PROLOGUS:A VERY small portion of room does Plautus ask from out of your vast and pleasant city within the walls, whither, without builders, he may transport Athens. What then? Will you give it or not? They nod assent.
Perparvam partem postulat Plautus locide vestris magnis atque amoenis moenibus,Athenas quo sine architectis conferat.quid nunc? daturin estis an non? adnuont.
I fancied, indeed, that I should obtain it of you without hesitation. What if I were to ask something of your private means? They shake their heads. Only see, i’ faith, how the ancient habit still indwells among you, to keep your tongues ever ready for a denial. But let’s to the point, on account of which I came hither.
scio rém quidem urbis me ablaturum sine mora;quid si de vostro quippiam orem? abnuont.eu hercle in vobis resident mores pristini,ad denegandum ut celeri lingua utamini.sed hoc agamus quá huc ventumst gratia.
Let this be Athens, just as this is our stage, only for the while that we perform this Play. Here (pointing to her house) dwells a female whose name is Phronesium; she has in herself the manners of the present age; she never asks of her lover that which has been given;but what is left, she does her best that it mayn’t be left, by begging for it and carrying it off, as is the habit of the women; for all of them do this when they discover that they are loved. She is pretending to a Captain that she has been brought to bed, that the more speedily she may sweep away his property from him every atom.
Athenis mutabo ita ut hoc est proscaeniumtantisper dum transigimus hanc comoediam.hic habitat mulier, nomen cui est Phronesium;haec huius saecli mores in se possidet:numquam ab amatore [suo] postulat id quod datumst,sed relicuom dat operam ne sit relicuom,poscendo atque auferendo, ut mos est mulierum;nam omnes id faciunt, cum se amari intellegunt.…ea se peperisse puerum simulat militi,quo citius rem ab eo averrat cum pulvisculo.
Why say more? If the life of this woman should only last, he will be sweeping off his substance with his very life into her hands. …(Enter DINARCHUS.)DINARCHUS: (to himself)Not a whole life is sufficient for a lover thoroughly to learn, until he has become full well aware of this, in how many modes he may come to ruin; nor does Venus herself, in whose hands lie the sum and substance of lovers, ever instruct us in that art of reckoning—in how many ways one in love may be deluded, in how many modes he may come to ruin, and with how many modes of entreaty he may be entreated. How many blandishments are there in it, how many pettish ways in it, how many perils must be courted! Ye Gods! by our trust in you! Hey!what ground for perjury as well, besides the everlasting presents! In the first place then, there’s the yearly allowance; that’s her first haul. For that the favour of three nights is granted. In the meantime she’s trying for either money, or wine, or oil, or corn, to prove whether you are lavish or thrifty.
quid multa? †stuic superet muliere†hiscum anima ad eum habenti erce teritur.…Diniarchvs:Non omnis aetas ad perdiscendum sat estamanti, dum id perdiscat, quot pereat modis;neque eam rationem eapse umquam educet Venus,quam penes amantum summa summarum redit,quot amans exemplis ludificetur, quot modispereat quotque exoretur exorabulis:quot illíc blanditiae, quót illic iracundiaesunt, quot supplicia danda, di vostram fidem, hui,quid perierandum est etiam, praeter munera:primumdum merces annua, is primus bolust,ob eam tres noctes dantur; interea loci†aut ara aut vinum aut oleum aut triticum,temptat benignusne an bonae frugi sies:
Just like the person that throws a casting-net into a fish-pond; when the net has gone and sunk, then he contracts the folds; but if he has rightly thrown it, he takes care that the fish may not escape; then in this direction and that does he enfold the fish netted well, until he has taken them out of the water:
quasi in piscinam rete qui iaculum parat,quando abiit rete pessum, adducit lineam;si inierit rete piscis, ne effugiat cavet:dum huc dum illuc rete ⟨circumv⟩or⟨tit⟩, impeditpiscis usque adeo donicum eduxit foras.
just so is the lover. If he gives that which is asked for, and is lavish rather than thrifty, nightly favours are given in addition. Meanwhile he swallows down the hook. If once he has partaken of the cup of love unmixed, and that draught has made its way within his breast,forthwith both himself is ruined, and his fortune, and his credit. If the mistress is angry with her lover perchance, doubly is the lover ruined, both in fortune and in mind; but if one man is preferable to another in her eyes, just as much is he ruined; if he enjoys but few of her favours, in mind is he ruined;
itidem si amator id quod oratur deditatque est benignus potius quam frugi bonae[adduntur noctes, interim ille hamum vorat],si semel amoris poculum accepit merieaque intra pectus se penetravit potio,extemplo et ipsus periit et res et fides.si iratum scortumst forte amatori suo,bis perit amator, ab re atque ⟨ab⟩ animo simul;sin alter altri propitiust, idem perit:si raras noctes ducit, ab animo perit;
if he enjoys them in abundance, he himself is joyous, his fortunes are ruined. … Thus is it in the houses kept by procurers; before you’ve given a single thing, she’s preparing a hundred to ask for; either a golden trinket’s lost, or a mantle has been torn, or a female servant bought; or some silver vessel, or some vessel of brass, or expensive couch,or a Grecian cabinet, or there’s always something to be lost and for the lover to be replacing for his mistress. And with one common earnestness do we conceal these losses while we are losing our fortunes, and our credit, and ourselves, lest our parents or our relatives should know something;
sin crebras ducit, ipsus gaudet, res perit.†iteca in aedibus lenosis†prius quam únum dederis, centum quae poscat parat:aut periit aurum aút conscissa pallula estaut empta ancilla aut aliquod vasum argenteumaut vasum ahenum antiquom aut lectus †laptilesaut armariola Graeca, aut aliquid semper ⟨est⟩quod † petra debeatque amans scorto suo.atque haec celamus nos clam magna industria,quom rem fidemque nosque nosmet perdimus,ne qui parentes neu cognati sentiant;
whom, while we conceal it from them, if we were to make acquainted with it, for them in time to restrain our youthful age, we should be giving what has been received from them before to our descendants in reversion; I’d be for causing, that as there are now more procurers and harlots, there should be fewer and fewer of spendthrift fellows than there are at present; for now-a-days there are almost more procurers and harlotsthan flies at the time when it is most hot. For, if they are nowhere else, the procurers with their harlots are around the bankers’ shops each day as though on siege. That score is the principal one; inasmuch as I know for certain, that now-a-days there are more harlots ready for the money than there are weights for weighing it.
