But now, if any great and splendid fortune should chance to fall to my lot, now, after I know it, what sweets and what bitters come of money, by my troth, I’d so keep it, I’d live in a manner so sparing, that—in a few days I’d make there to be none at all. I’d then confute those who now censure me.
verum nunc si qua mi obtigerit hereditasmagna atque luculenta, nunc postquam sciodulce atque amarum quid sit ex pecunia,ita ego íllam edepol servem itaque parce victitem,ut—nulla faxim cis dies paucos siet;ego istós, qui nunc me culpant, confutaverim.
But I perceive that this tide-like door is opening (the door of PHRONESIUM’S house is opened), which sucks up whatever comes within its bolts.(Enter PHRONESIUM, from her house.)
sed aestuosas sentio aperiri fores,quae obsorbent quidquid venit intra pessulos.
PHRONESIUM:Please now, is my door apt to bite, that you are afraid to come in, my love?
Phronesivm:Num tibi nam, amabo, ianua est mordax mea,quo intro ire metuas, mea voluptas?
DINARCHUS: (aside.)Behold the spring! How all blooming it is! how fragrantly does it smell! how brightly does it shine.
Diniarchvs:Ver vide,ut tota floret, ut olet, ut nitide nitet.
PHRONESIUM:Why so ill-mannered, as not, on your arrival from Lemnos, to give a kiss to your mistress, my Dinarchus?DINARCHUS: (aside.)
Phronesivm:Quid tam inficetu's inficetus es, Lemno adveniens qui tuaenon des amicae, Diniarche, savium?
O dear, by my troth, I’m being punished now, and most terribly—PHRONESIUM:Why do you turn yourself away?
Diniarchvs:Vah, vapulo hercle ego nunc, atque adeo male.Phronesivm:Quo te avortisti?
DINARCHUS:My greetings to you, Phronesium.
Diniarchvs:Salva sis, Phronesium.
PHRONESIUM:Greetings to you as well. Will you dine here to-day, as you’ve arrived in safety?
Phronesivm:Salve. hicine hodie cenas, salvos cum advenis?
DINARCHUS:I’m engaged.
Diniarchvs:Promisi.
PHRONESIUM:Where will you dine then?
Phronesivm:Vbi cenabis?
DINARCHUS:Wherever you request me; here.
Diniarchvs:Vbi tu iusseris.
PHRONESIUM:You’ll give me pleasure by doing so.(They take their places at a collation spread before the house.)
Phronesivm:Hic me lubente facies.
DINARCHUS:I’ troth, myself still more. You’ll give me your company to-day, I suppose, my Phronesium?
Diniarchvs:Edepol me magis.nempe tú eris hodie mecum, mea Phronesium?
PHRONESIUM:If it could possibly be done, I would.
Phronesivm:Velim, si fieri possit.
DINARCHUS:Give me my shoes then—make haste, remove the table.
Diniarchvs:Cedo soleas mihi,properate, auferte mensam.
PHRONESIUM:Are you in your senses, pray?
Phronesivm:Amabo, sanun es?
DINARCHUS:By heavens, I cannot drink now; so sick at heart am I.
Diniarchvs:Non edepol bibere possum iam, ita animo malest.
PHRONESIUM:Stay; something shall be done. Don’t go.
Phronesivm:Mane, aliquid fiet, né abi.
DINARCHUS:Ah, you’ve refreshed me with cold water! My senses have now returned. Take off my shoes; give me something to drink.
Diniarchvs:Ah, aspersisti aquam.iam rediit animus. deme soleas, cedo bibam.
PHRONESIUM:By my faith, you are just the same that you used to be. But tell me, have you sped successfully?
Phronesivm:Idem es mecastor qui soles. sed dic mihi,benene ambulatumst?
DINARCHUS:I’ troth, successfully enough, indeed, hither to you, inasmuch as I enjoy the opportunity of seeing you.
Diniarchvs:Huc quidem hercle ad te bene,quia tui videndi copia est.
PHRONESIUM:Embrace me then.
Phronesivm:Complectere.
DINARCHUS:With pleasure. (He embraces her.) Oh, this is honey sweeter than sweet honey. In this, Jove, my fortune does exceed thine own!
Diniarchvs:Lubens. heia, hoc est melle dulci dulcius.hoc tuis fortunis, Iuppiter, praestant meae.
PHRONESIUM:Won’t you give me a kiss?
Phronesivm:Dan savium?
DINARCHUS:Aye, ten even.(Kisses her.)
Diniarchvs:Immo vel decem.
PHRONESIUM:You are not niggardly in that. You promise more than I ask of you.(Turns away her head.)
Phronesivm:Em istoc pauper es:⟨semper⟩ plus pollicere quam ego abs te postulo.
DINARCHUS:I only wish that from the first I had been as sparing of my property, as you are now thrifty of your kisses.
Diniarchvs:Vtinam a principio reí item parsisses meaeut nunc reparcis saviis.
PHRONESIUM:If I could possibly cause you any saving, i’ troth, I could wish it done.
Phronesivm:Si quid tibicompendi facere possim, factum edepol velim.
DINARCHUS:Have you bathed then?
Diniarchvs:Iam lauta es?
PHRONESIUM:I’ troth, indeed I have then, to my own satisfaction and that of my eyes. Do I seem to be loathsome to you?
Phronesivm:Iam pol mihi quidem atque oculis meis.num tibi sordere videor?
DINARCHUS:I’ faith, not to myself indeed;
Diniarchvs:Non pol mihi quidem;
but I remember that there was once a time when between ourselves we were loathsome, the one to the other. But what doing of yours is this I’ve heard upon my arrival? What new matter have you been scheming here in my absence?
verum tempestas, memini, quondam ⟨etiam⟩ fuit,cum inter nos sordebamus alter de altero.sed quid ego facinus audivi adveniens tuom,quod tu hic me absente novi negoti gesseris?
PHRONESIUM:Why, what is it?
Phronesivm:Quid id est?
