo est quin sit malevolus.[ipse egomet quam ob rem aúctionem praedicem]damna evenerunt maxuma misero mihi,ita me mancupia miserum adfecerunt male,potationes plurumae demortuae,quot adeo cenae, quas deflevi, mortuae,quot potiones mulsi, quae autem prandia,quae inter continuom perdidi triennium.prae maerore adeo miser atque aegritudineconsenui; paene sum famé emortuos.
CROCOTIUM: (aside.)There’s no one such a droll, as he is when he is hungry.
Crocotivm:Ridiculus aeque nullus est quando esurit.
GELASIMUS:Now am I resolved that I’ll make a sale: out of doors am I obliged to sell whatever I possess.Attend, if you please; the bargains will be for those who are present. I’ve funny bon mots to sell. Come, bid your price. Who bids a dinner? Does any one bid a breakfast? They’ll cost vou an Herculean breakfast or dinner. Ho, there! (to one of the SPECTATORS) did you nod to me? No one will offer you better—I won’t allow that any Parasite has betterquibbles, cajoleries, and parasitical white lies.I’m selling a rusty flesh-scraper, too; a rusty-coloured brown bottlefor the Greek unguents at the sweating-baths; delicate after-dinner powders;an empty Parasite as well (pointing to himself), in whom to lay by your scraps.’Tis needful that these should be sold at once for as much as they can; that, if I offer the tenth part. to Hercules, on that account it may be greater …
Gelasimvs:Nunc auctionem facere decretumst mihi:foras necessumst quidquid habeo vendere.adeste sultis, praeda erit praesentium.logos ridiculos vendo. áge licemini.qui cena poscit? ecqui poscit prandio?hercle aestumavi prandio, cena tibi.ehem, adnuistin? nemo meliores dabit.[nulli meliores esse parasito sinam.]vel unctiones Graecas sudatoriasvendo vel alias malacas, crapularias;cavillátiones, adsentatiunculasac perieratiunculas parasiticas;robiginosam strigilem, ampullam rubidam,parasitum inanem quo recondas reliquias.haec veniisse iám opus est quantum potest,ut decumam partem Hérculi polluceam.
CROCOTIUM: (aside.)An auction of no great value, by my troth. Hunger has taken hold of the very deepest recess of the fellow’s stomach. I’ll accost the man.(Moves towards him.)
Crocotivm:Ecastor auctionem haúd magni preti.adhaesit homini ad infimum ventrem fames.adibo ad hominem.
GELASIMUS:Who’s this that’s coming towards me? Why, surely this is Crocotium, the maid-servant of Epignomus.
Gelasimvs:Quis haec est quae advorsum it mihi?Epignómi ancilla haéc quidem est Crocotium.
CROCOTIUM:My respects, Gelasimus.
Crocotivm:Gelasime, salve.
GELASIMUS:That’s not my name.
Gelasimvs:Non id est nomen mihi.
CROCOTIUM:I’ faith, for sure that used to be your name.
Crocotivm:Certo mecastor id fuit nomen tibi.
GELASIMUS:Distinctly it was so, but I’ve lost it by use. Now I’m called Miccotrogus from what is fact.
Gelasimvs:Fuit disertim, verum id usu perdidi:nunc Miccotrogus nomine e vero vocor.
CROCOTIUM:O dear! I’ve laughed a good deal at you to-day.
Crocotivm:† Eu ecastor, risi te hodie multum.
GELASIMUS:When? or in what place?
Gelasimvs:Quando aut quo in loco?
CROCOTIUM:Here, when you were carrying on a most worthless auction.
Crocotivm:Hic quom auctionem praedicabas,
GELASIMUS:How now; did you really hear it?
Gelasimvs:Pessuma,eho an audivisti?
CROCOTIUM:Aye, and one really right worthy of yourself.
Crocotivm:Te quidem dignissumam.
GELASIMUS:Where are you bound for now?
Gelasimvs:Quo nunc is?
CROCOTIUM:For yourself.
Crocotivm:Ad te.
GELASIMUS:Why have you come?
Gelasimvs:Quid venis?
CROCOTIUM:Philumena bade me ask you by all means to come to visit her at her house this instant, together with me.
Crocotivm:Panegyrisrogare iussit ted ut opere maximo,mecum simitu ut ires ad sese domum.