quos cum celamus si faximus conscios,qui nostrae aetati tempestivo temperent,unde anteparta demus postpartoribus,faxim lenonum et scortorum † plus estet minus damnosorum hominum quam nunc sunt siet.nam nunc lenonum et scortorum plus est fere,quam olim muscarum est cum caletur maxime.nam nusquam alibi si sunt, circum argentariasscorta ⟨et⟩ lenones qui sedent cottidie,ea nimia est ratio; quippe qui certo scio,ibi plus scortorum esse iam quam ponderum.
And I really don’t know what purpose to say it is to serve that these procurers are thus keeping them at the bankers’ shops, except as in the place of account-books, where the sums lent on loan may be set down—the sums received I mean, those expended let no one take count of. In fine, in a great nation, amid numberless persons,the state being tranquil and in quiet, the enemy vanquished, it befits all to be in love who have anything to give. Now, this Courtesan (pointing to the house) Phronesium, who dwells here, has totally expelled from my breast her own name. Phronesium, for Phronesis is wisdom. For I confess that I was with her first and foremost;a thing that’s very disastrous to a lover’s cash. The same woman, after she had found another out, a greater spendthrift, who would give more, a Babylonian Captain, whom the hussy said was troublesome and odious to her, forthwith banished me from the spot. He now is saidto be about to arrive from abroad. For that reason has she now cooked up this device; she pretends that she has been brought to bed. That she may push me out of doors, and with the Captain alone live the life of a jovial Greek, she pretends that this Captain is the father of the child; for that reason does this most vile hussy need a palmed-off child. She fancies that she’s deceiving me! Does she suppose thatshe could have concealed it from me, if she had been pregnant? Now I arrived at Athens the day before yesterday from Lemnos, whither I have been on an embassy from this place on the public service. But who’s this woman? It’s her servant-maid Astaphium. With her too as well I’ve had some acquaintanceship.(Stands aside.) (Enter ASTAPHIUM, from the house of PHRONESIUM.)ASTAPHIUM: (speaking to the SERVANTS within.)
quos quidem quam ád rem dicam in argentariisreferre habere, nisi pro tabulis, nescio,ubi aera perscribantur usuraria:accepta dico, expensa ne qui censeat.postremo id magno in populo † mulier hominibus,re placida atque otiosa, victis hostibus:amare oportet omnes qui quod dent habent.nam mihi haec méretrix quae hic habet, Phronesium,suom nómen omne ex pectore exmovit meo,phronesim, nam phronesis est sapientia.nam me fuisse huic fateor summum atque intumum,quod amantis multo pessimum est pecuniae;eadem postquam alium repperit qui plus daret,damnosiorem, † mihi exinde immovit loco,quem antehác odiosum sibi esse memorabat mala,Babyloniensem militem. is nunc diciturventurus peregre; eo nunc commenta est dolum:peperisse simulat sese, ut me extrudat forasatque ut cum solo pergraecetur milite;eum esse simulat militem puero patrem.eum istí suppositum puerum opinor pessumae.mihi verba retur dare se? án me censuitcelare se potesse, gravida si foret?nam ego Lemno advenio Athenas nudius tertius,legatus hinc quo cum publico imperio fui.sed haec quidem eius Astaphium est ancillula;cum ea quoque etiam mihi fuit commercium.
Listen at the door and guard the house, that no one who comes may go away more loaded than he came, or who has brought empty hands into our house may take them full out of it. (To herself.) I know the ways of people; of such habits are the young men now-a-days.For as soon as ever the jolly companions have arrived at the courtesans’ houses, their plans are formed. When they’ve arrived in-doors, some one of them is incessantly bestowing kisses on his mistress. While they are engaged, the others are pilfering. But if they see that any one is observing them, they play some trick, by which to amuse the observer with pleasantry and sport. Full oft do they devour that belonging to us just as the sausage-makers do.
Astaphivm:Ad fores auscultate atque adservate aedis,ne quis adventor gravior abaetat quam adveniat,neu, qui manus attulerit steriles intro ad nos,gravidas foras exportet. novi ego hominum mores;ita nunc adulescentes morati sunt: quiniaut seni adveniunt ad scorta congerrones;consulta sunt consilia: quando intro advenerunt,oenús eorum aliqui oscúlum amicae usque oggerít, dum illi agant ceterí cleptae;sin vídent quempiam se adsérvare, obludiánt qui custodem óblectentper ióculum et ludum; dé nostro saepe édunt: quod fartorés, faciunt.
Upon my faith, this is the case, and some of the Spectators (to the AUDIENCE), i’ faith, you know full well that I tell no lie in this. There with them is the struggle and the valour, to carry oft a booty from the plunderers.But we again nicely give a like return to these robbers of us; for they themselves look on, while we are heaping up their property; indeed, of their own accord even do they themselves bring it to us.DINARCHUS: (apart.)
fit pól hoc, et pars spectátorum scitís pol haec vos me haud méntiri,†ibi sibus pugnae et vírtuti de praédonibus praedám capere.at ecástor nos rursúm lepide referímus gratiam furíbus nostris:nam ipsí vident cum eorum ággerimus bona atque étiam ultro ipsi aggerúnt ad nos.
In those words she’s surely lashing myself; for I’ve been heaping up presents there.ASTAPHIUM: (in answer to some one who calls from PHRONESIUM’S house.)