DINARCHUS:In the first place, that you’ve been blessed with children,and that you’ve safely got over it, I’m delighted.PHRONESIUM: (to some ATTENDANTS near the door.)
Diniarchvs:Primumdum, cum tu es aucta liberiscumque bene provenisti salva, gaudeo.
Go you away from there into the house, and shut the door. (They go in, and shut the door.) You now alone are left to be present at my communication; to you I’ve ever entrusted my designs. For my own part, I’ve neither had any child nor have I been pregnant;
Phronesivm:Concedite hinc vos intro atque operite ostium.tu nunc superstes solus sermoni meo es.tibi mea consilia summa semper credidi.equidem neque peperi puerum neque praegnas fui;
but I’ve pretended that I was pregnant; I wasn’t though.
verum adsimulavi me esse praegnatem: haud nego.
DINARCHUS:For what reason, O my life?
Diniarchvs:Quem propter, o mea vita?
PHRONESIUM:On account of a Babylonian Captain, who kept me as though his wife for a year, while he was here.
Phronesivm:Propter militemBabyloniensem, qui quasi uxorem sibime habebat anno, dum hic fuit.
DINARCHUS:That I knew. But what means this? For what purpose was your design in pretending this?
Diniarchvs:Ego senseram.sed quid istuc? cui rei te adsimulare retulit?
PHRONESIUM:That there might be a certain bond and tie for him to be returning to me again. Now he has lately sent me a letter hither, that he’ll make trial how much I value him. If I should raise and bring up the child which I should bear,that then I should have all his property.
Phronesivm:Vt esset aliquis laqueus et redimiculum,reversionem ut ad me faceret denuo.nunc huc remisit nuper ad me epistulam,sese experturum quanti sese penderem:si quod peperissem id ⟨non⟩ necarem ac tollerem,bona sua med habiturum omnia [esse].
DINARCHUS:I listen with pleasure. In fine, what is it you are contriving?
Diniarchvs:Ausculto lubens.quid denique agitis?
PHRONESIUM:My mother ordered the servant-maids, since now the tenth month is arriving close at hand, each to go in some different direction, to seek out and bespeak a boy or a girl, to be passed off as my own.
Phronesivm:Mater ancillas iubet,quoniam iam decimus mensis adventat prope,aliam aliorsum ire, praemandare et quaererepuerum aut puellam, qui supponatur mihi.
Why need I make many words? You know Syra, the female hair-dresser, who now lives hard by our house?DINARCHUS:I know her.
quid multa verba faciam? tonstricem Suramnovisti nostram, quae mercedem sese habet?†Diniarchvs:Novi.
PHRONESIUM:She, with the utmost care, went about among the families, and secretly found out a child, and brought it to me. She said it was given to her.
Phronesivm:Haec ut opera circumit, per familias,puerum vestigat; clanculum ad me detulit,datum sibi esse dixit.
DINARCHUS:O shocking traffic!
Diniarchvs:O mercis malae.
She then hasn’t borne this child who at first did bear it, but you who come afterwards.PHRONESIUM:You have the whole matter in its order. Now, as the Captain has sent a message before to me, he’ll be here no long time hence.
eum núnc non illa peperit, quae peperit prior,sed tu posterior.Phronesivm:Ordine omnem rem tenes.nunc ut praemisit nuntium miles mihi,non multo post hic aderit.
DINARCHUS:Now, in the mean time, you are treating yourself here as though one who had just lain in?
Diniarchvs:Nunc tu te interimquasi pro puerpera hic procuras?
PHRONESIUM:Why not,when, without trouble, the matter can be nicely managed? It’s proper that every one should be alive at his own trade.
Phronesivm:Quippini,ubi sine labore res geri pulcre potest?ad suom quemque aequom est quaestum ésse callidum.
DINARCHUS:What’s to become of me when the Captain comes? Forsaken, can I live without you?
Diniarchvs:Quid me futurum est, quando miles venerit?relictusne abs te vivam?
PHRONESIUM:When I’ve got from him that which I want, I shall easily find a way howto create discord and a separation between us; after that, my delight, I shall be always at your side.
Phronesivm:Vbi illud quod volohabebo ab illo, facile inveniam quo mododivortium et discordiam inter nos parem:post id ego [totum] tecum, mea voluptas, usque eroassiduo.
DINARCHUS:Aye, faith, but I’d rather it were at my couch.
Diniarchvs:Immo hercle vero accubuo mavelim.
PHRONESIUM:Moreover, I wish to sacrifice to-day to the Deities for the child, on this the fifth day, as is proper to be done.
Phronesivm:[quin] Dis hodie sacruficare pro puero volo,quinto die quod fieri oportet.
DINARCHUS:I think you ought.
Diniarchvs:Censeo.
PHRONESIUM:Can’t you venture to give me some trifling present?
Phronesivm:Non audes aliquid mihi dare munusculum?
DINARCHUS:Upon my faith, my delight, I seem to be making a gain for myself when you ask anything of me.
Diniarchvs:Lucrum hercle videor facere mi, voluptas mea,ubi quippiam me poscis.
PHRONESIUM: (aside.)And I, when I’ve got it.
Phronesivm:At ego, ubi abstuli.
DINARCHUS:I’ll take care it shall be here just now. I’ll send my servant hither.
Diniarchvs:Iam faxo hic aderit. servolum huc mittam meum.
PHRONESIUM:Do so.
Phronesivm:Sic facito.
DINARCHUS:But whatever it shall be, do take it in good part.
Diniarchvs:Quidquid attulerit, boni consulas.
PHRONESIUM:I troth, I’m sure that you’ll give all attention to your present, of which I shan’t be ashamed so long as you send it to me.
Phronesivm:Ecastor munus te curaturum scio,ut cuius me nón paeniteat mittatur mihi.
DINARCHUS:Do you wish anything else of me?
Diniarchvs:Num quippiam aliud me vis?
PHRONESIUM:That, when you have leisure, you’ll come again to see me.
Phronesivm:Vt quando otiumtibi sit ad me revisas, ⟨et⟩ valeas.—
DINARCHUS:Fare you well.PHRONESIUM:Farewell.(Goes into her house.)DINARCHUS: (to himself.)