GELASIMUS:I’ faith, but I’ll surely come there as fast as I can. Are the entrails cooked by this? With how many lambs has she been sacrificing?
Gelasimvs:Ego illo mehercle vero eo quantum potest.iamne exta cocta sunt? quot agnis fecerat?
CROCOTIUM:Indeed, she hasn’t been sacrificing at all.
Crocotivm:Illa quidem nullum sacrificavit.
GELASIMUS:How? What does she want with me, then?
Gelasimvs:Quo modo?quid igitur me volt?
CROCOTIUM:I think that she’s going to ask you for ten measures of wheat.
Crocotivm:Tritici modios decemrogare, opinor [te volt].
GELASIMUS:Or me rather ask it of her?
Gelasimvs:Mene, ut ab sese petam?
CROCOTIUM:No; that you yourself should lend them to us.
Crocotivm:Immo ut a vobis mutuom nobis dares.
GELASIMUS:Tell her that I’ve nothing to give myself, or that she could wish to borrow, nor anything whatever, except this cloak that I have on. Even my very tongue that so freely used to offer itself I’ve sold as well.
Gelasimvs:Nega esse quod dem nec mihi nec mutuom,neque aliud quicquam nisi hoc quod habeo pallium;linguam quoque etiam vendidi datariam.
CROCOTIUM:How? Have you got no tongue?
Crocotivm:Au,nullan tibi lingua est?
GELASIMUS:Why, the former one, that used to say “here, take me,” I’ve lost: see, here’s one now that says “give me.”(Puts out his tongue.)
Gelasimvs:Quae quidem dicat “dabo”;ventri reliqui eccam aliam quae dicat “cedo”.
CROCOTIUM:A curse may the Gods give you …
Crocotivm:Malum quidem sí vis—
GELASIMUS:Aye, if a curse you want, this same tongue will give you that.
Gelasimvs:Haec eadem dicit tibi.
CROCOTIUM:Well now, are you coming or not?
Crocotivm:Quid nunc? ituru's iturus es an non?
GELASIMUS:Well, be off home;tell her I’ll be there this moment; make haste and be off. (CROCOTIUM goes into the house.)I wonder why she has requested me to be fetched to her, who has never, before this day, requested that I should be fetched to her, ever since her husband left. I wonder what it can be; except it is for some experiment to be made upon me; I’ll go see what she wants.But see, here’s her boy, Pinacium. Look at that now; how very facetiously and just like a picture does he stand? Full many a time, for sure, in good troth, has he poured out for me the wine, almost unmixed, right cleverly into a very tiny cup indeed.(Stands aside.)
Gelasimvs:Abi sane domum,iam illo venturum dicito. propera atque abi.—demiror quid illaec me ad se arcessi iusserit,quae numquam iussit me ad se arcessi ante hunc diem,postquam vir abiit eius. miror quid siet,nisi ut periclum fiat: visam quid velit.sed eccum Pinacium eius puerum. hoc vide,satin ut facete, ⟨aeque⟩ atque ex pictura, astitit?ne iste edepol vinum poculo pauxillulosaepe exanclavit submerum scitissume.
(Enter PINACIUM at a distance, with a fishing-rod, hooks, and a basket in his hand.)PINACIUM: (to himself.)Mercury, who is said to be the messenger of Jove, never bore such pleasing tidings to his father, as I shall e’en now be telling to my mistress.So loaded do I bear my breast with joy and with delight; and really I don’t care to speak a syllable but in a highflown style. The charms of all the loves and graces do I bring; my heart, too, is overleaping its banks, and overflowing with joyousness.Now have you the means of acquiring glory, fame, and honor; make haste, Pinacium, exhort your feet to swiftness, grace your message by your deeds, and come to the rescue of your mistress in her need … who is so wretched in awaiting the arrival of her husband, Epignomus; just as becomes her does she dote upon her husband, and anxiously long for him. Now, Pinacium,do as pleases you, run on, just as you like; take care and regard no person at the value of a straw; thrust them from the path with your elbows; make right smooth your way. If a, king shall come in your way, upset the king himself forthwith.