Diniarchvs:Me illís quidem haec verberat vérbis,nam ego húc bona mea degéssi.
I well recollect it. I’ troth, his own self, if he’s at home, I’ll at once bring here with me.(Runs on.)DINARCHUS: (calling out.)
Astaphivm:Commémini, iam pol ego eúmpse ad nos, si dómi erit, mecum addúcam.
Hallo! Astaphium, do stop a moment, before you go away.
Diniarchvs:Heus, máne dum, Astaphium, príus quam abis.
ASTAPHIUM:Who’s calling me back?
Astaphivm:Quí revocat?
DINARCHUS:You shall know; look back this way.
Diniarchvs:Scies: réspice huc.
ASTAPHIUM:Who is it?
Astaphivm:Quis est?
DINARCHUS:One who wishes many a blessing to yourselves.
Diniarchvs:Vobís qui multa bóna esse volt.
ASTAPHIUM:Give them then, if you wish us to have them.
Astaphivm:Dato, si ésse vis.
DINARCHUS:I’ll let you have them. Only do look back this way.
Diniarchvs:Fáxo erunt. réspice huc modo.
ASTAPHIUM:O dear, you’re teazing wretched me to death, whoever you are.(Runs on.)
Astaphivm:Oh,enícas me miseram, quísquis es.
DINARCHUS:Worst of women, stop.
Diniarchvs:Péssuma, mane.
ASTAPHIUM:Best of men, go on; you are troublesome. (Turns round.) Is that Dinarchus? Why, it is he.
Astaphivm:Óptume, odio es.Díniarchusne íllic est? átque is est.
DINARCHUS:He’s going to your house;
Diniarchvs:Sálva sis.Astaphivm:Ét tu.
and do you give me your hand (holding out his) in return, and walk together with me.
Diniarchvs:Fer cóntra manum et paritér gradere.
ASTAPHIUM:I am your servant, and am obedient to your command.(Gives her hand.)
Astaphivm:Tuis sérvio atque audiens sum ímperiis.
DINARCHUS:Yourself, how are you?
Diniarchvs:Quid agís?
ASTAPHIUM:I’m well, and am holding by the hand one who’s well. Since you’ve arrived from abroad, a dinner must be given.
Astaphivm:Valeo et validúm teneo.péregre quoniam ádvenis, céna detur.
DINARCHUS:You speak obligingly.
Diniarchvs:Bene dícis benignequé vocas, Astáphium.
ASTAPHIUM:But, prithee, do let me go whither she ordered me.(Withdrawing her hand.)
Astaphivm:Amabo,sine me íre, era quo iussít.
DINARCHUS: (lets go her hand.)Be off then. But how say you—?
Diniarchvs:Eas. sed quíd ais?
ASTAPHIUM:What do you want?
Astaphivm:Quid vis?
DINARCHUS:He, that you are on your road to, who is it that you’re going to fetch?
Diniarchvs:Dic quó iter inceptás; quis est quem arcéssis?
ASTAPHIUM:Achiva, the midwife.
Astaphivm:Archilínem†obstetricem.
DINARCHUS:You are an artful damsel.ASTAPHIUM:I’m as usual then; that’s my practice.
Diniarchvs:Mála tu femina es, oles únde es disciplinam.
DINARCHUS:You deceitful hussy, I’ve caught you detected in a lie.ASTAPHIUM:How so, pray?
manifesto mendaci, mala, teneo te.Astaphivm:Quid iam, amabo?
DINARCHUS:Because you said that you were going to bring “his own self,” and not “herself.” A woman, then, has been made out of a man. You are an artful one.ASTAPHIUM:A conjurer!
Diniarchvs:Quia te adducturam huc dixeras eumpse, non eampse;nunc mulier facta est iam ex viro: mala es praestrigiatrix.
DINARCHUS:But, pray, tell me, Astaphium who is this person? A new lover?
sed tandem eloquere, quis is homost, Astaphium? novos amator?
ASTAPHIUM:I think that you are a gentleman too much at his ease.
Astaphivm:Nimis otiosum te arbitror hominem esse.
DINARCHUS:Why now do you think so?
Diniarchvs:Qui arbitrare?
ASTAPHIUM:Because you trouble yourself about things that don’t concern your own clothing and food.
Astaphivm:Quia tuo vestimento et cibo alienis rebus curas.
DINARCHUS:It’s yourselves have made me a gentleman at ease.
Diniarchvs:Vos mihi dedistis otium.
ASTAPHIUM:Why so?
Astaphivm:Qui, amabo?
DINARCHUS:I’ll explain it to you. I’ve lost my property; with my property you’ve robbed me of occupation.
Diniarchvs:Ego expedibo.rem perdidi apud vos, vos meum negotium abstulistis.
If I had preserved my property, there had been something with which I might have been occupied.
si rem servassem, fuit ubi negotiosus essem.
ASTAPHIUM:And do you suppose that you can possibly well manage the affairs of state, or those of love, on any other terms without being a gentleman at ease?
Astaphivm:An tu te Veneris publicum aut Amoris alia legehabere posse postulas, quin otiosus fias?
DINARCHUS:It was she held a public employment, not I; you misinterpret me. But, against the law, in spite of my tax paid for pasturage, she has received other cattle beside myself.
Diniarchvs:Illa, haud ego, habuit publicum: pervorse interpretaris;nam advorsum legem meam ob meam scripturam pecudem cepit.
ASTAPHIUM:Most persons who manage their property badly, do the same as you are doing; when they haven’t wherewith to pay the tax, they blame the farmers of the taxes.
Astaphivm:Plerique idem quod tu facis faciunt rei male gerentes:ubi non est, scripturam unde dent, incusant publicanos.
DINARCHUS:My pasturage contract with you turns out but badly; now in its turn, I wish to have, according to my narrow circumstances, a little bit of arable land here with you.