Diniarchvs:Vale.
O immortal Gods!’twere the part not of a woman in love,but of a partner of kindred feelings and confiding, to do what she just now has done for me, in disclosing to me the palming of the child upon the Captain,—a thing that a sister entrusts not to her own born sister. She discloses herself now to me from her very soul,that she will never prove faithless to me so long as she exists. Ought I not to love her? Ought I not to wish her well? I’ll rather not love myself, than that love should be wanting for her. Shall I not send her a present? This instant, then, I’ll order five minae to be brought to her from my house,besides catering to the amount of a mina at least. Much rather shall kindness be shown to her who wishes kindly to me, than to myself, who do every mischief to myself.(Exit.) (Enter PHRONESIUM, from her house.)PHRONESIUM: (speaking at the door to the SERVANTS within.)Give the breast to that child. (To herself, coming forward.) How wretchedlyand anxiously are mothers distressed in mind. I’ faith,’twas craftily contrived; and when I revolve this matter in my mind, we are accounted to be much less artful than we naturally are in disposition. I’m now speaking of what, but lately, for the first time, I’ve been taught at home;how great is my anxiety of mind, what pangs I do feel in my heart, lest through the death of the child the plot should fail. Because I’m styled its mother, for that reason am I the more anxious for its life, who have ventured thus secretly to attempt a stratagem so great. In my avarice, for the sake of gain, have I entered on this disgraceful scheme;the pangs of others have I falsely shammed for myself. You must attempt nothing by craftiness, unless you would carry it out with cunning and with care. (To the AUDIENCE.) You yourselves now see in what garb I go; I’m now pretending that I’m an invalid from having lain in.
pro di immortales, non amantis mulieris,sed sociae únanimantis, fidentis fuitofficium facere quod modo haec fecit mihi,suppositionem pueri quae mihi credidit,germanae quod sorori non credit soror.ostendit sese iam mihi medullitus:scio mi ínfidelem numquam, dum vivat, fore.egone illam ut non amem? egone illi ut non bene velim?me potius non amabo quam huic desit amor.ego istí non munus mittam? iam † modo ex hoc locoiubebo ad istam quinque deferri minas,praeterea obsonari ⟨una⟩ dumtaxat mina.multo illi potius bene erit quae bene volt mihi,quam mihi, qui mihimet omnia facio mala.—Phronesivm:Puero ísti date mammam. út miseraematrés sollicitaeque éx animo sumus crúciamurque!edepól commentum mále, cumque eam rem in córde agito,nimió—minus perhibemúr malae quam sumus íngenio.egó prima dé me, domó docta, díco.quanta ést cura in animo, quantum corde capiodolorem—dolus ne occidat morte pueri:mater dicta quod sum, eo magis studeo vitae;quae ausa hunc sum, tantundem dolum ⟨nunc⟩ adgrediar.lucri causa avara probrum sum exsecuta,alienos dolores mihi supposivi;⟨sed⟩ nullam rem oportet dolose adgrediri,nisi astu totam accurateque exsequare.vosmet iam videtis, ut ornata incedo:puerperio ego nunc med esse aegram adsimulo.
A thing that a woman attempts to do in fraud, unless she is perfect in carrying it out, that same is as bad as disease to her, that same is as bad as old age to her, that to her, wretched creature, is wretchedness: if she begins to do what’s right, soon does weariness of it overtake her. How very few are tired who have commenced to do what’s wrong; how very few carry it out, if they have commenced to do anything aright.
mále quod mulier fácere incepit, nísi ⟨id⟩ efficere pérpetrat,id illi morbo, id illi seniost, ea illi miserae miseriast;bene si facere incepit, eius rei nimis cito odium percipit.nimis quam paucae sunt defessae, male quae facere occeperunt,nimisque paucae efficiunt, si quid facere occeperunt bene:
To a female it is a much less burden to do bad than good. In that I’m an artful one, through the agency of my mother and my own artful disposition am I artful, who have thus feigned to the Babylonian Captain that I am pregnant. I wish now the Captain may find this artful plot concocted well. He’ll be here no long time hence, I suppose; forewarned of that I’m now forearmed,and I’m wearing this garb, as though I had just lain in in pregnancy. (Calls to the SERVANTS within.) Bring me hither some myrrh and fire for the altar, that I may pay adoration to my Lucina. (They bring it.) Place it here (pointing to an altar near the door), and go out of my sight. Ho there! Pithecium, help me to lay me down. Come hither; thus is it proper to help one who has just lain in. (A couch is brought in by ASTAPHIUM and two HANDMAIDS, and she lays herself down.) Take off my sandals; throw a coverlet here over me, Archylis.
mulieri nimio male facere levius onus est quam bene.ego quod mala sum, matris opera mala sum et meapte malitia,quae me gravidam esse adsimulavi militi Babylonio:eam nunc malitiam accuratam miles inveniat volo.is hic haud multo post, credo, aderit; nunc prius praecaveo scienssumque ornata ita ut aegra videar, quasi puerperio cubem.date mi huc stactam atque ignem in aram, ut venerem Lucinam meam.hic apponite atque abite ab oculis. eho, Pithecium,face ut accumbam, accede, adiuta. em sic decet puerperam.soleas mihi deduce, pallium inice in me huc, Archilis.