Pinacivm:Mercúrius, Iovis qui núntius perhibétur, numquam aequé patrisuo núntium lepidum áttulit quam égo nunc meae erae núntiabo:ítaque onustum péctus porto laétitia lubéntiaquenéque lubet nisi gloriose quicquam proloqui profecto.amoénitates omnium venerum et venustatum adferoripísque superat mi atque abundat pectus laetitia meum.própera, Pinacium, pedes hortare, honesta dicta factis(nunc tíbi potestas adipiscendist gloriam laudem decus)eraéque egenti subveni, [benefacta maiorum tuom]quae mísera in exspectatione est Epignomi adventum viri.proinde út decet, amat vírum suom, cupide expetit. nunc, Pinacium,age út placet, curre ut lubet, cave quémquam flocci feceris,cubitis depulsa de via, tranquillam concinna viam;si rex obstabit obviam, regem ipsum prius pervortito.
GELASIMUS: (apart.)Why, I wonder, is Pinacium running so overladen with baggage? He’s carrying a rod, and a basket, and a fish-hook.
Gelasimvs:Quídnam dicam Pínaciumlascívibundum tam lubentem currere?harúndinem fert sportulamque et hamulum piscarium.
PINACIUM: (to himself.)But yet, I think ’tis proper that my mistress should come with entreaty to me, and that she should send envoys to me, and gifts of gold, and chariots in which for me to be borne, for I can’t go on foot. Therefore I shall now go back. (Turns back.) I think it is only proper that I should be approached and addressed with entreaties. And do you really think that it’s mere nonsense or nothing at all that I am now acquainted with?Blessings so great am I carrying from the harbour, joys so extensive am I bringing, that hardly could my mistress herself presume to wish this of the Gods, if she were to know it. And am I to carry it, then, of my own accord? It pleases me not, nor do I think that the duty of a man. This way does it seem to be better suited to this news of mine; let her come to meet me, let her entreat me to communicate to her this news.Haughtiness and pride befit prosperous fortunes. But, at last, when I reconsider it, how could she know that I know this? (Turning round.) Well, I can’t do otherwise than return, than speak, than relate it at length, and relieve my mistress of her grief, and both mightily increase the good deeds of my ancestors, and present her with a comfort unhoped for and opportune.I’ll outdo the deeds of Talthybius, and I’ll set all messengers at nought, and at the same time I’ll think about the running at the Olympic games. But this distance is far too short for the course; how sorry for it I am. How’s this? I see the door’s closed. I’ll go and knock at the door. (Knocks at the door of PHILUMENA’S house.) Open, and make haste, cause the door to be thrown open; away with all delay.This matter is attended to too carelessly; see how long I’ve been standing here and knocking. Are you indulging yourselves with a nap? I’ll try whether the door or my arms and feet are the stronger. (Knocks and kicks.) I wish much that this door would run away from its master, that for that reason it might meet with a heavy punishment. I’m tired of knocking. Well, be this the last for you.(Knocks again.)
Pinacivm:Sed tandem, opinor, aequiust eram mihi esse supplicematque óratores mittere ad me donaque ex auro et quadrigas,quí vehar, nam pedibus ire non queo. ergo iam revortar.ad me adiri et supplicari égomet mi aequom censeo.an véro nugas censeas, nihil esse quod ego nunc scio?tantum a portu adporto bonum, tam gaudium grande adfero,vix ipsa domina hoc, nisi sciat, exoptare ab deis audeat.nunc ultro id deportem? hau placet, neque id viri officium arbitror.sic hoc videtur mihi magis meo cónvenire huic nuntio:adversum veniat, opsecret, se ut nuntio hoc impertiam;secundas fortunas decent superbiae.sed tandem cum recogito, qui potuit scire haec scire me?nón enim póssum quin revortar, quin loquar, quin edissertemerámque ex maerore eximam, bene facta maiorum meumexaugeam atque illam augeam insperato opportuno bono:contundam facta Talthubi contemnamque omnis nuntios;símulque [ad] cursuram meditabor [me] ad ludos Olympios.sed spátium hoc occidit: brevest curriculo; quam me paenitet.quid hoc? occlusam ianuam video. ibo et pultabo fores.aperíte atque adproperáte, fores facite út pateant, removéte moram;nimis haéc res sine curá geritur. vide quám dudum hic asto ét pulto.somnóne operam datis? éxperiar, fores án cubiti ac pedes plús valeant.nimis véllem hae fores erum fúgissent, ea caúsa ut haberent ma⟨lum mag⟩num;deféssus sum pultándo.hoc póstremumst. vae vobis.