Diniarchvs:Male vertit res pecuaria mihi apud vos: nunc vicissimvolo habere aratiunculam pro copia hic apud vos.
ASTAPHIUM:Here is no arable, but the field is pasture land. Ifyou desire some ploughing, you had better go to those who are in the habit of ploughing; we hold this public emolument, the right of pasturage; those are farmers of other taxes.
Astaphivm:Non arvos hic, sed pascuost ager: si arationeshabituru's habiturus es, quí arari solent, ad pueros ire meliust.hunc nos habemus publicum, illi alii sunt publicani.
DINARCHUS:Full well enough do I know both sides.
Diniarchvs:Vtrosque pergnovi probe.
ASTAPHIUM:I’ troth, it’s that way you are a gentleman at ease, since you’ve been going wrong both in that direction and in this. But the acquaintance of which do you like the best?
Astaphivm:Em istoc pol tu otiosu's otiosus es,cum et illíc et hic pervorsus es. sed utriscum rem esse mavis?
DINARCHUS:You are the more exacting, but they are perjured.
Diniarchvs:Procaciores estis vos, sed illí periuriores;
Whatever’s given to them is lost outright, nor with themselves is there any show at all of it; you, if you gain anything, do at least drink and feast it away. In short, they are unprincipled; you are good-for-nothings, and full of airs.
illis perit quidquid datur, neque ipsís apparet quicquam:vos saltem si quid quaeritis, ecbibitis et comestis.postremo illi sunt improbi, vos nequam et gloriosae.
ASTAPHIUM:All this abuse which, Dinarchus, you are uttering against us and them, you utter against yourself, both as respects us and them.
Astaphivm:Male quae in nos vis, ea omnia tibi dicis, Diniarche,et nostram et illorum vicem.
DINARCHUS:How’s that?
Diniarchvs:Qui istuc?
ASTAPHIUM:I’ll tell the reason;
Astaphivm:Rationem dicam:
because he who accuses another of dishonesty, him it behoves to look into himself. You who are so prudent, have got nothing from us; we, who are good-for-nothings, have got all out of you.
quia qui alterum incusat probri, sumpse enitere oportet.tu a nobis sapiens nihil habes, nos nequam abs ted habemus.
DINARCHUS:O Astaphium! you were not in the habit of speaking to me in that fashion formerly, but courteously, when I myself possessed that which is now in your possession.
Diniarchvs:O Ástaphium, haud istoc modo solita es me ante appellare,sed blande, cum illuc, quod apud vos nunc est, apud me habebam.
ASTAPHIUM:While he’s alive, you may know a person; when he’s dead, you may keep yourself quiet.
Astaphivm:Dum vivit, hominem noveris: ubi mortuost, quiescat.
I used to know you when you were alive.DINARCHUS:Do you consider me to be dead?
te dum vivebas noveram.Diniarchvs:An me mortuom arbitrare?
ASTAPHIUM:Prithee, how can it be plainer? He who formerly was esteemed a first-rate lover, for him to be bringing to his mistress nought but lamentations.
Astaphivm:Qui potis [est], amabo, planius? qui antehac amator summushabitu's habitus es, nunc ad amicam venis querimoniam deferre.
DINARCHUS:I’ faith, through your own faults it was done, who in former days were in haste to plunder me. You ought to have done it leisurely, that, unscathed, I might last the longer for you.
Diniarchvs:Vestra hercle factum iniuria, quae properavistis olim:rapere otiose oportuit, diu ut essem incolumis vobis.
ASTAPHIUM:A lover is like an enemy’s fortress.
Astaphivm:Amator similest oppidi hostilis.
DINARCHUS:On what ground?
Diniarchvs:Quo argumento [est]?
ASTAPHIUM:The sooner the lover can be taken by storm, the better it is for the mistress.
Astaphivm:Quam primum expugnari potis [est], tam id optimum est amicae.
DINARCHUS:I confess it; but far different is the friend from the lover. I’ faith, for sure, the oldest friend’s the best one possible for a man.I’ faith, my lands and tenements are not yet all gone.
Diniarchvs:Ego fateor, sed longe aliter est amicus atque amator:certe hercle quam veterrimus, tam homini optimust amicus.Astaphivm:⟨Si vivit.⟩Diniarchvs:Non hercle occidi, sunt mi etiam fundi et aedis.
ASTAPHIUM:Why then, prithee, are you standing before the door as a stranger and an alien? Do go in-doors. Really you are no stranger; for, upon my faith, not one person this day does she more love in her heart and soul—(aside) if, indeed, you’ve got land and tenements.
Astaphivm:Cur, obsecro, ergo ante ostium pro ignoto alienoque astas?⟨i⟩ intro, haud alienus tu quidem es; nam ecastor neminem hodiemage amat corde atque animo suo, si quidem habes fundum atque aedis.
DINARCHUS:Your tongues and talk are steeped in honey; your doings and dispositions are steeped in gall and sour vinegar.
Diniarchvs:In melle sunt linguae sitae vostrae atque orationes,facta atque corda in felle sunt sita atque acerbo aceto:
From your tongues you utter sweet words; you make your lovers of bitter heart if any don’t give you presents.
eo dicta lingua dulcia datis, córde amara facitis.
ASTAPHIUM:I’ve not learnt to say what’s false.
Astaphivm:[Amantes si qui non danunt, † non didici fabulari.]
DINARCHUS:It was not this liberality of mine that taught you to say what’s false, but those niggardly fellows who are struggling against their appetites.
non istaec, mea benignitas, decuit te fabulari,sed istós qui cum geniis suis belligerant parcipromi.
You are a sly one, and the same artful coaxer that you used to be.ASTAPHIUM:How ardently longed forhave you returned from abroad! But, prithee, do come, my mistress wants to see you.
Diniarchvs:Mala es atque eadem quae soles inlecebra.Astaphivm:Vt exspectatusperegre advenisti, quam, obsecro, cupiebat te era videre.