Astaphium, where are you? Bring me hither, holy herbs, frankincense, and sweetmeats. Bring water for my hands. (The SERVANTS go and fetch the things as ordered.) Now, i’ faith, I could wish that the Captain should come.(The SERVANTS stand aside.) (Enter STRATOPHANES, at a distance, followed by a SERVANT and several FEMALE SLAVES.)STRATOPHANES: (to the AUDIENCE.)Don’t you be expecting, Spectators, that I should recount my combats; with my hands in battle I’m wont to recount them, and not in words. I know that many a soldier have told lies;
ubi es, Astaphium? fer huc verbenam mi intus et bellaria.date aquam manibus. nunc ecastor adveniat miles velim.Stratophanes:Ne expectetis, spectatores, meas pugnas dum praedicem:manibus duella praedicare soleo, haud in sermonibus.scio ego multos memoravisse milites mendacium:
both the Homeric poetlings, and a thousand others besides them could be named, who have been both convicted and condemned for their sham battles. He’s not to be commended who trusts another any further than he sees. It pleases me not when those commend more who hear than those who see; of more value is one eye-witness than ten hearsays.
et Homeronida et postilla mille memorari pote,qui et convicti et condemnati falsis de pugnis sient.non laudandust cui plus credit qui audit quam ⟨ille⟩ qui videt:[non placet quem illi plus laudant qui audiunt, quam qui vident.]pluris est oculatus testis unus quam auriti decem;
Those who hear, speak of what they’ve heard; those who see, know beyond mistake. I like him not whom the town-gossips are praising, and the men of his maniple are mum about; nor yet those whose tongues at home make blunt the edge of our swords. The valiant are much more serviceable to the public than the eloquent and skilled. Valour easily finds for itself a fluent eloquence;without valour, for my own part, I esteem an eloquent citizen as a hired mourner, who praises other people, but can’t do the same for herself. Now, after ten months, am I come to Athens of Attica to see my mistress, how she gets on, whom I left pregnant by my embrace.PHRONESIUM: (raising herself on the couch, and speaking to ASTAPHIUM.)
qui audiunt audita dicunt, qui vident plane sciunt.non placet quem scurrae laudant, manipularis mussitant,neque illi quorum lingua gladiorum aciem praestringit domi.strenui nimio plus prosunt populo quam arguti et cati:facile sibi facunditatem virtus argutam invenit,sine virtute argutum civem mihi habeam pro praefica,quae alios conlaudat, eapse sese vero non potest.nunc ad amicam decimo mense post Athenas Atticasviso, quam gravidam hic reliqui meo compressu, quid ea agat.
See who’s talking.ASTAPHIUM: (coming forward, and looking about.)The Captain’s now close at hand, my mistress Phronesium:Stratophanes is coming to you. (In a low voice.) Now is it requisite for you to pretend yourself an invalid.
Phronesivm:Vide quis loquitur tam propinque.Astaphivm:Miles, mea Phronesium,tibi adest Stratophanes. nunc tibi opust, aegram ut te adsimules.
PHRONESIUM: (in a low voice.)Hold your tongue. What, the plague, de I want you for as an adviser in this matter? Is it possible to excel myself in craftiness?STRATOPHANES: (to himself.)
Phronesivm:Tace.cuí adhuc ego tam mala eram monetrix, me maleficio vinceres?
Madam’s brought to bed, as I fancy.ASTAPHIUM: (it a low voice.)Would you like me to accost the gentleman?
Stratophanes:Peperit mulier, ut ego opinor.Astaphivm:Vin adeam ad hominem?
PHRONESIUM:I wish you.(ASTAPHIUM moves forward.)
Phronesivm:Volo.
STRATOPHANES:O delightful! Why, see, here’s Astaphium coming to meet me.
Stratophanes:Euge, Astaphium eccam it mi advorsum.
ASTAPHIUM: (affecting surprise.)By all the powers! welcome to you, Stratophanes, that you’re safe arrived—
Astaphivm:Salve ecastor, Stratophanes.[venire] salvom ⟨te⟩—
STRATOPHANES:I know it all. But, prithee, has Phronesium been brought to bed?
Stratophanes:Scio. sed peperitne, ópsecro, Phronesium?
ASTAPHIUM:She has been delivered of a very fine boy.
Astaphivm:Peperit puerum nimium lepidum.
STRATOPHANES:Is it like me at all?
Stratophanes:Ehem, ecquid mei similest?
ASTAPHIUM:Do you ask the question? Why, the moment it was born, it asked for a sabre and shield for itself.
Astaphivm:Rogas?quin ubí natust machaeram et clupeum poscebat sibi?
STRATOPHANES:It’s my own; I know it at once from the proofs.
Stratophanes:Meus est, scio iam de argumentis.
ASTAPHIUM:Indeed it is extremely like you.
Astaphivm:Nimium tuí similest.
STRATOPHANES:Ye Gods above! Is it of full growth already? Has it already chosen some army which it intends to plunder?
Stratophanes:Papae,iam magnust? iamne iit ad legionem? ecquae spolia rettulit?
ASTAPHIUM:Why really, it was only born five days ago.
Astaphivm:Heia, nudius quintus natus ille quidem est.
STRATOPHANES:What then, after it was born? After so many days, i’ faith, something really ought by this time to have been done. What business had it to leave the womb before it could go forth to battle?
Stratophanes:Quid postea?inter tot dies quidem hercle iam aliquid actum oportuit.quid illi ex utero exitiost prius quam poterat ire in proelium?
ASTAPHIUM:Follow me, and wish her joy, and congratulate her.
Astaphivm:Consequere atque illam saluta et gratulare illi.
STRATOPHANES:I follow.(They move to the other side of the stage.)PHRONESIUM: (in a faint voice.)
Stratophanes:Sequor.
Prithee, where is she who has left me here and forsaken me?
Phronesivm:Vbi illa, óbsecro, est quae me hic reliquit, eapse abiit? ubist?
ASTAPHIUM:I’m here; I’m bringing you Stratophanes, so much longed for by you.
Astaphivm:Adsum, adduco tibi exoptatum Stratophanem.
PHRONESIUM:Prithee, where is he?STRATOPHANES: (going close to the couch.)
Phronesivm:Vbi is est, obsecro?
Mars, on his arrival from abroad, salutes Neriene his spouse. Since you’ve well got over it, and since you’ve been blest with offspring, I congratulate you in that you have given birth to a great glory to me and to yourself.
Stratophanes:Mars peregre adveniens salutat Nerienem uxorem suam.quom tu recte provenisti quomque es aucta liberis,gratulor, quom mihi tibique magnum peperisti decus.
PHRONESIUM:Welcome to you, you who have almost deprived me of life and light;and who have, for your own gratification, centred in my body the cause of great anguish, with the pangs of which I’m even now dreadfully afflicted.