GELASIMUS: (apart.)I’ll go and accost him. (Accosts PINACIUM.) Good day to you.
Gelasimvs:Ibo átque hunc compellábo.salvós sis.
PINACIUM:And good day to you.
Pinacivm:Et tu sálve.
GELASIMUS:Are you turned fisherman, then?
Gelasimvs:Iam tú piscator fáctu's factus es?
PINACIUM:How long is it since you ate?
Pinacivm:Quam prídem non edísti?
GELASIMUS:Whence come you? What are you carrying? Why are you in a hurry?
Gelasimvs:Vnde ís? quid fers? quid féstinas?
PINACIUM:About that which is no business of yours, don’t you trouble yourself.
Pinacivm:Tua quód nil refert, né cures.
GELASIMUS:What’s there in that?(Taking up the lid of the basket.)
Gelasimvs:Quid istíc inest?
PINACIUM:Snakes, for you to eat.
Pinacivm:Quas tu edés colubras.
GELASIMUS:Why are you so pettish?
Gelasimvs:Quid tam íracundu's iracundus es?
PINACIUM:If you had any shame, you wouldn’t address me.
Pinacivm:Si ín tepudor ádsit, non me appélles.
GELASIMUS:May I learn the truth from you?
Gelasimvs:Possúm scire ex te vérum?
PINACIUM:You may; this day you’ll get no dinner.
Pinacivm:Potes: hódie non cenábis.
(Enter PHILUMENA from her house.)PHILUMENA:Who now, pray, is breaking this door down? (To GELASIMUS.) Are you doing this? Do you come to me like an enemy?
Panegyris:Quisnam, ópsecro, has frangit fóres? ubi est?tun haéc facis? tun mihi huc hóstis venis?
GELASIMUS:My respects to you; I come at your bidding.
Gelasimvs:Salvé, tuo arcessitú venio huc.
PHILUMENA:And is it for that reason you are breaking down my door?
Panegyris:Ean grátia fores effríngis?
GELASIMUS:Scold your own people; the offenders are your own. I came to see what you wanted me for. Why, for my own part, I pitied this door.
Gelasimvs:Tuos ínclama, tui délinquont: ego quíd me velles vísebam;nam mé quidem harum míserebat.
PINACIUM:For that reason your assistance was given so very readily.
Pinacivm:Ergo aúxilium properé latumst.
PHILUMENA:Pray, who’s that, talking here so near to us?GELASIMUS:Pinacium.
Panegyris:Quisnam híc loquitur tam própe nos?Pinacivm:Pinacium.
PHILUMENA:Where is he?(Looks on each side.)
Panegyris:Úbi is est?
PINACIUM: (coming forward.)Attend to me, and leave alone that needy Parasite, Philumena.
Pinacivm:Réspice ad me et relínque egentem párasitum, Panégyris.
PHILUMENA:Pinacium.
Panegyris:Pinacium.
PINACIUM:That name my elders gave me.
Pinacivm:Istuc indiderunt nomen maiores mihi.
PHILUMENA:What’s your business
Panegyris:Quid agis?
PINACIUM:What’s my business, do you ask?
Pinacivm:Quid agam rogitas?
PHILUMENA:Why shouldn’t I ask it?
Panegyris:Quidni rogitem?
PINACIUM:What’s yours with me?
Pinacivm:Quid mecum est tibi?
PHILUMENA:Do you insult me, impudent fellow? Answer me, this very instant, Pinacium.
Panegyris:Mein fastidis, propudiose? eloquere propere, Pinacium.
PINACIUM:Bid those, then, to let me alone, who are detaining me.
Pinacivm:Iube me omittere igitur hos, qui retinent.
PHILUMENA:Who are detaining you?
Panegyris:Qui retinent?
PINACIUM:Do you ask me that? A lassitude is in possession of all my limbs.
Pinacivm:Rogas?omnia membra lassitudo mihi tenet.
PHILUMENA:Well, I know right well that it’s not in possession of your tongue.
Panegyris:Linguam quidemsat scio tibi non tenere.
PINACIUM:With such rapid speed have I been hastening from the harbour, for the sake of your own well-doing.