DINARCHUS:How so, pray?
Diniarchvs:Quid tandem?
ASTAPHIUM:You alone of all mankind does she love.
Astaphivm:Te unum ex omnibus amat.
DINARCHUS: (aside.)Well done, lands and tenements; you have come to my aid in good time. (To ASTAPHIUM.) But how say you, Astaphium—?
Diniarchvs:Euge, fundi et aedis,per tempus subvenistis. sed quid ais, Astaphium?
ASTAPHIUM:What do you want?
Astaphivm:Quid vis?
DINARCHUS:Is Phronesium in-doors just now?
Diniarchvs:Estne intus nunc Phronesium?
ASTAPHIUM:To you at all events she’s in-doors.
Astaphivm:Vtut aliis, tibi quidem intus.
DINARCHUS:Is she well?
Diniarchvs:Valetne?
ASTAPHIUM:Aye, faith, and I do believe she’ll be still better when she sees you.
Astaphivm:Immo edepol melius iam fore spero, te ubi videbit.
DINARCHUS:This is our greatest fault: when we’re in love, then we are undone; if that which we wish is told us, when manifestly they are telling lies, in our folly we believe it to be true; verily as though with a tide we fluctuate.
Diniarchvs:Hoc nobis vitium maxumumst, cum amamus tum ⟨hoc⟩ perimus:si illud quod volumus dicitur, palam cum mentiuntur,verum esse insciti credimus, ne ut iusta utamur ira.
ASTAPHIUM:Heyday now—such is not the fact.
Astaphivm:Heia, haud itast res.
DINARCHUS:Do you say that she loves me?
Diniarchvs:Ain tu eam me amare?
ASTAPHIUM:Aye, you only, alone.
Astaphivm:Immo unice unum.
DINARCHUS:I heard that she was brought to bed.
Diniarchvs:Peperisse audivi.
ASTAPHIUM:Oh, prithee, Dinarchus, do hold your tongue.DIN,:Why so?
Astaphivm:Ah obsecro, tace, Diniarche.Diniarchvs:Quid iam?
ASTAPHIUM:I shudder in my alarm, as often as mention is made of childbirth, with such difficulty has Phronesium survived for you. Prithee, do come in-doors now; do go to see her and wait there a little. She’ll be out just now; for she was at the bath.
Astaphivm:Horresco misera, mentio quotiens fit partionis,ita paene nulla tibi fuit Phronesium. i intro, amabo,vise illam. atque opperimino: iam exibit; nam lavabat.
DINARCHUS:What do you say? She who was never pregnant, how could she be brought to bed? For really, I never, that I am aware of, perceived her to be in a breeding state.
Diniarchvs:Quid ais tu? quae numquam fuit praegnas, qui parere potuit?nam équidem illi uterum, quod sciam, numquam extumere sensi.
ASTAPHIUM:She concealed it from you and was afraid, lest you should persuade her to have recourse to abortion, and so destroy the child.
Astaphivm:Celabat metuebatque te, ne tu sibi persuaderes,ut abortioni operam daret puerumque ut enicaret.
DINARCHUS:Troth then, who’s the father of this child?
Diniarchvs:Tum pol isti ést puero pater Babyloniensis miles,quoius núnc ista adventum expetit.
ASTAPHIUM:A Babylonian Captain, whose arrival she is now expecting.So much so, indeed, that, according as was reported, they say that he’ll be here just now. I wonder he has not arrived by this.
Astaphivm:Immo ab eo ut nuntiatumst,iam hic adfuturum aiunt eum. nondum advenisse miror.
DINARCHUS:Shall I go in, then?
Diniarchvs:Ibo igitur intro?
ASTAPHIUM:Why not? As boldly as at home, into your own house; for even still are you now one of us, Dinarchus.
Astaphivm:Quippini? tam audacter quam domum ad te;nam tu quidem edepol noster es etiam nunc, Diniarche.
DINARCHUS:How soon are you on your return?
Diniarchvs:Quam mox te huc recipis?
ASTAPHIUM:I’ll be there this instant; it’s close at hand where I was going.
Astaphivm:Iam hic ero: propest, profecta quo sum.
DINARCHUS:But do return directly; meanwhile I’ll wait for you at your house. (He goes into the house of PHRONESIUM.)(ASTAPHIUM, alone.)
Diniarchvs:Redi véro actutum. ego interim hic apud vos opperibor.—
ASTAPHIUM: (laughing.)Ha, ha, ha! I’m at rest,since my plague has gone in-doors; now, indeed, I shall speak according to my own inclination, freely, as I please. My mistress has sung a funeral dirge at our house for this fellow, her lover, over his estate; for his lands and tenements are mortgaged for his treats in his amour.
Astaphivm:Hahahaé, requievi,quia íntro abiit odiúm meum.tandém sola súm. nunc quidém meo arbitrátuloquár liberé quae volam ét quae lubébit.huic hómini amanti méa era apud nos naéniam dixit domi,nam fundi et aedis obligatae sunt ob Amoris praedium.
But with him does my mistress speak freely upon the objects of her plans, and so he is rather a friend by way of counsel to her than by way of maintenance. While he had it, he gave; now he has got nothing; what he did have, we have got; what we had, he has now got the same. The common course of things has happened. Fortunes are wont to change upon the instant. Life is checquered.