Phronesivm:Salve, qui me interfecisti paene vita et luminequique mihi magni doloris per voluptatem tuamcondidisti in corpus, quo nunc etiam morbo misera sum.
STRATOPHANES:Well, well; not to your misfortune, my love, do these pains befall you. You’ve brought forth a son who’ll be filling your house with plunder.
Stratophanes:Heia, haud ab re, mea voluptas, tibi istic obvenit labos:filium peperisti, qui aedis spoliis opplebit tuas.
PHRONESIUM:By the powers, there’s very much greater need to have our granaries well filled with wheat; lest, before he takes the plunder, hunger should be putting an end to us here.
Phronesivm:Multo ecastor magis oppletis tritici ópust granariis,ne, ille prius quam spolia capiat, hic nos extinxit fames.
STRATOPHANES:Be of good heart.
Stratophanes:Habe bonum animum.
PHRONESIUM:Do, please, take a kiss from me here. I cannot lift up my head; such pain I’ve felt, and in such pain I now am; and I cannot as yet, of my own strength, walk upon my feet.
Phronesivm:Savium pete hinc sis. ah, nequeo caputtollere, ita dolet itaque ego † medulo, neque etiam queopedibus mea sponte ambulare.
STRATOPHANES: (stooping down, and kissing her.)If, right from the middle of the sea, you were to order me to take a kiss from you, I would not hesitate to fetch it, my sweet. You’ve experienced it already so to be; and now shall you experience it, my Phronesium,that I do dote upon you. (Pointing to a distance behind him.) See there, I’ve brought you two female slaves from Syria; I present you with them. (To a SERVANT behind him.) Do you bring those women this way. Now, these were both of them queens at their own homes; but with my own hand I laid waste their country, I present you with them.(Handing them forward to her.)
Stratophanes:Si hercle me ex medio marisavium petere tuom iubeas, petere hau pigeat [me], mel meum.id ita esse experta es: nunc experiere, mea Phronesium,me te amare. adduxi ancillas tibi eccas ex Suria duas,is te dono. adduce hoc tu istas. sed istae reginae domisuae fuerunt ambae, earum patriam ego excidi manu.his te dono.
PHRONESIUM:Are you dissatisfied with the number of female slaves I have already, that you must be still making additions to the number, to be devouring food for me?
Phronesivm:Paenitetne te quot ancillas alam,quin examen super adducas, quae mihi comedint cibum?
STRATOPHANES:I’ troth, if this indeed isn’t acceptable to you, you boy (beckoning to the SERVANT), do you give me that bag. See here, my love, I’ve brought this mantle from Panchaea for you. Take it for yourself. (He presents it to her.)
Stratophanes:Hoc quidem herclést ingratum donum. cedo tu mi istam purpuram.mea voluptas, attuli eccam pallulam ex Phrygia tibi.tene tibi.
PHRONESIUM:What, is so little as this to be given me in return for pain so great?STRATOPHANES: (aside.)
Phronesivm:Hocine mi ob labores tantos tantillum dari?
I’ faith, to my misfortune, I’m undone! My son’s already costing me his weight in gold. (To PHRONESIUM.) Do you still set such little value on me? I’ve brought you a purple garment from Sarra, and two pretty ones from Pontus. (Takes the garments from the SERVANT, and presents them.)
Stratophanes:Perii hercle ⟨ego⟩ miser. iam ⟨mi⟩ auro contra constat filius:†etiam num mali pendit addit purpuram. ex Arabia tibiattuli tus, Ponto amomum. tene tibi, voluptas mea.
Take this for yourself, my love. (To the SERVANT.) Take those Syrian women hence out of my sight. (The SERVANT takes them into the house.)
Phronesivm:Accipe hoc, ⟨Astaphium,⟩ abduce hasce hinc e conspectu Suras.
Do you love me at all?PHRONESIUM:Not at all, i’ faith; nor do you deserve it.
Stratophanes:Ecquid amas me?Phronesivm:Nihil ecastor, neque meres.
STRATOPHANES: (aside.)What, is nothing enough for her? Really, to myself she hasn’t even said one word. I do believe that these presents would sell for more than twenty minae, which I have given her.
Stratophanes:Nilne huic sat est?ne bonum verbum quidem unum dixit. viginti minisvenire illaec posse credo dona quae ei dono dedi.
Now she’s desperately enraged with me I perceive and understand it; but I’ll address her still. (To PHRONESIUM.) What say you then? Do you wish me, my love, to go to dinner where I was invited, and after that to return hither to your house to sleep? Why are you silent? (Aside.) I’ troth, beyond a doubt, I’m undone. But what fine affair is this?
vehementer nunc mi est irata, sentio atque intellego;verum abibo. quid ais? nunc tu num nevis mé, voluptas mea,quo vocatus sum ire ad cenam? mox huc cubitum venero.quid taces? planissume edepol perii. sed quid illuc novi est?
Who’s this fellow that’s leading such a long train? I’m resolved to watch whither they are taking it. It’s being brought to her, I do believe; but I’ll soon know more.(He stands at a distance.) (Enter GETA, at a distance, followed by SLAVES with presents from DINARCHUS.)
quis ⟨hic⟩ homost, qui ducit pompam tantam? certumst quo ferantobservare. huic credo fertur. verum iam scibo magis.
GETA:Get on, get on this way together with you, mules laden with money only to be squandered, you emptyers out of the house, you carriers off of property by waggon-loads! (To the AUDIENCE.) And can’t he who is in love do without being good for nought, and cleaning himself out by his disgraceful practices? But how I know this, don’t any one be asking that of me;we’ve a lover at home, who’s engaged in disgraceful pursuits; who esteems property just as dung: he’s in dread of the public officers; most cleanly in his ways is he. He wishes his house to be cleaned out; whatever he has at home, it’s swept completely “dehors.” Since he himself is sending his own self to ruin, for my part, i’ faith, I’ll help him by stealth,and not through my assistance, indeed, shall he be ruined e’en a bit the less speedily than he may. For now from these provisions, from the one mina I’ve just now abstracted five didrachms; I’ve deducted for myself the Herculean share. But this is just like as though a person should turn off a stream for himself from a river; if it is not turned off into a channel, still all that water would go into the sea.