Pinacivm:Ita celeri curriculo fuipropere a portu, tui honoris causa.
PHILUMENA:Why, do you bring any good news?
Panegyris:Ecquid adportas boni?
PINACIUM:I bring more, by very much, than you expect.
Pinacivm:Nimio † inparti multo tanto plus quam speras.
PHILUMENA:I’m saved, then.
Panegyris:Salva sum.
PINACIUM:And I’m done for; lassitude is drinking up my marrow apace.
Pinacivm:At ego perii, quoi medullam lassitudo perbibit.
GELASIMUS:What, then, am I, the marrow of whose stomach, to my sorrow, famine has seized upon?
Gelasimvs:Quid ego, quoi misero medullam ventris percepit fames.
PHILUMENA:Did you meet any one?
Panegyris:Ecquem convenisti?
PINACIUM:Many.
Pinacivm:Multos.
PHILUMENA:But any man?
Panegyris:At virum?
PINACIUM:Very many; but, of the many, not one a greater rascal than he is.(Points at GELASIMUS.)PHILUMENA:How so?
Pinacivm:Equidem plurimos:verum ex multis nequiorem nullum quám hic est.
GELASIMUS:I have been affronted already at his saying uncivil things to me. If you irritate me any further—(Holds up his fist to PINACIUM.)
Gelasimvs:Quo modo?iam dudum ego ístum patior dicere iniuste mihi.praeterhac si me inritassis—
PINACIUM:I’ faith, you’ll be plaguy hungry to eat me.
Pinacivm:Edepol essuries male.
GELASIMUS:I’ll cause you to know that assuredly you’ve said that with reason.
Gelasimvs:Animum inducam, ut istuc verum te elocutum esse arbitrer.
PINACIUM:I wish everything to be made clean. (Calls to the SERVANTS from the door.) Bring out here your brooms, and a reed as well, that I may destroy all the labours of the spiders and their plaguy webs, and rout out all their looms.(The SERVANTS bring some brooms.)
Pinacivm:Munditias volo fieri. ecferte huc scopas simulque harundinem,ut operam omnem araneorum perdam et texturam improbemdeiciamque eorum ómnis telas.
GELASIMUS:The poor things will be cold in future.
Gelasimvs:Miseri algebunt postea.
PINACIUM:What? Do you think that they are just like yourself, with only one coat? Take this broom.(Gives him a broom.)
Pinacivm:Quid? illos itidemne esse censes quasi te, cum veste unica?cape illas scopas.
GELASIMUS:I’ll take it.
Gelasimvs:Cápiam.
PINACIUM:This I’ll take myself. Do you sweep away there.
Pinacivm:Hoc egomet, tu hoc converre.
GELASIMUS:I’ll do so.(Sweeps away.)
Gelasimvs:Ego fecero.
PINACIUM: (calling aloud.)Will some one bring here a pail and water?
Pinacivm:Ecquis huc effert nassiternam cúm aqua?
GELASIMUS:Really, this fellow’s playing the Aedile without the vote of the public even.(The water is brought.)
Gelasimvs:Sine suffragiopopuli tamen aedilitatem hic quidém gerít.
PINACIUM:Come, do you quickly sweep the ground, and sprinkle before the house.
Pinacivm:Age tu ocius† pinge, humum consperge ante aedis.
GELASIMUS:I’ll do so.
Gelasimvs:Faciam.
PINACIUM:It needs be done.I’ll knock down the spider-webs there from the door and from the wall.
Pinacivm:Factum oportuit.ego hinc araneas de foribus deiciam et de pariete.
GELASIMUS:I’ faith, a troublesome business, this.
Gelasimvs:Edepol rem negotiosam.
PHILUMENA:Still, I don’t at all understand what it means; unless, perchance, some guests are about to come?
Panegyris:Quid sit, nil etiam scio,nisi forte hospites venturi sunt.
PINACIUM: (ordering the SERVANTS.)Do you spread the couches.
Pinacivm:⟨Vos⟩ lectos sternite.
GELASIMUS: (aside.)The beginning pleases me, about the couches.
Gelasimvs:Principium placet de lectis.
PINACIUM:Others, you chop the billets; others, you clean the fish which the fisherman has brought;take you down the gammon of bacon and the collar of brawn.
Pinacivm:Alii ligna caedite,alii piscis depurgate, quos piscatu rettuli,pernam et glandium deicite.