verum apud hunc mea era sua consilia summa eloquitur libere,magisque ádeo ei consiliarius hic amicust quam auxiliarius.dum fuit, dedit; nunc nihil habet: quod habebat nos habemus,iste id habet quod nos habuimus. humanum facinus factumst.actutum fortunae solent mutari, varia vitast:
We remember him as rich, and he us as poor; our reminiscences have shifted places. He must be a fool to wonder at it. If he is in want, it’s necessary that he should allow us to make a living; that’s proper to be done.’Twere a disgrace for us to have compassion on men that squander away their fortunes. A clever Procuress ought to have good teeth;to smile upon whoever comes, to address him in flattering terms; to design mischief in her heart, but to speak fairly with her tongue. A Courtesan it befits to be like a briar; whatever man she touches, for either mischief or loss certainly to be the result. A Courtesan ought never to listen to the plea of a lover,but, when he has nothing to give, do you pack him off home from service as a deserter; and never is any gallant good for anything unless he’s one who is the enemy of his own fortune. It’s trifling, if, when he has just given, he doesn’t take a pleasure in giving afresh. That person’s esteemed with us who forgets that that has been given which he has given. As long as he has anything, so long let him go on loving; when he has got nothing, then let him look out another employment;
nos divitem istum meminimus atque iste pauperes nos:verterunt sese memoriae; stultus sit qui id miretur.si eget, necessest nos pati: amavit, aequom ei factum est.piaculumst miserere nos hominum rei male gerentum.[bonis ésse oportet déntibus lenám probam,][adripere ut quisquis veniat blandeque adloqui,][male corde consultare, bene lingua loqui.]meretricem sentis similem ésse condecet,quémquem hominem attigerit, profecto ei aut malum aut damnum dare.numquam amatoris meretricem oportet causam noscere,quin, ubi nil det, pro infrequente eum mittat militia domum.nec umquam erit probus quísquam amator nisi qui rei inimicust suae.nugae sunt nisi, modo quom dederit, dare iam lubeat denuo;is amatur hic apud nos, qui quod dedit id oblitust datum.dum habeat, dúm amet; ubi nil habeat, alium quaestum coepiat.
if he himself has got nothing, let him, with a contented mind, make way for others who have. He’s a proper lover who, neglecting his affairs, squanders away his property. But among themselves the men declare that we act ill, and are greedy. Prithee, do we in fact at all act ill? For, by my troth, never did any lover whatever give enough to his mistress;nor, i’ faith, have we ever received enough, nor has any woman ever asked for enough. For when a gallant is barren with his gifts … If he denies that he has anything to give, alone … Nor do we receive enough, when a person has not enough to give us. It is ever our duty to look after fresh givers,who take from untouched treasures, and make presents to us. Just like this young man from the country, who dwells here (pointing to the house where STRABAX lives), i’ faith, a very pleasant creature, and a very bounteous giver. But he, without the knowledge of his father, even this very last night, leapt over the wall by way of the garden, and came to our house. I wish to meet with him.
aequo animo, ipse si nihil habeat, aliis quí habent, det locum.[probust amator, qui relictis rebus rem perdit suam.]at nós male agere praedicant viri solere secum,nosque esse avaras. qui sumus? quid male nos agimus tandem?nam ecastor numquam satis dedit suae quísquam amicae amator,neque pol nos satis accepimus neque umquam úlla satis poposcit.nam quando sterilis est amator ab datis,si negat se habere quod det, soli credimus,nec satis accipimus, satis cum quod det non habet:semper datores novos oportet quaerere,qui de thensauris integris demus danunt.velút hic agrestis est adulescens, qui hic habet,nimis pól mortalis lepidus nimisque probus dator.[sed is clam patrem etiam hac nocte illac][per hortum transiluit ad nos. eum volo convenire.]
But one servant has he, a very great savage, who, when he sees any one of us near the door, if you approach that way, drives us off just as he scares the geese away with his noise from the corn; he’s such a bumpkin. But come what may, I’ll knock at the door.(Knocks at the door, and calls.) Who, I wonder, has the keeping of this door? Is anybody coming out from in-doors?(Enter STRATILAX, from the house of the FATHER of STRABAX.)
sed est huic unus servos violentissimus,qui ubi quámque nostrarum videt prope hasce aédis adgrediri,item ut de frumento anseres, clamore absterret abigit;ita est agrestis. sed fores, quidquid ést futurum, feriam.ecquis huíc tutelam ianuae gerit? ecquis intus exit?
STRATILAX:Who’s this, that’s so sturdily plying his batteringram against our door?
Trvcvlentvs:Quís illic est qui tam proterve nostras aedis arietat?
ASTAPHIUM:It’s I. Look round at me.
Astaphivm:Ego sum, respice ad me.
STRATILAX:Who’s I?ASTAPHIUM:Am I not seen by you?STRATILAX: (turning to her.)
Trvcvlentvs:Quid ego? nonne egó videor tibi?
Woe worth thee! What mean you by this coming so near this door, or why’s this knocking?
quid tibi ad hasce accessio aedis est prope aut pultatio?
ASTAPHIUM:Health to you.
Astaphivm:Salve.
STRATILAX:Enow of thy health have I; I care nought for’t, I’ve got no health;
Trvcvlentvs:Sat mihi est tuae salutis. nil moror. non salveo?
I’d rather be sick, than be a bit the sounder with health from thee. This I want to know, what’s owing thee here in our house?
aegrotare malim quam esse tua salute sanior.sed volo scíre, quid debetur hic tibi nostrae domi?
ASTAPHIUM:Do keep close—
Astaphivm:Comprime sis eiram.
STRATILAX:Yea, faith, to my own good woman I trust; let him keep close to thee whose habit ’tis. A rare fine joke! a silly hussy to be tempting a countryman to naughty tricks.
Trvcvlentvs:Eam quidem hercle tu, quae solita es, comprime,impudens, quae per ridiculum rustico suades stuprum.
ASTAPHIUM:Keep close your anger, I meant.STRATILAX:As thee’st begun with me, so I’d e’en lay a wager there’s not another like thee.ASTAPHIUM: (half to herself.)
Astaphivm:Eiram dixi: ut decepisti! dempsisti unam litteram.
Really this fellow’s very churlish.STRATILAX:Woman, dost thee go on abusing me?
nimis quidem hic truculentust.Trvcvlentvs:Pergin male loqui, mulier, mihi?
ASTAPHIUM:Why, what did I say to you?
Astaphivm:Quid tibi ego male dicó?