Cyamvs:Ite íte hac simúl, mulierí damnigéruli,forás egerónes, bonórum exagógae.satin, sí quis amat, nequit quín nihili sit atque ímprobis se artibus éxpoliat?nam hóc qui sciám, ne quis íd quaerat éx me,domist qui facit improba facta amator,qui bona sua pro stercore habet, foras iubet ferri, metuit⟨ne⟩ apud nos ⟨non⟩ mundissimum sit;puras sibi esse volt aedis: domi quidquid habet, eicitur ἔξω.quándoquidem ipsus pérditum se it, sécreto hercle equidem éum adiutabo,néque mea quidem ópera umquam hilo mínus propere quam póte peribit.nám iam de hoc obsónio de mína deminui uná modoquínque nummos: míhi detraxi pártem Herculáneam.nam hoc adsimile est quasi de fluvio quí aquam derivat sibi:nisi derivetur, tamen omnis ea aqua ábeat in mare;
For this is going into the sea, and is being utterly wasted to no good purpose whatever. When I see these things going on, I pilfer, I purloin, from plunder I plunder take. I take a harlot to be just like what the sea is; what you give her she swallows down, and yet never overflows.
nam hoc in mare abit misereque perit sine bona omni gratia.haec cúm video fierí, suffuror súppilo,de praéda praedam cápio.meretrícem ego item esse reór, mare ut est:quod dés devorát ⟨nec dat⟩ís umquam abúndat.
But this at least the sea does preserve; what’s in it is seen. Give her as much as ever you please, it’s never seen either by the giver or the acceptor. For instance, this harlot by her blandishments has reduced my poor master to poverty; has robbed him of fortune, life, honor, and friends.
hoc sáltem: ⟨rem⟩ sérvat nec úlli ubi sit appáret:dés quantumvis, nusquam apparet, neque datori neque acceptrici.velut haéc meretrix meum erúm miserum sua blánditia⟨paene⟩ íntulit in paupériem:privábit bonís, luce, honóre atque amícis.
(Catching sight of her.) Heyday! why look, she’s close by. I do think she has heard me saying all this. She’s pale, as she has been delivered of a child. I’ll address her, as though I didn’t know her. (Addressing PHRONESIUM.) I present you my respects.PHRONESIUM:Our Geta, what is it you’re about? How are you?
áttat, eccam adest propinque. credo audisse haec me loqui.pallida est, ut peperit puerum. ádloquar quasi nesciam.iubeo vos salvere.Phronesivm:Noster Cyame, quid agis? ut vales?
GETA:I’m well, and I’m come to one who’s not so well, and I’m bringing something with which she may get well. My master, the apple of your eye, bade me bring these presents to you,which you see those persons carrying, and these five minae of silver.
Cyamvs:Valeo, et venio ad minus valentem, et melius qui valeat fero.erus meús, ocellus tuos, ád te ferre me haec iussit tibidona quae vides íllos ferre, et has quinque argenti minas.
PHRONESIUM:I’ faith, it’s not thrown away, that I’m so very fond of him.
Phronesivm:Pol haúd perit quod illum tántum amo.
GETA:He bade me beg that you would accept these in kind part.
Cyamvs:Iússit oráre, ut haec gráta haberés tibi.
PHRONESIUM:I’ troth, I do accept them kindly and thankfully. (To CYAMUS, who comes out of the house.) Go, Cyamus, and order them to be taken in-doors.
Phronesivm:Grata ácceptaque ecastór habeo. iube ⟨vása⟩ auferri intro, i Cyame.
Do you hear at all this which has been ordered? (The SERVANTS take up the things.)
Astaphivm:Écquid audítis, haec quaé iam ⟨Cyamo⟩ ímperat?
GETA:I don’t want them to take away the vessels; I’d like to have them emptied.
Cyamvs:Vása nolo aúferant: désiccarí iube.
PHRONESIUM:An impudent fellow, i’ faith, how busy he is.GETA:What? do you say that I’m impudent, you who yourself are a receptacle of villany?
Astaphivm:Ímpudens mecástor, Cyame, es.Cyamvs:Égone?Astaphivm:Tu.Cyamvs:Boná fide?tune ais me ímpudentem esse, ipsa quae sis stabulum flagiti?
PHRONESIUM:Tell me, I beg of you, where is Dinarchus?
Phronesivm:Díc, amabó te, ubi est Díniarchús?
GETA:At home.
Cyamvs:Domi.
PHRONESIUM:Tell him, that, for these presents which he has sent me,I love him the most of all men, and that in return I hold him in the highest esteem of all, and entreat that he will come hither to me.
Phronesivm:Díc ob haec dóna, quae ad mé ⟨hodie⟩ míserit,me íllum amare plurimum ómnium hominum merito,méque honorem ílli habere ómnium máxumum,átque ut huc véniat ⟨ad me⟩ óbsecrare.
GETA:This instant. But who’s that person, pray (looking towards STRATOPHANES), that’s devouring himself, scowling with malignant eyes I’ faith, the man’s distressed in his mind,whoever he is.
Cyamvs:Ílicet.séd quisnam illic homóst, qui ipsus se cómest, tristis, oculís malis?ánimo hercle homost suo miser,quísquis est.
PHRONESIUM:I’ troth, he’s deserving of it.
Phronesivm:Dignúst mecastor. néquam est. non nosti, óbsecro,militem, hic apud me ⟨quí⟩ erat? huius pater pueri illic est.úsque abegi, áspuli, iússi abi⟨ret; tamen⟩mánsit: auscultát, observat quám rem agam.
GETA:What’s the matter?
Cyamvs:Novi hóminem nihili.íllicinest?
PHRONESIUM:Prithee, don’t you know? He that’s yonder used to live with me; he, there, is the father of my child. He ordered it to be brought up till about a before-daylight breakfast. I waited his coming, I listened to his injunctions; I attended to the child.