GELASIMUS: (aside.)I’ faith, this is a very sensible fellow.
Gelasimvs:Hic hercle homo nimium sapit.
PHILUMENA:By my troth, as I imagine, you haven’t quite minded the directions of your mistress.
Panegyris:Non ecastor, ut ego opinor, satis erae morem geris.
PINACIUM:Why, I’ve left all matters unattended to by reason of what you wished.
Pinacivm:Immo res omnis relictas habeo prae quod tu velis.
PHILUMENA:Then do you inform me upon that, on account of which you were sent to the harbour?
Panegyris:Tum tu igitur, qua causa missus es ad portum, id expedi.
PINACIUM:I’ll tell you. After, with the daybreak, you had sent me to the harbour,the sun with its beams opportunely arose from out of the sea. While I was enquiring of the revenue officers whether any ship had arrived from Asia, and they were saying none had come, I beheld, in the meantime, a bark, than which I think I never saw a greater one. With a favouring breeze, and in full sail, it came into harbour.We were enquiring one of another whose ship it was, and what it carried? In the meantime I espied your husband and his servant Stichus.
Pinacivm:Dicam. postquam me misisti ad portum, cum luci simul,commodum radiosus sese sol superabat ex mari.dum percontor portitores, ecquae navis veneritex Asia, negant venisse, conspicatus sum interimcercurum, quo ego me maiorem non vidisse censeo.in portum vento secundo, velo passo pervenit.alius alium percontamur: quoiast navis? quid vehit?interibi Epignomúm conspicio tuom virum et servom Stichum.
PHILUMENA:Ha! what? Did you mention Epignomus?
Panegyris:Hem quid? Epignomum elocutu's elocutus es?Pinacivm:Tuom virum.
GELASIMUS:Your husbandand my own life.
Gelasimvs:Et vitam meam.
PINACIUM:He has arrived, I say.
Pinacivm:Venit inquam.
PHILUMENA:Did you see him yourself?
Panegyris:Tutin ipsus ipsum vidisti?
PINACIUM:Yes, and with pleasure too.
Pinacivm:Lubens.argentí aurique advexit nimium.
GELASIMUS:I’ faith, I’ll surely take the broom, and sweep this place with pleasure.
Gelasimvs:Nimis factum bene.hercle vero capiam scopas atque hoc convorram lubens.
PINACIUM:He has brought a great amount of silver and gold.GELASIMUS:’Tis right cleverly done.PINACIUM:Wool and purple in plenty.
Pinacivm:Lanam purpuramque multam.
GELASIMUS:Aye, for me to clothe my carcase with.
Gelasimvs:Em qui ventrem vestiam.
PINACIUM:Couches, adorned with ivory and gold.
Pinacivm:Lectos eburatos, auratos.
GELASIMUS:I’ll recline at table right regally.
Gelasimvs:Accubabo regie.
PINACIUM:Besides—Babylonian coverings for couches, and carpets dyed in purple, has he brought.
Pinacivm:Tum Babylonica et peristroma tonsilia et tappetiaadvexit, nimium bonae rei.
GELASIMUS:Abundance of fine things.I’ faith, his business has been successful.
Gelasimvs:Hercle rem gestam bene.
PINACIUM:Then, as I began to say, female players on the harp, on the pipe, sackbuts too, has he brought with him, of surprising beauty.
Pinacivm:Poste, ut occepi narrare, fidicinas, tibicinas,sambucas advexit secum forma eximia.
GELASIMUS:Capital! When I’m at my wine, I’ll be quite sportive; then am I in merriest pin.
Gelasimvs:Eugepae,quando adbibero, adludiabo: tum sum ridiculissumus.
PINACIUM:Besides many unguents of numerous kinds.
Pinacivm:Poste unguenta multigenerum multa.
GELASIMUS:I’ll not sell my bon mots; I’ll not have an auction now; I’ve got an estate in fee.Let the mischievous hunters of auctions go to perdition. Hercules, I congratulate thee that the tenths which I vowed to thee are increased.’Tis my hope that at length, by some means or other, I may expel this plaguy famine from my stomach.