STRATILAX:Why, because thee dost call me churlish. Therefore now, if thee doesn’t be off this instant, and tell me quickly what thee want’st, adzookers, woman, I’ll be, here this very instant, trampling thee beneath my feet like a sow her piglings.
Trvcvlentvs:Quia enim me truncum lentum nominas.nunc adeo, nisi abis actutum aut dicis quid quaeras cito,iam hercle ego hic te, mulier, quasi sus catulos pedibus proteram.
ASTAPHIUM:This is indeed right country,and no mistake;’tis an abominable and truly a monkey race.
Astaphivm:Rus merum hoc quidemst.
STRATILAX: (holding up his fist.)Dost thee throw the country in my teeth, when thee hast found a man who’s ashamed of what’s foul?
Trvcvlentvs:Pudendumst vero clurinum pecus.
Hast thee come hither to tempt me with thy decked out bones? Was it for that, shameless slut, thee dyed thy mantle of its smoke-dried colour, or art thee so fine because that thee’s been a stealing?Come thee towards me then.
advenisti huc te ostentatum, cum exornatis ossibus,quia tibi suaso infecisti propudiosa pallulam?[an eo bella es, quia accepisti ármillas aeneas?]
ASTAPHIUM:Now you charm me.
Astaphivm:Nunc places, cum mi inclementer dicis.
STRATILAX:How much I wish I could charm thee.ASTAPHIUM:You tell a lie.STRATILAX:Tell me—ASTAPHIUM:What?STRATILAX:What I ask thee. Dost thee wish to be taken for a bondswoman, who dost carry on thee those rings?(Pointing to her fingers.)
Trvcvlentvs:Quid hoc quod te rogo?mancupion qui accipias, gestas tecum ahenos anulos?
ASTAPHIUM:They give them to those who are worthy.STRATILAX:These are the spoils of Laverna which thee dost possess.(Lays hold of her.)
pignus da ni ligneae haec sunt quas habes Victorias.
ASTAPHIUM:Don’t be touching me.(Moving away.)
Astaphivm:Ne attigas me.
STRATILAX:I, touch thee? So help me my weeding-hoe, I’d rather i’ the country for me to be harnessed like an ox with crumpled horns, and with it spend the livelong night upon the straw, than that a hundred nights with thee, with a dinner apiece, were given me for nothing!
Trvcvlentvs:Egon te tangam? íta me amabit sarculum,ut ego me ruri amplexari mavelim patulam bovemcumque ea noctem in stramentis pernoctare perpetem,quam tuas centum cenatas noctes mihi dono dari.rus tu mi opprobras? ut nancta es hominem quem pudeat probri!
But what business, woman, hast thee at our house? Why dost thee come running this way as often as we come to town?
sed quid ápud nostras negoti, mulier, est aedis tibi?quid tu huc occursas, in urbem quotienscumque advenimus?
ASTAPHIUM:I want to meet with your women.
Astaphivm:Mulieres volo convenire vostras.
STRATILAX:What women art thee talking to me about, when there’s not even a single woman-fly within the house?
Trvcvlentvs:Quas tu mulieresmihi narras, ubi musca nulla feminast in aedibus?
ASTAPHIUM:What, does no woman live here?
Astaphivm:Nullan istic mulier habitat?
STRATILAX:They’ve gone into the country, I say. Be off.
Trvcvlentvs:Rus, inquam, abierunt. abi.
ASTAPHIUM:Why are you bawling out, you lunatic?
Astaphivm:Quid clamas, insane?
STRATILAX:If thee doesn’t make haste to get away from this with prodigious speed, I’ll forthwith be separating even from thy brains those falsified, daintily arranged, corkscrew curls of thine, with all their grease as well.
Trvcvlentvs:Abire hinc ni properas grandi gradu,iam hercle ego istós fictos compositos crispos cincinnos tuosunguentatos usque ex cerebro exvellam.
ASTAPHIUM:For what reason, pray?
Astaphivm:Quanam gratia?
STRATILAX:Why, because thee hast even presumed to approach our door anointed up with thine unguents, and because thee hast those cheeks so nicely, painted pink.
Trvcvlentvs:Quia ad foris nostras unguentis uncta es ausa accederequiaque istas buccas tam belle purpurissatas habes.
ASTAPHIUM:I’ troth, it was by reason of your clamour that I coloured in my alarm.
Astaphivm:Erubui mecastor misera propter clamorem tuom.
STRATILAX:And is it so? Thee coloured? As though, hussy, thee really hadst left to thy skin the power of receiving any colour. Redden up thy cheeks, thee hast given all thy skin its colour with chalk.
Trvcvlentvs:Itane? erubuisti? quasi vero corpori reliqueristuo potestatem coloris ulli capiendi, mala.buccas rubrica, créta omne corpus intinxti tibi.
Ye are scoundrelly jades.What’s the reason, abominable hussies, that this way …?
pessumae estis.Astaphivm:Quíd est quod vobis pessumae haec male fecerint?
I know more than thee think’st I know.ASTAPHIUM:Prithee, what’s this that you know?
Trvcvlentvs:Scio ego plus quam tu arbitrare scire me.Astaphivm:Quid id obsecrostquod scias?
STRATILAX:How Strabax, my master’s son, is ruining himself at your house; how you are all enticing him to fraud and present-making.
Trvcvlentvs:Erilis noster filius apud vos Strabaxut pereat, ut eum inliciatis in malam fraudem et probrum.
ASTAPHIUM:If you appeared in your senses, I’d tell you. You’re uttering abuse only;
Astaphivm:Sanus si videare, dicam: dicis contumeliam.
not a person is in the habit of being ruined here at our house; they waste their property; when they’ve wasted their property, they may go bare thence, if they choose. I don’t know this young man of yours.STRATILAX:Indeed so.ASTAPHIUM:In sober truth.
nemo homo hic solet perire apud nos: res perdunt suas;ubi res perdidere, abire hinc, si volunt, salvis licet.ego istunc non novi adulescentem vostrum.Trvcvlentvs:Veron serio?