Phronesivm:Íllic est.
GETA:The good-for-nothing fellow that I knew so well, prithee, is that he?PHRONESIUM:That’s he.GETA:He looks at me as he groans.
Cyamvs:Me íntuetúr gemens;
He heaved a sigh from the very bottom of his breast. Observe that now; he gnashes his teeth; he strikes his thigh. Prithee, is he deranged, that he’s beating his own self?STRATOPHANES: (coming forward.)
traxit ex intimo ventre suspiritum.hoc vide, dentibus frendit, icit femur;num obsecro nam hariolust, qui ipsus se verberat?
Now will I at once summon up my ungovernable indignation and my wrath from my breast!(To GETA.) Say, whence are you? To whom do you belong? Why have you dared to speak rudely against me?GETA:It’s my pleasure.
Stratophanes:Nunc égo meos animos víolentos meamque íram ex pectore iám promam.loquere: únde es? cuius es? cúr ausu's ausus es mi inclémenter dicére?Cyamvs:Lubitumst.
STRATOPHANES:Do you answer me in that way?
Stratophanes:Istúcine mihi respóndes?
GETA:In this way (snaps his fingers); I don’t care one straw for you.STRATOPHANES: (to PHRONESIUM.)
Cyamvs:Hoc. non égo te flocci fácio.
What say you? Why have you dared to say that you love another man?PHRONESIUM:I chose to.
Stratophanes:Quid tú? cur ausa es álium te dicére amare hominem?Phronesivm:Lúbitumst.
STRATOPHANES:Say you so, indeed? I’ll first make trial of that. Do you, for the sake of such a shabby present,vegetables, and comestibles, and vinegar-water, bestow your love upon an effeminate, frizzle-pated, dark-haunt frequenting, drum-drubbing debauchee, a fellow not worth a nutshell?
Stratophanes:Ain tándem? istuc primum éxperiar. tun tántilli doní causa,holerum átque escarum et póscarum, moechúm malacum, cincínnatum,umbráticulum, tympánotribam amás, hominem non nauci?
GETA:What new thing’s this? Do you dare, you rogue, to speak ill of my master, you spring-head of vice and perjury?
Cyamvs:Quae haéc res?meone [ero tu], ímprobe tu, male dícere ⟨ero⟩ audés, fons viti et peiúri?
STRATOPHANES:Add a single word to that; by the powers, I’ll that instant here with this cut you up into mincemeat upon the spot.(Shaking his sword at him.)
Stratophanes:Verbum únum adde istoc: iam hércle ego te hic hac óffatim confíciam.
GETA:Only touch me; I’ll that instant be making a lamb of you on the spot, and I’ll slice you asunder in the middle.
Cyamvs:Tangé modo, iám ego ⟨te⟩ hic agnum faciam ét medium distrúncabo.
If you have the renown of a warrior with your troops, still I’m a Mars in the kitchen.PHRONESIUM: (to STRATOPHANES.)
si tu ín legione béllator clues, át ego in culina clúeo.
If you did the thing that’s right, you’d not be abusing my visitors, whose gifts I hold as acceptable and pleasing, and your own which I have received of you as unacceptable.
Phronesivm:Si aequóm facias, advéntores meos ⟨nón⟩ incuses, quórummihi dóna accepta et gráta habeo, tuaque íngrata, quae abs te áccepi.
STRATOPHANES:Then, i’ faith, I’m both deprived of my presents and undone as well!GETA:Clearly it is so.
Stratophanes:Tum pól ego et donis prívatus sum et périi.Phronesivm:Plane istúc est.
PHRONESIUM:Why then are you now here, with your annoyance, who confess that you are worsted in every point?STRATOPHANES: (aside.)
Cyamvs:Quíd nunc ergo hic ódiosu's odiosus es, confessus omnino reus?
I’ faith, I’m this day undone, if I don’t drive this fellow away from you.(He approaches GETA.)GETA: (holding up his fist.)Only approach this way; only step this way!
Stratophanes:Périi hercle hodie, nísi hunc a te abigo.Cyamvs:Áccede huc modo, adi húc modo.
STRATOPHANES:Scoundrelly fellow, threatening even? Whom this very, very, very instant I’ll be chopping up into splinters. What business have you coming here? What business have you to approach her? (Pointing to PHRONESIUM.) What business have you, I say, to be knowing my mistress? You shall die this instant if you make the slightest movement with your hand.
Stratophanes:Étiam, scelus virí, minitare? quém ego [offatim iam] iam iam cóncipilabo.quíd tibi huc ventio est? quíd tibi hanc áditio est?quid tibi hanc notio est, inquam, amicam meam?emoriere ocius, ni manu viceris.
GETA:Why shouldn’t I move my hand?
Cyamvs:Quid, manu vicerim?
STRATOPHANES:Do as I commanded; stop; I’ll this instant cut you up into mincemeat on the spot.GETA: (aside.)I’m done for.STRATOPHANES:’Twere best to be off.
Stratophanes:Fac quod iussi, mane.iam égo te hic offatím conficiam, ⟨síc⟩ occidi te óptumum est.
GETA:It’s a ticklish point; you have a longer sword there than this is (pointing to a knife in his girdle); but just let me go seek a spit, if indeed I must be having a battle with you. I’ll be off home. Warrior, for me and you I’ll choose an impartial judge.
Cyamvs:Cáptiost: istám machaeram lóngiorem habes quam haéc est.séd verum ⟨me⟩ sine dum petere: siquidem belligerandum est tecum,adero, dum ego tecum, bellator, arbitrum aequom ceperim.
(Aside.) But why am I delaying to betake myself off hence, while with a safe inside I may?(Exit.) (PHRONESIUM and STRATOPHANES.)PHRONESIUM: (to her SERVANTS.)Give me my sandals, and take me at once in-doors; for my head aches shockingly from the air.
sed ego cesso hinc me amoliri, ventre dum salvo licet?—Phronesivm:Datin sóleas? atque me intro actutum ducite,nam mihi de vento miserae condoluit caput.—
STRATOPHANES:What’s to become of me, to whom the two female slaves cause ache enough, with which I presented you? (PHRONESIUM is led into the house.) Are you off then? Well thus one’s used in return. How can you possibly shut me out. (The door is slammed to.)