Gelasimvs:Non vendo logos.iam non facio aúctionem, mi optigit hereditas:malivoli, perquisitores auctionum, perierint.Hercules, decumam esse adauctam tibi quam vovi gratulor.[spes est, tandem aliquando inportunam exigere ex utero famem.]
PINACIUM:And then, besides, he has brought some Parasites with him.
Pinacivm:Poste autem advexit parasitos secum.
GELASIMUS:Alas! to my confusion, I’m undone.
Gelasimvs:Ei, perii miser.
PINACIUM:Right funny fellows.
Pinacivm:Ridiculissumos.
GELASIMUS:I’ faith, I’ll sweep this dust back, which I just now swept together. (Sweeps it back.)Those bon mots are now on sale, which I was saying I wouldn’t sell. I’m done for: now there is occasion for spiteful persons to rejoice at my misfortune.Hercules, thou who art a God, thou really hast departed not opportunely.
Gelasimvs:Revorram hercle hoc quod converri modo.
PHILUMENA:Did you see Pamphilus, the husband of my sister?
Panegyris:Vidistin virum sororis Pamphilum?
PINACIUM:No.
Pinacivm:Non.
PHILUMENA:Isn’t he there?
Panegyris:Non adest?
PINACIUM:Yes, they said that he had come as well. I ran hither before them, with all speed, that I might bring the welcome tidings.
Pinacivm:Immo venisse eum simitu aiebat ille: ego huc cituspraecucurri, ut nuntiarem nuntium exoptabilem.Gelasimvs:Venales logi sunt illi, quos negabam vendere.ilicet, iam meo malost quod malevolentes gaudeant.Hercules, qui deus sis, sane discessisti non bene.
PHILUMENA:Go in-doors, Pinacium; bid the servants prepare the sacred things for me. (To GELASIMUS.) Fare you well!
Panegyris:I intro, Pinacium, iube fámulos rem divinam mi apparent.bene vale.
GELASIMUS:Do you want me to assist?
Gelasimvs:Vin administrem?
PHILUMENA:I have servants enough in the house.(PHILUMENA and PINACIUM go into the house.)
Panegyris:Sat servorum habeo domi.—
GELASIMUS: (to himself.)In good sooth, Gelasimus, I doubt you have come to but little purpose, if neither he that is here gives you any aid, nor yet he that’s coming.I’ll off indoors to my books, and take my instructions from the cleverest sayings; for if I don’t drive away those fellows, the Parasites that are coming, most surely I’m undone.(Exit.)
Gelasimvs:Enim vero, Gelasime, opinor provenisti futtile,si neque ille adest neque hic, qui venit, quicquam subvenit.ibo intro ad libros et discam de dictis melioribus;nam ni illos homines expello, ego occidi planissume.—
(Enter EPIGNOMUS and STICHUS, followed by some SLAVES.)EPIGNOMUS:Inasmuch as, my business prosperously carried on, I am returned safe home, thanks do I return to Neptune and to his tempests; to Mercury as well, who in my traffichas aided me, and by my profits has rendered my property fourfold. Those whom formerly I affected with sorrow at my departure, the same shall I now make joyous at my arrival. But already have I met my connexion Antipho, and from bad terms have I returned to friendship with him.See, prithee, what money can effect. Since, my affairs prospering, he sees that I’ve returned, and brought home great wealth, without any mediators, there on board the ship, upon the deck, we have returned to friendship and good feeling.Both he and my brother dine with me this day; for yesterday we were both in the same harbour together; but to-day my ship weighed anchor a little the soonest. Take these people in-doors, Stichus, whom I’ve brought with me.
Epignomvs:Quom bene re gesta salvos convortor domum,Neptuno grates habeo et Tempestatibus;simul Mercurio, qui me in mercimoniisiuvit lucrisque quadruplicavit rem meam.olim quos abiens adfeci aegrimonia,eos núnc laetantis faciam ádventu meo.nam iam Antiphonem conveni adfinem meumcumque eo reveni ex inimicitia in gratiam.videte, quaeso, quid potest pecunia:quoniam bene gesta re rediisse me videtmagnasque adportavisse divitias domum,sine advocatis ibidem in cercuro in stegain amicitiam atque in gratiam convortimus.et is hodie apud me cenat et frater meus;nam heri ambo in uno portu fuimus, sed meahodie solutast navis aliquanto prius.age abdúce hasce intro, quas mecum adduxi, Stiche.