STRATILAX:Aye, but that garden wall that’s in our garden says so, which is becoming every night less by a brick, over which he travels to your house on the road to destruction.
quid maceria illa ait, in horto quae est, quae in noctes singulaslatere fit minor, qua ístoc ad vos damni permensust viam?
ASTAPHIUM:The wall’s an old one; it isn’t wonderful if the bricks, being old, do tumble down.
Astaphivm:Nil mirum (vetus est maceria) lateres si veteres ruont.
STRATILAX:And says thee, hussy, that old bricks do tumble down? By my fakes, may never any mortal man henceforth trust me upon the two grand points, if I don’t inform of these goings on of yours to my elder master.
Trvcvlentvs:Ain tu vero veteres lateres ruere? numquam edepol mihiquisquam homo mortalis posthac duarum rerum creduit,ní ego vostra ero maiori facta denarravero.
ASTAPHIUM:Is he a savage as well?
Astaphivm:Estne item violentus ut tu?
STRATILAX:Why, he didn’t get his money by enriching harlots, but by thriftiness,and living hard; which now, however, is being carried off to you, abominable jades. (Takes her by the shoulders and shakes her.) There’s for thee, six-clawed hussy; a wretched life to both of ye. Am I to keep mum about these matters? But, lookye now, I’ll be off to the Forum at once and tell these goings on to the old gentleman, that he mayn’t somehow be cherishing within this matting a whole swarm of misfortunes.(Exit.)
Trvcvlentvs:Non enim ille meretriculismunerandis rem coegit, verum parsimoniaduritiaque: quae nunc ad vos clam exportantur, pessumae;ea vos estis exunguimini ebibitis. egone haec mussitem?iam quidem hercle ibo ad forum atque haec facta narrabo seni,neque istuc insegesti tergo coget examen mali.—
ASTAPHIUM: (to herself.)Upon my faith, if this fellow were living on mustard, I don’t think he could possibly be as snappish. But, i’ troth, how much a well-wisher to his master he is. Still, although he is a savage, I trust that he can be changed by coaxing, allurements, and other arts of the courtesan. I’ve seen a horse from unruly become tamed, and other brutes as well.
Astaphivm:Si ecastor hic homo sinapi victitet, non censeamtam esse tristem posse. at pol ero benevolens visust suo.verum ego illúm, quamquam violentust, spero inmutari poteblandimentis, oramentis, ceteris meretriciis;vidi equom ex indomito domitum fieri atque alias beluas.
Now I’ll go back to see my mistress. But see, my plague’s coming out. (The door of PHRONESIUM’S house is opened.) He’s coming out with a sad air; he hasn’t even yet had a meeting with Phronesium.(Enter DINARCHUS, from PHRONESIUM’S house.)
nunc ad eram revidebo. ⟨sed⟩ eccum ódium progreditur meum.tristis exit. haud convenit etiam hic dum Phronesium.
DINARCHUS:I do believe that the fishes, that are always bathing as long as they live, do not take so long in bathing as this Phronesium does in bathing. If women could be loved on as long as they take in bathing,all lovers would be becoming bath-keepers.
Diniarchvs:Piscis ego credo, qui usque dum vivont lavant,minus diú lavare quam haec lavat Phronesium.si proinde amentur, mulieres diu quam lavant,omnes amantes balneatores sient.
ASTAPHIUM:Can’t you endure waiting for a short time even?
Astaphivm:Non quis parumper durare opperirier?
DINARCHUS:Why,’pon my faith, I’m wretchedly tired with waiting already.
Diniarchvs:Quin hercle lassus iam sum durando miser:
ASTAPHIUM:I, as well, shall be obliged to go bathe from wearinessDINARCHUS:But, i’ faith, Astaphium, prithee do go in-doors and tell herthat I’m here. Do go at once, and persuade her that she has bathed long enough by this.
mihi quoque prae lassitudine opus est ⟨ut⟩ lavem.sed obsecro hercle, Astaphium, ⟨i⟩ intro ac nuntiame adesse, ut properet suade, iam ut satis laverit.
ASTAPHIUM:Very well.(Going.)
Astaphivm:Licet.
DINARCHUS:And do you hear as well?
Diniarchvs:Audin etiam?
ASTAPHIUM:What do you want?(Comes back.)
Astaphivm:Quid vis?
DINARCHUS:May the Gods confound me for calling you back. I had nothing to say to you, only do be off.
Diniarchvs:Di me perduint,qui te revocavi. non tibi dicebam “i” modo?
ASTAPHIUM:Why did you call me back then, you worthless and good-for-nothing fellow? A delay to me which has produced fully a mile’s delay to you.(Goes into the house of PHRONESIUM.)
Astaphivm:Quidnam revocabas? improbu's improbus es nihilique homo:tute tibi mille passum peperisti moram.—
DINARCHUS: (to himself.)But yet why was she standing here so long before the house? Some one, I don’t know who, she certainly was waiting for; the Captain, I suppose. That’s it; see now, how, just like vultures, a whole three days beforehand they foresee on what day they are to have a feast. They’re all agape for him; on him are all their minds fixed.
Diniarchvs:Sed quid haec hic autem tam diu ante aedis stetit?nescio quem praestolata est; credo, militem.illum student iam; quasi volturii triduoprius praédivinant, quo die esuri sient:illum inhiant omnes, illi est animus omnibus;
No one will be giving any more attention to myself, when he comes, than if I had been dead two hundred years ago. How delightful a thing it is to keep one’s money! Ah wretched me! after it’s done I’m punished, who lost what I once had.
me nemo magis respiciet, ubi is [est] huc venerit,quasi abhinc ducentos annos fuerim mortuos.ut rem servare suave est! vae misero mihi,post factum flector, qui antepartum perdidi.