Stratophanes:Quid mihi futurum est, cui duae ancillae dolent,quibus té donavi? iamne abiisti? em sic datur.
Prithee, can anything be more clear than that I’m now shut out? I’m finely fooled. Be it so. With how little difficulty (placing his foot against the door) might I now be persuaded to break the ankles of this entire mansion! Do the manners of covetous women change at all?
quo pacto excludi, quaeso, potui planius,quam exclusus nunc sum? púlcre ludificor. sine.quantillo mi opere nunc persuaderi potest,ut ego his suffringam talos totis aedibus.num quippiam tam immutat mores mulierum?
Since she has brought forth a son, she has plucked her spirit up. Now it’s as though she said to me, “I neither ask you nor forbid you to come into the house.” But I won’t—I shan’t go—I’ll make her to be saying in a very few days that I’m a cruel man. (To his ATTENDANTS.) Follow me this way. A word’s enough.(Exit.) (Enter STRABAX.)STRABAX: (to himself.)One morning a short time since my father ordered me to go hence, to deal out the mast for food for the oxen. After I got there a person arrived at the farmhouse (so it pleased the Gods), who was owing money to my father, who had formerly purchased some Tarentine sheep of my father;
postquam filiolum peperit, animos sustulit.nunc quasi mi dicat: nec te iubeo neque votointro ire in aedis. at ego nolo, non eo.ego faxo dicat me in diebus pauculiscrudum virum esse. sequere me hac. verbum sat est.—Strabax:Rus mane dudum hinc ire me iussit pater,ut bubus glandem prandio depromerem.post illoc quam veni, advenit, si dis placet,ad villam argentum meo qui debebat patri,qui ovis Tarentínas erat mercatus de patre.
he asked for my father; I said he was in the city; I enquired what he wanted with him. The fellow takes a purse from off his neck, and gives me twenty minae; with pleasure I receive them,and stow them in my purse; these bad sheep, the minae, have I brought in my purse hither to the city.
quaerit patrem. dico esse in urbe. interrogo,quid eum velit …homo cruminam sibi de collo detrahit,minas viginti mihi dat. accipio libens,condo in cruminam. ille abit. ego propere minasovis ín crumina hác in urbem detuli.
By my troth, Mars has proved very angry with my father; for his sheep are not very far away from the wolves. Now, with this one stroke shall I send adrift those finical town gallants, and be bundling them all out of doors.
fuít edepol Mars meo periratus patri,nam oves illius hau longe absunt a lupis.nunc ego istos mundulos urbanos amasioshoc ictu exponam atque omnis eiciam foras.
My father, in the first place, I’m quite resolved to ruin, root and branch; then next in turn, my mother. Now to-day I’ll carry this money to her whom I love more than my own mother. (Goes towards the door of PHRONESIUM, and knocks.) Hillo there—is any one here? There’s not a woman. Is any one going to open this door?(opens the door.)ASTAPHIUM:Why so a stranger, pray, my dear Strabax?Why don’t you come in at once?Ought you to have been doing so,you, indeed, who are so intimate?
eradicarest certum cumprimis patrem,post id locorum matrem. nunc hoc deferamargentum ad hanc, quam mage amo quam matrem meam.tat, ecquis intust? ecquis hoc aperit ostium?Astaphivm:Quid istúc? alienun es, amabo, mi Strabax,qui non extemplo ⟨intro⟩ ieris?
STRABAX:I’ll go in then, that you mayn’t think I’m loitering.(Goes into the house.)
Strabax:Anne oportuit?
ASTAPHIUM:You act obligingly.(Enter STRATILAX.)
Astaphivm:Ita te quidem, qui es familiaris.
STRATILAX: (to himself.)
Strabax:Ibitur,ne me morari censeas.—Astaphivm:Lepide facis.
It seems marvellous to me, that Strabax, my master’s son,hasn’t returned from the country, unless perchance he has slily slipt in here into this den of corruption of his.ASTAPHIUM: (aside.)
Trvcvlentvs:Mirum videtur, rure erilem filiumStrabacem non rediisse; nisi si clanculumconlapsus est hic in corruptelam suam.
Now, faith, he’ll be roaring at me if he espies me.
Astaphivm:Iam pol illic inclamabit me si aspexerit.
STRATILAX:I’m much less savage now, Astaphium, than I was before; I’m not churlish now; don’t thee fear. (She runs to a distance.) What wouldst thee be at? What?
Trvcvlentvs:Nimio minus saévos iam sum, Astaphium, quam fui,iam non ⟨ego⟩ sum truculentus, noli metuere.
ASTAPHIUM:What, say you? Why, I’m waiting for your churlishness.
Astaphivm:Quid vis? qui⟨d metuam⟩? tuam expecto truculentiam.
STRATILAX:Say, command me what thee dost please, and in what way thee dost please. I’ve got all my manners anew: my old ones I’ve parted with. I can e’en fall in love, or take a mistress now.
Trvcvlentvs:Dic impera mihi quid libet quo vis modo.novos ómnis mores habeo, veteres perdidi.vel amare possum vel iam scortum ducere.
ASTAPHIUM:Upon my faith, you do tell me fine news. But tell me,have you—?
Astaphivm:Lepide mecastor nuntias. sed dic mihi,haben—
STRATILAX:A mistress, perhaps, thee means.
Trvcvlentvs:Marsipum te fortasse dicere?
ASTAPHIUM:You’ve understood nicely what I meant to say.
Astaphivm:Intellexisti lepide quid ego dicerem.
STRATILAX:Hark you, since I’ve been so many times backwards and forwards to the city, I’ve become quite a chatterer; I’m now a right good stalker.
Stratophanes:Heus tu, iam postquam in urbem crebro commeo,dicax sum factus. iam sum caullator probus.